I'm tired of buying Christmas presents. I'm not even religious. I hate the traffic, the crowds, the cost and the time wasted. I receive stuff I don't want, people get stuff they don't want or need, all this stuff x 2 billion people's stuff that quickly ends up in landfill or just takes up valuable space in their house, kitchen or garage. Time for me to say No.
I may see your meaning. Being a true people pleaser might mean you take it with you when you go home. This woman might not understand that. What she says still applies, though more is needed for a true people pleaser.
@Jeff Julian first of all..im not perfect ether. im just aware of the prison.. second is...i love cars not because of what others think about it but because i personally do!
Lol, what about when you have con artists threating your life for 24 years of what you can or can't do? Easy, who want to f..... that after that abuse or........ how did that happen again? I can say no? Perfect! So good I didn't want this to end!❤🎉
The best thing about this is, other people will value YOUR time because YOU value your time! If I was friends with Sarah and I invited her out and she says yes, I would feel honoured because I know how much she values her time.
People-pleasers really need to watch this! I used to be one and it was a constant cycle of guilt, resentment, and being miserable. It was hard saying no, but once my anxiety realized that nothing awful would happen if I skipped an event or didn't do something I didn't want to, it became easier!
That's interesting I never had the problem of people pleasing it was always me first in the middle and last in my thinking and reasoning ... But as I am getting better I think more of my Children and Wife it's all a case of balance I suppose but I'm getting better slowly
Im working on unlearning people pleasing now that in my 30s. It's really hard 'cause I def relate on the guilt, resentment etc, but I dont want to carry that burden with me forever
I think some of people miss her point. she doesn't suggest us to be selfish and self-centered, but instead to make prioritize in our lives. we have limited time in this world, invest time - energy - resources to things that matter most. things that matter most for everyone is different. for me, i'm enjoying traveling, playing with my little son, doing some social activities, and reading.. I won't do things that wasting my time anymore like meeting people that I dont like just because I am socially obliged. I feel happier now, and living my life to the fullest!
Ok, so how do you make a living? What are you doing so that your son can become a person who has a better future than your present? It's not just about you enjoying your present with your loved one. It's about you thinking about his future and showing him the values of tenacity, forbearance, self motivation, struggling against odds, with your own example. Not sure of you have already made enough money or got an inheritance, but even of you have, teaching the future generation about the value of persevering is amongst the most valuable things you can do for your loved one.
My best friend said to me, "be kind, honest, and make choices with integrity. You won't have regrets." It's now written on the whiteboard in my kitchen for me to look at everyday.
@@jacewright6428 - yeah, there is always that guy who talks about veganism, when not asked for, or even if the discussion is completely not related to it, either in a day to day life or also corporate office... There is always that one person. Usually it is during the first 10 minutes of the convo, even if you have never met that person before.
I needed to hear this 30 years ago! The older I get, the more I don't give a f*ck, but I still find myself doing things out of guilt because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. This has changed my mind.
The Rockall Times No it’s actually because you’ve done it one way for so long and you get fed up. Years of misery often prompts change. Some lessons are learned the hard way.
It's the most freeing thing you can do for yourself. The sooner you start saying no and being true to yourself the happier you'll be. It's kind of funny I'm responding to this now. I was just thinking yesterday of something I'd say to my younger self, and this was exactly what I was thinking! Best wishes
Woman try to do the impossible: - 'I can be ALL things to all people' - 'I can FIX people' - Internalize the problems of the world as THEIR problems. - Desire to be liked/loved. That affirmation of a woman comes in the bedroom, not the board room. - Much of life will be wasted chasing...illusions.
I'm tired of buying Christmas presents. I'm not even religious. I hate the traffic, the crowds, the cost and the time wasted. I receive stuff I don't want, people get stuff they don't want or need, all this stuff x 2 billion people's stuff that quickly ends up in landfill or just takes up valuable space in their house, kitchen or garage. Time for me to say No.
fred Nil I totally agree! I hate gift giving and receiving! I think it’s a waste of money and causes stress! Sadly, when my ex kicked me and our daughter out of his house he complained that I didn’t spend enough money on him for Christmas! He wanted lots of expensive gifts but I got him inexpensive practical gifts. I guess there will always be people who classify Christmas as PRESENTS.
@@patricialopez4552 ...full, kicked over, and stomped on.....1000 times.....then maybe this will click. Maybe. I'm still waiting. It's similar to what chronic illness warriors talk about...the spoon theory.
What she just talked about is something that is obvious but is something that is not done by the majority of us. Kudos to the way she made it as abeautiful reminder 👏
It seems like yall are not getting it, I think what she really means is like if ur not in the mood of helping people out or you don't want to go to party, you can say NO without feeling sorry. She did not mention that we should stop caring and helping others. The message seems pretty clear to me.
This was exactly what I needed! I've been saying "I don't care" instead of IDGAF and it's been coming off as an asshole void of love and care! But the truth is I do care sometimes waaaay to much to the point I've been more outwardly upset in the past few months than I've ever been and now I can apply a way where I don't get so upset and still show love and respect for myself and others. Thank you Sarah
I think as long as the responses are honest, it's liberating. I don't want to say, "I can't afford it" if I can. But you're right, if you apply truth in words with your personal "f* budget" and say it simply and with kindness, it's kind of a miracle. Over-explaining just makes folks look like a jerk. I remember someone being quoted in an article, maybe Mayim Bialyk, but I'm sure she's not the first to say this: "Say what you mean and mean what you say and don't say it mean." LOL, that paired with Sarah's talk are pretty much gold. ;)
I've read her book and it's easily 4x as funny (and this was pretty funny)...but also the advice was amazing. She recommends having a "personal policy" for things you don't want to do. Like baby showers. "Oh no thank you. I have a personal policy that I don't go to baby showers." Who can argue with that? I've been using this method and it totally works! Love this talk and the slides are awesome!
@Laura Cserep Like in-home parties (Pampered Chef, etc.)? If so, I am with you on those. I'd probably make an exception if Apple or REI started doing them, though...haha!
I fully agree with having personal policies (though some of us just call them standards) and have done this myself for going on two decades. But, telling someone that you have a personal policy about something, without giving any other explanation, is on the same level as Vaguebooking. Said: 'OMG! I am SO upset right now!!!1!' ... Implied: but I am not going to tell you why, and if you dare to ask (which, my passive-aggressive self secretly hopes you do!) I will give you an answer that I think is edgy and pithy, but is really just straight-up bitchy. No Way! MY personal policy (aka: standard), is, that, when I do not owe someone an explanation, I do not give an explanation, much less as a teaser of a B.S. half explanation. I simply politely decline or let it be known that I can't [fill in the blank with whatever]. No excuses. No 'sorry not sorry'. No BS. No drama.
Fifty years ago I told my boss I did not want to attend a function - he asked me if I'd accepted the invitation - I told him yes I had - he responded that I should never back out of something I'd accepted, to do so was bad manners and unprofessional. I attended the function, I never forgot the lesson but from then on I became more selective about what invitations I accepted.
Definitely a valuable lesson! Ur boss, I'm guessing, was a very honorable man! Proud of his integrity! @@Fszb 100% agree!! Unfortunately, by ur definition... there r very few good men left in this world! Most people dont know it's bad manners to not do what u say u will do!
