Their patterns are switched like you are your own abuser and they are watching and blaming you. Normal patterns are like supporting you in your health after or in these situations and blaming the did to you people. Spiritually it can be unsolved karma by both groups but the difference is big.People who find their rights in the abuse are getting healed,people who watch the scene and blaming the situation on the abuseds are still in their karmas... one reason of the seperation later on.Cause the abuseds can be healed.The abusers and passive watchers are normally not healed as blame is easier and fits better in the society.
I hate the whole " you deserve what you accept" or " you attract what you are" or " if you put up with it that's your fault". These ideas flood social media
And I TELL you where all of that CRAP derives from: From so called "spiritual" movements and "awakened" pseudo psychological life counselors that do not have any scientific background whatsoever. Those and the gurus of such communities regularly develop own "psychological" or "spiritual" causality theories and spread their ideas through their community or via bestseller books. And the WORST about it is, that not only "healers" and "alternative practitioners" jump on that bandwagon, but even approved therapists and psychiatrists. And those are regularly already brainwashed by questionable myths in their field as well as questionable narratives of the pharmaceutical industry anyway. Particularly since the latter is interested in narratives that get their drugs sold. Thus, the problem must lie within the suffering patient and not within another person (abuser) to which they have no access. Apart from the fact that a lot of people in key positions are narcissists themselves who are also way too happy to serve narratives that shift all the blame on the victim. It's nothing less than a catastrophe.
Agreed. Blaming the victim is so prevalent . I've heard all those and more while the Narc wreaked HAVOC in my life , lying, triangulating, Denying all of it and gaslighting, aa well as lying to others looking in from the Outside who were taken in by his flash and dazzle charm and charisma, and I hear " Well, YOU Allowed it !" .
Like when no matter what happens to you and how well you have it documented that the narcs are doing open criminal activity and the law enforcement side refuses to do anything because they want to keep classifying things as civil issues so that they don't have to do their jobs.
I can't stop thinking that they are not worthy because they can't, they do not have the tools. This is the challenge: to understand it, feel compassion for them while holding healthy boundaries not to be hurt again, to protect myself. Am I a hopeless case? 😅 Thank you for your answers. Maybe it's too soon for this, I want and I need to heal. Thanks 🙏
@el567abc It"s understandable to feel that way. Having compassion doesn't mean that you have to associate with them or excuse wrong behaviour. You"re not a hopeless case; it can feel tough sometimes. Keep going. It"s worth it.
“Disdain for your pain” = toxic invalidation. Emotionally bruised people have to be extra careful who they tell their story to. Some people have no tolerance for your pain and their indifference/ dismissiveness can make it worse.
It's sad when you give up your freinds because of the relationship n then you listen to them n try to leave n they say oh it must not have been that bad if u stayed so long. Or they say ya they understand n you try talk n they just say get over it your strong. Or get tired of hearing it.. I feel isolated in April n healing n doing the best I can with my children. It's just hard wen no one really cares.
Yes because the narcissist will lie. I told him a month ago that he pushed me on the bed twice, then poured a bottle of water on me, and my financial papers. He replied that is not so bad ! What a piece of garbage. 😊
Agree. Dr. Rameni does have a video about narcissistic abuse from siblings. There is another excellent therapist who has written books and has many videos out on Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), Rebecca Mandeville. Rebecca’s was the first book I read on what has happened to me and it helped so much. With the help of a good therapist, I’ve gone NC with my 3 older sisters who all perpetuated the narrative and continued the abuse decades after our mom died. I’m happy to report, I am free to live my life on my terms, no longer begging them to accept me and being subjected to their selfish and entitled behaviors. My life is so much better, I’ve grown, grieved, let go and finally found gratitude for the many, many gifts I’ve been given now at the age of 56.
@@bertan8510 my Narc Mom was very ill two years ago and i already saw my two younger siblings hone in for power grab. They wanted to quickly rush in and take her long held 'position'. My Mom is still very much around but I took that as a wake up call and started the rigorous process of cutting both my siblings out of my life and minimizing communication with my parents as well...
So here's what we're working with: - destroyed mental and physical health, loss of basic functioning; - no family or support system to speak of; - chronic instability, existential dread and financial struggles; - constant invalidation of your reality and struggles; - demonization for being "weak" and "selfish"; - being conditioned to be overly agreeable, constantly targeted and taken advantage of by people who are actually selfish and abusive; - being misunderstood, dismissed or outright gaslit by medical/mental health professionals, inability to find proper help; - internalized shame/anger and learned helplessness that make it nearly impossible to find your voice and advocate for yourself, or question gaslighting; - ostracized and marginalized because you're "difficult to deal with" and your sole existence threatens others' ability to deny the aspects of reality they're uncomfortable with; - excruciating loneliness and isolation; The list can go on. How are we expected to survive? Let's be honest - we're probably not. Doctor Ramani is the only person who keeps me sane and gives me faith that there are still people out there who actually give a damn and want to help.
This is the most superb, succinct summation of the problem(s) I have *ever* read. (Or at least, it matches my situation to a nicety.) All the things I can never explain and others listen with disdain. Thank you.
Hang in there! My dad was one. I survived and healed, now I can deal with my adult narcissist daughter in a healthy way. The other daughter left a narcissist with deep wounds and she was just released from therapy as recovered from CPTSD!🎉🎉🎉🎉
I turned 69 today and I still feel the pain of the torture by my mother and then by my ex husband, and I'm crying. Thank you for validating me. You are the first person I've heard who understands.
Oh, I am so sorry. This is Dr. Ramani's best video, well, at least I think so. I especially like what she said about, "Don't share anything that makes me too uncomfortable." Hugs from Iowa. You are being heard.
Man oh man you are seeing me. I don’t Tell anyone anymore. They look at me like I’m less than . I keep to myself emotionally , enjoy nature , cultivate spirit and have a wonderful pet. It is a rare thing to meet another survivor and Dialogue in a safe way.
Same here. I keep to myself and I do my own thing, but I still have family narcs I can't escape at this time. And when I've had to deal with them again I go here and I see people who go through the same things. It helps keep you sane. It sounds like you've got it together and finding your peace, well done. I'm still way too angry, don't know where to put it sometimes, while it clashes with a lot of other ways I am. But it's getting a bit better every day. At least we know now and we can build from here.
You will find compassion & empathy in the alternative healing arts. Such as with a massage therapist, Reiki Practitioner or someone you may resonate with. Many to choose from! Choose someone who has the wisdoms with the how’s, whys and where the body keeps the score. And help you release the pain and imbalances from such experiences. Blessings and peace to your heart!
Same, except my close friends because one has a mom and my ex bf had to live with his narc dad all through Covid. I’m past the angry/numb/dead inside part and just wanna get on with it…grieving the death of your caretaker while still alive wasn’t a picnic, you guys at least get it. ❤
@dianederita2758 sort of. I've also experienced all the same behaviors from some of them who are threatened or something because I'm a Christian. Its just another exclusion and them putting their issues on me just because I wear a cross. Not all. I have 2 that are lifesavers. Just some in that field are also capable of ignoring their own core issues and scapegoating others.
Healing from narcissistic abuse does feel like swimming upstream in a river of societal shame. But what’s worth it is freedom you find after the journey.
Exactly. I've recently come to a new understanding that has enabled me to give other people the space they need, understanding they need, and in return it gives me the understanding I've always needed.
@@emilyf.5 I'm in my late 30s and stopped chasing people years ago. To me, it's not worth the insanity. If you're not interested in me, why should I be interested in you?" Is the way I look at it. I've tried to reach out to other people in my family system, and they all have the same attitude towards. the abuse that the people who actually raised me have and have had in the past.
Dr. Ramani nailed it , going through this now, lucky to have a good friend that has been down this road and understands and encourages me to keep moving forward .
So true. 😔 Those who are dismissive of narc survivors and our trauma are *the worst.* I have, before, found myself feeling like I needed to _explain_ myself and _prove_ the validity of my feelings, and the situation; throwing me right back into the same dark hole that the narc previously put me in. It’s an awful, awful feeling.
Yes I have had the same experience although I have been fortunate enough to have a few close relatives who were able to confirm my experience when I finally started talking about it nearly forty years later. Gotta love the idiots who say things like “but it’s your mother”🤮🤢
It's certainly a lesson into not letting what other people think affect us, i.e. not getting our validation from the outside. Sometimes, I think it's the purpose of the whole "lesson"...
Thanks for your comment. My golden child/covert narc sister ( she is a doctor) has reached out to me as she found out I had a surgery...a legit way for her to cross the boundary I have set for her...phew...I get really triggered...and know what you mean...
Widowed people and other grieving people go through something similar. Others who are uncomfortable with the grief tell them to “get over it.” It is profoundly hurtful. As Dr R said: some people just aren’t worthy of you.
@@maggie6152I’ve suffered trauma from an early age. Being born into DV and s£xual abuse from the age of 3, to bullying at school because I found it hard to fit in. I’m ‘living in the past and need to let it go’, because I’m ‘58 and it’s ruining my life’. I need to ‘get some therapy’. Just ‘get over it.’ And recently I’m being gaslit, because what I remember didn’t happen apparently. I deal with it in my own way, part of that is sharing it with other survivors who understand and empathise. Sharing with them is validation. And unfortunately there are many of us out there.
I can’t stand the dismissive toxic positivity invalidating polly-anna’s who act like I’m being ungrateful unforgiving and negative when I tell the truth of what the abusers did and exert healthy boundaries. It’s messed up. So tired of it all. Remembering it’s not me. Prioritizing my life. Seeking safe supports and determining who is worthy of seeing the whole me and who is not. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I've come to the conclusion the more they try to silence me the more I'm going to keep speaking. For myself if for no other reason than to get it out or put it out there for others to find and know they are not alone..if those listening don't leave I mean something to them, if they do leave they got tired of me being my new me and they weren't good for me anyway. If they belittle they let me know to not engage for too long...I will never again stand for silencing or being silenced. I'm done being shut up. Go ahead and hate me, accuse me, belittle me. I'll just respond with neutrality and sweetness and I will respond until I AM DONE. Those who respect me in kind, and stand beside me in conviction will become my new social circle! You don't have to find like friends they will find you if you put yourself out there.
This was absolutely true for me. To take out your support system, then point the finger at your sense of abandonment as ‘emotionally needy and unstable’ is beyond painful.
I find that as I get older and have learned more about narcissism, I have gotten less willing to tell myself that someone in my life is a narcissist, but much more willing to simply conclude they are bad for me, for whatever reason. And because I have dealt with a number of clear narcissists, I now know what to do. I cut them out of my life, whether they are narcissists or not. And when a friend tells me about someone they are dealing with who seems like a narcissist, I tell them that I think that person is a narcissist. And if someone rolls their eyes at me for doing this, I write them off as an enabler.
You got the eye roll down. I actually tried to search for a wrist watch with sound effects, so I could tap a button and add sound effects to the rude listeners eye rolls.
I've decided that even narc's need love and respect..I can do that by recognizing they are what they are, understanding they too need help and support because it is in fact something they can't help on their own. And by voicing that and knowing it for myself while admitting I'm not in a place to be that for them and not blaming them but hoping for better for them instead. Learning to part ways on good terms helps. Keeping distance helps. But being better yourself by not being part of the stigma or falling for and taking the trauma or causing any is best. Learning to love labels is very hard.
“We don’t like stories of mental health that implicate other people”. 💯 “…And definitely don’t like it, when that abuse does not meet some threshold, that society, somehow deems should be met… ….. it has to be bad enough for the general audience to clock it as trauma”. The accumulative daily betrayals, the emotional and relational abuse, are extremely harmful, and very real. However, “we” as a society, want “tidy” mental illness stories!!!! I find this so true, and validating! I have found that even some therapists have this same view. 😢 Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!
