6 Hard TRUTHS People Don't Want to Hear
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- Опубліковано 8 гру 2021
- There are some hard truths that many of us resist, and the more we resist these truths the more pain and suffering we create for ourselves. In this talk I'm going to teach you 6 hard truths you may not want to hear, and why the radical acceptance of these truths is important for your happiness and wellbeing.
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#radicalacceptance #hardtruths #acceptance
1. Pain in life is inevitable
2. Can't make other want to change
3. Love can hurt
4. Our triggers can teach us
5. Some people will only love you for your people-pleasing "YES" (if you go along with others)
6. No matter how much you give, there will be some people who think it's never enough
I would rather be hurt by the truth than to be hurt by deception or a flat out lie.
It’s good to have boundaries because everyone has a breaking point.
Listened to this and I'm 62 and still learning about these hard truths, this was very valuable to me. Thank you.
@TheDam1776 It's never too late or too early to learn these truths. You have humility and openness to learn and never let that go. We're all in this journey together. We are learning to let go of limiting beliefs and understanding ourselves and reality better. Sometimes I feel like I'm ancient and other times I feel like I'm just starting out. You're in good company! Keep going!
I'm 66 and learning these life lessons, too. ❤
@Marie E That’s awesome! Every moment is another opportunity for learning and growth. Enjoy every bit of it!
@@NeseretBemient thanks so much! You too:)
This was very valuable to me too..
Of course pain in life is inevitable you’re absolutely right Julia,
Hi, thank you so much. I listen to you as I walk 5 miles in the morning before I report to church. I am a Catholic priest. I also have a soup kitchen that runs every day and it’s so helpful to hear your input. It has lifted me up.
I accept that I'm my own worst enemy. All my troubles start with me and I've known this for a long time.
You rock! I just found you yesterday. My name is Emily. I'm a 41 year old mom/wife. Learning who I am again. Thank you for what you say. It matters.
Yes you’re right Julia life isn’t supposed to be easy.
ACCEPTING THE TRUTH OF
PAIN IS PART OF LIFE
A good therapist will tell the patient what needs to be said, not what he/she wants to hear.
51/49 % sounds like a realistic goal.
Hardship is inevitable.
I really liked the illustration about drinking the poison. Its so true, being angry and resentful hurts ourselves way more than the person its against.
Bingo!
Forgiveness is the key to freedom.
But don't forget that person brings anger and resentment out of us, and others.
@@fml5910 only if you give them the power to control you
@@chrishorbatt3504 True I guess.
I’ve tried to make someone want to change Julia and you’re right it doesn’t work.
We all have limits and breaking points.
It’s unhealthy to hang onto hate, bitterness, and resentment.
Each of the six hard truths:
4:40
9:02
12:27
15:58
17:34
19:40
Thank you 😊
Thank you, Julia, for offering sound therapy practices and wise counsel online for those of us who truly desire to heal emotionally and become the best version of ourselves. You are doing great work and a true blessing. 🙏🏽
I felt like whatever I did for my friend Becky Keena it was never enough and she always complained about it.
Never wanted a free ride, I just didn't and don't want to be the way I am. I deal better with what comes at me than what I cause or fear. With mental health I hate that there are no fixes or like a computer, there are no patched or updates. No matter what I do I'm on this journey with these hills and valleys of me.
Hi, everyone, I am so happy that I can comment on this video, as this action does not always seem allowed for me... I am finding your videos so helpful, Julia...
In particular, what resonates with me the most are the topics of boundaries, being able to say no without guilt or feeling like a bad person... and acceptance is so good in this sense ☺️ xx Thank you so much, you are a star 🌟 ❤
Another way to say "No", is to actually say yes to you more often. When unhealthy and discriminating people around us are jealous of what we have BECOME they see for a fact what they are without. It's a daunting realization but one, like narcissist, can not swallow or handle, hence the jealousy.
When passive aggressive tactics become controlling and belittling this moment is you are able to face head on the origin of the triggers you are going through. Confronting an issue head on doesn't imply or insinuate confrontation or combative hostility, this is where the abuse from raging playing in. Like I said, say yes to you, and always always first. Without you there is no life to be lived, for it is up to us to choose to decide How we do that.
