I think the biggest red flag is "you don't have to work, I'll take cate of you." Followed by trapping you in a low paid career or keeping you from going for a high paid profession. Example: you can be a health aide but not apply to medical school. Following you to work or job interviews. And god, I fell for that joint account thing. We lived in absolute poverty, bought the groceries etc, but all the time he got into a higher tax bracket. I never felt more controlled as an adult than when I was married. nightmare. The finances are the surest way to trap you.
I had all this, not allowed to work or drive, no access to money not even a few pence. If I wanted a small item I had to explain why and it was often refused...all under the disguise of 'I'm looking after you, take you where you need to go, sort out all the finances etc'. I eventually got out but it took 25 years when the kids were grown to gain my freedom. Now I have my own money, am driving etc., no one controlling me
Schools should teach students about financial abuse in health class and how to recognize signs of narcissistic personality disorder and how to go No Contact.
A pre-requisite in Grade twelve, University or College would be highly beneficial 👌🏼 the school curriculum is grossly outdated and a revision is much needed.
No kidding!! Can be male or female !!! It can be a combination of abuses as mentioned above. And note: your mail opened by spouse before you can see your own mail. I had to work " to earn my keep ". Little did I know ibwas paying for everything while he was banking his income for the 20 years. Often the spouse will not speak of what goes on behind closed doors due to embarrassmemt. I was not permitted to have friends. Myself and the kids had little for clothes. Hebwas well dressed as was a business man. I was just a nurse though offered management and teaching positions. Had well over $1,500,000 but by the time the divorce came along hebhad less than $150,000 in assets. 3800 square foot home ( value about $700,000 )paid off in the 90s but worth $ 127,000 by the time of divorce he Had lovely business trips. Everything I purchased was in his name even stocks which disappeared during the divorce. Etc , etc After the divorce. My quality and the kids quality of life improved emotionally so well. I was able to save 50% of my income monthly. It took me 2 1/2 years to save for a damage deposit and first month's rent before we left. Forget child support. Why pay a lawyer every month when the lawyers fees were higher than the " supposed " child payments. Was supposed to be joint custody but the kids moved in with me permanently within a month. They would spend all the time at the apartment I rented and I drove them home at bedtime. Took to long to make the decision to leave. I am Roman catholic.
I experienced this....I am so grateful I took my chances and ended the marriage... Removing myself from the negative energy actually improved my financial situation.
My ex spiritual teacher of 18 years had minimum over six marriages and divorces. He married a woman three months ago that he expects to earn the money for family support, while he drinks all day and other addictions as well as having a third parties/also making the new wife be the assigned third party in the marriage. He is beyond sick and she is desperate to find the love he promised her. He told me about it two days before it happened to run me out of the relationship in fear of the losing the inheritance that he collected to Will from the benefactor to file in whatever county he wanted to. He now has control on paper of minimum just over $2MM VALUE OF THE ESTATE AND RFUSES TO PROVIDE ACCESS TO IT FOR ME. THE REALLY SCARY PART IS THAT HE HAD TO HAVE SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE AT THE COUNTY STANDING BY AND READY TO NOTIFY HIM TO COME AND COLLECT THE WILL WHICH THE FIRST LINE READ: “The sole beneficiary of this Will is Teresa Boze.” By law, unless someone is incapable of managing their own affairs, the sole beneficiary should be notified and given the Will to file. I am looking. For the snake in the grass who made it impassible for me to acquire so much as a stick of gum for a Will thwt made me an heiress, who cannot even even afford her rent and is being evicted this month because he withholds - among other things - $500k in liquid assets he, “moved into overseas accounts that he said was still in my name. *I looked it up in TruthFinder.Com and it is IN HIS NAME AND HIS NAME ONLY. HE STOLE IT!* He is clergy, so everyone sees him as the “professional one” in the household and trusts him over me with everything he says about his and my relationship or the wife’s behavior and he is lying to her constantly to keep her “entrained” in his lies. Four times in courts he was told to return the Estate to me. He has told me about it to hurt and frighten me that I will never get it. He is two years from being in his 60s and has spent his retirement on parties, addictions and women half his age he is trying to get pregnant - half a dozen of them to choose from at any time. This marriage is all about it being of benefit to the GURU. The new wife was told this would be part of their marriage agreement. BUT NO, SHE MAY NOT INDULGE IN SPENDING MY INHERITANCE. HE WAS NOT MENTIONED IN THE WILL AT ALL. BUT IT IS OBVIOUS NOW THAT I WAS A PLACEHOLDER AT THE WEDDING GUEST TABLE OF HONOR, WHICH WAS NEVER INTENDED FOR ME. THE NAME “JANE DOE” would have worked as well, because I had been made nobody to them and the college and the sangha. He effectively isolated me any telling the college and the sangha that they, too , would be cast out of the community if they remained any connection with me. He ruined a any social life/ connections I had in one fell swoop. I am certain he has ruined the new wife’s life- a Cancer - in similar way. In a matter of weeks. He kept me isolated for six months as not hearing a word from him because he was love bombing the Cancer. His harem kept it hidden from me. 😭😫. I am an ARIES SUN NATAL/ with a Scorpio moon. He is a Taurus on the ARIES CUSP AS HAVING BEEN BORN ON THE 22nd of APRIL.
I'm going through this right now. He's gone so far as disabling the car and turning off the wifi. I have to ask for everything. I'm currently waiting for a space in a DV shelter to open.
When I was married, I kid you not, I never even had 25 cents in my purse. This was before cell phones. I would not have even been able to use a pay phone to call anyone if there was an emergency. I had no money for food. He had to do ALL the grocery shopping. Our kids had one outfit to wear to school. Yet he seemed to have money for things he wanted.
@ShelleySorenson sounds familiar. I could never understand how a man could lie on his taxes and keep me on a strict budget. Everything had to come from "grocery" money. Anytime I tried to save a change jar, I ended up using it for something for my children. I got a job independently cleaning houses so I could have money when he went out of town on business. If I hadn't, there wouldn't have been any school supplies or school lunches. I even paid for gas for the vehicle, he let me drive. I knew he was apathetic but when I heard the word narcissist, every detail fit him perfectly.
My ex-husband was incredibly abusive, and this was one of his favorite things to do. My mother and father also financially abused me. The world is a different place when you see how many money hungry people there are and how they can have little to no compassion for a person, instead they only care about themselves.
Also - a man who refuses to hold down a regular job but keeps pushing his wife to work harder and harder so that he can take it easy. And when he does occasionally work, won’t put his paychecks in the joint account.
I had a live in gf in the mid 80's who would spend bills' money on stupid shit, like designer shoes. She put me in $5k in credit card debt, it would be about $20k today. I broke up with her, and it took almost 4 years to pay it off. I still think I got off cheap.
I got out because he left. He taught me how to be resilient, how to survive on very little, how to sacrifice, go without and learn to be unafraid of privation. He had money for his hobby, nights out and other women while giving me less than I needed to pay the bills etc. His final remark - you didn't give me everything. Priceless.
This is exactly why l got my own bank account, had the statements sent to a trusted friend, started selling antiques. When l got divorced, l had money for my own place.
I remember we had financial difficulties and I offered to help try to balance the books so to speak and asked for the accounts to be shown to me so I could write income and expenditure, you know see where money is going and what we could change, if anything to help, he refused and I still don’t know his account numbers or have never seen the bank statements …..is this abuse? Xxx
It's also used to keep the household in a constant state of fear. They control all information and tell you that losing everything is happening all the time. It was used to keep my working 2 jobs because he blamed me for money shortages. Of course, he never took an extra job.
This info is so important but, as a marketer with ADHD as well as a person who loves learning from UA-cam, I have to tell you the angle of this video is condescending and intimidating. The content of this video could be so powerful. I hope it reaches who needs it, and think it might reach more with a slight change like a camera angle review or adjustment.
