How I Discipline My Boys (Without Shaming Them) || Mayim Bialik
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- Опубліковано 8 тра 2019
- Hey, it's Mayim, and now that I'm raising tween and teen boys I'm finding that there are some situations and behaviors that need dealing with in different ways. I'm worried about food choices, rudeness, and the urge to curse that have all started to develop. I'm choosing to handle these situations in ways that don't shame my boys. If you're curious how that works, watch my video! Let's chat about it more in the comments.
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You may know me as Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory, or from Blossom, but hopefully, these videos allow you to get to know me better as Mayim, too! Subscribe to my channel for video updates. I upload new videos every Thursday!
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About Mayim Bialik:
You might know me as Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory or from Blossom but there are so many other parts of me that you might not be aware of! I’m trained as a neuroscientist, I'm a passionate activist, an observant Jew, a perfectly imperfect mother, and I'm a complicated human being like many of you. This is the place where I wear all of those hats - and none of them have a flower on them! ;)
As a mom and grandmother I still remember my Dad explaining to someone who couldn't understand why my parents didn't believe in spanking, that discipline and disciple mean to teach, and a wise teacher leads by example, by taking the time to explain why certain things are not allowed, are discouraged etc. and then not giving up on a child who may be a slow learner with certain issues.
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A person who spanks just proves they are unable to parent with their words.
You have great parents. I learned when I was raising mine "spare the rod and spoil the child". Then someone told me "thy rod and thy staff they comfort me". That rod is a staff used to guide the sheep not beat them. I never spanked my children again.
I never rolled my eyes or sassed my parents, as I knew what would happen. They think they raised a perfect, happy, well behaved woman. Your way is better.
No, not necessarily. Your generation is much happier with a sense of consciousness than the younger generation (teens-30ish) now. Ms. Bialik doesn't like to "shame" her kids. Of course not, that's not good for anyone. But know how to use shame in a constructive way. Without shame, you can't experience pride.
Underrated comment! I hope you really mean that you are in fact not happy or perfect. You deserved better! We all did. I'm not ashamed to say it or think it. We need to start caring what it means to be a parent. We're not training puppies! Peace and love!
Yes, but pride is a sin
Mayim :"im pretty good at pretending to be mad huh"
Me: well you are an actress, 😂😂
@Mayim 😉🤫
Isn’t she a neuro scientist ?
@@chrisrock4072 she is both, her show is really famous, it's called the big bang theory
valeria V , I know . I am kidding . I know in an interview someone asked if people thought she could do calculus on the spot and she clapped back with, “actually, I can. I am a neuro scientist.”
@@chrisrock4072 lol sorry 😂 i wasn't sure if you were kidding or not, and in case you were not i didn't want to sound rude
For anyone who says “We turned out fine!” Who wants to end up ‘fine’ we can do better as parents. We can aim higher than ‘fine’ we can critically think about respect and boundaries. I applaud this!
Very well said. We know better lets do better.
@@carlcrow5990 looks like you turned out just fine enough to insult strangers online. How ironic.
@@repit5014 it is ironic.so now you can go fuck yourself. thankyou
The thing is; "fine" is good enough. There are so much pressure on parents today on being perfect and not doing any mistakes in raising their kids. But the thing is, nobody is perfect and everyone ends up doing mistakes anyway in one way or another.
Even if you were able to do everything perfect, there's no guarantee that you're kids end up perfect, or even fine.
There are studies on this and the conclusion is that parents should be "good enough". That's all it takes. That doesn't neccesarily mean that you shouldn't aim higher, but it does take the pressure off I think.
Purple Dawn I’m not discounting that at all. I’m essentially saying if you know that something in the way that you parented was wrong and you should have done different we as a society should be able to openly admit that without feeling the shame of being wrong. It’s OK to be wrong and it’s OK to admit it. But when people know that they have done wrong, refuse to admit it and cover that mistake with a blanket “you turned out fine” that becomes a problem. People would rather defend their mistakes and insult one another rather than take responsibility, apologize and do better with the knowledge they have.
