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This is off subject but I’m diagnosed with ADHD and forget to drink I only have like 1-3 drinks. Am experiencing potential heatstroke symptoms. Anyone got tips?
@@xkirstinx8058 I have a tip! Use a bigger sized water bottle instead of the common sizes. You fill it in the morning and don't have to remember to fill them so often as it would happen with a glass of water for example.
@@iangchang I do this already, but then the bottle just sits there even when right next to me. I still forget. Do you have any tips for actually remembering to use it? Lol
@@michellegoewey2939 OMFG SAME. I literally had a bottle of water and didn’t drink it I only drink when My mouth is literally dry. Hopefully someone can help us. 😂 like it’s amazing we need water to survive but our brains forget 😂
The best way I’ve found to avoid paying that adhd tax for groceries going bad is to buy a smaller amount of groceries. I just buy enough to make meals for 3 days and then buy more groceries. It sets the bar lower and I’m not setting myself up for failure if something goes bad. Yeah it’s annoying to go to the grocery store twice a week but it’s been the most effective solution so far.
Yeeeah, started doing that too pretty soon after moving out, bc it was only me eating the food now, instead of 3 or 4 people like when I went for groceries with my mom. I also found that it's best to only buy things you're actually going to eat. Stupidly simple, I know, but like?? There's a difference between buying what you think you "should", "will", and "want to" eat. "want to" can lead to many unhealthy choices, so it's important to keep an eye on your eating habits. "should" will make you buy stuff more out of guilt than anything else, especially if you've received critique on your eating habits, either from someone else or yourself, and it'll lead you to buying stuff you won't actually eat, and instead avoid until it goes bad and you throw it out. "will" eat should, ideally, be a mix of a bit of both, of healthy things, snacks, but also stuff that you KNOW you CAN and WILL eat! It can be quick meals, pre-prepared ingredients, unprepared ingredients that you LIKE preparing (or don't mind to), bulge buy of stuff like rice or noodles or flour or salt, etc It's important to always buy something that you LIKE eating, either always or just currently, and stuff that you crave, if that happens to be occurring atm. Because then you'll have at least ONE thing in your house that you can eat even if you have a terrible day.
Yea. I also use the flow when I'm already going, when I cut an onion anyway and feel like it, I just cut two to three more and freeze them. Easy access next time!
Yessss! I actually go out daily since I have a life that allows me to do such things, and it definitely has helped us reduce our food waste and thus ensuring we actually utilise what we buy.... since we're buying it for that day anyway. I kind of felt silly but thankful that I figured this out but it's cool to know there are others out there that do similar variations! 😊 - Harley, Community Manager
No cupboard doors: not being able to close them away actually stresses me out. There are too many things to see and they can distract me. Plus, I only get them in there "good enough" in order to move on and not think about it too much. If they were always visible I'd want it to look pretty so the clutter didn't give me anxiety, which takes more effort than I have time to give it.
@@bloodymares If you're owned by a cat, you *know* things don't just fall. You might not catch them at it, but it's always the cat - even if they're only manipulating their localized quantum gravity field.
My grandma has a wonderful solution to that problem. She buys clear bins with labels and sticks those in the cupboards. The doors hide the clutter and everything has a home.
I'm the opposite to the 'take the doors off your cabinets' girl, I need everything to be out of sight most of the time and keep my space really neutral with hardly anything visible because I get so easily overwhelmed by visual stimuli. Especially when my ADHD and anxiety are colliding. Sometimes I even cover things in sheets so I can't see them if they're too colorful or detailed, unless I'm specifically working on a project
This is exactly how I feel! I bought covers on Etsy for my TV stand shelves bc the clutter made it so difficult for me to relax in the evenings. I think maybe pretty labels would work well here? Best of both worlds?
This was my thought too. Too much visual stimuli leads me to constantly having to process "stuff" in my environment. Do I have too much (visual) clutter already? Yesss. So when I can containerize something to take extra visuals out of the way, it helps. That said, if I put a project away completely, I forget to work on it.
Same! I take advantage of the "out of sight out of mind" to just shove everything into a random cabinet … of course until I open the cabinet, and everything comes tumbling out.
What _does_ work for me is having multiple spaces for things I lose often. So I have a little vertical container near my door; in the bathroom; in my bedroom; near my couch. That way, if I need to put my glasses down somewhere, I don't have to go anywhere to put them away, but they aren't just out in the wild. If I do lose them, then 99% of the time they are in one of those 4 boxes.
I do the same. I have either my room shelf or my desk where I would typically leave my stuff, and nowhere else. My work bag must always be at my desk with related stuff close to it. Like this, I greatly reduces the options of "oh no, where is it?".
I do this too but it does require me to remember to use them... so my phone still ends up in the fridge, in the microwave on top of the backrest of the sofa or on a random shelf pretty often.
Thank you for clarifying on the definition of object permanence. It’s something that really annoys me when I hear people using it for ADHD, particularly since I’ve watched family members with dementia lose something much closer to “object permanence”. I can turn around and immediately forget the stove is on, but that’s incredibly different from sitting next to a loved one and having them be surprised to see you every time they turn around.
I heard on one of the ADHD compilation YT videos the another name for the object permanence thing and supposedly the correct term but i can't remember what it is... perhaps because my ADHD.
A softer variation of the "don't put it down, put it away" rule that works for me, is having specific rules like "It's not ok to leave things on the floor". I give myself permission to leave things on my desk, my shelves, etc. Just never, ever my floor (unless they're kept neatly in a box or something). By giving myself a rule that I can follow, I'm making steps toward the right direction, without holding myself to an impossible standard.
Excellent! I do similar; choose your battles. My kitchen I like having neat: my office, on the other hand, not so much. Not much goes on the floor in any room, however; there's where I draw the line.
It helps me to invert this advice. Look where things are being put down. Where things collect and linger. Make that their storage spot. Put a bowl there. Or a box, or coat rack, or some shelves.
@@blacktigerchick yeah, I've got the "not here" bin, where it's things that don't belong there, but I go thru regularly and put everything in the bin away.
The best advice I've ever heard with my AHDH is "once begun is half done" meaning getting started is the hardest part. it pops into my mind when I'm having trouble with my executive function.
"Don't put it down, put it away" sounds like the constant nagging I heard as a kid, and it honestly makes me want to do it way less. Especially depending on what it is and when it's happening, sometimes I'm tired, or just can't bring myself to do it, or maybe I'm hungry and need to eat first, or have to start laundry because I need something the next day. It's one of those "perfect tips" that sound like a perfect fix but really aren't. Like "put it in your planner!" or "set a reminder!" Sounds good, doesn't work as perfectly as you think it will.
ADHDer: _does anything_ Everyone else: hAvE yOU tRiEd a planner? I'm sure they mean well but sometimes the planner takes a work and isn't that simple xD
Exactly! It would be great if it worked but it's not that simple. Everytime I try to explain to someone the issues I have with remembering things because of my ADHD the first thing they say is "just set a reminder on your phone". If it was that easy I wouldn't have the problem anymore 😂
Something else that came to mind with this is invalidating the “spoons” or energy I may not have. I actually struggle with this mindset a lot because it drudges up a lot of shame and guilt that if I don’t put things away immediately, then I’m not functioning as I should be. I’ve been working with a coach about this and realizing that it’s a trap for me. Just because I don’t immediately put things away, doesn’t mean I’m not functioning. It’s just a low to non-existent priority and honestly, it feeds back into the previous hack about putting things on hangers in view. My clean clothes stay in a laundry basket that I can sort through. It’s in view and I’ve got energy to direct to tasks rather than feed into the guilt of “putting it away”.
@@jessy5241 I started using drawers and made a rule never to fold anything. If it needs to be folded, it needs to be thrown in the f-ing trash😄 Neurotypicals have a 🤯 reaction to it, but I am done with putting unecessary expectations on my self, only to fail and lose energy for doing things I could actually be succeeding at.
“Set it for as long as you will allow yourself to soak in the inertia” I have recently (over the last few years) described myself as having a very strong sense of inertia. If I’m moving, it’s very hard to stop, and if I’m not moving, it’s very hard to start
Exactly! Folks tell me to take breaks before doing hard things but I lose momentum and it makes it harder Especially applicable to skiing over scary slopes - stopping loses both mental and physical inertia and makes it that much harder to continue
I think "don't put it down put it away" is more useful if you are already in the same space. Example putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of by the sink. It only takes a couple extra seconds but I will often skip it lately because baby "needs" me. But rarely is she actually desperately in need of me that second and I have time to do it properly.
Yeah, i think "dont put it down, put it away" is most useful in situations like choosing clothes (dont put it on the Chair, put it back on the hanger/rail/etc), shoes (back on the shoe rack! not kicked under the bed), etc, not stuff like "i finished reading this book in the living room, and i now have to take it 3 flights of stairs up to the attic bookshelf IMMEDIATELY instead of just going on the side of the stairs for later lol
I agree, I think that tip is best suited for situations where the difference between "down" and "away" is a few seconds/feet. I like the idea of putting things in "down" in the room they belong to, or on the path to that room, so you can come by later to put it "away". One of the big motivation-killers for cleaning I experienced as a kid was the redundancy of traveling back and forth between rooms more than necessary. I wish my parents had thought of this idea to teach us, but it's not too late to try!
@@williamsparks99 I've definitely found it useful to put stuff on the path to its home if I know it's not feasible to put it away immediately! I often put stuff I have to take back upstairs or downstairs on the steps of the staircase so that it's hard to not pick it up while I'm going to a different floor. Of course, that can be an issue when you live with other people. My parents rarely ever come upstairs but they still are not a fan of the potential to trip on random staircase stuff
@@roma_venka If there's room nearby, it could help to put a little table/shelf/whatever nearby, so that you can have a place to put things that's not the floor. But since you live with your parents, you'd probably have to talk with them about moving that certain piece of furniture, or about buying something new
@@doctorwholover1012 yes! I've reminded myself "don't put it down, put it away" while standing in front of my jewelry organizer when I'm tempted to dump my earrings on top of the organizer instead of opening the door and hanging them up.
'Don't put it down. Put it away' bothers me too. It feels like someone saying 'just be better'. The reason I struggle with staying organized, is because I lack the executive functioning to stay on top of my systems. Advising me to interrupt myself before I put something down where it doesn't belong misses the mark. I become disorganized because I lack the executive function required to take a pause and implement the organizational tactics & skills that would obviously work. Knowing how to do something, why it's important, and when to do it doesn't change the fact that it'll get neglected when I lose focus and begin doing something else.
@@Globe_TastersHonestly even when I lived in a 500 sq ft studio apartment that advice didn't work. It's better to just redefine what putting something away means.
It definitely does, I have an extremely bad habit of putting things into drawers, cupboards, bags and my pockets in order to put them out of sight, which has me dealing with the clutter later when I have to find something. This extends to rubbish if I can't find an immediate bin, so a lot of the clutter is useless.
“Don’t put it down, put it away,” made me think of my mom. 😂 It also reminded me of an ex who, after I did a hyper focused clean and tidy of my living area and kitchen, said to me, “Just keep it like this.” Oh, my sweet summer child….
Ok, love to see you responding to the object permanence issue. I feel super enfantalized by this myth of lacking object permanence. I'm not a baby and I'm not an idiot, I'm just forgetful.
It could be for the extreme focus moment (as ADHD has the extreme focus sometimes, when you are doing one thing and nothing else can disturb you), in those moments you seem, to others, as if you lack awareness of everything but what is in front of you, even if that is clearly wrong because the moment that minute of focus fades you suddenly remember what you needed to do, call someone, enter the meeting, etc. I have an alarm to enter the work meetings and even then I sometimes am so focused in solving one thing that I just move to turn off the alarm and go right back to solve the problem instead of doing the literal 3 clicks to enter the meeting, this is like getting distracted of everything else by what you are currently doing, it usually last only a few minutes, the most productive minutes of the day, then right back to getting distracted by everything and completely unable to focus on one thing.
Exactly! It's not a underdeveloped trait, it's having a smaller working short term memory. Our working memory being smaller is what induces hyperfocus, and when we don't have something, someone interrupts us, or something breaks, our hyperfocus completely skews. We become "scatter brained", especially with these kinds of interruptions because it forces our brain to consider another aspect into our working memory, and how that affects our process. It's usually then chucked into the too hard basket. That's not a toddler behaviour, because babies get straight back up again after falling, trying to walk. We're trying to walk, talk, make things with our hands, write, *listen* and remember where or what the next piece or step is.
If "don't put it down, put it away" works for folks, that's great for them. Personally I hate it, it reminds me of growing up and having my ADHD-denying father tell me things like "you just have to focus more". I've told myself things similar to this, but I'm really good at making excuses to myself. I like Jessica's basket idea, collect a bunch of stuff, take it to the proper place when you're on your way there.
I like to group like things. The laundry may wait days to be folded, but when I do fold I fold everything. Meanwhile, it sits out. When I lived in a multi-level house, I had baskets at the bottom and top of the stairs. If I was doing the stairs empty handed, I might take those items, too.
For me, it works when I bring groceries home. If I don't put it away immediately, I will forget about it and the products that should be cooled, will get bad. Of course I will first put the bag down to take of my coat, but I don't go sit on my couch for example. I totally get the idea that when you put it down, things will pile up or you forget about it. And maybe it will take more effort to put it away later, because you have to get up again to do it in stead of going one step further by putting it away when you're already up. But it doesn't work for every situation and every person.
I had people tell me that multiple times. I typically get distracted on the way there and put that item down and forget about it. Then I can't find said object because it wasn't where I last used it or where it was supposed to be.
When something is hard or too distracting to put away in the moment, I’ve found some success with having trays and baskets in strategic locations. I put anything that needs to be put away in them. As I walk around the house I’ll grab stuff that belongs where I’m going and take it with me and either put it away or put it in that areas receptacle to get put away later
Also the adhd tax thing 100% - we're often shamed into buying less convenient things because convenience seems to read to others as laziness or privilege but I don't think paying more or aiming for convenience applies to us in the same way, it's better to just look at it as 'accessible'. Meal kit subscription, Huel (helps me), pre-chopped veggies, whatever it may be, don't feel bad for having skipped some steps or paying more, it's just an adaptation we make to help us deal with a disorder that has nothing to do with our own work ethic or laziness. Pay the ADHD tax, do what you can within your means
I definitely agree, often I bought a 1kg bag of carrots that go off before I use them. I made carrot and coriander soup and after a day I was bored of eating that too.
One thing that has helped me is frozen vegetables, especially steamable frozen vegetables. They have the same nutrients as fresh but don’t go bad nearly as quickly. It’s also easy to chuck into the microwave and have a side.
Thank you for addressing the "object permanence" point. According to my wife (licensed school psycologist) it does have a snappy name it's called "impaired working memory". Basically your remembering gets interupted somewhere between the short and long term memory parts of your brain and the memory never makes the switch. So you conceptually know a thing exists (object permanence) but the fact that it is in the place or that you have to do the thing gets lost in the ether.
I say I have the memory of a goldfish. 5 second rule. It may or may not be there in 5 seconds. Morning is the worst. I don't know where my brain is, it's not in my head. I repeat 'the thing', or count repeatedly as I go (like 4 cups of water).
Yeah, I'm glad she addressed this too! It's in the process of consolidation if I remember rightly. There are a couple of things that can be done to help, but it's remembering to do them for me! 😅
I sometimes wonder if "object permanence" does actually apply when I see a tool on sale and say "wow, that looks handy; I'm gonna buy one!" Then I buy it, get it home and take it out to the garage and put it away and find I already had one.... that I absolutely do not remember having or buying. And it has happened before that I have found a third one that I have bought and left in a shopping bag and never put away.....
@@vsmith9626It doesn't apply. If someone reminded you of that tool in your garage without physically showing it to you, and you could recall the memory of buying it and placing it in the garage, then you would be able to make the cognitive connection that if you left it in the garage it is still in the garage. Even if you didn't remember where you left it, you could think to look for it and understand how to do that because of object permanence. Someone who lacks object permanence would not be able to make that connection and as a result, they would not go look for the tool. Someone lacking object permanence both cannot know where an object is that they can't see/hear/touch and cannot realize they don't know where it is. Object permanence is not a single process in the brain (like a component process of executive functioning) and it takes large scale and severe brain damage to lose object permanence. At that point, object permanence is not the main concern. Someone can lose object permanence due to severe traumatic brain injury, the late stages of a neurodegenerative disease like Alzheimer's, or severe brain damage from illness. For example, in the last 6 months of my grandma's life, while she was in late-stage Alzheimer's, it seemed like she may have lost object permanence, although that's hard to say. She only liked to eat M&Ms at this point, so I would take M&Ms one at a time and put them on the table in front of her. If she looked up from the table, I had to tell her to look down and tell her it was an M&M for her to want to eat it. It was very painful for me. The only thing you could say about ADHD and object permanence is that neurodevelopmental conditions are associated with a delayed development of object permanence, although they will still develop object permanence as a baby. The only developmental condition that can appear to effect object permanence is severe intellectual disability, although in this case they still as children understand object permanence, but have difficulty with certain aspects of the problem-solving required to find an object out of view. What people characterize as "lack of object permanence" in ADHD is really about difficulty with working memory and active recall. Placing important things in visually prominent places helps because it acts as a visual cue as to where that thing is. It's like when you study for a test with flashcards. The more often you are visually reminded of the location of your keys because they're hanging up on the wall, the easier it will be to recall that connection between your keys and where they are when you think about your keys. This is a strategy that allows us to bypass our impaired working memory. So, in your example, when you're at the store and see a tool you actually already have, this strategy helps you remember you already have it because you have built up a strong association with that tool and where it is. The association means when you think of the tool you also think of where yours is. I hope this helps you understand what object permanence is, and why ADHD forgetfulness symptoms are NOT even remotely the same thing as object permanence.
