Tomorrow I start my exam week, and my first one is maths, my worst - or one of - subject. I can't bring myself to do the homework/revision because I always need help, but I know if I don't and my teacher checks it at the end of the day, he'll be disappointed in me. (I go to a regular school, but my math teacher used to teach at multiple selective schools and he can be really depricating with his remarks, not to mention that he teaches badly. I can't even bring myself to try revising for anything else even though I have the tabs open right now. I'm procrastinating passively, but I just feel like I can't bring myself to do it. (Sorry if this is long, it's just a lot of feelings and stress. Thanks school!)
I had no idea I do this but I TOTALLY DO THIS. I recently timed myself unloading the dishwasher because I feel like it's such a monumental task, but really, it only takes FIVE MINUTES. Mind blown.
Sometimes we cause it to be an all-day problem. I used to leave the ironing so long, because I was convinced it took all day, that by the time I actually got around to it (once every few months), it actually DID take all day. In the end, my work-around was to stop buying clothes that required ironing. Saved my sanity.
@@jupiter1217 I can totally relate to this. I have a pile of worn-once clothes and they're usually in a basket, on the chair, or on the floor next to my bed. The logic in my brain is, "they're not dirty! I wore them once!" and so once they're considered dirty in my mind they go in the laundry basket, but until that time they're in laundry limbo. How I got past that was to stop folding shirts because I hate it and I bought a bunch of wooden hangers from ikea. All my shirts including Tshirts get hung on hangers and even if I put this off I can do it pretty quickly. For tank tops and bras and even underwear I bought a special hanger made for belts and it has like 10 hooks and I just hang everything on those hooks that don't really work with a normal hanger. It helps a lot but not perfect. I also got a small steamer from Amazon and once I found out how satisfying it was to use it (go watch pressure washing gifs to know what I'm talking about) I use it a lot more than I ever used my iron.
The only thing I'd add to this is that the "door in the wall" coping mechanisms tend to have a limited lifespan. They can be super useful, but the more you use a particular mechnism, the less "novel" it becomes, and the more you associate it with failure, since you still NEED it each time, so it's not actually helping. Eventually it just becomes another brick in the wall.
I definitely got the feeling that it's a good "trick" but not the emotional solution. A magician won't repeat the same trick to the same audience. A lot of the other options in the video felt more like more emotionally and mentally stabilizing ways of doing things
I think realizing you need the doors is a method of forgiveness and acceptance that can keep you from it becoming a brick in the wall. I started going back to the gym because I accepted that I needed the novelty of a new pair of yoga pants.
That bit made me better understand why getting my ADHD diagnosis has had such a profound impact on my life and productivity - this wall had me paralyzed for years but once I knew ADHD was causing a lot of my problems it took away some of the shame I felt for having trouble with some things and after I told the people close to me it took away some of the fear of their judgement or disappointment. This made my wall a lot more manageable an made me more productive and confident in my abilities (which in turn decreases the number of bricks added to my wall...)
Me too. I find it really difficult to me kind to myself. Even worse, the meaner I am to myself the more irritable I find I am towards the people around me, when, like, it's not their fault either. Maybe I need to set up an automatic reminder that just says "be friends with yourself" lmao
@@Rosalie_Jansenwhenever i have profound self realizations i always write them down but this really really spells it out for me. It explains why ive been subconsciously desperate to get diagnosed and actually hoping that this brain fog i have is adhd so i can stop feeling so much loathing and shame every day. Thank you for putting it into words
"Yeah, I'm not done until I've finished writing my book which means I can't have time for family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book." I've backed out from so many family events and pulled away from quality time with my friends because of this mindset :( but when I actually had the time to work I STILL DIDNT GET ANYTHING DONE and just added more bricks to my wall of awful 😔
I felt this in my soul. I do not allow myself a minute of quality time, working out, playing, relaxing, going out with my wife, because that time I could spend on doing more work that I am already behind. And then I am not even that productive, adding bricks like you say... I don't think I have ADHD, but these videos and comments start to change my mind a bit..
Hearing that ADHD brains have the "all or nothing" mentality was so nice to hear. I always feel like I have to have the motivation to finish my paper in one sitting which leads to me being too daunted to start it. Break it up and complete the chunks!
Realized I had ADHD when I was 51, am now 55 and just beginning to strive to understand it and work with it. It has devastated my life and I'm climbing a very tall mountain. Very happy to have found this channel. This video helped. Thank you.
This is great, the "Wall of awful" is a great metaphore. It's actually the reason I ended up getting assessed. I had a project in school I had to do, that I felt I could have fun with, but I had this restriction that made it not fun for me, I couldn't do it. I made the decision I HAD to stay at school (College), and get it done. Because If I go home, I will just distrct myself until it's too late, and I tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow". But when I did, I found that I just sat there, not doing anything for over 3 hours. And wrote two sentences. I realized getting a sick to my stomach feeling at the thought of starting something before it was due the next day, was not normal. I would feel physically sick. And just couldn't do it unless it was fun for me. But if it was fun, I would go all out on it, work way harder than a project requires, because I enjoyed it. I brought up the idea of getting assessed to my instructor (has her master's in mental health, so I was asking her about it) and she laughed saying she feels I should, as she recognized many signs, but didn't feel it was right to "put the idea in your head". I now take medication, and its changed everything. I may not have been diagnosed until I was 25, and in college, but dang. And I happy I have help now
Hey, I really like your story! I'm trying to figure out whether or not trying meds is the right path for me, would you be willing to talk a bit about how things have changed in your life, and how they effect you?
@@k.zoinks7366 First, I will say that I am totally up for chatting, but I want to make sure you know this. Just because something worked for me, does not mean it will work for you. There is a possibility, and through my experience, maybe it could help you make a decision, but in the end, something that helps me, could directly hinder you. But as long as you know that, I am very willing to chat. Do you have an email, or something I can reach you at?
@@Angry-Romper Hey yeah, thank you! I absolutely understand that, and that's why I'm reaching out to folks instead of just shooting in the dark. If you have Discord, mine's ThatCoolCat#4641, if not, I'll find a way to get some communication that feels safe to post publicly.
IWhammyLikeCrazy I’d do anything to be able to take my ADD medication everyday. It causes me to have really bad shortness of breath, so I only take it 2 days a week. But I’m only able to be productive those 2 days a week and it’s very disheartening.
this is a weird one i've heard and tried once or twice: sit in your (empty) bathtub with your laptop/tablet, and do the thing. it's a novel experience and gives you dopamine, so might give you that kick to get started.
@@cal4906 That’s a good idea. I did actually graduate this past spring. With COVID, the professors were a little more understanding and lenient. I love UCLA.
prior to raising my awareness of adhd as it relates to my various autism spectrum modalities, i noticed friends of mine cheering each other on with "you can do the thing!" not yet knowing it's a friendly adhd dogwhistle... and i do like it. it's brief & it's understood.
As a kid I remember having this strange entity preventing me from doing tasks, in high school I named it "the Resistance" and had my own metaphor for it. Imagine a road that you have to cross. Easy right? Now imagine that road has hurricane force winds and debris flying down it. Not so simple now is it? After all these years, it's amazing to know that it wasn't just me with this problem, and that there's answers. The winds of many of my roads have calmed down to, say, a category 1 hurricane instead of category 5. Thank you so much for making these videos, they are incredible.
5:15 filled my eyes with tears... I remember how my father dealt my walls of awful with judgement and shame. Getting angry at my weaknesses... This deeply hurted me for a long time... and still today, when I let the devil on my shoulder speak to myself in the way he used to. Moving away and reconstructing myself with forgiveness for what i'm not is the best thing I could ever do.
It’s really hard when the abusive voices we grew up with become our own internal voice. It can feel impossible to overcome something you believe to the core of your being no matter how false it truly is
I cried too. This part greatly related to me and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. Silencing these voice is going to take a lot of effort and self-compassion. It's not going to be easy... But we're gonna make it.
Hey how to adhd plz have a look my comment that I have tryed a spiritual path 'Buddha teachings' and it help me a lot but not big changes rather small as it work plz have a look at this topic as buddha teaches the way to end suffering.this might sound religious but it is basic rules
- change emotional state with music - allocate a time slot for the task - exercise - novel places - develop a time wisdom - clear goal - check after done - think about it before you actually do it. - take15-20 mins transition through the tasks - reflection - 45 minutes for each day for the wall of awful - forgiveness and understanding; not to add more bricks to the wall of awful
"Yeah, I'm not done until I've finished writing my book which means I can't have time for family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book." ... YES!! This is so me, combined with having a great oversight over a new project until I actually start it, and start to zoom in. I know exactly what I need to do from the top, yet when I start and actually do a small part of it, I lose all of that, and I'm pretty much flying blind!
The worst is when it's "I'm not done until I've finished writing my book, but I'm not actually writing, I'm just staring at the Wall of Awful being terrified, so I'm not allowed to do anything other than work or stare at the Wall"
I know this is a year later but I just wanted to add that I get this feeling because I know that if I DONT do it that way, I will get bored and go do something else, because I lack the ability and discipline to finish the task once it wears off. At least, that's what my broke brain tells itself.
