Remembering My Wedding After Divorce || Mayim Bialik
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- Опубліковано 2 чер 2024
- Hey, it’s Mayim, and with all the Shamy wedding talk I figured it’s time to talk a bit about my divorce and the “stuff” left behind after a divorce. Let’s talk about what we hold onto: wedding dresses, photographs, mementos-what to do especially if you share kids? Can you relate to this process of holding on? Let me know in the comments!
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About Mayim Bialik:
You might know me as Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory or from Blossom but there are so many other parts of me that you might not be aware of! I’m trained as a neuroscientist, I'm a passionate activist, an observant Jew, a perfectly imperfect mother, and I'm a complicated human being like many of you. This is the place where I wear all of those hats - and none of them have a flower on them! ;)
What can't Mayim do???? A writer, an actor, a youtuber, a neuroscientist... such an amazing woman and an inspiring role model.
I know right! Amazing women!
Totally agree... She is very relatable and such an inspiration.
She can't keep a man happy. So, there's that...
@@jenniferwebb5954 seriously? How do you even know
@@maayan3795 she's divorce
My coworker donated her wedding dress... It was made into small gowns for babies who have passed away.
That is what I did with my wedding dress. My daughter wanted it.
I would also donated it if I had one. I have lived with my boyfriend for 20 years but he never wanted to get married. He always said that we would be free to decide whether to live together or not and save all the drama if we one day decided to separate.
@@epdlp4506 I assume, based on your tone, that you aren't together anymore?😞
@@epdlp4506 wait. Wait....are you a US citizen? Because if so, I don't understand him
@@melissasaint3283 Yes i was born in Los Angeles California as well as my 3 kids. He just wants to come on his own. Because once my mom said that he was getting married with me to be a us citizen. He has too much pride.☹
I did “purge” after my divorce. But I put everything in a “time capsule” for my two daughters to open when they became adults. (18 and 21) Everything belongs to them to do with as they want. It was important to me that they knew their parents loved each other and they were created from that love.
I absolutely love that! So incredible and thoughtful. Your daughters will appreciate that!
Me too ... I saved all the love notes and cards ... I don’t want all the memories to be the hell of our divorce. And 22 years together is worth something.
Why?
Hello, I am Hussein from Egypt. I'm 26 years old. I want to marry a woman. I will be between 40 and 60 years old and I will travel and live
@@BBAKER22 what do you mean why?? 🤨 She just told you dummy!
“that look is what created them.” So beautiful
heard it and came looking for this comment. It's so true
I'm not married and I don't even have a boyfriend. Still, I'm watching this.
Same😂
Same here. Not only am I watching it I’m also relating to what she’s saying and crying. What’s wrong with me 🤣
Same here
@@SkinTalkWithDee love, the only things that is importante un the life....don't ve afraid. Helloe from Caracas Venezuela.
Sorry i don't speak inglish
As a child of divorced parents, please don’t purge everything. The only thing I have from my parents wedding is a small handful of photos. These photos are precious.
My daughter saw a photo of me and her Dad when we loved each other and she absolutely poured her hurt. Such a small child she was 5 to this day that memory of her crying hurts
Some things don't concern our kids. Some things are only ours to decide what to do, so we can move on.
Danielle Fonseca I agree with you, to a point. I think if I were to ever be in that situation, I would keep a box of momentos for my children. And I would never throw away photos. But with that being said, it would stay in the attic! Lol 😝
I never thought about it in that way. My ex husband psychologically, sexually abused me ( the night I got pregnant with my second daughter), smoked pot the whole time keeping him away along with his affairs. The girls and I were emotionally abused and were thrilled that after the divorce that we could set the thermostat any degree and they could wear their pajamas past eight on a Saturday.
I have saved a couple of our wedding pictures with all the family. And he wanted access to the pictures in the childhood albums I took by myself when he had no interest in taking nor making an album I guess when his zipper stayed down. Ouch.
Yes! I’m the child of a very ugly divorce and thankfully my mother did not do this as much as she hates my dad. I have no memories of my parents being happy so I like seeing pictures of it.
It isn't just women that have that connection. I got married 49 years ago on January 8th, 1972. We were a family with our two girls born in 1974 and 1976 respectively for 29.5 years. At that point my wife decided that she didn't want to be married anymore and a developing mental illness drove her to paranoia and anger. She left, with no warning, just a note that said "I have left". We sold the house that my kids were raised in, along with the accumulations that we managed to collect. Some of the stuff she brought with her when we got married, she left behind and I still have. I have most of our family albums, she didn't want those either along with our wedding pictures. One of my daughters has her wedding dress. (I have no idea of the current condition). She just left the house with only about 5% of her rightful belongings. We were never close after that but did attend birthdays of our children and our grandchildren at the same time, were civil but you wouldn't recognize us as having shared 29 years together and knew all our most intimate secrets.
Anyway, her last few years were filled with mental pain that I cannot even image and 4 years ago she had a stroke and died broke in spite of holding a Masters Degree in Nursing and another in Gerontology and was just a completed dissertation away from a Doctorate in Gerontology. Her mental illness prevented her from completing it.
