Why Is It So Hard to Do Something That Should Be Easy? (Wall of Awful pt. 1)
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- Опубліковано 27 бер 2019
- Please share!!! This is one of the most important videos I think we've ever made.
Special thanks to Brendan Mahan for coming on the show!
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Why is it so hard to do something that should be easy?
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OHHHH so that’s why I explode every time my mom tells me to do something that I was mentally preparing myself to do
SAME
Yes!!!
@Yusuf Kase okay but thats also a breach of privacy, pls dont do that
legit
@Yusuf Kase I've literally seen this exact same comment about twitter and then insta
I’ve said for a long time “I’m really not procrastinating, I’m just waiting until I’m good and ready to do that thing” and I didn’t know exactly why, nobody understood what I was talking about, I didn’t really know how to put it into words, and this video finally explains it so perfectly.
Exactly!!! And sometimes it can take over a year to finally get to the point of being good and ready (that was me on some tasks).
This is so true. Sadly, deadlies don't wait.
But- I can only do what I can do, nothing more.
I think I stopped trying awhile back because I kept getting backlash from people in my life not understanding how hard I was trying because from their perspective I wasn't. My wall is huge now and I honestly have no idea how to climb it. I've fed it too many bricks.
@@3v1l73ddy It never has too many bricks, and it's never too late to start again (and again and again).
It's like that saying: the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is now.
Make your goals as small as you can get them- e.g. "put this cable into drawer" or "wipe that spill," "reply to 1 email" or even "put the laptop here, then turn it on."
I'm not a procrastinator
I just prefer to do my work in a deadline induced panic🙂
Whoa, I've been interrupting my kids while they're climbing their walls. Thank you for helping me be a better parent.
I've been interrupting my kids while they're climbing their walls, and I also have ADHD! This made me cry. So much insight. (Also explains what my family refers to as "rage cleaning" lol)
Yes, same here
Ditto. Great video.
From someone who was an ADHD kid -- thank you for being such an observant parent.
@@cnh4431 rage cleaning is real!!! Lol yes good term for it
Great examples for me are phone calls. Returning things to stores. Checking emails. Deleting photos off of my phone (I have 40,000 now!). Scheduling appointments. Making any large purchase. Dealing with any government things. Fixing broken phone screens. Reorganizing anything (without add meds). Making any huge life changes that would be beneficial to me. Even breaking up with someone.
Phone. Calls. Any time I have to call in to work because I'm sick or something, it's a ten minute process to be like "you can do this".
I struggle with exactly these things as well, you are not alone!
Deleting photos my god this is painfully true 🥹
Yes this! Although I manage "huge life changes" in really small steps now, so those have become a little easier for me:)
100%
When I had to write essays in high school I would often stare at the blank document for over an hour or two before getting out a paragraph at least. It was very de-motivating and felt like a huge waste of time. I did usually eventually get it done. Often late. But having had to give up so much time for it, only made me hate it more.
This.is. exactly.me almost all my hs
Meeeeee! It was so heavy that most of the times I would just end up studying some other subject and not writing my essay whatsoever. That's how I got high scores on Stem but still completely ruined my average score on the national exam.
I had a teacher who had us make loops until we felt like writing. Another thing is to write whatever comes to you. Then start the real paper.
i do this every time i have to write an essay (which is usually once every 2 weeks). i end up being able to do 1 paragraph (if that) and literally not be able to do anything else and i’ll spend so much time on it. eventually i’ll just give up and never finish it so then i end up getting terrible grades.
I do the exact same thing
"You ARE doing work, even though it looks like you're not. - It's just emotional work. You're climbing the wall!"
Thank you.
I read this comment at the exact moment he said that and it was an amusing coincidence
Yup, that's what I needed to know at this point
If only more people I care about could see the internal gears working as the rest of me looked like nothing was happening.
I have been on a binge of ADHD content after being diagnosed and honestly I am crying so much at the amount of time lost,the failed relationships and how there are so many people that can relate to what I feel
Ikr? I had that same reaction when I found out in my 40's. Like, my WHOLE LIFE has been a waste and it's too late to do anything about it now. But, get some rx (when you can!), and regroup. I took a class in Cybersecurity online (just before the pandemic hit), and I ended up finishing a "Micro Masters" in Cybersecurity because I could *finally* focus. Sending hugs. 💞
💕💗 that discovery grief is enormous. The regrets, the lost time, the genes we have passed on, so much angst throughout our lives. I was finally diagnosed at 53yo, and both of my daughters have it as well -- more 'mother guilt'.
Over time the positives of knowing about the Dx tends to balance us out again, but like grief, it will take time, and it will occasionally wel up again during some particularly challenging time. Overall, it's awesome to understand more about ourselves because that can mean we are able to discover workarounds from others in our tribe - make sure you find forums where your tribe hang out, because they totally *get* whatever our struggles are and accept that it's HARD.
Be kind to yourself. xo
@@debbiandrews1981 huge KUDOS to you! Success. What a confidence boost!
Same, haha. Even though I've been diagnosed for around a year now, I'm still binging on content to explore more ways on how to deal with my adhd better. It's often really tiring to try and explain my behavior to people around me, especially since I can't show them these videos because they don't understand English🥲 I'm German :/, but I'll keep on trying :)
I hope you'll find good tactics for yourself, which actually do work for you😌🙌
@@Gamerlila8 es gibt deutsche Untertitel zu dem Video! Und vielen anderen inzwischen auch 😀
I’m not diagnosed but have had a longstanding suspicion that I have ADHD. The best way I’ve found to describe the “thing” that keeps me from just doing something I know I should is by telling people it feels like a physical force stopping me from doing it. Like my body may not feel much but in my brain there is a physical sensation of being physically stopped from moving forward toward whatever task I need to do, I’ve often said, like a brick wall in front of me. All of a sudden I feel a lot less crazy for saying that and having people look at me like I’ve just come up with another excuse to be unproductive and lazy. Thank you
Same here, I've never actually been diagnosed but I've suspected I've had it for a long time. People tell me to just do whatever the thing is that I don't want to do and get through it so I don't have to deal with it anymore. but for some reason it's just difficult to start and even if I stand there and look at whatever I need to do it just feels impossible. People just go and tell me that I'm lazy and it's because I use my phone too much and it's honestly quite infuriating.
