Yeah, Ems made me emotionally cold and disconnected from every emotion besides anger. No tears at family funerals but I would burst into uncontrollable tears over nothing, just talking to a store employee in the middle of the aisle at a vitamin shop.
I feel this… didn’t cry at either of my grandpas’ funerals a year apart from each-other, however, I find myself overwhelmed by the urge to burst out in tears during random interactions, like it comes from nowhere and it’s overpowering in a sense. I usually can shut it down quickly but I find people can see my eyes filling up with tears and I only wonder how confused they must be or how odd they find it that I am so emotional in the midst of most meaningless conversations
Glad to hear you talk about this. I have been an EMT for a long time, but only just became a medic. Some of the things that were said were spot on. EMS isn't a field where when we have a bad day at work we can just expect family and friends to understand. Someone else's bad day is their boss yelling at them. Our bad day is people dieing.
But, it's relative. The trauma someone else may feel being verbally assaulted might impact them with the certainty and destruction of a death. It's that tendency to invalidate experience that perpetuates the problem and stigma of mental health issues at all levels. People can understand. They can empathize. They can hear you and help you, if they're string enough and empathetic enough. Often, that can be friends and family, but even more often from professional therapists. Don't underappreciate the struggles of others because they are not literally life and death, but figuratively. Their job may be the only thing standing between them and homelessness, them and losing their kids, or believing that their entire future hinges on keeping it at all costs AND their boss chewed them out. Now, tell me they don't understand.
@@codacreator6162 good news worst case scenario is you can always get a new job. Might lose your home and have to downsize and spend a few nights or weeks in a hotel. You can always rebuild. There is no bringing back a life that has been lost, there is no solving all these issues you'll encounter as an ems/paramedic. People who literally get into the field with the urgency to save people making it their lifes work. And to fail time after time. Knowing if you stay or leave theres always going to be another situation, another life lost. Its by you staying you can help ease some of these peoples pain and suffering. Even though its hurting you. Its not the same.
Just came across this while up at night unable to sleep after a brutal call at work this morning. After my daughter unexpectedly died in 2018 I went back to work as a Paramedic 9 weeks later. I worked until I was so deep in PTSD that I was just numb to everything. 4 years later I’ve found alot more wellness but still find myself having these nights after a brutal call. Now I’m just grateful to have your voice in my head tonight instead of my own. Thankyou so much for sharing this. *** as I was just about to hit post, my youngest daughter just sat up in bed beside me, said “ mommy” in her sleepy little voice and plopped her little self across my chest to sleep. Sometimes our babes just wake up at the perfect time I guess ❤️
Worked as a Paramedic, got hooked on drugs,, went to jail over and over again. PTSD is real. It wrecks your soul. I've been clean for 6.5 years and it doesn't feel good but I'm alive.
I had always wondered why my grandfather would tell me not to ask Veterans "Whats the worst thing they've seen" until I was in EMS. The traumatic picture that is distilled in your mind from a horrible call or horrific incident can just trigger you to major depression the minute the person who just asks leaves the room because you just re- live that moment.
My mother passed away in 2010, Emt's tried their best to save her. I became an EMT in 2014 thought I could save the world. I saw 3 people die right in front of me, did a great job of masking it but one day i snapped and broke down in front of friends. It didn't make sense to them but I just recalled the events as such. Couldn't forget the people that died, its tough. I still think about it to this day.
I work in First Notice of Loss for an insurance company. Mostly, it's routine -- fender benders and hail damaged roofs -- but, disaster strikes and I end up talking to husbands who've lost wives, mothers, daughters, and families, homes. I listen to their stories, their pain through their tears, their losses and the desperation in their voices crying, "Why?" And, "Please, can you help me stop the pain?" while they try to relate details necessary to get some kind of financial help. Often (the company I work for) we are able to provide if not relief, at least support. But, sometimes there is nothing I can do but listen, try to comfort them, and provide some instruction on what to do next (usually, this is total loss wildfire victim standing in the street before a patch of smouldering ash with his young children, crying and asking me how they're going to get to school... I'll NEVER forget that guy, but I don't remember his name and never set eyes on him). I don't know what's wrong with me, but I find myself terrified of the next wildfire, the next natural disaster, the next fatal auto accident and I come unglued. I shut down, dissociate, and stop caring about me or anything that happens to me until I'm suicidal and finding relief in the certain knowledge that there is always a remedy for the pain. Yes, I'm in therapy. But, my insurance company says my job is sedentary and only requires me to lift 10 pounds, so I'm good to go for work. It's sick. My cousin committed suicide in 2017 and many in the family have questioned his inability to get help, having seemingly overcome addiction and being in a loving, committed relationship? My guess is, he only had to lift 10 pounds, so he must've been good to go.