@@andreahoman1610 Wow, thats so true. I really find it sad that manners are rare to come across nowadays. It seems like there should be some ethics esq. course in high school or earlier. it would be a good preventative measure.
Very valuable lesson. Make your yes means yes and no means no. I am myself very quick to reply, and I think even saying something like: " Let me get back to you on that " or " I have to think about that first, is that ok? " are helpful tools to give yourself some time to actually process our thoughts and emotions about the matter.
Being a people pleaser isn't easy. It's really hard to say NO because you don't want others to be disappointed with you, but I know I'll be able to get through all of this ONE.STEP.AT.A.TIME. Thanks for the great speech.
I did this with people when I was pregnant - it reduced unnecessary stress and literally helped me transition into a new stage of my life. Setting boundaries and prioritizing your mental health is SO important. Ps: I really enjoy the amount of swearing in this Ted.
Brilliant. I did it when I was off work with chronic fatigue syndrome. Managed all my relationships over phone or email; never went back to the old way. That was 22 years ago; people know I have boundaries now and have no problem with them. Have to train people, if they are not trainable they are not in my life. No f***s given.
Learned this from Helen Mirren, who, on turning 70, said one of her regrets was not telling more people to FO. It resonated with me as I'm a doormat for friends and family. Feels good to know who one's real friends are when u start saying 'No' . :)
this ted talk is legitimately life altering in an incredibly freeing way. so much that it has earned a permanent place for semi-regular rewatches in my own personal broke student's f*ck budget (which involves next to no $$ for anything & therefore as such i am really grateful that this is free on YT!) Thank you so much! 🌸
I stopped going to Baby Showers 5 years ago. Its been amazing!! Only thing Id add is, don’t be upset when people stop inviting you to events or outings. Because they already know youd rather stay home and watch TV. :)
Eddie Guerra obviously not having one is totally acceptable. But the same must apply to other occasions, if someone can’t be bothered coming to my baby shower why should I bother with their birthday, wedding, whatever. My point is we all go to things we don’t always want to because we care about our loved ones. If you aren’t going to put in the effort for others I just think that’s really sad
It took stage 3 cancer to move me into the "Not Sorry Method". I still occasionally falter, but not nearly as bad as I was in my younger years. People need to follow Sarah's advice before they are doing it on borrowed time. But really, learning it at any point in your life is great!
I'm so interested to hear someone say this, Brenda! Part of our move to the Dominican Republic was motivated by the untimely death of a young friend, and the realization that life can be shorter than anyone likes to admit, so why not live it on our terms, now. All best to you.
i always considered myself a people pleaser, and thought it meant that i was always trying to do right by others, but then i realized it was actually for a more selfish reason: i wanted to be liked, i needed to be liked, and i cared too much about what others thought. my self esteem depended on it! this led me to understanding that you are then setting yourself up to always be unhappy.. how so? because no matter what you do, how many people you meet, how nice you are to everyone, there are ALWAYS going to be people that dont like you.. maybe even for no reason. so i understood that being a people pleaser was only holding me back because i always focused on what i thought others wanted me to do instead of what i actually wanted to do, or in the speakers words "what i actually gave a f*** about". once i stopped giving a f*** about what others thought of me, i understood that not always people-pleasing was quite liberating. it frees up so much more mental space! i also feel like this day in age, especially with social media and all the feedback, thoughts, opinions that we see 24/7, it is wayyyyy too easy to give a f*** about the wrong things. turning my ego off and not taking things personally while browsing the internet was and still is a hard thing to train myself to do, and i always end up asking myself, do i really care about what this person is saying or thinking? frankly, its none of my business what others say or think of me. i just dont give a f*** anymore. it also immediately takes away the power behind their words and thoughts. you are the only person choosing to allow those words to affect you.
"Yes, i would love to!, ..& yet i already have plans." "Yes,.. i have a few minutes now, or a half hour later.. which would you like?" "Yes! How fun! ...& I so hope y'all enjoy yourselves there!" "Yes, for now, & i will check my schedule/ calendar & i will get back to you." ~~All such powerful phrases should be at our fingertips for sharing in other people's enthusiasm, while not necessarily sharing participation.
After you say "No", do not feel any need to explain why you said no! "Sorry but I will not be attending" "Oh, why? What are you doing?" "Again, I will not be attending"
From the very start she followed her concepts she straight didn’t care about anyone’s opinion she straight started just talking how she talks normally without reading the crowd
Learning to say no is so indicative of the Millenial generation. It’s all about ME. Sorry, not sorry I can’t attend your graduation, I’d rather take selfies in front of a Drake billboard to get more likes on Instagram. I hope the Plural generation (aka Gen Z) can save Millenials from themselves.
Kurtiskurtical Uhh... you do realise every generation is different right? You don’t like millennials because you don’t understand them and then perceive them as self-centred when in actuality they’re aware of what they want and will get it because they want it, that’s a good thing.
I love Sarah's methods. I've been incorporating them into my life and I'm truly starting to enjoy my life again without all of the bullshit. "Life changing" without a doubt!
I got the book in French. 'La magie du j'en ai rien à f**tre ! Adoptez la méthode MêmePasDésolé'. It has been helping me learn the language, as I want to be able to read what Sarah has to say. Very liberating concept - to work out what really matters to you.To find authenticity.
Oui, "On s'en fou.". (Peut-être qu'un tiers de l'électorat français lisait-il le même livre ? Ou pas ?) Parfois, nous devons laisser tomber ce qui nous opprime.
Dynamics of my family: 1) I politely decline an invitation. 2) 4-5 individuals launch into a vehement campaign to change my mind. 3) I stand my ground, repeat my decision. 4) Now I'm "difficult" and "oppositional" (even though I am polite and honest) 5) Repeat 6) Repeat 🙄
OH MY GOD!! Are we related??? Just today I had massive regrets about caving in and agreeing to go to a big family event! I know that ultimately I will enjoy the actual event, but the lead up over the next few months is going to be so stressful and massively annoying that I may just lose the will to live. I came this -->| |
although it may feel good and satisfying at the beginning, you might lose your connection to your friends then what happens when the GOF series is over???
Sibusisiwe Ndlangisa you probably say "No, thanks i don’t want to" to people that you don’t like so not your actual friends or family members that you enjoy being around.
Sibusisiwe Ndlangisa -U took it the wrong way...U should also not forget to give f**k to those u loves..no matter how much they say “No”...In the end u make circle of ur loved one and pure where u r happy spending urs f**ks😉
@@sila1909 + Aqua. No, Sibusisiwe didn't take it the wrong way. Things get complex, when you keep saying 'yes' to your loved ones, while they keep saying 'no' to you...., bc THEY took it the wrong way, i.e. , as it suits them. Try to tell them 'no', will see whom you will be left with. No, you don't always have a perfect choice, perfect way out, in practice. That's what she meant.
One of the best motivational speeches I have watched in years, it makes perfect sense because we all can relate to her points yet nobody has the guts to admit it like she does.