@@WiiUniverse me too oml
Yup, SAME...
It literally feels like a physical force you can't overcome, like you can't break the inertia or something...
I will stand in my bathroom staring at the mirror, or veg out listening to NPR (I can't get ready without listening to NpR, I don't know why, but it helps distract me enough that I can do what I need to do? I don't know...)
I think the idea of just doing that for a few minutes helps get it done. Recently I saw the "2 minute rule" which means if you can get it done that quickly just do it now. This has been a gamechanger for me!!
A good analogy for this ADHD paralysis is that it's like trying to put your hand down on a hot stove.
Confession: I revisit this video whenever I'm really struggling with a wall of awful in order to remind myself that there is a healthy way to climb the wall that doesn't involve blaming myself for the wall's existence or blaming the wordly around me for not working the way I need it to.
im using this lol
thanks! :) I do this with TED-Ed's Power lecture. haha! will do this with the Wall of Awful as well. :D
I feel it
Great job!! That’s so awesome!! 😊
I sent it to my entire family. I also think these are helpful tips for parenting any kid really. That binder example. It made me sad. I feel so seen. My brother would get angry with me because he didn't understand why I couldn't call the phone company. Such an easy task. I have years and years of failure and disappointment going into my walls. I am finally on meds and I'm still struggling but your videos help me see light in the dark. I'm finally climbing walls. I'm so proud of myself and I have never been proud of myself. It means so much but your videos have been so meaningful.
" I know, cause i made this up" crackin up lmao
Lol reminds me of Yugioh. Wish that line was used in the show lol
yeah it was pretty funny
I thought he was going to say that it's a cylinder around us and there's no way to walk around it
I believe that a major problem with parents interrupting their children climb the wall is that the opposite side is scary and as a child being interrupted it feels like you're trying to be brave and then somebody throws you in a dark pit and says "Here. No fist fight the monster"
- "Yeah ok, but I was about to build a torch, you know?"
Being interrupted in this process is a really unpleasant thing and it does not help with future walls :(
I don’t know if I have adhd (depression diagnosed) but I relate so much with this video. I spend enormous amounts of time climbing these emotional walls before I can get around to do doing something. This is really helpful. Sometimes I think it’s a hopeless struggle.
I have both, and I think the constant frustration of wanting to do things and not being able to that is ADHD/executive dysfunction easily leads to just not wanting to do much/depression as a sort of reaction/coping mechanism. When I finally found something that helped manage my depression (SAM-e), I noticed the shift from, “I don’t want to do anything” to “I WANT to do stuff, but I CAN’T! 😫” and sought out stimulant medication! 👍
I call it being “frozen” ... even though I know what I need to do, I’ve done it before, I know it’s gonna be ok, but I am literally frozen in place.
I’ve always called it getting stuck. For example, I’ve been stuck for the last two days. And it feels like quicksand. The more I fight it the more stuck I get, then I just give up and wait for the spark of energy to come back. To be unstuck.
I keep thinking it's because of anxiety and or that I haven't been doing anything else that I NEEDED to do or take care of myself first, needs not being met so I freeze up and shutdown
I didn’t know this was ADHD I just thought I was lazy so it impacted me a lot
I can relate it soo much ,plz help ...I actually feel confused💔💔
@@hannnnahhahhahha yes! I call it getting "stuck!"
that wall of awful thing totally makes sense. I've always tried to explain to people that I'm not just working on a paper, I'm working with my massive self hate that turns up whenever I try to write. What helps sometimes is actually TALKIN OUT LOUD with myself like a crazy person! I'm guiding myself through the process or, and this one's fun, singing about how much I hate what I'm doing and how silly I feel
edit: wouldn't recommend doing this in the library though
This is amusing and helpful. I think I'm going to try this strategy so thank you for sharing it :)
I do this. Good luck with that self hate yeesh 😢
I do the EXACT same thing when I try to write papers. Especially the “I hate this” song really really helps!!
I do that when I'm riding my motorcycle to help me deal with the crazy drivers without getting tense (a BAAAD thing when you're riding). I have several songs, my favourite being a version of "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast when someone cuts me off to get into my lane. "Be... my... guest! Be my guest, put my patience to the test..." It makes me laugh and the tension just melts away. No hulk smash!
thangerstrings are you my clone? You sound like the type of person that just so happens to have the same personality traits as me. I don’t like writing, I like talking for as long as I can until I’m going to fall over and make silly sounds. Sometimes during class I’ll blurt random words and sounds out. Is that normal for an ADHD child?
i am actually crying because someone explained my life in 5 minutes. no one could ever understand me, and i always felt like i must be crazy or broken or stupid for always having to take ages to get myself ready to do even the most basic stuff. thank you for this channel, you might have literally saved my life
You're not the only one, going through a rough patch and I just keep telling myself that the more I start to understand myself through videos like this, the more I'll be able to feel better.
I'm back here to say that I got my ADHD diagnosis today, and this was the video that made me realise i probably have it. I have the inattentive subtype which is why none of the usual hyper ADHD markers ever spoke to me and made me think I can't possibly have it.
But after watching this video, i've never felt more seen. And now, after lifetime of struggling, I can start trying to learn how to live to my full potential.
@@danielnelson2725 having adhd is really like constantly swimming against the tide. doing your best yet feeling like nothing really works out. so i get it 🫂🫂🫂 I hope you have the chance to get evaluated (I was on the waiting list for a year and a half...) and that you find out why you are struggling exactly and get help with it. But understanding that it's not your fault, that you were simply born slightly different, definitely helps.💘💘
mine too xD
"you ARE doing work, it's just emotional work ". So soothing to hear
I’m literally watching this video sobbing because I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t do easy things that my parents would be frustrated over and now I’m 24 and realizing that it’s just how my brain works and it’s not wrong or bad, just very different from the other people in my life. Wow. Amazing job.
