Also you have to watch out for the fake apology there are nak’s that have adjusted to the fact that apologies are sometimes required socially so they figured out how to do fake ones with the line well…. I apologized…. I said sorry….. as a form of get out of jail free pass but you end up being well aware of that just because they said it they don’t really mean it and they’re more than likely to do it again.☹️
My dad will say I'm sorry and then he will do the same again and again and again, sorry means nothing for some people. Last time I stopped talking to him because he started insulting me and acting like he is above me, judging me as he always does. So I said it's over, waste of time, my mom told him that he was insulting me and he was like oh if I did that I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blah blah blah and next time he will insult me, my brother, my mom, anyone who thinks different way than he does 😂
Regardless of if a persons narcissistic or not, harshness usually feels unnecessary and unhealthy to me, depending how things are said. It’s one thing to be honest, it’s another thing to be mean or rude. If it feels tense or uncomfortable to me, I don’t want to be around it. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
know what you mean. I have a narc who won't leave me alone, so I hid crazy carpets under the snow and now they are using crutches for some silly reason hehe
I’m the same way wanting to avoid harsh interactions. But with the help of healing sites like yours, I have become more able to tell people that I don’t appreciate how they’re responding to me. It sometimes surprises them, and leads to better interactions. Otherwise, I just feel better about standing up for myself!😊
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Harshness feels yucky in our bodies, not good for our nervous systems no matter who we are, there is no need for it in my opinion. You can be direct and honest without being harsh, it depends how you say things. No need to be harsh in terms of being mean or rude. I have people like this in my life and I avoid them because of how harsh they are. Not what I want in my life. Doesn’t feel healthy. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I can’t stand the harsh snippy comments a sister in law makes under the guise of being ‘honest’. I have told my brother it is rude sometimes, and he makes excuses saying she’s just ‘brutally honest’. I wish he realized the ‘brutal’ part is not ok. It matters how you say things. So tired of it all. Keeping my boundaries. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I try to give people the benefit of a doubt, but if they continue to display that kind of behavior i distance myself from them & I try to never ever take it personally. If they’re a POS that’s a them issue and not a me issue. I try not to soak up their negativity.
Not talking about your exes at all was a red flag for me. I need to know what's the big secret? Or when you do mention them it's only the experiences were you tell the side of the story of what they did to you, but not the part of why they reacted that way? What role did you play in this situation. Some people don't think talking about a person's past is important or relevant but it is! Not everyone is going to be forthcoming or honest and others will only tell a portion to make themselves seem like the victim but if you pay attention to detail and get to really know ppl for yourself, you'll see what needs to be seen.
It could also be repetition compulsion. The person should be able to say where they "messed up," where they set themselves aside or were no longer being honest. All of my ex's are legitimately narcissistic. It turned out that my mother is covert, I had no idea. I learned something each round. I was sacrificing myself, I thought that they would be as loyal to me as I was to them. I had verbal abuse normalized in my childhood. It took time. Each was more secretive, more clever. I had lots of work to do on my own self and my own beliefs, and I understand that I did participate in the relationships, but I do not believe that their inability to see me as human is a red flag for my character. I didn't know what was toxic and what wasn't, and I projected my own goodness onto them. Just pointing out that it isn't a blanket red flag. Dig deeper. The person should be able to admit that they did things wrong in each relationship, because they are supposed to be maturing over time, reflecting on themselves, learning from challenges. People who do not grow will not see any of their own part, they believe the world happens to them.
It says a lot [of good things] about you, Dr. Ramani, that you are more willing to work around the clock with someone who is warm and agreeable. There are those who would be more apt to take advantage of them, or even punish them, because they view warmth and agreeableness as weaknesses. ♥ By the way, I love that mauve tea kettle on your shelf. It coordinates with your outfit (in the beginning of the video).
Very good advice. Post narcissistic abuse cause one to be judgmental of oneself. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be appreciated but being self righteous narcissist is different and not the same.
Very insightful video indeed Dr. Ramani as always, words make such a lot of difference positively or negatively or something in between/confused/neutral, many thanks 🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
I'm sorry, Dr. Ramani. I've lived in spaces for decades with people who took over my life. I allowed this in every situation, mainly, because I wanted close family or personal relationships. I thought I had to work for love and acceptance. I live alone in my older age now. I don't get out much because my energy is still so low I can't stay around certain people at all. I hope I don't ever get put in a box again without any hope of getting out. I do not trust anyone. I do not know if I will ever recover and feel the life coming back in my body. I will say this. I will protect myself now whatever it takes. If I feel unsafe around any person or even the energy, I will remove myself.
