14 Lessons I've learned from being with a narcissist
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- Опубліковано 19 жов 2024
- 14 lessons I've learned from being with a narcissist, and experiencing narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse can lead to personal growth, or spiritual growth. In this video I'm sharing my personal experiences with personal growth and healing after narcissistic abuse.
What saved me from narcissistic entanglement was listening to my gut and watching various UA-cam videos about narcissism. Educating yourself is key.
Look at their actions not their words. Words are cheap. So true.
Thats exactly what he told me all the time. Wired.
They never take responsibility for anything. It's always your fault,not their's.
Just got out of a horrible relationship and this video helps
You hit the nail right on the head! You know the truth, so you don’t need to argue it! Love it!!
“What if I could let everyone be wrong about me?” That is so so powerful ❤️
I love your take on taking responsibility and personal growth. These people are out to find your weakness and trauma and use it as a weapon. They are to be avoided.
Wow great video. 32 years with a narcissist 27 married and free for 2 years. You are so right on point. For me one of the hardest things to accept was the urge to defend myself against the lies about me, and it was the hardest when those lies were told to my daughters to attempt to triangulate them against me. Typical I know now after eight books and hundreds of hours of therapy, but then it was so hard to deal with, it is unbelievable torture. You are already devastated emotionally and then you are having the core of your character attacked with outright lies and the mind blowing thing is they accuse you of what they are doing or did while they claim the did nothing. Two years out and daily battles in my own mind still go on, but it gets better with each new piece of information and hearing others shared experiences. Thank you for posting this it is another part of my healing journey.
This is me but I’m learning to just ignore because I know my worth now.
I can only imagine how painful that must be. In my case, it's also been extremely painful to deal with lies being told and believed by people I thought were friends. I didn't have as much invested as you, with family members involved, but it still upset me because I so badly wanted the true nature of that covert narc to be known.
I'm just getting out of an 8 year marriage to a narcissist, it's been one of the worst experiences of my life... just learning about this disorder and trying to find ways to heal myself, your documentary was amazing and made me open my eyes to alot of what has been going on in my marriage, I have done the no contact and fallen prey to it a couple times over the last 2 months because like you, I am a very empathic woman but I am finally finding my strength again and know I want fall for the BS so easily!
Silence is golden brilliant advice thanks
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS I JUST STARTED WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS BECAUSE'
I WAS SO DESPERATE TO LEARN ABOUT NARCISSITIC ABUSE I WAS HORRIBLY ABUSED EMOTIONALLY FOR OVER 9 YEARS.
AFTER BEING CRUELY DISCARDED IM STRUGGLING TO DISSCONECT. NARCISSITIC ABUSE IS BRUTAL.
You are a true inspiration. Keep going, you're helping so many people with your video's!
Thank you Aletta. I am just at the beginning of this journey. I know I will succeed. Intuition is the key.
If this was painful for you to share, just know that you deeply, profoundly impacted someone in denial and feeling alone, in the most positive way. I felt so stupid for letting another narcissist into my life, I should have known better. Your words hit me exactly when I needed it. Thank you for sharing.
Wow! Thank you, this helped me a lot 💕
Narcissist never take responsibility for their actions. They make it yours.
Very helpful, thank you!! It is so wise to look at the experience this way. I love how taking responsibility and using it to become more aware propels us into greatness. Well done for having the courage to rise above!!
Wow!! Everything you were saying is dead on and exactly want I'm going through I'm so glad I came across this video I so needed to hear this thank you so very much 😊🙏🏿💖
"What if i stopped defending myself & let them be wrong about me"
Loved thus video. I feel your words talking to my soul.
Thanks Aletta for being out there for us !
Thank you for the work you are doing. You are a blessing.
The problem is that we have to learn to be nice to all people and put our first inside feeling beside. There the problem begins. You are on right, that we have to hear of this voice inside.
I have to learn it again 🎉
You are really amazing with your videos. Thanks for your work.
Good luck.
Dear Aletta, thank you very much. You are doing great things!
Aletta has such a beautiful spirit!!
Aletta... Thank you so much 🥺💗 I was with him for 8year 3months and I broke up with him this weekend. I was missing him even though he was so horrible to me, especially during the final years together. It was so hard to leave though. I'm determined this is the final time. Finding your videos is helping me find the strength and clarity to stay away from him for good this time.
