Thank you for your channel. I have struggled with limerence for most of my adult life (on and off- and teenage years) and finding your videos finally filled in the gaps and helped me feel seen and heard. It's given me the strength to ask my husband to support me and understand the limerence, and I am slowly recovering from my latest LE from watching your videos (coupled with my own inner work/inner child stuff). Thank you for giving of this information so freely.
I am a married man, 60 years old. I had a friend who I had a great platonic relationship with a 40 year old female colleague. We texted nearly every day, mostly just fun banter, although sometimes we shared deep personal issues, and leaned on each other. We called each other best friend. Then we had a big fight, and she said she did not want to be my friend any more. I apologised, and texted her I was I wanted to make up. But she did not reply. I believed she really meant it, so I have been no contact with her. My wife knows all about it, I didn't have anything to hide from her, so she has been supportive. The separation from my former friend hurts me very deeply, and I miss her horribly. I think about her all the time during the day, and lie awake at night thinking about her. I imagine seeing and speaking to her, and rehearsing what I would say, so that we can be friends again. It's been over two months, and it seems like forever. I don't want to tell my wife about the limerence, because it's not normal to be like this about an ex-friend.
@@Smuzrfg Thanks for you kind words. It's nearly 6 months now, and the limerence is receding. I still think about my ex-friend every day, but the insomnia and sadness has gone, replaced by acceptance.
Going thru this right now. I'm in a 15 yr relationship, dearly love my partner but I can't stop thinking about my LO. but this has happened with past men before. But only after seeing this vid do I feel like I might have the courage to work thru it and be free. My LO is currently dating someone and I genuinely want the best for them. And I want to be a true friend to him, not a woman secretly pining over him. It's not fair to me or him. My therapist tells me its an escape from my problems, an obsession. I believe she's right, but damn, its hard. I get caught up with "will they move in together?" "Will they marry and have kids?" But my biggest shame/fear is wanting something bad to happen to my relationship so i can run to him. I'm trying, and I feel like this video along with the rest can help me better understand this mental illness. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. Please continue, I'll stay tuned 😊
Thank you for all your wonderful videos! I am from the United States and I find it so amazing that people take the time to give out such wonderful information from all over the world. You’re a wonderful therapist thank you.
I'm not married but am in a long term relationship (I should never have entered into but that's another story) & this has happened to me twice. Both times I wasn't looking for anything but women showed genuine interest & I got too attached, 2nd one I'm struggling through right now. All the advice is to let go & move on but when you're in a relationship you can't move on without breaking it up which is even more pain on top of the limerence pain!
What happens if the limerent cuts off from the LO before taking it past flirty texts/outings...they end it before they lose interest in them (for fear of losing their marriage). If they run into the LO months later, will limerence begin again since the limerent may still have them on a pedestal?
There are no guarantees, but my experience has been that limerence needs to run its course (which may take months or years) to avoid chances of it reigniting the feelings. No contact is a long term solution for those who choose it. You can reengage with the person once the limerence has completely gone.
I think that being limerent is always shameless, especially in marriage or relationships. I did it with my ex boyfriend, but I was honest with him (not about limerence, just about painful breakup). I'm wondering if there is a correlation between limerence and BPD? You talk a lot about image of "perfect myself" towards LO. Does it mean that we don't know who we really are? Such a strange coping mechanism to get a little piece of love from person who may even doesn't know about you. Healing from limerence feels like waking up after a deep coma.
What actually happens when you are married to your LO? I mean, I actually had LO who was interested in me and comparable. Still blew it by being limerent, but how does limerence actually work when that person is completely available? Is it than still a problem?
How can i get rid of it? no contact is impossible, he is My co-worker. 10 years ago i refused him, bec. of being limerent for another boy, now he has become My co-worker,and i regret for refusing him every breath i take. he is unavailable now, please help me. 🤕
Thank you for your channel. I have struggled with limerence for most of my adult life (on and off- and teenage years) and finding your videos finally filled in the gaps and helped me feel seen and heard. It's given me the strength to ask my husband to support me and understand the limerence, and I am slowly recovering from my latest LE from watching your videos (coupled with my own inner work/inner child stuff). Thank you for giving of this information so freely.
