@@ronieliencabunas8139 and yet common sense is the LAST THING parents don't have concerning CF people. They keep saying we don't understand, but we do completely! Hence the total absence of a squalling infant in our personal spaces lol 😆!
Many mothers got scammed into believing that having kids is a must and is wonderful. They're angry that you didn't fall for the scam. They are trapped with their kids (and husbands), and you are not.
I rarely come across a woman who is triggered by me not wanting kids. Its always men. Men act like I'm secretly miserable because im not a mom. They tell me that ill never be fulfilled and that im going to die alone. I always get men telling me "Just have one. You still have time." Sir I am 45 years old.
I'm a social media group/movement deep diver lol - the women who get attacked by other women/women with children generally communicate their distain and that triggers women with children and rightfully so.
Good point usually it's been men who get the most triggered and a lot of my friends with kids encourage my decision. Men find it wild I don't want a child which I find funny cause a man has literally no idea what women go through bringing children into the world.
As a mother I’m not sitting here comparing my life to other women in general, child free or not. Bitterness and jealousy comes from the lack of internal peace. Protect your womb♥️💯
Worrrrddd!! Make it make sense. We could've been a safe space for her kids? Why ARE YOU NOT the safe space for your kids? If your family, your home, is not the safe space for your kids what kind of mother are you?
Many are. There’s a lot of forums of moms saying how much motherhood is hard and not for them or they regret it. A lot of women were pressured to have kids from religion, patriarchy, family etc.
Like I said,, these moms ARE JEALOUS of the freedom and autonomy us childfree women have. They are so jealous they deleted my comment 🤣 they need to go somewhere and parent!
@@Cozyposies I'm a mother and I have been telling women stay child free because this economy is absolutely horrible. Until things change nobody should bring children.
The problem with parents that wanting a village is that they don't ask the village BEFORE they have kids. They just expect us to drop everything and support their decision. That's not how life works.
Its the fundamental divide between the two people. One person (childree woman) really takes having children seriously. The other person (mother) doesn't. So, they are stuck in a web of miscommunication because the mother didn't do any kind of family planning that includes figuring out the village. People shouldn't have to feel like being a village member is thrust upon them unknowingly...especially when they didn't want kids of their own. This is why the divide exists. The chilfree woman was observant for years and knew what motherhood entailed. The mother did not, now she is resentful about thay deep down inside. She didn't take having children as seriously as the childree person and she underestimated the time, money, emotional, spiritual and physical commitment.
I had friends like that who had children early in their twenties and expected me to babysit almost every weekend. Hhmm. No thank you. I have a child now and I never relied on anyone except for my husband. We don’t have a village and I am honestly ok with that because my husband is a great father. Between us, we got this!
The main reason I don't want children is because I was forced to co-parent my younger siblings with my mother because she was a single mom. She made a choice to be a single mom then forced me to be the stay at home mom Because she had to work. I had to make sure they were fed they were bathed that they did what they were supposed to do in school. And it was draining as all hell considering I was only a child myself. Through that experience I learned that I've never want to be responsible for another human being.
My classmate said this exact same thing. I think she had like 5 siblings and had to take care of them after School. I don't get why people have so many kids when they know they don't have time for them.
The lady who talks about the resentment for the lack of community is the reason why I avoid parents as friends now. They ALWAYS expect community for their needs as a family, but they NEVER reciprocate. They want you to babysit, loan them money, plan events for them, celebrate with them, but when it comes to you as a single OR childfree person your needs for community are never important enough or valuable enough for them to contribute to the relationship. They won't drive you to the airport, they won't celebrate your graduation, they won't attend any of your performances etc. And their lack of community is because THEY don't contribute anything to the community all they do is take. They always whine about lack of community but don't GIVE anything to make a community themselves. They simply want free labor from women and to be catered to. They're mad that they can't use women like men do.
OMG THIS IS 💯 BIBLE. I recently came to the conclusion that one of my criteria for friendship is no married mothers or single mothers because ALL my experience always ends up in disappointment from them , and silent resentment on my end,not worth it. They're full of rage that their husbands are useless and we're expected to replace them! No ma'am .
@@thespot2035I have always been the one friend without children. My best friend was like this and as I matured I finally ended the relationship. It was one sided.
I found something very interesting about what the woman at 13 minutes said. She says mothers just want childfree women to understand how hard it is, but then she realizes they probably do have some idea how hard it is for them to choose not to do it. I think that's the root of what triggers them, the thought process of "childfree women don't understand how hard my life is" -> "maybe that's why they chose not to do it" -> "did I make the wrong choice?"
Not their problem "to care". Theyre happy being child free. Meanwhile mommies are pouting nobody cares "how hard it is". Childfree women -They DO know. That's why they chose not to have kids😂
exactly. we childfree women DO understand. we see it all the time in the store. POS crying babies all over, poop machines, horror stories from other parents. we know wtf we are doing by not having kids and these mothers still dont understand that we DO understand. they just want us to feel the same pain as them no matter what choice we make and they're mad we're not suffering like they are because of their choices.
The "where is my village?" lady is so entitled. Girl, I ain't your village. I do not owe you and your children my time. Now, does that mean I mistreat children or ignore if I see they need help? No. That's called having empathy. But I am not their auntie, babysitter or your sounding board. The audacity! 🤣
Agree. I question why she seems to imply child free people she doesn’t even yet know, especially older people, should take responsibility for her kids. Doesn’t she have parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or old friends? If she alienated herself from these people or chose to move far away because “the grass is always greener…” that’s on her and her partner - no one else. A lot of young people seem to be alienating themselves from families and communities these days for what all previous generations would have considered trivial reasons. I’m not talking about ongoing verbal or physical violence. I’m talking about a young parent whose family wasn’t as great as what the media led her to expect so now she holds a grudge and punishes people by leaving and alienating her children from them. Or she has a controlling partner who is isolating her from family and friends and she’s too dumb to see it. I’m thankful I am not in that situation where I am alienated from grandchildren or nieces and nephews but I know good people who are. Some young people go off and have this fantasy about finding this perfect “village” somewhere. Honey, you had your village and you abandoned it instead of trying to make it better. There is no shiny new village out there waiting to embrace you and your kids.
@@dejanaejones3717yep. Even the problem of “motherhood “ has been solved by someone who was a child that became an adult. We weren’t put in this earth just to be mothers. That’s why it’s a scam.
I don’t think these mothers resent their kids as much as they resent the men they procreated with. They didn’t expect that motherhood with the average man meant fulfilling the lion’s share of responsibilities with no help. That’s enough to drive anyone mad. Their enemies aren’t child free women, although they hold a picture to a life that’s more enviable than their current situation. Their enemies are the men who’ve set them up for a life of thankless work, career stagnancy and limited upward mobility
So true!!! I could barely support myself and I saw the men not sticking around when a child came into the picture or being huge cheater's while their wives were home taking care of the kid's.
Absolutely!! Just last night my mom was telling some family friends about how she could NOT trust my dad to take care of us. The few times she did it was disastrous, my sister walked right out of the house at 18 months bc he was distracted watching tv and luckily was found and brought back by a neighbor. She’s giving all these examples laughing and I’m like HUH?? You think it’s funny that you had a useless husband and father to your children? Now as an adult I don’t have a relationship at all with my dad, only my mom, but why would I? She said so herself, he couldn’t be trusted to be a parent. Edit: spelling.
The woman who talked about having a traumatic background and wanting an identity that was supported and cared for by society made me so sad. I’m glad she was able to reflect on those things and recognize where they came from. So many people never are able to fully acknowledge and process the traumatic experiences they went through. She’s very smart and self-aware. I hope she’s leading a happy life.
“I want to have money. I don’t want to be broke, I want to travel”. Is a weird comment? Girl it’s the TRUTH! Why are you mad because that’s something we can do as children free women.
Like how is that bad to say when mothers STAY complaining about their lack of funds, and inability to move and go about as they please? Ofc ppl will be happy they don’t have those problems
I work at a male dominated factory and get shit a lot for being CF from men that I know either don't do shit with their kids, are cheating, and sometimes even have extra families. I just laugh at them.
These men hate you because you can't be controlled. You're a threat: competition at work and on top of that you ruin the image of the easily manageable woman.
The first seed planted in my mind that made me a child free woman was when my own mother told me at the young age of 5, " If you have kids, have them for YOU. Men leave, your support system goes away, and I'm not going to stop my life to raise them for you. " Immediately, I picked up that maybe my own mom wasn't so gungho about her own children. Maybe having kids is optional. Perhaps, she had her own regrets. I'm grateful for that lesson.
Girl same. My mom obviously loves me and my sister but I'm a 100% sure she'd have accomplished more if she'd been allowed to. She's smart AF and even with all the setbacks and my shitty dad she's a millionaire and comfortable in her life. When I said I didn't want kids she got a weird look and said she was proud of me. But she'd also be proud if I changed my mind.
Ngl. Kinda feel bad for your mom because she was probably forced into the situation without any support. When I was born, my home country is still under socialist regime (that’s before USSR dissipated in the 90s). Childcare and healthcare were free (although the quality wasn't great). Back then my parent’s generation also worked shorter hours. They started working at 9 and were leaving at 4:00 pm to pick up the children. Granted, my home country’s productivity wasn’t great due to lack of oil and electricity so you can’t really work long hours. And they also had free childcare at the workplace (although it’s just very basic care). I’m not going to say socialism is the solution to everything because to be honest most socialist countries are very poor. I would say it’s the lack of safety net makes children so unaffordable. But it’s still baffling that knowing how the US is the richest country in the world yet lacks so many basic infrastructures and cares. The math aren’t mathing.
@j.d.4241 similar background for my parents as well. Are you Cuban? I completely sympathize with her also. She was raised in Cuba and immigrated following the collapse of USSR. Turbulent times for sure. Her experiences were definitely unique and played a vital role in her story. First marriage was at 14, for example, so she could work legally and support her family. Kids didn't come until her 2nd marriage at 18, and that guy left her when my sister was 3 the day before his wedding to the neighbor. The individualism in the states played the biggest factor I think. In Cuba, my grandparents, aunts and uncles all helped watch and rear my siblings. I was born in the US, and everyone who immigrated here had to work and the sense of community dissipated over time. I could notice a stark difference even from a young age the relationship my siblings had with family vs with me. They just had way more time to spend together. The United States is a rough place to have kids without a support system.
@@didikukii Smart lady! Women betta stop havn kids all willy nilly then cry and go crazy over not having a support system aka village. Get that squared away before having children. Ask folks (not just ya'll mamas😒) if they are "willing" to be part of the village. Keep in mind folks lie and die.
We childfree arent screaming about reproductive rights?! How the heck does she suspect we are all staying childfree? Chastity belts?! We are constantly advocating for our reproductive rights! I seriously dont know a single childfree woman who isn't fighting for reproductive justice!
Right‽ I think most of my followers have me muted because I’ve posted so much about abortion rights. Children should be wanted and loved- people who don’t want kids shouldn’t be forced to have them because both the parents and children will suffer.
@@kellharris2491yes it's literally the main point conservative people use as a point to get rid of reproductive rights, that the only women that care about reproductive rights are single childfree harlots that just want to sleep around "without consequences".
When Dark Knight Rises came out I was at the theater and several people brought their very young children like under 6. When I tell you I've never been so mad. Cause the poor kid was terrified the whole time screaming and crying. Like it's not the child's fault but they didn't belong there.
Also, the only time someone is gonna complain about kids being at kid-friendly places is if the kids are acting a fool and the parents aren't getting them in line. She tried it.
I live in Las Vegas….where mothers are on the Strip with strollers and all…giving go go dancers the stink eye and clutching their pearls as if they are not in the naked people in public capital of the world… They tried to make Vegas child friendly back in the 90s, and as you could guess, it was a disaster. Daycares inside of casinos is WILD! Kids were going missing, and all kinds of shenanigans. I love kids, but dragging them everywhere is not only annoying, but it sucks for those kids, too….and it is definitely LESS SAFE than a sitter….
I rarely find women that are "triggered" by me not having or wanting kids, most of them totally get it. But I do find that the ones that are most insistent on their "BUT WHY?" and "Wont you regret it?" are the ones that look the most tired and complain the most about the difficulties of motherhood.
Same here. Most understand completely. My cousin, who gets triggered the most, is married to a total loser and has 3 kids wirh him. She's only 30 but look about 40, she's miserable, her olest son who she hax at 16 is a nightmare and has been thrown out of school, her second son is following in his footsteps and she has a baby daughter who her husband doesn't lift a finger with. She's a wreck. Yet loves telling me I should have kids 😂 insane.
I’m not “the village.” I warned my African mother and sisters, there’s no village here with me. Ignoring red flags in men, getting married and having children are all risks and choices you made. My mom fought me about being single and child free by choice. My dad supports me feeling this way. He knows the men of today are no good. Now my sister’s realize it’s hard and lonely being single mothers and, they try to make me a babysitter. Absolutely not. My education always comes first. I graduate in a few weeks and in the fall semester, I’m going after my doctorate. I never wanted to be a mom. That life is not for me. Plus, the dating pool is trash. 🚮 When I get home from work tonight, I get to go to bed uninterrupted and wake up whenever I feel like it. It’s a choice.
Exactly. Its the issue of being forced into a village unbeknownst to you which is a responsibility that you didn't even want for yourself. I think people should plan their family, and a part of it should be asking people if they even want to be a part of the village...building it up. People shouldn't be surprised to find out that they are a part of a village and responsibilities thrust on them.
Your response is one of the most narcissistic things I’ve ever heard & it makes sense that you’re getting your doctorate because it’s statistically proven narcissistic people flock to professions like doctors, policemen, nurses, judges, etc. you literally refuse to be there for your family because you believe their shortcomings make them unworthy of support. That is evil.
@@prettygirl10000plusshe’s just ONE person with their own opinion so don’t assume that just because she’s getting a doctorate she’s narcissistic. The issue is ppl don’t like when it’s women who let it be known they’re not for the shenanigans ( family included) but don’t say nothing when it’s the brothers , nephews etc who become judges, policemen & doctors & don’t even think to be there for their families either. They too think of them as less than worthy and don’t deserve support. Let’s not forget the same men running around telling women to “pick better & choose better” are also someone’s son , cousin, brother or nephew & they definitely apply that same logic towards their sisters, female cousins and nieces. So in your words that is evil too. Have that same energy.