Some of the best people in my life have recently become the worst people in my life and I am truly wanting to embrace the art of not caring what people think but without losing my heart of caring for humanity
its about BOUNDARIES which is extremely important, its imperative for everyone since people are always willing to violate ur boundaries if u let them. u can still care about someone even if u say no. no is not a bad word
One of the best things i did in my late twenties was to stop hanging out with co-workers outside of work. No drink induced conversations about wages and asperations with co-workers. I ended up making more money and have less stress.
Funny I never hang out with coworkers after work I'm never into it. From my teen yrs until this day I am 47 now. I'm always afraid thing could go wrong.
Thanks so much for this video! People use me as their therapist all the time, but no one is there for me when I need someone. It’s so draining. I’m trying to stop this now. I’ve already ignored several calls from the same person and he called me 10 times in a row!!!
NO! ... I finally learned to say « NO », declined so many invitations. I like this part : « ... pause, visualize ... stop spending time you don’t have with people you don’t like and doing things you don’t wanna do ... you will be less busy, less burdened, less annoyed ... »
I broke up a friendship when I asked myself how I felt leading up to visits, during and after. I dreaded seeing her, counted the minutes until it was over, and was completely drained after. The only reason we still hung out was because we were friends in high school. But as adults we were incompatible. If I'd met her after the age of 20 I wouldn't have wanted to be around her at all.
And when you both live a few more decades you may find her completely changed at 45. It happens. :-D If you're drained; yes, exiting is the best thing. I think we don't have enough patience to be good for the people who drain us. And surely, they aren't good for us.
Very good talk. I read the book and appreciated it as well. I spend more time doing what I like rather than on obligations. She does a good job of shedding light on the fact that your time and resources are finite and you cannot and should not try to do everything for everyone.
In my experience this woman is years ahead of most! It is usually a very aged person who has this kind of wisdom. One who has learned from experience what things are important and has gained the courage to let go, to walk away or to just say no! It is a good thing to not allow ourselves to be carried along by things or by people we simply could be better without!
Sarah Knight I APPRECIATE YOU, I THANK YOU! This is exactly what I need, have needed for a long time now! I listen to this daily since I stumbled upon your Ted Talk, in fact I subbed because of you! Joy to You⚘
She has a really good point. Sometimes saying "No." can really make you truly happy because sometimes in some situations there may be people or things you may not like. Don't feel the need to satisfy everyone, it just adds more stress and mental cluttering. Do the things that really matter to you.
I've had many good experiences from many times I've been unwillingly taken to places i thought I wasn't going to enjoy at first. I end up appreciating the people for taking me out of my comfort zone.
Absolutely. Love your life out loud! Of course you will make misjudgments; you will be hurt by insensitive people and YOU WILL LEARN FROM IT AND GROW A SET OF BALLS TO ACHIEVE WISDOM AND A LIFE WITHOUT REGRETS. Or you can sit in judgement of other humans in a corner by yourself, remain inexperienced and unexplored and decide you just don’t give a f***.
If i followed her advice in the past, i would have missed unwanted events wich turned out to be great moments with new people i met! And the number of events you expected to be great and joyful but turned out to be boring or bad memories... Life is full of surprises... And what about thinking of the pleasure you could bring to someone in need? Your Grandma, an old lonely Aunt in need of a simple small talk...
This is the best TED talk i have ever seen in my life. This was life changing for me because I am a people pleaser and often agree to attend outings reluctantly. After watching this I now feel empowered to politely decline and say NO. Thank You..
I've been doing this for a few years now and didn't think of it this way. I just learned how to separate emotion from actions, and my life got 1000% better. This means you can have a discussion without emotion, eliminating the argument, and also be honest with your Yes's and No's, and no one gets offended, unless of course they are difficult, uninterested people to begin with.
Yes and no. Yes, in that it's common sense - good to be aware of setting priorities and being able to say no to things that don't make you happy. No in that this could be taken in a selfish way (and is most of the time). For example, A noble part of the human experience is doing things for other people that you normally wouldn't want to do. And that word "happy" I mentioned earlier can be a very enigmatic concept. I see this most commonly manifest in people who can't hold a relationship together. I traveled the world before and met quite a few people who had their little selfish life all set up. Something tinny and hollow about it.
I've started being honest with my friends/coworkers/family maybe 5-6 years ago about activities I'm not interested in and you'd be surprised how little people are bothered by it. They simply took note and did different activities with me.
It’s not about being self centered, it’s about not half assidly attending parties and things you just don’t want to. Why wear yourself thin when you can use that energy towards supporting close friends and attending events that matter to you
Jennifer miller Because you’ll never have “close” friends if you practice her approach. You’ll have fake, emotionless encounters with other emotionally void humans and will never really understand what friendship is.
Mighty Mouse, actually I believe you'd have closer relationships. You will have more time for them and the time your spend with them will be of better quality. You will be with people you care about doing things you both like.
At the same time, if one applied her advice ALL the time, they *would* end up being self-centred, and lacking any friends of real note - because real relationships do require effort, and sacrifice, and YES sometimes attending social rituals like baby showers, just because it will make someone *else* happy.
Well I'll be damned... A friend wanted to hang out but Ive been obsessed with watching these TedX talks and have been binging thru em for the past couple of days and taking so many notes. I realised that I would have more joy sitting at home feeding my brain online by these videos then leaving my home and forcing myself to social with someone when Im feeling shattered as it is. I politely declined and then I saw this video hahahaha
I love this woman ! Hoping to find more of Sarah online ... This video is almost 6 yrs old and extremely unique ... Allowing house mate's to drain me so emotionally has been exhausting for years ... I'm at my mental limit ... Sarah, thank you so much for this upload, YOU'RE A BADASS 🤗
I’m sorry you went through that with your housemate.. What I do is that I don’t laugh with my housemates, we just greet each other that’s all, I set strict boundaries.. We’re housemates not friends.. And that has really helped me a lot..😃it’s like I’m living by myself most of the time
when you suffer from depression sometimes it is not that bad to say yes to things you think you will not enjoy, because at the end of the day you often do enjoy them :)
exactly. even for healthy people it happens often. sometimes you don't want to do something or go out, but ou force yourself and it ends up being one of the best parties or things you've ever done lol. that's why this advice is not that good.
Sophia agreed I spend Most of my time is hidden from society. When I forced myself to get out at 10 and feel better. But the fear of getting out is so strong
liberated people know exactly what she is talking about. I can relate completely. What a weight off my shoulders when I started to say simply "no I don't want to" and moved on.
Used to be a people pleasure and let me tell you the word "no" actually worked wonders for me. It started with me being assertive at work, then my personal life. And now I am very comfortable in saying no to something I don't like. It's a habit that takes time to build. If a people pleasure like myself can do this, you can do it too.
I once said "no thanks, I don't like that kind of genre" to series someone offered me. Few years later turns out, it became my favorite series ever bcs it made me feel alive everytime I watched it. I regretted the time when I said no to it. I never had trouble for saying no. But when I look back of how much I said no to everything that doesn't spark my interest, I realized it felt like I was living in a box. I feel like, by saying yes to a lot of things now comes with opportunity to find a new interest to expand my way of thinking. Now I'm feeling more optimistic than ever. I believe, you just gotta know *when* to say yes/no. Don't say no to something you don't like, simply say no to something that potentially damaging you mentally, physically and emotionally
Wanted to scroll down to see all of the comments but idgaf what y’all say
😂😂
😂😂
LMAO
😭😭😂
LMFAOO
“No” is a complete sentence. Remember that.
uh no its not
and "yes" isn't a complete sentence either LOL
Saying no feels so rude to me so i just usually say no thank you. It actually feels less rude.