Negative comments are hard when things are raw, one thing I have noticed to help is get a really good angry song in your head and a really cute funny sweet song in your head, bring it up when things get negative. Play them on repeat in your head and refuse to take the bait. Walk away, run if you have to, even literally just to get away. As soon as you are away, stop the song, and scream and vent OUT LOUD about all the "wonderful things you want to say" off your chest. Throw something, break something, get it all out, hold none of the anger, bitterness, or resentment in. And don't go back till it's gone. Go back and realize that you have the power to leave or to stay. If you stay, it's never gonna change and it only gets meaner and more jealous. (Oddly, in some cases there is a flip and "fawning" occurs) If you leave, then keep learning and never look back.
There is a world of people out there capable of seeing and supporting the best in you no matter what. Find them and don't let go or let anything get in the way.
Going through pain just want to heal thoroughly through it
Yes, we can’t make people want to change, I’ve been the one wanting someone to change, I have resented someone for it. I have also been the one not wanting to change, but once I wanted to I have been able to work on myself for the better, now a senior shifter in “The Shift Society “ , many things have changed for me, I am starting to find myself and grow, even though I am 47yrs old, I am finally becoming happier with my life and more accepting of others without feeling I need to fix them, but I am able to help others when they ask without taking their problems on as my own. Love your work Julia💖💕🤗
I've been fighting for 3 decades. I'm tired. I've worked through shitty parents, traumatic life events, a drug addiction, alcoholism, two rehabs, two institutions, three suicide attempts and countless medications and therapists. I don't trust anyone anymore. I have zero faith in humanity. I used to be eternally optimistic through all of this, believe it or not, but now I'm just tired and desperate. I think I'm broken. I'm hanging on for my family but I AM SO TIRED.
Eastern philosophy is what helped me more than anything.
@@JaysonT1 I've been into that for awhile now. I'm just really messed up and need a lot of time and work lol
Often the hardest truths are the ones we most need to hear 🙌🏻
Suffering is growth. People avoid it like the pandemic. Growth leads to a stronger immunity.
A wise woman said pain is a part of life but suffering is optional. Even the very way we enter into this physical world - the arduous birthing process is symbolic of our journey here. Acceptance of pain and pleasure or sorrow and joy is acceptance of reality. We can't appreciate one without the other. "A man born blind from birth cannot know the meaning of darkness, because he has never seen Light." Oscar Wild So it is with our lives. When we accept reality for what it is then we can choose to change it. We cease to create suffering for ourselves and others. We live in peace and harmony. Less conflict within, less conflict without.
subscribed. ADHD and the constant feeling of overwhelm, lack of resilience, why is everything hard. I needed this today to keep it pushing. Thank you Julia
You’re right Julia love hurts I’ve been there.
Learning about these acceptances is freeing. It clears away some of the darkness and opens my eyes to how much I might be making my own life more difficult.
Very true, I've realized how much I'm hurting myself, I try to practice acceptance more n more
Change become within ourselves not from other people but believe me that's anybody who watched your contents they're changed, thanks Julia 👍🏻❤️
❤ 💙 💜
@@tamarafox429 ❤️💙💜
Thank you so much for helping us to be comfortable with accepting those uncomfortable truths🙏🏾
So many truths here!!! So so so many truths!
Sometimes the resistance comes in order to avoid a bad reality about others. For me it’s always easy to accept that the necessary effort will come from me. But unfortunately sometimes we are not the sinners and we can’t control when others will be realistic about themselves. So, I am training how to cut my losses. Not an easy task tho.
The most hurtful pain I am experienced was my daughter taking her love from me to punish me for catching her in a hurtful lie.. Although her dad abandoned us and I raised her alone with no financial assistance. I was always there for all her activities in her support. Always tried to financially support her music & sport activities. Now that she is 37 years of age and is a professional woman, she rejects me. Her saying she never wants to see me again has been so painful emotionally that pain has left me “numb”. I sit alone in a dark room gazing at nothing feeling emotionally wounded. I feel abandoned and I feel empty and broken inside-the numbness. I always apologize for no reason, as she is my daughter and NO matter what happens I do love her. This last rejection last week has hurt soooooo painfully bad that I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist. In my humble opinion: When someone you truly love betrays you (or hurts you emotionally) the pain is so hurtful that it has physically and emotionally paralizad me for days.
I admire you for doing what you did for your daughter. I can't imagine what you're going through.