As a teenager in a depressive episode, the woman who raised me said, "You can choose to be happy or depressed; it's all in your head." I wanted to tell her, "Walk in my shoes for an hour, then say that," but anything I said was considered'talking back' so I stayed silent.
Your real father and mother is God, not this woman. U r z child of God. Pray for God to bless her and set u free. Soon u ll be free studying in college away from her. I v been there. I m 50 and peaceful now since 17yo when i left Mt family to study
🫂 🌹 Yes, It's often the people doing the abuse or uninterested in our mental health, that throws those kinds of harmful advice at us. They're often the cause of the depression and not the remedy.
There are people out there who will react with relief that they are not so all alone. But there is also a proverb about having to kiss a thousand frogs to find them.
Whenever people ask me about my narc family and I reply with the truth, they feel very uncomfortable about it. "You're so negative" is a phrase I've heard many times.
Negative is what makes society go round, being aware of what will likely happen and making note of it doesn't make you negative for knowing what the outcome will probably be, and voicing it while silently hoping you will slip through that crack and the positive will happen.. it's about feeling the positive and wanting it at the same time as knowing the truth and amount of the negatives that could or will probably happen so you are ready for it and are not blindsided by it because you weren't looking at all of it on both sides..Its called balance and being informed. People hate it when you are right so they call you Debby downer and negative. It doesn't mean that you are that. It means their envy of your level of detail makes them want to make you feel small like they do.
@@aynilaa aah yes! After my last few 'truthful' comments, they are scared to ask. By 'they' I mean my extended family from my Mom's side who has seen her as a great leader and I have seen how she has neglected our childhood, manipulated others, preyed on the needy and generally be a huge embarrassment for me..
When ask about something specific like that, I always reply "do you want the truth or a lie." Either way most of the time they remain quiet after realizing that they asked. Teri Woolum LeFevers.
Thank you so much for this. This is the most validating thing I've heard in a while - I sobbed through the second half. Making friends after narcissistic abuse feels near impossible sometimes - so many people are "turned off" by the very real experiences that I and many others have had. I want deep connections - and that requires that my history is not "too much" for the person I'm talking to. It's lonely indeed.
I've found it helps when you don't lead with that. I have new groups and acquaintances based on common interests, and that's often only what people (including me) want - pleasant social connections. Only if the friendship goes past that level into sharing life stories would my own experience with abuse come up. I need to get to a level of trust before sharing it, understanding that other people also have their boundaries, and my upsetting story might be one of them.
@@karenk2409 Yes of course, but people lead with questions that do not have a good answer. "Where are you from, why are you here" etc. And the unaware don't know how to handle the answer when it's not a nice answer. Even if I avoid answering the question, that makes me look bad in their eyes. I've thankfully ran into a couple of people lately that have been aware that not everyone has good answers to these things, and I'm so appreciative of them every time.
Yup. No one would believe the adult bullying I received. I am trying to learn from it and move on. Without therapy. Without sharing the details with friends or acquaintances. It's tough. Gaslighted enough by my bullies (narc and flying monkeys) don't need more from bystanders.
It’s a huge relief when you’ve detached emotionally and understand what happened and been away from the abuse for long enough to have regained your calm and be living your life without rumination and hyper vigilance. Yes, we talked too much when we were traumatised and confused and overwhelmed. It’s okay. We learn that most people don’t understand, and some don’t care. But we will be that kind person who listens and validates someone else finding their way out of the mess.
@ yes, and being able to share where we found help in books and on UA-cam. I searched for answers for decades, not knowing what was wrong when I tried so hard, and counsellors misunderstood and did more harm. In my fifties I finally found out about narcissistic abuse and parental alienation and all my questions were answered and I began to heal and learn better ways of managing my emotions and responding to the drama. It can be counterintuitive to anyone who doesn’t know about it and the scapegoat can look like the problem because they’re insecure and the abuser seems self-assured.
What I often see in therapy are educated people who struggle with relationships, due to their past experiences and feel pressured to meet the standards of society and science who ironically and at times abusively, push that "wired for connection" moto. People who genuinely try to do their best for themselves and for their loved ones, end up feeling "less than" when they don't succeed in their social or personal life. They usually shift the blame to themselves, and their old wounds are bleeding again and again.
One of my friends grew up in a religious cult and it's so nice to have someone you can casually mention messed up childhood stuff and mental health problems and we can just laugh about it instead of the other person getting all weird.
It’s alright if they don’t want to hear it - it’s another thing when they insist you have a close relationship, where they get to be listened to, but you don't get the same courtesy. Nope to that.
Dr. Ramani, thank you for your compassionate witnessing of the many layers of this wound. Being seen in these places helps to melt and integrate the trauma fragments. 💖
When I finally broke free from years of emotional abuse, I started healing by educating myself through books and UA-cam channels such as yours. I talk about it, not for sympathy but for healing. I can't hold it in anymore. It hurts too much. Thank you for sharing your time and education with people like me.
This is exactly why survivors need to write and tell their stories ❤ How freaking dare this jerk say its navel gazing self absorption. It took me 2 yeats after i was in the right mental space to even feel like i had the right to speak about my life and of course i could never do that directly. And yet they'd be like oh my God that is so horrible if it was the narc telling their bs. Eff this crap. "In the stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost, who says what you had, you know what you lost" - Dreams, Fleetwood Mac, The Dance
I’m sure many of these people who blame and shame survivors are narcissists as well. Maybe they’re too afraid of confronting narcissists. Or maybe there’s just something in them that makes them hate victims. Because naturally, victims need attention and support. Victims may often be demanding. And narcissists don’t have anything to give. It reminds me of some of the cases where narcissistic mothers murdered their own children.
A friend told me her mother had murdered her children two of them she also tried to kill herself. The children died she was set free and they had 5 more children. Yes she was a narcissist!
It is the same with bullies. These people telling others, that bullying makes you stronger while completely ignoring the psychology studies proving the bad effects like depression and anxieties in adulthood are the people that bullied others in school and sometimes still bully others in workplaces
Age 63, and it just happened all over again. Mom was a world class BPD narcissist, and growing up was a hell it took decades to heal from. Recently my younger brother verbally attacked me and I finally realized that he, too is a narcissist. He hides it better, every now and then the mask slips and he shocks me with his arrogance and cruelty. We are the only remaining members of my birth family, and I’m reminded that I’m actually very alone in this world. The grief is real.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! You are a god send to this horrible world filled with cruel narcissistic people🙏 I hope one day you win a nobel prize. I’ll be cheering for you.👏👏👏👏😀😀😀😀. I wish you could be my in person therapist. I am also a survivor here.😔
Exciting video, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain sister , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.
I wrote a book about my experiences growing up with a narcissistic, bipolar father (and how my spirituality developed out of it). I've gotten that sneery, eye rolling vibe from people who tell me I am just being a victim and being too hard on my father. I haven't stayed friends with those people. He was a monster.
Understanding that I am not responsible for another's comfort, nor am I in charge of fixing anything for another, were two of the hardest lessons I have learned. Yet, learning this I finally experienced freedom! There are only four people that I will ever share anything deep with (my husband, adult son, & 2 sisters). I trust them and feel safe to hear their perspective knowing I make my own decisions. It's taken many years to experience the freedom to be authentic. Now, I listen to others opinions, however I don't let it interfere with my peace. I just see it as words, while not allowing it to bother me or effect me negatively. Amen
I was told to "stop wallowing in self-pity" by my best friend and she told me to instead "just be happy for other people who have it better than you," "Choose to be happy," "Your past has no influence on who you choose to be now, you're the one choosing to be miserable and anxious," etc.
Oh, and the good thing about being honest is that you can genuinely assess how you were damaged, because you can understand yourself clearly. This allows you to actually resolve your issues. Playing into this philosophy of hers risks your identity on the sunk costs fallacy. It will be harder to drop the act once you've kept it up, because then you have to take accountability for halting your own progress. That's unlikely. Accountability is rare enough. Sorry for the double text. Hope this helped. ❤
No fucking kidding! It's easy for her to say. Having my sister tell me "There there, it wasn't so bad, it was in the past, you can move on now" the abuse l endured for 15 years+ of my life when she and my brother were clearly treated much better than me!--I was the family scapegoat.
5:01 Yep! When I cautiously let an old "friend" who'd let me down into my life again on a trial basis because she'd been to therapy and seemed to have grown, she talked at length about her current problems and the ongoing impact of her troubled childhood. I gave her empathy and compassion. When **I** talked about similar things, I got window dressing like "you're entitled to your feelings" but also her same old judgmental messages that I'm supposedly too sensitive, interpret things wrong, and am LETTING myself stay trapped in the past (as if CPTSD is a choice!). Hypocrisy much!? 🧐🙄 Byeee! I'm SO GLAD I've done the work to be able to recognize toxic people in ways I couldn't before and LET THEM GO! 😃🍀❤ *THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!!!* ❤
Dr. R, I want you to know you are a blessing to this world. I found you on UA-cam about six years ago and you have helped me with my healing immeasurably. I am 62. I have a narcissistic father and did not have a clue that I was being emotionally and psychologically abused until my early 40s. How would I? It was all I'd ever known and everyone on the outside adored my dad. I finally broke down after another short term romance failed and found a therapist who enlightened me and forever changed my life. Im still healing, but am a completely different person now...more of the person I was always meant to be. Your videos have filled in the gaps, explained the nuances, furthered my understanding and most importantly, made me feel seen and heard and to understand I'm not the problem or the crazy one. I just wanted you to know the impact you have had in this world and that you are truly needed.
My cousins never understood the amount of trauma I have been through. It hurts because my reality keeps being denied even when he was inflicted more pain again. I had to pull away from the whole thing but it made me sad because I didn’t just lose a father, I lost a whole extended family. With my mother & both sets grandparents passed away, there’s no tie to them anymore. It has its freedom but it’s also very lonely. Narcissistic abuse wreaks lives.
I lost my extended family too. It was either a family full of narcissists and flying monkeys or living my life alone. And I chose my life, I feel soo sane.
I think this is common when you go no contact. I'm no contact with my parents for 4ish years, which took about a year before my older sister (the scapegoat) couldn't handle it anymore and I had to go no contact with her and her husband. They wanted ME to apologize for standing up to the narcissist... 😢 I haven't seen any extended family in years, because my parents are at all the family gatherings. Nobody understands, nobody calls to talk, nobody cares. I texted my cousin (old best childhood friend), and after 4 or 5 attempts to meet up, I'm giving up.😢 If it weren't for my wife, I'd be very lonely.
@@TheRealMonnie I'm going through this very thing. I reached out to a brother to try to talk about serious issues and just got a huge long bullet-pointed email about how horrible I am. This is a brother who has taken the side of my covert narcissist mother and her overt narc husband (both violent crybullies) in the past so I should have probably known better. But I also fear that maybe my brother is a narc like his parents are. I haven't seen any family at all for the past four years and not a soul reaches out, and apparently as my brother hurtfully described it, 'they all talk about what to do with me since I'm so difficult to talk to.' Y'all, I'm not difficult to talk to. I am someone who stands by the Truth though and narcs seem to really hate that. I'm happy you have a loving partner. 🥂
Same with me and my dad's family, except I can talk to my aunt and her daughter, my favorite cousin. They're the only two nontoxic ppl in my dad's family.
Yup. I was encouraged to leave my abusive ex not when I described how I was treated but instead it was when he went down the Rogan rabbit hole and bought ivermectin. My coworkers who came to my office to complain about our narc boss and the hostile work environment and our union who only focused on the professional staff instead of also us support staff wanted nothing to do with me when I had no choice but report forgeries that weren't being addressed in house. I also filed a complaint about my union to the labor relations board. During my unfortunately ultimately useless fight, even friends who weren't from my work avoided me because it made them uncomfortable to hear about what was going on with me. With everything I lost, I don't regret the people who showed their true colors during this time no longer being in my life. I finally went no contact with several family members whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life. My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I'm okay with that. I've been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself.
"whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life". Wow, that hit my heart like a thunderbolt. With that one phrase, you illuminated and encapsulated relationships that I've needed to end! No more breadcrumbs masquerading as banquets for me! Thank you.
LOVE this: "My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I'm okay with that. I've been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself." 👏👏 Yay! In retrospect, I woke up to myself when my social circle shrank and I never connected the two before. Knowing and liking myself for the first time in my life is 100% worth my lost ILLUSIONS about those people. And now I have the discernment, self-love, and comfort enforcing boundaries to risk letting GOOD people in. That's a win-win, not the tragedy I sometimes feel about losing so many people. *THANK YOU for this helpful reframe!* 😃❤
Didn't the government retract their dismissal of ivermectin recently? Not saying to go listen to Rogan, just genuinely asking. Myself, since having used it on my livestock for years, it does what it does and does it well. Doses are by weight, and have even used it to treat parasites on chickens. (Cause that's the recommended use as well, you can buy different types) Sorry you went through a lot. Did you learn anything positive from it? Like how you and the exe had grown apart and weren't compatible/toxic tailspin? Or that you did have the intestinal fortitude to stick with an ethical decision and survive the fallout? Hopefully this opens different doors on your path, and you can allow better things into your path ❤
My siblings (the narcissists) are the ones who shamed me when I tried "Talking it out" with them. You just can't teach toxic ppl how to be respectful or kind.
I add to the chorus below. Thank you, thank you. Been there, done that. People want you to share when 1) it is totally superficial and 2) when it is easily "fixable". Something I have noticed as a survivor of sexual abuse. As soon as you mention it, you can feel the person emotionally step back.
My experience, exactly! This is why I don't share anything other than superficial, with anyone. No one gets it, and no one has the capacity to hear and understand.
I've listened to someone who shared a very personal abusive experience they went through and because I am an HSP I started crying. It wasn't taken well at all by the person sharing their story-they asked me why I was crying. I said "because it's sad I am sorry this happened to you". I realized afterwards maybe my crying was seen as selfish, despite that not being the intent. It made me feel strange... Like I was questioning whether my emotional response was not appropriate and I definitely felt like next time I should just have a blank expression on my face and block all my emotions inside... Essentially not act natural. What do you make of that? Was my response of crying inappropriate? And showing emotions like crying in such a context is bad? I'm so very confused.
I'm so sorry this happened! I feel your response was natural and completely warranted. The person telling you about their experience may have just not known how to react to your reaction. Particularly if they have shared this experience before and had been dismissed or invalidated. I wouldn't doubt yourself ❤ Thank you for listening to that person that needed you to hear it!
@@kerrawhite444 Thank you for your reply. I find comfort in your words. I will just continue to trust my own emotions... That crying in a situation such as that is ok if it's my normal emotional response. 🙏
Trauma is harder than most mental illnesses for society to accept because it's based on real events outside the victim's mind. Trauma places responsibility on the listener to accept that the people/values/institutions they support may be harmful or even oppressive. Depression and anxiety command therapy and drugs. Trauma commands systemic change.
The moment that someone tells me that what I know to be true - isn’t true because they say so - that’s the moment that I question if that denying person is either a narcissist, or an abuser, or both. That’s the moment that I know for sure that the denier has no compassion, and is no longer worthy of any respect from me. The number one rule of thumb to ask your Self is if that denying person is trying to control or manipulate you. It’s a form of victim shaming and victim blaming thrown at you that comes from out of left field under the guise of civil discourse.
My narcissistic abuse by my ex husband was outright mocked by the woman who calls herself my “best friend” because she has been the victim of domestic violence and believes I am co-opting her story for attention and “coolness points.” (Direct quote on that last one.) I just stopped telling her stuff.
So, only she can be the victim, or victimized? Maybe she needs all the attention and all the empathy? I would walk slowly towards the door and then run. This is not a friend.
@@Sweetpea-2023 oh she loves playing the victim. Actually it’s her treatment of me that led me to this channel/community because she is a narcissist herself. I am trying to work through my issues from my marriage as well as a 22-year complex female friendship.
@@christinelamb1167 I would love to be able to send her packing. She is a narcissist herself, and I have given her slack for 22 years because her abusive upbringing has left her with C-PTSD and addiction issues, and I admit I pity her. Also, she can do some damage to my life so I have some fears about leaving the friendship.
Condolences. My older sister (who has been narcissistic) told me that when I was much younger; that I was the kind of person who can't get over things. By "things" she meant severe abuse. We don't have any relationship at all now which I find sad.
That's so wreckless. I'm sorry u experienced that hurt. Especially from a family member. The excuse in my family was "Well we didn't know. We never heard of that type of thing before so...." Ok, but I told you and now you know so now what?
I kept getting invalidated and humiliated and doused with negativity and outrageous lies /accusations by the narcissist/ my mother and her followers. Karma is getting them in all directions of time now and zillion times worse because of their unjustified hateful and evil ill will towards me! It hurt me beyond words and destroyed me for 60 years of my life…it doesn’t have to destroy me any longer. Let them witness my wealth and abundance…my success, fame, good fortune happiness beauty great health love and the best in life!
People who respond like that have not dealt with their own trauma and literally run away and suppress their own feelings. So of course they would not have empathy for others, they dont hold empathy for themselves. We see how society via movies, social media, celebrities, toxic workplace and power hungry bosses, elevate and enable people like narcs and others on the dark triad. So its good that some of us are becoming more aware and changing the narrative by having open adult conversations about it.
Dr. Ramani, your insights, compassion, and transparency are life-altering. Thank you so much for your work. You are making a difference for so many of us.
Yes, the narcs love to come to channels such as this and make their ridiculous comments! I have seen it here, and other other narc abuse recovery channels. Most of the time I ignore them, but once in a while I can't help myself, and I respond back! I usually regret it, though.
Sure. My ex narc does this... as she's been doing a dirty long smear campaing trying to destroy me, many crimes, so she kept coming all groups on narc learning working to keep her facade and crimes hiden and twisted... and as she spread edited intimacy pics to many people and social media calling me as a predator or such, I decided to do something other than just to stay away/no contact, and only since then, after I started to show also picts of her (in the lovebombing phase) she (and/or her flying monķeys) became less encouraged ...!
People who do this … I just don’t see how they have so much time on their hands! Don’t they have anything better to do than put down people who they don’t know and don’t care about? Guess not.
Careful not to speak your mind on them, YT may ban your comments for hate speech lol. My other account just got hit for educating on terminology for such people
The whole covid mass formation (Dr Mattia Desmet's work) policy phase from late 2020-2024 especially, was like a regress into 'the empire strikes back' normalization of narcissistic control, abuse, gas lighting, and victimization. If there's one thing the covid policy situation reminds me of it's narcissistic abuse, because the power was perpetually and ruthlessly against the participation, recognition, and choice of the informed individual being unnecessarily dominated, subjugated, ignored, and ridiculed for not following an insane narrative. Meanwhile the perpetrators appeared to have been living it up and hoarding the spoils.
2:50 yeah, I’ve always said to myself that what I went through didn’t count as abuse because it “wasn’t bad enough”. Or that there’s no way I could have trauma because it wasn’t “a traumatic enough” experience.
I was beaten, drowned, choked, burnt and r*ped for 38 years (first violence was done to my body at 4 months old, I cannot even remember), my body is covered with scars and even I am told "to move on" or "just because you were r*ped"... "Nobody forced you to marry him" "You signed that contract" Society and how people react are worse than abuse itself. I am 40 and my life expectancy is 58 due to all the violence. And then people wonder why I am depressed and have no hope for my future. My future. Means less then 20 years. I am severely bulimic and hurt my southern part every night because I am used to mutilation and abuse and torture. And all I can hear is: Its your fault. You "picked" him.
@ ugh, yeah I got a lot of “you could’ve left”. What hurts me the most is when my parents said “you should’ve listened to us”, because they ended up being right about him and kept telling me to leave him- which obviously I didn’t for a while. They very much implied (and maybe outright said, this was a while ago) that I chose him over them. Which they’re not wrong but, idk everything he said made sense to me somehow. Then they told me after a while that I needed to get over it. Sometimes the comments hurt just as bad
Really appreciate this insight. It brings to mind the idea that suffering is a competition. If someone hasn’t suffered enough in egregious ways, then their suffering is invalid.
The worst comment came from my sister, after I had gotten out and was still slowly recovering. It was "you picked him". (victim blaming much??) Now that I am older, and more researched, clearly it shows a lack of understanding by outsiders that narcs/abusers put on a false front until you are committed. But also now that I am older, I do think the sister is borderline narc - always has demanded to be the centre of attention, and has no problem lying to get what she wants. Very stealthy Narc-Lite I reckon.
Yes. It's tough enough for someone traumatized to seek out and ask for help. It's even worse, when they are met with either disinterested concern and zero assistance or made to feel they are being unreasonable or overly emotional.
Shaming IS shockingly common everywhere. I recently commented on a news media channel to thank them for remembering to add a trigger warning. I wasn't up for it that day and moved on after the words of thanks to the commentators. I got one reply, one word, with a thumbs down - "Pathetic". - For thanks... That was what the person took away from a thank you. The world is rough. Thank you for these videos. It's helpful to know we are not alone in the mess.
@@tonymartos2922 You’re not a fool. But I felt that way too, until I realized I trusted, believed, gave the benefit of the doubt etc, because that’s a reflection of who I am. It’s easy to trick someone who doesn’t know a game is being played. Now that you know act accordingly. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Give yourself the same grace, compassion and kindness you showed them. You are not foolish, you’re probably a good person who couldn’t comprehend that someone who said they loved you could be so devious and malicious. At least that was my story. Forgive yourself.
In my experience, feeling like a fool is a part of narcissistic abuse. They are always superior to you, you feel dumb/incapable. They gaslight, blame and behave as you are the problem (at any type of conflict, regardless you make a mistake etc.): so you find yourself thinking of yourself, your shortcomings, which everyone has. You think about what you do and so on. So your attention is diverted from them to you. You can feel like the worst person ever when they shame you, treat you badly. As you feel that, shame is projected on to you and you become paralyzed. You can't take a step back and look at how they're treating you. They blind you, in multiple ways: love bombing, gaslighting, invalidating your reality/experiences, crazy making, inflicting their toxic shame into you. And they feel joy in positioning the other as a fool, when the other person actually only trusted, loved, treated them as humans, gave them chances, and wanted and made efforts to make the relationship better, wanted the good times with them. They want you to feel, think lesser of yourself, it makes them feel superior, they get their narcissistic supply. I used "you" but I am talking about me. As cringy it may sound but being compassionate towards myself helped me have a better relationship with myself. I mean I still experience feeling like a fool quite a bit, being compassionate with myself takes the weight of their mean voice off at least. My narcissistic parents usually downplayed values like compassion, care, and praised qualities like being intelligent, getting higher education etc. so much that it feels inferior to feel like a fool. My mom even made me take an IQ test when I was a child just because I was slow in my movements. I was probably a bit depressed or afraid to make a mistake so I slowed down. Now I ask myself on the inside: what if being a fool isn't that inferior? What if other qualities are more important?
Well Dr Ramani has also fallen for it. Many intelligent, incredible people have. And if you grew up around any toxic behavior or people high in narcissist traits then you are attracted to what feels familiar not just familiar but it’s natures way of working through your trauma. It’s understandable and unfortunately sometimes necessary
I learned long ago to not share abuse inflicted by other people to friends or family. Most of the time it’s safer, especially if dealing with a covert narcissist. Lots of silent endurance at times.😢
Narcissistic familial abuse is bullying and as such people outside of the family respond in the typical patterns: siding with the oppressor to ensure they themselves won't become a target, kicking a scapegoat when they appear to be down so as to feel superior, bonding with their fellow abusers.