I'm 28 and feel the exact same. So grateful for these videos.
I'm turning 31 and I'm just now understanding this about myself
I just turned 30 and I’m just realizing this myself
❤
I'm right there with you!! I'm 24 and that's a long time to live with these invisible walls in the way of other people's "normal."
This really helps me concerning “adulting” tasks. Things I know should just take even a 30 second phone call or email, or God forbid, a 5 minute deal, and I put them off for moonnnnnnthssss
Gosh same here
Same, girl. Same.
Same, but also, I keep forgetting I have to make that 30 seccond phone call.. 😅
Same. Phone calls are my biggest problem, because even preparing myself to dial takes weeks and I can’t do it without a prepared script.
I feel you. What works for me (when I can remember to do so) is force myself to start doing SOMETHING.
Check emails real quick, make the bed, throw something in the microwave, make a small cup of coffee, put your keys-id’s-phone-anything that goes out the door with you IN THE SAME SPOT, etc etc
This will start some motivation, might notice others things to do while doing these starter things, then when you are ready youll do what you wanted/needed to do :)
I really hope this helps, not sure if it made a whole lot of sense.
Stay happy and healthy 😁
I feel like the climbing process, when “rushed” by someone, also represents itself with the internal panic inside that we’re not ready. The binder example, if the kid doesn’t snap, the internal panic takes place and then it becomes an inescapable tunnel of a struggle against gravity kind of thing to start doing it now.
Wow, yes. This is so relatable. When I'm rushed I often feel like I'm being pushed towards some looming thing and get fearful and panicky. Even if it's just get ready to leave the house.
I think I have ADHD… I’ve started binge watching your videos and I’ve never felt more understood! I’m literally in tears right now realizing for the first time ever that it’s not just me. I’ve never seen a therapist in my life and I’m not even sure how to start, but it’s so relieving. So much about myself makes sense now! And for the first time ever I don’t feel like I’m slow or lazy or a procrastinator or a messy person. I probably just have ADHD
For anyone seeing this comment (I realize it’s old), therapy isn’t really the treatment for ADHD; it’s a combination of medication and accommodations, because it’s a disability, not a mental illness. Now, in the extremely likely case that the person with ADHD has been heavily traumatized by being perceived as lazy and incompetent by others their whole lives, therapy is absolutely appropriate to deal with the trauma, but not really with the ADHD, itself. 😊
I loved the example of the kid with the binder because that was and still is me. I never understood why I got so unreasonably angry when people would do things for me but I guess that it's that they've interrupted my natural way of getting to do The Thing and that sets me back at zero because I feel useless for not doing it in enough time for someone else.
Relate so much to your comment
I definitely can relate and unfortunately most people don't understand...
yeah that part hit me like a scorching ray of sunshine getting through muddled heavy skies. suddenly so many things in my childhood and life make sense
It's the worst thing ever, you get so close then someone does it for you or tells at you and now you just give up because why would you continue if you cant do that then you cant do anything, worst feeling.
I would either get upset, or depressed. When I would get depressed it would obviously be because the wall of awful. Now that I’m almost 30 it’s mostly just depression and anxiety
"Why can't I go around the wall?"
"Because it's a metaphor, and it's infinitely wide. I know, because I made it up."
Lol, shout out to this guy.
As a neuro-typical person, learning about these things is very helpful and helps me be mindful and understand those with ADHD better. Thank you for helping me be a more considerate person!
I was doubting whether I had ADHD and there’s no testing around right now, but I keep finding myself in allll the videos. Be it organisation, the Wall of Awful (tm) or emotional disregulation. I tend to hulk smash inside and be a weepy mess doubting my life choices before I start to work on hateful tasks. Recently I’ve been feeling more climb-ey. I also strongly relate to the twice exceptional concept.
This is the symptom of my ADHD that interferes with my life the most probably. I've quit or lost so many jobs due to struggling seemingly inexplicably with simple but important work tasks.
When I was in high school, I couldn't make myself do homework and ended up acing my GED. My dad made me go to community college where the pattern continued and I failed miserably within six weeks. My whole life has been one wall of awful after another. I just got diagnosed last month and the medication has been like waking up.
@@PseudobleSolutions I hope you can revisit College. It was so much easier for me when I was older and had more basic skills for organizing.
Conversely I stay in two part-time dead-end jobs because I don't want to change things for fear of Chaos.
I feel like I have failed at EVERYTHING even though I have gotten a college degree. I have been working towards getting into Nursing School. I need a B or higher in Anatomy and Physiology, but I keep getting C's. I try really hard, but I just can't seem to stop repeating that pattern. I found out today that I have been accepted, but I still have to take those 2 Anatomy and Physiology classes. I'm a little scared.
@@Caramel1806 You can do it! That's a tough class but you can make it through!
so this is what I’ve been dealing with!! For years I’ve been explaining to my parents and therapists that I get this mental block that makes the smallest of tasks feel like backbreaking work. the fear of disappointing other people is probably my most common brick. time pressure or a deep sense of shame are often the only hammers that help me smash my wall down. anyway, thanks for sharing! I sent the video to my parents. hopefully this will help them get it :)
I cannot tell you how helpful your channel has been. As a teenager I denied and hid from my ADHD, because it made me feel different, or “less than”. But once I got into the workforce, I realized pretending I was Neurotypical only made my life harder. I started taking medication again 6 years ago but I had no idea how intertwined my ADHD was with so many aspects of my life until I started watching your channel and learned how to deal with the way my brain works. Truly so grateful.