Exactly! Well, unfortunately I am now part of a village who's parents are busy making ends meet but I am paid to do this babysitter thing (I love kids, even when my nephews are still babies I took care of them) which is okay for me. Actually it's tiring even though I only worked 8 hrs. and 30 mins. per week but my gosh! I can say, it's really frustrating which I know it already that's why one of the reasons I didn't have kids of own. Well, at least I'm paid and after worked I can rest as much as I can especially on weekends. 😅😃 Anyway, it's really a choice only they open their eyes at beginning before entering motherhood so that they stop complaining or blaming other people by their choices. They're the one who played in the bed and spread their legs. So, be conscious on what you're doing and asked around before doing that if someone is willing to be part of your consequences or if you can afford to pay a village to help you and check your partner beforehand. Simple as such, 'cause that's we what I did. We are all capable to that. Don't waste your brain to analyze everything, use it. 🤷😅 🕊️♥️🍀
The lady who’s mad at childfree ppl not being activists is a leap for me. TBH most of the mothers explaining why they’re not triggered but then explaining why they are, lost me.
What bothered me the most is everyone knows that CF women get much more crap than mothers. Sure some people are mean to mothers or don’t want to CF people to tell them where their kids can go, but moms do not even come close to getting the societal hate that CF women do, yet they were the angriest in the video. The moms in this video did nothing but verify that they are bitter deep down.
I dont get it. I have two kids and when women at my age say they don’t have any kids, I say “oh okay, enjoy your life” women NEED to enjoy their lives ALONE. Having children ain’t for everyone. As years go by I realize that my children have saved me, but that is me. I have a wonderful husband who makes taking care of children easy, so for ME having children works. A lot of women should not have kids. Who cares whether women have children or not, no mother should be mad at other women for not having kids- it is not an easy job especially if you don’t have a great father for your kids. 😌
So many women never consider motherhood as an option. THAT’s why they get triggered. It suddenly occurs to them that they too could have had options. 😊
The woman who complained about how people want "childfree places" probably is the type to keep it moving even when her child is screaming and throwing a tantrum in places people relax in. People want childfree places because people with kids will take their kids EVERYWHERE even in adult only places. Your kid does not need to be in a bar, they do not need to be in a place people are trying to quietly study in, they dont need to be in a non kid movie area etc. No one wants to listen to all of that.
Now be fr when have you ever seen a child at a bar? You’re just chatting. children can be anywhere they’re allowed. We share this earth and not having grace for children is disgusting.
@neshasantana6456 Yes! I've also heard stories of people sharing how they would see parents with kids at the bars trying to leave them for the bar tends to watch. Yes idiots take their kids to a bar because they can't find anyone to watch then. No, in places where adults should be kids should not. You don't bring a kid to a bar because there's nothing for them to do and their surrounded by drunk adults. You don't bring a baby to a movie they can't event watch and comprehend, etc. People want childfree places because kids are loud and obnoxious and need to be constantly entertained. There are plenty of places to take a kid out everywhere is not one of them.
@neshasantana6456 Your entitlement speaks volumes. There are parks, playhouse,kid gyms, etc to take kids. No one wants to hear your child throwing a tantrum in a coffee place for example why you sit there and ignore them forcing everyone to have to listen to that. They have no place there take your coffee to go, people go there to study. Parents may be able to tune out their kids behaviors but strangers won't want to hear it.
As a childless woman, I don't like when my cousins with kids only want me around for their kids birthdays, baby showers, their next big move but when I am going through a time where I need support they do not reciprocate. I get it, motherhood is hard, and I LOVE children and I enjoy being in their lives but what I do not like is lack of reciprocation. We struggle in different ways, not one struggles more than the other.
"I suffered, so must you!" It's like the folks who were mad about student loans forgiveness. People who had to pay back were mad at those whose debt was erased.
As a mother who loves her child, I can’t even comprehend thinking like that. I have a right to love that I’m a mother and childfree women have the right to love their lives as well.
My mom told me growing up that when you have a kid, you have to kind of forget about yourself and that your life is all about your kid , forever and that freaked me out.
I just realized.... this whole hate towards child free women is male centered. Someone in the comments said childfree women are more enticing to men. In other words, their baby daddies.
This! In my country most married woman stop talking to their single friends because they're afraid their husbands might be attracted to their friends. Then once they have kids , they completely cut contact with their child free friends or those who still don't have kids yet. They're even this joke where if a woman stops talking to one/all her friends they'll tell her :"oh what's up? Did you get engaged?"
I think mothers can get triggered by childfree women because they know, deep down, that the self-sacrifice to be a mother was a CHOICE, often a net negative choice for women. Mothers age faster, have poorer health, die younger, and do far more work than childfree women do. Single mothers are also more likely to be in poverty than single childfree women. Acknowledging your part in your own struggle is very difficult, and it's easier to project and get angry at other women. Also, patriarchy thrives when women compete against each other. So some moms who get triggered are also very likely to be 'boy moms', male-identified, or pickmes/brainwashed.
As a mother and someone who always wanted to be a mother, I’m not sitting watching other women’s lives comparing myself to them. Us mothers have our purpose in life just as much as the childfree women but there’s always going to be insecure women who regrets their choices in life and projects onto the next woman, mother or not. God bless everyone reading this🤍
Actually, mothers do not age faster, die younger or necessarily even do more work than childfree women. I am not sure where you got your information to claim all that, but it’s actually the opposite (yes, surprisingly): CF can age faster due to other stresses and while mothers can age faster depending on stress levels or stress management, support or lack of support, how many children they have, etc., they don’t necessarily age faster in all cases as that’s based more on genetics and lifestyle choices than parenthood. Mothers may definitely live longer than many childless women as stated in many studies conducted, and concerning workload, that may or may not be true in many cases, however, many childfree women work pretty grueling jobs so I’m not sure where your argument stems…🤷🏻♀️ life is hard, CF or not. Adding a child to the mix can make it harder or more rewarding depending on your frame of mind. If you think about it, it makes sense that children add meaning to many peoples lives (and not bashing CF people with this statement btw, i know CF people have meaning in their lives) and they also force people to better their habits and health so of course, it makes sense that a longer life span for parents vs child free people would be the case, possibly though. It goes by a case by case basis for both groups honestly. I respect CF people btw, I just don’t agree with your statements.
Fun fact, women also dislike men who choose not to have children. It’s truly alarming when a mother tries to admonish me for choosing to not be a father. Scary.
I know there's a slight stigma against childfree men as well. What I'd want to hear, is what is the rhetoric that gets weaponized or questions that get lobbed at you or assumptions made about you when people ask about it?
You mean women who either want a step daddy to their kids or who want to have kids with you, sure. But you're not called names and stimatised by society.
Good grief! Men do enough for society as it is. Be leaders, be the breadwinners, build shit, strategize and plan stuff out, go to war... etc... Let's just add another needlessly complicated and difficult task on top of their already demanding and overloaded world of duties and responsibilities to fulfill. Surely *then* they're going to perceived as "selfless" and a "contributing member of society...!" 🙄🙄
As a 34 year old childless person, I've now inherited the burden and responsibility of supporting my nieces and nephews because their parents failed to become anything in life. So the village argument is absolutely garbage to me because it requires other people who didn't participate nor asked to be responsible for something they shouldn't be responsible for. I have paid for driving classes, birthday parties, entire Christmases, field trips, school clothes, healthcare, class trips and more because the one who are suppose to be the the chiefs of the villages FAILED!
@@scarofmanleavethembehind True, but if they didn't choose it, the children suffer and literally no one else cares. I have been in that position and when the child comes to you, what are you going to say? No? Tough love would require you to let the child down and some of us care about the children too much to let them go without it.
Misery loves company. Mothers that are secure and happy about their role as mothers don’t feel the need force motherhood on other women. Miserable people love to sabotage others, whether they do so consciously or not.
💯 my mom enforces everyday she loves being my mom❤ She owns it and has made the right decision for herself and I am a product of a woma who loves motherhood with all the burdens.
About the village one and repeating is this person safe for my kid: the majority of S abuse against children comes from that village. It’s most often a trusted friend or family member compared to a stranger.
My sister is one of those mothers. Mad because she can't live her life the way she wants to. 😂 Then she always tries to force her kids onto me. A village ain't lay down and make them kids, you did. Leave me tf alone.
My family used to be really dismissive about my life. My sister had 4 kids and life full of drama (then). I used to drop everything for her to watch/pickup the kids, and I was glad to do it. But when they would laugh when I told them I was busy (I was building my media company), it really pissed me off. I started to call them out at a point. I was married, responsible as hell, and seldom brought my issues to my family. My brother doesn’t want kids either, so he gets it. But I had to remind them that my time was just as important as theirs and to put some respect on my name. It led to me keeping my distance for a while until they started to understand I was serious. Now that everyone is older, they are a bit more respectful, and are NOW saying I was so smart not to have kids. The irony tickles me, but I give them grace. It really is hard for some women to see themselves as “important “ outside the context of motherhood. Not me, girl! 👀
Okay so I'm from South Asia. Born & brought up in a massively community oriented culture, in the 80s. Let me clarify how children are Actually raised in a Village. 1. All children of similar age, regardless of gender, social status, or parental earnings, get together & play in the fields. Sometimes there's only a couple of schools in the community, which everyone attends. Every damn person knows every other damn person. 2. Any parent can look after AND discipline any child if they break group norms. I can't tell y'all how many times I got yelled at by my neighbour aunty for creating ruckus lol. They don't wait for our respective parents to teach us anything. Nobody minds. Elders are elders & kids listen to them, whether they like it or not. 3. You are absolutely Not allowed to have your own fancy food preferences or anything outside your own house. Flex in communal space, get laughed at & shunned from the rest of your peer group. Many other such social unwritten rules. THIS IS HOW BEING RAISED BY A COMMUNITY LOOKS LIKE. Honestly, these Western moms whining about "it takes a CoMMuNitY" makes my own childfree teeth cackle.
This is exactly it. So many people want the benefits of the “village” without the obligations. Most of them weren’t particularly invested in this whole village thing until THEY needed help. (And these are often the same people who get angry when others offer the “wrong” kind of help!)
yeah, I grew up in a village, and whenever you were different, it could be hell. I am definitely warier of involving myself with other people nowadays, and yes I am usually warier of the parents/ married couples etc. who won't respect my authority/ social position/ contribution, whatever you want to call it. Village rules don't mean we get to be servants.
As a woman with 1 child I’m for child free women! Please don’t have a child unless you are mentally together and ready. I suffer from depression and work a lonely career, I can’t be there for my son the way I wish I could as a mother, it makes me feel like a awful mother but I have to do what I have to do.
As people have already said, your self-awareness puts you way ahead of the game. That said, I can relate to the depression. It makes even going to work a struggle for me.
This!! Cuz I was EVERYONES village straight outta high school up until I was 28 and I just moved to another state. Even after moving back I’m not as involved as I used to be as that’s no love lost but it’s my time now. I arrive to all parties after setup and leave before cleanup😊😊😊#richauntieera
I'm just going to come right out & say it: the reason why so many mothers are triggered by child-free women is because they fully regret having children. They are pressured by their family, friends, & society in general into having children while they're still young, & they're led to believe that motherhood will inevitably be the most magical, beautiful, rewarding experience of their entire lives. They're told that if they don't have children, they'll inevitably regret it some day. In reality, though, not all women are cut out to be mothers, & many regret it -- but since admitting that you regret having your kids is considered the ULTIMATE taboo, they have nowhere to vent their frustration. That's the reason.
The thing is, being a mother changes your whole world entirely. It is such a deep and emotional experience where all of a sudden you become a completely different person. When I became a mom, nothing else mattered to me than keeping my children safe and taking care of them. Everything else just wasn't so important anymore. And this is a experience that people without kids will never understand because you just don't know how deep and life changing it is to have a child. This love and simultaneously fear is so insane and humbling. If someone has children or not is completely their choice, BUT as a child free person you will never be fully able to understand a mother or a father. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not, just be nice to eachother and acknowledge that you made different choices and both choices are okay and good. No one has to defend themselves for having or not having children, you don't have to bash a side to defend your own choices. And be nice to kids! The only reason I dislike some childfree people is that they make mean jokes about children or are hating on them. That's absolutely horrible!
@@Aylinnrae I don't think that anyone is arguing with you about motherhood being one of the single most lifechanging experiences someone can go through, even if you take into account things like postnatal depression or difficulty bonding. From what you've said, it sounds like loving your children is fulfilling and positive - that's a lovely gift for you to enjoy. But I think saying "you just don't get what it feels like" isn't really enough. A lot of women see the kinds of pressure women go through, the things they sacrifice, the parts of them that are required to die, when they take on the responsibility of raising children. While many fathers can maintain hobbies and social circles outside of their families, women are expected to make their children their ENTIRE world, with no identity beyond caregiver and housekeeper. I know if I ever had a baby, my life would be anchored in loving that baby. But that would mean having nothing else - no interests, no skills, nothing that isn't related to the baby. And who would I be, when that baby grows up? Is that really all we are meant for - to nurture children, no matter what?
@@Anemonolis it segregation to not let children into bars? Is it segregation to not allow childfree adults to wander aimlessly around elementary schools? Is it segregation to not allow white people into black cultural/community centers? To not allow non-queer people into gay bars? Part of living in an organized society is recognizing some places are designed for everyone, some places are designed for you, and some places are not welcome to you. There is absolutely a reasonable line to be drawn. For example, banning kids from restaurants that dont serve alcohol is extreme, but having a childfree hour is completely fair. I want to have spaces where I dont have to listen to screaming kids. I have misophonia & their screams feel like someone is tearing my skin off. I deserve to enjoy places without kids within reason. Likewise, kids also deserve fun places catered to their desires without boring old ladies like me ruining the fun.
Same! My best friend has no kids we’re a year apart she’s 28 and I never feel the need to impose kids on her or make her feel guilty. We do have conversations about her having kids and while I def believe she’ll be a good mom it’s up to her when she’s ready and I support her all the way
Exactly. As long as they decide it before they actually have them. It becomes a problem when they decide they don’t want to have kids after they’ve already had them
Exactly. One of my best friends doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them, and I fully support her for that. But I’m a mom and she also supports me in my journey. We both root for each other to succeed, and we’re sympathetic/empathetic with each other when things are hard. I don’t understand the animosity between women who have kids and women who don’t.
Yeah. My mom always wanted children. After marrying my father, dhe cried a lot because, for years, they couldn't afford to become parents, and sge srarted to think she would never have children. So, she doesn't understand why I don't want children, but she never said anything negative about rhis. It was just: " I don't want children. - Why? - I don't know. I just don't want to. - Not even one? - No. - You know no one will love you as much as a child? - I don't care. - Ah? OK, then..." It really surprised me, because my mom isn't usually accomodating. But, as you said, as she was comfkrtable with her choices, she didn't feel the necessity to push me through the same ones.
@@sg5720yes! Their children also effect other children too! My nephew does not like being around other children because they are too loud/overwhelming!
@@sg5720Yes Kids should be acting normal but it sounds so me from some People as if they want to FORBID Kids to enter outside their Homes 😂 the Streets are free and im not closing my Kids in the Closet for others to feel better and my Kids never dare to throw Tantrums outside!
