Be A Man: Joe Ehrmann at TEDxBaltimore 2013
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- Опубліковано 19 лют 2013
- Joe Ehrmann has been an educator, author, activist, pastor and coach for more than 25 years. He was a college All-American athlete who played professional football for 13 years. Among numerous awards, Joe has been named "The Most Important Coach in America" for his work to transform the culture of sports.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
"On the death bed all you recognize is that life is about relationships"..Whether you agree with this TEDx talk or not, that statement is powerful.
What does it mean if you recognized this as a young 23-year-old?
@@johnfalcon4449 It means you are far better off than most.
All I can say is...it's about time. Thank you Joe.
Rick Gunn I totally agree Rick.
Rick Gunn I don't know guys, maybe we should all kill each other and be manly. Sounds pretty good eh? Endless violence and constantly proving our superiority? Uselessly wasting our lives proving our worthiness to people we don't know? Sounds pretty awesome.
Caleb McFarland i think you missed it
All I can say is...Joe Ehrmann is insane!
@@77tubuck if you mean insanely intelligent and perceptive, and definitely on the right track, you'd be right
This is a powerful lecture. I sat with my father who was dying from pancreatic cancer - it was in the 1970s and I was 15. My dad was a highly decorated WWII and Korean veteran. He was a great soldier - not such a good father or husband. My father was the epitome of what a man was supposed to be for his generation. As he was dying I experienced one of the most profound and life-changing moments of my life Mr. Ehrmman sums it up perfectly. He confessed his shortcomings to come to a place of peace before his died because when people are dying, the only things that matter are love and relationships.
At the very end for us men, IT IS about relationship and what we stood up for in our life: "Commitment to a cause.. from your heart". This message is so true. Everybody talks about manhood but few can really grasp and explain the reality. Great Talk!
This message should be heard by nearly every man I know.
Great talk Joe Ehrmann, thank you. As a mom of two boys, and a girl, this hits home.
I work in jail with hard men and gang members. The majority of my clients have grown up in broken homes with abuse and drug addiction.
I believe that the nurturing, protective part of "manly men" is innate; that is, it's there to some degree or another in just about all males. Putting this "macho" trait aside for a moment, I believe that it is critical to the healthy psychological growth of young men to be able to articulate (verbalize) their feeling and to have these feelings validated by other men. The speaker is spot on. Our culture encourages men to suppress all emotions other than joy and anger, as they are considered weak and unacceptable.
Mr. Ehrmann forgot another thing that makes for the development of an interesting, intelligent, and well-adjusted man (or even woman): The ability to listen to a brave, heartfelt speaker and, instead of making simplistic, moronic statements about not having any "balls", actually having an open mind and considering the possibility that he might have a point.
This is so true
As a female, it's very insightful to hear a man understand the socialization of men, as Joe does. I will share this with men I know and love.
I bet you're absolutely into submissive men who constantly barrage you with their problems, who ask you to fix the stuff in the house because they can't and who earn less than you.
Thank you so much for this. I was just talking with a girl that was telling me how i am not a man, because i am too sensitive and i cry too much. It's sad that the society we live in is this way.
So you stumbled over the core cause of the standard men try to live up to but you were too blind to realise it?
I really appreciate Ehrmann''s core definition of masculinity. As I understand it, it's not about "emoting" but about integrating all aspects of self and bringing the fullness of oneself into our relationships.
I've never seen something describe the past 20 years of my life so perfectly.
I absolutely agree with this man, 100%!
Is this video some kind of joke video. I am a man and I have never been told to be a man. What he is saying is so far from how I was raised it is funny.
77tubuck I know this comment is 11 months but because you were taught in a certain matter, doesn’t mean other people weren’t taught that way but I see why you say that as Joe did imply every instead of a portion of men
I watched this video for my sociology assignment in school today, and I have to say that it was so well spoken. This video should be played in every high school across America.
You reached me. I have masked my emotions since childhood. I take pride that I haven't cried in years. My father used to make fun of my brother for crying when he was 16. I have been thinking about emotions for a while now. I have a hard time making friendships, I am kind of anti social. I believe I need change myself; show more emotions.