Thank you for your videos, I am in my mid 40’s started learning all this around 4 years ago. Too bad this is not thought in middle and high school.
God bless you and your family Julia 🙌🏻☀️
Thank you for this! Went through a break up about 5 months ago and have to occasionally see each other, causing triggers to flare. I still love him but we both needed to do some work on ourselves. I signed up for your shift society.
Radical acceptance is the best. Thanks for posting
You are so organic ….😊
The 7th and 8th truth you bring up is the most relevant and challenging truth im embracing but its so hard.
I've been watching your videos for the past few months on n off, they've helped me deal with a lot of anger and resentment
I’ve been trying not to get approval of others for months . But yet I am in the begging of this path…
I think this problem is rooted in lack of confidence bc I’ve always thought what happen if I make mistakes or what people thinks about me if I do Sth wrong
8 Truths Worth Embracing
1. Pain and discomfort in life in unavoidable and inevitable 4:43
2. Life is not supposed to be easy (for anyone) 6:53
3. I cannot make anyone want to change 9:02
4. Loving and close relationships will still have hurt 12:30
and if they are authentic and built on good foundation they are then designed to withstand hurts that are infrequent and that have resolve and repair to them.
5. Resentments, bitterness hurts more 14:39
6. My triggers can teach me (big emotional repsonses to ordinary things) 16:00
7. Some poeple will only love you for your YES 17:34
8. No matter how much I give there will ne some people that never think its enough 19:39
I am from Pakistan and getting valuable learnings from your videos.... Stay Blessed 🙌
Great presentation Julia!!!!
Your response is always more powerful than your circumstance. A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses.
The goal isn’t to get rid of all your painful thoughts, feelings, and life circumstances. That's impossible. The goal is to change your response to them today! And it's never too late. Just decide to make the best of it-to step forward again with grace. No excuses. No resistance. No regrets.
peace🕊
Thanks Julia, you are the first person in the industry that i understand and take a lot of information away. Couldn't come at a better time. I really appreciate your work.
I do a three strike assessment, where I back up from the situation, pull back and reflect. This helps me with boundaries. Thank you for this.
Hi Coach!
6 Hard Truths:
1. Pain is inevitable.
2. Life isn't supposed to be easy.
3. You can't change others.
4. Love can hurt/ Hate can hurt more.
5. Our triggers can teach us.
6. Some people will only love you for your yes/No matter how much you give, some people will think it is never enough.
Thank you Coach!
I think 1, 2, 4 and 5 connected with me the most.
#Shifter #SeniorShifter
so true. Thank you for the video.
Hi Julia💕 Thank you! Always needed topic!
Would anyone be so kind to give their opinion on a conflict where one in a relationship is struggling under a lot of stress, informs their partner “I feel like all of the life has been sucked out of me “ and “Right now I’m unable to find my center” and then have their partner respond “I have had enough of you” ....would that be abusive? I understand that all the dynamics can never be explained in words and a synopsis leaves much to be desired, however, the line of abuse sometimes isn’t all that clear. That you for your response. My part, I know that I need healthy boundaries and I am working on them. That is why I am here
Sounds like a toxic relationship to me. Codependency usually makes one feel like life was sucked out of them, because they don’t set boundaries and get depleted. Usually the partner of a codependent is narcissistic and abusive. That’s all i have to offer, as a person who has lived and survived this dynamic. Get some professional help, if you can. It will help you navigate your specific circumstances. That’s what I did. All the best
I felt like whatever I did for my ex-friend Becky Keena it was never enough Julia.
Julia, can you talk about neediness ??
I suffer from constant neediness whenever I meet someone, at the start I thought it was ok. But then the more women I met and more opportunities I lost, the more painful and self reflective I got. Eventually I just had to accept that I am worthy regardless of what I do, and this in turn made me a bit less needy. But this is all new to me so I’m still figuring it out 🙏🙏🙏🙏
You are AWESOME!
A big Thank You 🙏 Julia, I glean so much more when I review your videos. You are the Best of the Best!
Exactly what I needed to hear 🙌🏻☀️
So timely. Thank you.
I love that you teach / discuss DBT skills
Thank you for being a great blessing to us on You Tube 🙌🏻☀️
Thank you
This was so helpful 👏🏼
Hi Julia.. thank you
Thank you 💖💖💖💖
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Seneca, or perhaps Cicero?
gonna listen these all days long ... thanks, Julia !!
