King articulating exactly the weird vibes of being so-called "cis passing". I never feel more safe around cis guys that don't know I'm trans. I'm on edge the entire time just thinking I'm gonna say something that tips them off, not knowing how they're gonna react. I prefer it if the cis people I'm hanging around know I'm trans already so then I don't have to deal with the potential sudden reactions they might have.
@@drnstjhnIn my experience, you get to a certain point of passing, plus legally transitioning, where nothing can tip cis people off unless you were somehow outed by somebody who already knew. It is mostly just paranoia, and I generally only reserve that feeling of anxiety for situations such as "do they think me sitting down to pee rn means I'm transgender?" However, I don't particularly present myself in a "queer" way, in the cultural sense of the word, and have a traditional masculine build, mannerisms, speech, and presentation. The only "tell" for me is that I'm short, which isn't that big of a tell because there are plenty of short guys. So it's mainly paranoia for most, but for some people it feels more tangible that they could possibly be "clocked" for something.
@@ichangedmyusername that's what i was thinking but didn't wanna be offensive. there's nothing in a normal convo that would tip anyone off. that's MAJOR paranoia 😔
you both are so good at finding people that are actually able to represent their communities properly and educate everyone in such an open and kind way. it honestly kinda makes me mad you aren’t getting the recognition you deserve😭 i wish i could put all your videos on everyone’s feed. PLEASE keep it up you’re both amazing
I had this experience, where I was just going on dates with this guy and he mentioned that he told his friends that he had a "trans boyfriend." That really turn me off completely because it felt he was rushing a "commitment" just so he could say he was with a transmen.
I was in love with someone trans but it couldn't work because they were self-depreciating. She only thought I would want a sexual experience, like a fetish. She didn't believe she could ever have a long-term relationship with a cis woman. She didn't want me to be interested in her as a person. The more genuine my interest, the more she would push away out of fear. However when we last met, she held our hug for many minutes after I had stopped hugging. This was so hard for me.... and for her, I'm sure. I still wonder where we would be today had she been comfortable with herself in a relationship with a cis person. I miss her every day... it's been 7 years. I've had other opportunities since but no one I've loved this much. All I wanted was to learn to be with her and stand by her, at her pace. She just didn't believe in long term, she said she gets transient affection with swingers. I know she was interested in me but fear stood between us.
It’s so good to see positive and accurate queer representation. As a male presenting trans woman the bigotry spewed out by cis white men when they feel they’re not going to face the consequences for their actions is soul crushing. Y’all give me hope 🏳️⚧️
Thank you for posting about dating with the help of both a transman and transwoman! I rarely can find this and as a transman (coming up to 10 years socially transitioned!) who is trying to date right now and struggling navigating the world (I'm also straight which is painful lol), finding conversations like this is really comforting (: Great podcast keep it up! Edit: Really appreciate the guests too! Thank you for being so open (:
It sucks dating as a trans person, especially as a trans woman. I can't go up to a guy and see if we hit it off like cishet people, I have to make sure that they know I'm trans first or the guy might be aggressive with me thinking I "tricked" him. I envy cishet people so much. It's really a privilege to just be able to talk and flirt and feel comforrtable doing so almost ANYWHERE!! I wish I didn't have this burden of being trans so I can just have a dating life and find love.
it’s really really dangerous and it makes me very standoffish when men approach me and are interested. I never know if they can “tell” or not, or what their intentions are if they can, and i’m not about to out myself in public in front of other people that are possibly hostile etc. I’m afraid if I speak too loud or get too comfortable then they’ll clock me and get violent etc. It’s so so scary. Back when so didn’t pass as well strangers tried to attack me and so on so I’m constantly paranoid at what would happen if I get “exposed.” It’s extremely exhausting
@@PyrrhicPax You just prove while I'm almost over dating men in general. Even while you claim to be inclusive, you still act as if we're trying to trick you. Well, I'm sorry that me going about my life as a trans woman disturbs you to such a subconscious degree you have to come at me for something I didn't even say or do.
@@issakelly8071 I never said trans people were trying to trick anyone. I said people have a right to know and you have a responsibility to be honest. No need to apologize, even sarcastically, because you being trans doesn't disturb me one bit and i wasn't coming at you for anything (yet, keep keeping) I didn't tag you, and i wasn't responding to you. CLEARLY, if people don't want to date you , it's because you have an aggressive and confrontational personality, not because you're trans. People have a right to dislike you without it being BECAUSE your trans. They probably wouldn't like you even if you WEREN'T trans, with a personality like that.
You’re my favorite podcast! I’m loving every episode I watch, your guests are amazing & you all are amazing~ so much beautiful wisdom and insight is shared every time!! Thanks so much 💛~ nonbinary trans person
I had a friend I fell for, he was a bit too enthusiastic about my transition. I was 19, and he was 25. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted to be friends with benefits. Our friendship didn't just dissolve it got vaporized. I'm honestly still so traumatized about it I don't know if I can date any time soon.
