Compilation of Michael's Best Jokes About The Scots | Michael McIntyre
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- Опубліковано 22 лип 2019
- The very best of Michael's jokes about Scotland and the Scots.
#MichaelMcIntyre #Scotland #Scot
Website: www.michaelmcintyre.co.uk/
Facebook: / themichaelmcintyre
Twitter: @McInTweet - Комедії
As a Scot, he nailed it. Taking the piss but not too far and you've got to love them, they're just too good
How could one take it too far?
@@craigstephens93 it's a fine line.
@Louvre360 if ye hink so
@Louvre360 you are definitely an internet pariah wee man 😂😂 you've said that 2 or 3 times in the comments section to get attention ... We are proud of our country and tbh couldn't give a hoot wtf you think 💪🏴
@Louvre360 the world would be even more backwards without our inventions :)
Watching him can change a bad mood to a good mood very quick 👌
Otis Trayers the reason I watch him! When I’m really low, Michael is the one to go to
Olga Pogozheva 😍
Aye
Weird - I find the total opposite applies
@@redstrat1234 Aww! diddums!
I was in a post office once and this is what i heard.
Random Scottish Man: Can I withdraw £150, but all in scottish notes please. I dont like the foreign lassie on the english ones.
Post office worker: Do you mean the queen?
Random Scottish Man: Aye
We in Australia have managed to eliminate ‘her’ on all but one of our currency notes.
Still on our coins however, looking about 25.
@@NeilJR The Queen is a direct decendant of James the 6th.
@@NeilJR eliminate her!!!!,nice person aren't you
@@NeilJR she's still on the $5 note.
@@up3315 as I said….”all but one”
I love how his hair bounces when he talks
That's what makes him funny😂😂
Everything bounces when he talks
Omg so true
If you like that watch his holidays video
Lmao
His delivery and demeanor make the jokes much more enjoyable. If anyone else told them they wouldn't be half as funny.
that's true of all great comedians I feel.
Yeah. Might be because they're not.
“You’re like the strongest man in the world.”
“Not quite.”
“Not quite? There’s God and then there’s me!”
Dude looks like a Rob-Roy-era Liam Neeson on steroids :D
eating a scotch egg while watching and I cough-laughed bread crumbs everywhere damn it
Scotch eggs aren't even scottish they were invented in England
@@thenextshenanigantownandth4393 Indeed, by Fortnum and Masons department store. Queen Victoria was known to have a soft spot for all things Scottish, so they created the 'perfect' picnic food for the well heeled with a 'Scotch' angle . How times change ;)
Haha! At least you didn’t choke and die or they might have thought you were an alcoholic.
“How did it happen?”
“They were killed by a Scotch”
Scotch eggs are mingin gaj
I’m Scottish. He’s just so funny. I love his accents etc. We can laugh at ourselves too. X
This is one of the best characteristics of most Scots when they are having a good day - they can take a poke and some humour at their expense because they have a sense of humour and they know damn well that they'll not give any detractors the satisfaction - just laugh. It's better for your health any road. The folks that can't take a ribbing in the world are the ones that end up getting in nasty conflicts - everyone's pride and no sense of humour.
"we don't need yer english bastard pounds" always cracks me up
Love him. He is so clever. I appreciate the way he doesn't need to be rude to get a laugh.
I'm Scottish and he's 100% right about the Scottish money, it's a nightmare trying to spend it in England. "It has Sterling on it ffs", was one I said a lot lol
To be fair, a lot of shops don't accept English £50 notes either and they're legal tender too.
Living in Cornwall I've seen one Scottish note in 24 years and I used to work behind a till.
People aren't familiar with them so they're more easily duped by fakes thus they're better off not accepting them, it's that simple.
Try using a Northern Ireland bank note!?! (With sterling written on it too) To be told they need sterling not Irish money - even though the Republic of Ireland only has Euro???
I live just north if london, from Plymouth (half scottish from my mum) i have seen 1 scottish note and i spent it, 1 wierd look but no issue spending.