Our daughters are still more angry about her actions then I am, because frankly the last 3 years of our marriage were absolute hell. But, after a short period of time my anger faded and I understood that she had lost control of her own being and her illness was guiding in her every action. Since both of us had expressed the intent of being cremated, I volunteered half of the cemetery lot that I had purchased for myself. I did that because I had the room and it saved my children a lot of cash to buy a plot. We chipped in together to buy a ground stone identifying her location. At her graveside ceremony I put together a picture montage of her when she was younger and happy and did a short history, written and verbal of her accomplishments, previous to her departure from reality, for my Grandkids,. they only knew her in her ill years. It was important to me for them to know where they came from and be proud of what she had accomplished and have empathy for her illness. I wanted the stone because she was my friend for 29 years and the mother of my children and I didn't want the memory of her to just be negative and invisible. I still have some pictures displayed but only in relation to events involving the kids, like their weddings etc.
Everyone has a different set of baggage that is carried after divorce that we have to recognize and deal with. I still have times when I get overwhelmed with sadness that I was never able to get old together like it said in our vows and am facing the final years alone. I can't let myself do it again. I did have one opportunity but I frankly could not see myself entering into that serious a relationship again.
U r indeed a very special man. U did all that for your wife after her passing and u understood that it was her sickness that made her act the way she did.
May God bless u good health and many happiness and May God make it easy for u wit the grace of God
Thank u🙏🙏🙏
@@yasminsultan9759 Thank you, but it really just seemed like the right thing to do. I appreciate your good wishes.
rgfisher...one of my husband's acquaintances from work had raised 2-3 children and just when he was about to retire, his wife (nurse) started showing signs of dementia which advanced very rapidly. They had plans to travel the world as retirees but never got the chance...she's in a hospice in another state because they didn't have one closer to home (not familiar with the circumstances) and with this Covid he can't even see her except outside her window;if he were allowed to see her he would have to be quarantined for 2 weeks, but the sad part is she doesn't recognize her family. There is a correlation between smart people and mental illness, and not necessarily the famous people but those are in the news as having committed suicide etc.
This brought me to tears 🥺 You‘re a wonderful personal. I‘m glad you can focus on the happy times you shared and gave her the respect she deserved as mother of your children as your ways separated. Also you‘re not alone. I‘m sure your girls are super proud of their papa❤️
That is so sad. Bless your heart. It shows how much you loved her to do all those things most would have been so bitter.
I know it's been a couple of years, but I want to thank you for this. I was married for 24 years and have been divorced for about 3.5. My ex-wife left behind all the pictures randomly scattered in storage containers. After watching this I was inspired to go through them all last year while working from home. It took several months to get through them all and then I scanned them. It was an emotional journey, but your advice led me to keep those happy wedding photos. For Christmas my two adult children and my ex-wife each received a flash drive with over 8,000 photos.
That's amazing. I am currently doing the same with all of my photos, although I'm not divorced. Sill, I find your story inspiring.
M.R, Smith that is a beautiful thing you did
You are a wonderful, kind and considerate person...many blessings to you and your family🙏
A wise friend once told me, “ You have to be happy on your own, your life partner who may come along someday should just be the icing on the cake.”
Agreed you gotta love yourself first,
Thanks, still working on that advice.
One big truth
You can meet the right one at any time, it’s how you handle being with someone that makes a difference. If you can’t be with someone and work on yourself at the same time, then there’s a problem. Don’t confuse working on yourself and pushing away love because you feel you don’t deserve it. I’ve done it and it sucks. Also therapists tell u to be alone until you’re whole, and as a human YOU NEVER ARE. Don’t push away someone who is right for u just because ur not at the finish line of where u wanna be.
Well, I don’t think all of us are made for independence. Some people don’t like being independent and don’t want it, so relying on another person is positive and useful. Of course it’s also risky, but what isn’t?
I found my mom and dad’s wedding album a few years ago (I’m 40). I asked my mom if I could have it. I keep it to this day. My parents divorced when I was two. I don’t have a single memory of them being together. So, it gives me some comfort to know that there was at least a moment my mom and dad loved each other.
Lucky. My aunt choose for my mom not to take pictures at her wedding day. I wish there was pictures. I hope my aunt dosent choose for me for pictures or wedding ideas. She's overbearing and controlling.
@@victoria9535 If your aunt is not paying for your wedding then she has no right to choose anything. Tell her to back off and let you and your Mama organize your dream wedding or she's off the guest list, and then stick to it!
@@AnotherWittyUsername. its hard. I need to learn how to stand up for myself but the only thing thats been helping is saying NO to her and grabdmother. But i knowing my mother she will probaly invite BECAUSE SHES MY SISTER yet defends her and she tells me things that her sister have done to her yet she still hangd out with her. I have begged my mom that dont want to hang with her and she says its okay and adult but theres time my mom ignores me. I guess to move away from them thats my only option.
How bittersweet Sarah, I feel your pain.
This is exactly why I kept my wedding stuff from my ex.
My best friend destroyed every picture from her wedding when she divorced her husband (partly out of rage due to his infidelity). They had one child together and divorced before she was two years old. Years later when my friend's grandmother passed away, Tammy found that her grandmother had saved a photo album from Tammy's wedding. She was so glad to find these pictures for her daughter because, as you mention, in spite of how things ended, they were once in love and through that love they created their daughter. She kept the album for her daughter. I'm glad you did not feel that you had to follow in your friend's footsteps and purge everything from the wedding and early years. There is no shame in realizing that what served you at one point in your life, no longer serves you now. We all marry with the hope that it will last forever, but statistics indicate that only half of us actually stay together until death.
" The person I was then is important for my sons to know about... " brillianty & true. Awesome!! message, Mayim Bialik.
“Even beautiful things can come from the toughest situations.”
The best and most meaningful line of this entire awesome video.
