Obsessing About Your Future Husband
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- Опубліковано 25 вер 2018
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Emily Wilson.
Emily Wilson.
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Girl you better preach
Thank you very much - I WILL!!! :)
Crazy how this is SO TIMELY in my life! I'm not sure if anyone else can relate, but I'm 21 years old and I've never had a boyfriend or even my first kiss and so at this point I'm like well I hope the first guy I date is the only guy and he's the one! But because of that I put so much pressure on, not even him but myself to know right away or be able to hear God say exactly that it's him or not. I've been trying to just let go and realize that maybe I should just breathe and this is definitely God working through Emily to call me out!!! THANK YOU
There’s nothing wrong with waiting and there really is such joy in it! I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was nearly 21, I’m now 22, and we’ve never kissed (and don’t plan to until engagement/marriage). It’s been a year and a half and we have so much love and respect for each other. I wanted my first boyfriend to be my only and my last, but I understand if God has bigger and better plans for me.
When we’re content in Him we find joy no matter our situation. 🙏🏻💝 The rewards of waiting are worth it
Related to this ^^^ & Yes thank you Emily for letting God speak through you!
You're not alone sister. You're not. I'm 20 years old and I can relate to just about everything you said. But trust the process and most importantly, trust God!
SAAAME.. except I'm 24 :S
ElizaReads right there with ya, sis! I'm your age
My God Emily I was just thinking obsessively about this guy when I saw the notification for this video... God does work in mysterious way, this is just what I need :')
Leix Same
We never hear about the stories where someone's like, "This is the one and I know for sure even though it's the first date!" And then they didn't get married. We never hear THOSE stories.
Precisely!!
@@emwilss I also kinda think that couples make more of a big deal of that "moment" in retrospect. In reality it was probably something like, "Oh I really like this one, and I haven't been on a good date in ages!" And then in retrospect (after the wedding) that turns into "I just knew." When actually, that's almost entirely impossible.
Probably because they’re embarrassed that they made such a big deal about something that wasn’t legitimate or from God!
“A process of discernment” - I like that. This statement made it really clear for me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
So guilty!.... this video came out at just the right time!... Thank you Emily!
A few years ago, when I was 18 I met that one guy who was a strong believer, handsome, a few years older than me, well educated etc. We really liked each other, definietly something was in the air, but we were living far from each other, so we were just texting. Because I've never met someone like him I assumed, that he's the one (I even thought God told me that trough the Bible & prayer). After year of texting we met again in real life and after that he told me he met someone in his area and think it can be something serious. Now i think he knew what i felt and acted very mature, but then i was so hurted and confused. He got married this year and i'm laughing how naive and immature i was then, so I'm glad you made video about that, because it can help young girls to avoid unnecesary confusion and pain :)
YES. I dated someone this summer, and early on I was talking to my mom about him and started sobbing because I felt so guilty about dating him when I didn't know if was going to marry him or not. I hate that this mentality is so ingrained in so many of us. We are allowed to not know everything. We are allowed to see potential in someone and want to know them more, see what might happen. We are allowed to enjoy the moment we are in with someone without pressuring ourselves about how long it will last. It doesn't mean we aren't being wise or discerning, and it certainly doesn't mean we're transgressing.
Preach!!!
I've felt like this too... so you aren't alone.
What has helped me some is to recognise how much had uses relationships to reach us things... we mostly think if this with friendship, since the majority if our relationships are with friends ... but I think its also true with romantic relationships. There are some things you can only learn in a romantic relationship, and it makes sense that god could bring one to you for that learning purpose.
Stay sober minded about it, and be careful to protect each others hearts... and I think you can have a relationship which us good and helpful to you both... even if it doesn't end in marriage
God bless,
God has given everyone free will to choose who they want to marry. God may tell someone that they should marry a certain person but he allows them to have their own choice. I thought God told me that a man I met was to become my husband, and I got so obsessed with that. I didn't trust that God would allow a romantic relationship to form naturally in his timing. I took matters into my own hands and tried to force a romantic relationship to happen, which led to that man completely cutting me off from his life. I never dated the guy but I felt worse than I ever did after a breakup. The pain was so bad that I really wanted to die. I've learned lessons I didn't ask for and I've matured more than I've wanted to. People rarely hear about the love stories that died. Here's one. Take it to heart and learn from me. Don't rush things just because you think a certain person is going to become your spouse in the future. Be patient and let the future become the present. Everything that happens in God's timing is better than anything that happens in ours.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us so we can learn from it !
