My mom was like this and still sometimes throws guilt out there... being raised Catholic they also did it with religion until I rebelled and said I was out of religion
I allowed my parents to meddle in my relationships, career, disrupt my college experience because I “wasn’t mature enough” even though I was the first in my family to apply and make it…they’ve ruined a lot of good opportunities for me trying to keep me in a childlike state. Im 34 now and am completely independent with my own life, but the impact is lifelong.
My man is 36...I'm 27. We feel the same. I feel so bad for my guy.. Just want to make the rest of our lives good... I wish we were healthier sooner.. so much affected our lives and no children yet.
These people only want control and if you keep giving into them, you won't go far in life. It's best to just go as far as you can and never say a word. Pray for them from afar...
Most of my coping skills were rebellion or isolating myself from my parents. I isolated myself through music, comic books, and novels. They were my escape.
Same here. I spent lots of time by myself especially after I got homeschooled. I rebelled by watching porn and doing things online with strangers as a sense of false relief from the toxic environment.
My mother is trying to play the guilt trip on me because I told her I’m getting married and she doesn’t agree at ALL! I’m 37 years old GROWN MAN ! Smh ! I’m marrying my beautiful soon to be wife mother of my child soon 💯🙏🏾🥰IM HAPPY 🙏🏾she’s a great woman and has never disrespected my mother!
My mother was very controlling while growing up. My mother kept telling me to do this, do that, don't work at that job, ect. Everything had to be done her way. All this gaslighting has messed up my mind.
They control you but at the same time sabotage you, It's such a mind f*ck. They keep you stuck too and then lie and say it's all your doing that you are still stuck in the same place....
My mom told me to stop wasting time on AI chatbots in 2001 and focus on school. So I did. Now I'm teaching English in Asia. My little brother is a PhD in AI in Manhattan.
@@hufficagwow I have a similar story. I learned how to code at age 13 and built an online software company at age 15. I thought my mom would be proud of me but instead she went into a narc rage and sabotaged the company with smear campaigns. These are not mothers they are demons
@@ekkamailaxoh my god…. i made it to japan on a government program and my narc “demom” manipulated me into coming back using my dad’s illness. i have been miserable ever since and losing touch with my japan friends. i feel awful.
My family and teachers would always comment about how "quiet" I was as a kid. But that was a learned state of being. If I did anything other than play quietly by myself I'd get in trouble (not even necessarily for something I did, I could get in trouble for whoever I was playing with being too loud or rowdy...or if someone tripped and fell it was automatically "autumn pushed me" even though I didn't and I'd get in trouble). Omg, I feel guilty any time I have to cancel plans for anything with anyone. Like I could get sick and need to call out of work (and my job is totally cool with it) and I'll feel guilty. Totally a shame thing. I was always expected to be super reliable as a kid and I was also always doubted when I said I was sick as a kid. I had to be like on the brink of needing a hospital before my mom would believe that I was sick. "I'm unlovable" and/or "I'll be alone" is my child belief. But honestly, I've realized recently that my mom is incapable of loving me correctly and I have essentially been alone (from her) for-basically-ever, so I don't care about her feelings anymore (as harsh as that sounds). She doesn't get to silence my truth anymore.
As I was listening to you, I got a flashback of one time when I was little, like 3 or 4. I was sitting in the backseat of my dad's car, and my parents were up front. My dad was asking about the name of a restaurant, my mom guessed wrong, and I named it correctly. My father praised me and expressed sweet words, and my mother turned and shot me a horrible look of hatred that made me feel like I was a very bad kid, and must have done something very bad. Thinking about it now, aside from the horrible abuse I suffered from her, how psychotic to do that to any child, much more deranged to do it to her own little girl. That was just one small example of a lifetime of having my being shredded by her from a very young age. Horrible beatings, and even worse poisonous words she spit at me, just pulverized my soul. I'm still trying to heal so many years later. 😢
I’m so sorry for You , I know exactly how you feel ! My mother is possessed with Demons, and treated Me Horribly! She hated My Happiness! It’s hard to fathom Your own mother hating You !
I understand, same here. 33 years old and my mother treats me Luke her frienemy. Her emotions are up and down. She wake around but hates my personality. At the same time steals all of my ideas and dreams, only asks me about my life to be up to date and then uses my personality in front of family n others as a mask. Resels my ideas back to me , acts like a teenager against me, like im jealousof he . It's ridiculous.
The part about "Making you feel Bad" at 10:00 . This is exactly what my mother is doing and I'm 40 years old. I have a very demanding job. Parents live 2 hours away! If I don't visit every weekend, meet up for all these dinners, meet up for all these family events, remember every single birthday.....I am guilt-tripped, shamed, and told how awful I am. Funny, when I was growing up, they ignored me, treated me like complete crap and would act like they didn't even want me around because they were too busy working or spending loads of money on boats, and scuba trips and building a pool. Now they are retired, they want everybody to do what they do. They dont care that Im exhausted at my job, that Im single and lonely, that Im struggling everyday. That I cry at night because I have no real father, and my parents dont love me. They dont care about anything except what THEY WANT !! And if they dont get it, they are a victim and you are horrible person. Im done.
44... And I would have remained the punching bag forever if it wasn't for my stepmom turning on my wife and kids. A couple months ago I went no contact. I have no family anymore except the one I made. You're free now.... It may hurt at first but you're free. And you're not alone, you have a brother right here.
I can relate to what you are experiencing. In a different video I had seen they said that you have to accept that in the eyes of the narcissistic parent(s) you are the "bad guy" and will always be seen that way no matter what. But you have to understand that you are in actuality as good as you are "bad" because everything is upside down in the toxic family dynamic. My mom will do everything for her drug addict son and grandson even though they have threatened to beat up my elderly dad. When I recently gave back a lawn ornament my mom put in my yard that I didn't want or ask for my mom went into a rage, calling me hateful and then tried guilt tripping me. Making the decision to cut contact with parents is very difficult but at 51 I am just so fed up with the same toxic patterns of behavior from my mom and siblings because nothing changes with them. Another artist and I received a grant for a large art project 2 years ago and my mom said nothing to me about it. We were in the paper and on the news and she never said a word to me about it. I was never supported in my interests as a child and you are right, they want to keep you down and sabotage anything good in your life. Focus on you and your mental health and accept that you're their "bad guy" because in reality you are an amazing, kind and wonderful person. May you have the strength and power to break the chain that binds you to their toxicity. I wish you blessings of love, strength and power. ✌💜
I can relate but with a narc parent they don’t care and will never care about your needs. At 40 I had to realise they will never change and my journey of self care for my health both physically and mentally is most important. Never let the manipulate you through guilt they will not care if you burn out or be there to pick up the pieces. So put yourself first for a chance and do you.
same story here. I mede it out and i can tell you that after you realize, that the guilt you carry around is just an illusion, you will laugh and jump around dancing like a new born lamb.
I hear you. I am just now walking away at 50 years old. I think about her everyday and breaks my heart but for my own sanity I just can’t do it anymore. What a terrible thing to do to a child. I would never do that to my kids, all I want is for them to be happy and healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I'm 46 and I am recently realized that my mother was doing this to me. I am still working on breaking free. But I am learning to let my no mean no and let go of the guilt.
My mother was my original trauma dumper. Throughout my life, I notice I attract immediate trauma dumpers. I never knew why. Maybe theres a subconscious energy I give off that signals to these ppl that Im used to it?
Well said. My problem is my wife (middle child) is the scapegoat, her little sister is the golden child & her eldest brother is the forgotten one. Still trying to figure out how to save/protect my wife from her guilt-tripping parents. They are ruining everything because my wife is too forgiving and always blames herself for their problems.
LIVING BEING IS OUR RACE, MANKIND IS OUR RELIGION, HINDU,MUSLIM,SIKH,CHRISTAIN, THERE IS NO SEPARATE RELIGION ALMIGHTY GOD KABIR is the father of all souls that JESUS, MOHAMMAD, GURU NANAK, VEDH was telling in BIBLE, QURAN, GURU GRANTHA SAHEB
Secretly recorded interaction between her and parent or parents and then show her privately what they do to her; she will start to see it and also won’t want to see it… she will look at it and eventually See it
I've been to counselling for being a victim of this and all they (therapists) do is ask me questions while never breaking it down like this and explaining things to me. You're really helping me to understand the role the subconscious mind plays in holding on to trauma. My old belief is that if anyone didn't like me it means there's something wrong with me or I'm a bad person. My new belief is that it's okay for people to not like me. I still know I'm a good person and I don't need them or their validation. Narcissists program people to have false beliefs that destroy their lives unless someone like you comes along and deprograms them. People like you that give this information and validation out are literally saving lives. Bless you.
This is so true in my parent relationship. Guilt trip is my mom's no.1 weapon. They stole my sketchbooks and diaries and hid them where I can't find out.
My mom found my writing and poetry when I was a kid and belittled me for being so vain. :) Most healthy parents would be proud their child was expressing creativity but in my narc mom it triggered jealousy. And then I have had hard time writing since then, and I stumble over my words when speaking
I used to write in diaries too, until my parents found them and took them away from me. When they read them, they were horrified at what I wrote. It was all the things I hated that they did to me. I felt ashamed at expressing myself in writing and felt like a horrible person. Never wrote a diary again
my mom use to read my dairy and talk to my brother about what i would write and one day my brother told me to throw it away or hide it somewhere different and she use to ease drop on my conversations on the phone and she was always guilt me and she is still very controlling
The narcissist mother is extremely neglectful yet extremely controlling. I was so confused growing up. I thought this control was a sign of care but it wasn't.
All true but the key is to get out of the toxicity. Staying enmeshed because everyone says “After all the ARE your PARENTS,” is SOCIETY’S way of keeping us TRAPPED in TOXIC relationships. I’m also a parent, but that doesn’t automatically make me entitled to disrespect and demean my child. It’s not the child’s fault if parents are emotionally abusing the child. We must learn to walk away. I’m no Contact with my parents for 7 years now over stuff like this.
@@KJNGC-w1z Yes. However, I grieve not having a “normal” relationship with my parents, and also it’s hard for others, including our spouses, to completely understand why we went no contact as opposed to compromising and working things out. Nobody really wants to cut ties. It becomes the only option after trying many things to make it work.
A lot of mothers didn't want to be mothers in the first place, not knowing that being childfree could also be an option. As a result, they vent out their frustration of being a mother by being manipulative and guilt tripping their children.
In my view, unless one was raped, they chose motherhood or fatherhood when they did the deed. So they are immoral for whining and abusing children later. That is one thing narcissists actually are but accuse everyone else of. Childish and irresponsible. They're very immature. They'll treat their child as if they are evil for being born, while forgetting about their f'ing around irresponsibly, drunkeness and drugs that they did surrounding the conception.
