Pathological Loneliness: The Concept That Revolutionized The Codependency Field
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2023
- In this video, Ross returns to the topic of Pathological Loneliness, an ailment that is deeply connected and rooted in one's childhood. As covered in 3 different videos from 2013 through 2016. You don't have to let loneliness get you down. Fight back. Fall in love with yourself. And know that being alone might not be that bad.
ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Contact info: www.SelfLoveRecovery.com & Help@SelfLoveRecovery.com
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.
Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his UA-cam channel with 23 million views and 260,000 subscribers and the sale of 155,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.
In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services. Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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Clarifying why it is so excruciating painful to leave narcissistic and toxic families. The deadly intensity of the loneliness can be debilitating. Once you framed it, it becomes far more digestible. It becomes a pride to know that you are on the right path. Thanks for this life saving clarity.
Self love is not a mantra to repeat in the mirror.
Self love appears automatically once you find the compassion for this excruciating pain and finally understand its not your fault.
Loneliness is not the problem it's the shame, fear of death and self blame we associated with it as children which is hard to overcome . The self compassionate relief of these , that's the love itself. By allowing the emotion and understanding it we end the war with it and arrive to love with our self
this is so true bc until we are able to be with ourselves as company for ourselves, we will be searching for someone to fill the gaps. It’s not healthy to not be able to be by oneself and not enjoy ceremonies of comfort, self care, self, personal talents, and so much more. We all have this to some extent
35 yrs of working on this & still suffering. Really glad to have found you
I'm almost 27 and all my life I've been looking for answers as to why I feel so painfully lonely. Thank you
Well said (again) Ross. Being raised by Narcissistic parents, (my entire childhood being a horrid memory of loneliness, physical & emotional abuse). Thank God I discovered you in 2015 & started studying the pathology of personality disorders, especially NPD. You have saved me & I’m sure so many others. Thank you for your wisdom, clarity & expertise in this field.
Amazing work Ross , truly bringing me a deeper understand of this life long pain point . What I like about your videos is you are licensed psychotherapist AND you have survived emotional abuse and done your own self work .
I still have “shock collar” syndrome. I had fígured it out as energetic Wall Í would always hit when when I want to express myself in a way that Í show my gifts and talents.
it úsed tó be alot worse but I am healing 😊
Aloneness is the cruellest
When mother is not there
She is over there, and everywhere
But, nowhere!
Silence is supreme.
For the infant, there is no ‘other’,
No mother!
No rescue ship, or shore No solace!
Impending nothingness, nothing more.
Hanging by a thread . . .
Left! Bereft!
mc
“Trauma is not only the bad things that happened, but it’s all the good things that didn’t”.
@@deadprivacyyes indeed! We grieve for these.
The moment I got divorced from husband, I became less lonely. I would much rather be alone than being with someone who leaves you feeling lonely.
i cannot thank you enough Ross.
the everyday language you bring to this discussion is truly invaluable.
Ive been studying this subject since i realised the reality regarding family members , yet noone describes the concepts as well as yourself and some of the "advice" and information out there on the subject is downright abusive in itself.
There is one youtube creator with psychological accreditation who was very misleading to me on this subject who shall remain nameless but i was listening intently but getting the unnerving feeling i was missing something big.
Its that i was listening to advice from someone who was just another flavour of abuser, slightly different from my own monsters and getting very much half the picture...i was once again so angry i had been listening to this woman.
I still am.
Shes out there still weaponising concepts and hoovering on behalf of all the narcissists out there.
She was encouraging lonelieness not combatting it which is why i mention her.
A video on red flags in therapists might be useful as she is far from alone.
I recently came across a chap who is very popular indeed, a man called lundy.
Who has admittedly helped a lot of women het away from abusive partners, but once again the presumption that this disorder, more the subtle framing as such, that its only really men who are like this.
Divide amd rule.
You see the same on the other side in blaming all women currently.
Pearlythings and andrew tate being particularly popular in the current climate framing women as narcissistic and fallen from grace.
Thank you Dr Rosenberg!
Hi Ross, I hope everything is well and good my friend. You've helped me in the past and I'm always grateful for that.
I was thinking about something that might peak your interest about loneliness and codependency.
Was learning about Dr. Lindsay Gibson's work on "Emotionally Immature People" and she mentions 2 things that made me think of your studies.
She said adult children of these parents have a lot of loneliness instilled from their interactions with immature parents. Another thing is I think these parents can encourage the passing of SLDD and being dependent
Dr. Gibson says a big part of emotionally immature people is they need others to function. Made me think of people who are dependent on others as well. I guess how they get that need met is different being the level of empathy they have.