Christopher, we all have PTSD, anyone that's worked in the EMS, Fire, and Law Enforcement deal with it. It's not easy, the best thing we can do is talk about it. People, family, friends don't understand or know how to deal with it. PTSD kills millions of people, and we ignore its a true Pandemic! Yes, I did the same thing, turned to drinking, but alcohol is just a thing to help deal with the PTSD, it doesn't take away the pain, the smells, it does nothing for us, except destroys us. Because it sinks us into a deeper depression. I had a great friend take his EMT license, his first and last call? An airplane crash, first and last. He was the smallest person so they had him crawl into the small plane. All deceased, I believe there's was three in the plane. First and last, most of us do it for years and years, eventually we all figure out we have it. I'll explain something, about three months ago I was talking with people on UA-cam, one of the people asked me about PTSD, I had explained certain things, for whatever reason I finished up and went on my way. It was at this point where my brain gave up a long lost secret, for 43 plus years I couldn't understand why my brain wouldn't give up why I was so bad in Math and English. If I tried once, I tried a million times to figure out why. The brain wouldn't give it to me, until about three months ago. 43 plus years, millions of times, I tried, I'd look at certain Math and my mind went blank, English that same thing happened. Three months eago after talking to people on UA-cam, it finally gave it up. That morning 43 plus years ago, the kids, myself included, watched a little boy get hit by a car. The two classes I missed that day, Math, then English. My grand-daughter could of remembered that and she's only three. Why couldn't I think, or remember that? The crazy part, the only thing I can Focus on, Medicine, Theology, and reading. I can figure out drips, never have a problem with this math, but you give me math that doesn't have anything to do with medicine, my mind goes blank. As for writing my sisters & brother no problems, one has her masters degree, and yet I can't even write a good paper. It's not that I haven't tried hard, I guess my SD card doesn't work. The brain is truly remarkable, look at car accidents, where the crash is severe, our brain shuts down, it's all done to protect us, we don't think about it, it's done automatically. After my brain gave me the answers I started thinking about inner city schools, all we hear is that kids are dropping out. Take what my brain did for 43 plus years, do ya think that maybe these kid's brains may be like mine, where they can't focus, because they see tragedy every day, or weekly? It helps explain something else, why kids start using and abusing drugs and alcohol, and if they make it to the later 20's, they end up on the streets, where they become homeless. A lot of times they die on the streets. I don't believe it's poor teaching, its PTSD from seeing what happens in inner cities. I Live by my 6th sense, I'm not sure if every Paramedic or EMT gets but I can sense things. I'm not sure how, I can only explain it like this, it's almost like I can feel it. Like anxiety, but it's not anxiety, maybe like an electrical charge I can feel, sometimes it's a pressure, and as soon as the bad thing is over, it's like that feeling dissappear. Maybe I'm more sensitive, it's weird, but if you were riding with, my partner that day, and I get that feeling, I'd suggest ya be on your toes, ready to move. I've had since I was a child, maybe it's my Guardian Angels, I'm not sure though. Anyways, talk to people, one of the biggest reasons Fireman don't want to go see therapists, they're afraid. But what we discover, we don't need therapists, we can talk about with other Fireman, any First Responder can help, just by talking about it. Most departments will force their people to go, especially on the really traumatic stuff. It gets easier and easier, and that's why now, they're OK with talking to others in the same station. It's the talking that helps people. I'll end with this, keep in mind, PTSD wasn't even labeled until after Vietnam, imagine all the Soldiers that came home after wars, like WWII, the Korean War, we didn't see suicide rates like we do now with our Military. I believe what kept them sane, was they worked hard, they didn't let it kill them, and by working hard, they didn't think or focus on what they saw. I would Love to know how they did it. God Bless and Stay safe, talk to first responders, and never be ashamed to ask for help.
You know how weird everything gets when you come on scene & recognise the car..the victim...Time..distorts..we just Act, do what we have to do...but it does not just evaporate..we have to compartmentalize it on the spot...then we tend to ignore dealing with the grief & just keep getting busier..but..we Have to deal with it one day..or it Will deal with us... On my second ever call i came up on my best friend, half through her windshield...it was obvious she died on impact..no suffering..but i still see her...the sound of boots on gravel & glass, the feel of cold foggy air..the smell of car fumes & blood..bam..i'm right back there ..& my body feels too heavy to move fast enough... ..no...we can't save everybody..those times some of us pray..&..sometimes..the answer is simply No. iT'S ok TO REMEMBER THEM, TO STILL SEE THEM.,.,BUT NEXT TIME JUST REMIND YOURSELF..THEY ARE oK NOW..THEIR sUFFERING IS OVER. THEY ARE FREE. yOU ARE STILL HERE, TO HELP EASE PEOPLES SUFFERING. SAVE as many of THEM as we can..MAYBE THE NEXT ONE YOU Won't loose. & DON'T FORGET TO SAVE YOURSELF...WE NEED SOMETHING TO HEAL US.. I CHOSE ZEN & MINDFUL MEDITATIONS, Tai Chi..& 432 ALPHA hRZ MUSIC..& WALKING IN WOODED AREAS..GREAT ENERGY FROM TREES & they don't mind if we cry..APOLOGIES, I AN NOT SHOUTING..THIS KEYBOARD IS DYING.
It is so encouraging seeing and hearing EMS embracing this crucial part of the job that affects everything. Please keep preaching this. Everyone - especially families- need this awareness. Peace, everyone, and thank you for your sense of duty, honor, and commitment.
