How To Deal With A Breakup When Your Ex Comes Back
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- How to deal with a breakup when your Ex comes back. For many people, your ex will eventually reach out. It can be very easy to get anxious and forget about all the strategies you learned. It's very easy to be overwhelmed, especially if your ex is anxious and starts coming on strong out of nowhere. In this video, Craig and Victoria talk about a lot of the shocking feelings that you probably will not expect. If you want a chance to re-attract your ex, pay very close attention to the details in this video.
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This video literally came at the perfect time.
An ex dumped me after 3 years and a half to explore a new connection with a girl he swore was just a friend. He said he needed to work on himself as an excuse for breaking up with me, and ended up dating both of us simultaneously for six months before he decided to get back together with me. When I found out he had lied, I broke up with him. After this experience, I don't think I could consider getting back with someone who dumped me ever again. That kind of trust has died for me.
Wow your situation reminds me of one with one particular ex bf. Hmmmm
@@rebeccajohnson5658 Some people can be so dishonest, it's scary! My situation was a long time ago, I hope you're healed too from yours.
My ex randomly messaged me yesterday and said that they're in therapy. They're avoidant so I know it was hard for them to do so I showed my support but she got pissed because I'm not in a position to just accept their apology. We weren't talking about getting back together or anything but I can see that work still has to be done on both sides.
Reaching out is NOT "coming back" to reconcile. Breadcrumbs for ego boost, momentary nostalgia, 80 % of the time.
They come back more feral!!! playing more games and ten times more inconsistent. Nothing genuine about their reaching out attempts. The only way to win is get better options and not go back to them!
Depends on how you handle it and where you want to take it. Reaching out is interest from them, unless you were a crappy partner there’ll always be love lingering and care to work with.
Nice video! I always hope people do some character development and take care of their body when they're in no contact. Otherwise, it's easy to return to old habits
Thanks guys. My on again, off again Gf has come back yet again.. This time it wasn't the indirect direct.. She was straight to the point. It's been one week and the anxiety can still get to the both of us. That dance of feeling each other out and seeing where each others interests are. We've hung out twice. And I try and keep texting to a minimum. Theres no anxiety when we are together. But when we're away from each other that's when we get into both our heads. And we have actually talked about that.. We have always not talked about our feelings. Hopefully this times different. She said she's willing to do some work as am I. Thanks coaches. Also shout out to coach Margaret! I had coaching session with her back in August of last year. Sweetest lady ever. Miss her terribly as I'm sure you guys do too. Thanks again! Btw the break up this time was me being ghosted and blocked for 4 months. So for everyone out there that thinks no contact does not work, it does. Believe in yourself, and trust the process.
Why did she say she ghosted /blocked you for all
That time? What was her reasoning for that behavior ? Did she explain why, that’s very, very cruel to do to Someone
@@jennysatera7389 she's afraid of getting into fights and arguments. She was supposed to come by to exchange xmas gifts. But decided she didn't want to. Which upset me so I was getting off the phone and wasn't going to say I love you. And had also told her that I'd call her back later. I never did. I was upset. So she never reached back out and after 4 days I decided to call her. She didn't answer. A week later I was blocked on everything.
This sounds toxic...you still together??
@@m.l.7558 yeah so far so good!
I was actually super excited and hopeful at watching this vid until they said the sole exception is abuse of any kind. Yes, I admit now. I was verbally and emotionally abuse without knowing it bc as a child I was literally beaten by every adult left in my care. As a child I also watched everyone in my family beaten by their partner often to the point of police involvement. I was taught that abuse can only take a physical, bloody, brutal, violent form. No part of my brain had ever comprehended such a thing as emotional or verbal abuse. Since my breakup, I've had a years worth of weekly therapy at over $600 a visit, I've gone back to fitness, stopped drinking, volunteer weekly and even returned to the Christian faith but I guess I'm still not good enough for redemption. Thanks, Coach Craig! Really needed this wakeup call to finally give up the fantasy or illusion I'd formed of ever getting back the love of my life. I'm going back to dating apps and hoping to start fresh with someone new.
Dating apps have lots of narcissists and abusers on there. Be very careful. I've experienced that and have had friends experience that too.
Sorry all this happened to you.
*You are good enough and you have always been.*
Find people who see your worth and treat you best-they are there. And never blame yourself please
My ex came back after 11 months of no contact. She's avoidant so still had the same issues.
