The dead naming thing pissed me off. There’s a trans guy at Spinx and i found out his deadname because it was on the schedule sheet by accident. I forced myself to forget it. I have no idea what it is anymore and i don’t want to know. I get the curiosity, but it’s just disgusting that they’d fight to try and get you to tell them your deadname
My boyfriend was anxious about telling his parents about us, but more out of worry about their reaction. He had already told his sisters and one of his cousins and they offered to support him in telling his parents. In the end they already knew by the time they met me, without him telling them and they were just really happy for us.
Its a similar situation with me, he's told everyone else in his family and all his friends but his mum is 90 and he's worried that she wont take it well so they still don't know (At least he hasn't told them I assume they have an idea). I've been understanding with that as I know he really wants to tell them but his sisters actually advised him not to so he didn't.
Yeah, this is a big friendship red flag too if they aren't 100% accepting of who you are, what you like, etc., but they want to "fix" you to be more like them or criticize you for your taste in movies or whatever, especially if they bring your gender into it and start scrutinizing whether you are feminine enough because you have too much of a Wednesday Addams aesthetic or Hibari-kun aesthetic instead of the high-femme Kim Petras aesthetic they were expecting, or vice versa, or because you like soccer or the band you like screams too much or doesn't scream enough, or whatever it might be. They need to go find the person they are looking for instead of trying to make you turn into that person.
@otnath suppose you were a victim of sexual assault resulting in pregnancy. Most of the time, it's just a story. But every once in a while,someone asks about how the baby came to be, you must love your partner, where are they, etc. Without meaning to, the person has brought up a painful time in your life and has made things a little less enjoyable. Now imagine, I'm trying to transition into my new name, my new gender, etc. But every time I pay rent, I have to undo some progress and reinforce my old name and gender. If I have a friend with me who has only known me by my new name, and suddenly they see me make a payment with the old name, what are they supposed to think? Did I just out myself? Are they thinking identity theft? Should I avoid having friends with me? Notice how many questions I just posed. Consider how many would have to be answered in real time in a matter of milliseconds. Just don't pry. Please.
Speaking as a Man that has dated Transwomen, it's difficult at first to not be curious and inquire. I know now to tell her she can tell me if and when she wants and drop it. Be patient with Men that are new to this.
I'm so lucky, I found my boyfriend so soon after ending a LTR, we are in a very happy relationship for over 2.5 years. I must admit, at the beginning, I was checking to see if he was happy to be seen outside with me and that he would tell his family and friends, which he was so proud to do. I couldn't have stayed with him if not. I have dated men before, who you could describe as chasers, because I was desperate for intimacy, but I knew it wouldn't be a proper relationship, Iike I really wanted. Dating for trans women can be so difficult. Its so important to look out for these red flags. Thank you for another great video and for being so gorgeous and lovely Malibu ❤️
I really don’t think I would date a man unless I’m in public and have a double date. Admittedly I’m gender fluid but a lot more femme leaning, either way I definitely have a fear of some strange guy who may want to do harm.
This is my first time joining your channel I really enjoy your videos of the dudes and the don't on dating very educational very inspiring and I will take these to heart. I have not been with a woman in over 35 years.
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish Sounds like it! Icky is very negative about them in her video. (I will just shut up now because I don't know anything about the subject other than what Icky said, and I don't want to offend anyone. Except maybe chasers. :-)
The "married men" point I think has a lot of overlap with both "keeping you a secret" and "only about sex" Men who are tempted to cheat and who have the character to go through with it are probably going to lean towards more taboo activities like having sex with a trans woman - after all if you're already doing something wrong, then why not just pull out all the stops?
Treating people different in public because you want to maintain your social standing is fascism, plain and simple. You're telling the world you care more about your position in a hierarchy than you do the very people who matter to you.
Reject them, sooner, rather than later, they are using you 100%. People like those only see you as an object for sexual gratification. I'm not trying to upset you by any means, but it's the truth. Try and meet someone who will take you out and stuff, and be proud to be by your side. Take care , and remember... The Good Will Out 🙏
Most of these points are not transgender-specific, but are typical of phases of relationship initiation in which the people involved do not yet know whether they want to be in a relationship with each other or not. The problem lies in the priority of perceiving another person as a sexual partner rather than a relationship partner. This may work in the experimental phase, but once a certain level of maturity is reached, sex is no longer enough. But if you have never practiced thinking in terms of relationships rather than sexual partners, the transition is difficult. Of course, this situation is made even more difficult by the usual prejudices that trans people face. But it is not easy for anyone.