Thank you for shedding light on this. You've expressed in 18 mins what it's taken me 30+ years as a paramedic to figure out. All the best to you and your family.
This is powerful. Working in the ED for over 17 years and going to Jersey March 2020, I learned PTSD is REAL. What a beautiful and brave presentation. Thank you
One of my former therapists told me her approach to helping clients work through whatever they’re struggling with is to tell them to think of those feelings, memories, traumatic experiences etc. as being buried in a huge, cluttered, overflowing closet; the idea being that sooner or later, you’ll have to take things out of that closet and examine/sort through them. That really stuck with me and until she left the company through which I’m getting counseling for my depression, anxiety and PTSD brought on by things I’ve gone through as far back as my childhood, we would take something out of the closet every session and spend as much time as we needed to on it; it’s an exercise that I’ve continued since she left. I swear the more I take out of the closet, the more I seem to find buried within it. I sincerely hope to get to a point in life similar to where you are, Tony; a point in life when I can not only talk about these things, but also actually show/express my emotions in a healthy way.
Thank you brother. I worked my last ship as a Paramedic three weeks ago, after a 30+ year career. I will be finally dealing with my PTSD thanks to you.
I literally destroyed my 17 year EMS career because of a cold and callous comment I made about a patient. I realize now that I had burned out. I haven't worked in EMS for four years now but cannot get the memories of what I have seen out of my head. I am always on the verge of tears yet I cannot allow myself to talk about them.
get yourself a dog & take a few long waLKS IN WOODED AREAS..TALK TO YOUR DOG..THEY UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE THAN MOST HUMANS GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR...& IT'S A pLACE TO sTART hEALING
Been a paramedic for five years now, the pressure is real at times especially when you are running on fumes. One has to leave their job title at work. One has to find a balance between work and personal life
I love his testimony, I can relate in many ways. I dealt with severe PTSD after almost 3 months, in the hospital with severe Covid, mainly in the ICU on a ventilator sedated and intubated. It has been dark and scary road to recovery at times but the most important thing I found through all this is that it had nothing to do with luck or chance that I made it out. It was a true gift and blessing from God. I pray he sees that it was 100% a blessing from God and nothing to do with luck. I pray he is in a much better place. God bless him and anyone else suffering from severe ptsd 🙏.
Seeing this for the first time Tony. You were a pleasure to work with! Don't beat yourself up. We are flesh and blood no matter what we tell ourselves and what everyone else expects. I'm glad you got the help you need and the support system to continue to persevere. Keep up the fantastic work you do!
great speech, we need more people like you out there speaking openly and candidly about their experience. Thank you so much for sharing. Thanks for the post.
worked four years as a correctional nurse/ first responder. It took its toll. Burnout sucks, it took all the knowledge I had worked so hard to obtain and dumped in a day when I realized I was done with med surge/EMS.
I have C-PTSD and PTSD none service, My family was raised with these saying, ( live hard die young ) . It's nice it's getting out thier and talked about.
I used to work for a company that did speciality sanitation. Some toxic, but mostly biological. A lot of crime scene cleanup. We didn't really see people at their worst, but rather far too much of the morbid wake left behind, when life went horribly, horribly wrong. It's been 5 years since I moved on, it still stays with you though. Always.
I don't know what to say to this aside from... I've been there to a degree. The child molestation, somehow becoming an EMT who enjoys the bottle too much because you know what picking up a human brain feels like. And now I live a life of slowly decreasing hatred of myself for drinking myself out of a job that I did enjoy. It may not have been the greatest fit but I loved it. The IFTs were on thing, a lot of great people, some who were assholes. The psych transfers that could go either way. Getting that emergency call as a basic where you're suddenly trying to recall everything they taught you in class because you haven't used those skills in months or years. I remember the first CPR, i remember picking up that one suicide. I never had the horrific child call, the closest was an assist for a febrile issue of a toddler. It's been a handful of years since i got fired. hit the bottle ab it too hard and stoped showing up to work. As the years pass it gets easier to say that EMS wasn't my fit. But I also hate myself for not beign able to fit that ability. It's perplexing. But ultimately, I think movign on is the best thign I can do for myself at this point. Try to not get drunk as much, i've mostly gotten over th thigns that got me upset. It's still a work in progress. EMS songs and stuff stil get me into a tearstained night. part of what got me to thsi video tonight. Somehow it was linked.
40 years of service as of May 2021 starting as a 16 y/o sophmore in high school with a Paid-On-Call ambulance service in small town in Illinois. I also served with the Local Paid-On-Call Fire Department. I have 9 years as a EMT-B and 24 years as a paramedic and also worked as a firefighter/paramedic. I currently have 18 years with Chicago Fire Department Emergency Medical Services with 2 years till retirement. The PTSD is real and I have been through counseling. Stay safe Stay Healthy
Left EMS after 10 years because TBH the pros in no way make up for the cons of that job. Props to those that still do it, but you couldn't force me to go back.
Yep, same here. I spent a few years doing the damn thing but I had to step away from it. I plan on going back to it eventually, bc I feel most useful there and family keep bugging me about when I plan on returning. But to be honest, I'm not even sure why I felt so burned out.