I love her unselfish willingness to share who she is and who she was in her past, holding nothing back from her children to experience it in their own way. Very Loving
For me its a form of narcissism. And on you guys side voyeurism. She could buy a diary and you could live your own life, but hey we are truly different arent we.
This is really beautiful. I agree, divorce is grief. I could be doing something really mundane, like buying cashews... and it randomly hits me, "holy $$$$, I'm divorced". And all of those feelings come back.
But I had 4 amazing kids. And each one of them alone justifies everything. Not just the painful, failed marriage... But everything.
So, we embrace what remains with us, and at the same time, move on. I wish you the best with both.
I was married in 1985. On Rememberance Day 1990, my divorce was final and I was grappling with what to do. I was barely 30 years old and I had a two very little girls. I thought long and hard about how to deal with this issue. Many of my friends wanted me to go out and celebrate. Celebrate what? I couldn't, not then. A few years later I decided to go through my wedding items. I remember my girls looking at the photos and saying "look Mommy and Daddy are smiling at each other". It hit me hard then that they didn't understand we once were happy and that is how they got here. He left and threw them away. I tried to keep him in their lives; but he didn't want them; nor did his new partner. It has been very hard not to be bitter; but I always remind myself - if not for him they would not be here and for that I will always be grateful. So now I always celebrate the gifts of my marriage.
I'm 65, and my wife and I have been married 35 years, and I cannot imagine my life without her. We also entered a covenant for life. Fortunately shes my best friend to this day. We have three grown daughters! Life has been a struggle, with Cancer for me, financial problems through the years. But we promised each other, no matter what, we would go through the good, and the bad, together....and we do.
Your maturity on this subject, is beyond your years. It takes two, to make a marriage work. And just sometimes, maybe what's forever for one, isnt for the other. As sad as that is, you are still left with not one life, but three, and no matter what you go through, you go through it as a family, a unit, a forever! With or without the one that promised that to you....because motherhood, also is a covenant.......and that is your forever! God bless!
I love what you have said. Thank you for that. My husband and I will be married 17 years in May, and we aim for forever.
Such beautiful writing!
@@CharleyChioma , thank you ! I raised three daughters, and I know the problems young women run into these days.....and I am a writer! Lol!
Your comment made me cry 😭 such beautiful words, congrats on being married to your best friend and I hope you're doing alright healthwise..
💕
"I want them to know that that look is what created them" 😭💗
That comment just broke my heart. She's so strong for sharing this and for being so real
Hey Mayim! My parents were married for not even two years. I watched their wedding video (transferred from Betamax). Was it weird to see my parents in love? YES! Did it also take my breath away seeing glimpses of my great grandma, my first best friend? yes, I cried because while other were dancing she was rocking me to sleep and singing to me. I have my mom's wedding dress now. It sits next to mine in the closet.
God bless you. I’m divorced and your words are true. 21 years later we speak every week and our children love us both equally
I'm a widow. My husband and I were together for 20 years. This video is pretty close to being a widow. The only difference is that I can sleep knowing that my husband loved me until the very end. I still have some of my wedding stuff but there are times that I don't want to even see the stuff because it reminds me of a life I no longer have. There are points that I can relate to in this video. Thank you for making this video.
@Dr Branson thank you for the kind words. It's been almost 2 years and life has gotten easier but there are times that still knock me out.
Sending good thoughts and hope to you, Christa.
@@aMoodWithaView thank you so very much. Your comment is so very sweet.
My mother got rid of all the photos of my father after their divorce. I had no record of the union that created me. I hope people realize that people need to know their history, even if they don’t have the things to show that history.
Dagnolia Blossom I threw away all the photos from my 1st marriage. I was young and hurt and acted impulsively. I have regretted that action for many years. I am so sorry your mom got rid of it all but don't be too hard on her. She was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions the best she knew how at the time. She may very well regret that now, like me. There is no rulebook to life. People/parents make mistakes too. Some of them whoppers, some not so big. But we try to learn from them and move on. Perhaps another family member may have some photos somewhere that you can get copies of for yourself. It never hurts to ask.
I sadly burnt all the photos of my first son's Dad out of anger and hurt. It was 5 years of memories together that at the time felt like they were all tainted with lies and deceit making them fake and false and i no longer wanted to look at them and needed to move on.
I was only 20 at the time and now being 38 i realise how selfish i was and feel incredibly guilty as its something i could never get back to give to my son.
It was made so much harder by the fact that his Dad had no contact with our son for 13 years through his own choice by the lifestyle choices he made.
Im glad to say they have a great relationship now, though it is more like a friendship than father and son. Id like to think they can now make new memories together and what makes it better for my son is he isnt living in a hostile environment where his parents argue and scream at eachother.
Dagnolia Blossom I also think it is important to keep some, because the children will want to see it. It is part of their history.
@Dagnolia Blossom
I think it's incredibly unfair to put that kind of guilt on people. When a relationship ends, there can be so much pain and so much hurt and so much said and left unsaid, that the ONLY way to move through and past it is to get rid of the evidence of it. This is especially true for those who are left behind, discarded, or abandoned by someone that they once loved very deeply. While I did not have kids after a seven year relationship, I did destroy most of the pictures of us together because it was incredibly painful how my ex treated me - isolated me from friends and family throughout our relationship, told me he wanted kids and then later that he didn't because he grew up in an abusive family... slowly the pieces started falling into place and I eventually learned that he was not someone I wanted to be with. Despite this, I was incredibly devastated when he left because he had created a situation in which HE was all I had. I don't think I would have done one thing differently, had kids been involved. While children might feel a need to see the photos or evidence of their upbringing, what's more important is the relationships that people have in the here and now. I think that we, as a culture, put way too much stock in photos as memories... why not let memories stand in as memories. Anyway, just wanted to say my two cents because I think it's incredibly unfair to blame/shame someone for how they acted out of pain.