10000 % accurate. I grew up with a narcissistic mom, my elder sister being the golden child and least rebellious always supports mom and I'm the ungrateful daughter.
My brain always tells me not to read the comments, but I feel compelled to. Bullies are rampant online, and people will disagree with you and say the most unhinged things just to get a reaction. Sometimes, I fall into the trap because of my moral values. Statistics show most abuse and unalivings is familial or someone we are dating or married to. My doom scrolling is true crime. 😢
Some don't want that conversation. It is hard to find a balanced friend who does not yoyo you sometimes. Flip flopping on empathy or selective empathy, you are right Doc. "It makes them unworthy of seeing the real you." Dr. Ramani. Love is: Just sitting with someone who needs you.
Whats really lovely is when the narc gets you out of the family after horrifically abusing you and then later in life the flying monkeys tell you you were never abused 😢
I'm grateful for the survivors who have dared to share their stories even at the risk of being invalidated by ignorant comments. You who shared were a lifeline for my sanity because you helped me put an end to invalidating my own experiences! Now having slowly learned to trust in my own reality and to break the chains I am happier now than any time in my life and just want to pay it forward.
I was just recently trying to get help for codependency online by reading articles and watching videos and in the comments were some of the most hateful and harsh words said about people struggling with codependency. I won’t repeat what was said but it was unbelievable. And it was a lot of people.
I think I agree with you. I watched this story the other day which was about a woman who went out with a serial killer and when it came to putting him in prison, she was scared and she was lectured at why wouldn't you want him to go in prison. Then when she was treated badly in court by the barrister, she was told to 'let it go'. Where was the bit where it was understood that it would be terrifying for her to go to court, and when she was humiliated in court that she would want to complain about that. It seemed to me that the physical abuse was one thing, but the emotional and psychological abuse was exacerbated by the lack of support from society. I think that is what you're talking about. This was an extreme case, but I think it rings true for everyone that emotional and psychological abuse are exacerbated by society's lack of support.
I sought help and support over and over again. I endured gaslightng, blameshifting, character criticism, personality critiques, namecalling, etc. I wasted 32 years of my life with a narc husband and M.I.L with their own sick story of covert incest (that I didn't know existed) who lied and judged and humiliated me as much as they could. I finally got out. And I was set adrift socially and vocationally. People were happy to make things up about me and believe it, but they wouldn't touch the truth about him or his mother. I have a new life now. It amazing what you can do with your life when you are free from your abusers and those who blame you for it. I am living a life of freedom, creativity, meaningful work, love, laughter, growth and joy that I never knew was possible. I found friends--real friends and great colleagues who respect and care for me as I do for them. It's never too late to leave. It's never too late to start over. It's never too late to love your one precious life enough to remove it from those who don't deserve to be near it.
Thank you for calling out the subtle BS. I once was told by a Buddhist master that my childhood trauma was caused by past life trauma. That took me a bit to untangle since 1.) I trusted her 2.) her status in the spiritual community made it much more difficult to question. I did give her a lot of pushback after I regained composure from her interesting opinion. It's been a battle.
Something similar happens to those of us who are neurodivergent: people say they want to get to know you, the real you they claim! Until you actually begin to open up and they realize they are getting more than they bargained for, but instead of acknowledging it they blame you for being "too much". Look, if you don't want to hear about my life experience (whether that's too uncomfortable or uninteresting for you to handle) then don't ask. And if you already asked, exercise the necessary self-awareness to acknowledge your mistake and try to navigate the rest of the interaction gracefully. That's what a decent person would do, at least.
Thankful my friends and family aren’t like this. Of course the narcissist accuses me of being the abuser, which can contribute to society being confused who is actually the disordered person. But I have psych evals now. It’s not me!
The key for me is to not share too much with people who don't have a similar background. I have been blessed with several friendships with people who totally get it. I wish everyone had that. Wishing you all healing and love. Everyone deserves a soft place to land!
I've heard the phrase "disenfranchised trauma" used to describe that "threshold of bad enough" you describe. Society deeply stigmatizes victims. It seems like they just don't like the fact that ab*se exists and they vilify survivors. But I'm also willing to bet that most people who vilify survivors have ab*sive or at least toxic traits themselves, and are projecting. I also think there is a lot of ableism around complex trauma and PTSD. One ableist trope (for physical and mental illness) is that people with disabilities are bitter or whiners (speaking as someone with both a physical disability AND PTSD from ab*se). And as I also feel the term "trauma-dumping" is also weaponized to silence people with mental illness and traumatic pasts. Society also often resents vulnerability. I often only feel okay around other survivors.
Wow you addressed just what I'm going through. I can't even talk to my partner anymore. I just feel he doesn't want to hear it.The only one I can talk to that just seems to get it is my 28 year old son. We both got away from his father's narcissistic abuse and he's the one that turned me on to that grammar, my mother was a narcissist. He would see her abuse me all the time. I feel a little guilty but I'm also so proud that I have the most amazing empathic and insightful son.
Thank you so much for discussing this critical topic with us. Self-respect and self-love are my guards against dismissiveness. I am blessed with very few friends, and they are all true gems and close to my heart.
Wow this is exactly what I'm going through right now. Your content is so on point Doc! Thank you for making me feel heard and seen, safe and validated. ❤❤❤
People can only hold space for others at the depth they've held space for themselves. Most people haven't done their work and perpetuate emotional neglect. They're emotionally shallow.
Nail on head again Dr Ramani!!! Thanks. You can FEEL it falls on deaf ears, they don't do deep heartfelt responses. It took 20 years of this until I spoke to one canny old bird over the garden gate. She listened then she uttered 4 words which indicated to me she was actively listening. Those 4 words 'STREET ANGEL - HOUSE DEVIL.' was an expression I'd never heard before at the time but totally encapsulated the whole situation around my narcissistic ex-husband. Boy was I relieved. You do the same in your videos, you VALIDATE those of us out here trying to get to the bottom of this nonsense, which is all it is.... toxic nonsense, like the woke brigade LOL. Thank you for all that you do for all of us out here. God bless. xxx
@@katrinasmith3875 LOL.... thanks for your kind comment. 20 years!!! 20 years!! *I'd spoken to relatives, friends, the doctor, strangers, neighbours and the little old gal over the garden gate was some random person walking past the house. When the time is right I suppose. It is OK that some don't get it, it has to be, I don't believe we can take pole position and actually press them to change. Because (like a seed germinating) it has to come from inside them, that's the source - not information being clagged on from the outside! LOL It's an inner awareness/authenticity/honesty and unfolding of emotions - as you well know - followed by increasing spirituality all done with humility for the process. Life will do this to them if it's meant to be. I tend to answer genuine people's curiosity (when they have come to me) but I would never try and approach someone. I just humbly answer their questions IF I sense they're authentic in their questioning. Good luck and God bless on your journey through life. xxx
"Why are you holding on to this?" "You are CHOOSING to let it upset you!" "Are you SURE that's what happened? " "You need to stop focusing on the negative! "
So true! I've always been super validating of people's pain and it just came naturally to me. The moment I had to endure mobbing at my previous job and was insanely confused someone responds with "I had nothing but toxic jobs". I thought she was a friend until that moment. She doesn't even realise how absurd her responses are. It's only natural to show empathy when someone shares something sad with you. These mean fake snakes don't know how lost they are. 😫
One of your best and most important videos. Thank you. I've been through the abuse. It's just cruel. A nightmare of the worst kind. The subtle or less subtle dismissal by inlaws or relatives is painful and highly discouraging. A friend who listens without judgement is such a blessing. It can save you from going insane. One other thing that helps me a lot is letting go of anger and instead learn to show compassion. Some people just don't understand. Having compassion and patience with them helps me from becoming bitter. ❤ At some point in your life you have to accept what happened and find a way to take things lightly and with some humor again. That's not to dismiss any of the insanity you had to endure, but it's a way for you to slowly get your life back. 👊
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
It's like childhood trauma; you get blamed for what people did to you.
Narcissistic abuse can be childhood trauma. It is for me. Only it's lasted my entire childhood and adulthood. 31.5 year so far, and going strong.
Their patterns are switched like you are your own abuser and they are watching and blaming you.
Normal patterns are like supporting you in your health after or in these situations and blaming the did to you people.
Spiritually it can be unsolved karma by both groups but the difference is big.People who find their rights in the abuse are getting healed,people who watch the scene and blaming the situation on the abuseds are still in their karmas... one reason of the seperation later on.Cause the abuseds can be healed.The abusers and passive watchers are normally not healed as blame is easier and fits better in the society.
That's exactly what they're doing. If someone does that, leave. They aren't worth what you have to offer. Victim blaming is the worst
Omg so true. It's the worst 'irony'
By your narcissistic therapist! At least mine did. She was a sick twisted woman.
I hate the whole " you deserve what you accept" or " you attract what you are" or " if you put up with it that's your fault". These ideas flood social media
It’s a horrible message to send kids … who most of the time don’t have a choice
And I TELL you where all of that CRAP derives from: From so called "spiritual" movements and "awakened" pseudo psychological life counselors that do not have any scientific background whatsoever. Those and the gurus of such communities regularly develop own "psychological" or "spiritual" causality theories and spread their ideas through their community or via bestseller books. And the WORST about it is, that not only "healers" and "alternative practitioners" jump on that bandwagon, but even approved therapists and psychiatrists. And those are regularly already brainwashed by questionable myths in their field as well as questionable narratives of the pharmaceutical industry anyway. Particularly since the latter is interested in narratives that get their drugs sold. Thus, the problem must lie within the suffering patient and not within another person (abuser) to which they have no access. Apart from the fact that a lot of people in key positions are narcissists themselves who are also way too happy to serve narratives that shift all the blame on the victim. It's nothing less than a catastrophe.
Yes. The other thing ppl get accused of is having a 'victim mentality'. Makes me so angry when someone has been brave enough to open up
Agreed. Blaming the victim is so prevalent . I've heard all those and more while the Narc wreaked HAVOC in my life , lying, triangulating, Denying all of it and gaslighting, aa well as lying to others looking in from the Outside who were taken in by his flash and dazzle charm and charisma, and I hear " Well, YOU Allowed it !" .
Does anyone see my other comment? Or is good old censorship on "duty" again? Also a form of gaslighting.
What is even more disturbing is when law enforcement adopts this very same attitude.
It's just terrifying 💔
Like when no matter what happens to you and how well you have it documented that the narcs are doing open criminal activity and the law enforcement side refuses to do anything because they want to keep classifying things as civil issues so that they don't have to do their jobs.
And the family court
CEnsored again.
Cause it's abusive system built by abusers
"Some people aren"t worthy of seeing the whole you. And that, is their loss." I loved this final statement. 💜
Yes.🧡
Me too 💜
My final truth as well.❤
I can't stop thinking that they are not worthy because they can't, they do not have the tools.
This is the challenge: to understand it, feel compassion for them while holding healthy boundaries not to be hurt again, to protect myself.
Am I a hopeless case? 😅
Thank you for your answers.
Maybe it's too soon for this, I want and I need to heal. Thanks 🙏
@el567abc It"s understandable to feel that way. Having compassion doesn't mean that you have to associate with them or excuse wrong behaviour. You"re not a hopeless case; it can feel tough sometimes. Keep going. It"s worth it.
“Disdain for your pain” = toxic invalidation. Emotionally bruised people have to be extra careful who they tell their story to. Some people have no tolerance for your pain and their indifference/ dismissiveness can make it worse.
@@May54321 and it's worse when family of origin treat you this way..
@@earthrooster1969 Or doctors.
The abused are isolated. I know cause I am experiencing it now
It's sad when you give up your freinds because of the relationship n then you listen to them n try to leave n they say oh it must not have been that bad if u stayed so long. Or they say ya they understand n you try talk n they just say get over it your strong. Or get tired of hearing it.. I feel isolated in April n healing n doing the best I can with my children. It's just hard wen no one really cares.