Sorry that was such a minute, nitpicks point. The value of what you say here is huge - the angle shouldn’t matter but it might scare off some people who need to hear it.
This is SO important to share. Many women are in this situation yet it's not exclusive nowadays to women. Hell America is in an abusive relationship! People in power have been and are aspiring to expand on its financial abusive. Thank you counselor.
They make themselves look innocent and being very good in front of neighbors and relatives. They befriend them, win their trubu being extremely kind, generous...then, when the time is right, they begin to tell horrible lies, exaggerated stories, twisted truths, to turn those friends and family against the spouse. At least they're confused and pull away because the narc seems so wonderful.
Great video!!! Imho.....Separate bank accounts and make your own money. Did I mention, make your own money? One more time... stop expecting to be "taken care of" and get your own job. This starts early in the relationship. I have always experienced the opposite... someone who doesn't want to work and contribute when I wanted a partner. All this shows early in dating.
I worked but was tricked into giving him all my money. And he controled the bank account, i wasnt able to picked up anything from the grocery store. When i picked up something i was told to put it back we dont need it. He hide all the money i couldn't buy clothing. I was destitude. 😢 i couldn't run or hide.
There are even more subtle forms of financial abuse: arranging to have the prenup written up and not providing enough time for the other person to have it looked at by another attorney, thus making it a situation of forcing that person to sign under duress (in effect making that prenup null and void). Having a mutual agreement when both people are working for each to contribute proportional to their incomes, but when one job is lost due to illness or other factors out of their control, their contribution to the household finances isn't adjusted to the loss of income, and the spouse refuses to allow the now unemployed spouse to stop putting into the joint account, even if it's cutting into their savings/retirement funds. Another form of financial abuse is to never take vacations even though the joint income can well afford it; the only so-called vacations are to visit their family... and it's paid for out of the joint account. Yet if travel is taken to the abused person's family all costs have to be covered from their own personal finances, never the joint account. Narcissists are petty, vindictive and manipulative.
PRE NUP! JUST DONT GET MARRIED. NARCISSISTS EVERYWHERE. Seriously. No values, morals, honor anymore. Just forget it. Why bother? Sex has become stupid. No purity. Anything goes. Seriously! Stupid. Like this P. Diddy Sherrade. Just go about your life. Enjoy. Trust noone. Nowadays its true. Narcissists are everywhere. Better off with with dog (or cat). 😊
Him and his sister were in on it. Collected my cash from 2010-2019 for his house that he failed to tell me that it was already paid off... (about $90,000 total) I left that pos in 2020 after finding out mid 2019. I didn't get anything close....
He hid money from me. He died and left me nothing. He kept me on a budget that had to cover everything house hold.. Kids clothes, school, shoes, hair cuts, gas, food, all on 130 a week, 7 children, 2 adults.
Ih you're going gentle on this. Some will keep the spouse urgently wirking multiple jobs to keep the family survicibg, steal money from the purse, write checks or use card on the spouse's accounts, make up emergency expenses and ask others for help (causing unknown embarrassment) but also getting the money as an emergency from the cictim, and yes ruining credit (at the last minute when they know it linits ability to secure housing etc
This is very one-sided. What about the case of the spouse refusing to work (and not being a home-maker either)? My ex kept promising to get a job in addition to his low/profit business but never did it. I had to carry the family financially while he did sports and partied. This, to is financial abuse.
You are absolutely right. People are just speaking their experience as you are. ANY ABUSE BY ANYONE IS CRUEL. I was naive n trusting. Did not know about narcissism. Pornography, gambling (my credit card), adultery, physical abuse, emotional, psychological and financial abuse. Physical abuse stopped when realized his career was in jeopardy. Any abuse, in any form, by anyone is wrong!. If u start losing yourself, depressed, anxious, etc. START PLANNING/PREPARING TO LEAVE. DO IT!!!!! DO NOT HESITATE. CHILDREN GO TOO! DO NOT HESITATE OR OVERTHINK!!!! GET OUT. WILL ONLY WORSEN AND ABUSE WILL PARALYZE YOU. LOVE YOURSELF N CHILDREN. GO! YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND CHERISHED. ❤
7:34 you kind of got me here but not really. My job is my kids and making sure they aren’t home alone just for me to make money. Or with anyone who can take advantage of them. Also i don’t want to work bc i know he’d be worse!!! I do work online and i do make some money but it’s more good for groceries for the kids and i since he doesn’t think that’s important.
Me too. It would cost many THOUSANDS of dollars to replace the value of all the work you do for FREE, from the love in your heart. I hope you get out of that environment. I did. It is hard. But it IS POSSIBLE. It is a whole world of difference for the better for you and your kids. THE SOONER THE BETTER. It gets worse the longer you stay.
My ex was always complaining that I was spending too much money for groceries. ( I would grocery stopping on Saturday). When we would go to church on Sunday. The pastor was always begging for money. He would want me to write a check for $100.00 from my checking account. I would tell him no because I didn't have a $100. O0 in my checking account.
At 7:40 Is it Financial Abuse when you make 80% of the income and your spouse does all the Banking. Then going nearly into Bankruptcy and find out your spouse is forging your name on your cheques and all your pay is going to another bank account you never knew existed with another mailing address. Is this common!
Very common and much worse. Stealing your identity is nothing to them. They own you, if you work what you make is theirs and what they make is none of your business.. this does not end when you leave. Your sin number and signature is theirs to use whenever they feel like it. To completely shut you out of obtaining any credit so you’re stuck and broke while they laugh with others on your poor mental state, health and wealth. They are good, and you are bad. Winning is the game, by using your name without your permission.
Allowing the victim, to work but guilt the victim to spend all their paycheck on food and bills when the abuser makes 4x more than the victim. Accuse the victim that it’s because of their poor spending habits is why the abuser has rules.
I am living in this hell right now. I want to get out. I wont have access to $ of my own til my disability case is approved. We r not married but its the same thing. I am soo scared 4 me and my doggie. My dog is my only friend. How do i keep safe till i get my $. How do i prevent him from getting my funds? How do i stay safe til December
I have seen generational abuse, oertaining to alot of abuse , including. Financial abuse. Im the oldest of 5, and see this with my siblings and my cousins too. i grew up in a middle class family, and rhis was a excellent video. I also experienced this in a long term relationship. Its incideouae abuse, and manipulation, control and power. My cousins husband , takes her baby sitting money , where shes caring for her grandchildren ..... The little money, that shes saved, is in rhe lining of her bra..... So she has enough to by a dollar item at the dollar store. 😮😢 Very very sad Shes been married for 40 years!!
Husband takes out credit card 💳 in wife's name when he no longer lives with his wife & half a dozen very young children. Elderly Grandma has been/ is paying for the wife & children for over 10 yrs now. Husband Max's out the credit card 💳 he took out without his wife knowing until they call wife who doesn't work due to expensive child care for a half dozen young children. Grandma has always footed the bill because husband is a deceiver, slacker & blackmailer of lies. 💔💔💔
@@Taylor086 we did some research on this subject on a Federal Government Website. It said the only way to not be responsible for the Credit 💳 Card he opened in her name then maxed it out without her knowledge is to file charges against him. The bank that holds the Credit 💳 Card also says she has to file charges saying she didn't open this account & had no knowledge of it. They also recommend freezing the Credit 💳 Card in instead of cancelling it because he had made 3 minimum payments for $30.00 each in almost 9 months. But that was months ago & still has made no payments. But he has no problem paying fees for a local dating site & paying for messages to one person in particular. But hey we got screenshots of the whole dating site debacle so this is proof he👹 chose to deliberately pay that instead of the Credit 💳 Card he maxed in her name. Financial Abuse right here, got him👹!!