Unfortunately "object permanence [issues]" is still much snappier than "impaired working memory", especially since the latter is so much more broad. Doubly so because "object permanence" isn't actually a term anyone will USE unless 1) they have a three-year-old child or 2) they work with three-year-old children. I do prefer "goldfish brain" though because it's more pertinent to forgetting stuff.
Well, having cupboard doors has several good reasons: 1) keeps visual clutter away - less stimuli, 2) keeps dust and oily-dust (this horrible thing that slowly builds up when you're cooking) and 3) saves food and spices from exposure to the sun/light. so, for the things that we think we need to remember they exists we could have a dedicated shelf opened to the eyesight - everything else can be hidden away.
“Don’t put it down, put it away” is a really frustrating thing I’ve been told my whole life. I’ve always struggled with it, especially now because of physical disabilities. It’s often literally impossible for me to put something away. Which is why I tend to use the next hack of just moving stuff to the correct room and the organize it hack (that one is a life saver). Stairs are still the bane of my existence though. Our staircase is usually a death trap of paperwork that needs to be filed and stuff that needs to be put in storage lol
Yes, it works great, but only if you don't get distracted on the way. And I'm always putting things down without realizing I've done it. At work I always lose my water bottle because I have no idea where I put it down. I probably did it without thinking so that I could gesture with my hands. If I can put it in a related place that's a good workaround, but so often I can't find it even though I can clearly remember that I put it a place that should be obvious where I couldn't possibly forget.
yeah, I sometimes just use bins instead of putting stuff away - it goes in the appropriate bin and I'll deal with them later, but at least I know where it is. because if I go to put it away, I'll get distracted on the way, unless I have a lot of stuff to put away in that same place
here's one of my personal hacks: listening to Jessica while folding laundry. It gets the laundry done. And in general, 'multitasking' by combining one physically engaging task + one mentally engaging one works very well for me. The trick to making it work is to choose which is the primary attentional activity and which is secondary. So, dishes or laundry? Then I use engaging audio. Writing a report? I listen to repetitive instrumental music (stimulating but not interesting). Or sip tea. Listening to a webinar I actually want to hear? Then I walk, doodle, or usually... fold more laundry.
yeah lol I've been watching Hailey Elizabeth and I wanna get a job so I can buy the gyaru n decora stuff I need so I can do the thing I always wanted..get ready for the day while listening to something but it's specifically gyaru so can't do it right now..unless anyone has a solution for kids wearing makeup
Same. I do this as well. Usually some music to keep my brain from figeting while doing a physical task. When I'm home I can even watch a video (like a game let's play) while I'm doing stuff like the dishes.
I think the "put it away" advice is applicable when you staying are in the location - for instance, when you're getting dressed and trying to choose what to wear. Instead of putting your options down, if you're unsure about the outfit, put it away so that it doesn't become clutter after you decide what to wear. It could be as "simple" as having an "in-between" space, where you can line up 2 or 3 options and decide on them in comparison - so long as once you've decided, putting the discarded options away.
Gotta say the weirdest adhd brain hack Ive ever pulled off is how, when I got to college, I had been doing sudoku puzzles and playing around with an old Mensa riddle book I’d found, and I accidentally convinced my brain that Math was just more fun puzzles.
@@HowtoADHD They're only fun if you understand what you're doing though. If it doesn't make any sense and looks alien, then boredom here we go. I love using math for personal needs, because then math becomes a tool that you apply to complete real life tasks. Solving abstract math problems without any context just isn't motivating enough.
This is exactly why I love mathematics and programming. They're just complex logic puzzles. My favorite thing about math is that the answer is always the same, so long as you remember and follow the rules. There's a certainty to math problems that I find comforting. Unfortunately, higher mathematics is not ADHD friendly, especially for those of us who struggle with visual overwhelm.
@@tris5602 remembering the rules is the problem. Unlike with programming, where a bug or an error tells you exactly (or approximately) where you did something wrong, in math, if you forget a certain rule or forget to do one simple thing, then good luck checking where you made a mistake. It works only if you're studying and have a teacher to check your work. If you don't have that option, then you're screwed. That's why I love coding but tolerate math.
Hearing you say you set off timers without realisimg, made me realise I just silenced a timer that I had set so I would unload the dishwasher. Thank you Jessica! One less argument with my parents :)
Oh yes. Sometimes it just gets to a point where it's too much to deal with anyway and then I just forget about it _all_ , including the reminder alarm too. 😂
Also one day I forgot to take my meds first thing, I dropped my kid off, came home... and realised I'd been sat on the sofa listening to the microwave beep for 3 hours trying to switch on the TV/ eat breakfast/ have coffee / take the meds, start my super long to do list - luckily my friend rang and we spoke and I sprung again
I had timers set to try to get myself to remember to brush my teeth (I have ALWAYS struggled with maintaining dental hygiene) and it worked for two weeks ish and then I just started snoozing them without even processing I was doing that
This video is actually my 'lightning in a bottle'. I have a 'How to ADHD' folder on my bookmarks bar, and I use these videos to help me get my brain ready to focus on having ADHD, and working with that to get things done.
God, the "don't put stuff down, put them away," gave me such "If you have depression, just feel happy" vibes. Wow! What a concept! I'll be sure to let my brain know, mom! It doesn't help that I have a thyroid condition that gives me extreme fatigue. And you know what really takes a lot of energy? Going outside and buying things. First thing I want to do after any trip outside my house is rest.
I think the point is trying to develop a habit of putting that 1 thing away even when you have to use energy to figure out where it should go. It's a minor inconvenience compared to having tons of things to put away later when you've just been putting things down everywhere. It probably won't work for most ADD people but I think it's a worthy hack nonetheless. I stopped losing things constantly by simply saying where I was placing them (things I commonly misplaced like keys, tv controller) so audibly telling myself to put it away, not down may help me to build a better routine. I am working on cleaning up my creative space and my rule right now is that I have to put 5 things away every time I go in there. It's slowly getting cleaned up and I had to tell myself that it's better than giving up completely and never making any progress lol!
I don’t care how tired I am I always put my things away first before sitting down because if I set it down and sit down it most likely will be forgotten and then lost because I’m not getting up again soon.
I have a basket at the bottom of my stairs for anything that goes upstairs. At night it goes up with me ideally in the morning the basket is emptied and brought back downstairs
My sister had a good way to phrase the “don’t put it down, put it away” concept. She says to “only touch it once.” This is basically the same idea, but phrasing it this way reminds me that it’ll be less clutter to tackle later. Smaller future hurdles! Just touch it once is a habit that can be helpful for future you. Unfortunately, good intentions don’t always transfer into consistent actions for me. 🤷🏼♀️ The struggle is real.
I like that Jessica mentioned feeling uneasy about people insisting they have the perfect solution to problems. I very easily get swept into other people's ideas if they phrase them as an order or an established fact. If my brain hears their confidence and they need it in a hurry, the first thing I compromise to save time, is verifying what they said in my head. It leads to mistakes that I get blamed for because I carried out the request. "You would usually never make such a simple error, are you getting worse at this every week?". I wrote that really poorly right now but it hopeully makes sense to you.
I think I get what you mean. I tortured meself fer years before I knew I had adhd, trying to follow rules or techniques that people online or in media INSISTED would work for everyone if you just stuck at it. The konmari method comes to mind, altgough to be fair in her book she at the end says that you can adjust this for yourself but that's after a LOT of ibsisting on things like hanging your clothes by size from left to right or insisting that you WILL enjoy folding eventually. I do the folding but I don't enjoy it or hate it, I'm comoletely neutral on it, lol. But I'm actually going to start that method again soon and this time being a lot more gracious to myself and adjusting it to suit my needs. Sorry I'm rambling! I haven't taken my meds yet!
I think I understand. To be honest, I'm not diagnosed so that could just be how I work but if someone confidently says something or gives a tip that 'works', I give up on what I knew beforehand or what initially worked for me (which, if I'm being fair, changes every once in a while) and start following their methods. Sometimes it works, but most of the times it doesn't and I get miserable with myself.
@@safala failing is the expected outcome of the learning process. What gets me down in the dumps is when people get disappointed in me for not hitting their expectations. It only upsets me because they usually start giving me a lecture about how bad I am performing and that I need to get much better asap or else there are natural consequences they can't help me with. This is a useless attempt at motivating me a way that works for them, but they will get frustrated at me when it doesn't work for me despite the fact that we are not the same person.
@@Greennoob2 I feel this a lot right now. My boss pulled me aside a week or so ago and told me that I was teetering on not meeting expectations and she's noticed I'm struggling to keep up and suggested I find another job. Too bad my insurance and access to therapy and treatment is dependent on this job. Honestly, I do need to find something else. Their expectations are too high for a neuro-typical let alone someone with an undiagnosed health condition (working on it) and ADHD. Way too much stress and ambiguity.
Yep. A doctor convinced me to change my college major over one conversation with me 🙃 Kinda think the last major suited me better (though had fewer career prospects for the field itself, despite being a more advanced degree) but oh well, I graduated eventually anyway and didn't technically "lose" progress on my previous degree. Had to quit the field due to burn out though.
The organized chaos bit made my eyes get big and dramatically point at the screen "I do that!" I didn't realize other people did this. I think it stemmed from my mom telling me to clean my room when I was young. The idea of spending time to clean would cause a small panic because I needed to do SO MANY OTHER THINGS right then, that very moment. I sort of intuitively decided quick neat piles made me relax, feel accomplished aaaand maybe she'd fall for it😄
I like that you talked about "what works for you might not work for me." I don't like "the put it away" mentality, but I do try to tell myself to "complete the cycle." So, if I'm making dinner, completing the cycle includes putting away leftovers, cleaning up the dishes, and wiping down the counter/table. This reminder to myself has helped reduce the clutter around my house SO much. Also, reminding myself out loud of what I'm doing helps. If I start getting distracted, I say "no, I'm not doing this thing right now. I'm doing that thing." Something about actually saying it out loud helps my brain stay on task.
same. the other one that i do is that, because we have bad memory, i would mimic the movements of what i need to do or what i need to continue to do. so when i lose my train of thought or get distracted, my movement's context clues would help clue me in on what i actually need to do
The “don’t put it down, put it away” hack isn’t always the most efficient way to do it. In Jessica’s house, she has baskets where the out of place thing can live and then, when convenient, she can take the basket to the other rooms and return the stuff to its normal place. I love Jessica’s ADHD friendly tour of why her house works for her.
Yeah Don't put it down put it away is for me pretty kitchen /office exclusive where I oftentimes put stuff on the counter next to the fridge instead of in the fridge and there it is great and helped a lot but if you mean stuff that needs putting in the basement or garage I don't think its well for that
Yeah, this wouldn't work for me either. I've tried stuff similar in the past and I always eventually put it down without realizing and because I don't put it down in my usual "put it down" spots, I end up losing it which just creates a cascade of lost time and distractions looking for it. Lol
This works for me for very important things like phone, keys, laptops, medications, etc... And I try to do it for anything that I don't want to immediately vanish out of existence because otherwise I am going to waste sooo much time trying to find it again......
I take it with me. I literally have my purse and I lug a backpack around the house so instead of putting it down and losing it, I have it with me. "Put it away" I often carry the "away" place with me when I can so I don't get distracted in another room.
It's amazing how so many of us come up with these little accommodations for ourselves, totally unrelated to each other. Just helps me know that we really aren't alone no matter how "weird" our methods may feel to us compared to the NT people in our lives
My dad probably had ADHD too. He taught me when I was very young that things have their place and I always under any circumstances have to, repeat, HAVE TO put things to their places. It saved my life many times. Lost my keys only once 😁
I read it in a book first, where it said to imagine every thing has a red string attached, and when you move the Thing, you'll end up with lots of (imaginery) red strings through your living space. That helped me to use this technique in the first place.
Have you seen Adam Savage’s workshop?? It’s a thing of organizational beauty. His philosophy is that everything has a place, and you shouldn’t have to do more than 2 things to access that place. Standing up and opening a drawer? 2 things. Walking to a hook on the wall? One thing. This might be why my walls are covered in command hooks🤔
I grew up in a household of undiagnosed neurodivergents. Same rule applied. NOW, that place may actually be on the floor next to the bookshelf (see the pile of books that haven't officially entered the permanent collection and therefore are in a sort of purgatory until I read them and determine if I'd ever want to reread them/they're completing a series I'm collecting) so having a place doesn't always have to mean having a "put away" mentality... but yes, ALWAYS a space. I've found this to be essential for critical things. My cellphone has multiple places it belongs... but if I set it down anywhere other than near one of its chargers... I'll spend so long looking for it, even if its right next to where I was just standing in the kitchen.
YES! THIS!!! I cannot stress how important this is to/dealing with my family. DON'T MOVE MY STUFF BEHIND MY BACK. I put it there/store it there for a good reason: so I can find it/use it/maintain it. I'm open to trying different configurations and locations, but it's very much something I have to initiate myself. This way it's a deliberate process my brain does in a way that works for it, rather than an (apparently) arbitrary monkeywrench to the head that the outside world imposes.
@@Chaotic_Pixie YES! My cellphone has multiple places in the house that I'll set it down, but specific ones in each room. Then, if I'm not sure where I've left it, there are only a handful of options to check. I very rarely have to resort to asking Alexa where my phone is.
I HATE "don't put it down, put it away" and I'm really glad this one came up for you. I have tried this before and it's just another version of "just do the thing you're supposed to do!" ADHD doesn't work this way. After a few hours or a day of "just putting it away" I am an exhausted husk and I feel like I need a week to recover.
Yes to "I am an exhausted husk and I feel like I need a week to recover." Truth! ; - ) Jessica made such a good point that it requires Executive Function to put some things away. No wonder I feel fried!
its so weird finding out how many "flaws" of mine i find again in your videos. which is quite funny to me, cuz i got emotionally abused for every single one of them by my parents, because ive only gotten myself tested last year when i was 20. really helps me to realize, that those are not actually "flaws" that caused the abuse but rather an undiagnosed disorder, which motivates me more because it is way easier to accept for me and work around them, rather than trying to force myself to lose those "flaws". my main indicator was that literally every single time i tried to force myself to do stuff i wanted to do, my "bad" thoughts got rapidly worse to a point, where i had to quit my semester because of the severity of those thoughts during learning. still in a shitty position but atleast i have a somewhat positive outlook on my future and dont see it as just a continuum of suffering.
The "lightning in a bottle" tip reminds me of something I accidentally found early in the pandemic, when I dredged up my long-dormant sewing skills to make cloth masks. I would put on a YT video about mask making (that I had watched before) to check a detail, and then not bother to switch it off - just let it run while I was sewing - and it was like having a friend in the room sewing right along with me. Kind of like the "get a buddy to hang out while you work" tip that I've seen around. I always liked the videos where the presenter was calmly talking through each step in a chatty way. It was comforting during a stressful time, and it really helped keep me motivated.
I’ve struggled with the “don’t put it down, put it away” concept also; so I changed it. Yes, if I’m coming in the door and I’m next to the coat closet, I put my coat away instead of throwing it on a chair. BUT, I’ve changed it to “make dealing with it as easy as not dealing with it”. For instance, I have garbage cans in every room so I don’t have to leave to throw something out. Or a collective spot on my counter by my stairs for things that belong downstairs, and then force myself to take whatever I can when I go there. Nothing is perfect, but it helps.
I have landing zones too. One spot for things to go upstairs and one spot for things to go down stairs. If I’m going up or down I grab everything and go. If I’m not, I will let the spot fill up then make a trip just to empty it. It feels more productive than a constant up and down for just one or two things.
@@Amazon_213 100% here for "landing zones", even if that zone is the kitchen bench or bucket near the door or a coat rack next to entrance or whatever. Find something you will realistically be able to use, even if it doesn't solve the whole problem. Improvement is better than nothing.
