Narcissistic Victim Syndrome| 20 Signs YOU Have This
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
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It's been a few years now and thought I had fully moved through but every once and awhile I get hit with emotional flashbacks and replaying some fantasy world based fully in cognitive dissonance and healthy doses of euphoric recall Seems to come around once a year or so.
I am sure all 23. I cried through your entire video.
God bless you, beautiful
The fog has to lift. I have a question. Does a flying monkey soon act like a narcissistic?
Your video hit me square beteen the eyes. I feel such relief being able to understand what has happened, but I can sense that there is more to do than feel this relief. I know that I have more work on myself to do. I have gone completely no-contact for the past 3 months, and it has been so good for me. I looked at the school of transformation link, and I cannot find any sign up page... the only place I can get to is the sign in page.
😢I identify with most of them. But I identify some of the narcissistic traits
When your parents (even one of them) are narcissistic or have narcissistic traits, it's impossible to function "normally" in the society, you don’t think like a healthy person, your main goal is- to survive. Because that's how children in toxic families think, survival is the most important, everything else is secondary. That's why you grow very conscious of your environment, you're exhausted, you watch everybody's reaction, you think about every detail of your life and interactions with people, because watching the every reaction of narcissist was the key to get through the day in your childhood and not to get hurt physically or mentally. So when you leave the toxic home you don’t know know what to do with yourself. Some people call it being an empath but I call it being traumatized. It takes the rest of your life to heal from that environment.
💯 relatable. It’s a very alienating experience. I remember a saying, something like.
When you have a good childhood. You use those memories on a bad day to heal.
when you had a traumatic one, you spend the rest of your life healing your childhood.
Oh my God you hit the nail on the head if I don't do that I swear SMH🙄😐
Wow - that's a perfect description, but I didn't fully understand the effects. I coped amazingly well when I look back on it. Until I didn't.
So sorry to hear, I can very much relate - so unfair and wicked
Such a family dynamic can be very similar to being in a Nazi concentration camp 🧐
All the best
💯🎯
Another symptom I find to be common is over explanation. You feel the need to always explain your actions and/or feelings to everyone.
😢❤😊
That’s me
yes!!
I have been left feeling sad and depressed every time I think about how bad these people treated me.
Remember….the way they treated u is their problem, not urs. U tried to show them how u want to be treated by being kind and forgiving….and that’s all u can do…their problem with u has nothing to do with u…but rather it being their projection of themselves onto u, their scapegoat. Just refuse to react and give them vagueness as a response and indifference….theyre the problem not u…learn who u are and work in healing u….away from them
@w8what575 That was really beautiful. How you explain that? Thank you made me feel better. It's not my fault. I did nothing wrong. I just fell in love with the man. I thought was amazing. My same values and morals. Of course, it wasn't true. Thank you again god bless you❤
It had nothing to do with you most likely. Took me a lot of years to realize that. Look at who you are as a person. Is it bad or is it good? You know your intentions and if they are good then what's really wrong with you? Nothing.
I am a 50-year-old who grew up in narcissistic home and I am here to tell you you can survive and you can overcome a lot of hurdles. The pain won't leave, but I have found peace. The peace comes from knowing it had nothing to do with me. Once I realize what was going on, I realize that there was something my mother was suffering with that she never dealt with. I worked for my mom for 20 years in hvac and I became journeyman lead installer for her. She eventually gave the business to my brother and secretary. My brother is an alcoholic who's never had his drivers license since teen anyway. My mom always catered to him and she gave him the business. He's trying to recruit me as I recently lost my job. He keeps telling me to help me. The real reason is because he needs help. He doesn't want me to know because I was very verbal about being hurt. He keeps telling me he put 30 years in and for some reason my 20 years isn't anything and he wants me to believe that. I brought up what happened and why I will not help him or why I will not accept his help whatever he wants to call it.. I was then called B word and reminded. I took a snapshot of that B word and let him know. This is exactly my problem and I will not go back to environment where it wasn't wanted in the first place. He was very upset and I told him. Yep, now you get to chew on those feelings for about three years before I come and ask you to help me now. He couldn't understand. I had to swallow the fact that everybody shafted me after 20 years of hard work for three years before he came and asked me for help which tells me that I am worthy in their eyes they just intentionally don't want you to know because then you have control. I wasn't worthy back then. It's all a game you see.
Just stop playing their game . I use the word" Unacceptable" quite a bit nowadays or " I'm only responsible for my intentions and I'm not responsible for how you interpret that." They really don't know how to respond when you say those things. That's letting them know that they're twisted mine is not affecting you. I've learned it works, but doesn't make it completely go away. You have to be OK with walking away and having them be mad at you or disapprove. They will always disapprove when you walk away. You got to learn to walk away with that chin up letting them know this game is over. Don't even talk to him after that don't listen to their excuses or the daggers that you're gonna eat. Shut the switch off walk away until they can behave. If you have to walk away permanently, so to save your own sanity.
You will not change anyone of them .❤
Me too. The damage that weak, pathetic man child inflicted on me is something I feel so ashamed of alongside the wreckage of my life.
I believe the hyper vigilance is what causes so many victims to have chronic health problems like arthritis and chronic fatigue
I believe it's the chronic heartbreak
I've definitely been feeling chronic fatigue
@@CosmicKindness
The Journey
by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do-
determined to save
the only life you could save.