@@Taylor086 On a Federal Government Website it says "yes". She must go to a police station & file a fraud report according to the Bank that holds the MasterCard. Her husband told her she better not do that or else!! Her husband as with everything threatens Blackmail to lie to CPS until the kids get taken from her home when he👹 doesn't get his way. He says the kids will get put in Foster Care before she can prove herself Innocent & good luck getting them back. I've never seen anyone like him👹 in my almost 70yrs here on earth🌎. He even said multiple times last year he thinks he has a Demon👹 inside him. What's the current phrase? When someone tells you who they are believe them!
I was looking for similar channel but in the UK. I really need help... I would really appreciate if you could share any 🙏 it can even be some bloggers in the UK. For few years my husband abuses me not only financially, but emotionally, psychologically...he didn't let me meet my child for few years. He did register second marriage without divorcing me. It's a big mess - now he can't divorce me or other woman cause he's scared to be sent to jail. I don't know much about the law and the system in the UK. Please help me 🙏 to find right people to discuss regarding same. Thamk you so much!
I have faced every form of abuse from my ex husband. Thank God I am not with him now.My parents and kids have too. My father lost his life bcos of the mental and physical abuse by him. He put all the bills on me including children,bills loans . Shameless man. And then he plays the victim card.
OMG. That sums it up for me, too. In short, he's a grifter and a con man. SO glad im on my own now. Poor in $$(only temporarily), but wealthy in SELF RESPECT.
Keep your own bank account, and your own credit, I had to give an ultimatum either he paid half the bills or I walked. The money that is left we each spend/ save as we want. He does pay his share now! Originally we had a joint account and never had enough money to pay the bills (he has a nasty lottery scratch ticket habit) I separated my money from his requested my own credit rating. That cured that, but then he left all the bills for me to pay until I gave him the ultimatum and left for 4months.
OR your money is expected to go to the groceries that HE eats and not your diet. He feels entitled to eat your special dietary food and doesn't replace it forcing you to eat food that makes you ill or allergic such as wheat if celiac. You are being punished, they are withholding food that agrees with you and forcing you to eat food that makes you ill. It's similar to poisoning you 👀 They don't care about your health, or how you feel. All they care about is eating what they want to eat and feel entitled to everything under their roof.
You plan. You set a goal. You execute the plan, and hit the goal. Always keep your eye on the goal, and you will meet it. Being afraid is normal when you first leave, but you can do it. Having a supportive friend is very helpful.
Have your attorney to file with court Judge for money husband pay until court settlement division and if children involved temporarily set amount to be give each week. Until final divorce proceedings. Hope this helps you
That’s true until the wife gets pregnant and has children. Truly unending things that could prevent someone from working or at least work as they used to.
You obviously didn't watch the video. He covered multiple reasons WHY women aren't able to work while in relationship/marriage with controlling person.
🙏🏼 Do you practice in Florida?? I desperately need help before mine makes me lose the roof over my head while he's off playing house with his girlfriend in Ft Myers. If you don't practice in Florida, do you know anyone who does and could help me? He's done everything in his power to prevent me from filing forca divorce and he made over $200,000.00 last year, but he ran off with our business and is living the high life while I was forced on EBT and I'm struggling to survive everything. 😢 Any help would definitely be appreciated! 🙏🏼
He even gave me a fake engagement ring ...HA but I wasn't surprised...I even said "watch this be fake"omw to pawn it...also I knew if it was real he would've SURELY asked for it back
All it takes is one irresponsible adult to cause trouble in any family. Especially when it comes to a parent's last will and testament. You get someone who is the executor who has serious financial trouble and you will see what that family member is all about. All they are doing is covering up for the spend thrifting irresponsible spending spouse who also is a louse. Spending money is an addiction like gambling. You're still spending money that you do not have. That is in itself an addiction.
One red flag is giving only the bare minimum and not investing for you, but then demanding you to sign up to buy real estate so that it has your name on it and you are financially responsible. Separate accounts in a marriage that the spouse can't access are financial abuse. My sister's husband died suddenly and she wasn't able to access his account because she wasn't named on it. Financial abuse is one side of domestic abuse. Verbal and physical abuse go along with it. My sister tried to convince herself he loved her, but I don't think so if he wasn't willing to share the money. She was literally destitute after he died.
My husband let me work,but he takes all my money, I get a very little and l have to buy everything for my kids.he never buy nothing for my kids it all on me.and if I want something have to save up
Bolox, it is common knowledge that women spend money influenced by advertising and “friends”. You should talk about family budget and money management. On top of that what about humbling, addicted spouse who would spend the money as soon as it lands in the account?
"Bolox," the ex spent money the second it touched his fingertips. I paid bills and bought food. While he was buying whatever his little heart desired, I was trying to figure out if I should get a pair of cheap shoes for myself, as the others had holes, or could I wait a month or so to get them since there were other things to take care of. I am a frugal person. I don't spend money frivolously. You may have had a bad experience with a female spending money, but there's just as many of us out here, living within our means, not spending money on stupid stuff.
Bolox. Men are just as irresponsible and untrustworthy as any woman might be. I entered marriage with zero debt. I worked my butt off to not owe anyone anything. Mr. Irresponsible hijacked my excellent credit and my name, and went nuts buying everything he could until I discovered what was going on. His banker was part of the 'good old boy' system. So whatever mr. Irresponsible wanted, his banker made sure he could get it. I divorced him, and after five years of hard work, once again I am out of debt. NO man is worth this to me!
It is only financial abuse if you consider it to be. Change your perspective change your life right! Since I ve gone through this I have gained tremendous insight. Financial abuse is only abuse if you deem it to be. I look at it as an employee that is about to be fired indefinitely! So you pay them to leave. 😂😂😂 yes it costs money but so does hiring the help. The maid, the chef, the butler, the nanny. So that is what I now see him my ex as. A servant that actually now pays me money!!! Child support and just gave me 300$ all because he wants me to trust him again. Wanting me to take him back in the middle of a divorce. ?!? Seriously? I actually pitty him. 😢 and it’s sad to say. Because at one time I did respect him. But now that’s gone. So yeah. He is like a babysitter to me now. And now it’s become clear to me. I’m in search for a new “nanny”
My wife is financially abusing me forcing me to beg her to pay the rent to help w food grocery buying etc as I lost my job thanks to my ex doctor and the police
Pretty obvious you just made this up because this video is about men like you. Even if it's true, she was cooking for you, cleaning, etc and you didn't pay her for having a full time job as a house wife. You obviously don't love this woman so why not divorcing her? You love the benefits of being taken care of? What are you complaining exactly?
You just made this up. Even if it's true, she was cooking for you, cleaning, etc and you didn't pay her. Why? And why don't you divorce her if she's so bad? Like having a made who makes your life comfortable? You are just mad and want to criticize women. This isn't the place for that. Go back to your red pill men channels!
If you can prove the existence of those multiple secret bank accounts, take it before a judge. Judges generally don’t like it when men keep money away from their wives. And if you can do that, AND get the money, leave him and start your own, new life! You may say, “But I love him!”, but, if he’s doing that to you, he doesn’t love you! You don’t deserve that, and you deserve better.
What if they open a bank account in another country? Mine left to his birth country & I believe he opened an account by a family paralegal there. He used money from the current (failing) business, one which he dumped all the money that he had from the sale of previous business into. He asked me to see where is business partner was stealing money while he was visiting his birth country for a possible "business venture" with family, which didn't work out (as expected *eye roll*). I found $22k missing, he blamed his business partner initially but now they're hunky-dorie. I worked behind the scenes for both business without pay for decades. It's actually terrible. He accused me of money mismanagement but he made all the massive purchases often without my knowledge or agreement! Then he went ape-shoot when he found out that I was saving some in case he left me & kids which he had 3x already! Point made at 5:00-5:30 is on point!