I remember my mom using guilt since I was a child. I called her the guilt trip queen. So I was aware of it. A phrase she used often was "if I live" when saying for example I'll go to the store tommorow or if I live I'll get the car fixed, making you think she's going to die or something in a child's mind... So I was definitely aware but didn't realize the long term deep effects it would have on me. I use to think my mom only did this to me but as I get older I see how she does it to my brothers definitely uses guilt. They're all seniors now so I really see how she controls them & always did. Manipulation constantly which is why they're all single & never had healthy relationships. Power of suggestion is another tactic they use. My mom uses fear tactics too always planting seeds of doubt & worst possible scenarios etc... The closer I get to Jesus the more discernment I have about people's intentions & information like this helps notice the specific behavior as well. Thank you! God bless. Pray for these people, it helps you as well.
I've always thought of my mom as a guilt trip queen too. It honestly bothers me that I care so much about not making her sad. (I truly can't tell if her tears are real or not when she cries, but it makes me sad either way.)
OP, these are the exact words my mother used to use. She also used add in ‘I nearly died last night’ if you ever had a disagreement with her like any mortal kid. It worked well because I saw my Dad die infront of me and she used that as a trauma stick to control me.
My mom guilt trips me to send her money for the last 10 years. And she does this in a way that she doesn't even have to tell me to send her money. For example, she makes me feel guilty about me buying myself a new piece of clothing and than she starts talking about how bad her financial situation at that moment. And I get caved to send her money. But I've noticed that she's been doing this for so long, and I'm trying to not fall for it anymore. It's a horrible form of abuse. Just making me live my life miserably, but whenever I do something nice for myself (for example drinking coffee in a nice coffee, etc), she starts making me feel guilty about having money to spend outside of my basic needs. I've never thought that my mom was a manipulative person, but she's so good at it that it took me 10 years to realize that she's a manipulator. I hope I save myself from this
This was exactly my situation my whole life. Guilt from Mom which then led me to choose the same type of control and guilt in a boyfriend. Fast forward 20 years and I’m in a healthy relationship today and Mom passed away last year. The “major” guilt still continues though as you spoke through these scenarios. My Mom only wanted control, control, control. Terrible cognitive dissonance. I love my Mom and say she’s the best mother in the world, but then on the flip side 75% of the time or more was always about guilt or shaming. If you don’t do this, then you don’t love your me and your father, if you don’t do that then it means you’re odd for wanting that. It’s over now but still lives within me and I’m angry at times that I was made to feel that way my whole life. Now my brother is trying the sane thing in making sure that method of guilt stays alive as a way of honoring my Mom so we “don’t forget her.” I’m backing off on the phone calls with him now too. I wonder what it’s like to have a life of freedom to go and do what you want without the guilt or feeling you’re being judged. It’s just soooo engrained in me. Like my whole life I haven’t been living, and when I see what others do or places they’ve traveled to or just simple things locally in your area that your parents may have not done, it would have gotten knocked to the ground. It’s not safe, or well I would never want to go there or do that, or if you want to go waste your time, etc… always the GUILT!
My life for 65 years...just now seeing the truth... narc mom is still alive but i am finally feeling realizing the resl abuse. This segment is spot on!!!!!!
I will return to this video, but I just wanted to quickly say I'm living this, right now. I will also have a look at your previous video about narc moms and survivor sons.
I stopped this. I needed to. Once I got married I cut all ties. Knowing something was wrong but not knowing what it was. Going through different therapies helped me to see what I couldnt.
I think what could also happen is the opposite- the child removes guilt and does not feel empathy or guilt or avoids those emotions and eventually becomes numb to them and that’s how narcissism continues and trauma creates the next generation of narcissists and psychopaths/sociopaths. I’ve seen it happen with my sister.
with me, i only feel empathy for those who are feeling pure emotions; not those who express their emotions to manipulate me to do anything. i can tell the difference; your gut instinct will tell you which is which .
One of my earliest memories…I must have been 4 years old…my mom was young and selfish….she’d go out partying all night and sleep all day. One time she was sleeping late and my little sister was only a year or so old, she was crying cuz she was hungry so I tried to fill a bottle for her with milk….but the carton was too big for my little hands and I dropped it and it spilled all over the floor. This woke my mom and she literally beat the shit out of me when she saw what I had done. She said I was rotten and evil for what I’d done. I know realize she was ashamed of herself for putting us in that situation at all, but she couldn’t process those feelings so she had to shift the focus onto me, paint me as the bad seed, for making her neglect so obvious. That’s the story of my entire life with this toxic horror of a woman. And my grandmother was covert so she loved the battles between my mom and I. Such a sick group of awful ppl.
This is so on the mark Michele! I remember when I first moved out on my own into my first apartment, my mother didn't talk with me for 5 days, and when I did make the attempt, it was "Well, it's about time, I wasn't sure if you were dead or alive!" and she never asked how I was making out with my new apartment and she never did. If I ever mentioned anything about things I wanted to see or do, the response was always "You are making the biggest mistake of your life!" or "What do you want to do that for?" and whenever she was mad, and we would be relaxing on the sofa, when we were supposed to be doing something for her, it was always "You ungrateful wretches!" I've grown to recognize it now, and seem to be going through a defensive stage, so whenever she states she's mad about something, my response "What the hell is going on?!, what's wrong now??!" Funny thing, the look I get from her is a "deer in headlights" as she doesn't expect me to react like that, but expecting to give her, her "fix" and to cater to her needs. I'm loving your Thriver's School of Transformation! The tools that I am learning are extremely helpful and loving the community feeling of not being alone!
Thanks for sharing this experience with others in your same situation online. This helps me feel less alone and crazy-including the being mad and defensive immediately.
Guilt tripping is definitely the key word of how my mother have made me feel throughout my whole childhood and life. I never understood why I strongly resisted the way she made me feel when on the surface all she did was good even noble. Her unconscious way of guilt tripping me comes in different ways on different stages of my life. Now that I am independent and have my own life she is trying to make me feel guilty if I don’t call too often or by making sure to let me know in details how much she prays for me, she uses god often in our relationship. She always did that when I was a child/teenager whenever I was going through something difficult she would say it’s because I wasn’t nice to her or I got mad at her. This is the first time I see this clearly because I even noticed that I started mimicking some of her methods in my relationship with my husband. I think I would like to heal first before continuing my relationship with her.
It's mothers day and my mom stopped putting her hands on me when I was 22 but she still uses manipulation to control me and I'm 23... Truthfully I don't care for this day at all because all she does is guilt trip me on a daily basis whenever I try to do things for myself or don't do what she wants me to and I'm tired of feeling like if I don't listen to her she's going to find ways to hurt me again. Mothers day should be used to appreciate the moms who really care about you not the moms who pretend too in public and abuse you in private
Juicy Baby It obviously resonated with you and I hope you're okay! I've done a lot of grieving because I've experienced immense trauma throughout my life, so really appreciate these videos and all the comments. ❤
Thank you very much. This really opened my eyes. I was always afraid to ask my mother for permission to go out with friends, because she would get extremely irritated, especially if I needed a ride. The second I was old enough to earn money, she told me to give to her to keep track of, and she always asked me to buy her things, and I felt like it wasn't an option to say no. Even now, as an adult, she lays guilt on me to agree to things that are hurtful and unfair. My mind is blown right now.
The belief that controlled my life was that if I don't socialize with people often and long eough according to other people's opinions, I was abnormal.
My mom and sister used guilt trips but would telling me to stop using guilt trips when I tried to speak about how they made me felt. Also told me to get the chip off my shoulder. 🙄
Im 32. Moved out of my mothers apartment 2 years ago to the next state over. She always guilt trips me about instead of me renting my own apartment we should of got a House or i shouldve stayed. Thats just the beginning of it. She strategically asks me to get things off of marketplace for her to then bring to her as a form of a tie so i can come to her . Its alot of forms of manipulation/ controlling tactics & its becoming overly annoying. In my own apartment i feel away but still feel connected & stuck in that bubble mentally. Its hard to say no but i know i have too!!
I hate that I don’t get to see my father as much as I’d like bc I can’t deal with my mother’s guilt tripping and snarky comments. I always leave feeling I will never be enough. Im a horrible person. She even guilts me for loving my father as much as I do.
I was doing well with my mother for the last few weeks, she was being lovely. Yesterday I had to cancel going to hers, the disappointment in her voice, then the don’t bother unless you find the time, no big deal… she’s sulking but being careful not to actually say so, I’m 56 and only recently realised how manipulative she is.
I’m 57, about three years ago I started to develop anger issues. My wife noticed it years ago. I cannot be around my Mother and wish my Father was alive so I could get some shit strait with him. Get help if needed. Live your life and if that means away from her, so be it.
Watching this video makes me feel like I missed out on a life of happiness and freedom of expression. In 22 now and still experience the same patterns and guilt-tripping tendencies my mother used on me from an early age. Makes me sad but I not know I’m now alone
I was 19 , my mother drove with me 3 hours in a hire car to the airport , never spoke a word , not one . I checked in at the airport & then my name was called over the tanniy system , she was there and started crying amd screaming at me in the airport, nearly 30 years ago ,,
I believe this video just helepd me to have a bit of a realization. For basically all my life my mother would basically always say she knew best abouy my choice of firends as a kid where i would hang out and to be fair a lot of the times she was right and then into my late teens early 20's i had apologized for not taking her advice as a kid and from then i would always consult her on the grounds shes been alive longer than me and when it comes to being an adult anything ill be faced with shes probably already done it, but as i got older i started to be able to navigate on my own and would even end up with better outcomes when doing my own thing when id try asking her just for a possible different view point and wow she does not like that and it has been a strain on our relationship since.
Mine would rage at me if I didn't do what she wanted. She'd call the police if I stood up to her, so she could play victim. She'd call me names, say how ungrateful I was, and that I was disrespectful. She loved telling me how good I had it, and how her childhood was worse. It's weird, because her half siblings turned out fine, but did mention crazy things she did to them as a child. She denies those things, or can't remember, but can remember every single detail about everything else. She always made me feel guilty as a child for just being a child. Always telling me to grow up, and how spoiled I was. Now that I look back, some adults had reported her for child abuse/neglect. They obviously saw something I didn't. She said those people were out to get her for whatever reason. She doesn't, and has never cared about my feelings. It's always a competition. If I say I feel down, she'll say how down she feels. She'd say how I have things better than her, and how she can't afford certain things. She can afford those things. Plenty of times she's asked for help, and I helped with what little I had only to find out she had the funds. She'd magically say, "Oh I forgot I had this x amount of dollars to spend." It got weird as an adult, because I was paying to get her nails, hair, and whatever else she wanted done. That's something someone should've been doing if they were in a relationship with her. If I didn't buy her what she wanted then and there, she'd throw a tantrum, call me names, spread false information, tell me how she raised me for nine years, try to turn my friends against me, or tell me to never speak to her again. This abuse went on for many years in my early adulthood. Bills I paid for, or gifts she bought she'd get the utilities shut off, say I needed to pay for the gifts she owed money on, or she'd return the gifts back to the store. She'd also go through my personal things, sell them, and a gave a lot of my stuff away. She's dumped trash all over my personal stuff, and god forbid if I confronted her. I'd buy her, her own groceries, and she'd eat up mine saying she didn't think I wanted them. I could go on and on.