Also, your videos resonate so much with me. Everything you say is the truth of what I've went through. After being dismissed for so long.. I am so thankful for these feelings to be "seen" and acknowledged. thank you
Thanks for the encouraging message. I especially like the point where you decided to let people think whatever they choose. Let them.
This is SO well put together, Aletta. Clear, concise and with love in truth. Very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you too🙏🏻
Every Single word hit home for me
I felt heard, validated, and hopeful for one of first times ......after spending 2 years feeling like I was crazy
Thank you sooo much
Lisening to you is like i would be expresing myself. Thankyou so much for sharing. 🙏
🙏🏻❤️
My story. Thank you
Thank you! I'm still healing. No contact is what helped me the most. I can say this was an awful experience. I think I grew a lot! It showed me unhealed parts from childhood and into adulthood that needed to be brought to the surface. Maybe that's what it took. I don't want it again! My faith, self esteem, and relationships are stronger now.
I ignored my gut feeling and the red flags. Lesson learned
Thanx for sharing!! After 10 years it's still difficult. Not for me but seeing that my children are still victims of narcissistic behaviour. Unfortunately I can only try to teach my daughter (15) to listen to her gut feeling and I'm filling her heart with warmt and mother love so her self esteem will grow! I lost contact with my son when he was 12. He is almost 19 now......
Hi Ilonca, ik voel voor je. Wat moet het verschrikkelijk zijn om je zoon te moeten missen en hem niet te kunnen beschermen tegen dit type misbruik. Hopelijk krijgt hij via zijn zusje toch wat informatie en bescherming binnen en komt hij op een dag bij je terug. Fijn dat je wel contact hebt met haar! Het blijft bizar en hartverscheurend hoe narcisten kinderen tegen de gezonde ouders opzetten…
Dear Aletta I don't know how survive this 😢 I'm 66 now and fell in love with a much younger sweet man from the Netherlands. He convinced me about the age gap and I felt secure . His mom told me he has problems keeping a relatio up . I'm so traumabonded 😭❤
So helpful and encouragement
Three months Narc free. And I feel better everyday day 💪🏻
🙏 Keep going, it will only get better ☺️
So true. One lesson I've got is also, what an enormous blind spot I had all my life until very recently, not even remotely realizing that I've been the victim since my childhood on, and that the closest to me are not just trying to be this evil ignorants from time to time, but there is an official diagnosis for their behavior. Since I remember, I was helping others and solving their problems, family, friends, my exes, I thought this should be somehow my job, because I can do it. Now I'm actually astonished, how I was unable to see the true big picture regarding to myself. I wish I'd know all this as a teenager, my life would be so much different. It's never too late to heal I guess. Thanks. 🌞
Thank you soooo much for sharing your testimony of your life sister. May YAH Most High help heal you and may you find rest in your lifetime. YAH bless you and keep you.
This video helped me so much! Please do more of these ❤ so pleased you are doing well x
Forgiveness is only for those who have the capacity to self reflect and grow. Forgiveness and empathy are often taken for granted especially by narcissists.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Knowledge is power. X
I did everything for her spent a fortune her final comment...i don't miss it ...i was used for her own greed that hurts.
Thank you so much. Very helpful ❤
spot on--- thank you
thank you! just watched your film, it was great, i was a victim of a female covert narcissist- it lasted 2 years- but somehow near the end i knew something was not right- i was disgarded, broke me,made me sick..but am now recovered. we can recover.. could you do a video about the hoover please? if you had that? i had the hoover happen to me and i was so ready! i knew the whole game that they play and was ready- its actually funny and pathetic just how predictable these dark sould are-
Hi, I’m sorry you went through this as well, but happy to read that you have recovered. Thank you very much for the suggestion!