Identity crisis. I think it's because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that the only things that can give us meaning and purpose in life are having children and being wives. Many women still feel that way. They've lost themselves while trying to be only that. When they see childfree women finding purpose, meaning, and identity outside of where we were conditioned to find those things, they deep down feel scared. It's that little question: "If this isn't my purpose, what is it? Who am I?" They project their fears onto other women because based on the things they've attached to their identity, they can never be free like us. A good chunk (not all) of them.
I agree..so true. I became a mother at 22, before I got a chance to know who I was. Now that my sons are grown, I'm still wondering what my purpose is outside of being a mother, grandmother and caregiver. It can be depressing at times. I fully support childfree and childless women. Being a mother is not for everyone. Women shouldn't bash each other on either side. Live and let live!..😉
That lady talking about community got me irritated. This is because I see this all the time. Single moms or married single moms act like they are owed understanding or time from others just because they got it. THAT'S A BIG NO FOR ME!!!!! You do not get to act like a martyr because to made the decision to sacrifice your time, money and identity to have kids. If you want a village so bad join a mom group at your kids school. You guys can carpool , share babysitters, arrange playdates without expecting anything from childfree folks.
Honestly yes that's one of the things I find a little bit confusing about moms because I heard that it was always so easy to make friends with another mom if you're currently a mom so yes doing play dates and using each other for help just make sense
The woman who was resentful for not having a village for her child want those of us who are childfree to bear/fulfill some responsibility that's not really our responsibility. People really need to be ready to be parents and find or create the environment they want. I've had to end many friendships once they became moms because they felt entitled to my time and help. I don't mind helping but I resent the entitlement. I don't tell people unless they ask because by and large when I just offer the information I get so much vitriol and judgment.
As a child free woman with many friends that have children - it seems to me that children consume the majority of their time and attention and there's hardly a conversation that goes by where we are not talking about their kids. I don't mind this for occasional conversations, I actually like kids. However, I like to talk about things I want as a single person, like places I want to travel, new restaurants I want to try, movies I want to go see, etc. and I think they just can't relate as much anymore because they'd much rather focus on the kid-friendly things to do as a family. After awhile, I think we just get on each other's nerves 😂 Men are a whole different story. I've encountered men that are flat out rude and insulting when they find out I don't want kids. It's like they can't even wrap their little brains around the concept.
Just ignore the men. Men think they're a being good dad if they see their child half an hour a day and yet do basically no child care at all. Most of them don't even understand what it takes to be a parent - even the ones with kids. The lion's share almost always falls on the mother. Just laugh at the pathetic men who think they know anything.
Hmmm... I've heard quite a few child-free influencers advocate for reproductive rights. Maybe that lady should actually look for people talking about it. Ijs 🤷🏾♀️
I remember an article that pissed me off about a mother who complained in Disney because she saw adults walking around without children. The parents at Disney are so miserable and look it as well. Why are you concerned about a person being single? ever thought to yourself that there are adults who for whatever reason never got to go to Disney because their parents couldnt afford it? Some adults never got to go to Disney and despite how you feel about Disney, this woman was clearly mad because she is strapped to children she regrets having. That's why seeing childfree people irk her. The only time I am pissed off in public is if someone is invading my personal space. Other than that, I dont care if you are childfree. Many parents become bullies because they hate being parents. I have seen more toxic public behavior from parents than childfree people. Irresponsible mothers who had no business being mothers in the first place are triggered.
@@kit76149Yup. I'm from the UK. I grew up in a poor neighbourhood. The notion of paying some £80 (back then about $180) for a passport per person, then about £100 ($200) for a ticket for each person when there may even be siblings too. Plus the plane ticket to the US.... Not gonna happen. One girl in our class went to Tenerife and it was basically treated like the darn trip of a lifetime (it was cheap to go after the tragic disaster). Paris is also super expensive to be in. Travelling there is cheaper but holy cow is that city expensive. So yeah, quite a few of my former classmates went to Florida as adults and loved it.
The lady @ 12:00 is part of why its a bit hard to befriend women with kids. It always seems as if they're scanning me to determine if I could be a baby sitter. I appreciate that they trust me enough to be that for them, but there are times I felt the woman didnt even vibe with me that well but kept me around in case she needed me to help her with her child. It doesnt feel good when you know someone only wants you to use you in a way they will not be reciprocating. I get that kids need villages, but as a mother its your job to make sure you have that. If you need assistance be respectful and mindful of other peoples time when you request it!
Exactly! Women should think about their village before bringing another member into it, like a child! Childfree women aren’t obligated to help anyone with kids, that’s the reality. She should seek out women who don’t mind helping them out, not because they’re childfree. That’s not fair and it’s actually disrespectful to assume that someone is going to drop their lifestyle to attend to someone else’s.
@@SmileyAdventures Thank you for understanding. I was hoping I didnt sound too harsh. I actually love children, but I know motherhood is not something I've ever desired.
@@TeaLeaf222ur right they also want access to ur resources so I had so much women with kids tell me sob stories just so they can live rent free I'm normally nice and will let you get ur life together but not paying me for over 10months straight naw time for you and your kids to go
@@shaypope4732 not paying you a dime for over 10 months (without a solid reason) is flat out taking advantage of you. I hope that person was able to access more resources outside of yours. I notice the same thing about resources, sometimes they'll weaponize their kids to get free things/money from you. I had a friend that would contact me to go out then somehow would always bring up how she had so little money to fish for me to pay for drinks/food. I didnt mind at times but other times I was saddened that she really thought I was so stupid.
The person who is this upset because people say they don't want their body "ruined" or getting broke because of kids, and says "You just shit on my entire life" is not giving off the vibe of being 100% happy and secure in her choice because if you really think motherhood is this amazing thing, those things would not get to you because you know this is your road to happiness. As a childfree by choice woman, if someone tells me that I'll never know real unconditional love, that is a big dramatic statement that can certainly read as "shitting on my entire life" and yet it rolls right off me because I KNOW motherhood would make me miserable and I AM secure in my choice.
No I think she’s valid in what she’s saying. She’s only annoyed by unnecessary comments about her personal life decisions. Being 100% secure and happy doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed at rude questions. You’re not mad because you’re suddenly questioning yourself. You’re mad at the sheer audacity of a stranger thinking they know what’s best for you. It’s the same way I got annoyed at a coworker who tried to tell me that will change my mind about having kids despite only knowing each other for a few weeks.
That one was confusing, because it sounded like child free reasons she may have heard from others, which would not be about her specifically. I took it as either she was insecure and those specific things stuck, because they bother her OR the slight, but more unrealistic possibility that a child free person was dogging her about those things. Like “Isn’t it true it’ll ruin your body? That’s what I heard.” But like I said, that seems unlikely based on the way she presented the statements.
@@blktaunaRight she sounded a bit aggressive and even brought up what another mother told her in a conversation about being a young mom. The fact that she took the comments to heart says a lot. A comment can bother you but if there is no truth and if you are happy enough you shouldn't stay triggered and remember it so vividly. It seems like any question pertaining g to how she did a lot of milestones at a young age without having time to herself to discover herself and the world rings true or else it would not bother her so much. Also personally i find it sad that she thinks her whole life as someone on earth is being targeted because people have criticisms on roles that she has. It seems that her whole life and identity are tied to being a wife and a mother.
I will confess. I was that woman. I use to think that child free people were selfish. How stupid. It’s not like we are going to run out of people! Totally a personal choice. Also, too many people have kids that are crap parents.
Yup! This right here! Most women even moms I know tell me not to rush and not to have kids if I'm not ready or don't want it. It's the men who are upset. The only person who should even be asking me such personal things is the person I fuck. 😂😂😂 not some old men at work.
...Or if they aren't triggered, they get aroused that I don't have kids. I'm like, Sir I wasn't flirting with you. Why are you turned on? 🤨 I'm honestly confused.
Same here. The men here in my area are very traditional. They don't want women who are childless and working, and having a career is like a sin for them.
I believe anyone who feels strongly about someone else’s decision on what to do with their own life, is simply insecure about the decision that they themselves made. People project. Happy moms live their best life’s and happy CF people live theirs. If you’re not truly happy, it shows either way .
“Childless people don’t want to deal with children “ ma’am are you ok? Why does that not make sense? Call your Mom friends and create the village you need. Why force it on people that do not want children?
I got fed up having small children around me all the time growing up, my mom being a kindergarten teacher, me having to care for my brother, then my niece and nephew. I also can’t handle the screaming, It’s grating and makes me anxious and angry, I understand that children should be allowed in public, so I remove myself, because I know I’m the one with a problem. I’m the first daughter, I didn’t get to be a child, and really don’t want to have children. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the child to make me a mother. And despite knowing this, family members still insist I should. I know I resent people who pry and prod into why I don’t want kids and no matter my answer it’s always “oh but your clock is ticking” or “you just haven’t met the right man” or “you’ll die alone with your 15 cats who’ll eat you after you die” mind your own fucking business.
I have the same sensory issue and we need to take up space, cause I always remove myself too! But having children screaming and crying in distress is horrible, not just for us, but other children, people with disabilities, mental health issues etc! The noise levels of screaming is a public hazard!
Stand your ground. I've heard all that too from coworkers and "well meaning" people trying to pressure me into having more kids. I was furious. They hinted my life was over or meant nothing without them ( marriage or kids) . Those same fools now are divorced or on their 2/3 rd marriage miserable and bitter.
I'm the first daughter too and I have a disabled sister who I looked after my whole life. For me, I already raised my child. My best friend in the entire world and it's enough. As for who will care for me when I'm old? Well, I'll have my sister, so I won't be alone. Not for long anyway. I won't be long behind her.
This whole "you'll die alone" thing is like the most insensitive thing ever. What about all the people who just can't have children (even though they want to) or the ones who lost their children at a young age? Do you not care about their wellbeing? It seems like some people are just throwing around stereotypes about being childfree because they don't know any better. If they did they would respect it everytime whenever someone says that they don't want children - because hell no, please don't have children if you are going to resent them.
What about fathers getting triggered by childfree men? Some fathers shame me for being childfree and spit out the bingos while some others have wished they never had children once I listed valid points why people shouldn’t procreate. If people want children, they should consider adopting or fostering children who are already here and in need.
That’s what I always say! There are plenty of unwanted kids to choose from, unfortunately. On average, 25k age out of the system every year and become homeless. 💔 But it seems like a lot of breeders are unable to love someone who isn’t “theirs”.
I have a wonderful little boy, but I had a difficult pregnancy so I'll probably not have another biological kid. I would LOVE to have another, but, even though I have a decent, full time job, I can only afford the 2 bedroom apartment I have (and I only have it because I moved in 8 years ago, so rent isn't too bad). I doubt I would be allowed to adopt or foster, just because of lack of space. If I had another kid the old-fashioned way though, no one would bat an eye if they shared a room with their big brother. There are a lot of people who would love to adopt, but would never be allowed to. It's have their own or none at all.
As an Asian woman, the women who get "triggered" because I choose to be child-free usually are other Asian women. It stems from their cultural beliefs that a woman should be a mother, that you have no life or purpose unless you're married and have kids, and it's insulting to them that I CHOOSE to not be a mother. I don't let it bother me. Kids are great. All my good friends and siblings have children. I'm just happy being forever-auntie.
“Marketed as”was the key phrase not selfless. Its selfish to have kids just because you want them. Especially when you havent healed trauma or prepared your life for them.
Especially when you realize the world you brought them into. I feel incredibly guilty about the world I’m leaving my kids! They didn’t ask for all this. My kids are Gen Z who grew up with active shooter drills. I never wanted that for them. They’ll have no pressure from me about having kids of their own. I wouldn’t blame them choosing a CF lifestyle.
I have 2 kids and am not triggered by people who are childfree. In fact, I always hoped that seeing me out in public with 2 boys acting like little boys would be enough to make every childfree person around think twice about wanting (or getting trapped with) kids. I hope I was a good reminder to women all around me to TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL!
Girl ok! And the kicker is is that she can have as many baby sitters as she wants. She will just have to PAY them for their LABOR! What she really means is that no one won’t watch her litter for FREE! Being a nanny is a job, pay someone and you wouldn’t have a problem. These “moms” are something else chile! 😂🤣
I think a lot of mothers get triggered is that they either didn't know/feel like they had a choice in the matter and are now stuck or motherhood wasn't the spiritually ascending Instagram-curated experience they thought it was going to be. So they see women who actually thought it through and chose not to have kids and become upset at their own lack of forethought and project it onto childfree women. This is also why they're adamant that nobody can possibly know what it's like to be a parent unless you are one. They lacked observational skills so nobody else could be observant enough to understand what motherhood/parenthood is like to make an educated decision to not have children. Childfree people don't think they're entitled to a childfree world, but there are places where it's entirely reasonable that children shouldn't be or should be able to regulate themselves enough to be in that environment. Childfree people aren't going to Chuck-E-Cheese or a 12pm showing of a kids' movie on a Saturday and complaining about children being around. We're at bars, restaurants, museums (not a specifically child-oriented museum), or late-night movies and having our experience disrupted by children and parents who refuse to actively teach their child decorum and emotional regulation. Nobody is paying to hear your child play Bluey on the iPad you've shoved in front of your child's face because you want to be disengaged from your child at a meal or your child having a meltdown over whatever weird toddler thought process has them upset. Not to mention, parents are raising their children to be liabilities but also think they never should be held responsible for their children, so businesses are starting to outright bar children because they don't want to end up being sued due to the (in)actions on the part of the parent for a child's injury or death. As for the one resentful that she doesn't have a village, I can guarantee she wasn't village-oriented when she decided to have babies. Did she have a sit-down discussion with her friends and family about having children and seeing if they were on board with being a member of the village? Was she village-oriented prior to marriage and deciding to have kids? You can't sit here and make all these decisions unilaterally but expect a bunch of people that you felt didn't have the right to have an opinion prior to now offer up time, money, and resources to serving your personal choices.
These parents want a village but have never been there for anyone else in a significant way. Yet the expect people to deal with their children, and kids are a huge liability if they get hurt in your care. Kids are always hurting themselves and some even learned from their narcissistic parents about how to fake hurt to get attention. There's no way I'd take on care for someone's kids, not even if I charged them $200 per hour.
Mothers can be SO vicious and nasty to childfree women, and it’s because they’re jealous. Lots of women love their kids, but they HATE being mothers. They won’t admit it, however, because they don’t want to give childfree women the satisfaction. I know two different women who have both told me, in secret, that having kids has ruined their life - having kids ruined their body, their marriage, their sex life, their social life, their finances, their career, and their mental health. But if you look at their social media pages, you’d think they were blissfully happy!! Their social media is covered in photos of them smiling and laughing with their husbands and children. It’s all a lie.
You can't force someone that doesn't want children or want to be around children to help you just because you need "a village" to help you. This is called free will. We all have it. That lady at the 15:00 mark is delusional.
The lady that triggered by influences… She’s the type that blames everything on social media influencers. Because what did any of that have to do with being triggered by women that are child free by choice?
