Why Are So Many Women Not Having Children? | Matthew Hussey
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- Female dating coach Matthew Hussey explains why so many women are not having children. Does Matthew Hussey think that most women don’t want to have kids? Why does Matthew Hussey think the child-free movement is speeding up?
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My issue with saying it's not 'Ok' to let yourself become financially dependent upon a man? Women place themselves into that position, and biologically prefer it... To blame this on the man, by trying to frame it as an attempt to assert dominant power over someone? Well... For one, that shows where his mind goes, but two... Ok, I'll actually go so far as to even agree with this statement, in order to steelman it. It is truthful btw, just lacking in the overall perspective, which I'll get to in a second.
The primary problem with this, isn't that we shouldn't be in positions that allow us to assert dominant power over someone... Everyone has that, even the women... The real issue is enforcement of the need to 'Sheath the Sword' as it is put proverbially. Be the monster, but know how to keep it at bay. Be the Warrior in the Garden, not the Gardener in the War.... This is the sentiment that proves why he's wrong.
Now... That said... Before I get into more psychologically, and in turn biologically, founded portion? Let me point out... If I go to Thailand and instead of trying to become a Dual citizen of my country and Thailand, I instead forfeit citizenship entirely of my old country... Can I just later on, come back and beg for forgiveness? NOPE! I have to start the same immigration process as everyone else at that point. If a woman intentionally places herself into the position of being financially dependent upon a rich man, and then decides to leave him... She gets alimony...
Men become dependent upon the emotional sponge that their wife is, via the connection of their bond, and without it they are far more broken than women are when that bond is torn apart. Women become dependent upon the provisional sponge that their husband is, via the connection of their bond, and without it they are far more broken than men are when that bond is torn apart.
Saying that one side shouldn't become dependent on the other, but that a balance somewhere in between should be found? Ya, that I can accept... To just flat state that women don't need no man though? Fuck that shit... Yes they do, and men need women too...
One of the main answers to this question was answered in your podcast with Mary Harrington, Chris.
Mary told us she almost died giving birth to her daughter.
A lot of women don't want kids because they are very scared of what that physically entails for them - and rightly so.
These risks can be fatal, or with awful short- and long-term effects on the body and mind.
In the old days, unless a woman joined a Nunnery, she would have no choice - marriage meant pregnancy, and pregnancy meant life-threatening risk.
Nowadays, contraception has given women a choice - and what women are choosing now, is probably what their female ancestors would have also chosen too, given the chance.
Many women CAN'T have children... MANY have been harmed by medical "interventions" affecting their reproductive organs. 😞
Thank you so much Chris!!! Greetings from Italy 🙏💪😜
@@curious164 amen! CHOICE
Why is it always men who don't have kids complaining about women not wanting kids?
These men want the advantage of a higher birth rate without the downsides of making and raising those kids.
They're wondering whether they'll have enough future 18 year olds to play Peter Pan with. Less babies born means fewer ladies and fewer little idiots to take advantage of and pump into.
Because they can’t have kids with women who don’t want kids? It’s not rocket science
Fine point.
This is literally Chris Williamson's favourite topic of all time except he doesn't have kids and he's like over 35 lmao
I don’t want kids, i just want to live my life stress free and financially stable..
Exactly why some ppl understand it’s selfishness covered up as “oh I don’t want kids because I wouldn’t be a good parent or this or that.” Its most reasons are selfish. Some reasons are valid but this is selfish. At least you’re honest.
I never wanted kids and never had them. My male partner and I had great jobs in high tech, paid off the house, retired early, and are best friends and have a great sex life.
You're not any more selfish than people who want and have kids. Both of you are doing what you want to do. This is what life should be about. It shouldn't be about making yourself miserable. I can't stand kids and I knew it.
otoh: My boyfriend (of 20 years) and I do a lot of volunteer work in several areas, one is animal rescue. We put a lot of time, work, and love into it. If people say we are selfish, we laugh at it because it is such a lie.
Preach it louder for those in the back🎉
@@dedesunbeam9361"You're not any more selfish who want and have kids." - Well said.
The selfishness argument always baffles me. People who want children never stop to consider that having children could also be considered selfish.
@@cricketylife8742 It's extremely selfish. Just look at the huge WASTE w diapers and they don't care about using tons of plastic in juice boxes and such, either...just to start.
Second, most people's kids aren't going to release any new brilliance on the world, either.
I think a lot of women are choosing not to have children because they were raised by single moms and saw how hard it was. Even the most loving relationships, 50% of married couples going by statistics split up, so there’s a rationale fear that if you have a baby, there’s a good chance you’ll be raising that kid alone
Yes, coming from a broken family is a large predictor whether you want to have a family on your own. It's a very clear correlation.
The majority of people of my generation that I met in my life came from a broken family themselves. It has become the norm, so of course you will see the results downstream.
I never thought about it like this. It seems like some truth in it. My mom was a single parent raising 4 kids from my abusive dad. I always said from the time I was in 6th grade that I want no kids or get married. I don't think that is normal for a middle school child to confidently proclaim
I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s the entire nuclear family that’s been devalued. I wouldn’t want to raise children without my husband. That thought alone has gotten me through some hard times in our marriage 😂.
Yet over 70% of divorces are initiated by women (90% for college edicated)
Too bad women are the ones doing the divorcing... Wait what...
Getting married and having kids was never a dream. When i was a kid I wanted to be like steve Irwin and just learn about animals and the environment.
Same here I dream of being a Zoo owner 😁
Yes!! Same never had the desire and still don’t 😂
You were raised wrong. It's that simple.
@@taftvaluethe fact that you’re judging others for life decisions that don’t affect you, says you’re raised wrong. She’s perfectly normal 😊
The low fertility rate in industrialized nations does affect me.@@deckhead33
Because it's not our job to have kids. Being a woman doesn't automatically equal mother or wife.
She belongs to the streets! 😊
@@monk4everHe belongs to the streets! 😄
@@Olliemaxx1 he's probably already on the streets - using his friends or local internet cafes to get online.
Facts
@@monk4everyour mom belonged to the streets and you probably grew up in the foster care system.
Matt Hussey nails it. Unfair to judge women to seek careers when the worst situations in which I have seen women are when they are financially dependent on abusive men.
Absolutely! I come from a low socio-economic background and watched my peers’ families break down due to domestic violence, infidelity, addiction and more. Kids are left traumatised and in poverty. The cycle then repeats.
right because men are not abused. good thinking
@@xfreeman86You clearly haven’t heard of a narcissist. Romantically speaking, they don’t reveal their true colors to their spouses until after the spouses say, “I do.”
This is one reason I can't stand Jordan Peterson. He's out of touch when it comes to women. Even has the nerve to call them flawed for not having children.
jasonmazzulla3007 this conversation is about women. Go away.
Just because you find someone to marry, doesn't mean you can afford kids.
It costs too much to live.
And it is better to regret not having kids than to regret having them, in my opinion.
Well said, imagine bringing a life into this world and then regretting it..
Thank you for removing yourself from the gene pool 😅
@@sissy-_-fnyc I never said whether or not I 'removed myself from the gene pool', but did I state truths and facts nonetheless? Yep
@@alannalc
Not true, but nice try. Your dilutions can keep you happy enough with some pharmaceutical intervention, I'm sure. Congratulations, you're extinct!
@@sissy-_-fnyc wow, where did that come from? She makes a valid point. Do you know how many grandparents are dropped off at Nursing homes and just forgotten about? Not even a visit? It's pretty common. I would rather not have a kid than have that.
For women you’re damned if you do or don’t. If you start young you’re too broke society blames you for needing public assistance. If you wait until you have a career, adequate finances; your older and have increased risk of pregnancy complications. Then ppl blame you for putting your career first. It doesn’t matter whether you’re married or not the narrative never changes when choosing to be a mom. 🙄
Very true, sadly. Of course, the ideal is to marry if you get pregnant young, but it takes two to do that.
Agreed, because people conveniently forget the scorn they have for poor single mothers
This is so true. Young moms are seen as immature and incapable, while older moms are seen as being obsessed with their careers. It’s as if everyone expects every woman to have a child at the same age.
Just do your best ❤️ nothing else you can do.
@@dirge2me "poor single mothers" fcking lol
Nobody talks about how it's too expensive ...ever
I know 😒
Or how it's not just women who choose to not have kids...it's men too.
The hypocrisy is insufferable
Because they’re making that UA-cam money, and they’re disconnected from that.
In today's world, you need to take care of yourself before you take take of someone else. This goes for both partners.
Why does everyone assume the opposite of having a family is prioritizing money, sex, and drugs. As if there’s no other way to live a fulfilled life. There’s so much room in between that will make many of you more satisfied then having a traditional fam.
Nobody ever considers how they can build a meaningful relationship with the world outside they typical path
The problem is, can't have EVERYBODY do that. And it's quite possible to do both. It's better then having your whole culture and nation go extinct. Genetic preservation and diffusion is the greatest accomplishment.