Also she tried to convince my friends to get me put away in a psyche ward. When I did end up in the hospital, she'd call them and tell them things I did, so they'd keep me in there longer. It's like she enjoyed punishing me, and got off on making everyone think something was truly wrong with me. She'd tell my personal business, and make up stories about me. A guy that she knew was abusive toward me, and spread lies about me she'd jump on his side, and help spread his malicious lies. He told her I passed out at someone's house, and all these men raped me. A lie that she went around telling people. She'd tell me how dumb I was for letting that happen to me. It's like she wanted something bad to happen to me.
Amazing insight and your example of being able to do what you love and narcs being angry about it is so accurate. My mother gets triggered every time I do something good for myself like travelling or hiking , etc. As you mentioned guilt or whatever is used as a reaction and if I'm not present, what's scary is my mom uses also my kids as her supply. I'm a single mom and though I've successfully been healing and managed to live in 1 roof with my covert narc mom. My true aim is independence and moving away from her permanently with my kids.
The neglectful version doesn't always go against what you want, instead they don't care what you do unless it gets in their way. It can feel like freedom, which makes it seem like it wasn't controlling. When it was controlling, because if you get in their way there is hell to pay - they have no leeway in them to adjust around you as a child and when you weren't in their way then it was emotional neglect. Just saying the neglectful version can be extra confusing - as much as the neglect atleast gives some breathing room (though that breathing room is done whilst socially alone), in some ways a continually invalidating parent would have been easier to figure out.
You said my life...weird. I always hear of the controlling...yes, when it interfears with their way, but I was like you said free, left to myself. I realized that if they held me accountable for anything then they would have to answer for their crap. So I figure that's part of why they were neglectful especially when it came to having a moral compass. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I'm 42 now. My psychopathic dad got his horrible narc girlfriend when I was 10. She is now in a nursing home and complains that she doesn't have any friends. My psychopathic mom married my step-dad of 39 years. He's a vulnerable narc and alcoholic. They gave birth to my narc engineer brother. And my older sister is their competition narc. My grandma is one and my aunt...wow...so many controlling women in my life. I turned my heart to Jesus when I was 11 and He filled me with the love I never received from them. I believe we are living in dark times with a heavy narc problem in the world. God is my peace. Blessings.
My mom use to take me to places with her adult places she said it was to keep and eye on me verses thinking mature and saying I should stay home it was always about her and never my happiness
I really needed this. Especially in telling yourself “ I want to believe that I can have boundaries (and in my case, I want to believe that that doesn’t make me selfish).” For 30 years, I have been made to feel responsible for my mother’s happiness and selfish when I do anything that makes her unhappy. I am six months pregnant with my first baby and she has been attacking me for two weeks because I don’t want any visitors at the hospital and want a few days home alone with my husband and the baby before she can come visit (from 5 hours away, so it would be a multi day trip). The total time I’m asking for for alone time with my new family is a week. I have let her control me and my emotions for too long so this has been a long time coming, but I am still somewhat in disbelief that she is making my labor and delivery about her and what she wants. I will never be able to live an authentic life by making choices that only please her. This has been a big learning curve for me and I have a long way to go, but I feel myself starting to heal.
Hey, I know I’m a year late but I hope you know you didn’t fail! You’re so used to it and you were raised to have empathy for your mother. It’s not your fault. But I hope you’re doing better now
The “map of consciousness” is not a scientific model. It’s a new age model that connects to L Ron Hubbard and Scientology. Not saying it doesn’t work or isn’t helpful - but I was shocked when I heard it discussed in Scientology and cult documentaries. My new age, yoga teacher, therapist introduced it to me w no context.
Yup, totally new age & occult. "Enlightenment" gives glory to the "personal achievement", instead of God, likening themselves to God ever so subtlety. Truth mixed with deception. Otherwise, I love Michele's heart, knowledge and video's!
What does mean Scientific Model? Can you please specify what should be done for it to be scientific? Is it because Hubbard introduced it, that you consider it as worthless?
My mother always told that I was born and destroyed her life. I had unbelievable enormous guilt. Nothing I was doing was enough to pay for the fact that I was born .....
As a child I used to feel guilty for having fun, playing outside, laughing with friends, enjoying a movie, working on my hobbies. This followed me into my 20s and early 30s until I moved out of my hometown. I had to make a conscious effort to stop those guilty feelings and took me a long time to be ok with enjoying feelings of happiness. Even now at 51 sometimes those little feelings of guilt may surface and I quickly analyze why I'm feeling guilt and then say to myself, "I have the right to say no and this person is not respecting my boundaries." I've cut contact with my siblings and have recently cut contact with my mom. It's been a tough decision but I have to protect myself and mental health. Thank you for this video and all you are doing!🙏🙏🙏✌💜
They are many therapeuts on youtube talking about the narcissists who have much more views than you. They've been of much help to me. Like a REAL help. But I can't stop feeling like you are giving me the same educational value and something more here. I don't know exactly what it is. I think maybe your perspective and material but with you showing your vulnerability, which I'm definitely sensing here as you speak from the heart. You are manifesting real courage girl. I feel sort of real admiration that I don't feel watching different coaches. You just talk about these things in a way that makes more impact on me and on my situation... And for that thank you and love from the bottom of my heart. Your videos reach deeper into my trauma than many others. Maybe we are a little more alike or something but your selection of words definitely hit deeper for me. So one more time: Thank you.
ocelot7720 I know what you mean, even though the others are very helpful in their own ways. They're certainly extremely popular! I like the self-aware highly narcissistic individuals who do videos as well. I tend to feel more comfortable with Michele though, because she seems to be a gentle person and a couple of other narcissism counsellors mentioned similar things to what I've written in a shaming way. They might not have been directly related to my comments, yet it seemed like it was the case with one in particular, as the woman repeated words I'd written about 12-step programs, then added that it was a BAD comment! I was shocked and felt very hurt when she said it because I used to like her videos, despite not agreeing with everything, then unsubscribed, which is for my safety since I have enough of that in real life. I'm aware that a lot of people get VERY angry and offended when the 12-steps and AA and NA meetings are viewed in a negative light. It's a fact that many people experienced extreme trauma from attending though, which happened to me! I realise that the narcissism therapists etc aren't perfect either; however, I thought that they could address differences of opinion in a healthier way. I wrote a response to the person I mentioned before unsubscribing, but don't want to check if anyone has replied. I'd rather not go back there and won't recommend her to anyone anymore. I've written way too much again and feel like I'm gossiping, hence why I might delete this later on. I don't have anyone to talk to about the videos though and writing comments is the only way to do it for now. 😊
My mother called and yelled at me for 2 hours, two weeks before Christmas. Then on xmas eve measaged me to tell me she was "heartbroken" I wasn't coming to Christmas day.
When mother makes me feel bad and guilt it means she is dissatisfied, that will make her feel unhappy, and that means she will be angered and hold me responsible for it, and that means she will destroy me by making anything or anyone I love go away. When she is angry, I am in danger and she will breake me. When i was a kid, we went on holiday in a water park resort, she got bored of the lack of drama and attention payed to her, I was a pretty good swimmer at that point, but i knew that if she was upset, she would start hurting us, i KNEW in all my child heart that i had to drown myself to get her the attention and drama she craved. A few moments later, a lifeguard was pulling me out of the water and forcing the water out of my lungs. It seems crazy to people i have told this to, but back then, I knew it was the best solution to keep us safe, and i didn't even question it. She made us responsible for her emotional satisfaction, and if it meant dying for it, to keep us safe, that was just the way it was.
I absolutely REFUSED to allow my mother to control me. I started therapy in early 20’s… even when she had Alzheimer’s she pretended not to know me until she was on morphine in the hospital and finally called me by my name in a drugged stupor. But, of her children only two of us were there to hold her hand and say our final goodbye. I love her and I am so sorry she had such a hard life.❤😊❤
Thank you Michele! You nailed how my mom insidiously manipulated me with guilt. I'm wondering now about feeling guilty because I'm not taking care of my parents now that they're elderly. Other than the insidious manipulation, we get along fine. I hear stories from many of my friends and family about them taking care of elderly parents. I live so far away and can't afford to move and quit my business. They are independent now, but can afford care when they need it. I hear stories about kids visiting their parents often, but I couldn't be around my parents for too long, they're too enmeshing and I would revert back to dissociating and lose myself again. And, yep, when I separated from my ex in my late 40s, my mom wanted me to call her every day. At that point I knew I couldn't emotionally handle that, so I chose to feel guilty talking to her only once a week. My mom still always tries to discourage me from doing things by saying things like..."are you sure you want to...", "have you considered...", "What about...". I also always felt limited with my jobs in my 20s, because I was expected to be around for holidays and join them on vacations to visit extended family. Later I didn't search for a job in the field I graduated in, because my ex wanted me to be available to take camping trips with him to help him with his kids when we started dating.
Its hard to do anything atm bc im living at home as a university student. I’m trying to hang on but I want to leave so bad. The control and abuse has gotten to an all time high. It’s suffocating, it took me years to realize I was being brainwashed to think like her. It opened my eyes to alot and as an adult (22 young adult) i cant even go out, meet people, without being treated like a child and not as an adult that knows better and can do as she wants.
my mother would give me shit as a kid when i would get cough fits at night. she would yell " Are you done coughing?" as if i could control it. As sigma, my mother never fully had control of me. I gave her hell in my teens years being a metalhead in early 90's.
This is my situation perfectly! I’ve never heard it like this before. But I have recently stood up to my emotionally manipulative mother after 39 years and while I feel a lot better , I have this guilt and I also don’t feel great at the same time. But I want to live my life the way I want to. And not feel bad about it.