I remember my first infant VSA everytime I swing my kids around when their in my arms. I go back to the night, the winter cold and ice. The smell of the house the grandpa stroking the baby's head while was holding her daughter begging her to breath. The railroad signals coming down as we were code 4 to St. Joe's. Getting there, rushing into the resuscitation room, doing compressions, doc calls it, we rush into the report room, as the family rushes in, we hear the screams, and cries. Leave, deep clean the rig. End shift, I drove to My Dad's Police station, he saw my face, he hugged me, and said I know.
@LRG 215 vicarious trauma is real and happens far more often than we know. Just look at 9/11 (if you're old enough) for proof. The only sure remedy for it is to be heartless, which we're doing a good job of encouraging to our lasting detriment as a society.
Thank you for sharing. Theres a certain trauma that you live as the bridge between the incident and the front line care. Been there partner and id be proud to ride a bus with you any day.
I have one hobby that I am over heads passionate about and it’s painting and just generally making art. I also attempt to eat very healthy and am an avid runner. I think what keeps me from burning out is my girlfriend, my friends and family, my faith, my hobbies, and keeping work life at work. Sometimes people let there career define themselves completely and I don’t believe that’s healthy, especially in medicine.
These first responders are on the front lines for some real-life incidents that most people couldn't handle. You do have to put your feelings aside stay professional and work the incident. But later you can look back at the incident and feel all those emotions.
a 2-year-old boy killed by a pickup truck, a kid with his brown sandals laying down covered by a white sheet from forehead to toes did hurt me to the inner side of my bones and I never told anyone, I felt like something broke inside my head but just brushed it off so I would not look like a girl in front of my mates (Mexican red cross)
Even in 2022, I've yet to find a medical professional who can correctly diagnose and treat the PTSD I have experienced for the past four years. I'd very much like to contact this Doctor.
Hospice RN here, the numbness is quite terrifying honestly. But when you watch people die every day, even when that is the expected outcome in my field, I think feeling every single death would be far more terrifying.
I almost ended it two months ago, I started counseling last week, I have a family and three kids. Your speech is so dead on I’ve been a paramedic for almost 16 yrs and firefighter. Counselor says I’m high risk had to get rid of my guns. I’m a mess mentally. The job and my family lost my only car accident I was there worst day of my life.
Thank God!!! He has His hands stretched out to grab us from the pit of sin and depression. There is hope in Jesus. Tune in to Amazing Facts Tv by Doug Batchelor on UA-cam. Jesus loves you. Hold on to Him. He will hold you up
I can't take this guy seriously at all. He's just mad at his self for not being able to perform his own job. Glad he's alive. But it's his own fault that he's no able to do what is expected. He's was trying for the wrong job. It's like trying to cut down a tree with a butter knife..
Yeah, Ems made me emotionally cold and disconnected from every emotion besides anger. No tears at family funerals but I would burst into uncontrollable tears over nothing, just talking to a store employee in the middle of the aisle at a vitamin shop.
I feel this… didn’t cry at either of my grandpas’ funerals a year apart from each-other, however, I find myself overwhelmed by the urge to burst out in tears during random interactions, like it comes from nowhere and it’s overpowering in a sense. I usually can shut it down quickly but I find people can see my eyes filling up with tears and I only wonder how confused they must be or how odd they find it that I am so emotional in the midst of most meaningless conversations
Hey. I understand the cold. My god do i understand it. If you ever need me, find me on Facebook. I’ll be there to talk, listen or whatever you need.
@@Soobaru v
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@@sewerdawgs ?
Said perfectly completely understand
Been in EMS for 7 years.
PTSD IS ABSOLUTELY REAL.
the balls on this guy for bearing his soul, respect man
Thank you Steve. At times when you think you made a bad decision. But if i can help one person it was worth it.
I think I can speak for all paramedics when I say thank you for representing us.
Glad to hear you talk about this. I have been an EMT for a long time, but only just became a medic. Some of the things that were said were spot on. EMS isn't a field where when we have a bad day at work we can just expect family and friends to understand. Someone else's bad day is their boss yelling at them. Our bad day is people dieing.
But, it's relative. The trauma someone else may feel being verbally assaulted might impact them with the certainty and destruction of a death. It's that tendency to invalidate experience that perpetuates the problem and stigma of mental health issues at all levels. People can understand. They can empathize. They can hear you and help you, if they're string enough and empathetic enough. Often, that can be friends and family, but even more often from professional therapists. Don't underappreciate the struggles of others because they are not literally life and death, but figuratively. Their job may be the only thing standing between them and homelessness, them and losing their kids, or believing that their entire future hinges on keeping it at all costs AND their boss chewed them out. Now, tell me they don't understand.
@@codacreator6162 good news worst case scenario is you can always get a new job. Might lose your home and have to downsize and spend a few nights or weeks in a hotel. You can always rebuild. There is no bringing back a life that has been lost, there is no solving all these issues you'll encounter as an ems/paramedic. People who literally get into the field with the urgency to save people making it their lifes work. And to fail time after time. Knowing if you stay or leave theres always going to be another situation, another life lost. Its by you staying you can help ease some of these peoples pain and suffering. Even though its hurting you. Its not the same.