I feel like even neurotypical people might need this video, im sure there are people across the board that don't understand why they can't do that one chore or put off that one class until there's barely enough time to do the assignment if they're lucky. Everyone probably has at least one wall of awful and I think this series might be a helpful resource to anyone I know who is struggling so im definitely keeping it in my back pocket to revisit myself and show loved ones later
People with ADHD don't just build walls of awful, we build mazes.
ADHD superpower ftw! It may not be a useful one, but still
funny way to say deficit
💛
climb the wall of the maze
then just walk on the maze to the end
And then memorize the layout of the maze for no other reason that “you’re gonna be here a while, better get used to your surroundings”
If they taught THIS stuff at school seminars... Imagine how many of us adults would have discovered our struggle as kids. This could be such a good awareness tool for neurotypical parents
I just came back here after crying while watching your Tedx talk. College dropout, trade school-graduated, self-employed, combined type (diagnosed at 33), here! Your channel showed up at the perfect time and helped me realize I should be talking to someone about getting diagnosed. I can't remember which video specifically, because I didn't write it down (typical), but thank you for changing and saving lives. I've been struggling to start a YT channel of my own, but I do my best to listen to my therapist and show myself some grace. These videos are such gifts to have in my self-care arsenal! So much love for you and your team!!
The bit where you talked about the scenario with the kid getting binders out of a backpack... That opened my mind. I never thought of behavior like that being part of my disorder... And I experience moments like that being interrupted by others so unbelievably often that this knowledge is MIGHTY handy for me. So thank you. You guys are a blessing :)
I’ve had to explain to my wife that I sometimes feel a small spike of anger when it turns out she’s done a chore I was going to do. I know that it’s good that it got done and I appreciate her help, but she didn’t know that I had scaled the wall only to find nothing left on the other side and that takes an emotional toll.
Omg, same!!! (But with my husband, or boss.)
Thanks for this insight
💯, this happens to me at work
Very relatable. Then they throw it in your face after.
@@Roosters-rants1977that's a relationship thing, not necessarily and add thing
OMG FINALLY!!! For years I thought I was the dumbest person on this planet because I cannot do the most simplest things. For me its the worst with replying to people. I JUST CANNOT SEEM TO BE ABLE TO JUST FREAKING REPLY TO A SIMPLE TEXT. Its so frustrating and has ruined so many relationships because sometimes it takes me like 5 weeks to reply. Its not like I forgot or don't want to but it just stresses me out soooo much that I just can't reply even though I was thinking and stressing about it every single day. And I never understood why which also meant that I couldnt explain to anyone why I was doing this. Now finally after literal years I have an explanation for my strange behavior. This video has literally changed my life, I can't thank you enough!
Oh my Lord, thank YOU for writing this comment. I hadn’t made the connection to my own problems with communication until I saw it. I have friends that I wonder how they’re doing on a bi-weekly basis yet haven’t contacted in months or years.
Wow it’s like reading my exact thoughts on this reading your comment. I was just telling my Dad that I finally realised that I find it such a difficult task to respond to friend’s messages, and I seem hopeless or like I don’t care to my friends but actually it’s that I find it so overwhelming and difficult to do, and find it takes weeks to respond and then when they respond back quickly it takes me another few weeks to respond and it must look rude but I just can’t help it. Reading these comments gives me so much clarity and relief knowing that there others that go through the same things that I do and feel guilty for, but had no idea why up until now, actually this week.
I see myself in these comments, jeez lol. one (maybe?) helpful suggestion i’ve seen under other comments is to talk yourself through it - yes, out loud. it’s something i’ll have to try for sure.
i feel the same way.
Wow I totally, absolutely relate with that and do thee same thing! Thank you for sharing.
I was diagnosed at age 50. My doctor showed me this and I cried. I wasn't alone. This is my life. I've since told at least 100 people who have ADHD or have children with ADHD. You changed my life and helps realize I 'got a condition ' and others have exact same life. It's not an excuse, but a valid reason. I can laugh at myself. I thank you! What and HOW you do what your doing is IMPORTANT. You are doing it well 😉
I keep coming back to watch this whenever I feel angry at myself for not being able to do work. It helps change the way I view the situation and feel less bad about it. Thank you for making these videos!
When it got to the example of the kid with the binder I broke into tears. That was basically my entire experience in public school, so the wall to me is like... PTSD and it surrounds everything I need want and even love doing.
I had the same reaction, partially because I'm in school right now.
@@emilyharkness9685 thank God for modern technology and UA-cam and that you can understand early what’s happening within yourself. I’m 67 years old and these videos are helping me with my ADHD more than anything. Good journey to you!
For me, it’s with the dishes.. my mom recently yelled at me “What is wrong with you!?” And I yelled back “I dunno, what IS wrong with me?!” Just cause they pushed me more and more to do the dishes. I’ve hurt myself and disappointed my mother (and sister, she yells at me too).
You are right, sadly this wall even keeps us from the things we love doing. That might be the hardest part.
I don't have ADHD but I watch these because I have some students with ADHD. But this one is so surprisingly similar to what I deal with because of my depression. Thank you, this helps me as well as the kids 👍❤️
Same. I have anxiety/depression and this felt like exactly what I go through w what should be "easy" tasks everyday
Thank you for being a good teacher who cares.
@@nbucwa6621 Me too
Thank you for watching these to help with students! This year is the first year my son has had a teacher that gets it. So its wonderful, its thriving!
I'm so proud of you!
What a great video, Ive only recently realised Im possibly ADHD on top of ASD. Im awaiting diagnosis. Videos like this help me realise Im not a poor human being.
I used to manage a metal workshop.
It's common to stop work mid Friday afternoon and tidy up.
My system (which was totally selfish) was to work till clocking off. Down tools and go.
Monday morning, we would tidy up. This allowed plenty of time to stare at the wall, potter around, get used to being back in the work space etc. I found this really helpful.
I have a home studio for sound design and builder audio devices. On days off work. I go in, potter about and tidy up. It takes an age to get myself in there. This is achievable because I know I'm not required to be "productive" immediately.
