My wife is too comfortable living in her head behind her walls. The story in her head is so strong, that any kind of reality is ignored because it justifies her isolation that she loves.
I hear your frustration. And I feel for her. Obviously I don't know the situation or your story, but let me offer a view from the other side. She may not know she doesn't love it there, but she really doesn't. From my own experience, there are layers of walls. Some she may not have access to what is inside. Wherever she is, it is known there, it feels safe. There are walls for a reason. The reason may or may not be relevant to her current situation, but there is a reason, and that is to keep her safe. Unfortunately, pushing for her to come out also will feel unsafe, and confirm for her that it is right to stay inside. It will likely feel like survival to her. I challenge you to reflect on what you could do to make things totally safe emotionally in your environment But also if and when they are, to reflect on how you may be enabling her comfort there. I'm not saying this is your fault or even your responsibility. It's likely an almost impossible situation for her, and for yourself. I know the pain I caused to my partner by being locked away. It took the very real threat of losing everything, were it was more dangerous to stay in for the unconscious walls to come down for the first time I could ever recall. There I found things I believed impossible. Keeping them down is a daily challenge, and sometimes I lose. I'm not advocating anything drastic. Just relaying my experience in the hopes that the perspective might help.
I loved this. It was simple enough and really put it into perspective. Thank you!
Thank You for sharing your insights!
This is excellent. Thanks for posting.
My wife is too comfortable living in her head behind her walls. The story in her head is so strong, that any kind of reality is ignored because it justifies her isolation that she loves.
I hear your frustration. And I feel for her. Obviously I don't know the situation or your story, but let me offer a view from the other side. She may not know she doesn't love it there, but she really doesn't. From my own experience, there are layers of walls. Some she may not have access to what is inside. Wherever she is, it is known there, it feels safe. There are walls for a reason. The reason may or may not be relevant to her current situation, but there is a reason, and that is to keep her safe. Unfortunately, pushing for her to come out also will feel unsafe, and confirm for her that it is right to stay inside. It will likely feel like survival to her. I challenge you to reflect on what you could do to make things totally safe emotionally in your environment But also if and when they are, to reflect on how you may be enabling her comfort there. I'm not saying this is your fault or even your responsibility. It's likely an almost impossible situation for her, and for yourself. I know the pain I caused to my partner by being locked away. It took the very real threat of losing everything, were it was more dangerous to stay in for the unconscious walls to come down for the first time I could ever recall. There I found things I believed impossible. Keeping them down is a daily challenge, and sometimes I lose. I'm not advocating anything drastic. Just relaying my experience in the hopes that the perspective might help.
Wonderful insights
thank you so much
Is couples counseling worth it?
Oh yes!
Absolutely