At 72….i finally kicked my 94 year old narcissistic mother to the curb….i stopped the daily calls….which were several times a day…she is vindictive and aggressive to me and is great at gaslighting. I’ve seen her uses these tactics on my 97 year old dad….its abusive!…it was the birthday gift i gave to myself….we all have a right to protect ourselves from abuse and guilting… she has made me physically sick my whole life…..i have more years behind me than in front of me and I’m so happy and proud of myself that i finally severely limited my contact with her. Not only am i protecting myself, but i feel like I’m punishing her for 72 years of abusive behavior and that alone gives me satisfaction…..as crazy as that may sound…
I’m moving to Texas to get a way from my mom. I can’t stand her negativity anymore and I’m just need a fresh start. I love her it’s hard when she also cheated on my dad after 16 years of marriage just because her high school sweetheart hit her up. Do you blame me for feeling this way? I just can’t be in the same state as her
Bless you for doing these videos Natasha ! Wish this knowledge was out there for myself many moons ago . So glad for others today that this awareness is out there and wonderful gems like you to help us
Wow, I NEVER comment but I'm losing my mind, 38, living at home 🏡 still not by choice and desperate for help, I am beyond stuck, idk....I don't even leave my room some days....I tell her it is not healthy it is a bad situation I'm an infp I'm in recovery I have more than three years I live in Orange County I don't have transportation and I really don't have very many friends at all I've been to therapists my mom and I have horrible codependent relationship I really shouldn't be posting this but I'm just at the very end I'm hanging by a thread I have dual diagnosis I don't know what to do I welcome any help comments suggestions whatever
I was in your situation - and when I moved out - bc I’m still in town - she still guilts me or drives by my place or has my dad drive by. If I could do it again I’d move farther away and give only select contact info. I’d also put limits on contact.
Stop thinking like a victim and take charge of your own life. Remind yourself that you're on your own, no one is going to save you but yourself. Good luck. 👍
You need to get your money right then ESCAPE AND NEVER LOOK BACK. You must SEVER this leech that has done nothing but poison and deplete you. Healing your codependency is of course going to make all of this easier.
Look to see if you can house share with students . Usually very common and you will get alot of time to grow and self reflect away fro such a toxic environment and also a lot cheaper than an apartment.
It wasn't my mother and father, Michele, it was the narcissists parents who were impossible! Her father was a bully and her mother was a self absorbed narcissist! I wasn't only criticized and chastised verbally I was also demeaned by the way they gave me the "side eye" and smirk.... looking back it is amazing to see that their daughter did, has done, and continues to do the same!
Peter K NYK, I was in a similar situation w/ one , & when you said about that “ smirk, sided eye look, “wow! Those looks are so horrific! I saw this mom give that smirk & look towards others as well, & when I saw it, it seemed to always have a mean plan behind it to cause harm. Actually, not once had I ever hear her say anything positive about her two other adult kids, no one.she’s about 80 now, & I’ve never witnessed anything like it in my 58 years lifetime, ever! It was so shocking!! It still is, she’s done some really mean things towards others, & it makes her happy. I actually know of 3, that are these cruel people, & I also can say, they have been really good teachers of teaching me what to look out for, survival skills, & certainly appreciate beautiful good souls! Wishing you the best.
I have a narc mother and enabler father.. my wife has a very low BS threshhold and wears her emotions pretty openly. No surprise, my mother decided to make her the new family scapegoat. It's really frustrating, as my father is so thoroughly programmed as a flying monkey, that he has given her a lot of grief as well.. and the drama also encircles my narcissistic grandma (Mom's mom), who died June 2020. I had a weird dream before she died, and Dad decided to say my wife was "causing trouble". It was a rude awakening, for sure.
You don’t have to be a narcissist to learn traits and having no idea anything is wrong with it or having the power to change it. It’s generational, learnt behaviors. My daughter said to me once after years of self deep diving and healing, if you want us to forgive you, then don’t you think you should forgive your mom? I said I did, also her parents, my daughters looked shocked, because by this time they knew all the things that had been done to me and what I had been through. To acknowledge and forgive them from not knowing what we know now and setting it free is liberating. To this day I will still question my responses and reactions to things, to make sure it’s healthy and righteous. It’s getting less and less as I unlearn all the toxic traits that were taught me. We can stop this generational toxicity. My grandchildren are showing extremely minimal signs of my ancestors and we are addressing them. We were given the task to end this because we are strong enough to do it. That why you have become aware and are here.
@@mamashanshan2772 People asked me if your family is so bad why did you expose your children to them. I said they needed to learn there are people like this in the world and know how to deal with it, I used everything as a learning experience for them. They now see BS, manipulation and fake coming a mile off. I have learned that people like this look happy when they cause others pain because it’s like a release for them and why should others be happy if they’re not. I’ve gotten very good at not taking things personally. I still have my moments but are quicker to recognize it now.
@@lisalambert81865 I can't find forgiveness for all the horrible things that were done to me by these narcissistic people, YET! Maybe someday I will but for now I will try to learn more about the value in acceptance without judgement and understand the reality of and why what has happened. They will have to recognize what they have done and that's not my problem....
That's a superb tip at the end of the video that do to find out what beliefs are of matter here and do I agree to that? You are marvelous. Thank you soooo much for this video🙏
After my mom’s divorce, she was with her new bf and them and my brother and I were going out to eat. The bf was strict on manners and told me to chew with mouth closed. And the next bit i took my mom slapped me hard across the face. I ran to the bathroom and cried. It was the ultimate betrayal and I was so young. I still will never forget that and don’t know how a mother could do that especially in a public place in front of everyone
My mother keeps using my grandmother to make me feel bad for not making plans during my weekends. When I tell her that I need space, I need to nurture myself and also take care of myself in order to not feel angry and trapped. When I try to set my boundaries they are guilt-tripping me, and playing on my kindness. When I tell them that I have plans to do nothing this weekend by myself in order to recuperate, she pushes plans on me. What do I do?
My sons mother says things like you don’t love me or sorry I’m not a fun mom but will also blame him for things, she blamed him for why her relationships fail. She also blames me for when he doesn’t behave like she wants. Nothing is her fault ever
When I was younger, I used to love drawing and colouring. Still kinda do. But once, my parents threw away my art works because they were getting dusty. It hurt me that I loved them and they decided to throw it away, giving a very "logical" reason. Since then, I didn't draw and paint for a long time
My parents excuse everything by saying they watch my kids. They always guilt trip me. I have not talked to my mom since Monday. She is very controlling. I’m 32 years old.
Get your children away from those people, if they do it to you they will do it to them.. they will eventually turn your children against you… if you have a great friend ask for some help… better yet let the husband bring in the money until the children are old enough to tell you everything that is happening… so 10-13 years old.. then go back to work 😊
@@katadam2186hello. I just saw this comment. I recently cut my parents off. My mom played the victim in group therapy and talked about how she helped so much. The issue was she was very controlling. She or my father do not see my kids. I ended up finding out that they canceled their one on one session with the therapist too. I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now. I have a nanny and I’m a stay at home mom. My husband is an eye doctor. I couldn’t be happier that they are not in my life anymore.
10 years later my ex wife still tries to guilt trip me with our 2 kids. Has a very codependent, unhealthy relationship with our 10 year old son. Our 12 year old daughter is beginning to see her for who she really is.
someone help me if I move past my dads guilt tripping it never works bc he just takes whatever it is away. For eg if I wanna do smth and be guilt trips me, then I move past the guilt trip (which is already rare), he just gets REALLY mad and just shuts down everything I have
Shew this is my babies mother's mom. Still can't get it out of my head seeing her hold my daughter and say she doesn't know what she will do when she doesn't have this baby here anymore ( we lived with them for a lil bit to save for a house) well her parents had the bright idea, let's split up and we can help with a house if mom can live with yall. I was so not on board with that. Bm and her mom went back n forth trying to convince me it wouldn't be that bad... well today.. baby momma, her mom, and her dad all live in "our" house. And all of a sudden we aren't a good match and I was made out to "not like her family" simply for trying to run my household as a man. Sorry but I'm the breas winner, my bm and I paid everything no way I'd stand by letting my household be ran by people who pay no bills. Needless to say that didn't work. I live on my own lol
Teach a child all the emotions and always reinforce positive actions and talk, let them know what unacceptable behavior and what is expected don’t do these when you’re emotional … buy a book on training solid emotional intelligence children and don’t lie and bs a child
No one is talking about a toddler’s actions, the parents are not praising ever, no positive reinforcement.. good job, love you, smiling, mirroring, mimicking toddlers mimic.. show and say all the emotions and ask what they feel.. get a book if you aren’t aware of how to train up solid emotional and physical children
This is probably the most common thing that screws up children. Trying to please an emotionally unstable parent .
Why can’t they not make this illegal?
My mom was like this and still sometimes throws guilt out there... being raised Catholic they also did it with religion until I rebelled and said I was out of religion
Omg same!
💯
guess what keeps the lower class large?
I allowed my parents to meddle in my relationships, career, disrupt my college experience because I “wasn’t mature enough” even though I was the first in my family to apply and make it…they’ve ruined a lot of good opportunities for me trying to keep me in a childlike state. Im 34 now and am completely independent with my own life, but the impact is lifelong.
My man is 36...I'm 27. We feel the same. I feel so bad for my guy.. Just want to make the rest of our lives good... I wish we were healthier sooner.. so much affected our lives and no children yet.
Go no contact. Block them on your phone. Move far away.
This is what's going on with my boyfriend.
I went to the comment section to see if this was a college different behavior
These people only want control and if you keep giving into them, you won't go far in life. It's best to just go as far as you can and never say a word. Pray for them from afar...
Most of my coping skills were rebellion or isolating myself from my parents. I isolated myself through music, comic books, and novels. They were my escape.
Same here 📚🎧 movies help me too
Same. Music became so important. I would also just pour myself into my magazines and comics.
I isolated myself by running away to teach English in Asia after university.
Pretty sure this is why I became an artist/musician now that I’m older and can reflect. Thanks mom n dad! 😜🤘🏼
Same here. I spent lots of time by myself especially after I got homeschooled. I rebelled by watching porn and doing things online with strangers as a sense of false relief from the toxic environment.
My mother is trying to play the guilt trip on me because I told her I’m getting married and she doesn’t agree at ALL! I’m 37 years old GROWN MAN ! Smh ! I’m marrying my beautiful soon to be wife mother of my child soon 💯🙏🏾🥰IM HAPPY 🙏🏾she’s a great woman and has never disrespected my mother!
My mother was very controlling while growing up. My mother kept telling me to do this, do that, don't work at that job, ect. Everything had to be done her way. All this gaslighting has messed up my mind.
They control you but at the same time sabotage you, It's such a mind f*ck. They keep you stuck too and then lie and say it's all your doing that you are still stuck in the same place....
My mom told me to stop wasting time on AI chatbots in 2001 and focus on school. So I did. Now I'm teaching English in Asia. My little brother is a PhD in AI in Manhattan.