How about husband who always open their wife’s letters/ any correspondence especially when it’s about bank account statements ? Some even secretly laundered money through relatives. Others have secret bank accounts not known to the wife. By Amelia
I don't understand how GIVING someone a little extra of YOUR money (an allowance?) is abuse. My wife and I had separate bank accounts before we got married. We were both working and paying bills. Then she quit her job soon after. I pay for everything, food, mortgage, transportation, etc. I put the same amount of money in her wants that I do in mine (an allowance). Though she still spends more... over $3,500 more just this year! Am I supposed to just say screw the budget and let her spend whatever she desires or it's abuse? This world has gone crazy!
"Let her" idk, check the language you're using and evaluate if it's healthy or not. The term allowance, really is another way to say "I'll allow it" or "let her." It also reeks of treating someone like a child. Sounds controlling to me, in my opinion. I think most healthy couples share an account right? Idk. If her spending is an issue and she can't be trusted with your (both of your) money...why are you married or hopefully at least in counseling? Also, viewing it is YOUR money, is problematic as well, especially if you both agreed to her quitting. If you did not agree to that, it sounds like again, you really need to take that up with her, a counselor, or divorce court.
@briannacarroll198 You can't have a "healthy" relationship if both people in the relationship aren't healthy. I had 8 great years with her. I keep hoping to get that back. That's why I stay. Her mom died on Easter Sunday in 2018, we believe the nursing home killed her from neglect. She was supposed to go get her and cook but was feeling depressed, so she stayed in bed. I was working. She felt guilty over it. 4 months later, she was cleaning my mom's house complaining of feeling tired and my brother put meth in front of her. Our lives haven't been the same since. She was an ex addict clean for 12 years at the time! She knows she needs help, but continues to refuse it because she got clean on her own before and thinks she still can, but 5 and a half years later it still hasn't happened. I'm not sure how else I can deal with the situation. She asks for drug money, I tell her no. So she waits till I fall asleep and takes my car and credit card to buy beer and trade it with her drug dealers. It has gotten better though. At one point, I'd be sleeping because I had to work in the morning, and she would physically get on top of me until I gave in! She's spent an average of $650 per month over the past 5 and a half years on her wants! I'm about to give up on my marriage and it sucks!
@bradjbourgeois73 I'm glad you clarified that important part. I'm so sorry you're going through that. You aren't alone in this crazy world, a lot of people have substance abuse problems and it ruins everything. Is there a local Al Anon group you can connect with for support? They are for the friends and relatives of addicts. There's no way to have a real marriage in active addiction. Only an enabling relationship. Unfortunately she will have to hit rock bottom and want to seek help for her own reasons. Relapse is always a possibility with recovering addicts. When it happens, you can always love her....from a safe distance. Easier said than done I'm sure. But if you don't, you'll be no better off than her. I know these things just from years working in mental health and substance abuse, as well as being in a codependent marriage, and generational trauma (grew up with a mom addicted to prescription pills). Wishing you all of the strength!!
@briannacarroll198 I'm not sure what you are trying to say, but it seems like you are saying that because she is my wife, she is entitled to spend as much money as she wants to and because I am her husband and choose to stay with her, that I am obligated to give it to her. That's insane. I'm not stopping her from working, I actually encourage it! But the pattern keeps happening. She gets excited, gets a job, works for a few days, stays up on drugs for six, seven... even 10 days at a time. Looses the job after 2 weeks because she doesn't go in... and somehow I'm to blame because I'm being responsible? Uh, no.
@bradjbourgeois73 I had a really kind reply written to you a few weeks ago. I'm not sure where that comment went? But I was entirely on your side. (Also my daughter changed my username but I am the same commenter as before). I am sorry you are dealing with the substance abuse. You really cannot have a normal relationship with that going on. Certainly not one with money. My first comment was just addressing that is seemed abnormal to use that type of language in a normal relationship. To be clear, at no point did I say she should spend whatever she wants. In a normal relationship, if a person didnt have self control or communication skills to agree upon budgets, it would be grounds for a counselor, separation, or divorce. Your situation is entirely different and I hope you're able to get out before it ruins you or that she gets better quickly. I'm so sorry!
What about emotional abuse women use everyday and the silent treatment, what about a partner over spending unnecessarily and the crap saying happy wife happy life. So what abuse is it when a spouse demands to stay home or expects to stay home and do little with her partner work and pay all the bills , this is another form of abuse
Didn't you discuss that BEFORE marriage? If you agreed she should stay home and not work or you agreed she should stay home to raise your children (which is a TON of work, especially if she's homeschooling, too), then that's what you should expect. No complaining. Whereas if you agreed BEFORE getting married that you both would work and she's refusing to work, that's a different story and grounds for divorce.
If you don't want a stay at home wife, don't marry a stay at home wife. Choose better. If you want someone who works full-time, then marry that person.
everyone wants a wife to work and come home for a second and third and fourth and fifth jobs: managing household, child bearing and rearing, a maid, chef, event organizer, trip planner, interior designer, a teacher, a therapist, a night nurse, and more... and all that for no extra pay and no days off or vacations, while a husband just works.
I think the biggest red flag is "you don't have to work, I'll take cate of you."
Followed by trapping you in a low paid career or keeping you from going for a high paid profession. Example: you can be a health aide but not apply to medical school.
Following you to work or job interviews.
And god, I fell for that joint account thing. We lived in absolute poverty, bought the groceries etc, but all the time he got into a higher tax bracket. I never felt more controlled as an adult than when I was married.
nightmare. The finances are the surest way to trap you.
ugh! my brother in law (mussolini) told my sister this when thye married - now sh wears WALMART CLOTHES when BEFORE she wore designer clothes.
@@lindanorris2455Any chance she can get out safely?
This happened to me.
As The tax bracket increases more control including control from the in-laws.
Exactly husbands do that very often...
I had all this, not allowed to work or drive, no access to money not even a few pence. If I wanted a small item I had to explain why and it was often refused...all under the disguise of 'I'm looking after you, take you where you need to go, sort out all the finances etc'. I eventually got out but it took 25 years when the kids were grown to gain my freedom.
Now I have my own money, am driving etc., no one controlling me
You Go Girl! Well done!
Financial abuse is belittling entrapment.
Survivors need an escape plan or step by step escape strategy.
Why is it no one helps you prove it when it happening to you? How can I prove what I know and where do you find help to leave ?
Schools should teach students about financial abuse in health class and how to recognize signs of narcissistic personality disorder and how to go No Contact.
Why? Society financially abuses us all why would they prevent it
A pre-requisite in Grade twelve, University or College would be highly beneficial 👌🏼 the school curriculum is grossly outdated and a revision is much needed.
Bread crumbing and lying about money and he won't show the bank account records, paychecks, not making decisions with the wife (me) about money
Yes!
My ex wife.
No kidding!! Can be male or female !!! It can be a combination of abuses as mentioned above. And note: your mail opened by spouse before you can see your own mail. I had to work " to earn my keep ". Little did I know ibwas paying for everything while he was banking his income for the 20 years. Often the spouse will not speak of what goes on behind closed doors due to embarrassmemt. I was not permitted to have friends.
Myself and the kids had little for clothes. Hebwas well dressed as was a business man. I was just a nurse though offered management and teaching positions. Had well over $1,500,000 but by the time the divorce came along hebhad less than $150,000 in assets. 3800 square foot home ( value about $700,000 )paid off in the 90s but worth $ 127,000 by the time of divorce he Had lovely business trips. Everything I purchased was in his name even stocks which disappeared during the divorce.
Etc , etc
After the divorce. My quality and the kids quality of life improved emotionally so well. I was able to save 50% of my income monthly. It took me 2 1/2 years to save for a damage deposit and first month's rent before we left. Forget child support. Why pay a lawyer every month when the lawyers fees were higher than the " supposed " child payments. Was supposed to be joint custody but the kids moved in with me permanently within a month. They would spend all the time at the apartment I rented and I drove them home at bedtime.