I just found this channel and I really like it. This conversation was really engaging and heartwarming to say the least. Thank you for having black queer and trans people on this show. As a black trans queer person it means a lot to me to see representation.❤
As a transfemme, I'm not sure I understand the difference between "chasers" and the way men treat cis women as sex objects... I just started the video so let's see if I figure anything out...
@@junethebountyhunter2642 right but isn't that just men in general towards anyone they are attracted to? that's why I don't understand the vocabulary... like they "chase" women for their race, and all kinds of reasons
Hmmmm that’s an interesting point you bring up. It would interesting to talk about the potential differences and similarities. However, its fair to believe that perhaps it’s not uncommon for trans people to experience this a higher rates
@@katyasabourin7906 That is something I fail to understand the difference too. Men will screw a rock with a hole in it, or a dead body (which is why they aren't hired to work at morgues). Anything is an object to them, as that saying goes "Any hole is a goal".
It can be similar but at least with cis women there is a social ideal of the loving partner and romance movies etc provide scripts and alternate ideals to pursue that go beyond sex etc. Whereas with trans women/people, most men’s only knowing experience of us is through pornography and they often don’t see real romance as possible between us. They crave us for our “exotic genitals” as a sex toy that can be tossed aside once they’re bored and want a “real” relationship. Yes cis women face lots of sexualization too but there is still a prevailing cultural narrative that they are actual people. Trans people are seen as something much lesser and thus with our “low status” we can be used in any way others desire. We don’t have histories or aspirations or personalities to them we are disposable playthings and curiosities to prod at. It’s incredibly dehumanizing
So relate to Ms. Myles, but what is missing from this discussion is the way cishet women also can act the same way as cishet men described in the interview. All before, during and after transition. Another topic not covered is how people try and gatekeep a trans persons romantic life. Both friends of the trans person, and their romantic interest. Like the expectation that the trans person should be aro and ace, or they go out of their way to treat the trans person as shameful.
00:00 🎥 Introductory remarks highlight the personal nature of dating experiences for trans individuals. 00:43 💬 Discussion focuses on the unique challenges of dating as a trans person, including issues of validation and fetishization. 01:30 🗣️ Miss Miles shares her past experiences of dating, feeling that her partners often fetishized her identity. 02:12 🚩 Fetishization leads to unrealistic expectations around intimacy and sexuality, causing discomfort and objectification. 02:54 🏗️ King discusses the lack of representation for trans individuals in media, which affects societal perceptions and relationships. 03:58 ⚠️ Content warning issued for discussions about violence and discrimination against trans individuals in relationships. 05:01 🌐 Both guests emphasize the need for safer spaces and communities for dating and building relationships as trans individuals. 05:47 🤝 Miss Miles recounts the emotional challenges of dating, including feeling more like an object than a partner. 06:50 ✊ King stresses the importance of understanding self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships to avoid harmful dynamics. 08:22 📈 Discussion about the growth in awareness and education about trans issues within society and its impact on relationships. 09:53 🔄 Miss Miles shares her journey toward self-love and how it positively influences her dating experiences. 10:14 🔍 King mentions the importance of navigating intimacy while transitioning, highlighting both positives and challenges. 11:49 📉 King reflects on the difficulties of intimate relationships pre-surgery and the importance of personal comfort in intimacy. 12:41 💔 The impact of societal beauty standards and personal expectations on self-worth in dating for trans individuals. 14:20 🌱 Both guests highlight the positive shifts they’ve experienced in their dating lives, focusing on self-acceptance and growth. 15:38 🛡️ Conversations about the need for safe sex practices and addressing intimacy issues in relationships post-transition. 17:01 🔄 Miss Miles expresses her openness to dating cisgender individuals if they are respectful and educated about trans experiences. 18:15 ✨ King shares his preference for dating other trans individuals, citing ease of understanding and shared experiences. 19:27 📊 Statistics show higher violence rates against trans individuals, emphasizing the importance of safety and awareness in dating. 20:05 💔 The experiences of trans individuals affect everyone they meet, highlighting a societal issue rooted in cisgender attitudes. 20:31 🔍 The lack of ongoing dialogue about violence against trans people, particularly in the Black community, perpetuates harm. 20:50 🚷 There is a widespread bystander effect, with many failing to protect vulnerable communities from harm. 21:16 🛑 Developing intuition about unsafe situations is crucial for trans individuals to navigate their environments safely. 21:55 ✂️ Many trans people avoid unsafe spaces, often opting for queer events to ensure a safer experience. 23:00 🤝 Friendships can be conditional; true allies must support the trans community, not just individuals. 24:06 🧔 Hyper-masculinity in Black men may contribute to hostility towards trans individuals due to societal expectations. 25:19 ⚔️ The internalized homophobia in some Black men leads to fear of being perceived as non-masculine when interacting with trans people. 