Nikkimorox1 f
I’m divorcing my husband after 40 years of marriage & it’s like a death. I haven’t spoken to anyone in my hometown about this bc it’s too painful to face. Thank You, ♥️Mayim for giving me hope.
❤
Omg what happened are you okay
40 years! Don’t do it!
it is a death, and you can take all the time you need to mourn it.
Do what feels right for you, take your time and feel what you need to feel
I'm sorry. ❤🩹
As a daughter of divorced parents (and a newly wed) I was moved to tears by this clip. Thank you for being so honest and sharing this deeply personal story. You are truly a special person.
She is an amazing and non-pretentious person. So accomplished and so humble.
she's a role model.
so true!
When you referred to your sons as the two miraculous souls entrusted to you, I teared up a little. That is the most beautiful way I've ever heard a parent describe their children.
You are a wonderful person, Mayim. I wish you a fulfilling life.
😭
You can learn a lot about a person by the way they use language; their vocabulary, sentence structure, word choices, etc, and I can only say that Mayim is a genius.
Mayim is literally a genius.
How the heck you didn't cry through this video is beyond me, because I was in tears. Maybe it's because I'm doing the paperwork to divorce someone that was so horrible for my life. His moving out was the best thing for both of us. We weren't a good fit and trying to keep something going because of my deep seated beliefs that marriage should be forever was the wrong answer for both of us.
@rushfd69 - How are you doing, today? I hope things are more manageable for you a year on.
I was thinking that you would cry so I was like "Please don't cry because I'll cry too"
Melissa Silva I couldn't hold it in, the tears started flowing. 😭
@@TheLadyDeliriumsame 😢
I'm currently going through a divorce with the person I've been with since I was 14 and wow I needed this.
Jessica, it's hard to detach from the person you thought you'd be with your whole life. It's also hard to form a new vision of the future without that person; at least it was, for me.
I'm sending you, through this post, the courage to become an independent woman with a vision of happiness and a purposeful future. Take all the time you need to make your own decisions; give yourself the love and compassion you need to make it through each day until it becomes a habit. You are worth it.
Hang in there. Your world will be upside down for a while as you re discover who you really are. Although it will be tough always treat your ex with kindness and be fair. In the long run your kids will respect you more.
I was 18 when I started dating my ex and was 31 when he left and divorced me for another woman. Divorce is not easy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
My heart breaks for you. You'll be just fine. If not and life is too much don't hesitate to try therapy! It helps when stuff is too overwhelming! I wish I had earlier and what you're going through sounds harder than what i went through (at the time). I didn't say it in a "you seem like you need help way!" 😬😁 prayers for you!
I'm going through divorce with the man I was with since I was 16. Was married almost 20 years. We're civil and amicable and moving on is so much better than staying stuck in the toxicity, and we've both found new love and happiness. But it still makes me cry that the love story had a sad ending, yanno? It wasn't how I dreamed it. I cry for that sad ending. I'm happy now, but that pain is still part of me too.
I had to end my engagement two years ago because of my fiancée's emotional withdrawal from the relationship (PTSD-driven workaholism), which absolutely destroyed me. I'm still in a huge amount of pain. I can't bring myself to destroy or trash the memorabilia from our relationship (or just her things that she left with me) no matter how much people urge me to. I decided to mail the things to her, and let her deal with them...I fought so hard to keep us together; it shouldn't be my responsibility to keep breaking my own heart by cleaning up the mess she left.
Mayim, this was an incredibly important message to put out into the world. It showed maturity, kindness, thoughtfulness, love, intelligence, passion... As a divorced woman, I can agree that preserving the most important parts of that life decision is as necessary as letting everything else go. Thank you for putting quality content out into the world.
Hii hw r u
Hussein from Egypt, 27 years old, looking for a wife for the husband
Hello how are you doing
I got very emotional watching this video. My Husband is a child of divorced parents who sadly do not have any short of relationship besides bitter, anger, and blame however one of his prized possessions that his Mother did give him as a gift when we were married was the wedding album from his parents wedding. Despite her personal feelings about her ex Husband and visa versa She understood the importance of my Husband knowing and seeing a once happy couple whom in love created this man to whom I am blessed to share my life with and to whom our love created our two children. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story with us.
Amazing gift.
I can’t stop thinking about fun with flags when I see her
😂
LOL
I'm old enough to remember her as Blossom.
Fun with flags was amazing and you know it!
@@notavailable5911 : I know she's doing a sitcom based on Miranda where she talks into the camera sometimes a bit like on Blossom.
Seriously bawling. After 30 years...I found myself divorced. Alone. Without all the “things” like pictures and such. I have one photo of my children and a suitcase of what I had the day my world collapsed. Your words were healing. They ministered to me. Thank you for that blessing. With my whole heart.
The idea that there's no such thing as "forever" still makes me sad.
I can see how you guys bonded with each other and the emotions behind your melancholy eyes, and I couldn't help crying when I witnessed these in the video.
I have never gone through a marriage, but every break-up hurt like hell.
I can only blindly believe everything happened is only for the best, and I hope that's true for you, too.