I'm German. Can you please explain how come both Scotland and England have the same currency, but different?
We went to Scotland - my auntie, when drawing money out of her account in Edinburgh - only had two banks on every street corner - Bank Of Scotland and Royal Bank Of Scotland - when we returned to England, my auntie had loads of Scots notes and was able to use them everywhere - she was on a bus and handed over a Scottish fiver for the fare - “You’ve been to Scotland, I see”, said the driver - they accepted it, anyway!
Over many years, we have been given Irish one pence coins, 10p coins from the “Bailiwick of Jersey” - even been given Deutschmarks and so on in change (didn’t always bother to check) - but the shops, whilst they were happy to give you foreign currency - they even think Scotland and Jersey are foreign countries - Scotland, maybe - it’s not England, despite what Americans might tell you to the contrary - but they won’t always accept them as payment - just as well Wales doesn’t have its own currency - imagine if it did - their banknotes would be written in Welsh, have pictures of Welsh bards or Dylan Thomas on them!
Michael's gift for connecting with the audience wherever he is through their accents is a truly remarkable talent.
He can make joke out of anything and you still laugh your heart out. Love from Malaysia 🇲🇾.
I am also a McIntyre fan from Malaysia ^_^
I’m from Ukraine and I find him hilarious! )))
He just one of the great stand up comedian in this world now. Ukraine 🇺🇦 is very nice country.
Me too! I literally crying sometimes....hell..larious!
@@marcusrakyat8891 the fuck do you know?
Very few English comedians can get away with taking the you know what out of us Scots...Michael, you nail it! Brilliant!
Thank God for UA-cam, others I wouldn't have come across Michael McIntyre. One of the best comedians in the world, his unique take on life and play with accents and the English language.
Billy Connolly Is The Best Of All Time Bcause The Big Yin Has Got Real Baws,
@@thomasjones2415 uhm, bit rude on MM, you think?
The same could be said about yourself, Mr A.S. Wank Veteran
@@Silly_Goose68 fax
lol don't drink or eat while listening to his jokes, it's a mess =D
Mad9977 Productions learnt that the hard way... in public
@@kayelle8005 lol i spilled my drink, when he resumed the kilt joke =D
@@BrokenBeyondRepair20 that's a high risk, or you wear a Kilt before =D
Wudda appreciated word before hand😂😂
@@zamzamjama475 lol it's no fun when your drink spills out your nose =D
Omfg I literally told an English shop keeper "This is legal tender"
Huntter who hasn’t 😂😂😂
@@davidcairns5042 I meant the same day that i was watching this
Lmao! I live in Australia and so long as the coin is roughly the same colour and size we don't care where in the world it's come from. I have a pretty good global coin collection just from doing the grocery shopping. 😎
@@august25th38 did you not add "and it's worth more than English money"! 😅
@@clarebirschel4100 I wish I had said that 🤣
Nothing makes me prouder michael
🏴🏴🏴🔥🔥🔥🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Butterscotch🤣🤣🙌🏻
shaun muppet finder 10 hours ago, you made a graceless gaffe.
shaun muppet finder Good. That’ll be one less muppet we have to deal with. Don’t bother visiting.
The brave heart alarm clock bit kills me every time 😂😂😂 freedom! That’s me up eh?! 😅
Was travelling through UK and what he said about the currency is so true. I went to Scotland first so got some change from there and whenever I use it in UK, every single person would go "Oooo Scotland notes" or something along those lines. I didn't even realise the difference until the first person mentioned it to me
Michael is fucking spot on about a Scottish person always appearing when someone pays with Scottish notes I worked in a betting shop for years and we accepted Scottish notes, my cashier who was training was given a Scottish £20 note and she told the customer she needed to check with me that she can accept it and one of the regulars was there and said "aye lass you can accept that its legal tender" I immediately thought of this clip and pissed myself laughing its happened a few times for some reason Scottish notes cause confusion lol
Loved the way he described the creation of the kilt. I grew up in Belgium sand behind our house was a British Army camp where I would walk to every evening around 10 pm for the taptoe lowering the flag at the tiones of bagpipes played by 4 soldiers wearing kilts... have loved the sound of bagpipers ever since...