@@sheole5165 The first 3 for sure could be applied to anyone, I think they are particularly relevant for trans people even if they aren't exclusive to them though. The last 4 are more transgender specific but you're right dating is rough for everyone 😭
@@NurseBrian2003 I've never been with a woman so I don't know if there might be different issues there, but certainly if they did any of these things it would also be a red flag.
Biphobic sapphic cis women always turn out to be transphobic, so looking out for biphobic behaviours or beliefs is something good to look out for. Something to look for too is how they use pronouns, before my last relationship before my current one ended I noticed that my partner was misgendering trans people intentionally because they got into a fight, I didn't notice that before but that was my sign to get out. and of course she proceeded to misgender me because she didn't like me anymore.
@@LilFeralGangrel thanks for the advice, currently married but I’m sure for only couple more months. Wife does not support my transgender thoughts or beliefs, so trying to figure out what I need to know once I’m single, currently living a double life,
Hey im a chaser here and i disagree with points 2) Ive hooked up with alot of trans women and telling your family is like for 6 months + relationships, most trans women understand and are ok with this, 3) Ive had cis women who use me for sex, and trans women who do it, alot of women, trans or cis do have rosters and they just want to come over on a thursday evening and get to it 4) i do want a trans women who makes a really strong effort to pass, if she doesnt pass thats ok but i do want her to be trying her absolute best to pass. The other points i can mostly agree with. I agree with number 7 for sure, i dont want to know her boy name or see her boy pics
Not really looking to date men, but I'm open to trying things with them as a trans woman in an open relationship. I've only been with lesbians or nonbinary people. It's just hard to find dudes who don't fumble and act majorly weird in some way. I find a big red flag that I've experienced around guys is when they hypersexualize me and automatically assume I'm some freak in bed, or get like extremely horny just being in my presence and thinking of the possibility of having sex. Like I may be looking for hookups and I'm pretty kinky as a person, but that's too much too fast and is a big turnoff, just lacking basic respect I guess. Like they're expecting me to drop down to my knees in the first 10 minutes of talking.
I'm curious about the term 'Dead Name,' in relation to the perspective of a trans persons parents. I imagine the term could be rather insensitive to them, even for parents who have fully supported their child throughout their journey. Stay safe everyone 🌹
I will be honest with you I am not in a relationship with anyone at the moment and that I do support the LGBTQ community and I have the mind set of if I end up in a relationship with a trans girl I would be ok with that my mom is accepting of that my dad not so much I am sub to a trans girl on UA-cam she goes by Sarina havok she is a nice person that makes videos on UA-cam she is on a relationship with a girl and she loves my comments in the comments section I will definitely keep an eye out for red flags such as these
You are a beautiful woman, malibu . You are definitely worth dating. Love you for who you are. I always have a soft for you. You are a lovable person. Your dead name is dead. It shouldn't ever matter
2:25 I mean, yeah, if you take all that comes with the term "regular straight man", then yes it's different, but so is good hygiene in that demographic and metrosexual was a terrible term, so 🤷♀ They're just straight with a preference they're ashamed of. Like, I'm sorry, but if a partner being "pre-op" impacts someone's sexual orientation in your eyes, you might just have some internalized transphobia lingering around still. It's a preference, sure, but they're still straight... (this isn't counting those guys who are gay and go after trans women as a half-measure out of fear/shame, like that's obviously a different sexuality there, yeah) But, like, I enjoyed the video, don't get me wrong, those are good tips. (also, I have no idea how to give people non-awkward compliments but your voice is really nice)
I think that can also just be a sign of inexperience. Guys who haven't had a lot of sex can definitely be very genital-focused, not realising how much the rest of the body factors into pleasure. (Not trying to contradict you at all, just trying to add my two cis cents worth.)