@@hufficagwow I have a similar story. I learned how to code at age 13 and built an online software company at age 15. I thought my mom would be proud of me but instead she went into a narc rage and sabotaged the company with smear campaigns. These are not mothers they are demons
@@ekkamailaxoh my god…. i made it to japan on a government program and my narc “demom” manipulated me into coming back using my dad’s illness. i have been miserable ever since and losing touch with my japan friends. i feel awful.
My family and teachers would always comment about how "quiet" I was as a kid. But that was a learned state of being. If I did anything other than play quietly by myself I'd get in trouble (not even necessarily for something I did, I could get in trouble for whoever I was playing with being too loud or rowdy...or if someone tripped and fell it was automatically "autumn pushed me" even though I didn't and I'd get in trouble).
Omg, I feel guilty any time I have to cancel plans for anything with anyone. Like I could get sick and need to call out of work (and my job is totally cool with it) and I'll feel guilty. Totally a shame thing. I was always expected to be super reliable as a kid and I was also always doubted when I said I was sick as a kid. I had to be like on the brink of needing a hospital before my mom would believe that I was sick.
"I'm unlovable" and/or "I'll be alone" is my child belief. But honestly, I've realized recently that my mom is incapable of loving me correctly and I have essentially been alone (from her) for-basically-ever, so I don't care about her feelings anymore (as harsh as that sounds). She doesn't get to silence my truth anymore.
I feel this
I feel this
As I was listening to you, I got a flashback of one time when I was little, like 3 or 4. I was sitting in the backseat of my dad's car, and my parents were up front. My dad was asking about the name of a restaurant, my mom guessed wrong, and I named it correctly. My father praised me and expressed sweet words, and my mother turned and shot me a horrible look of hatred that made me feel like I was a very bad kid, and must have done something very bad. Thinking about it now, aside from the horrible abuse I suffered from her, how psychotic to do that to any child, much more deranged to do it to her own little girl. That was just one small example of a lifetime of having my being shredded by her from a very young age. Horrible beatings, and even worse poisonous words she spit at me, just pulverized my soul. I'm still trying to heal so many years later. 😢
Its okay. She can not do that to you anymore. Love yourself more be kind to yourself.
I’m so sorry for You , I know exactly how you feel ! My mother is possessed with Demons, and treated Me Horribly! She hated My Happiness! It’s hard to fathom Your own mother hating You !
I understand, same here. 33 years old and my mother treats me Luke her frienemy. Her emotions are up and down. She wake around but hates my personality. At the same time steals all of my ideas and dreams, only asks me about my life to be up to date and then uses my personality in front of family n others as a mask. Resels my ideas back to me , acts like a teenager against me, like im jealousof he . It's ridiculous.
@@vanessar2165 You just described me (also 33) and my mother. I could have wrote this word for word.
same here sweetheart sending big hugs and love on your journey to thriving💞🤗
The part about "Making you feel Bad" at 10:00 . This is exactly what my mother is doing and I'm 40 years old. I have a very demanding job. Parents live 2 hours away! If I don't visit every weekend, meet up for all these dinners, meet up for all these family events, remember every single birthday.....I am guilt-tripped, shamed, and told how awful I am. Funny, when I was growing up, they ignored me, treated me like complete crap and would act like they didn't even want me around because they were too busy working or spending loads of money on boats, and scuba trips and building a pool. Now they are retired, they want everybody to do what they do. They dont care that Im exhausted at my job, that Im single and lonely, that Im struggling everyday. That I cry at night because I have no real father, and my parents dont love me. They dont care about anything except what THEY WANT !! And if they dont get it, they are a victim and you are horrible person. Im done.
44... And I would have remained the punching bag forever if it wasn't for my stepmom turning on my wife and kids. A couple months ago I went no contact. I have no family anymore except the one I made. You're free now.... It may hurt at first but you're free. And you're not alone, you have a brother right here.
I can relate to what you are experiencing. In a different video I had seen they said that you have to accept that in the eyes of the narcissistic parent(s) you are the "bad guy" and will always be seen that way no matter what. But you have to understand that you are in actuality as good as you are "bad" because everything is upside down in the toxic family dynamic. My mom will do everything for her drug addict son and grandson even though they have threatened to beat up my elderly dad. When I recently gave back a lawn ornament my mom put in my yard that I didn't want or ask for my mom went into a rage, calling me hateful and then tried guilt tripping me. Making the decision to cut contact with parents is very difficult but at 51 I am just so fed up with the same toxic patterns of behavior from my mom and siblings because nothing changes with them. Another artist and I received a grant for a large art project 2 years ago and my mom said nothing to me about it. We were in the paper and on the news and she never said a word to me about it. I was never supported in my interests as a child and you are right, they want to keep you down and sabotage anything good in your life. Focus on you and your mental health and accept that you're their "bad guy" because in reality you are an amazing, kind and wonderful person. May you have the strength and power to break the chain that binds you to their toxicity. I wish you blessings of love, strength and power. ✌💜
I can relate but with a narc parent they don’t care and will never care about your needs. At 40 I had to realise they will never change and my journey of self care for my health both physically and mentally is most important. Never let the manipulate you through guilt they will not care if you burn out or be there to pick up the pieces. So put yourself first for a chance and do you.
RUN and RUN FAST!
Block them.
Guilt...and gaslighting by my mother made me suicidal... I'm recovering 0 contact but feel terribly guilty and I feel fear
So sorry. I understand. Hang in there you are safe and you will be okay.
same story here. I mede it out and i can tell you that after you realize, that the guilt you carry around is just an illusion, you will laugh and jump around dancing like a new born lamb.
I hear you. I am just now walking away at 50 years old. I think about her everyday and breaks my heart but for my own sanity I just can’t do it anymore. What a terrible thing to do to a child. I would never do that to my kids, all I want is for them to be happy and healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Keep going.... You get better....
I'm 46 and I am recently realized that my mother was doing this to me. I am still working on breaking free. But I am learning to let my no mean no and let go of the guilt.
Unless you let her know you're done with her doing that and then stand your ground, you'll be 60 some day and she will still be guilting you.
My mother was my original trauma dumper. Throughout my life, I notice I attract immediate trauma dumpers. I never knew why. Maybe theres a subconscious energy I give off that signals to these ppl that Im used to it?
wow….. oh my god.
Well said. My problem is my wife (middle child) is the scapegoat, her little sister is the golden child & her eldest brother is the forgotten one. Still trying to figure out how to save/protect my wife from her guilt-tripping parents. They are ruining everything because my wife is too forgiving and always blames herself for their problems.
Billy Papa. She is So so lucky to have you. My own narc abuse from narcissistic mother was way less severe when I had a partner/ husband.
LIVING BEING IS OUR RACE, MANKIND IS OUR RELIGION, HINDU,MUSLIM,SIKH,CHRISTAIN, THERE IS NO SEPARATE RELIGION
ALMIGHTY GOD KABIR is the father of all souls that JESUS, MOHAMMAD, GURU NANAK, VEDH was telling in BIBLE, QURAN, GURU GRANTHA SAHEB
Good job
Secretly recorded interaction between her and parent or parents and then show her privately what they do to her; she will start to see it and also won’t want to see it… she will look at it and eventually See it
@@katadam2186😊
I've been to counselling for being a victim of this and all they (therapists) do is ask me questions while never breaking it down like this and explaining things to me. You're really helping me to understand the role the subconscious mind plays in holding on to trauma. My old belief is that if anyone didn't like me it means there's something wrong with me or I'm a bad person. My new belief is that it's okay for people to not like me. I still know I'm a good person and I don't need them or their validation. Narcissists program people to have false beliefs that destroy their lives unless someone like you comes along and deprograms them. People like you that give this information and validation out are literally saving lives. Bless you.
This is so true in my parent relationship. Guilt trip is my mom's no.1 weapon. They stole my sketchbooks and diaries and hid them where I can't find out.
Yes……
My mom found my writing and poetry when I was a kid and belittled me for being so vain. :) Most healthy parents would be proud their child was expressing creativity but in my narc mom it triggered jealousy. And then I have had hard time writing since then, and I stumble over my words when speaking
@@alllifematters I understand. I'm so sorry. I just get it.
I used to write in diaries too, until my parents found them and took them away from me. When they read them, they were horrified at what I wrote. It was all the things I hated that they did to me. I felt ashamed at expressing myself in writing and felt like a horrible person. Never wrote a diary again
my mom use to read my dairy and talk to my brother about what i would write and one day my brother told me to throw it away or hide it somewhere different and she use to ease drop on my conversations on the phone and she was always guilt me and she is still very controlling
The narcissist mother is extremely neglectful yet extremely controlling. I was so confused growing up. I thought this control was a sign of care but it wasn't.
Exactly , we were tricked because we were raised to submit and bow down to our mother . We then noticed it when we matured ! Gotta put a end to it.
All true but the key is to get out of the toxicity. Staying enmeshed because everyone says “After all the ARE your PARENTS,” is SOCIETY’S way of keeping us TRAPPED in TOXIC relationships. I’m also a parent, but that doesn’t automatically make me entitled to disrespect and demean my child. It’s not the child’s fault if parents are emotionally abusing the child. We must learn to walk away. I’m no Contact with my parents for 7 years now over stuff like this.
Do you feel better since no contact?
WOW i completely agree. thanks for this.
@@KJNGC-w1z Yes. However, I grieve not having a “normal” relationship with my parents, and also it’s hard for others, including our spouses, to completely understand why we went no contact as opposed to compromising and working things out. Nobody really wants to cut ties. It becomes the only option after trying many things to make it work.
Sending love to moms and daughters needing healing. All things are possible through Christ. ✝️
A lot of mothers didn't want to be mothers in the first place, not knowing that being childfree could also be an option.
As a result, they vent out their frustration of being a mother by being manipulative and guilt tripping their children.
In my view, unless one was raped, they chose motherhood or fatherhood when they did the deed. So they are immoral for whining and abusing children later. That is one thing narcissists actually are but accuse everyone else of. Childish and irresponsible. They're very immature. They'll treat their child as if they are evil for being born, while forgetting about their f'ing around irresponsibly, drunkeness and drugs that they did surrounding the conception.
I remember my mom using guilt since I was a child. I called her the guilt trip queen. So I was aware of it. A phrase she used often was "if I live" when saying for example I'll go to the store tommorow or if I live I'll get the car fixed, making you think she's going to die or something in a child's mind... So I was definitely aware but didn't realize the long term deep effects it would have on me.
I use to think my mom only did this to me but as I get older I see how she does it to my brothers definitely uses guilt. They're all seniors now so I really see how she controls them & always did. Manipulation constantly which is why they're all single & never had healthy relationships. Power of suggestion is another tactic they use. My mom uses fear tactics too always planting seeds of doubt & worst possible scenarios etc... The closer I get to Jesus the more discernment I have about people's intentions & information like this helps notice the specific behavior as well. Thank you! God bless. Pray for these people, it helps you as well.