I’ve listened many a night how my husband has cried at the phone trying to speak with his parents. He’s been scarred so deeply from the abuse he experienced as a child. We decided back when we met that if we ever had children we would never EVER do the same things our parents did to discipline. We don’t want our baby girl to grow up and say she survived.
I'm loving the new Mayim. I'm glad the therapy is working out, and your confidence in letting go is shining through well.
Carl Crow what?
@@SarahKrilow pack it in your ass sarah
mayim likes the high hard one
@@SarahKrilow it's a troll. Someone with a really sad life. Ignore that person. They get off on you responding.
Therapy???
I wish my parents were like this. I have trauma from my childhood because my parents were so mean. I literally break down and cry every time I create a minor inconvenience to someone because of the way I was raised
:/
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I'm sorry that happened in your life. Hugs.
Same here...Guess we can relate to it....So loads of love and hugs from me..❤❤❤
I highly recommend EMDR therapy
There is nothing more terrifying that my dad's look of disappointment with the softly spoken line "It's your life, I try to help you, but I won't last you forever".... god, as an adult that still makes me shiver.
Guilt always works like gold lol
I hope your kids know how lucky they are. Everything I did was “1/2 assed” and everything my sister did was “stupid” in our parent’s eyes. All it accomplished was destroying our self esteem. Once you destroy something it’s gone. Going through life with little to no self esteem isn’t pleasant. It’s awful. I’m grateful there are people who build their kids up instead of tearing them down. #Stopthecrazy
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❤️❤️
I like the idea of “polite elephant” also I had to laugh while imagining someone saying “guys, that’s prickly” 😂😂😂
I'm 22, moved out and am working and studying and I feel like I sometimes need a Mayim to remind me about growing and fun food as well as not cursing. I don't know your children, but having been a teenager not long ago I can say that viewing children and teens as intelligent, independent and growing characters helps. Explain your choices and listen to the reasons behind theirs. Talk about perspectives and who they want to be. Take their irrational feelings into consideration, because they are real and sometimes dominating over rational choices and accept bad days. And take it as an advantage that they are sassy; you are allowed to be sassy back without being a bad role model to them. I know, for a childless person I have got a very strong opinion. Mayim, I am sure your boys will be well behaved men. Your strict but loving and mindful parenting will pay off.
My mom stopped (or delayed) my cursing by questioning me: 1. Do you know what that means? 2. Do you really wish that to happen/be true?
Oh that's good
My tips raising a now 15 year old daughter:
There is no “good or bad food” it is simply “Everyday food and Sometimes food”.
People curse when they don’t know a better adjective to use!
Sass cannot be reasoned with!
Revisit the behaviour at a calmer time.
Donna C actually, science says intelligent people also curse, but do it correctly, and in pairing with other words to describe what is happening etc. the more you say no the more they will curse
A look can counter any sass that was ever thrown at me. With girls you need a sad near crying look, With boy's you need an I'm about 5 seconds from beating your ass look.
Try it, It works.
Sounds like she controls you with that last point. I'm a teenager myself, well 19, but I can tell you we are smart enough to exploit some behaviours to manipulate you
Omg sass cannot be reasoned with indeed!
@@Altheaisokay very true! I'm going to college for psychology and sexual science, and the studies that have come out about cursing say that its fine. Alot has to do with the societal norm around cursing
My sons are adults now. They’re wonderful and compassionate humans! That happened purely by accident!
Before they were 13, I sat them down for a chat. I told them that sometimes they’d be so angry that they couldn’t speak. I also told them that it was okay to be that angry. Actually, I told them that they would be assholes. I told them that even though they’d be assholes, I would always love them. I also said that even though they might be blindingly mad, they weren’t allowed to kick the dog, punch their brother, put a hole in their bedroom wall, break anything, and (FOR DAMNED SURE) better not lay a finger on me. I told them that they could take a long walk, or hole 7p in their room until they were ready to TALK about their issues.