Wish mine did. I made too man mistakes...
Talking to her friends, begging, pleading... a letter...
😔
@@Moonie787 yeah good for recreation but not ltr.
@@reachtothesky921 live and learn, we've all been there.
I had an ex contact me 8 years later wanting to reconnect. She started love bombing me which was just a complete turn off to me after so many years had passed. As an avoidant, I did distance after a few months.
Yes I am waiting but the man I'm interested only looked at my social media profile that alone was when I became so overjoyed, because it shows he still curious about me.I have a hunch he could reach out in no time the exact timing, I dont know but its so true yes, you dont expect it communication but there it goes out of the blue😊 Its true when that moment happens we must keep our composure & think with logic calm, cool,& collect because we can overwhelmed our exes or lash out at them at the same time for taking so long lol to reach out. I agree 👍
So timely, my ex reached out lately.
@@Xxxxxrrr6464 just asking how am I doing. But it all makes sense since Im doing all the necessary work on myself
He is FA he texts every few days but lately seems to be leaning in a bit more although not really discussing anything of substance or getting back together but I do see some progress in our interaction. Just staying in the moment because I don’t want to give myself false hope since there isn’t a lot of clarity currently.
Good morning coaches!
Today is the first day I've felt angry 😠 I'm at the " how the hell can he become so cold and discard me like trash" stage 😐
“Get that corn outta my face”. Napoleon Dynamite reference? 😂😂
Nacho libre
Been in no contact for almost 4 months, see her family here and there but they dont even say hello so dont think shell ever come back plus i think shes with someone els, deleted my facebook and everything.
Hi coach Victoria. My ex came back after 13mos. We are taking things very slow.
Amazing how this video popped up while this is my exact situation. The guy I was dating fell into a deep depression while his mom is in the hospital and doctors saying they can’t do anything for her. He ended things because mentally he’s all over the place, which is understandable as I lost my mom and its not easy seeing your mom like this. At first I was still trying to be there for him but he completely shut down and isolated and told me I deserve the best and he’s not that. To me, HE was the best, the sweetest man I ever met. But once he said that I backed off completely. 3 weeks later… he just reached out a couple days ago to check on me. I had been hoping he reached out so naturally I was excited. I thanked him for reaching out and let him know I’ve been praying for him and his mom and that I’m here if he needs me. We haven’t spoken since and what I’ve realized is that I thought that ALL I wanted was to hear from him. But him reaching out made me realize that what I really want is for us to be together again and for him to let me in and be there for him. So I say to anyone who’s waiting to hear from your ex, be real with yourself about what you actually want when they reach out. Are you really okay with them just saying hi? Or do you want them to reach out with the intent to get back together? If what you want is the latter, I promise that “hello checking on you” text will be okay in the moment but you’ll be longing for more. So I agree with them saying don’t get too excited.
Does no contact work with close platonic friendships?? There was never any breakup but they just stopped responding one day and I’m left in the dark. He never expressed any boundaries so I decided to just give him space by doing no contact.
I’ve already messed up. He came back - I slept with him and now things are hot and cold.
Back right off. If he wants to see or hear from you, he can initiate. Do nothing and have self control to not pander to him. Date other people, this one sounds like a time waster.
Not the nacho libre reference 😭
My ex wont come back.... i think i could bet my life on that
Im going tru this too. After NC after he broke up ,he comes back to b friendly with me within a month, showing his love, my heart changing gradually too. But I get to my mind all what he said & did before the break up, how mean he broke up for the 2nd time. But he is avoidant & he loves me genuinely , I didnt kbow that time he is avoidant & Im anxious type & I did all what avoidants dont like unknowingly. He said at last he has gf, he cant marry me bcs of our age gap. But now he wants me again badly, he regrets & missing me. But I didnt talk to him. Is it Ok? I love him, need to marry him. How to overcome from these grudges, bad memories of his past hurtful words ,how he broke up?
Can an avoidant ex with major trauma/family issues/ demons come back?