Exactly. Yes.
No ❤️
*"You can even say, 'I don't want to.' The world will not end."*
-Sarah Knight, 2017
Man. Can you imagine inviting this lady somewhere and she says YES?! I’d be so flattered. Wow.
and now we have Covid
Ayo look who it is
Boundaries, we are slowly learning!
yeeeeeeeeea
The hardest pill I swallowed was realizing I meant nothing to the people that meant a lot to me.
Amen
Indeed 😓
I can relate!
Very true 😢
Truth!
Man. Can you imagine inviting this lady somewhere and she says YES?! I’d be so flattered. Wow.
Lol Bill
Why? That's reflection of low esteem
MrCOPYPASTE you’re thinking too hard about it
😌🤣🤣🤣so true
I'm tired of buying Christmas presents. I'm not even religious. I hate the traffic, the crowds, the cost and the time wasted.
I receive stuff I don't want, people get stuff they don't want or need, all this stuff x 2 billion people's stuff that quickly ends up in landfill or just takes up valuable space in their house, kitchen or garage. Time for me to say No.
My favorite response is “no, but thanks for thinking of me”.
Hey same here, mine is: " No , but i'm glad you asked, thanks "
Yes!
👍
I love that response. I'm going to use it often.
Same
"The less you care the more happier you become, " Great speech 😍
i love that line
Hmmm the less I care the more ppl want to kill me
@@slappy_chimp what's your job then, are you a surgeon?
I think the less I care about making a friend or co signing other peoples BS just to have their company the happier I become !
Thx bro
People don’t understand that being a “people pleaser” means you feel miserable even if you say no politely.
I may see your meaning. Being a true people pleaser might mean you take it with you when you go home. This woman might not understand that. What she says still applies, though more is needed for a true people pleaser.
Yep... been there. Try not to go there again.
@@leetv2223 how do you do that ?
@@geekista setting boundaries helped me a lot
Yep that’s my life as a people pleaser
"The Greatest prison people live in, is the fear of what other people think"
@Kyle Vin
So true!!
Yes to quote the late Billie Holiday the blues singer Ain't Nobody's business but my own
@Jeff Julian first of all..im not perfect ether. im just aware of the prison.. second is...i love cars not because of what others think about it but because i personally do!
Amen brother
Word!
When you stop really caring what others think , you really develop Godspeed and a profound inner peace. Still working on this daily.
AMEN!
Yeah and it's odd to everyone else, cause they think you're miserable, but really I'm more at peace now then ever.
I am working on it too
and so am I 😢
Lol, what about when you have con artists threating your life for 24 years of what you can or can't do? Easy, who want to f..... that after that abuse or........ how did that happen again? I can say no? Perfect! So good I didn't want this to end!❤🎉
“I wish I could help, but I don’t want to.” Phoebe Buffay
yasssssss
me too
Potato patato what ever.!
George wtvr has
Zee Jamz Phoebe is the best
The best thing about this is, other people will value YOUR time because YOU value your time!
If I was friends with Sarah and I invited her out and she says yes, I would feel honoured because I know how much she values her time.
Bro actually she will say no. Bcoz she doesn't give a fu. 😂😂
People-pleasers really need to watch this! I used to be one and it was a constant cycle of guilt, resentment, and being miserable. It was hard saying no, but once my anxiety realized that nothing awful would happen if I skipped an event or didn't do something I didn't want to, it became easier!
That's interesting I never had the problem of people pleasing it was always me first in the middle and last in my thinking and reasoning ... But as I am getting better I think more of my Children and Wife it's all a case of balance I suppose but I'm getting better slowly
Same feelings
so true. n glad ur finally free!
Haha I will start using this from now on hope u dgaf
Im working on unlearning people pleasing now that in my 30s. It's really hard 'cause I def relate on the guilt, resentment etc, but I dont want to carry that burden with me forever
I don't care what people think about me
I care what I think about myself
I don't give a damn about that either, and it feels Great!
👏👏👏👏👏
And that’s how everyone should be!
i don't care what people think about me
i care what i think about them.......:)))))
I hope to truly get to that point one day
I think some of people miss her point.
she doesn't suggest us to be selfish and self-centered, but instead to make prioritize in our lives. we have limited time in this world, invest time - energy - resources to things that matter most.
things that matter most for everyone is different. for me, i'm enjoying traveling, playing with my little son, doing some social activities, and reading.. I won't do things that wasting my time anymore like meeting people that I dont like just because I am socially obliged.
I feel happier now, and living my life to the fullest!
Ok, so how do you make a living? What are you doing so that your son can become a person who has a better future than your present? It's not just about you enjoying your present with your loved one. It's about you thinking about his future and showing him the values of tenacity, forbearance, self motivation, struggling against odds, with your own example. Not sure of you have already made enough money or got an inheritance, but even of you have, teaching the future generation about the value of persevering is amongst the most valuable things you can do for your loved one.
We dont need or require your interpretation
Yes. Especially those who never listen to this talk.
Get Kicked to the curb and everybody for got who you once where before TBI
And financial fraud.
@@mjsemailid out of everything this person said your comment is dumbfounded. Touch your nose.
My best friend said to me, "be kind, honest, and make choices with integrity. You won't have regrets."
It's now written on the whiteboard in my kitchen for me to look at everyday.
That's beautiful
Yes, that explains how to go vegan in a nutshell.
@@jacewright6428 - yeah, there is always that guy who talks about veganism, when not asked for, or even if the discussion is completely not related to it, either in a day to day life or also corporate office... There is always that one person. Usually it is during the first 10 minutes of the convo, even if you have never met that person before.
@@tannhauser5399😂😂😂
I needed to hear this 30 years ago! The older I get, the more I don't give a f*ck, but I still find myself doing things out of guilt because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. This has changed my mind.
I was the same way not what she has said has made me realize why I need not engage in activities I am not happy with or serve like certain relatives.
Woo-hoo! It's working...
:-)
She is an idiot!
Michael Aguirre why
Not giving a f***, it's the best feeling ever
"The Greatest prison people live in, is the fear of what other people think"
blanckieification, yes, very liberating
Agree
100% truth
Thank you. And this is why I quit social media.
Me too
and me
UA-cam is basically a form of social media
Same here. I stopped Instagram bcoz idgaf
@@Ferretsorion youtube at least has educational values lol
Most people cant take "no" as an answer which makes my blood BOIL.
BOOOILLLL
For real
A lot of people will try to make you feel guilty about it but that is truly only because they don’t what to do whatever it is either.
What part of NO doesn't humans understand?
The older you get, the more you follow this
D Mac Truth
The Rockall Times No it’s actually because you’ve done it one way for so long and you get fed up. Years of misery often prompts change. Some lessons are learned the hard way.
Every age has its benefits.
I wish I could age mentally instead of physically
D Mac Wait you meant 😁
I am 22. I am already thinking about these things. I'm proud of myself!
Great!!
