Exposing Financial Abuse one of the narcissists favorite tactics
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- Опубліковано 26 лис 2019
- Today's video is about a very serious form of abuse and domestic violence that isn't widely understood or talked about. Financial Abuse. Financial abuse is a very severe and damaging form of abuse and one of the narcissists favorite tactics. This video will explain what financial abuse is, what it looks like and ways you can protect yourself.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She has endured the extremes of parental alienation and understands the complexities of CPTSD. She spent years healing from the years of trauma she experienced and now uses her experience and what she has learned to help other victims who are going through narcissistic abuse and / or parental alienation. She is also a certified Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach. If you are struggling with narcissistic abuse, parental alienation, Complex PTSD or all three, and feel you would benefit from narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, please visit her website linked below or send her an email at theenlightenedtarget@gmail.com. She conducts face to face sessions over the computer, or via phone, email or text. Many times getting the support and guidance from someone who has gone through this is a necessary step.
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A thief will steal your wallet and vanish, a narcissist will steal your wallet and help you look for it.
Spot on 👍
My cousin did this to me
Lol
My mom and my cousin did thus to me
😂 great modern proverb
With a narcissist, your money is their money and their money is their money
True takes mine after spends his spends mine top
The eldest sister syndrome has struck my sister and she took control of all my mother's assets! What a b.
Unfortunately yes and it's draining
I have lost everything! All my worldy possessions were left in the CONDEMNED home of my parents because my sister ruined us financially and broke her solemnly false promises! Code enforcement shut the utilities, called the police and had me escorted off the property with what I could carry. Five years through the pandemic I was my mother's caregiver while my sister kept all her social security money after bills. I spent all my money during this miserable coronavirus pandemic! I'm not in a good place.
They simply want you to blow your resources, for example on something stupid, to put you at a disadvantage.
I was about to say the same thing too
True
And leave you with nothing except debts.
Same in my family...money as a weapon.
The ongoing battle unfortunately
I quit my good paying job to be a stay at home mom- my narc spouse agreed to this as he made more than enough to support us. It became a nightmare. I use to dread the first of every month when bills came due because I had to start begging for money to pay them. He would wait till the last possible moment to pay. I had cancer on my leg and incurred medical bills to treat, he became enraged every time I mentioned that these had to be paid! On the other hand he would hand out money to friends easily to look generous. So glad he’s gone! It was constant stress!
Emily Wheeler I feel for you, it’s a terrible situation to be in. Praying for good health to you and restoration for a good life! The Lord made a way for me and I’m sure he’ll do the same for you! Hang in there!
So so sorry!
I'm so sorry.
My life is similar...first of every month is a nightmare...even i have to beg for money....i ask him to start a automatic transfer when he gets his salary...he never listens....a small argument and i am sure he would extend the transfer to maximum
Sounds sooooo similar to my situation! My husband gives me the hardest time for money for our daughter most of the time, never mind me, I have been digging into savings while in the meantime he goes and gets his hair done, and does things for himself and doesn't even cover our health insurance. . . I can't believe I married and had a child with someone like this. My daughter deserves sooooo much better.
I wish more people understood this. I’ve literally lost everything I own and am very scared right now. But nobody even therapists seem to understand it.
This world is built on Narcissism look at the Government
How?
...my money is my money.....your money is "OUR" money ...
Yes that is what I told the ex narcissist husband.
Until it's not. Like you get really sick. They take over everything and try to get it back your threatened. These people are monsters make no doubt.
I have been a victim of spousal financial abuse. My ex wife would insist on controlling the bank accounts, credit cards, bill payments, loan payments, etc. I would tell her that I needed to purchase something and she would be dismissive of me and say something along the lines of: “that’s just a stupid waste of money! No, you are NOT buying that!!!” even though I earned good money. She would often ask me in an accusatory way if I tried to pick up overtime at work. She even mentioned a few times that I should take courses to upgrade my skills so that I could get a “better” job even though I liked the job that I had. She believed that since she earned more money than I did, that it meant she could control me financially.
What really hurt me though was when she would mention how much money some of her friends husbands earned. She wouldn’t outright say that she wished that I earned that much money, but clearly that’s what she was hinting at.
I am a survivor though and somehow I managed to find the strength to get out of that horribly abusive marriage I felt trapped in for so long.
I feel like I'm going through this with my husband. I've been a stay at home mom because we can't afford childcare and we both agreed we didn't want someone else raising our son. I cook, clean, and watch our son 24/7 and he says I don't do anything. I rarely ask him for money and when I do its always for something i truly need like groceries, toilet paper, etc. He will give me $20 every 2 weeks for food. I eat beans and rice everyday. He gets all the tax money to himself because he claims our son and I don't make enough to file. He will blow his money on concert tickets, $100 posters from foreign countries, Jordan shoes, etc while I have worn the same clothes for the past 7 years that have holes in them. So I got sick of it and starting working from home. He complained that I was making a little bit of money and straight up told me he hopes I fail because he's scared if i succeed I'll be leave him. He doesn't want me to be independent. I've been secretly saving up money to get another car after he wrecked mine. I'm praying I can make enough money to leave him for good and be independent.
