I wish you gave a specific/practical example of what you mean by extending the offer of a fantasy world to a woman and her copping out/being distrustful.
It applies in any case a woman has adapted to a comfortable social role that prevents her from fully expressing herself. In my book, I give the example of a woman I dated and attempted to marry in a repressive culture where her parents and peers traumatized her out of believing it was possible to be with a man of her own choosing who came from a foreign culture.
This reality is like a dream. In dreams, what you see is symbolic. Reality is no different. What is the symbol these women represent to you? You see it as a personal failure that they left eventually. Perhaps this theorizing is you trying to figure out why you failed. Perhaps as long as you see yourself as a failure, reality will offer you opportunities to reinforce that belief. Are you a failure? Just because women left you? No. And you wouldn’t be a failure no matter what happens to you. But you can experience the experience of feeling like a failure if that is what you believe you are
Ya "failure" is the default since all things come to an end, all things change, and we must face enforced slow death through systems that are clearly rigged and propaganda soaked; without considering we're creating new humans and entities that will surely be twisted by this machine. I picked up on this assumption almost immediately. I suppose it'd be easy to look past those things when you think life is a dream where it's impossible to fail.
If I was in your shoes, I’d be asking why I keep picking the “wrong” woman. I know I was for a long time. Sure, they are actually immature but why are those the ones you pick to date? The first sign that my soon-to-be wife was different was that she was so open with me the first time I met her, it kinda caught me off guard! I wasn’t used to that much openness but man it was refreshing. Keep your head up, heal yourself and it’ll get better!
It's a conversation I've had with myself more times than I care to remember. Lack of better options is the most obvious answer, but also kind of a cop-out. Or maybe I'm naive and keep thinking the pattern can change if I try and invest myself hard enough. But it seems like I may have finally found a unicorn of a woman who is as self-determined as I am in this regard.
I take umbrage with generalities. They oversimplify the nuanced complexity of human nature and make us all worse for it. Please avoid such characterizations of any group, it is not truth. I wonder if the issue is whether these women have spent enough time with you to properly contextualize the things you are telling them. Time spent together is important because words are just words; we can vomit them all over someone, but they may not have seen your day-to-day persona enough to know whether what you are telling them is a faithful characterization of yourself or bs. Actions speak louder, after all. At least if you give them the information over time, when it is relevant, they can make a more informed decision about this new information in the greater context of your relationship. They might decide that what you have is worth compromising for. Don't be dishonest or misleading, but a little mystery is sexy. Why do you feel the need to share anything and everything right away? Are you afraid that if you don't, they will find out something about you later on and leave anyway, so you don't want to waste time? Also, I wonder, would you do this to a guy you just met or didn't know well, or is it only with women you expect to have a romantic relationship with? If this is the case, I would evaluate your motivation. This is a little hard to explain, but if you are only doing it with relationship potentials, it seems like you are putting the horse before the cart, valuing the concept of the relationship itself over the actual experience of having and being in a relationship with someone. "Relationship" and "getting to know one another" kind-of go together, you know what I mean? Like... I feel that relationships of all kinds exist because I can only see myself from my perspective. Even if you think you are giving them your whole self right away... are you? Are you 100% confident that you know and are characterizing yourself accurately? I don't think it is possible. Finally, and I am not saying you are doing this but, in my experience, when some people say "honest" they mean "judgmental", so do be careful of that.
@@joshuastevens2804 as a rule, I seek total transparency with anyone I socially bond with. The only exception is when I start to perceive someone as dishonest or manipulative, someone who would potentially try to use information about me to harm me, much in the same way I might lie to a mugger about how much money I actually have on me. Self-defensive deception is necessary in a dishonest society.
Your perspective is really biased. It's all about "what I do right" vs "what women do wrong". The dynamic you describe is you coming into a relationship being too intense and needy, and the women spending the whole relationship working up the courage to break it off and not cause further damage. In relationships both people are seeking healing through intimacy, and by you coming in too strong with your own baggage, you are driving potential romantic partners away, because by being too blinded by your own baggage, they can't expect you to help them with their baggage.
That's one possible interpretation, but I don't really see how confidently expressing who you are and what you are looking for necessarily equates to being needy. Intense, certainly. But a woman who doesn't want intensity shouldn't be getting involved with someone like me in the first place.
@@gregoryvdiehl Fair enough. I'd say from expeirence it can often be a bit of a pitfall to be too confident that you know who you are or what you're looking for. Just my two cents.
Nah…..none of that would matter with women if he was really handsome, really rich, or both. Trust me, I’m an extremely polarizing person and always have been. I’m also extremely honest and direct. That directness is off putting to MANY people and appreciated by few. But, I’m 6’4, fit, and handsome so I’ve always been successful with women for the most part.