Just came across this while up at night unable to sleep after a brutal call at work this morning. After my daughter unexpectedly died in 2018 I went back to work as a Paramedic 9 weeks later. I worked until I was so deep in PTSD that I was just numb to everything. 4 years later I’ve found alot more wellness but still find myself having these nights after a brutal call. Now I’m just grateful to have your voice in my head tonight instead of my own. Thankyou so much for sharing this.
*** as I was just about to hit post, my youngest daughter just sat up in bed beside me, said “ mommy” in her sleepy little voice and plopped her little self across my chest to sleep. Sometimes our babes just wake up at the perfect time I guess ❤️
Worked as a Paramedic, got hooked on drugs,, went to jail over and over again. PTSD is real. It wrecks your soul. I've been clean for 6.5 years and it doesn't feel good but I'm alive.
PTSD survivor and future paramedic here. may god bless you and your situation. I am rooting for you and believe you will get through your pain.
Bless you, dude
Keep fighting brother.
God is able. Im praying for you. Take a look at Amazing Facts TV on UA-cam by Doug Batchelor. Be encouraged.
Awesome
Love you Tony. So proud to call you a friend and colleague. You have taught me so much.
Hey I work in ems. Can you tell me how to get in touch with him? I’ve googled and I can’t any info
I had always wondered why my grandfather would tell me not to ask Veterans "Whats the worst thing they've seen" until I was in EMS. The traumatic picture that is distilled in your mind from a horrible call or horrific incident can just trigger you to major depression the minute the person who just asks leaves the room because you just re- live that moment.
My mother passed away in 2010, Emt's tried their best to save her. I became an EMT in 2014 thought I could save the world. I saw 3 people die right in front of me, did a great job of masking it but one day i snapped and broke down in front of friends. It didn't make sense to them but I just recalled the events as such. Couldn't forget the people that died, its tough. I still think about it to this day.
Wow I can’t believe going through that heartbreaking ...Thank you for your service
I work in First Notice of Loss for an insurance company. Mostly, it's routine -- fender benders and hail damaged roofs -- but, disaster strikes and I end up talking to husbands who've lost wives, mothers, daughters, and families, homes. I listen to their stories, their pain through their tears, their losses and the desperation in their voices crying, "Why?" And, "Please, can you help me stop the pain?" while they try to relate details necessary to get some kind of financial help. Often (the company I work for) we are able to provide if not relief, at least support. But, sometimes there is nothing I can do but listen, try to comfort them, and provide some instruction on what to do next (usually, this is total loss wildfire victim standing in the street before a patch of smouldering ash with his young children, crying and asking me how they're going to get to school... I'll NEVER forget that guy, but I don't remember his name and never set eyes on him).
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I find myself terrified of the next wildfire, the next natural disaster, the next fatal auto accident and I come unglued. I shut down, dissociate, and stop caring about me or anything that happens to me until I'm suicidal and finding relief in the certain knowledge that there is always a remedy for the pain. Yes, I'm in therapy. But, my insurance company says my job is sedentary and only requires me to lift 10 pounds, so I'm good to go for work. It's sick. My cousin committed suicide in 2017 and many in the family have questioned his inability to get help, having seemingly overcome addiction and being in a loving, committed relationship? My guess is, he only had to lift 10 pounds, so he must've been good to go.
im with you brother two years later!!
Christopher, we all have PTSD, anyone that's worked in the EMS, Fire, and Law Enforcement deal with it. It's not easy, the best thing we can do is talk about it. People, family, friends don't understand or know how to deal with it. PTSD kills millions of people, and we ignore its a true Pandemic! Yes, I did the same thing, turned to drinking, but alcohol is just a thing to help deal with the PTSD, it doesn't take away the pain, the smells, it does nothing for us, except destroys us. Because it sinks us into a deeper depression. I had a great friend take his EMT license, his first and last call? An airplane crash, first and last. He was the smallest person so they had him crawl into the small plane. All deceased, I believe there's was three in the plane. First and last, most of us do it for years and years, eventually we all figure out we have it. I'll explain something, about three months ago I was talking with people on UA-cam, one of the people asked me about PTSD, I had explained certain things, for whatever reason I finished up and went on my way. It was at this point where my brain gave up a long lost secret, for 43 plus years I couldn't understand why my brain wouldn't give up why I was so bad in Math and English. If I tried once, I tried a million times to figure out why. The brain wouldn't give it to me, until about three months ago. 43 plus years, millions of times, I tried, I'd look at certain Math and my mind went blank, English that same thing happened. Three months eago after talking to people on UA-cam, it finally gave it up. That morning 43 plus years ago, the kids, myself included, watched a little boy get hit by a car. The two classes I missed that day, Math, then English. My grand-daughter could of remembered that and she's only three. Why couldn't I think, or remember that? The crazy part, the only thing I can Focus on, Medicine, Theology, and reading. I