26:06 🤨 White cisgender men may feel more emboldened to act harmfully due to their perceived societal privilege. 27:25 📉 Navigating professional spaces often requires code-switching and dealing with the risks of being marginalized. 28:25 ⚠️ Trans individuals frequently have to advocate for themselves, often encountering dismissive or harmful responses. 29:53 👜 White men may leverage their privilege in relationships, treating trans individuals as disposable. 31:07 💬 Trans individuals are not obligated to disclose their identity but should prioritize their safety when considering it. 32:43 🕵️♀️ Safety checks and open discussions about trans identities can help mitigate risks when dating. 34:36 🚫 Disclosing trans identities can lead to harmful reactions, reflecting deeper societal issues of transphobia and misogyny. 35:23 🎬 Media representation of trans individuals often perpetuates harmful stereotypes and fails to offer new narratives. 37:55 ❤️ Positive depictions of intimacy in media are rare but can help shift societal perceptions of trans relationships. 39:09 🗣️ Communication about respect and boundaries is vital when dating a trans person to foster understanding. 39:59 🤝 Building friendships with trans individuals can deepen understanding and appreciation of their experiences. 40:04 💬 Checking in with your partner regularly fosters intimacy and understanding. 40:10 🧠 Recognize that not all trans individuals have the same self-awareness or advocacy skills. 40:28 🔄 It's essential to create a supportive space for partners to express themselves and evolve. 41:02 🎉 Prioritizing comfort and open communication enhances the enjoyment of intimacy. 41:45 🛋️ Therapy can help individuals understand their needs and unpack internalized issues. 42:36 📖 Journaling and discussing past relationships can clarify personal boundaries and expectations. 42:54 ⏳ Long wait times for therapy are common; it's beneficial to get on waitlists as soon as possible. 43:30 🚩 Be mindful of red flags in dating, such as fetishizing or objectifying trans partners. 44:38 🌟 Healthy relationships involve seeing your partner as a whole person, not just their trans identity. 45:04 💔 Heartbreak is a valuable teacher regarding personal boundaries and relationship dynamics. 45:26 ⚠️ Caution is advised when dating significantly older individuals due to potential predatory behavior. 46:09 🚫 Relationships based solely on fetishization are unlikely to be healthy or fulfilling. 47:04 🔍 Healthy relationships require mutual interest beyond superficial attractions or identities. 48:17 🎶 Follow King on Instagram and check out Miss Miles for trans advocacy and makeup services. 49:02 📺 Explore more about the Black Trans experience through additional resources linked in the description.
Yall are my new favorite podcast. I hooe you are proud as hell of yourselves for not just addressing the hardest of the most crucial ideas and topics, but you're both such great journalists. Queer Collective consistently gives high quality, intellectually provoking content with a raw and honest vulnerability that is so therapeutic and healing. I learn so much and just love you girls so much. You're really making a difference. Don't stop! ❤
Beautiful work, thank you all for sharing your experiences and asking questions. Such lovely voices and audio quality as well!! Please keep it up with these interview podcasts! 💖💖💖
Im confused by the question at 46:30 im attracted to some trans people. But that seriously depends on the person, and im also attracted to some cis women. My attraction isn't BECAUSE they are trans. Or BECAUSE they are cis. It's because humans often times are fucking hot. So it's a bit wierd to say it's unsafe for trans people to be around people that are attracted to them. I mean at that point why would a trans person ever date at all? If thier partner isn't supposed to be attracted to them.... But if it's a fetish thing where the partner is only saying trans people then yeah. It's creepy and definitely unsafe.
I like how people have different color skin. But growing up I of course saw the color but i never cared about that but who the person is. We are all human bleed the same color blood. I hate how society are making everyone hate on each other.
Suggestion: Person is moving the camera too much when a person is speaking... hard to watch the video. please watch from 32:00 to 38:00 to see what I mean. bouncing from one person to the next too often can cause the viewer to become dizzy/vertigo. sometimes the camera can stay still for a few minutes regardless of who is speaking. Keep the full table view for a few minutes.
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted specifically to trans people. I’m gay, and I watch lots of porn with trans guys, and I want to know why that is a red flag? Why is it weird that I include trans guys in my porn consumption & fantasies?
It’s totally okay to be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to! We’re more so speaking to making sure that regardless of who you’re attracted to, that you see that person as a whole person and not just as an object or sexual conquest (unless of course they want to be objectified and give consent to do so)
@@QueerCollective I greatly appreciate the reply. I’m a little sensitive about it, only because I know it’s already a sensitive thing, and there’s so much new stigma coming to the surface these days, I take it personally when I don’t have to. You helped me chip away at it a little more, and realize it’s once again my own insecurities telling me stories, so thank you 🙏🏻❤️
The objectification and the danger and violence they are voicing have been endured by women since the beginning of time. Changes will only happen if men change their way of perceiving minority or anyone other than men. It will have to come from a majority of men and accepted before the mentality turns to healthier relationships.
