How to Do Something That Should Be Easy (But...Is...Not)
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- Опубліковано 29 кві 2019
- Hard things are hard. Right. But why are "EASY" things so hard???
Check out Wall of Awful Part One here: • Why Is It So Hard to D...
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"The more you put something off, the bigger it feels."
Story of my life.
Tomorrow I start my exam week, and my first one is maths, my worst - or one of - subject. I can't bring myself to do the homework/revision because I always need help, but I know if I don't and my teacher checks it at the end of the day, he'll be disappointed in me. (I go to a regular school, but my math teacher used to teach at multiple selective schools and he can be really depricating with his remarks, not to mention that he teaches badly. I can't even bring myself to try revising for anything else even though I have the tabs open right now. I'm procrastinating passively, but I just feel like I can't bring myself to do it.
(Sorry if this is long, it's just a lot of feelings and stress. Thanks school!)
I was thinking though, isn't that something everybody has? Just wondering.
simple "I forgot to reply to a text message"-situations turned into "never contacting this person I used to like ever again" lmao
I love how “the thing” is such a universally understood concept in this community
This made me lol
In a lot of communities. ;)
I'm new here so what does it refer to?
prior to raising my awareness of adhd as it relates to my various autism spectrum modalities, i noticed friends of mine cheering each other on with "you can do the thing!" not yet knowing it's a friendly adhd dogwhistle... and i do like it. it's brief & it's understood.
Ohhhhh, of course. **slaps head** I'm not part of the community. No wonder I don't know :P
“We conflate emotions with time” WHOA. Mind blown.
Both directions- if it's something we want to do or are interested in, we're sure it will only take '5 minutes' and then an hour or so later...
@@MyHealthyHabits for me it's more like 5 hours later and then I'm exhausted for days lol
I had no idea I do this but I TOTALLY DO THIS. I recently timed myself unloading the dishwasher because I feel like it's such a monumental task, but really, it only takes FIVE MINUTES. Mind blown.
Sometimes we cause it to be an all-day problem. I used to leave the ironing so long, because I was convinced it took all day, that by the time I actually got around to it (once every few months), it actually DID take all day. In the end, my work-around was to stop buying clothes that required ironing. Saved my sanity.
@@jupiter1217 I can totally relate to this. I have a pile of worn-once clothes and they're usually in a basket, on the chair, or on the floor next to my bed. The logic in my brain is, "they're not dirty! I wore them once!" and so once they're considered dirty in my mind they go in the laundry basket, but until that time they're in laundry limbo. How I got past that was to stop folding shirts because I hate it and I bought a bunch of wooden hangers from ikea. All my shirts including Tshirts get hung on hangers and even if I put this off I can do it pretty quickly. For tank tops and bras and even underwear I bought a special hanger made for belts and it has like 10 hooks and I just hang everything on those hooks that don't really work with a normal hanger. It helps a lot but not perfect. I also got a small steamer from Amazon and once I found out how satisfying it was to use it (go watch pressure washing gifs to know what I'm talking about) I use it a lot more than I ever used my iron.
"Yeah, I'm not done until I've finished writing my book which means I can't have time for family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book."
I've backed out from so many family events and pulled away from quality time with my friends because of this mindset :( but when I actually had the time to work I STILL DIDNT GET ANYTHING DONE and just added more bricks to my wall of awful 😔
SAME. Just same, and society makes you feel like a bad person for it.
The only thing I'd add to this is that the "door in the wall" coping mechanisms tend to have a limited lifespan. They can be super useful, but the more you use a particular mechnism, the less "novel" it becomes, and the more you associate it with failure, since you still NEED it each time, so it's not actually helping. Eventually it just becomes another brick in the wall.
(I should add that i am learning about ADHD through this channel while avoiding my own wall of awful - calling the power company and plumbers 🙈🙈🙈)
I agree. That’s why I switch up what I NEED a depending on my mood.
Totally agree
I definitely got the feeling that it's a good "trick" but not the emotional solution. A magician won't repeat the same trick to the same audience. A lot of the other options in the video felt more like more emotionally and mentally stabilizing ways of doing things
I think realizing you need the doors is a method of forgiveness and acceptance that can keep you from it becoming a brick in the wall. I started going back to the gym because I accepted that I needed the novelty of a new pair of yoga pants.
The coffee shop closes, or......a pandemic happens and I have to write that paper isolated at home. 😭😢
I feel you, my special place to be productive is closed :/ I'm struggling so much with my work :(
THIS!!!
The struggle is real
this is a weird one i've heard and tried once or twice: sit in your (empty) bathtub with your laptop/tablet, and do the thing. it's a novel experience and gives you dopamine, so might give you that kick to get started.
@@cal4906 That’s a good idea. I did actually graduate this past spring. With COVID, the professors were a little more understanding and lenient. I love UCLA.
Hearing that ADHD brains have the "all or nothing" mentality was so nice to hear. I always feel like I have to have the motivation to finish my paper in one sitting which leads to me being too daunted to start it. Break it up and complete the chunks!