I only have experience as a pan cis man, but the guys I've been with did this with me as well, and I've had cis female partners complain their exes were this way with them so I think its just a general "guy" thing to not do proper foreplay. Feel free to stop them and ask for foreplay. If a partner isn't cool with seeing to your needs then they aren't worth your effort either
The dead naming thing pissed me off. There’s a trans guy at Spinx and i found out his deadname because it was on the schedule sheet by accident. I forced myself to forget it. I have no idea what it is anymore and i don’t want to know. I get the curiosity, but it’s just disgusting that they’d fight to try and get you to tell them your deadname
My boyfriend was anxious about telling his parents about us, but more out of worry about their reaction. He had already told his sisters and one of his cousins and they offered to support him in telling his parents. In the end they already knew by the time they met me, without him telling them and they were just really happy for us.
Its a similar situation with me, he's told everyone else in his family and all his friends but his mum is 90 and he's worried that she wont take it well so they still don't know (At least he hasn't told them I assume they have an idea). I've been understanding with that as I know he really wants to tell them but his sisters actually advised him not to so he didn't.
# 6 is also known as Fair Weather Friends . This is good advice for a lot of people ! Have a wonderful day / night , and stay safe 💞
Interesting not heard that term before, I'll try to remember it thank you! 🧡
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish your very Welcome !
Yeah, this is a big friendship red flag too if they aren't 100% accepting of who you are, what you like, etc., but they want to "fix" you to be more like them or criticize you for your taste in movies or whatever, especially if they bring your gender into it and start scrutinizing whether you are feminine enough because you have too much of a Wednesday Addams aesthetic or Hibari-kun aesthetic instead of the high-femme Kim Petras aesthetic they were expecting, or vice versa, or because you like soccer or the band you like screams too much or doesn't scream enough, or whatever it might be. They need to go find the person they are looking for instead of trying to make you turn into that person.
Every time I have to pay rent, I have to use my dead name. It makes transition much harder and it hurts. Please don't dig into our past.
@@Rising_Pho3nix_23 😢 can't you ask them to change it for you?
Why? What are you running from?
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish when I'm able to, yes
@otnath suppose you were a victim of sexual assault resulting in pregnancy. Most of the time, it's just a story. But every once in a while,someone asks about how the baby came to be, you must love your partner, where are they, etc. Without meaning to, the person has brought up a painful time in your life and has made things a little less enjoyable. Now imagine, I'm trying to transition into my new name, my new gender, etc. But every time I pay rent, I have to undo some progress and reinforce my old name and gender. If I have a friend with me who has only known me by my new name, and suddenly they see me make a payment with the old name, what are they supposed to think? Did I just out myself? Are they thinking identity theft? Should I avoid having friends with me? Notice how many questions I just posed. Consider how many would have to be answered in real time in a matter of milliseconds. Just don't pry. Please.
Speaking as a Man that has dated Transwomen, it's difficult at first to not be curious and inquire. I know now to tell her she can tell me if and when she wants and drop it. Be patient with Men that are new to this.
I'm so lucky, I found my boyfriend so soon after ending a LTR, we are in a very happy relationship for over 2.5 years.
I must admit, at the beginning, I was checking to see if he was happy to be seen outside with me and that he would tell his family and friends, which he was so proud to do. I couldn't have stayed with him if not. I have dated men before, who you could describe as chasers, because I was desperate for intimacy, but I knew it wouldn't be a proper relationship, Iike I really wanted. Dating for trans women can be so difficult. Its so important to look out for these red flags. Thank you for another great video and for being so gorgeous and lovely Malibu ❤️
My red flag is usually if he keeps bombing me with compliment and he's not able to say anything else even if you try to have a normal conversation.
That is another good one
There is a term for some of those men - Chasers
When a family lost, a new family gained. It's usually how it goes. Much love to ya's two.
Thank you dear, you're an inspiration
I really don’t think I would date a man unless I’m in public and have a double date.
Admittedly I’m gender fluid but a lot more femme leaning, either way I definitely have a fear of some strange guy who may want to do harm.
This is actually a pretty interesting list.
This is my first time joining your channel I really enjoy your videos of the dudes and the don't on dating very educational very inspiring and I will take these to heart. I have not been with a woman in over 35 years.
@@Erik-u1u8v thank you! Glad you enjoy :) 🩷
All good advice for us. Sometimes we get blinded that they are paying attention to us we forget these flags. Always respect ourselves first!