I agree because I have both and I feel like I could recover and heal if I could live in peace without being attacked and controlled by others.
@@TeaRose9 Hi, I used to have arthritis symptoms all the time when I lived with my narcissist parents, I can remember lying on my bed feeling mu hands throbbing and body aches while they would be in the kitchen screaming at each other over stupid stuff.
Once you get away from all this things will get better. And even if you can't get away, having a different way at looking at it makes a big difference.
What worked for me was seeing a therapist. Once I got my story out and told someone what I had gone through, I could feel myself changing. And my arthritis symptoms disappeared. Holding in emotions of abuse, constant invalidation, gas-lighting and every other damn thing narcissists do to people is the most destructive thing a person can do to themselves.
Here's a poem I've always liked that is about the importance of putting yourself first. ( something narcissists don't want you to do)
It's called The Journey
by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do-
determined to save
the only life you could save.
1. Walking on eggshells.
2. hypervigilance
3. Live in fawn/trauma response
4. No boundaries
5. Uncomfortable
6. Gaslighting
7. Depression
8. Fight trauma response
9. Toxic shame
10. Personality changes
11. Confusion
12. Rumination
13. Lost sense of safety
14. Addiction
15. Amnesia
16. Negative beliefs
17. Physical pain
18. You don't recognize yourself
19. I miss me
20. Nervous disorders
Nervous disorders yess that's mee
Will I ever be normal again?
That's the question we ask ourselves after we realize what is going on.
I miss me! 😢 I used to have this passion for life!
Same. I want to escape and take my life back.
Very relatable, - your statement. I asked myself just yesterday, "where is the 'old'-me. The one that is so very opposite from the current me..."
❤🙏🏻❤
Can relate.
I know ! I was an artist ❤
Therapist: “you do realize you’re in an abusive relationship, right?”
Brain: *”after so much gas lighting, I had no self-trust.”*
I kept second guessing my thoughts that I was (clearly) in an abusive relationship with a narcopath. How could I not know?
I am struggling with self-doubt and guilt. I find it difficult to trust my own judgment and often feel like I am lying or manipulating others, even when I know that what I am saying is true. I believe this may be due to the negative things my adoptive parents said about my biological mother when I was younger. They frequently told me that she was a liar and a manipulator, and warned me not to be like her. As a result, I have internalized these beliefs and now struggle to trust myself. This makes it challenging for me to navigate my life and relationships.
@@melissamason2983 from all of the research I’ve been doing lately, I hope you find some comfort when I say this is EXTREMELY COMMON ♥️
I believe a toxic family system with narcissism caused my severe fibromyalgia at a very young age. To this day, they accuse me of faking my pain. I just went through an aggressive form of cancer. They called me a liar and ignored me.
They never change. But I have. And I'm enjoying a quiet life in Costa Rica. 🌺
You go young lady and you do what you're supposed to do. And eat more meat while you're at it it'll keep the fibromyalgia pain away from you. I was amazed when I went the carnivore away.
😢❤😊
@@terrilynnshoemaker5000 I'm a pesco-vegetarian, but I do eat a healthy high-protein diet. Even when I ate meat my FM was unbearable. I truly believe trauma caused it, at least partially.
Meat isn’t good
@@Kathy-qu8zj Very true! There are better ways to get your nutrients without the heart disease, cardiovascular issues, stroke, cancer, etc.
“I miss me” becomes more like “I have yet to meet me” for someone who was not allowed to develop a self. I grew up with a mother with narcissistic personality disorder with borderline traits, and a couple older brothers with narcisistic personality disorder. I was “the baby of the family” and seemed to be made a special project by them. I am trying to recall a moment that I can identify and say with certainty, that was me! So it’s maybe a little more frightening reality for me who experienced this in my formative years. But Michele, just by me listening to your videos, you are helping me greatly in my journey. After fifty and some odd years of confusion, pain, and self searching, I’m only just now starting understanding a lot of this. I can’t explain the profound depth of loss I am feeling. My identity was stolen away. I know there must be hope even for me. I’m not going to give up, that’s a promise I’ve made myself.
My older brother was highly narcissistic as well and I was the youngest so I get what you mean. They crush your spirit daily so by the time you are an adult you just don’t even know who you are.
Yes...we have to meet us... and after decades of having missed us this is a big deal... I thought I had made these understandings and steps, but actually everything concerning narcisstic abuse during my whole life comes out and needs really to be "seen, understood, accepted" to let it go forever ...
I wish you good luck, strength and hope... we will make it !🎉
Wow! I feel the exact same way. In 48 years I never got to develop or know who I am. My identity was robbed. Less than 30 days of no contact and now I can start healing. I actually feel selfish for trying and wanting to heal though.
I feel for you. This makes me worry about my grandson, who lives with his narcissistic mother.. my husband and I raised him from birth until 6 years old. She abused us, and her actions stressed out my husband, her father, so bad that it killed him. We couldn't get custody of him because she made sure we became homeless.
@@humbleheart1000Somebody said something that really resonated with me. We get sucked into over-empathizing with our abuser, and it leaves us under-empathizing with ourselves. Where we would give someone else encouragement to take time to care for themselves and heal, because we empathize with them, it's hard to give ourselves that same empathy and care because our self-empathy belongs to someone else. It's a challenge to unlearn that.
" the symptoms are like tracking animals ".