I purged all of the wedding stuff that wasn't truly sentimental, but I kept the good stuff. My wedding day was one of the best of my life, it really was. Divorce isn't a sign of failure, it's a sign of change, and a sign of making the decisions that are best for you. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't spent 10 years with my husband. I still have much love for him, and wish him all the best in the world.
Dear Mayim,
Divorce is not failure. You were a successful couple during your married years and you have created a family that will last. Relationship is hard, people change, have difficulties... It's hard to divorce and to move on, but it is better to have a good relationship with an ex than a really unhappy one with a husband.
Take care!
Greetings from The Netherlands!
This is beautiful, and so sweet of you to share such personal emotional things. I wanted to give you a hug. I've never been married, but have had close relationships that didn't last. No kids, but I came to a similar conclusion: this is very painful, but I don't regret that I had love for this person, and we really tried. That is part of me now, the trying and the enduring when it didn't work out - and it doesn't have to be a bad part of me.
All we have is a wedding day photograph, no saved clothing items, just walked into a courthouse, kept it super simple, no parties of extravagance... Still together for almost 25 yrs.
Those two boys will enjoy your Momentos/just might even incorporate them in their future.
Excellent video ❤️🙏
When I divorced my wife I wrote her a letter saying that even though we did not succed at our marriage, and that is our loss, we still came out ahead having brought our beautiful children into the world and even if only for that it was all worth it and we have much to be thankful for.
Just one correction: your children did not come from a 'difficult situation'. Rather, you simultaneously lived and are living through a difficult situation while raising them. That situation clearly affected and affects your children, but is completely removed from them.
Thank you for your sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are a beautiful person.
Marriage is indeed a covenant . I loved when you said that
Me too, knowing what is marriage, it's special. She's great.
I always thought of marriage as a Holy covenant. I will be married 25 years in October 2019. I think of divorce like a death, the death of a life together, the death of a dream. Sometimes it needs to be done, but I think the hurt never really goes away even if you find love again.
My parents divorced in the 90s and my mom died a few years back. I now own the wedding album and her dress and I cherish them so much.
This made me cry! "They see me and their father looking very much in love. Because we were in love."
How that look of love is what created them. Remembering how afraid and excited we were to become parents. Thinking of my 2.5yo son, some day looking through my own wedding photos. I doubt he will ever get the chance to see his father & I smiling or laughing together in person, what a strange and sad phenomenon.
Mayim that's the best decision you could have taken. Keeping the albums for your kids. I am the daughter of divorced parents, and my mom like you kept her wedding albums, and some letters my dad wrote to her. She's now completely over it, dating another super nice guy. When I was 15 I found the albums and letters. I was sooooo happy. Those pictures and letters made me cry because there was so much love in them, love that I couldn't see by myself and that I couldn't remember because they got divorced when I was very little. They're still friends and they're there for each other. My dad sometimes takes my mom to the hospital or buys her medicine when she's sick and her boyfriend is not around. It's such a nice relationship, and it has taught me a lot. Don't worry, it's a very good decision and your kids will be grateful to you in the future :)
After my divorce I donated my wedding attire to a charity for women who can't afford wedding dresses. It was very helpful and cathartic. Paying it forward always makes me happy.
Just amazing to see someone be so open, vulnerable and like so many regular people! I mean of course an absolute lovely actress, sweet person, and incredibly smart person.... But also deals with crap that everyone else deals with.... Thank you for all you do and best wishes to you and your loved ones, no matter what! ❤️👍
I was married in the 1970s and an entire generation of family in my wedding photos is long gone. My feelings about my wedding album go way beyond how I feel about our divorce. I could never throw away those photos of the people I loved and lost.
I appreciate the sentiment behind Mayim’s message. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and felt strongly that I had to get rid of my wedding dress. It was taking away too much energy. I put a lot of thought into how. I wrapped it up in brown paper tied with twine. I wrote a note of gratitude for the wedding and for the marriage and all it had taught me. And especially for our two precious daughters. I added a beautiful autumn leaf to the twine and set it aflame in the fire pit. It was incredibly cathartic and released a lot of negative energy that bound me to my ex. A beautiful funeral pyre. Would do it again in a heartbeat.
I commend you. We must do the things that keep us healthy. Otherwise we will never grow. I wish you Peace and Joy! ❤️🙏
My mom and I were planning my wedding to music when her and my dad's first dance song came on. I immediately started crying and asked my mom how she could listen to it after they divorced and told her how sad it made me. She was confused and said, "This isn't a sad song. You're dad and I might be divorced, but this is still our song. We were still married for a time and had you kids. Theres nothing sad about that."
It was definitely something I needed to hear going forward.
UpTown Amateurz that’s amazing
It’s October 2022, and I’ve just come upon this video. Mayim, this is absolutely amazing. I’ve never heard anything like this from anyone. And your raw honesty and transparency are refreshing and so beautiful. Thank you so much for putting this out there. I hope it helps many people learn to deal with and perhaps, even be free of the pain, the grief, the regrets, the anger and the rest of the carnage that comes with divorce.
This is such a difficult topic to talk so freely about. We ignore the struggles post divorce because we make it seem like an escape, and ignore the good memories of the life you once shared with someone.
I am a child of divorce, and I remember my mum trying to show me their wedding pictures, but she would show it in a positive light, and it's still something I appreciate a lot. Thank you for an honest perspective, but also a very realistic reminder that we are all our memories and past, who will build new memories and future.