Yes because the narcissist will lie. I told him a month ago that he pushed me on the bed twice, then poured a bottle of water on me, and my financial papers. He replied that is not so bad ! What a piece of garbage. 😊
There is not enough being said about sibling abuse. Trickled down from a parent, through a sibling that continues life long
Agree. Dr. Rameni does have a video about narcissistic abuse from siblings. There is another excellent therapist who has written books and has many videos out on Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), Rebecca Mandeville. Rebecca’s was the first book I read on what has happened to me and it helped so much. With the help of a good therapist, I’ve gone NC with my 3 older sisters who all perpetuated the narrative and continued the abuse decades after our mom died. I’m happy to report, I am free to live my life on my terms, no longer begging them to accept me and being subjected to their selfish and entitled behaviors. My life is so much better, I’ve grown, grieved, let go and finally found gratitude for the many, many gifts I’ve been given now at the age of 56.
@@bertan8510 my Narc Mom was very ill two years ago and i already saw my two younger siblings hone in for power grab. They wanted to quickly rush in and take her long held 'position'. My Mom is still very much around but I took that as a wake up call and started the rigorous process of cutting both my siblings out of my life and minimizing communication with my parents as well...
Yes.. so true.
It's horrifying when you don't see it and then they attack.
Definitely. My mom and sister were my first bullies.
We live in the culture of narcissism so it makes sense that this type of abuse won’t be acknowledged by the culture.
The very fact Trump won reinforces your statement
THIS
So here's what we're working with:
- destroyed mental and physical health, loss of basic functioning;
- no family or support system to speak of;
- chronic instability, existential dread and financial struggles;
- constant invalidation of your reality and struggles;
- demonization for being "weak" and "selfish";
- being conditioned to be overly agreeable, constantly targeted and taken advantage of by people who are actually selfish and abusive;
- being misunderstood, dismissed or outright gaslit by medical/mental health professionals, inability to find proper help;
- internalized shame/anger and learned helplessness that make it nearly impossible to find your voice and advocate for yourself, or question gaslighting;
- ostracized and marginalized because you're "difficult to deal with" and your sole existence threatens others' ability to deny the aspects of reality they're uncomfortable with;
- excruciating loneliness and isolation;
The list can go on.
How are we expected to survive? Let's be honest - we're probably not.
Doctor Ramani is the only person who keeps me sane and gives me faith that there are still people out there who actually give a damn and want to help.
This is the most superb, succinct summation of the problem(s) I have *ever* read.
(Or at least, it matches my situation to a nicety.)
All the things I can never explain and others listen with disdain.
Thank you.
Yes. Thank you. I feel seen.
Seems insurmountable, but we are not alone and are warriors, not just survivors!
Hang in there! My dad was one. I survived and healed, now I can deal with my adult narcissist daughter in a healthy way. The other daughter left a narcissist with deep wounds and she was just released from therapy as recovered from CPTSD!🎉🎉🎉🎉
Thank you so much for typing this out. You articulated what I'm going through so we'll that I'm in tears reading this. You nailed it.
I turned 69 today and I still feel the pain of the torture by my mother and then by my ex husband, and I'm crying. Thank you for validating me. You are the first person I've heard who understands.
Oh, I am so sorry. This is Dr. Ramani's best video, well, at least I think so. I especially like what she said about, "Don't share anything that makes me too uncomfortable." Hugs from Iowa. You are being heard.
❤❤❤
I understand you.
I'm an ACON
too. An adult child of narcissist.
Huge hugs 🫂 sweetheart ❤❤❤
More validation here than from my therapist. ❤ I turned 69 last week as well.
Here validating n supporting. ❤
Man oh man you are seeing me. I don’t
Tell anyone anymore. They look at me like I’m less than . I keep to myself emotionally , enjoy nature , cultivate spirit and have a wonderful pet. It is a rare thing to meet another survivor and Dialogue in a safe way.
Same here. I keep to myself and I do my own thing, but I still have family narcs I can't escape at this time. And when I've had to deal with them again I go here and I see people who go through the same things. It helps keep you sane. It sounds like you've got it together and finding your peace, well done. I'm still way too angry, don't know where to put it sometimes, while it clashes with a lot of other ways I am. But it's getting a bit better every day. At least we know now and we can build from here.
You will find compassion & empathy in the alternative healing arts.
Such as with a massage therapist, Reiki Practitioner or someone you may resonate with. Many to choose from!
Choose someone who has the wisdoms with the how’s, whys and where the body keeps the score. And help you release the pain and imbalances from such experiences.
Blessings and peace to your heart!
This sounds like my story.
Same, except my close friends because one has a mom and my ex bf had to live with his narc dad all through Covid.
I’m past the angry/numb/dead inside part and just wanna get on with it…grieving the death of your caretaker while still alive wasn’t a picnic, you guys at least get it. ❤
@dianederita2758 sort of. I've also experienced all the same behaviors from some of them who are threatened or something because I'm a Christian. Its just another exclusion and them putting their issues on me just because I wear a cross. Not all. I have 2 that are lifesavers. Just some in that field are also capable of ignoring their own core issues and scapegoating others.
Healing from narcissistic abuse does feel like swimming upstream in a river of societal shame. But what’s worth it is freedom you find after the journey.
Exactly. I've recently come to a new understanding that has enabled me to give other people the space they need, understanding they need, and in return it gives me the understanding I've always needed.
@@emilyf.5 I'm in my late 30s and stopped chasing people years ago. To me, it's not worth the insanity. If you're not interested in me, why should I be interested in you?" Is the way I look at it. I've tried to reach out to other people in my family system, and they all have the same attitude towards. the abuse that the people who actually raised me have and have had in the past.
Dr. Ramani nailed it , going through this now, lucky to have a good friend that has been down this road and understands and encourages me to keep moving forward .
@@vintagesilver3766 You can do it. Just keep your head up, and walk proud.
Yes, yes, & yes
So true. 😔 Those who are dismissive of narc survivors and our trauma are *the worst.* I have, before, found myself feeling like I needed to _explain_ myself and _prove_ the validity of my feelings, and the situation; throwing me right back into the same dark hole that the narc previously put me in. It’s an awful, awful feeling.
Yes, to be invalidated can feel even worse than not sharing at all! 😒
No one deserves that. And I can relate. I used to explain my whole life away and I drastically cut back on that.
Yes I have had the same experience although I have been fortunate enough to have a few close relatives who were able to confirm my experience when I finally started talking about it nearly forty years later. Gotta love the idiots who say things like “but it’s your mother”🤮🤢
It's certainly a lesson into not letting what other people think affect us, i.e. not getting our validation from the outside. Sometimes, I think it's the purpose of the whole "lesson"...
Thanks for your comment. My golden child/covert narc sister ( she is a doctor) has reached out to me as she found out I had a surgery...a legit way for her to cross the boundary I have set for her...phew...I get really triggered...and know what you mean...
Widowed people and other grieving people go through something similar. Others who are uncomfortable with the grief tell them to “get over it.” It is profoundly hurtful. As Dr R said: some people just aren’t worthy of you.
Lol same phrase for depression. It's amazing how few people know how to deal with big emotions and help someone going through dark times.
@@maggie6152I’ve suffered trauma from an early age. Being born into DV and s£xual abuse from the age of 3, to bullying at school because I found it hard to fit in. I’m ‘living in the past and need to let it go’, because I’m ‘58 and it’s ruining my life’. I need to ‘get some therapy’. Just ‘get over it.’ And recently I’m being gaslit, because what I remember didn’t happen apparently. I deal with it in my own way, part of that is sharing it with other survivors who understand and empathise. Sharing with them is validation. And unfortunately there are many of us out there.
I can’t stand the dismissive toxic positivity invalidating polly-anna’s who act like I’m being ungrateful unforgiving and negative when I tell the truth of what the abusers did and exert healthy boundaries. It’s messed up. So tired of it all. Remembering it’s not me. Prioritizing my life. Seeking safe supports and determining who is worthy of seeing the whole me and who is not. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I've come to the conclusion the more they try to silence me the more I'm going to keep speaking. For myself if for no other reason than to get it out or put it out there for others to find and know they are not alone..if those listening don't leave I mean something to them, if they do leave they got tired of me being my new me and they weren't good for me anyway. If they belittle they let me know to not engage for too long...I will never again stand for silencing or being silenced. I'm done being shut up. Go ahead and hate me, accuse me, belittle me. I'll just respond with neutrality and sweetness and I will respond until I AM DONE. Those who respect me in kind, and stand beside me in conviction will become my new social circle! You don't have to find like friends they will find you if you put yourself out there.
Amen! I am an abuse survivor. ❤
Exactly. I'm sick of being told to be grateful that they haven't made things worse yet. Gratitude is earned, not leveraged out of someone.
I have a hoodie with a hissing black cat- it reads "bad vibes only". It's my own inside joke against toxic positivity. F your good vibes.
Me neither. I hate it so much cause it is the same emotional censoring as narcissists do. Anyone who does this is automatic suspect
It's the weaponization of the people closest To you in your inner circle that is so particularly Devastating ! And incredibly Traumatizing .
Yup. 😞
This was absolutely true for me. To take out your support system, then point the finger at your sense of abandonment as ‘emotionally needy and unstable’ is beyond painful.
this
Especially when it's a child!😢
@@DominieRobinson This exactly.
Another one is that "I don't want to be helped" or "saved". No, I want people to stop being unhelpful and leave me alone.
I find that as I get older and have learned more about narcissism, I have gotten less willing to tell myself that someone in my life is a narcissist, but much more willing to simply conclude they are bad for me, for whatever reason. And because I have dealt with a number of clear narcissists, I now know what to do.
I cut them out of my life, whether they are narcissists or not. And when a friend tells me about someone they are dealing with who seems like a narcissist, I tell them that I think that person is a narcissist. And if someone rolls their eyes at me for doing this, I write them off as an enabler.
You got the eye roll down. I actually tried to search for a wrist watch with sound effects, so I could tap a button and add sound effects to the rude listeners eye rolls.
I've decided that even narc's need love and respect..I can do that by recognizing they are what they are, understanding they too need help and support because it is in fact something they can't help on their own. And by voicing that and knowing it for myself while admitting I'm not in a place to be that for them and not blaming them but hoping for better for them instead. Learning to part ways on good terms helps. Keeping distance helps. But being better yourself by not being part of the stigma or falling for and taking the trauma or causing any is best. Learning to love labels is very hard.
Yeah, let them roll their eyes now, and then they can deal with the fallout later--without you😇
@@parker.100facts
@@christinaharrison3018Sorry but Satan & his demons neither need nor deserve love or respect. Some people are just 9:26 fucking Evil. Full stop.
“We don’t like stories of mental health that implicate other people”. 💯 “…And definitely don’t like it, when that abuse does not meet some threshold, that society, somehow deems should be met… ….. it has to be bad enough for the general audience to clock it as trauma”. The accumulative daily betrayals, the emotional and relational abuse, are extremely harmful, and very real. However, “we” as a society, want “tidy” mental illness stories!!!! I find this so true, and validating! I have found that even some therapists have this same view. 😢 Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!
At 2:20 - "we don't like stories about mental health that implicate other people". That's so true. Might is right.
As a teenager in a depressive episode, the woman who raised me said, "You can choose to be happy or depressed; it's all in your head." I wanted to tell her, "Walk in my shoes for an hour, then say that," but anything I said was considered'talking back' so I stayed silent.
Your real father and mother is God, not this woman. U r z child of God. Pray for God to bless her and set u free. Soon u ll be free studying in college away from her. I v been there. I m 50 and peaceful now since 17yo when i left Mt family to study
🫂 🌹
Yes, It's often the people doing the abuse or uninterested in our mental health, that throws those kinds of harmful advice at us.
They're often the cause of the depression and not the remedy.