Separating the head from the heart is the greatest tragedy. Very powerful.
Thank you for this talk. It was amazing! I was always bullied for not being athletic, liked hunting, knew how to use tools, etc. I'm still bullied for being a student nurse but I know most men would not be able to stomach sitting next to a dying person when they had no family at their side. I know my abilities are specifically tough, but I know I can do most things men wouldn't be able to admit to.
Manhood cannot simply be defined with one or two characteristics. Real men do cry. Real men don't cry. Real men know when they need their friends. Real men know when to stand alone. Real men know when to show their emotions. Real men know when it's not time for that. Real men share the burden. Real men know when they have to bear that burden alone. Manhood is like a diamond. There are numerous angles, facets, characteristics, sizes, and depths to manhood. Great talk!
I think this is particularly timely after the shooting at UCSB. If men think that being a man is about physical dominance and bottling emotions some frightening things can happen. I'm thankful to have learned finally at 44, being a man and a good person is about the relationships you have and being open to what you are feeling. When you are on your deathbed will you wish you had worked more and had more money or wished you had spent more time with the people you care about laughing, living and having fun? No one even has to think about it to answer that question. Everyday is an opportunity to let the people you love know that you care, an opportunity to listen and not talk, to empathize and not judge. Good Tedtalk thanks, Joe.
I am so amazed by how many men on this thread are not intellectually adept enough to actually follow this man's line of reasoning. Great talk Joe.
I can easily follow his line of reasoning. I just don't agree with all of it. Does that make me less intellectual than you?
not all male is a piece of brainwashed sheep!
I'm amused you think this has anything to do with reason.
@@frecklefingers yes it surely does. This talk makes total sense to healthy humans
@@barbiechai2386 not really
AWESOME. Absolutely spot on. Will be sharing this with a whole bunch of my mates.
Joe Ehrmann's message can change our country and our world for the better. Without doubt!
Beautiful. This man totally knows what it means to be a man.
It's all about love and to be of service to the world !
But in the wrong order.
The only time I tell my boy to stop crying,is when trying to explain a point of why he is being punished or trying to explain why he feeling the pain he is feeling. Not so he hides it but he can see it relatively clearly what a situation is. It's to help him find that balance between emotion and logic. I'm proud to say I've never stunted his emotional expression on the basis of "him acting like a girl" and he should man up.
Now if mothers would teach their daughters the same thing about when it is appropriate to cry, we might get somewhere.
***** i know where youre coming from but thats not the way to think.. its just so close minded and i hate it so muchhhhhh. both parents responsibility notjust the mother's.. and teaching a child how to appropriately control their emotion doesnt just go to the daughters!!! youre so close minded with things
Rjay Digal Your right. It is up to both parents. But being that this is a feminist slanted series and women hands down are the one's who use tears as a tool for manipulation, I couldn't help but be gender specific in making this statement. As for tears and emotion, I watch my mother turn to ice if on the rare time my father gets emotional and I have only cried once in front of a girlfriend and the reaction was the same. Just more hypocrisy of the feminist agenda.
*****
I can safely say, that ALL the damage done to M/F relations, ever, has been though intentional external intereference. What else would be a problem otherwise?
Ma bans He needs to stop crying so you can explain yourself? Or so you can tell him how he’s feeling? Wow. Poor kid. Imagine a world where you aren’t there to instruct him every step of the way....
I know what it takes to be a man. First you need to be as swift as a coursing river. Next you need a force of a great typhoon with the strength of a raging fire. Be as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. And lastly, you need to defeat the Huns.
TheNikkuu Lol, the "I'll Make a Man Out of You" song... It's a good message for men I belive...
Underrated
only correct answer
Why must we be defeated?
Lol
One of the best things of TED Talks is that most - if not all - videos have subtitles, including English. This makes the video accessible for people who don't speak English and also for the deaf and hard of hearing, like myself. I know this is an independently organized TED event, but I would be great if it had English captions too. And that's for most of the TEDx Talks, actually. I don't think many of them have subtitles, and that's a pity.
+Matheus Guimaraes They have a website where every video has subtitles. Look that up!