“The don’t put it down, put it away” can work in a modified way. I bought a tray from a thrift store and anything I take out of my room that needs to go back into my room at the end of the day, I put in the tray when I’m done using it. And it works because then I’m carrying one thing into my room at the end of the night and the 30 minute break from screens I take before bed can be used for putting the things of the day away. It also helps in the morning too if I don’t have pockets for my phone or if I had any dishes that day
The "put it away" hack sounds so NT. My mom always asked me why I couldn't just put it away. To this day I am so proud when I put something away. I did the lightning in a bottle way before I knew I had ADHD, it's a variation of body doubling. 🥰🥰🥰🥰 My favourite hack is one by KC Davis/strugglecare: get a dish rack for the dirty dishes. You set a limit and the dishes don't look that bad. It was a game changer for me.
There's a couple reasons why that's a common issue for us. One is that we just don't have as much energy and focus for such things to begin with. The other is that people in general are not as nice to our future selves as our current self. If you see that thing in your hand and see it as being an issue for future you, you're far less likely to deal with it constructively than if you're thinking about it being an issue for current you. Current you is more than happy to just set it down and let future you worry about the consequences.
"The put it away," tip is something I do, but that's because taking initiative/being proactive is something I'm working to improve. I totally get where you're coming from about creating resistance and distractions, and to be wary of inflexible advice. I also just wanted to say how helpful your channel has been for me. You've taught me to be more kind and patient to myself, and accept that I will have "bad brain days," or uneven productivity. (Your video about "bad brains," blew my mind!) Your channel has helped me discover, articulate, and accommodate so many things about myself that I didn't understand and judged far too harshly. You've helped me make my life more productive, easier, and enjoyable. I can't thank you enough.
I feel like the “don’t put it down, put it away” is an anti-ADHD hack. If we could, we’d do it every time. I also tend to forget about hacks and forget where I put things so I’d definitely just subconsciously put things down and forget to put them away which just spirals into more self hatred 👍
also this doesn't sound like a hack for people with ADHD to make their life easier, and more like a command a parent would tell their kid, like "don't just leave your toys around, put them where they belong once you're done!!"
Yeah I try to keep baskets or a container that holds the objects I dont have time/can't be bothered to put away and then on the weekends, I empty the baskets. One in every room. Helps with clutter BUT sucks when the baskets gets full. Takes like 10-15 minutes to clear up each basket but at least the house looks better.
for me, to put things right away , is the easiest way to not be owerwehlmed. but first, i had to decliutter a lot. and im the beginning it was hard, but now it saves my sanitzy and life
Agreed on the putting stuff away and seeing something that interests me and totally veering off track and sinking into an unproductive distraction. That doesn’t work for me either
For those with stairs, try having a basket by the staircase for things that need to go up. When you do go upstairs, take the basket and put things away.
I like this idea but I would be the person who puts things in the basket and never brings it up and it overflows onto the bottom steps and if I do bring it upstairs, the items will now just live in the basket in the corner of my room forever
I misunderstood that for a moment and started visualizing a bucket and rope and pulley system for raising stuff up the stairs. Having Autism and ADHD is a trip. 😅
That's what I do. So that random stuff has a temprorary place to be until I'm going upstairs. Ditto for things that need to go downstairs. Stuff on the same level can get put away right away because my house is small.
1:40 what actually works for me is to buy frozen veggies, they're pre cut and washed but also they don't go bad, so it doesn't matter if I wait a month to eat them
Can you go over the topic of Sustainability and ADHD? This is such a struggle to align desire to be sustainable while also having Adhd... especially where if it isn't "easy" or automatic. I've curated my lifestyle to be more sustainable... mostly but it has been SUCH a struggle.
Yes, please! It's so hard to make sustainable or ethical decisions that are also easy and convenient enough that I don't give up and go back to Amazon (or target or whatever)
Also! It's been really difficult to find any research on this. I haven't seen anyone really talk about the overlap between ADHD and Sustainability as there's also another layer of guilt tied into it.
I would love this! I am constantly struggling with trying to be more eco-friendly with my choices and the feelings of guilt when I opt for convenience, instead.
There are some sustainable things that are or can be ADHD-friendly: one thing I find very helpful is batch-cooking. I spend 2-3 hours in the kitchen ONCE to have meals for the whole week (with a different meal every day), there's no foodwaste because I buy only what I need and don't have to worry about some vegetable decomposing in my fridge. Best part is, there are cookbooks for that, I don't need to plan anything or do a shopping list, just pick a week and follow the instructions! It also means I do grocery shopping only once a week. And there are many variations of these books, like vegetarian or seasonal or low carb... I'm not yet doing it every week, but when I do I usually double the portion to have lunch and supper.
Binging your videos instead of attempting to do homework since I just missed a test and tried to cram a study guide. Thank you for showing me this isn't how most people handle life through their eyes, and there are more people out there that understand. I was always told "you're a girl you don't have adhd", so this is very nice to actually understand and take to heart
Here's one hack that could help steady your motivation when going back into a hobby after ages (or especially learning a language), and it's pretty simple: Let yourself start again. If the thought of catching up to stuff you could do in the past just overwhelms you now, whether it's a one hour song you don't remember or a 1000-word flashcard deck that's sitting there, lower that, drop the entry threshold, there's no shame in stepping down a bar so you can climb back up again. Don't treat yourself as a high-level player who "should" be able to slay that slime when you log back in, treat yourself as a lv1 reincarnation with an exp multiplier.
Thank you for explaining and differentiating object permanence and ADHD forgetfulness. I see it misused a lot, even by other ADHDers, and it feels so infantilizing being compared to a literal baby tbh. I know people have good intentions, but... yeah.
Yeah, it’s people misusing the term because they don’t know the actual meaning of it. I get that it seems to fit, but it’s an actual term in regards to child development. There really should be a term for our issue though…
The use of "object permanence" began as a joke among frustrated people and has now morphed into the term used, and I don't love that because the point of using it was that we didn't have a better term for it.
My hack: I've reduced my living space, so that everything is close in proximity. Putting stuff away is just a few steps away from where I could just leave them. Doing that has helped my keep things tidy tremendously. Although I understand it's not for everyone, I like the cosiness and reduction of anxiety that comes with a smaller living space.
Agreed, putting things away and finding things (even when not put away) has become so much easier since I moved from a 1-bed into a studio. I'm closer to where I need to be and I spend so much less time wandering from room to room looking for something and getting distracted.
This what I did too! It helped so much! Putting it away is ‘close’, so it really is just 10 extra seconds to do it! Same goes with cleaning: less space to clean means less panic about cleaning in general 👍
The second someone tells me, "do this," or, "you should," I absolutely refused to do it. 🤭 Yes, it's much better to frame these as options rather than commands.
That's called psychological reactance! It's because you feel like your choice and autonomy has been taken away, so now if you do the thing after being told to do it, it's no longer your choice
@@hollyrapose This is why it feels so good to take out Mom's trash and clean her house for her...until she says, "take the trash out while you're at my place." 😂🤷♀️
For me the worst variation of this is "don't forget to say »thank you«". Yeah great. Now I will say "thank you" because everyone expects this from me (and this feels so fake), not because I'm actually thankful for something. 😅
I also had the grocery problem without knowing it had to do with ADHD. My favorite solution is my big freezer. Frozen broccoli is also healthy and doesn't go bad as fast.
I mealplan every week before I do the groceries. Then, when I've made a meal plan for the whole week, I check the cupboards, fridge and freezer to make sure I have all the ingredients. Anything that's missing, I jot down and order/buy it in one go. (I have the luxury of being able to order groceries to be delivered at home.) Bonus: as I check that I have all ingredients, the opening of cupboards and the fridge remind me of items about to go bad, and I can adjust the meal plan. Finally one more thing, I often leave out one meal (one dinner) so that if there's a night where I end up not cooking, I don't end up with suddenly too much perishable food in the house. And if by some miracle I end up doing all the meals as planned? Well there's always some leftovers in the freezer I can use for the missing meal. So.. the whole thing is time consuming but only once a week, and it saves on a lot of food waste and feelings of guilt. Oh and of course I have a daily timer to remind me to cook dinner (and I always start too late anyway), and an alarm for when I need to order food (set to two days early and going off a couple of times, so I can actually do the meal planning and add things to my list as I remember them). Not foolproof but much better for me. So yay! Now my kids get to eat good food! Been doing it about 2 years now and I think my track record is about 70% success. P.s. one of my biggest ADHD issues is talking too much. Ahhhhh!!!!
@@nanimalgirlEssie Congrats on the meal planning success and love and acceptance for talking "too" much. No such thing when you're in the right company. : - ) ❤❤❤ I aspire to meal plan like you someday!
Seeing this video I've realized just how much different our experiences can be, even if we have the same disorder. Thank you so much for the work you do on the channel, the videos you do help me believe I'm not completely worthless.
I accidentally had open kitchen shelving for two years because I painted the cabinets and couldn't be bothered to reattach the doors. I loved being able to see everything, but the annoyance of washing the dust and cooking grease off the less used dishes eventually overwhelmed me to the point I was finally motivated to reinstall the doors.
Yep, exactly. We have a mix of cabinets and open in our kitchen now and it works much better because everyday stuff that is used so often it doesn’t get dusty is easily accessible but other stuff is safely behind doors. Plus it reduces the visual clutter which is a big issue for me also.
Definitely. I also don't have drawers in the kitchen and, while I appreciate being able to see things, it does let dust get on everything. And worse than that, I used to have a fruit fly problem and for some reason they loved sitting on my clean dishes, uck
For the "don't put it down, put it away" hack. Sometimes that isn't really possible. Have a "not this room" basket for high traffic areas (near the exit of the room so you game to pass it). It gives you a place to put something that doesn't belong and provides a easy way to transport multiple things back to their "home" with minimal effort.
The "playing fetch" hack was how I made it through college. I set my alarm clock on the other side of the room by my closet. When it went off, I had to get up to turn it off and I could change right there next to the clock. In a similar vein, if my phone is distracting me, I'll intentionally put it in the bathroom or the dining room so I can use my inertia as a way of forcing me to do the thing. Also I have a hack that I like to call the "chaos spaces and orderly spaces." My room is a "chaos space." It gets the lowest priority for organization and ends up with the most clutter piles. The downstairs, especially the dining room, is an "orderly space." I keep clutter in that area to a minimum and try to only leave things that can quickly be put away in those spaces. It gets top priority for organization. If I have an uncategorized thing or a clutter pile that has no home, it's going to the chaos space, regardless of what it is. This leaves fewer panic moments when I impulsively decide having friends over for lunch is a great idea because the orderly space is being maintained. Nothing is stopping me from closing a door and hiding my chaos.
I've found that if I have a choice about how I manage my things, that I should choose the option that makes it the easiest to put something away, even and especially if, it makes it somewhat harder to get out. Which is why bins can be a great thing, especially clear ones. It's more of a pain to get things out of a bin, but tossing something into a bin is a lot easier than some other storage options. Likewise, having books A-B on a shelf in whatever order you like is easier to put away than in alphabetical order, but a minor inconvenience when taking it out. In both cases, you've successfully lowered the energy needed to put something away, even though you've made it slightly harder to get out. Obviously, it's probably not a good idea to apply that to everything. You want it to be as easy as possible to get your cleaning supplies and homework stuff out so that you do it, but it is a good general default.
Huge yes to "chaos spaces and orderly spaces." I resorted to putting a floor-to-ceiling industrial storage rack in my bedroom (!!!), but it's worth it for the calm, pride, and hope of being able to see at least a few uncluttered and attractive spaces in the rest of my house. Would I prefer not to see that monstrosity as I'm trying to drift off to sleep? Yes! But since most of my conscious/awake time is not spent in that room, it was the hack I needed for now.
The best hack I’ve found is decluttering/minimalism and the inventory mindset. There are varying levels of minimalism and you can go with whatever makes you feel comfortable, but the mindset is that every thing you own is a thing that you have to manage. It helps me put focus into the things I love the most; and it helps me remove my attention spent on things I don’t really care about.
i’ve tried that but it always gets destroyed when i’m given gifts or my mom enters my room with like an entire 3 goodwill bags of clothes for me to go through and keep what i like and give her back what i don’t (and most of the time i don’t keep the stuff anyways) and i have no idea the right way to tell her not to buy so much for me unless i’m the one picking it out
@@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans I'm sorry clutter and gifts are making things harder for you to manage. I feel the exact same way- I have too many clothes that I don't wear, and can't afford to be gifted more things to add to the pile. The solution, was very kindly and plainly telling some loved ones that I'm decluttering and want to keep things simple. If your mom is getting lots of stuff for you, it sounds like she's trying to be kind. Ideally, that kindness extends to understanding your needs. Perhaps you can frame it as, she can give you a new gift now: the gift of peace of mind and having a calm space (your room). You can still thank her for her gifts and express your gratitude for her thoughtfulness, while asking to change things up. I hope it goes well for you 😊❤
That organizing into piles and stacks works so well. My dad taught me that when I was a kid and every time I do it people always say it looks neater. Grouping things into piles to go to the various locations also works. But I even do the organized stack when I'm doing laundry. If I have low spoons I don't sort as I fold. I just fold everything into similar sized stacks. Tops and bottoms together. Sheets and throw blankets with towels. Whatever helps me get it done faster so I'll have a neater space.
In response to alarms: I highly recommend the alarmy app. It has a ton of different ways you can dismiss the alarms (math, shaking the phone, etc.), but my favorite is when you have to take a matching picture of something before it will turn off. It's also relentless--you can't turn off the phone on or uninstall the app to turn it off. I mainly use it just to wake up in the morning because I have it set to turn off when I take a pic of a drawing on the side of my fridge and by the time I get out of bed, walk out to the kitchen, turn on the light, and take the picture, I'm already awake. You could also use it to make you take a picture of something near the thing you need to get done. I hate it so much but it's been a necessity for me for 6ish years now haha
Yes, Alarmy is great, I love the barcode scanner and put in the barcode of my toothpaste. That way I have to pick up the toothpaste to turn off the alarm. Now I‘m already mid-task, so it‘s much easier to just brush my teeth (somehow one of the hardest tasks for me…). Also, I used it on ios as well as Android, so it‘s not Apple-exclusive like another comment suggested :)
Fully agree that “Don’t put it down: put it away.” is a recipe for constant distraction and nothing getting done. My solution is to designate locations or containers in every room specifically for things that aren’t where they belong. That way I can avoid random clutter everywhere, but also tackle ‘put it away’ as its own task at an appropriate moment. It also helps because you can see the specific pile of things to be put away, and they have an action associated with them. Generally I will put them away more quickly because the pile or container calls out when it gets above a certain number of items.
That is also what Jessica does! She shows it in a tour of her ADHD friendly house. And I agree, that seems so much better than putting things away constantly.
The don't put it down put it away sounds like its said by someone who doesn't struggle with the constant distractions and forgetting what you were doing side of adhd.
I've got a great modification to the "don't put it down put it away" technique. Put some bins around your house like those restaurant bus bins; if you're too far away to put something away, you just drop it in the closest bin. Then when the time comes to put things away, you just pick up the bin and run around the house distributing stuff. This keeps everything that needs to be put away visible, and limits the chaos into very localized places, plus if something isn't in it's place, it'll probably be in one of a small number of places, instead of wherever you dropped and forgot it. I can't tell you how much of a difference is made in keeping things orderly, and to my peace of mind.
I tried "don't put things down, put them away" and it never worked for me, until I approached it backwards - if I'm always putting a thing down someplace, then that needs to be where it belongs (or very close). So my mail now goes in the top drawer of my dresser, with three bins, one for recycle, one for shred, and one for keep, rather than me putting it down on top of my dresser and it piling up because putting it away was too much work. Now I put my mail away instead of putting it down, but only because I let my behavior inform my organization, rather than letting "better" organization (I have a filing cabinet in another space) set me up for failure.
I can see the "put it away" thing working really well for things that already have a structure around them. I do this with tools, all my tools have a hole that they personally and specifically fit in. So when I put it "down" I put it away and it works great. I think it would work poorly for things that don't have as much organization around them. The tools came with a holder so I didn't have to do anything.
THIS!! It works great for me in the kitchen when I have the cooking zoomies! Don't put that spoon ýou can't use again on the bench, toss it into the sink - finished with the milk? put it straight back in the fridge. Chaos levels stay manageable and it's way more fun. But as a general day-to-day strategy? Heck no
the “don’t put things down, put them away” hack works really well for me 😅 by making it a rule for myself to handle messes (messes in my physical space as well as “social messes”) as soon as possible, i’ve found that i’m less likely to spiral into the anxiety-adhd cycle where my symptoms are taking up all of my energy and i can’t get Anything done
So glad you pointed that out about object permanence! So sick of hearing people say ADHD people don't have object permanence. Like I understand things exist when we can't see them, I just forget about things I can't see!
Hmm, here's a hack that works for me. Paired actions. Like wiping down the mirror whenever I brush my teeth or taking a sip of water every time I get up. Pair something that's harder to remember or do consistently with something that's easier and that hard thing becomes easier too. I don't love the "don't put it down put it away" thing, it does NOT work for me. However, there is something that does. That's the "every time I go this direction take something with me" thing. So I have dishes that need to make it into the sink. I need to get up from my desk to grab some food, I take a dirty cup with me. Or, if something needs to go in the closet, which is close to the kitchen where I'm going, I'll grab the item, take it with me towards the kitchen, and drop it on the way, one step closer to where it should be. Eventually it travels to where I need it and then I take care of it on my own terms. Edit: Hahah, the next hack talked about almost the same thing!