I’m a freelance web developer. I always procrastinate when starting a project, and once it is behind schedule it becomes the number 1 priority. I don’t allow myself to do anything that I enjoy until I get caught up, and so I spend days or even weeks feeling guilty and not getting anything done for the project or for myself. Thankfully I was diagnosed with ADHD last month (at age 70) and thanks in large part to these videos I’m finally seeing what I’ve been doing to myself. Now I just have to implement the suggestions. 🙄
yeah i only have ADD and lots of other emotional stuff/overthinking/anxiety going on and i tend to build huge walls of awful with expectations and pressure that I put on myself... being able to name it, sure helps
Yes!! I related so much to that and was in awe of the way she could finish the video with such focus! I was already ready to go watch her pay that ticket, haha!!
This seems real right. My experience is that much of my wall[s] were built with self hatred. Which grew for 40 some years. It seemed beyond help. It wasnt. And learning to not hate me and everything I do, which looked impossible, has made the walls weaken. Maybe someone else could find out earlier and not get where I did. It was not a happy place. It was lonely to the extreme.
What about doing things that we actually love to do- such as reading, hobbies but we can't find the time to just sit down and do them? It's just sooooo much easier to do nothing, watch TV and do anything but the thing I actually enjoy doing. I'm aware of every moment passing and never seem to lose myself in what I'm doing. Also what about being a student? Especially with nursing school, it is expected and even the norm to not sleep or take breaks. You are never really "done" with what you need to do because there is just more that could be done. How do we manage the expectation of a massive/challenging program with strategies that are aimed at our ADHD?
I saw an adhd post one day, that said basically “it takes a lot of work to initiate a thing you like, and more a lot of work to take a break from the things you like” I relate to that. Just like everyone loves showering while you are at the shower, but now I’m here watching videos cause wash my hair is such an long process that needs a lot of my energy to get up and do it.
Thank you for bringing up the fact that it's even hard to do the things we love. I have never understood that about myself and thought it was utterly ridiculous. Glad to know it's a thing for others and not just me. It helps me give compassion to myself.
@@charitykennedy4020 I'm so glad you can relate! It's such a frustrating place to be in and it is often not talked about. ADHD is often portrayed as being able to focus a ton on what we love, when sometimes it's the inability to focus on literally anything.
My childhood and failed school career has always been a mystery to me, even though I knew I have ADHD. I was never told my emotions were a big part of it. Thank you so much for your content
I watched this and have a project (I’ve been putting it off since last Monday) homework (been putting it off since Saturday), laundry (that’s been put off for so long that I can’t even remember) and a shower (God, my hair is so gross) to accomplish. Now I’m about to go and do my homework, shower, throw a load of laundry in, and do my project while it’s washing & drying. My walls are high still, but I’m trying to forgive myself because I’ve been feeling sick and not eating correctly. I’m going to do use Modo’s (which have helped me in the past) so I can have my time constrictions. Your videos have helped me this past year and a half after I got diagnosed. Thank you so much. 💜
How to 'put a door in the wall': [1] motivating music [2] setting a time limit [3] novel experiences [eg, working at a different place, like a coffee shop] [4] exercise How to put handholds on the wall: [1] develop time wisdom [the longer you put something off, the bigger it feels] [2] set clear, attainable and maybe fewer goals; define 'done' [3] allow time for transition between tasks [4] reflecting on how things have gone, and why Excellent information...thanks for posting!!
This was for me right? Writing... the wall...not being done until the entire book is written. How can someone so far away and so much younger know and understand the heart hurt I didn’t even know I had. Thank you
I'm mentally hyperactive (which should tell you how long ago I was diagnosed) and I've never seen better advice than the Wall of Awful. Wish I'd found you years ago!!
Afaik, I do not have ADD or ADHD, but I do have anxiety and PTSD. This set of videos has been immensely helpful to me (as in, I cried) for understanding why it seems like I just *can't* do things sometimes. Everything from replying back to a message, to paying bills and doing taxes, to organizing or cleaning has been getting increasingly hard and stressful and anxiety inducing and, well, awful. I didn't understand why or how to fix it. The first video gave me a starting point and I am so grateful! Thank you for your work.
Same here. Not diagnosed ADHD but have been told I have symptoms of chronic stress, anxiety, PTSD. Seems like that causes adhd-like struggles. These videos make so much sense.
The FlyLady method changed how I do housework. Most of the days I don't have the time and/or the energy to clean my whole (messy) home. But I unsually have 10 or 20 minutes a day and that's what I do: Mondays I dust the whole home for 10 minutes, Tuesdays I vacuum for 10 minutes, Wednesdays I mop as needed for 10 minutes, Thursdays I wipe windows, mirrors, and shiny surfaces for 10 minutes, Fridays I do car, bags, purses and clutter for 10 minutes. Saturdays I do groceries and meal planning and Sundays I meal prep (for more that 10 minutes, okay). I do laundry every day as part of my morning and evening routine, I wipe clean the toilet, bathroom sink and bathtub almost daily, as needed, after use, and make sure the sink is clear and shiny every night before I go to bed. This system has helped me with my perfectionism tendencies and my paralysis. I jusst set a kitchen timer and go-go-go, get as much done for 10 minutes, sometimes 15 minutes, and then I'm done. What's not been cleaned will get cleaned next week and that's that. Then, if I have thw time and/or energy for the details, I might work for 10 to 20 extra minutes on a project that needs to get done (changing wardrobe along the seasons, plant some seasonal flowers, decorate for holidays, detail-clean the bathroom or kitchen, etc).
Thank you for your videos. Seriously, thank you. I struggle so much with my ADD and to have someone explain all my inner turmoil, and offer advice on how to get through it just means so much. There’s so little adhd educational people like you, and it really touches my heart that you can consistently post adhd friendly videos on the subject matter. I understand you have been going through a tough time, I just wanted to let you know you’re so appreciated by internet strangers ❤️ thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I'm 24 and I've only just realised that I have undiagnosed ADHD. I'm at uni, but I've struggled so much the past few years, taking many years out of uni to retake exams and it's had a huge impact on my confidence and self-belief. I've watched people my age excel, graduate, get grad jobs, buy houses and get promotions, and I've been.. well just stuck. Your videos are so validating and educating, everything I go through daily is making so much sense now and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much for your work and thank you to everyone involved that makes these videos possible. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm in this exact spot right now. Everyone in my family is annoyed that I haven't written my thesis and graduated yet. I'm putting off getting a full time job because I won't have time and energy to write then, but also putting off therapy because it would consume my entire salary. Waiting for something to change so I can get unstuck and start working on my thesis. Only feeling better when I allow myself to not think about it (flight). I got diagnosed a few months ago, or actually diagnosed myself after years of taking anxiety meds without significant improvement and had that confirmed. I'm hoping I can get myself to start therapy and meds and start climbing this terrible wall I've built. I hope that you are in a better place now.
This video is life changing. I’ve been struggling with this for a really long time, or at least it feels like it. Every thing felt wrong about doing the thing and I’ve built myself some pretty big walls, not from adhd but the consequences of severe depression that wouldn’t let me do anything. Now I will start climbing. And get some progress done in my room!
Someone once asked me what advice I would give a friend who happened to be in the situation I was in. I told my friend what the advice would be. Then he said I should give myself the same advice I would give that friend. One of the best ways I've discovered to give myself forgiveness and compassion!
Isn't it funny how often some of us have really good advice to give to others, but rarely, if ever, do we think to give ourselves that same advice from a similar place of genuine helpfulness? We don't believe we deserve that level of kindness because of how often we have failed, because we see ourselves in a negative light, because the wall of awful ... This is why we need to practice self compassion and non-judgement, and as you say, talking to ourselves as we would a friend is a great way to do so (as is mindfulness).
I spent my whole life being told I was just a lazy POC, so I turned to drugs to get my kind right. It sorta worked but my life has fallen apart and I’m absolutely miserable. Your ADHD videos have gone a long way to helping me live a healthier life.
I'm an author, and I have pretty bad ADHD and Anxiety. I know I can't write a book in one day, but I still sometimes struggle with the whole "It's been X days and I haven't done anything!" mentality. Right now, I use a word count as an artificial way of gauging when I can be 'done'. Typically 1000 words a day is my general goal, and if I hit that goal and feel like I can keep going, I do but don't feel bad if I want to stop at an odd word count afterwards. This actually also did wonders for making sure my chapter lengths didn't vary massively like some of my early novels did. Anyways, wanted to share because what you were saying resonated with me.
I got the notification while sitting in my car when I should be going out to the store, I feel personally attacked Jk I feel ironically motivated. Thanks! lol
Good tips! I already cut my lawn into 4 parts (mentally) and institute a 15min break between each part... it really helps to get a 4-hour task done 👍 Also I put on some (bangingly-loud) Heavy Metal music to do chores to (like dishes) so I have the get-up-and-go to do it 👍 Another trick is to give yourself "windows" in your day to look at a task you are going to do tomorrow. When you get to tomorrow you've often thought of new ways to do the task that you didn't have in mind the day before. These are extra handholds to help you accomplish the task and climb that wall without facing the task suddenly and without reflection on what you need to do - so it isn't so insurmountable. It helps to have a night's sleep and you'll find lots of inspiration pops into your mind. Loving the Channel and your info. 💗
Not me sobbing because I feel so understood and am finally getting to the stage of my life where I have grace and forgiveness of myself instead of beating myself up for being “lazy”
Thank you so much for doing this effort in general. I mean the entire channel. After touring phsichologist's offices throughout my entire life, I was resigned to just hate myself. Thank you for investigating, sharing, and caring.