I was diagnosed as ADHD, and I feel vindicated. I would be careful seeking affirmation, though. I was warned it came with negative baggage. Psychiatrists' letters can be quite clinical. Mine reads very badly, and if it wasn't for videos like this, I would feel like a broken specimen.
Wow, I have been going to therapy for a long time and not once have they provided useful information for climbing my wall (which I only today realized I have), but a trained professional should have realised the problem long ago. [The situation is obviously nuanced: they have suggested simple things like meditation and exercise, but there is a wall between me and those easy things like excersise too.]
This helped me so much more.
As a visual learner, the animations really helped me follow what you were saying!
SAME
Visual learners FTW!! 😍 I have finally found my people ♥
Everyone is a visual learner. In many learning contexts, good visuals help everyone. Same for the other kinds of learner
i don't have ADHD, but I struggle with anxiety and this analogy nails it spot on. I do a lot of staring at my walls and avoid many of them at all costs.
Amanda Lashley how do you cope?
Yeah I have severe anxiety and this seems like the same sort of thing, the wall of awful holds me back in doing things so much.
"I know because I made it up" is the best thing I've heard in a long time, baaaaa haaa haaa! Seriously though, I am so glad I found this video/channel. I was diagnosed as an adult, and although meds have helped tremendously, I've never learned any actual tools to help myself. My ADHD stepson is moving in with us this week, so this is coming at a great time, because we can work on this stuff together. Thank you so much for your channel!
Every single one of these videos makes me cry because of how understood they make me feel. It finally feels like I have hope
Every time i watch one of your videos, I get shocked on how similar we Brains really are. We face the same problems, and yet most of us feels lonely all the time. Thank you for reminding us that we are not.
Keep up the good work, I believe in you!
My favourite metaphor for ADHD and our community is 'The Island of Misfit Toys.' It's really not until you find a safe place with other ADDers that you realize, you really aren't alone.
I was just gonna comment something like this, thanks for getting it out of my mouth
+
All people are very similar! I don't have ADD or ADHD, and I can really relate to the feeling of the "Wall of Awful!"
Shirin Hasan same here!! I realize too, we all experience the same emotions, seems like just talking about it helps us all feel supported and even 'normal'. :D
By the way: Protip for climbing the wall that works for me personally, is to make yourself just climb a tiny amount of the wall.
I tell myself, you only need to take this tiny step and you can climb the rest later. I trick myself, because once I start climbing I keep climbing the rest. It's a matter of getting going. Because once you are hanging on that wall, why keep hanging? Might as well keep going until you reach the top.
The actual hard part, is the first step, that first step getting you on the wall, not the 99 steps after.
For example, I need to clean the entire bathroom. Don't wanna do that. Ok, all I have to do, is clean the sink. That's it, after that, I can go do something else, just this small thing. Well, once I start doing it, like I said, hard part's over and I do the entire bathroom.
THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR HERE: Once you have started doing something productive, you start feeling good about yourself. Your brain is rewarding you. No longer do you feel the need to play that videogame, because you are now getting the same reward doing your productive thing, so you keep going.
I know I'm going to trick myself, and it still works. Hope that helps anyone.
Yes, this!
I do exact same thing! Whenever self tricking doesn't work l also do a bit of self pep talk. Like one time i was supposed to help cook rice for the family but that wall of awful!!! Which was weird coz i've cooked rice so many times before like wuh? So i was like, dude.. DUDE! You got this! You're brilliant! You're proactive! You did (insert past achievement)! Let's get this rice cooking! *snap fingers.... yeah so this all happens in my head while i was wandering around the kitchen looking lost. Once my brain was on board i headed straight to where i needed to be. Sometimes i pissed people off when i do this but i gave up explaining long time ago.
I do that too!
Thanks I needed to hear this again
Thank you! I’m just struggling to even go inside school because of my wall of awful.
Edit: Sorry, but it’s not working for me. I don’t want to go back in there even after I stopped being friends with all of my classmates. 😅
It's so amazing to hear you talk about these things when nobody around me understands. It makes me feel much less alone. Thank you so much.
I recently found your videos after deciding I’d educate myself more on adhd. I’ve been diagnosed both as a child and an adult and your videos are giving me motivation and pushing me to think outside of my comfort zone.
Waiting for the energy is spot on. It's felt when it is there,and will knock a project out.when it's not felt nothing gets done. But it is definitely something that can be felt. It just arrives when it wants. So hard to explain to anyone who doesn't understand.
The problem with that energy is that it’s often used up faster then needed to get to the performance level. I feel like I need a jump start for every task
@@4philipp I wish. Can't even come up with something specific that would or does jump start us everytime. It is so random when the energy is there it is almost usless
I’m just finding out about executive dysfunction, seems similar to this video, I also see that I abuse coffee to jump start my energy. 44yr old here 😑
@@plap. or you find a jump start that works one time. But when you try that thing next time, it doesn't work or even makes things worse.
@@DLeighWifey So true, everything works like self medicating. Works randomly and feels good for a fleeting moment but can't be sustained and live with any kind of normalness. I Just keep tooling along and never make anything worse. There are always happy moments in life to keep heading for. It does help knowing we are not alone.
I sometimes feel like us ADHD folks are just hyper-sensitive to things we do not enjoy and the only way to being happy in life is to find something we truly enjoy and stick with it. Otherwise the walls just keep popping up without end and we're just as miserable.
I’m crying reading this because this is exactly what I feel. Thank u
What if there's nothing you enjoy
@user-dp3ig1ji9e You might not have found it YET. I didn't discover gardening until I was 44 - I can't make it my career & I don't like everything about it. If not for covid it would have taken much longer.
Just cut yourself some slack and try things - allow yourself to fail & then try something else. If nothing else you may have get a good story out of it.
@@someone-oj4dk when there is nothing to enjoy in life, it could really help to talk to a psychologist or a help hotline. Usually there can be done something. Don't give up, there is so much to gain ♥️ (and I'm definitely not an optimist 😅)
@@someone-oj4dk then you probably have depression. The good news is that it doesn't have to be permanent. There is joy to be had in this life, and you're a damned fool if you don't try to find it.