You're an indentured servant to him. Don't wait for things to improve, it won't. Get out now!
Something tells me that he's is cheating on you and making it sound justified. I bet he also refuses to allow you to get a job because "only men can have jobs". Talk to a divorce attorney and file for divorce and custody of your son. The longer you stay with him the worse he will ruin your life.
I was in this situation, I left him and made my own business. You can do this!
I’m in a similar situation. Stay at home mom. I work hard all day running the household with 5 awesome children. I cook, clean, etc. and I have to ask for every little penny. He makes me feel horrible when I do. I don’t buy anything for myself. It’s groceries, stuff the kids want/need, etc. if he gets mad at me he withholds money. I’m stressed over having no money every day. I have no bank accts., no credit cards. Nothing. When my kids ask for something that costs money while he’s at work, my words are “you have to wait until daddy comes home. I don’t have money to get that for you right now.” It sucks. I don’t know what kind of job I can get while at home. I’d love to work from home. I’m lost. 2 of our children have autism so I don’t know what kind of job would be ideal for me to do at home. I’m willing to try anything but I just feel so stuck right now. Any ideas on this?
Sad, he's abusive.
I paid all of the bills...if I asked him to pay something he either yawned or raged
Relatable
You cannot have an real adult relationship with a CHILD. You want to make sure he has a job and car and credit. Or ditch him
Same here! He never wanted to help pay the bills. I found out through the grapevine when he left a year ago he told people he was tired of paying my credit card bills! 😂 He wouldn’t help pay for food or heat much less my credit card!
@@maryannspicher same...my life is so much better now...I've got back into crafts...I can do whatever I want...he remarried...apparently his new wife is very controlling 😂😂
The best defense is a strong self image.
my mom threatened to take my life insurance money because "she has been paying for it." I realized that she has been trying to control me with money only today... even though I always knew it deep down. always threatening to not pay for my dentist, and then the next day saying that she will. honestly, I'm tired of it. i was able to finally move out and now she keeps saying "I'm not going to help you." she gets really quiet when I tell her "I have enough for a year. don't worry about me." I can never go back to live with her. EVER
I’m happy to hear that you’re free!!
@@candylove49 thank you!!! it's been a wild journey
Hi How old are you?
I sincerely hope you never need to move back with her!!!
I've gone through the same cycle with my parents across the country will promise not to pay for something they usually do and then pay for it sometimes the next day. All I got to do is earn an extra few dollars for a little while.. and THEN I can entertain the NO CONTACT FOR LIFE life I've been contemplating finally doing for years
The key to happiness is to stay single and childless
Yep, it's been working out well for me
You think you’ll be happy……hate to break it to ya….
Wow the creator liked this, very depressing and honestly worrying
You would think this.. But no.. "JESUS"
@@ky5250very much so.. Disgusting.
Feels entitled to my money, hiding money from me, spending, causes arguments when discussing money and ruining my credit are some of the issues I'm dealing with. He works but is in child support so I make a little more than him. Because I was trying to be a team player, I was always jumping in to help him pay Bill's. After I would help him with his Bill's, he never helped me with money, he would ask for extra money to have in his pocket for the weekend, buy him cigarettes, beer, gas, food, etc. all in the same day. I would always and still do do it. He was even walking around with my debit card in his wallet and when I asked for his one day he looked at me like I was crazy. Unbelievable, then when I bring it up telling him all that I do for him he responds "what have you done for me?" Incredible! How quick narcs forget.
I've been there done that! My ex fiancee/boyfriend narc and his daughter lived with me rent free for almost 2 years. I ended up paying for everything when we went out. When it came to the groceries he insisted on buying most things and wouldn't ley me get what I wanted ever! He would throw it in my face he got the groceries and then I found out he was getting food stamps and that's how he paid for it. I was working full time and he was driving for a living. He would put all the money he made in his safe and never spent any of it on me. He now tries to charge me money to be unblocked and not get the silent treatment from him. He will name his price whether $30 every time and even has tried to tell me I need to pay him $1500 if I want to talk to him again.
Tonavishoup Sessoms one of the things I worry about, trying to date in my 50s, is dating someone with a past that is simply looking for help to compensate with that past.