Yes it is. Demons leave their prints. Amazing how we all have the same symptoms .
Yes i think it's amazing and horrible that these demons in people's skin all behvae the same way to their victims and that the trauma presents almost the same in people who were abused by them. Its sad. The Narcissist is really like a demon in human skin.
Never ever blamed myself. Just always frustrated and trying to figure out why he acted the way he did. Never knew what to expect from one moment to the next.......total craziness. 🤪
This 🎯 👌
I actually think often a narcissist can regulate their emotions. They just have a strong sense of entitlement, and superiority and require that sense of dominance to be maintained. They also lack a lot of sympathetic empathy for other. They can understand how others feel to an extent, they just don’t care much.
They definitely can. Send them to psych ward. They become so regulated they get out in a day with rave reviews.
@@mandytattoos3685 Lol
Thats the whole thing, they CAN because they do in front of people. They CHOOSE not to which is what makes them what they are
Why is there so much attention paid to how to get these monsters back in your life after they leave?😂
They do not independently regulate their emotions. They manipulate people & situations to fuel their perception, which alters their emotions. That's not self regulation. If they believe it benefits them, they can control some behaviors, temporarily. They must have outlets. They explode eventually. Someone who can regulate their own emotions can learn, grow, and heal. That's not what the narc does.
Feeling unloved - that does something to you...but he would never admit that he is not capable of love...instead he pretends, and this hypocrisy makes a person so sick
I identify with all of the signs you mention. One annoying trait I have developed is being easily startled. For example: if someone walks into a room or even speaks unexpectedly , I will almost jump out of my skin. My heart rate will increase, and I will have to control my breathing. Sometimes, I will start to tremble. This is considered hilarious by some people, and they will deliberately jump out on me or shout boo to induce the reaction. I get why it's so funny to them, but it is inconvenient to me. Thanks for your insightful videos x
Omg I hate how much other folks laugh at it. Is it men? I’m a woman and it was always only guys who thought it was hilarious. It stopped when I was able to flip my freeze to fight. Once I went from facing to full on aggressive aggressive, they stopped playing games like that.
Oh you just described me. I guess I'm not alone anymore.
Ask the people who are delibetately startling you to stop. Its grossly unfair of them to cause you distress for theor own warped gratification - set a boundary.
@elizabethsimpson7464 I was listening for this symptom in the video. The heightened startle reflex started shortly after I moved in with my husband. Everything felt off. It was years before I associated it with PTSD. I would jump & yelp when another car came up on the passenger side (my side) as we drove on the highway. Another symptom was how disoriented I felt. Sometimes I needed to use GPS to find my way back to the interstate. I no longer recognized myself less than 2 years after getting married. Only someone who has lived it can truly understand. Hope that you are healing and giving yourself some grace❤
Startling is the worst; have spoken out loud & the sound of my own voice; startled me
narcissistic abuse is so bad!
After being abused I've come up with nothing else besides God is better than us all so the favor of God is what we should seek
God isn’t better than all of us . He is us , no one is coming to SAVE you . Only you can do that
God is within...
Yes, my life changed when I accepted Jesus Christ in my heart
❤🙏🏻❤
@@Chantol22That's what Satan told the first humans in the garden. You just fell for the oldest trick in the book. You're not a God.
This is so very accurate. I have pretty much every one of these symptoms. The walking on eggshells, the fawn response, the anxiety, the depression and freeze response, the chronic anger, hyper-vigilance, ruminating, stuck in the past, and the inability to set boundaries. I had a very narcissistic father and older brother and a dismissive avoidant / people pleasing mother. Who was both fawning and yet controlling and didn’t like me saying no to her (youngest & daughter) but would let my brother have free reign and make decisions. She’s in her 80s, I’m in my 50s and I still feel like a child around her. My father died and I almost cannot bear being anywhere near my brother who is still highly narcissistic.
We grow up thinking the symptoms are our ‘personality’ rather than cptsd. I ended up marrying a man with a similar energy to what I grew up with and have to add that living with someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style - which presents very similarly to narcissism - has the same effect. Basically you just never feel emotionally safe around them. The chronic stress of feeling emotionally unsafe takes a real and serious toll on your health. I’m in my 50s - and facing a potentially serious cancer diagnosis. I know it is likely due to chronic stress and coping behaviours for many years. It is not a minor problem. Stress raises cortisol and cortisol raises blood sugar levels - and that is one of the main things that causes inflammation that starts and also feeds cancer. So we need to take this seriously as it can actually have serious consequences for our health.
Saved by: 1)Faith,& it’s “Big Book”-The Bible.2)Also,learning old-😢 time Banjo ‘’clawhammer’’.Both brought healing Joy,& hearing God loves me.3)Alanon w/sponsors on 12-steps;& 4) private counselors.All 4 healed me enough to leave.
After 13 years of absolute torment, I’m finally finding my way back to freedom. We share a child, so it’s complicated. But he’s out of household now. Healing will take years. I will never fully be free of him and I worry for my Daughter. But I will navigate this the best I can and finally break the cycle of abuse and dysfunction.
Narcissistic damage, whether it's in a relationship or from people you encounter throughout your life, can crush your self esteem and keep you in a constant state of stress because you have to constantly guard yourself from being attacked mentally and emotionally. This also has an effect on your physical health. I think you may have certain characteristics or vulnerability that they are aware of, you then become their prey or target because they think they will get away with whatever they do to you. Naivety is one sign they look for. It' s like you have a bullseye on your back. You became their whipping boy, their patsy, the sap they can just dump on in any way they like. You don't matter to them. Not a priority in any way. A nobody that they can take pleasure in treating badly and condescending too.