I've been there sis, it is hard to recover from 🙏❤
Oh my gosh. I seriously needed this. I have a problem with over analyzing and over thinking every little possibility if he’s my “future husband” or not..and I hate it because I know I need to just take a chill pill and relax. I NEEDED THIS.
This video can apply to so many areas ..... obsessing about your future husband, future career, future children, future home, etc. We live in discontent focusing on an unknown future when God wants us to be peaceful with TODAY. Thanks Emily
I think people should be direct, don't rush but also son't want to waste time. This is why I prefer courting over dating. I'm not dating/courting someone that has no chance of being my future spouse sorry.
Kevin B I agree. I’m 25, and I refuse to mess around with someone and bother wasting my time if i can’t see them as my end game.
A marriage is between two, I mean making the other your imaginary husband/wife withouth telling him/her can be very hurtfull (you can start acting as a married person if you think he/she is THE ONE withouth noticing it). Don't rush, give yourself and your partner time.
And please don't steak in the "posibility" for years (i have a friend who thougt that for 3 years about a boy and they broke up two months after start dating)
Obsessing about whether “he is the one” for us is, I think, a sign that we need to focus on growing in virtue and developing our relationship with God. And then our thinking will change into considering what we can offer and how much love we can give to the person we will eventually marry (if that’s God’s plan for our life).
Thanks Emily for the video 🙂
I am just so done with breaking up. I had two relationships one 1,5 years and one 3,5 years and with both I had the intention I might marry them but they were not the right ones at the end and it hurts soo much. I can't handle break ups. I cry for months, stop eating and so on. I just want the next guy to be my future husband so badly because I can't handle to have my heart broken once more. And I want to have children...
It will happen in God's time, Elena.
I’m friends with a guy @ my youth group and we sometimes go out with a group of friends. We’ve never been on a date but we talk a lot and get along really well. I’ve been thinking about this “is he the one?” Thing and it has made me anxious lately. It’s not letting me enjoy this as what it is for now - a beautiful friendship. So, from the bottom of my heart: thank you. I really needed this. God bless you.
In a way, this is something I've been struggling with lately. Shortly before my boyfriend and I became a couple, I had a split-second vision of us married (like a 10 year flash-forward). My initial reaction was to see it as a possible future rather than a "THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN" moment, which is easy to remember when we're together. However, we've been long distance for 4 of the 5 months of our relationship, and being apart from him makes it so easy to slip into a fantasy of our wedding and beyond. This is the second video this month (the other being from Tiffany Dawn) where I've been reminded of my initial reaction to that vision. I'm trying to reset my thought process and take up that stance again, because I don't want to ruin our relationship so early on by skipping straight to marriage (especially because he's my first boyfriend). Thank you for this video. I think it's really going to help me get my brain back on track.
This is really something I needed to hear right now, thank you so much! Would you be able to do more videos in this topic? I struggle with this a lot, mainly in the category of an overreactive imagination and unrealistic visions.
You're not alone sister!
I knew my husband was the one within 6 months (we were friends for about 3-4 of those months and it was online/phone/IMs until we met in person). I had those feelings before we met in person and they were cemented when we met. We were long distance for 3 1/2 years and it was brutal. If I could do it over again, I would've moved in with him 6-12 months earlier than I did, but it just wasn't feasible for a while due to finances and being long distance didn't help. (I was living in Michigan and him in Pennsylvania, where I live now).
Even though I knew he was the one early on, I knew I had to keep it together and not try to rush things, having learned that lesson the hard way with previous relationships. In fact, I didn't even tell him I felt like this until after we had been together a while. We were together 4 1/2 years before we got engaged and married 18 months later. I think anyone who gets married/engaged/pregnant/moves in together in less than a year is an idiot. I view the first year of a relationship as a long-term job interview: it can be fun, yes, but it's also a time to properly vet someone and make sure they are who they say they are.
My parents are the textbook reason for why I vowed to never rush into marriage: they went from hello to baby in 13 months and hated each other pretty much the entire time they were married. My father admitted that if it wasn't for mother being pregnant (she admitted to getting pregnant on purpose to trap him because she thought he was rich), he would've dumper her, but by then it was too late.
I have worked hard to make sure I didn't suffer the same fate, and I owe much of my good fortune to the fact that we didn't rush. The first year should be spent getting to know someone and the second year should be for determining whether or not the two of you work well together in a romantic sense. By the 3-3 1.2 year mark it's appropriate to get engaged/married, if that's what you want. I also think it's important to enjoy your engagement and not rush.
