How money keeps you trapped in toxic relationships | Gigi Tewari | TEDxWidenerUniversity
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- Опубліковано 29 гру 2023
- Women from developing countries often lack knowledge surrounding financial responsibility, and this impacts their safety and ability to act independently. Gigi Tewari teaches contract and business law at Widener University Delaware Law School through an interdisciplinary lens. Tewari’s short stories and poetry have been published in literary magazines such as Granta, Epiphany Magazine, and New England Review. Her writing captures identity conflicts that many marginalized communities face, along with a myriad of life issues such as professionalism, gender equality, and domestic violence.
Gigi Tewari teaches contract and business law at Widener University Delaware Law School through an interdisciplinary lens-she holds a master of fine arts from Columbia University, a law degree from Fordham Law School, and a bachelor of arts from Cornell University. Tewari’s short stories and poetry have been published in literary magazines such as Granta, Epiphany Magazine, New England Review, The Southern Review, and she was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Her writing captures identity conflicts that many marginalized communities face, along with a myriad of life issues such as professionalism, gender equality, and domestic violence. Gigi Tewari lives in New York, and she is a Margins Fellow with the Asian American Writers’ Workshop. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
The link between financial responsibility and breaking free from toxic situations is powerful. Even not in a toxic situation, it's pretty interesting how much finances can impact our decision making
This talk opened my eyes to the hidden struggles many women face. Financial abuse is a silent weapon, and it's heartening to see education aimed at empowering women to reclaim their independence.
I can't imagine how difficult it would be, to be in this situation and essentially start from scratch. And with children to look after too!
this story really touched me. It takes incredible strength to share such experiences. Financial literacy is indeed crucial, and your advocacy is inspiring!
I think this point applies well to jobs. You may be in an abusive relationship (your job is probably one), but you stay because of the exact same reason.
Ever wonder that same reason why college graduates don’t even get jobs in the career field of their degree?
Wonderful topic. I feel the intensity, the passion, and the need for broken silence replacing the hidden pain and shame of broken women.
Her journey from financial dependence to empowerment is truly inspiring. We need more educators like her.
I see a lot of critical, even snarky comments here, but personally I appreciated this speech. I believe lack of financial freedom definitely contribute to low divorce rates in many countries.
Why get married in the first place if you think someone is going to bind you with finances....
To often one purposely tries to ruin another by doing so. That kind of partnership should be equally yoked with knowledge. And typically when minds are unbalanced like that, somebody's going to get a on a powertrip. It's just safer. @champfisk5613
@@jcol243624 equally yoked with knowledge, if she can obtain the education she obtained, I'm sure she knows how to do basic math. Equally yoked? Is that some pop culture terminology....
@@champfisk5613that's actually not true and budgeting is not exactly basic math if you don't have control of your financials. Plenty of very smart women in IPV situations.
@@EnigmaticPsyche I'm sure you're 🧌
I just took a break from my reading of A Little Life. The Culture of silence is real.
Make sure you have someone to talk with while reading that book who has read it. It is a tough but necessary and amazing read!
such an eye-opener how financial abuse can trap women in toxic relationships. I had no idea it was such a widespread issue.
I appreciate the focus on financial responsibility. It's a skill we all need, and your journey adds a personal touch.
It's incredible how she uses her personal experiences to shed light on such a crucial issue.
Absolutely agree with her closing statements. I've legit heard unhappy friends in relationships where they aren't earning money saying like "Oh where would I go, what would I do?" and those weren't even hectically abusive relationships or where they had children... I can't imagine how much worse all of those feelings would be when you add those aspects to it as well
Financial literacy is a game-changer. Thanks for emphasizing its role, especially in empowering individuals in difficult situations.
This is such a sad truth unfortunately, and especially for women and yes even more so for those in developing countries. The way they're often passed from their family to a husband almost like a commodity, it really does take away so much of their freedom.