The dichotomy is a Western society problem, it seems to me.
A woman who chooses to be child free or spouse-less is often seen, or even expected, as the breadwinner of the family (at least in Southeast Asia that seems to be the case), or she's entering contemplative spiritual life. So no one bats an eye (in my community, this is the case.) on unmarried woman who will be thought of as a "spinster aunt".
She's not seen as prioritizing sex, money, drugs.
I would say there's a different expectation for men where I'm from. Like, sure, he is expected less to be serious about life but everyone would raise an eyebrow if he reaches 35 and he is still single and childless- something like hushed questions about his sexuality or he's onto something like still enjoying a carefree life.
You are right in saying there is so much room in between. And it really is about what brings the individual a level of contentment in life.
I think it really boils down to calming our nerves and seeing that people who choose to be childless, whether men or women, do so exercising their right to choose in a free society.
THIS!
@@nicholasphelps3872 Not everybody will.
I say let people who don't want children stop. That way, the "unwilling parent" genes can go extinct, and in a few generations, lead to fewer children who end up treated badly.
Because they are narrow-minded, one-dimensional, and self aggrandized which hinders their ability to think beyond their biases towards ppl who don’t want to emulate their basic lifestyles. These people are truly pathetic.,
I’m surprised by Chris for the first time he has no right to judge when he is in his 30s and single. If you care so much go make someone a mother.
What people are yearning for is a fix to fill the void inside. Nothing outside of you can ever make you happy, even kids can't make you happy!!!
That's true. However, name an endeavor an individual human can do that will fill that void? Hard to come up with the exact THING other than transcending oneself over time and space by having biological offspring, well that's called human nature. You are not wrong that there are things that can replace having a family, but most of these things aren't accessible to an average person. It's false equivalency for an average person to say having a career or whatever else is a full replacement of having a family -- most people don't have any kind of career, they have an average job that is neither interesting nor fulfilling.
Love this reply, at least getting stuck in a marriage or family will never bring the happiness in the long run.
We are here basically to reproduce. There is nothing more natural than that. Filling the void with a stupid job where your around a load of fake people that will replace you as soon as your no longer useful or someone is better that's not very fulfilling
Agreed!
What's the void?
After becoming a mother it’s extremely exhausting to be completely financial independent and a mom. That’s why we need better relationships , interdependence is necessary in parenthood.
But most will forget to discuss the point of better relationships. If you treat women as shit which many guys do online and inside homes, then why in the world women want to be around you? Why can't men understand this at all! When women were made to become housewives, why did they treat them so badly? In other parts of the World, most women are stay-at-home wives, if men are so appreciative of families, women and motherhood, why are not they good to them? If mothers are so worthy then why do men make fun of their pregnant wives and their bodies post martem? Why do they subject their wives to domestic violence? And then justify it as well.
Truly, if these same men had to become wives to cruel husbands, they would have opted out of this a long time ago.
Interdependence doesn’t mean a husband/man/father - we need other arrangements and structures to be able to have real support networks to raise children. Some women who are single mothers are experimenting with teaming up to raise kids together- same household and sharing the responsibility/care. It seems to be working. I think we need more of that bc we simply cannot be delusional to think that men will change, they won’t, so for women who really want kids I would encourage to think about alternative options. Money is also another big issue here: if a woman has money enough to have a paid support network she doesn’t need a man at all. In fact in many cases men are just extra burdens.
@@Vnm2207 I like how it alway's comes back to men at fault.. sorry dear but you opened your legs.
I really hope women stop having babies altogether. Enjoy your cat's.
Because your concept of 'support network' is.. Someone else has to go work to fund your lazy entitled life. Try contributing for a change. ME ME ME
Europe is better, i think i can have my baby for free the first years even daycare.
@@rainasajid6678interesting point, just realise though that you women are no better at all. Vilifying men, blaming men for YOUR choices in life. Stop being man-haters.
Let’s not ignore the fact that there are many mothers who regretted having kids or at least would have chosen differently if they could go back in time. It’s just not as socially acceptable to admit, so the data on it is much harder to capture.
Why is it always about ''women not having children''? It takes two to tango, always has. Everyone does, or should do, exactly what they want and can, given the conditions.
the hypocrisy pisses me off too. It’s mostly single childless men in their 30s who are complaining.
True, it takes 2 to tango and everyone is doing exactly what they want… u answered your own question
@@leedlbagginshield8492 It might have something to do with the idea that men are cars and women are gas stations. Thus, cars get angry when gas stations become less available, while if fewer cars are using gas stations, then there is plenty more for the cars who do use them. Still, it is very inconsiderate to get mad at someone for not wanting to do something, especially when that something will only make them miserable. And also, I know that the analogy I used is not quite accurate, but I could not come up with a better one. Please feel free to find a more suitable analogy if you want.
Because they believe that women have a natural drive to want children that is stronger than that of men. And if they don't satisfy that drive they will end up miserable.
Exactly, so wonky
Why would I have children … when I can’t afford myself ….
Women are becoming smart and I like the change in the trend. If you are going to have kids it should be with the intention of having a complete family permanently (marriage) and not ending up a single mother. Both men and women need to choose partners who are serious about having a family and having good values.
You are totally right
You do realize women initiate 80% of divorces right? You do realize women with degrees initiate 90% of the divorces? Many times they do it out of boredom. They get tired of the marriage because it involves work. Not only that they often take Half of the mans savings and possessions and collect alimony and child support and keep the house. They basically collect all the money but none of the obligations of having a husband. They get a sweet deal for getting divorced. Even if the woman has no children she still takes all of his stuff.
I wouldn't bring children into this world. I was just watching a video about kids born with schizophrenia, bipolar, and other conditions and it was horrifying. You never know what misery they'll run into even if you're the best parent.
I agree with all but the marriage and having to have a partner/father permanently in the situation. Nothing is permanent. Male or female, have a child IF you are taking 100% responsibility for anything that comes along with that child. Your partner/the father may die.
@@kelleemerson9510 I agree that death can stop something being permanent. However, we live in a world that is so evil that partners will even kill their spouse in order to get out of the marriage agreement. For sure if they die of natural causes then the partner who remains should be allowed to move on.
"You have to be a pretty strong person to go, 'I don't think that's the answer'" That hit me super hard. I think most people are led to believe to do what society expects them to do. It takes guts and a strong will to say I don't want to do this and I want to carve my own path.
Having children even if it’s just one or two, will be paving the way for your future generation. But there are some people who just shouldn’t have kids, cuz they themselves are just nuts
Right and that’s why I don’t vote democrat anymore even though they control all the messaging , from university to entertainment. And their message of saying your on the right side of history and you are a good person as long as you do what they say is right. And if not you are evil. But I combat this propaganda being actually informed and strong enough in my principals,Even when they may not benefit me. I know that they are no longer a liberal party, they are closer to authoritarian facist then the tolerance they say they stand for. I’ll stand for women because these supposed feminist won’t. I stand for equality for all not equity by any means necessary. And I refuse to be racist to minorities when they don’t have the same views as me. And if you haven’t had this realization yet , you should especially if you’re an American women being erased by the left.
@@moonknight4053 and some people are selfish. Not wanting children ISNT a character flaw. Chill out with the hate
For the most part if you are a women yes. If you are a male than only if you are expected to give up your life.
It gets easier if you persevere. A bunch of my friends are all players pretty much but I've always been adamant that I want a woman for life and have kids with her. At first they would try to sway me away from such foolishness and hey, the dating market is a tough one and one has to, to quote Chris, cycle through multiple people before you find a person who actually shares your values, so I get their skepticism but eventually they have come to accept it and some even start to aspire to something similar because the endless swipe/party/sex routine gets boring and makes you jaded. Granted, there is a long way to go for people in this state of mind since the brainwashing is so pervasive. Thinking about this reminded me of a quote by Matthew Mcconaughey in the movie Contact where he, as a person of cloth and an book author, argued that science and technology does not make us happy, that we fill our lives with stuff and, even though we are more connectable than ever before, we feel more alone as well. And this was in 1997. His argument was that it is faith in God that is the key but I think modern society has deducted that it is not, in fact. That being said, purpose still is at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and, since a lot of us have our basic needs met, this is the top priority for our generation. If you've ever had a small person look up at you with those beady eyes and complete trust in you, you will understand that there likely isn't anything more purposeful than being true to the image the child sees in you.
Motherhood is extremely hard and expensive. What if my relationship/marriage breaks down? That’s me and my kids in poverty. Single motherhood is like nothing else. I saw my mum do it and she’s got little in retirement because she couldn’t work as much. She’ll have a tough time retiring. I’ll take care of her no matter what because that woman gave everything. Why would you want a life full of struggle for your sister, Aunt, cousin, daughter? Leave these women ALONE.
You nailed it. The compensation package for motherhood ain't there for how much your contribute. The government could consider paying women but things have to go to crap first before they improve.