I lost my dad to cancer 3 years after my divorce, seeing him all dressed up in my wedding photo's is priceless.
My most significant relationship that I would share EVERYTHING with, all of the hurt from the loss of that relationship hit me hard all over again this year(5 years later) when I would have just been able to share the loss of my grandmother this year. I k ow I can't and don't really look back. But it just hurts bcz I can share as openly with anyone else in that way.
That is beautiful
So sorry to hear about your dad. My dad is in his 80s with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. It makes me so happy when I see pictures of him dressed up at weddings. He looked so handsome and proud in his suit. He worked as a farmer so Jean's and workbooks were his uniform.
Yup. This is why it's ok to keep these things. Seeing someone so happy and all dressed up and living in that moment is worth holding on to. ♡
😭
You don’t need to get rid of things that are special for you, no matter the reason.
Thank you for being so real. I am about to go through divorce and it's so hard. I have also gone through waves of wanting to toss everything because I felt like that's what he did to me. But I am keeping a few memories for our children. They are the products of this failed marriage, and it was true love back then. I can't wait for the time when I can truly move on from all this heartbreak and trauma.
I started crying when you said "that look was what created them"... Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings 😭❤️
Mayim is that perfect cross between a rock star and a rocket scientist. This channel is one of the best things about UA-cam. Thanks for another awesome video! The world needs more truth-tellers and fewer trash talkers.
Well, we didn't have children but we were together 17 yrs. You can't erase those years- they're part of you. Moving on from a loss doesn't mean pretending something never happened. Forgive yourself, forgive them, and don't hold onto shame. One day you'll be able to look back at those beautiful photos and see yourself instead of them- and be proud of YOU for all you've come through ❤
I don't have kids, and I was sentimental about several things, like my dress that I eventually got rid of. But I still have the wedding pictures my ex husband and I sorted through together. We basically took the ones our families were in. I kept the video.
I still have pictures from prom, of my college sweetheart I almost married. These men were part of my past, people I loved, regardless of the endings. I wouldn't erase that history for anything.
This made me cry. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable.
This is amazing. I never saw my self in wedding dress. We eloped in Vegas. I never changed my last name! I always thought what if this never lasted. Over 20 yrs later.. And 2 daughters... We're still together. I still don't take it for granted.
We got married at city hall and had a backyard BBQ for some close family and friends; no dress, shoes, various bits and pieces nor photographer nor a wedding album. I have two framed photos from the day. 16 years and 2 kids later still happily married and still no regrets. Marriage is so much more than a wedding and as many find out a big traditional wedding does not make a marriage more meaning nor make it last.
So true!
Same here!
That's so true, well said.x
Same, we didnt even have rings. To broke to afford at the time. Now we have been married for 5 years and have a 3 year old. And we got some rings finally. I picked my own ring at jeweler, he would have gotten me an ugly ring!. For my husband i surprised him with a gold ring with norse inscription in "runer" on the outside. Its the alphabet we used before the latin one was introduced to us. It says kiss me. im norwegian and he is hondurian, so it was kind of special to incorporate my culture and heritage into his ring.
So did I. No stress and very comfortable. Best kind of weddings.
I purged EVERYTHING!!! Starting over was amazing!! My grown son doesn't miss any of his parents together items he built his own memories with the ex, those were mine, and gone they are:)
❤ thanks for being so pure and honest.
You're the very best!
Thanks for making this.
Emotional maturity ain't easy, but it is appreciated. I am awed that you understand that your past isn't yours alone. A portion of that belongs to your children, their children, etc. Your past belongs to the ones who will come. And they will definitely want the photos and memories from your wedding. Bless you.
FunctionofLight One
Wise words.
Emotional maturity is a fine concept as long as you're not the only one in the dissolving partnership trying to be mature.
FunctionofLight One unless you choose not to have children, and that includes step children.
I agree so much with this comment
I’m reading all of you guys’ sad stories and crying. Meanwhile, I’ve never even been in a relationship in the first place😂🤦🏻♀️
😂😂😂😂😂😂same here
x3 😂
Look on the bright side at least you don't have to go through it
So less pain for you
Me 2
Beautifully and touchingly put.❤
Thank you for sharing . So real , and spot on for what so many are going through and..have gone through. Very impressed
I don't make partner's get rid of keepsakes or photos of ex's. Someone loved them during a part of their life before we met. Those things make them feel loved, especially since life is cruel and people rely on memories of being loved to get through until the next good times. I have no real need to attack the tokens, as it would only attack the heart of my favorite person, not the ex.
Megan Sinnott this is a beautiful way of thinking about it. Thank you for sharing that.
You're just being an asshole and insulting me. You are clearly not trained enough to be a therapist. No, I don't expect people to recover from cancer or suicides overnight because of a queen bee tantrum. People have kids from previous relationships too. Should they get rid of those? My grandparents were just fine not being assholes to each other about their exes bone china or photos. It is possible to disagree or post your own opinion without being an asshole, but you are not cut from that cloth. I don't need to take lessons in self esteem from someone so low class as yourself, thank you.
Dammit, Megan, you made me cry. 😢
This gives me a lot to think about..
You know I never thought if it that way and it makes perfect sense. You live and learn, so this is a piece of logic I will carry with me and share.
My husband then boyfriend made me get rid of almost everything I hold a slight grudge against him because of it. I wish I never told him and would have given all the letters from him to my mom. The only thing I managed to keep was a necklace he gave me but my husband doesn't know and it will stay that way.
Omg...her concluding words got me: “In that union, we created the world again...twice.” 😭😭😭
Same!