@@privateprivate8366 I'm sorry could you explain plz
Tonavishoup Sessoms no problem. What I mean is that, sometimes, when you date or marry a man who has alimony and child support, what he may TRULY be looking for, is help with his bills. That may be where the girlfriend or 2nd wife comes in. He starts asking her for money, so he can afford the child support and alimony. He may start living on you and even asking you for money because he may not have any. Before you know it, it may actually be you who’s cooking, cleaning, working for him and actually being the one covering child support and alimony, because he’s lost his job and can’t seem to find a new one. I don’t know how often that’s played out as, I don’t have children and I’ve never been married. Plus, I don’t know how the courts work in that type of circumstance. They’re not going to come after the 2nd wife but, staying with that guy could mean a very diminished life.
You still with him ?
Emotionally, physically, and psychologically healing. Too late for escaping from poverty. I hope those in these situationships get away from their controllers early.
😢
Dont forget attacking your jobs and telling you what work they think is appropriate for you, then complaining about money. My narc hated the fact that I model on the side
You didn't mention being disinherited from a final will. Amazing how an unknown will suddenly appears out of nowhere when the narcissist is the executor.
Or a narcissistic parent takes away your much deserved inheritance.
@Ann Your comment has narcissism dripping from it….
Imagine a person being SO entitled that they literally believe they are entitled to someone else’s money! Not only entitled, but the other person’s money is considered “much deserved” as well.
Anyone who feels this way should not be surprised when they are left out of someone’s will completely. Because so many entitled people have contested wills in the past (and won) it is now common to leave the person an amount that is just high enough ($5000) to negate any hope of winning if they contest it.
I will just never understand how ANYONE could possibly believe that they deserve someone else’s money. Ideally, anyone who has a selfish child who thinks this should go well out of their way to spend every last dime on themselves before they die; even if it’s out of spite.
@@jaymiller6009 This is not narcissism nor entitlement. In the United States, it is normal and customary to leave loved ones an inheritance of whatever unused monies remain behind. The loved ones are usually spouses and children. That is why wills exist. While I agree that a parent doesn't owe a child a dime, you can't just simply ignore and dismiss a societal norm that has existed here for generations. Contested wills, narcissistic entitlement, secrets, plotting and scheming, dishonesty, lack of disclosure, etc. are not traits found or seen in healthy, normal, open and caring families.
@jaykram Exactly. It is customary for parents to leave whatever financial assets they have to their LOVED ones.
When a case pops up where a parent intentionally left a child out of their will, it is usually for a good reason.
Imagine someone’s child was a teenage terror to deal with; wouldn’t help around the house, hung out with a bad crowd, dropped out of school, did drugs, committed crimes, constantly disrespected their parents and siblings, stole from them, etc. They have sporadic get togethers and phone calls over the years, never bring grandchildren to visit, etc. Now, imagine that person feeling entitled to an inheritance as if it is somehow their legal birth right to get their “well deserved” inheritance and then going ballistic because they found out their parents left them nothing. How about a parent is quite sick for the last 15 years of their life and one of their children couldn’t be bothered to come and visit, bring the grandkids around, etc. yet they were anticipating their parent’s death the whole time with the belief that they were going to get “their fair share” of the inheritance?
If one family member shows absolutely no interest, no love, bo effort, no care, etc. to a family member; yet fully expects to be financially rewarded by that same person; who is the narcissist in that situation.
When people are left out of wills, it is almost always for a reason other than just pure spite.
If someone’s child grows up and shows their parent very little love or respect for long periods of their life, do you believe they are entitled to an inheritance from the parent(s) they ignored?
@jaykram I just wanted to mention that if my reply comes across as hostile or aggressive, it’s not my intention.
I just realized that the issue of inheritance might be a similar to issues of if conservatives are better/worse than liberals or the issue of abortion.
I never really thought of it that way before today but it just might be one of those polarizing issues where people tend to go hard one way or the other- with very few people who will ever change their mind or who are on the fence about it. Similar to how a pro life and a pro choice person could argue forever and regardless of how well their points and facts are presented, neither will ever believe they are wrong. This might be one of those things.
Anyways, I DO respect your viewpoint; it is definitely valid. Have a good weekend.
Exactly why I made a promise to myself to get my career on track before getting in a relationship. I want to be financially stable and as a survivor of abuse in all forms, I am not getting in a relationship without a plan
I can’t believe he:
1. wanted me to quit my job!!!!! My JOB...
2. Would basically make me beg for money when I was pregnant and couldn’t work.
3. Then left us...without any money....
4.Then refused to voluntarily send us money
5. Then when he was forced to pay child support, is now fighting to lower it. smh
The worst part, for the majority of the time I didn’t know it was if financial abuse....No clue.
Wow I had no idea. You explained everything about my life perfectly. A coffee equals me being belittled. Now he is conditioning our kids to hate me - caught him sending thousands to someone else meanwhile I have to ask for $30 for gas to get the kids to school. I broke down and just cried. My daughters response? Later She told me I am bad with money and shouldn’t have spent money on coffee - that all the little purchases add up and I “waste” the money. It’s everything he says to me on a weekly basis. I feel so ashamed I didn’t see this. Worse part is I don’t have access to anything. He won’t let me. I go out with my family and I am accused of overspending or not being home. I feel so isolated.