Money is everything after all. Yay money give me more when I'm old and grey I'll look at my fat bank account and thank money for wonderful and purposeful life. Money will visit you on X-Mas day and tell you it loves you and so will all your bankers... like they did in Scrooge!
Interesting too that only women who've had children will have bodies that break down when their old? Your right about hard it is too... One can only imagine how a woman who lived 100 years ago managed to do it without Television, iPhones and uber eats?
Don't think me to harsh. I'm trying to show you perspective. Life was hard, is hard and always will be. You make your own strength...or you will have none!
@@shelbysycamore637are you serious...our government is in so much debt and now you expect them to pay mothers ? You are delusional
Almost like you need a man...
@@cynicist8114We really don't. That's why males like you get upset. 😂
I didnt want kids, my ex husband pressured for years.. and turn out he was not helping with the kids at all after I gave him kids. I feel so betrayed by life.. and men. Can’t trust them now in the same Way..
❤
❤❤
That’s the man you picked. If you knew you didn’t want children why did you marry a man that wanted them? 🧐
So just bitch about it on the internet so you can get sympathy from strangers 👍
I am so sorry 😢
I really don't think two men could truly fathom the intricacies of why a woman would not want children, it's a lot more than reading statistics and trying to guess what women think. I'm in my mid 30s and don't have kids and I know at least 20 other women the same age and older who don't either. The few people I know with kids sadly seem miserable/regretful and alot have turned to alcohol to cope with the pressure of raising their kids in todays world.
I'm undecided personally, but from conversations I do know that some of the reasons surrounding women not wanting kids at all or being undecided are:
- How much money it actually takes to raise a child nowadays
- Lack of quality men to have kids with or that want kids themselves
- Stress over how a child will impact their already fragile mental health (most with anxiety issues or coming from family & financial traumas)
- Fear of loosing their identity and then subsequently their sanity.
- Not liking the world we live in, therefore not wanting to bring a child into it.
There is also a whole childfree movement on social media where people are being advised by those with children not to do it, because they themselves are suicidal. There's an anonymous facebook group where women say they love their kids but hate motherhood and make a clear distinction between the two. Its actually really sad what they go through if you read it, and no matter what men may think, their roles as fathers NEVER amount to the level of physical and emotional labour a woman signs up for when she gets pregnant and has a baby, so I think this is a topic best handled with care on all ends.
💯 facts!!
Well said!
Very true
❤❤❤❤
You complain about a lack of men wanting go be fathers and then say in the same sentence fathers will never be as meaningful as mothers, can you really blame men for not wanting to be fathers?
As a man I don't want children or to be married because men are treated like trash and considered unimportant. You are part of the problem.
If you want kids..have them! if you don’t then don’t.. there’s so much commentary on this topic right now but people are waaaay too emotional about it. The only people that should be having children are those willing and able to RAISE them. As for the rest, it’s your life, live it in a way that is fulfilling to you
As long as those people who don’t have kids expect those of us who put the DECADES of time and effort into raising well adjusted kids to then expect our kids to care for them when their old.
There is a social contract that we all have with our community to pass along to the next generation. When people who don’t have kids , and just live for themselves; but then rely on the state and the care of those now grown kids that’s an issue.
Parents who raise kids well; have a much greater chance of having care and support when their older. Those Childless couples are going to be in for a rude awakening when they are truly alone in their twilight years.
@@BENR8108 as an ex nurse I can assure you that even those WITH kids will be looked after by someone elses kids... many are chucked into nursing homes as soon as it all becomes too much trouble to look after old mum and dad....
Yes but that means we go bye bye. The invaders come and they kill us.
@@BENR8108 The social contract is fulfilled by paying my taxes and developing stuff that makes all your lives easier in the long run.
If your sole reason to have children is to be nurtured when you're an old fart, then you should not have children either.
@@lynnecartwright3976 not of there is not enough people to watch them…. Population decline is going limit services across the modern economy; and it’s going to force families who can’t afford rising costs to ship mom and dad to a nursing home instead to keep them home with them.
I don’t think you fully appreciate how many people are going to be dying over the next 30 years, and that we don’t have the volume of kids to replace them. Our young adults now aren’t coupling and have kids… 50% of men DONT want to have a relationship at all. Most men from 18-30 haven’t had sex in a year. Childless women are going to be a majority within 20 years if trends continue…
But hey, those without kids have a guarantee to die alone, those of us with kids (if we raise them well) have a greater chance being cared for and surrounded by our loved ones. So no chance (childless people) or some chance (those of us with kids). I know my choice..
As a guy who thought he wanted to have kids, I can understand why anyone in general wouldn’t want to have kids. Especially nowadays, people are barely getting by. I really so think the first question you should be asking is can you afford having a kid. Second question should be, will you have time to properly raise a kid? Third question, are you psychologically/emotionally ready to have a kid?
You are one of the millions who chose not to have children to balance the environmental, social, impact that overpopulation is having. The world is becoming more unsustainable by the day, social economic issues impact our mental and health, which will impact the lives of children. Imagine bringing innocent babies to a world of suffering and bleakness as overpopulation is going to lead to due to rising competition for food, jobs, and housing and then risk of war and environmental destruction. Do not blame yourself. You are having an impact to future generations who may or may not see the same world that we saw.
@@jacqueslee2592 sounds like you're a communist...
@@jacqueslee2592shut up Meg
You're posing the RIGHT questions. The only caveat I'd raise is to CHANGE THE ORDER of your questions: the FIRST question should be "Are you psychologicaly/emotionally ready to raise a child?"--and if ntot GET THERAPY
@user-cz5lj2vx1f Actually the first question should be do you want kids ? For some people the answer no is easy and they don't even have to think about the other questions. For others the answer is yes or I am not sure.... then in that case they should continue with the other questions and realize that they may start working on themselves first....financial, emotional...to be ready when the time is right for them.
Unmarried man telling unmarried women they should have children... Where have we seen this before?
I’m just wondering why more people are not adopting more. There are so many children that need a loving mother ❤
I'd love to but I need tobget a bigger house and the whole process is ruthless aswell
Because the legalized child trafficking racket that's adoption makes it super hard for otherwise qualified individuals to do so.
I used to think that if I didn't want to have children, that I would adopt, but the older I got, the more I realized that that didn't make sense either. To me, if I'm not wanting to mother my own biological child, why would I want to mother someone else's? It's a huge risk... It's just like going to the pound and picking out a dog - it's either going to be your best friend or it's going to be a nightmare, so it's a total toss-up that you are saddled with for the rest of your life.
I have a friend who adopted and luckily he was rich because that kid ended up needing over $500,000 in therapy and it still never fixed what was wrong with him. The kid was nuts. 🤷♀️
@@ladykd2355 you don't know anything about dogs, huh? I've never had a bad dog. Had dogs around over half a century.
Lots of dogs at the pound are purebred, btw.
I'll pick a dog over a kid ANY day.
People most people don’t want to raise someone else’s kid. Why are there children in the foster care system in the first place??? That’s the real question.
As a happily married child free women in her mid-thirties, all I have heard in my life is how difficult it is having children, how my career will take a financial hit it will never recover from and the extra unpaid labour I will take on due to the gender mental load gap will leave me statistically more stressed and unhappy.
I also live in a major city where most people I know cannot afford to move into their own place, a cost of living crisis in the UK and the climate crisis where I am not sure what sort of future these hypothetical children will grow up in.
Those I know who have had children really struggle financially to pay for child care when they do go back to work.
With all of this, are we really surprised that more women are opting out? There is so much more to it than women just looking to go to Paris and eat pastries.
100 💯 agree
Climate crisis...🙄
Exactly. It's so much more complex, and being called "selfish" for it is completely unfair.
Assuming your premise is right (which I completely disagree with) that women need this much financial security to even start thinking about having children, now, what are you going to do with all that wealth by yourself? How tasty is that Michelin 3 star meal lasting a few long hours when you eat alone? How joyful is that private jet ride when you ride by yourself? How exciting is it to confront your own purposefully chosen biological dead end every single day for the rest of the few decades of your life? By statistics you will likely outlive your husband by one decade or more, so yeah... What a well lived life that is. I applaud your bravery.
@@YummyFoodOnlyPlz keep in mind , a lot of people have first family’s and second family’s blended ..
most Men do not get sole custody, and they have to pay child support.
Most men I knew could not afford to have anymore children , because of child support , but .. if they got with a women with kids getting child support from another man , well they can make it work.
It’s been like this for years now at least 20yrs
Having kids vs Raising kids.
Big difference.
I am 33 and just never felt like I want to be a mom... it's as simple as that!
Blaming women is shitty. When I was dating it took a long time to find a guy who had the same values as me when it came to raising children. I knew I didn't want to work full-time when my kids were small. But most of the men I met wanted two incomes. I found my guy, but I was 29.