I've always thought of my mom as a guilt trip queen too. It honestly bothers me that I care so much about not making her sad. (I truly can't tell if her tears are real or not when she cries, but it makes me sad either way.)
Amen
bless 🙏
My mom's name is Elizabeth and people jokingly called her queen Elizabeth, It all makes sense now lol
OP, these are the exact words my mother used to use. She also used add in ‘I nearly died last night’ if you ever had a disagreement with her like any mortal kid. It worked well because I saw my Dad die infront of me and she used that as a trauma stick to control me.
My mom guilt trips me to send her money for the last 10 years. And she does this in a way that she doesn't even have to tell me to send her money. For example, she makes me feel guilty about me buying myself a new piece of clothing and than she starts talking about how bad her financial situation at that moment. And I get caved to send her money. But I've noticed that she's been doing this for so long, and I'm trying to not fall for it anymore. It's a horrible form of abuse. Just making me live my life miserably, but whenever I do something nice for myself (for example drinking coffee in a nice coffee, etc), she starts making me feel guilty about having money to spend outside of my basic needs. I've never thought that my mom was a manipulative person, but she's so good at it that it took me 10 years to realize that she's a manipulator. I hope I save myself from this
This was exactly my situation my whole life. Guilt from Mom which then led me to choose the same type of control and guilt in a boyfriend. Fast forward 20 years and I’m in a healthy relationship today and Mom passed away last year. The “major” guilt still continues though as you spoke through these scenarios. My Mom only wanted control, control, control. Terrible cognitive dissonance. I love my Mom and say she’s the best mother in the world, but then on the flip side 75% of the time or more was always about guilt or shaming. If you don’t do this, then you don’t love your me and your father, if you don’t do that then it means you’re odd for wanting that. It’s over now but still lives within me and I’m angry at times that I was made to feel that way my whole life. Now my brother is trying the sane thing in making sure that method of guilt stays alive as a way of honoring my Mom so we “don’t forget her.” I’m backing off on the phone calls with him now too. I wonder what it’s like to have a life of freedom to go and do what you want without the guilt or feeling you’re being judged. It’s just soooo engrained in me. Like my whole life I haven’t been living, and when I see what others do or places they’ve traveled to or just simple things locally in your area that your parents may have not done, it would have gotten knocked to the ground. It’s not safe, or well I would never want to go there or do that, or if you want to go waste your time, etc… always the GUILT!
My life for 65 years...just now seeing the truth... narc mom is still alive but i am finally feeling realizing the resl abuse.
This segment is spot on!!!!!!
I will return to this video, but I just wanted to quickly say I'm living this, right now. I will also have a look at your previous video about narc moms and survivor sons.
You won't regret it. The information here has really woken me up
She has helped me alot
I stopped this. I needed to. Once I got married I cut all ties. Knowing something was wrong but not knowing what it was. Going through different therapies helped me to see what I couldnt.
I think what could also happen is the opposite- the child removes guilt and does not feel empathy or guilt or avoids those emotions and eventually becomes numb to them and that’s how narcissism continues and trauma creates the next generation of narcissists and psychopaths/sociopaths. I’ve seen it happen with my sister.
with me, i only feel empathy for those who are feeling pure emotions; not those who express their emotions to manipulate me to do anything. i can tell the difference; your gut instinct will tell you which is which .
We breakin the cycle
One of my earliest memories…I must have been 4 years old…my mom was young and selfish….she’d go out partying all night and sleep all day. One time she was sleeping late and my little sister was only a year or so old, she was crying cuz she was hungry so I tried to fill a bottle for her with milk….but the carton was too big for my little hands and I dropped it and it spilled all over the floor. This woke my mom and she literally beat the shit out of me when she saw what I had done. She said I was rotten and evil for what I’d done. I know realize she was ashamed of herself for putting us in that situation at all, but she couldn’t process those feelings so she had to shift the focus onto me, paint me as the bad seed, for making her neglect so obvious. That’s the story of my entire life with this toxic horror of a woman. And my grandmother was covert so she loved the battles between my mom and I. Such a sick group of awful ppl.
This is so on the mark Michele! I remember when I first moved out on my own into my first apartment, my mother didn't talk with me for 5 days, and when I did make the attempt, it was "Well, it's about time, I wasn't sure if you were dead or alive!" and she never asked how I was making out with my new apartment and she never did.
If I ever mentioned anything about things I wanted to see or do, the response was always "You are making the biggest mistake of your life!" or "What do you want to do that for?" and whenever she was mad, and we would be relaxing on the sofa, when we were supposed to be doing something for her, it was always "You ungrateful wretches!"
I've grown to recognize it now, and seem to be going through a defensive stage, so whenever she states she's mad about something, my response "What the hell is going on?!, what's wrong now??!" Funny thing, the look I get from her is a "deer in headlights" as she doesn't expect me to react like that, but expecting to give her, her "fix" and to cater to her needs.
I'm loving your Thriver's School of Transformation! The tools that I am learning are extremely helpful and loving the community feeling of not being alone!
Thanks for sharing this experience with others in your same situation online. This helps me feel less alone and crazy-including the being mad and defensive immediately.
Guilt tripping is definitely the key word of how my mother have made me feel throughout my whole childhood and life.
I never understood why I strongly resisted the way she made me feel when on the surface all she did was good even noble.
Her unconscious way of guilt tripping me comes in different ways on different stages of my life.
Now that I am independent and have my own life she is trying to make me feel guilty if I don’t call too often or by making sure to let me know in details how much she prays for me, she uses god often in our relationship. She always did that when I was a child/teenager whenever I was going through something difficult she would say it’s because I wasn’t nice to her or I got mad at her. This is the first time I see this clearly because I even noticed that I started mimicking some of her methods in my relationship with my husband.
I think I would like to heal first before continuing my relationship with her.
It's mothers day and my mom stopped putting her hands on me when I was 22 but she still uses manipulation to control me and I'm 23... Truthfully I don't care for this day at all because all she does is guilt trip me on a daily basis whenever I try to do things for myself or don't do what she wants me to and I'm tired of feeling like if I don't listen to her she's going to find ways to hurt me again. Mothers day should be used to appreciate the moms who really care about you not the moms who pretend too in public and abuse you in private
Right only true moms deserve this day not for all
EXACTLY im going through the same thing, then she says to me that i dont know how to express my emotions
Ikr they’re witches in private
I was shaking listening to this.
Juicy Baby It obviously resonated with you and I hope you're okay! I've done a lot of grieving because I've experienced immense trauma throughout my life, so really appreciate these videos and all the comments. ❤
Me too.
Thank you very much. This really opened my eyes. I was always afraid to ask my mother for permission to go out with friends, because she would get extremely irritated, especially if I needed a ride. The second I was old enough to earn money, she told me to give to her to keep track of, and she always asked me to buy her things, and I felt like it wasn't an option to say no. Even now, as an adult, she lays guilt on me to agree to things that are hurtful and unfair. My mind is blown right now.
The belief that controlled my life was that if I don't socialize with people often and long eough according to other people's opinions, I was abnormal.
My mom and sister used guilt trips but would telling me to stop using guilt trips when I tried to speak about how they made me felt. Also told me to get the chip off my shoulder. 🙄
Im 32. Moved out of my mothers apartment 2 years ago to the next state over. She always guilt trips me about instead of me renting my own apartment we should of got a House or i shouldve stayed. Thats just the beginning of it.
She strategically asks me to get things off of marketplace for her to then bring to her as a form of a tie so i can come to her . Its alot of forms of manipulation/ controlling tactics & its becoming overly annoying. In my own apartment i feel away but still feel connected & stuck in that bubble mentally. Its hard to say no but i know i have too!!
This is one of the most insightful videos on this topic I have ever seen in my 33 years of life
I hate that I don’t get to see my father as much as I’d like bc I can’t deal with my mother’s guilt tripping and snarky comments. I always leave feeling I will never be enough. Im a horrible person. She even guilts me for loving my father as much as I do.
I was doing well with my mother for the last few weeks, she was being lovely. Yesterday I had to cancel going to hers, the disappointment in her voice, then the don’t bother unless you find the time, no big deal… she’s sulking but being careful not to actually say so, I’m 56 and only recently realised how manipulative she is.
I’m 57, about three years ago I started to develop anger issues. My wife noticed it years ago. I cannot be around my Mother and wish my Father was alive so I could get some shit strait with him. Get help if needed. Live your life and if that means away from her, so be it.
Watching this video makes me feel like I missed out on a life of happiness and freedom of expression. In 22 now and still experience the same patterns and guilt-tripping tendencies my mother used on me from an early age. Makes me sad but I not know I’m now alone
i’m 30 and realizing this. it’s not too late!!! TAKE your life back!!!!
I’m in the next stage, of being great with myself by still physically/psychically drained of energy by these parental maneuvers.
I was 19 , my mother drove with me 3 hours in a hire car to the airport , never spoke a word , not one . I checked in at the airport & then my name was called over the tanniy system , she was there and started crying amd screaming at me in the airport, nearly 30 years ago ,,
I believe this video just helepd me to have a bit of a realization. For basically all my life my mother would basically always say she knew best abouy my choice of firends as a kid where i would hang out and to be fair a lot of the times she was right and then into my late teens early 20's i had apologized for not taking her advice as a kid and from then i would always consult her on the grounds shes been alive longer than me and when it comes to being an adult anything ill be faced with shes probably already done it, but as i got older i started to be able to navigate on my own and would even end up with better outcomes when doing my own thing when id try asking her just for a possible different view point and wow she does not like that and it has been a strain on our relationship since.
Mine would rage at me if I didn't do what she wanted. She'd call the police if I stood up to her, so she could play victim. She'd call me names, say how ungrateful I was, and that I was disrespectful. She loved telling me how good I had it, and how her childhood was worse. It's weird, because her half siblings turned out fine, but did mention crazy things she did to them as a child. She denies those things, or can't remember, but can remember every single detail about everything else.
She always made me feel guilty as a child for just being a child. Always telling me to grow up, and how spoiled I was. Now that I look back, some adults had reported her for child abuse/neglect. They obviously saw something I didn't. She said those people were out to get her for whatever reason. She doesn't, and has never cared about my feelings. It's always a competition. If I say I feel down, she'll say how down she feels. She'd say how I have things better than her, and how she can't afford certain things. She can afford those things. Plenty of times she's asked for help, and I helped with what little I had only to find out she had the funds. She'd magically say, "Oh I forgot I had this x amount of dollars to spend."