The part about how she's sacrifice meals for her children was so moving. I can remember my mom doing this too, but I didn't realize at the time that's what was happening.
I agree with what she's saying about the culture of silence, I think it would be so hard especially in these more traditional cultures because they wouldn't have grown up with divorce being normalized and I imagine the stigma and judgement from their community would be massive.
financial literacy is key to freedom. her own story is a powerful example of why
She definitely shouldn't feel ashamed that she didn't know things that are "common sense" because firstly, they aren't and secondly her life was not set up for her to be aware of those things in the first place, yet she found the strength and resilience to get to where she is now. The only thing she should be feeling is immense pride and satisfaction. Well done Gigi.
This talk is brilliant and I hope it reaches those who need it 💜
very insightful talk!
I feel this is important to everyone
This is a lot that I've never thought about, thank you.
I commend you for delivering an important and powerful message. Your students are lucky to have a compassionate professor who is willing to be vulnerable to share a truly personal experience as a learning moment for others. You are lucky to have learned this lesson at only 40. You were able to get out of the cycle by catching up on the things you did not learn earlier in life, and there's no turning back now. Kudos.
The best place to be in uncertain times is learning and doing what needs to be done. Wonderful share!
I didn't even think of the fact that there would be people out there without bank accounts - a sign of my privilege I know
It's important to talk about this stuff so people know what it looks and sounds like
I like what she said about information sharing being one way towards financial responsibility. It's true especially for women who don't know where to start, hearing the ways other people have done it is immeasurably helpful.
Great talk, the culture of silence around financial abuse needs to be broken.
Interesting perspective on the connection between financial abuse and the culture of silence. It's something many don't consider. gratefeul someone is out here shedding light on the issue
The social pressure to stay in an abusive and toxic relationship is one felt by lots of women who don't want the stigma of a failed marriage. They will endure anything because that's the conditioning and finding a way out seems impossible
Financial education is so important for everyone. Denial of access to funds is definitely a means of controlling another, and the controller can use this as a means to abuse. We learn calculous and algebra in high school, but nothing about complex budgeting, the pros and cons of different types of investments, and planning for retirement, etc.
Isn't boring talk of the year !!!😂
Yeah I've seen stuff on instagram with women talking about it, like my mother was in a DV situation and this is how she stashed enough money to leave. It's pretty eye-opening stuff, nothing I'd really thought about before
Learning how to manage your financial well being, invest and plan for retirement should be a subject in every school's curriculum.
The title shouldve just been "how money keeps you trapped"
What do you mean that I can't divorce my husband and continue to live off his finances in perpetuity?
I guess, I'll have to stay because I like having a big home, the freedom to not work and pursue hobbies, dining out, and traveling.
This feels abusive. I wanted to divorce him and spend his money and have an evergreen hot girl summer.
Why? She's taking about FINANCIAL ABUSE. If you've NEVER experienced abuse, then you just missed her talk. Financial abuse is also a form of domestic violence. I really with this being in an abusive relationship and never knew that was a thing. I have severe health issues where I'm unable to work. He was not only the sole provider but an abusive covert narcissist
@@HandsofGlory1 I'm shocked that someone that dealt with actual physical abuse, would compare it to what this woman is describing.
Not being able to afford fun events, eating out, and taxis is *NOT* financial abuse.
@@freudianslip2192 they don't understand, husband tried to limit spending, and she called it financial abuse, after they divorced, she continued as she was before, and went into a trap, after she thought, that she has to learn something about responsibility with the money, as her husband did, and now she is financially abusing herself, limiting the amount of money she spends now herself, finding ways to earn more money, and work more to get that money
@@HandsofGlory1are u sick bixtch ?
U know what women face in india ? U are just making fun of your privileges ! If men start dominating the world again being cruel ,then your fun is done for !
Whoever controls the money controls the relationship. They make the rules and women become powerless.
they are trapped until she finds a better "deal" and then she moves on.
fainancial education should be composary subject in school
Shallow horizon and knowledge.