If you are subjected to that for many years and by many people you are in danger of feeling that it's true, because you no longer have any self-confidence, you can lose hope as well as Faith. Emotionally isolating is what many likely choose for protection while they are trying to be resilient in an attempt to move on and keep going with their life.
God created us, and God don't make junk. You have worth, you matter, so don't let other people tear you down.
Yup!!!
I still get that feeling. He literally paces the floor around me, following me and looking for something to get at me with. In the mornings and nights are the worst. I get literally jitters and shakes before I go to work in the morning, it’s like being high strung and I drag my feet coming home after work because I never know what I am going to run into.
Make arrangements. Remove yourself.
Sitting in the driveway...after work not wanting to go inside. Trying to avoid the shit tsunami that I might encounter that will, of course, be "my fault."
You deserve love and respect, and to feel safe in your own home. I know it is not simple to get away, but I am rooting for you.
I learned that during that phase if you literally talk about the most boring stuff you can think of it confuses them and they get tired and move on to do something else. Kinda funny though. Smile it gets better.
The silent treatment while he was away and ignoring my calls or texts while away literally drove me to hysterics.
So you are throwing a tantrum for ignoring his boundaries? Sounds like you are a narcissist
My therapist gaslighted me. Sent me into a far darker place for a decade. Hearing Michele, I feel so sad for my younger self - if my therapist had just given me this information when I needed it most (I remember begging this therapist for support, while she acted bored and shamed me instead!), I would have found my way to a better place much sooner and not lost my younger years to the hell that followed! I am still glad, however, that later, I got the help I needed and now look foward to a far more tranquil middle age.:)
She might have been a narc herself or just incompetent.
My problem was not even be able to recognize a toxic therapist.
My own parents acted bored, shameful of me every second of a day. I grew numb to it, and just accept bad treatment as abuse was all I’ve known. It was my reality. So that led to more issues, no boundaries for myself. I would’ve returned to the same doctor, which I have before. I would mistake people taking advantage of me vs actual care.
I could not tell. My brain was so easily manipulated by anyone at that age.
It’s through no one able to help us , reject us when most vulnerable, that got to us helping ourselves. So I guess that’s the positive thing in it.
Im so sorry you went through this. That therapist should be reported, she sounds horrible and unfit to be in the mental health community. I hope things get better for you and that you meet a caring empathic therapist who is professional and that these videos help a great deal with your healing. No one should have to go through what you did. 💕
Sounds like most therapists are toxic. They just get off on thinking they are smarter than everyone else.
Many of these people (therapists etc) have never been taught anything about Narcissism either!
I don’t matter, I’m bad, there’s something wrong with me is always what I’ve felt. I developed allergies to gluten,animals, plants. My nervous system is still disrupted after 48 years of abuse from all NPD family and significant others. I am fighting an addiction to sugar & flour. I have PTSD and flashbacks. I’ve gained 170 pounds since I was 18. Thank you for sharing. I’m currently reading “It’s Not You” by Dr Ramani. I’m hating this healing process….facing the facts and all the pain. I do need therapy. ❤ Time to take my life back reminds me of the “Fight Song”.
Dr. Ramani, is very knowledgeable. But, she gives me anxiety. Her manner keeps you in high alert. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s true for me. I had found trauma had really caused damage and even removed or killed some of my brain functions. It’s a long process, which I’ve done with very little outside help. Lots of help from professionals online. The worst thing that ever happened to me, turned out to be the best thing…for the rest of my life! Much love
Eat mostly keto this will help you heal physically and study spirituality this will heal you mentally 💝
❤🩹❤🩹❤🩹
Good luck ❤look after yourself well
@@UrDominioNI agree about ms Ramani.. she gives me the Ick.. her personality reminds of my narc mother.. and she refuses to answer pointed questions and acts very disrespectful imo.
😢😮I went through a real shock anger rage alone in my home. OMG I replayed in my head the beginnings middle and end if our 15 month relationship. That man strung me along, overtly flirted in my presence until I felt small, confused and was dared not to question it. He told everyone I was the woman of his dreams IMMEDIATELY. Yet he was chumming supplies like a fishermen. I never been with a NARC. He was so charming, chivalrous and sweet for 5 months...then the mask starting slipping. After the ghosting I wrote everything down. Researched online. Now I'm tired of rolling like a pig in his filthy memories for two months. I'm coming back and by next month I'll be even better.
Your best tool against narcissists is the fact that they truly lack insight. You will eventually start hearing “blah blah blah, lack of this lack of that, blah blah blah”. (I know that this is what I just did, but hold on 😂).
Eventually, if you are strong enough to survive the torment without letting them figure you out, you will see that narcs will start doing things you like with the hope to harm you (just the change in tacticts). It will still not feel genuine as they are literally unaware toddlers wandering around looking for whom to follow or suck energy from. They have no connection with themselves or God, or whatever serves as a moral compass for sane people. I’m still very sorry for them, but also so angry and disgusted. Just with the state of our society in general.