❤️
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That was a piece of shit, not funny at all. Pretty offensive to be honest.
As a Scot he is honestly brilliant 👏 🤣 if breaveheart alarm clock were real I would deffo get one 😂
'Have you got a Tom Jones twenty' 😂😂
I love being Welsh❤🏴
Or a deep sea diver
I payed with a Scottish 5 pound note and the cashier asked if it was real money 😂
I always say they flick it back at you like it was a pair of dirty underpants. One time, my niece and I were in London and the waitress in the restaurant was flirting forever with the table across from us. We just ceased to exist when they came in. She wouldn't bring our bill so we totaled it ourselves and left two Scottish 10pound notes on the table.
@@cijmo did they chase after you like you never paid your bill???? 😂 😂 😂
Oh god ahhaa
Lara - go and spend it in Scotland then.
@@markfox1545 I second you!
For me Michael McIntire is the best since Dave Allen. Intelligent, witty, never childish.
Way too middle of the road to be even anywhere near Dave Allen
OtherSideOfMorning Dave Allen never insulted other nationalities for how they spoke, he respected every culture while making fun of it as well. Macca just takes the broadest idea of any nation, “they’re Scottish so they must like eggs.”
Fuck off you Incompetent arsehole.
Scotia’s Channel I’m Scottish and I don’t find him insulting. He’s funny. Lighten up.
Kirsten Easdale hey, I’m open to making fun of other cultures. That’s a part of comedy is poking fun at certain harsh subjects like race. I just don’t like how Macca has handled it, he seems very brash about how he insults the Scottish, like “Yes, us English are the superior race.” When the original commentator on this channel compared him to Dave Allen, if you ever go back and watch Allen’s comedy, he actually respects cultures while poking fun at them. Not just other cultures, but his own. Macintyre is just an asshole in this video, as he is with most of his comedy in my opinion, craving attention so he will do anything that’s not too offensive, unless it involves Scottish People.
@@scotia7326 man up
He's a brilliant comedian. Long may he live, unless the Scotts get him! :)
He done a really good Scottish impression pissing ma self laughing 😂
*my
@@westaussie965 grow up you fool.
@@westaussie965 And He's.
@@thenorseman1970 You grow up. Ten more years and you don't even talk. Just destroy culture.
@@westaussie965 sorry pal you're just being a smart arse, we Scots use ma instead of my 🏴
Ambrose Bierce's definition of a kilt: "Garment worn by scots in America, and americans in Scotland."
As a Scotsman I can confirm the "legal tender" sentence is 💯 fact 😂😂😂😂
Scotland is THE best place on the planet, the people are super friendly, they have so much character and are incredibly patriotic.
The culture and rich history is second to none, and mankind has benefited so much from the many inventions created by Scottish people.
The scenery is breathtakingly beautiful and there are so many diverse places to explore.
Yes, I know the weather is a bit dodgy sometimes, but you can’t have everything.
And no, I’m not Scottish, but would love to be!!! 🏴 🏴 🏴
And is also 100% the better half of Great Britain. I've heard of the infamous tea drinkers down south. Dodgy lot
Love your comment..👋🏻
What a nice comment.
This was so funny as I’m from Scotland myself he was brilliant 😂😂😂✌️🏴
Scots hold the honour of being first in Europe to successfully issue paper money. The Bank of Scotland led the way, with its first bank notes becoming available in 1696,
Cesar D'Almeida all I read : 1.....69... 6
Only because the Scots needed desperately to raise funds for the "Company of Scotland Trading to Africa and the Indies", also known as the Scottish Darien Company, which in as little as two short years managed to kill off a thousand scottish settlers (out of one thousand two hundred or so) and piss away a quarter of the nations assets, leading, at least in part, to the Act of Union...Far from troubling to conquer Scotand as they'd have you believe, England was actually rescuing it... :-)
@@cogidubnus1953 between Braveheart and SNP revisionists it almost makes you think they're second class slaves the way they behave online. Whilst they piss away our tax money and get free education whilst the rest of us have to pay.