Childfree male here. I knew when I was a kid myself that I didn't want to be a parent, and have also endured societal pressure, stigma and endless condescension from my peers who all told me "you'll change your mind".
Well, I didn't, and haven't, and still do not regret it. My partner and I are happy, fulfilled and live our lives to the absolute max, ALL whilst being the best possible uncle and aunty to our amazing little nephews.
I understand that the pressures of women are enormous and it makes me mad and sad at the same time.
For a long time I was extremely confrontational about it. I understand that this was the best way at the time for me to just shut people up. As I get older I have the power of reason and can happily, and do, talk about it freely without gear of being judged.
Nobody cares. Men without kids are not shamed by society like childfree woman are.
same! i grew up in a home where money was always tight. i'm not a millionaire, but my wife and i earn enough to live comfortably. if we had kids (whom neither of us want), i would go back to that situation where money is tight, and i don't ever want to feel that way ever again. and the cost of living gets more expensive everyday. no kids for me; i'm good.
❤️🙏❤️
All love to you and your partner. You re a real one❤
@@thispersonrighthere9024 so sorry to hear that...❤
Look, women are judged and called selfish and future cat ladies if they don't want kids. However, mothers also face judgment and are called egotistical for the following:
- If they exercise during pregnancy because some irrational people think that might hurt the fetus;
- If they choose C-section;
- If they can't or don't want to breastfeed;
- If they hold their babies too much or whenever babies cry/If they don't hold their babies enough of whenever they cry;
- If they go back to work too fast/If they're stay-at-home moms and choose not to go back into the workforce;
- If they don't give enough attention and love to their partners during the first months/years of the baby's life;
Let's not forget that choosing motherhood is a sacrifice right off the bat, one that men will never have to endure:
- Having to avoid certain foods during the entire pregnancy and breastfeeding;
- Not being able to drink alcohol, energy drinks, or anything remotely damaging to the baby;
- Not being able to take most pills for the pain;
- Being constantly tired and unable to do much for nine months;
- Being nauseous, having your bones move, and your skin stretch;
- Having to do multiple blood tests, ultrasounds, and vaginal exams, while men barely have the courage to go to prostate screening;
- Having a fetus and its development depends entirely on a woman, meaning the fetus absorbs minerals from the mother to build its bones and joints. If the mother doesn't have enough, calcium from the mother's bones is automatically secreted, sometimes leading to depletion or osteoporosis.
- Having to give birth, and there's no good option for the mother. If she chooses vaginal delivery, she'll be in extreme pain, and the doctors will likely cut her perineum. If she chooses a C-section, that's major surgery, and the recovery will take weeks.
- Potentially struggling with postpartum depression.
There's so much more, but I'll stop here.
I’m childfree by choice and happily married for 16 years and no I’m not SAD and MISERABLE …please stop deciding for me. to all the trad wives good on you, respect your choice. CHOICE CHOICE CHOICE CHOICE CHOICE
I think people are talking mostly about childless not by choice
@@IPx3_Broken lmao you are so mad for no reason
Childfree man here. Any misery in my life isn't due to lack of children. I have enough to deal with aside from an imaginary child
I think some like to project their fears because they're jealous of the freedom we have as childfree ppl
I don’t think society even recognizes childfree married and happy couples . Like i don’t feel like there’s an established community yet. Like im still struggling to find other married child free couples to be friends with in my area. It feels like its in a new concept stage that’s just now starting to get popular.
@@metapixusion Interesting there too because a lot of people automatically couple marriage with children. So people ask "Why get married if you don't want kids?" Because I fricking wanted to lol
I am sooo happy my wife does not want kids. Cuz i sure the fuck dont!
😂😂😂
You know what’s also funny? A lot of men don’t want kids but they want sex… so they’re gonna jump on the bandwagon for women to settle down and have kids so these guys have a chance to have sex!
I'm still waiting for the podcast that deals with parents (male & female) who regretted having kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
They don't want to do podcasts dealing with those realities.
Also do podcasts on women who regret marriage
I'd like to see one on how many women had unplanned births. What's the percent on that?
they can't put those people on camera because the kids will see it someday
that part
@@consciouscrypto3090 Maybe the video should pixelate the faces and distort the voices to prevent recognition.
The world is going to hell. Anyone who decides to bring another human into this world is either very ignorant or very selfish.
People are starting to wake up. Having kids sucks and there are absolutely NO tangible benefits. They are like very expensive long term pets. Sorry to be so real about it but we should be able to speak honestly about this without getting emotional.
I respect your honesty and I completely agree.
Wrong having kids is the best thing in the world maybe for you it sucks but for most people it's amazing
@@blacklyfe5543Says a man, who very likely isn't cleaning any shite off his kid's butt, OR his parents.
It’s definitely a choice that involves sacrificing certain things. Kids aren’t pets though, that’s completely off base; only someone who doesn’t have kids , and really knows nothing about kids would say that.
@@blacklyfe5543No.Having children is selfish
I was always ambivalent about having kids. I struggled a lot financially and then never found the right person to settle down with. Looking back, most of my adult life up until recently (I'm 47 now) was just focused on survival. It wasn't so much a choice as it was my circumstances at the time just didn't work out in my favor to become a mother. Now that I'm interested in becoming a mom, it's too late and I'm still single. Sometimes it's just not meant to be.
Acceptance is peace. You can still play a major role in children's lives in other ways..
Marry a guy with young kids and become a stepmom. My 'dad' was actually my stepdad. He was there from the time I was 7 and is the only real father I've known. You could be that for someone. Or adopt. Or use a surrogate. There are options. But you need to want it more to take those paths because the difficulty/sacrifice may be bigger.
I agree and God bless you ❤
You were focused on survival, but didn't realize that two incomes are better than one? Sounds more like you chose to "do bad all by yourself" instead of building with someone, but I'm glad you're doing well now and at peace with it. You can always do the step mom/adoption/coach thing.
To be fair, everyone is on survival mode, a lot of people accidentally have kids while surviving. I wasn’t planning on having a child when I was 22, but I did! While I was studying, working, plus caring for terminally ill grandmother at the time! It was the most defeating time of my life. And things weren’t going smoothly between my boyfriend and I at the time. But what do you know… when my daughter came along, her father and I put our differences aside and had to grow up and be adults bc our life wasn’t about us anymore. We’d have to survive together for our baby. It’s really hard to “surrender and let go” and believe me I went through that stage of feeling like a burden to my daughters father but he was like “nah I got you.” And he did!
You don't need to have kids these days you can have a perfectly fulfilling life with a good career, holidays and some investments
And that is exactly what a lot of people end up with, regardless of whatever familial aspirations they may have had earlier in life.
Till the fertility collapse makes a population collapse and third world invasion and replacement. Theres only one way to fight that extinction...
@@nicholasphelps3872 Japan and South Korea didn't buy into the replacement migration BS.
The world is becoming more unsustainable by the day, social economic issues impact our mental and health, which will impact the lives of children. Imagine bringing innocent babies to a world of suffering and bleakness as overpopulation is going to lead to due to rising competition for food, jobs, and housing and then risk of war and environmental destruction. Do not blame yourself. You are having an impact to future generations who may or may not see the same world that we saw.
@@nicholasphelps3872 That's true too. Lock the borders and let the nations who have loads of children learn to cope.
Most men can't provide enough to support a family. It's pretty simple.
As a 24 year old living in Toronto I think what wasn't mentioned is the "economical state" of our current society. Most Gen Z and millenials are in thousands of dollar in education debt. In Toronto it's impossible to buy a house unless you're making six figures. I personally want kids but don't want to bring a child into this world when I know that I need to create more stability in my life first. when it comes to bringing a life into the world, it's better to have more educated and informed decisions because it's one of the (if not the) most important action anyone makes in their life
People got married much younger decades ago. They weren't rich. They were broke but they figured things out together. Instead of looking at marriage as a way to build wealth, we have switched things around and turned it into "wealth before marriage." That was always going to be a recipe for disaster, especially for women.
the housing market has me depressed depressed
@@akp167 If you know better you do better
It's a lot easier to have a six figure household with two incomes than with one. A lot of stability comes from marriage. Ijs. You just have to find someone that you're willing to put up with, that's also willing to put up with you. That's the hard part. lol
@@djangomarine6658 if you're both working who's watching the kids?
It's the side effects of having a bad childhood. My mom was emotionally immature with narcissistic tendencies and an unpredictable alcoholic who was violent. My dad was indifferent to me. They were divorced before I was 3. I barely knew my dad. I don't connect well with people and definitely not well enough with men to raise a kid with one. Children need 2 parents who actually care for them. The environment for children sucks and life is expensive. Think about nature: females in safe environments with plenty of resources breed, females in dangerous conditions will little to no resources will not breed if they have the choice because they are self preserving to survive.