Personally I avoid men in general, to many chasers who have fetishised who I am. So I’m staying single, for me it’s safer. Your channel is ace ❤
2:00 the word for them I believe is "chasers"
@@metatechnologist 😂
That's what Icky aka Ashley calls them. She made a video called "What Is A Chaser?" 🙂
@@eco2geek. its more of a slur than a term
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish Sounds like it! Icky is very negative about them in her video. (I will just shut up now because I don't know anything about the subject other than what Icky said, and I don't want to offend anyone. Except maybe chasers. :-)
vanishing cats 🐈
@@CreatiVastARTS 😂 she was being a red flag during the filming of this
The "married men" point I think has a lot of overlap with both "keeping you a secret" and "only about sex"
Men who are tempted to cheat and who have the character to go through with it are probably going to lean towards more taboo activities like having sex with a trans woman - after all if you're already doing something wrong, then why not just pull out all the stops?
That's true
Treating people different in public because you want to maintain your social standing is fascism, plain and simple.
You're telling the world you care more about your position in a hierarchy than you do the very people who matter to you.
I would love to go out with a trans girl. X
@@user-kc3fn1gu6g keep these in mind and you might just find one hehe :) good luck 💙
@@MalibuBarbiieDelishthankyou xx
My husband has only compared me to cis women to say that I’m better looking than most cis women. He has no red flags in my book 🥰
Where did you get that awesome outfit? Was it expensive? I would like to get one too. 😊
Cheap as chips 😂 it was from everything5pounds.com but its quite old it may not be there anymore
Great video...agree with the flags.
i've been a unicorn for a cis-het couple 3 times now. Will never work.
Reject them, sooner, rather than later, they are using you 100%. People like those only see you as an object for sexual gratification. I'm not trying to upset you by any means, but it's the truth. Try and meet someone who will take you out and stuff, and be proud to be by your side. Take care , and remember... The Good Will Out 🙏
i thought these were sensible/worth keeping in mind!
Most of these points are not transgender-specific, but are typical of phases of relationship initiation in which the people involved do not yet know whether they want to be in a relationship with each other or not. The problem lies in the priority of perceiving another person as a sexual partner rather than a relationship partner. This may work in the experimental phase, but once a certain level of maturity is reached, sex is no longer enough. But if you have never practiced thinking in terms of relationships rather than sexual partners, the transition is difficult. Of course, this situation is made even more difficult by the usual prejudices that trans people face. But it is not easy for anyone.
@@sheole5165 The first 3 for sure could be applied to anyone, I think they are particularly relevant for trans people even if they aren't exclusive to them though. The last 4 are more transgender specific but you're right dating is rough for everyone 😭
Nice content, thank you for your work for our trans community
@@kimblaney thank you 🧡
Being a trans woman, does this apply to dating women as well? I am only interested in women.
@@NurseBrian2003 I've never been with a woman so I don't know if there might be different issues there, but certainly if they did any of these things it would also be a red flag.
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish thank you for answering, I appreciate your advice and time
Biphobic sapphic cis women always turn out to be transphobic, so looking out for biphobic behaviours or beliefs is something good to look out for.
Something to look for too is how they use pronouns, before my last relationship before my current one ended I noticed that my partner was misgendering trans people intentionally because they got into a fight, I didn't notice that before but that was my sign to get out. and of course she proceeded to misgender me because she didn't like me anymore.
@@LilFeralGangrel thanks for the advice, currently married but I’m sure for only couple more months. Wife does not support my transgender thoughts or beliefs, so trying to figure out what I need to know once I’m single, currently living a double life,
Hey im a chaser here and i disagree with points 2) Ive hooked up with alot of trans women and telling your family is like for 6 months + relationships, most trans women understand and are ok with this, 3) Ive had cis women who use me for sex, and trans women who do it, alot of women, trans or cis do have rosters and they just want to come over on a thursday evening and get to it 4) i do want a trans women who makes a really strong effort to pass, if she doesnt pass thats ok but i do want her to be trying her absolute best to pass. The other points i can mostly agree with. I agree with number 7 for sure, i dont want to know her boy name or see her boy pics
My point with 2 is that most guys don't want to tell their family at all, with 3 maybe that is true for some girls but this is just my point of view
Not really looking to date men, but I'm open to trying things with them as a trans woman in an open relationship. I've only been with lesbians or nonbinary people. It's just hard to find dudes who don't fumble and act majorly weird in some way. I find a big red flag that I've experienced around guys is when they hypersexualize me and automatically assume I'm some freak in bed, or get like extremely horny just being in my presence and thinking of the possibility of having sex. Like I may be looking for hookups and I'm pretty kinky as a person, but that's too much too fast and is a big turnoff, just lacking basic respect I guess. Like they're expecting me to drop down to my knees in the first 10 minutes of talking.