My adhd is so bad i saw the 6:33 length and built a wall. Turned the speed up to x1.5 and hulk smashed through it. Glad I did, because climbing takes me way too long. Life changing video.
I keep watching this video and I just love it. It explains so much! Especially that I get cross when people push me while I'm climbing my wall!
This is silly but literally brushing my teeth is one of the hardest things for me to do
I know that this is very late but i am just now starting my journay and i relate so much to this.
Same I know it’s bad but I only do it if it’s necessary otherwise I won’t do it. 😞
Honestly same
same i only brush them if my mouth starts hurting
Me too. I didn’t go to a dentist for 23 years.
I am literally crying right now. I've been freezing in the face of this wall of awful my entire life and now I know it exists and I can climb it
Same
Same.
It SUCKSSSS. Having ADHD really sucks doesn't it... How are people supposed to deal with something that's out of their control and then try and explain it to people who don't have it. It always sounds like a bunch of excuses which is why I don't like talking about it to my family
You can 🤍
I showed this video to my mom to explain why I can’t finish my missing essay and she replied with “but I’ve dealt with these things before and gotten through them on my own, and back then there was nobody to lift me up or help me. In fact we were humiliated in front of everyone when stuff like this happened, and yet somehow I survived.” So like… I don’t really know how else to explain it to her 😐
Sometimes I need a second to breathe and "build up courage", that's what I've been calling it since childhood. My mom thought I was just trying to get away from doing it, but she didn't interrupt me, she'd just wait.
I never thought I would hear the phrase "Hulk Smash inwardly" and how it makes so much sense
I found this video in the middle of day 4 of putting off making a really important phone call, and it actually made me cry. I tend to get so frustrated with “dumb” things like my phone anxiety, I’d never thought of it this way. I’m going to climb my wall.
Episodes like these talk about concepts that are so foreignly familiar to me. Like this wall of awful is basically what I call "the I don't want to"s. Makes me feel like I really have developed a lot of this psychology unfortunately through trial and error. Younger people might save himself a lot of grief here
I love how you put yourself out there in these videos and show the world that there is nothing to be ashamed of, I find it really difficult seeing myself being so casual and unashamed about a past due parking ticket but at the same time I'm really aware of how unconstructive it is to beat yourself up for those kind of things
literally perfect timing w this subject for me 😅 im uhhh having a hard time lol
S L same here. Been working on a work presentation for close to 10 hours and my frustration was with 1. Not having it polished by when my boss wanted it and when we agreed 2. Overthinking and over complicating everything.... not sure if anyone has experienced this but I had to go cry in a room because I was so frustrated sad guilty etc. This video and series are helping thank uuu
I wish you luck :)
S L me too
Ditto. Good luck.
Me too! I was just diagnosed at 25 and my mom still holds resentments over me because of the struggles I had as a child. This is the perfect metaphor to explain what I couldn't
This is me to a T. I have a butt load of procrastination, worry, and disappointment bricks. This is such an awesome way to think about it! I do a lot of staring at my wall and some running but I've been in the process of climbing it too. I'm just going really slow.
ZaLynnC rock on, wall climber!! 😃😄👍💪💕
Agreed. Once I start something be it cleaning the house, that sucker gets a fantastic super clean, it just takes me a day or two of getting over starting.
Ueno54 a thousand percent relatable! ! (let's not even talk about taxes!😝😝)
@@highpeacetess now that should be the new slogan for the ADHD association! T-shirts and everything!
@@torreycat7714 😆 thanks! 🙌💕🙌
I cried so hard. This is a perfect way to explain something I've been dealing with my whole life. I'd say this is one of the worst things about adhd (for me, at least), and I finally have a way to explain it to my parents. I guess I also didn't know for sure it was my adhd. I knew work took longer with adhd, but I didn't know that getting started was a part of it. It's nice to know it's not really my fault and that others struggle with this too.
Knowing that sitting stating into space isn’t me failing is comforting and knowing the positive affirmation advice I learned on UA-cam is helpful. I think I have undiagnosed ADHD. I’ve felt like a failure for so long. I’m really smart and lots of ppl have told me I should go into politics or become a doctor.
Wow...this is life changing. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but I do have a wall of awful. When I was struggling really badly with it last year I tried explaining how I felt to my loved ones and they were confused. I said "Do ever have a task you need to do but every fiber of your being just wont let you do it? Like starting it is impossible." And they were like "No? We just do stuff???" It was super frustrating to deal with it alone. I kept telling them I'm struggling with procrastination and the answer was always "Why? Just do it." This makes complete sense. I'm actually staring at my wall of awful right now. Time to climb!
Another nice üroductivity tip is: Don't wait until you feel good to do the task, you'll feel good after you have done the task :l
@@cappuchino_creationsA better productivity tip is to find an easier chunk of something to do, to get the feeling of accomplishment to help do the rest AND to make the overall task less intimidating. For example, washing the laundry is a major undertaking; it involves prolonged effort, especially to not forget about it in the washer! So start by sorting and organizing it a bit- white/hot, colors/warm, bedding- to PREPARE to wash it. You can even put a load in the washer but not add detergent or turn it on! I’m seriously considering doing a video series on neurodivergent laundry management (I’m AuDHD-PI twice-exceptional! Yay! 🫠) sometime! Maybe as I get less busy maintaining those kids I birthed! 👍
@@misspatvandriverlady7555 For my school work, what I do is I make the cover page, make sure the document is formatted correctly, add in the page numbering etc. Small things like that are easy for me and give me a little boost.
Now I have a name for THE THING that's always in the way...THE WALL OF AWFUL.
Brilliant. Now I can recognize what that thing is and help overcome it!
Thank.
You.