Completely meaningless given their willingness to throw it away, and all the damage that does to children. So much for covenants.
Aurelius Marcus It’s not meaningless and it’s not fair to say they threw anything away. You were not there to see their struggles. People who feel as strongly as she does about a covenant don’t just give up at the first obstacle. You shouldn’t be so dismissive. Or would you also like your challenges to be dismissed as nothing?
Honestly, such a beautiful woman 💓
@@Crystal5672cats Struggles within a marriage are self-inflicted. What dangerous and enabling BS you spout. Apparently children mean nothing. Fucking "struggles" ... you're talking about grown adults, who should have sucked it up or sorted it out long before it got so bad that childrens' lives were ruined.
Your soul is gold, may your journey continue with many blessings.
Wow!! Just wow!! Thank you Mayam for sharing this. It’s a great perspective.
This is very healing for me. My parents were married for 24 years, then divorced 18 years ago, when I was 22 and it still hurts. I get a little insight into my mom's feelings through this video. Thanks.
This is a sweet comment :) My daughter is 18 and her father and I have been apart for 10 years. I know I could never articulate my feelings to her without ending up in a babbling, hysterical mess on the floor. I think its so hard for children to realise that, in a lot of cases, we didn't just 'stop loving' our ex. People break up for soooooo many reasons, and a lot of those reasons aren't about love at all. I still love my ex-husband. Even having been with another wonderful man for 8 years. Love doesn't just go away, especially when there are children involved. I think I'm going to show this video to my daughter. It might help her, too. :)
Thank you for this. My parents are divorcing after 32 years of marriage now that I’m 22 and finishing up college. I wish everyone could be happy and considerate of each other’s feelings but there’s rarely a positive end.
" Even beautiful things can come from the toughest situations". That was so beautiful, Mayim. Thanks for the inspiration!
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. You are beautiful!
You gave me so much to consider. Thanks. A healing process start while you talk. Thanks for your honesty.
My mum has kept her wedding photos because they have pictures of my great grandparents, they helped raise her. She wanted us to know that not all memories are sad. My brothers and I came from that union, and we are her greatest treasures.
I was married almost 30 years; while my ex is sincerely my bestfriend. But Im still morning the beautiful future we'll never have. Growing old having grandchildren. I don't think you ever completely overcome the loss of your life partner
Yes you do, as soon as you find a true replacement.
Thank you, Mayim. There were a couple of moments in this video when you brought tears to my eyes.
I'm also facing the very real possibility of divorcing my current wife. I feel so ashamed. Ive hurt her feelings after she hurt me. Please pray for us?
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
It’s never too late to make amends. I will pray for you.
God bless you both
Forgive each other it’s never too late. Renew your marriage with Gods help. He did it to mine may prayers go for you guys 🙏🏻
Or you could just apologize for your part in the wrong-doing and not give a rip if she's sorry or not for her part. What's more important to you? Her happiness or your pride? I appreciate that you admitted your part in the wrongs here, on UA-cam, to total strangers, because that feels safe, but you need to become vulnerable to her, and you should only trear her with respect and kindness. Let her determine if and when she will come to you to apologize for her part in the wrongs. That's never up to you. Place the expectations on yourself, not on her. That's how you move forward in a difficult marriage.
When I had my first marriage. I thought it was for life. We divorced after 6 years. I did not look at it as a failure. But as a learning experience. I married 20 years later to my soulmate. The love of my life. We were married almost 16 years before he died at 52 due to complication of pancreatitis. The difference in my first marriage and my second can not compare. Yes I loved my first husband. And we share my only child. The love I felt, (and still feel) for my second husband John, is beyond what even I thought existed. He was and is still the love of my life. There is a differences in the person you marry you thought you'd be with the rest of your life. And the person that comes into your life and you KNOW you will be with the rest of you life. There is no comparison.... Give yourself time....
As a divorced woman, that comment is so refreshing to hear. Thank you for sharing that! And I'm so sorry you're now living without the love of your life!
So beautifully said !!!
Been divorced twice. First one I had my daughter with. That was a horrendous divorce and she made me enemy. (My daughter Mia came to live with me fulltime when she was 9). My second wife we blended our families, went a decade nearly...but she felt the urge to move on and I let her with no issue. Now.. 3 years solo...watching and making sure my daughter will be 5x the person I am...and letting myself find more of me, before I try to enter another relationship. I consider both more of a personal growth experience, and respect both for some things, and cancelled them out on others. Each situation is very different.
How are you doing today?
I so enjoy all of your commentaries, thank you for sharing 🌻
Thank you for opening up. I too have struggled for a long time, although it's a bit different. Cheers to you and thank you again!
I didn’t throw anything out. I gave items to my mother who put them away for me. That way it was out of sight, but still there. What if someday my daughter asks about it, or wants to use my wedding dress someday to feel close to me. As abusive as he was, we still made a beautiful daughter, and even though he isn’t part of our lives I am still grateful that I was blessed with this joy and love I see every day in her eyes. God bless.
Lost my mother at 17 and my father remarried pretty fast , he gave my sister and I the photos from our parents wedding. I am happy my sister has them. His 2nd wife is not really a fan to make it short. I did not want the memories lost in a box hidden so I am happy we have them. I LOVE to look at the pictures and I am happy he did not throw them out or let his new wife decide what to do. I am sure the kids will love your photos forever.
