The CRAZY LIES I Told in ADDICTION (and What I'm Doing About it Now)
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- Опубліковано 2 бер 2024
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Roll Um Easy - Little Feat
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My mom was a nurse who ended up getting hurt on her job. Needed back surgery and got hooked on percs then went to heroin. I think its cool to share your story. Best of luck. Im also in recovery.
It’s sad how that can happen. I hope your mom is doing ok and that you are doing well. Much love for you 🙏 keep up the recovery my friend ❤️
I am a nurse who got addicted after spine surgery and was intervened on at a hospital I worked at. That was 2006. I've been sober except for 2 more spinal surgeries. Now I'm 69 and in constant pain. I'm sober now but hurt all the time. Good for you and prayers for you. Keep on, sir.
I’m late watching this one but I hope you are ok.I’m sorry you are suffering. :( ❤❤
I was meant to see this today! I have been in recovery for a while now, and the lies are the absolute worst! The majority of my guilt stems from the lies that just got so ridiculous. Its been a huge challenge so far. Thank you for posting this video!!❤
It’s always good to know that we aren’t alone. That’s where most of my guilt comes from as well. I now see all the lies I told as an opportunity to learn and better myself today! We can be the best versions of ourselves BECAUSE we are so familiar with being the wrong version of ourselves! I wish you the best in your journey 🙏 Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to me ❤️❤️
Being sick on vacation sounds like hell. I didn't know kratom causes actual addiction and withdrawal when not available. I see signs for it outside tobacco shops and figured it was pretty harmless. Good to know.
And the truth shall set you free…
It really does
Recovering addict here…Your idea of keeping promises is wonderful. What a way to build self-esteem and learn to love yourself again!
I’m glad it resonated with you. 🥰 That makes me so happy. I’m loving it. It’s helping me so much ❤️
I gotta say, I really appreciate these videos. I’ve never dealt personally with the struggles of being an addict, but my dad was one for a good majority of my life. The lies, the manipulation, it was all so frustrating. But learning more about the mind of an addict, helps me with understanding my dad more and his struggles in life. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you for sharing that! It can be harder for the people around the addict than for the addict themselves at times because of exactly what you said. You don’t know what to do, how you can help, what is and isn’t true, how badly you are being manipulated. It is so so confusing and difficult. I know this happened with the people who cared about me. I’m glad that these videos can be helpful in some way. I really appreciate your comment. 🙏
At least now when we hear about those home gas explosions we know what happened.
😂
Hope dad isn't reading this! 😊
All the lies when using lead to so many regrets & shame once sober, and that is something that is hardest things to get past.
I think you give people a good example of starting over, getting honest with oneself, and eventually rebuilding bridges that aren't burned. Thanks for being so transparent and using this platform, and the time you have alone, for good.
Hello 👋
Making promises to yourself is basically being your own parent..the pride knowing you are taking responsibility for yourself is immense! Understand completely. Well done and keep going 🎉
Thank you so much for your comment. I love that! We have to be our own parents ❤️
So true! Just found your channel and really enjoying your authentic narratives and sharing. Thank you so much! We are all wanderers and explorers in this life. What a gift to share it.
@@FollowmedowntheNumberWhole it makes me so happy that you enjoy the content. Thank you for commenting and for your support. It means a lot to me ❤️
What a great video! How many of us, whether we have struggled with addiction or not, have broken trust with ourselves!?
Thank you for watching. I really appreciate you leaving this comment as well. It gives me encouragement ❤
Yeah the lying that comes with anger & gaslighting is the worst. You know shit is going down but they treat you like you're crazy, mean, dumb, trying to control their life etc etc etc. I don't know how many times I said 'if you're making my life worse, I'm not going to ignore it.' Thank goodness we are out of it now but it was really terrible. They think they're so clever but they're a caricature of a bot.
Hi Brian. I'm so glad I found your channel. You are so genuine and express your thoughts really well. I can see you have done a lot of work on yourself and I am so happy for you! I am an ER nurse myself and have been able to "hide" my 10+ year problem with alcohol very well. I am working very hard to break out of the cloud of lies I tell myself.. 3 days sober. Just starting to watch all your videos and they are actually really helpful and have made me reflect a lot. You talk a lot about loving yourself and really getting to know the real you. I will think about that today as I am purging my closets of useless possessions I thought I needed to make me happy. Keep doing what you're doing. Thanks
Another recovering nurse here. Keep going. Sobriety, it's freeing !