That is not an honour, that’s an embarrassment. Paper money is an instrument that allows for usury to occur, inflicting financial hardship and slavery on people. Read Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins.
Paper notes made in 1696? Wow! I wonder how much wear and tear it could withstand
I could see the 'Legal Tender' bit coming a mile off 😂
I'm guessing because you've been witness to the situation in question yourself
@@autumbreeze1129 yes many times I couldn't get into to an English cinema once because I had a Scottish note
Adam_Graham _ aye, but he missed the bit out about “and it’s worth more too!” That’s what I say 😂
@@adamgraham228 Kinda curious. Is using a Scottish note rare in London/England?
@@ryosama1988 yes. I live in Newcastle now so I see more but in London it's far less common and idiots in shops will try and refuse them.
I love how you take the most mundane subject and make a whole routine about it that keeps me in stitches. So, so funny. Thank you for the laughs.
He is fantastic! I think it is great relief from covid-19. Laugh so hard tears roll down your face.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to eat and watch Michael in the same time 😂
He seems like a person that can't stop even at home, his wife and kids must be over him, hahahah. I mean it funningly. Oh dad can we go now......jus picture it.....love him
9th cen istury 88th ii IP uup
Most comedian I knew are not funny at home, but I dont know many of them 🤭
This is none effort kind of laughter material. He makes the laughter just fly out your face hole. It's brilliant.
This fella's Scottish accent is on point right enough. The only place I've found in Liverpool that takes scottish money without hassel is Tesco.
Hassle
@@aceman0000099 ye got it wrong, that's the scotch way of spelling it
@@tigerheaddude eggs can't spell. You might have meant to say Scottish
I lived in London in 1969 and Marks & Spencer was the only place to accept Scottish notes. You'd think they'd have learned by now!
@@aceman0000099 "scotch" No, that was the whisky talking :D
Back in -89, in Fort Augustus (Scotland) I paid for the beer with Gibraltar pounds. They were not too happy to take them though..
Brilliant stuff as a Scot living in Australia this made my heart glad 😂😂😂
Love,love love this guy.So glad I found him on my F B page last year.My daughter sent me his book for my birthday.Even his book is funny.
Michael's father is Scottish and his mother is Hungarian Magyar. I can't imagine a more diverse and fascinating geneology! 😃
My kid is Zulu and Scottish definitely more diverse considering Africa..Calm down, they’re literally cousins.
@@prettyinpinky5937 your kid is a Zulu?
Good Putin I’m Zulu so yes she’s half
Well my kid is half Eskimo half aboriginal Australian... So fuck you
What’s a Hungarian Magyar?
I’m Welsh, accent on point lol
He does sound Welsh eh 😂😜
I read that in welsh 😂😂😂
I thought he was doing an Indian accent!!! LOL
E Caitlin I’m welsh too not bad
Bydd pobl saes ddim yn deall be rydw I yn dweud 😂
I’m Scottish and I love this 🤣🤣
“No we cannae have pockets”
Hugely funny. I laugh and I cry. His genius is the simplicity but overwhelming accuracy with which he describes the very ordinary things we go through from day to day. Michael turns them into a feast of humble joy. 😀😁😆😅💕
"go down to London and tell em all te pess off" 😂😂😂 fucking love it!!!
I've literally heard someone say "it's legal tender" in sainsburys once hahahha x made me chuckle
@@dennisrodriquez2293 hahha love him to he's great and yep totally bet his kids are like omg stop lol
When we went to England my dad would deliberately give English people Scottish notes so he could troll them and tell them in an obnoxious voice "It's Legal tender", we used to just sit there laughing our asses off as the English peoples faces turned it to sheer panic, fun times!