Im harsh toward narcissists. I went NC with family,Ive been out of relationships for 6 years. I quit narc clients. My neighbor attacked me. Truly unbelievable. A whole family of them next door. Cost me 10k in 6 months.property damage, extreme threats on myself and my ponies ( in front of a deputy, which was mysteriously not in the police report), threatened w a chainsaw, stalking by the father and A 12 YEAR OLD BOY!YES,i was stalked and bullied by a 12y old boy! The smear campaign included the police and they painted me as a child abuser. I got the charge. So I walk through my property flipping them the bird daily. And I will say ,as I was told after complaining to the police many ,many times " cant you just ignore it?" F those psychopaths. I was nothing but kind to them EVER. they have no evidence, i have plenty.
I grew up surrounded by harshness, so I try my best to defuse situations before resorting to brutal honesty. I know people don't like it, but I'm not usually a fighter in any circumstance.
@@jaym4577 I have a visible yet invisible scare from my childhood that I have no idea how the heck I got it. Yes, you are right. They do turn us in the fighters.. I hate fighting. I try to avoid it at all costs up until they throw something my way. Then I just get sick and tired of it Then I get in my fighting mode.
I think the hardest thing for humans to do is to cross all excuses of bad behavior off the list and just arrive and accept the realization that someone is just plain bad, and that’s it…👍❤
I’m a harsh person straight forward and to the point but I have had my fair share of dealing with narcissistic people and I know my harshness is a product of my environment because I was not always so harsh.
i am very grateful for this content, & some of the best resources that really help me (for free as well, so double thank you.) I definitely need to work on myself, because i have some issues, this is super appreciated Dr. Ramani-ty.❣️
Gossiping: in most cases as ive noticed they will talk nicely about other narcissists in the circle, amazing, as if they are all part of some secret cult and recognize each others spirit from the go
My harshness is equal to a growling cynicism over repeated disappointment in the actions and/or inactions of others, esp. where fairness and equity are concerned. Life’s arrow is rarely ever fair, and it seems to target the most compassionate of us all, testing our resolve. If I’ve learned anything it is this: Perseverance counts along with a strong will to live. If you don’t give up on Life, Life will not give up on you, no matter how much adversity one faces.
I have a harsh counselor. She found out that i didnt tell her about violence i experienced in the present day, i told another counselor. I had tried to tell her, and she cut me off, telling me "i had to get a PFA too that isnt abnormal during a divorce." Oh. Okay. Well then. She clearly didnt want me to get into it. I think she gets harsh specifically when i look like i am going to be vulnerable.
Sometimes it’s a reaction-you have to speak louder or more directly overtop the narcissistic or aggressive person that won’t let anyone else get a word in because they think they are the only person that has a voice or something to consider.
My mom has history of gossip. Talking to my sisters about me and telling them intimate things that I opened up to her about and she would tell me the same about them. She's pretty judgemental of everyone too and always compares herself to others, sometimes making herself look better. I remember a time where we were at a clinic sitting at the waiting area and she was talking to me about the way that the girls look in a not so nice way and we were sitting pretty close to them and I'm just thinking... I don't care what they look like and her audacity to say that right there.
Im sorry saying this but I feel that energy of people trying to looking for any mistakes to blame me in any problem since 2017 because the government situation and all the corruption. Im very sorry about my circumstances, is very frustrating situation and all what I want is the truth to comes out. Thanks for sharing, peace and blessings to everyone.
At some other places there are individuals who are giving advice to leave their toxic spouse but the same individuals are supporting toxic people in public - complete paradox ✌✌
My Mum used to say she wanted to ‘knock my corners off’ she was brutal with her words. The problem is I never had any corners and I am very sensitive 😢
Did you ever tell her what you'd like to do to her? It works both ways. Some people think they can just say whatever they want and nobody will ever go back at them.
@ at the age of 43 I finally erupted and bit back. I made her apologise to me for many things. This was the only time I ever heard her apologise. Things did improve somewhat after that for her last 10 years, although she could still rage at me if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time
"I'm an empath" One of the harshest things I have ever heard from people who have the audacity to claim they "feel" more than you, or any other person, because they are soo special. It's pathetically condescending, yet supportive of themselves as so much better than you. The performative audacity, is just that, with a complete lack of self aggrandizing awareness.