Some of that is something called habit stacking, where you use a habit or routine you already have, like brushing teeth, and pair it with something you are trying to do like wiping down the mirror. It's great as long as you don't try to do too many of them at once.
My alternative hack to the "don't put it down, put it away" is to put it where future me will look for it (and future me isn't going to remember, so it's usually something tied to the wordplay of the thing)
THANK YOU for disagreeing with the "don't put it down, put it away" thing. It's from "atomic habits" the book... for which ADHDers are not the target audience. I would say it's a good tip for generally messy people but not ADHD messy people. I'm fine with doing my big tidy up once a week.
I loved the idea behind Atomic Habits, but, like you said, ADHDers are not the target audience. I read it before my diagnosis, and now I know why I struggled to implement a chunk of the book. Now I just implement what I can and adjust what doesn’t work outright. Thank you for acknowledging this book!
Yeah, I much prefer KC Davis's methods for cleaning. Like, I'm not gonna interrupt myself 85 times during a task to put things away. If I'm focused on my task, why would I break my focus to put things away and therefore make the task take a lot longer when it's faster to do the first task completely, and then do the secondary task of putting everything away?
It's a great idea if you live in a tiny space and medication helps you enough. Problem is not everyone lives in a small apartment where putting things away takes a few seconds
Yes I swear! I read it too and the thing where just establishing to for example get ready for the gym with your gym cloths for weeks before going deeper the next step, that was really helpful. BUT we’re not Neurotypical, and mainstream books that focus on how brains work do not focus on neurodiverse brains.
Instead of "don't put things down, put them away"...make "away" in the general area of where you will most likely need it. Even if that means getting multiple things to keep in multiple areas (this goes back to paying the ADHD tax up front).
@@lolahatter0912 I keep a charger in every room, so when I lose track of my phone (which I haven't done since starting Concerta), I only have a few places to check.
For the people struggling with the “don’t put it down, put it away” when the place is on another floor of my house, I have a “later box” I put by stairs (but where it isn’t a tripping hazard). When I go to the other floor I take the box, put the stuff away while it’s in my easy to carry box and I’m actively thinking about it, and put the box back by the stairs so it’s ready for when I go back to the other floor.
I'm finally getting evaluated for ADHD tomorrow morning at 36 yo and it's all thanks to this channel. It made me realise why it was I was struggling all my life. So thank you so much ❤
@@withinsanityy no, I did not. It was a shitshow. She basically scoffed at me and rolled her eyes with a sigh and said "At 36?". It was horrible. She asked me why I thought I had ADHD and when I said I researched online that was it. She would barely talk to me. Just asked me some basic questions. At least she scheduled me for psychological testing and next month I have an appointment with a different doctor so we'll see
@@syndelar not sure what country you are from but here In NZ only a psychiatrist can diagnose ADHD. If your doctor has scoffed at you but you still have an assessment coming up then I hope you get what you need. You deserve to fight for yourself. I was diagnosed as an adult and it's helped me understand so much of my past which has given me the opportunity to heal. Much love and light to you
Extremely helpful. I try to limit my social media, so I just don’t get to TikTok. For me, putting things behind closed doors/cabinets is better. It lowers my clutter anxiety
TikTok: not even once. TikTok is exquisitely engineered to hijack your attention, tune itself to do this more effectively, activate your "wanting" response slightly more than your "enjoying response," and leave you dissatisfied when you stop. And calling it "social" just because the videos are made by amateurs is almost as big a lie as "reality TV."
@@eritain yes. I tried it once. Then I noticed it was 4 hours later! I have been on a high the whole time. And you had to find stuff that I wanted to see
The “put it away right away” hack really takes a lot of training! I’ve tried instilling that in myself, and I have improved so I’d say it can be worth it. I mostly focus this rule on clothing or things that pile up quickly.
"don't put it down, put it away" I actually do that for a while now, and there's an important part to it that wasn't mentioned Only put things away if you don't have to attend to them later! Like. Dishes (clean). Trash. Stuff that goes in the hamper. Anything you won't need to attend to again in the near future, that should be put away, not down - the rest can be put down, bc then you'll see it soon again and be reminded it needs attending to
The movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith makes me want to organize and declutter. It sounds crazy, but those people are super decisive, and indecision is the biggest reason I have clutter, so it helps that their decisiveness is contagious.
"organized Chaos" is what I call my method of organising my house, by, instead of making an order and then putting stuff into that order, I look at where I put stuff down out of habit, and then create a proper space for the stuff _there_
I do this for point of performance stuff or keys and wallet. It’s hard because I live on a boat and we don’t have a whole lot of horizontal spaces but it is helpful.
I do this! I totally ignore room 'labels'. This was since I lost my keys and they turned up 3 years later in the pocket of my suit I use for interviews... Because I had another interview. I then recalled putting them in my suit jacket ready for that interview 3 years ago, so I didn't lock myself in the house on the day. Deviated from the usual habit - never again.
I appreciate you taking the time to point out the misuse of "object permanence," and it does highlight the need for this community to have some language for this ADHD challenge. I prefer to phrase functioning differences positively when possible. Perhaps a way to 👀 SEE this is that people with ADHD tend toward visually cued ecphory... could be shortened to VCE. "Memory retrieval involves the interaction between external sensory or internally generated cues and stored memory traces (or engrams) in a process termed ‘ecphory’." Franklin, Josselyn and Kohler 2019. So, ADHD individuals do not lack object permanence. Rather, their brains use VCE. Yay, Brains!
The put away instead of down thing works for me immensely. I don't do it intentionally, but ever since I stopped putting things everywhere, but put them away the moment I grab them (laundry from the drier, purchases, washed dishes...) I find it that I don't have any clutter around me anymore. I had the chair of clothes as a teenager, the cluttered desk as an undergrad, and I used to have the multi-tabs open as an adult professional. Instead of piling things up, I just open what I need and throw away the tab/package after that. I put the clothes in the wardrobe when I take them out of the drier. Took me about 4 months or so after the change to find out I just don't have any more distractions left. So where you said 'what if you notice something else when you go to put it away', it's just not happening as you already put everything else away :D
Congrats on clarifying what's not and what is "object permanence". It's so important to differentiate because other conditions need a clear understanding of this concept.
The sour/saliva one is a great, GREAT technique for weightlifting too, fwiw. Chewing gum, anything like that, tells your system "we're eating; we're safe" and frees up a lot of mental bandwidth to handle things. Great little compilation Jess, as always it's great to hear from you :)
YES YES YES THE ORGANIZATION TIP HELPS I came up with that on my own too!! It's super helpful for me because my brain loves to refuse to acknowledge mess as Real and tells my body it's about as worth the effort as trying to eat an apple in a painting. So by interacting with it, it helps my brain figure out that it is a tangible issue. I highly recommend it! Still haven't figured out how to get myself to do the dishes but I can at least actually START the task of doing the dishes by organizing first. I also recommend trying to get the biggest pile biggest kitchenware done first, because it makes the REST of the piles look wayyy less intimidating especially if ur like me and you have to wash your dishes by freaking hand.
adding to the laundry basket thing: i got different (color coded so i dont get confused) ones to pre-seperate them by light/dark colors and delicates so when i do laundry i simply have to pick up the basket and go, which is already enough of a hurdle and sorting things one at a time as i undress is a lot easier
When buying groceries, I found that staying away from fresh or quick spoiling foods saves me so much in the long run. Frozen, canned, powdered/concentrated, etc, lasts so much longer! "Don't put it down, put it away" is one of my mantras. I also live in a townhouse with 3 floors. I understand the struggle, but if I don't put it away, it will stay there for months and usually becomes a pile of things instead of one thing.
Honestly, I work at a grocery store and the fresh stuff isn't really that much better than the canned and frozen stuff these days. The process of freezing stuff commercially is pretty amazing. There's a pretty decent chance that the products that you're buying off the shelf were frozen at some point in the process of being produced and shipped to the store for you to buy. I think the thing that blew my mind was realizing how many of the bread products are either refrigerated or frozen at some point in the process and are still perfectly fine after that. Despite what people will tell you, there's nothing wrong with refrigerating most mass-produced breads, Just avoid doing so with breads that are lacking in preservatives. Your typical mass-produced pre-sliced bread will keep for weeks in the refrigerator and still be pretty decent as long as you close the bag properly between uses.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade I'm definitely not surprised. My parents used to freeze bread and milk when I was a kid so they didn't have to make so many trips to the store. Most frozen products are picked and processed and put through a quick freeze in a short amount of time. You could argue frozen fruit is fresher than fresh fruit.
I switched to frozen vegetables years ago after seeing a story about it maintaining the nutrients better than canned. Even tho I know better, I can't help but still occasionally buy fresh. I celebrate when I don't have to throw any of it away. 😂😋
Omg your point about living in a two-story townhome is so valid; I'm in a smallish single-story house and am so aware of how much of a difference it makes in my ability to accomplish the 'don't put it down' thing. I grew up in a two-story home and our system was putting anything that needed to go upstairs on the steps or near the bannister so whenever someone went upstairs next they'd bring it with them.
I agree, I don’t like “don’t put it down, put it away”. I usually designate a basket or bin (laundry basket or the “dish pan” container from the dollar tree are my go-to). I then use these bins as miscellaneous bins for the items that I don’t never put away *yet*. I try my best to not turn them into junk bins but I haven’t quite figured that one out yet 😂 Adding on that I use the separate laundry basket hack too! With the same dollar tree laundry baskets! They’re see through and small/big enough to fit a weeks worth of laundry. We keep 1 by the dresser because it’s the perfect spot to throw your clothes off before showering/changing. The one I use for my clothes that aren’t “dirty” yet is kept on top of my giant dog kennel in the room. Maybe it’s an eyesore to some, but it really helps me out and my husband thankfully doesn’t mind. I also have a spare that usually sits on top in case I leave 1 basket on top of the washer/dryer, I have the other basket to throw down before the dirty clothes are thrown on the floor. Also the “organizing” messes is exactly how I clean at home lol. I am solely a stay at home wife so I have “all the time in the world” but then it takes me 4 hours to do laundry & dishes and I feel like I don’t get anytime to do anything I enjoy. I usually reserve 1-2 days for cleaning all day and in between those days, I am organizing the messes so they’re much easier to tackle. I always rinse off and organize the dishes so that one side of the sink is still functional and empty. I just have to dogpile papers on the dinner table because my husband uses it for his office space (even though he has a perfectly good office space in the spare room). We like to work in the living/dining room together instead of being closed off in the rooms. I suppose this is “parallel play” for us. I suspect we are both undiagnosed/untreated fellow brains because of the way our house operates 😂 But if it works, it works!! 🎉
RE: “Don’t put things down; Put them away.” I think there’s a lot of ways this could make ppl feel neurotic and stressed, but if you can build your space around that idea, then it might be less likely to break your flow.
When it comes to the cupboard doors, I just redid my kitchen recently and the main driver/motivator was deciding I wanted to rip down my cabinets and replace them with open shelves for this exact reason! It has made things so much better for me being able to actually see everything!!
Another tip of sorts that’s helped me a ton. I realized that more important than being able to find something easily, it needs to be easy to put away. If I actually want something I’m willing to spend 5 minutes digging through a bin or drawer to find it, but I’m never going to take the time to put something away if it’s anything beyond dropping it in that bin. Make stuff easy to put away instead of easy to find again. Then you’re more likely to actually put it away, so it will be easier to find than if it was off roaming the house.
I get weird looks from some people, but I try to use my "one hand rule" in my kitchen. Anything I use even sort of regularly has to be where I can grab it in one step, with one hand. Not stacked. Not behind something else. Not on the top shelf. And I can put it back with one hand. It makes a huuuuuge difference for me as primary cook and kitchen cleaner. My other goal for anything is "putting the thing away has to be as easy as OR EASIER THAN leaving out". It requires some creative thinking, but it is life-changing for me when it works!
i always described the feeling of trying to do something and being literally unable to do it feeling like trying to "swim through glass" or "trying to start a car thats full charged and full of gas and it refusing to start, so you just keep turing and turning and turning the key, BEGGING the car to start because you WANT to clean the house or finish the homework, but. the. car. wont. start."
I think it’s also important to remind that even if the words “hacks” or “new habits” sound easy to do, they can actually be very difficult to accomplish especially if it is something completely new
I think it takes 7 to 8 weeks to establish a habit so it takes a certain amount of time and lots of repetition to establish a new pattern of behaviour. I also think that because we are Neurodiverse it takes us more repetitions than someone neurotypical to learn something new
@@HowtoADHD I’ve watched your videos for over a month. It’s so helpful especially since I’m like you. I’m a girl who’s smart but still struggles in school. Nobody wants to follow my IEP goals and then expects me to magically do good.
Don't Put it Down, Put it away has worked SOOOO well for our family! 2 ADHD kids and 1 adult. IT HELPS 95% of the time. If it has to go downstairs/upstairs, placing the items on the stairs as a reminder to take it up/down helps. And I have a great memory, but get hyper focused on one task and ignore the others. I dont forget, I just stress that Im not able to do multiple tasks.
I feel the panic crawling up my skin with the "Don't put it down - put it away" hack. If I was capable of that I wouldn't have this problem - lol. I love in a very small apartment and this is still hard for me sometimes. So glad it works for some people but I could barely listen through that. I think the bring piles to other rooms is a great idea when you're motivated to clean at all. Things like knowing you need scissors in the craft area, kitchen and laundry room and buying a pair for each room so it stays there also works for me. These are definitely things that exist in a "do what works for you" category.
I especially don't like the "don't put it down, just put it away" because I will Always absentmindedly lose things or set them down in my house, which means that while I'm putting one thing away I'm definitely going to find another thing to put away that will distract me from other more important tasks. It seems like good "surface level" advice, but at least for me it wouldn't work because it completely ignores a lot of my struggles with adhd and tells me essentially to "just don't struggle, do the thing".
It has helped me for exactly this reason -- it's a habit to develop, which is hard, but even if I do it only 30% of the time, that's 30% less stuff to pick up (or go hunting for) later. There are some things that are more important than others, so I focus (heh) on those.
I worked with a professional organizer and ADHD coach who had to practically chain me to the radiator to keep me from leaving the room every ten seconds to "put this away real quick." She absolutely advocated the "put it by the door and take it with you when you leave" method.
I would be itching, and scared I would forget to put it away, then forget where I left it to put it away. I wouldn't go back into that room until I tore the building apart.
@@CallieCEntertainment One word: PHONE! I lose my cell phone at LEAST every day! LOL -- Thank God for the hack of Google 'find my device' or calling it from another phone!
Hack for Rushing Out the Door: How often do you run outta the house, get in your car & then “Dang it!” forgot my wallet, or phone, or *blank*… What helped fix this for me is I narrowed down my “out the door” must haves to just 5 things: Wallet, Phone, Keys, Pack of Gum, & Pocket Knife. So, now right before I walk out the door I tap/touch my pockets etc. & just count 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5… if I get to 5, then I know I have what I need. In cases where I have to bring something extra w/ me (i.e. hat, sunglasses etc.) I make sure to put those things next to my shoes/keys/etc. (next to the door), so I’ll be sure to grab them as I’m walking out.
Hi! I never write comments but i didn't want to let the feeling go, what you said at 8:15 min about how hard is to do things when you are not in the "mood" for them when having adhd hit reeaaaally hard, i still struggle a lot to come to terms with that aspect of adhd and tend to be mad at myself for not finding a "real" reason as to why it takes me a lot of time to do things even thought I WANT to do them and it's sooo tiring having a constant battle with your brain being just stuck while work and chores pile up. Thank you for the bringing awareness of those aspects of adhd/add with your videos ✨️
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This is off subject but I’m diagnosed with ADHD and forget to drink I only have like 1-3 drinks. Am experiencing potential heatstroke symptoms. Anyone got tips?
@@xkirstinx8058 I have a tip! Use a bigger sized water bottle instead of the common sizes. You fill it in the morning and don't have to remember to fill them so often as it would happen with a glass of water for example.
@@iangchang thank you i sometimes forget to do that as well lol but ill give it a shot.
@@iangchang I do this already, but then the bottle just sits there even when right next to me. I still forget. Do you have any tips for actually remembering to use it? Lol
@@michellegoewey2939 OMFG SAME. I literally had a bottle of water and didn’t drink it I only drink when My mouth is literally dry. Hopefully someone can help us. 😂 like it’s amazing we need water to survive but our brains forget 😂
The best way I’ve found to avoid paying that adhd tax for groceries going bad is to buy a smaller amount of groceries. I just buy enough to make meals for 3 days and then buy more groceries. It sets the bar lower and I’m not setting myself up for failure if something goes bad. Yeah it’s annoying to go to the grocery store twice a week but it’s been the most effective solution so far.