Because I didn’t want to deal with patching drywall, I created two young men who VERBALIZE their issues and needs. My sons have no problem communicating. They talk to me , call on the phone, ask for advice. They pick my brain for recipes
Trust me on this, Mayim. Have the (someday you’re gonna be an asshole) talk with your sons. It’s worth it. ❤️
This is gold. I'm gonna remind it if I ever happen to have kids in the future.
Temperament, personality, and how well someone's brain functions has more to do with how people turn out than a single "talk".
le th it’s amazing how they listen to that one talk if you talk to them with respect. One talk about cursing and my boys check who’s around before they let loose.
I'm sure it wasn't by accident and it wasn't just this one talk. I am 100% sure that it was who you are as a person that also helped shape them. Just having the talk is not enough it's living 'the talk' that matters more. I am sure you have respected your sons and nor just you probably your partner and all those around who your sons grew gave them enough good examples to become emotionally responsible and mature adults. Nothing happens by accident in parenting.
@@amaanat. what you said couldn't be more truer. Im not going to lie I was never taught how to handle my anger. My mom always bottled it up until she exploded and I do the same thing untill my child came along and I decided that was something I needed to work on and set a good example. I don't show my anger often (maybe twice a year) but when I do im angry about everything even things that normally don't bother me and I can't stand feeling that way. So im trying to be more aware of the times that I just bottle it up and actually deal with it instead of stuffing it down for later. Alot of kids become this way also because they simply are not allowed to be angry when they get angry (there parents punish them and they don't want that so they stuff it down) and they are told there feelings aren't valid. Alot of people probably go to self destructive behavior because of that too (getting punished for being angry). I always tell my child it's ok to be angry and I don't invalidate his feelings. But its how you deal with that anger that's important. And we talk about ways he could handle it when he's not angry so he can put those skills to use when he is angry. He's only 8 right now but I think he's going to be alright. It's hard with teenagers because they have all these hormones working against them and causing all these strong emotions and they are hard for them to handle. So it's better to work on dealing with anger at a younger age regardless of weather your child gets angry alot or not. I feel so bad for the kids who aren't allowed to get angry. It's really not good to feel that way. They can't let it go when they stuff it down.
After watching this video, I sent it to my parents and thanked them with tears in my eyes because they brought up, me and my sister exactly this way, and I intend to do the same for my children, should I have any. To all the parents, please please take notes. My parents did this and trust me, the world for us is a lot different than it is for my friends who had super strict parents.
We are living the same teen/tween life! Trust but check. Look at their video history every so often. Not being braggy, but we always get compliments about our boys from teachers and other adults. The best thing I can say is just what you're saying - lead by example, eat good foods with them, and explain that when adults hear kids cursing it ruins how they are looked at, their reputation. Try to understand how hard it is for them. The positive stuff definitely works, but it's a long process of trust building and commitment.
When my two boys were a few years younger than yours are, the biggest problem I had with them was name-calling. They would call each other “stupid” or “dummy”, etc, whenever they argued. I had finally had enough, and told them for each mean thing they said to the other, they had to say three nice things. It worked like a charm, mainly because they hated having to think of three nice things to say about the other one! They are now 31 and 34, and they turned out to be pretty decent human beings.
Haha thats a cute idea
Brilliant!
You're awesome. Not a mom yet but I sent these videos to my husband as we are planning and we just had a full discussion about this over lunch. Thanks!
I got very lucky. My kids grew up without punishment and discipline and it was just an even flow. I never forced my kids to eat any particular foods, never to,d them to take bites of this veggie or that. I put their plates in front of them and they ate what they ate, They all loved broccoli, beans, asparagus and still love nearly all veggies and foods. Sure there are a few items that just don’t taste good to them but we are all that way. None of them were overweight. No eating disorder issues. As for the guiding them to adulthood, it was simply that. Guiding them. Helping them understand certain topics and the natural consequences of other things does the job itself. My youngest just turned 19 and all three will admit to never being yelled at or spanked, dismissed or talked down too. I know I’m lucky and I’m so proud of each one of them. I just can’t wait to see what the do next.