Regarding Gossip. Isn't directed gossip that's a lie, that's meant to harm, that's meant to achieve power and control over the victim of the gossip a clear sign of narcissism? Or when does gossip become the narcissist smear campaign?? Maybe that's the question.... Your thoughts. Not talking about one offs, but decades of observational abuses such as from a parent and/or sibling?
re: harsh people - typically, Narcs will just be trying to create conflict why naturally harsh people will be seeking to resolve them (just in blunt ways). For example, a Narc might typically give the feedback like "this is sh*t!". Meanwhile, a harsh person might say something like "this work is bad, BUT it you focus on correcting page 2 then it should be good enough..." It's not 100%, but it's a good rule of thumb IMO.
37:23,trust and believe,if im mean or nasty towards ANYONE,its always for good reason...you do something that hurts me or makes me feel uncomfortable, its ON like donkey kong😁😁
I've been quite for so long. While the this person have ran my name in the ground. Stalking , monitoring, lying you name it. Gaslighting, hoover, manipulation. Trying to keep me and my isolated and around him in the you no what's. Trying to get me to start a business so that he can shine. Trying to make it seem like I'm the one with the problem. They can gaslight, talk about, and come for you but can't handle it when you come for them. They don't understand that No means No. Stalking on phone, tablet, computer, u name it. Following everything and everywhere like the S*** is normal.
Dr. Ramani, would you please make an episode on how someone may gaslight with a set of questions , let's say, in the interview? I've noticed how many times the hosts make it difficult to answer the question by making it sort of half-statment ?
Have you done a video on how there’s a spectrum of narcissism everybody falls on, in essence we all are narcissistic to some degree, as Robert Greene details in his book “The Laws of Human Nature” I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts
Not all harsh people are narcissistic. Some are though. I have compassionate aunts that seemed harsh, yet my mother was definitely something else. My first grade teacher was violent. I'm pretty sure she was narcissistic after she pulled me up by my hair because I didn't salute the flag. It was against my religion, and I was only six.
I am glad my narc mother is living in her car now in the winter, been three days now. Nobody wants her and I hope she is cold and miserable until she runs out of money ha ha!
Every time I visit my daughter- the air is thick with narcissism. Got a head narc that rules the group. It’s kinda funny but not. You know they always talking crap. I’m no fun because it isn’t constructive. None of em really know me I am supposedly the narc. Actually I’m the empath.. I feel it all. Like when one of the nasty gossiping idiots comes in the room and thinks everyone is talking about them, like apparently she does. They really don’t get it do they. I know I can be harsh.. but usually am not. Be like-You like these pants? If we got time try another color maybe. Peace out- been enjoying my Sunday watching UA-cam. ❤
"Brutally honest" requires a level of arrogance to assume that their opinion is so valuable and so superior to ours that we NEED to hear it. People who truly care about you tell you hard truths with kindness, not harshness. I am a scientist and when we are evaluating each others experiments and conclusions, we have to be absolutely honest - if you see a flaw in reasoning or execution, you have to point it out BUT this can be done with dignity and respect. The criticism is SOLELY about the data or interpretation NOT the person who generated them AND it is accompanied by "Can you show me I'm wrong in my assessment." - in a good laboratory. Good science requires setting your ego aside and continually learning and making corrections. If you can't do that, you can't approach the truth. "Double standard ladened blood sport". - lol
Your videos are a mixed bag for me... They are insanely informative. On the other hand, they can be quite triggering when you describe scenarios and i can instantly relate.
Dr ramani, it’s me a trans girl from America, in the wake of what just happened do you think you could do a video video on how to cope with disaster such as what we’re going through right now and how this is going to affect us it would be greatly appreciated. Also HELP!!!!!!!!!! 😭
I have been considered 'harsh', I'm generally to the point-quickly. Most everything for me is nearly black or white. I find it exhausting to try and sugar coat things so as to cushion someone elses fragile feelings.
Not all harsh people are narcissistic but it isn't a good trait, but all narcissists are harsh imo. Try being harsh to are narcissistic person and stand back for the 💩 storm that's going to come your way! A harsh peraon who isn't narcissistic will also accept straightforward non sugar coated communication. Harshness overall is negative but at least if that communication is 2 way, it doesn't screw your head up. A narcissistic parent will eviscerated a child emotionally and psychologically but will act like a 2 year old if that child expresses anything remotely similar!