You're welcome! I'm glad you found meaning in it. :)
I created it to help parents understand why their kids had trouble starting their homework, but quickly realized it was bigger than that.
yes, exactly! 👍 👊 💕
ADHD Essentials this one video can change a lot of lives, help soften reactions, and bring much understanding of the self~ to many! ! thank you so much 😄😃😀💖💖💖
Thank you for giving this a name.
I've been internally Hulk Smashing myself through my entire life. Everything I've ever accomplished, even things I liked doing and am proud of, started/were motivated by me being angry at myself for not being 'good enough' (that was the thing everybody always said about me as a kid and it is now a core part of my identity). I self-flagellated myself into EVERY. SINGLE. THING I have ever done in the past 28 years. I noticed this in college (that everything I did was fueled by anger and self-hatred), but I didn't know why or what to do about it. So I've just continued to swing wildly between complete apathy and then used suicidal rage at myself for being such a worthless human to get anything done. And I do mean ANYthing. Like even doing the dishes every day only happens when I remind myself how much of a worthless failure I am and how much I don't deserve to live if I can't even do something as simple as wash a couple of plates, forks, and a skillet.
i dont know if i have adhd but this resonated with me a lot and i feel this metaphor is so useful to avoid beating myself for it. Thank you this channel is a gem
Watch out for Bigfoot attacks!!
I reeeeaally like the idea of framing the emotional work as 'climbing'/with an active verb rather than a passive/stationary verb! That's a really good idea, because it really does take SO much work and energy to push through this stuff, and therefore it's good to acknowledge that! Really great video, Jessica, can't wait for the second part!!
Thanks! I was an English teacher before I started doing this ADHD work, do word choice is important to me. (As are metaphors. 😁 )
@@adhdessentials5919 I REALLY LOVE METAPHORS
@@HowtoADHD Me too!
That's why we're a good team. 😀
YES!!!!
it's funny because it's new year's eve and my sister repeatedly told me to do the dishes even when I said I will, like after 12 am comes around and we actually head inside. doing the dishes is my most dreaded daily task, and I usually have my other sister do it in exchange of me clearing the table, cooking, etc. it's just that my other sister already did my usual tasks this time so i had to go do dishes. her telling me repeatedly made my hulk smash my way to washing the dishes. i was surprised i did it as I angrily went inside and went straight to the kitchen. after said task, I head to my pc to binge watch your videos and I came across this. your videos always make me feel better because i learn about how and why I do things, and it just helps me try to be a better person. so thank you, Jessica.
I've known I had ADHD for a while, but I've not fully grasped these "walls of awful" until now. Not only is the rhetoric superb, but I have a better understanding of the chaos in my own brain. Bravo and thank you kindly.
"You are doing work, even though it looks like you're not"
So validating :')
👽🐒💃💎🎩🥑🍍🙏🐩
👽😍💎🎩🍍🙏🐩🤑🤡👺💚💚💚💌💬💨💥⛑🕊🥀🍃
The idea that “climbing the wall *signifies* the emotional work someone struggles with before getting started on physical work” is just amazing presentation of the concept. At the beginning I thought “well, that wall is just a mental model” but I find that the model explains the real issue and helps study various approaches to resolve the issue. It certainly changed my perspective on considering myself lazy when I think about a problem for a long time before starting to physically working on it. It might help that I consider that the walls are real and it is not laziness if I am sitting looking at the task as long as I am genuinely trying to bring myself to work on it. Of course, if I’m actively doing something else, that counts as procrastination.
Thank you so much for this video! My son has struggled with starting tasks his whole life and I never knew why. This changes everything!
Although I don't have an official diagnosis, your channel has helped me so much! Thanks to your content I understand my behaviors and my brain so much better. Your Wall of Awful Explanation is something that I have been searching for my whole life. Thank you for putting words- and a kick ass video to a problem I couldn't describe for myself.
I’m bawling my eyes out while watching this because this is exactly how I’ve been describing getting work done recently, because I’ve been getting a better sense of how my ADHD works. It’s so validating to have someone else say the exact same thing, thank you.
My husband (ADHD) and I (a more different ADHD) called the Wall of Awful a “waffle” now.
Thank you for making these videos! They’ve been so helpful!
good for you, but I like waffles too much for that...
Thank you, Imma steal this and write it down with my other reassuring notes in my phone screen.
There, now "Climb your Waffle" is there along with Ca será será, Either you win or you learn, Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will, and I should do what I should do after I've done what makes me happy.
I recently discovered this channel, and each video is just so very helpful and literally rings me to tears.
I knew I needed help when I found myself having to do a 30 page mini-dissertation I’m 24hrs when I had 10months to do it.
I’m 22, so I’m hopeful that things will get better now that I know what the issue is
Thank you so much for sharing your videos.
I'm gaining a better understanding of how my brain works, and why I've struggled so much in the past.
I relate to a lot of your experiences, it feels really comforting knowing I'm not the only one struggling with these things.
This is extremely relatable. Can't get my haircut, will completely run out of food before getting more groceries, never have maintenance done on my car, drove around on 3 years expired tags, so many things. Each and every one of them has its own unique wall in front of it that I dont want to deal with. I have a lot of ADD symptoms but not all of them, wondering if this is one of those things that many people have or if its more likely that I have ADD after all. I was diagnosed with it as a kid but figured it was wrong since I'm able to hyper focus on things I find interesting. Little did I know that makes it even more likely that I have ADD.
Thank you so much! I've been sitting and staring at a wall of awful for days now. I would be too stressed to eat. It's been terrifying, paralyzing. I started climbing yesterday. I didn't finish, but I started actually working on the thing and that meant a lot to me. I know to my professors, it's underperforming, but for me, I won yesterday. Thank you for giving me a way to illustrate what it feels like to be stuck behind the wall. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone, even on my darkest days.
Good job!
yeah rocket socks! you can blast over it! ! :-D
This is SUCH A GOOD VIDEO! I do a lot of "climbing the wall" inside my head, and I realize that it looks to other people like I'm slacking off, but as soon as I get started, I'm able to put out incredible work in what seems like a ridiculously short amount of time. But it didn't take a short amount of time; it's just that most of that time, the work was invisible.