I'm sorry you had to live with that. 😔💔 That woman was clueless. I hope you're having a good, healthy life, because you deserve it! 💜🤗
The amazing fact is that it's not all in your head! That is such a zombie lie.
Me too! Exactly! And how come it's never talking back when they do it and they are magically always right? No one is ever, always right!
"No one cares" is a motto I adopted in childhood wrt talking about my experience. I'm 42 and it continues to hold true.
No one cares until it happens to them
This is the truth, unfortunately.
There are people out there who will react with relief that they are not so all alone. But there is also a proverb about having to kiss a thousand frogs to find them.
A couple days ago my mom literally said “no one cares what you think”. obviously it was in front of everyone. lmaooo yikessss so gross fr
Yes, its a very lonely experience
Whenever people ask me about my narc family and I reply with the truth, they feel very uncomfortable about it. "You're so negative" is a phrase I've heard many times.
Negative is what makes society go round, being aware of what will likely happen and making note of it doesn't make you negative for knowing what the outcome will probably be, and voicing it while silently hoping you will slip through that crack and the positive will happen.. it's about feeling the positive and wanting it at the same time as knowing the truth and amount of the negatives that could or will probably happen so you are ready for it and are not blindsided by it because you weren't looking at all of it on both sides..Its called balance and being informed. People hate it when you are right so they call you Debby downer and negative. It doesn't mean that you are that. It means their envy of your level of detail makes them want to make you feel small like they do.
keep giving them that undiluted truth, its the only way things might change
@@aynilaa aah yes! After my last few 'truthful' comments, they are scared to ask. By 'they' I mean my extended family from my Mom's side who has seen her as a great leader and I have seen how she has neglected our childhood, manipulated others, preyed on the needy and generally be a huge embarrassment for me..
When ask about something specific like that, I always reply "do you want the truth or a lie." Either way most of the time they remain quiet after realizing that they asked. Teri Woolum LeFevers.
@@aynilaa yup
This is the very attitude that keeps you in the relationship and keeps you gaslighting yourself.
Thank you so much for this. This is the most validating thing I've heard in a while - I sobbed through the second half. Making friends after narcissistic abuse feels near impossible sometimes - so many people are "turned off" by the very real experiences that I and many others have had. I want deep connections - and that requires that my history is not "too much" for the person I'm talking to. It's lonely indeed.
I've found it helps when you don't lead with that. I have new groups and acquaintances based on common interests, and that's often only what people (including me) want - pleasant social connections. Only if the friendship goes past that level into sharing life stories would my own experience with abuse come up. I need to get to a level of trust before sharing it, understanding that other people also have their boundaries, and my upsetting story might be one of them.
@@karenk2409 Yes of course, but people lead with questions that do not have a good answer. "Where are you from, why are you here" etc. And the unaware don't know how to handle the answer when it's not a nice answer. Even if I avoid answering the question, that makes me look bad in their eyes.
I've thankfully ran into a couple of people lately that have been aware that not everyone has good answers to these things, and I'm so appreciative of them every time.
@@karenk2409 That is such a lovely and thoughtful answer and very good advice.
Yup. No one would believe the adult bullying I received. I am trying to learn from it and move on. Without therapy. Without sharing the details with friends or acquaintances. It's tough. Gaslighted enough by my bullies (narc and flying monkeys) don't need more from bystanders.
Lonely indeed 🙏🏼 totally relatable 😔
It’s a huge relief when you’ve detached emotionally and understand what happened and been away from the abuse for long enough to have regained your calm and be living your life without rumination and hyper vigilance. Yes, we talked too much when we were traumatised and confused and overwhelmed. It’s okay. We learn that most people don’t understand, and some don’t care. But we will be that kind person who listens and validates someone else finding their way out of the mess.
The gift of compassion was lifesaving to me, and I extend it to others when the situation arises.
@ yes, and being able to share where we found help in books and on UA-cam. I searched for answers for decades, not knowing what was wrong when I tried so hard, and counsellors misunderstood and did more harm. In my fifties I finally found out about narcissistic abuse and parental alienation and all my questions were answered and I began to heal and learn better ways of managing my emotions and responding to the drama. It can be counterintuitive to anyone who doesn’t know about it and the scapegoat can look like the problem because they’re insecure and the abuser seems self-assured.
@@karenk2409 your experience mentioned in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 💕
💯
@@michelepascoe6068 if you can get away from it.
What I often see in therapy are educated people who struggle with relationships, due to their past experiences and feel pressured to meet the standards of society and science who ironically and at times abusively, push that "wired for connection" moto. People who genuinely try to do their best for themselves and for their loved ones, end up feeling "less than" when they don't succeed in their social or personal life. They usually shift the blame to themselves, and their old wounds are bleeding again and again.
Yep. I went through Domestic Violence and the invalidation out there was jaw dropping
Me too⚘
One of my friends grew up in a religious cult and it's so nice to have someone you can casually mention messed up childhood stuff and mental health problems and we can just laugh about it instead of the other person getting all weird.
It’s alright if they don’t want to hear it - it’s another thing when they insist you have a close relationship, where they get to be listened to, but you don't get the same courtesy. Nope to that.
Dr. Ramani- as someone with CPTSD I get that ALL THE TIME. Thank you for making me feel seen.
Dr. Ramani, thank you for your compassionate witnessing of the many layers of this wound. Being seen in these places helps to melt and integrate the trauma fragments. 💖
“So he’s a narcissist…at least he makes good money.” I was told that!! 😮
Omg!
Tell them to watch Betrayal. Omg
You waste time and energy even though he makes money. 😢
Wow, just wow. People. It should be the other way around:"he's not rich? at least he's not a narc"
When I finally broke free from years of emotional abuse, I started healing by educating myself through books and UA-cam channels such as yours. I talk about it, not for sympathy but for healing. I can't hold it in anymore. It hurts too much. Thank you for sharing your time and education with people like me.
This is exactly why survivors need to write and tell their stories ❤ How freaking dare this jerk say its navel gazing self absorption. It took me 2 yeats after i was in the right mental space to even feel like i had the right to speak about my life and of course i could never do that directly. And yet they'd be like oh my God that is so horrible if it was the narc telling their bs. Eff this crap.
"In the stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost, who says what you had, you know what you lost" - Dreams, Fleetwood Mac, The Dance
❤❤❤❤❤
Great quote. Not to mention, writing is great therapy. When well done, it can also help others...
Thank you!
@WithAnEss ❤️
@@christelleny 💯 ❤️
I’m sure many of these people who blame and shame survivors are narcissists as well. Maybe they’re too afraid of confronting narcissists. Or maybe there’s just something in them that makes them hate victims. Because naturally, victims need attention and support. Victims may often be demanding. And narcissists don’t have anything to give. It reminds me of some of the cases where narcissistic mothers murdered their own children.
A friend told me her mother had murdered her children two of them she also tried to kill herself. The children died she was set free and they had 5 more children. Yes she was a narcissist!
It is the same with bullies. These people telling others, that bullying makes you stronger while completely ignoring the psychology studies proving the bad effects like depression and anxieties in adulthood are the people that bullied others in school and sometimes still bully others in workplaces
Yes, I think so too, they're narcs, they show their true, empathy lacking face behind the mask with this.
Yes our bodies do have a sense of ethics
Age 63, and it just happened all over again. Mom was a world class BPD narcissist, and growing up was a hell it took decades to heal from. Recently my younger brother verbally attacked me and I finally realized that he, too is a narcissist. He hides it better, every now and then the mask slips and he shocks me with his arrogance and cruelty. We are the only remaining members of my birth family, and I’m reminded that I’m actually very alone in this world. The grief is real.
Sending you love ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! You are a god send to this horrible world filled with cruel narcissistic people🙏 I hope one day you win a nobel prize. I’ll be cheering for you.👏👏👏👏😀😀😀😀. I wish you could be my in person therapist. I am also a survivor here.😔
Totally 100% agree 🙏
Exciting video, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain sister , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
9:06 Some people aren’t worthy to see your whole you and that is their loss…Gold sentence to heal.
Truth be told
I wrote a book about my experiences growing up with a narcissistic, bipolar father (and how my spirituality developed out of it). I've gotten that sneery, eye rolling vibe from people who tell me I am just being a victim and being too hard on my father. I haven't stayed friends with those people. He was a monster.
Understanding that I am not responsible for another's comfort, nor am I in charge of fixing anything for another, were two of the hardest lessons I have learned. Yet, learning this I finally experienced freedom! There are only four people that I will ever share anything deep with (my husband, adult son, & 2 sisters). I trust them and feel safe to hear their perspective knowing I make my own decisions. It's taken many years to experience the freedom to be authentic. Now, I listen to others opinions, however I don't let it interfere with my peace. I just see it as words, while not allowing it to bother me or effect me negatively. Amen
Well said... Took !e years to learn this. Teri Woolum LeFevers.
I still struggle with “not being responsible for another’s comfort”. I never even thought of that until I read your comment.
I was told to "stop wallowing in self-pity" by my best friend and she told me to instead "just be happy for other people who have it better than you," "Choose to be happy," "Your past has no influence on who you choose to be now, you're the one choosing to be miserable and anxious," etc.
Oh, and the good thing about being honest is that you can genuinely assess how you were damaged, because you can understand yourself clearly. This allows you to actually resolve your issues.
Playing into this philosophy of hers risks your identity on the sunk costs fallacy. It will be harder to drop the act once you've kept it up, because then you have to take accountability for halting your own progress. That's unlikely. Accountability is rare enough.
Sorry for the double text. Hope this helped. ❤
Obviously this person has never experienced what you have, and has empathy impairment.
No fucking kidding! It's easy for her to say. Having my sister tell me "There there, it wasn't so bad, it was in the past, you can move on now" the abuse l endured for 15 years+ of my life when she and my brother were clearly treated much better than me!--I was the family scapegoat.
Thank you. It's so rare to find someone who truly understands. Luckily I've found a few people who at least believe me
5:01 Yep! When I cautiously let an old "friend" who'd let me down into my life again on a trial basis because she'd been to therapy and seemed to have grown, she talked at length about her current problems and the ongoing impact of her troubled childhood. I gave her empathy and compassion. When **I** talked about similar things, I got window dressing like "you're entitled to your feelings" but also her same old judgmental messages that I'm supposedly too sensitive, interpret things wrong, and am LETTING myself stay trapped in the past (as if CPTSD is a choice!). Hypocrisy much!? 🧐🙄 Byeee! I'm SO GLAD I've done the work to be able to recognize toxic people in ways I couldn't before and LET THEM GO! 😃🍀❤ *THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!!!* ❤
Dr. R, I want you to know you are a blessing to this world. I found you on UA-cam about six years ago and you have helped me with my healing immeasurably.
I am 62. I have a narcissistic father and did not have a clue that I was being emotionally and psychologically abused until my early 40s. How would I? It was all I'd ever known and everyone on the outside adored my dad.
I finally broke down after another short term romance failed and found a therapist who enlightened me and forever changed my life. Im still healing, but am a completely different person now...more of the person I was always meant to be.
Your videos have filled in the gaps, explained the nuances, furthered my understanding and most importantly, made me feel seen and heard and to understand I'm not the problem or the crazy one. I just wanted you to know the impact you have had in this world and that you are truly needed.
Beautifully and truthfully said!
My cousins never understood the amount of trauma I have been through. It hurts because my reality keeps being denied even when he was inflicted more pain again. I had to pull away from the whole thing but it made me sad because I didn’t just lose a father, I lost a whole extended family. With my mother & both sets grandparents passed away, there’s no tie to them anymore. It has its freedom but it’s also very lonely. Narcissistic abuse wreaks lives.
I lost my extended family too. It was either a family full of narcissists and flying monkeys or living my life alone. And I chose my life, I feel soo sane.