It’s a blessing to have these problems. Many moms I know are worried about things so much more dangerous than this.
My biggest fears include things like self harm, car accidents, sexual assault and physical assault.
Same! My kids are all adults and the fears you listed are dull fears of mine.
I told a ham radio guy a woman is treated different when she is with a man than when she is alone. He said his girls called it the meat market. They just don't understand how dangerous it is to be a woman in the USA.
Absolutely. We used to say respect for yourself and others were our non-negotiable items for our kids. When you think of it that includes everything you listed plus doing the same to someone else. My 30 year old son just "confessed" that when he and his guy friends were teens they put the bicycle rack for a local park on top of the roof for the restrooms. How 1950s of them! They've all turned out to be great guys. Everyone out in the world doing their thing in spite of their crime spree. It can be done!
The things you mention are not the most likely dangers...
@@laurac5451 is dangerous in all countries. In some countries is very very dangerous.
Loving your channel right now - your articulation is wonderful! Thank you! xx
Well, it is an actress territory!
IT'S EVERYTHING!!!
Omg I wish you were my mother. Your model of positive and loving parenting is wonderful; your boys are truly lucky to have you as their mother ♥
Thank you for not being sold into celebrity slavery and for keeping your character intact!!
Been a fan since beaches 😁
As a momma of two boys. I totally need this. I look forward to any video you do. Anymore cooking videos on the horizon? Lots of love n sunshine ☀️
I love your ideas! They base on communication and logic. I mosly got raised that way as well and I am still thankful about it up to today at 36! It´s a way all parentes should go. It always leaves me increadibly mad, sad and scared when I see mothers talking rude to their kids because they don´t "function" the way they want them too.
not only do i wish i had a mother with a similar perspective, but every video of yours i watch helps me understand the places of myself i need to build up before i know i can guide a lil one through the world. you’re absolutely one of my favorites, always offering insight and a light, charming tone in every video. thank you for this!
Gasp
I didn't know you had a UA-cam
You're so lovely! I don't even have kids but I'm watching anyway, new sub
I love how u get to the point while being interesting and making actual points... UA-cam is so awful for people blabbering on and on... u r appreciated! I really enjoy your videos!! 😁😁😁👍🏻
Wow. Earlier, I was just thinking about asking you how do you discipline your boys :) amazing! Thank you Mayim!
Love listening to you. My children are all grown and one grandson grown. You give me hope for the future. I think when a parent truly loves their children you will find the proper path.
Just watched the finale tonight and I'm in tears. So touching and beautiful. Just wanted to say that you're an intelligent, interesting person And you truly are an inspiration to many women. You're a strong lady and awesome Mother. You do it all and even when things go not as planned you you pick yourself up and make a new one with grace. I will miss the show dearly but I'm always a fan of you and glad I can still see you here. Can't wait to see what is next for you.
I have always been inspired by you.
You get it.
You get our children.
You get us.
Thank you, don't stop doing what you do.
😘😘😘 I send you lots of love💗💗💗
I really like this approach to parenting! Excellently explained.
I'm always looking for new perspectives on parenting. Thank you for this video!
I appreciate that what you have learned, you learned from parents whose children's behavior you like. What a wonderful way to learn ANYTHING we want to learn! Thank you.
I absolutely love your videos. Great tips practical and they make so much sense. Thank you. 😊
Nicely said. We have no kids, but I respect many of your opinions, and find your videos entertaining and informative. Kudos on conquering yet another facet of life! Keep it up, Mayim!
I believe you are absolutely on the right track. Communication is huge. Lots of times kids are missing a piece of information that they need to make better decisions. Heavy handedness leads to more opposition.
Thank you for sharing your unique perspective. I love the idea of avoiding shame, while encouraging healthy eating and respectful communication. I worry about orthorexia in my teen stepdaughters who have had some adults with unhealthy food attitudes in their lives, and your growing versus fun takes away the good and bad value judgements on food.