Why not have all those photos scanned in so that you each have copies of every single picture? Since we now have the technology, it makes sense to do that. After you've done it, get a digital frame and display the pictures, if that's what will make you happy. Otherwise, keep them on your computer where you can view them when you feel like it.
TisEyerish1 That’s a good way to handle photos now, when my Dad died we found the old photos he had in his wallet of the family and my sister has made digital copies to enable everyone to enjoy them. It’s stuff non of us remember except our Mam but it’s a softer side to him than we usually saw and helps us feel closer to him even though he’s gone. Mayim and her Ex must be truly putting their children first to parent as they do. My cousin does family law and while it should always be like that, unless there’s a good reason, it’s often not and I do believe the children suffer if they’re not the priority. Keeping things that show children they were created from love is the least a parent should do, assuming they have the choice, I realise not everyone does.
My husband and I separated after 22 of marriage, and divorced after 25. I was angry at first, but eventually, we became best friends. Sadly my kids and I lost him in 2014 and it has left a hole in all of our lives. As to pictures...for Christmas several years ago, I scanned in every picture that my dad had and that I could get my hands on and gave them to each family member (his kids and grandkids) for Christmas one year, along with a family tree, a DVD that I converted from the VHS tape of all his home movies (I had converted the movies to VHS format in the early 80s), and a copy of my dad's memoirs, which he wrote after he retired. Now every one of my dad's descendants have everything I own. Unfortunately, not all of my siblings would allow me to borrow their pictures so I could scan them in. I still don't understand the reasoning behind it. But...we each have better than 400 pictures now!
TisEyerish1 I’m sorry you lost your friend, splitting up after so long is bound to make you angry and probably many other feelings too but at least you know that you did the best for your kids and that you moved past the initial feelings and kept friendship. I think it’s lovely when married people are able to stay together but the reality of life is that not everyone can. I think if you at least salvaged friendship from your relationship with him then you allowed yourself to have good times together still and that’s a huge plus for your quality of life although as you found, when we love people it’s devastating to lose them. It’s great to use technology to share memories though and you ensured they’re never going to be lost. That’s huge. I hope that your family finds time eases the pain slightly, that’s what we’re finding after losing Dad, slowly we think of the happier memories more than we feel sad.
Thank you, Sarah...you're a wise woman! I was actually the one who found him after he died. I paid for his funeral. As it turned out, he left me his estate, which I shared with our children. Time does ease pain, but it never goes away. We all have wonderful memories of him, though, and those help tremendously.
I appreciate your shares so much. I empathize with, those of us, choosing to be open and transparent with each other. Thank you Mayim👏🏽🙏🏼💝
I absolutely LOVE this! Thank you for sharing this!
Perfect timing!! My ex-husband is getting married in 2 weeks. We’ve been divorced 10 years but it is still going to be challenging. Your video somehow found me at just the right moment and you helped me give myself permission to mourn my wedding but still accept and appreciate the woman I was when we married 25 years ago. I too will keep the photos. Thank you Mayim! You’re an angel.
Stabgan that's so rude
Lori Yehle sounds like my divorce after almost thirty years have never spoken
@Daniel Brown You're ridiculous
I'm not married yet, this was beautiful. Your children were made with love. You were a stunning bride, but your an even more beautiful human.
She is so real...I love listening to her talk
Thanks, Mayim! Your thoughts were just what I needed to hear. I feel your struggle. Thanks for the good counsel.
"That look was what created them." BEAUTIFUL.
"The person I was then is important for my son's to know about"
Love that 😍
Mayim, you are the greatest, most gracious, blessing!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I love the way you approached this!
I'm 24 and I'm engaged. My father left my mother for his high school sweetheart when I was 14. My mother got rid of all of their wedding things - did the whole bond fire shabang with the album. Since their divorce, my mother has referred to another man - one who put both she and I through 8 years of emotional Hell, and greatly damaged 'our' relationship - as her soulmate. Even going so far as to say, "I loved him more than I ever loved your father." I have no relationship with my father, after he told me point blank that I make his girlfriend and her children "uncomfortable." I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but knowing all of this, hearing all of this, experiencing all of the pain that came afterward - it's left me feeling like my existence is a mistake, and it's left me terribly fearful for the fate of my own marriage. All this said, if things DO fall apart, I will follow your example. I never want my children to know this kind of pain.
Desirae I’m so sorry to hear about this, and I hope you’re doing better. I highly doubt your fiancé thinks your existence is a mistake!! Sending much love x
Your existence isn't a mistake for sure . You made your mother feel complete and were there for her when nobody else was ... I can't relate to what you have been through so all I'm gonna say is that never think of yourself that way .. you seem to be a wonderful person . ALL THE BEST FOR TOUR MARRIAGE 😚
#girllouu
We are all here because of something! Maybe you are here to do all the things right, that your parents didn‘t (: just be happy and never look back!
Just because your parents were failures doesn't mean you're going to be. You are your own person. Take charge of your life, live it for you, and examine why you're getting married. If you have any doubts, don't do it. If you feel it's right, nothing can stop you.
You are worth it! I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. You are not your parents. Do not let their mistakes ruin your chance of happiness. You deserve the world.
I wish I could hug you sweetheart....you are like the strongest person I've ever seen. May God bless you with your continued journey to peace and happiness. xo
Thank you SO much for sharing your perspective & experiences. I can practically relate to them all & echo your sentiments. It's really been enlightening to watch this video, especially because you articulated this sensitive topic so well. Thanks again.
This is so beautiful 🥺 Thank you 🙏 Your videos are so healing 🧡