+1995yuda I believe you're thinking TED. This is TEDx. On the website the embedded video is this one from UA-cam and doesn't have closed captions. TED uses Amara to crowdsource its video, I don't know why TEDx doesn't. Oh well..
***** Yeah,you're right. Someone should send them a letter or something. I do believe they'd want their videos to reach more people.
Never be ashamed of your masculinity. Never be ashamed to be a man.
Most importantly, never let anyone define masculinity for you, that is up to you alone.
I totally get that feeling sometimes when I try to describe a deep emotion to somebody. I can't come up with the words. I sit there for minutes at a time trying to say something but can't do it. Funny thing is, I can describe them for other people. But if it's me, I can't do it.
I believe that to "Be A Man" means to rally and commit ourselves alongside the values and goodness which can benefit everyone, this is true even to consider our superfluous differences of "us vs them" tribalism.
Joe Ehrmann, I wish every men would be like you. Thank you!
This is one of the most brilliant talks I've ever seen; very powerful and thought provoking !
Wow, powerful talk!
He nailed the point : Men are not inherently machist, sexist, chauvinist. That is a culture they have been grown up in to. For centuries. And it has been taught to them by fellow men and most women as well. It isn't easy for a society to get rid of such legacies. But Women, thanks to your commitment AND thanks to persons like Ehrmann, at least we are starting to get aware and consious about it. Things are going to change. It'll take time, but it's gonna change.
this helped me yesterday to further my understanding me thank you all those involved
It’s 2023 and I found this video from a book called “the mask of masculinity”by Lewis howes and this speech is very inspiring. Being able to understand how man suffer in silence and how they don’t deal with emotions I hope later in life this changes ❤
Best ted talk by far in my opinion
Wonderful, thank you Joe, this is so important for men and boys and all of humanity! Great talk!
I loved every minute of this. I've struggled with this idea of what a man should be and feeling like I don't measure up because I'm not macho, I cry, I feel, I'm not into cars, I'm not great at sports, etc etc. Thank you Joe for bucking the trends.
God bless this man. This is one of the most powerful videos on UA-cam.
Joe, our paths haven't crossed for awhile, so I was so very glad to come across this video. I enjoyed you presentation immensely. As always, Thanks for the lesson of what it truly means to "BE A MAN". God bless.
Excellent. Where was this guy when I was 15?
Projectix J I’m actually 15 watching this rn. I consider myself lucky😂 this saved me a life deprived of fulfillment.
Miles PQ good on you kid I wish I would have heard this when I was 15 I’m 24 now had to learn a lot the hard way
Better question is where was the fathers
thank you Joe. your message just changed my life. i have always struggled to see men the way society paints us to be. i have feelings but no way to show them so thank you for outlining how destructive that is to my family.
best talk i have found, truly educative.
This is a great summary and very easy to relate to many experiences in my own life. Now, watching our kids grow up seeing many opportunities for making the world a better place.
I really like this talk. It might not seem a fluid like water other TED Talks, but it has great substance like pudding.
+Darrell Robinson True, his style is gruff, it's the message that really cuts through.
This guy's speech kinda made me well up. Hits close to home.
This is brilliant. I wish it had more hits.
This was powerful for me to hear. Even though I know these ideas in theory, it’s healing to hear another man affirm them with conviction.
Simply AWSOME!! One of the best Talks Ive heard. Anyone who would respond with any negativity is simply "ignorant".
Amen brother. The ridiculous comments on this video show exactly how right this man is. I'm amazed by just how many people missed his point. He's not telling men to cry all the time about everything. He's saying young boys shouldn't be told not to cry because it leads to them turning into men like so many of the ones commenting. Complete idiots who feel threatened by feminism and think money and sex are the ultimate point of life. It's pathetic.
He's not even saying that. What he's saying is that to be a man you value relationships and have a cause or life purpose you can work towards. He's mentioning emotions because you need those for healthy relationships and if you take the context of his inner city work and his life background its directly relatable to inner city kids.