The demeaning other people he did in a joking way and held back in the beginning. But then he accelerated. I don't like to gossip. I especially have my own red flag, when a friend says I'm going to tell you something but don't tell anyone; ah, well you know me you know I wouldn't tell a secret told in confidence so I have a doubt you know me and I take offense. I let them go on but, I will never tell them anything in confidence as if they do this to me they do it to others. I preach this to my grandchildren and Great grandchildren. I do wish, Dr Ramani, could you do a video on how to answer if I ever date. The question what happened in your marriage that was so long? I feel like such a dupe I don't know how to respond. Had been no dates but others have asked, people I talk to and strike up a conversation. That would help many I think.
Extremely harsh person, however, people don't call me out for it very often. Why? I'm not harsh on anyone I don't care about. Which I don't care about the majority of the people I run into. One kind of has to understand someone first before being harsh on them. Else they risk being known as mean, rude and the rest of what was stated. At least by the person that's been harshed on. Not that I care if people think such things about me. I don't. Knowing their limits and how to show them their limits. That's generally the goal. To build them up. To teach resilience. They also have to be willing for you to be harsh on them in the first place. Anyway, disagree with the idea of a harsh person not being able to Love-Bomb. I do it all of the time. It's more of a trait of my ADHD than anything else per se. I score too low on the narcissistic traits for most of this narcissism stuffs to apply to me. The intent is also to make them feel good. Not to get something from them. I generally want nothing from anyone and will generally never ask for anything even if I need it. Intentions is wherein this all falls. You might have an idea of what someone's intents are. But, we really don't know why anyone is doing anything. Think where people misjudge me the most is failing to understand I live in my head. Not saying people aren't real or that I don't value them, because I do value them. It's just, I don't factor other people in with my daily thoughts and actions. When I am factoring in other people; I'm also the most harsh. There's normally a safety issue at play there. In other words, they're factored in due to engineering concerns. Anyway again, people don't really describe me as harsh. Even if I know they perceive me as such. They're more likely to call me argumentative, combative, stubborn, as far as the negative comments go. Most call me reliable, dependable, intelligent and things along those lines. Which I bring of for a different reason: People know and understand why I'm the way I am with them. Because I explain it before ever engaging with them as such. Again, this requires investment in those people. It takes work on my end to be harsh with them. Work. I'm not being paid for this work. It may be rewarding to see someone grow to their fullest potential. But, there's nothing in that for me. Not a comment on parenting. I'm rarely harsh on my kid. But, she's also a kid. She's at the age where her limits are starting to matter. Just not at an age wherein it needs to be focused upon yet. With her, it's more important she understands time. So, she doesn't waste her time. At least if she ends up like me. Nothing in life matters more than our short time here. It will not last forever. I don't want her regretting her life because she failed to live it.
If this is a clue- I haven’t communicated anything other than the green brothers invading my privacy and scaffolding off of it. They exploited my identity and monetized it elsewhere where I can’t see I need to see what everyone else sees. I don’t communicate harshly online- in fact I’m very civil and polite online because everything links together
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
Amen !!!!
Maya Angelou was so wise. 😊
Not all harsh people are narcissist, but you gotta be careful of those who never apologize.
My daughter craps on me every 6 months and NEVER apologizes. I've had to make the choice to go no contact. I did nothing to deserve this.
Also you have to watch out for the fake apology there are nak’s that have adjusted to the fact that apologies are sometimes required socially so they figured out how to do fake ones with the line well…. I apologized…. I said sorry….. as a form of get out of jail free pass but you end up being well aware of that just because they said it they don’t really mean it and they’re more than likely to do it again.☹️
The apologies - lol - just more bs
Actions not words.
Get that but don’t forget they also need to follow through with a change in behavior… narcs don’t
My dad will say I'm sorry and then he will do the same again and again and again, sorry means nothing for some people. Last time I stopped talking to him because he started insulting me and acting like he is above me, judging me as he always does. So I said it's over, waste of time, my mom told him that he was insulting me and he was like oh if I did that I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blah blah blah and next time he will insult me, my brother, my mom, anyone who thinks different way than he does 😂
Regardless of if a persons narcissistic or not, harshness usually feels unnecessary and unhealthy to me, depending how things are said. It’s one thing to be honest, it’s another thing to be mean or rude. If it feels tense or uncomfortable to me, I don’t want to be around it. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I like what you said 'I like honesty, but it doesn't have to be brutal'
Some people are just whiners and complainers and even liars.
Doesn't ever have to be brutal. Never.
Narcissists like to dish it out but they can't take it.
Super thin skinned. No one's feelings matter but theirs.
They hide behind enablers like mad.
@@bobbarker1798Hypocrisy !
