Single and Childless Not By Choice: MY STORY Part ONE
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- Опубліковано 14 чер 2024
- There are lots of different situations that lead someone to be childless not by choice. NO two stories are the same. Here is part ONE of MY story.
@sondersisterhood
@theotherpathcoaching
@singleness.extendededition
www.sondersisterhood.com
www.theotherpathcoaching.com
This video is for informational and educational purposes only. This video is not therapy nor a substitute for therapy. This video is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified medical or mental health health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical and mental health advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read or seen on this video.
38 headed that way and my sis is divorced turning 40, childless. We found things more important than children. Emotional health With self-care, God and trusting that we ourselves are enough. We have time to develop certain intelligences.
we ourselves is definitely enough. Thanks for stopping by the channel.
It's not over till you're underground. A life does not always work out the way you envision but eventually it gets you where you want to be but with a twist.
I love that. "with a twist". :) Thanks for stopping by the channel.
My mother was a stay at home mother and I saw her life just full of chores and doing nothing for herself. It sounded really dull compared to my dad who was out travelling and having hobbies. I could never be a mombie.
I understand what you are going through, its so hard when you feel like there's a hope but not seeing it coming. Im starting to feel settled now knowing what my future look like. Sometimes lonely, sometimes not. Be strong and enjoy this life❤
Thanks for the encouraging words. I appreciate them.
Thanks for sharing! Very relatable. I’m 47 and similar story. Although didn’t freeze eggs. I’ve been through many emotional stages to get to where I am now. A place o accepting and embracing that I won’t have kids and that life is still wonderful just as it’s unfolding.
Thanks for stopping by the channel. Glad you found that place of acceptance and embracing what you can do. :)
I agree. I know so many women who dont have kids for various reasons and nobody discusses it. But when you are around "normies" they say this crazy stuff about how none of these women could know real love and stupid stuff
yes, there is definitely a lot not said in this space.
I remember this stupid comment regarding true love or that you don't know how tired you are until you have kids. I hated those when I was going through infertility treatments for years and I was afraid that i might never be a mother. Eventually I become one but they still piss me off, they are so hurtful and plain stupid.
@@theiceandsnow3998 Thanks for stopping by the channel. Yes, I think people say things without thinking because it doesn't occur to people that you might not be a mom even though you want to be.
Thank you,, am in the same position at 41,,,bad relationship,, left me mentally scared,, then engaged to not a serious man who left,, here I am 41,, am at peace with it ❤.
Hard stuff to make peace with and when you can lots to look forward to as well. Thanks for stopping by the channel and sharing your story.
Thank you very much for sharing your story! I didn’t know there was a community for unintentionally childless women. I’ve felt ostracized in society because it seemed like everyone is either a parent, childless or childfree.
I’m not a parent. I’m not childfree because I alway wanted children. I don’t feel like I fit into “childless” because I didn’t exactly try to have children.
I procrastinated due to waiting for the right time and it never really came. Now it’s very sad to no longer be able to say “someday I’ll be a mother”.
I always wanted to adopt at least one child but even that isn’t realistic in my current situation. I realize that there are positives to both parenthood and non-parenthood.
It seems like just when you’ve accepted that you can have a full life without children; there are red pillers out there trying to convince you that something is wrong with your life.
I don’t believe being single or coupled, being a parent or non-parent defines happiness.
Hi. What you described is exactly why we started the channel. I didn't know about the community either until I felt desperate for some reassurance and encouragement my life wouldn't suck. If you follow #childlessbycircumstance or #childlessnotbychoice on instagram I think you will find some accounts that speak to your experience as well. I agree, parenthood or not, coupledom or not, doesn't have to define happiness. Thanks for stopping by channel and sharing a slice of your experience.
Thanks for sharing your story!
I can relate to so much you've said. Yep, it totally can feel like the vision you had for your life is being slow motion destroyed. The grief can be really intense. Eventually a calm acceptance comes, but it can take a long time. Like, years.
Hearing other women's stories, and how they've come through it, definitely helps. Big hugs to any woman going through this. ❤
I agree. it is possible to feel some acceptance and excited about the future and it can take awhile. Thanks for stopping by the channel.
THANK YOU for sharing your story, this is SOOOOOOO needed!! The way you tell your story and explain your journey with total honesty and vulnerability is amazing and inspiring ❤
Aww thank you for saying that. I appreciate it and I agree that those of us who are ready to, it is helpful to share our story:). Thanks for stopping by.