He's giving a message that's tailored towards those boys who shoot bullets or know someone close who do, and they usually don't come from WASPy neighbourhoods
delvelove because its a false argument. Men have always cried. Men have always been emotional. On the whole they probably don't cry as much as women....so what? A little stoicism never hurt anybody, man or woman
Sound of Sleep none of that is true. I have never seen a man cry. I see women cry all the time. I have cried maybe twice in my not a child life. You are not allowed to cry, you are not allowed to fail, you have to do what others tell you have to do in order to be masculine or else you will be viciously ridiculed.
Feminism is cancer. It is pushing us men away from ever wanting to be in a relationship with women.
"Who feel thretened by feminism"
Just because people don't agree with feminism, they aren't idiots. Feminists themselves are responsible for that, not men. And I'm a woman saying this.
Thank you so much for this message. . I am a young mom with 2 boys and 2 girls and before I had my son 16 years ago the last boy born in our family was 25 years previous. . so i never was around boys to much.. i was the tom boy of the family.. I have tried being married 4 times with the first time being 15 years old and they never work no matter how hard I try. . Mom has been married 7 times and mostly abusive, from emotional physical and even sexual to us girls and her.. it's amazing what i learned/understand and felt by this passage.... Thank you
He may not speak as eloquently as some on Tedx Talks, but his message is clear and passionate. I agree wholeheartedly with him and I'm glad that someone was willing to stand up there and say something. If you liked this video too, check out "Reviving the lost art of Manliness" by Brett McKay it's what lead me here.
Thank you for this,
Very clearly explained and something that has been imprinted in me after watching your video..
I don't have any kids as of now, but I'll sure Remeber this when raising my boys. It's a great message for a lot of people..
Thank you
Love this dude's voice.
he could crush people with it.
And most likely crush you with his hands too, it seems people doesn't know the mighty Joe Ehrmann was an All-Pro Defensive Tackle for the Baltimore Colts in the 70's, what a guy!... Beautiful message.
I coach HS lacrosse and I how this video to all of my young men at the beginning of the season.
Beautiful! Absolutely inspiring!! Respect!
This is one if my all time favorite ted talks and the documentary "the mask you live in" is life changing!
Life changing, maybe. To the better, I doubt.
thank you for your bravery sir
Great talk. I agree with what Joe says.
drop the mic! Ehrmann for President 2020
Emotions drive human beings. We don't override them. Emotions are not inferior to reason. They are more powerful. We either acknowledge and identify or they rule our behavior unconsciously. I think it's a false paradigm to have to choose between emotion and reason. I think that is what I came away with from Ehrmann's TED Talk. The issue is complex and the time is brief. Overall, he was effective in getting a conversation started.
OMG! This was mind blowing! Thank you for this talk, this so helps me better understand boys and men.
If you want someone that shows emotion then you want a women. Real men don't show emotion. They have it all together and are emotionally strong.
@@77tubuck please tell me you are joking
@@SideEffects297 I am NOT joking. I repeat I am NOT joking.
@@77tubuck but why do you say that? are you a guy btw?
Real men aren't afraid to show vulnerability and emotions. You must be referring to toxic masculinity, fear and repression dictates their actions.
Wow Joe Ehrmann!... The former All-Pro Defensive Tackle for the Baltimore Colts!... Powerful message coming from a guy like him.
This is very powerful and very inspirational
Totally Epic, Compulsory Viewing, Thank You So Much
Great redefinition of what it really means to "Be a man!"
Great video, great speech, great message, and great man! I came here after reading "The Season of Life" and man, this speech just summarizes his message in that book too. Although, it is genuinely sad how many of the guys in the comments here feel personally offended and how Joe's message is completely ignored or misinterpreted.
5:22 - 5:59
Good to point out. Explaining the causes behind people's behavior + your view = forceful statement. B/c others could be convinced of their misdirections, seek a new route.
Thank you Joe Ehrmann! Reading your book now btw.
Loved it...right on time. I was going to give up on men, now I understand them more and their deficiencies.
Excellent Wisdom. Thank You Joe.
Definitely sharing this one. : ))
Thanks, he makes being a man a joyous thing!
8:01 Boys that can't cry, shoot bullets. That is a powerfull phrase..