I can see how some are a success professionally but can't do emotions at all. And some that can do emotions and steady conflict resolution yet can't function professionally or have executive functioning issues (making plans, executing goals, etc.)
Just wanted to bring that to you. You'll always have a warm and respected place in my heart for your kindness to me. Best of luck Ross!
Source: UA-cam, The Healing Trauma podcast, Lindsay Gibson
Very nice!
Really Good Talk! Thank you!
Amazing insights. Thank you so so much.
I believe you!Thank you! I love me! I 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤
Thank you for those brilliant observations and advice Ross. God bless you❤
This is so good, so well explained and right on time for me personally 👍
Great video Dr Ross! Thank you!
Not everyone has access to competent therapists
Therapists are not cheap for the most part so I do my very best, that is all I can do and I think - in my humble opinion - that I overcame pathological loneliness and what helped me a great deal is to not feel ashamed of my justified anger, I mean as women, we are shamed to not be the mirror of what society wants from us, which is: "be beautiful and be quiet!" but I don't care anymore because when we go through an assassination of character to the level and intensity I'm going through for at least 10 years now, then we learn the hard way to not care any longueur about what people think. So I deal with my anger in a positive and constructive way (instead of feeling ashamed of myself and compulsively denying my feelings) and this delivered me from feeling powerless (a victim is powerless) and I do not have the savior complex anymore to trap me with another monster to be victimized another time, screw that! Loneliness is my friend. p.s. I usually do not comment because I'm busy working on myself until I reached a satisfactory level to my personal taste, which is that I'm going to be able to be myself a therapist since I already have all the formation required but I do not want to charge too much so I'm working on a solution.
I have got used to being alone but I do have to be listening to something, otherwise the quiet can be deafening, you get used to it and after a while you don't notice it, you're never alone, we are surrounded by the spirits that are everywhere in our world, you just can't see them, sometimes I can feel them, and other times I do feel alone, I can't be bothered with people unless they have something to offer me or a connection, being alone is great, you can do your art, think, watch a spiritual talk, there is so much information on utube, people are a pest, if you can find someone kind and loving who isn't selfish or materialistic you're doing OK, I simply can't put up with idiots because I am very sensitive, I have had a gutful of them, being independent is very important because you don't want to be dependent on anyone, well I don't anyway!❤❤😂😂😂😂😂
Most helpful healing ❤️🩹 info I’ve personally experienced is due to Ross Rosenberg info, UA-cam’s & his book 📖.. thx Ross ☺️ 🧘♂️
If you abuse alcohol, then that’s one source of loneliness.
Noticing the Wyeth painting...
Greetings Ross, question here??
I want to know why do you suggest that the npd's trauma is exponentially more severe?? Do you mean their resource to cope with what's happening is more scarce than the SLD and therefore more painful??
11
Because i have been doing my trauma recovery work and it is almost like exorcist in real life when i have a nervous breakdown facing the past of abuse.
Because i think the SLD could actually be experiencing a lot more trauma since they did not use the same defence mechanisms to fend them from the abuse, in they remain sensitive thereby more triggers and trauma, they did not victimise others to empower themselves, and the abuse coming from more narcissistic abuse relationships are of more quantity than the npd's as the npd has already become the abuser in the relationships yet the sld is still going to be the abused in more relationships until they heal, which means more piled up trauma and gaslighting that snowball on different levels from different people which is extremely maddening
I am wondering what your thoughts on this are, because i feel like it's a bit off as the "more painful" is feeding to the npd's narratives, is that not a part of their makeup?? They're always "more" than everyone, be it positive or negative, they always need to "win".
Hopefully can see you reply so it can help me understand more, thank you very much Ross -
Great audio content, but man, is the video uncanny-valley unsettling.
Pathological Loneliness Videos:
12/13/2014
4/4/2015
3/3/2015
So this is why narcs cannot love anyone?!?!? They hate themselves.
I disagree with a few points.
1. Parents expectations dont make them Narcs. The way they react to their "dissapointment" is what defines them as Narcs. A parent who sets high expectations but doesnt punish when those are not met and provides support to meet those standards and make clear that love will be there no matter what is not negative.
2. Loneliness and boredom may stem from Depression. Children may be endo depressed. If its shame induced then Trauma must be added. Abandonment, rejection or abuse took place. Either as separate events or all together. Lonely people want to connect but are afraid or distrustful due to their experiences. If rejected by a Narc parent shame settles in. If abused distrust sets in. If abandoned, either real or perceived, unhealthy attachments sets in. Become clingy and Loneliness hurts in a pathological way. Companionship, whoever may be, its a fix.
Totally agree with the Human Magnet Syndrome. It takes those two to dance.
Cadê a tradução para português?
Attachment trauma.... consequences explained.... Core shame triggered....