Realized I had ADHD when I was 51, am now 55 and just beginning to strive to understand it and work with it. It has devastated my life and I'm climbing a very tall mountain. Very happy to have found this channel. This video helped. Thank you.
Jay Yarbrough Music
Keep being your amazing self
You’re doing better than you expect
Fight on Sir!
Youre not alone!
You are not alone. Go on!
Did you become an alcoholic?
vololoo have a bit of decorum haha.
Awww the part about us needing non judgement and empathy made me teary eyed.
That bit made me better understand why getting my ADHD diagnosis has had such a profound impact on my life and productivity - this wall had me paralyzed for years but once I knew ADHD was causing a lot of my problems it took away some of the shame I felt for having trouble with some things and after I told the people close to me it took away some of the fear of their judgement or disappointment. This made my wall a lot more manageable an made me more productive and confident in my abilities (which in turn decreases the number of bricks added to my wall...)
Exactly the same reaction Susie. Definitely needed to hear that. :)
Me too. I find it really difficult to me kind to myself. Even worse, the meaner I am to myself the more irritable I find I am towards the people around me, when, like, it's not their fault either. Maybe I need to set up an automatic reminder that just says "be friends with yourself" lmao
@@Rosalie_Jansen I feel *exactly* the same!!
@@Rosalie_Jansenwhenever i have profound self realizations i always write them down but this really really spells it out for me. It explains why ive been subconsciously desperate to get diagnosed and actually hoping that this brain fog i have is adhd so i can stop feeling so much loathing and shame every day. Thank you for putting it into words
When you have to rewind the video because you got distracted by something else half way through. 😅
Me too lol
Stop attacking me like this
Watching youtube is like timing my attention span, even with engaging videos like this I checked out at about minute 4😅
standard
@@toobossforchuck indeed
As a kid I remember having this strange entity preventing me from doing tasks, in high school I named it "the Resistance" and had my own metaphor for it. Imagine a road that you have to cross. Easy right? Now imagine that road has hurricane force winds and debris flying down it. Not so simple now is it?
After all these years, it's amazing to know that it wasn't just me with this problem, and that there's answers. The winds of many of my roads have calmed down to, say, a category 1 hurricane instead of category 5. Thank you so much for making these videos, they are incredible.
"The Resistance". I think we would've been friends. Good metaphor, definitely resonates
"The Resistance". Sounds like a name of a Gumball episode.
But yeah it's a good way to describe the "wall"
5:15 filled my eyes with tears...
I remember how my father dealt my walls of awful with judgement and shame. Getting angry at my weaknesses...
This deeply hurted me for a long time... and still today, when I let the devil on my shoulder speak to myself in the way he used to.
Moving away and reconstructing myself with forgiveness for what i'm not is the best thing I could ever do.
It’s really hard when the abusive voices we grew up with become our own internal voice. It can feel impossible to overcome something you believe to the core of your being no matter how false it truly is
I just commented the same thing... for me, it's the internal voices and knowing that people are getting disappointed at me
I cried too. This part greatly related to me and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. Silencing these voice is going to take a lot of effort and self-compassion. It's not going to be easy... But we're gonna make it.
same.. i can't stop crying about this haha
I empathize with you❣We have to have grace with having grace.
The timing is perfect. I'm literally staring at my assignment right now
@@Justcallmegary thank you!! I'm gonna go on a short walk, then I'll write a list of all the things I want in my assignment.
Me too
am putting off paying the water bill (today's the last day). _WE CAN DO THE THINGS!_
same
rip. dats exactly wot i do
This is great, the "Wall of awful" is a great metaphore. It's actually the reason I ended up getting assessed. I had a project in school I had to do, that I felt I could have fun with, but I had this restriction that made it not fun for me, I couldn't do it. I made the decision I HAD to stay at school (College), and get it done. Because If I go home, I will just distrct myself until it's too late, and I tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow". But when I did, I found that I just sat there, not doing anything for over 3 hours. And wrote two sentences. I realized getting a sick to my stomach feeling at the thought of starting something before it was due the next day, was not normal. I would feel physically sick. And just couldn't do it unless it was fun for me. But if it was fun, I would go all out on it, work way harder than a project requires, because I enjoyed it. I brought up the idea of getting assessed to my instructor (has her master's in mental health, so I was asking her about it) and she laughed saying she feels I should, as she recognized many signs, but didn't feel it was right to "put the idea in your head". I now take medication, and its changed everything. I may not have been diagnosed until I was 25, and in college, but dang. And I happy I have help now
Hey, I really like your story! I'm trying to figure out whether or not trying meds is the right path for me, would you be willing to talk a bit about how things have changed in your life, and how they effect you?
@@k.zoinks7366 First, I will say that I am totally up for chatting, but I want to make sure you know this. Just because something worked for me, does not mean it will work for you. There is a possibility, and through my experience, maybe it could help you make a decision, but in the end, something that helps me, could directly hinder you. But as long as you know that, I am very willing to chat. Do you have an email, or something I can reach you at?