@@ML-HSfricking Flying monkeys 🐒
know what you mean. I have a narc who won't leave me alone, so I hid crazy carpets under the snow and now they are using crutches for some silly reason hehe
I’m the same way wanting to avoid harsh interactions. But with the help of healing sites like yours, I have become more able to tell people that I don’t appreciate how they’re responding to me. It sometimes surprises them, and leads to better interactions. Otherwise, I just feel better about standing up for myself!😊
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Harshness feels yucky in our bodies, not good for our nervous systems no matter who we are, there is no need for it in my opinion. You can be direct and honest without being harsh, it depends how you say things. No need to be harsh in terms of being mean or rude. I have people like this in my life and I avoid them because of how harsh they are. Not what I want in my life. Doesn’t feel healthy. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I can’t stand the harsh snippy comments a sister in law makes under the guise of being ‘honest’. I have told my brother it is rude sometimes, and he makes excuses saying she’s just ‘brutally honest’. I wish he realized the ‘brutal’ part is not ok. It matters how you say things. So tired of it all. Keeping my boundaries. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Verbal abuse exists. Blatant honesty does not sanction abuse.
Be brutally honest with them too😅
I try to give people the benefit of a doubt, but if they continue to display that kind of behavior i distance myself from them & I try to never ever take it personally. If they’re a POS that’s a them issue and not a me issue. I try not to soak up their negativity.
Agreed, I couldn't have said it better.
“All my ex’s are crazy” major red flag 🚩
or, all men are the same, all women are the same!!!! I have heard that alot from narcs.
Not talking about your exes at all was a red flag for me. I need to know what's the big secret? Or when you do mention them it's only the experiences were you tell the side of the story of what they did to you, but not the part of why they reacted that way? What role did you play in this situation. Some people don't think talking about a person's past is important or relevant but it is! Not everyone is going to be forthcoming or honest and others will only tell a portion to make themselves seem like the victim but if you pay attention to detail and get to really know ppl for yourself, you'll see what needs to be seen.
It could also be repetition compulsion. The person should be able to say where they "messed up," where they set themselves aside or were no longer being honest.
All of my ex's are legitimately narcissistic. It turned out that my mother is covert, I had no idea. I learned something each round. I was sacrificing myself, I thought that they would be as loyal to me as I was to them. I had verbal abuse normalized in my childhood. It took time. Each was more secretive, more clever. I had lots of work to do on my own self and my own beliefs, and I understand that I did participate in the relationships, but I do not believe that their inability to see me as human is a red flag for my character. I didn't know what was toxic and what wasn't, and I projected my own goodness onto them.
Just pointing out that it isn't a blanket red flag. Dig deeper. The person should be able to admit that they did things wrong in each relationship, because they are supposed to be maturing over time, reflecting on themselves, learning from challenges. People who do not grow will not see any of their own part, they believe the world happens to them.
I thank God everyday for people like you. And for sharing this invaluable knowledge with world. Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤
Thank you again for helping us put things in perspective.
It says a lot [of good things] about you, Dr. Ramani, that you are more willing to work around the clock with someone who is warm and agreeable. There are those who would be more apt to take advantage of them, or even punish them, because they view warmth and agreeableness as weaknesses. ♥ By the way, I love that mauve tea kettle on your shelf. It coordinates with your outfit (in the beginning of the video).
Very good advice. Post narcissistic abuse cause one to be judgmental of oneself. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be appreciated but being self righteous narcissist is different and not the same.
Very insightful video indeed Dr. Ramani as always, words make such a lot of difference positively or negatively or something in between/confused/neutral, many thanks 🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
I'm sorry, Dr. Ramani. I've lived in spaces for decades with people who took over my life. I allowed this in every situation, mainly, because I wanted close family or personal relationships. I thought I had to work for love and acceptance. I live alone in my older age now. I don't get out much because my energy is still so low I can't stay around certain people at all. I hope I don't ever get put in a box again without any hope of getting out. I do not trust anyone. I do not know if I will ever recover and feel the life coming back in my body. I will say this. I will protect myself now whatever it takes. If I feel unsafe around any person or even the energy, I will remove myself.
Fantastic! Thank you for explaining, Dr Ramini. 💯💥Much appreciation!
Dr Ramani, you are a genius! 🎉
Im harsh toward narcissists. I went NC with family,Ive been out of relationships for 6 years. I quit narc clients.