Thank you for your videos and reminding me that it’s okay to struggle with ADHD, I actually got my oil changed today before it was 10,000 miles overdue and empty!
Such a helpful video. Somehow "wall of awful" concept does help and I'm trying to feel less guilty about not getting started. Glad you're back, Jessica! Hope you're ok and thanks for putting out these videos. Helps so much...💜😘
Thank you fore every thing you do. Your work is great. In germay its very hard to find videos or any other .... stuff ( i dont know the right word 😂 i am sorry ) about adhd/ add that doesnt sound so sientific that no one would ever read or watch it. I really enjoy your videos and the community you built up. I think you are a help for thousends of brains like me. Thank you. I hope what i wrote makes at least a little sense...😅
@@medha6735 hi. Thats cool. I feel a little honored. Don't be scared even germans are not really able to use our grammar in the right kind of way. Do you need german at school?
This ties in really well with the emotional processing that Jody Moore talks about. Basically: Your thoughts determine your emotions, so this wall of awful emotions is built from negative thoughts about the experience. She encourages processing your emotions by figuring out the thoughts behind them and working on replacing the thoughts with better ones, gradually. You can't really go from "I can't do this" to "I love doing this" but like you guys said, adding hand holds, like "I can do some of this" or "I can do this today" that gradually help you develop better mental habits that lead to a better emotional state.
Although I'm not officially diagnosed with ADHD, I will still keep watching your videos because they are very helpful, I can relate to them, and most importantly I think I do have ADHD. I went to a well-known psyciatrist in my town and he said that ADHD rarely found in adults, even in children older than 7. But I don't believe him because of this channel!
Daisy T I would seriously consider going to another doctor or psychiatrist. Sometimes professionals are bias with their own personal opinions. That is definitely not true! I’m a 30 year old adult who still struggles with adhd. Videos like this help develop tools to change bad habits developed because of our adhd.
You need a different dr that specializes in adhd. Your current dr is wrong... in fact, many adults get diagnosed right alongside their own children because there’s a genetic link.
You might have ADD, get diagnosed and don’t let anyone talk you out of your feelings, having Add or ADHD is so hard I can’t imagine why someone would fake that, some people just don’t understand.
Oh and by the way I did not get diagnosed until I was in my late 50’s I am 60 now, very challenging with all the other life changes women can go through get help and resources.
So true!!! I feel like my ADHD that I had been masking throughout my life (but not really masking, just getting yelled at and chastised and teased for being lazy, time blind, late, forgetful, leaving things behind everywhere I went, being distracted, not finishing my tasks but finishing others' tasks instead, etc... I could go on and on)...I got the label of being "fickle, unfocused, a chatter box" in school as a female with ADHD. Not to mention that female ADHD barely had any attention when I was in elementary school and high school. I am so thankful for this resource. I am 26 years old and just now claiming my life back, learning to flourish despite ADHD and also use it as my superpower in certain areas. I am going to do great in life and I will continue to affirm this to myself as I work through my challenges. I am so thankful to this channel for making me feel like that is possible and to so many other amazing resources for providing this information freely, so compassionately and with a lot of credibility. Love and respect always!
It can be really hard for non-ADHD folks to understand why we do the things we do. SO many of the points listed (emotion=time, all-or-nothing "doneness") rang true with me - wait, I'm not the only one who does this?? Maybe this will help family members understand a little more. Thank you for this.
It's amazing how putting a deadline on things that don't normally have deadlines has helped me. It doesn't fix everything, but it does short-circuit a lot of my tangents and hang-ups. First, I had to learn to develop my inner observer/inner sensible voice. This is the part of me that always seems to know what's right or wrong. If I find myself stuck on something and it's about to make me late, or wasting my time, I will start a countdown. I often become determined to make it to x by the end of the countdown. I know I want to find my gloves, but instead of getting frustrated at myself for spending so much time on it, I allow it, but only for 20, 19, 18... If I reach 0, whatever isn't done doesn't get done. It's easier to let it go. This doesn't fix everything, but it helps enormously, and ads an element of fun challenge. Strangely, it sharpens my focus and makes a lot of extraneous detail fall by the wayside.
I've only very recently realized I'm an ADHD brain. Never has something made so much sense. I'll strive for a proper diagnosis before starting college (...again) next year. Your channel has helped me accept it and learn the way my brain works! I'm thankful!
THIS! This makes me feel so much better! I thought I was broken and just incapable of doing things. I've never understood why EVERYTHING seems like a monstrous task, but this helped me realize that its not the task that is making me feel this way, but rather my wall of awful. This perspective has just changed my life! Thank you so much for your amazing content
Thank you so much for this and the previous episode! I’ve been struggling with completing a wave of late assignments and final projects these past few weeks and learning about the wall of awful has really helped me feel a little better about how hard it has been for me to complete even the smaller assignments and to some of my shame and self-hatred about all of it to rest. Plus, they have been great at helping me gear up my wits about me and get started with the next assignment. Right now I only have two more things to get done before it’s all finally over and I get to finally rest. Wish me luck.
What helps me is doing good things for people and expecting nothing in return. It feels good and it tell my brain that I made someone happy and if I can do that it makes everything a little easier.
On one hand I now realize why I stopped watching these videos. Cause they almost always make me cry (I don't often hear people discussing me or ADHD with such kindness and compassion). But also, it's a good thing. They're very validating and helpful and now that I have a better relationship with my emotions I realize that crying can be cathartic.
The older I get, the more I learn about myself and think that I might have ADD. Finding these videos is like a light bulb moment, understanding myself better and learning how to work through my walls. I just finished my final grad school paper, but I procrastinated so much on it because I looked at it as one huge project I needed to finish all at once and it overwhelmed me so I just put it off so much until I finally couldn't put it off anymore. Music definitely was a door in my wall and I punched a few holes. Even big projects I enjoy or that are easy, I put off because I view it as this big thing. I need to remember these strategies to help me be more efficient in my life. Thanks!!
Boa tarde! Tudo bem? Meu nome é Rafael moro no interior de São Paulo - Brasil e desde muito pequeno sofria com TDAH e nenhum médico na época conseguiu diagnosticar. Por isso como muitos, sofri com aprendizado na escola, até hoje nunca fiz uma faculdade e muitos problemas por conseguir me manter em um trabalho. Mas há um ano atrás passei com um psquiatra e com uma psicóloga e foi diagnosticado o TDAH, fui medicado e começei a me sentir melhor, mas nessa semana tive uma forte crise e quase desisti de algumas coisas que pra mim são muito importantes. E no meu pior dia descobri o canal de vocês aqui no UA-cam e eu quero de coração agradecer a vocês por se esforçarem a nos alimentar com conteúdos tão bons e instrumentos tão maravilhosos. Oro pra que Deus continue abençoando muito a vida de vocês e espero um dia poder conhecer o país de vocês e se puder dar um abraço em vocês. Mais uma vez, muito obrigado!!!
Thanks so much for your videos! Diagnosed with ADHD at 37 was one heck of an emotional experience. You've helped so much with the processing and interpretation of everything I've been going through. The comments are nice to read as well but seriously, thank you! Please keep these going!
Same here, recently diagnosed at age 34. Such a relief to know why I do things the way I do. However, my support network's not so great, I thought I'd tell people and they'd understand my mistakes but they just don't think it's a real illness or they think that I'm using it as an excuse for my laziness. Luckily my husband does understand, and is very supportive. How's your experience been?
@@Sam-jh3xh the ones who are accepting I keep around. My wife is supportive and tries to understand she's really awesome! Outside of that, people tend to go one way ir another and not too many seem to start in that middle area. I stopped caring as much though. I'm learning to embrace it. I had other things diagnosed as well around the same time and things with anxiety and depression have gotten much better as well! Life is good and I can enjoy it much more positively now!
I totally get e door situation, I used to go to Starbucks during the day to do my class work, B.A. in Psychology through an online program, it was my classroom, a separate space from my home where I could have other people around and get work done, and then COVID happened and my coffee classroom is no longer an option.
Ok I know this video came out 3 years ago but I'm only just finding this channel and this video now. I actually burst into tears at the end of it, completely out of the blue, and I didn't even feel it coming until it just...hit. I have had so many walls of awful and so much guilt around them and I didn't know why, I just felt so bad that everyone else could do the things and I just couldn't. It feels like I'm actually grieving the time spent hulk-smashing myself into submission. This was three years ago, so you're not going to see this, but thank you so much for this; I can finally start to heal from years of emotional self-abuse over something that wasn't even my fault.
Love it. Climbing that wall can be the worst. Some of my biggest problems is once I'm emotionally ready to climb it the timing is wrong. Like "ok I'm ready to clean that mess, do laundry and dishes..... oh wait, it's going on midnight. People are sleeping and I'll wake them." 🤦♀️ Next morning, afternoon, and evening.... can't get started.... at least until someone has no clean clothes or dishes lol. Btw. Loving the haircut.