@@Angry-Romper Hey yeah, thank you! I absolutely understand that, and that's why I'm reaching out to folks instead of just shooting in the dark. If you have Discord, mine's ThatCoolCat#4641, if not, I'll find a way to get some communication that feels safe to post publicly.
@@k.zoinks7366 totally understandable. Friend Req Sent.
IWhammyLikeCrazy I’d do anything to be able to take my ADD medication everyday. It causes me to have really bad shortness of breath, so I only take it 2 days a week. But I’m only able to be productive those 2 days a week and it’s very disheartening.
"... I should finish the episode first." Lol, that was a perfectly played out classic ADHD moment. Nice one brain!
Yes!! I related so much to that and was in awe of the way she could finish the video with such focus! I was already ready to go watch her pay that ticket, haha!!
What about doing things that we actually love to do- such as reading, hobbies but we can't find the time to just sit down and do them? It's just sooooo much easier to do nothing, watch TV and do anything but the thing I actually enjoy doing. I'm aware of every moment passing and never seem to lose myself in what I'm doing.
Also what about being a student? Especially with nursing school, it is expected and even the norm to not sleep or take breaks. You are never really "done" with what you need to do because there is just more that could be done. How do we manage the expectation of a massive/challenging program with strategies that are aimed at our ADHD?
omg this... im a student. ive managed to plan what to do for my finals but i cant follow it its so suoer hard and its stressing me out.
I saw an adhd post one day, that said basically “it takes a lot of work to initiate a thing you like, and more a lot of work to take a break from the things you like” I relate to that. Just like everyone loves showering while you are at the shower, but now I’m here watching videos cause wash my hair is such an long process that needs a lot of my energy to get up and do it.
Thank you for bringing up the fact that it's even hard to do the things we love. I have never understood that about myself and thought it was utterly ridiculous. Glad to know it's a thing for others and not just me. It helps me give compassion to myself.
@@charitykennedy4020 I'm so glad you can relate! It's such a frustrating place to be in and it is often not talked about. ADHD is often portrayed as being able to focus a ton on what we love, when sometimes it's the inability to focus on literally anything.
I can relate sooo much with the first part, hmu when you found an explanation/solution x3
Your short hair loooks good on you!!
I was going to say the same thing! LOVE the hair! 🔥🔥🔥
Hey how to adhd plz have a look my comment that I have tryed a spiritual path 'Buddha teachings' and it help me a lot but not big changes rather small as it work plz have a look at this topic as buddha teaches the way to end suffering.this might sound religious but it is basic rules
"Yeah, I'm not done until I've finished writing my book which means I can't have time for family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book."
...
YES!! This is so me, combined with having a great oversight over a new project until I actually start it, and start to zoom in. I know exactly what I need to do from the top, yet when I start and actually do a small part of it, I lose all of that, and I'm pretty much flying blind!
The worst is when it's "I'm not done until I've finished writing my book, but I'm not actually writing, I'm just staring at the Wall of Awful being terrified, so I'm not allowed to do anything other than work or stare at the Wall"
I know this is a year later but I just wanted to add that I get this feeling because I know that if I DONT do it that way, I will get bored and go do something else, because I lack the ability and discipline to finish the task once it wears off. At least, that's what my broke brain tells itself.
@@SiraSpirit felt this deep in my soul
I’m a freelance web developer. I always procrastinate when starting a project, and once it is behind schedule it becomes the number 1 priority. I don’t allow myself to do anything that I enjoy until I get caught up, and so I spend days or even weeks feeling guilty and not getting anything done for the project or for myself. Thankfully I was diagnosed with ADHD last month (at age 70) and thanks in large part to these videos I’m finally seeing what I’ve been doing to myself. Now I just have to implement the suggestions. 🙄
This channel is seriously underrated. The information you provide is helpful for everybody, not just those with ADHD. Keep up the excellent work!
yeah i only have ADD and lots of other emotional stuff/overthinking/anxiety going on and i tend to build huge walls of awful with expectations and pressure that I put on myself... being able to name it, sure helps
I have CPTSD and that acts a lot like ADHD, so a lot of this info is brain & life saver.
This seems real right. My experience is that much of my wall[s] were built with self hatred. Which grew for 40 some years. It seemed beyond help. It wasnt. And learning to not hate me and everything I do, which looked impossible, has made the walls weaken. Maybe someone else could find out earlier and not get where I did. It was not a happy place. It was lonely to the extreme.