I am 19 siso 🙂
21, trying really hard
It's the most freeing thing you can do for yourself. The sooner you start saying no and being true to yourself the happier you'll be. It's kind of funny I'm responding to this now. I was just thinking yesterday of something I'd say to my younger self, and this was exactly what I was thinking! Best wishes
i'm 14 and i honestly think i've almost got it down :) goodbye toxic highschool experiences !
She's actually right ,where wasting our time and energy on things that mean nothing to us ,Making everyone happy isn't your obligation
Woman try to do the impossible:
-
'I can be ALL things to all people'
-
'I can FIX people'
-
Internalize the problems of the world as THEIR problems.
-
Desire to be liked/loved. That affirmation of a woman comes in the bedroom, not the board room.
-
Much of life will be wasted chasing...illusions.
@@rolexomegaspecialist9411tf is ur schizoass talking about
That's also impossible 😂, you can't please everyone.
me: I dont give a f*ck about my homework, I don't want to do it.
also me: Darling- thats not how it works
damn, I should get back to my homework then :/
This is EXACTLY what I thought 🤣
@@raistarr08 I believe in you! make sure to take breaks when you need it! grab a snack! you got this
🥲🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😆
i stumbled upon this video for homework and this was my thought exactly LMAO.
I'm tired of buying Christmas presents. I'm not even religious. I hate the traffic, the crowds, the cost and the time wasted.
I receive stuff I don't want, people get stuff they don't want or need, all this stuff x 2 billion people's stuff that quickly ends up in landfill or just takes up valuable space in their house, kitchen or garage. Time for me to say No.
fred Nil I totally agree! I hate gift giving and receiving! I think it’s a waste of money and causes stress! Sadly, when my ex kicked me and our daughter out of his house he complained that I didn’t spend enough money on him for Christmas! He wanted lots of expensive gifts but I got him inexpensive practical gifts. I guess there will always be people who classify Christmas as PRESENTS.
I hate all the fake holidays
I gave up Christmas and all the present giving and waste of time and money last year too!
🤚🏽
Completely agree!!!!
This is fantastic. Every pleaser in the world needs to hear this.
Exactly ! But Nice people don't learn this until their fk bucket if FULL!
Heather Williamson you right
@@patricialopez4552 ...full, kicked over, and stomped on.....1000 times.....then maybe this will click. Maybe. I'm still waiting. It's similar to what chronic illness warriors talk about...the spoon theory.
Hmm this would really motivate my jobless brother. If this was a regular unsponsored UA-cam post 127 views no comments no likes or dislikes.
@Heather Williamson I don't give a f*ck
My usual response is, " Nah, I'm good." That's the Most honest + polite it can get
Exactly
Been doing this for a few years now and have to admit I don't regret it and I surely dgaf!
Keep it up!
I should try that. From now on. IDGAF about what my boss think. Period.
Keep up the good work, bro! I'm cheering for ya.
From now on, Idgaf about what anyone other than my family thinks. Our only focus should be on our goals afterall
😁
What she just talked about is something that is obvious but is something that is not done by the majority of us.
Kudos to the way she made it as abeautiful reminder 👏
"haha she said the F word lmao" - TedX audience
Dominien Lol me
Lol hes talkin bout the audience u yute
EXACTLY, THANK YOU
@@Lol-on2gw that kinda was not the point
Yeah that was painful to watch. Good talk, but audience destroyed it with their laughs. Fools
It seems like yall are not getting it, I think what she really means is like if ur not in the mood of helping people out or you don't want to go to party, you can say NO without feeling sorry. She did not mention that we should stop caring and helping others. The message seems pretty clear to me.
starling ricardo gil rivas Welcome to the world of people who comment on here and social media. They live to cause arguments and pick holes
C
Agree 200%
Mmmm that's your opinion, you don't have everyone's perspective to understand what this is about.
starling ricardo gil rivas yup! Its pretty clear.
Wow. I’ve not given a f-- most of my life. Never been depressed, don’t have anxiety. Happy no matter what is happening. Love it.
Way ahead of this... I stopped giving a f**k about 5 years ago. It is GLORIOUS
Join the club mate!
I'm still trying to learn..... help! Hoping this video helps
Me A month ago
I stopped giving a f$%# and was fired (without cause) before I could give my two-week notice. True story. I collected unemployment instead. Not sorry.
Same here. Took a while but its indeed liberating.
This was exactly what I needed! I've been saying "I don't care" instead of IDGAF and it's been coming off as an asshole void of love and care! But the truth is I do care sometimes waaaay to much to the point I've been more outwardly upset in the past few months than I've ever been and now I can apply a way where I don't get so upset and still show love and respect for myself and others. Thank you Sarah
I think as long as the responses are honest, it's liberating. I don't want to say, "I can't afford it" if I can. But you're right, if you apply truth in words with your personal "f* budget" and say it simply and with kindness, it's kind of a miracle. Over-explaining just makes folks look like a jerk. I remember someone being quoted in an article, maybe Mayim Bialyk, but I'm sure she's not the first to say this: "Say what you mean and mean what you say and don't say it mean." LOL, that paired with Sarah's talk are pretty much gold. ;)
Sasha Nivar you are literally brain dead
The Girl Burgan thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I guess most of us need it
You are so dumb you don't understand the meaning of the word literally
I've read her book and it's easily 4x as funny (and this was pretty funny)...but also the advice was amazing. She recommends having a "personal policy" for things you don't want to do. Like baby showers. "Oh no thank you. I have a personal policy that I don't go to baby showers." Who can argue with that? I've been using this method and it totally works! Love this talk and the slides are awesome!
Thank you Erica!
I have a "personal policy", no party sales. Works every time.
Doesn't matter. I don't and I have a personal policy against going.
@Laura Cserep Like in-home parties (Pampered Chef, etc.)? If so, I am with you on those. I'd probably make an exception if Apple or REI started doing them, though...haha!
I fully agree with having personal policies (though some of us just call them standards) and have done this myself for going on two decades. But, telling someone that you have a personal policy about something, without giving any other explanation, is on the same level as Vaguebooking. Said: 'OMG! I am SO upset right now!!!1!' ... Implied: but I am not going to tell you why, and if you dare to ask (which, my passive-aggressive self secretly hopes you do!) I will give you an answer that I think is edgy and pithy, but is really just straight-up bitchy. No Way! MY personal policy (aka: standard), is, that, when I do not owe someone an explanation, I do not give an explanation, much less as a teaser of a B.S. half explanation. I simply politely decline or let it be known that I can't [fill in the blank with whatever]. No excuses. No 'sorry not sorry'. No BS. No drama.
Fifty years ago I told my boss I did not want to attend a function - he asked me if I'd accepted the invitation - I told him yes I had - he responded that I should never back out of something I'd accepted, to do so was bad manners and unprofessional. I attended the function, I never forgot the lesson but from then on I became more selective about what invitations I accepted.
i agree with him and the lesson you learned. A man is only as good as his word
Definitely a valuable lesson! Ur boss, I'm guessing, was a very honorable man! Proud of his integrity! @@Fszb 100% agree!! Unfortunately, by ur definition... there r very few good men left in this world! Most people dont know it's bad manners to not do what u say u will do!