I totally understand where you are coming from … but honestly, if they are that damaged (and not in therapy or aware of their issues) … do you really think them coming back will be better this time. I only say that … cause I’m in that boat, too. Definitely a difficult place to be ❤
Ok, what if brokeup was mutual. I was in military training for two weeks and my ex was really sad that i will going there and said pls dont go cause be will have argument. I smiled, kissed her and i said that dont worry because i love her so much. We were for 1,3 year and during relationship i was preety masculine and she was such in love with me. While i was in the military training we had argument durning which i broke up first with her in emotions ( i was stupid) and she followed up. Next day she said she want to work it out cause she loved me so much but i rejected that ( i wanted to finish the exercises and work it out after). She said im selfish and we stopped to talk. I know she catched up with her unhappy girls from work. When i went out i conntacted her and i saw she was still in love with me and was kind of happy. We agreed to hang up in next weekend but i become needy before that( 2 months ago i had funreal of my grandpa which was very important to me and i was low on my emotional strenght). When we spoke by video i started to cry like pussy. Next day we spoke again and she was a little bit backed up and my needines strted to grow. I called her later when she was coming from the collegue and she said she is going to watch a movie with hers brother friend because she is waiting to pick up her mom by late 2 night. My anxiety skyrocked and i asked her to call me when she will go out from him. I know where this dude lived and i stalked her up. She indeed drived for a mom after this "movie"( i have no idea tbh what they were doing but this dude was not dangerous and he was her brother friend from young, during our relationship they sometimes catched up with brother and him). So i meet her during a night when she came with her mom which i helped her with baggage. My ex was suprised but agreed to spoke up. I started to beg her up in the car to work it our but she said she must be strenght in her decision. I started no contact after that and we meet in the next 2 weeks and she was like in extasy while i was shattered inside but trying to keep it cool. We meet because i asked for my belongings, we spoked and wished happy new year. During our meeting she mentioned some old love on which she was on funreal( lately i knew that was a lie cause he was her collegue friend). Two days later i typed her on messanger and told that it we can still work it our but she said she dont have a will, and never will have and that she doesnt love me anymore. After all those mistakes i decided that i have to cut her from my live and start to heal my self. 2 weeks after no contact i started to become feel better mostly due to YT coachers and knewing that i messed up a lot. During that time she called me from nowhere and asked if im doing good cause she dreamed of me. I little panicked and said that im cool and have a lot of new things with my life. We spoke only for maybe 3 minutes. After that call i feeled like i wasted my opportunity so i called her week after but she was beta male and she declined idea of meeting. I started no contact again and spend a lot of time with friends and family. My sisters and my second grandpa helped me a lot. But 3 weeks after last call my grandpa died basicly on my hands because i came to him when he feelt very bad. I was so shattered cause all that funreals and breakup hitted me like a big fucking truck. When i was in church and the coffin of my grandpa was tooked of i looked at my phone and my ex was calling. I recalled her later and been cool cause i knew that i need to be strenght. She said she found my tshirt and want to meet up. 2 days after we went on ourselves in a mall and she asked to go for her car to speak up a littlebit. I told her about funreal and she was very sad and we started to hug up. 3 days after she called me regarding this tshirt and we meet up. For the first time we spoke and the spark was there, she touhed me and smile a lot. I was shattered inside but played it cool. When we changed the spot during a car drive i said that i wished we could be together again. After that she become cold and distant. She said reallu u want to be with me after all that i did to you? Then i realised she have a lot of jevelery on her hand and neck but i didnt asked. I drived her to home and i said that i cant have a contact with her even to be a friend which she asked for. I told that wont be a true friendship and we started to cry both. We started to memorise everything and our plans with childrens. She told me that she is very sad and i told her that i wish she will be happy cause thats the most important thing to me even with a different dude. We huged up last time and she went to home. Week later i called her and we spoke for a few hours and she was very kind and understable but i agreed that we should not talk anymore and asked her to contact me only if she want to work things out cause i need to heal up and dont have a strenght for all of this. Week after our call i stalked her a littlebit and find out that guy from a collegue and i saw that they had a photo together sitting on class. Then i realised this guy have her brother and sister and two best friends in FB friends. Now im 100% sure they are together cause i saw her with him some time later and my friend told me that they are planing to get married. She is 25 and he is 22. I must admit this dude is kind of better looking than me and have better shape. Now there is third month from our last call with no contact, on the way i had my 30 birthday and she didnt wished me at all. Im now feeling better, going for a gym every 2 days for last 5 months( basicly when we broke up first time), saved a lot of money which i inwested in the stocks, reading a lot of books. I beggin to feel like im becoming me again, confidence came back. In next 6 months im going to live in a new flat which she always wanted to live but on the other hand she is finishing her college before that date and wanted to move to the other city with a new guy. Should i contact her and show her that i changed ( maybe she still have feeling towards me and if i play it right the memories and time together will do a work?) I feel like if i do nothing she will left my town and i will never saw her again.