I got the notification while sitting in my car when I should be going out to the store, I feel personally attacked
Jk I feel ironically motivated. Thanks! lol
This was for me right? Writing... the wall...not being done until the entire book is written. How can someone so far away and so much younger know and understand the heart hurt I didn’t even know I had. Thank you
The FlyLady method changed how I do housework. Most of the days I don't have the time and/or the energy to clean my whole (messy) home. But I unsually have 10 or 20 minutes a day and that's what I do: Mondays I dust the whole home for 10 minutes, Tuesdays I vacuum for 10 minutes, Wednesdays I mop as needed for 10 minutes, Thursdays I wipe windows, mirrors, and shiny surfaces for 10 minutes, Fridays I do car, bags, purses and clutter for 10 minutes. Saturdays I do groceries and meal planning and Sundays I meal prep (for more that 10 minutes, okay). I do laundry every day as part of my morning and evening routine, I wipe clean the toilet, bathroom sink and bathtub almost daily, as needed, after use, and make sure the sink is clear and shiny every night before I go to bed. This system has helped me with my perfectionism tendencies and my paralysis. I jusst set a kitchen timer and go-go-go, get as much done for 10 minutes, sometimes 15 minutes, and then I'm done. What's not been cleaned will get cleaned next week and that's that. Then, if I have thw time and/or energy for the details, I might work for 10 to 20 extra minutes on a project that needs to get done (changing wardrobe along the seasons, plant some seasonal flowers, decorate for holidays, detail-clean the bathroom or kitchen, etc).
Not me sobbing because I feel so understood and am finally getting to the stage of my life where I have grace and forgiveness of myself instead of beating myself up for being “lazy”
I watched this and have a project (I’ve been putting it off since last Monday) homework (been putting it off since Saturday), laundry (that’s been put off for so long that I can’t even remember) and a shower (God, my hair is so gross) to accomplish.
Now I’m about to go and do my homework, shower, throw a load of laundry in, and do my project while it’s washing & drying. My walls are high still, but I’m trying to forgive myself because I’ve been feeling sick and not eating correctly. I’m going to do use Modo’s (which have helped me in the past) so I can have my time constrictions.
Your videos have helped me this past year and a half after I got diagnosed. Thank you so much. 💜
YESSS that's awesome!!!
My childhood and failed school career has always been a mystery to me, even though I knew I have ADHD. I was never told my emotions were a big part of it. Thank you so much for your content
I spent my whole life being told I was just a lazy POC, so I turned to drugs to get my kind right. It sorta worked but my life has fallen apart and I’m absolutely miserable. Your ADHD videos have gone a long way to helping me live a healthier life.
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I'm 24 and I've only just realised that I have undiagnosed ADHD. I'm at uni, but I've struggled so much the past few years, taking many years out of uni to retake exams and it's had a huge impact on my confidence and self-belief. I've watched people my age excel, graduate, get grad jobs, buy houses and get promotions, and I've been.. well just stuck. Your videos are so validating and educating, everything I go through daily is making so much sense now and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much for your work and thank you to everyone involved that makes these videos possible. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm in this exact spot right now. Everyone in my family is annoyed that I haven't written my thesis and graduated yet. I'm putting off getting a full time job because I won't have time and energy to write then, but also putting off therapy because it would consume my entire salary. Waiting for something to change so I can get unstuck and start working on my thesis. Only feeling better when I allow myself to not think about it (flight). I got diagnosed a few months ago, or actually diagnosed myself after years of taking anxiety meds without significant improvement and had that confirmed. I'm hoping I can get myself to start therapy and meds and start climbing this terrible wall I've built. I hope that you are in a better place now.
Afaik, I do not have ADD or ADHD, but I do have anxiety and PTSD. This set of videos has been immensely helpful to me (as in, I cried) for understanding why it seems like I just *can't* do things sometimes. Everything from replying back to a message, to paying bills and doing taxes, to organizing or cleaning has been getting increasingly hard and stressful and anxiety inducing and, well, awful. I didn't understand why or how to fix it. The first video gave me a starting point and I am so grateful! Thank you for your work.
Same here. Not diagnosed ADHD but have been told I have symptoms of chronic stress, anxiety, PTSD. Seems like that causes adhd-like struggles. These videos make so much sense.
Depression and anxiety often look like ADHD, too.
Can you maybe do a video about rejection sensitive dysphoria?
I'm currently experiencing it the worst for the 2nd time in my life. At least that's what it seems to be it and a video would be perfect to show friends why and how everything.
It would help a lot I guess for other people to understand.
I really love your videos. They're on point and really nice animated and good to follow through without getting too distracted :)
RSD?? Just looked it up.
HOLY MOLY!!
I have that when dealing with authority figures (probably caused by my parents - not the greatest) and always thought it was Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia or SAD) as I get triggered into a mindless zombie/manic talker when facing Police/Parents/Tribunals/Interviews/Boss/Strangers.
I'm a virtual recluse (unless I have no choice) as I get an irrational overwhelming fear when having to go outside and see people (or when they come to my house unexpected) that gets more extreme in situations with greater expectations/needs/importance placed upon them.
Thanks for the info on RSD.
Definitely need a vid on this - maybe with differentiation between it and SAD (if there is any).
Wish I could give this comment infinite likes and pin it to top!
Mucho Appreciado!! 🤝👏👏
I too suffer with this. It's the reason I haven't been able to get a good job. It's my wall of awful!
I'm adding my vote for an RSD episode.
Thank you!! Didn't know RSD was a term. I've been googling vague phrases to explain my experiences trying to find probably this exact thing.
adding my vote too for a rejection sensitive dysphoria episode!