Sounds like there's unreasonable people on both ends. I don't have children yet I understand how they're our future as species and a society and also just have some human instinct to tolerate and even protect them with the way I act. Children aside we're only this far because we built societies and communities and there isn't such without mutual compromise and tolerance.
@@SA-ey6nt children are the future. That’s why we need focus more on protecting and raising the ones that are here first. And bringing life into better environments and communities. IMO , it seems like the focus is simply adding more humans then just letting life eat the alive. We could at least see value in already existing children.
I absolutely don't understand that woman who was upset that childfree by choice women are not speaking about reproductive rights because some people are forced to give birth. What are they supposed to say exactly? Were there not tons or protests? A lot of them do support it and they are getting sterilized more than ever now. Being childfree is a personal choice, not a legal one. The laws must change but lawmakers are ignoring people. It's conservative parents who complained and made these abortion bans happen, she should be mad at them instead. Why can't people with children speak out on it? She probably thinks childfree people have more free time so they should do that work. Surveys have shown that the majority supports reproductive rights, but since the right-wing people took over the courts, they are proposing these awful laws.
I'm confused about the "forced to give birth" part she mentioned. Was she also "forced" to get pregnant or did she disregard the precautions against it and got mad at people who won't march for her consequences? Am I missing something?
I am Childfree, but not Childless. I have tried to become that part of the Village for my Sisters, Cousins, Besties, etc. Be the Emergency contact, take the kiddos to 1st days of anything. And it is awesome to be an “Auntie”
Right?! That's some crazy shit and I had to deal with that myself. They'd always say, "there are men around". I do understand it to a certain extent, but if you don't trust the men in your life around your children, you shouldn't have those men in your life.
If there is a man in the house the every female should wear a bra. It has nothing to do with not trusting the men it’s just respect. Even in my own house if I have a male family member come over I will wear a bra or bathroom or something decent out of respect for myself and my family.
They must regret falling for the idea that having kids would make them whole. And they are looking for help like you say. I always saw motherhood like an MLM scheme for most people. It never appealed to me. I also have served enough time taking care of my parent.
What annoys me is that people with children will take offence if you’re not sure about having kids or don’t want them, they feel like you’re personally insulting them. They’ll tell you it’s amazing, you won’t know love like it, best decision of their lives…..BUT if you tell them you’re and are pregnant then they have such a grin and tell you Ohhhhhh just you wait, and proceed to tell you all the horrors like sleepless nights, tantrums etc etc Like can anyone win with this conversation 😅😅😅
The second girl is me! My biggest supporters for remaining child free are mothers and those who love to berate ne or debate me on my desire to remain childfree are women who want kids but dont have them yet. Can we please stop policing women's bodies and our wombs!?
Heck yes. Motherhood is glorified slavery 😂 under an adorable, smelly captor. Those same women who think they know are gonna be sick when they get what they want.
I am 40 and childfree, and I feel I didn’t really had a choice. I have always wanted children since I was little. When I got older some mental health issues starting to develop, still wanted kids. The mental health issues got worse, and I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Still wanted kids, but I started to sense that there was this ominous, sinister impending doom was lurking underneath. That turned eventually into a monster that got me diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. That was the moment that I realized I would never be a mom, that I will never experience how it is to love someone so unconditionally, never experience the joy and pride when your child starts to talk and walk etc. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I struggle with it a lot. I just can’t bring a child into this world who has an extremely high chance of inheriting my mentally illness for one, and I can’t bring a child into this world when I’m sometimes can barely take care of myself. Since I don’t feel the need to tell everyone my story when they ask: “Oh you and your husband don’t want kids?”, I usually give a vague answer about freedom, other priorities etc
Heyy I’m in my late 20’s but I get the same feeling about the possibility of kids. I have bipolar 1 disorder and had it for years. However my husband and I are loving the childfree life. We have a beautiful home and time for hobbies/travel outside of work. I also give a vague answer when ppl ask me when we’re having kids. It’s still a choice to me though regardless of mental health/fertility. TY for sharing💜!
This is the most loving thing you could have done for them, thank you. You are a very good person, I hope you are proud of yourself, and live a great life.
I agree with the second girl. I am way more attacked by men and women who don't have kids and want to have them one day, than by actual parents!. I also have beef with people that attack moms for no reason!
" The Village" What it is: A selection of close family or friends who you trust to help you raise, take care of, spend time with and PARENT your children when you feel you're struggling to do it at some point. What it isnt: A selection ofn any person you know you can pawn your child off to so they can give them the attention you're incapable of
Here's my thing: Require help, support, and a village from your husband, baby daddy, and family first. What also grinds my gear is they never complain or require these things from men or childfree men, so why the big tantrum for children women? Omg! The lady that essentially says childfree women want a child-free world? Come on?! Just teach your child how to act in public or at the very least control them. Sigh.
I have children and never judge anyone for not having children. It's best to have them because YOU want a child. It's their decision 💯 percent. No person should be shamed for it.
Some mothers get triggered because though they love their children, they know they have made an irreversible mistake. Motherhood has certain HARD aspects that no woman would undertake if the rules were laid out beforehand 😢 Unfortunately, once they are in, they see the challenges and want others to join so they have a bigger pool of experience to draw from.
The mother who spoke about being in foster care and wanting a new identity that she felt was of worth and then realizing what motherhood was like afterwards unexpectedly touched my heart. I appreciate the women who have made certain decisions in life and are able to be reflective and honest with other women about it who don't want to make that choice. Many times child free women and women with children are saying the same things about what goes into to the decision to have or not have a child and don't realize it because we approach it from the point of an argument vs an honest conversation.
I don’t have kids. Best decision I’ve ever made. I am not worried about mothers. Mothers are the ones worried about why I don’t have kids. Most mothers hate being moms. Most moms regret being moms specially if she’s a single mom! Gotta go, gonna enjoy my child free life 😎
Becoming a parent doesn’t entitle you to a village. If that’s what you’re expecting, you might want to consult that village first, because they might have other plans. I spent all of my 20s and most of my 30s taking care of my niece and nephew. My niece, as an adult now, knows that when/if she chooses to have children, I’m in my 40s now… don’t call me to watch your kids. Once in a while, okay, but I’m not about to spend my older years again raising/watching somebody else’s children… being their village… being stressed.. being exhausted, with no gratitude from their parents. Not this time around fam. Not this time around.
It kind of does, because there's a lot of pressure to have kids. My mom kept talking to me about having babies for like 10 years. I never met the right person. She never even liked my boyfriends or my first husband. My second husband and I have 1.5 kids. Yeah you'd fucking better help out after stressing me out and pestering me until then. They don't bc they're too far away, but I built my own village. We're making do. What other option is there? Just drown? Complain? No
@LucidKay9114 I take care of my kids and I have a village. It's part of being a human to help out your relatives and friends. My one friend sent all her hand me down baby clothes. I sent another friend a special gift when she was diagnosed with a disease. It's not owed but it keeps you close. If I were geographically closer to my family, they would help with my kids, just like we help each other with other things.
Im unsure why CF women need to be around children? The whole point is we are CF . We don’t owe you anything. Many of us realised there was no village and this reinforced our resolve not to have any. I never hear parents talking about how to connect with us. Like if your whole identity wasn’t wrapped up in your childs existence you may still preserve a part of yourself that can be invested in friendships without children and enhance your parenting over time and once kids are grown you still have a sense of self.
My SIL is child free. But she does still have a niece and nephews whose life she wants to be part of. She chose not to raise them herself, but she loves the kids in her life. She has friends who are CF as well. Being CF doesn’t mean avoiding them altogether, just means not raising them herself.
@@tinasapienza6552 I’m aware of that i was responding to the part of the video where the woman said we CF women should be involved. If we WANT to we will its choices all round for us and we wont be pressured into being anyone’s village. Right now you SIL is involved and she remains free to ajust the level to which shes involved anytime she wants. Also please make sure you lean into her CF life and dont use your kids as a reasonnit to be able to. Reciprocate her efforts.
As a mother don’t have kids it is extremely hard work nobody appreciates it and your whole life will have to revolve around your kid specially if you have very little support even going to the gym is something I can’t easily do and have to plan for.
So are we pretending like mothers havent made being a mother their entire personality? 🤔 Are we pretending like non-mothers havent experienced equally rude ass comments like "you dont know love until you have a kid"? Im glad the tide has changed bc now they realize how goofy they sounded when pressuring single by choice moms to have kids....simply bc they themselves have kids. When asked if i have kids, i say "ewww no..." based off instincts. 😂 thats not a slight to mothers/parents. Thats my own opinion....bc why would you think that?!😂😂😂
I'm child free, but not because I didn't want to be a mom, but because I have terrible genetics, that not only do I refuse to pass on, but would also negatively affect my parenting, along with having PTSD and having been severely emotionally neglected, as a child, which again, will negatively impact my parenting. Between my childhood abuse, the issues surrounding my health and my mental health because of the combination of the two, I'm terrified that I would have devolved into my sh*t mom, and no kid should be raised by anyone who makes a 7 year old pray that they won't wake up in the morning.
I am a 41 year old female. I am happily single and have no kids. Very interesting video. I feel lonely sometimes. I have heard married women with kids say that they feel lonely. Isolating life....interesting. I feel like some of the struggles (not all obviously) are similar...
Hating someone else's life decisions is triggering ONLY for someone who regrets their own choices.
Very true excellent point
100%
word
yes!!!!!
Exactly!
"You don't know how hard it is to have kids!!!"....yes we do, that's why we don't have them
True!👍👍👍👍
Exactly!!! lol it’s just common sense 😅
Exactly. Not in this Economy, social society, political climate, and physical climate.
@@ronieliencabunas8139 and yet common sense is the LAST THING parents don't have concerning CF people. They keep saying we don't understand, but we do completely! Hence the total absence of a squalling infant in our personal spaces lol 😆!
💯
Many mothers got scammed into believing that having kids is a must and is wonderful. They're angry that you didn't fall for the scam. They are trapped with their kids (and husbands), and you are not.
I rarely come across a woman who is triggered by me not wanting kids. Its always men. Men act like I'm secretly miserable because im not a mom. They tell me that ill never be fulfilled and that im going to die alone. I always get men telling me "Just have one. You still have time." Sir I am 45 years old.
It's because they see it as a rejection of them
@@ecclairmayo4153 Exactly.
I'm a social media group/movement deep diver lol - the women who get attacked by other women/women with children generally communicate their distain and that triggers women with children and rightfully so.
Good point usually it's been men who get the most triggered and a lot of my friends with kids encourage my decision. Men find it wild I don't want a child which I find funny cause a man has literally no idea what women go through bringing children into the world.
Yeah, I really don’t understand why men care. Most of them don’t even take care of their own children.
As a child free woman I never think about mothers. Never. I focus on my own life and not others.
💯
Same
As a mother I’m not sitting here comparing my life to other women in general, child free or not. Bitterness and jealousy comes from the lack of internal peace. Protect your womb♥️💯
Same hun
Good for you. Do what’s right for you in life.
The problem is there are childfree women trashing on parents. And that’s not cool.
That one mother who was like, "Awww, you could have been a safe space for my kids" really threw me for a loop. 🤣 Talk about selfish.
at this point i would politely hand her a 50 dollar bill and tell them to get a babysitter lol
@@sapphire8644why would you waste your hard earned money on an entitled mother. No, she made her bed, she can lay in it. Lol
@@The-real-Alex true
Worrrrddd!! Make it make sense. We could've been a safe space for her kids? Why ARE YOU NOT the safe space for your kids? If your family, your home, is not the safe space for your kids what kind of mother are you?
Some parents aren't even safe spaces for their own children. Like lady please
Maybe they’re jealous of the freedom and autonomy that childfree women have.
Many are. There’s a lot of forums of moms saying how much motherhood is hard and not for them or they regret it. A lot of women were pressured to have kids from religion, patriarchy, family etc.
Yup.
Like I said,, these moms ARE JEALOUS of the freedom and autonomy us childfree women have. They are so jealous they deleted my comment 🤣 they need to go somewhere and parent!
That's been my observations. Men are triggered even more than mothers, from what I've seen.
@@Cozyposies I'm a mother and I have been telling women stay child free because this economy is absolutely horrible.
Until things change nobody should bring children.
The problem with parents that wanting a village is that they don't ask the village BEFORE they have kids. They just expect us to drop everything and support their decision. That's not how life works.
Right!!!!! lol, don’t just be dumping your responsibilities on me!
Its the fundamental divide between the two people. One person (childree woman) really takes having children seriously. The other person (mother) doesn't. So, they are stuck in a web of miscommunication because the mother didn't do any kind of family planning that includes figuring out the village. People shouldn't have to feel like being a village member is thrust upon them unknowingly...especially when they didn't want kids of their own. This is why the divide exists. The chilfree woman was observant for years and knew what motherhood entailed. The mother did not, now she is resentful about thay deep down inside. She didn't take having children as seriously as the childree person and she underestimated the time, money, emotional, spiritual and physical commitment.
I had friends like that who had children early in their twenties and expected me to babysit almost every weekend. Hhmm. No thank you.
I have a child now and I never relied on anyone except for my husband. We don’t have a village and I am honestly ok with that because my husband is a great father. Between us, we got this!
I love this! I was worried about not having a village but I can imagine with a great partner things can work out well!
@@angielorenza3503 absolutely it can.
The main reason I don't want children is because I was forced to co-parent my younger siblings with my mother because she was a single mom. She made a choice to be a single mom then forced me to be the stay at home mom Because she had to work. I had to make sure they were fed they were bathed that they did what they were supposed to do in school. And it was draining as all hell considering I was only a child myself. Through that experience I learned that I've never want to be responsible for another human being.
I bet you there's others with this exact perspective! my cousins all grew up like this
Amen sister I'm with you in she wonders why I don't want kids my siblings and cousins I raised acted as if I've never did anything for them
My classmate said this exact same thing. I think she had like 5 siblings and had to take care of them after School.
I don't get why people have so many kids when they know they don't have time for them.
The lady who talks about the resentment for the lack of community is the reason why I avoid parents as friends now. They ALWAYS expect community for their needs as a family, but they NEVER reciprocate. They want you to babysit, loan them money, plan events for them, celebrate with them, but when it comes to you as a single OR childfree person your needs for community are never important enough or valuable enough for them to contribute to the relationship. They won't drive you to the airport, they won't celebrate your graduation, they won't attend any of your performances etc. And their lack of community is because THEY don't contribute anything to the community all they do is take. They always whine about lack of community but don't GIVE anything to make a community themselves. They simply want free labor from women and to be catered to. They're mad that they can't use women like men do.
OMG THIS IS 💯 BIBLE. I recently came to the conclusion that one of my criteria for friendship is no married mothers or single mothers because ALL my experience always ends up in disappointment from them , and silent resentment on my end,not worth it.
They're full of rage that their husbands are useless and we're expected to replace them! No ma'am .