It got weird as an adult, because I was paying to get her nails, hair, and whatever else she wanted done. That's something someone should've been doing if they were in a relationship with her. If I didn't buy her what she wanted then and there, she'd throw a tantrum, call me names, spread false information, tell me how she raised me for nine years, try to turn my friends against me, or tell me to never speak to her again. This abuse went on for many years in my early adulthood. Bills I paid for, or gifts she bought she'd get the utilities shut off, say I needed to pay for the gifts she owed money on, or she'd return the gifts back to the store. She'd also go through my personal things, sell them, and a gave a lot of my stuff away. She's dumped trash all over my personal stuff, and god forbid if I confronted her. I'd buy her, her own groceries, and she'd eat up mine saying she didn't think I wanted them. I could go on and on.
Also she tried to convince my friends to get me put away in a psyche ward. When I did end up in the hospital, she'd call them and tell them things I did, so they'd keep me in there longer. It's like she enjoyed punishing me, and got off on making everyone think something was truly wrong with me. She'd tell my personal business, and make up stories about me. A guy that she knew was abusive toward me, and spread lies about me she'd jump on his side, and help spread his malicious lies. He told her I passed out at someone's house, and all these men raped me. A lie that she went around telling people. She'd tell me how dumb I was for letting that happen to me. It's like she wanted something bad to happen to me.
What a piece of 💩
Wow. She sounds so selfish. Sorry you went through all that.
Your mother is a psychotic and pathetic individual...I genuinely wish you All the best bro♥️🌺and sending love towards you.....
When you counted examples and everything fits in with my life with my family. I'm currently at quiet war with them.
Amazing insight and your example of being able to do what you love and narcs being angry about it is so accurate. My mother gets triggered every time I do something good for myself like travelling or hiking , etc. As you mentioned guilt or whatever is used as a reaction and if I'm not present, what's scary is my mom uses also my kids as her supply. I'm a single mom and though I've successfully been healing and managed to live in 1 roof with my covert narc mom. My true aim is independence and moving away from her permanently with my kids.
The neglectful version doesn't always go against what you want, instead they don't care what you do unless it gets in their way. It can feel like freedom, which makes it seem like it wasn't controlling. When it was controlling, because if you get in their way there is hell to pay - they have no leeway in them to adjust around you as a child and when you weren't in their way then it was emotional neglect.
Just saying the neglectful version can be extra confusing - as much as the neglect atleast gives some breathing room (though that breathing room is done whilst socially alone), in some ways a continually invalidating parent would have been easier to figure out.
You said my life...weird. I always hear of the controlling...yes, when it interfears with their way, but I was like you said free, left to myself. I realized that if they held me accountable for anything then they would have to answer for their crap. So I figure that's part of why they were neglectful especially when it came to having a moral compass. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I'm 42 now. My psychopathic dad got his horrible narc girlfriend when I was 10. She is now in a nursing home and complains that she doesn't have any friends. My psychopathic mom married my step-dad of 39 years. He's a vulnerable narc and alcoholic. They gave birth to my narc engineer brother. And my older sister is their competition narc. My grandma is one and my aunt...wow...so many controlling women in my life. I turned my heart to Jesus when I was 11 and He filled me with the love I never received from them.
I believe we are living in dark times with a heavy narc problem in the world.
God is my peace. Blessings.
They also ship you away or should I say throw you away when you get in their way. God forbid they have to see you and actually acknowledge you
My mom use to take me to places with her adult places she said it was to keep and eye on me verses thinking mature and saying I should stay home it was always about her and never my happiness
I really needed this. Especially in telling yourself “ I want to believe that I can have boundaries (and in my case, I want to believe that that doesn’t make me selfish).” For 30 years, I have been made to feel responsible for my mother’s happiness and selfish when I do anything that makes her unhappy. I am six months pregnant with my first baby and she has been attacking me for two weeks because I don’t want any visitors at the hospital and want a few days home alone with my husband and the baby before she can come visit (from 5 hours away, so it would be a multi day trip). The total time I’m asking for for alone time with my new family is a week.
I have let her control me and my emotions for too long so this has been a long time coming, but I am still somewhat in disbelief that she is making my labor and delivery about her and what she wants. I will never be able to live an authentic life by making choices that only please her. This has been a big learning curve for me and I have a long way to go, but I feel myself starting to heal.
My mother guilt trips me all the time and I always end up caving in! I caved again tonight and feel like I failed 😣
Hey, I know I’m a year late but I hope you know you didn’t fail! You’re so used to it and you were raised to have empathy for your mother. It’s not your fault. But I hope you’re doing better now
The “map of consciousness” is not a scientific model. It’s a new age model that connects to L Ron Hubbard and Scientology. Not saying it doesn’t work or isn’t helpful - but I was shocked when I heard it discussed in Scientology and cult documentaries. My new age, yoga teacher, therapist introduced it to me w no context.
Yup, totally new age & occult. "Enlightenment" gives glory to the "personal achievement", instead of God, likening themselves to God ever so subtlety. Truth mixed with deception. Otherwise, I love Michele's heart, knowledge and video's!
What does mean Scientific Model? Can you please specify what should be done for it to be scientific? Is it because Hubbard introduced it, that you consider it as worthless?
My mother always told that I was born and destroyed her life. I had unbelievable enormous guilt. Nothing I was doing was enough to pay for the fact that I was born .....
As a child I used to feel guilty for having fun, playing outside, laughing with friends, enjoying a movie, working on my hobbies. This followed me into my 20s and early 30s until I moved out of my hometown. I had to make a conscious effort to stop those guilty feelings and took me a long time to be ok with enjoying feelings of happiness. Even now at 51 sometimes those little feelings of guilt may surface and I quickly analyze why I'm feeling guilt and then say to myself, "I have the right to say no and this person is not respecting my boundaries." I've cut contact with my siblings and have recently cut contact with my mom. It's been a tough decision but I have to protect myself and mental health. Thank you for this video and all you are doing!🙏🙏🙏✌💜
Protect yourself first!….
Thanks só much! You are describing here something that gives me ongoing pain. It is so comforting to hear that.
They are many therapeuts on youtube talking about the narcissists who have much more views than you. They've been of much help to me. Like a REAL help. But I can't stop feeling like you are giving me the same educational value and something more here. I don't know exactly what it is. I think maybe your perspective and material but with you showing your vulnerability, which I'm definitely sensing here as you speak from the heart. You are manifesting real courage girl. I feel sort of real admiration that I don't feel watching different coaches. You just talk about these things in a way that makes more impact on me and on my situation... And for that thank you and love from the bottom of my heart. Your videos reach deeper into my trauma than many others. Maybe we are a little more alike or something but your selection of words definitely hit deeper for me. So one more time: Thank you.
ocelot7720 I know what you mean, even though the others are very helpful in their own ways. They're certainly extremely popular! I like the self-aware highly narcissistic individuals who do videos as well.
I tend to feel more comfortable with Michele though, because she seems to be a gentle person and a couple of other narcissism counsellors mentioned similar things to what I've written in a shaming way.
They might not have been directly related to my comments, yet it seemed like it was the case with one in particular, as the woman repeated words I'd written about 12-step programs, then added that it was a BAD comment!
I was shocked and felt very hurt when she said it because I used to like her videos, despite not agreeing with everything, then unsubscribed, which is for my safety since I have enough of that in real life.
I'm aware that a lot of people get VERY angry and offended when the 12-steps and AA and NA meetings are viewed in a negative light. It's a fact that many people experienced extreme trauma from attending though, which happened to me!
I realise that the narcissism therapists etc aren't perfect either; however, I thought that they could address differences of opinion in a healthier way.
I wrote a response to the person I mentioned before unsubscribing, but don't want to check if anyone has replied. I'd rather not go back there and won't recommend her to anyone anymore.
I've written way too much again and feel like I'm gossiping, hence why I might delete this later on. I don't have anyone to talk to about the videos though and writing comments is the only way to do it for now. 😊
My mother called and yelled at me for 2 hours, two weeks before Christmas. Then on xmas eve measaged me to tell me she was "heartbroken" I wasn't coming to Christmas day.
When mother makes me feel bad and guilt it means she is dissatisfied, that will make her feel unhappy, and that means she will be angered and hold me responsible for it, and that means she will destroy me by making anything or anyone I love go away. When she is angry, I am in danger and she will breake me.
When i was a kid, we went on holiday in a water park resort, she got bored of the lack of drama and attention payed to her, I was a pretty good swimmer at that point, but i knew that if she was upset, she would start hurting us, i KNEW in all my child heart that i had to drown myself to get her the attention and drama she craved. A few moments later, a lifeguard was pulling me out of the water and forcing the water out of my lungs. It seems crazy to people i have told this to, but back then, I knew it was the best solution to keep us safe, and i didn't even question it. She made us responsible for her emotional satisfaction, and if it meant dying for it, to keep us safe, that was just the way it was.
I’m no longer ashamed to say I’d rather take my o levels again than suffer another Mothers Day, it’s right up there with Christmas and birthday
My mother tries to trigger me then makes me feel horrible when I speak up it’s so confusing to me
I absolutely REFUSED to allow my mother to control me. I started therapy in early 20’s… even when she had Alzheimer’s she pretended not to know me until she was on morphine in the hospital and finally called me by my name in a drugged stupor. But, of her children only two of us were there to hold her hand and say our final goodbye. I love her and I am so sorry she had such a hard life.❤😊❤
Thank you Michele! You nailed how my mom insidiously manipulated me with guilt. I'm wondering now about feeling guilty because I'm not taking care of my parents now that they're elderly. Other than the insidious manipulation, we get along fine. I hear stories from many of my friends and family about them taking care of elderly parents. I live so far away and can't afford to move and quit my business. They are independent now, but can afford care when they need it. I hear stories about kids visiting their parents often, but I couldn't be around my parents for too long, they're too enmeshing and I would revert back to dissociating and lose myself again.
And, yep, when I separated from my ex in my late 40s, my mom wanted me to call her every day. At that point I knew I couldn't emotionally handle that, so I chose to feel guilty talking to her only once a week. My mom still always tries to discourage me from doing things by saying things like..."are you sure you want to...", "have you considered...", "What about...".
I also always felt limited with my jobs in my 20s, because I was expected to be around for holidays and join them on vacations to visit extended family. Later I didn't search for a job in the field I graduated in, because my ex wanted me to be available to take camping trips with him to help him with his kids when we started dating.
Its hard to do anything atm bc im living at home as a university student. I’m trying to hang on but I want to leave so bad. The control and abuse has gotten to an all time high. It’s suffocating, it took me years to realize I was being brainwashed to think like her. It opened my eyes to alot and as an adult (22 young adult) i cant even go out, meet people, without being treated like a child and not as an adult that knows better and can do as she wants.
my mother would give me shit as a kid when i would get cough fits at night. she would yell " Are you done coughing?" as if i could control it. As sigma, my mother never fully had control of me. I gave her hell in my teens years being a metalhead in early 90's.