What helps me is doing good things for people and expecting nothing in return. It feels good and it tell my brain that I made someone happy and if I can do that it makes everything a little easier.
I'm mentally hyperactive (which should tell you how long ago I was diagnosed) and I've never seen better advice than the Wall of Awful. Wish I'd found you years ago!!
Today I forgot to take my meds and only got to question 6 in about 2 hours. Out of 40... and every one else was done
Sub to me for no reason ! #relatable
I do that even on my meds. Then everyone else tells me I must not have actually been working :/
That is actually me so much
Relatable
Thank you for your videos and reminding me that it’s okay to struggle with ADHD, I actually got my oil changed today before it was 10,000 miles overdue and empty!
It can be really hard for non-ADHD folks to understand why we do the things we do. SO many of the points listed (emotion=time, all-or-nothing "doneness") rang true with me - wait, I'm not the only one who does this?? Maybe this will help family members understand a little more.
Thank you for this.
So good! In 62 years I've learned most of these "cheats" the hard way. What a difference it would have made if I'd had this bag of tricks early on
Thank you for your videos. Seriously, thank you.
I struggle so much with my ADD and to have someone explain all my inner turmoil, and offer advice on how to get through it just means so much. There’s so little adhd educational people like you, and it really touches my heart that you can consistently post adhd friendly videos on the subject matter.
I understand you have been going through a tough time, I just wanted to let you know you’re so appreciated by internet strangers ❤️ thank you ❤️
I adore this video, I don’t have ADHD (probably) but I have severe anxiety and this is incredibly relevant and useful for me too!!
I wonder if this would be considered a door or a strategy, but a long time ago I realized large but mundane tasks tend to leave me staring. At some point though I also realized adding an intentional distraction, just the right amount of side activity, keeps me focused. For example - when there's a ton of laundry to fold... I tend to just stare. If I put a plank across treadmill rails as a desk and turn on a virtual walk - I will happily fold for days. Those things are too dull to ever need 100% attention. If I let my mind wander altogether I find myself somewhere else soon. Those two activities are both low key - overlapping them leads to a huge productivity boost
Wow, this makes way more sense why college got harder versus high school. Needing transition time but having all of the classes spaced out makes it so that I have less time to work because more time is used to transition, and that keeps building the wall because I never get started or finished with papers.
I clicked on this so fast...
Although I'm not officially diagnosed with ADHD, I will still keep watching your videos because they are very helpful, I can relate to them, and most importantly I think I do have ADHD.
I went to a well-known psyciatrist in my town and he said that ADHD rarely found in adults, even in children older than 7. But I don't believe him because of this channel!
Daisy T I would seriously consider going to another doctor or psychiatrist. Sometimes professionals are bias with their own personal opinions. That is definitely not true! I’m a 30 year old adult who still struggles with adhd. Videos like this help develop tools to change bad habits developed because of our adhd.
You need a different dr that specializes in adhd. Your current dr is wrong... in fact, many adults get diagnosed right alongside their own children because there’s a genetic link.
You might have ADD, get diagnosed and don’t let anyone talk you out of your feelings, having Add or ADHD is so hard I can’t imagine why someone would fake that, some people just don’t understand.
Oh and by the way I did not get diagnosed until I was in my late 50’s I am 60 now, very challenging with all the other life changes women can go through get help and resources.
I was diagnosed at 24
5:20 "Forgiveness. And understanding"
And that's what hits right into the feels.
I'm an author, and I have pretty bad ADHD and Anxiety. I know I can't write a book in one day, but I still sometimes struggle with the whole "It's been X days and I haven't done anything!" mentality.
Right now, I use a word count as an artificial way of gauging when I can be 'done'. Typically 1000 words a day is my general goal, and if I hit that goal and feel like I can keep going, I do but don't feel bad if I want to stop at an odd word count afterwards.
This actually also did wonders for making sure my chapter lengths didn't vary massively like some of my early novels did. Anyways, wanted to share because what you were saying resonated with me.
The moment he said forgiveness is the best way to not create more walls...I started crying. Why is forgiveness so hard?
Because for some reason our brains see the negative stuff we tell ourselves as safer. There's this idea that if you tell yourself hurtful things, they won't hurt as much over time. Which isn't true, of course...
when he said Forgiveness, tears sprang to my eyes
This explains why questions about ETAs for homework stress me out (my answer is often 'I don't know,' but I don't feel I can give that as an answer), but my teacher replying "okay. Do what you can, and we'll touch base again next week" was a lot more reassuring.
This ties in really well with the emotional processing that Jody Moore talks about. Basically: Your thoughts determine your emotions, so this wall of awful emotions is built from negative thoughts about the experience. She encourages processing your emotions by figuring out the thoughts behind them and working on replacing the thoughts with better ones, gradually. You can't really go from "I can't do this" to "I love doing this" but like you guys said, adding hand holds, like "I can do some of this" or "I can do this today" that gradually help you develop better mental habits that lead to a better emotional state.