Yeeeah, started doing that too pretty soon after moving out, bc it was only me eating the food now, instead of 3 or 4 people like when I went for groceries with my mom.
I also found that it's best to only buy things you're actually going to eat. Stupidly simple, I know, but like?? There's a difference between buying what you think you "should", "will", and "want to" eat. "want to" can lead to many unhealthy choices, so it's important to keep an eye on your eating habits. "should" will make you buy stuff more out of guilt than anything else, especially if you've received critique on your eating habits, either from someone else or yourself, and it'll lead you to buying stuff you won't actually eat, and instead avoid until it goes bad and you throw it out. "will" eat should, ideally, be a mix of a bit of both, of healthy things, snacks, but also stuff that you KNOW you CAN and WILL eat! It can be quick meals, pre-prepared ingredients, unprepared ingredients that you LIKE preparing (or don't mind to), bulge buy of stuff like rice or noodles or flour or salt, etc
It's important to always buy something that you LIKE eating, either always or just currently, and stuff that you crave, if that happens to be occurring atm. Because then you'll have at least ONE thing in your house that you can eat even if you have a terrible day.
Yeah, I definitely struggled with meal planning for longer periods of time. But I'm also lazy. 😂
Yea. I also use the flow when I'm already going, when I cut an onion anyway and feel like it, I just cut two to three more and freeze them. Easy access next time!
Yessss! I actually go out daily since I have a life that allows me to do such things, and it definitely has helped us reduce our food waste and thus ensuring we actually utilise what we buy.... since we're buying it for that day anyway. I kind of felt silly but thankful that I figured this out but it's cool to know there are others out there that do similar variations! 😊
- Harley, Community Manager
I personally hate grocery shopping so I get a bunch and throw them in the freezer
No cupboard doors: not being able to close them away actually stresses me out. There are too many things to see and they can distract me. Plus, I only get them in there "good enough" in order to move on and not think about it too much. If they were always visible I'd want it to look pretty so the clutter didn't give me anxiety, which takes more effort than I have time to give it.
Same
If everything is open, then anything can fall. Especially if you're a cat owner.
@@bloodymares If you're owned by a cat, you *know* things don't just fall. You might not catch them at it, but it's always the cat - even if they're only manipulating their localized quantum gravity field.
My grandma has a wonderful solution to that problem. She buys clear bins with labels and sticks those in the cupboards. The doors hide the clutter and everything has a home.
Yeah, same. I need doors to limit visual clutter. Plus I hate dusting and doors help with dust.
I'm the opposite to the 'take the doors off your cabinets' girl, I need everything to be out of sight most of the time and keep my space really neutral with hardly anything visible because I get so easily overwhelmed by visual stimuli. Especially when my ADHD and anxiety are colliding. Sometimes I even cover things in sheets so I can't see them if they're too colorful or detailed, unless I'm specifically working on a project
This is exactly how I feel! I bought covers on Etsy for my TV stand shelves bc the clutter made it so difficult for me to relax in the evenings. I think maybe pretty labels would work well here? Best of both worlds?
You might actually have some form of autism or something else related.
This was my thought too. Too much visual stimuli leads me to constantly having to process "stuff" in my environment. Do I have too much (visual) clutter already? Yesss. So when I can containerize something to take extra visuals out of the way, it helps. That said, if I put a project away completely, I forget to work on it.
Same! I take advantage of the "out of sight out of mind" to just shove everything into a random cabinet … of course until I open the cabinet, and everything comes tumbling out.
I was exactly thinking that would be so over stimulating
What _does_ work for me is having multiple spaces for things I lose often. So I have a little vertical container near my door; in the bathroom; in my bedroom; near my couch. That way, if I need to put my glasses down somewhere, I don't have to go anywhere to put them away, but they aren't just out in the wild. If I do lose them, then 99% of the time they are in one of those 4 boxes.
I do the same. I have either my room shelf or my desk where I would typically leave my stuff, and nowhere else. My work bag must always be at my desk with related stuff close to it. Like this, I greatly reduces the options of "oh no, where is it?".
Great idea!
Oh that’s so smart!
Yes yes, I also have a “box system”!
I do this too but it does require me to remember to use them... so my phone still ends up in the fridge, in the microwave on top of the backrest of the sofa or on a random shelf pretty often.
Thank you for clarifying on the definition of object permanence. It’s something that really annoys me when I hear people using it for ADHD, particularly since I’ve watched family members with dementia lose something much closer to “object permanence”. I can turn around and immediately forget the stove is on, but that’s incredibly different from sitting next to a loved one and having them be surprised to see you every time they turn around.
I heard on one of the ADHD compilation YT videos the another name for the object permanence thing and supposedly the correct term but i can't remember what it is... perhaps because my ADHD.
I honestly just thought people were using it as a joke. Just having a laugh.
@@Sarcasmarkus I've seen the term "object consistency" if that's what you're thinking of
Yeah as soon as she mentioned object permanence I was like “WE LEARN THAT AS BABIES!”
I actually didn’t know this and will correct myself from now on. The way that was explained. I had no idea. 👍🏼 My 🐝.
A softer variation of the "don't put it down, put it away" rule that works for me, is having specific rules like "It's not ok to leave things on the floor". I give myself permission to leave things on my desk, my shelves, etc. Just never, ever my floor (unless they're kept neatly in a box or something). By giving myself a rule that I can follow, I'm making steps toward the right direction, without holding myself to an impossible standard.
Excellent! I do similar; choose your battles. My kitchen I like having neat: my office, on the other hand, not so much. Not much goes on the floor in any room, however; there's where I draw the line.
@@KECOG if I was able to have my kitchen nest I would be the happiest person alive
I'm going to do that
It helps me to invert this advice.
Look where things are being put down. Where things collect and linger. Make that their storage spot. Put a bowl there. Or a box, or coat rack, or some shelves.
@@blacktigerchick yeah, I've got the "not here" bin, where it's things that don't belong there, but I go thru regularly and put everything in the bin away.
The best advice I've ever heard with my AHDH is "once begun is half done" meaning getting started is the hardest part. it pops into my mind when I'm having trouble with my executive function.
I need to copy this for myself
Yoo thank you for that, that helps a lot actually
"You find the fun, aaaaaaand SNAP!! The jobs a game!" Mary Poppins is where I know the quote from, though I'm sure it's from somewhere before Disney.
@@elfy_642 "once begun is half done" is a very old saying, but yes, I know it from Mary Poppins too!
It helped me too, but for me it is important to remember that sometimes you are in too bad space, and you can't focus even if started
"Don't put it down, put it away" sounds like the constant nagging I heard as a kid, and it honestly makes me want to do it way less. Especially depending on what it is and when it's happening, sometimes I'm tired, or just can't bring myself to do it, or maybe I'm hungry and need to eat first, or have to start laundry because I need something the next day. It's one of those "perfect tips" that sound like a perfect fix but really aren't. Like "put it in your planner!" or "set a reminder!" Sounds good, doesn't work as perfectly as you think it will.
ADHDer: _does anything_
Everyone else: hAvE yOU tRiEd a planner?
I'm sure they mean well but sometimes the planner takes a work and isn't that simple xD
Exactly! It would be great if it worked but it's not that simple. Everytime I try to explain to someone the issues I have with remembering things because of my ADHD the first thing they say is "just set a reminder on your phone". If it was that easy I wouldn't have the problem anymore 😂
Something else that came to mind with this is invalidating the “spoons” or energy I may not have. I actually struggle with this mindset a lot because it drudges up a lot of shame and guilt that if I don’t put things away immediately, then I’m not functioning as I should be.
I’ve been working with a coach about this and realizing that it’s a trap for me. Just because I don’t immediately put things away, doesn’t mean I’m not functioning. It’s just a low to non-existent priority and honestly, it feeds back into the previous hack about putting things on hangers in view. My clean clothes stay in a laundry basket that I can sort through. It’s in view and I’ve got energy to direct to tasks rather than feed into the guilt of “putting it away”.
@@jessy5241 I get that I have huge issues with low energy and have ASD and ADHD Inattentive
@@jessy5241 I started using drawers and made a rule never to fold anything. If it needs to be folded, it needs to be thrown in the f-ing trash😄 Neurotypicals have a 🤯 reaction to it, but I am done with putting unecessary expectations on my self, only to fail and lose energy for doing things I could actually be succeeding at.
“Set it for as long as you will allow yourself to soak in the inertia”
I have recently (over the last few years) described myself as having a very strong sense of inertia. If I’m moving, it’s very hard to stop, and if I’m not moving, it’s very hard to start
I really resonate with this
That's exactly what happens to me. And, after losing motivation, stopping is very difficult to avoid.
Exactly! Folks tell me to take breaks before doing hard things but I lose momentum and it makes it harder
Especially applicable to skiing over scary slopes - stopping loses both mental and physical inertia and makes it that much harder to continue
Yes exactly. After exercising I feel like I can tackle anything but deciding to do exercise is painstakingly difficult
You gave me such a big A-ha! Yes that's me too!!!
As a Psych student with ADHD, thank you for explaining object permanence and the difference SO WELL
I’m going to call it object retention. I still have the object, I just don’t retain it in working memory.
Ooh, I like the alternate term. 😉
@@philiphockenbury6563i just call it object presence.
I think "don't put it down put it away" is more useful if you are already in the same space. Example putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of by the sink. It only takes a couple extra seconds but I will often skip it lately because baby "needs" me. But rarely is she actually desperately in need of me that second and I have time to do it properly.
Yeah, i think "dont put it down, put it away" is most useful in situations like choosing clothes (dont put it on the Chair, put it back on the hanger/rail/etc), shoes (back on the shoe rack! not kicked under the bed), etc, not stuff like "i finished reading this book in the living room, and i now have to take it 3 flights of stairs up to the attic bookshelf IMMEDIATELY instead of just going on the side of the stairs for later lol
I agree, I think that tip is best suited for situations where the difference between "down" and "away" is a few seconds/feet. I like the idea of putting things in "down" in the room they belong to, or on the path to that room, so you can come by later to put it "away".
One of the big motivation-killers for cleaning I experienced as a kid was the redundancy of traveling back and forth between rooms more than necessary. I wish my parents had thought of this idea to teach us, but it's not too late to try!
@@williamsparks99 I've definitely found it useful to put stuff on the path to its home if I know it's not feasible to put it away immediately! I often put stuff I have to take back upstairs or downstairs on the steps of the staircase so that it's hard to not pick it up while I'm going to a different floor. Of course, that can be an issue when you live with other people. My parents rarely ever come upstairs but they still are not a fan of the potential to trip on random staircase stuff
@@roma_venka If there's room nearby, it could help to put a little table/shelf/whatever nearby, so that you can have a place to put things that's not the floor. But since you live with your parents, you'd probably have to talk with them about moving that certain piece of furniture, or about buying something new
@@doctorwholover1012 yes! I've reminded myself "don't put it down, put it away" while standing in front of my jewelry organizer when I'm tempted to dump my earrings on top of the organizer instead of opening the door and hanging them up.
'Don't put it down. Put it away' bothers me too. It feels like someone saying 'just be better'. The reason I struggle with staying organized, is because I lack the executive functioning to stay on top of my systems. Advising me to interrupt myself before I put something down where it doesn't belong misses the mark. I become disorganized because I lack the executive function required to take a pause and implement the organizational tactics & skills that would obviously work. Knowing how to do something, why it's important, and when to do it doesn't change the fact that it'll get neglected when I lose focus and begin doing something else.
I feel like it makes a lot more sense if you live in a studio apartment where the Place for anything is only a few more steps away.
@@Globe_TastersHonestly even when I lived in a 500 sq ft studio apartment that advice didn't work. It's better to just redefine what putting something away means.
It definitely does, I have an extremely bad habit of putting things into drawers, cupboards, bags and my pockets in order to put them out of sight, which has me dealing with the clutter later when I have to find something. This extends to rubbish if I can't find an immediate bin, so a lot of the clutter is useless.
“Don’t put it down, put it away,” made me think of my mom. 😂 It also reminded me of an ex who, after I did a hyper focused clean and tidy of my living area and kitchen, said to me, “Just keep it like this.” Oh, my sweet summer child….
Ok, love to see you responding to the object permanence issue. I feel super enfantalized by this myth of lacking object permanence. I'm not a baby and I'm not an idiot, I'm just forgetful.
It could be for the extreme focus moment (as ADHD has the extreme focus sometimes, when you are doing one thing and nothing else can disturb you), in those moments you seem, to others, as if you lack awareness of everything but what is in front of you, even if that is clearly wrong because the moment that minute of focus fades you suddenly remember what you needed to do, call someone, enter the meeting, etc. I have an alarm to enter the work meetings and even then I sometimes am so focused in solving one thing that I just move to turn off the alarm and go right back to solve the problem instead of doing the literal 3 clicks to enter the meeting, this is like getting distracted of everything else by what you are currently doing, it usually last only a few minutes, the most productive minutes of the day, then right back to getting distracted by everything and completely unable to focus on one thing.
Exactly! It's not a underdeveloped trait, it's having a smaller working short term memory. Our working memory being smaller is what induces hyperfocus, and when we don't have something, someone interrupts us, or something breaks, our hyperfocus completely skews. We become "scatter brained", especially with these kinds of interruptions because it forces our brain to consider another aspect into our working memory, and how that affects our process. It's usually then chucked into the too hard basket. That's not a toddler behaviour, because babies get straight back up again after falling, trying to walk. We're trying to walk, talk, make things with our hands, write, *listen* and remember where or what the next piece or step is.
If "don't put it down, put it away" works for folks, that's great for them. Personally I hate it, it reminds me of growing up and having my ADHD-denying father tell me things like "you just have to focus more". I've told myself things similar to this, but I'm really good at making excuses to myself. I like Jessica's basket idea, collect a bunch of stuff, take it to the proper place when you're on your way there.
Yes!
I like to group like things. The laundry may wait days to be folded, but when I do fold I fold everything. Meanwhile, it sits out.
When I lived in a multi-level house, I had baskets at the bottom and top of the stairs. If I was doing the stairs empty handed, I might take those items, too.
For me, it works when I bring groceries home. If I don't put it away immediately, I will forget about it and the products that should be cooled, will get bad. Of course I will first put the bag down to take of my coat, but I don't go sit on my couch for example.
I totally get the idea that when you put it down, things will pile up or you forget about it. And maybe it will take more effort to put it away later, because you have to get up again to do it in stead of going one step further by putting it away when you're already up. But it doesn't work for every situation and every person.
I had people tell me that multiple times. I typically get distracted on the way there and put that item down and forget about it. Then I can't find said object because it wasn't where I last used it or where it was supposed to be.
When something is hard or too distracting to put away in the moment, I’ve found some success with having trays and baskets in strategic locations. I put anything that needs to be put away in them. As I walk around the house I’ll grab stuff that belongs where I’m going and take it with me and either put it away or put it in that areas receptacle to get put away later
Your physical and verbal reaction to the "put it away" at 4:45 makes me feel so seen. The reaction is so real!
Also the adhd tax thing 100% - we're often shamed into buying less convenient things because convenience seems to read to others as laziness or privilege but I don't think paying more or aiming for convenience applies to us in the same way, it's better to just look at it as 'accessible'. Meal kit subscription, Huel (helps me), pre-chopped veggies, whatever it may be, don't feel bad for having skipped some steps or paying more, it's just an adaptation we make to help us deal with a disorder that has nothing to do with our own work ethic or laziness. Pay the ADHD tax, do what you can within your means
Love meal kits and huel!
I definitely agree, often I bought a 1kg bag of carrots that go off before I use them. I made carrot and coriander soup and after a day I was bored of eating that too.
Another shout-out for complete meal-replacements! Basically, my lunch everyday is powder + water into a shaker, completely changed my life!😊
@@dare2liv_nlove I always forget to wash up the shaker and next day it smells like my poop on my worst days. I need a dishwasher 😩
One thing that has helped me is frozen vegetables, especially steamable frozen vegetables. They have the same nutrients as fresh but don’t go bad nearly as quickly. It’s also easy to chuck into the microwave and have a side.
Thank you for addressing the "object permanence" point. According to my wife (licensed school psycologist) it does have a snappy name it's called "impaired working memory". Basically your remembering gets interupted somewhere between the short and long term memory parts of your brain and the memory never makes the switch. So you conceptually know a thing exists (object permanence) but the fact that it is in the place or that you have to do the thing gets lost in the ether.
I say I have the memory of a goldfish. 5 second rule. It may or may not be there in 5 seconds.
Morning is the worst. I don't know where my brain is, it's not in my head.
I repeat 'the thing', or count repeatedly as I go (like 4 cups of water).
Yeah, I'm glad she addressed this too! It's in the process of consolidation if I remember rightly. There are a couple of things that can be done to help, but it's remembering to do them for me! 😅
I sometimes wonder if "object permanence" does actually apply when I see a tool on sale and say "wow, that looks handy; I'm gonna buy one!" Then I buy it, get it home and take it out to the garage and put it away and find I already had one.... that I absolutely do not remember having or buying. And it has happened before that I have found a third one that I have bought and left in a shopping bag and never put away.....