Wow. I am 61 and I’m just beginning to understand behaviours I’ve had my whole life. I couldn’t even make a phone call to book a hair appointment, it would cause me such anxiety. And now, as a teacher, getting started doing report cards is a HUGE struggle, even after teaching for many years. Thank you for the insight.
Same. I'm almost 59 and just figuring these things out. Just hearing the phrase "Wall of Awful" blew my mind because it is such a perfect description for that feeling.
I have personally found for when I'm climbing my wall and stuck sitting on the couch in anxiety, it helps me to find another, smaller less scary reason I need to stand up and move. I.e. go to the bathroom, get a cup of water, bring my dish back to the kitchen, take a shower. And then once I'm up and moving, it's much easier to use that momentum in order to start the actual task I've been dreading. Then once I start it I have that moment of realization that I've been escalating my emotions in it and it really isn't that bad. I've had Dr's reject to even try to diagnose me because it's "over-diagnosed these days" when I've had several people in my life who are diagnosed or lived with someone diagnosed that recognize that patterns in my life. So finding this channel has been a gift to learn more about something that I believe genuinely makes my life very hard but professionals refuse to help me with. For now I can learn habits and tricks to improve my life
Can you have someone come on and talk about the difficulty of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult woman? Or the difficulty of getting meds even after your diagnosed sometimes? Thank you for your time
This is super helpful with how I look at cleaning, and it explains why when I get a sudden burst of motivation to clean but it ends up back in the same place before I cleaned my apartment.
Third attempt writing this comment..... I love the conclusion on forgiveness and compassion. I realize that I feel like I'm not allowed to give myself compassion because I feel surounded bu people who also don't allow themselves and other this kind of understanding. I first started to write that it felt like I needed to be a lot braver to afford my own forgiveness because it challenges the ongoing mindset. However, after writing this twice, I kinda realize that forgiveness for myself is the first step of a vertuous cycle and that the people who can recognize it will value it right! Which is precious so thank you
I had a wall of awful of "learning how to do stuff more effectively with adhd". Thank you for making this video so approachable. I was able to complete the video and learn something powerful today about my adhd. It makes so much sense now and summarized exactly how I feel.
It took me 50 years to realise I have ADHD, I've just discovered your UA-cam whatchamacallit and it's hitting me like a ton f bricks! What you're describing is me! The story you've told about being that gifted child that started to fail miserably in high school, it's me. The wall , the thought of having to make a simple phone call fills me with dread. The inability to deal with boring stuff.... etc. etc. etc. My mind is blown, finally I can put my finger on it! Thank you!
Little did I know this is exactly what I've been doing over the last few months! I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. I still struggle every day, but it's also been a little bit easier every day.
This makes me feel heard! Just got diagnosed and checked out this channel, and for the first time I feel like “ahhhhh yes, this explains it. I’m not broken or lazy”
You made me actually lol with your, "I should finish the episode first", comment. Seems you always make me smile. I wish I could always do the same for you.
Thank you so much for this video, and thank you Brendan if you read this. I've only just realized I have undiagnosed adhd (no im not self diagnosing in that typical fasion, im fucking 25 and have done nothing with my life because of it, its a curse) and I found your video. This one really hit me hard, and the previous one. My entire life ive done the hulk smash on myself for being a "failure" not only from me, but how people, my family have treated me. I was the double power whammy with being gifted and having adhd. I did my sisters first grade homework when I wasnt even in school. I was high school level reading comprehension before I even hit 2nd grade. What hit me like a truck was when he was talking about how to not build more bricks. When he said "forgiveness" I fell apart. It was completely and utterly without warning, I was crying like a baby. My whole life hurting myself physically and mentally for not being the same as others, or as productive, and ME being my biggest enemy. Its okay. I have this. I will struggle with this for my entire life, and I will fail again, its inevitable. But I can forgive myself now. I can tell myself its OKAY, you will be okay. Thank you very much. Ill get diagnosed and maybe get some medication to help ease it out, but this video really opened a new light for me, to be able to deal with this life ive given without being told its my fault, and im not "trying hard enough". You and Brendan deserve everything wonderful in your lives. Please stay safe!
Recently diagnosed with ADHD and have been seeing a Psychiatrist for 3 months and only just today have I FIIIIIINALLY got around to looking at this channel and the other resources he gave me. I'm tearing up at these videos as they hit home so hard. Thank you so much Jessica and team x.
God I LOVE this metaphor! It's made me realize that I already do this ALL the time with podcasts. Can't start a chore? What if I listen to a podcast while doing it? BOOM door in the wall. I definitely feel a bit of shame when I have trouble starting the task UNTIL I find a podcast or a youtube vid or whatever to watch or listen to. I dislike having to take the time to browse around and find something to listen to so often. Not that it takes THAT long. It doesn't even have to be good, but I just feel like I need it to get going. I love this metaphor because now I can understand a bit of WHY I'm doing all this at least.
I’ve never been this early before!! I was so excited to get your notification :) I hope you’re doing well fellow brain 💗🧠 Hearing you say “hello brains” in your intro makes me feel a little less alone
I wonder if this would be considered a door or a strategy, but a long time ago I realized large but mundane tasks tend to leave me staring. At some point though I also realized adding an intentional distraction, just the right amount of side activity, keeps me focused. For example - when there's a ton of laundry to fold... I tend to just stare. If I put a plank across treadmill rails as a desk and turn on a virtual walk - I will happily fold for days. Those things are too dull to ever need 100% attention. If I let my mind wander altogether I find myself somewhere else soon. Those two activities are both low key - overlapping them leads to a huge productivity boost
i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 12 ish i've been using medication for it since. I'm 21 now and am working to get off the medication as it has a very negative effect on my body (taking vyvanse at 70mg kinda does that) literally just noticed your videos today. The walls of awful have been the biggest barrier to coping with adhd. like at the dose i was taking it was more of a high than a coping mechanism so the wall never really showed up while I was on it. honestly this is the best way you could have explained this. all the tasks that I'm planning for today and even for the next week all seem so much easier with these tools to help get past the wall. Thanks a ton for this video series it makes such a huge difference. don't mind my name lol.
"The more you put something off, the bigger it feels."
Story of my life.
Tomorrow I start my exam week, and my first one is maths, my worst - or one of - subject. I can't bring myself to do the homework/revision because I always need help, but I know if I don't and my teacher checks it at the end of the day, he'll be disappointed in me. (I go to a regular school, but my math teacher used to teach at multiple selective schools and he can be really depricating with his remarks, not to mention that he teaches badly. I can't even bring myself to try revising for anything else even though I have the tabs open right now. I'm procrastinating passively, but I just feel like I can't bring myself to do it.
(Sorry if this is long, it's just a lot of feelings and stress. Thanks school!)
I was thinking though, isn't that something everybody has? Just wondering.
simple "I forgot to reply to a text message"-situations turned into "never contacting this person I used to like ever again" lmao
“We conflate emotions with time” WHOA. Mind blown.
Both directions- if it's something we want to do or are interested in, we're sure it will only take '5 minutes' and then an hour or so later...
@@MyHealthyHabits for me it's more like 5 hours later and then I'm exhausted for days lol
I had no idea I do this but I TOTALLY DO THIS. I recently timed myself unloading the dishwasher because I feel like it's such a monumental task, but really, it only takes FIVE MINUTES. Mind blown.
Sometimes we cause it to be an all-day problem. I used to leave the ironing so long, because I was convinced it took all day, that by the time I actually got around to it (once every few months), it actually DID take all day. In the end, my work-around was to stop buying clothes that required ironing. Saved my sanity.
@@jupiter1217 I can totally relate to this. I have a pile of worn-once clothes and they're usually in a basket, on the chair, or on the floor next to my bed. The logic in my brain is, "they're not dirty! I wore them once!" and so once they're considered dirty in my mind they go in the laundry basket, but until that time they're in laundry limbo. How I got past that was to stop folding shirts because I hate it and I bought a bunch of wooden hangers from ikea. All my shirts including Tshirts get hung on hangers and even if I put this off I can do it pretty quickly. For tank tops and bras and even underwear I bought a special hanger made for belts and it has like 10 hooks and I just hang everything on those hooks that don't really work with a normal hanger. It helps a lot but not perfect. I also got a small steamer from Amazon and once I found out how satisfying it was to use it (go watch pressure washing gifs to know what I'm talking about) I use it a lot more than I ever used my iron.
The only thing I'd add to this is that the "door in the wall" coping mechanisms tend to have a limited lifespan. They can be super useful, but the more you use a particular mechnism, the less "novel" it becomes, and the more you associate it with failure, since you still NEED it each time, so it's not actually helping. Eventually it just becomes another brick in the wall.
(I should add that i am learning about ADHD through this channel while avoiding my own wall of awful - calling the power company and plumbers 🙈🙈🙈)
I agree. That’s why I switch up what I NEED a depending on my mood.
Totally agree
I definitely got the feeling that it's a good "trick" but not the emotional solution. A magician won't repeat the same trick to the same audience. A lot of the other options in the video felt more like more emotionally and mentally stabilizing ways of doing things
I think realizing you need the doors is a method of forgiveness and acceptance that can keep you from it becoming a brick in the wall. I started going back to the gym because I accepted that I needed the novelty of a new pair of yoga pants.
Awww the part about us needing non judgement and empathy made me teary eyed.