It’s a very common experience for many trans youth. If you continue listening you see us discuss this more in depth and how dangerous it is. The message we leave trans youth with is to 1. Start by dating your peers, 2. Be very weary of older people who are interested in you. Laughter is a form of medicine, this topic in today’s episode is HEAVY on my levels & yet we all had a really good time sharing space and talking with one another.
@@QueerCollective Thank you for your reply. This is such a valuable resource for people working with trans identifying young people - which of course is why I was so upset by all your laughing responses to the idea of those young people, actually still children, being the victims of older men. However I am so impressed, by King in particular but with all of you, and I’m going to share this with my friends and colleagues who work with teens who are confused, experimenting and deciding on their sexuality and gender. They can be so vulnerable to predatory men, and can end up in sex work simply because there is a kind of acceptance in that world that they have not found anywhere else. I hope we can change this.
I'm a little confused why watching triple x trans vids is a red flag, when it's not a red flag for other groups. Like for instance, there's gay guys who watch a lot of guy on guy vids, but that isn't a red flag for gay guys who meet them.
Well, as a trans woman I can try and add some information. Generally, cis men don’t have much contact with us in real life at all. Like, they don’t have trans friends, relatives or coworkers. The ONLY space they learn about our existence is in porn movies, therefore they have a harder time imagining us doing anything besides sex. Gay guys consume a lot of porn as well but they’re going to see other gay gays doing every day things, having conversations, working, being humans. Cis straight men are going to watch cis porn but they also see cis women existing around as normal people in normal activities. Cis men who only consume our existence through porn have difficulty seeing us as humans, since it’s their only reference. It’s a screaming red flag.
Because its fetish. Its the idea they are specifically seeking out trans people to get off to rather than the gender the trans person identifis as. There is something about the trans person they are getting off to like the fact they might have boobs and a penis or vice versa. They also meant it as a cis person watching the videos not a trans person. Which at least in my experience i dont think ive heard of trans people enjoying those videos? Its more like a girl reading yaoi and suddenly becoming obsessed with gay guys and asking whos the bottom.
because trans porn often creates very fetishizing false narratives of trans sexuality and is also often people’s only exposure to us. I’d much rather date someone that read one article on trans people and our difficulties receiving medical care than someone who’s watched 1k hours of trans p**n. It often leads to men using very gross language about us and expecting us to perform sexually in ways that range from not ideal to incredibly distressing.
There's nothing inherently wrong with it OR being attracted to trans people. But, I think the issue is that a lot of the people who make it a red flag are not apart of the community who's sexuality and gender identity is being exploited. I'm a gay trans man. A lot of people who aren't trans, or hell aren't specifically black gay trans men, don't know people like me. They don't have trans man friends. They don't have trans man family. The most representation I've had is as a category in porn. Porn predominantly made by cis gender people perpurtrating stereotypes and biases that do not accurately show trans people and our sexuality. The amount of times I've known cis people and they felt entitled to my sexuality and my body because the only way someone like me has been consumed is through porn? I can't even count it on my hands.
Porn objectifies. No matter who the subject is. When gay men watch porn they are watching it for sexual gratification And when the only point of reference you have for a community is that they make you horny, the way you treat individuals in that community can be harmful.
I’m so happy black queer people are having their voices highlighted:))) warms my heart seeing my people ❤
King articulating exactly the weird vibes of being so-called "cis passing". I never feel more safe around cis guys that don't know I'm trans. I'm on edge the entire time just thinking I'm gonna say something that tips them off, not knowing how they're gonna react. I prefer it if the cis people I'm hanging around know I'm trans already so then I don't have to deal with the potential sudden reactions they might have.
Extremely valid. Thank you for sharing 💕
what's examples of things you've said that has tipped them off? or is it just a paranoid thing
@@drnstjhnIn my experience, you get to a certain point of passing, plus legally transitioning, where nothing can tip cis people off unless you were somehow outed by somebody who already knew. It is mostly just paranoia, and I generally only reserve that feeling of anxiety for situations such as "do they think me sitting down to pee rn means I'm transgender?" However, I don't particularly present myself in a "queer" way, in the cultural sense of the word, and have a traditional masculine build, mannerisms, speech, and presentation. The only "tell" for me is that I'm short, which isn't that big of a tell because there are plenty of short guys.
So it's mainly paranoia for most, but for some people it feels more tangible that they could possibly be "clocked" for something.
@@ichangedmyusername that's what i was thinking but didn't wanna be offensive. there's nothing in a normal convo that would tip anyone off. that's MAJOR paranoia 😔
Trust me darling, they do, that's why they're cis-passing on you.
you both are so good at finding people that are actually able to represent their communities properly and educate everyone in such an open and kind way. it honestly kinda makes me mad you aren’t getting the recognition you deserve😭 i wish i could put all your videos on everyone’s feed. PLEASE keep it up you’re both amazing
Thank you so much!! 💕 we will keep making them 😊
I had this experience, where I was just going on dates with this guy and he mentioned that he told his friends that he had a "trans boyfriend." That really turn me off completely because it felt he was rushing a "commitment" just so he could say he was with a transmen.