@@vsmith9626It doesn't apply. If someone reminded you of that tool in your garage without physically showing it to you, and you could recall the memory of buying it and placing it in the garage, then you would be able to make the cognitive connection that if you left it in the garage it is still in the garage. Even if you didn't remember where you left it, you could think to look for it and understand how to do that because of object permanence.
Someone who lacks object permanence would not be able to make that connection and as a result, they would not go look for the tool. Someone lacking object permanence both cannot know where an object is that they can't see/hear/touch and cannot realize they don't know where it is.
Object permanence is not a single process in the brain (like a component process of executive functioning) and it takes large scale and severe brain damage to lose object permanence. At that point, object permanence is not the main concern. Someone can lose object permanence due to severe traumatic brain injury, the late stages of a neurodegenerative disease like Alzheimer's, or severe brain damage from illness.
For example, in the last 6 months of my grandma's life, while she was in late-stage Alzheimer's, it seemed like she may have lost object permanence, although that's hard to say. She only liked to eat M&Ms at this point, so I would take M&Ms one at a time and put them on the table in front of her. If she looked up from the table, I had to tell her to look down and tell her it was an M&M for her to want to eat it. It was very painful for me.
The only thing you could say about ADHD and object permanence is that neurodevelopmental conditions are associated with a delayed development of object permanence, although they will still develop object permanence as a baby. The only developmental condition that can appear to effect object permanence is severe intellectual disability, although in this case they still as children understand object permanence, but have difficulty with certain aspects of the problem-solving required to find an object out of view.
What people characterize as "lack of object permanence" in ADHD is really about difficulty with working memory and active recall. Placing important things in visually prominent places helps because it acts as a visual cue as to where that thing is. It's like when you study for a test with flashcards. The more often you are visually reminded of the location of your keys because they're hanging up on the wall, the easier it will be to recall that connection between your keys and where they are when you think about your keys. This is a strategy that allows us to bypass our impaired working memory.
So, in your example, when you're at the store and see a tool you actually already have, this strategy helps you remember you already have it because you have built up a strong association with that tool and where it is. The association means when you think of the tool you also think of where yours is.
I hope this helps you understand what object permanence is, and why ADHD forgetfulness symptoms are NOT even remotely the same thing as object permanence.
Unfortunately "object permanence [issues]" is still much snappier than "impaired working memory", especially since the latter is so much more broad.
Doubly so because "object permanence" isn't actually a term anyone will USE unless 1) they have a three-year-old child or 2) they work with three-year-old children.
I do prefer "goldfish brain" though because it's more pertinent to forgetting stuff.
Well, having cupboard doors has several good reasons: 1) keeps visual clutter away - less stimuli, 2) keeps dust and oily-dust (this horrible thing that slowly builds up when you're cooking) and 3) saves food and spices from exposure to the sun/light.
so, for the things that we think we need to remember they exists we could have a dedicated shelf opened to the eyesight - everything else can be hidden away.
Or doors with glass panels! Who says the doors have to be opague and not see-through??
Open shelving requires so much more cleaning. There is a balance to be struck for sure, but my current place has far too much in the open.
Oily dust is the WORST
“Don’t put it down, put it away” is a really frustrating thing I’ve been told my whole life. I’ve always struggled with it, especially now because of physical disabilities. It’s often literally impossible for me to put something away. Which is why I tend to use the next hack of just moving stuff to the correct room and the organize it hack (that one is a life saver). Stairs are still the bane of my existence though. Our staircase is usually a death trap of paperwork that needs to be filed and stuff that needs to be put in storage lol
and sometimes (at least in my case) i have no place for these things
Yes, it works great, but only if you don't get distracted on the way. And I'm always putting things down without realizing I've done it. At work I always lose my water bottle because I have no idea where I put it down. I probably did it without thinking so that I could gesture with my hands.
If I can put it in a related place that's a good workaround, but so often I can't find it even though I can clearly remember that I put it a place that should be obvious where I couldn't possibly forget.
yeah, I sometimes just use bins instead of putting stuff away - it goes in the appropriate bin and I'll deal with them later, but at least I know where it is. because if I go to put it away, I'll get distracted on the way, unless I have a lot of stuff to put away in that same place
Fletchling needs HUGS
here's one of my personal hacks: listening to Jessica while folding laundry. It gets the laundry done.
And in general, 'multitasking' by combining one physically engaging task + one mentally engaging one works very well for me.
The trick to making it work is to choose which is the primary attentional activity and which is secondary. So, dishes or laundry? Then I use engaging audio. Writing a report? I listen to repetitive instrumental music (stimulating but not interesting). Or sip tea. Listening to a webinar I actually want to hear? Then I walk, doodle, or usually... fold more laundry.
yeah lol I've been watching Hailey Elizabeth and I wanna get a job so I can buy the gyaru n decora stuff I need so I can do the thing I always wanted..get ready for the day while listening to something but it's specifically gyaru so can't do it right now..unless anyone has a solution for kids wearing makeup
Except when you forget to keep folding and then the video is done
Same. I do this as well. Usually some music to keep my brain from figeting while doing a physical task. When I'm home I can even watch a video (like a game let's play) while I'm doing stuff like the dishes.
I think the "put it away" advice is applicable when you staying are in the location - for instance, when you're getting dressed and trying to choose what to wear. Instead of putting your options down, if you're unsure about the outfit, put it away so that it doesn't become clutter after you decide what to wear.
It could be as "simple" as having an "in-between" space, where you can line up 2 or 3 options and decide on them in comparison - so long as once you've decided, putting the discarded options away.
Gotta say the weirdest adhd brain hack Ive ever pulled off is how, when I got to college, I had been doing sudoku puzzles and playing around with an old Mensa riddle book I’d found, and I accidentally convinced my brain that Math was just more fun puzzles.
Is it... is it not more fun puzzles? Because... that's how I always viewed math myself! 😅
- Harley, Community Manager
@@HowtoADHD They're only fun if you understand what you're doing though. If it doesn't make any sense and looks alien, then boredom here we go. I love using math for personal needs, because then math becomes a tool that you apply to complete real life tasks. Solving abstract math problems without any context just isn't motivating enough.
Math IS just fun puzzles! What are you talking about?
This is exactly why I love mathematics and programming. They're just complex logic puzzles. My favorite thing about math is that the answer is always the same, so long as you remember and follow the rules. There's a certainty to math problems that I find comforting. Unfortunately, higher mathematics is not ADHD friendly, especially for those of us who struggle with visual overwhelm.
@@tris5602 remembering the rules is the problem. Unlike with programming, where a bug or an error tells you exactly (or approximately) where you did something wrong, in math, if you forget a certain rule or forget to do one simple thing, then good luck checking where you made a mistake. It works only if you're studying and have a teacher to check your work. If you don't have that option, then you're screwed. That's why I love coding but tolerate math.
Hearing you say you set off timers without realisimg, made me realise I just silenced a timer that I had set so I would unload the dishwasher. Thank you Jessica! One less argument with my parents :)
Oh yes. Sometimes it just gets to a point where it's too much to deal with anyway and then I just forget about it _all_ , including the reminder alarm too. 😂
Awwwwwww, glad to help!
Yes. This is why phone reminders don't work for me.
Also one day I forgot to take my meds first thing, I dropped my kid off, came home... and realised I'd been sat on the sofa listening to the microwave beep for 3 hours trying to switch on the TV/ eat breakfast/ have coffee / take the meds, start my super long to do list - luckily my friend rang and we spoke and I sprung again
I had timers set to try to get myself to remember to brush my teeth (I have ALWAYS struggled with maintaining dental hygiene) and it worked for two weeks ish and then I just started snoozing them without even processing I was doing that
This video is actually my 'lightning in a bottle'. I have a 'How to ADHD' folder on my bookmarks bar, and I use these videos to help me get my brain ready to focus on having ADHD, and working with that to get things done.
God, the "don't put stuff down, put them away," gave me such "If you have depression, just feel happy" vibes. Wow! What a concept! I'll be sure to let my brain know, mom! It doesn't help that I have a thyroid condition that gives me extreme fatigue. And you know what really takes a lot of energy? Going outside and buying things. First thing I want to do after any trip outside my house is rest.
thank you, i agree and you reminded me that I'm not weird or wrong for being so tired this past week, I also have a thyroid condition.
I think the point is trying to develop a habit of putting that 1 thing away even when you have to use energy to figure out where it should go. It's a minor inconvenience compared to having tons of things to put away later when you've just been putting things down everywhere. It probably won't work for most ADD people but I think it's a worthy hack nonetheless. I stopped losing things constantly by simply saying where I was placing them (things I commonly misplaced like keys, tv controller) so audibly telling myself to put it away, not down may help me to build a better routine. I am working on cleaning up my creative space and my rule right now is that I have to put 5 things away every time I go in there. It's slowly getting cleaned up and I had to tell myself that it's better than giving up completely and never making any progress lol!
I don’t care how tired I am I always put my things away first before sitting down because if I set it down and sit down it most likely will be forgotten and then lost because I’m not getting up again soon.
I have a basket at the bottom of my stairs for anything that goes upstairs. At night it goes up with me ideally in the morning the basket is emptied and brought back downstairs
My sister had a good way to phrase the “don’t put it down, put it away” concept. She says to “only touch it once.” This is basically the same idea, but phrasing it this way reminds me that it’ll be less clutter to tackle later. Smaller future hurdles! Just touch it once is a habit that can be helpful for future you. Unfortunately, good intentions don’t always transfer into consistent actions for me. 🤷🏼♀️ The struggle is real.
I like that Jessica mentioned feeling uneasy about people insisting they have the perfect solution to problems. I very easily get swept into other people's ideas if they phrase them as an order or an established fact. If my brain hears their confidence and they need it in a hurry, the first thing I compromise to save time, is verifying what they said in my head. It leads to mistakes that I get blamed for because I carried out the request. "You would usually never make such a simple error, are you getting worse at this every week?".
I wrote that really poorly right now but it hopeully makes sense to you.
I think I get what you mean. I tortured meself fer years before I knew I had adhd, trying to follow rules or techniques that people online or in media INSISTED would work for everyone if you just stuck at it. The konmari method comes to mind, altgough to be fair in her book she at the end says that you can adjust this for yourself but that's after a LOT of ibsisting on things like hanging your clothes by size from left to right or insisting that you WILL enjoy folding eventually. I do the folding but I don't enjoy it or hate it, I'm comoletely neutral on it, lol. But I'm actually going to start that method again soon and this time being a lot more gracious to myself and adjusting it to suit my needs. Sorry I'm rambling! I haven't taken my meds yet!
I think I understand. To be honest, I'm not diagnosed so that could just be how I work but if someone confidently says something or gives a tip that 'works', I give up on what I knew beforehand or what initially worked for me (which, if I'm being fair, changes every once in a while) and start following their methods. Sometimes it works, but most of the times it doesn't and I get miserable with myself.
@@safala failing is the expected outcome of the learning process. What gets me down in the dumps is when people get disappointed in me for not hitting their expectations. It only upsets me because they usually start giving me a lecture about how bad I am performing and that I need to get much better asap or else there are natural consequences they can't help me with. This is a useless attempt at motivating me a way that works for them, but they will get frustrated at me when it doesn't work for me despite the fact that we are not the same person.
@@Greennoob2 I feel this a lot right now. My boss pulled me aside a week or so ago and told me that I was teetering on not meeting expectations and she's noticed I'm struggling to keep up and suggested I find another job. Too bad my insurance and access to therapy and treatment is dependent on this job. Honestly, I do need to find something else. Their expectations are too high for a neuro-typical let alone someone with an undiagnosed health condition (working on it) and ADHD. Way too much stress and ambiguity.
Yep. A doctor convinced me to change my college major over one conversation with me 🙃 Kinda think the last major suited me better (though had fewer career prospects for the field itself, despite being a more advanced degree) but oh well, I graduated eventually anyway and didn't technically "lose" progress on my previous degree. Had to quit the field due to burn out though.
The organized chaos bit made my eyes get big and dramatically point at the screen "I do that!" I didn't realize other people did this. I think it stemmed from my mom telling me to clean my room when I was young. The idea of spending time to clean would cause a small panic because I needed to do SO MANY OTHER THINGS right then, that very moment. I sort of intuitively decided quick neat piles made me relax, feel accomplished aaaand maybe she'd fall for it😄
Yes, or throw it into boxes or bags lol
I like that you talked about "what works for you might not work for me." I don't like "the put it away" mentality, but I do try to tell myself to "complete the cycle." So, if I'm making dinner, completing the cycle includes putting away leftovers, cleaning up the dishes, and wiping down the counter/table. This reminder to myself has helped reduce the clutter around my house SO much. Also, reminding myself out loud of what I'm doing helps. If I start getting distracted, I say "no, I'm not doing this thing right now. I'm doing that thing." Something about actually saying it out loud helps my brain stay on task.
Yesssss! I do the same thing and it's been life changing!
same. the other one that i do is that, because we have bad memory, i would mimic the movements of what i need to do or what i need to continue to do. so when i lose my train of thought or get distracted, my movement's context clues would help clue me in on what i actually need to do
I need to try this! I do the talking to myself to keep myself on task but dishes are the bane of my existence
The “don’t put it down, put it away” hack isn’t always the most efficient way to do it. In Jessica’s house, she has baskets where the out of place thing can live and then, when convenient, she can take the basket to the other rooms and return the stuff to its normal place. I love Jessica’s ADHD friendly tour of why her house works for her.
Yeah Don't put it down put it away is for me pretty kitchen /office exclusive where I oftentimes put stuff on the counter next to the fridge instead of in the fridge and there it is great and helped a lot but if you mean stuff that needs putting in the basement or garage I don't think its well for that
Yeah, this wouldn't work for me either. I've tried stuff similar in the past and I always eventually put it down without realizing and because I don't put it down in my usual "put it down" spots, I end up losing it which just creates a cascade of lost time and distractions looking for it. Lol
This works for me for very important things like phone, keys, laptops, medications, etc... And I try to do it for anything that I don't want to immediately vanish out of existence because otherwise I am going to waste sooo much time trying to find it again......
I take it with me.
I literally have my purse and I lug a backpack around the house so instead of putting it down and losing it, I have it with me. "Put it away" I often carry the "away" place with me when I can so I don't get distracted in another room.
@@vanessavanvalkenburg2694 that's an interesting idea... 🤔 I thought that might get annoying but if it works for you, it's worth a shot.
It's amazing how so many of us come up with these little accommodations for ourselves, totally unrelated to each other. Just helps me know that we really aren't alone no matter how "weird" our methods may feel to us compared to the NT people in our lives
My dad probably had ADHD too. He taught me when I was very young that things have their place and I always under any circumstances have to, repeat, HAVE TO put things to their places. It saved my life many times. Lost my keys only once 😁
I read it in a book first, where it said to imagine every thing has a red string attached, and when you move the Thing, you'll end up with lots of (imaginery) red strings through your living space. That helped me to use this technique in the first place.
Have you seen Adam Savage’s workshop?? It’s a thing of organizational beauty. His philosophy is that everything has a place, and you shouldn’t have to do more than 2 things to access that place. Standing up and opening a drawer? 2 things. Walking to a hook on the wall? One thing. This might be why my walls are covered in command hooks🤔
I grew up in a household of undiagnosed neurodivergents. Same rule applied. NOW, that place may actually be on the floor next to the bookshelf (see the pile of books that haven't officially entered the permanent collection and therefore are in a sort of purgatory until I read them and determine if I'd ever want to reread them/they're completing a series I'm collecting) so having a place doesn't always have to mean having a "put away" mentality... but yes, ALWAYS a space. I've found this to be essential for critical things. My cellphone has multiple places it belongs... but if I set it down anywhere other than near one of its chargers... I'll spend so long looking for it, even if its right next to where I was just standing in the kitchen.
YES! THIS!!!
I cannot stress how important this is to/dealing with my family. DON'T MOVE MY STUFF BEHIND MY BACK. I put it there/store it there for a good reason: so I can find it/use it/maintain it.
I'm open to trying different configurations and locations, but it's very much something I have to
initiate myself. This way it's a deliberate process my brain does in a way that works for it, rather than an (apparently) arbitrary monkeywrench to the head that the outside world imposes.
@@Chaotic_Pixie YES! My cellphone has multiple places in the house that I'll set it down, but specific ones in each room. Then, if I'm not sure where I've left it, there are only a handful of options to check. I very rarely have to resort to asking Alexa where my phone is.
I HATE "don't put it down, put it away" and I'm really glad this one came up for you. I have tried this before and it's just another version of "just do the thing you're supposed to do!" ADHD doesn't work this way. After a few hours or a day of "just putting it away" I am an exhausted husk and I feel like I need a week to recover.