Wodane An because emotional people never commit murder....
@@thusspoke08 You are missing the point. We are all emotional people! What he is saying is that boys who are not allowed to express their emotions and feel the need to repress their feelings in order to conform with the toxic masculinity mandate often turn to violence.
Couldn’t this also mean that military forces are men.
@@sammitchell3636 OMG yeeees!
This made me cry....because it is so true and that finally someone in the right place who gets it, has the voice to bring this message to the world.
I bet he didn't do that by crying.
This is a far better definition than the definition that floats around at the minute which boils down to 'don't be a woman'
I am so thankful for this message! Absolute truth!!!
I once complained about having an emotional breakdown to a girlfriend. I sprained my neck and was in chronic pain for 2 years. I held in the emotional pain from the physical pain until it boiled over. I told her this the day after the breakdown. She then withdrew from the relationship. Also had a woman tell me to man up and get back to work. Bottom line - the world doesn't give a shit about a males feelings, pain and emotion. They imply weakness and that is ingrained deeply in to society. Good luck breaking free from that. I have heard many stories of men not handling deaths and grieving well and women leaving them because of their over abundance of emotion. I agree with what the speaker is saying, to cherish relationships and dedicate yourself to a cause. But if you as a male fully express your fears and pain you will be shunned. we do not live in a perfect world and a man wouldn't get very far if he completely opened up.
This is because of patriarchy.
I’ve loved this talk since my high school lacrosse coach showed the whole team. I feel bad for the people who didn’t take it seriously as I see them chasing unachievable fulfillment. The same guys who hurt the weak, use women, manipulate, and think money is happiness. I hope they come to their senses one day and face the pain they inflicted on others in this life. I’m a sensitive young man and used to hate that about myself. Now it is my greatest strength.
Very clear and well spoken message.
Thank you for being the first Ted talk ive seen to equate happiness and perpose with having children.
Alexithymia "comes from the fact that when we were 5-6 years old, we
were told to stop with the emotions, stop with the feelings, never given
permission to emote, to develop a vocabulary, to even name our
feelings." --> Citation needed.
So glad to have gone to this show.. Ehrmann really surprised me with the intelligence and stage presence that he was able to hold. Loved the crazy black lady, too.
It is interesting comparing what Joe Ehrmann is saying to the thread. #1 response when one man asks another about going deeper, "I'm not gay." Sad really. There exists a culture in America that is alarming. Truth is Joe is NOT saying "be more like women" - Yet when feelings/emotions are discussed, all too often this becomes the mindset. He could have said, "Be a WHOLE man." Feelings are not feminine or masculine. They are human. The tendency to genderize characteristics is a knee jerk reaction. Step back and take a pulse. Check yourself and your surroundings. There are lots of lonely men out there on the planet. There are lots of "old warrior" types pulling out their rusty swords for any perceived challenge. Truth is it takes courage to speak your truth, to live an authentic life, to be REAL. Stuffing anything never served anyone. Men deserve to have safe outlets to speak their truth, talk through their feelings, share their journey. Not every man has earned the right to hear another man's story. Integrity. Authenticity. Accountability. I encourage every man to paint his faith. Defend what is his. Love fiercely, authentically, and humbly. Let your significant other, your family and friends, and your children see you. Break the vicious cycle of abuse. Become a "new warrior" - and support the emotionally mature, mature, awake, accountable, and compassionate male leaders that our communities desperately need.
There is no bigger satisfaction than strong relationships. protecting and loving your loved ones. All comes down to family and friends.
If that was the nature of men, we'd still live in tribalistic societies.
Thanks I am a man. A man lives out of the fullness of there hearts
Thank you SO much for sharing this video!
Excellent!!
Really excellent stuff! I feel like the world should talk about mens issues more, there's a real lack of it when you're a feminist and you want to listen to stories from everyone. This explains a male relative of mine to a T (substance abuse, skirt-chasing/lack of commitment/boasting numbers, never happy with his wage even though he earns 150k+ a year). It must be truly horrible to never feel fulfilled, and to be always worrying about what others think about you. Men and women aren't so different, on the flipside society has taught women to care most about what others think they look like...men will never have enough 'things' and women will never be 'pretty enough' in a nutshell.