Ya I slowly started recognizing the patterns and the fake niceness and learned not to react to the yelling and tantrums then adapt to the other tactics. The words Shut your Mouth !!! Will always be a trigger now . I'm as silent as a hunter at dawn break.
All of them! I’ve been away for 8 years now. I’m still not better. I have agoraphobia, an autoimmune disease, depression, panic disorder and the list goes on. I can’t find a therapist who knows anything about narcissistic abuse.
I have no family or friends who truly understand. I’ve asked for help with certain things and no one will. Having been the “helper” for all of my life this is hard to understand.
Start dealing with your inner childhood traumas. It'll reveal how you've became an Empath. Empaths attract narcissistic ppl
You're not alone I feel you I'm your mirror image I have the same identical stuff going on and I just stay to myself and hide and I don't want to be around anybody that way nobody can blame me about anything don't want to hear it and the less they know about me the better because narcissists have a way of using your information against you and twisting it all kinds of ways to suit their needs and to destroy you with your own information and even with the love that you have in your heart they try to destroy you with that too unbelievable SMH my problem was that I used all the negative energy they gave me to fight back physically emotionally and mentally legally you name it I thought back with everything I had in me to the point where exhausted me and I end up with all kinds of health issues but I'm bouncing back now but man I gave them hell and they know how to stay far away from me with the nonsense
This as dead on in every single point.thank you
The helper never gets helped, and we will never get treated the way that we treat everyone else. But maybe that's just my narcissistic abuse childhood talking
Same .
I suffer with gastritis and had a mild stroke last year.realy didn't know what i was going through.thought i was loosing mind .am still living it but i pray each day for sanity and strength.
YES!!! The original video you had years ago on this (the 20 symptoms) was what opened my eyes to what the hell I just got out of. This was 2 weeks after I left my abusive ex narc. Your video SAVED me. 😭😭😭😭November 18, 2018
I'm so grateful that you've posted this! ❤❤❤❤
Just wanted to say I love your handle! My starling buddies are wonderful, and brighten every day with their songs and antics. xo
He always asked me when I looked at him "why do your eyes dart back and forth" I had no idea.
It’s freaking bonkers how accurately you explain me! Thank you for validation and helping people heal.
Their anger never (not just often) makes sense. 🙄
Anger makes perfect sense. Nice didn't work for them. It prolongs the engagement.
@@captainjimolchs
It still doesn't make sense as it is not normal behaviour for sane people. 🙄
--Normal for you, as it was for me - until I discovered narcissism. They can smell it in us across a room. It is a way of making you responsible for the problem, of shifting blame. If their response agitates you, they win. Try something else.
--"Normal" people can discuss differences politely.
And neither you nor I can do anything to change that;
Never allowed to shine! If I was teaching a Sunday class, he’d have to leave. He could not stand to watch me ever do well.
And it also worked out so he had time to get together with the current supply
I did a fitness competition once and my narcissistic mother was screaming so loudly in the audience trying to put other people down and bring me up that it made everyone uncomfortable the judges were annoyed by it. It was very awkward for me. I also had a public speaking seminar once and she was in the front row making it about her she literally got up and turned around and said I’m her mother and then was bowing down😂
I was diagnosed with a whole autoimmune disease. Clear of NARC 3yrs but my body still was in fight/flight.
Same.
sigh. sorry sis😢 love you both❤
Raised by a mom who was a narcissist set me up to marry narcissistic men I am just now realizing and putting words to the things that I have gone through.I am so much stronger now but I'm still battling this narcissistic demonstrates in my current marriage. I now know what I'm dealing with it has brought sanity to me
Oh no, I am so sorry ❤
You are being slowly demolished. Knowing is the first step not the last that you should take. Much love
Wow how long did it take tounderstand that your mon was a narcissist and why did you marry the same
@@richardknezevic7371 I learned at the age of 75. I married my mom because that is what I knew. I foolishly expected that we could keep the highs and eliminate the lows. I passed on some good ones because steady and reliable was boring.
I am learning that if one parent choose to live or married a narcissistic person,
It means that it has begun with someone in the generation.
So that means the generation curse needs to be broken
My husband is a textbook narcissist and i experience all theses symptoms 24/7. I used to live to dogital scrapbook. He bought a one of a kind computer with 13 terabytes of storage space to store all my digital scrabook supplies. I would scrap early in the morning. It was a way for me to pray and reflect on my faith. After a few months, he would start arguments if i scrapped. He couldnt stand any of my attention going else. 7 years later im selling online as a part-time gig to supplement my full time job. And after helping me set up the business, he complains everytime i pay attention it. I am caring for my mom in my home, 4 dogs and we have a mini homestead. I do most of the house work and cooking. He hasnt worked in a year and a half and i dont expect him to ever work again. Ive let this psychotic drama go on too long.
Please Madam, leave as soon as you can! You deserve better 😢
No once did you mention understanding or even caring about he feels, 100 percent is only about you... so for sure only he could be the narcissistic.
I have always felt the walking on eggshells symptom from childhood whenever my father would lash out at my mother, then it became much worse when I married my second husband and he was extremely violent and abusive. I still always feel I’m walking on eggshells unless I’m alone.
I am sorry you are going through this I know how it feels.
Most therapists don’t understand this. Thank for making this content.
I realized something was really really wrong, when after graduating from my technical college with the highest award available and my associates as a mother of two, and being the first in my family to graduate highschool...I have never been so proud of me. We were out to dinner with my mom, stepdad and our kids and he never smiled, never congratulated me...there was no happiness or pride from my partner.