This is my situation perfectly! I’ve never heard it like this before. But I have recently stood up to my emotionally manipulative mother after 39 years and while I feel a lot better , I have this guilt and I also don’t feel great at the same time. But I want to live my life the way I want to. And not feel bad about it.
At 72….i finally kicked my 94 year old narcissistic mother to the curb….i stopped the daily calls….which were several times a day…she is vindictive and aggressive to me and is great at gaslighting. I’ve seen her uses these tactics on my 97 year old dad….its abusive!…it was the birthday gift i gave to myself….we all have a right to protect ourselves from abuse and guilting… she has made me physically sick my whole life…..i have more years behind me than in front of me and I’m so happy and proud of myself that i finally severely limited my contact with her. Not only am i protecting myself, but i feel like I’m punishing her for 72 years of abusive behavior and that alone gives me satisfaction…..as crazy as that may sound…
This is wild, everything she explained is exactly on point!!
I’m moving to Texas to get a way from my mom. I can’t stand her negativity anymore and I’m just need a fresh start. I love her it’s hard when she also cheated on my dad after 16 years of marriage just because her high school sweetheart hit her up. Do you blame me for feeling this way? I just can’t be in the same state as her
Plz not to get away from her negativity 🤣 i can imagine it must be that bad
@@acedaking6026 why you laughing?
That was eye opening!!! - Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️
My mom isn’t talking to me cause I didn’t go to church this Sunday (where they pastor) because I worked Saturday night till 4 AM.
Yes hunter dezerea
Bless you for doing these videos Natasha !
Wish this knowledge was out there for myself many moons ago .
So glad for others today that this awareness is out there and wonderful gems like you to help us
This is really well explained. Perfect. Thank you, Michelle.
Wow, I NEVER comment but I'm losing my mind, 38, living at home 🏡 still not by choice and desperate for help, I am beyond stuck, idk....I don't even leave my room some days....I tell her it is not healthy it is a bad situation I'm an infp I'm in recovery I have more than three years I live in Orange County I don't have transportation and I really don't have very many friends at all I've been to therapists my mom and I have horrible codependent relationship I really shouldn't be posting this but I'm just at the very end I'm hanging by a thread I have dual diagnosis I don't know what to do I welcome any help comments suggestions whatever
I was in your situation - and when I moved out - bc I’m still in town - she still guilts me or drives by my place or has my dad drive by. If I could do it again I’d move farther away and give only select contact info. I’d also put limits on contact.
zen meditation? study for a career? save money to move out?
Stop thinking like a victim and take charge of your own life. Remind yourself that you're on your own, no one is going to save you but yourself. Good luck. 👍
You need to get your money right then ESCAPE AND NEVER LOOK BACK. You must SEVER this leech that has done nothing but poison and deplete you. Healing your codependency is of course going to make all of this easier.
Look to see if you can house share with students . Usually very common and you will get alot of time to grow and self reflect away fro such a toxic environment and also a lot cheaper than an apartment.
My mom right now post videos about how I moved out of state that means to her I don't love her!!
The worst is when she starts to feel sick if I don't do or say etc ______whatever to her liking....omg....
My mother does that too. It sucks. Sorry to hear you have to go through that too.
It wasn't my mother and father, Michele, it was the narcissists parents who were impossible! Her father was a bully and her mother was a self absorbed narcissist! I wasn't only criticized and chastised verbally I was also demeaned by the way they gave me the "side eye" and smirk.... looking back it is amazing to see that their daughter did, has done, and continues to do the same!
Peter K NYK, I was in a similar situation w/ one , & when you said about that “ smirk, sided eye look, “wow! Those looks are so horrific! I saw this mom give that smirk & look towards others as well, & when I saw it, it seemed to always have a mean plan behind it to cause harm. Actually, not once had I ever hear her say anything positive about her two other adult kids, no one.she’s about 80 now, & I’ve never witnessed anything like it in my 58 years lifetime, ever! It was so shocking!! It still is, she’s done some really mean things towards others, & it makes her happy. I actually know of 3, that are these cruel people, & I also can say, they have been really good teachers of teaching me what to look out for, survival skills, & certainly appreciate beautiful good souls! Wishing you the best.
I have a narc mother and enabler father.. my wife has a very low BS threshhold and wears her emotions pretty openly. No surprise, my mother decided to make her the new family scapegoat. It's really frustrating, as my father is so thoroughly programmed as a flying monkey, that he has given her a lot of grief as well.. and the drama also encircles my narcissistic grandma (Mom's mom), who died June 2020. I had a weird dream before she died, and Dad decided to say my wife was "causing trouble". It was a rude awakening, for sure.
You don’t have to be a narcissist to learn traits and having no idea anything is wrong with it or having the power to change it. It’s generational, learnt behaviors. My daughter said to me once after years of self deep diving and healing, if you want us to forgive you, then don’t you think you should forgive your mom? I said I did, also her parents, my daughters looked shocked, because by this time they knew all the things that had been done to me and what I had been through. To acknowledge and forgive them from not knowing what we know now and setting it free is liberating. To this day I will still question my responses and reactions to things, to make sure it’s healthy and righteous. It’s getting less and less as I unlearn all the toxic traits that were taught me.
We can stop this generational toxicity.
My grandchildren are showing extremely minimal signs of my ancestors and we are addressing them. We were given the task to end this because we are strong enough to do it. That why you have become aware and are here.
@@mamashanshan2772 People asked me if your family is so bad why did you expose your children to them. I said they needed to learn there are people like this in the world and know how to deal with it, I used everything as a learning experience for them. They now see BS, manipulation and fake coming a mile off. I have learned that people like this look happy when they cause others pain because it’s like a release for them and why should others be happy if they’re not. I’ve gotten very good at not taking things personally. I still have my moments but are quicker to recognize it now.
@@lisalambert81865 I can't find forgiveness for all the horrible things that were done to me by these narcissistic people, YET! Maybe someday I will but for now I will try to learn more about the value in acceptance without judgement and understand the reality of and why what has happened. They will have to recognize what they have done and that's not my problem....
That's a superb tip at the end of the video that do to find out what beliefs are of matter here and do I agree to that? You are marvelous.
Thank you soooo much for this video🙏
How’s you feel at that time I’m curious
Thank you for a very helpful message. It is the case.
Bingo
.. bothy Parents were the picture of this described situation..
How do you erase 30 plus years of codependency?
Fortunately, I dumped my old hardware for guilt and that doesn't work and haven't worked for years now.
After my mom’s divorce, she was with her new bf and them and my brother and I were going out to eat. The bf was strict on manners and told me to chew with mouth closed. And the next bit i took my mom slapped me hard across the face. I ran to the bathroom and cried. It was the ultimate betrayal and I was so young. I still will never forget that and don’t know how a mother could do that especially in a public place in front of everyone
You are doing a wonderful job dear
My mother keeps using my grandmother to make me feel bad for not making plans during my weekends. When I tell her that I need space, I need to nurture myself and also take care of myself in order to not feel angry and trapped. When I try to set my boundaries they are guilt-tripping me, and playing on my kindness. When I tell them that I have plans to do nothing this weekend by myself in order to recuperate, she pushes plans on me. What do I do?
Say your busy
My sons mother says things like you don’t love me or sorry I’m not a fun mom but will also blame him for things, she blamed him for why her relationships fail. She also blames me for when he doesn’t behave like she wants. Nothing is her fault ever
When I was younger, I used to love drawing and colouring. Still kinda do. But once, my parents threw away my art works because they were getting dusty. It hurt me that I loved them and they decided to throw it away, giving a very "logical" reason. Since then, I didn't draw and paint for a long time
Maybe you can explain why I'm such a big hugger. Like sometimes I'll hug three or four times before leaving.
extremely accurate
My parents excuse everything by saying they watch my kids. They always guilt trip me. I have not talked to my mom since Monday. She is very controlling. I’m 32 years old.
Get your children away from those people, if they do it to you they will do it to them.. they will eventually turn your children against you… if you have a great friend ask for some help… better yet let the husband bring in the money until the children are old enough to tell you everything that is happening… so 10-13 years old.. then go back to work 😊
@@katadam2186hello. I just saw this comment. I recently cut my parents off. My mom played the victim in group therapy and talked about how she helped so much. The issue was she was very controlling. She or my father do not see my kids. I ended up finding out that they canceled their one on one session with the therapist too. I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now. I have a nanny and I’m a stay at home mom. My husband is an eye doctor. I couldn’t be happier that they are not in my life anymore.
10 years later my ex wife still tries to guilt trip me with our 2 kids. Has a very codependent, unhealthy relationship with our 10 year old son. Our 12 year old daughter is beginning to see her for who she really is.
someone help me if I move past my dads guilt tripping it never works bc he just takes whatever it is away. For eg if I wanna do smth and be guilt trips me, then I move past the guilt trip (which is already rare), he just gets REALLY mad and just shuts down everything I have
This is so absolutely true. Thank you!
This is an amazing video! Thank you so much!
Shew this is my babies mother's mom. Still can't get it out of my head seeing her hold my daughter and say she doesn't know what she will do when she doesn't have this baby here anymore ( we lived with them for a lil bit to save for a house) well her parents had the bright idea, let's split up and we can help with a house if mom can live with yall. I was so not on board with that. Bm and her mom went back n forth trying to convince me it wouldn't be that bad... well today.. baby momma, her mom, and her dad all live in "our" house. And all of a sudden we aren't a good match and I was made out to "not like her family" simply for trying to run my household as a man. Sorry but I'm the breas winner, my bm and I paid everything no way I'd stand by letting my household be ran by people who pay no bills. Needless to say that didn't work. I live on my own lol
It’s like why did she guilt trip me endlessly, I don’t understand what’s the point ? What’s the goal ?
I go threw similar things but I would like more on having a daughter that is a narcissist
Teach a child all the emotions and always reinforce positive actions and talk, let them know what unacceptable behavior and what is expected don’t do these when you’re emotional … buy a book on training solid emotional intelligence children and don’t lie and bs a child
“I gave you life!”
I hate to say it but right now I’m in a situation like this. It’s really hard to set even basic boundaries.
Thank you! love this =)
It takes the act of God coming into your life in order for some to wake up. God loves you and has your best interest.
My mother actually gave away my dogs to strangers absolutely without my consent coz she’s sick of me being unemployed for almost 4 years .
As a parent. If my toddler is biting or hitting me or my partner. I have no shame in telling him off.
No one is talking about a toddler’s actions, the parents are not praising ever, no positive reinforcement.. good job, love you, smiling, mirroring, mimicking toddlers mimic.. show and say all the emotions and ask what they feel.. get a book if you aren’t aware of how to train up solid emotional and physical children
Do you do personalized consultations?