But I don't think we should bag on men for placing value in sport or teamwork, as those kinds of things are actually very admirable. But I do agree with the speaker in that men should be encouraged to form more lasting and open relationships - never be afraid to ask how your mates are because they might always act like they're ok!
And it's very hard for men to complain about their issues, because if we do... well then we're not really "being men" are we? So good for the man in this speech to do just that.
Being 'manly' means having courage (stereotypically anyways), right? Well, as a man, expressing yourself and talking about how you feel in this kind of society takes an awful lot of that, doesn't it. :)
I was alone for so many years of my life struggling with masculinity, Thank you Joe!!! I thought I was in this struggle by myself all these years!!
best Ted talk I've heard so far! this hit so close to home
So true and so awesome! powerful.
Witnessed Joe speak in the early 2000’s - his message is one I wish every boy and man could hear.
The messages being shared with the public by media and how that has shaped all of our minds subtly to influence what we believe that it means to “be a man”. How those messages take away from men and boys in terms of connection and experience. Wish I could have recorded his impactful speech then to have shared with all of my family and friends up until now - might that have been annoying of me to play it for all that would allow it -probably- would it have potentially changed mindsets and influenced lives of those that I loved enough to share that with - absolutely. Check out his book, buy it for all of your sons, fathers, boyfriends, women in your lives and sneak it into your local libraries;)
self understanding is necessary for understanding others. boys who can't cry shoot bullets. relationships and a commitment to a cause. that's what it means to be a man. gold.
Boys who cry all the time have failed in the evolutionary process that made men what they are today. They are weak, Boys who cry lose wars, boys who cry never learn to stand up for themselves or others. Of a 5 year old cries is a big deal? No. If a grown man is crying at the same rate as women cry he isn't a man.
hazings are a form of initiation, do they need to be getting blackout drunk and demeaning? No.
but I am willing to guess you have never been intitated properly. Testing the bounds of your loyalty, self discipline strength and honour.
Gold isn't a measure of manliness, neither is compulsive infidelity. But if the fight was on, who do you want in your corner?
Maybe we don't really want more fights, in time of peace who do you want in your side? A bully?
Instead of crying, you curse, hit things and complain like a punk.
AcroYoga with Dao boys that dont cry shoot bullets i love that
Its crazy how the same people that they call men weak and nerdy run the world now dudes when they were young who were bullied are bosses and the ones who were bullies work for are the weak ones
A Remarkable Man Is Emotionally Smart.
We are redefining what it is to be a smart man. Until now men were only smart intellectually. The thought that a man could be emotionally smart would elicit laughter. Masculine Emotional Intelligence™ is a latent trait, not an impossibility. When a man is shown how to feel, and then express his emotions in a manner natural for him, he begins to get smart. His communication skill significantly improves. His frustration with not being heard dissolves away as he articulates his feelings.
+Owen Marcus Very true, what Joe is advocating is men with broader skill sets, not that we stop valuing strength, but that we also value self-awareness alongside the more 'traditional' values.
"The key to happiness is to love and to work." Looks like Freud wasn't too far off with this one.
Great talk!!
I like his authenticity and I can tell he really believes in his message, but he didn't mention attraction which is the basis of forming relationships. If you aren't perceived as a man of value then no one will really want to connect with you, just for being yourself. I think having a self worth that isn't effected by the perception of others is what being a man is all about. Even if you die alone but stay true to yourself and your personal goals, you're a man.
And then ... if all the time, energy, money and resources that are now being wasted on religion were focused on cultivating honor (which includes honesty, duty, discipline, integrity & courage) we will be set for a great future.
I realized in watching this my first art was the expression of the words I can not or could not find all my life. still today I found the complexity of the pictures has improved but some of the things i see are not as simple as what i thought i saw in the present
That was real!
Truth here is preached
It amazes me that someone could perceive he is saying emote like a woman! He is merely saying it's okay for men to emote (you've never seen a man cry because someone has died? He's lost his best girl? etc.? Grief and loss is real.