I think this is common when you go no contact. I'm no contact with my parents for 4ish years, which took about a year before my older sister (the scapegoat) couldn't handle it anymore and I had to go no contact with her and her husband. They wanted ME to apologize for standing up to the narcissist... 😢
I haven't seen any extended family in years, because my parents are at all the family gatherings. Nobody understands, nobody calls to talk, nobody cares. I texted my cousin (old best childhood friend), and after 4 or 5 attempts to meet up, I'm giving up.😢
If it weren't for my wife, I'd be very lonely.
@@TheRealMonnie I'm going through this very thing. I reached out to a brother to try to talk about serious issues and just got a huge long bullet-pointed email about how horrible I am. This is a brother who has taken the side of my covert narcissist mother and her overt narc husband (both violent crybullies) in the past so I should have probably known better. But I also fear that maybe my brother is a narc like his parents are. I haven't seen any family at all for the past four years and not a soul reaches out, and apparently as my brother hurtfully described it, 'they all talk about what to do with me since I'm so difficult to talk to.' Y'all, I'm not difficult to talk to. I am someone who stands by the Truth though and narcs seem to really hate that. I'm happy you have a loving partner. 🥂
Same with me and my dad's family, except I can talk to my aunt and her daughter, my favorite cousin. They're the only two nontoxic ppl in my dad's family.
Yup. I was encouraged to leave my abusive ex not when I described how I was treated but instead it was when he went down the Rogan rabbit hole and bought ivermectin.
My coworkers who came to my office to complain about our narc boss and the hostile work environment and our union who only focused on the professional staff instead of also us support staff wanted nothing to do with me when I had no choice but report forgeries that weren't being addressed in house. I also filed a complaint about my union to the labor relations board. During my unfortunately ultimately useless fight, even friends who weren't from my work avoided me because it made them uncomfortable to hear about what was going on with me.
With everything I lost, I don't regret the people who showed their true colors during this time no longer being in my life. I finally went no contact with several family members whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life. My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I'm okay with that. I've been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself.
"whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life". Wow, that hit my heart like a thunderbolt. With that one phrase, you illuminated and encapsulated relationships that I've needed to end!
No more breadcrumbs masquerading as banquets for me!
Thank you.
LOVE this: "My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I'm okay with that. I've been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself." 👏👏 Yay! In retrospect, I woke up to myself when my social circle shrank and I never connected the two before. Knowing and liking myself for the first time in my life is 100% worth my lost ILLUSIONS about those people. And now I have the discernment, self-love, and comfort enforcing boundaries to risk letting GOOD people in. That's a win-win, not the tragedy I sometimes feel about losing so many people. *THANK YOU for this helpful reframe!* 😃❤
@@apricotcookie4850 Yes! We must learn to set our own table
@@bellaluce7088 Thank you for letting me know how good the otherside after getting to know myself can look!
Didn't the government retract their dismissal of ivermectin recently?
Not saying to go listen to Rogan, just genuinely asking. Myself, since having used it on my livestock for years, it does what it does and does it well. Doses are by weight, and have even used it to treat parasites on chickens. (Cause that's the recommended use as well, you can buy different types)
Sorry you went through a lot.
Did you learn anything positive from it? Like how you and the exe had grown apart and weren't compatible/toxic tailspin? Or that you did have the intestinal fortitude to stick with an ethical decision and survive the fallout? Hopefully this opens different doors on your path, and you can allow better things into your path ❤
My siblings (the narcissists) are the ones who shamed me when I tried "Talking it out" with them. You just can't teach toxic ppl how to be respectful or kind.
I add to the chorus below. Thank you, thank you. Been there, done that. People want you to share when 1) it is totally superficial and 2) when it is easily "fixable". Something I have noticed as a survivor of sexual abuse. As soon as you mention it, you can feel the person emotionally step back.
My experience, exactly! This is why I don't share anything other than superficial, with anyone. No one gets it, and no one has the capacity to hear and understand.
I've listened to someone who shared a very personal abusive experience they went through and because I am an HSP I started crying. It wasn't taken well at all by the person sharing their story-they asked me why I was crying. I said "because it's sad I am sorry this happened to you". I realized afterwards maybe my crying was seen as selfish, despite that not being the intent. It made me feel strange... Like I was questioning whether my emotional response was not appropriate and I definitely felt like next time I should just have a blank expression on my face and block all my emotions inside... Essentially not act natural.
What do you make of that? Was my response of crying inappropriate? And showing emotions like crying in such a context is bad? I'm so very confused.
I'm so sorry this happened! I feel your response was natural and completely warranted.
The person telling you about their experience may have just not known how to react to your reaction. Particularly if they have shared this experience before and had been dismissed or invalidated.
I wouldn't doubt yourself ❤
Thank you for listening to that person that needed you to hear it!
@@kerrawhite444 Thank you for your reply. I find comfort in your words. I will just continue to trust my own emotions... That crying in a situation such as that is ok if it's my normal emotional response. 🙏
@@kristinaloewen3934 Your response was genuine and caring.
Trauma is harder than most mental illnesses for society to accept because it's based on real events outside the victim's mind. Trauma places responsibility on the listener to accept that the people/values/institutions they support may be harmful or even oppressive. Depression and anxiety command therapy and drugs. Trauma commands systemic change.
The moment that someone tells me that what I know to be true - isn’t true because they say so - that’s the moment that I question if that denying person is either a narcissist, or an abuser, or both. That’s the moment that I know for sure that the denier has no compassion, and is no longer worthy of any respect from me.
The number one rule of thumb to ask your Self is if that denying person is trying to control or manipulate you. It’s a form of victim shaming and victim blaming thrown at you that comes from out of left field under the guise of civil discourse.
My narcissistic abuse by my ex husband was outright mocked by the woman who calls herself my “best friend” because she has been the victim of domestic violence and believes I am co-opting her story for attention and “coolness points.” (Direct quote on that last one.) I just stopped telling her stuff.
That person would no longer be my friend, or have any place in my life!
So, only she can be the victim, or victimized? Maybe she needs all the attention and all the empathy? I would walk slowly towards the door and then run. This is not a friend.
@@Sweetpea-2023 oh she loves playing the victim. Actually it’s her treatment of me that led me to this channel/community because she is a narcissist herself. I am trying to work through my issues from my marriage as well as a 22-year complex female friendship.
@@christinelamb1167 I would love to be able to send her packing. She is a narcissist herself, and I have given her slack for 22 years because her abusive upbringing has left her with C-PTSD and addiction issues, and I admit I pity her. Also, she can do some damage to my life so I have some fears about leaving the friendship.
@@lindamcmanus3057🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My cousin, who knew that my father is an abuser, told me to “just get over it”.
I've heard the same thing in my family. 😥😡😥💔
Condolences. My older sister (who has been narcissistic) told me that when I was much younger; that I was the kind of person who can't get over things. By "things" she meant severe abuse. We don't have any relationship at all now which I find sad.
So sorry. Same with my mother, about my brother, sister, and stepfather. She’s trapped and so I’m supposed to be, too.
That's so wreckless. I'm sorry u experienced that hurt. Especially from a family member.
The excuse in my family was "Well we didn't know. We never heard of that type of thing before so...."
Ok, but I told you and now you know so now what?
I kept getting invalidated and humiliated and doused with negativity and outrageous lies /accusations by the narcissist/ my mother and her followers.
Karma is getting them in all directions of time now and zillion times worse because of their unjustified hateful and evil ill will towards me! It hurt me beyond words and destroyed me for 60 years of my life…it doesn’t have to destroy me any longer.
Let them witness my wealth and abundance…my success, fame, good fortune happiness beauty great health love and the best in life!
People who respond like that have not dealt with their own trauma and literally run away and suppress their own feelings. So of course they would not have empathy for others, they dont hold empathy for themselves.
We see how society via movies, social media, celebrities, toxic workplace and power hungry bosses, elevate and enable people like narcs and others on the dark triad. So its good that some of us are becoming more aware and changing the narrative by having open adult conversations about it.
Dr. Ramani, your insights, compassion, and transparency are life-altering. Thank you so much for your work.
You are making a difference for so many of us.
I find some narcissists in this comments section who insult and demean in their replies to other commenters.
Yes, they come frequently to leave entitled comments... Most of the time they are ignored. Some other times they are bullied back a bit 🤭
Yes, the narcs love to come to channels such as this and make their ridiculous comments! I have seen it here, and other other narc abuse recovery channels. Most of the time I ignore them, but once in a while I can't help myself, and I respond back! I usually regret it, though.
Sure. My ex narc does this... as she's been doing a dirty long smear campaing trying to destroy me, many crimes, so she kept coming all groups on narc learning working to keep her facade and crimes hiden and twisted... and as she spread edited intimacy pics to many people and social media calling me as a predator or such, I decided to do something other than just to stay away/no contact, and only since then, after I started to show also picts of her (in the lovebombing phase) she (and/or her flying monķeys) became less encouraged ...!
People who do this … I just don’t see how they have so much time on their hands! Don’t they have anything better to do than put down people who they don’t know and don’t care about? Guess not.
Careful not to speak your mind on them, YT may ban your comments for hate speech lol. My other account just got hit for educating on terminology for such people
The whole covid mass formation (Dr Mattia Desmet's work) policy phase from late 2020-2024 especially, was like a regress into 'the empire strikes back' normalization of narcissistic control, abuse, gas lighting, and victimization. If there's one thing the covid policy situation reminds me of it's narcissistic abuse, because the power was perpetually and ruthlessly against the participation, recognition, and choice of the informed individual being unnecessarily dominated, subjugated, ignored, and ridiculed for not following an insane narrative. Meanwhile the perpetrators appeared to have been living it up and hoarding the spoils.
2:50 yeah, I’ve always said to myself that what I went through didn’t count as abuse because it “wasn’t bad enough”. Or that there’s no way I could have trauma because it wasn’t “a traumatic enough” experience.
I was beaten, drowned, choked, burnt and r*ped for 38 years (first violence was done to my body at 4 months old, I cannot even remember), my body is covered with scars and even I am told "to move on" or "just because you were r*ped"...
"Nobody forced you to marry him"
"You signed that contract"
Society and how people react are worse than abuse itself.
I am 40 and my life expectancy is 58 due to all the violence. And then people wonder why I am depressed and have no hope for my future. My future. Means less then 20 years. I am severely bulimic and hurt my southern part every night because I am used to mutilation and abuse and torture.
And all I can hear is: Its your fault. You "picked" him.
@ ugh, yeah I got a lot of “you could’ve left”. What hurts me the most is when my parents said “you should’ve listened to us”, because they ended up being right about him and kept telling me to leave him- which obviously I didn’t for a while. They very much implied (and maybe outright said, this was a while ago) that I chose him over them. Which they’re not wrong but, idk everything he said made sense to me somehow. Then they told me after a while that I needed to get over it.
Sometimes the comments hurt just as bad
Really appreciate this insight. It brings to mind the idea that suffering is a competition. If someone hasn’t suffered enough in egregious ways, then their suffering is invalid.
The worst comment came from my sister, after I had gotten out and was still slowly recovering.
It was "you picked him". (victim blaming much??)
Now that I am older, and more researched, clearly it shows a lack of understanding by outsiders that narcs/abusers put on a false front until you are committed. But also now that I am older, I do think the sister is borderline narc - always has demanded to be the centre of attention, and has no problem lying to get what she wants. Very stealthy Narc-Lite I reckon.
True after all I have been through it has made me to get gaslight from doctors which is happening a lot today
Yes. It's tough enough for someone traumatized to seek out and ask for help.
It's even worse, when they are met with either disinterested concern and zero assistance or made to feel they are being unreasonable or overly emotional.
Shaming IS shockingly common everywhere. I recently commented on a news media channel to thank them for remembering to add a trigger warning. I wasn't up for it that day and moved on after the words of thanks to the commentators. I got one reply, one word, with a thumbs down - "Pathetic". - For thanks... That was what the person took away from a thank you. The world is rough. Thank you for these videos. It's helpful to know we are not alone in the mess.