@@andreahoman1610 Wow, thats so true. I really find it sad that manners are rare to come across nowadays. It seems like there should be some ethics esq. course in high school or earlier. it would be a good preventative measure.
Very valuable lesson. Make your yes means yes and no means no. I am myself very quick to reply, and I think even saying something like: " Let me get back to you on that " or " I have to think about that first, is that ok? " are helpful tools to give yourself some time to actually process our thoughts and emotions about the matter.
It was a great advice, thanks for sharing. I'll too remember this.
She doesnt know how much this video changed my mental life
Same I’m getting better by the day and watch this video at least once a week
@@coleanderson5099 Keep on, you are strong!
Ppl in my class don’t like me for what I like because it’s not the norm for mindless teenagers these days. Now I just don’t give a f*ck
I'm glad it helped you☺️❤️
@@coleanderson5099 That's great!!
Her voice is like a Disney Princess 😍💜
The Disney princess we all need
Hahaha
You are so right!
i know right
Yep! You're right!
Even Jesus said this. "let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No" flat out
Not a religious guy but these are some wise words
It was the apostle Paul who said that, not Jesus.
Amen
Jesus doesn't exist
Charlie Robles Then who did Pilate send to the cross after washing his hands when he freed Barabbas?
Being a people pleaser isn't easy. It's really hard to say NO because you don't want others to be disappointed with you, but I know I'll be able to get through all of this ONE.STEP.AT.A.TIME. Thanks for the great speech.
I did this with people when I was pregnant - it reduced unnecessary stress and literally helped me transition into a new stage of my life. Setting boundaries and prioritizing your mental health is SO important.
Ps: I really enjoy the amount of swearing in this Ted.
Nice
Brilliant. I did it when I was off work with chronic fatigue syndrome. Managed all my relationships over phone or email; never went back to the old way. That was 22 years ago; people know I have boundaries now and have no problem with them. Have to train people, if they are not trainable they are not in my life. No f***s given.
"This is how you stop spending time you don't have..
with people you don't like..
Doing things you don't want to do."
[Sarah Knight]
Just don't be a sheep ... Millions and millions of people around the world are
Ohhhh isn't that an awesome line!?!?
Very similar to the line from the movie Fight Club.
Taking notes👀
Now this is the gospel!!!
Learned this from Helen Mirren, who, on turning 70, said one of her regrets was not telling more people to FO. It resonated with me as I'm a doormat for friends and family. Feels good to know who one's real friends are when u start saying 'No' . :)
EXACTLY! anyone who can't respect your F*** system is an ex-friend.
this ted talk is legitimately life altering in an incredibly freeing way. so much that it has earned a permanent place for semi-regular rewatches in my own personal broke student's f*ck budget (which involves next to no $$ for anything & therefore as such i am really grateful that this is free on YT!) Thank you so much! 🌸
I stopped going to Baby Showers 5 years ago. Its been amazing!!
Only thing Id add is, don’t be upset when people stop inviting you to events or outings.
Because they already know youd rather stay home and watch TV. :)
Danielle Chrysogelos doesn’t the thought of you having a baby shower and no one turning up make you sad?
@@amym3103 Well, obviously, at least one other person is gonna come. It's just one person who states they don't go to baby showers.
@@amym3103 she probably wouldn't have a baby shower, which is totally acceptable
Eddie Guerra obviously not having one is totally acceptable. But the same must apply to other occasions, if someone can’t be bothered coming to my baby shower why should I bother with their birthday, wedding, whatever. My point is we all go to things we don’t always want to because we care about our loved ones. If you aren’t going to put in the effort for others I just think that’s really sad
Danielle Chrysogelos I actually love baby showers😂
It took stage 3 cancer to move me into the "Not Sorry Method". I still occasionally falter, but not nearly as bad as I was in my younger years. People need to follow Sarah's advice before they are doing it on borrowed time. But really, learning it at any point in your life is great!
I'm so interested to hear someone say this, Brenda! Part of our move to the Dominican Republic was motivated by the untimely death of a young friend, and the realization that life can be shorter than anyone likes to admit, so why not live it on our terms, now. All best to you.
people who are or are becoming burned out really need this kinda stuff :)
i always considered myself a people pleaser, and thought it meant that i was always trying to do right by others, but then i realized it was actually for a more selfish reason: i wanted to be liked, i needed to be liked, and i cared too much about what others thought. my self esteem depended on it! this led me to understanding that you are then setting yourself up to always be unhappy.. how so? because no matter what you do, how many people you meet, how nice you are to everyone, there are ALWAYS going to be people that dont like you.. maybe even for no reason. so i understood that being a people pleaser was only holding me back because i always focused on what i thought others wanted me to do instead of what i actually wanted to do, or in the speakers words "what i actually gave a f*** about". once i stopped giving a f*** about what others thought of me, i understood that not always people-pleasing was quite liberating. it frees up so much more mental space!
i also feel like this day in age, especially with social media and all the feedback, thoughts, opinions that we see 24/7, it is wayyyyy too easy to give a f*** about the wrong things. turning my ego off and not taking things personally while browsing the internet was and still is a hard thing to train myself to do, and i always end up asking myself, do i really care about what this person is saying or thinking? frankly, its none of my business what others say or think of me. i just dont give a f*** anymore. it also immediately takes away the power behind their words and thoughts. you are the only person choosing to allow those words to affect you.
do you have any tips on forcing yourself to not care about other people
This does not work on school I tried you just get detention
L M A O
😂😂😂😂
Just leave the detention...
😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
"Yes, i would love to!, ..& yet i already have plans."
"Yes,.. i have a few minutes now, or a half hour later.. which would you like?"
"Yes! How fun! ...& I so hope y'all enjoy yourselves there!"
"Yes, for now, & i will check my schedule/ calendar & i will get back to you."
~~All such powerful phrases should be at our fingertips for sharing in other people's enthusiasm, while not necessarily sharing participation.
Very good : )
Love these replies
After you say "No", do not feel any need to explain why you said no!
"Sorry but I will not be attending"
"Oh, why? What are you doing?"
"Again, I will not be attending"
Once I say no, the conversation is over.
😂😂😂😂😂
When they ask you why? Simply reply “why do you want to know?”
Women have a hard time with this one but 💡I don't anymore
Exactly. I like use the motto of, "never explain ".
From the very start she followed her concepts she straight didn’t care about anyone’s opinion she straight started just talking how she talks normally without reading the crowd
Learning to say No is liberating.
Learning to say no is so indicative of the Millenial generation. It’s all about ME. Sorry, not sorry I can’t attend your graduation, I’d rather take selfies in front of a Drake billboard to get more likes on Instagram. I hope the Plural generation (aka Gen Z) can save Millenials from themselves.
Kurtiskurtical Uhh... you do realise every generation is different right? You don’t like millennials because you don’t understand them and then perceive them as self-centred when in actuality they’re aware of what they want and will get it because they want it, that’s a good thing.
If i break someone’s heart and i say no what about karma
NO.
Right
I love Sarah's methods. I've been incorporating them into my life and I'm truly starting to enjoy my life again without all of the bullshit. "Life changing" without a doubt!
That's great to hear--thank you!