We could've married sooner than 18 months, but I got stressed out with wedding planning and took some time off before diving back into the planning process. It's a stressful, busy time, so don't rush and enjoy it as much as you can because it goes fast. My husband and I have been together 8.5 years and married for just over 2 and it feels like just yesterday we started DMing each other. :) Wow, I didn't intend to give you my whole life story in one comment, lol.
God is always on time 😂 Thank you! Much needed!
I love how much more candid you’ve been since becoming pregnant 😂
Thank you, I truly needed this. I've never dated and am now in college, and I really like this guy and especially lately I have been stressing about this. I'm not so good with emotions, so thank you so much for this message!
Thank you for this 💖 most definitely needed this. I’m 20 just got out of a relationship I thought “was the one” I was so unhappy. But now I’m living my best life by just loving myself. Love your videos. God bless you ❤️
Girls this "i knew after the first date" stuff is real for some but not for everyone and it doesn't mean you're weird. Society always pushes the love at first sight phenomenon on us. I'm getting married in 10.5 weeks but on my first date I did not know, nor did I try and figure out, if he was my future husband. We were intentional in dating and we asked questions of one another about our values and our futures etc to see if they align but the love definitely grew slowly and it was not love at first sight nor did we know we would be married a year later. Just enjoy life ladies! If a man comes along be intentional but don't try and figure out if he is the one its a process!
I met a guy who told me I was "the one" after two dates. It was very weird and creepy especially since I don't feel the same way at all!
AMEN! Thank you Emily! We can all learn a lesson from these suggestions that you have given. Men can fall into this type of situation also. Great work! May our LORD continue to bless you and your family.
Seriously needed this, been infatuated with this dude for a year...😬Thanks Emily!!
Emily this video was “crazy chiquita sweatshirt” worthy! 😜 Thank you for sharing!
This video helped me SO MUCH today. I can't even explain how much I needed this right now. I always overthink things so much it leaves me so stressed out. I got your notification and I was like I'll watch it later, but then I saw that you had posted a video on your Instagram talking about today's video and I was like I NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. Thank you so much for this video!
Words of wisdom Emily. My catholic girlfriends and I are in our early 20's and have all appreciated this video!!!! Praying for you, Daniel and your pregnancy. God Bless xx
Please do the video(s) on discernment! You have the best videos and guidance. Love you chica!! :)
AMEN!!! We need to get to know the other person, and take it naturally and slowly. I feel like in the Christian dating scene, so many people are focused on finding the man/women God "wants" them to Marry, and we are so pressured in doing so that it creates problems, and we begin to think every man we meet is "the one". You couldn't have said it any better!
I really enjoyed this one personally because I have personal experience being on the other end of the expectations and rushing. My ex starting pushing for me to say the "L word" after the second or third date. He wound up breaking up with me after only a few short months of dating because he was taking things way too fast and I wasn't ready to say that I was sure he was the one or that it was love yet. I wanted to let it grow. I hadn't had a relationship since high school about five years before so I wanted to take things really slow and just, as you said, enjoying getting to know someone. Thank you for making this one!
I world thoroughly enjoy for you to go deeper into this subject. Thank you for sharing; you put things do plainly and supply! I naturally over think and over analyze first, instinctively about agonist everything, and it's very aggravating...
I needed this so much, thank you Emily!!!
Preach!!! Thanks for the reminder Emily!!!
Perfect!!! We girls really need to understand that... Thank you, Emily! 💕
you have no idea how much I needed this video- I'm actually laughing right now because God is so intentional and I needed to hear this so bad lol
I needed this! Thank you Emily 💓
so true!!! people need to relax and stop butting so much pressure on themselves!
your videos always have the most perfect timing in relation to the issues in my life 😩 thank you for always inspiring me 💞
I love the use of the word "romantical." Appreciate this video.
good points. also throw out your check off list of what a future husband must be. hollywood movies and things glamorize girls talking this out but for me for my marriage I spent time with this man I didn't know. we were not friends first but strangers so we had a lot to catch up on which was super fun. we talked, had meals together and tried to spend as much time together as possible and without any real effort we had chemistry and enjoyed each others company. we became best friends before we even held hands. If I had used a list I will say I for sure would have missed out as my husband is shorter than me and in my much younger days that was a no-no. tall, short, white, black, bald, hair, hairy chest, smooth chest, blonde, black hair, none of those things are really their heart and I am WAY more interested in my man's heart and intentions and how he makes me feel when I spend time with him.