Took to long to make the decision to leave. I am Roman catholic.
Leave and start rebuilding your life and stay single
@@averagejoe7380please just stop 🎉
I experienced this....I am so grateful I took my chances and ended the marriage... Removing myself from the negative energy actually improved my financial situation.
My ex spiritual teacher of 18 years had minimum over six marriages and divorces. He married a woman three months ago that he expects to earn the money for family support, while he drinks all day and other addictions as well as having a third parties/also making the new wife be the assigned third party in the marriage. He is beyond sick and she is desperate to find the love he promised her. He told me about it two days before it happened to run me out of the relationship in fear of the losing the inheritance that he collected to Will from the benefactor to file in whatever county he wanted to.
He now has control on paper of minimum just over $2MM VALUE OF THE ESTATE AND RFUSES TO PROVIDE ACCESS TO IT FOR ME. THE REALLY SCARY PART IS THAT HE HAD TO HAVE SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE AT THE COUNTY STANDING BY AND READY TO NOTIFY HIM TO COME AND COLLECT THE WILL WHICH THE FIRST LINE READ: “The sole beneficiary of this Will is Teresa Boze.”
By law, unless someone is incapable of managing their own affairs, the sole beneficiary should be notified and given the Will to file. I am looking. For the snake in the grass who made it impassible for me to acquire so much as a stick of gum for a Will thwt made me an heiress, who cannot even even afford her rent and is being evicted this month because he withholds - among other things - $500k in liquid assets he, “moved into overseas accounts that he said was still in my name.
*I looked it up in TruthFinder.Com and it is IN HIS NAME AND HIS NAME ONLY. HE STOLE IT!*
He is clergy, so everyone sees him as the “professional one” in the household and trusts him over me with everything he says about his and my relationship or the wife’s behavior and he is lying to her constantly to keep her “entrained” in his lies.
Four times in courts he was told to return the Estate to me.
He has told me about it to hurt and frighten me that I will never get it.
He is two years from being in his 60s and has spent his retirement on parties, addictions and women half his age he is trying to get pregnant - half a dozen of them to choose from at any time. This marriage is all about it being of benefit to the GURU.
The new wife was told this would be part of their marriage agreement.
BUT NO, SHE MAY NOT INDULGE IN SPENDING MY INHERITANCE. HE WAS NOT MENTIONED IN THE WILL AT ALL. BUT IT IS OBVIOUS NOW THAT I WAS A PLACEHOLDER AT THE WEDDING GUEST TABLE OF HONOR, WHICH WAS NEVER INTENDED FOR ME.
THE NAME “JANE DOE” would have worked as well, because I had been made nobody to them and the college and the sangha. He effectively isolated me any telling the college and the sangha that they, too , would be cast out of the community if they remained any connection with me. He ruined a
any social life/ connections I had in one fell swoop.
I am certain he has ruined the new wife’s life- a Cancer - in similar way. In a matter of weeks. He kept me isolated for six months as not hearing a word from him because he was love bombing the Cancer. His harem kept it hidden from me. 😭😫. I am an ARIES SUN NATAL/ with a Scorpio moon. He is a Taurus on the ARIES CUSP AS HAVING BEEN BORN ON THE 22nd of APRIL.
I'm going through this right now. He's gone so far as disabling the car and turning off the wifi. I have to ask for everything. I'm currently waiting for a space in a DV shelter to open.
I pray u made it out
I am so sorry to hear this, may god set you free 🌟🙏🩷
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼too
Don’t give up
I’ve got out 5years ago.He controlled everything.He is a narcissist.Very evel.please get out now❤
When I was married, I kid you not, I never even had 25 cents in my purse. This was before cell phones. I would not have even been able to use a pay phone to call anyone if there was an emergency. I had no money for food. He had to do ALL the grocery shopping. Our kids had one outfit to wear to school. Yet he seemed to have money for things he wanted.
Sounds like a narcissist. Mine, He had money for his family of siblings, but not our family. I tried to save quietly but it never worked out.
And when he destroyed anything, amazingly it was never anything he owned.
@ShelleySorenson sounds familiar. I could never understand how a man could lie on his taxes and keep me on a strict budget. Everything had to come from "grocery" money. Anytime I tried to save a change jar, I ended up using it for something for my children. I got a job independently cleaning houses so I could have money when he went out of town on business. If I hadn't, there wouldn't have been any school supplies or school lunches. I even paid for gas for the vehicle, he let me drive. I knew he was apathetic but when I heard the word narcissist, every detail fit him perfectly.
My ex-husband was incredibly abusive, and this was one of his favorite things to do. My mother and father also financially abused me. The world is a different place when you see how many money hungry people there are and how they can have little to no compassion for a person, instead they only care about themselves.
Don't forget being bullied into cosigning for something the family cannot afford.
Also - a man who refuses to hold down a regular job but keeps pushing his wife to work harder and harder so that he can take it easy. And when he does occasionally work, won’t put his paychecks in the joint account.
He is doing this to his new wife.she does not see it.she still sees h8 as the victim he wants to be painted as: That is also typical of narcs. 🙄
This is a Hugh issues. Not being men, but little boys relaying on a mother figure but treating with disdain
This was my ex husband.
That sounds like how most women operate
Your points were accurate and on point. I didn't know how to articulate what he was doing. Thank you.
Especially with a major imbalance of power.
I had a live in gf in the mid 80's who would spend bills' money on stupid shit, like designer shoes. She put me in $5k in credit card debt, it would be about $20k today. I broke up with her, and it took almost 4 years to pay it off. I still think I got off cheap.
Although not as common women are capable of some of this behavior as well.
Allowing one partner to take on the bulk of credit cards charges for various things. Agree to pay half of everything & doesn't 😢
😖😫😩😡
That is about all the mor I can say.
I got out because he left. He taught me how to be resilient, how to survive on very little, how to sacrifice, go without and learn to be unafraid of privation. He had money for his hobby, nights out and other women while giving me less than I needed to pay the bills etc. His final remark - you didn't give me everything. Priceless.
Thanks. Many don't believe financial abuse happens. My ex spouse financially abused me. M
This is exactly why l got my own bank account, had the statements sent to a trusted friend, started selling antiques. When l got divorced, l had money for my own place.
Also, going to the bank to get a loan for what he wants, behind the wife's back.
Marriage is a defrauding scheme set up by the Money Cult
Verbal/emotional abuse
Yeah but it’s all just Profit driven. These jerks are paid by the system to destroy you - they were never your spouse
this video is about financial abuse
@@KlaudiaShaefferr they tie in together
I remember we had financial difficulties and I offered to help try to balance the books so to speak and asked for the accounts to be shown to me so I could write income and expenditure, you know see where money is going and what we could change, if anything to help, he refused and I still don’t know his account numbers or have never seen the bank statements …..is this abuse? Xxx
Do you really have to ask if this is abuse? Yes, it is!!
Yes yes yes and if this is happening he's doing it in other ways also...it's a stretch but you may have a COVERT narcissist
YES, IT IS. GET OUT!!!!!
@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 yes, she does have to ask. Reserve your judgmental attitude for the abuser, not the victim.
Married that way? Damned right it is abuse of the first order!
Know all about this, 44 years of experience , Not wanting to see it now I am paying for it
This was my marriage and my parent’s’ marriage- just awful
Rotten home life I had with these type of parents. I was like skin covered bones. I'll say no more about it.😢
It's also used to keep the household in a constant state of fear. They control all information and tell you that losing everything is happening all the time. It was used to keep my working 2 jobs because he blamed me for money shortages. Of course, he never took an extra job.
This info is so important but, as a marketer with ADHD as well as a person who loves learning from UA-cam, I have to tell you the angle of this video is condescending and intimidating.