I got the book in French. 'La magie du j'en ai rien à f**tre ! Adoptez la méthode MêmePasDésolé'. It has been helping me learn the language, as I want to be able to read what Sarah has to say. Very liberating concept - to work out what really matters to you.To find authenticity.
Sven Hassel Ah oui '' On s'en fou"
Oui, "On s'en fou.". (Peut-être qu'un tiers de l'électorat français lisait-il le même livre ? Ou pas ?) Parfois, nous devons laisser tomber ce qui nous opprime.
Kelli Fultz ,
Dynamics of my family:
1) I politely decline an invitation.
2) 4-5 individuals launch into a vehement campaign to change my mind.
3) I stand my ground, repeat my decision.
4) Now I'm "difficult" and "oppositional" (even though I am polite and honest)
5) Repeat
6) Repeat
🙄
Carol Gage And when they keep pushing and you eventually blow up, you're the crazy one. Story of my life!
OH MY GOD!! Are we related???
Just today I had massive regrets about caving in and agreeing to go to a big family event! I know that ultimately I will enjoy the actual event, but the lead up over the next few months is going to be so stressful and massively annoying that I may just lose the will to live. I came this -->| |
So glad I’m not alone my family is the same
Carol Gage Are you sure you don’t have a hispanic family?
Yup familiar...
families are particularly gifted at the guilt tripping part
The amount of times I said "A genius. She's so smart." Never knew who this woman was before today, but now I may be obessed with her! Thankyou
Bonus - after 2 years of hearing "No thanks, can't make it" etc, people finally stop asking you in the first place lol
...
although it may feel good and satisfying at the beginning, you might lose your connection to your friends then what happens when the GOF series is over???
Sibusisiwe Ndlangisa you probably say "No, thanks i don’t want to" to people that you don’t like so not your actual friends or family members that you enjoy being around.
Sibusisiwe Ndlangisa -U took it the wrong way...U should also not forget to give f**k to those u loves..no matter how much they say “No”...In the end u make circle of ur loved one and pure where u r happy spending urs f**ks😉
@@sila1909 + Aqua. No, Sibusisiwe didn't take it the wrong way. Things get complex, when you keep saying 'yes' to your loved ones, while they keep saying 'no' to you...., bc THEY took it the wrong way, i.e. , as it suits them. Try to tell them 'no', will see whom you will be left with. No, you don't always have a perfect choice, perfect way out, in practice. That's what she meant.
Lol a lot of people are married right now because they feel guilty saying NO.
Really? That's tragic
That's funny... cus it's true!
@deharleyva yes its mostly them lol
I couldn't agree more with you!
True! This was my first marriage.
One of the best motivational speeches I have watched in years, it makes perfect sense because we all can relate to her points yet nobody has the guts to admit it like she does.
Some of the best people in my life have recently become the worst people in my life and I am truly wanting to embrace the art of not caring what people think but without losing my heart of caring for humanity
i honestly know how you feel....
As a person with social anxiety, I would just stay at home 24/7 if I lived like this.
I already do, I have one best friend, she lives 900 miles away and I'm cool with that.
Look all you gotta do is go outside, and not give a f*** about what people might think of you, and remember to be polite about it.
@@strawberrycake1303 social anxiety tho
@@strawberrycake1303 its hard if you have social anxiety
i think "social anxiety" just might be people that have ultra low self confidence levels
its about BOUNDARIES which is extremely important, its imperative for everyone since people are always willing to violate ur boundaries if u let them. u can still care about someone even if u say no. no is not a bad word
@corsican lulu Your explanation is amazing
One of the best things i did in my late twenties was to stop hanging out with co-workers outside of work. No drink induced conversations about wages and asperations with co-workers. I ended up making more money and have less stress.
Funny I never hang out with coworkers after work I'm never into it. From my teen yrs until this day I am 47 now. I'm always afraid thing could go wrong.
Same thing here. To many negative people everywhere not happy with what they have.
Thanks so much for this video! People use me as their therapist all the time, but no one is there for me when I need someone. It’s so draining. I’m trying to stop this now. I’ve already ignored several calls from the same person and he called me 10 times in a row!!!
Very sad, time to wake up with your own interest
If it is not mutual, that person does not deserve your attention
NO! ... I finally learned to say « NO », declined so many invitations.
I like this part : « ... pause, visualize ... stop spending time you don’t have with people you don’t like and doing things you don’t wanna do ... you will be less busy, less burdened, less annoyed ... »
Am I the only person that just-wants to go straight to the point when it comes to TED talks?
thats our mass ! lol
Why do you want to know?
@@thetoot9615 EXPLAIN
@@jb6368 He asked if he was the only one who would like TED talks to get straight to the point, I'm asking why he's even wanting to know that.
It's a shame if you'd want to do this with this one...it's hilarious throughout...great for the soul laughter is :)
One of the best, most inspirational and funny talks.
Should be a part of the education system.
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it.
I'm, what's up.
Since I have no idea who you are, I dont think it is possible.
How should we know each other?
Marty, wow, how have you been???? Its been so long!!
Hi John, Im great. I guess that you are mistaking me with someone else, since I have no idea who you are.
I broke up a friendship when I asked myself how I felt leading up to visits, during and after.
I dreaded seeing her, counted the minutes until it was over, and was completely drained after. The only reason we still hung out was because we were friends in high school. But as adults we were incompatible.
If I'd met her after the age of 20 I wouldn't have wanted to be around her at all.
This probably happens a lot
@@colinogorman8279 Happened to me, twice with the same person. Was headed down a path I couldn't go.
Same I had to unfriend her both in real life and social media so it became so real 👌
I hope you were nice about it.
And when you both live a few more decades you may find her completely changed at 45. It happens. :-D
If you're drained; yes, exiting is the best thing. I think we don't have enough patience to be good for the people who drain us. And surely, they aren't good for us.
I live by this motto. Too much time worrying about others. Nobody have time for that. Great video. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Very good talk. I read the book and appreciated it as well. I spend more time doing what I like rather than on obligations. She does a good job of shedding light on the fact that your time and resources are finite and you cannot and should not try to do everything for everyone.
In my experience this woman is years ahead of most! It is usually a very aged person who has this kind of wisdom. One who has learned from experience what things are important and has gained the courage to let go, to walk away or to just say no! It is a good thing to not allow ourselves to be carried along by things or by people we simply could be better without!
Many thanks!
Sarah Knight I APPRECIATE YOU, I THANK YOU! This is exactly what I need, have needed for a long time now! I listen to this daily since I stumbled upon your Ted Talk, in fact I subbed because of you! Joy to You⚘
I like to say that I gave this life changing gift to myself for my 40th birthday.
Arthuria Rossi II its a beginning of a masters journey
There is such freedom in saying NO without having to explain why.
This hit me on a spiritual level. I’m sharing this with people I know who need it.
Said the honest spirit !
Thanks for inspiring me
She has a really good point. Sometimes saying "No." can really make you truly happy because sometimes in some situations there may be people or things you may not like. Don't feel the need to satisfy everyone, it just adds more stress and mental cluttering. Do the things that really matter to you.
I've had many good experiences from many times I've been unwillingly taken to places i thought I wasn't going to enjoy at first. I end up appreciating the people for taking me out of my comfort zone.