This is such an eye opener Mayim thank you !!
As a 21 year old who remembers the recent years of teenage-hood, let me say that you are 100% right! Respecting your children, their space, and their feelings will only help them to feel more open to communicating with you! Trust is the #1 best way to help your children and will make them actually want to be friends with you as a parent!
Loving your channel. I’ve been a high school teacher for almost 30 years AND I raised 2 boys, now young men. I learned to embrace the slammed door-meant I was doing my job and setting boundaries. And honestly, my boys always felt better and safer after their anger cooled off. Also- staying cool is key. If they see they can make you lose it- some will take that power and run with it!
I’m 18 years old and cannot wait to be a parent. You’re methods of parenting are spot on! Could not agree more, you’re doing a fantastic job and it’s important to me that you know you are❤️
Greatest Show ever !!!! The finale almost brang me to tears. You're a treasure on the show and real life. Amazing Mayim ;] Thank You ;]
I always taught my kids “treat others how you wanted to be treated.” Do you want someone to roll their eyes at you? Swear at you? Tease you? I’ve even had my kids go back and apologize to people on their own after I told them this.
Yep
I always appreciate your parenting advice! You are indeed an expert and your baby book (beyond the sling) was one of the books I most appreciated as a new mama.
I also really resonate with how important it is to not feel guilty as a mama- meaning, doing things in a way we won’t regret. It takes a lot more work but it’s worth it and the kids really can tell when you’re in a good vibe with yourself! Win:win!
I'm not a mum, but I have two nieces, 8 and 13, and I'm always looking for tools to help me deal with situations like the ones you described. I grew up without brothers or sisters, so I'm a rookie aunt.
Thank you very much for these wonderful videos Mayim.
Sending love from Spain.
As a teenager, my parents spend a lot of time with me and my sibling so we feel secure all the time. We also try hard to respect them so that they don’t feel like their manner is being overlooked. Thanks Dr Bialik.
My boys are the same ages as yours, and thanks for this. Prickly- perfect word for that!
She's the best. Literally the most intelligent and self aware mother I can imagine.
She's always up to date on the emotional intelligence and maturity of her kids, and that is seriously impressive. Even though it's REALLY not that hard to do.
Just read up on the normal behavior patterns of kids and adolescents and you'll have a barometer for how to approach it from the wide angle. Then use your intimate knowledge of your child to choose a herding technique that will best serve your particular starter-adult.
Her brilliance is both academic and emotional. I love her.
Love this parenting style! Great way to demonstrate understanding while maintaining boundaries.
"Growing food vs fun food" AAAAMMMMMAAAAAZZZZZIIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!!
“I’m pretty good at pretending to be mad huh?” Well you are an actress so I’d hope so lol 😂❤️
I think you're doing a great job with your kiddos. The techniques you described are excellent, esp. because it brings them into the moment. Humor ALWAYS helps, it can turn things around fast.
Thank you for this! I 100% agree but sometimes get caught up in the chaos and forget how to effectively communicate with ANYONE, let alone the tiny humans. Totally needed the reminder that they go through typical stages and I need to adjust my approach rather than try to gain control! 💚
I tell my teen son that if you curse have respect and don't do it around women, children younger than himself or elders but it's inevitable that they'll curse when amongst friends if they're friends curse. My 26 yr old daughter didn't even say crap in my presence until she was 23, 😊. Teaching Respect/politeness is a must in parenting! Love your videos Mayim!❤
Jamie Lee I like this idea. I don’t expect people to never curse but it infuriates me when I hear teens/tweens cursing around my young kids at the park.
Children I get but why not around women? Why would that be more rude than cursing around men
I love this. I realize in some ways I'm a dinosaur, but I think a woman should be treated like a lady...hold the door for her, don't curse in front of her, keep your bathroom humor to yourself. It's a matter of respect.