My sister died very young of ovarian cancer, diagnosed while she was pregnant with what could have been her first child. She couldn't continue with the pregnancy and died a few years later. I took care of her at home and because we were so close, and close in age, there was zero chance i could have started a family while she was dying. After she died I was devastated for several years. This time marked the end of my own opportunity to have children, something I always assumed I'd do. I certainly have moments when I feel sad about missing having had children, but not for long. All i have to do is remember my sister and what she went through. Not having children is not a problem when compared to dying young and many other things that can and do happen to people in this life. It's important, I think, to find ways to keep all of our disappointments in perspective so that we don't fixate on the things we don't have and ignore the things we do have. Perspective is everything.
I'm so sorry. Especially feel for your sister who was robbed of her life. Thank you for sharing and for sharing how you remind yourself of things to help you cope. Thanks for stopping by the channel.
Thank you for sharing! It feels good to know im not alone!!!! I am about to have an endometrial ablation to stop heavy menstrual issues and im 41. Coming to terms with not being a mother has been one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through. You have no idea how much youbhave helped me❤
I hope the procedure goes well for you. It's hard and you aren't alone. Thanks for stopping by the channel. Sending you peaceful vibes.
Thank you for sharing your story.
💕Thanks for stopping by. :).
Your story was really helpful. I didn’t know there was a community about this. Currently it seems I will end up at least childless not by choice, and possibly divorced too. Well, we do have a daughter but she is in heaven. And after a long time of trying for another I had a miscarriage. I’m starting to realize I need to accept that I may be childless, because it’s been years that I’ve been clinging to this need to have children, and I feel like I can’t live my life until I do. Anyways thank you for this video, hearing you talk about your journey really helps. Sending all my love❤
Sending you love back. Sorry you've been going through this. If and when you are ready the Childless Collective is an online community that has lots of different support for a variety of different paths of childlessness. She puts on annual summits and things too.
So happy to find your channel.
Glad you find value in the channel. Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for sharing your helping so many women.
I hope so. :). Thanks for your comment and for stopping by the channel.
Thank you for being vulnerable and telling your story. A few things struck me...first I think that male friend of yours did you a favor by telling you in a neutral way that you may not have children. To me, it seemed like something clicked in you and you were able to face that potential reality once he said something. Secondly, I admire you for not forcing the situation. I've known some women in your predicament and they forced untenable situations to happen and it didn't end well. It's hard because you can't see a parallel reality of having children under unfavorable circumstances. My guess is you're far better off present day than you would have been if you had a child under a less than ideal situation. Third, it's not you. I've done a deep dive into this situation and I think there are far less men in the U.S. who are capable of handling the responsibility of being married and having a family. Many are opting out for a less responsible lifestyle (playing video games, watching p$rn, etc). From what I can see, responsible men who have jobs and want to get married/have a family are able to do so and they have a lot of options. And that doesn't even take into account finding a responsible man whom you have chemistry with, get along with, etc. From what I can see, there are more functional women than men right now but that might be a bias on my part. Finally, I don't have children myself, but I did work with thousands of children across the U.S. in hospitals and schools as an occupational therapist. I was one of the people present in times of high stress because many of the kids I worked with had been through surgery or had some type of injury or disability. That is not an easy road and the parents were constantly stressed (understandably so). The chances of having a child with a disability does increase with age (although this is not always the case) so it's hard to say how it would have been for you. Sorry for my long comment but I wish you all the best. Take care and thanks for the video.
Thanks for your comments. I agree with you that who knows what would've been and that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You're right. My friend making that comment in a way that wasn't laced with pity or trying to make it better was a turning point in how I was conceptualizing what was happening.
Your story was beautiful. I have so much respect for your sharing something so intimate for the sake of helping other women be they childless, childfree or have half a dozen kids. We can all relate. And to tell your story without the labeling, shaming and judging that usually goes with this issue is absolutely a breath of fresh air. I think it is time that we, as a culture, realized that having a uni-gauge into which everyone's' life must be measured is counterproductive to a flourishing and balanced world. What you are doing is what will lift humanity to out of limited perceptions of what living a meaningful life really means.
That you so much for the encouragement. We all have to live the life we have ya know. Thank you for your words and for stopping by the channel.
I’m 56, and I’ve know women who have had kids in late 40’s to early 50’s. But probably not recommended. You don’t bounce back as quick. There’s risk of permanent injuries to the stomach, etc.
It’s ok to be childfree. I never had kids either.
I've heard of that as well. I don't think that is for me either. I've accepted not having kids and now. I think I like my life this way. Thanks for stopping by the channel and for sharing.