I'm going through this right now. I'm trapped living with my narc mother and have nothing left to get out of here.
Did you ever get out? I just realized that the woman who raised me (I don't call her the word you used) did the same thing. Now I'm trapped here as well living with her. Am trying to get out.
@@gaelgarciaisagod I'm still trapped here too. Saving money to get out but I could go on and on about how she is sabataging my efforts. Sorry to hear you are in the same place.
Me too. My mom even went as far as claiming me on her taxes even though I have a job and made too much money and I can't file my taxes, takes all my money from my checks, over drafted my bank account, and won't let me drive. I need to get out of here.
Me too. My mother is an evil witch ! She has me trapped all she does is put fear & use witchcraft on me to keep me stuck & bound.🥺💔
I had to use the military in order to leave. It was not the easiest choice and there are narcs there too, but I am financially independent now that I am out and my mom can’t control me anymore.
My narcissist would buy me things so he could use it against me when I didn't do what he wanted. He threatened to put a lien on my house. I always wondered why he didn't share my career with his friends and family but now I understand that it was his way of making me dependant on him.
Love the phrase..we cant afford that. Even groceries. Or pay for it yourself if you need it. Has everything in your name. Pays bills late. My money is mine.
When I was younger and unaware of narcissism, my much older narcopath cousin tried to trick me into signing my name on a loan for a sports car for himself and when I said no, he flew into a rage. So f*cking outrageous.
thank you for making this video. I'm waking up to the fact that I've been abused by my narcissistic father financially my whole life.
I was the ONLY one that worked, for 14 years. He was "building a business" with one failed project after another for 14 years. He wanted access to every account, every credit line and raged if I dared to spend or use money in a way that he didn't "approve of".....yet he didn't hardly contribute to the money of the house. Now we are in divorce and he is dragging it on as long as possible.
Thank you so much for this! I’m currently going through a divorce after years of financial abuse. I honestly didn’t realize there was such a thing. I thought getting my weekly “allowance” was normal. Thank you again!
Weekly?! Lol I have to ask for it on an as needed basis. 😢 I had no idea either. I’m going to start documenting what I can and get help quietly.
This was me. The ugly head didn’t reveal itself until I became very ill and was unable to work. It then took an additional 15 months of PTSD EDMR treatments to help me understand what happened….how it happened…and how I played a role in my life. None of us are perfect, but empathy is the key here folks. If you were the recipient, know you have a loving heart blinded by such ugliness 🙏✌️😉💜💚
Your ssssooooo ssssooooo true. This narc broke me completely. He did exactly all that you mentioned in this video. Thanks
My late narc husband did exactly everything Jill is listing, except he wanted me to work and bring home the bacon because he refused to work.
OMG ! You are telling my story 🥺
My story, too. I had to stop watching for a while, it was triggering me, after 10 years out! 😵
Me too.
Some of the financial abuse done behind the wife's back should be a criminal offense.
This is so very true! I've heard some whoppers from the narc, like 'I've forgot my wallet', 'I've not been paid', 'I deserve it', 'I'll put it back', 'your engagement ring is expensive that why I can't pay the bills' ....if only I knew what I was in before we got married : ( .....then at disguard the joint account is emptied with no regard for how I'm going to feed my child! What a evil spirit.
Your engagement ring? They really don't mind showing you that nothing's sacred. So uncouth, no respect, beyond crude. You said narc but not ex. Stay strong.
THANK YOU. There aren't many videos on financial abuse that connect it with narcissism. I really needed to see this right now. You've described two major people from my life. Subscribing now :)
Me too 😫😩
Hearing about other people’s experiences, I am finding that it is SUCH a common factor of narcissistic relationships and it comes in so many different forms. I’m glad to find this video because there doesn’t seem to be a lot out there about financial abuse, especially not covert financial abuse.
You are a professional analyst on narcissism. I have been through everything you explained.
I wish nobody to carry this. situation.
3:17 "Requires you to account for everything that is spent. Makes you grovel for money..." I never thought of that as a form of abuse, but it actually is, come to think of it. The irony of my alcoholic mom saying that she needed to account for every cent ALLEGEDLY because of my drug and alcohol use of the past. She had way more of an alcohol problem than I did when she was my age. I used to say was a power trip to a friend who replied back (who went through the same thing), "No, that's not what it's about. It's all about DOMINATION!" That removed the last spec of fantasy that my parents were doing it for my own good. That comment sure threw off the rose-colored glasses I used to have on
In my case the sabotage started so young that there was never any hope of me gaining independence.