@@thespot2035same sis! Same!
👏👏👏❤️
@@thespot2035I have always been the one friend without children. My best friend was like this and as I matured I finally ended the relationship. It was one sided.
This.💯
I found something very interesting about what the woman at 13 minutes said. She says mothers just want childfree women to understand how hard it is, but then she realizes they probably do have some idea how hard it is for them to choose not to do it. I think that's the root of what triggers them, the thought process of "childfree women don't understand how hard my life is" -> "maybe that's why they chose not to do it" -> "did I make the wrong choice?"
🎯💯
I learned from other people's example!
Yup, it's the fact that they found out too late!
Not their problem "to care". Theyre happy being child free. Meanwhile mommies are pouting nobody cares "how hard it is". Childfree women -They DO know. That's why they chose not to have kids😂
exactly. we childfree women DO understand. we see it all the time in the store. POS crying babies all over, poop machines, horror stories from other parents. we know wtf we are doing by not having kids and these mothers still dont understand that we DO understand. they just want us to feel the same pain as them no matter what choice we make and they're mad we're not suffering like they are because of their choices.
The "where is my village?" lady is so entitled. Girl, I ain't your village. I do not owe you and your children my time. Now, does that mean I mistreat children or ignore if I see they need help? No. That's called having empathy. But I am not their auntie, babysitter or your sounding board. The audacity! 🤣
Agree. I question why she seems to imply child free people she doesn’t even yet know, especially older people, should take responsibility for her kids. Doesn’t she have parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or old friends? If she alienated herself from these people or chose to move far away because “the grass is always greener…” that’s on her and her partner - no one else. A lot of young people seem to be alienating themselves from families and communities these days for what all previous generations would have considered trivial reasons. I’m not talking about ongoing verbal or physical violence. I’m talking about a young parent whose family wasn’t as great as what the media led her to expect so now she holds a grudge and punishes people by leaving and alienating her children from them. Or she has a controlling partner who is isolating her from family and friends and she’s too dumb to see it. I’m thankful I am not in that situation where I am alienated from grandchildren or nieces and nephews but I know good people who are. Some young people go off and have this fantasy about finding this perfect “village” somewhere. Honey, you had your village and you abandoned it instead of trying to make it better. There is no shiny new village out there waiting to embrace you and your kids.
It’s the resentment that we uncovered the scam of motherhood before they did. That’s it. That’s all.
YES!!!
Yup, they figured it out too late
Simply put. Period.
I have seen people online who say they didn't know that not having a kid was an option. in their lives it is expected.
@@dejanaejones3717yep. Even the problem of “motherhood “ has been solved by someone who was a child that became an adult.
We weren’t put in this earth just to be mothers.
That’s why it’s a scam.
I don’t think these mothers resent their kids as much as they resent the men they procreated with. They didn’t expect that motherhood with the average man meant fulfilling the lion’s share of responsibilities with no help. That’s enough to drive anyone mad. Their enemies aren’t child free women, although they hold a picture to a life that’s more enviable than their current situation. Their enemies are the men who’ve set them up for a life of thankless work, career stagnancy and limited upward mobility
Thank you !!
No, no, they're targeting strangers that won't punch them at first insult 😂
So true!!!
I could barely support myself and I saw the men not sticking around when a child came into the picture or being huge cheater's while their wives were home taking care of the kid's.
Absolutely!! Just last night my mom was telling some family friends about how she could NOT trust my dad to take care of us. The few times she did it was disastrous, my sister walked right out of the house at 18 months bc he was distracted watching tv and luckily was found and brought back by a neighbor. She’s giving all these examples laughing and I’m like HUH?? You think it’s funny that you had a useless husband and father to your children? Now as an adult I don’t have a relationship at all with my dad, only my mom, but why would I? She said so herself, he couldn’t be trusted to be a parent.
Edit: spelling.
I truly think that is the case. They don't have a good partner and do it all by themselves. Of course they would be unhappy.
The woman who talked about having a traumatic background and wanting an identity that was supported and cared for by society made me so sad. I’m glad she was able to reflect on those things and recognize where they came from. So many people never are able to fully acknowledge and process the traumatic experiences they went through. She’s very smart and self-aware. I hope she’s leading a happy life.
Actually, the best explanation in this whole video.
“I want to have money. I don’t want to be broke, I want to travel”. Is a weird comment? Girl it’s the TRUTH! Why are you mad because that’s something we can do as children free women.
Like how is that bad to say when mothers STAY complaining about their lack of funds, and inability to move and go about as they please? Ofc ppl will be happy they don’t have those problems
Right! 😂
And maybe she has experienced many mothers struggling.🤷🏽♀️.
@@Nita_Vibes101- exactly. Its circular logic
Lolsss. Not all child free women travel and live the luxurious life and not all married women with kids stay home and can’t travel. Lolsss.
I work at a male dominated factory and get shit a lot for being CF from men that I know either don't do shit with their kids, are cheating, and sometimes even have extra families.
I just laugh at them.
The absurdity of it all!
@@LadyAstarionAncunin
Why hello there handsome vampire friendo
Love bg3 too
They're mad that you see them for who they really are. I get that too from guys. Furious I won't sleep with them.
These men hate you because you can't be controlled. You're a threat: competition at work and on top of that you ruin the image of the easily manageable woman.
They are the last group of people to be talking. Useless leaches
The first seed planted in my mind that made me a child free woman was when my own mother told me at the young age of 5, " If you have kids, have them for YOU. Men leave, your support system goes away, and I'm not going to stop my life to raise them for you. " Immediately, I picked up that maybe my own mom wasn't so gungho about her own children. Maybe having kids is optional. Perhaps, she had her own regrets. I'm grateful for that lesson.
Girl same. My mom obviously loves me and my sister but I'm a 100% sure she'd have accomplished more if she'd been allowed to. She's smart AF and even with all the setbacks and my shitty dad she's a millionaire and comfortable in her life. When I said I didn't want kids she got a weird look and said she was proud of me. But she'd also be proud if I changed my mind.
@@didikukii At 5😬🫤?
Ngl. Kinda feel bad for your mom because she was probably forced into the situation without any support.
When I was born, my home country is still under socialist regime (that’s before USSR dissipated in the 90s). Childcare and healthcare were free (although the quality wasn't great). Back then my parent’s generation also worked shorter hours. They started working at 9 and were leaving at 4:00 pm to pick up the children. Granted, my home country’s productivity wasn’t great due to lack of oil and electricity so you can’t really work long hours. And they also had free childcare at the workplace (although it’s just very basic care).
I’m not going to say socialism is the solution to everything because to be honest most socialist countries are very poor. I would say it’s the lack of safety net makes children so unaffordable. But it’s still baffling that knowing how the US is the richest country in the world yet lacks so many basic infrastructures and cares. The math aren’t mathing.
@j.d.4241 similar background for my parents as well. Are you Cuban? I completely sympathize with her also. She was raised in Cuba and immigrated following the collapse of USSR. Turbulent times for sure. Her experiences were definitely unique and played a vital role in her story. First marriage was at 14, for example, so she could work legally and support her family. Kids didn't come until her 2nd marriage at 18, and that guy left her when my sister was 3 the day before his wedding to the neighbor. The individualism in the states played the biggest factor I think. In Cuba, my grandparents, aunts and uncles all helped watch and rear my siblings. I was born in the US, and everyone who immigrated here had to work and the sense of community dissipated over time. I could notice a stark difference even from a young age the relationship my siblings had with family vs with me.
They just had way more time to spend together. The United States is a rough place to have kids without a support system.
@@didikukii Smart lady! Women betta stop havn kids all willy nilly then cry and go crazy over not having a support system aka village. Get that squared away before having children. Ask folks (not just ya'll mamas😒) if they are "willing" to be part of the village. Keep in mind folks lie and die.
We childfree arent screaming about reproductive rights?! How the heck does she suspect we are all staying childfree? Chastity belts?! We are constantly advocating for our reproductive rights! I seriously dont know a single childfree woman who isn't fighting for reproductive justice!
Exactly 😂
Right‽ I think most of my followers have me muted because I’ve posted so much about abortion rights. Children should be wanted and loved- people who don’t want kids shouldn’t be forced to have them because both the parents and children will suffer.
That’s true!
Honestly I feel like the CF women are the loudest. What was she even talking about?
@@kellharris2491yes it's literally the main point conservative people use as a point to get rid of reproductive rights, that the only women that care about reproductive rights are single childfree harlots that just want to sleep around "without consequences".
the only time any one hears someone ask "why are there kids here?!" Is because .... There shouldn't be kids there
When Dark Knight Rises came out I was at the theater and several people brought their very young children like under 6. When I tell you I've never been so mad. Cause the poor kid was terrified the whole time screaming and crying. Like it's not the child's fault but they didn't belong there.
Everything is Not for kids! Speaking as someone who has kids.
Also, the only time someone is gonna complain about kids being at kid-friendly places is if the kids are acting a fool and the parents aren't getting them in line. She tried it.
@@LadyAstarionAncuninexactly! Like transport! Where we can’t leave!
I live in Las Vegas….where mothers are on the Strip with strollers and all…giving go go dancers the stink eye and clutching their pearls as if they are not in the naked people in public capital of the world…
They tried to make Vegas child friendly back in the 90s, and as you could guess, it was a disaster. Daycares inside of casinos is WILD! Kids were going missing, and all kinds of shenanigans.
I love kids, but dragging them everywhere is not only annoying, but it sucks for those kids, too….and it is definitely LESS SAFE than a sitter….
I rarely find women that are "triggered" by me not having or wanting kids, most of them totally get it. But I do find that the ones that are most insistent on their "BUT WHY?" and "Wont you regret it?" are the ones that look the most tired and complain the most about the difficulties of motherhood.
Same here. Most understand completely. My cousin, who gets triggered the most, is married to a total loser and has 3 kids wirh him. She's only 30 but look about 40, she's miserable, her olest son who she hax at 16 is a nightmare and has been thrown out of school, her second son is following in his footsteps and she has a baby daughter who her husband doesn't lift a finger with. She's a wreck. Yet loves telling me I should have kids 😂 insane.
I’m not “the village.” I warned my African mother and sisters, there’s no village here with me.
Ignoring red flags in men, getting married and having children are all risks and choices you made.
My mom fought me about being single and child free by choice. My dad supports me feeling this way. He knows the men of today are no good.
Now my sister’s realize it’s hard and lonely being single mothers and, they try to make me a babysitter.
Absolutely not.
My education always comes first. I graduate in a few weeks and in the fall semester, I’m going after my doctorate. I never wanted to be a mom. That life is not for me. Plus, the dating pool is trash. 🚮
When I get home from work tonight, I get to go to bed uninterrupted and wake up whenever I feel like it. It’s a choice.
Exactly. Its the issue of being forced into a village unbeknownst to you which is a responsibility that you didn't even want for yourself. I think people should plan their family, and a part of it should be asking people if they even want to be a part of the village...building it up. People shouldn't be surprised to find out that they are a part of a village and responsibilities thrust on them.
Your response is one of the most narcissistic things I’ve ever heard & it makes sense that you’re getting your doctorate because it’s statistically proven narcissistic people flock to professions like doctors, policemen, nurses, judges, etc. you literally refuse to be there for your family because you believe their shortcomings make them unworthy of support. That is evil.
@@prettygirl10000plusshe’s just ONE person with their own opinion so don’t assume that just because she’s getting a doctorate she’s narcissistic. The issue is ppl don’t like when it’s women who let it be known they’re not for the shenanigans ( family included) but don’t say nothing when it’s the brothers , nephews etc who become judges, policemen & doctors & don’t even think to be there for their families either. They too think of them as less than worthy and don’t deserve support. Let’s not forget the same men running around telling women to “pick better & choose better” are also someone’s son , cousin, brother or nephew & they definitely apply that same logic towards their sisters, female cousins and nieces. So in your words that is evil too. Have that same energy.
I already told my sister that if she has a child and wants me to take care of him on a sporadic day, she should pay me otherwise I won't.
Exactly! Well, unfortunately I am now part of a village who's parents are busy making ends meet but I am paid to do this babysitter thing (I love kids, even when my nephews are still babies I took care of them) which is okay for me. Actually it's tiring even though I only worked 8 hrs. and 30 mins. per week but my gosh! I can say, it's really frustrating which I know it already that's why one of the reasons I didn't have kids of own. Well, at least I'm paid and after worked I can rest as much as I can especially on weekends. 😅😃
Anyway, it's really a choice only they open their eyes at beginning before entering motherhood so that they stop complaining or blaming other people by their choices. They're the one who played in the bed and spread their legs.
So, be conscious on what you're doing and asked around before doing that if someone is willing to be part of your consequences or if you can afford to pay a village to help you and check your partner beforehand. Simple as such, 'cause that's we what I did. We are all capable to that. Don't waste your brain to analyze everything, use it. 🤷😅
🕊️♥️🍀
The lady who’s mad at childfree ppl not being activists is a leap for me. TBH most of the mothers explaining why they’re not triggered but then explaining why they are, lost me.
What bothered me the most is everyone knows that CF women get much more crap than mothers. Sure some people are mean to mothers or don’t want to CF people to tell them where their kids can go, but moms do not even come close to getting the societal hate that CF women do, yet they were the angriest in the video. The moms in this video did nothing but verify that they are bitter deep down.
It was bizarre and made absolutely no sense. She was seriously grasping at straws.
Right! 😹😹😹😹😹🤡🤛🏾
I dont get it. I have two kids and when women at my age say they don’t have any kids, I say “oh okay, enjoy your life” women NEED to enjoy their lives ALONE. Having children ain’t for everyone. As years go by I realize that my children have saved me, but that is me. I have a wonderful husband who makes taking care of children easy, so for ME having children works. A lot of women should not have kids. Who cares whether women have children or not, no mother should be mad at other women for not having kids- it is not an easy job especially if you don’t have a great father for your kids. 😌
@IndiTol-mi4lh what? CF people don't care about people having kids. We just want you to take care of them and not let them run amuck.
So many women never consider motherhood as an option. THAT’s why they get triggered. It suddenly occurs to them that they too could have had options. 😊
The woman who complained about how people want "childfree places" probably is the type to keep it moving even when her child is screaming and throwing a tantrum in places people relax in. People want childfree places because people with kids will take their kids EVERYWHERE even in adult only places. Your kid does not need to be in a bar, they do not need to be in a place people are trying to quietly study in, they dont need to be in a non kid movie area etc. No one wants to listen to all of that.
Clock it
EXACTLY!!!
Now be fr when have you ever seen a child at a bar? You’re just chatting. children can be anywhere they’re allowed. We share this earth and not having grace for children is disgusting.
@neshasantana6456 Yes! I've also heard stories of people sharing how they would see parents with kids at the bars trying to leave them for the bar tends to watch. Yes idiots take their kids to a bar because they can't find anyone to watch then.