I absolutely love that you recognize, respect, and embrace that your kids are their own people fully. I’ve seen so many parents view their kids as property and not people. Your kids are so lucky to have such an awesome mom, and I know they’ll understand that and be so grateful that you care about them as people. I also love that you understand that this is just part of their growth and development, and not take it personally when their in a bad mood, and react accordingly. Thank you for sharing how to raise really awesome people.
Thank you so much! Everything you said makes total sense. Prickly is an outstanding word.
Mayim, what a great video. My four boys have grown up and have their own families. It’s so wonderful to see them set and hold on to boundaries in the same positive and strong ways that I raised them. Discipline with dignity is definitely the way to go. I wish we were friends.
can't wait for the season finaleee!! I'll miss the show.. love you, Mayim, from Italy
Series finale
i can i dont want it to end
My son's favorite was "MAN, MOM" so now he's 49 and I sign everything to him "Man, Mom".
omg LOVE THIS!!!!
Love the sound effects...nice touch
I'm hearing ya....I can totally relate to all you are saying.thank you for sharing your experiences in such an intelligent & honest way.( Ive only just discovered your channel few days ago,& I love everything I've viewed so far.i look forward to future vids).thank you .
I’m totally against corporal punishment. Something my husband and I debate on and we don’t have children yet. I don’t think we can procreate before reaching a common ground. I wanna be able to just give them a look and leave them shook. No need to put my hands on them. My mom hit me a hand full of times and I still resent those times!
A withering, disapproving look can be every bit as hurtful as a smack on the bottom. I'd personally rather be hit than made to feel unworthy.
This is gonna sound really wierd but I have been more affected by scathing remarks and hostile treatment than getting hit (obviously not to harshly)
I absolutely love all your video's especially the ones on parenting. You should write a book. I would definitely read it ❤
She already wrote four book.
@@martinaf.2737 Thanks for letting me know I will look them up
This touched deep memories in me of my childhood and I love your perspective on “prickly words” I’ve been a little obsessed with the no cussing thing and wanting others to respect that around my girls. I’m feeling the absence of the stress I’m producing at times may be more beneficial now. I’d love to see what your favorite reads on parenting may be.
It's so nice to still be able to see your smiling face and advice on UA-cam. Even though your show is nearly done. Man I love Big Bang along w/ the whole cast!
I like that you say there are no bad words, honestly any word can be used in place of the traditional "curse word" and if it is said with the same intent it really doesn't matter what word you said. I actually believe in explaining the original meanings of the words to illustrate this point, they have actual meaning beyond anger or to make yourself heard. Any way love the prickly term its cute!
I agree with humour. It worked most of the time with my kids. And the occasional 'can you HEAR yourself?' if they got really sassy.
Thank you, Mayam for being sooo sooo HUMAN!!!!! People in Show Biz strike as VERY VERY SHALLOW!!!!! This is why I’m such a BIG FAN of yours!!!!!
Sometimes I feel resistant to listening to people when they're celebrities but I keep listening to Mayim and I feel like she's a good friend, or I wish she was!
I pushed the like button first before playing the video. ❤️
me too❤
Same
I always wait to see if in fact I like the content of the video....then I forget and just go on to the next video without thinking about the LIKE button. In this case thanks for the reminder.
Congratulations
I free videos of prostate 9
As a parent you are responsible for keeping them safe, teaching them how to be good citizens, and guiding them toward becoming an independent adult who can totally take care himself when it comes time to do that. Some of that requires setting absolute, non-negotiable boundaries (but that doesn’t mean the kids won’t try to negotiate moving or even dissolving the boundaries). There are very good and necessary adult-world reasons to be eat healthy, be polite, and not curse in certain situations. But those are things you have no control over when they are not with you, and are also a bit “negotiable”. It’s great and important that you are approaching these three like “values” you want them to have when they grow up and leave, , and not just “rules not to break”. Also I must include, that your example as parents (you and your ex-husband) will likely be more influence and “speak louder” than anything you say on the subject in these three categories. I speak as a grandparent and retired high school teacher. And I love how you explain it:) That elephant is a pet every family should have😊
Well said!