Thanks for the video may god give you the true love and healing that you deserve
Thank you❤️
I would add one more - it's not really a lesson, but more an insight that comes after escaping. THERE IS HOPE! You've shown through your own examples how life can become happy and normal again after escaping the toxic cycles of abusive behavior. It's *so difficult* to see clearly and not become insane yourself. But these lessons are the antidote and allow healing. The result is a miracle. I became a zombie in the later stages - dead to myself and the world. I didn't have your videos then, so I had to learn the same lessons through painful personal experience. (Curiously, they are EXACTLY those you describe). I escaped. I also echo your opening point. It was *only because* I came so close to permanently losing my person, soul, and sanity, that I could grow and emerge as a new and reborn person. I value so many things that I never noticed before. As tragic and painful as the experience was, it "had to happen" for me to change. And I am a better, stronger, more compassionate, and wiser person as a result. Life is good. I hope to somehow use my experience and new wisdom to help others, as you so generously have done with your own talents. Thank you.
Well said, thank you!
Im going through the divorce and smear campaign now.I don’t trust anyone. I don’t want to be around people at all. I feel drained and the people I thought were friends turned out to be flying monkeys. If I could leave the country start a new I would. I knew him for many years he is 20 years my senior. He knows everything about me. My childhood traumas, my life of abuse. He was my best friend so I thought. But you’re right about that gut feeling the little voice inside that says danger stay away somethings wrong and I didn’t listen to it because I wanted to be fair and not judgemental.
Gut feeling is everything
Very happy and thankful to learn from your experience.I just wanted to ask how long can it take to get out of a narssassistic person when you are still financially dependent on them. In my case the person is holding back financial control.
You have such a nice voice… omg 😍😍😍
4:10 oh yes...😅, but it was very similar every time
My husband, whom I married at age 59, was the first and LAST narcissist in my life. I did not recognize any of the red flags in the short 4 months we dated before getting married. He was diagnosed with covert and malignant full NPD, 3 months into our marriage.
When we grow up in dysfunctional, narcissistic households as children, the guilt feels normal. Its a sick, twisted connection. We confuse love wirh guilt and other creepy feelings. When we were told as children rhat we weren't wanted, not worthy of being fed or clothed or rewarded, we become ultimate care takers and people pleasers.....for all rhe wrong types.
Many victims of this behaviour are/were often immature. I.e we weren't taught many life lessons that come from being raised by good enough parents/ primary care givers.
These are hard lessons to learn in adulthood, however, the rewards are great and life altering .
Go well peeps.
Health issues ....my god i dont even feel myself anymore
By the time the world wakes up these evil people it of it is too late.. The worls has a long way to go in understanding the evil that they are
The only closure is no contact
the flying monkeys who didn't want to hear my side of things, I went no contact with. I know they got manipulated, but I still don't think they behaved like friends.
My ex and my chikdren are all narcissists. Theyre either ghosting me or gas lighting me. It's insane
Why do narcissist always get away with their disgusting behaviour and surround themselves with lots of people? It aint fair, i broke up with a narc and i dont have anyone and he had the cheek to say loneliness is your punishment! I was hurt by that comment, I did nothing wrong and now its true i am alone. Life isnt fair. Tells me not to contact him, then he reaches out few months ago, silence and then asks questions.
A bird who flies alone has stronger wings ❤
Your not alone, that person only wants you to feel that way.
Even me as a victim didnt realise i was a victim
.thats the worst part victims come out late in life and people come to know after the damage is done and it is too late...i am a victim from america victim of a abuse of politician
They basicall want you to ask permission even to talk..
Real cruel evil and wicked people on earth..
Blijf aan je zelf werken meid. Komt goed. Je bent een goede praatje.
Aletta, hoe kan ik contact komen met slachtoffers van dit misbruik? Bestaat er een platform om te delen? Gr
Hi, ik weet dat er groepen zijn op Facebook waar mensen hun verhalen delen en elkaar steunen. Misschien is dat wat voor jou? Als je zoekt op ‘narcisme’ in de categorie groepen zou je het wel moeten vinden.
Oke dankje, zal eens kijken
Life long damage no consequence they get away
You are so beautiful !
U are talking as if i am talking.. all people will tell you to forgive them it makes you feel guilty of being unforgiving even when you are the victim...
Forgiveness comes when you are ready. Not when the world wants it. Even if you never get to that point it is still ok. I personally found it more important to forgive myself for not seeing it and giving too many second chances, than to forgive the narcissist. Cause I need to move on with myself. Without him in my life. Does it really matter if I forgave the narcissist or not? The narcissist will never know anyway.
Hello I need new friends