I've been in limerence for 30 years ;0(, so you're not alone.
I am a married man, 60 years old. I had a friend who I had a great platonic relationship with a 40 year old female colleague. We texted nearly every day, mostly just fun banter, although sometimes we shared deep personal issues, and leaned on each other. We called each other best friend. Then we had a big fight, and she said she did not want to be my friend any more. I apologised, and texted her I was I wanted to make up. But she did not reply. I believed she really meant it, so I have been no contact with her. My wife knows all about it, I didn't have anything to hide from her, so she has been supportive. The separation from my former friend hurts me very deeply, and I miss her horribly. I think about her all the time during the day, and lie awake at night thinking about her. I imagine seeing and speaking to her, and rehearsing what I would say, so that we can be friends again. It's been over two months, and it seems like forever. I don't want to tell my wife about the limerence, because it's not normal to be like this about an ex-friend.
@@Smuzrfg Thanks for you kind words. It's nearly 6 months now, and the limerence is receding. I still think about my ex-friend every day, but the insomnia and sadness has gone, replaced by acceptance.
Going thru this right now. I'm in a 15 yr relationship, dearly love my partner but I can't stop thinking about my LO. but this has happened with past men before. But only after seeing this vid do I feel like I might have the courage to work thru it and be free. My LO is currently dating someone and I genuinely want the best for them. And I want to be a true friend to him, not a woman secretly pining over him. It's not fair to me or him. My therapist tells me its an escape from my problems, an obsession. I believe she's right, but damn, its hard. I get caught up with "will they move in together?" "Will they marry and have kids?" But my biggest shame/fear is wanting something bad to happen to my relationship so i can run to him. I'm trying, and I feel like this video along with the rest can help me better understand this mental illness. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. Please continue, I'll stay tuned 😊
You aren't alone.
Thank you for all your wonderful videos! I am from the United States and I find it so amazing that people take the time to give out such wonderful information from all over the world. You’re a wonderful therapist thank you.
glad you got on the doctorate. Welcome to the club.
I'm not married but am in a long term relationship (I should never have entered into but that's another story) & this has happened to me twice. Both times I wasn't looking for anything but women showed genuine interest & I got too attached, 2nd one I'm struggling through right now. All the advice is to let go & move on but when you're in a relationship you can't move on without breaking it up which is even more pain on top of the limerence pain!
Break it up before you cheat. It’s not fair on the partner, believe me I’ve been on the other side of this.
Great advice.
Excellent. Thank you :)
What happens if the limerent cuts off from the LO before taking it past flirty texts/outings...they end it before they lose interest in them (for fear of losing their marriage). If they run into the LO months later, will limerence begin again since the limerent may still have them on a pedestal?
There are no guarantees, but my experience has been that limerence needs to run its course (which may take months or years) to avoid chances of it reigniting the feelings. No contact is a long term solution for those who choose it. You can reengage with the person once the limerence has completely gone.
Thank you
I think that being limerent is always shameless, especially in marriage or relationships. I did it with my ex boyfriend, but I was honest with him (not about limerence, just about painful breakup).
I'm wondering if there is a correlation between limerence and BPD? You talk a lot about image of "perfect myself" towards LO. Does it mean that we don't know who we really are? Such a strange coping mechanism to get a little piece of love from person who may even doesn't know about you. Healing from limerence feels like waking up after a deep coma.
What actually happens when you are married to your LO? I mean, I actually had LO who was interested in me and comparable. Still blew it by being limerent, but how does limerence actually work when that person is completely available? Is it than still a problem?
But can the person going though Limerence control their impulses?
How can i get rid of it? no contact is impossible, he is My co-worker. 10 years ago i refused him, bec. of being limerent for another boy, now he has become My co-worker,and i regret for refusing him every breath i take. he is unavailable now, please help me. 🤕
I think you are full of BS
Okay 👌🏽