Very interesting thank you for sharing. We hope you’ve had better experiences since then 💕
I was in love with someone trans but it couldn't work because they were self-depreciating. She only thought I would want a sexual experience, like a fetish. She didn't believe she could ever have a long-term relationship with a cis woman. She didn't want me to be interested in her as a person. The more genuine my interest, the more she would push away out of fear. However when we last met, she held our hug for many minutes after I had stopped hugging. This was so hard for me.... and for her, I'm sure. I still wonder where we would be today had she been comfortable with herself in a relationship with a cis person. I miss her every day... it's been 7 years. I've had other opportunities since but no one I've loved this much. All I wanted was to learn to be with her and stand by her, at her pace. She just didn't believe in long term, she said she gets transient affection with swingers. I know she was interested in me but fear stood between us.
So sorry to hear that 😔 I hope both you and they can find peace and happiness 💕 thank you for sharing so vulnerably
It’s so good to see positive and accurate queer representation. As a male presenting trans woman the bigotry spewed out by cis white men when they feel they’re not going to face the consequences for their actions is soul crushing. Y’all give me hope 🏳️⚧️
Thank you so much 😊 we hope to bring lots more content like this so stay tuned 💕
Male presenting? Bruh man. You are just a man. Why all that transit*oning when you are and identify as a man
Thank you for posting about dating with the help of both a transman and transwoman! I rarely can find this and as a transman (coming up to 10 years socially transitioned!) who is trying to date right now and struggling navigating the world (I'm also straight which is painful lol), finding conversations like this is really comforting (: Great podcast keep it up! Edit: Really appreciate the guests too! Thank you for being so open (:
So glad we were able to provide that for you. It’s why we have these conversations. Thanks for watching! 💕
I'm learning that trans people have challenges in regards to safety in dating that I take for granted as a cis man
It sucks dating as a trans person, especially as a trans woman. I can't go up to a guy and see if we hit it off like cishet people, I have to make sure that they know I'm trans first or the guy might be aggressive with me thinking I "tricked" him.
I envy cishet people so much. It's really a privilege to just be able to talk and flirt and feel comforrtable doing so almost ANYWHERE!!
I wish I didn't have this burden of being trans so I can just have a dating life and find love.
it’s really really dangerous and it makes me very standoffish when men approach me and are interested. I never know if they can “tell” or not, or what their intentions are if they can, and i’m not about to out myself in public in front of other people that are possibly hostile etc. I’m afraid if I speak too loud or get too comfortable then they’ll clock me and get violent etc. It’s so so scary. Back when so didn’t pass as well strangers tried to attack me and so on so I’m constantly paranoid at what would happen if I get “exposed.” It’s extremely exhausting
@@PyrrhicPax Did you read what I wrote or are you trying to attack a strawman?
@@PyrrhicPax You just prove while I'm almost over dating men in general. Even while you claim to be inclusive, you still act as if we're trying to trick you. Well, I'm sorry that me going about my life as a trans woman disturbs you to such a subconscious degree you have to come at me for something I didn't even say or do.
@@issakelly8071 I never said trans people were trying to trick anyone. I said people have a right to know and you have a responsibility to be honest. No need to apologize, even sarcastically, because you being trans doesn't disturb me one bit and i wasn't coming at you for anything (yet, keep keeping) I didn't tag you, and i wasn't responding to you.
CLEARLY, if people don't want to date you , it's because you have an aggressive and confrontational personality, not because you're trans.
People have a right to dislike you without it being BECAUSE your trans. They probably wouldn't like you even if you WEREN'T trans, with a personality like that.
seeing queer content like this is so heart warming im so happy i found this channel
Thank you so much for watching 🫶💗 so happy you found us
samesies
I’m living for this - black trans guy
You’re my favorite podcast! I’m loving every episode I watch, your guests are amazing & you all are amazing~ so much beautiful wisdom and insight is shared every time!! Thanks so much 💛~ nonbinary trans person
Wowww thank you for such a beautiful message 💕
I had a friend I fell for, he was a bit too enthusiastic about my transition. I was 19, and he was 25. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted to be friends with benefits. Our friendship didn't just dissolve it got vaporized. I'm honestly still so traumatized about it I don't know if I can date any time soon.
I just found this channel and I really like it. This conversation was really engaging and heartwarming to say the least. Thank you for having black queer and trans people on this show. As a black trans queer person it means a lot to me to see representation.❤
Thank you so much for watching 💕✨
As a transfemme, I'm not sure I understand the difference between "chasers" and the way men treat cis women as sex objects... I just started the video so let's see if I figure anything out...