My neighbor attacked me. Truly unbelievable. A whole family of them next door. Cost me 10k in 6 months.property damage, extreme threats on myself and my ponies ( in front of a deputy, which was mysteriously not in the police report), threatened w a chainsaw, stalking by the father and A 12 YEAR OLD BOY!YES,i was stalked and bullied by a 12y old boy! The smear campaign included the police and they painted me as a child abuser. I got the charge. So I walk through my property flipping them the bird daily. And I will say ,as I was told after complaining to the police many ,many times " cant you just ignore it?" F those psychopaths. I was nothing but kind to them EVER. they have no evidence, i have plenty.
I grew up surrounded by harshness, so I try my best to defuse situations before resorting to brutal honesty. I know people don't like it, but I'm not usually a fighter in any circumstance.
know what you mean, narcs turned me into a fighter. I still have scars from my dad's teeth on my hands.
@@jaym4577 I have a visible yet invisible scare from my childhood that I have no idea how the heck I got it.
Yes, you are right. They do turn us in the fighters.. I hate fighting. I try to avoid it at all costs up until they throw something my way. Then I just get sick and tired of it Then I get in my fighting mode.
For a narcissist, the only inter-personal path forward is domination. Wow! Thanks, Dr. Ramani.
I think the hardest thing for humans to do is to cross all excuses of bad behavior off the list and just arrive and accept the realization that someone is just plain bad, and that’s it…👍❤
Sometimes i feel im harsh because i cant lie, but to adapt i ve learnt to talk around and still being authentic to myself
I have been harsh, but I’ve worked so hard to be better.
I’m a harsh person straight forward and to the point but I have had my fair share of dealing with narcissistic people and I know my harshness is a product of my environment because I was not always so harsh.
i am very grateful for this content, & some of the best resources that really help me (for free as well, so double thank you.) I definitely need to work on myself, because i have some issues, this is super appreciated Dr. Ramani-ty.❣️
Dr. Ramani, you made me laugh when you started to list things someone might say about their ex. Some of those things I’d never thought of! 😁
Gossiping: in most cases as ive noticed they will talk nicely about other narcissists in the circle, amazing, as if they are all part of some secret cult and recognize each others spirit from the go
My harshness is equal to a growling cynicism over repeated disappointment in the actions and/or inactions of others, esp. where fairness and equity are concerned. Life’s arrow is rarely ever fair, and it seems to target the most compassionate of us all, testing our resolve. If I’ve learned anything it is this: Perseverance counts along with a strong will to live. If you don’t give up on Life, Life will not give up on you, no matter how much adversity one faces.
I love this side of you. you always make me feel. love it.
I Agree with everything you said in this video like the rest of all your videos!!!
Some people have abrasive personalities, and haven’t bothered to learn effective communication skills.
I have a harsh counselor. She found out that i didnt tell her about violence i experienced in the present day, i told another counselor. I had tried to tell her, and she cut me off, telling me "i had to get a PFA too that isnt abnormal during a divorce." Oh. Okay. Well then. She clearly didnt want me to get into it. I think she gets harsh specifically when i look like i am going to be vulnerable.
Sometimes it’s a reaction-you have to speak louder or more directly overtop the narcissistic or aggressive person that won’t let anyone else get a word in because they think they are the only person that has a voice or something to consider.
It’s tough to be an agreeable person in a harsh profession with low agreeable colleagues.
Yea my eldest sister is a narcissist. And she’s very mean and harsh.
My mom has history of gossip. Talking to my sisters about me and telling them intimate things that I opened up to her about and she would tell me the same about them. She's pretty judgemental of everyone too and always compares herself to others, sometimes making herself look better. I remember a time where we were at a clinic sitting at the waiting area and she was talking to me about the way that the girls look in a not so nice way and we were sitting pretty close to them and I'm just thinking... I don't care what they look like and her audacity to say that right there.
They are brutes and an embarrassment for normal people.
Your mom is very insecure.
Im sorry saying this but I feel that energy of people trying to looking for any mistakes to blame me in any problem since 2017 because the government situation and all the corruption. Im very sorry about my circumstances, is very frustrating situation and all what I want is the truth to comes out. Thanks for sharing, peace and blessings to everyone.
At some other places there are individuals who are giving advice to leave their toxic spouse but the same individuals are supporting toxic people in public - complete paradox ✌✌
My Mum used to say she wanted to ‘knock my corners off’ she was brutal with her words. The problem is I never had any corners and I am very sensitive 😢
Did you ever tell her what you'd like to do to her? It works both ways. Some people think they can just say whatever they want and nobody will ever go back at them.
@ at the age of 43 I finally erupted and bit back. I made her apologise to me for many things. This was the only time I ever heard her apologise. Things did improve somewhat after that for her last 10 years, although she could still rage at me if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time
True, he would talk bad about his own family members. I missed this red flag.