Thank you so much! This comes at perfect timing. I'm totally the girl you are talking about. It helps so much.
i needed this....i feel so stupid that i think that every guy i meet is like "is it him?" and i hate that that happens to me...so thank you i needed this so much.
Omg thanks you so much for this I literally prayed about this earlier today!!
Wow this was so timely. I just started dating this guy and he's great but I'm not sure if he's "the one" yet and I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay if I don't know yet. It's only been a few weeks!
This is just so perfect for me right now. I don't know how to thank you enough, I really needed this wake up call. Could you elaborate on the different branches that come out of this dating period subject?
i'm just focusing on living my life and maximizing my potential. i proceed cautiously but am open to exploring new territory and having new experiences. someone else's experience and someone else's life, is not my experience or my life, and i wouldn't want it to be. it cheapens my life and my experience (as well as theirs) and neither of us deserve that. before thinking if they are "the one", just observe them for a while and see if they are decent or adequate without getting emotionally involved. are they a good friend? are they respectful? responsible? do you share similar interests?
your life is a valuable thing. proceed slowly. i know so many people in relationships that arent happy. and i'm over here single after being engaged twice and i'm happy now. i dont want to give all of that up for an obsessive thought life that consists of "are they they THE ONE??". I want to enjoy my life. that's it. if someone can add to that, fine. but i'm not going to wait around for "what ifs" and staring at a watched pot waiting for it to boil. i got a life to live and i'm all into that. :)
I’m only 18 and I still have the habit of doing this, I keep reminding myself that I’m still too young for that, if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out!
Haha!😊in rare form today! Great message, delivered in such a down to earth way!
EMILY!!!!!!! THIS IS SOOOO RELEVANT TO ME THANK YOU SO MUCH 🎉🎉🎉
You're amazing Emily!!! this is seriously smart advice God bless you xoxoxo
i found myself in your words, i am totally too serious haha :D thank you for this message!
I needed this video like 3 years ago haha
Love this!!
Thank you so so much for making a video on this!!!!!!!
Love this video!!
Thank you so much for this video! I didn't know I needed it until I saw it! On a similar note, however, I need some advice. I'm a freshman in college now, and I haven't ever really dated anybody seriously. I did try to date a couple of guys throughout high school, but whenever I did I would end up freaking out about the whole thing and ruining everything. And though I have vowed not to date anyone my freshman year, I know I need to prepare myself to have a healthy, serious relationship with someone later on. Do you have any advice for girls like me? Thank you so much for everything you do! God bless,
Emily
Great advice! Thank you for letting God use you. 💜
I literally loveeeee you !!!!!!!
More dating help please. Because it also seems like you should think about a future with them before you get too far and commit to something? So like when?? What’s a good mindset to have during different parts of the dating process??
Yes. Very true Relax
Thanks Emily, this is so timely for me and reminds me I’m doing the right thing (taking my time in this area) despite what my friends say 😂🙏
Great video! Thank you
i love this...thank you Emily
One of my friends used to tell me if you don't think you want to marry the guy you shouldn't even think about going on the first date with him :D i think it's crazy.
Also, I think it can be really dangerous to think too soon that somebody is the one and not alowing it to evolve naturally. I was in a relationship with a christian guy who used to manipulate me a lot causing me to be really depressed and I didn't even alow myself into thinking about leaving him because I set it from the beginning that he's the one. I see it happening a lot. So glad Emily teaches us to be able to step back and think rationally as sell. I'm so much happier and more confident in dating thanks to Emily.
OH my goodness I have this problem and I didn't even realize it until I clicked on the video!! After watching it, I feel SO much better now.
Man, it was getting so bad that I began obsessing over whether or not this cashier I met -- once, at my nearest chocolate shop was the "ONE" for me.... (ya feel the cringe yet? Yeah, me too)
Haha anyways thank you so much for this advice. It is SO helpful!
just THANK YOU !!
I needed this thank u
woowww this was so helpful!!
Preach it Emily!!!❤️❤️
If I ever start dating again, I'll take this pointers into account. Thank you!
so healing ❣️❣️❣️
Literally did this an hour ago... thanks for the reminder!!!!
THANK YOU.