They are all jealous 4 year olds trapped in the bodies of adults. There was a podcast I listened to not long ago that featured a girl similar to yourself. She said she was onstage receiving an important award for he writing., and when she looked into the audience she saw her father ( who was an accomplished writer ) doing a crossword puzzle with his face pressed into a newspaper. ( there experts at knowing how to make people feel worthless and unimportant ) These narcissists don't give a damn nor understand about integrity, morals, values or just plain common decency to others. There all basically acting out there twisted childhoods on the people around them.
I went through many of these symptoms.. especially developing mini seizures and depression and anxiety and all you said..
I was with him in 31/2 years...and he was a covert narcissist...
Thank you for saying these things..
I'm not with him for 6 months now but I still suffer from being with him...
I'm in threapy and have been..
I went overseas for a week and got back and seen his true colors...
I needed this clip
Rejection is God's protection..😮😮
Another one that I, myself, as well as a couple of friends and family members who were in abusive relationships started to notice was the DRASTIC change in my physical appearance. I often reference the photos of Abraham Lincoln before and right after the civil war. He looks to have aged decades in only four years due to the stress he experienced. In my four year relationship with a narcissist, I went from having healthy skin and soft, thick hair, to looking as if I have aged 15 years . The skin on my face is splotchy, dry, and tired looking and my hair began falling out and turning into straw. I have a pretty healthy relationship with the changes that come with getting older (I’m 40) but to look at the before and now photos are shocking. I look like I have been through hell and back
OH MY GOODNESS!! Every single one of these hit home and I am so sad, but so grateful for this information.
The only thing I would add is if you grew up with a narcissistic parent you may not even know and as an adult another narcissist will be able to abuse you. Thank goodness I'm out and ready to heal.
What really sucks is, once you react with anger? They turn and look at you and call you a narcissist in a violent person. And after a while you start to believe them. That's Exactly what's the time when they step up their abuse.
But that's the thing, we have changed into a version of them in order to survive. No one keeps respecting their abusers other than to try and keep the peace, and that would entail any amount of lying or nurturing someone who doesn't deserve us to do anything for them and that grows into resentment.We lose ourselves and we even orchestrate other people, including our own children to do things including lie it need be for no other reason than not to poke the bear. The times we need support are the times they use to attack our identity and our character.
When you learn about the patterns it actually becomes easy to predict their behaviour as they are all truly the exact same as each other. It's like a secret school for narcissism is something they all attend. Gaslighting is one thing, but they set people up in order to frame them as crazy, violent, antagonistic....insert any bad behaviour and they have already done the smear campaign, recruited their flying monkeys and situated themselves as the victim and we find this out after the damage is done. It's hard to believe that you are hated by anyone, let alone the person you thought you loved.
When I would explode in anger and screaming. I was the crazy one. Looking for mental health helps at a young age. Was used against me in these circumstances and others too. 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks for the great video. I have one, I call it dashed expectations. Thinking I could have a nice afternoon with the husband painting our daughters room and remodeling to surprise her. It turned into a nightmare with him grilling me and gaslighting and accusing me of everything under the sun. I had to dry the tears and put on the happy face for my little girl when she got home. It’s so horrendous, they can take a perfectly happy time and destroy it. Keep the videos coming.
I have all these symptoms that you spoke about....don't forget about making you dependant on them financially
My mouth has dropped , this ticks every box for me .
egg shell terror, heightened vigilance of what's coming, the rage/outburst, anxiety panic attacks, appeasing them constantly, attacked, trauma, no boundaries, lost my way, gaslit, ruminating all the time at the confusion of it all, depression, stuck, just tick to all i think
I can't even imagine what it must feel like to just meet a narcissist and not be raised by one and have a sibling who is one.
I wonder what it must feel like to have one, single day of your life not dominated by someone who says they "love" you, but abuses you at the same time.
I wonder what it must feel like to have a "before" the narcissist.
Preach. I’m getting divorced to a narc and my druggie mother is one, along with my sister. But I didn’t know what a narcissist was or that my wife was the same. If I had learned what a narc was in high school I would have done things very differently, though I’m eternally grateful for my 3 kids 🫡🇺🇸🦅
Yes. I was the problem. I was not "trying" hard enough. It was my fault I got hit. My (mid 80s to mid 90s) grades weren't good enough. I had an attitude. Even not eating ALL the food and not eating fast enough. Do EVERYthing faster better more now. Nothing is ever good enough. There was no "before". The "after" was one hell of an eye opener.
I remember when I was 9 or 10 I found a photo of my mother when I was a baby when she was nice to me and I cried because I missed her so much and I didn't know her anymore...
Omg i feel this too... my dad was so much nicer to me when i was still in primary school. The day i entered secondary school he became so rude and cold i didnt understand and was in shock. At first i thought he was kidding or something.... and i asked him what happened with him and he blamed the stress of his mom passing away and me becoming an adult(er)... he was never the same again. At the age of 23 i cut him off. By the age of 27 i established total no contact. Life is so much calmer now it feels like a cultural shock.
And people who are even in it but don’t recognize it yet- can be really frustrating!