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I wish you gave a specific/practical example of what you mean by extending the offer of a fantasy world to a woman and her copping out/being distrustful.
It applies in any case a woman has adapted to a comfortable social role that prevents her from fully expressing herself. In my book, I give the example of a woman I dated and attempted to marry in a repressive culture where her parents and peers traumatized her out of believing it was possible to be with a man of her own choosing who came from a foreign culture.
This reality is like a dream. In dreams, what you see is symbolic. Reality is no different. What is the symbol these women represent to you? You see it as a personal failure that they left eventually. Perhaps this theorizing is you trying to figure out why you failed. Perhaps as long as you see yourself as a failure, reality will offer you opportunities to reinforce that belief. Are you a failure? Just because women left you? No. And you wouldn’t be a failure no matter what happens to you. But you can experience the experience of feeling like a failure if that is what you believe you are
Ya "failure" is the default since all things come to an end, all things change, and we must face enforced slow death through systems that are clearly rigged and propaganda soaked; without considering we're creating new humans and entities that will surely be twisted by this machine. I picked up on this assumption almost immediately. I suppose it'd be easy to look past those things when you think life is a dream where it's impossible to fail.
If I was in your shoes, I’d be asking why I keep picking the “wrong” woman. I know I was for a long time. Sure, they are actually immature but why are those the ones you pick to date? The first sign that my soon-to-be wife was different was that she was so open with me the first time I met her, it kinda caught me off guard! I wasn’t used to that much openness but man it was refreshing. Keep your head up, heal yourself and it’ll get better!
It's a conversation I've had with myself more times than I care to remember. Lack of better options is the most obvious answer, but also kind of a cop-out. Or maybe I'm naive and keep thinking the pattern can change if I try and invest myself hard enough. But it seems like I may have finally found a unicorn of a woman who is as self-determined as I am in this regard.
I take umbrage with generalities. They oversimplify the nuanced complexity of human nature and make us all worse for it. Please avoid such characterizations of any group, it is not truth.
I wonder if the issue is whether these women have spent enough time with you to properly contextualize the things you are telling them. Time spent together is important because words are just words; we can vomit them all over someone, but they may not have seen your day-to-day persona enough to know whether what you are telling them is a faithful characterization of yourself or bs. Actions speak louder, after all. At least if you give them the information over time, when it is relevant, they can make a more informed decision about this new information in the greater context of your relationship. They might decide that what you have is worth compromising for. Don't be dishonest or misleading, but a little mystery is sexy.
Why do you feel the need to share anything and everything right away? Are you afraid that if you don't, they will find out something about you later on and leave anyway, so you don't want to waste time?
Also, I wonder, would you do this to a guy you just met or didn't know well, or is it only with women you expect to have a romantic relationship with? If this is the case, I would evaluate your motivation. This is a little hard to explain, but if you are only doing it with relationship potentials, it seems like you are putting the horse before the cart, valuing the concept of the relationship itself over the actual experience of having and being in a relationship with someone. "Relationship" and "getting to know one another" kind-of go together, you know what I mean? Like... I feel that relationships of all kinds exist because I can only see myself from my perspective. Even if you think you are giving them your whole self right away... are you? Are you 100% confident that you know and are characterizing yourself accurately? I don't think it is possible.
Finally, and I am not saying you are doing this but, in my experience, when some people say "honest" they mean "judgmental", so do be careful of that.
@@joshuastevens2804 as a rule, I seek total transparency with anyone I socially bond with. The only exception is when I start to perceive someone as dishonest or manipulative, someone who would potentially try to use information about me to harm me, much in the same way I might lie to a mugger about how much money I actually have on me. Self-defensive deception is necessary in a dishonest society.
Your perspective is really biased. It's all about "what I do right" vs "what women do wrong". The dynamic you describe is you coming into a relationship being too intense and needy, and the women spending the whole relationship working up the courage to break it off and not cause further damage. In relationships both people are seeking healing through intimacy, and by you coming in too strong with your own baggage, you are driving potential romantic partners away, because by being too blinded by your own baggage, they can't expect you to help them with their baggage.
That's one possible interpretation, but I don't really see how confidently expressing who you are and what you are looking for necessarily equates to being needy. Intense, certainly. But a woman who doesn't want intensity shouldn't be getting involved with someone like me in the first place.
@@gregoryvdiehl Fair enough. I'd say from expeirence it can often be a bit of a pitfall to be too confident that you know who you are or what you're looking for. Just my two cents.
Nah…..none of that would matter with women if he was really handsome, really rich, or both. Trust me, I’m an extremely polarizing person and always have been. I’m also extremely honest and direct. That directness is off putting to MANY people and appreciated by few. But, I’m 6’4, fit, and handsome so I’ve always been successful with women for the most part.