Thank you fore every thing you do. Your work is great. In germay its very hard to find videos or any other .... stuff ( i dont know the right word 😂 i am sorry ) about adhd/ add that doesnt sound so sientific that no one would ever read or watch it. I really enjoy your videos and the community you built up. I think you are a help for thousends of brains like me. Thank you. I hope what i wrote makes at least a little sense...😅
it did, thank you!!
Thank you for the heart and your comment 😁💐
bubble bubble Hallo. Ich lerne Deutsch für ein Jahre jetzt. Die Sprache ist spaß aber schwer manchmal.
@@medha6735 hi. Thats cool. I feel a little honored. Don't be scared even germans are not really able to use our grammar in the right kind of way. Do you need german at school?
0:50 "Maybe our balls are really big... and overwhelming" is what I heard at first lmao 🤣
5:15 and suddenly there are tears in my eyes ... "forgiveness and understading... what puts bricks in our walls is judgement"
How to 'put a door in the wall':
[1] motivating music
[2] setting a time limit
[3] novel experiences [eg, working at a different place, like a coffee shop]
[4] exercise
How to put handholds on the wall:
[1] develop time wisdom [the longer you put something off, the bigger it feels]
[2] set clear, attainable and maybe fewer goals; define 'done'
[3] allow time for transition between tasks
[4] reflecting on how things have gone, and why
Excellent information...thanks for posting!!
"We ADHD people conflate emotions and time" oof. Very very true.
Can you have someone come on and talk about the difficulty of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult woman? Or the difficulty of getting meds even after your diagnosed sometimes? Thank you for your time
Someone once asked me what advice I would give a friend who happened to be in the situation I was in. I told my friend what the advice would be. Then he said I should give myself the same advice I would give that friend. One of the best ways I've discovered to give myself forgiveness and compassion!
Isn't it funny how often some of us have really good advice to give to others, but rarely, if ever, do we think to give ourselves that same advice from a similar place of genuine helpfulness? We don't believe we deserve that level of kindness because of how often we have failed, because we see ourselves in a negative light, because the wall of awful ... This is why we need to practice self compassion and non-judgement, and as you say, talking to ourselves as we would a friend is a great way to do so (as is mindfulness).
This is why i dont mind driving. People think it bothers me but if its not crazy rush hour or if im not really late its calming to my brain
I had a wall of awful of "learning how to do stuff more effectively with adhd". Thank you for making this video so approachable. I was able to complete the video and learn something powerful today about my adhd. It makes so much sense now and summarized exactly how I feel.
Learning how to do stuff more effectively with ADHD is my rabbit hole!
OMG this! This! So much This! God I wish there were better words but... just... thank you!
This video is life changing. I’ve been struggling with this for a really long time, or at least it feels like it. Every thing felt wrong about doing the thing and I’ve built myself some pretty big walls, not from adhd but the consequences of severe depression that wouldn’t let me do anything. Now I will start climbing. And get some progress done in my room!
I just realized that... I've always dealt with my wall of awful with the third option, which is probably why with years and years of doing that, I've been more and more irritable and sad. In a way, I've been torturing my mind since I was barely a teenager, and I've been an emotional clusterf*ck since because of it.
Thank you, for showing me an healthier to deal with my problems.
One strategy I like for climbing some of my walls of awful is enclothed cognition. Basically, I try to have "fun" clothes and "work" clothes. If I have to do work, I put on my "work" clothes, or, if I just got off work and am still in my uniform, I don't take off the uniform until the chores I have to do at home are done. It's a little harder when I have a long commute, but overall it works for me.
I have autism, not ADHD, but this is very helpful.
I have both and I feel like this is also interesting from an autism standpoint - for me the wall is a big cause of meltdowns which leaves me stuck in solution 2 - trying to get around the wall but never being able to, making the situation worse and worse as time goes on. I feel like neurotypical people or people with just ADHD (who maybe don't get as overwhelmed as someone on the spectrum might) can 'Hulk smash' relatively safely (still unhealthy though). For me the Hulk Smash solution basically always leads to a meltdown, removes hours of my day and drains my energy, but has sometimes led to me being able to be productive afterward (but I lose so much in order to be able to do so...).
So I think for someone with autism it's even more vital to create doors or ways to climb the wall. For me a door is someone helping me to get started, sitting with me to show me the steps. The example given in this video of working in a café is often too overwhelming and adjusting to those new surroundings is too intense, and although that change of scenery is helpful in theory, having it be too 'new' will only drain my energy. So on days that I'm able to 'executive function' at all, I tend to go to the exact same table at the library or one spot in one familiar café where the lighting/glare and sound levels/echo are just right.
And getting diagnosed with ADHD and ASD had been profoundly helpful when it comes to not judging myself as much and having less shame for my difficulties, so the number of bricks added to my wall has slowed down dramatically after those diagnoses..
I know no one asked for my life story but I suppose I just felt like blabbing a whole bunch so there ya go, I guess.