That bit made me better understand why getting my ADHD diagnosis has had such a profound impact on my life and productivity - this wall had me paralyzed for years but once I knew ADHD was causing a lot of my problems it took away some of the shame I felt for having trouble with some things and after I told the people close to me it took away some of the fear of their judgement or disappointment. This made my wall a lot more manageable an made me more productive and confident in my abilities (which in turn decreases the number of bricks added to my wall...)
Exactly the same reaction Susie. Definitely needed to hear that. :)
Me too. I find it really difficult to me kind to myself. Even worse, the meaner I am to myself the more irritable I find I am towards the people around me, when, like, it's not their fault either. Maybe I need to set up an automatic reminder that just says "be friends with yourself" lmao
@@Rosalie_Jansen I feel *exactly* the same!!
@@Rosalie_Jansenwhenever i have profound self realizations i always write them down but this really really spells it out for me. It explains why ive been subconsciously desperate to get diagnosed and actually hoping that this brain fog i have is adhd so i can stop feeling so much loathing and shame every day. Thank you for putting it into words
"Yeah, I'm not done until I've finished writing my book which means I can't have time for family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book."
I've backed out from so many family events and pulled away from quality time with my friends because of this mindset :( but when I actually had the time to work I STILL DIDNT GET ANYTHING DONE and just added more bricks to my wall of awful 😔
SAME. Just same, and society makes you feel like a bad person for it.
I felt this in my soul. I do not allow myself a minute of quality time, working out, playing, relaxing, going out with my wife, because that time I could spend on doing more work that I am already behind. And then I am not even that productive, adding bricks like you say...
I don't think I have ADHD, but these videos and comments start to change my mind a bit..
@@Tsuba_Nick I feel the exact same way. I've been denying myself time because I'm not doing what I could be
Hearing that ADHD brains have the "all or nothing" mentality was so nice to hear. I always feel like I have to have the motivation to finish my paper in one sitting which leads to me being too daunted to start it. Break it up and complete the chunks!
Realized I had ADHD when I was 51, am now 55 and just beginning to strive to understand it and work with it. It has devastated my life and I'm climbing a very tall mountain. Very happy to have found this channel. This video helped. Thank you.
Jay Yarbrough Music
Keep being your amazing self
You’re doing better than you expect
Fight on Sir!
Youre not alone!
You are not alone. Go on!
Did you become an alcoholic?
vololoo have a bit of decorum haha.
This is great, the "Wall of awful" is a great metaphore. It's actually the reason I ended up getting assessed. I had a project in school I had to do, that I felt I could have fun with, but I had this restriction that made it not fun for me, I couldn't do it. I made the decision I HAD to stay at school (College), and get it done. Because If I go home, I will just distrct myself until it's too late, and I tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow". But when I did, I found that I just sat there, not doing anything for over 3 hours. And wrote two sentences. I realized getting a sick to my stomach feeling at the thought of starting something before it was due the next day, was not normal. I would feel physically sick. And just couldn't do it unless it was fun for me. But if it was fun, I would go all out on it, work way harder than a project requires, because I enjoyed it. I brought up the idea of getting assessed to my instructor (has her master's in mental health, so I was asking her about it) and she laughed saying she feels I should, as she recognized many signs, but didn't feel it was right to "put the idea in your head". I now take medication, and its changed everything. I may not have been diagnosed until I was 25, and in college, but dang. And I happy I have help now
Hey, I really like your story! I'm trying to figure out whether or not trying meds is the right path for me, would you be willing to talk a bit about how things have changed in your life, and how they effect you?
@@k.zoinks7366 First, I will say that I am totally up for chatting, but I want to make sure you know this. Just because something worked for me, does not mean it will work for you. There is a possibility, and through my experience, maybe it could help you make a decision, but in the end, something that helps me, could directly hinder you. But as long as you know that, I am very willing to chat. Do you have an email, or something I can reach you at?
@@Angry-Romper Hey yeah, thank you! I absolutely understand that, and that's why I'm reaching out to folks instead of just shooting in the dark. If you have Discord, mine's ThatCoolCat#4641, if not, I'll find a way to get some communication that feels safe to post publicly.
@@k.zoinks7366 totally understandable. Friend Req Sent.
IWhammyLikeCrazy I’d do anything to be able to take my ADD medication everyday. It causes me to have really bad shortness of breath, so I only take it 2 days a week. But I’m only able to be productive those 2 days a week and it’s very disheartening.
The coffee shop closes, or......a pandemic happens and I have to write that paper isolated at home. 😭😢
I feel you, my special place to be productive is closed :/ I'm struggling so much with my work :(
THIS!!!
The struggle is real
this is a weird one i've heard and tried once or twice: sit in your (empty) bathtub with your laptop/tablet, and do the thing. it's a novel experience and gives you dopamine, so might give you that kick to get started.
@@cal4906 That’s a good idea. I did actually graduate this past spring. With COVID, the professors were a little more understanding and lenient. I love UCLA.
I love how “the thing” is such a universally understood concept in this community
This made me lol
In a lot of communities. ;)
I'm new here so what does it refer to?
prior to raising my awareness of adhd as it relates to my various autism spectrum modalities, i noticed friends of mine cheering each other on with "you can do the thing!" not yet knowing it's a friendly adhd dogwhistle... and i do like it. it's brief & it's understood.
Ohhhhh, of course. **slaps head** I'm not part of the community. No wonder I don't know :P
The timing is perfect. I'm literally staring at my assignment right now
@@Justcallmegary thank you!! I'm gonna go on a short walk, then I'll write a list of all the things I want in my assignment.
Me too
am putting off paying the water bill (today's the last day). _WE CAN DO THE THINGS!_
same
rip. dats exactly wot i do
As a kid I remember having this strange entity preventing me from doing tasks, in high school I named it "the Resistance" and had my own metaphor for it. Imagine a road that you have to cross. Easy right? Now imagine that road has hurricane force winds and debris flying down it. Not so simple now is it?
After all these years, it's amazing to know that it wasn't just me with this problem, and that there's answers. The winds of many of my roads have calmed down to, say, a category 1 hurricane instead of category 5. Thank you so much for making these videos, they are incredible.
"The Resistance". I think we would've been friends. Good metaphor, definitely resonates
"The Resistance". Sounds like a name of a Gumball episode.
But yeah it's a good way to describe the "wall"
When you have to rewind the video because you got distracted by something else half way through. 😅
Me too lol
Stop attacking me like this
Watching youtube is like timing my attention span, even with engaging videos like this I checked out at about minute 4😅
standard
@@toobossforchuck indeed
5:15 filled my eyes with tears...
I remember how my father dealt my walls of awful with judgement and shame. Getting angry at my weaknesses...
This deeply hurted me for a long time... and still today, when I let the devil on my shoulder speak to myself in the way he used to.
Moving away and reconstructing myself with forgiveness for what i'm not is the best thing I could ever do.
It’s really hard when the abusive voices we grew up with become our own internal voice. It can feel impossible to overcome something you believe to the core of your being no matter how false it truly is
I just commented the same thing... for me, it's the internal voices and knowing that people are getting disappointed at me
I cried too. This part greatly related to me and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. Silencing these voice is going to take a lot of effort and self-compassion. It's not going to be easy... But we're gonna make it.
same.. i can't stop crying about this haha
I empathize with you❣We have to have grace with having grace.
Your short hair loooks good on you!!
I was going to say the same thing! LOVE the hair! 🔥🔥🔥
Hey how to adhd plz have a look my comment that I have tryed a spiritual path 'Buddha teachings' and it help me a lot but not big changes rather small as it work plz have a look at this topic as buddha teaches the way to end suffering.this might sound religious but it is basic rules
- change emotional state with music
- allocate a time slot for the task
- exercise
- novel places
- develop a time wisdom
- clear goal
- check after done
- think about it before you actually do it.
- take15-20 mins transition through the tasks
- reflection
- 45 minutes for each day for the wall of awful
- forgiveness and understanding; not to add more bricks to the wall of awful
"Yeah, I'm not done until I've finished writing my book which means I can't have time for family or friends or eating until I'm done writing my book."
...
YES!! This is so me, combined with having a great oversight over a new project until I actually start it, and start to zoom in. I know exactly what I need to do from the top, yet when I start and actually do a small part of it, I lose all of that, and I'm pretty much flying blind!
The worst is when it's "I'm not done until I've finished writing my book, but I'm not actually writing, I'm just staring at the Wall of Awful being terrified, so I'm not allowed to do anything other than work or stare at the Wall"
I know this is a year later but I just wanted to add that I get this feeling because I know that if I DONT do it that way, I will get bored and go do something else, because I lack the ability and discipline to finish the task once it wears off. At least, that's what my broke brain tells itself.
@@SiraSpirit felt this deep in my soul
I’m a freelance web developer. I always procrastinate when starting a project, and once it is behind schedule it becomes the number 1 priority. I don’t allow myself to do anything that I enjoy until I get caught up, and so I spend days or even weeks feeling guilty and not getting anything done for the project or for myself. Thankfully I was diagnosed with ADHD last month (at age 70) and thanks in large part to these videos I’m finally seeing what I’ve been doing to myself. Now I just have to implement the suggestions. 🙄
This channel is seriously underrated. The information you provide is helpful for everybody, not just those with ADHD. Keep up the excellent work!
yeah i only have ADD and lots of other emotional stuff/overthinking/anxiety going on and i tend to build huge walls of awful with expectations and pressure that I put on myself... being able to name it, sure helps
I have CPTSD and that acts a lot like ADHD, so a lot of this info is brain & life saver.