So the fact that you said this means there is hope for you becoming independent. You are aware of it
Kath K I’m 40yr nearly and I’ve screwed my self beyond hope at this point.
Thanks for a wonderful channel. I am learning so much.
I just wanted to add narcissistic friends can do this too (I have had several as well as one narcissistic partner). Both friends borrowed money from me. When I started wising up & stopped giving to them, they used pets or kids e.g. a child asking why the fridge had no food. Eventually I realised that I was starving, had no heating, furniture etc yet luxuries were constantly appearing in the other house! I have quite severe autism & CPTSD with very low self esteem - plus being very naive about people so was a great target.I feel I am learning now better to protect myself and also not to be foolish and offer money (which I can't afford to lose) - I have to accept some fault for that myself I think.
For me I had to get away 100% for it to stop and am just happy I did.
That's great that you're taking ownership. That's what I had to do to. It takes two to tango and I had to take my role and not be so naive when it came to certain things. I'm recovering from narcissistic abuse from my parents, older sister, and a former best friend I finally discarded. People tend to repeat patterns from childhood so don't beat yourself up for getting narcissistic friends or romantic partners because that's usual MO until the empath learns to put a stop to it.
“Send me the receipt” I’m sure your glad to be out of that relationship. Thanks for sharing. Good stuff!
When you are told don’t bite the hand that’s feeds you, causing serve stress
I just wanted to thank you for your videos. My mother was married to my narcissistic father for over 40 years. He was a grandiose narcissist. His narcissistic rages were horrible, he destroyed our home multiple times, mostly focusing on furnishings my mother loved or purchased with her own money. He physically abused my younger brother who was both the golden child and the scapegoat child. I guess I was lucky I was the lost child, I wasn't immune to the abuse I received my share but it was never as bad as it was for my brother and I had horrible guilt about how he treated my brother sometimes even begging him to spank me instead.It all came to an end almost three years ago, when he physically assaulted my mother during one of his rages. He had thrown things at her in the past including a 10lb bag of ice, but up until then he had never hit her with his own fist. We never knew why he was the way he was, he was a weekend alcoholic, but he was abusive even when he wasn't drinking. I'm a registered nurse, I had no idea. It wasn't until I was working on my own recovery from a narcissistic relationship, that I realized what my father was/is. Long story, I know. Anyways I watch your videos and discuss the topics with my mother to help her come to terms with what she went through and who she was married to. She has always had a hard time trying to understand why my father was the way he was and it helps to now have a name for what he is. And to know that he doesn't have normal thoughts and feelings like the rest of us. Thank you again you have been a blessing
After separation/leaving the narcissist . They may flood your child with non essentials while withholding from the parent with full responsibility.
They also like to cancel contact with their child at the last second continuously whilst making others believe it is you. This adds to the smear by making you look terribly unreliable to your friends, potential employers and child.
HOW DOES THIS LADY KNOW MY LIFE? This is EXACTLY what happened to me 😭😭😭 I've recently been trying to get financial aid for college, but my dad has refused to do his taxes, so I don't have any information to give on the fafsa. I knew he was abusive (refusing to pay bills, discouraging my mom and I from getting a job, raging about money, trying to pick physical fights, etc.), but I couldn't pinpoint a way to prove it until I realized it was financial abuse IN ADDITION TO emotional and physical. Knowing I have a way to prove my situation and go to college in spite of my dad is the biggest sense of relief I've felt in my whole life!!!! 😂😭😂😭
Beware of people wanting guardianship or rep payee status. These people will steal every penny.
Over a 20 year period, she slowly got me totally dependent on her. Ten years after we were married, I was totally reliant on her and was completely stuck. We have three kids too. Any time I tried to find a way to better myself, she would sabotage it. It was impossible for me to develop any income for the family. I finally left her but I am broke, with no career and went from an extremely nice neighborhood to a bad one just to survive. She of course now tells people that she “never had an equal partner with me” and how terrible I was to her while she worked so hard. But that is exactly what she wanted. Me to be totally cut off, isolated and dependent on her......she succeeded for 20 years but I finally had enough. With all of that said, I’d sooner go to Hell then go back to her.........oh and 20 grand of my inheritance disappeared under her watch as well......poof....gone.
My ex-husband was the same way. He wanted me totally isolated and dependent on him. So I was. I had some health problems too that made the situation worse, but I was a housewife and I did everything so all he had to do was come home from work and relax.
But that wasn't enough. So I got a part time job to help out. That still wasn't enough. He wasn't happy with anything I did.
Then came the discard. Best thing that ever happened to me. I am free of his BS, and I have a support group to help me work with my disability, which he would not do.
I hope you are doing much, much better now after two years when you left this comment.