Good evening! Always enjoy your videos.
Thank you for great information and advice. This content is invaluable. I am so grateful to have found you.
This is so freeing!
I just subscribed and finding your advice very helpful, thank you very much
Thank you for these sound therapy it really puts the emotions that I have in me
Hey Julia, Happy Thursday my friend ❤ 💕. Thanks for this. I'm learning lots from you!!!
Very good video, Julia! Thank you for putting this together. I like step by step identifiers most the time, and videos like this really help me to enumerate things so I can remember them and apply them.
Thank you, Julia.
I really appreciate the effort you put into helping others learn to live better and more peacefully.
I really enjoy your videos so much
HI I'm Jehona how are u, all this that u talking about was nice to hear, I always believed u can't change people since I was 10 grade or even before it wasn't that hard to accept
So very true ❤
Another good video,Julia. 51% would be great.
Your right ❤️
You deserve a million subscribers
🌟
You are awesome ❤❤❤
Hi Julia, great hard truths, agree totally (this is Desis Nanna) x
Hi! New here. So glad I found your vids. Im a mom and struggle with anxiety
I’ve had bad anxiety but slowly addressing & Building tools.Watch -
perfectly@peace with beau
You can’t make someone take your advice.❤
You'd probably be surprised to know that everything in the Universe is subject to change, even truths that seem like they can't be changed. The Universe will whip those truths back in line while we stay where we are and do what we do.
I can’t get rid of this rage and wanting revenge I used to not be like this
Also I think it's important to clarify to anyone who watches this video And I would love to hear your guys and thoughts about this. That hating is not necessarily a bad thing. Resentment, holding offenses and bitterness are bad things. Hating people is bad. Hating destructive behavior is good. Hating the right things is good. Hate in of itself is not thr best word to blanket cover things like offenses, resentments, bitterness which all of each of those are different from each other as well. Those 3 things ar not the same thing even though I believe they have connections but are not the same in practical application in how they are expressed in the dynamics of relationships. So just to clarify tjat "hating" is not necessarily bad but that "hating people" is self and others destructive no matter what the offense. But "hating the right things" like the destructive behaviors is good. @14:39
Hi Julia I’m back.
I always like to point out that ‘your’ truth isn’t MY truth.
1 hour is 12 years for me
Hi Julia! I have questions regarding the shift society. I Just received my email But I would like to know more info about this before I complete my submission. I want to know how the shifts society works .. is it weekly zoom meeting ? telephone calls ? and is there a special group like a Facebook group or something where we can chat with others. Do we work directly with you one on one ? Thank you 😊
Ok
Hi!! Your content is very enlightening :)
I'm wondering if you could do a video about cancel culture? It would be really interesting to hear a therapist's perspective about it.
Hi 👋
I have my limits Julia and I’m sure you do too.
The Cost Fore Mach !!!!!
Just beginning at 47.
So what else would be another perspective be if the truth being
"i can't make someone else want to change"
would turn the phrase into
"I can't do the process for someone else for them to change"
I feel that sounds better and is more accurate.
I agree with what you've said. But you also can't do anything to make someone change. You can't twist their arm until they do the process. You can't craft the right argument that will make them do the process. It's not just that you can't do the process for them. There is also nothing you can do to force or convince them to do the process.
Develop an internal locus of self control, set and enforce boundaries for self and others, embrace an attitude of forgiveness compassion gratitude non-bias and acceptance for self and others, set core values, live your purpose and truth, walk your talk, be honest, act on daily goals you set, journal to reframe, write what you want from another and become that yourself, practice non-attachment, view triggers as friends pointing to what needs healing in us, do defer delegate delete daily, reward good and ignore bad behaviour, invest then test to meet and match levels of reciprocity and act as a good role model of high frequency sovereignty for others giving only from the overflow of your cup. As within so without, as above so below ... 👋
Do you have any disability discounts for becoming a shifter?I feel like I'm in the safety zone of my trauma watching your videos. Thank you for everything.
Hi Julia! ❤
#seniorshifter
Hi im Jeremy and I have been watching your videos for awhile now.
1. Thank you for the truth in this video.
2. I couldnt find the info to become a shifter.
3. I really appreciate your sincerity and compassion.
4. Your eyes and beauty are striking.
5. Your blinking was a little distracting in this video.