"... I should finish the episode first." Lol, that was a perfectly played out classic ADHD moment. Nice one brain!
Yes!! I related so much to that and was in awe of the way she could finish the video with such focus! I was already ready to go watch her pay that ticket, haha!!
This seems real right. My experience is that much of my wall[s] were built with self hatred. Which grew for 40 some years. It seemed beyond help. It wasnt. And learning to not hate me and everything I do, which looked impossible, has made the walls weaken. Maybe someone else could find out earlier and not get where I did. It was not a happy place. It was lonely to the extreme.
What about doing things that we actually love to do- such as reading, hobbies but we can't find the time to just sit down and do them? It's just sooooo much easier to do nothing, watch TV and do anything but the thing I actually enjoy doing. I'm aware of every moment passing and never seem to lose myself in what I'm doing.
Also what about being a student? Especially with nursing school, it is expected and even the norm to not sleep or take breaks. You are never really "done" with what you need to do because there is just more that could be done. How do we manage the expectation of a massive/challenging program with strategies that are aimed at our ADHD?
omg this... im a student. ive managed to plan what to do for my finals but i cant follow it its so suoer hard and its stressing me out.
I saw an adhd post one day, that said basically “it takes a lot of work to initiate a thing you like, and more a lot of work to take a break from the things you like” I relate to that. Just like everyone loves showering while you are at the shower, but now I’m here watching videos cause wash my hair is such an long process that needs a lot of my energy to get up and do it.
Thank you for bringing up the fact that it's even hard to do the things we love. I have never understood that about myself and thought it was utterly ridiculous. Glad to know it's a thing for others and not just me. It helps me give compassion to myself.
@@charitykennedy4020 I'm so glad you can relate! It's such a frustrating place to be in and it is often not talked about. ADHD is often portrayed as being able to focus a ton on what we love, when sometimes it's the inability to focus on literally anything.
I can relate sooo much with the first part, hmu when you found an explanation/solution x3
My childhood and failed school career has always been a mystery to me, even though I knew I have ADHD. I was never told my emotions were a big part of it. Thank you so much for your content
I watched this and have a project (I’ve been putting it off since last Monday) homework (been putting it off since Saturday), laundry (that’s been put off for so long that I can’t even remember) and a shower (God, my hair is so gross) to accomplish.
Now I’m about to go and do my homework, shower, throw a load of laundry in, and do my project while it’s washing & drying. My walls are high still, but I’m trying to forgive myself because I’ve been feeling sick and not eating correctly. I’m going to do use Modo’s (which have helped me in the past) so I can have my time constrictions.
Your videos have helped me this past year and a half after I got diagnosed. Thank you so much. 💜
YESSS that's awesome!!!
How to 'put a door in the wall':
[1] motivating music
[2] setting a time limit
[3] novel experiences [eg, working at a different place, like a coffee shop]
[4] exercise
How to put handholds on the wall:
[1] develop time wisdom [the longer you put something off, the bigger it feels]
[2] set clear, attainable and maybe fewer goals; define 'done'
[3] allow time for transition between tasks
[4] reflecting on how things have gone, and why
Excellent information...thanks for posting!!
This was for me right? Writing... the wall...not being done until the entire book is written. How can someone so far away and so much younger know and understand the heart hurt I didn’t even know I had. Thank you
I'm mentally hyperactive (which should tell you how long ago I was diagnosed) and I've never seen better advice than the Wall of Awful. Wish I'd found you years ago!!
Afaik, I do not have ADD or ADHD, but I do have anxiety and PTSD. This set of videos has been immensely helpful to me (as in, I cried) for understanding why it seems like I just *can't* do things sometimes. Everything from replying back to a message, to paying bills and doing taxes, to organizing or cleaning has been getting increasingly hard and stressful and anxiety inducing and, well, awful. I didn't understand why or how to fix it. The first video gave me a starting point and I am so grateful! Thank you for your work.
Same here. Not diagnosed ADHD but have been told I have symptoms of chronic stress, anxiety, PTSD. Seems like that causes adhd-like struggles. These videos make so much sense.
Depression and anxiety often look like ADHD, too.
The FlyLady method changed how I do housework. Most of the days I don't have the time and/or the energy to clean my whole (messy) home. But I unsually have 10 or 20 minutes a day and that's what I do: Mondays I dust the whole home for 10 minutes, Tuesdays I vacuum for 10 minutes, Wednesdays I mop as needed for 10 minutes, Thursdays I wipe windows, mirrors, and shiny surfaces for 10 minutes, Fridays I do car, bags, purses and clutter for 10 minutes. Saturdays I do groceries and meal planning and Sundays I meal prep (for more that 10 minutes, okay). I do laundry every day as part of my morning and evening routine, I wipe clean the toilet, bathroom sink and bathtub almost daily, as needed, after use, and make sure the sink is clear and shiny every night before I go to bed. This system has helped me with my perfectionism tendencies and my paralysis. I jusst set a kitchen timer and go-go-go, get as much done for 10 minutes, sometimes 15 minutes, and then I'm done. What's not been cleaned will get cleaned next week and that's that. Then, if I have thw time and/or energy for the details, I might work for 10 to 20 extra minutes on a project that needs to get done (changing wardrobe along the seasons, plant some seasonal flowers, decorate for holidays, detail-clean the bathroom or kitchen, etc).
Thank you for your videos. Seriously, thank you.
I struggle so much with my ADD and to have someone explain all my inner turmoil, and offer advice on how to get through it just means so much. There’s so little adhd educational people like you, and it really touches my heart that you can consistently post adhd friendly videos on the subject matter.
I understand you have been going through a tough time, I just wanted to let you know you’re so appreciated by internet strangers ❤️ thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I'm 24 and I've only just realised that I have undiagnosed ADHD. I'm at uni, but I've struggled so much the past few years, taking many years out of uni to retake exams and it's had a huge impact on my confidence and self-belief. I've watched people my age excel, graduate, get grad jobs, buy houses and get promotions, and I've been.. well just stuck. Your videos are so validating and educating, everything I go through daily is making so much sense now and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much for your work and thank you to everyone involved that makes these videos possible. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm in this exact spot right now. Everyone in my family is annoyed that I haven't written my thesis and graduated yet. I'm putting off getting a full time job because I won't have time and energy to write then, but also putting off therapy because it would consume my entire salary. Waiting for something to change so I can get unstuck and start working on my thesis. Only feeling better when I allow myself to not think about it (flight). I got diagnosed a few months ago, or actually diagnosed myself after years of taking anxiety meds without significant improvement and had that confirmed. I'm hoping I can get myself to start therapy and meds and start climbing this terrible wall I've built. I hope that you are in a better place now.
This video is life changing. I’ve been struggling with this for a really long time, or at least it feels like it. Every thing felt wrong about doing the thing and I’ve built myself some pretty big walls, not from adhd but the consequences of severe depression that wouldn’t let me do anything. Now I will start climbing. And get some progress done in my room!
Someone once asked me what advice I would give a friend who happened to be in the situation I was in. I told my friend what the advice would be. Then he said I should give myself the same advice I would give that friend. One of the best ways I've discovered to give myself forgiveness and compassion!
Isn't it funny how often some of us have really good advice to give to others, but rarely, if ever, do we think to give ourselves that same advice from a similar place of genuine helpfulness? We don't believe we deserve that level of kindness because of how often we have failed, because we see ourselves in a negative light, because the wall of awful ... This is why we need to practice self compassion and non-judgement, and as you say, talking to ourselves as we would a friend is a great way to do so (as is mindfulness).
I adore this video, I don’t have ADHD (probably) but I have severe anxiety and this is incredibly relevant and useful for me too!!
This is why i dont mind driving. People think it bothers me but if its not crazy rush hour or if im not really late its calming to my brain
I spent my whole life being told I was just a lazy POC, so I turned to drugs to get my kind right. It sorta worked but my life has fallen apart and I’m absolutely miserable. Your ADHD videos have gone a long way to helping me live a healthier life.
I'm an author, and I have pretty bad ADHD and Anxiety. I know I can't write a book in one day, but I still sometimes struggle with the whole "It's been X days and I haven't done anything!" mentality.
Right now, I use a word count as an artificial way of gauging when I can be 'done'. Typically 1000 words a day is my general goal, and if I hit that goal and feel like I can keep going, I do but don't feel bad if I want to stop at an odd word count afterwards.
This actually also did wonders for making sure my chapter lengths didn't vary massively like some of my early novels did. Anyways, wanted to share because what you were saying resonated with me.
I got the notification while sitting in my car when I should be going out to the store, I feel personally attacked
Jk I feel ironically motivated. Thanks! lol
Good tips! I already cut my lawn into 4 parts (mentally) and institute a 15min break between each part... it really helps to get a 4-hour task done 👍
Also I put on some (bangingly-loud) Heavy Metal music to do chores to (like dishes) so I have the get-up-and-go to do it 👍
Another trick is to give yourself "windows" in your day to look at a task you are going to do tomorrow.