No, in places where adults should be kids should not. You don't bring a kid to a bar because there's nothing for them to do and their surrounded by drunk adults. You don't bring a baby to a movie they can't event watch and comprehend, etc. People want childfree places because kids are loud and obnoxious and need to be constantly entertained. There are plenty of places to take a kid out everywhere is not one of them.
@neshasantana6456 Your entitlement speaks volumes. There are parks, playhouse,kid gyms, etc to take kids. No one wants to hear your child throwing a tantrum in a coffee place for example why you sit there and ignore them forcing everyone to have to listen to that. They have no place there take your coffee to go, people go there to study. Parents may be able to tune out their kids behaviors but strangers won't want to hear it.
Misery wants company. That is all.
Thank you!!! Child free women dont give af about women with kids. But they seem to think about us a lot...
I think that's exactly what it is.
LITERALLY. THAT. IS. ALL.
I would say most moms are too busy with their family to sit around and worry about childless people.
As a childless woman, I don't like when my cousins with kids only want me around for their kids birthdays, baby showers, their next big move but when I am going through a time where I need support they do not reciprocate. I get it, motherhood is hard, and I LOVE children and I enjoy being in their lives but what I do not like is lack of reciprocation. We struggle in different ways, not one struggles more than the other.
"I suffered, so must you!"
It's like the folks who were mad about student loans forgiveness. People who had to pay back were mad at those whose debt was erased.
Ikr..🤣😉
You nailed it❤
The debt wasn't erased. Taxpayers who never took out those loans will now have to pay for them. Nothing is free.
@@happy777abc College should be free via the state anyway.
"You just shit on my entire life" if you where truly happy in your choices you wouldnt care...
I don't know who she's been around, but I don't say anything to mothers. I don't care enough.
She sounded so insecure
Facts!!!
Right. If somebody simply saying they want to travel and have money "shits on your entire life" I think that's what we call being triggered.
As a mother who loves her child, I can’t even comprehend thinking like that. I have a right to love that I’m a mother and childfree women have the right to love their lives as well.
My mom told me growing up that when you have a kid, you have to kind of forget about yourself and that your life is all about your kid , forever and that freaked me out.
I just realized.... this whole hate towards child free women is male centered. Someone in the comments said childfree women are more enticing to men. In other words, their baby daddies.
Well I’m a childfree lesbian and a lot of people forget we exist and been about this life lol
That part 🙄😔
Males want to trap a childfree women.
This! In my country most married woman stop talking to their single friends because they're afraid their husbands might be attracted to their friends. Then once they have kids , they completely cut contact with their child free friends or those who still don't have kids yet. They're even this joke where if a woman stops talking to one/all her friends they'll tell her :"oh what's up? Did you get engaged?"
I’m a child free woman and I don’t date men with kids. That’s just my preference.
I think mothers can get triggered by childfree women because they know, deep down, that the self-sacrifice to be a mother was a CHOICE, often a net negative choice for women. Mothers age faster, have poorer health, die younger, and do far more work than childfree women do. Single mothers are also more likely to be in poverty than single childfree women.
Acknowledging your part in your own struggle is very difficult, and it's easier to project and get angry at other women. Also, patriarchy thrives when women compete against each other. So some moms who get triggered are also very likely to be 'boy moms', male-identified, or pickmes/brainwashed.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 All of this! All of it!
Yesss so true
As a mother and someone who always wanted to be a mother, I’m not sitting watching other women’s lives comparing myself to them. Us mothers have our purpose in life just as much as the childfree women but there’s always going to be insecure women who regrets their choices in life and projects onto the next woman, mother or not. God bless everyone reading this🤍
🎯
Actually, mothers do not age faster, die younger or necessarily even do more work than childfree women. I am not sure where you got your information to claim all that, but it’s actually the opposite (yes, surprisingly): CF can age faster due to other stresses and while mothers can age faster depending on stress levels or stress management, support or lack of support, how many children they have, etc., they don’t necessarily age faster in all cases as that’s based more on genetics and lifestyle choices than parenthood.
Mothers may definitely live longer than many childless women as stated in many studies conducted, and concerning workload, that may or may not be true in many cases, however, many childfree women work pretty grueling jobs so I’m not sure where your argument stems…🤷🏻♀️ life is hard, CF or not. Adding a child to the mix can make it harder or more rewarding depending on your frame of mind.
If you think about it, it makes sense that children add meaning to many peoples lives (and not bashing CF people with this statement btw, i know CF people have meaning in their lives) and they also force people to better their habits and health so of course, it makes sense that a longer life span for parents vs child free people would be the case, possibly though. It goes by a case by case basis for both groups honestly. I respect CF people btw, I just don’t agree with your statements.
Fun fact, women also dislike men who choose not to have children. It’s truly alarming when a mother tries to admonish me for choosing to not be a father. Scary.
I know there's a slight stigma against childfree men as well. What I'd want to hear, is what is the rhetoric that gets weaponized or questions that get lobbed at you or assumptions made about you when people ask about it?
You mean women who either want a step daddy to their kids or who want to have kids with you, sure. But you're not called names and stimatised by society.
Good grief!
Men do enough for society as it is. Be leaders, be the breadwinners, build shit, strategize and plan stuff out, go to war... etc...
Let's just add another needlessly complicated and difficult task on top of their already demanding and overloaded world of duties and responsibilities to fulfill.
Surely *then* they're going to perceived as "selfless" and a "contributing member of society...!" 🙄🙄
As a 34 year old childless person, I've now inherited the burden and responsibility of supporting my nieces and nephews because their parents failed to become anything in life.
So the village argument is absolutely garbage to me because it requires other people who didn't participate nor asked to be responsible for something they shouldn't be responsible for.
I have paid for driving classes, birthday parties, entire Christmases, field trips, school clothes, healthcare, class trips and more because the one who are suppose to be the the chiefs of the villages FAILED!
I wish this could be pinned! I’m children by choice.
Ayoooo! Tell me about it. 🤦🏾♀️
It sounds like your family is using you. It’s not your responsibility to pay for your family members’ kids and their expenses.
You did not inherit or got the burden to pay for it, you fully chose that yourself. No one can make you pay all that without your consent.
@@scarofmanleavethembehind True, but if they didn't choose it, the children suffer and literally no one else cares. I have been in that position and when the child comes to you, what are you going to say? No? Tough love would require you to let the child down and some of us care about the children too much to let them go without it.
Misery loves company. Mothers that are secure and happy about their role as mothers don’t feel the need force motherhood on other women. Miserable people love to sabotage others, whether they do so consciously or not.
💯 my mom enforces everyday she loves being my mom❤ She owns it and has made the right decision for herself and I am a product of a woma who loves motherhood with all the burdens.
❤
I have a real ass mom friend who once told me that probably 60%-70% of moms dont want to be moms.
About the village one and repeating is this person safe for my kid: the majority of S abuse against children comes from that village. It’s most often a trusted friend or family member compared to a stranger.
Yup.
My sister is one of those mothers. Mad because she can't live her life the way she wants to. 😂 Then she always tries to force her kids onto me. A village ain't lay down and make them kids, you did. Leave me tf alone.
They make unsuspecting people a part of thr village without even asking and then wonder why nobody wants to be a part of it
My family used to be really dismissive about my life. My sister had 4 kids and life full of drama (then). I used to drop everything for her to watch/pickup the kids, and I was glad to do it. But when they would laugh when I told them I was busy (I was building my media company), it really pissed me off. I started to call them out at a point. I was married, responsible as hell, and seldom brought my issues to my family. My brother doesn’t want kids either, so he gets it. But I had to remind them that my time was just as important as theirs and to put some respect on my name. It led to me keeping my distance for a while until they started to understand I was serious.
Now that everyone is older, they are a bit more respectful, and are NOW saying I was so smart not to have kids. The irony tickles me, but I give them grace. It really is hard for some women to see themselves as “important “ outside the context of motherhood. Not me, girl! 👀
Same! My sister knows not to call me.
Stand your ground. Tell her to pay for a babysitter
Preach 😂 😂
Okay so I'm from South Asia. Born & brought up in a massively community oriented culture, in the 80s.
Let me clarify how children are Actually raised in a Village.
1. All children of similar age, regardless of gender, social status, or parental earnings, get together & play in the fields. Sometimes there's only a couple of schools in the community, which everyone attends. Every damn person knows every other damn person.
2. Any parent can look after AND discipline any child if they break group norms. I can't tell y'all how many times I got yelled at by my neighbour aunty for creating ruckus lol. They don't wait for our respective parents to teach us anything. Nobody minds. Elders are elders & kids listen to them, whether they like it or not.
3. You are absolutely Not allowed to have your own fancy food preferences or anything outside your own house. Flex in communal space, get laughed at & shunned from the rest of your peer group.
Many other such social unwritten rules.
THIS IS HOW BEING RAISED BY A COMMUNITY LOOKS LIKE.
Honestly, these Western moms whining about "it takes a CoMMuNitY" makes my own childfree teeth cackle.
This is exactly it. So many people want the benefits of the “village” without the obligations. Most of them weren’t particularly invested in this whole village thing until THEY needed help. (And these are often the same people who get angry when others offer the “wrong” kind of help!)
This doesn’t sound bad at all. It sounds nice?
yeah, I grew up in a village, and whenever you were different, it could be hell. I am definitely warier of involving myself with other people nowadays, and yes I am usually warier of the parents/ married couples etc. who won't respect my authority/ social position/ contribution, whatever you want to call it. Village rules don't mean we get to be servants.
As a woman with 1 child I’m for child free women! Please don’t have a child unless you are mentally together and ready.
I suffer from depression and work a lonely career, I can’t be there for my son the way I wish I could as a mother, it makes me feel like a awful mother but I have to do what I have to do.
The fact you're self aware enough to be afraid of being a bad mom means you're not a bad mom. Bad moms won't call themselves bad moms.
Thank you for being honest. I appreciate your honesty. Giving advice to young women adults.
I'm sorry the kid's father won't step up and help. The burden shouldn't be solely on you.
As people have already said, your self-awareness puts you way ahead of the game.
That said, I can relate to the depression. It makes even going to work a struggle for me.
@@INGEN_Dahnie-el-aha-ha well actually he’s around… he’s in jail for assault w/ a deadly weapon towards me…
Im no one’s village. I’m sorry I can’t 😭
I had to learn the hard way😒😑💯
This!! Cuz I was EVERYONES village straight outta high school up until I was 28 and I just moved to another state. Even after moving back I’m not as involved as I used to be as that’s no love lost but it’s my time now. I arrive to all parties after setup and leave before cleanup😊😊😊#richauntieera
@@K.C.Uncovered at one point I was planning to move to a different country to get out of the village. lol
@@TinkOutLoud I’m still thinking about doing that 🤣
@@K.C.Uncovered I support it! 😂
I'm just going to come right out & say it: the reason why so many mothers are triggered by child-free women is because they fully regret having children. They are pressured by their family, friends, & society in general into having children while they're still young, & they're led to believe that motherhood will inevitably be the most magical, beautiful, rewarding experience of their entire lives. They're told that if they don't have children, they'll inevitably regret it some day. In reality, though, not all women are cut out to be mothers, & many regret it -- but since admitting that you regret having your kids is considered the ULTIMATE taboo, they have nowhere to vent their frustration. That's the reason.
Nailed it.
The thing is, being a mother changes your whole world entirely. It is such a deep and emotional experience where all of a sudden you become a completely different person. When I became a mom, nothing else mattered to me than keeping my children safe and taking care of them. Everything else just wasn't so important anymore.
And this is a experience that people without kids will never understand because you just don't know how deep and life changing it is to have a child. This love and simultaneously fear is so insane and humbling.
If someone has children or not is completely their choice, BUT as a child free person you will never be fully able to understand a mother or a father. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not, just be nice to eachother and acknowledge that you made different choices and both choices are okay and good. No one has to defend themselves for having or not having children, you don't have to bash a side to defend your own choices.
And be nice to kids! The only reason I dislike some childfree people is that they make mean jokes about children or are hating on them. That's absolutely horrible!
@@Aylinnrae I don't think that anyone is arguing with you about motherhood being one of the single most lifechanging experiences someone can go through, even if you take into account things like postnatal depression or difficulty bonding. From what you've said, it sounds like loving your children is fulfilling and positive - that's a lovely gift for you to enjoy.
But I think saying "you just don't get what it feels like" isn't really enough. A lot of women see the kinds of pressure women go through, the things they sacrifice, the parts of them that are required to die, when they take on the responsibility of raising children. While many fathers can maintain hobbies and social circles outside of their families, women are expected to make their children their ENTIRE world, with no identity beyond caregiver and housekeeper.
I know if I ever had a baby, my life would be anchored in loving that baby. But that would mean having nothing else - no interests, no skills, nothing that isn't related to the baby. And who would I be, when that baby grows up? Is that really all we are meant for - to nurture children, no matter what?
@aurus6483 I mean you do have a point and it is really really hard! 😳
@aurus6483 it is the best and worst experience at the same time
I don't understand why they get angry with child free people wanting child free spaces. Have they seen what Gen Alpha has done to their teachers.
Because it’s entitled to try to segregate children because you don’t like them.
@@Anemonolis it segregation to not let children into bars? Is it segregation to not allow childfree adults to wander aimlessly around elementary schools? Is it segregation to not allow white people into black cultural/community centers? To not allow non-queer people into gay bars?
Part of living in an organized society is recognizing some places are designed for everyone, some places are designed for you, and some places are not welcome to you. There is absolutely a reasonable line to be drawn. For example, banning kids from restaurants that dont serve alcohol is extreme, but having a childfree hour is completely fair.
I want to have spaces where I dont have to listen to screaming kids. I have misophonia & their screams feel like someone is tearing my skin off. I deserve to enjoy places without kids within reason.
Likewise, kids also deserve fun places catered to their desires without boring old ladies like me ruining the fun.
@@AnemonolHave you seen the inside of a sephora lately
@@chriiiiis YUP, e.g. the Drunken Elephant section AlWAYS being. freaking mess now.
@@LilChuunosuke Beautifully and respectfully explained.
As a mom, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to decide not to have children .
As a mom, I'm *happy* for women that made their OWN decisions, in this effing society, and didn't just go along to get along. I love that for them. 😊
Same! My best friend has no kids we’re a year apart she’s 28 and I never feel the need to impose kids on her or make her feel guilty. We do have conversations about her having kids and while I def believe she’ll be a good mom it’s up to her when she’s ready and I support her all the way
@@sayitasis8326 right ! My best friend is the same. She takes her role as a godmother seriously though so she asks to come over or take the kids.
Exactly. As long as they decide it before they actually have them. It becomes a problem when they decide they don’t want to have kids after they’ve already had them
Exactly. One of my best friends doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them, and I fully support her for that. But I’m a mom and she also supports me in my journey. We both root for each other to succeed, and we’re sympathetic/empathetic with each other when things are hard. I don’t understand the animosity between women who have kids and women who don’t.