Thanks so much for these videos. They're INCREDIBLY helpful.
Thank you sooooo much for putting this into words. It feels buck wild to try to start something and not be able to and have literally nobody else understand what you mean when you describe it.
This is what I’ve been calling procrastination for literal years. Thank you
I love the wall metaphor! One thing I've been dealing with a lot in the past, too, doesn't get mentioned explicitly but totally fits into that image:
I've often noticed that, when I have a task due and somebody thinks I've been not doing that long enough and sends me a reminder, it doesn't make the task more present. Just the opposite - it pushes it further away. I've explained it in the past as having done my emotional labor on it for the day by reading the reminder, thinking about it, calming down if the tone was too naggy, and making a mental note to do that soon but not too soon because I don't want to send a message that nagging works.
Within the metaphor, it's pretty obvious why it doesn't work: They're adding bricks to my wall - and without being prompted by any activity of mine to do so, allowing me no control over how the wall is built at all, possibly also ruining my neat plan of climbing it because that depended on there being no bricks in that one spot.
I have been telling my mom that telling me to do it actually makes me less likely to do it... that makes no sense to her. But it makes sense going by this video. It really does apply to the video though... Every time somebody reminds you to do it they are adding a brick to your wall. You know you have disappointed them because it is not already done.
Yes!! Thank you for putting that in words ... I knew there was a reason the "friendly' reminders or not so friendly nagging just sets me back.
For me, it makes a huge difference if I trust the person who's reminding me. If I know the person genuinely wants to help and wants me to succeed for my own sake (not because it's something I "should" do or that mainly benefits someone else), then I usually take the reminder as a "get started" signal, not as nagging. I want the people who truly care about me to check up on me when I'm struggling, so I don't put things off to spite them. However, if it's someone I don't trust, then the brakes get put on.
"allowing me no control over how the wall is built at all" THANK YOU SO MUCH for putting that bit so neatly into words!!!!!!!!!
This is SOOOOOO helpful! Thank you so much for your channel. It has helped me SO much. You are the sole reason I have gotten anywhere with my ADHD. Thank you for doing thi
Im sitting here crying... it is insane how much I could have used this when I was in middle school, when my ADHD was at its highest, and I didn't know it. Thinking "I'm at a wall of awful" has helped me through a lot. Thank you, for this
Is this why I hype myself up for a whole week to pay my bills every month?
Bingo
I thought I was the only one
Yep.
Lucky if you can do it online. That’s easier to overcome. Imagine having to write checks or get money orders to fill out and sending it by mail.
@@4philipp A budgeting tool like YNAB and bills on autopay is a lifesaver.
I really needed this today. Currently I’m climbing a few walls of awful, and this video made me realize the negative thoughts/ self-talk I was having. I even started crying halfway through because everything just started to make sense. Thank you for making such amazing helpful well thought out content
"you are doing work, even though it looks like you're not. It's just emotional work." That got me emotional. This video gives me the language and understanding to say this week, while it has looked like I've done nothing, I've been climbing my gigantic wall of awful.
This video really helped me this week. I was struggling with something for work that was actually not a big deal, but it requires sustained focus on boring details, and each time I have to do it it takes longer than the previous time. I caught myself doing the inward Hulk smash this time, and was able to take a step back and reframe things to finish it with less anger and self-judgment. Thank you!
Sometimes when I feel like I can’t do a simple task, I lay in bed until I realize I’ve been laying in bed too long and I’m really running out of time. Then at that point I force myself to do it but often feel really bad the whole time, either that or fake positivity about it with myself and try to hype myself up to do it. I try to talk myself into it like “one more, almost there!” etc. Where I fall short on this are big things, emotional traumas that are hard to navigate. The answers are simple, but I need time to FEEL ready. I could do it, but I want to feel like I can.
This is why I will gravitate towards people who are able to be patient with me in my life. That may be, above all else, the most valuable gift anyone outside the tribe can give to someone in the tribe. ❤ Thank you for this content.
I am struggling with finding patient people.. have backed off from many who say they are patient but then just end up having a hulk smash and blowing up at me for not being quick enough....so i found i was getting anxious with myself for same reasons.
My sweet dog is super patient with me....but thats about it.
I think I watch this channel more than he does. The fact that he agrees w/ me that im more active w/ him than his own fam is... is like yeah. .. do they really ever truly pay attention to him? Bc for real. Im not his momma. That hanging w/ my actual kid actually feels like freedom... Shes been "diagnosed" w/ this. But yeah no. She does Not act like him. I make the comparisons. But it really isn't always the same. Im gonna refrain myself from sounding too insulting now. Its just alot...
You just put words to a lot of my struggles of daily life and past failures. Thank you
Thank you for making this episode. I have been explaining to professionals on my diagnosis journey that I have this invisible wall that is in-between me and what I need to do. I can't get around it or over easily anymore and I just want a door to the other side. They look at me like a dog that has heard a weird sound. This makes me feel seen and validated in my explination.
I'll have to share this with my wife. See if it shines a bit of light onto why I do, what I do. Shes OCD ... so as you may figure, we dont see eye to eye on a lot of things
Baruti Madu I’m OCD and possibly ADHD. I’ve been tested but it was inconclusive bc I had anxiety from OCD. But this describes me as well.
I feel your pain! It is a constant struggle. My wife calls me unreliable and says I ignore her.
The most important part of climbing your wall is that when you get to the top you look back and acknowledge how far you climbed.
WOWZA did this one ever hit home. Thank you for explaining my very frustrating habits in a way that helps me process *why* I do them. Super super helpful metaphor.
To the animator. As an engineer and clockwork nerd, I have to give kudos for working gears that are correctly in mesh. Especially at 4:32 where you even have a compound gear that rotates at the proper speed. Nicely done. ⚙👍