I largely agree with you with one exception: humans work differently. Humans, if they have precarious conditions make more children than ever (see the poor countries) while if they taste abundance they abandon the family life (see the developed countries)
Although I agree that bad childhoods suck, I don’t agree that safe women breed and women who were not safe are just trying to survive. Why is that in the West, where it is significantly safer and thriving, the population is stagnating, but in third world countries, the population continues to boom?
Very well said. My childhood was fine, but having kids is a lifetime commitment that requires every drop of a person's resources, money, freedom and time.
@@filipbelciug Do you ever wonder if those people who have children in the poor countries really think that they are living in precarious conditions, or they think otherwise when they're having children.
@@AlexBobalexRavenclaw the populations are stagnating in 75% of all countries. East Asia, West, west Asia, south America. Pretty much only places above replacement levels are in sub Sahara and they are getting there within next 25 years.
His “concern” is woman that are choosing to live the way they want to live omg
It comes right down to what a woman wants in her life! It’s nobody’s business but her own.
no matter the good intentions, two men sitting there talking about why women dont want childre never really ceases to amuse me... does it ever ocurr to these male podcasters to talk to women about this issue?
Exactly!!! Jfc
Wow, so many bitter cat ladies in the comments
@@jayc342009Bitter? Were you looking in the mirror when you wrote that?? I'm a cat lady and proud of it. I can do what I want whenever I want. That includes sex.
@@playfulpanthress femcel
@@jayc342009wow so many entitled men in the comments, boy stfu
There are EIGHT BILLION PEOPLE (and counting) in the world today. We don't NEED more humans. We, in the US, have over one hundred thousand children that are unwanted. Why aren't they talking about that? Why are they not suggesting people adopt?? Of a woman gets to an age where she can't have children safely (as safe as pregnancy can be, I mean) and suddenly regrets not having children, they can adopt.
I thought I wanted children when I was younger, mostly because society tells me I'm supposed to. I'm so glad I waited!!
I will never have (human) children, and I don't want them.
Well, some of us are just struggling to find partners. I dont understand why almost every male on UA-cam is blaming us and using fear mongering tactics to shame us about our lack of children by 30. Some of us (women) are just not men's choice of partners for parenthood or marriage. And after so much lack of interest, i am at peace with the single/childless life that awaits me. Blame the endless choices on dating apps
agreed I've been single for 4 years and many men are addicted
As a man myself, I might suggest that you might want to approach men. Currently it is not acceptable for us men to approach women, so if you want to attract a man, you are going to have to approach them.
Just spark up a simple conservation, about the weather, or about something simple. Men are not that complicated, just be slightly friendly and a little bit warm, and you probably won him over.
@@barrydaemi6287I’ve been single for over 14 years now and have no problem approaching men. They just are not looking for anything serious IMHO.
We were better off w the Chicago Reader personals. You left a voice message, could tell if they're lying or not or creepy. And they were real and lived near you. Met up for coffee in a few days or less. Didn't waste time w boring texting for MONTHS.
What i dont understand is, why are all these men so pressed about woman not wanting marriage and kids? Why are they talking about what woman want to do with their lives and these are woman they dont even know. Why dont they talk about men that dont want children and let us be
Seeing how difficult it was for my mom to raise us, I decided I was only going to have a child if I found a supportive partner who’d be a good father. If no such partner was to be found, I could’ve lived childless because no way would I want to struggle as a single mom. (I’ve got nothing against single moms, but y’all just generally have things harder and have to make more sacrifices.)
Yep totally understand my mother struggled to take care of me and my brother because my father's drug addiction he was always in and out of jail that's why I made the choice to not have children
I never had my own life because of it; I was always taking care of someone else.
My exact thought process in this. I'd much rather regret NOT having children and volunteer to help children or something rather than be stuck like my mother had been. I also want to take care of my momma when she needs me.
Same. I watched my mom struggle to raise children alone. I decided that if I couldn't get married to a man who's capable of being a supportive partner in both life and parenthood, I won't have children with any man at all. I refuse to let some deadbeat leave me high and dry taking care of his kids while he goes and lives the single life.
My thought process exactly. I would havev liked to ahve child--but, NOT in POVERTY as a single mother. TOO DAMN HARD!!!
Women are not having kids because lots of us are from single parent households and growing up we did not wanted to be a single parent as we know how difficult it’s. It’s just been hard finding a partner that we feel could be a great partner or parent. I know lots of people are saying “HAVE KIDS” but come on do you want bunch a women just getting pregnant with out a good partner?
Because you modern western women have absurdly unrealistic expectations with regard to men. We have average and in many cases even well below average women out here saying they “won’t settle” for anything less than a top 1% man. It’s just flatly delusional.
Then they hit the wall in their 30’s, and the average men they turned their noses up at in their 20’s are either already taken or aren’t interested, because those guys who do want a family don’t want a ran through, past-her-prime woman whose fertile years are in the past, and who spent her best years at the club, getting her back blown out by Chad and Tyrone.
There are plenty of good partners. A recent survey said 63% of men are single right now. If that's your excuse then maybe you're expectations just don't match with reality.
Millions of women in the US are already doing what you asked about at the end of your comment. It's reality.
@@djangomarine6658most of those a probably not good partners
@@djangomarine6658 just because 63% of men are single, doesn’t mean that they will be good partners. Most men don’t even have basic lifeskills (like cooking, cleaning, personal hygiene, laundry). Getting with these men means more work and drama (STDs and so on) for the woman.
Can’t afford a home or childcare, can’t find husband material and you wonder why so many women aren’t having children
rising cost of living, the large chunk child birth takes out of health insurance, demonization of single mothers, maternal mortality, demonization of low income families who use government support to feed their children, post natal depression, shall i go on?
Yes lol you shall...here let me help you. Baby daddy(s) drama, child support headache, bullying issues at school on school bus online, behavior issues up the wazoo, cost of daycare 👀, cost of diapers, people judging you for BREASTFEEDING!, dating disasters, potential danger in front yard due to predators, decisions to Vax or not to Vax and being judged no matter what you do. Oh the Joys of parenting 🙄 😂
I mean...single motherhood should be discouraged. It is a massive strain on society.
@@lilc5353I really want to have children but cannot find a decent man
I had 6 years taken from me being in an abusive relationship so I’m glad I didn’t have kids with the person I thought I wanted to. But it defo delayed me as I wanted to have therapy so I wasn’t bringing it into a new relationship and also, time to myself. At 39, trying to date is hard (even though I’m fit and healthy) so I’m dealing with several obstacles.
But the main thing is, the way the world is at the moment, I’m not sure how I feel about bringing a child into this weird world.
I don’t agree with Chris, women who don’t have kids have been demonised for years, it’s only now people are saying that having kids doesn’t define you. Let Chelsea do what she wants, there are plenty of women, like me, who want children. No one is talking about the woman who want them but have been scarred by last things in life. It saddens me.
I agree, the whole ''spinster'' and ''lifelong bachelor'' terms weren't always complimentary.
@@TGP109 exactly. It’s a cruel world when people are tarred with the same brush if they’re not living up to the society norms.
For some, things aren’t as easy. And that’s ok.
We just need more understanding of each other but also, leave people to be who they are without judging their lives based on their status. It’s not easy for everyone.
So he was abusive then not you.
In what year did he start getting abusive? If the answer is anything less than 5 years then its your fault you lost 6 years, try some accountability.
I totally agree !!!❤️💯 Chris is very Red Pill! Simplic in his approach to the subject. I find him young, slightly emotionally dumb & not very interested to hear anything where men are accountable
Actually, the world has never been healthier, wealthier or less violent then it is right at this moment. It’s a fact even Obama who was a shit president acknowledged this. Look into a history book, don’t be fooled.
When someone tells me that them having children is something that "just happened" and now they're struggling, I honestly couldn't give a fuck.
make the choice on your own and try to not be influenced by external factors and enjoy your life. it gets complicated when it becomes a political or social decision rather than personal
@@nicholasphelps3872 who cares?
@@nicholasphelps3872 Well then, you go find a way to incentivize the British to make and raise those babies.
I got a vasectomy when I was in my mid 20s. Don’t regret it yet !
I remember feeling that I didn’t want children when I was 11-12. That feeling never went away.
Same here. I found babies to be the most annoying creatures on earth when I was a kid. I've been married happily for thirty-six years and we don't regret not having kids at all. We chose to travel instead and go on adventures.
On the off chance you ever change your mind, adoption is always an option
For sure. Just dogs for now
No ẞl00dline?
ẞl00dline Ended LOL
@@AbuBased731 Oh well, maybe not every strand of DNA needs replication.