My old roommate who was a trans guy (they're androgynous) had similar experiences with cis men, they're mega chasers.
@@junethebountyhunter2642 right but isn't that just men in general towards anyone they are attracted to? that's why I don't understand the vocabulary... like they "chase" women for their race, and all kinds of reasons
Hmmmm that’s an interesting point you bring up. It would interesting to talk about the potential differences and similarities. However, its fair to believe that perhaps it’s not uncommon for trans people to experience this a higher rates
@@katyasabourin7906 That is something I fail to understand the difference too. Men will screw a rock with a hole in it, or a dead body (which is why they aren't hired to work at morgues). Anything is an object to them, as that saying goes "Any hole is a goal".
It can be similar but at least with cis women there is a social ideal of the loving partner and romance movies etc provide scripts and alternate ideals to pursue that go beyond sex etc. Whereas with trans women/people, most men’s only knowing experience of us is through pornography and they often don’t see real romance as possible between us. They crave us for our “exotic genitals” as a sex toy that can be tossed aside once they’re bored and want a “real” relationship. Yes cis women face lots of sexualization too but there is still a prevailing cultural narrative that they are actual people. Trans people are seen as something much lesser and thus with our “low status” we can be used in any way others desire. We don’t have histories or aspirations or personalities to them we are disposable playthings and curiosities to prod at. It’s incredibly dehumanizing
I love those guests. So wise and sweet!
Thanks for watching 😊💕
So relate to Ms. Myles, but what is missing from this discussion is the way cishet women also can act the same way as cishet men described in the interview. All before, during and after transition.
Another topic not covered is how people try and gatekeep a trans persons romantic life. Both friends of the trans person, and their romantic interest. Like the expectation that the trans person should be aro and ace, or they go out of their way to treat the trans person as shameful.
cis lesbians too, none of it is unique to cis men
00:00 🎥 Introductory remarks highlight the personal nature of dating experiences for trans individuals.
00:43 💬 Discussion focuses on the unique challenges of dating as a trans person, including issues of validation and fetishization.
01:30 🗣️ Miss Miles shares her past experiences of dating, feeling that her partners often fetishized her identity.
02:12 🚩 Fetishization leads to unrealistic expectations around intimacy and sexuality, causing discomfort and objectification.
02:54 🏗️ King discusses the lack of representation for trans individuals in media, which affects societal perceptions and relationships.
03:58 ⚠️ Content warning issued for discussions about violence and discrimination against trans individuals in relationships.
05:01 🌐 Both guests emphasize the need for safer spaces and communities for dating and building relationships as trans individuals.
05:47 🤝 Miss Miles recounts the emotional challenges of dating, including feeling more like an object than a partner.
06:50 ✊ King stresses the importance of understanding self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships to avoid harmful dynamics.
08:22 📈 Discussion about the growth in awareness and education about trans issues within society and its impact on relationships.
09:53 🔄 Miss Miles shares her journey toward self-love and how it positively influences her dating experiences.
10:14 🔍 King mentions the importance of navigating intimacy while transitioning, highlighting both positives and challenges.
11:49 📉 King reflects on the difficulties of intimate relationships pre-surgery and the importance of personal comfort in intimacy.
12:41 💔 The impact of societal beauty standards and personal expectations on self-worth in dating for trans individuals.
14:20 🌱 Both guests highlight the positive shifts they’ve experienced in their dating lives, focusing on self-acceptance and growth.
15:38 🛡️ Conversations about the need for safe sex practices and addressing intimacy issues in relationships post-transition.
17:01 🔄 Miss Miles expresses her openness to dating cisgender individuals if they are respectful and educated about trans experiences.
18:15 ✨ King shares his preference for dating other trans individuals, citing ease of understanding and shared experiences.
19:27 📊 Statistics show higher violence rates against trans individuals, emphasizing the importance of safety and awareness in dating.
20:05 💔 The experiences of trans individuals affect everyone they meet, highlighting a societal issue rooted in cisgender attitudes.
20:31 🔍 The lack of ongoing dialogue about violence against trans people, particularly in the Black community, perpetuates harm.
20:50 🚷 There is a widespread bystander effect, with many failing to protect vulnerable communities from harm.
21:16 🛑 Developing intuition about unsafe situations is crucial for trans individuals to navigate their environments safely.
21:55 ✂️ Many trans people avoid unsafe spaces, often opting for queer events to ensure a safer experience.
23:00 🤝 Friendships can be conditional; true allies must support the trans community, not just individuals.
24:06 🧔 Hyper-masculinity in Black men may contribute to hostility towards trans individuals due to societal expectations.
25:19 ⚔️ The internalized homophobia in some Black men leads to fear of being perceived as non-masculine when interacting with trans people.
26:06 🤨 White cisgender men may feel more emboldened to act harmfully due to their perceived societal privilege.
27:25 📉 Navigating professional spaces often requires code-switching and dealing with the risks of being marginalized.