Brutal. As tough and regretful as those moments were, I'm sure it's no easy task to talk about them in any circumstance, let alone, on here.
I know they're two different levels, but i remember very vividly asking to "borrow" money, sometimes begging, so i could get a drink. I remember stealing from grocery stores so my friends and i could get wasted. So many lies and so many broken promises. I really had to come clean with myself a few years ago. I had the worst alcohol withdrawal of my life, my phone was in my hand with 911 dialed, just needed to push the green call button. After days of struggle and sweat and zero sleep, i had lost 10 lbs, i was weak, and i needed a change. I cut everything out of my life, even people a little bit. I worked out, i made routines, i ate better, but maybe most importantly, i got honest with myself. I looked really deep inward, asked myself the hard questions, and came out a different person. Im still me, but im kinder, more patient, and put communication first in all relationships. Sometimes even annoyingly so lol.
Just wanted to share that tidbit since you opened up so freely. I think its important that we all do that.
Also Roger came to see me at Steamers the other night with his brother. It was hilarious and fun. No Charlie Daniels requests though.
Little Feat are also awesome. I slept on them for far too long.
Love ya dude, so glad you're making these. Now im gonna go sub to your music channel
Oh shit I had no idea you went through it that bad. Thanks for sharing. That’s crazy because I didn’t even know that but I recognized that you’ve been a noticeably sweeter and more awesome person over the last few years. Not that you weren’t before, but something in your vibe noticeable changed at some point to an even more awesome version of yourself.
So much love for you always
@@SmilesforMiles2024 I'm glad it's showing!
Thank you for sharing this. Brave of you. You're not alone
When in active addiction do u really not love anything but drugs? My ex would lie and get angry at me when he would lie. When I knew he was lying. For someone who hadn’t used drugs, what does numbing feel like? Why do they blame everyone else when they are doing these things? It’s always my fault he went to jail, when he took the drugs so it’s his fault. The no accountability or responsibility
You are very natural at talking to the camera. Thank you for sharing and being so open it helps a lot 🖤
It helps me a lot reading your comment. Thank you so much. Nothing but love for you ❤️
I resonate with this so much. I can never put the words together myself, but I felt every inch of this. I am also a recovering addict with a very very similar story to yours. I also find that the hardest thing to overcome at this point in (3 years), is accepting the things that I did in my addiction and how I hurt everyone who cared about me. I also feel like I’ve put my time in and “proven” myself and then some to everyone. It’s a true gut punch when I’ve done all the hard work, gone out of my way to show them I’ve changed and proven it 100%. Way more than anyone would ask of them in the same situation. I’ve learned now that it’s risking my sobriety to keep trying to prove this so hard and getting so agitated when people only see me for my past. At this point, take it or leave it. You don’t trust me, you don’t have a place in my very small circle. I’m doing this for me and I’ll be proud of and true to my own self 🎉 you’ve got a good thing going here, keep at it!
Thank you so much for sharing that. That’s really when I found the strength to change. When I realized that I had to do it for me. I was always trying to prove myself to others and my motivation came from the desire to make up for my past mistakes. Once I shifted to caring for myself first, everything changed and, ironically, I was better able to show up for others. You are on the right track. I appreciate you so much ❤️❤️
I was an alcoholic, and then after I got into a relationship with someone who was a I thought recovering addict. A physician. And omg the things weee complete crazy. He knew exactly how to circumvent. He would pee in times he was sober and put it in the fridge, and used a tube system, glued so it would stay warm, and secret. When he had to go back in residency after he went to jail for 2 years. I thought it was an incentive. But no. What surprised me that the addiction, board didn’t pick on it. He would shave his head as his hair would be taken for a drug test. And esp if just are sober, or more on subutex, for the last 2-3 months it wouldn’t show. And no one thought hmm that’s kind of weird? Alchohol would be out of the system quickly too. So he would lie, and say he couldn’t get in because of work and add 2 days . He got everyone to do something for him, to sign off as of he had gone to AA meetings, and even I was complicit in some of his lies. Why? Because you get this my life will be over, I will never this or that. He even stole pee from within the hospital from his patients. He stole meds. I just couldn’t anymore, I don’t think I ever saw him truly sober, only when he needed it to, for a brief period of time and that’s scared me. The other thing I thought was, they gave doctors way more slack then nurses. They would pick up on his behaviors but not report it. It had to get really bad such as DUIs etc. I could not deal with it anymore. At some point there is so much anger, and hurt. All that drama. It’s such a terrible disease it really makes you kind of a zombie version of yourself. Good luck everyone. I’m currently 14 years sober
These are great videos. Thank you!