Men dont have to go through painful pregnancy and labour pains. Just seed the sperms and just done. After that, all burdens go to mothers. But....if men are willing to share household chores tasks, including cooking, cleaning up windows, floors, furnitures, laundry, etc etc, it will help most women in marriage. The time has change, women nowadays are willing to share the burden of earning money in the house. Share half:half of all burdens in marriage, take care of kids TOGETHER (like, men, you should learn to bathe your kids and change diapers and such). Then many women will be eager more to participate in marriage. I can work up all household tasks and such but thinking abt "slavery" type of wife works, losing sleep ALONE to take care of kids is kinda scare me. Not to mention the higher chance possibilities for men to cheat, no ring can prevent this thing not to happen, while women already sacrified their bodies to get destroyed in pregnancy and labour, that is the most horrible nightmare no woman wants to experience. Please listen to this and be considerate. Its hard to find a man to look at us as a humanbeing - not a commodity, not as a thing 🥺🥺
They make male chastity belts. Lol.
Those of us who struggled with mental health issues stemming from childhood trauma from our own parents will have conflicting thoughts and feelings on wanting to have kids. I know I did! When I became a mum, the things that triggered my own mother about me, triggered me about my daughter.
Which was?
@@securitysupreme oh boy… where do I start..?
Ok so the big trigger for me was feeling like my daughter was a burden. And being perceived that way as a child by my own mother is hard to be consciously aware of as an adult until becoming a mother/parent. I’ve been going to therapy for just over 10 yrs now and the “rewiring” was a very slow process bc this form of abuse happened in my formative yrs. Kids will reflect to you what is unhealed from what your parents caused.
Certainly agree. The reason why I don't want children, apart from the rational disadvantages, is that my mother turned out to be the worst example of a woman for a young boy to grow up with.
The best part is if these parents complain afterwards that they won't get any grand-children, seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that they are one of the main reasons themselves.
sounds like it has nothing to do with your daughter or your mother.
@@VentureCreek sounds like you don’t know me at all.
The world is too messed up to have kids… life is too expensive and the jobs don’t pay much…
Some people will try to argue with you by referring to their personal experiences, but their experiences are not always so relatable - thus, the people trying to prove you wrong completely miss the point and are just trying to substantiate a subjective narrative.
That is, if you get a job.
Because they don't want to be a mom and there's nothing wrong with that. There's still so many women who wants kids.
He gets the womens perspective!! 😍 … Seeing my mother in such a finically controlling relationship with her crying on the phone with me - NO WAY! I warn my friends about it! GET YOUR FINICAL independence together before committing your life away .. I’ve seen it go drastically DRAMATICALLY wrong! ( most men won’t talk about it, unlike Mathew as they want you to sit down, shut up and say yes to come what May) They don’t care about your issues. But ladies it really matters.. anything can happen- I’ve seen it. He can leave you - then you have nothing ! You must look after yourself ladies ❤️ even if that’s to look after the child you have together ! Do not leave it to ANYONE ELSE !
Yes!
A trillion times this!!
THIS some men can be so vile
You aren’t speaking anything but facts. I’d rather be a rich single mother than any other kind of mother. I’m going to keep wealth building for the rest of my young years and remain single. If I decide I want to be a mother, I’ll adopt on my own bc being inextricably bonded to a man via mutual parentage sounds like a nightmare.
Let’s just say that he knows where his bread’s buttered! 😉
@@covfefe_drumpfh ❤️
Women are seeing the lack of help they get when most of them have children and realize that they cannot afford the sacrifice it takes to raise children if you are not wealthy.
This isn't just a woman problem, having a child is a luxury most cannot afford.
@@jayc342009It is mainly womens problem because men can always walk or run away.
@@db6881 ...no...affordability is not a woman's problem. We are talking about people who DON'T have children because its unaffordable. Men also have that problem.
@@jayc342009 Fact of the matter is the person in the equation who is more likely to walk/run out completely is the man. Which has been proven decade after decade generation after generation.
@@db6881 men can't run away, they go to jail if they don't pay child support
Or women just don’t want to.
Men too. 🍻
Mathew is very wise. I also wouldn't want my daughter to be completely dependent on a guy with no room to escape
That is literally how my dad raised me too. He always tells me probably all the time. “You have to have your own money, do not rely on anyone” that to me is good advice for me personally.
I would be open to being a mom, but only under the right circumstances. I’d have to meet the right partner and it would have to make sense for us. I do not under any circumstance want to be a single mother unless my partner died. That means I’d have to be 1000% confident in my partnership that we will actually last in a marriage while raising our children. I’m much more concerned about finding a partner who I’m truly compatible with then rushing to having kids with someone that I’m not just because I have a biological window. If I don’t meet that person until I’m “running out of time” then so be it. I think I could live a happy/fulfilled life with or without children.
Even with the best of intentions it is still possible to end up being a single mom. You simply cannot control teh actions of another another. Some women consider a sperm bank.
Yes I agree bu you can never be truly one hundred percent. Many women I've met say their husabnds leave after they get them pregnant
I have always thought exactly like this too but then I learnt something, and it is that you might find an amazing partner today and get married, but in 10 years they might simply choose to leave you, or you might find yourself forced to leave them because their treatment towards you have changed and become unsustainable, and as sad as this sounds, it is a reality, and these things truly happen very often. I think women always need to be prepared for the possibility of ending up as single moms, even if you're married for 20 years, things can always shift for the other person and there is no way to know or control that. Also, dynamics in partnerships almost always change after having kids, and sometimes these changes can't be predicted until the kids are already here
The world is becoming more unsustainable by the day, social economic issues impact our mental and health, which will impact the lives of children. Imagine bringing innocent babies to a world of suffering and bleakness as overpopulation is going to lead to due to rising competition for food, jobs, and housing and then risk of war and environmental destruction. Do not blame yourself. You are having an impact to future generations who may or may not see the same world that we saw.
Just make sure you're financially set 🍆 and sperm is about the only thing you can depend in most men for these days. So if you choose motherhood just go into it expecting to be a single mother, that way you're less likely to be disappointed or suffer postpartum. Men tend to switch up once you're pregnant, mid pregnancy, after birth or somewhere a few years down the line. Once you're pregnant or have had their child they figure you're trapped and no one else will ever want you.
I love that Matthew also brings up men. I think the 8 out of 10 women who regret not having kids probably met guys who may not have wanted a family.
It goes both ways. It’s a societal issue not just a woman issue.
A lot of people with kids ain't honest enough to admit quite a lot of them regret having kids. I would rather regret not having kids than regret having kids. I seen a man pretend to buy something then run off n leave 4 kids to the shop keeper.
True. Many women get their body change (weight gain, stretch mark ) and sexual activity insatisfaction after childbirth.... most marriage face crisis during pregnancy and childbirth.
Some will act like they are fine, many don’t...
I have read a few articles from various sources that state 40 - 60 % of women with kids...wish they would have waited or not had them at all. Many will never admit it.
@@deeporter7369 at first I thought I should had waited. But now being in my mid 30's with an adolescent son made me realized I did good in not waiting too much.
@@deeporter7369 I admit it. I have a kid and I've never been more miserable. And it's only for life...
It's better not to have children than regret having them .
Nope it's better to regret having kids than to regret not having kids you can't regret something you have only something you missed out on
@@blacklyfe5543But if you regret having kids, they will know. And you might suck at being a parent if you hate it. So it's pretty selfish to have them if you're not sure.
@monicaolsson7608 I disagree you are supposed to have kids. If every man had the same mindset as you, you wouldn't have been born, and your family wouldn't exist. You should be grateful.
@monicaolsson7608 is wrong than it means you are a shitty person. If it wasn't for your mom or dad, you wouldn't have been born, and no one in your family would exist.
@@monicaolsson7608humans are here to reproduce on the earth.
Young women grew up watching women like me. Im an elder Millennial who worked full time and have to be the breadwinners and do the job of full time house wives at the same time. They are OVER it. I dont blame young women for not dating.
Having kids is a HUGE risk. You become reliant and dependant on the man, who could become abusive.
Leaving an abusive situation is extremely hard if you have kids in tow. While they might escape the abusive relationship, a life of poverty awaits on the other side.
not true, courts rule 50 percent of assets. if I was to have children I think id also get married
also you can have prenups done so if you are financially independent anyway you will have that and will be given support urgently as priority from councils etc, not ideal but at least our country has it. many don't
@@anastasiassecret3837 I had a criminal father so I know what you're talking about sadly....thankfully I'm still alive. It is awful. Glad you're aware of the dark shit that goes on behind closed doors. It is literal madness
With more abusive relationships, ahead. Happened to me. Ruined my life. I'm 65.
For black women ,this is almost always guaranteed . Black women benefit the least from marriage and children
Kids are annoying. Love to be around them and play with them for a little while, but I want them to leave with their parents at the end of the day. Why have kids in the day and age? Rising cost of living, bullying in schools, disrespectful kids, and negative influences on social media are some of the reasons why I will never be a father.
Why have kids just to have them raised by poorly paid strangers?
I'm a Mom, but I didn't want to be one until I was in my 30's, I married late, I had kids late. I'm very happy that I did! We have 100's of years of societal pressure that women can only be mothers and are not useful for anything else. Women have only had the option to do whatever they want for about 50 years (and that is being generous)! We barely have 2 generations of women in existence who had the luxury of a decent choice. The pendulum never swings middle and it seems to me, there is a natural progression of change happening in society away from the nuclear family as more options become available. The vast majority of people still choose parenthood. So what if we have a few more who never do.