Thank you so much for your thoughts Mayim! We need videos like this on youtube. I love my parents, and I have so much respect for everything they accomplished as parents despite so many roadblocks. However, without any disrespect or disregard toward their rough upbringing, I know that I want to discipline my child differently. I no longer fear that having that open dialogue and not always resorting to (hardly ever really) corporal punishment will lead to her not having respect for me. Children are complex beings, and we as adults sometimes give them so little credit of what they can really comprehend. I have such a close bond to my daughter, and I think it's because I am really trying to embrace some of these things Mayim mentioned. Helping my husband with this has been difficult, but we're getting there slowly.
You are so verbal.and tell your story very well! I love it! I had three boys and most of TBE time when there was trouble, I sent them to their rooms, where they had books to read for comfort. When they came out on their own later, they were fine and sweet, often excited about what they read.
Of course, there were worse disruptions, but I won't discuss that.
I need Polite Elephant. Like a 100 copies. To give out to friends and students.
amazon
Swearing is really not a thing we worry about here in Germany. It’s a part of language we don’t hide from our children. It’s in Kids’ Movies and TV shows and even in Daycare swearing is not unheard of.
Yes... but still there are limits. Like in Kindergarten you could say words like shit! or crap! in german, but like not the f-word. Although I've often heard (rap)songs in public that contained words like that, sooo....mmmh
That's fine but...she's not in Germany. She's not German. She's in the US. She's American.
@Tracie Holladay
I know. I am just sharing some cultural differences.
You've got it figured out! Thanks for sharing these really good ideas.
I was raised the way spoken about in this video , and i appreciate the work my parents put in to make sure i was a well rounded human being with out use of fear . I encourage this for every parent child relationship .
Cursing is am extremely effective way to relieve stress.
Hi Mayim, I’m a former Specialist Teacher-Resource, Special Education, and Administration. I would set up a two-choice situation with food and activities at home. For example, with vegetables, you ask, “Do you want broccoli 🥦 or salad?” Giving them two choices gives them some independence. For chores, ask, what task are we accomplishing this weekend? Cleaning your rooms or cleaning bathrooms.
As for “making a good impression”, it is absolutely what you are aiming for-My opinion is that I would call it manners. Set up expectations for manners, again with the two-choice method. If they are both mannerly at family gatherings or with your friends, you set up this type of choice (this completely depends on their personal interests), for example, manners = free time for you to do Activity A or Activity B. This will give them incentive.
Thanks, Mayim!
❤️Pam, from 🇨🇦
Think of yourself as the Master Planner. Purchase a monthly calendar that you can put beside while you have family meals. Write in activities, who is doing what (and what chore) and anything else that is part of that week. I buy a monthly calendar that is the size of notebook paper-with a cover. In another central location, I have a wall calendar 📅 and we write down all activities. This is done independently. If you’re really into organization, colour-code it! ☺️
I gave my son choices when he was a toddler. When he was three, he said "I know what you are doing." And he refused both choices.
Lynne J. I was trying to be helpful. My experience is that children who are difficult when they are toddlers, that behaviour is carried on to school. I addressed your question giving you lots of options in case you were still having difficulties but didn’t want to say anything on an open forum.
My comment was also meant for others. It’s free advice.
The mannerly message you could have left would be: “Thank you for your efforts on my behalf.”
@@pro6703 :) My first thought was, where were you 30 years ago? I read every book I could get my hands on at the time, because, yes, I am that intense. And then my second thought was OUCH. What I saw as an interesting and amusing moment in motherhood, because my son was perceptive enough to notice when he was being manipulated, appeared to strike you as pathognomonic of a behaviour disorder and evidence of lack of parenting strategies. So, yes; thank you for that! In fact, his school reports, from the beginning, generally began with "A. is a polite boy." It seems neither one of us realized how we came across and yes, I have learned from this exchange of ideas and I am grateful for that.