Scottish accent is so hot 🔥🔥🔥😉 Love from Sweden ❤️
Swedish accent is cute...
I speak English as second language. The first time I encountered the term ‘legal tender’ was indeed when I was given Scottish bank notes working at a pub.
I'm English and once got a Scottish note out a cash machine and was like "aw dats pretty" then I was "ah fuk."
"ay i've thought of that too ur gonna have a knife in ur sock"
You are the funniest ever! I haven’t laughed this hard in ages; THANK YOU!
McIntyre's exuberance is unmatched and his wit is as sharp as Scottish tack. This man can make any world culture bang the table with laughter. What a joy you are; thanks Mr. Mike.
-NY lass with roots
Have a laugh, deary, it's just what you need. Aye... Thanks, Michael. I hope you stay happy & well. Love,
Thanks for making me laugh Michael - again and again and again........ The best medicine!
My great grandfather was Scottish. He ran away to sea when he was 14 and eventually settled in South Africa.
One of the finest comedians!! Love him
"I'll have you no, that's legal tender" I've heard it so many times when on holiday in England (in other words abroad). You could just be buying snacks with Scottish money and that'll happen every time when the English checkout has an issue
@Jim Barrows nah its because most people have never seen a Scottish note being that its from a different country and when you handle a Scottish note it feels like someone glued two monopoly notes together and drew a badly printed Scotsman on it. They are faked all the time and the legitimate notes have zero anti-counterfeit measures. Shopowners get fucked over if they try to cash in fake notes. Take your anti-English bullshit elsewhere.
@@_s_9920 what you on about
@@busbingereviews8587 . Had a chap in front of me in a supermarket. He had the same problem. So I swapped the notes with him. I used the bank of Scotland notes in the same supermarket at the self service checkout. No problem 👍. Rest paid into the bank using the self service machine, no problem. It is legal tender and the notes are underwritten by the Bank of England . N.I has its bank as well. Same applies. I'm English and I can smell the English channel so that chap came down for a holiday. Hope he went back with not a too bad opinion of us. I would not like that done to me . People need to be aware that there is nothing wrong with the legal notes.
Know
I laugh every time I watch these clips. He’s BRILLIANT 😂😂😂
Gotta say one of the funniest jokes is the scotch egg he absolutely nailed it 👍
I’m Scottish love ur videos Michael
Brilliant ! 😆😆😆😆😆😆👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
I am now ready for my Scotland citizenship test.
You would be welcome with open arms! And a lifetime of great memories!
I have the test here, I'll give you the questions
Qu 1. Ya want a wee dram a whisky?
Qu 2. why do haggis have one leg shorter ?
Qu 3. ....
.... there is no question 3
Are you brown? Then you're in like Flynn.
I've been on Micheal McIntyre Binge for the past two days and my cheeks hurt soooo much because of the constant laughing and smiling but I ain't stopping anytime soon.
I just love you for making me smile .... and yes .... GIGGLE!!!! 🤣👍❤️
Fun fact: The knife that Scots traditionally carry around are called a Sgian-dubh.
I'm currently learning Scottish Gaelic, but haven't made it that far yet ;)
DarthTaiter79 but you’ll get there, just keep on going 😃
@@thepolitegamer1966 I have some Scottish ancestry, and thought it would be interesting to learn :) I'm glad I found a platform that makes it fun! I wasn't that great with learning other languages in high school, but now I seem to be picking it up a bit (only 20 years later lol)
DarthTaiter79 Scotland’s a nice place depending on where you go. Personally I’d stay away from Glasgow as it is riddled with crime. Normally the further up north you go the more welcoming they are as we Scots love foreigners though the exception are the
English. Generally the further up north you go the more Anti-English they are. It’s an odd place but it’s home.