I do feel like a fool for not being able to put together the pieces of the narcissistic abuse I was going through until I was in way too deep.
@@tonymartos2922 You’re not a fool. But I felt that way too, until I realized I trusted, believed, gave the benefit of the doubt etc, because that’s a reflection of who I am. It’s easy to trick someone who doesn’t know a game is being played. Now that you know act accordingly. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Give yourself the same grace, compassion and kindness you showed them. You are not foolish, you’re probably a good person who couldn’t comprehend that someone who said they loved you could be so devious and malicious. At least that was my story. Forgive yourself.
@tonymartos2922 you know NOW. That’s what matters most. Be kind to yourself. ❤
In my experience, feeling like a fool is a part of narcissistic abuse. They are always superior to you, you feel dumb/incapable. They gaslight, blame and behave as you are the problem (at any type of conflict, regardless you make a mistake etc.): so you find yourself thinking of yourself, your shortcomings, which everyone has. You think about what you do and so on. So your attention is diverted from them to you. You can feel like the worst person ever when they shame you, treat you badly. As you feel that, shame is projected on to you and you become paralyzed. You can't take a step back and look at how they're treating you.
They blind you, in multiple ways: love bombing, gaslighting, invalidating your reality/experiences, crazy making, inflicting their toxic shame into you. And they feel joy in positioning the other as a fool, when the other person actually only trusted, loved, treated them as humans, gave them chances, and wanted and made efforts to make the relationship better, wanted the good times with them. They want you to feel, think lesser of yourself, it makes them feel superior, they get their narcissistic supply.
I used "you" but I am talking about me. As cringy it may sound but being compassionate towards myself helped me have a better relationship with myself. I mean I still experience feeling like a fool quite a bit, being compassionate with myself takes the weight of their mean voice off at least.
My narcissistic parents usually downplayed values like compassion, care, and praised qualities like being intelligent, getting higher education etc. so much that it feels inferior to feel like a fool. My mom even made me take an IQ test when I was a child just because I was slow in my movements. I was probably a bit depressed or afraid to make a mistake so I slowed down. Now I ask myself on the inside: what if being a fool isn't that inferior? What if other qualities are more important?
@ well said. 100%
Well Dr Ramani has also fallen for it. Many intelligent, incredible people have. And if you grew up around any toxic behavior or people high in narcissist traits then you are attracted to what feels familiar not just familiar but it’s natures way of working through your trauma. It’s understandable and unfortunately sometimes necessary
I learned long ago to not share abuse inflicted by other people to friends or family. Most of the time it’s safer, especially if dealing with a covert narcissist. Lots of silent endurance at times.😢
Narcissistic familial abuse is bullying and as such people outside of the family respond in the typical patterns: siding with the oppressor to ensure they themselves won't become a target, kicking a scapegoat when they appear to be down so as to feel superior, bonding with their fellow abusers.
thissssss
Thank you. ❤ I’ve come to the conclusion that most people don’t deserve to know the whole me.
Yup. I realized recently that people don't really care about you; they just want to be comfortable.
10000 % accurate. I grew up with a narcissistic mom, my elder sister being the golden child and least rebellious always supports mom and I'm the ungrateful daughter.
I've been told to not think about it and get over it.
My brain always tells me not to read the comments, but I feel compelled to. Bullies are rampant online, and people will disagree with you and say the most unhinged things just to get a reaction. Sometimes, I fall into the trap because of my moral values. Statistics show most abuse and unalivings is familial or someone we are dating or married to. My doom scrolling is true crime. 😢
Some don't want that conversation. It is hard to find a balanced friend who does not yoyo you sometimes. Flip flopping on empathy or selective empathy, you are right Doc. "It makes them unworthy of seeing the real you." Dr. Ramani. Love is: Just sitting with someone who needs you.
Whats really lovely is when the narc gets you out of the family after horrifically abusing you and then later in life the flying monkeys tell you you were never abused 😢
I'm grateful for the survivors who have dared to share their stories even at the risk of being invalidated by ignorant comments. You who shared were a lifeline for my sanity because you helped me put an end to invalidating my own experiences! Now having slowly learned to trust in my own reality and to break the chains I am happier now than any time in my life and just want to pay it forward.
I was just recently trying to get help for codependency online by reading articles and watching videos and in the comments were some of the most hateful and harsh words said about people struggling with codependency. I won’t repeat what was said but it was unbelievable. And it was a lot of people.
I think I agree with you. I watched this story the other day which was about a woman who went out with a serial killer and when it came to putting him in prison, she was scared and she was lectured at why wouldn't you want him to go in prison. Then when she was treated badly in court by the barrister, she was told to 'let it go'. Where was the bit where it was understood that it would be terrifying for her to go to court, and when she was humiliated in court that she would want to complain about that. It seemed to me that the physical abuse was one thing, but the emotional and psychological abuse was exacerbated by the lack of support from society. I think that is what you're talking about. This was an extreme case, but I think it rings true for everyone that emotional and psychological abuse are exacerbated by society's lack of support.
exactly
I sought help and support over and over again. I endured gaslightng, blameshifting, character criticism, personality critiques, namecalling, etc. I wasted 32 years of my life with a narc husband and M.I.L with their own sick story of covert incest (that I didn't know existed) who lied and judged and humiliated me as much as they could. I finally got out. And I was set adrift socially and vocationally. People were happy to make things up about me and believe it, but they wouldn't touch the truth about him or his mother. I have a new life now. It amazing what you can do with your life when you are free from your abusers and those who blame you for it. I am living a life of freedom, creativity, meaningful work, love, laughter, growth and joy that I never knew was possible. I found friends--real friends and great colleagues who respect and care for me as I do for them. It's never too late to leave. It's never too late to start over. It's never too late to love your one precious life enough to remove it from those who don't deserve to be near it.
Bravo!!!!
I admire your braveness...good on you!
Thank you for calling out the subtle BS. I once was told by a Buddhist master that my childhood trauma was caused by past life trauma. That took me a bit to untangle since 1.) I trusted her 2.) her status in the spiritual community made it much more difficult to question. I did give her a lot of pushback after I regained composure from her interesting opinion. It's been a battle.
Something similar happens to those of us who are neurodivergent: people say they want to get to know you, the real you they claim! Until you actually begin to open up and they realize they are getting more than they bargained for, but instead of acknowledging it they blame you for being "too much".
Look, if you don't want to hear about my life experience (whether that's too uncomfortable or uninteresting for you to handle) then don't ask. And if you already asked, exercise the necessary self-awareness to acknowledge your mistake and try to navigate the rest of the interaction gracefully. That's what a decent person would do, at least.
fr
Thankful my friends and family aren’t like this. Of course the narcissist accuses me of being the abuser, which can contribute to society being confused who is actually the disordered person. But I have psych evals now. It’s not me!
Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate it and need to hear this.
The key for me is to not share too much with people who don't have a similar background. I have been blessed with several friendships with people who totally get it. I wish everyone had that. Wishing you all healing and love. Everyone deserves a soft place to land!
I've heard the phrase "disenfranchised trauma" used to describe that "threshold of bad enough" you describe. Society deeply stigmatizes victims. It seems like they just don't like the fact that ab*se exists and they vilify survivors. But I'm also willing to bet that most people who vilify survivors have ab*sive or at least toxic traits themselves, and are projecting. I also think there is a lot of ableism around complex trauma and PTSD. One ableist trope (for physical and mental illness) is that people with disabilities are bitter or whiners (speaking as someone with both a physical disability AND PTSD from ab*se). And as I also feel the term "trauma-dumping" is also weaponized to silence people with mental illness and traumatic pasts. Society also often resents vulnerability.
I often only feel okay around other survivors.
Wow you addressed just what I'm going through. I can't even talk to my partner anymore. I just feel he doesn't want to hear it.The only one I can talk to that just seems to get it is my 28 year old son. We both got away from his father's narcissistic abuse and he's the one that turned me on to that grammar, my mother was a narcissist. He would see her abuse me all the time. I feel a little guilty but I'm also so proud that I have the most amazing empathic and insightful son.
Receiving shaming comments is exactly why I don’t share my feelings.
@@kathleen3292 yup. Thanks to this platform we can safely share...I'll take it 😀
@@earthrooster1969 agreed. This is the first time I feel comfortable in sharing however that has only been online.
Breathtakingly beautiful analysis/dissection, as always
Thank you so much for discussing this critical topic with us. Self-respect and self-love are my guards against dismissiveness. I am blessed with very few friends, and they are all true gems and close to my heart.
Wow this is exactly what I'm going through right now. Your content is so on point Doc! Thank you for making me feel heard and seen, safe and validated. ❤❤❤
Listening to you put it into words feels so validating!
"Damned if you do, or Damned if you don't" is surely what it is for sure!
People can only hold space for others at the depth they've held space for themselves. Most people haven't done their work and perpetuate emotional neglect. They're emotionally shallow.
Well said.
I'm not in a relationship with a narcissist. They find me. It's horrifying. Thank you for being here, Dr. Ramani.
Nail on head again Dr Ramani!!! Thanks. You can FEEL it falls on deaf ears, they don't do deep heartfelt responses. It took 20 years of this until I spoke to one canny old bird over the garden gate. She listened then she uttered 4 words which indicated to me she was actively listening. Those 4 words 'STREET ANGEL - HOUSE DEVIL.' was an expression I'd never heard before at the time but totally encapsulated the whole situation around my narcissistic ex-husband. Boy was I relieved. You do the same in your videos, you VALIDATE those of us out here trying to get to the bottom of this nonsense, which is all it is.... toxic nonsense, like the woke brigade LOL. Thank you for all that you do for all of us out here. God bless. xxx
Wow I really like how you put that boy can I resonate with you some people do get it very very few and I'm starting to think it's okay
@@katrinasmith3875 LOL.... thanks for your kind comment. 20 years!!! 20 years!! *I'd spoken to relatives, friends, the doctor, strangers, neighbours and the little old gal over the garden gate was some random person walking past the house. When the time is right I suppose. It is OK that some don't get it, it has to be, I don't believe we can take pole position and actually press them to change. Because (like a seed germinating) it has to come from inside them, that's the source - not information being clagged on from the outside! LOL It's an inner awareness/authenticity/honesty and unfolding of emotions - as you well know - followed by increasing spirituality all done with humility for the process. Life will do this to them if it's meant to be. I tend to answer genuine people's curiosity (when they have come to me) but I would never try and approach someone. I just humbly answer their questions IF I sense they're authentic in their questioning. Good luck and God bless on your journey through life. xxx
"Why are you holding on to this?" "You are CHOOSING to let it upset you!" "Are you SURE that's what happened? " "You need to stop focusing on the negative! "
So true! I've always been super validating of people's pain and it just came naturally to me. The moment I had to endure mobbing at my previous job and was insanely confused someone responds with "I had nothing but toxic jobs". I thought she was a friend until that moment. She doesn't even realise how absurd her responses are.
It's only natural to show empathy when someone shares something sad with you. These mean fake snakes don't know how lost they are. 😫
2:26 "We don't like stories about mental health that implicate the behaviours of other people" Nail on the head.
One of your best and most important videos. Thank you. I've been through the abuse. It's just cruel. A nightmare of the worst kind. The subtle or less subtle dismissal by inlaws or relatives is painful and highly discouraging. A friend who listens without judgement is such a blessing. It can save you from going insane. One other thing that helps me a lot is letting go of anger and instead learn to show compassion. Some people just don't understand. Having compassion and patience with them helps me from becoming bitter. ❤ At some point in your life you have to accept what happened and find a way to take things lightly and with some humor again. That's not to dismiss any of the insanity you had to endure, but it's a way for you to slowly get your life back. 👊
Thank you for continually establishing and maintaining guardrails against abuse. And enabling is abuse.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Amen Dr.Ramani, thank you ❤🙏🙌