They're triggered because they realise that they actually had a choice and they maybe regret theirs.
Yeah. My mom always wanted children. After marrying my father, dhe cried a lot because, for years, they couldn't afford to become parents, and sge srarted to think she would never have children.
So, she doesn't understand why I don't want children, but she never said anything negative about rhis. It was just:
" I don't want children.
- Why?
- I don't know. I just don't want to.
- Not even one?
- No.
- You know no one will love you as much as a child?
- I don't care.
- Ah? OK, then..."
It really surprised me, because my mom isn't usually accomodating. But, as you said, as she was comfkrtable with her choices, she didn't feel the necessity to push me through the same ones.
2:14 Nobody has to cater to your kids baby. A lot of moms are so entitled. Learn to raise your kids so everyone doesn't have to be impacted.
I agree 💯. They want to make our lives uncomfortable like we have to honor them or something😹😹😹😹🤡🤛🏾
As a mother I agree. If my kids can be in public and not cause problems so can theirs. It starts with discipline in the home. 🙂
@@sg5720yes! Their children also effect other children too! My nephew does not like being around other children because they are too loud/overwhelming!
A mother seems to tend to be an overgrown girl at least from what I’ve seen.. that’s why they want you to do it so young.. truly disable you
@@sg5720Yes Kids should be acting normal but it sounds so me from some People as if they want to FORBID Kids to enter outside their Homes 😂 the Streets are free and im not closing my Kids in the Closet for others to feel better and my Kids never dare to throw Tantrums outside!
Identity crisis. I think it's because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that the only things that can give us meaning and purpose in life are having children and being wives. Many women still feel that way. They've lost themselves while trying to be only that. When they see childfree women finding purpose, meaning, and identity outside of where we were conditioned to find those things, they deep down feel scared. It's that little question: "If this isn't my purpose, what is it? Who am I?" They project their fears onto other women because based on the things they've attached to their identity, they can never be free like us. A good chunk (not all) of them.
I agree..so true. I became a mother at 22, before I got a chance to know who I was. Now that my sons are grown, I'm still wondering what my purpose is outside of being a mother, grandmother and caregiver. It can be depressing at times. I fully support childfree and childless women. Being a mother is not for everyone. Women shouldn't bash each other on either side. Live and let live!..😉
Yep I used to feel like I was a failure for not getting married and having kids. That was my upbringing. It was like I was behind or something.
"people are recording me being a bad mother and asking for more childfree spaces. What about my children?!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄
That lady talking about community got me irritated. This is because I see this all the time. Single moms or married single moms act like they are owed understanding or time from others just because they got it. THAT'S A BIG NO FOR ME!!!!! You do not get to act like a martyr because to made the decision to sacrifice your time, money and identity to have kids. If you want a village so bad join a mom group at your kids school. You guys can carpool , share babysitters, arrange playdates without expecting anything from childfree folks.
This. One. Wins.
@@petunia7623 Yes, she's irritated that others don't want to baby-sit for her
Honestly yes that's one of the things I find a little bit confusing about moms because I heard that it was always so easy to make friends with another mom if you're currently a mom so yes doing play dates and using each other for help just make sense
And like where are the men who made the child with them? Why are they begging for others? Lol
The woman who was resentful for not having a village for her child want those of us who are childfree to bear/fulfill some responsibility that's not really our responsibility. People really need to be ready to be parents and find or create the environment they want. I've had to end many friendships once they became moms because they felt entitled to my time and help. I don't mind helping but I resent the entitlement. I don't tell people unless they ask because by and large when I just offer the information I get so much vitriol and judgment.
Why can't she build a community with other mothers? Does she not have friends?
IMO "Village" is not only about village elders, but village fools as well. They can't pick & choose whom they want to be included in their Village.
As a child free woman with many friends that have children - it seems to me that children consume the majority of their time and attention and there's hardly a conversation that goes by where we are not talking about their kids. I don't mind this for occasional conversations, I actually like kids. However, I like to talk about things I want as a single person, like places I want to travel, new restaurants I want to try, movies I want to go see, etc. and I think they just can't relate as much anymore because they'd much rather focus on the kid-friendly things to do as a family. After awhile, I think we just get on each other's nerves 😂 Men are a whole different story. I've encountered men that are flat out rude and insulting when they find out I don't want kids. It's like they can't even wrap their little brains around the concept.
Yes I’m starting to learn how little men brains are.. they are truly bothered by a woman who’s free.
Just ignore the men. Men think they're a being good dad if they see their child half an hour a day and yet do basically no child care at all. Most of them don't even understand what it takes to be a parent - even the ones with kids. The lion's share almost always falls on the mother. Just laugh at the pathetic men who think they know anything.
Hmmm... I've heard quite a few child-free influencers advocate for reproductive rights. Maybe that lady should actually look for people talking about it. Ijs 🤷🏾♀️
Yeah, she hasn't been looking. Every childfree person I've seen content from has talked about it.
How the heck does she think we're child free in the first place?
Yeah if anything we’re the biggest advocates for it!
@@loosilu Abstinence/Celibacy also works.
I remember an article that pissed me off about a mother who complained in Disney because she saw adults walking around without children. The parents at Disney are so miserable and look it as well. Why are you concerned about a person being single? ever thought to yourself that there are adults who for whatever reason never got to go to Disney because their parents couldnt afford it? Some adults never got to go to Disney and despite how you feel about Disney, this woman was clearly mad because she is strapped to children she regrets having. That's why seeing childfree people irk her. The only time I am pissed off in public is if someone is invading my personal space. Other than that, I dont care if you are childfree. Many parents become bullies because they hate being parents. I have seen more toxic public behavior from parents than childfree people.
Irresponsible mothers who had no business being mothers in the first place are triggered.
YESSSS!!!
Plus disney doesn't exist in every country. People from other countries will only get to see disney as an adult because it's an overseas trip.
@@kit76149Yup. I'm from the UK. I grew up in a poor neighbourhood. The notion of paying some £80 (back then about $180) for a passport per person, then about £100 ($200) for a ticket for each person when there may even be siblings too. Plus the plane ticket to the US.... Not gonna happen. One girl in our class went to Tenerife and it was basically treated like the darn trip of a lifetime (it was cheap to go after the tragic disaster). Paris is also super expensive to be in. Travelling there is cheaper but holy cow is that city expensive.
So yeah, quite a few of my former classmates went to Florida as adults and loved it.
But sometimes adult disney kids are too much
The lady who had kids and is mad that people who don't have kids don't wanna help raise them. The entitlement! WTF
The lady @ 12:00 is part of why its a bit hard to befriend women with kids. It always seems as if they're scanning me to determine if I could be a baby sitter. I appreciate that they trust me enough to be that for them, but there are times I felt the woman didnt even vibe with me that well but kept me around in case she needed me to help her with her child. It doesnt feel good when you know someone only wants you to use you in a way they will not be reciprocating. I get that kids need villages, but as a mother its your job to make sure you have that. If you need assistance be respectful and mindful of other peoples time when you request it!
Exactly! Women should think about their village before bringing another member into it, like a child! Childfree women aren’t obligated to help anyone with kids, that’s the reality. She should seek out women who don’t mind helping them out, not because they’re childfree. That’s not fair and it’s actually disrespectful to assume that someone is going to drop their lifestyle to attend to someone else’s.
@@SmileyAdventures Thank you for understanding. I was hoping I didnt sound too harsh. I actually love children, but I know motherhood is not something I've ever desired.
@@TeaLeaf222ur right they also want access to ur resources so I had so much women with kids tell me sob stories just so they can live rent free I'm normally nice and will let you get ur life together but not paying me for over 10months straight naw time for you and your kids to go
@@shaypope4732 not paying you a dime for over 10 months (without a solid reason) is flat out taking advantage of you. I hope that person was able to access more resources outside of yours. I notice the same thing about resources, sometimes they'll weaponize their kids to get free things/money from you. I had a friend that would contact me to go out then somehow would always bring up how she had so little money to fish for me to pay for drinks/food. I didnt mind at times but other times I was saddened that she really thought I was so stupid.
@@TeaLeaf222Baby you did not sound harsh at all, whoever got offended reading that can go cry in the corner eating popcorn.
The person who is this upset because people say they don't want their body "ruined" or getting broke because of kids, and says "You just shit on my entire life" is not giving off the vibe of being 100% happy and secure in her choice because if you really think motherhood is this amazing thing, those things would not get to you because you know this is your road to happiness. As a childfree by choice woman, if someone tells me that I'll never know real unconditional love, that is a big dramatic statement that can certainly read as "shitting on my entire life" and yet it rolls right off me because I KNOW motherhood would make me miserable and I AM secure in my choice.
No I think she’s valid in what she’s saying. She’s only annoyed by unnecessary comments about her personal life decisions. Being 100% secure and happy doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed at rude questions. You’re not mad because you’re suddenly questioning yourself. You’re mad at the sheer audacity of a stranger thinking they know what’s best for you. It’s the same way I got annoyed at a coworker who tried to tell me that will change my mind about having kids despite only knowing each other for a few weeks.
That one was confusing, because it sounded like child free reasons she may have heard from others, which would not be about her specifically.
I took it as either she was insecure and those specific things stuck, because they bother her OR the slight, but more unrealistic possibility that a child free person was dogging her about those things. Like “Isn’t it true it’ll ruin your body? That’s what I heard.” But like I said, that seems unlikely based on the way she presented the statements.
Preach
she's really not happy. The hostility was bubbling up more the longer she went on.
@@blktaunaRight she sounded a bit aggressive and even brought up what another mother told her in a conversation about being a young mom. The fact that she took the comments to heart says a lot. A comment can bother you but if there is no truth and if you are happy enough you shouldn't stay triggered and remember it so vividly. It seems like any question pertaining g to how she did a lot of milestones at a young age without having time to herself to discover herself and the world rings true or else it would not bother her so much. Also personally i find it sad that she thinks her whole life as someone on earth is being targeted because people have criticisms on roles that she has. It seems that her whole life and identity are tied to being a wife and a mother.
I will confess. I was that woman. I use to think that child free people were selfish. How stupid. It’s not like we are going to run out of people! Totally a personal choice. Also, too many people have kids that are crap parents.
TBH every mom I have seen tell me not to rush when it comes to having kids. It is actually the men who gets triggered and say I should get kids.
Yup. It's probably most conservative women thing. And men are more often conservative.
Yup! This right here! Most women even moms I know tell me not to rush and not to have kids if I'm not ready or don't want it. It's the men who are upset. The only person who should even be asking me such personal things is the person I fuck. 😂😂😂 not some old men at work.
...Or if they aren't triggered, they get aroused that I don't have kids. I'm like, Sir I wasn't flirting with you. Why are you turned on? 🤨 I'm honestly confused.
Same here. The men here in my area are very traditional. They don't want women who are childless and working, and having a career is like a sin for them.
I believe anyone who feels strongly about someone else’s decision on what to do with their own life, is simply insecure about the decision that they themselves made. People project. Happy moms live their best life’s and happy CF people live theirs. If you’re not truly happy, it shows either way .
“Childless people don’t want to deal with children “ ma’am are you ok? Why does that not make sense? Call your Mom friends and create the village you need. Why force it on people that do not want children?
I got fed up having small children around me all the time growing up, my mom being a kindergarten teacher, me having to care for my brother, then my niece and nephew.
I also can’t handle the screaming, It’s grating and makes me anxious and angry, I understand that children should be allowed in public, so I remove myself, because I know I’m the one with a problem.
I’m the first daughter, I didn’t get to be a child, and really don’t want to have children.
It wouldn’t be fair to me or the child to make me a mother.
And despite knowing this, family members still insist I should. I know I resent people who pry and prod into why I don’t want kids and no matter my answer it’s always “oh but your clock is ticking” or “you just haven’t met the right man” or “you’ll die alone with your 15 cats who’ll eat you after you die” mind your own fucking business.
I have the same sensory issue and we need to take up space, cause I always remove myself too! But having children screaming and crying in distress is horrible, not just for us, but other children, people with disabilities, mental health issues etc! The noise levels of screaming is a public hazard!
Stand your ground. I've heard all that too from coworkers and "well meaning" people trying to pressure me into having more kids. I was furious. They hinted my life was over or meant nothing without them ( marriage or kids) . Those same fools now are divorced or on their 2/3 rd marriage miserable and bitter.
I'm the first daughter too and I have a disabled sister who I looked after my whole life. For me, I already raised my child. My best friend in the entire world and it's enough.
As for who will care for me when I'm old? Well, I'll have my sister, so I won't be alone. Not for long anyway. I won't be long behind her.
This whole "you'll die alone" thing is like the most insensitive thing ever. What about all the people who just can't have children (even though they want to) or the ones who lost their children at a young age? Do you not care about their wellbeing? It seems like some people are just throwing around stereotypes about being childfree because they don't know any better. If they did they would respect it everytime whenever someone says that they don't want children - because hell no, please don't have children if you are going to resent them.
At least I'm providing for my cats!
What about fathers getting triggered by childfree men? Some fathers shame me for being childfree and spit out the bingos while some others have wished they never had children once I listed valid points why people shouldn’t procreate. If people want children, they should consider adopting or fostering children who are already here and in need.
Well said :)
💯
That’s what I always say! There are plenty of unwanted kids to choose from, unfortunately. On average, 25k age out of the system every year and become homeless. 💔
But it seems like a lot of breeders are unable to love someone who isn’t “theirs”.
I have a wonderful little boy, but I had a difficult pregnancy so I'll probably not have another biological kid. I would LOVE to have another, but, even though I have a decent, full time job, I can only afford the 2 bedroom apartment I have (and I only have it because I moved in 8 years ago, so rent isn't too bad). I doubt I would be allowed to adopt or foster, just because of lack of space. If I had another kid the old-fashioned way though, no one would bat an eye if they shared a room with their big brother. There are a lot of people who would love to adopt, but would never be allowed to. It's have their own or none at all.
As an Asian woman, the women who get "triggered" because I choose to be child-free usually are other Asian women. It stems from their cultural beliefs that a woman should be a mother, that you have no life or purpose unless you're married and have kids, and it's insulting to them that I CHOOSE to not be a mother. I don't let it bother me. Kids are great. All my good friends and siblings have children. I'm just happy being forever-auntie.
“Marketed as”was the key phrase not selfless. Its selfish to have kids just because you want them. Especially when you havent healed trauma or prepared your life for them.
Especially when you realize the world you brought them into. I feel incredibly guilty about the world I’m leaving my kids! They didn’t ask for all this. My kids are Gen Z who grew up with active shooter drills. I never wanted that for them. They’ll have no pressure from me about having kids of their own. I wouldn’t blame them choosing a CF lifestyle.
I have 2 kids and am not triggered by people who are childfree. In fact, I always hoped that seeing me out in public with 2 boys acting like little boys would be enough to make every childfree person around think twice about wanting (or getting trapped with) kids. I hope I was a good reminder to women all around me to TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL!