Thats courageous af you'd stop kratom when going on a plane. I've canceled free cruise trips and vacations out of fear of not taking kratom (severely addicted to kratom). Ive brough kratom with me on one plane trip, so afriad of getting my green powder taken away.
Im so afraid of kratom withdrawal, if i was in another state and my kratom was theoretically taken away by customs, id plan on canceling it all to take kratom and avoid withdrawal. Idk if my previous comment failed to post. But im severely addicted to kratom. Both my parents died whislt i was on it. I was sober from it, then when my mom got sick for the third time i started using it again. At her funeral i appeared to be in amazing spirits. I remember laughing hysterically and being buddy buddy with everyone there, completely separated from the reality of the situation. The single most important person in my entire life gone, and my brain blocks out the thoughts of her.
I avoided every ounce of pain i should've felt. Still haven't cried since. Not even at the funeral. It's s been 8 years. I refuse to go through the pain. Idk what to do im lost. Id rather not be here than face it all.
But the lies feel validated if you’re only hurting yourself and not others(or so we think). Indirectly(but truly directly) it does hurt them even when we feel its lies of omission. I understand completely. The lies we tell ourselves just to get through the denial. Thank you for articulating an addicts mind no matter how good your heart is.
I think it’s so crazy that so many of us do have really good hearts, which makes it even harder to deal with what we did. But I think if we recover and put the effort into improving ourselves we can deserve forgiveness, and become better than we ever were before. Thank you for commenting ❤️
Subscribed today. Congrats on your recovery. You are so articulate and that makes listening enjoyable Thank you!
The irony of life is you were in prison doing the drugs...and your freedom started in actual prison...keep doing the next right thing..I always told my kids life is simple..do the right things and the right things happen and if you f around you will find out
Couldn’t have said it better. Thanks for that. Yes, I finally am finding real freedom through incarceration. It is ironic. I’m happy about the experience. I’m loving my life right now, even with all the BS. 🙂
Bro you are doing very fkn good . The honesty in this testimony is inspiring. Your story has points of aligning with mine.
Your ability to be vulnerable and completely honest is inspiring! Great job! 👏 Keep it up 🎉🎉
I was recommended your video about your last days as an addicted nurse and I'm curious/inspired by your story. I'm so so happy to see you recognizing your problems you caused and actively fixing them in real time. I've never personally struggled with drug addiction but I've struggled with other addicting vices and I'm so happy to see you make your ur way out of that. I'm so inspired by you and happy for you and your journey I can't wait to binge watch your content and see you grow! ❤
Thumbs Up 👍 and Shared Out Everywhere!❤ You are absolutely right about the opposite of Addiction being Connection!💯 Most people really don’t understand that. Is there anyway that you could try to explain that to others. Most people really don’t get it.
Thankyou ❤
Damn, what a pure message-- THANK YOU, Brian 🙏 I can relate 😌
Thank you for posting this.. I can totally understand what you were explaining about with the lies.. they take over everything.. then trying to keep them straight…that’s a job in its self. I really liked what you were saying about what you’re doing now with promises.. I might take that into practice myself. Have a wonderful day❤
I appreciate you taking the time to watch and for commenting. Yes, the promises thing has been awesome! I definitely think it’s worth a try. I hope you have a great day as well 🙏🙂❤️
Thank you for your honesty in sharing your story. You are helping a lot of other people who are still in the drowning in shame phase. Keep the videos coming. Are you on social media?
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I am not on social media yet. Just doing the UA-cam thing for now. I’m sure I’ll figure the other stuff out at some point 😂
Grateful for your videos….you are wonderful!!!!
You are wonderful for watching and commenting ❤️❤️❤️❤️thank you so much for the support. It means the world to me
I love how you respond so often to people! In such a generous and sincere and kind way. So happy i stumbled on one of your videos tonight. Now I'm searching through all of them! Thank you again for making them.
Thank you so much for watching! It’s a new experience for me to have anybody watching and commenting, so your comments really are so exciting to me! 😁
Thank you. God bless you ❤
🙂❤️🙏
Why are there people sleeping on a piece of cardboard under a highway overpass when they know people who own guest beds and couches? This is why.