True !
I didn't realize how widespread and common financial abuse is...
Ah ah I used to drive by this university back in 2007-2010
You go girl ❤. I was a very toxic person according to my ex best friend and I respect her for ending the relationship and teaching me a lesson and I am really sorry for wasting her time, money and a lot of efforts. I wish I was a good person back then, I lost a very good relationship. I lost a gem of a person. I hope she gets back all the losses that happened because of me and I won't even hesitate even a single bit to help her do so, even without her knowing. I know she doesn't care anymore about what I am now but man I wish I was with her. At the same time I am happy for her (which she doesn't care anymore and that's soo good for her) that she moved on from a toxic person like me to good people and new experiences.
Yeah this is a pretty interesting and timely conversation to be having! I watch RHOBH and all the stuff with Erika and now Kyle, the way they talk about now knowing anything about their finances and just signing things their husbands give them. Pretty wild.
My Pte practise ❤️
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Does anyone else remember being in grade school and there were those little banking programs where you got to open a savings account and they'd teach you how to make the deposits? We should bring those back but like... continue them all through to high school. Maybe this could help in some way?
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
TRUE
I can sort of relate, when I got my first job at 15 I didn't have a bank acc yet so I put my mothers bank details for my pay to go into and it was so frustrating, working and never seeing the money. We didn't have the best relationship either and after working pretty much all summer she told me there was only a grand in there?? Like I knew that couldn't be right but couldn't do anything about it
Trapped all the keeps present there ❤ love is life
The statistics on financial abuse are alarming. It’s a reminder that financial literacy is not just about money management but also about personal safety and freedom.
I've heard the stats about low divorce rates in India before and my mind immediately went to the fact that it's because women might not have the option of somewhere else to go. Definitely not something to be boasting about.
The money motivate to people motivated.
Guys my english is terrible eighter myself don't understand.
Then, My apologies to everybody.
Guys don't keep me rancor and don't miss me.
Warm regards.
Bitcoin is hope
Türkçe yok😢
I'm sorry I need more information about that court case?? So they made a verbal agreement while they were in a bar and a court decided that was enforceable? Even though the wife was there objecting to it? That seems so wrong. I guess the fact that she was arguing could be used as evidence that it was a serious agreement and not a joke, otherwise she wouldn't have been objecting? The whole thing is so iffy
Sorry to hear your story but that is not the reflection of India . Things has changed a lot.
Don't feel sorry for her. She selfishly used your country to complain about her upper-middle-class “problems”.
Not being able to afford to attend events, dine at restaurants, or pay for taxis. Is not some great struggle.
Additionally, you can be assured that her high-earning ex-husband is paying high child support and alimony.
Yay India! They’re pretty cool
Furansu
1st Women in India own 35% of bank account. Kindly consider female employment rate, literary rate with this.
2nd is, you will not find any proper word in any original Indian language for Divorce. Because Divorce is not a part of our culture. In Indian socity Marriage is not an agreement or Financial need between two persons, it is beyond what western people could think or imagine.
Do not talk what you don't know.
Employment rate of women in india is 23%. In Bangladesh it is 35-40% in China above it is 60%.
If there is no word for divorce in Hindi that's doesn't mean there is no domestic violence to Indian women.
I also believe as an indian that the cause of low divorce rate in india is because women in not empowered
She suffers physical and mental torture for the sake of her children
While I appreciate the sentiment, the delivery was not very good. There needed to be more self reflection and statistics that were relevant to your own personal experience and culture. Now if Indian culture IS your culture it was not made clear from this presentation. I don't think it moved the needle much regarding GBV but I like that you're encouraging the conversation regarding financial literacy and independence in relationships.
Money is a form of comfort and stability to woman, that’s it
That's unheard before. Learn selfdefense against domestic violence.