can figure out drips, never have a problem with this math, but you give me math that doesn't have anything to do with medicine, my mind goes blank. As for writing my sisters & brother no problems, one has her masters degree, and yet I can't even write a good paper. It's not that I haven't tried hard, I guess my SD card doesn't work. The brain is truly remarkable, look at car accidents, where the crash is severe, our brain shuts down, it's all done to protect us, we don't think about it, it's done automatically. After my brain gave me the answers I started thinking about inner city schools, all we hear is that kids are dropping out. Take what my brain did for 43 plus years, do ya think that maybe these kid's brains may be like mine, where they can't focus, because they see tragedy every day, or weekly? It helps explain something else, why kids start using and abusing drugs and alcohol, and if they make it to the later 20's, they end up on the streets, where they become homeless. A lot of times they die on the streets. I don't believe it's poor teaching, its PTSD from seeing what happens in inner cities. I Live by my 6th sense, I'm not sure if every Paramedic or EMT gets but I can sense things. I'm not sure how, I can only explain it like this, it's almost like I can feel it. Like anxiety, but it's not anxiety, maybe like an electrical charge I can feel, sometimes it's a pressure, and as soon as the bad thing is over, it's like that feeling dissappear. Maybe I'm more sensitive, it's weird, but if you were riding with, my partner that day, and I get that feeling, I'd suggest ya be on your toes, ready to move. I've had since I was a child, maybe it's my Guardian Angels, I'm not sure though. Anyways, talk to people, one of the biggest reasons Fireman don't want to go see therapists, they're afraid. But what we discover, we don't need therapists, we can talk about with other Fireman, any First Responder can help, just by talking about it. Most departments will force their people to go, especially on the really traumatic stuff. It gets easier and easier, and that's why now, they're OK with talking to others in the same station. It's the talking that helps people. I'll end with this, keep in mind, PTSD wasn't even labeled until after Vietnam, imagine all the Soldiers that came home after wars, like WWII, the Korean War, we didn't see suicide rates like we do now with our Military. I believe what kept them sane, was they worked hard, they didn't let it kill them, and by working hard, they didn't think or focus on what they saw. I would Love to know how they did it. God Bless and Stay safe, talk to first responders, and never be ashamed to ask for help.
You know how weird everything gets when you come on scene & recognise the car..the victim...Time..distorts..we just Act, do what we have to do...but it does not just evaporate..we have to compartmentalize it on the spot...then we tend to ignore dealing with the grief & just keep getting busier..but..we Have to deal with it one day..or it Will deal with us...
On my second ever call i came up on my best friend, half through her windshield...it was obvious she died on impact..no suffering..but i still see her...the sound of boots on gravel & glass, the feel of cold foggy air..the smell of car fumes & blood..bam..i'm right back there ..& my body feels too heavy to move fast enough...
..no...we can't save everybody..those times some of us pray..&..sometimes..the answer is simply No.
iT'S ok TO REMEMBER THEM, TO STILL SEE THEM.,.,BUT NEXT TIME JUST REMIND YOURSELF..THEY ARE oK NOW..THEIR sUFFERING IS OVER. THEY ARE FREE. yOU ARE STILL HERE, TO HELP EASE PEOPLES SUFFERING. SAVE as many of THEM as we can..MAYBE THE NEXT ONE YOU Won't loose.
& DON'T FORGET TO SAVE YOURSELF...WE NEED SOMETHING TO HEAL US..
I CHOSE ZEN & MINDFUL MEDITATIONS, Tai Chi..& 432 ALPHA hRZ MUSIC..& WALKING IN WOODED AREAS..GREAT ENERGY FROM TREES & they don't mind if we cry..APOLOGIES, I AN NOT SHOUTING..THIS KEYBOARD IS DYING.
Medic for 30 years. I retired last June. This rings true in so many ways.
Thank you
Just saw this today Tony. Just wanted to say I’m proud to know you and your presentation was excellent and necessary.
It is so encouraging seeing and hearing EMS embracing this crucial part of the job that affects everything. Please keep preaching this. Everyone - especially families- need this awareness. Peace, everyone, and thank you for your sense of duty, honor, and commitment.
I wish I had seen this earlier, it completely describes how I felt when I retired. I couldn't take it any longer. Excellent talk!
Thank you for shedding light on this. You've expressed in 18 mins what it's taken me 30+ years as a paramedic to figure out.
All the best to you and your family.
This is powerful. Working in the ED for over 17 years and going to Jersey March 2020, I learned PTSD is REAL.
What a beautiful and brave presentation. Thank you
One of my former therapists told me her approach to helping clients work through whatever they’re struggling with is to tell them to think of those feelings, memories, traumatic experiences etc. as being buried in a huge, cluttered, overflowing closet; the idea being that sooner or later, you’ll have to take things out of that closet and examine/sort through them. That really stuck with me and until she left the company through which I’m getting counseling for my depression, anxiety and PTSD brought on by things I’ve gone through as far back as my childhood, we would take something out of the closet every session and spend as much time as we needed to on it; it’s an exercise that I’ve continued since she left.
I swear the more I take out of the closet, the more I seem to find buried within it.
I sincerely hope to get to a point in life similar to where you are, Tony; a point in life when I can not only talk about these things, but also actually show/express my emotions in a healthy way.