@@thepolitegamer1966 I'm a walking contradiction: my dad's side was traced back to Dumfries, mom's side to Northumberland :P
New fan of his comedian. He really manages to make me laugh out loud and trying to stiffle my laughter watching this at office.
This is spot on 😂🏴
He makes us laugh at ourselves! Love it !My Irish best friend always told me ,when I was being stupid ,to “ get over yourself ! I learned to laugh at myself !
Excellent
It just so happens that this came up after I came back from Scotland
We're watching you.
OMG, the legal tender story is so true! I had to deal with a complaint because a staff member wasn't sure if a Scottish £10 was real & his Supervisor rejected it. 😂
That's because the English think they rule the UK. And why Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland all want independence from England.
I’ve seen this before, and still has me in stitches
🏴Scoootlaaand love you!🏴💙🕊❄🌨🥰🏴
Love this man, he is so funny.😂😂😂
As an American, I'm really curious about the Scots - and this was fantastic - I want more! Also - love the accent!!!
My grandparents and their Scottish friends always had a great time. I am American Scottish heritage. I miss that accent and happiness in my home. They would drink,eat and tell stories. No card players.
Im Scottish. I love my country. We are crazy lol but warm hearted people.
If you are curious about the Scots, you shouldn't be listening to this drivel. It is an English man who doesn't know what he is talking about, he is just trying to get a cheap laugh at Scotland's expense. It is not funny at all.
@@user-eo2jx4em1t Perhaps you could direct me to someone better?
Do you even know where it is?
Just brilliant! Love his take off being Scottish too ....
Love this guy. 🫶👍
Scot-free -- This idiom comes from the old English word sceot, meaning a 'tax', and entered directly from the Old Norse word "skot." (Remember those pesky Norse and Danes used to run around England.) People were scot-free if they didn't have to pay the tax. Nicely done!
Tax in (modern) Swedish = Skatt
thanks, that's cool to know. Wish there were more things in life Scot-free.
at 75 yrs old this this dark cloud has been over me since i was 10 yrs old, i have had tinnitus for 40 yrs and i don't know how i have got through it.suicide has always been on my mind,sometimes somethings give you that extra bit of courage to what you want to do.and on this sat night when the whole of tv is a nightmare and its only 9 pm, so what are the the options,micheal macintire,or an overdose,GOODNIGHT CAMPERS.
It rolls of his tongue so easily 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Amazing Micheal 👍💋
Nobody makes me laugh as much as Michael . He is just so clever . Can watch his shows one after the other 😬❤️
Absolutely brilliant
I'm Scottish and can confirm this is so true 🤣
Omg! He's funny! Love it!
Hysterical!
Love it!
Love this guy 😂 too bad we don't have him here in Belgium he would have a mass of possible jokes 😅😂
Hilarious 😂 👍🏽
FYI - Kilt and Bagpipes came to Scotland 🏴 from Ireland 🇮🇪 our Irish cousins.
Bagpipes are originally from the middle east and the kilt is Scottish.
I'm from the western isles. Went to London and in Boots I paid with cash. The woman held up the £20 pound note as if she had never seen it before. She asked her colleague to also look at the cash. They looked really confused. So they got the manager to have a look. This process took so long hahaha! I love you English folk, so dramatic!
"Nobody loves Scotland like you do" 😂
This is actually pretty funny, because my mom (who is not Scottish), recently used this “legal tender” line because of COVID. Places in the US felt like not accepting cash 🤷♀️
Gregor's father, Douglas was the World Caber Tossing Champion in the 1970s and wrote an autobiography titled "The World's Greatest Tosser".
Had me in stitches and the comments are great too..x
Legend has it that Nessie hatched from a giant scotch egg.
The legal tender thing is so true 😂😂😂 the amount of times I’ve said that to people is unreal 😂😂
I work on till in shop….I always tuck it under the other notes 😂🤣😂🤣😅
Simply the best :)
It’s just really funny 🏴👊🏾
The deep fried snack is called a Scotch Egg because the process of mincing the meat to go around the egg is known as scotching.