I have a lot of stories about this, but here is a memorable one: I was shopping at Walmart with this woman. And I put my items up on the conveyor belt to have the cashier to pay for them. Suddenly this woman/tyrant put her items on with my items for me to pay for them also. I never agreed to that. She did that on the spur of the moment without ever asking me anything. (*She was financially abusing several elderly people at home, so naturally it's her nature to take advantage).
persiamotorman these stories about what these people do never cease to amaze me. Thank you for sharing.
persiamotorman that’s just crazy! I remember shopping in Walmart many years ago, in the express lane and the woman in front of me would just place a few things at a time on the conveyor belt. She didn’t actually seem to be dividing up the purchases for accounting purchases. I guess my face looked wrong to her and she asked, “Do you have a problem with this?” I said, “No but, you have a problem counting!”
My parents purposely stopped us from learning how to save money or earn money. They had us work for their company for free. When they split up, I found they both had their own ways & goals for sabotaging us.. I had to walk miles to my first job and wasn't allowed to get my driver's license until I moved out. When I got my first paychecks my mother tried to negotiate me giving her my money and holding it all in her account. My dad did make a savings account for me. He never let me have the money. My parents were rich and had 18 cars. They just wouldn't let me learn to drive ever. I moved out and my girlfriends parents took me to get my drivers license at age 18/19.. Then we bought our 1st car together
Mine didn’t pay his taxes and caused me to owe thousands. I had no idea. I worried for yearrrrrrs that I was going to get locked up for taxes. I begged him for years to pay it. It kept me upset for yearrrrrssss. Word of caution: ALWAYS FILE SEPARATELY, just do it!! Don’t wait and see if he is going to act right, please just do it.
My gosh it is slave labor. I truly believe it's domestic enslavement. As Insidious as any other type of enslavement. The only difference is there was an intimate relationship with your Captor.
Don't forget the non-romantic ones where parents abuse adult children or scapegoats! Exactly as you described!
@@AZDC99 Yes!
It really is.
Wow! If the authorities would recognize this info. Thank you
People finding out your credit score, monitoring or playing with your bank account, interferring with your job or way of making money, keeping you from working, stealing money....these are signs of financial abuse.
She's describing exactly what's occurring in my life right now! There's no agency that is created by government that will assist, obliged is the word they use. Resources is another, because that's all they display is Resources but zero action or access. 😢
Wow! First time I’ve heard this topic done so well! I experienced so many of these! And you really have to be careful! He didn’t file taxes for 5 years. He owed an excess of 15 thousand in back child support and later a lien was put on my home. I was able to remove it, though the home was over financed and in foreclosure. He also had 3 different social security numbers. I feel lucky to have gotten out with my life. And I’m blessed to be free!! Thanks another great one!
Right? Nobody gives such an exhaustive list with so much insight by accident. Undoubtedly a firsthand account.
This is very enlightening.
This! They are always conveniently broke. Yet will spend money on themselves like it’s nothing. Yet will expect you to provide for them and buy everything for them. I’m glad it’s over!
The sad thing is, when other people sees it as "giving back" to your parents as a filial obligation. It sucks.
My codependent mom died of cancer 5 years ago. My dogmatic religious narcissistic father received her life insurance and widower pension. She left behind a promised 300k for me and my brother, which our father stole without our knowledge. 3 years on we find out, and my father refuses to admit that what he did was unethical, instead accusing my brother and me of being fine with the possibility of him becoming homeless. 2 years later, my father blows his top whenever I try to bring it up, still dodging accountability and avoiding restitution, but critisizes my lack of financial stability as an artist during a world pandemic. Smdh. Despite me being completely financially independent, and regularly sending him money when he asks. I'm depressed, furious and heartbroken, and finally seeing a psychologist to work through years of narcissistic abuse at his hands.
Stop sending him money, he just sees you as a money machine
Were u a minor? How could your
Mom die and not allow you access to your inheritance? If u were a minor, that’s different but if you were of age no one should take your money.
It took me almost 5 years to realize that my fiancé was a covert narcissist. After buying her a big engagement ring, going on a foreign vacation, buying a car, a house and all of the things you do to “build a life together“, I look back now and see that was the beginning of the devalue stage. I think the pandemic probably prolonged the situation because I was economically reliable and ripe for exploitation. She even went on a podcast and talked about being “a Survivor“ but didn’t mention that she was engaged or had found someone to be a good reliable partner in life. When we split suddenly it wasnt “our house“ that I’ve been paying the mortgage on for two years but I’ve been “paying rent“, it was “her house“ and according to her she did it all by herself. What’s more any work/money I put into the house or our life together was a “gift“. I’ll say this to any young man who might read this, a woman of quality will always show her appreciation and be happy to validate the efforts of a good man. A exploitive, covert narcissist will take everything they can get and feel zero remorse regardless of the harm to anyone involved, including children. I dodged a bullet.