Having children is an incredibly important and personal decision. I realize there are people who wait too late and suffer heartbreak, but even those folks can adopt.
I am ever so tired of people ragging on Chelsea Handler for how she has decided to live her life as if she is somehow unfulfilled. Parenthood is NOT for everyone. I, as a parent would never have the audacity to even hint at another human that their lives are not rich and rewarding because they don't have kids. How absolutely, fundamentally arrogant of a person to assume their life choices are the best ones that everyone else should live by or they somehow missed out on life.
Live and let live!
If you want kids, have them or adopt them. If you don't, don't. No need to shame anyone for what works for them in their life.
True also if we are being real the majority of people in the past who didn’t have kids probably felt the same. Not having kids isn’t new. Infertility and celibate lifestyles were always a thing. I think there is an agenda to make this out to be a bigger issue than it is as a subtle jab to women’s new found independence and freedoms. It’s like “I’m not saying y’all need to get back in the kitchen but …”
I come from a broken home with 6 other siblings. 5 different fathers. And only 1 of em stepped up for a little bit. But then left eventually. It was horrible. And the way this economy is going and how stressful everything is now...no thank you 🤚
Many women throughout the decades didn’t want kids, but they had them because of lack of birth control and because of social norms. Women now have access to birth control and their own income. For me, I grew up with women who never wanted kids and I never wanted to be that miserable.
It’s not just that women don’t want to have kids. Some of us are struggling to find the right man to have them with
That’s not what’s being pushed in pop-culture though
Exactly. I happened to have found one of the last traditional men, and we have a lovely family. However, my nephews and one of my sons are absolutely committed to never having children, and one of them is in his 30s.
This is why the sexual revolution was a failure. There are often times men who want children ending up with women who dont and vice versa. It wastes everyone's time.
Take time to know someone inside and out before you make a commitment. The longer you know someone before you commit, the better the relationship will be in the end. Stay away from addicts, narcissists and fools.
@@Bluudclaat Pop "culture" in 2023 is degenerate trash. Nobody should be following that.
Chris! How many kids do you have??
My boy's working on his empire. Consistency of principles has a temporal dimension
@@mouwersor Translation: Zero
Thank you! He bangs on about women not having kids but I don't see him living by his principles.
0
Exactly my thoughts! why doesn't HE have children? that should answer his question.
I don’t want special needs kids so I’m not going to risk it
Women explain the reasons but people don’t listen to women so long as they’re getting what they want from them.
A requirement to do business with them should be that you have to listen to their concerns and sufficiently address and consider their concerns before you can begin negotiating with them.
I mean, we live in a society that a) screws over 90% of the population, b) makes it so expensive that it's hard enough to survive on our own, let alone raising another spawn, c) is more focused on letting people KILL each other within the first decade of their lives than making sure we're all taken care of and thriving, and d) manipulates the crap out of us so we wage some bs war against one another so we don't fix the problems that are making a select few a-holes rich. Oh, and let's not ignore the fact that climate change is on such a horrible increase that we may not even be able to survive within the next 20 years on this planet, and again, that's all so a few a-holes can live in comfort while the rest of us suffer.
A 32 yr women just wants financially freedom. Still in college, I started late, and I'm enjoying life without kids. I do desire kids, just not rushing to have them.
At 32, you don't have much time to spare. You'll wake up at 46 and slam flat into menopause with barely any warning. Two cycles and that's it. No more chances.
Love how two men are talking about how women are so sad they don't have kids. SOME WOMEN ARE CHILDFREE BY CHOICE. WHY AREN'T THERE DATING COACHES FOR CHILDFREE WOMEN????
I think less people are wanting children because they are realising the system is a joke. They might be lucky and get an enjoyable first 5-10 years of childhood, which is what most people romanticise when they are thinking about having children anyway.
After that they are stuck in the shitty schooling and workforce prisons for the rest of their life with fleeting moments of enjoyment. Unless you are part of the tiny percentage of people who are financially free, why would you want to put someone else through that?
I joke that Elon Musk is angry that the current wage slaves have stuck against making future exploitable people.
@@skylinefever Yeah, rich people are mad they're running out of cannon fodder.
People have massive regrets about various things. It’s is a part of life. So, all this talk about the women who DON’T have kids while no mention of the unfulfilled, overburdened women who do, is just weird. Especially since women are usually the ones to take on most, if not all childcare. Some of us are seeing how those necessary caregiver type roles, in and out of the home, are massively devalued ... by the very ones asking for us to do it. It’s already a huge risk by default so all this does it make it a really hard sell. Some of those sweet old grandmothers didn’t want any of that either.
THIS SHOULD BE TOP COMMENT. I want to be a mom but I'm so afraid of losing all autonomy. I still want to be me. I understand being a mom is part of that but, just like men, women need individuality. I don't want to be the only one my child is dependent on. I don't want to feel like a single mom while being married... and I know so many women who feel this way. their whole person has become being someone else's.
Children can give your life purpose but they can also make your life miserable. And from my experience, it's a lot easier for people to admit that not having kids is something they regret in life than for parents to admit they wish they never had kids.
I don't doubt the results of the research (i.e. that about 80% of women regret being childless), but I believe it makes a huge difference at what age/stage the questioned women are currently in.
A woman at 45 or 50 who is constantly surrounded by "happy" mothers and families will probably feel left out and missing out, but if you question childless women in their 60ies and older, they seem to be happier and more grounded than a lot of parents who feel empty and lonely once their children move on with their own lives.
If you have interests and hobbies outside the home, or like to travel, not having kids is easier. We have been child-free for over 30 years, we are just into our 60s and we don't regret not having them. Having something to do besides raising kids really makes it easier. We spend our free time camping, traveling and visiting people.
Nothing gives your life more meaning than having raised children. There's just no other way to frame it. Of course there are ways to pass the time, but that's all that it is. I do however respect people who know they are to weak to handle children. Those are the people who'd make bad parents and would suffer the consequences otherwise.
@@okaySam correction, nothing gives 'your' life more meaning than having kids. Not everyone is you.
this was an incredibly insightful comment. I concur.
@@consciouscrypto3090 procriation is literally the purpose of EVERY species on Earth, we are programmed for that wtf are you talking about lmao
Women have been told what to do since Adam and Eve. Why these males think they know whats going on in females heads is beyond me. Free choice is what humans seek and is so precious.
they dont they just do what their d* tells them to
Males know females better than females .
I thought that Matthew gave a very thoughtful and mature response and it kind of shut Chris down. :) The truth is that a lot of people will take what a man says more seriously, even if it's about a women's issue. If a woman said the exact same thing, many people would automatically say that she is selfish, bitter, deluded by feminists/TikToc/Chelsea Handler, etc. (BTW, not saying it's right that many people automatically give more weight to mens' opinions, just saying it's what is...)
If you know the world is a horrible place and you choose to have kids, you're responsible for all the horrible things that happen to your children.
By that logic your parents are responsible for all the horrible things that happen to you. That doesn't make any sense.
They technically are lol@@emj3161
It was just in the last year or so that I started crying uncontrollably at the merest thought of children. I'll be 35 in a few months, and really can't imagine having kids within the next five years which is practically all the time I have left. I want to find someone but am terrified of even trying to look given how the dating scene is. I can't imagine how more intense the grief of not having a family will be once my window is gone. I still have hope, but my prospects look bleak. And I really only have myself to blame.
Edit: I never expected so much feedback on this. At least, I've never gotten this much. To everyone who took the time to read and comment on this, thank you.
You don't need a man. Youre strong and independent. I hope this helps.
OMG man, savage!
Why not explore more? I disagree with the 'bleak dating scene' idea. In 4 billion men you can sure find tens of thousands of good ones. Go explore. Pain of regret is bigger than the pain of effort. Good luck!
I’m so sorry for your predicament. Praying you find a good man you love and loves you back soon.
Just make a bumble and hinge account and you’ll get many options
I’m honestly so tired of men opining on why women don’t want to be mothers, care actually asking a woman? Growing up, I can’t remember anyone ever telling me I’d be a “second class citizen” for having kids. Most of the teachers and staff I encountered in school were mothers themselves ffs. My own personal preferences on if, when, how, and how many kids have changed and fluctuated a lot over the years, but I can’t attribute any of it to any political agenda trying to insidiously brainwash me as a woman to be r/childfree oooga booga 🙄.
What I do see, however, is some feminist discourse pointing out facts about how women are penalized for having kids, particularly economically and in the workplace. The extreme antinatalist types to shame women for becoming or wanting to become mothers are a minority of a minority of a minority who have no relevance or impact on women’s decisions at all.