@@Rosalie_Jansen this was actually very insightful, thanks! For me it definitely feels like I can't smash through the wall, though that might be the depression. My coach really helped me this week with cleaning my room basically by helping me sort my thoughts, it's so strange how it feels like I can't do it and then someone is there to help me and I just want to talk to them and ask A Lot of questions, not really even help. The thing about working in cafés hits me too, people present it as this relaxing experience but it seems like Stress to me lol
You made me actually lol with your, "I should finish the episode first", comment. Seems you always make me smile. I wish I could always do the same for you.
aw, you just did :D thank you!!
Well now I’m crying at the thought of needing to have compassion and forgiveness for myself. Needed to hear that today.
Love it. Climbing that wall can be the worst.
Some of my biggest problems is once I'm emotionally ready to climb it the timing is wrong. Like "ok I'm ready to clean that mess, do laundry and dishes..... oh wait, it's going on midnight. People are sleeping and I'll wake them." 🤦♀️ Next morning, afternoon, and evening.... can't get started.... at least until someone has no clean clothes or dishes lol.
Btw. Loving the haircut.
Thank you so much for doing this effort in general. I mean the entire channel. After touring phsichologist's offices throughout my entire life, I was resigned to just hate myself. Thank you for investigating, sharing, and caring.
Good tips! I already cut my lawn into 4 parts (mentally) and institute a 15min break between each part... it really helps to get a 4-hour task done 👍
Also I put on some (bangingly-loud) Heavy Metal music to do chores to (like dishes) so I have the get-up-and-go to do it 👍
Another trick is to give yourself "windows" in your day to look at a task you are going to do tomorrow.
When you get to tomorrow you've often thought of new ways to do the task that you didn't have in mind the day before.
These are extra handholds to help you accomplish the task and climb that wall without facing the task suddenly and without reflection on what you need to do - so it isn't so insurmountable.
It helps to have a night's sleep and you'll find lots of inspiration pops into your mind.
Loving the Channel and your info. 💗
This makes me feel heard! Just got diagnosed and checked out this channel, and for the first time I feel like “ahhhhh yes, this explains it. I’m not broken or lazy”
I literally started crying when he talked about forgiveness. You guys are gold nuggets.
I've only very recently realized I'm an ADHD brain. Never has something made so much sense. I'll strive for a proper diagnosis before starting college (...again) next year. Your channel has helped me accept it and learn the way my brain works! I'm thankful!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I struggle with this insanly much. So thank you so much for making this
I m not diagnosed but i have always related to every ADHD Symptom i have heared of and now i m sittig in my bed crying because finally somone understands what i m going through.
Because every time i tell my sister or my mom why i sill have not done the dishes or started doing my homework they reply with: "you are wierd", "you are so lazy" or "you can't ever help me with the household".
Thank you for spredding awareness
This made me cry when he said forgiveness..its so hard to not punish myself for where I have failed.
so happy to see the pop up on my feed, been experiencing some difficult times coping with ADHD at work. ill try to apply this. i need to. thank you.
Been waiting for this one for a while! Watching intently!
I was not disappointed! Great work! And it's given me a lot to think about.
Thank you!
aw thanks for watching!!
when you asked if there's a way to prevent adding more bricks to the wall and he simply said forgiveness.. that felt so powerful i teared up. thank you for this.
Ok I know this video came out 3 years ago but I'm only just finding this channel and this video now. I actually burst into tears at the end of it, completely out of the blue, and I didn't even feel it coming until it just...hit. I have had so many walls of awful and so much guilt around them and I didn't know why, I just felt so bad that everyone else could do the things and I just couldn't. It feels like I'm actually grieving the time spent hulk-smashing myself into submission. This was three years ago, so you're not going to see this, but thank you so much for this; I can finally start to heal from years of emotional self-abuse over something that wasn't even my fault.
Wow. I am 61 and I’m just beginning to understand behaviours I’ve had my whole life. I couldn’t even make a phone call to book a hair appointment, it would cause me such anxiety. And now, as a teacher, getting started doing report cards is a HUGE struggle, even after teaching for many years. Thank you for the insight.
Same. I'm almost 59 and just figuring these things out. Just hearing the phrase "Wall of Awful" blew my mind because it is such a perfect description for that feeling.
I’ve never been this early before!! I was so excited to get your notification :) I hope you’re doing well fellow brain 💗🧠
Hearing you say “hello brains” in your intro makes me feel a little less alone
awww! I'm doing okay I think, thanks for checking in!
How to ADHD oh yay I’m so glad! thank you for responding, you and your channel mean the world to me 💗
You’re NOT alone...
I totally just ugly cried this one hit me so hard.
I had a bad day today. Didn't get anything done that I needed to get done. Felt awful for it. Now I'm sitting here crying because of this video. Forgiving myself. Trying not to think of how different my life would have been if anyone would have understood these things about me or if I would have understood them for myself. Thank you for these videos.
Great timing! The animation was entertaining and helpful.
Yay.. must add some doors today 💛
I like to think of it like bad feelings are the wall and the good feelings are the latter
That sudden change of tone at 05:15 was very impactful. It hit me like a wall.