When you get to tomorrow you've often thought of new ways to do the task that you didn't have in mind the day before.
These are extra handholds to help you accomplish the task and climb that wall without facing the task suddenly and without reflection on what you need to do - so it isn't so insurmountable.
It helps to have a night's sleep and you'll find lots of inspiration pops into your mind.
Loving the Channel and your info. 💗
So good! In 62 years I've learned most of these "cheats" the hard way. What a difference it would have made if I'd had this bag of tricks early on
so happy to see the pop up on my feed, been experiencing some difficult times coping with ADHD at work. ill try to apply this. i need to. thank you.
Not me sobbing because I feel so understood and am finally getting to the stage of my life where I have grace and forgiveness of myself instead of beating myself up for being “lazy”
Thank you so much for doing this effort in general. I mean the entire channel. After touring phsichologist's offices throughout my entire life, I was resigned to just hate myself. Thank you for investigating, sharing, and caring.
Thank you for your videos and reminding me that it’s okay to struggle with ADHD, I actually got my oil changed today before it was 10,000 miles overdue and empty!
Such a helpful video. Somehow "wall of awful" concept does help and I'm trying to feel less guilty about not getting started. Glad you're back, Jessica! Hope you're ok and thanks for putting out these videos. Helps so much...💜😘
5:20 "Forgiveness. And understanding"
And that's what hits right into the feels.
Thank you fore every thing you do. Your work is great. In germay its very hard to find videos or any other .... stuff ( i dont know the right word 😂 i am sorry ) about adhd/ add that doesnt sound so sientific that no one would ever read or watch it. I really enjoy your videos and the community you built up. I think you are a help for thousends of brains like me. Thank you. I hope what i wrote makes at least a little sense...😅
it did, thank you!!
Thank you for the heart and your comment 😁💐
bubble bubble Hallo. Ich lerne Deutsch für ein Jahre jetzt. Die Sprache ist spaß aber schwer manchmal.
@@medha6735 hi. Thats cool. I feel a little honored. Don't be scared even germans are not really able to use our grammar in the right kind of way. Do you need german at school?
This ties in really well with the emotional processing that Jody Moore talks about. Basically: Your thoughts determine your emotions, so this wall of awful emotions is built from negative thoughts about the experience. She encourages processing your emotions by figuring out the thoughts behind them and working on replacing the thoughts with better ones, gradually. You can't really go from "I can't do this" to "I love doing this" but like you guys said, adding hand holds, like "I can do some of this" or "I can do this today" that gradually help you develop better mental habits that lead to a better emotional state.
Although I'm not officially diagnosed with ADHD, I will still keep watching your videos because they are very helpful, I can relate to them, and most importantly I think I do have ADHD.
I went to a well-known psyciatrist in my town and he said that ADHD rarely found in adults, even in children older than 7. But I don't believe him because of this channel!
Daisy T I would seriously consider going to another doctor or psychiatrist. Sometimes professionals are bias with their own personal opinions. That is definitely not true! I’m a 30 year old adult who still struggles with adhd. Videos like this help develop tools to change bad habits developed because of our adhd.
You need a different dr that specializes in adhd. Your current dr is wrong... in fact, many adults get diagnosed right alongside their own children because there’s a genetic link.
You might have ADD, get diagnosed and don’t let anyone talk you out of your feelings, having Add or ADHD is so hard I can’t imagine why someone would fake that, some people just don’t understand.
Oh and by the way I did not get diagnosed until I was in my late 50’s I am 60 now, very challenging with all the other life changes women can go through get help and resources.
I was diagnosed at 24
So true!!! I feel like my ADHD that I had been masking throughout my life (but not really masking, just getting yelled at and chastised and teased for being lazy, time blind, late, forgetful, leaving things behind everywhere I went, being distracted, not finishing my tasks but finishing others' tasks instead, etc... I could go on and on)...I got the label of being "fickle, unfocused, a chatter box" in school as a female with ADHD. Not to mention that female ADHD barely had any attention when I was in elementary school and high school. I am so thankful for this resource. I am 26 years old and just now claiming my life back, learning to flourish despite ADHD and also use it as my superpower in certain areas. I am going to do great in life and I will continue to affirm this to myself as I work through my challenges. I am so thankful to this channel for making me feel like that is possible and to so many other amazing resources for providing this information freely, so compassionately and with a lot of credibility. Love and respect always!
It can be really hard for non-ADHD folks to understand why we do the things we do. SO many of the points listed (emotion=time, all-or-nothing "doneness") rang true with me - wait, I'm not the only one who does this?? Maybe this will help family members understand a little more.
Thank you for this.
Why do your videos keep making me so emotional! Who's cutting onions?! I love this and the support feels like a warm hug, thank you.
Thanks for all your great videos. This is best channel for adhd.
It's amazing how putting a deadline on things that don't normally have deadlines has helped me. It doesn't fix everything, but it does short-circuit a lot of my tangents and hang-ups. First, I had to learn to develop my inner observer/inner sensible voice. This is the part of me that always seems to know what's right or wrong. If I find myself stuck on something and it's about to make me late, or wasting my time, I will start a countdown. I often become determined to make it to x by the end of the countdown. I know I want to find my gloves, but instead of getting frustrated at myself for spending so much time on it, I allow it, but only for 20, 19, 18... If I reach 0, whatever isn't done doesn't get done. It's easier to let it go. This doesn't fix everything, but it helps enormously, and ads an element of fun challenge. Strangely, it sharpens my focus and makes a lot of extraneous detail fall by the wayside.
I clicked on this so fast...
I've only very recently realized I'm an ADHD brain. Never has something made so much sense. I'll strive for a proper diagnosis before starting college (...again) next year. Your channel has helped me accept it and learn the way my brain works! I'm thankful!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I struggle with this insanly much. So thank you so much for making this
THIS! This makes me feel so much better! I thought I was broken and just incapable of doing things. I've never understood why EVERYTHING seems like a monstrous task, but this helped me realize that its not the task that is making me feel this way, but rather my wall of awful. This perspective has just changed my life! Thank you so much for your amazing content
Thank you so much for this and the previous episode! I’ve been struggling with completing a wave of late assignments and final projects these past few weeks and learning about the wall of awful has really helped me feel a little better about how hard it has been for me to complete even the smaller assignments and to some of my shame and self-hatred about all of it to rest. Plus, they have been great at helping me gear up my wits about me and get started with the next assignment. Right now I only have two more things to get done before it’s all finally over and I get to finally rest. Wish me luck.
What helps me is doing good things for people and expecting nothing in return. It feels good and it tell my brain that I made someone happy and if I can do that it makes everything a little easier.
Great timing! The animation was entertaining and helpful.
On one hand I now realize why I stopped watching these videos. Cause they almost always make me cry (I don't often hear people discussing me or ADHD with such kindness and compassion). But also, it's a good thing. They're very validating and helpful and now that I have a better relationship with my emotions I realize that crying can be cathartic.
Been waiting for this one for a while! Watching intently!
I was not disappointed! Great work! And it's given me a lot to think about.
Thank you!
aw thanks for watching!!
The older I get, the more I learn about myself and think that I might have ADD. Finding these videos is like a light bulb moment, understanding myself better and learning how to work through my walls. I just finished my final grad school paper, but I procrastinated so much on it because I looked at it as one huge project I needed to finish all at once and it overwhelmed me so I just put it off so much until I finally couldn't put it off anymore. Music definitely was a door in my wall and I punched a few holes. Even big projects I enjoy or that are easy, I put off because I view it as this big thing. I need to remember these strategies to help me be more efficient in my life. Thanks!!
Anyone have to watch this twice because you got distracted?
Boa tarde! Tudo bem?
Meu nome é Rafael moro no interior de São Paulo - Brasil e desde muito pequeno sofria com TDAH e nenhum médico na época conseguiu diagnosticar. Por isso como muitos, sofri com aprendizado na escola, até hoje nunca fiz uma faculdade e muitos problemas por conseguir me manter em um trabalho.
Mas há um ano atrás passei com um psquiatra e com uma psicóloga e foi diagnosticado o TDAH, fui medicado e começei a me sentir melhor, mas nessa semana tive uma forte crise e quase desisti de algumas coisas que pra mim são muito importantes.
E no meu pior dia descobri o canal de vocês aqui no UA-cam e eu quero de coração agradecer a vocês por se esforçarem a nos alimentar com conteúdos tão bons e instrumentos tão maravilhosos.
Oro pra que Deus continue abençoando muito a vida de vocês e espero um dia poder conhecer o país de vocês e se puder dar um abraço em vocês.
Mais uma vez, muito obrigado!!!
Thanks so much for your videos! Diagnosed with ADHD at 37 was one heck of an emotional experience. You've helped so much with the processing and interpretation of everything I've been going through. The comments are nice to read as well but seriously, thank you! Please keep these going!
Same here, recently diagnosed at age 34. Such a relief to know why I do things the way I do. However, my support network's not so great, I thought I'd tell people and they'd understand my mistakes but they just don't think it's a real illness or they think that I'm using it as an excuse for my laziness. Luckily my husband does understand, and is very supportive. How's your experience been?