Rumination is one of my biggest things. It drives me nuts trying to understand as my Narcissist has a degree in Psychology. I stopped being me, felt shame in who I was
22:41 I did exactly what you described. I unburied all of the things from childhood and everything through my marriage. It overwhelmed me and my state of mind was not good. The anger, the pain, and resentment was unbearable. I had to forgive them for everything in order to start finding peace. The only one that I haven't fully forgiven is myself but I'm getting there.
It's amazing that it can be YEARS of confusion- suddenly the fog lifts! The more I study this the more I see! How much sense it all finially makes!
I know! Five decades here😢
There's lingering affects to what you go through.
I am beginning to see through the fog. 17 years now! It's like this video was made about me😢
I still have panic attacks around the time he used to come over even though we aren't even together and I could not figure out why. One time I even made him stay downstairs while I was in a panic attack but thought it was work related. It was him.
Been there done that I feel you
My youngest adult daughter is an evil narcissist. She stressed out my husband, her father, so bad that he started crying uncontrollably and asking what he did wrong, raising her, over and over, then he collapsed and took his last breath. He died of a broken heart. I blame her for his death. I went no contact with her. It's been 4 and a half years, and I have been destroyed beyond repair. Living a horrible nightmare. I struggle with the same thoughts. She plays the victim and has me as the bad person. All my family and friends have abandoned me, including our oldest daughter. I don't know what I did wrong raising her. It must have been my fault somehow. So, I am being punished to live a life of misery. So confused 😕 I know I am a good person. Everyone always came first before me. I was the one who went without, either it be food, clothes or whatever they needed.
Best wishes for you and your family
Evil exists. Just because it's in your family doesn't mean you caused it. Protect your life. Go No Contact. Put yourself first, because the devil only seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. Please don't blame yourself. Don't be the next victim of the demon in your daughter. Stay praying.
No contact.
@soja2634 Thank you.. it means alot to have someone who can understand and validate . I have been no contact with her for 4 years. But I do send my grandson little notes, letting him know how much I miss him. At first I knew he was getting them. Now I don't know. She's still in my head. I don't know how to get her out of there.
Wow this is how CPTSD looks like?
Also the explanation was so good... its funny how someone on the other side of the world knows EXACTLY how it feels... to a T. And not many videos are so precise.
The compass analogy was literally me. I quit my job w/o notice because my mind was spinning. My job was filled with narcissists & covert narcissists and it was hard to function although i made it look like I was normal through my calmness. After I quit, initially I suffered deep regret, shame, and guilt but now I don't cause being in a damaged psychological state puts you under a hypnotic spell. A spell caused by gaslighting. They won't get me like that again. Amazing video Michelle, you dissected everything that I felt but couldn't put into words. Thank you!
I’m so used to my dad telling me there’s something wrong with me that I can see it on his face whenever he’s about to bring up my “Inadequacy de jour”. He stares at me for a long time and I can see the glee in his eyes when he’s about to try to provoke me. Even my wife noticed, although he’s a lot more tame in front of other people and will only put me down in a joking way in front of others.
It's the glee in the face when they're provoking you it's sickening right 😢
@@spicydragonroll88-wd2jl yes! it’s a sickening glee. And it was noticeable to me long before I discovered narcissistic abuse recovery.
So true! I’m 48 and just realized in the last few months what’s wrong with me (it was my NPD family(grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, sibling, and significant others. Let the healing journey begin.
23/ out of 20 my god
One I thing I would mention is hyper sensitivity and reactive abuse.
All 20. You are talking about me. I'm a man of 55 and have recently gone no contact with my older druggy sister, who is a covert narcissist. We both had a malignant narcissist stepmother and co-dependent father. I found Jesus in a big way. I've been baptised and love living alone now, even though I have lived alone for seven years. 🎉
Rumination, constant apologies, stopping doing the things you love. Inability to make decisions.... you really do not recognise yourself. Thanks for the validation, it's a really helpful video. Thank you 🙏
The deeper and more resolute I grew into my authentic self over the years, it unexpectedly drew out - in high relief - the covert narcissistic behaviors of my wife.
8 years later and I'm still angry and tormented. Although I've always been "off" because both of my parents are highly narcissistic as well.
Ya, so easy to go no contact with the Beater, but Parents?? What if they are old, and You physically have to help them...greyrocking breaks Your heart, because You ARE,were empathic,warm hearted, kind, and barely can talk to them.
Just ask and listen their 24/7talk ,sucks out Your power.
You will not get a chance to say anything
This information was well presented.
I will say the appearance of some people does change when they're with a narcissist.
So this video makes it crystal clear that my mom is a narcissist because you are describing what I thought was my core identity for so long. So now what do I do? I already married another one and had kids with him and between the two of them they’ve isolated me to the point that I have no one and nothing. So now I get it and I’m ready to go with my kids. So now what? How do I figure out who I am if I’ve been fed a straight line of bs since birth? I’m getting pretty darn tired of wondering when I’ll be “healed” and finally free of all this mess. I can’t wait to never feel compelled to click on one of these videos ever again.
I've been stuck in a fight flight mood for at least four decades maybe a little over and my body has taken one hell of a beating I've had more surgeries and more situations happen to me than the average Joe and I'm simply exhausted and trying to heal is extremely difficult but very possible and although I'm working on it now steadily it's a lonely place to be
Wow! I thought I had done some healing on myself but this is profound. Narcissistic behavior is all over the place. It doesn't have to come from just one person who is abusive in my life. It's all over. I have had doctors and dentists gaslight me. Some people just actually gas light on and off in their personalities. It almost seems like an epidemic in some ways. I'd also like to hear about people's stories who do not deal with gaslighting.