28:25 ⚠️ Trans individuals frequently have to advocate for themselves, often encountering dismissive or harmful responses.
29:53 👜 White men may leverage their privilege in relationships, treating trans individuals as disposable.
31:07 💬 Trans individuals are not obligated to disclose their identity but should prioritize their safety when considering it.
32:43 🕵️♀️ Safety checks and open discussions about trans identities can help mitigate risks when dating.
34:36 🚫 Disclosing trans identities can lead to harmful reactions, reflecting deeper societal issues of transphobia and misogyny.
35:23 🎬 Media representation of trans individuals often perpetuates harmful stereotypes and fails to offer new narratives.
37:55 ❤️ Positive depictions of intimacy in media are rare but can help shift societal perceptions of trans relationships.
39:09 🗣️ Communication about respect and boundaries is vital when dating a trans person to foster understanding.
39:59 🤝 Building friendships with trans individuals can deepen understanding and appreciation of their experiences.
40:04 💬 Checking in with your partner regularly fosters intimacy and understanding.
40:10 🧠 Recognize that not all trans individuals have the same self-awareness or advocacy skills.
40:28 🔄 It's essential to create a supportive space for partners to express themselves and evolve.
41:02 🎉 Prioritizing comfort and open communication enhances the enjoyment of intimacy.
41:45 🛋️ Therapy can help individuals understand their needs and unpack internalized issues.
42:36 📖 Journaling and discussing past relationships can clarify personal boundaries and expectations.
42:54 ⏳ Long wait times for therapy are common; it's beneficial to get on waitlists as soon as possible.
43:30 🚩 Be mindful of red flags in dating, such as fetishizing or objectifying trans partners.
44:38 🌟 Healthy relationships involve seeing your partner as a whole person, not just their trans identity.
45:04 💔 Heartbreak is a valuable teacher regarding personal boundaries and relationship dynamics.
45:26 ⚠️ Caution is advised when dating significantly older individuals due to potential predatory behavior.
46:09 🚫 Relationships based solely on fetishization are unlikely to be healthy or fulfilling.
47:04 🔍 Healthy relationships require mutual interest beyond superficial attractions or identities.
48:17 🎶 Follow King on Instagram and check out Miss Miles for trans advocacy and makeup services.
49:02 📺 Explore more about the Black Trans experience through additional resources linked in the description.
Yall are my new favorite podcast. I hooe you are proud as hell of yourselves for not just addressing the hardest of the most crucial ideas and topics, but you're both such great journalists. Queer Collective consistently gives high quality, intellectually provoking content with a raw and honest vulnerability that is so therapeutic and healing. I learn so much and just love you girls so much. You're really making a difference. Don't stop! ❤
@@tracyhill6166 thank you for real 💗 we needed this message today 🫶
@@QueerCollective plus. Y'all cute! 😍😅
I haven't even seen the video. Just saw trans podcast and subbed instantly. Love seeing our community hanging out ❤
I also always skip past sponsors usually but not this time ❤️❤️❤️
I'm also sooooo gagged at there being so many episodes for me to binge! This summer is going to be sooooooo queer for me. Thank you lovely folx ❤
Wow 🥹 thank you that’s so meaningful and we’re so happy to bring you more queer content and conversations 💕✨
all of you are so gorgeous and intelligent, thank u for sharing your experiences and advice💗💗
Our pleasure! Thanks so much for watching 💕
I'm so glad I stumbled across ya'll by accident much love from Australia 😊
Omg we love Australia. Thank you for watching 💕
Beautiful work, thank you all for sharing your experiences and asking questions. Such lovely voices and audio quality as well!! Please keep it up with these interview podcasts! 💖💖💖
Thanks so much for watching 💕✨
Im confused by the question at 46:30 im attracted to some trans people. But that seriously depends on the person, and im also attracted to some cis women.
My attraction isn't BECAUSE they are trans. Or BECAUSE they are cis. It's because humans often times are fucking hot.
So it's a bit wierd to say it's unsafe for trans people to be around people that are attracted to them. I mean at that point why would a trans person ever date at all? If thier partner isn't supposed to be attracted to them....
But if it's a fetish thing where the partner is only saying trans people then yeah. It's creepy and definitely unsafe.
It's unsafe because quite a lot of people will get murdery when they find out said person is trans.
this is an amazing channel, a real diamond in the rough
Thank you! 💕
Amazing episode! Thank you for giving us this content! 🙌
Glad you enjoy it!
Ms. Myles' hair is slaying
Queen 👑
I like how people have different color skin. But growing up I of course saw the color but i never cared about that but who the person is. We are all human bleed the same color blood. I hate how society are making everyone hate on each other.