Sad
Sad you went through this. There are completely superficial people out there. So how did you not pick up on this? Was she having sex with you for money at some point before this? Im saying this because money isnt going to buy love. And Im wondering if you werent dating her because of a superficial reasons as well.
@@kathk3203 We had been online friends for close to 20 years. We talked everyday for 3 months before meeting in person and starting a long distance relationship. Knowing what I know now is that narcs groom their supplys and usually have more than one going at the same time. If an attractive person shows up with resources (me) then they “fall in love”. The commitment of a covert narc is different. Rather than being a ride or die it’s more of a stick around until it becomes burdensome proposition. Sam Vaknin pointed out that the covert narc is the same as a primary psychopath and that makes a lot of sense; the performance, mirroring, love bombing and all the front loaded validation are a calculation for the 3 E’s, devaluation and eventual discard. These people are not just shameless, they are incapable of feeling empathy. Either you are useful or not, simple. How did I not pick up on it? That has a lot to do with my family system and romantic history. Pretty for sure, but I’ve had pretty ladies before as well. The main thing was she said all the right things I wanted to hear and that’s what really hooked me in. I’ve learned a lot and won’t make the same mistakes again.
My MIL is financially abusing us as a family. We are devastated. But there is not much on the subject
Thank you for saying it's domestic violence to not pay your child supporter alimony it's disgusting. I am literally a mess because of it.
My neighbour just started working in guess what out of all jobs you wouldn't thinking security done/is doing this to his Mrs. She was working from home. He took all her money she was earning and beat her to keep her "under control". She's not the happy person she was and no one is either noticing or keeping a hush hush to show the outside world they are perfect family.
The irony across our house there's a women's centre to help women in these situ.
🙌 Thank You for taking the time to provide this incredible insight…. This brought tears to my eyes.
This is eye opening & will help so many people!
I am so tired of hearing about doing things for children. I don't have children and I'm still stuck. He is one of thr reasons I don't have children. You can be stuck without having a child.
Oh I so wish I knew then what I know now. Malicious, covert, histrionic, anti-social...narcissist and of course...undiagnosed.
Mom and sister coupled wirh illegal activity with estate and will. I had no financial resources to show unethical, illegal action taken by my sister (POA). She got away with it partly because I just couldn't take the drama and abuse slammed unrelenting into my soul.
Not did she have a good lawyer (my sister). I had to show burden of proof even as a beneficiary. How do people get away with such devastating behavior...i walked...signed a waiver giving my sister everything. I could have used the $$ for debt and supplementing my final years on the planet. I decided my soul was more important. I literally felt my head smashed by a baseball bat. Everything I had lived in my family of origin was a lie. Doing some grief work I have started my life over...or transformed myself into a newness. It was the most devastating and transformational 2 years of my life. Just WOW.
When it's your family nothing seems real when you find out they've robbed you. My mother and sister have robbed me of.It never occurred to me they were narcissists until I discovered everything was gone,even my home. These people are your family.. You've always been told family you can trust your family. Blood is thicker than water. Finding out the truth of who they really are and that your own family could care less that they did rob you leaves you feeling like your whole life has been a lie. Very few people even believe you and going nc with a mother leads to you being treated like a mass murderer. I feel like I'll never trust again
When you catch them out and confront them they twist it so they become the victim not you and lie
It's really draining when they do that because it just increases your anxiety even more.
Yeah, because you know you we're dealt one of the shittiest hands and its never gonna change and you have to do it all alone, damaged ,with no acknowledge ment of their harm ...and the world won't jump out to pick you up. F them
Thank you for sharing.
This is first time I've heard about abuse that is financial.
This is my biological mother. She belittles me, always. I’m disabled in multiple ways. Thank you for your information.
I've dealt with this and it was a reason why I left
Makes me want to vomit!!!! 🤮
Thank you for explaining this important topic.
Nuggets of gold 🏆! Tq so much!
My ex Narc made triple what I made but I had to split all the bills down the middle...
Same here
✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️
Yep! Wow, our family Narc (my Mother) is supporting the whole family and oh the list of things related to this topic goes on forever! I’m 53 and it’s still happening, everything you said was too familiar unfortunately! I am so glad I found you!! 🙏🏻💝
I’m leaving my marriage in debt and with no transportation but I have hope and joy going into my future.
You have had and talked about it with so much experience. The painful part is that it can sometimes be hard or may take time to detect them, because of their manipulative pretentious love and how skillful, they brag about spending for you and your family. They play on emotions like video game or movie acting. Another issue is sometimes, there can as well be nascistic mother's too. less may be talked about them since maybe many women may not control a chunk of family money or use it to manipulate but they can react in other ways. Some children can have both parents as nascistic. Please don't hate parents, as they might have undergone worst experience too, and hating can make feelings/emotions to be painful. but stay away from shaming yourself, pity, overdependence, hate and loss of empathy. They may be acting with out meaning harm it's just a bad habit that can influence you negatively. It takes understanding and awareness of ourselves not only about blaming others to overcome. Good work and wonderful content
So good this info is here so survivors know they are not alone.