Yeah. People just don’t want them around when they are using and being so dishonest. Thanks for commenting 🙂
Thank you for talking about this. Addiction doesn’t just affect the addict…it harms everyone who cares for that individual. Someone that I care for lied to me multiple times and betrayed my trust while in his addiction. Once that trust is killed it can be really hard to get back. Definitely trying to move on and learn how to trust again. Your videos help put it into perspective from the addiction standpoint, and I appreciate that. Keep it up ❤
Thank you for the concept of making promises to myself.
Keep it up!!
🙂 thank you! I will!
You brought tears to my eyes at your "Promise" to us at the end. I love this idea about baby promises to ourselves. And the phone is an excellent start... you are right. I'm going to start tomorrow putting my phone in another room completely with the volume off and timer set for a half hr while i do my morning meditation/ reading/praying stuff. I promise. I promise me.
The worst part about being on house arrest is that I always have to look at my phone to make sure it’s not my parole officer trying to get ahold of me. 😂 so I have been trying to limit myself in other ways until I can really put it down without having to worry. Let me know how the promises go for you 🙂 I’m loving how it’s working for me.
Okay after watching this I’m going to book my gym class this week. It’s the first week I’ll have to go straight after work so I’ve been putting it off. Promised myself I’ll work on health and fitness this year so better fulfil that and book in!
My advice is start slow and focus on consistency over volume. But truly be consistent
Good luck dude
Thank you my friend. I appreciate you watching and commenting ❤️🙏
Thats a great idea to put a timeline on a promise to yourself. I might dare to try that.
Hell yeah
You're doing great! Keep up the amazing work! Just a tip, the music in the background is annoying and made me exit vid. But love your context!! Minus the music.
The biggest lies we tell ourselves, which is bizarre to me now looking back. All part of the charade.
Your story would make a killer book!
Right!? This guy is very wise and an excellent story teller. Who knows... maybe this is what the other half of his life is meant to be like... making up for the first half and then some!
I feel like we need new words for "lie". It's so...well, to tell a lie is too general of a thing. We have manipulation, direct or out-right (bold faced) lie, the white-lie (white knighting or lying to protect your feelings) and we have something some people call...a little lie...or harmless lie.
What video do you talk about pros and cons of using kratoms please share!
I will definitely make a video about Kratom just cause of your comment. That is a great idea! Thank you for that 🙂
Please get serious about your hospital drug diversion and the effect it had on your patients, their family and your facilities.
It’s the worst part of recovery, but speaking about honesty requires it.
Good luck bro
And how dare you do that to Roger 😂
How did you get sober?
I was arrested and sent to prison. There are plenty of drugs to do in prison but while I was in county jail I decided I wanted to be done.
So did they give you any kind of maintinence and or do you take maintinence now? @SmilesforMiles2024
@@Indi_Incredible when I was first arrested they gave me subutex for a couple of days. But that was it. I haven’t been on any maintenance since then. It’s been a little over 2 1/2 years 🙂
How does house arrest work? What are the rules?
Stay at your house with a monitor, check in with them on the monitor
But... what? How to get food? How work for money? How to take out the trash, how to pick up mail, how to go to the bank, how to get stuff from the pharmacy.?there are so many questions...
@@riksstaden4927after good behavior on the monitor, a lot of people get permission to go to certain places, like work. As long as they make their officer aware, go where they say they’re going, and return on time, they are granted more freedom to leave home.
Have you thought about going to law school, Brian?
Are you on Suboxone or methadone?
Does everyone know now..all your lies? Does your ex wife know you did that?
So great that you can talk about this!
Must be a bit hard ✌
I should make a video with all the different ways I faked drug tests back in the day. Including one in front of a courthouse probation officer where I would have gone straight to jail if the fake bag of hot tea in my pants had been discovered (and it almost was).
Some how I stumbled across this! Im going to follow you- u have amazing friends who love you and know your soul- death is permanent! Although they helped you the rest is up to you- "if its meant to be its up to me" 30 yrs ago a colleague said that to me- i say it to myself everyday... I lived in SF 30 yrs now Denver. Life is all about taking small steps to get to the top of the mtn!!! Your warmth comes thru on your videos👍💪🫶1 day at a time!
What drugs were you addicted to..??
Heroin and Meth
Ouch
@@stainz5714 I know right!? 😅
Your approach and honesty is refreshing....thanks for sharing I can relate to your struggles...we're stronger than any addiction we're stronger than we think....cheers
@@stainz5714 there is so much strength on the other side of addiction. I’m enjoying tapping into it