Those childless women who waited themselves out of their fertility windows probably had other things in life they were focused on or just couldn’t find the right guy to procreate with. There’s something to be said about how society is still set up to make women choose between career and family, which I’m certain is a greater contributing factor than any cultural antinatalism.
THIS I'm also fed up of hearing men mansplaining Womens issues and rights etc
@@lightofall yeah the term “mansplaining” has gotten a bad rep but cmon now it actually applies here 💀
Neither of them have children. That’s the hilarious part. They’re literally entering the phase where their own fertility is biologically declining. Yet here they are judging women who don’t wanna have children?
@@lightofalltalking about women isn't mansplaining, grow up.
You couldn't pay me a billion to have children. Why bring innocent children into HELL? This is an evil world.
The world is what you make it.
Let's be straightforward. Times are tough. When you can hardly get by on your own, how could you properly take care of a child? So first, lack of will (some simply don't want it and it's ok), lack of money. Not to mention the disastrous pleague of dysfunctionning relationships, possible family trauma, fertility issues or difficult future prospects for any offspring. Even without thinking too much, the reasons are quite numerous and all valid.
There are no selfless reasons for having children.
Unless you’re financially free and you can provide an amazing life for them and you can guarantee their perfect health and they’ll never have to struggle, DON’T DO IT!!!
Children should struggle just enough to toughen up in life.
There is actually also the opposite effect happening. While children become fewer, the ones that exist get overprotected by their mothers which in turn renders them unable to grow into adults as well.
That's especially true, the older the mother is.
This basically started with the boomer generation and has only gone downhill since then.
Nothing is perfect, but yes, you do have to have your ducks in a row.
YOU can't even guarantee yourself perfect health for the rest of your life, so that's just total bogus.
Also include mental health.
@@Asto508 boomers were the first generation to shove their kids in front of a screen so they could have more time for themselves! screens raising kids instead of *parents spending quality time with their kids while raising them* was the start of the moral decay of society.
If you're wasting time worrying about "what do I want with my life", you're missing the trees for the forest. You need a purpose; you need a reason. If you fall into parenthood and working with your wife/husband to create a better community/church/household for your kids, then that's your purpose. If you find the bandwidth to fit more in, then you fit more in. If you have the time to reflect and potentially regret your choices that have taken up your time and burdened you with responsibility, then adjust from where you are and move forward. You can hit the "Analysis, paralysis" issue really hard if all you want to do is think about all your potential in life, but never make anything of it out of apprehension.
Good call on that we make moves and go with the moment. We're here to do all the cool things we have the ability and energy for.
I don't agree. Having children is not something you should "fall into."
@@Dylan-ko2gj Sure. In my casual way of speaking, I trivialized how involved child-rearing and planning is. However, some people do happen to just fall into it, and while that's a bit of a crisis for them, it is an eye-opener. It sets a tone they can't unhear. Whether you raise your kid or choose to kill it, it'll have a profound impact on both. You HAVE to act, and that's kinda my point. Don't just think about something; do something. I just didn't feel it necessary to mention the single/no-kids pathway people can take cuz that's the path a lot of people are just taking now.
And that's fine, but a big part of the Arg from the Guest was that he and his Wife are spending so much time thinking about everything in their future, what they personally want to achieve in their lives, their personal goals, and blowing all that time not doing something. To the extend that this guest was concerned with missing out on opportunities is troublesome. This Arg against having kids is indeed an Arg, but I'd wager it's the over-analysis of someone looking to min/max their life and achieving little when you listen to how much it disturbs him.
Not really, some of the most interesting and successful people I have come across didn’t know what they wanted to do until they were 30, 40 or 55…
It's so funny to watch men panic about women not having children.
I cannot thank Matthew enough for saying "I know if I had a daughter, I would want her to never be in a position where she needed a man financially....where she was always going to be okay on her own because that's power..."
That's exactly what my parents wanted for me. Everyone has to work today to make ends meet....they never wanted me to just not have anything for myself but also, they raised me well because I'm not striving to earn more than a man or shame men for what they earn....belittle them neither. It's just they know what it's like not to have a single dime and have to depend on someone to give them every little thing. Like honestly, can you all picture a time when you didn't work and your parents were always in control of how much they gave you...what you could and could not buy. It's fine until you realize, you want to buy things for yourself too and not always have to get the approval of your parents etc,...
Being financially stable to where you can have the basics etc,...is okay for women. There's nothing cruel about that but in today's society...it has gotten out of control because people expect more once they start earning. And unfortunately, that's an area women need to work on. But I just wanted to applaud him for saying that because I truly relate to those words since it has been my experience with my parents & this topic. 🙂
If everyone is financially independent then they'll walk out of all relationships (even friendships) sooner or later, this is exactly what we see now. Like it or not but dependency is a huge glue for any human connection and relationship. If you take that away everyone will he an unhappy single soon and yes… unhappy, because no matter how often you sing contradicting tune to yourself, people are tribal, we are not built for being single all alone in a flat in some city. That is a delusion of modern western people. No wonder everyone is seeing a psychologist.
I cannot believe that anybody can say this. Are you going to advise your daughters to be impoverished, do you know what life is like for a woman without means? She is at the mercy of the world. A woman is more vulnerable by nature and disempowering her makes her even more so. She could get raped. Her children can starve. Please do not wish poverty on women. A relationship that is glued by disempowerment of women is no relationship. I'd much rather a person is with me because they want to, not out of necessity and desperation. Smh
@@pfzt so much bulls hit man, these rates and fresh and fit guys have poisoned the whole world
You are in fact a dreamer. It is not for nothing that money is called financial SECURITY. Do you want your daughters to not have SECURITY? You must be an abuser because only abusers want women to be helpless, dependent and unable to escape. Do you even love your daughters, what kind of a father are you? So you are presented with the DANGERS women face when they are disempowered and you insist on wishing poverty on them? I give up. My sister was kidnapped aged 6 because of this idea of female dependency on men for bread. My father was a traumatized war veteran who couldn't provide. The result was what happened to my sister. There was no security for us and we were at the mercy of the world. The patriarchy is DANGEROUS not only to women but to children who are even more vulnerable. Women with means (money) EQUALS safety for children. You are focusing on losers who are unaccomplished and you want to condemn your daughters to these types of men? There are plenty of high achieving men your daughters can marry if they are high achievers as well. There is no shortage. Unless you have data saying most men are losers who cannot handle high achieving women? If you have this data, please let's have it. You are focusing on under achieving men who do not deserve to procreate as they haven't got the ability to compete in the wider world. Smh. To put your daughters' lives in DANGER for the sake of losers is just the pits
@@derek4412 Andrew didn't mean to say men and women should live a single life and be independent of one another! He meant some women are in an abusive relationships and they have no choice but to stay with their husbands because the husband is the sole provider. He wishes women to be financially stable so that they can have options if the guy is not treating them right. You guys must watch it twice for your clarification!
A woman who doesn't have a child and supports herself isn't hurting anyone. A woman who has children she can't afford and doesn't have support from the father places stress on her children, other people who now have to pay for them, and stress on herself. Yet society condemns the woman who responsibly takes care of herself and doesn't ask anyone for money, support or even acceptance.
I’ve always known I’ve never wanted kids, even as a child when my friends dreamed about their white picket fence of 3 kids and a hubby. Love my nephews and niece to the moon and back ❤
Strangely I rarely if ever get the “why don’t you want kids?” What I get a lot more of from fellow women is “You don’t want kids, you’re smart. Look I love my kids more than life itself, but if I could go back and do things differently, I wouldn’t have kids or get married.”
I don’t care what other people do with their lives as long as I can do what I want with mine.
The path of least resistance is always more desirable
I never wanted kids from an early age and that made finding a partner difficult as not many men are the same. I actually really enjoy being single and am not actively looking for a man in my life. The women in my group last night all concluded that I look so young because I don’t have kids lol (I didn’t bring it up, we were just talking about our respective situations). They were curious about it and really cool which was so refreshing compared to the online narrative of panic surrounding this issue and men throwing insults/finger-wagging about something they would never have to go through or bear the most responsibility for. Had a lot of pressure from family, mainly my mum over the years (she would have happily let a hobo impregnate me at one point 😒) but has thankfully given up now I’m over 40 🙏
This was a very sexist interview. Don't think he truly understands why women are making that option. It is not about being single and wild.
And even if a woman does want to be single and wild let her be. Men are allowed to be 40+ living a bachelor lifestyle blowing there money on sex work but then woman aren’t allowed to do the same thing ? So backwards
Everything is sexist to women, keep crying Karen.
I have taken care of other people since I was 5. I have no interest in doing that for the rest of my life too, especially with someone who is completely dependent on me. I never had a childhood. I want to live for myself now. I would have liked kids but I know I don’t have the strength and patience left in me and I don’t want to ruin a child’s life by not giving them what they deserve. This really doesn’t have to be such a huge debate. Women are individuals who get to make their own choices and they have finally realised that.