Thank you so much
Just wow!! I’m so thankful to have just found your channel. I have never heard narcissistic abuse described so clearly. You’re saying everything I have been trying to describe to others and most people absolutely do not comprehend. This even explains so well the trauma symptoms that my two youngest children have from going through the narcissistic abuse right along with me from my husband (their father) . This explains everything that I have been trying to get across for years. Thank you so much.
Unfortunately, I can relate to most of these. The abuser left we're on our way to a divorce, but trusting myself is huge. I feel like my life is on hold. I'm unable to function normally anymore. I can't trust me.
Leaving Narcissistic social platforms a good start and side stepping their operating systems a must do.
wow so much great information. Amazing.
I saw a psychiatrist who asked very little about my childhood while getting my ADHD diagnosis and I thought I was fairly positive about my childhood (as I could be) , I saw “Emotional abuse” was on my visit summary 😬
This made me cry. Family and friends don't understand. I tried therapy but it was sterile, cold, and all that they wanted to do was push pills on me. I needed someone to talk to more than anything. The only place that I have found answers is with these types of videos. It just hurts that no one understands what is going on. I have, however, recently started going for walks again. Thank you very much for putting this video out. God bless you!
No one understands because we live in a world of naive people. Narcissist behavior is so in the wrong and devious and deceptive that it's often impossible to convince people. Just try to take comfort that these character disordered people are finally being exposed. As this information slowly gets out over the years I think therapists of th efuture will be batter prepared. Too many of them do everything by the DSM5 book and the big pharma drug companies were a part of all that.
I have them all and believe I now have CPSTD. Thankyou Michelle.
Wow, you explained alot of my internal experience especially why im so angry when i get back into the narcissist environment
Vulnerable Narcissist Dad, BPD/APD (diagnosed) Mom. You're hitting the nail on the head. Thanks for laying this out so clearly! I've done so much therapy and even 12 step work. But, I'm back, mid 40s learning more and doing a bit more family of origin work. I only recently began to understand BPD- and the reach within my family history. Breaks my heart that it's so little understood.
Boundries mean these people cant be in your life. Its hard to explain what its like to be in this situation, but shes doing it . Its so spot on .❤
you are a very beautiful woman: you should never, ever be in a NARC. relationship. I was too. My beautiful sister is in a terrible, terrible NARC. relationship! TERRIBLE!
I'm currently in a huge storm of all these symptoms to be honest I have felt suicidal and started drinking. As I comment I'm in such emotional grief and I'm a mother of five beautiful kids who I love and I feel so stuck four of my kids are his and we are married. I have been in this cycle for 13 years and I don't know how to leave o quit my job as a mental health substance use counselor. I also have a narcissistic mother who goes up with him to destroy my heart and spirit I'm hurt and my children become affected
This is so heartbreaking for you and your children, I hope you can find a great therapist and make a plan to save yourself and your children. Love and light to you.
Yes I experienced a malignant narc. This video is spot on!!! Now I can spot the red flags within 20 minutes of talking with someone. I now trust my gut 100%. A lot of self healing, self like, self love and no contact. At work, stick to work professionalism, and don't give them attention.
I have spent every day for the last 3 years trying to process and understand my narcissistic abuse and this video finally put the pieces together for me. Every single story shared was my experience and the explanations have made me feel so much more at ease. Thank you so much for sharing this and using your experience to help others. One of my biggest obstacles has been is trying to get my family to understand. They blame me and don’t understand how I let this person destroy my life. It’s impossible to know unless you have been in it. It’s even more impossible to explain it. This video helps tremendously and would love to see more examples of how to get others to understand if that’s even possible. ❤
Yay!! A Michele video!! And, of course, your topic is right in track with my healing stage. You are a godsend, woman!! Thank You❤
I went from a narcissistic home (my step a-hole”father) to a narcissistic relationship. This video hits so hard. And it took me YEARS to come to grips with the fact it wasn’t me. And even then, it took me talking to my therapist and asking that same question.
I identify with everyone of them!
Since many years ago!
Thank you so much for this.
Excellent information!
Amazing video so relatable.
This is so helpful! Thank you
It’s 3 am and I had a nightmare I was in a horrible earthquake, I hit the roof, floor split and I fell to my death with a blood curdling scream.
Now watching your video about the core of my issues. I identify with every one. My parents were both alcoholics, abusive af, and narcissistic.
I’m disabled now with horrible chronic pain, go figure:)
The anxiety before he gets home makes me feel real bad like I’m doing something wrong
Baby steps in the beginning is key! I felt like a whole house fell on my head in the beginning! You tube have been a real life saver for me! From the professional experts to the survivors!
I identify with every single symptom. You nailed it. After 30 years, I don't know how to develop a support system of friends, or find a knowledgable therapist. I feel permantenly stuck, and living life is so hard.
I have every single one of them. With added constant paranoia and intense fear because he's still stalking me and putting me through psychological warfare even though I left 4 years ago!!!!
Point on. Thank you for sharing this 🙏
You have no idea how much this helped me understand what is happening
So much of this resonates. Thank you for sharing!❤
Thanks for sharing! Even friends, employers are having these symptoms. It is an epidemic of narcissistic abuse.