I’ve never expected to find a future husband on a first date, but I am pretty frustrated that the type of man I like isn’t going to be found anytime soon I need to be in a certain place otherwise it doesn’t work. That’s what a guy did to me in this situation, but it is unfortunate when you get bad advice on how to get him to stay when it works for others except me. You post videos at the perfect time.
Araminta Williams I’m sure that God has the best to come for you and He will provide it at the perfect time. Trust his timing and you will be blessed for sure. God bless you!❤️
Someone had prayed Lord prepare me a husband, a week later I was sent, an imperfect mess up of an example. But The Bible is true :) It doesn’t say 1/10 times when you ask for a fish you get a fish, it says every time you ask God answers faithfully. So my mistakes under intense stress ended that relationship, and I spent over a year in mental shambles struggling and dying from the shame of mistakes I never meant to make, but I see what God was doing, he was preparing me to be a strong husband, one who won’t ever mess up or break under stress and slander. As for her.. the ball is in her court if she can ever look past the imperfections of the past.. I was raised by people who abused me, I was clingy and.. you know I figure you can’t know God’s plan by going off of mistakes and imperfections like that, you gotta talk over everything slowly. Pray for that situation guys! Thanks
Yay thanks for this video
Yes!!! Funny story, I met a guy one time and we started talking as friends. Not all day everyday “talking” just as friends. Week or two goes by (I’m still thinking he’s understood I wanted to be just friends) and he calls me and is like, “You’re my wife.” ....I was like... hold up, homedude. Idk about all that 😂
needed this
Haha... this was great!
romantical?
This is just, like wow!
What if you met someone who is a far distance away and meeting in person isn't a possibility for a significant period of time? How can I discern dating someone without putting a lot of pressure on figuring things out so that I dont waste my time and hurt my heart?
Amazing!!!!😊
Thank you Emily. God bless. I was just laughing through this vid because it's seriously how some of us women think, to overanalyze and to wonder lol. It will indeed drive you crazy lol.
Well how do you practically change that mind set ? It’s hard when you are a person who lives life over analyzing everything, not just that aspect of life 🙈😢
Thank you :) Need to be say.
This is refreshing, I think I’m a bit guilty of this!
"Because typically, that's not the way it's supposed to go." I get what you're saying here, but I don't know that I'd phrase it that way. It seems to give the impression that you believe all couples marry this way, or "should" marry this way. But that's not the case. I've heard a whole array of how couples met each other, each having their own love story that God designed just for them. I don't think there is a one size fits all formula of how to meet someone and marry. I think there should be three foundational things when considering whether someone is 'the one' or not:
1) They should be equally yoked
2) They should seek biblical, wise counsel from people they know and trust will give biblical, wise counsel
3) They should factor in whether they are compatible in various aspects, (e.g. personality, life goals, children, discipline of children, humor style, preferences, how they handle finances, etc.)
Outside of these things, I do not believe there is a one size fits all formula.
Now, don't get me wrong, I agree with you that we should not be quick to assume or put our hopes in finding 'the one' after only one or two dates. Yes, it's possible. But, I do agree that it's not something we should expect.
So...I'm kind of stuck. I am seventeen years old, never kissed, and frankly have never had the mindset of "is he 'the one?'" I met this boy at a conference and I'm kind of battling my feelings for him. He has confessed that he loves me, is that okay? I do love him, but I don't want to be one of those girls who end up falling in love too soon. He literally fits every standard I have ever set, and more! Is it okay? He isn't allowed to date, so all we can be right now is friends.
HAHAHA. “that won’t be me” Totally me. I regret telling my man I thought he may be my husband before we went on our first date. He is great! But I should have just kept it to myself.
Agreed
but how do you not think those things? its easy to tell yourself to stop. but HOW do you stop?
I found myself constantly thinking about my future husband and then this lovely video popped up in my notifications! I truly believe that The Creator can reveal to you who you're future husband is - whether it's through a vision, a dream etc... But if He hasn't told you anything, I definitely agree with you that waiting on our Heavenly Father while we enjoy the single period of our lives is the best thing to do.
I know it's not worth counting on, but actually that's my and my husband's story, at least on my side - I knew it from the first day we met. My husband was much more hesitant and cautious, but the facts are we ended up being married and I predicted it right from the start. It doesn't, doesn't mean, that it's reasonable to be counting on a miracle to happen. I just think that my husband came up in my life at the exact moment when it was necessary and I knew the moment. Just wanted to share my story. Best regards, Guys!
Thanks, I use to be like-" I need to figure it all out"