Thank you thank you! We’re getting ready to put our house on the market, and there are SO MANY THINGS. So naturally I’ve been doing nothing at all. The paralysis is real. This couldn’t have come at a better time. ❤️
Thanks for all your great videos. This is best channel for adhd.
This is super helpful with how I look at cleaning, and it explains why when I get a sudden burst of motivation to clean but it ends up back in the same place before I cleaned my apartment.
im crying ive never felt so seen and heard. like there's a light at the ends of this tunnel well at least on the other side of the wall of awful. thank you. thank you. thank you
Thanks for this video, this ADHD brain of mine is really greatful to put some names to strategies or even find new strategies to work with!!
Little did I know this is exactly what I've been doing over the last few months! I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. I still struggle every day, but it's also been a little bit easier every day.
So true!!! I feel like my ADHD that I had been masking throughout my life (but not really masking, just getting yelled at and chastised and teased for being lazy, time blind, late, forgetful, leaving things behind everywhere I went, being distracted, not finishing my tasks but finishing others' tasks instead, etc... I could go on and on)...I got the label of being "fickle, unfocused, a chatter box" in school as a female with ADHD. Not to mention that female ADHD barely had any attention when I was in elementary school and high school. I am so thankful for this resource. I am 26 years old and just now claiming my life back, learning to flourish despite ADHD and also use it as my superpower in certain areas. I am going to do great in life and I will continue to affirm this to myself as I work through my challenges. I am so thankful to this channel for making me feel like that is possible and to so many other amazing resources for providing this information freely, so compassionately and with a lot of credibility. Love and respect always!
I am watching this at 1am and just remembered I got a parking ticket two days ago. Two years later and still helping folks, thanks.
Such a helpful video. Somehow "wall of awful" concept does help and I'm trying to feel less guilty about not getting started. Glad you're back, Jessica! Hope you're ok and thanks for putting out these videos. Helps so much...💜😘
And guilt is a brick in the wall! You don't have to feel guilty, it will be okay.
Thanks so much for your videos! Diagnosed with ADHD at 37 was one heck of an emotional experience. You've helped so much with the processing and interpretation of everything I've been going through. The comments are nice to read as well but seriously, thank you! Please keep these going!
Same here, recently diagnosed at age 34. Such a relief to know why I do things the way I do. However, my support network's not so great, I thought I'd tell people and they'd understand my mistakes but they just don't think it's a real illness or they think that I'm using it as an excuse for my laziness. Luckily my husband does understand, and is very supportive. How's your experience been?
@@Sam-jh3xh the ones who are accepting I keep around. My wife is supportive and tries to understand she's really awesome! Outside of that, people tend to go one way ir another and not too many seem to start in that middle area. I stopped caring as much though. I'm learning to embrace it. I had other things diagnosed as well around the same time and things with anxiety and depression have gotten much better as well! Life is good and I can enjoy it much more positively now!
When I was in Japan and severely depressed, I was horrible about doing my dishes regularly [among other chores!]. One day I thought, "I have to at least wash 5 things, and that'll be my goal for the night/week/whatever" and, yes, I knew I was tricking myself: Once the five things were washed, the water was hot and I was already up so I just did the rest. Now, while I don't set that goal anymore, dishes aren't really a struggle for me since I live with someone that does most of the cooking, so we barter the responsibilities: "If I wash the dishes, it's easier for him to cook dinner for us."
It's been a struggle getting over the wall of awful for my creative hobbies, though. "Nobody likes what I create, anyway," is a huge wall to climb over, and I can't seem to find any stable handholds.
honestly, this video made me cry. the relatableness of my ADHD to that is so powerful. thank you so much.
THIS! This makes me feel so much better! I thought I was broken and just incapable of doing things. I've never understood why EVERYTHING seems like a monstrous task, but this helped me realize that its not the task that is making me feel this way, but rather my wall of awful. This perspective has just changed my life! Thank you so much for your amazing content
Man, you are adorably cute! it's a good thing you put an animation in this video because a lot of the time when I watch you I can't think about what your saying because I'm too focused on your essence. Something that has helped me too to climb that wall is notice my stories about it and create a recording of a story I want to be telling myself and listen to it each morning.
oh, cool idea! Thanks for sharing!
I have personally found for when I'm climbing my wall and stuck sitting on the couch in anxiety, it helps me to find another, smaller less scary reason I need to stand up and move. I.e. go to the bathroom, get a cup of water, bring my dish back to the kitchen, take a shower. And then once I'm up and moving, it's much easier to use that momentum in order to start the actual task I've been dreading. Then once I start it I have that moment of realization that I've been escalating my emotions in it and it really isn't that bad. I've had Dr's reject to even try to diagnose me because it's "over-diagnosed these days" when I've had several people in my life who are diagnosed or lived with someone diagnosed that recognize that patterns in my life. So finding this channel has been a gift to learn more about something that I believe genuinely makes my life very hard but professionals refuse to help me with. For now I can learn habits and tricks to improve my life