Thank you for having the courage to share openly with all of us brother!
Thank you brother. I worked my last ship as a Paramedic three weeks ago, after a 30+ year career. I will be finally dealing with my PTSD thanks to you.
❤️❤️❤️ wishing you the absolute best, take care
Tim I’m sorry i missed this comment. I hope you are doing ok. You aren’t alone. Find me on social media. I’ll be there if you ever need to talk.
I literally destroyed my 17 year EMS career because of a cold and callous comment I made about a patient. I realize now that I had burned out. I haven't worked in EMS for four years now but cannot get the memories of what I have seen out of my head. I am always on the verge of tears yet I cannot allow myself to talk about them.
get yourself a dog & take a few long waLKS IN WOODED AREAS..TALK TO YOUR DOG..THEY UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE THAN MOST HUMANS GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR...& IT'S A pLACE TO sTART hEALING
Been a paramedic for five years now, the pressure is real at times especially when you are running on fumes. One has to leave their job title at work. One has to find a balance between work and personal life
Wow this is such a moving talk. Thank you for sharing this personal story. I appreciate the work you’ve been doing.
It's ok to not be ok!!! Thank you!!
I love his testimony, I can relate in many ways. I dealt with severe PTSD after almost 3 months, in the hospital with severe Covid, mainly in the ICU on a ventilator sedated and intubated. It has been dark and scary road to recovery at times but the most important thing I found through all this is that it had nothing to do with luck or chance that I made it out. It was a true gift and blessing from God. I pray he sees that it was 100% a blessing from God and nothing to do with luck. I pray he is in a much better place. God bless him and anyone else suffering from severe ptsd 🙏.
Seeing this for the first time Tony. You were a pleasure to work with! Don't beat yourself up. We are flesh and blood no matter what we tell ourselves and what everyone else expects. I'm glad you got the help you need and the support system to continue to persevere. Keep up the fantastic work you do!
great speech, we need more people like you out there speaking openly and candidly about their experience. Thank you so much for sharing. Thanks for the post.
Beautiful brother, I’m honored to know you for almost ….ehhhhmmm 50 years (really?)
You are a hero and warrior. Thanks for sharing that. Love you man.
Thank you precious Anthony! I have a high regard for first responders. Love D. Leone from New York City.
worked four years as a correctional nurse/ first responder. It took its toll. Burnout sucks, it took all the knowledge I had worked so hard to obtain and dumped in a day when I realized I was done with med surge/EMS.
Thank you thank you for this!! I really wish more people who claim to be friends would just be there to listen !!
You should know, sometimes your friends don't listen b/c they have their own demons.
I have C-PTSD and PTSD none service, My family was raised with these saying, ( live hard die young ) . It's nice it's getting out thier and talked about.
I used to work for a company that did speciality sanitation. Some toxic, but mostly biological. A lot of crime scene cleanup. We didn't really see people at their worst, but rather far too much of the morbid wake left behind, when life went horribly, horribly wrong. It's been 5 years since I moved on, it still stays with you though. Always.
This is me right now. Now have a diagnosis of severe ptsd and it's OK I'm getting help
And this guy gets it. Ty
Thank you for sharing your story.
This is exactly what I say about the little things build up
I don't know what to say to this aside from... I've been there to a degree. The child molestation, somehow becoming an EMT who enjoys the bottle too much because you know what picking up a human brain feels like. And now I live a life of slowly decreasing hatred of myself for drinking myself out of a job that I did enjoy. It may not have been the greatest fit but I loved it. The IFTs were on thing, a lot of great people, some who were assholes. The psych transfers that could go either way. Getting that emergency call as a basic where you're suddenly trying to recall everything they taught you in class because you haven't used those skills in months or years.
I remember the first CPR, i remember picking up that one suicide. I never had the horrific child call, the closest was an assist for a febrile issue of a toddler. It's been a handful of years since i got fired. hit the bottle ab it too hard and stoped showing up to work. As the years pass it gets easier to say that EMS wasn't my fit. But I also hate myself for not beign able to fit that ability. It's perplexing. But ultimately, I think movign on is the best thign I can do for myself at this point. Try to not get drunk as much, i've mostly gotten over th thigns that got me upset. It's still a work in progress. EMS songs and stuff stil get me into a tearstained night. part of what got me to thsi video tonight. Somehow it was linked.
may god bless you and your situation.
Hey brother, How have you been?
Some things never get easier and that's okay. It doesn't have to be easy and you literally can't always handle it well.
40 years of service as of May 2021 starting as a 16 y/o sophmore in high school with a Paid-On-Call ambulance service in small town in Illinois. I also served with the Local Paid-On-Call Fire Department. I have 9 years as a EMT-B and 24 years as a paramedic and also worked as a firefighter/paramedic. I currently have 18 years with Chicago Fire Department Emergency Medical Services with 2 years till retirement. The PTSD is real and I have been through counseling. Stay safe Stay Healthy
Awesome! I wanna hear from more people like him
What a beautiful man.
This almost made me cry.
one on knows what a paramedic goes thru every day, 30 yrs in ems/paramedic I still see the face of the 3 day old i did CPR on
Left EMS after 10 years because TBH the pros in no way make up for the cons of that job. Props to those that still do it, but you couldn't force me to go back.