Same!
Thank you for your service 🫡
😂😂😂😂😂💛💛💛
So in other words your kids are a lesson on how motherhood sucks? What the fuck is wrong with you? They are people!
There are so many terrible parents, downright horrid people that are toxic for children, and I do not think everyone should be a parent.
The lady at 14:00 is wilding out. She resents not having a bunch of babysitters 😂
😂 I was thinking the same! Shaming others because they aren't interested in her children. Where are your family & friends, lady?
Exactly. I had to laugh at that 😭
Not having a bunch of baby sitters is a regrettable position to be in
😹😹😹😹🤦🏾♀️
Girl ok! And the kicker is is that she can have as many baby sitters as she wants. She will just have to PAY them for their LABOR! What she really means is that no one won’t watch her litter for FREE! Being a nanny is a job, pay someone and you wouldn’t have a problem. These “moms” are something else chile! 😂🤣
I think a lot of mothers get triggered is that they either didn't know/feel like they had a choice in the matter and are now stuck or motherhood wasn't the spiritually ascending Instagram-curated experience they thought it was going to be. So they see women who actually thought it through and chose not to have kids and become upset at their own lack of forethought and project it onto childfree women. This is also why they're adamant that nobody can possibly know what it's like to be a parent unless you are one. They lacked observational skills so nobody else could be observant enough to understand what motherhood/parenthood is like to make an educated decision to not have children.
Childfree people don't think they're entitled to a childfree world, but there are places where it's entirely reasonable that children shouldn't be or should be able to regulate themselves enough to be in that environment. Childfree people aren't going to Chuck-E-Cheese or a 12pm showing of a kids' movie on a Saturday and complaining about children being around. We're at bars, restaurants, museums (not a specifically child-oriented museum), or late-night movies and having our experience disrupted by children and parents who refuse to actively teach their child decorum and emotional regulation. Nobody is paying to hear your child play Bluey on the iPad you've shoved in front of your child's face because you want to be disengaged from your child at a meal or your child having a meltdown over whatever weird toddler thought process has them upset. Not to mention, parents are raising their children to be liabilities but also think they never should be held responsible for their children, so businesses are starting to outright bar children because they don't want to end up being sued due to the (in)actions on the part of the parent for a child's injury or death.
As for the one resentful that she doesn't have a village, I can guarantee she wasn't village-oriented when she decided to have babies. Did she have a sit-down discussion with her friends and family about having children and seeing if they were on board with being a member of the village? Was she village-oriented prior to marriage and deciding to have kids? You can't sit here and make all these decisions unilaterally but expect a bunch of people that you felt didn't have the right to have an opinion prior to now offer up time, money, and resources to serving your personal choices.
Beautifully stated! 💓
These parents want a village but have never been there for anyone else in a significant way. Yet the expect people to deal with their children, and kids are a huge liability if they get hurt in your care. Kids are always hurting themselves and some even learned from their narcissistic parents about how to fake hurt to get attention. There's no way I'd take on care for someone's kids, not even if I charged them $200 per hour.
Spot on
"whatever weird toddler thought process has them upset" The accuracy, though. 😂
So well said!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Mothers can be SO vicious and nasty to childfree women, and it’s because they’re jealous. Lots of women love their kids, but they HATE being mothers. They won’t admit it, however, because they don’t want to give childfree women the satisfaction. I know two different women who have both told me, in secret, that having kids has ruined their life - having kids ruined their body, their marriage, their sex life, their social life, their finances, their career, and their mental health. But if you look at their social media pages, you’d think they were blissfully happy!! Their social media is covered in photos of them smiling and laughing with their husbands and children. It’s all a lie.
You can't force someone that doesn't want children or want to be around children to help you just because you need "a village" to help you. This is called free will. We all have it. That lady at the 15:00 mark is delusional.
The lady that triggered by influences… She’s the type that blames everything on social media influencers. Because what did any of that have to do with being triggered by women that are child free by choice?
Sounds like there's unreasonable people on both ends. I don't have children yet I understand how they're our future as species and a society and also just have some human instinct to tolerate and even protect them with the way I act. Children aside we're only this far because we built societies and communities and there isn't such without mutual compromise and tolerance.
she had me so confused 💀
@@SA-ey6nt children are the future. That’s why we need focus more on protecting and raising the ones that are here first. And bringing life into better environments and communities.
IMO , it seems like the focus is simply adding more humans then just letting life eat the alive. We could at least see value in already existing children.
@@CORMEAYE me too. Lol
I remember telling someone i was childless and they looked at me with disdain
As a mother myself I fully support childfree women. To each its own, motherhood is not for everyone...😉
The ability to Procreate is the default. Not everyone has the discernment to not Participate 😉
I absolutely don't understand that woman who was upset that childfree by choice women are not speaking about reproductive rights because some people are forced to give birth. What are they supposed to say exactly? Were there not tons or protests? A lot of them do support it and they are getting sterilized more than ever now. Being childfree is a personal choice, not a legal one. The laws must change but lawmakers are ignoring people.
It's conservative parents who complained and made these abortion bans happen, she should be mad at them instead. Why can't people with children speak out on it? She probably thinks childfree people have more free time so they should do that work. Surveys have shown that the majority supports reproductive rights, but since the right-wing people took over the courts, they are proposing these awful laws.
Exactly. Her anger is completely misplaced.
I'm confused about the "forced to give birth" part she mentioned. Was she also "forced" to get pregnant or did she disregard the precautions against it and got mad at people who won't march for her consequences? Am I missing something?
She's full of it because we absolutely do care and advocate as this affects us.
Thats a good point! She believes the burden & labour must be on CF woman as per usual! Because of course we have absolutely nothing better to do!
It's conservatives without kids too.
I am Childfree, but not Childless. I have tried to become that part of the Village for my Sisters, Cousins, Besties, etc.
Be the Emergency contact, take the kiddos to 1st days of anything. And it is awesome to be an “Auntie”
As a happy aunt of seven nieces and nephews I am with you 👍🏻
My question is why do mothers get mad at their daughters not wearing a bra around their own house?
Because those mothers know the father, step father, boyfriend, uncle, brother, or other male in the home is a s exual deviant.
Right?! That's some crazy shit and I had to deal with that myself. They'd always say, "there are men around". I do understand it to a certain extent, but if you don't trust the men in your life around your children, you shouldn't have those men in your life.
If there is a man in the house the every female should wear a bra. It has nothing to do with not trusting the men it’s just respect. Even in my own house if I have a male family member come over I will wear a bra or bathroom or something decent out of respect for myself and my family.
@@Indyawillis85 #Facts
Make it make sense
@@Indyawillis85 period!
They must regret falling for the idea that having kids would make them whole. And they are looking for help like you say. I always saw motherhood like an MLM scheme for most people. It never appealed to me. I also have served enough time taking care of my parent.
What annoys me is that people with children will take offence if you’re not sure about having kids or don’t want them, they feel like you’re personally insulting them. They’ll tell you it’s amazing, you won’t know love like it, best decision of their lives…..BUT if you tell them you’re and are pregnant then they have such a grin and tell you Ohhhhhh just you wait, and proceed to tell you all the horrors like sleepless nights, tantrums etc etc
Like can anyone win with this conversation 😅😅😅
The second girl is me!
My biggest supporters for remaining child free are mothers and those who love to berate ne or debate me on my desire to remain childfree are women who want kids but dont have them yet. Can we please stop policing women's bodies and our wombs!?
Heck yes. Motherhood is glorified slavery 😂 under an adorable, smelly captor. Those same women who think they know are gonna be sick when they get what they want.
I am 40 and childfree, and I feel I didn’t really had a choice. I have always wanted children since I was little. When I got older some mental health issues starting to develop, still wanted kids. The mental health issues got worse, and I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Still wanted kids, but I started to sense that there was this ominous, sinister impending doom was lurking underneath. That turned eventually into a monster that got me diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. That was the moment that I realized I would never be a mom, that I will never experience how it is to love someone so unconditionally, never experience the joy and pride when your child starts to talk and walk etc. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I struggle with it a lot. I just can’t bring a child into this world who has an extremely high chance of inheriting my mentally illness for one, and I can’t bring a child into this world when I’m sometimes can barely take care of myself. Since I don’t feel the need to tell everyone my story when they ask: “Oh you and your husband don’t want kids?”, I usually give a vague answer about freedom, other priorities etc
Heyy I’m in my late 20’s but I get the same feeling about the possibility of kids. I have bipolar 1 disorder and had it for years. However my husband and I are loving the childfree life. We have a beautiful home and time for hobbies/travel outside of work. I also give a vague answer when ppl ask me when we’re having kids. It’s still a choice to me though regardless of mental health/fertility. TY for sharing💜!
It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought ❤ I hope you find joy in other facets of life
I am in the same boat. No way I'm putting a kid through a fraction of what I've been through with mental illness.
You're being responsible.
This is the most loving thing you could have done for them, thank you. You are a very good person, I hope you are proud of yourself, and live a great life.
I agree with the second girl. I am way more attacked by men and women who don't have kids and want to have them one day, than by actual parents!.
I also have beef with people that attack moms for no reason!
Everyone always has something to say about someone else's life.
Exactly...🙏🏾
Neither of my girls are having children. One through choice, the other through disability. I’m relieved.
" The Village"
What it is:
A selection of close family or friends who you trust to help you raise, take care of, spend time with and PARENT your children when you feel you're struggling to do it at some point.
What it isnt:
A selection ofn any person you know you can pawn your child off to so they can give them the attention you're incapable of
Exactly!
Because they're in the pain of regret...
Say it louder and want to punish everyone for their decision
Here's my thing: Require help, support, and a village from your husband, baby daddy, and family first. What also grinds my gear is they never complain or require these things from men or childfree men, so why the big tantrum for children women? Omg! The lady that essentially says childfree women want a child-free world? Come on?! Just teach your child how to act in public or at the very least control them. Sigh.
I have children and never judge anyone for not having children. It's best to have them because YOU want a child. It's their decision 💯 percent. No person should be shamed for it.
Some mothers get triggered because though they love their children, they know they have made an irreversible mistake.
Motherhood has certain HARD aspects that no woman would undertake if the rules were laid out beforehand 😢
Unfortunately, once they are in, they see the challenges and want others to join so they have a bigger pool of experience to draw from.
The mother who spoke about being in foster care and wanting a new identity that she felt was of worth and then realizing what motherhood was like afterwards unexpectedly touched my heart. I appreciate the women who have made certain decisions in life and are able to be reflective and honest with other women about it who don't want to make that choice. Many times child free women and women with children are saying the same things about what goes into to the decision to have or not have a child and don't realize it because we approach it from the point of an argument vs an honest conversation.
I don’t have kids. Best decision I’ve ever made. I am not worried about mothers. Mothers are the ones worried about why I don’t have kids. Most mothers hate being moms. Most moms regret being moms specially if she’s a single mom! Gotta go, gonna enjoy my child free life 😎
Becoming a parent doesn’t entitle you to a village. If that’s what you’re expecting, you might want to consult that village first, because they might have other plans. I spent all of my 20s and most of my 30s taking care of my niece and nephew. My niece, as an adult now, knows that when/if she chooses to have children, I’m in my 40s now… don’t call me to watch your kids. Once in a while, okay, but I’m not about to spend my older years again raising/watching somebody else’s children… being their village… being stressed.. being exhausted, with no gratitude from their parents. Not this time around fam. Not this time around.
‼️
It kind of does, because there's a lot of pressure to have kids. My mom kept talking to me about having babies for like 10 years. I never met the right person. She never even liked my boyfriends or my first husband. My second husband and I have 1.5 kids. Yeah you'd fucking better help out after stressing me out and pestering me until then.
They don't bc they're too far away, but I built my own village. We're making do. What other option is there? Just drown? Complain? No
@@xletragedyxNo it doesn’t, don’t have kids if you can’t take care of them
@LucidKay9114 I take care of my kids and I have a village. It's part of being a human to help out your relatives and friends. My one friend sent all her hand me down baby clothes. I sent another friend a special gift when she was diagnosed with a disease. It's not owed but it keeps you close. If I were geographically closer to my family, they would help with my kids, just like we help each other with other things.
Im unsure why CF women need to be around children? The whole point is we are CF . We don’t owe you anything. Many of us realised there was no village and this reinforced our resolve not to have any. I never hear parents talking about how to connect with us. Like if your whole identity wasn’t wrapped up in your childs existence you may still preserve a part of yourself that can be invested in friendships without children and enhance your parenting over time and once kids are grown you still have a sense of self.
My SIL is child free. But she does still have a niece and nephews whose life she wants to be part of. She chose not to raise them herself, but she loves the kids in her life. She has friends who are CF as well. Being CF doesn’t mean avoiding them altogether, just means not raising them herself.
@@tinasapienza6552 I’m aware of that i was responding to the part of the video where the woman said we CF women should be involved. If we WANT to we will its choices all round for us and we wont be pressured into being anyone’s village. Right now you SIL is involved and she remains free to ajust the level to which shes involved anytime she wants. Also please make sure you lean into her CF life and dont use your kids as a reasonnit to be able to. Reciprocate her efforts.
As a mom it doesn't trigger me. I encourage women not to have kids. Keep your body, your money, your clean house😂😂😂😂😂
0:13 because misery loves company
True💯😹😹😹😹🤡🤛🏾
Exactly💯
Just that simple
As a mother don’t have kids it is extremely hard work nobody appreciates it and your whole life will have to revolve around your kid specially if you have very little support even going to the gym is something I can’t easily do and have to plan for.
Because they know they got scammed. 😏
So are we pretending like mothers havent made being a mother their entire personality? 🤔
Are we pretending like non-mothers havent experienced equally rude ass comments like "you dont know love until you have a kid"?
Im glad the tide has changed bc now they realize how goofy they sounded when pressuring single by choice moms to have kids....simply bc they themselves have kids.
When asked if i have kids, i say "ewww no..." based off instincts. 😂 thats not a slight to mothers/parents. Thats my own opinion....bc why would you think that?!😂😂😂
I'm child free, but not because I didn't want to be a mom, but because I have terrible genetics, that not only do I refuse to pass on, but would also negatively affect my parenting, along with having PTSD and having been severely emotionally neglected, as a child, which again, will negatively impact my parenting. Between my childhood abuse, the issues surrounding my health and my mental health because of the combination of the two, I'm terrified that I would have devolved into my sh*t mom, and no kid should be raised by anyone who makes a 7 year old pray that they won't wake up in the morning.
I am a 41 year old female. I am happily single and have no kids. Very interesting video. I feel lonely sometimes. I have heard married women with kids say that they feel lonely. Isolating life....interesting. I feel like some of the struggles (not all obviously) are similar...
Some of these women are annoying. Child bye.👋🏾
😂 honestly! I had to skip past the hit dogs!