Yes to "I am an exhausted husk and I feel like I need a week to recover." Truth! ; - )
Jessica made such a good point that it requires Executive Function to put some things away. No wonder I feel fried!
its so weird finding out how many "flaws" of mine i find again in your videos. which is quite funny to me, cuz i got emotionally abused for every single one of them by my parents, because ive only gotten myself tested last year when i was 20. really helps me to realize, that those are not actually "flaws" that caused the abuse but rather an undiagnosed disorder, which motivates me more because it is way easier to accept for me and work around them, rather than trying to force myself to lose those "flaws". my main indicator was that literally every single time i tried to force myself to do stuff i wanted to do, my "bad" thoughts got rapidly worse to a point, where i had to quit my semester because of the severity of those thoughts during learning. still in a shitty position but atleast i have a somewhat positive outlook on my future and dont see it as just a continuum of suffering.
The "lightning in a bottle" tip reminds me of something I accidentally found early in the pandemic, when I dredged up my long-dormant sewing skills to make cloth masks. I would put on a YT video about mask making (that I had watched before) to check a detail, and then not bother to switch it off - just let it run while I was sewing - and it was like having a friend in the room sewing right along with me. Kind of like the "get a buddy to hang out while you work" tip that I've seen around.
I always liked the videos where the presenter was calmly talking through each step in a chatty way. It was comforting during a stressful time, and it really helped keep me motivated.
I’ve struggled with the “don’t put it down, put it away” concept also; so I changed it. Yes, if I’m coming in the door and I’m next to the coat closet, I put my coat away instead of throwing it on a chair. BUT, I’ve changed it to “make dealing with it as easy as not dealing with it”. For instance, I have garbage cans in every room so I don’t have to leave to throw something out. Or a collective spot on my counter by my stairs for things that belong downstairs, and then force myself to take whatever I can when I go there. Nothing is perfect, but it helps.
I have landing zones too. One spot for things to go upstairs and one spot for things to go down stairs. If I’m going up or down I grab everything and go. If I’m not, I will let the spot fill up then make a trip just to empty it. It feels more productive than a constant up and down for just one or two things.
@@Amazon_213 100% here for "landing zones", even if that zone is the kitchen bench or bucket near the door or a coat rack next to entrance or whatever. Find something you will realistically be able to use, even if it doesn't solve the whole problem. Improvement is better than nothing.
“The don’t put it down, put it away” can work in a modified way. I bought a tray from a thrift store and anything I take out of my room that needs to go back into my room at the end of the day, I put in the tray when I’m done using it. And it works because then I’m carrying one thing into my room at the end of the night and the 30 minute break from screens I take before bed can be used for putting the things of the day away. It also helps in the morning too if I don’t have pockets for my phone or if I had any dishes that day
Thank you for clarifying object permanence! As a provider of early intervention services, this struck me immediately as incorrect.
The "put it away" hack sounds so NT. My mom always asked me why I couldn't just put it away. To this day I am so proud when I put something away.
I did the lightning in a bottle way before I knew I had ADHD, it's a variation of body doubling. 🥰🥰🥰🥰
My favourite hack is one by KC Davis/strugglecare: get a dish rack for the dirty dishes. You set a limit and the dishes don't look that bad. It was a game changer for me.
The dish rack for dirty dishes idea is genius! I’ll have to try that
Woah!! I’ve just bolted upright in bed after I was about to sleep. That is genius.
There's a flip side to "Lightning in a Bottle": also recognising when a certain task *removes* motivation and avoiding it as necessary.
There's a couple reasons why that's a common issue for us. One is that we just don't have as much energy and focus for such things to begin with. The other is that people in general are not as nice to our future selves as our current self. If you see that thing in your hand and see it as being an issue for future you, you're far less likely to deal with it constructively than if you're thinking about it being an issue for current you. Current you is more than happy to just set it down and let future you worry about the consequences.
My fave hack came from strugglecare too! Is there a place on the floor where dirty laundry piles up? Just put another hamper there! 🤯
"The put it away," tip is something I do, but that's because taking initiative/being proactive is something I'm working to improve. I totally get where you're coming from about creating resistance and distractions, and to be wary of inflexible advice.
I also just wanted to say how helpful your channel has been for me. You've taught me to be more kind and patient to myself, and accept that I will have "bad brain days," or uneven productivity. (Your video about "bad brains," blew my mind!)
Your channel has helped me discover, articulate, and accommodate so many things about myself that I didn't understand and judged far too harshly. You've helped me make my life more productive, easier, and enjoyable. I can't thank you enough.
I feel like the “don’t put it down, put it away” is an anti-ADHD hack. If we could, we’d do it every time. I also tend to forget about hacks and forget where I put things so I’d definitely just subconsciously put things down and forget to put them away which just spirals into more self hatred 👍
I work w the idea that I know I like “the path of least resistance”
also this doesn't sound like a hack for people with ADHD to make their life easier, and more like a command a parent would tell their kid, like "don't just leave your toys around, put them where they belong once you're done!!"
Yeah I try to keep baskets or a container that holds the objects I dont have time/can't be bothered to put away and then on the weekends, I empty the baskets. One in every room. Helps with clutter BUT sucks when the baskets gets full. Takes like 10-15 minutes to clear up each basket but at least the house looks better.
@@klettari This was exactly my reaction - that's not a hack, it sounds like somebody without ADHD not understanding
for me, to put things right away , is the easiest way to not be owerwehlmed. but first, i had to decliutter a lot. and im the beginning it was hard, but now it saves my sanitzy and life
Agreed on the putting stuff away and seeing something that interests me and totally veering off track and sinking into an unproductive distraction. That doesn’t work for me either
For those with stairs, try having a basket by the staircase for things that need to go up. When you do go upstairs, take the basket and put things away.
I like this idea but I would be the person who puts things in the basket and never brings it up and it overflows onto the bottom steps and if I do bring it upstairs, the items will now just live in the basket in the corner of my room forever
I misunderstood that for a moment and started visualizing a bucket and rope and pulley system for raising stuff up the stairs. Having Autism and ADHD is a trip. 😅
That's what I do. So that random stuff has a temprorary place to be until I'm going upstairs. Ditto for things that need to go downstairs. Stuff on the same level can get put away right away because my house is small.
1:40 what actually works for me is to buy frozen veggies, they're pre cut and washed but also they don't go bad, so it doesn't matter if I wait a month to eat them
This! I do have an issue with limited freezer space, but it helps me eat more veggies 😋
This is what I'm planning to do when i eventually move out.
Can you go over the topic of Sustainability and ADHD?
This is such a struggle to align desire to be sustainable while also having Adhd... especially where if it isn't "easy" or automatic. I've curated my lifestyle to be more sustainable... mostly but it has been SUCH a struggle.
Yes, please! It's so hard to make sustainable or ethical decisions that are also easy and convenient enough that I don't give up and go back to Amazon (or target or whatever)
Also! It's been really difficult to find any research on this. I haven't seen anyone really talk about the overlap between ADHD and Sustainability as there's also another layer of guilt tied into it.
I would love this! I am constantly struggling with trying to be more eco-friendly with my choices and the feelings of guilt when I opt for convenience, instead.
There are some sustainable things that are or can be ADHD-friendly: one thing I find very helpful is batch-cooking. I spend 2-3 hours in the kitchen ONCE to have meals for the whole week (with a different meal every day), there's no foodwaste because I buy only what I need and don't have to worry about some vegetable decomposing in my fridge. Best part is, there are cookbooks for that, I don't need to plan anything or do a shopping list, just pick a week and follow the instructions! It also means I do grocery shopping only once a week. And there are many variations of these books, like vegetarian or seasonal or low carb... I'm not yet doing it every week, but when I do I usually double the portion to have lunch and supper.
Yes! The guilt, indecision, hoarding because something "may be useful" but never getting round to making it useful...
Binging your videos instead of attempting to do homework since I just missed a test and tried to cram a study guide. Thank you for showing me this isn't how most people handle life through their eyes, and there are more people out there that understand.
I was always told "you're a girl you don't have adhd", so this is very nice to actually understand and take to heart
Here's one hack that could help steady your motivation when going back into a hobby after ages (or especially learning a language), and it's pretty simple: Let yourself start again. If the thought of catching up to stuff you could do in the past just overwhelms you now, whether it's a one hour song you don't remember or a 1000-word flashcard deck that's sitting there, lower that, drop the entry threshold, there's no shame in stepping down a bar so you can climb back up again.
Don't treat yourself as a high-level player who "should" be able to slay that slime when you log back in, treat yourself as a lv1 reincarnation with an exp multiplier.
Thank you for explaining and differentiating object permanence and ADHD forgetfulness. I see it misused a lot, even by other ADHDers, and it feels so infantilizing being compared to a literal baby tbh. I know people have good intentions, but... yeah.
This exactly!! We get enough "childish" negative stereotypes without misusing the term "object permanence." xox'
I think what makes us forgetful is our issues with working memory 🤔
Or too much going on in our working memory
Yeah, it’s people misusing the term because they don’t know the actual meaning of it.
I get that it seems to fit, but it’s an actual term in regards to child development.
There really should be a term for our issue though…
The use of "object permanence" began as a joke among frustrated people and has now morphed into the term used, and I don't love that because the point of using it was that we didn't have a better term for it.
My hack: I've reduced my living space, so that everything is close in proximity. Putting stuff away is just a few steps away from where I could just leave them. Doing that has helped my keep things tidy tremendously. Although I understand it's not for everyone, I like the cosiness and reduction of anxiety that comes with a smaller living space.
That is impressive and I am just trying to do something similar!
Yep. When you start putting things away regularly, there is no perpetual distraction because things are already put away.
that's definitely helped me but not as much as I'd hoped
Agreed, putting things away and finding things (even when not put away) has become so much easier since I moved from a 1-bed into a studio. I'm closer to where I need to be and I spend so much less time wandering from room to room looking for something and getting distracted.
This what I did too! It helped so much! Putting it away is ‘close’, so it really is just 10 extra seconds to do it! Same goes with cleaning: less space to clean means less panic about cleaning in general 👍
The second someone tells me, "do this," or, "you should," I absolutely refused to do it. 🤭
Yes, it's much better to frame these as options rather than commands.
God yes can’t stand being told what to do
That's called psychological reactance! It's because you feel like your choice and autonomy has been taken away, so now if you do the thing after being told to do it, it's no longer your choice
YES ABSOLUTELY omg it's so debilitating!!
@@hollyrapose This is why it feels so good to take out Mom's trash and clean her house for her...until she says, "take the trash out while you're at my place." 😂🤷♀️
For me the worst variation of this is "don't forget to say »thank you«". Yeah great. Now I will say "thank you" because everyone expects this from me (and this feels so fake), not because I'm actually thankful for something. 😅
I also had the grocery problem without knowing it had to do with ADHD. My favorite solution is my big freezer. Frozen broccoli is also healthy and doesn't go bad as fast.
I mealplan every week before I do the groceries. Then, when I've made a meal plan for the whole week, I check the cupboards, fridge and freezer to make sure I have all the ingredients. Anything that's missing, I jot down and order/buy it in one go. (I have the luxury of being able to order groceries to be delivered at home.) Bonus: as I check that I have all ingredients, the opening of cupboards and the fridge remind me of items about to go bad, and I can adjust the meal plan. Finally one more thing, I often leave out one meal (one dinner) so that if there's a night where I end up not cooking, I don't end up with suddenly too much perishable food in the house. And if by some miracle I end up doing all the meals as planned? Well there's always some leftovers in the freezer I can use for the missing meal.
So.. the whole thing is time consuming but only once a week, and it saves on a lot of food waste and feelings of guilt. Oh and of course I have a daily timer to remind me to cook dinner (and I always start too late anyway), and an alarm for when I need to order food (set to two days early and going off a couple of times, so I can actually do the meal planning and add things to my list as I remember them). Not foolproof but much better for me. So yay! Now my kids get to eat good food! Been doing it about 2 years now and I think my track record is about 70% success. P.s. one of my biggest ADHD issues is talking too much. Ahhhhh!!!!
Hmm... Your avatar has a certain vibe that is just familiar...
I still have the problem of the adhd tax of buying more of something’s I haven’t run out of because I haven’t seen them already in the cupboard
Yes frozen veges are fresh and no problems if you don’t eat them until a few months later!
@@nanimalgirlEssie Congrats on the meal planning success and love and acceptance for talking "too" much. No such thing when you're in the right company. : - ) ❤❤❤ I aspire to meal plan like you someday!
Seeing this video I've realized just how much different our experiences can be, even if we have the same disorder. Thank you so much for the work you do on the channel, the videos you do help me believe I'm not completely worthless.
I accidentally had open kitchen shelving for two years because I painted the cabinets and couldn't be bothered to reattach the doors.
I loved being able to see everything, but the annoyance of washing the dust and cooking grease off the less used dishes eventually overwhelmed me to the point I was finally motivated to reinstall the doors.
Yep, exactly. We have a mix of cabinets and open in our kitchen now and it works much better because everyday stuff that is used so often it doesn’t get dusty is easily accessible but other stuff is safely behind doors. Plus it reduces the visual clutter which is a big issue for me also.
Definitely. I also don't have drawers in the kitchen and, while I appreciate being able to see things, it does let dust get on everything. And worse than that, I used to have a fruit fly problem and for some reason they loved sitting on my clean dishes, uck
Hmm maybe glass doors?
I love these TikTok reactions! Jessica always go "Yes! This should be fun!" and then end up going "Ok, no."
For the "don't put it down, put it away" hack. Sometimes that isn't really possible. Have a "not this room" basket for high traffic areas (near the exit of the room so you game to pass it). It gives you a place to put something that doesn't belong and provides a easy way to transport multiple things back to their "home" with minimal effort.
Yessss
The "playing fetch" hack was how I made it through college. I set my alarm clock on the other side of the room by my closet. When it went off, I had to get up to turn it off and I could change right there next to the clock. In a similar vein, if my phone is distracting me, I'll intentionally put it in the bathroom or the dining room so I can use my inertia as a way of forcing me to do the thing.
Also I have a hack that I like to call the "chaos spaces and orderly spaces." My room is a "chaos space." It gets the lowest priority for organization and ends up with the most clutter piles. The downstairs, especially the dining room, is an "orderly space." I keep clutter in that area to a minimum and try to only leave things that can quickly be put away in those spaces. It gets top priority for organization. If I have an uncategorized thing or a clutter pile that has no home, it's going to the chaos space, regardless of what it is. This leaves fewer panic moments when I impulsively decide having friends over for lunch is a great idea because the orderly space is being maintained. Nothing is stopping me from closing a door and hiding my chaos.
I've found that if I have a choice about how I manage my things, that I should choose the option that makes it the easiest to put something away, even and especially if, it makes it somewhat harder to get out. Which is why bins can be a great thing, especially clear ones. It's more of a pain to get things out of a bin, but tossing something into a bin is a lot easier than some other storage options. Likewise, having books A-B on a shelf in whatever order you like is easier to put away than in alphabetical order, but a minor inconvenience when taking it out. In both cases, you've successfully lowered the energy needed to put something away, even though you've made it slightly harder to get out.
Obviously, it's probably not a good idea to apply that to everything. You want it to be as easy as possible to get your cleaning supplies and homework stuff out so that you do it, but it is a good general default.
Love this idea so much.
Huge yes to "chaos spaces and orderly spaces." I resorted to putting a floor-to-ceiling industrial storage rack in my bedroom (!!!), but it's worth it for the calm, pride, and hope of being able to see at least a few uncluttered and attractive spaces in the rest of my house. Would I prefer not to see that monstrosity as I'm trying to drift off to sleep? Yes! But since most of my conscious/awake time is not spent in that room, it was the hack I needed for now.
The best hack I’ve found is decluttering/minimalism and the inventory mindset. There are varying levels of minimalism and you can go with whatever makes you feel comfortable, but the mindset is that every thing you own is a thing that you have to manage. It helps me put focus into the things I love the most; and it helps me remove my attention spent on things I don’t really care about.
i’ve tried that but it always gets destroyed when i’m given gifts or my mom enters my room with like an entire 3 goodwill bags of clothes for me to go through and keep what i like and give her back what i don’t (and most of the time i don’t keep the stuff anyways) and i have no idea the right way to tell her not to buy so much for me unless i’m the one picking it out
@@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans I'm sorry clutter and gifts are making things harder for you to manage. I feel the exact same way- I have too many clothes that I don't wear, and can't afford to be gifted more things to add to the pile. The solution, was very kindly and plainly telling some loved ones that I'm decluttering and want to keep things simple. If your mom is getting lots of stuff for you, it sounds like she's trying to be kind. Ideally, that kindness extends to understanding your needs. Perhaps you can frame it as, she can give you a new gift now: the gift of peace of mind and having a calm space (your room). You can still thank her for her gifts and express your gratitude for her thoughtfulness, while asking to change things up. I hope it goes well for you 😊❤
What is the inventory mindset?
What do you mean by inventory mindset?