Yep, same here. I spent a few years doing the damn thing but I had to step away from it. I plan on going back to it eventually, bc I feel most useful there and family keep bugging me about when I plan on returning.
But to be honest, I'm not even sure why I felt so burned out.
I was a metro paramedic crew chief and can say hes 100% correct. I say "was" because I found out too late and PTSD already took hold.
I remember my first infant VSA everytime I swing my kids around when their in my arms. I go back to the night, the winter cold and ice. The smell of the house the grandpa stroking the baby's head while was holding her daughter begging her to breath. The railroad signals coming down as we were code 4 to St. Joe's. Getting there, rushing into the resuscitation room, doing compressions, doc calls it, we rush into the report room, as the family rushes in, we hear the screams, and cries. Leave, deep clean the rig. End shift, I drove to My Dad's Police station, he saw my face, he hugged me, and said I know.
And then you get the crazy tag.... I can't talk to people that haven't walked in the same fire as me. They have no earthly idea.
@LRG 215 vicarious trauma is real and happens far more often than we know. Just look at 9/11 (if you're old enough) for proof. The only sure remedy for it is to be heartless, which we're doing a good job of encouraging to our lasting detriment as a society.
Thank you sir, you have woken me.
Thank you for sharing. Theres a certain trauma that you live as the bridge between the incident and the front line care. Been there partner and id be proud to ride a bus with you any day.
thank you.. this helps me in many ways
What a great speech.
Thanks for speaking about this. Don’t personally have ptsd but I have dealt with burnout.
Hey man. I’m going through emt school right now and I just want to know how you dealt with burnout. And more importantly how are you doing now?
I have one hobby that I am over heads passionate about and it’s painting and just generally making art. I also attempt to eat very healthy and am an avid runner.
I think what keeps me from burning out is my girlfriend, my friends and family, my faith, my hobbies, and keeping work life at work.
Sometimes people let there career define themselves completely and I don’t believe that’s healthy, especially in medicine.
These first responders are on the front lines for some real-life incidents that most people couldn't handle. You do have to put your feelings aside stay professional and work the incident. But later you can look back at the incident and feel all those emotions.
Thank you so much! Love your video !
Thank you for giving this talk.
I am a 14 year paramedic and currently working through the burn out process. Things have been very tough for the past 2 weeks.
a 2-year-old boy killed by a pickup truck, a kid with his brown sandals laying down covered by a white sheet from forehead to toes did hurt me to the inner side of my bones and I never told anyone, I felt like something broke inside my head but just brushed it off so I would not look like a girl in front of my mates (Mexican red cross)
Thank you for doing this Anthony!
Wow. So great to hear.
Even in 2022, I've yet to find a medical professional who can correctly diagnose and treat the PTSD I have experienced for the past four years. I'd very much like to contact this Doctor.
Hospice RN here, the numbness is quite terrifying honestly. But when you watch people die every day, even when that is the expected outcome in my field, I think feeling every single death would be far more terrifying.
What amazes me is how people have NO CLUE of what it means to ride a box.
It is worse when you are the Paramedic. The EMT just shrugs it off and says its not my responsibility. It all lays on the Paramedics shoulders.
Tony. I’m right next to you now. At the bottom ! 33 years. Ff medic ! More need to hear this.
so true. thank you.
I almost ended it two months ago, I started counseling last week, I have a family and three kids. Your speech is so dead on I’ve been a paramedic for almost 16 yrs and firefighter. Counselor says I’m high risk had to get rid of my guns. I’m a mess mentally. The job and my family lost my only car accident I was there worst day of my life.
Can we change the "EMT" in the title to "EMS"? It is more accurate. That said, that sort of typo would probably not surprise anyone in EMS.
Thank You
My mask is slipping and everyone around me is asking if I’m okay. I don’t know what to do
22%-25% of emergency medical workers get PTSD 😪
@DieselPatches IsHomo I cant recall where I found the study and have waaaaay to many pdfs not labeled to look thru. Sorry.
IMPERATIVED---BLINKS!
Amen.
Been a paramedic for 2 years and I can’t do it anymore. I am a failure.
what if you're out of the system. they moved on without me
Only brother
I'm only 440 into this and I feel depressed af
EMT: Emergency Medical Technician.
Thank God!!! He has His hands stretched out to grab us from the pit of sin and depression. There is hope in Jesus. Tune in to Amazing Facts Tv by Doug Batchelor on UA-cam.
Jesus loves you. Hold on to Him. He will hold you up
This is why we get donuts
2:59-4:24
Oh, you just need to submit. Or you need counseling so someone can tell you to conform.
you not in trouble
2:59
Tik Tok brought me here????
Goes to show I'm surrounded by weak people.
Set your goals accordingly ya dork.. do what your built for..
I can't take this guy seriously at all. He's just mad at his self for not being able to perform his own job. Glad he's alive. But it's his own fault that he's no able to do what is expected. He's was trying for the wrong job.
It's like trying to cut down a tree with a butter knife..
Are you a paramedic or emt?