The content of this video could be so powerful. I hope it reaches who needs it, and think it might reach more with a slight change like a camera angle review or adjustment.
Sorry that was such a minute, nitpicks point. The value of what you say here is huge - the angle shouldn’t matter but it might scare off some people who need to hear it.
The video market is so production sensitive nowadays. You are right.
This is SO important to share. Many women are in this situation yet it's not exclusive nowadays to women. Hell America is in an abusive relationship! People in power have been and are aspiring to expand on its financial abusive. Thank you counselor.
You missed gambling and depleting savings to the point of poverty.
Mine canceled all the insurance (flood, wind storm, homeowners insurance) didn't tell me until 4 yrs later when the hurricane was about to hit.
There are also less EXTREME forms of Financial Abuse than the ones listed in this video. These ones are easy to detect
please elaborate
They make themselves look innocent and being very good in front of neighbors and relatives. They befriend them, win their trubu being extremely kind, generous...then, when the time is right, they begin to tell horrible lies, exaggerated stories, twisted truths, to turn those friends and family against the spouse. At least they're confused and pull away because the narc seems so wonderful.
Great video!!!
Imho.....Separate bank accounts and make your own money. Did I mention, make your own money? One more time... stop expecting to be "taken care of" and get your own job. This starts early in the relationship. I have always experienced the opposite... someone who doesn't want to work and contribute when I wanted a partner.
All this shows early in dating.
I worked but was tricked into giving him all my money. And he controled the bank account, i wasnt able to picked up anything from the grocery store. When i picked up something i was told to put it back we dont need it. He hide all the money i couldn't buy clothing. I was destitude. 😢 i couldn't run or hide.
There are even more subtle forms of financial abuse: arranging to have the prenup written up and not providing enough time for the other person to have it looked at by another attorney, thus making it a situation of forcing that person to sign under duress (in effect making that prenup null and void). Having a mutual agreement when both people are working for each to contribute proportional to their incomes, but when one job is lost due to illness or other factors out of their control, their contribution to the household finances isn't adjusted to the loss of income, and the spouse refuses to allow the now unemployed spouse to stop putting into the joint account, even if it's cutting into their savings/retirement funds. Another form of financial abuse is to never take vacations even though the joint income can well afford it; the only so-called vacations are to visit their family... and it's paid for out of the joint account. Yet if travel is taken to the abused person's family all costs have to be covered from their own personal finances, never the joint account. Narcissists are petty, vindictive and manipulative.
He gave me two days. Lord knows he may have had her sign one after the wedding!
That prenuptial one is exactly on point.👍
PRE NUP! JUST DONT GET MARRIED. NARCISSISTS EVERYWHERE. Seriously. No values, morals, honor anymore. Just forget it. Why bother? Sex has become stupid. No purity. Anything goes. Seriously! Stupid. Like this P. Diddy Sherrade. Just go about your life. Enjoy. Trust noone. Nowadays its true. Narcissists are everywhere. Better off with with dog (or cat). 😊
Him and his sister were in on it. Collected my cash from 2010-2019 for his house that he failed to tell me that it was already paid off... (about $90,000 total) I left that pos in 2020 after finding out mid 2019. I didn't get anything close....
You have a hard won lesson and you are alive and free!
He hid money from me. He died and left me nothing. He kept me on a budget that had to cover everything house hold.. Kids clothes, school, shoes, hair cuts, gas, food, all on 130 a week, 7 children, 2 adults.
Ih you're going gentle on this. Some will keep the spouse urgently wirking multiple jobs to keep the family survicibg, steal money from the purse, write checks or use card on the spouse's accounts, make up emergency expenses and ask others for help (causing unknown embarrassment) but also getting the money as an emergency from the cictim, and yes ruining credit (at the last minute when they know it linits ability to secure housing etc
Definitely went gentle on her
This is just true!
This is very one-sided. What about the case of the spouse refusing to work (and not being a home-maker either)? My ex kept promising to get a job in addition to his low/profit business but never did it. I had to carry the family financially while he did sports and partied. This, to is financial abuse.
You are absolutely right. People are just speaking their experience as you are. ANY ABUSE BY ANYONE IS CRUEL. I was naive n trusting. Did not know about narcissism. Pornography, gambling (my credit card), adultery, physical abuse, emotional, psychological and financial abuse. Physical abuse stopped when realized his career was in jeopardy. Any abuse, in any form, by anyone is wrong!. If u start losing yourself, depressed, anxious, etc. START PLANNING/PREPARING TO LEAVE. DO IT!!!!! DO NOT HESITATE. CHILDREN GO TOO! DO NOT HESITATE OR OVERTHINK!!!! GET OUT. WILL ONLY WORSEN AND ABUSE WILL PARALYZE YOU. LOVE YOURSELF N CHILDREN. GO! YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND CHERISHED. ❤
7:34 you kind of got me here but not really. My job is my kids and making sure they aren’t home alone just for me to make money. Or with anyone who can take advantage of them. Also i don’t want to work bc i know he’d be worse!!! I do work online and i do make some money but it’s more good for groceries for the kids and i since he doesn’t think that’s important.
Me too. It would cost many THOUSANDS of dollars to replace the value of all the work you do for FREE, from the love in your heart. I hope you get out of that environment. I did. It is hard. But it IS POSSIBLE. It is a whole world of difference for the better for you and your kids. THE SOONER THE BETTER. It gets worse the longer you stay.
My ex was always complaining that I was spending too much money for groceries. ( I would grocery stopping on Saturday). When we would go to church on Sunday. The pastor was always begging for money. He would want me to write a check for $100.00 from my checking account. I would tell him no because I didn't have a $100. O0 in my checking account.
At 7:40 Is it Financial Abuse when you make 80% of the income and your spouse does all the Banking. Then going nearly into Bankruptcy and find out your spouse is forging your name on your cheques and all your pay is going to another bank account you never knew existed with another mailing address. Is this common!
Yes. It is financial abuse.
Very common and much worse. Stealing your identity is nothing to them. They own you, if you work what you make is theirs and what they make is none of your business.. this does not end when you leave. Your sin number and signature is theirs to use whenever they feel like it. To completely shut you out of obtaining any credit so you’re stuck and broke while they laugh with others on your poor mental state, health and wealth. They are good, and you are bad. Winning is the game, by using your name without your permission.
Your needs are irrelevant or ignored while you are being intimidated, bullied, threatened to stay stuck 😣
Allowing the victim, to work but guilt the victim to spend all their paycheck on food and bills when the abuser makes 4x more than the victim.
Accuse the victim that it’s because of their poor spending habits is why the abuser has rules.
I heard that one.. yes
I am living in this hell right now. I want to get out. I wont have access to $ of my own til my disability case is approved. We r not married but its the same thing. I am soo scared 4 me and my doggie. My dog is my only friend. How do i keep safe till i get my $. How do i prevent him from getting my funds? How do i stay safe til December
I have seen generational abuse, oertaining to alot of abuse , including. Financial abuse. Im the oldest of 5, and see this with my siblings and my cousins too. i grew up in a middle class family, and rhis was a excellent video. I also experienced this in a long term relationship. Its incideouae abuse, and manipulation, control and power. My cousins husband , takes her baby sitting money , where shes caring for her grandchildren ..... The little money, that shes saved, is in rhe lining of her bra..... So she has enough to by a dollar item at the dollar store. 😮😢 Very very sad Shes been married for 40 years!!
Husband takes out credit card 💳 in wife's name when he no longer lives with his wife & half a dozen very young children. Elderly Grandma has been/ is paying for the wife & children for over 10 yrs now. Husband Max's out the credit card 💳 he took out without his wife knowing until they call wife who doesn't work due to expensive child care for a half dozen young children. Grandma has always footed the bill because husband is a deceiver, slacker & blackmailer of lies. 💔💔💔
Can he be charged with fraud? I know it's probably hard to proove, but consult a lawyer and the police.