They made me feel like all I was good for was the money that I could provide for them.
20.000 Euro my husband took from me, my savings from 2 years. I wanted by a plot, he bought the plot in his name. Now I am broke and have no plot. I left him one week ago. I am living with the kids by my mom. Who has also nark traits. I am afraid, she will put me back in his arms.
Safya Farooq Stay strong
Was your money that bought the plot?
Trying to get spousal support for the emotional damage caused.
What my ex used to say “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine” and I always thought he was joking… he wasn’t
Omg thank you thank you for this. I need to explore more videos
Yes, MY NARS went CRIMINAL State AND Federal and Will be going to Prison very soon
This video gives me shudders. Truth
Thank you 🙏
What my parents did to me
My narc father reported me to the feds because I wanted to start paying my own bills once I got a job.
thank you I just discovered this year in my 45 year marriage my husband was hiding money and keeping accounts and investments secret .
Yes my ex did this to me to ensure he had someone to abuse
I fled and it got worse
We went into town for a drink, I didn't realise he had no money until we were at the bar. I said I'll get this round n u get the next. He said I cant I've no money. I was like whaaa? Why didn't u tell me? It got worse as time went on. I dont know why I stayed so long. I feel like a total idiot but I loved him. Insane.
I got put in so much debt because of my grandmother. I’m lucky I realized what was going on before I got put in a hole I couldn’t climb out of.
Hello there
My name is Theo.
I been with Lorraine for 20 years, regarding the trails of narcissist behavior was enormous. Every times I have to pay when we go out as well when we organized a trip in holidays until today I still waiting Tobe reimburse .....I feel totally use and abused from this leady.
I real 😈
I have been financially abused and exploited by a narcissist. She set up circumstances, then blamed me for taking all their money... she flipped the switch and gaslighted me....she needed a scapegoat as she wanted to blame someone for spending their money... the real truth is she spent the money but doesn't take responsibility for it. She was doing the same to others too. 🤑😵💫🥴☹️😢😭
My narc stole $400.000.00 from me.
"All you need is a password and a pin."
I am turning 70. I have nothing. He has 5 checking accounts and I don't know what else. He also refinanced the house
13 times and kept all of the money.
Takes a joint credit card out in both names to get more credit and falsely sign the online document ; then spends and makes you liable for it even though you’ve not even seen a card etc
Are there different levels of financial abuse? My husband has his own bank account, refuses to add me on. When I ask him for the debit card(for anything, even essentials) he asks why do I need it. I have to beg for it to get basic stuff. He wants me to account for every dollar I ever spend. I have made the effort to compromise for him. It doesn’t feel like a team effort. He finally admitted today that it is HIS money, not ours. Yet, he expects me to chip in for bills with my income (he is the main provider) I admit in the past I wasn’t the best with money but I have been changing my habits and being much more responsible. No matter what I do he is still not happy. It feels like revenge, which hurts because he did things in the past that I forgave him for but he can’t extend the same courtesy to me. I feel nervous buying essentials because I know he is gonna hound me about it. Is this financial abuse?
Edit: I forgot to mention the other day he was looking at his account and some payments for stuff of mine came out. (I paid him back by putting money that I had earned back in the account plus a little extra) He got really mad and bent his debit card in half since he can use his phone to pay for stuff. Basically he didn’t want me to have access to the debit card. He did later apologize but still, it was jarring and scary behavior. He’s never done anything like that before. I was very hurt by it.
Thank you for this
I am the sole supporter for my narc abusing spouse. I have an exit plan but it will take a few months, hopefully not much longer. We have been married for 15 years, but there are no children or shared debts. I have been utilizing the "grey rock method" and I believe my spouse is clued in to my plan. I am saving as much as I can, while supporting this person financially, so that we can part ways legally when this current rental lease is fulfilled. The entitlement and guilt trips are horrible. I am hiding my savings, yet paying all household bills in addition to 90% of the cleaning and cooking. I am a very strong minded person with a great career and never thought I would get caught up in a mess like this, but here I am. Any feedback is appreciated.
Hats off to you. Working to leave a situation like this takes total courage. Here's to your freedom ❤
Great video!
Amen thank you I just filed a report called Victim Notification form due to a seven year mess!!! He just giving out my information setting up bank accounts he just won't quit. God 🙌
I have to put money away every week just to pay the school fees for the kids. Its sad
How do you get over the rage after financial abuse? I just want justice and feel stuck in this rage.
B R you have to look at their lives. What has it amounted to inspite of what they did.. plus they taught you a lesson and now you are wiser and smarter. This is how I look at my own life and now I am at peace and no longer angry about the money issue