This is over, too many tries too many mistakes, sorry to say that...
Next time better. You will find love again.
Let her go, do the work and get coaching from Craig and Victoria. All the best.
I got a question. Dose no contact work on an ex if they dump you a second time ? 😮
Speaking from experience, yes it does.
My ex broke up with me cause I didnt show enough effort. I tried to fix things and show effort and it didnt work she cried and said she needs space at the moment. Its been 3 weeks now been working on myself. Pain....dont think she will ever reach out to me.
You got this man keep it up I’m on Day 2 of NC and I found out she had me blocked on her IG stories if I’m being honest I don’t want her back right now I just wanna forget and move on we were together for 10 months and she broke up with me after I started an argument so she can go out there and do whatever she wants I blocked her on everything except her number so if she wants to reach out one day she can other than that I’m done I did everything I could for us but she didn’t wanna be an adult and work it out
@@IsraelSocial 3 weeks is alot cause for 2 years we talked daily. I miss her as a person, she was great
@@Xxxxxrrr6464 We are together again
My Ex came to my house unannounced just to ask if I wanted him to cut my grass. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
😂😂😂
😄 wow
That's a sign of affection though-how did the story continue?
Question - I was 3 weeks no contact and my ex reached out to see how I am and how my family is. We exchanged a couple of texts. He's still going through a lot of mental health issues, so my question is, is it ok to initiate contact next time or do I go full no contact again? Craig and Victoria, thank you so much for all your help. I am starting volume 2 of the knowledge at its been so helpful and insightful.😊
Wow your situation sounds like mine lol… The guy I’d been dating is the best and sweetest man I ever met. But he is in a deep depression as he may be losing his mom who is in the hospital. A few weeks ago he ended things because he mentally can’t offer anything right now and even though I wanted to be there for him while he’s going through, it was best to just accept his decision as he was completely shut down and had been isolating. After 3 weeks he reached out the other day to see how me and my daughter are doing. I thanked him and let him know I’ve been praying for him and his mom. We texted a little and haven’t spoken since. And I was literally just wondering the same thing when this video popped up.
@@ThinkingLikeAVIRTUOUSWoman it's tough isn't it? We have been together 3 years so 3 weeks no contact was so hard. Haven't seen him in over a month. I just let him know I'm here if he needs me. I'll give him space I guess and maybe reach out in a few days to ask how he is .. but I don't know if that is the right thing to do 😂😂 I wish you the best. Keep us updated 🤗❤️
@@Lanes8930 I let him know the same thing, that I’m here if he needs me. I did plan to reach out on Mother’s Day to offer some encouragement because I know it’ll be hard for him. And thank you ❤️ I wish you the best as well 🙏🏾 3 years, I can just imagine how hard it must be right now. Hopefully Craig will see this and respond.
@@ThinkingLikeAVIRTUOUSWoman Sounds like you really care a lot about him 😊❤️ Stay positive girl. 🌹
Guys ex's come and go go and come dont change yourself.
My ex avoidant has reached out several times over the year, false hope and nothing concrete. I did everything right, cautious and friendly but not excited.
@@MissSarahGM until they come to you the way you want I guess you'll not be together you apparently want something significant and they don't know how to do the proper approach so you both have near misses or could you be playing too hard to get could that be a possibility? are you like acting like ? if you really want me jump from the tallest cliff smash yourself on the jagged rocks below defeat the labyrinth and slay the dragon swim the moat whist evading showers of falling flaming arrows climb the tallest tower in the lands that's caged in roses and thorns whist pulling my hair sir?
@@mariotibbrine1 Hum. Not every woman is like you describe. Sounds like you have a lot on your chest.
Know that a lot of dumpers come and go just because they are confused/ want an ego boost / have nostalgia momentarily / feel bad . And have no problem with dumpee's feelings being stirred up by them reaching out for nothing.
@@MissSarahGM can't answer the questions I take it?
Oh I know mine isn’t coming back.. his pride / ego and to embarrassed lol
NC was really for ME
❤❤❤
sometimes its better to not humiliate yourself by taking back a toxic ex.