@@Taylor086 we did some research on this subject on a Federal Government Website. It said the only way to not be responsible for the Credit 💳 Card he opened in her name then maxed it out without her knowledge is to file charges against him. The bank that holds the Credit 💳 Card also says she has to file charges saying she didn't open this account & had no knowledge of it. They also recommend freezing the Credit 💳 Card in instead of cancelling it because he had made 3 minimum payments for $30.00 each in almost 9 months. But that was months ago & still has made no payments. But he has no problem paying fees for a local dating site & paying for messages to one person in particular. But hey we got screenshots of the whole dating site debacle so this is proof he👹 chose to deliberately pay that instead of the Credit 💳 Card he maxed in her name. Financial Abuse right here, got him👹!!
@@Taylor086 On a Federal Government Website it says "yes".
She must go to a police station & file a fraud report according to the Bank that holds the MasterCard.
Her husband told her she better not do that or else!!
Her husband as with everything threatens Blackmail to lie to CPS until the kids get taken from her home when he👹 doesn't get his way.
He says the kids will get put in Foster Care before she can prove herself Innocent & good luck getting them back.
I've never seen anyone like him👹 in my almost 70yrs here on earth🌎.
He even said multiple times last year he thinks he has a Demon👹 inside him.
What's the current phrase? When someone tells you who they are believe them!
I was looking for similar channel but in the UK. I really need help... I would really appreciate if you could share any 🙏 it can even be some bloggers in the UK.
For few years my husband abuses me not only financially, but emotionally, psychologically...he didn't let me meet my child for few years. He did register second marriage without divorcing me. It's a big mess - now he can't divorce me or other woman cause he's scared to be sent to jail.
I don't know much about the law and the system in the UK.
Please help me 🙏 to find right people to discuss regarding same.
Thamk you so much!
I have faced every form of abuse from my ex husband.
Thank God I am not with him now.My parents and kids have too.
My father lost his life bcos of the mental and physical abuse by him.
He put all the bills on me including children,bills loans . Shameless man.
And then he plays the victim card.
What about this? He blows thousands of $ on MLM/ get-rich-quick schemes. You have to justify getting an inexpensive haircut.
OMG. That sums it up for me, too. In short, he's a grifter and a con man. SO glad im on my own now. Poor in $$(only temporarily), but wealthy in SELF RESPECT.
Keep your own bank account, and your own credit, I had to give an ultimatum either he paid half the bills or I walked. The money that is left we each spend/ save as we want. He does pay his share now! Originally we had a joint account and never had enough money to pay the bills (he has a nasty lottery scratch ticket habit) I separated my money from his requested my own credit rating. That cured that, but then he left all the bills for me to pay until I gave him the ultimatum and left for 4months.
OR your money is expected to go to the groceries that HE eats and not your diet.
He feels entitled to eat your special dietary food and doesn't replace it forcing you to eat food that makes you ill or allergic such as wheat if celiac.
You are being punished, they are withholding food that agrees with you and forcing you to eat food that makes you ill. It's similar to poisoning you 👀 They don't care about your health, or how you feel. All they care about is eating what they want to eat and feel entitled to everything under their roof.
how can someone be certain they will get enuf $ to pay all home /car bills before divorce is final ?
You plan. You set a goal. You execute the plan, and hit the goal. Always keep your eye on the goal, and you will meet it. Being afraid is normal when you first leave, but you can do it. Having a supportive friend is very helpful.
Have your attorney to file with court Judge for money husband pay until court settlement division and if children involved temporarily set amount to be give each week. Until final divorce proceedings.
Hope this helps you
Make your own Money and be independent that simple .
That’s true until the wife gets pregnant and has children. Truly unending things that could prevent someone from working or at least work as they used to.
@@kathleendonahue5955including msp (Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy) by narcissist or spouse in general.
You obviously didn't watch the video. He covered multiple reasons WHY women aren't able to work while in relationship/marriage with controlling person.
women also frequently get fired when they get married.
I was black balled from employment & u know it's true u bastard.
Sending $$$ to parents or relatives instead of sharing salary
It isn't always the male. Financial abuse doesn't discriminate. My husband's ex wife was the abuser.
more context please
🙏🏼 Do you practice in Florida?? I desperately need help before mine makes me lose the roof over my head while he's off playing house with his girlfriend in Ft Myers.
If you don't practice in Florida, do you know anyone who does and could help me?
He's done everything in his power to prevent me from filing forca divorce and he made over $200,000.00 last year, but he ran off with our business and is living the high life while I was forced on EBT and I'm struggling to survive everything. 😢
Any help would definitely be appreciated! 🙏🏼
Wow sounds just like my ex wife colvert narcissist not always a guy
Must be a thing with covert narcs , my ex who did this was, maybe bc it's less noticable to others and not usually seen as abuse and easily justified
He even gave me a fake engagement ring ...HA but I wasn't surprised...I even said "watch this be fake"omw to pawn it...also I knew if it was real he would've SURELY asked for it back
So true! My husband's ex did that. I believe she turned the his adult children against him to hide the truth.
All it takes is one irresponsible adult to cause trouble in any family.
Especially when it comes to a parent's last will and testament. You
get someone who is the executor who has serious financial trouble
and you will see what that family member is all about. All they are
doing is covering up for the spend thrifting irresponsible spending
spouse who also is a louse. Spending money is an addiction like
gambling. You're still spending money that you do not have. That
is in itself an addiction.
One red flag is giving only the bare minimum and not investing for you, but then demanding you to sign up to buy real estate so that it has your name on it and you are financially responsible. Separate accounts in a marriage that the spouse can't access are financial abuse. My sister's husband died suddenly and she wasn't able to access his account because she wasn't named on it. Financial abuse is one side of domestic abuse. Verbal and physical abuse go along with it. My sister tried to convince herself he loved her, but I don't think so if he wasn't willing to share the money. She was literally destitute after he died.
My husband let me work,but he takes all my money, I get a very little and l have to buy everything for my kids.he never buy nothing for my kids it all on me.and if I want something have to save up
Or the spouse gets critically ill and they stop paying cancer treatments
my ex husband will not even pay his share of the meal on my children's birthday, saying no money all the time 😂😂#where'syourballs
My x, supported his x, during pur marriage.
Bolox, it is common knowledge that women spend money influenced by advertising and “friends”. You should talk about family budget and money management. On top of that what about humbling, addicted spouse who would spend the money as soon as it lands in the account?
"Bolox," the ex spent money the second it touched his fingertips. I paid bills and bought food. While he was buying whatever his little heart desired, I was trying to figure out if I should get a pair of cheap shoes for myself, as the others had holes, or could I wait a month or so to get them since there were other things to take care of. I am a frugal person. I don't spend money frivolously. You may have had a bad experience with a female spending money, but there's just as many of us out here, living within our means, not spending money on stupid stuff.
Bolox. Men are just as irresponsible and untrustworthy as any woman might be. I entered marriage with zero debt. I worked my butt off to not owe anyone anything. Mr. Irresponsible hijacked my excellent credit and my name, and went nuts buying everything he could until I discovered what was going on. His banker was part of the 'good old boy' system. So whatever mr. Irresponsible wanted, his banker made sure he could get it. I divorced him, and after five years of hard work, once again I am out of debt. NO man is worth this to me!
It is only financial abuse if you consider it to be. Change your perspective change your life right! Since I ve gone through this I have gained tremendous insight. Financial abuse is only abuse if you deem it to be. I look at it as an employee that is about to be fired indefinitely! So you pay them to leave. 😂😂😂 yes it costs money but so does hiring the help. The maid, the chef, the butler, the nanny. So that is what I now see him my ex as. A servant that actually now pays me money!!! Child support and just gave me 300$ all because he wants me to trust him again. Wanting me to take him back in the middle of a divorce. ?!? Seriously? I actually pitty him. 😢 and it’s sad to say. Because at one time I did respect him. But now that’s gone. So yeah. He is like a babysitter to me now. And now it’s become clear to me. I’m in search for a new “nanny”
My experience is that my wife is the abuser.
