Do you have limerence? Obsession and fantasy
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- Опубліковано 7 сер 2024
- Get coaching from me: www.unfoldinglimerence.com
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Hi I’m Marios, on this channel we talk about psychology. I'm doing my doctorate degree in counselling psychology in London.
🕊Twitter: / marios_cg
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Chapters:
00:00-01:14 - INTRO
01:15-02:00 - WHO ESTABLISHED THE TERM
02:01-05:11 - FEATURES OF LIMERENCE
05:12-07:32 - EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE
07:33-10:20 - DAYDREAMING
10:21-12:59 - WARNING & OUTRO
Disclaimer: On the channel we discuss themes relating to psychology and mental health, but it is not advice and if you need support including mental or medical attention please seek support from a licensed professional.
#limerence #obsession #heartbreak
tags: maladaptive daydreaming, fantasy, limerence, obsessive love, obsession, love, why can't I stop thinking about them, psychology, personal development, limerence help, limerence cure, limerence vs love, limerence abandonment, limerence addiction, limerence intrusive thoughts
Subscriber count: 3,974
I just want to be free from this hell.
You will
@@ninaonuoha6 Thank you! I feel better now. :)
Same
@@marcusappelberg369are you over it, and if so how?
@@samia6888 I amo not over it, but it has faded a bit since I got clarity. We are distant friends in different countries. She has been kind and respectful, but I will go no contact for a while to see if it will help me get fully over these feelings. I must also develop a love life, somehow...
Lumerance consist of obsessive not real fantasies about another person. It makes you think you are crazy. But it can be beat.
I've been limerent for almost a year now and it's unbelievable the amount of rumination/daydreaming I've engaged in regarding my LO and whether or not she will accept me. The degree that she modulates my emotions by either reciprocating or not is staggering, and even though I'm smart enough to know this is happening, that doesn't matter at all. A year of my life. I know this can't go on forever, and I've been holding on to the fact that she is separating in a couple months and that would be my big chance. What hits hardest about the definition of limerence for me is how it's directly tied to unmet needs and how the LO is fabricated in our mind to be the panacea of all our shortcomings, when in reality it is only oneself that can do that work, it has to come from inside, not from someone else. To everyone else suffering, I get it.
I’ve just found this and believe I am a serial Limerence Addict.
Love to get your personal input & help you study the issue more.
Limerence has damaged my life many times now. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
Thank you for explaining what I could never understand what is wrong with me.
I have just recently learned about this word and it certainly describes most of my biggest crushes. It's like a constant pop up window in my brain-thinking about that person's physical attributes, what they said to me, what we could do sexually, etc. They are really the first thought I have when I wake up and last when I sleep. I build up these encounters in my brain so much that it physically hurts. Then when I see the person in reality I rarely interact with them. It's typically people I can't be with in some way (like when I was younger actors or cartoons) but mainly because the other person didn't like me like that. It's like I'm addicted to the pain. I'd rather have the passionate encounters in my head than have my hand brush upon theirs when I'm so shy. I know it's tied to my attachment styles. It's hard to break the cycle. The video on zooming out was very helpful; thank you. I literally forget what else I'm interested in when I have such intense crushes.
if you are thinking about physical attributes and sex it is lust not limerence
Thank you for being here Marios!
Yes, my previous mentioned colleague Tim, and he died in 2006. A year ago though, the limerence over him was through the roof but now it has died down to a bearable level. And I accept the man had faults, everyone does. He died many years ago now, but it shows how you can obsess over someone who is dead, as well as alive. I think limerence can last a long time and you may need to seek help to try and overcome the focus on one person, or try to become your own therapist.
When you realize a true picture of your mental state it overwhelmed me with shame. It's like I really am crazy. But the realization is a step towards healing. Based on childhood abandonment
It got bad, because I stumbled upon my ex two times already in my city. Once he showed up around my workplace one day before my birthday, second time he followed me into the subway cart and stood right next to me (I think intentionally) but didn’t say anything. I turned my head away, I was so scared I couldn’t even look. I was waiting for him to disappear. He posted videos on his tiktok which I know were stupid messages for me (forexample a video about his new car with music lyrics: b*tch be mad etc.) i blocked him everywhere ever since, it’s been 2 years already but sometimes I end up thinking about it then I’m fine. Then today we had to go to his area with my new partner and I could feel my stomach turning. He was never physically abusive, only mentally and verbally. I don’t know what can I do? I think it’s ptsd, but it sounds so unbeliavable.
Well,one positive thing that my limerance gave me is the fact that I lost weight and got very fit. 😂
Fantasy of WHO you WILL BE
what If the obsession is redirected to becoming that person you think they would make you?
It isn't that simple for me. It's much more than what I could become with them.
Estoy agradecida por todos tus videos que me están ayudando a entender mi gran problema con la limerencia. Llevo sufriendo esto desde muy joven, ahora tengo cinco años de sobriedad de alcohol y marihuana, y las limerencia que he experimentados han sido muy dolorosas y está última casi me hace caerme y echar a la borda todos estos cinco años de esfuerzo por reconstruir mi vida, afortunadamente Dios me está sosteniendo, pero al escucharte sólo puede decirme a mi misma que he tocado fondo con la limerencia! 😢 Trataré de seguir tus palabras y no jusgarme muy duro y tomar acción para mí recuperación, para poder seguir adelante. Al carajo mi inspiración con mis canciones, no quiero esta mierda nunca más en mi vida!!!!
What is healthy and unhealthy?? How can you know if thinking about someone is too obsessive/ shameful or if it's based on a real experience and a healthy realisation of the feelings you have for them...