@@badcaseofstripes that is definitely a red flag hate that! 🚩
Good advice. I’m attracted to women so I guess another new term for me is I am a lesbian trans woman.
@@NurseBrian2003 Yes you are 💜
That is very useful topic. Thank you for your insights❤❤
3:09 why did you keep editing your cat out 😅 that's not fair)))
I was just focusing on editing around what I was saying lol she was being a nightmare during filming this 😂
I think married men seeking a trans partner are actually bi and see trans women as a soft transition.
@@icecreamassassin3006 that's probably true for a lot of men who seek trans women tbh, married or not
I'm curious about the term 'Dead Name,' in relation to the perspective of a trans persons parents. I imagine the term could be rather insensitive to them, even for parents who have fully supported their child throughout their journey. Stay safe everyone 🌹
@@PlightOfTheInnovator I think any parent who supports their childs transition would understand them wanting to change their name.
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish Yes true 100%, it's just the word 'Dead' feels a little cold to me. I wish you well Malibu, stay happy. Peace 🌼
@@PlightOfTheInnovator I see your point, I'm not sure where it originated tbh
Malibu Barbie is so beautiful 🤗❤️⛅️💎🐇🦋🪽🌊⚡️🤗
@@franklinpndejesus3677 thank you 🖤🖤
I will be honest with you I am not in a relationship with anyone at the moment and that I do support the LGBTQ community and I have the mind set of if I end up in a relationship with a trans girl I would be ok with that my mom is accepting of that my dad not so much I am sub to a trans girl on UA-cam she goes by Sarina havok she is a nice person that makes videos on UA-cam she is on a relationship with a girl and she loves my comments in the comments section I will definitely keep an eye out for red flags such as these
I have to use my dead name for anything official.. medical aid etc is something difficult to change
You are a beautiful woman, malibu . You are definitely worth dating. Love you for who you are. I always have a soft for you. You are a lovable person. Your dead name is dead. It shouldn't ever matter
Awwh you are very sweet ☺️ thank you ❤️
💚
❤
You are so beautiful 😍
Awwh thank you 💚
Orient oriented orientation not orientated
@@millenniafever ok gal!
Just be t4t
Kinda crazy thing to say tbh, are trans women not allowed to be attracted to dudes?
Keep transitioning. You still have man in you. 😂
What a repulsive thing to say
Cis gender no am a woman
Sorry you get upset over very basic scientific terms
Since when do you call women cis its just normal women
@@ChrisRose643 and trans women are not normal? 😂
2:25 I mean, yeah, if you take all that comes with the term "regular straight man", then yes it's different, but so is good hygiene in that demographic and metrosexual was a terrible term, so 🤷♀ They're just straight with a preference they're ashamed of. Like, I'm sorry, but if a partner being "pre-op" impacts someone's sexual orientation in your eyes, you might just have some internalized transphobia lingering around still. It's a preference, sure, but they're still straight... (this isn't counting those guys who are gay and go after trans women as a half-measure out of fear/shame, like that's obviously a different sexuality there, yeah)
But, like, I enjoyed the video, don't get me wrong, those are good tips. (also, I have no idea how to give people non-awkward compliments but your voice is really nice)
It's not too hard to spot a chaser. If you get intimate with them, they go straight to the...well, you know.
@@MB-ub5ns that is true
I think that can also just be a sign of inexperience. Guys who haven't had a lot of sex can definitely be very genital-focused, not realising how much the rest of the body factors into pleasure.
(Not trying to contradict you at all, just trying to add my two cis cents worth.)
I only have experience as a pan cis man, but the guys I've been with did this with me as well, and I've had cis female partners complain their exes were this way with them so I think its just a general "guy" thing to not do proper foreplay. Feel free to stop them and ask for foreplay. If a partner isn't cool with seeing to your needs then they aren't worth your effort either