My wife is financially abusing me forcing me to beg her to pay the rent to help w food grocery buying etc as I lost my job thanks to my ex doctor and the police
My wife refused to work for years. Now employed, but refuses to pay any of the bills and taxes.
No kids? Then cut your losses and count yourself lucky, I guess...
Pretty obvious you just made this up because this video is about men like you. Even if it's true, she was cooking for you, cleaning, etc and you didn't pay her for having a full time job as a house wife. You obviously don't love this woman so why not divorcing her? You love the benefits of being taken care of? What are you complaining exactly?
You just made this up.
Even if it's true, she was cooking for you, cleaning, etc and you didn't pay her. Why? And why don't you divorce her if she's so bad? Like having a made who makes your life comfortable? You are just mad and want to criticize women. This isn't the place for that. Go back to your red pill men channels!
I didn’t know that having his own account for his pay to go into was a form of abuse? Xxx
THIS HAS BEEN MY LIFE WITH MY HUSBAND - MULTIPLE SECRET BANK ACCOUNTS - WHAT ARE SOLUTIONS?
Make a plan.
Waiting for someone to mature to do the right thing could leave you waiting a lifetime
If you can prove the existence of those multiple secret bank accounts, take it before a judge. Judges generally don’t like it when men keep money away from their wives. And if you can do that, AND get the money, leave him and start your own, new life! You may say, “But I love him!”, but, if he’s doing that to you, he doesn’t love you! You don’t deserve that, and you deserve better.
What if they open a bank account in another country? Mine left to his birth country & I believe he opened an account by a family paralegal there. He used money from the current (failing) business, one which he dumped all the money that he had from the sale of previous business into. He asked me to see where is business partner was stealing money while he was visiting his birth country for a possible "business venture" with family, which didn't work out (as expected *eye roll*). I found $22k missing, he blamed his business partner initially but now they're hunky-dorie. I worked behind the scenes for both business without pay for decades. It's actually terrible. He accused me of money mismanagement but he made all the massive purchases often without my knowledge or agreement! Then he went ape-shoot when he found out that I was saving some in case he left me & kids which he had 3x already!
Point made at 5:00-5:30 is on point!
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How about husband who always open their wife’s letters/ any correspondence especially when it’s about bank account statements ? Some even secretly laundered money through relatives. Others have secret bank accounts not known to the wife. By Amelia
My wife’s maiden name was Anita prenup
💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰🏦☑
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I don't understand how GIVING someone a little extra of YOUR money (an allowance?) is abuse. My wife and I had separate bank accounts before we got married. We were both working and paying bills. Then she quit her job soon after. I pay for everything, food, mortgage, transportation, etc. I put the same amount of money in her wants that I do in mine (an allowance). Though she still spends more... over $3,500 more just this year! Am I supposed to just say screw the budget and let her spend whatever she desires or it's abuse? This world has gone crazy!
"Let her" idk, check the language you're using and evaluate if it's healthy or not. The term allowance, really is another way to say "I'll allow it" or "let her." It also reeks of treating someone like a child. Sounds controlling to me, in my opinion.
I think most healthy couples share an account right? Idk. If her spending is an issue and she can't be trusted with your (both of your) money...why are you married or hopefully at least in counseling?
Also, viewing it is YOUR money, is problematic as well, especially if you both agreed to her quitting. If you did not agree to that, it sounds like again, you really need to take that up with her, a counselor, or divorce court.
@briannacarroll198 You can't have a "healthy" relationship if both people in the relationship aren't healthy. I had 8 great years with her. I keep hoping to get that back. That's why I stay. Her mom died on Easter Sunday in 2018, we believe the nursing home killed her from neglect. She was supposed to go get her and cook but was feeling depressed, so she stayed in bed. I was working. She felt guilty over it. 4 months later, she was cleaning my mom's house complaining of feeling tired and my brother put meth in front of her. Our lives haven't been the same since. She was an ex addict clean for 12 years at the time! She knows she needs help, but continues to refuse it because she got clean on her own before and thinks she still can, but 5 and a half years later it still hasn't happened. I'm not sure how else I can deal with the situation. She asks for drug money, I tell her no. So she waits till I fall asleep and takes my car and credit card to buy beer and trade it with her drug dealers. It has gotten better though. At one point, I'd be sleeping because I had to work in the morning, and she would physically get on top of me until I gave in! She's spent an average of $650 per month over the past 5 and a half years on her wants! I'm about to give up on my marriage and it sucks!
@bradjbourgeois73 I'm glad you clarified that important part. I'm so sorry you're going through that. You aren't alone in this crazy world, a lot of people have substance abuse problems and it ruins everything. Is there a local Al Anon group you can connect with for support? They are for the friends and relatives of addicts. There's no way to have a real marriage in active addiction. Only an enabling relationship. Unfortunately she will have to hit rock bottom and want to seek help for her own reasons. Relapse is always a possibility with recovering addicts. When it happens, you can always love her....from a safe distance. Easier said than done I'm sure. But if you don't, you'll be no better off than her.
I know these things just from years working in mental health and substance abuse, as well as being in a codependent marriage, and generational trauma (grew up with a mom addicted to prescription pills).
Wishing you all of the strength!!
@briannacarroll198 I'm not sure what you are trying to say, but it seems like you are saying that because she is my wife, she is entitled to spend as much money as she wants to and because I am her husband and choose to stay with her, that I am obligated to give it to her. That's insane. I'm not stopping her from working, I actually encourage it! But the pattern keeps happening. She gets excited, gets a job, works for a few days, stays up on drugs for six, seven... even 10 days at a time. Looses the job after 2 weeks because she doesn't go in... and somehow I'm to blame because I'm being responsible? Uh, no.
@bradjbourgeois73 I had a really kind reply written to you a few weeks ago. I'm not sure where that comment went? But I was entirely on your side. (Also my daughter changed my username but I am the same commenter as before). I am sorry you are dealing with the substance abuse. You really cannot have a normal relationship with that going on. Certainly not one with money. My first comment was just addressing that is seemed abnormal to use that type of language in a normal relationship. To be clear, at no point did I say she should spend whatever she wants. In a normal relationship, if a person didnt have self control or communication skills to agree upon budgets, it would be grounds for a counselor, separation, or divorce. Your situation is entirely different and I hope you're able to get out before it ruins you or that she gets better quickly. I'm so sorry!
What about emotional abuse women use everyday and the silent treatment, what about a partner over spending unnecessarily and the crap saying happy wife happy life.
So what abuse is it when a spouse demands to stay home or expects to stay home and do little with her partner work and pay all the bills , this is another form of abuse
What about a wife secretly blows every dime possible on gambling addiction? To the point where there was little or no food to bring to the table?
Didn't you discuss that BEFORE marriage?
If you agreed she should stay home and not work or you agreed she should stay home to raise your children (which is a TON of work, especially if she's homeschooling, too), then that's what you should expect. No complaining.
Whereas if you agreed BEFORE getting married that you both would work and she's refusing to work, that's a different story and grounds for divorce.
If you don't want a stay at home wife, don't marry a stay at home wife. Choose better. If you want someone who works full-time, then marry that person.
everyone wants a wife to work and come home for a second and third and fourth and fifth jobs: managing household, child bearing and rearing, a maid, chef, event organizer, trip planner, interior designer, a teacher, a therapist, a night nurse, and more... and all that for no extra pay and no days off or vacations, while a husband just works.
Thank you.
Thank you.