I have this feeling lately that I’m not going to be a mother someday sooner, being single and 33 years old, after divorce. I wake up and sleep to the same thoughts everyday, and I never talked to anyone, I always brush it off, when someone mentions , like my parents, it’s like punching an open wound, if they would understand how much I want to end my single life and become a parent, it’s like no one would ever understand .😢
I understand that feeling. The thoughts build and anxiety and fear builds. I hope it happens for you and if by some chance it doesn't things WILL be ok. If I could go back and tell 30 something myself anything it would be to do things I enjoy and build a life I want in terms of hobbies, interests, friendships. Easier said than done I know. Definitely don't want to be one more person giving you unsolicited advice and I found therapy helpful for what that is worth. thanks for stopping by channel. 💕
Work means nothing to me. Never has. Ive always hated it. And so it’s just piled more hell on top of everything. I can’t relate, darls. . Thank you anyway. And i don’t care about not being ‘represented out there’ . ;(in the political / social situation). Who cares. I wanted my babies. Im trying to find others who just support the unbearable grief. Woman to woman, No politics. No ‘positive ‘ manipulation. Just acceptance of who we are. Its essential to grieving through anything- i know that much about grief. Its so hard to find. . But I mean no disrespect. And if you, or anyone reading my comment, knows of such a group, please do tell me. All the best (I’ve forgotten your name my apologies- but if i go back to the video to find out, I may lose my comment. Its been so painful to get out, that I don’t think I could do it twice). And all the best to the other ladies here
Hi, it is very difficult kind of grief. The Childless Collective has some groups that has women in it at all phases of grief and circumstances.
you have never known love until you have a child camp really makes me gag like oh really what about adoptive moms or people raising nieces and nephews or people that have lost children or people with medical conditions they don't even know how flip they can sound once a lady at a party said you can adopt and i looked her dead in the face and was like no no I can't i have cerebral palsy and i would need to be a millionaire to do so
For some reason people want to problem solve vs just listen. children aren't the only path to love.
Every time she says "froze my eggs", take a shot.
froze my eggs.
@@sondersisterhood BTW, I wasn't mocking you ma'am. I have empathy for your situation. I was just surprised how many times you said the phrase in such a short amount of time.
I wasn't trying to be snarky. I meant it as funny. Hard over text to convey.
But did you try and transfer the eggs? You don’t mention that?
Hi, I never ended up transferring them. Just didn't meet the right person and didn't want to have a child alone. I don't regret doing it even though I won't be using them. Thanks for stopping by the channel.
Childless is someone who can’t have kids.
Childfree is someone who chose not to chave kids.
Who will bury me ? What happens to my belongings if I die !! It’s like my life meant nothing .
that is the messaging we receive and your life does mean something.
It's so sad when a woman thinks she's going to be able to have her own family and that ends up not being the case. I can definitely relate to that. On the flip side though, there are thousands of children that need loving homes & so part of me wonders, why some childless not by choice women, don't just adopt, They would rather spend thousands of dollars on painful & emotional medical procedures that may or may not produce a child. If you still wanted a husband & father for the child, their's always matchmakers as an option, I mean Personally if I had the money to drop I would rather adopt a child & hire a matchmaker rather than put myself through the emotional & painful turmoil of continual medical procedures.
I think some of us find acceptance and it can be expensive to adopt. Single women over a certain age are also not always the most desirable option. Lots of feelings and realities all playing a part at once. Thanks for stopping by the channel.
Fostering is an option. You can get married still just not biological children.
Yes. It is definitely an option. And a great option for some people. I don't think I have the temperament for it but value people who do. I do hope to have partner some day. I'm not sure it will look the way I thought it would but one of the benefits from breaking away from that mindset is it allows me to really think about the options vs the common ones that are expected. :). Thanks for stopping by the channel.
Who initiated the divorce and why?
She’s divorced ???
Pretty hard-faced question but she said she wasn’t expecting it to happen, reading between the lines it sounds like it was him.
@@thelouisfanclub If he was the one that initiated it, she would have been upfront about it. Women are the ones initiating divorce. Which is why lesbian couples have the highest rate of divorces.
@@MrEpz4321 I know there is a lot circulating in the “manosphere” about this but it can be biased. Women initiate more divorces but not all of them, 30/40% of divorce are initiated by men. Also, the person who actually files for divorce is likely to reflect who stands to benefit more by the legal outcome rather than who actually ends the relationship. Men are more likely to be financially independent and can just “walk out” if they want without needing a settlement.
These circles also like to make up stories about women being alone and childless because they slept around when they were young and then couldn’t find someone to settle down when they were older. However if you stick around here and see the comments you will find a lot of women in the position of having been in a serious relationship/marriage with a man who then ended it in their late twenties/thirties leaving them high and dry. That man in his mid thirties could easily still start a family if he wants with another girl, not so much the woman. Not all problems are women’s fault, we have just as many problems and difficulty in relationships as you guys, it’s just in different ways.