Lynne J. You comment did not strike me as, wow, your child is Behaviour Disordered. My thought was that there would be many people reading comments, so I outlined a plan that any parent, who was constantly struggling with behavioural issues from their child, would read and file the information away. It’s very hard to get practical ideas of further steps to take in case a child continues to be manipulative and out of control.
Where was I thirty years ago? Thirty years ago, I was having my 29th birthday 🎂. It’s my birthday, so I’m stepping away from further comments here.
Very informative! Just ordered the polite elephant! Love how you use positivity
Really needed to listen to this. My son just hit his teens and my goodness, his attitude is not all desirable. He pushes me to the point that I just do not want to be around him or I have to scream. Thank you. I will try this method on him.
RE: cursing and my teen & tween.
I have little to no problem with cursing, but, to me, it is SUPER cringy coming from a kid.
I’ve taught my kids that those are grown up words, and you’ll know you’re old enough to use them when you know when it’s okay to use them. I have defined that threshold by explaining that a young person using foul language around adults is probably not ever going to be okay.* Friends are none of my business, but it’s important to watch how your friends react because you might be making them feel uncomfortable. I give them their own power, but I have also put the responsibility on them.
Your mileage may vary, but my kids police themselves because I put them in charge of that. (After parenting them through their formative years, of course! 😅)
*I don’t say anything if my son (almost 16) uses a curse word when he’s feeling extremely frustrated or angry. He is an Aspie, and, frankly, I’m just happy he’s using words to express those big feelings.
Edited to add: I’m a huge nerd, and my kids have been homeschooled, so their vocabulary is robust. They have alternative words to cursing, and they frequently utilize them. Also, we make up words. 😂🤷♀️
Well said.
I informed my husband we need to clean up our vocab the day my 2 year old started cursing correctly.
Cursing is NOT ok on any level or age!
@@crishawk14 it is if a person wants to!
crystal Hawkins
Thanks for your opinion. I feel differently, however. 🙂
As a teen boy i was 10000x worse.(seriously, i should have died 10,000 times before 20)
Hug your boys when they let you, and say "i love you" when they let you
Did you ever asked your parents how you were as a child growing up by any chance?
Also- trying to teach teens who are parented by power struggles and domination make my job soooooo much harder! And caving...parents -please give thoughtful consideration to your answers so that children don’t learn the power of harassment! Glad we had this talk
I connect with you so much! I admire you, your intelligence, your deep thinking/wisdom and goofy sense of humor! Keep it up! You're amazing 😍
She so smart, I felt like she was me talking to me
cursing, as offensive as it can be, there's probably not a lot you can do about that, since it's so pervasive in society these days, they'll pick it up, and use it without thinking, so, probably the best you can hope for, is asking that they restrain their use of curse words in certain situations, and around certain people, where their use would be offensive/inappropriate...you can always try the old 'swear jar'
This was very insightful! Thank you
Your best response is positive examples. You rock.
U should do a parenting book
I think she did a couple about boys & girls
She did two of them: Girling Up and Boying Up.
How do they feel about you talking about them in a forum such as this?
Wow! I just found your channel. This is the second video I’ve watched and I love it! Thanks
Your sons are extremely blessed...you are very in-tune with your sons and you are very wise in how to parent well. God bless. 👍👍
BLESS your parenting videos, I feel that EVERY parent should watch your videos haha.
I'm horrified with the amount of parents that think PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSING their child is an appropriate way of discipline. The excuse "my parents did it to me" isn't a valid reason for potentially traumatising their children... Yes maybe YOU weren't negatively affected but your child ISN'T YOU therefore there is a good chance that they could have to live with the Horrible side effect of what this abuse can do to their developing brains... Put simply some people don't every recover from "lazy parenting" that they experienced as a child.
Instead of reading scold, I read sold and I was like: Whaat xD
I love these parenting tips, thank you for sharing these! My son is still little, but it's good to get into these habits early on!
As a teacher I love the idea of "bad" words being prickly. This seems like it would get the spotlight off the word itself and more on the feeling you get from the word. I am definately going to put all these tools in my home and school toolbox. Have a great day!!