That's a valid point
I was thinking about that during the video too.
Absolutely. Love your life out loud! Of course you will make misjudgments; you will be hurt by insensitive people and YOU WILL LEARN FROM IT AND GROW A SET OF BALLS TO ACHIEVE WISDOM AND A LIFE WITHOUT REGRETS. Or you can sit in judgement of other humans in a corner by yourself, remain inexperienced and unexplored and decide you just don’t give a f***.
If i followed her advice in the past, i would have missed unwanted events wich turned out to be great moments with new people i met! And the number of events you expected to be great and joyful but turned out to be boring or bad memories...
Life is full of surprises...
And what about thinking of the pleasure you could bring to someone in need? Your Grandma, an old lonely Aunt in need of a simple small talk...
*self-confidence booster af*
Learning to say "No" is the ultimate freeing action you can give yourself. Once I learned this how to say no, I am much happier!
this feels like the theory that my mind had always been telling me I should do with my life. Good on you, sarah, for putting that feeling into words.
She's right. Just look at how she just didn't care about that corporate ladder. Inspirational, thanks, Sarah.
I just gave a f*ck to this video and it was totally worth it!
Delisle4 lol
F*ckception
Truth
@@kunjikaI to⁸
This is the best TED talk i have ever seen in my life. This was life changing for me because I am a people pleaser and often agree to attend outings reluctantly. After watching this I now feel empowered to politely decline and say NO. Thank You..
Sara does care. She has a gift and she has shared it, an obvious indication of care.
So I guess this should be "The Magic of Only Giving A F*** About Sh*t You Give A F*ck About"
Sarah does give a f*ck about us :)
Yntec Exactly!
Bob Morey i
naber
Bob Morey +
I've been doing this for a few years now and didn't think of it this way. I just learned how to separate emotion from actions, and my life got 1000% better. This means you can have a discussion without emotion, eliminating the argument, and also be honest with your Yes's and No's, and no one gets offended, unless of course they are difficult, uninterested people to begin with.
Yes and no.
Yes, in that it's common sense - good to be aware of setting priorities and being able to say no to things that don't make you happy.
No in that this could be taken in a selfish way (and is most of the time). For example, A noble part of the human experience is doing things for other people that you normally wouldn't want to do.
And that word "happy" I mentioned earlier can be a very enigmatic concept.
I see this most commonly manifest in people who can't hold a relationship together.
I traveled the world before and met quite a few people who had their little selfish life all set up. Something tinny and hollow about it.
"I call it the not sorry method"
Me, a Canadian: oh shoot I can't do that
Yeah, but y'all pronounce "sorry" weird, so go for it.
Yeah, it's our National Word!
?
right
@@rhysmalavioson4260 canadians love to say sorry
I've started being honest with my friends/coworkers/family maybe 5-6 years ago about activities I'm not interested in and you'd be surprised how little people are bothered by it. They simply took note and did different activities with me.
Man! I wish I heard this years ago…especially when I was dealing with church folk 😒. Would’ve saved myself a lot of stress and pain!!!
Oooohh I am right there with you.
Especially when they come to your door 😂
It’s not about being self centered, it’s about not half assidly attending parties and things you just don’t want to. Why wear yourself thin when you can use that energy towards supporting close friends and attending events that matter to you
Jennifer miller
Because you’ll never have “close” friends if you practice her approach. You’ll have fake, emotionless encounters with other emotionally void humans and will never really understand what friendship is.
Mighty Mouse, actually I believe you'd have closer relationships. You will have more time for them and the time your spend with them will be of better quality. You will be with people you care about doing things you both like.
Aren't you lucky to be able to pick and choose.
Jennifer miller ok
At the same time, if one applied her advice ALL the time, they *would* end up being self-centred, and lacking any friends of real note - because real relationships do require effort, and sacrifice, and YES sometimes attending social rituals like baby showers, just because it will make someone *else* happy.
Well I'll be damned... A friend wanted to hang out but Ive been obsessed with watching these TedX talks and have been binging thru em for the past couple of days and taking so many notes. I realised that I would have more joy sitting at home feeding my brain online by these videos then leaving my home and forcing myself to social with someone when Im feeling shattered as it is. I politely declined and then I saw this video hahahaha
I am a doormat, so I really need to heed this video.
And when You change its Liberating!!!
I like your honesty! At times I can be too.
Same
I am too. For one particular person, but I'm ready to hand this person a wad of "f's"!!
I love this woman ! Hoping to find more of Sarah online ... This video is almost 6 yrs old and extremely unique ... Allowing house mate's to drain me so emotionally has been exhausting for years ... I'm at my mental limit ... Sarah, thank you so much for this upload, YOU'RE A BADASS 🤗
her audiobooks are great
I’m sorry you went through that with your housemate.. What I do is that I don’t laugh with my housemates, we just greet each other that’s all, I set strict boundaries.. We’re housemates not friends.. And that has really helped me a lot..😃it’s like I’m living by myself most of the time
@@keoneeG thank you 🤟
@@pumpkinpie7254 you’re welcome
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, such a good self-help book very congruent to this talk.
She has a better original concept
@@lu8201 I agree, either way we need these type of materials for self preservation. ☺️
when you suffer from depression sometimes it is not that bad to say yes to things you think you will not enjoy, because at the end of the day you often do enjoy them :)
Sophia - That's true! I've experienced this many times. 😊
This is very true. This advice doesn't help everyone. I suffer from anxiety disorder and I need to really push myself to say yes to things.
exactly. even for healthy people it happens often. sometimes you don't want to do something or go out, but ou force yourself and it ends up being one of the best parties or things you've ever done lol. that's why this advice is not that good.
you mean like those business meetings that seem to last forever?
Sophia agreed I spend Most of my time is hidden from society. When I forced myself to get out at 10 and feel better. But the fear of getting out is so strong
liberated people know exactly what she is talking about. I can relate completely. What a weight off my shoulders when I started to say simply "no I don't want to" and moved on.
Used to be a people pleasure and let me tell you the word "no" actually worked wonders for me. It started with me being assertive at work, then my personal life. And now I am very comfortable in saying no to something I don't like. It's a habit that takes time to build. If a people pleasure like myself can do this, you can do it too.
Wow man
Love this
Sincerely
Chronic People Pleaser
200th like:)
Wow man
Love this
Sincerely
Closet scaredy cat
Stop wasting your planet time trying please others.
Your cute, and I could possibly please you. How about pleasing me? Then? We'll people please just ourselves!?!
This is why I give high priority now on following artists instead social media influencers. It feels so great!
It's easy: Reject everything that's darkness.
I’m never going to forget this Ted talk
I once said "no thanks, I don't like that kind of genre" to series someone offered me. Few years later turns out, it became my favorite series ever bcs it made me feel alive everytime I watched it. I regretted the time when I said no to it. I never had trouble for saying no. But when I look back of how much I said no to everything that doesn't spark my interest, I realized it felt like I was living in a box. I feel like, by saying yes to a lot of things now comes with opportunity to find a new interest to expand my way of thinking. Now I'm feeling more optimistic than ever. I believe, you just gotta know *when* to say yes/no. Don't say no to something you don't like, simply say no to something that potentially damaging you mentally, physically and emotionally