@@Sam-jh3xh the ones who are accepting I keep around. My wife is supportive and tries to understand she's really awesome! Outside of that, people tend to go one way ir another and not too many seem to start in that middle area. I stopped caring as much though. I'm learning to embrace it. I had other things diagnosed as well around the same time and things with anxiety and depression have gotten much better as well! Life is good and I can enjoy it much more positively now!
I totally get e door situation, I used to go to Starbucks during the day to do my class work, B.A. in Psychology through an online program, it was my classroom, a separate space from my home where I could have other people around and get work done, and then COVID happened and my coffee classroom is no longer an option.
Today I forgot to take my meds and only got to question 6 in about 2 hours. Out of 40... and every one else was done
Sub to me for no reason ! #relatable
I do that even on my meds. Then everyone else tells me I must not have actually been working :/
That is actually me so much
Relatable
Ok I know this video came out 3 years ago but I'm only just finding this channel and this video now. I actually burst into tears at the end of it, completely out of the blue, and I didn't even feel it coming until it just...hit. I have had so many walls of awful and so much guilt around them and I didn't know why, I just felt so bad that everyone else could do the things and I just couldn't. It feels like I'm actually grieving the time spent hulk-smashing myself into submission. This was three years ago, so you're not going to see this, but thank you so much for this; I can finally start to heal from years of emotional self-abuse over something that wasn't even my fault.
when he said Forgiveness, tears sprang to my eyes
Love it. Climbing that wall can be the worst.
Some of my biggest problems is once I'm emotionally ready to climb it the timing is wrong. Like "ok I'm ready to clean that mess, do laundry and dishes..... oh wait, it's going on midnight. People are sleeping and I'll wake them." 🤦♀️ Next morning, afternoon, and evening.... can't get started.... at least until someone has no clean clothes or dishes lol.
Btw. Loving the haircut.
Wow. I am 61 and I’m just beginning to understand behaviours I’ve had my whole life. I couldn’t even make a phone call to book a hair appointment, it would cause me such anxiety. And now, as a teacher, getting started doing report cards is a HUGE struggle, even after teaching for many years. Thank you for the insight.
Same. I'm almost 59 and just figuring these things out. Just hearing the phrase "Wall of Awful" blew my mind because it is such a perfect description for that feeling.
I literally started crying when he talked about forgiveness. You guys are gold nuggets.
This video was so helpful! I've been recently diagnosed, and now everything makes sense. Thanks Jessica!
Well now I’m crying at the thought of needing to have compassion and forgiveness for myself. Needed to hear that today.
Thanks for this video, this ADHD brain of mine is really greatful to put some names to strategies or even find new strategies to work with!!
I have personally found for when I'm climbing my wall and stuck sitting on the couch in anxiety, it helps me to find another, smaller less scary reason I need to stand up and move. I.e. go to the bathroom, get a cup of water, bring my dish back to the kitchen, take a shower. And then once I'm up and moving, it's much easier to use that momentum in order to start the actual task I've been dreading. Then once I start it I have that moment of realization that I've been escalating my emotions in it and it really isn't that bad. I've had Dr's reject to even try to diagnose me because it's "over-diagnosed these days" when I've had several people in my life who are diagnosed or lived with someone diagnosed that recognize that patterns in my life. So finding this channel has been a gift to learn more about something that I believe genuinely makes my life very hard but professionals refuse to help me with. For now I can learn habits and tricks to improve my life
Can you have someone come on and talk about the difficulty of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult woman? Or the difficulty of getting meds even after your diagnosed sometimes? Thank you for your time
This is super helpful with how I look at cleaning, and it explains why when I get a sudden burst of motivation to clean but it ends up back in the same place before I cleaned my apartment.
I cant tell you how much your videos help me. There are no words to express it. Thank you... Just... Thank you 💖💖💖
Third attempt writing this comment..... I love the conclusion on forgiveness and compassion. I realize that I feel like I'm not allowed to give myself compassion because I feel surounded bu people who also don't allow themselves and other this kind of understanding. I first started to write that it felt like I needed to be a lot braver to afford my own forgiveness because it challenges the ongoing mindset. However, after writing this twice, I kinda realize that forgiveness for myself is the first step of a vertuous cycle and that the people who can recognize it will value it right! Which is precious so thank you
I had a wall of awful of "learning how to do stuff more effectively with adhd". Thank you for making this video so approachable. I was able to complete the video and learn something powerful today about my adhd. It makes so much sense now and summarized exactly how I feel.
Learning how to do stuff more effectively with ADHD is my rabbit hole!
OMG this! This! So much This! God I wish there were better words but... just... thank you!
It took me 50 years to realise I have ADHD, I've just discovered your UA-cam whatchamacallit and it's hitting me like a ton f bricks!
What you're describing is me! The story you've told about being that gifted child that started to fail miserably in high school, it's me.
The wall , the thought of having to make a simple phone call fills me with dread.
The inability to deal with boring stuff.... etc. etc. etc.
My mind is blown, finally I can put my finger on it!
Thank you!
The moment he said forgiveness is the best way to not create more walls...I started crying. Why is forgiveness so hard?
I am watching this at 1am and just remembered I got a parking ticket two days ago. Two years later and still helping folks, thanks.
Little did I know this is exactly what I've been doing over the last few months! I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. I still struggle every day, but it's also been a little bit easier every day.
This makes me feel heard! Just got diagnosed and checked out this channel, and for the first time I feel like “ahhhhh yes, this explains it. I’m not broken or lazy”
You made me actually lol with your, "I should finish the episode first", comment. Seems you always make me smile. I wish I could always do the same for you.
aw, you just did :D thank you!!
Thank you so much for this video, and thank you Brendan if you read this. I've only just realized I have undiagnosed adhd (no im not self diagnosing in that typical fasion, im fucking 25 and have done nothing with my life because of it, its a curse) and I found your video.
This one really hit me hard, and the previous one. My entire life ive done the hulk smash on myself for being a "failure" not only from me, but how people, my family have treated me. I was the double power whammy with being gifted and having adhd. I did my sisters first grade homework when I wasnt even in school. I was high school level reading comprehension before I even hit 2nd grade.
What hit me like a truck was when he was talking about how to not build more bricks. When he said "forgiveness" I fell apart. It was completely and utterly without warning, I was crying like a baby. My whole life hurting myself physically and mentally for not being the same as others, or as productive, and ME being my biggest enemy. Its okay. I have this. I will struggle with this for my entire life, and I will fail again, its inevitable. But I can forgive myself now. I can tell myself its OKAY, you will be okay.
Thank you very much. Ill get diagnosed and maybe get some medication to help ease it out, but this video really opened a new light for me, to be able to deal with this life ive given without being told its my fault, and im not "trying hard enough".
You and Brendan deserve everything wonderful in your lives. Please stay safe!
"We ADHD people conflate emotions and time" oof. Very very true.
Recently diagnosed with ADHD and have been seeing a Psychiatrist for 3 months and only just today have I FIIIIIINALLY got around to looking at this channel and the other resources he gave me. I'm tearing up at these videos as they hit home so hard. Thank you so much Jessica and team x.
Wait - Time wisdom?! I believe I lack this greatly!
Thank you for yet another epic video! You're a star!!
Ooh!! I can't wait ^_^ Goals! ^_^@@Justcallmegary
God I LOVE this metaphor! It's made me realize that I already do this ALL the time with podcasts. Can't start a chore? What if I listen to a podcast while doing it? BOOM door in the wall. I definitely feel a bit of shame when I have trouble starting the task UNTIL I find a podcast or a youtube vid or whatever to watch or listen to. I dislike having to take the time to browse around and find something to listen to so often. Not that it takes THAT long. It doesn't even have to be good, but I just feel like I need it to get going. I love this metaphor because now I can understand a bit of WHY I'm doing all this at least.
I’ve never been this early before!! I was so excited to get your notification :) I hope you’re doing well fellow brain 💗🧠
Hearing you say “hello brains” in your intro makes me feel a little less alone
awww! I'm doing okay I think, thanks for checking in!
How to ADHD oh yay I’m so glad! thank you for responding, you and your channel mean the world to me 💗
You’re NOT alone...
I wonder if this would be considered a door or a strategy, but a long time ago I realized large but mundane tasks tend to leave me staring. At some point though I also realized adding an intentional distraction, just the right amount of side activity, keeps me focused. For example - when there's a ton of laundry to fold... I tend to just stare. If I put a plank across treadmill rails as a desk and turn on a virtual walk - I will happily fold for days. Those things are too dull to ever need 100% attention. If I let my mind wander altogether I find myself somewhere else soon. Those two activities are both low key - overlapping them leads to a huge productivity boost
0:50 "Maybe our balls are really big... and overwhelming" is what I heard at first lmao 🤣
i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 12 ish i've been using medication for it since. I'm 21 now and am working to get off the medication as it has a very negative effect on my body (taking vyvanse at 70mg kinda does that) literally just noticed your videos today. The walls of awful have been the biggest barrier to coping with adhd. like at the dose i was taking it was more of a high than a coping mechanism so the wall never really showed up while I was on it. honestly this is the best way you could have explained this. all the tasks that I'm planning for today and even for the next week all seem so much easier with these tools to help get past the wall.
Thanks a ton for this video series it makes such a huge difference. don't mind my name lol.
Yay.. must add some doors today 💛
This was so helpful it made me cry with the grief of how badly I’d treated myself. And the joy of seeing a way out.