Okay what is up with my algorithm lately? Last night I had so many videos on my FYP about how to escape financially abusive relationships and now this?? Does my phone know something I don't??
Very telling that all the comments seeking to undermine her story are men. Look inwards my dudes. It’s embarrassing to witness.
😂
55% is kinda underwhelming
How
I hate that it's such a stereotype that women are terrible with money and so the man needs to take care of all of that stuff. It's also completely false!! I remember hearing stories about my grandparents and how my grandpa was a terrible gambler while my grandmother could stretch the heII out of a dollar so where does that all come from?
What a way to vent out about ur ex lol
Girls be like “wanna talk about your feelings” 😂😂
A person well educated like this....are we sure this isn't Self promotion??
Talks cheap right now
Some cultures like the Indian culture mentioned in the talk are demonstrably better than some other cultures when it comes to dealing with differences before they blow up into problems. Just accept that for once.
Yes. Arranged marriages for money are great. Wtf are you on about?
@@hmq9052financial abuse. Which means she also dealt with abuse from her husband. F.A is a form of domestic violence.
@hmq9052 for money? its just a tradition that they marry with thier parents choice ! thats it !
@@parvezmaharukhhaque639 Very naiive
Who reads thee WSJ? 😂
We can all agree, her husband was such a responsible guy, he managed budgeting, cellphone/internet plans, credit cards fee, kids schooling, groceries and investments. Rude for her to call him controlling.
Meanwhile, she was so unaware of her frivolous spending that in a short period had bankrupted herself to near homelessness.
I would love to hear his side of the story.
Anyone got the link to his presentation? Is this how that couple argues? We gata know the other side now right I mean I’m not gunna believe just her side, she’s all thinking this helps others n stuff , but like , woman be all getting feel goods n stuff
Es incorrecto decidir en un discurso que "Las mujeres son más víctimas que los hombres" como sabes lo que callan muchos hombres? Claramente no sabes, este discurso es una perdida de tiempo, está solo promoviendo más feminismo y victimism femenino.
Lots of cross-assumptions from "developing countries" to the United States. I hate that.
Tedx ain't good.
All live long protect and a divorce… so… welcome to the real world 😅
Divorce rates really tell us there’s a lot of quitters out there today, yall lazy today.
6:38
“I began skipping meals when I took the kids out to eat”
I guarantee if she took that money and bought groceries and cooked. Especially a decade ago she would have been able to eat as well.
Women, as she spends your money, it is ok, when she spends her money, she had to learn about economy... She even didn't mention that she received money from her husband as child support, and it is also a lot of budget, that she spend going on a taxi, until she realized, that it is time to work and save
@@IdomycarShe has no struggle she was just relying on her husbands money lol😂😂
Okay I thought I was doing a good job to be open minded about the way people in other cultures have to live but the 6:00 mark, sharing a bank account with your mother in law, sorry what??
Bored by you monotonous tone on a dull subject after 1:15.. 😴
Neat
So women stay married for money?
If they gave up on themselves and stop doing the work on their part probubly , but that’s the common one among a lots reasons
Fake views hai is channel ke
Plz India is far far better when compared to relations or anyother things kindly take care of your own 👍🏻 i am bored with these videos and i am unsubscribing.
Free palestine anyway
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Support israel
You lost me when you went beyond men and women
Especially after 30 yrs and all your Retirement investments our limited for two people liveing under the same Roof...Buy Ear Plugs and get your own bedroom helps until your Prince arrives...LOL
Do you mean stay with your spouse but live in seperate quarters of the house... to save money??
@@michellemonet4358 If the woman doesn't want the man, then why is the man obligated to continue to pay to keep her in the lifestyle he provided?
I thought we were all equal. But now it's abusive if she has to pay to support her lifestyle?
Want the answer? “Hey hon! Going out tonight! Might bring her home later if she wants to meet you, oh and yea we can get a larger bed you where right, I think would be a good idea