"I'm an empath" One of the harshest things I have ever heard from people who have the audacity to claim they "feel" more than you, or any other person, because they are soo special. It's pathetically condescending, yet supportive of themselves as so much better than you. The performative audacity, is just that, with a complete lack of self aggrandizing awareness.
Regarding Gossip. Isn't directed gossip that's a lie, that's meant to harm, that's meant to achieve power and control over the victim of the gossip a clear sign of narcissism? Or when does gossip become the narcissist smear campaign?? Maybe that's the question.... Your thoughts. Not talking about one offs, but decades of observational abuses such as from a parent and/or sibling?
re: harsh people - typically, Narcs will just be trying to create conflict why naturally harsh people will be seeking to resolve them (just in blunt ways).
For example, a Narc might typically give the feedback like "this is sh*t!". Meanwhile, a harsh person might say something like "this work is bad, BUT it you focus on correcting page 2 then it should be good enough..."
It's not 100%, but it's a good rule of thumb IMO.
37:23,trust and believe,if im mean or nasty towards ANYONE,its always for good reason...you do something that hurts me or makes me feel uncomfortable, its ON like donkey kong😁😁
Many neurodivergent people communicate directly and are considered harsh
My daughter in law is harsh and has turned my son and my daughter against me with things that was not my doing and my ex fueling things.
I can't see how all harsh people are narcissistic.
36:15
I've been quite for so long. While the this person have ran my name in the ground. Stalking , monitoring, lying you name it. Gaslighting, hoover, manipulation. Trying to keep me and my isolated and around him in the you no what's. Trying to get me to start a business so that he can shine. Trying to make it seem like I'm the one with the problem. They can gaslight, talk about, and come for you but can't handle it when you come for them. They don't understand that No means No. Stalking on phone, tablet, computer, u name it. Following everything and everywhere like the S*** is normal.
Dr. Ramani, would you please make an episode on how someone may gaslight with a set of questions , let's say, in the interview? I've noticed how many times the hosts make it difficult to answer the question by making it sort of half-statment ?
I let people know that I call it as I see it. I see no reason to beat around the bush.
What’s the difference between harsh and brutally honest? I’ve heard some use both of these terms to describe their delivery.
Have you done a video on how there’s a spectrum of narcissism everybody falls on, in essence we all are narcissistic to some degree, as Robert Greene details in his book “The Laws of Human Nature” I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts
Not all harsh people are narcissistic. Some are though. I have compassionate aunts that seemed harsh, yet my mother was definitely something else. My first grade teacher was violent. I'm pretty sure she was narcissistic after she pulled me up by my hair because I didn't salute the flag. It was against my religion, and I was only six.
I am glad my narc mother is living in her car now in the winter, been three days now. Nobody wants her and I hope she is cold and miserable until she runs out of money ha ha!
Every time I visit my daughter- the air is thick with narcissism. Got a head narc that rules the group. It’s kinda funny but not. You know they always talking crap. I’m no fun because it isn’t constructive. None of em really know me I am supposedly the narc. Actually I’m the empath.. I feel it all. Like when one of the nasty gossiping idiots comes in the room and thinks everyone is talking about them, like apparently she does. They really don’t get it do they. I know I can be harsh.. but usually am not. Be like-You like these pants? If we got time try another color maybe. Peace out- been enjoying my Sunday watching UA-cam. ❤
Thanks
Why does my family always try to devalue me and they get along well between them?
"Brutally honest" requires a level of arrogance to assume that their opinion is so valuable and so superior to ours that we NEED to hear it. People who truly care about you tell you hard truths with kindness, not harshness.
I am a scientist and when we are evaluating each others experiments and conclusions, we have to be absolutely honest - if you see a flaw in reasoning or execution, you have to point it out BUT this can be done with dignity and respect. The criticism is SOLELY about the data or interpretation NOT the person who generated them AND it is accompanied by "Can you show me I'm wrong in my assessment." - in a good laboratory. Good science requires setting your ego aside and continually learning and making corrections. If you can't do that, you can't approach the truth.
"Double standard ladened blood sport". - lol
Any plans to start adding timestamps or chapters to your videos?
Will someone let me know if there is a place with a narcissist that is NOT a messy place?
Your videos are a mixed bag for me...
They are insanely informative.
On the other hand, they can be quite triggering when you describe scenarios and i can instantly relate.
Im curious how culture differences are of influence here. Im dutch, dutch people are generally direct in communication.