I feel like alot of people think about their desires and it can be normal / healthy if it is based on reality and doesn't become an unrealistic fantasy obsession.
This! Because I got to know my limerent object as a crush first then we had coffee dates and I even invited them over to my shop. And I made him a model in my design business. So I had a work relationship with him, but he warned me at first that he's not bisexual like me. But whenever I wanted his help, he was responsive. So how is it unhealthy that I'm falling over this man who may have not yet realized his sexuality or whatever. I messaged him that I'm letting him go but I still think of him until now. It's been a year already. But it seems as if he keeps popping up even without my conscious thought of him. I want to reach out to him but me watching these limerence videos has given me the control over the situation. I wish this fixation ends because it's not healthy obsessing over someone. It's not fair that we have this and normal people doesn't 😢
Hard to define unhealthy, in my opinion it is a combination of what isn’t imposing on the rest of your life and whether it’s enriching in a way that you would be proud to share with people you know. The latter is there not to seek validation from others, but to sense check “am I doing this because I enjoy it privately, or is it making me better in a way others would clearly understand?”
@@Marios_CG I just think that its normal to think about someone for a short time, e.g a few days ... I don't feel like its a problem.... I think society and people sitting at home, being lonely, always on screens makes obsession more likely, because normal people aren't out in the world interacting with the opposite sex enough in fun ways. If your exposed to many people and feel valued in society, obsessive thinking decreases. I feel like theres a correlation between loneliness and obsessive fantasy. I don't think people in general would fantasize obsessively if they lived in healthy social environments. Brazilian culture for example is probably more healthy in terms of social interaction and sexual expression, probably obsessive fantasy thinking is less due to the people being more socialized.
@@Marios_CG I think that its important to define where the boundary is between normal and too obsessive. Its a sliding scale in every category of psychology. When you score high or above average - then yes you have this condition.... but if you show some mild symptoms, but mostly average - then no I don't think its fair to label someone. You need to identify clearly what is average for a human being and the point at which it becomes abnormal and a real condition. Otherwise you will have normal people watching, maybe who just over worry, or have low self esteem, labeling them selves with this condition....in some cases this perpetuates things and can give that person more shame, adding to the never ending list of abnormalities, when really the way out of all this is acceptance of the self. Shine a light on the weird parts of your self and mostly they equalize and return to balance.
My boss was delusional. Maybe limerent. The owner of the company I worked for fired me because I wouldn't date him. I realized towards the end putting 2 and 2 together that the whole time I thought he was just friendly the questions he was asking me or joking but no. He wanted to go to a wedding on the first date. That's weird, I never went on a first date to a a wedding in my life but with my boss no way. I wouldn't go anywhere with him He was old mean nasty intimidating yelling at me lied to me about everything that the job as going to be.
Why does the person in limerance feel elated when the LO responds positively and feel devastated when the LO responds negatively or ignores them?
Bc their mood depends on Lo.
Because that person is their main source of validation.
Exactly!@@borgir4458
That sounds like bpd doesnt it
@@spook6394 it has similarities to having a "favorite person" in BPD I would say
Hi thank you for your content. ❤
Could lemerance be about a project a goal life or only on people ? Thank you for your response
That guy unblocked me again just last night on whatsapp after 11 days no contact . He contacted me. I thought I was doing ok almost tried to contact him but forced myself not to. thought that I would never hear from him. I was saying no for a couple of hours but then I couldn't resist and he visited me again. My thoughts though is about him for many hours a day affects things I normally would enjoy. I am not strong enough to block him because I want him to leave her for me. He got a gf after he met me I asked if he is getting married he said yes, but he also lies alot. This time he said he was smoking up weed drugs when he was leaving, when I asked if high when he got here he said no. I told him I love him and to marry me. Do you think this is limerence?
Yes, and your situation sounds very painful!
This sounds like a complex situation that deserves direct attention with a licensed professional if you can see one in your area. It could be limerence, but it seems there are other factors that might need attention first hence the need for therapy.
@@marcusappelberg369 I blocked him my LO, went no contact. Also I have been praying to God. Are you spiritual at all? I believe praying can also help. Psychology isn't everything. Freud didn't even believe in God. I am doing much better. I do not think he will ever leave her and be with me. I wish I could go back in time and never have met him. Before we met I was hesitant about meeting telling him lets chat more first. I remember our first date at restaurant he texted me right away after i left . Also I wasn't replying much and he said you don't seem that interested. Like he was perusing me. Then after I showed too much interest. I am in the process of moving on and letting go. Things have changed. I Only have a little bit of feelings now.
@@Marios_CG 😇
@@Marios_CG No I will just pray to God and keep him blocked and no contact and enjoy life.
Can I reach out to my L.O. to apologize? I have already gotten over my obsession (and/or at least I am very self aware that I should and need to get over them). But I wanna apologize to them for maybe making them feel uncomfortable at times. We're still friendly but I wanna make it clear to him that it was a ME problem and not a HIM problem.
It’s your decision. If you feel it requires clarification and it’s not just emotional offloading on him, it might be worth it. If you’re friendly still I wonder if you have implicitly already passed this and therefore opening it up again should have a good reason. Just my opinion.
@@Marios_CG I'm sure opening it up again would be weird that's why I am hesitating. So I'm just actually waiting for the "Universe" to time up our meeting so I could apologize in his face. We live close to each other but we move in separate circles. Maybe I'll just let time do it's bidding then. 🤍
@@charmedprinceno don’t reach out please do not, especially if you gotten over your obsession. The last thing you want is for the thoughts, feelings and obsessions to start again. Protect yourself and run far away.
@@samia6888 Alright, I won't. I just masxurbate now to get the post nut clarity 😂 which helps
I'm cooked chat