Its complusive heterosexuality not comprehensive heterosexuality.
actually its compulsory, the idea that its mandatory to be hetero
*compulsive, not "complusive" 🙂
Such good info 🥺❤️
Thank u 🫰🏼💕
Suggestion: Person is moving the camera too much when a person is speaking... hard to watch the video. please watch from 32:00 to 38:00 to see what I mean. bouncing from one person to the next too often can cause the viewer to become dizzy/vertigo. sometimes the camera can stay still for a few minutes regardless of who is speaking. Keep the full table view for a few minutes.
Thanks for the suggestion :)
23:28
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted specifically to trans people. I’m gay, and I watch lots of porn with trans guys, and I want to know why that is a red flag? Why is it weird that I include trans guys in my porn consumption & fantasies?
It’s totally okay to be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to! We’re more so speaking to making sure that regardless of who you’re attracted to, that you see that person as a whole person and not just as an object or sexual conquest (unless of course they want to be objectified and give consent to do so)
@@QueerCollective I greatly appreciate the reply. I’m a little sensitive about it, only because I know it’s already a sensitive thing, and there’s so much new stigma coming to the surface these days, I take it personally when I don’t have to. You helped me chip away at it a little more, and realize it’s once again my own insecurities telling me stories, so thank you 🙏🏻❤️
there should be more communicating when getting the sex on XD cause then you can know how to make your partner comfortable and happy and content etc.
The objectification and the danger and violence they are voicing have been endured by women since the beginning of time. Changes will only happen if men change their way of perceiving minority or anyone other than men. It will have to come from a majority of men and accepted before the mentality turns to healthier relationships.
The way we nurture society’s men is truly such a problem. It gives them permission to behave in disgusting ways without repercussions
Sorry but why are you all laughing hysterically about this thirteen year old innocent boy child being approached online by adults? That’s mot ok!
It’s a very common experience for many trans youth. If you continue listening you see us discuss this more in depth and how dangerous it is. The message we leave trans youth with is to 1. Start by dating your peers, 2. Be very weary of older people who are interested in you. Laughter is a form of medicine, this topic in today’s episode is HEAVY on my levels & yet we all had a really good time sharing space and talking with one another.
@@QueerCollective Thank you for your reply. This is such a valuable resource for people working with trans identifying young people - which of course is why I was so upset by all your laughing responses to the idea of those young people, actually still children, being the victims of older men. However I am so impressed, by King in particular but with all of you, and I’m going to share this with my friends and colleagues who work with teens who are confused, experimenting and deciding on their sexuality and gender. They can be so vulnerable to predatory men, and can end up in sex work simply because there is a kind of acceptance in that world that they have not found anywhere else. I hope we can change this.
I'm a little confused why watching triple x trans vids is a red flag, when it's not a red flag for other groups. Like for instance, there's gay guys who watch a lot of guy on guy vids, but that isn't a red flag for gay guys who meet them.
Well, as a trans woman I can try and add some information.
Generally, cis men don’t have much contact with us in real life at all. Like, they don’t have trans friends, relatives or coworkers. The ONLY space they learn about our existence is in porn movies, therefore they have a harder time imagining us doing anything besides sex.
Gay guys consume a lot of porn as well but they’re going to see other gay gays doing every day things, having conversations, working, being humans. Cis straight men are going to watch cis porn but they also see cis women existing around as normal people in normal activities.
Cis men who only consume our existence through porn have difficulty seeing us as humans, since it’s their only reference.
It’s a screaming red flag.
Because its fetish. Its the idea they are specifically seeking out trans people to get off to rather than the gender the trans person identifis as. There is something about the trans person they are getting off to like the fact they might have boobs and a penis or vice versa. They also meant it as a cis person watching the videos not a trans person. Which at least in my experience i dont think ive heard of trans people enjoying those videos? Its more like a girl reading yaoi and suddenly becoming obsessed with gay guys and asking whos the bottom.
because trans porn often creates very fetishizing false narratives of trans sexuality and is also often people’s only exposure to us. I’d much rather date someone that read one article on trans people and our difficulties receiving medical care than someone who’s watched 1k hours of trans p**n. It often leads to men using very gross language about us and expecting us to perform sexually in ways that range from not ideal to incredibly distressing.
There's nothing inherently wrong with it OR being attracted to trans people.
But, I think the issue is that a lot of the people who make it a red flag are not apart of the community who's sexuality and gender identity is being exploited.
I'm a gay trans man. A lot of people who aren't trans, or hell aren't specifically black gay trans men, don't know people like me. They don't have trans man friends. They don't have trans man family. The most representation I've had is as a category in porn. Porn predominantly made by cis gender people perpurtrating stereotypes and biases that do not accurately show trans people and our sexuality.
The amount of times I've known cis people and they felt entitled to my sexuality and my body because the only way someone like me has been consumed is through porn? I can't even count it on my hands.
Porn objectifies. No matter who the subject is. When gay men watch porn they are watching it for sexual gratification
And when the only point of reference you have for a community is that they make you horny, the way you treat individuals in that community can be harmful.
Too many hang ups on titles.
John 3:16
"John, your sixteen minutes late!"