Dr ramani, it’s me a trans girl from America, in the wake of what just happened do you think you could do a video video on how to cope with disaster such as what we’re going through right now and how this is going to affect us it would be greatly appreciated. Also HELP!!!!!!!!!! 😭
My mother can be harsh like Rosa Hubermann in The Book Thief? Would you say her character has redeeming qualities?
I have been considered 'harsh', I'm generally to the point-quickly. Most everything for me is nearly black or white.
I find it exhausting to try and sugar coat things so as to cushion someone elses fragile feelings.
You're to the point quickly about what? Your opinion?
@TawnyC_ My opinion, my thoughts, beliefs, ideas
Not all harsh people are narcissistic but it isn't a good trait, but all narcissists are harsh imo. Try being harsh to are narcissistic person and stand back for the 💩 storm that's going to come your way! A harsh peraon who isn't narcissistic will also accept straightforward non sugar coated communication. Harshness overall is negative but at least if that communication is 2 way, it doesn't screw your head up. A narcissistic parent will eviscerated a child emotionally and psychologically but will act like a 2 year old if that child expresses anything remotely similar!
The demeaning other people he did in a joking way and held back in the beginning. But then he accelerated. I don't like to gossip. I especially have my own red flag, when a friend says I'm going to tell you something but don't tell anyone; ah, well you know me you know I wouldn't tell a secret told in confidence so I have a doubt you know me and I take offense. I let them go on but, I will never tell them anything in confidence as if they do this to me they do it to others. I preach this to my grandchildren and Great grandchildren. I do wish, Dr Ramani, could you do a video on how to answer if I ever date. The question what happened in your marriage that was so long? I feel like such a dupe I don't know how to respond. Had been no dates but others have asked, people I talk to and strike up a conversation. That would help many I think.
Extremely harsh person, however, people don't call me out for it very often. Why? I'm not harsh on anyone I don't care about. Which I don't care about the majority of the people I run into. One kind of has to understand someone first before being harsh on them. Else they risk being known as mean, rude and the rest of what was stated. At least by the person that's been harshed on. Not that I care if people think such things about me. I don't. Knowing their limits and how to show them their limits. That's generally the goal. To build them up. To teach resilience. They also have to be willing for you to be harsh on them in the first place.
Anyway, disagree with the idea of a harsh person not being able to Love-Bomb. I do it all of the time. It's more of a trait of my ADHD than anything else per se. I score too low on the narcissistic traits for most of this narcissism stuffs to apply to me. The intent is also to make them feel good. Not to get something from them. I generally want nothing from anyone and will generally never ask for anything even if I need it.
Intentions is wherein this all falls. You might have an idea of what someone's intents are. But, we really don't know why anyone is doing anything. Think where people misjudge me the most is failing to understand I live in my head. Not saying people aren't real or that I don't value them, because I do value them. It's just, I don't factor other people in with my daily thoughts and actions. When I am factoring in other people; I'm also the most harsh. There's normally a safety issue at play there. In other words, they're factored in due to engineering concerns.
Anyway again, people don't really describe me as harsh. Even if I know they perceive me as such. They're more likely to call me argumentative, combative, stubborn, as far as the negative comments go. Most call me reliable, dependable, intelligent and things along those lines. Which I bring of for a different reason: People know and understand why I'm the way I am with them. Because I explain it before ever engaging with them as such. Again, this requires investment in those people. It takes work on my end to be harsh with them. Work. I'm not being paid for this work. It may be rewarding to see someone grow to their fullest potential. But, there's nothing in that for me.
Not a comment on parenting. I'm rarely harsh on my kid. But, she's also a kid. She's at the age where her limits are starting to matter. Just not at an age wherein it needs to be focused upon yet. With her, it's more important she understands time. So, she doesn't waste her time. At least if she ends up like me. Nothing in life matters more than our short time here. It will not last forever. I don't want her regretting her life because she failed to live it.
5th, 10 November 2024
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Yes have to be praised for doing things around the house. If I don't say much I hear you don't appreciate any thing I do for you. 🤨🤨😐😐
If this is a clue- I haven’t communicated anything other than the green brothers invading my privacy and scaffolding off of it.
They exploited my identity and monetized it elsewhere where I can’t see
I need to see what everyone else sees.
I don’t communicate harshly online- in fact I’m very civil and polite online because everything links together
So you’re all a victim?
Thanks to these Vamps I’m indifferent and now Brutally honest screw sugar coating!👍🫶💯
Ok Dr Ramani I’ll call it Tough Love ❤️ I’ve had enough !!!❤👍💯