@@firstofficerrose1588 i guess it’s where you have every object in a category in your head to keep track of everything
That organizing into piles and stacks works so well. My dad taught me that when I was a kid and every time I do it people always say it looks neater. Grouping things into piles to go to the various locations also works. But I even do the organized stack when I'm doing laundry. If I have low spoons I don't sort as I fold. I just fold everything into similar sized stacks. Tops and bottoms together. Sheets and throw blankets with towels. Whatever helps me get it done faster so I'll have a neater space.
In response to alarms: I highly recommend the alarmy app. It has a ton of different ways you can dismiss the alarms (math, shaking the phone, etc.), but my favorite is when you have to take a matching picture of something before it will turn off. It's also relentless--you can't turn off the phone on or uninstall the app to turn it off. I mainly use it just to wake up in the morning because I have it set to turn off when I take a pic of a drawing on the side of my fridge and by the time I get out of bed, walk out to the kitchen, turn on the light, and take the picture, I'm already awake. You could also use it to make you take a picture of something near the thing you need to get done. I hate it so much but it's been a necessity for me for 6ish years now haha
On Android there's the same concept too, I've used "i can't wake up" alarm for literally a decade! I cannot wake up any other way!
This sounds like such a good idea, thank you!!!
Yes, Alarmy is great, I love the barcode scanner and put in the barcode of my toothpaste. That way I have to pick up the toothpaste to turn off the alarm. Now I‘m already mid-task, so it‘s much easier to just brush my teeth (somehow one of the hardest tasks for me…). Also, I used it on ios as well as Android, so it‘s not Apple-exclusive like another comment suggested :)
I deleted that app lol
@@Sica210 lol I feel that. I resent the app so much but I also know I need it or I'll sleep forever
Fully agree that “Don’t put it down: put it away.” is a recipe for constant distraction and nothing getting done.
My solution is to designate locations or containers in every room specifically for things that aren’t where they belong. That way I can avoid random clutter everywhere, but also tackle ‘put it away’ as its own task at an appropriate moment.
It also helps because you can see the specific pile of things to be put away, and they have an action associated with them. Generally I will put them away more quickly because the pile or container calls out when it gets above a certain number of items.
That is also what Jessica does! She shows it in a tour of her ADHD friendly house.
And I agree, that seems so much better than putting things away constantly.
I do this same thing on my own :P
I keep my eyes glued to the floor so i cant see anything to get distracted by. It works 99% of the time, given nothing is in the floor
I've been thinking about implementing this, I'm glad to hear it also works for you!
The don't put it down put it away sounds like its said by someone who doesn't struggle with the constant distractions and forgetting what you were doing side of adhd.
I've got a great modification to the "don't put it down put it away" technique. Put some bins around your house like those restaurant bus bins; if you're too far away to put something away, you just drop it in the closest bin. Then when the time comes to put things away, you just pick up the bin and run around the house distributing stuff. This keeps everything that needs to be put away visible, and limits the chaos into very localized places, plus if something isn't in it's place, it'll probably be in one of a small number of places, instead of wherever you dropped and forgot it. I can't tell you how much of a difference is made in keeping things orderly, and to my peace of mind.
I tried "don't put things down, put them away" and it never worked for me, until I approached it backwards - if I'm always putting a thing down someplace, then that needs to be where it belongs (or very close). So my mail now goes in the top drawer of my dresser, with three bins, one for recycle, one for shred, and one for keep, rather than me putting it down on top of my dresser and it piling up because putting it away was too much work. Now I put my mail away instead of putting it down, but only because I let my behavior inform my organization, rather than letting "better" organization (I have a filing cabinet in another space) set me up for failure.
I can see the "put it away" thing working really well for things that already have a structure around them. I do this with tools, all my tools have a hole that they personally and specifically fit in. So when I put it "down" I put it away and it works great. I think it would work poorly for things that don't have as much organization around them. The tools came with a holder so I didn't have to do anything.
THIS!! It works great for me in the kitchen when I have the cooking zoomies! Don't put that spoon ýou can't use again on the bench, toss it into the sink - finished with the milk? put it straight back in the fridge. Chaos levels stay manageable and it's way more fun. But as a general day-to-day strategy? Heck no
the “don’t put things down, put them away” hack works really well for me 😅 by making it a rule for myself to handle messes (messes in my physical space as well as “social messes”) as soon as possible, i’ve found that i’m less likely to spiral into the anxiety-adhd cycle where my symptoms are taking up all of my energy and i can’t get Anything done
So glad you pointed that out about object permanence! So sick of hearing people say ADHD people don't have object permanence. Like I understand things exist when we can't see them, I just forget about things I can't see!
Hmm, here's a hack that works for me. Paired actions. Like wiping down the mirror whenever I brush my teeth or taking a sip of water every time I get up. Pair something that's harder to remember or do consistently with something that's easier and that hard thing becomes easier too.
I don't love the "don't put it down put it away" thing, it does NOT work for me. However, there is something that does. That's the "every time I go this direction take something with me" thing. So I have dishes that need to make it into the sink. I need to get up from my desk to grab some food, I take a dirty cup with me. Or, if something needs to go in the closet, which is close to the kitchen where I'm going, I'll grab the item, take it with me towards the kitchen, and drop it on the way, one step closer to where it should be. Eventually it travels to where I need it and then I take care of it on my own terms.
Edit: Hahah, the next hack talked about almost the same thing!
Yes i also like to pair tasks in order to help my memory
Some of that is something called habit stacking, where you use a habit or routine you already have, like brushing teeth, and pair it with something you are trying to do like wiping down the mirror. It's great as long as you don't try to do too many of them at once.
My alternative hack to the "don't put it down, put it away" is to put it where future me will look for it (and future me isn't going to remember, so it's usually something tied to the wordplay of the thing)
THANK YOU for disagreeing with the "don't put it down, put it away" thing. It's from "atomic habits" the book... for which ADHDers are not the target audience. I would say it's a good tip for generally messy people but not ADHD messy people. I'm fine with doing my big tidy up once a week.
I loved the idea behind Atomic Habits, but, like you said, ADHDers are not the target audience.
I read it before my diagnosis, and now I know why I struggled to implement a chunk of the book. Now I just implement what I can and adjust what doesn’t work outright.
Thank you for acknowledging this book!
Yeah, I much prefer KC Davis's methods for cleaning. Like, I'm not gonna interrupt myself 85 times during a task to put things away. If I'm focused on my task, why would I break my focus to put things away and therefore make the task take a lot longer when it's faster to do the first task completely, and then do the secondary task of putting everything away?
It's a great idea if you live in a tiny space and medication helps you enough. Problem is not everyone lives in a small apartment where putting things away takes a few seconds
Thank you for reminding me that I've started that Audiobook. Gonna get back to it maybe 🙈
Yes I swear! I read it too and the thing where just establishing to for example get ready for the gym with your gym cloths for weeks before going deeper the next step, that was really helpful. BUT we’re not Neurotypical, and mainstream books that focus on how brains work do not focus on neurodiverse brains.
Instead of "don't put things down, put them away"...make "away" in the general area of where you will most likely need it. Even if that means getting multiple things to keep in multiple areas (this goes back to paying the ADHD tax up front).
Alternatively, a bin near the stairs for things that need to go to the other floor.
I have three chargers so that I can keep my phone charged without having to walk up and down the stairs to grab my charger ❤️
I live by the motto "put it in the place where you will look for it later."
@@lolahatter0912 I keep a charger in every room, so when I lose track of my phone (which I haven't done since starting Concerta), I only have a few places to check.
I second this...store it where you will use it! If you have the space.
For the people struggling with the “don’t put it down, put it away” when the place is on another floor of my house, I have a “later box” I put by stairs (but where it isn’t a tripping hazard). When I go to the other floor I take the box, put the stuff away while it’s in my easy to carry box and I’m actively thinking about it, and put the box back by the stairs so it’s ready for when I go back to the other floor.
I'm finally getting evaluated for ADHD tomorrow morning at 36 yo and it's all thanks to this channel. It made me realise why it was I was struggling all my life. So thank you so much ❤
Diagnosed at the age of 41 a few weeks ago!
How did it go? Did you get the diagnosis?
I'm 36 and I'm going to be talking to my Dr on how to get a diagnosis at the end of the month!
@@withinsanityy no, I did not. It was a shitshow. She basically scoffed at me and rolled her eyes with a sigh and said "At 36?". It was horrible. She asked me why I thought I had ADHD and when I said I researched online that was it. She would barely talk to me. Just asked me some basic questions. At least she scheduled me for psychological testing and next month I have an appointment with a different doctor so we'll see
@@syndelar not sure what country you are from but here In NZ only a psychiatrist can diagnose ADHD. If your doctor has scoffed at you but you still have an assessment coming up then I hope you get what you need. You deserve to fight for yourself. I was diagnosed as an adult and it's helped me understand so much of my past which has given me the opportunity to heal. Much love and light to you
Extremely helpful. I try to limit my social media, so I just don’t get to TikTok.
For me, putting things behind closed doors/cabinets is better. It lowers my clutter anxiety
TikTok: not even once. TikTok is exquisitely engineered to hijack your attention, tune itself to do this more effectively, activate your "wanting" response slightly more than your "enjoying response," and leave you dissatisfied when you stop. And calling it "social" just because the videos are made by amateurs is almost as big a lie as "reality TV."
@@eritain yes. I tried it once. Then I noticed it was 4 hours later! I have been on a high the whole time. And you had to find stuff that I wanted to see
"clutter anxiety" what a great phrase!
The “put it away right away” hack really takes a lot of training! I’ve tried instilling that in myself, and I have improved so I’d say it can be worth it. I mostly focus this rule on clothing or things that pile up quickly.
"don't put it down, put it away" I actually do that for a while now, and there's an important part to it that wasn't mentioned
Only put things away if you don't have to attend to them later! Like. Dishes (clean). Trash. Stuff that goes in the hamper. Anything you won't need to attend to again in the near future, that should be put away, not down - the rest can be put down, bc then you'll see it soon again and be reminded it needs attending to
The movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith makes me want to organize and declutter. It sounds crazy, but those people are super decisive, and indecision is the biggest reason I have clutter, so it helps that their decisiveness is contagious.
Cupboard doors because dust! That just means we need pretty glass doors and lights
"organized Chaos" is what I call my method of organising my house, by, instead of making an order and then putting stuff into that order, I look at where I put stuff down out of habit, and then create a proper space for the stuff _there_
That's really clever! 👍💯😍
I do this for point of performance stuff or keys and wallet. It’s hard because I live on a boat and we don’t have a whole lot of horizontal spaces but it is helpful.
I do this! I totally ignore room 'labels'. This was since I lost my keys and they turned up 3 years later in the pocket of my suit I use for interviews... Because I had another interview. I then recalled putting them in my suit jacket ready for that interview 3 years ago, so I didn't lock myself in the house on the day. Deviated from the usual habit - never again.
@@alibongo818 3 years!!!
I appreciate you taking the time to point out the misuse of "object permanence," and it does highlight the need for this community to have some language for this ADHD challenge. I prefer to phrase functioning differences positively when possible. Perhaps a way to 👀 SEE this is that people with ADHD tend toward visually cued ecphory... could be shortened to VCE. "Memory retrieval involves the interaction between external sensory or internally generated cues and stored memory traces (or engrams) in a process termed ‘ecphory’." Franklin, Josselyn and Kohler 2019. So, ADHD individuals do not lack object permanence. Rather, their brains use VCE. Yay, Brains!
The put away instead of down thing works for me immensely. I don't do it intentionally, but ever since I stopped putting things everywhere, but put them away the moment I grab them (laundry from the drier, purchases, washed dishes...) I find it that I don't have any clutter around me anymore. I had the chair of clothes as a teenager, the cluttered desk as an undergrad, and I used to have the multi-tabs open as an adult professional. Instead of piling things up, I just open what I need and throw away the tab/package after that. I put the clothes in the wardrobe when I take them out of the drier. Took me about 4 months or so after the change to find out I just don't have any more distractions left. So where you said 'what if you notice something else when you go to put it away', it's just not happening as you already put everything else away :D
Congrats on clarifying what's not and what is "object permanence".
It's so important to differentiate because other conditions need a clear understanding of this concept.
The sour/saliva one is a great, GREAT technique for weightlifting too, fwiw. Chewing gum, anything like that, tells your system "we're eating; we're safe" and frees up a lot of mental bandwidth to handle things. Great little compilation Jess, as always it's great to hear from you :)
is eating related to focus because i find that a bit after i’ve eaten i have slightly better control of my thoughts
YES YES YES THE ORGANIZATION TIP HELPS I came up with that on my own too!! It's super helpful for me because my brain loves to refuse to acknowledge mess as Real and tells my body it's about as worth the effort as trying to eat an apple in a painting. So by interacting with it, it helps my brain figure out that it is a tangible issue. I highly recommend it! Still haven't figured out how to get myself to do the dishes but I can at least actually START the task of doing the dishes by organizing first. I also recommend trying to get the biggest pile biggest kitchenware done first, because it makes the REST of the piles look wayyy less intimidating especially if ur like me and you have to wash your dishes by freaking hand.
adding to the laundry basket thing: i got different (color coded so i dont get confused) ones to pre-seperate them by light/dark colors and delicates so when i do laundry i simply have to pick up the basket and go, which is already enough of a hurdle and sorting things one at a time as i undress is a lot easier
When buying groceries, I found that staying away from fresh or quick spoiling foods saves me so much in the long run. Frozen, canned, powdered/concentrated, etc, lasts so much longer!
"Don't put it down, put it away" is one of my mantras. I also live in a townhouse with 3 floors. I understand the struggle, but if I don't put it away, it will stay there for months and usually becomes a pile of things instead of one thing.
Honestly, I work at a grocery store and the fresh stuff isn't really that much better than the canned and frozen stuff these days. The process of freezing stuff commercially is pretty amazing. There's a pretty decent chance that the products that you're buying off the shelf were frozen at some point in the process of being produced and shipped to the store for you to buy. I think the thing that blew my mind was realizing how many of the bread products are either refrigerated or frozen at some point in the process and are still perfectly fine after that. Despite what people will tell you, there's nothing wrong with refrigerating most mass-produced breads, Just avoid doing so with breads that are lacking in preservatives. Your typical mass-produced pre-sliced bread will keep for weeks in the refrigerator and still be pretty decent as long as you close the bag properly between uses.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade I'm definitely not surprised. My parents used to freeze bread and milk when I was a kid so they didn't have to make so many trips to the store. Most frozen products are picked and processed and put through a quick freeze in a short amount of time. You could argue frozen fruit is fresher than fresh fruit.
I have started buying almond milk for this reason, because it lasts weeks to months longer than regular milk.
I switched to frozen vegetables years ago after seeing a story about it maintaining the nutrients better than canned.
Even tho I know better, I can't help but still occasionally buy fresh. I celebrate when I don't have to throw any of it away. 😂😋
Omg your point about living in a two-story townhome is so valid; I'm in a smallish single-story house and am so aware of how much of a difference it makes in my ability to accomplish the 'don't put it down' thing. I grew up in a two-story home and our system was putting anything that needed to go upstairs on the steps or near the bannister so whenever someone went upstairs next they'd bring it with them.
I agree, I don’t like “don’t put it down, put it away”.
I usually designate a basket or bin (laundry basket or the “dish pan” container from the dollar tree are my go-to).
I then use these bins as miscellaneous bins for the items that I don’t never put away *yet*. I try my best to not turn them into junk bins but I haven’t quite figured that one out yet 😂
Adding on that I use the separate laundry basket hack too! With the same dollar tree laundry baskets! They’re see through and small/big enough to fit a weeks worth of laundry. We keep 1 by the dresser because it’s the perfect spot to throw your clothes off before showering/changing. The one I use for my clothes that aren’t “dirty” yet is kept on top of my giant dog kennel in the room. Maybe it’s an eyesore to some, but it really helps me out and my husband thankfully doesn’t mind. I also have a spare that usually sits on top in case I leave 1 basket on top of the washer/dryer, I have the other basket to throw down before the dirty clothes are thrown on the floor.
Also the “organizing” messes is exactly how I clean at home lol. I am solely a stay at home wife so I have “all the time in the world” but then it takes me 4 hours to do laundry & dishes and I feel like I don’t get anytime to do anything I enjoy. I usually reserve 1-2 days for cleaning all day and in between those days, I am organizing the messes so they’re much easier to tackle. I always rinse off and organize the dishes so that one side of the sink is still functional and empty. I just have to dogpile papers on the dinner table because my husband uses it for his office space (even though he has a perfectly good office space in the spare room). We like to work in the living/dining room together instead of being closed off in the rooms. I suppose this is “parallel play” for us.
I suspect we are both undiagnosed/untreated fellow brains because of the way our house operates 😂 But if it works, it works!! 🎉
Nice wall of text, amigo.
RE: “Don’t put things down; Put them away.” I think there’s a lot of ways this could make ppl feel neurotic and stressed, but if you can build your space around that idea, then it might be less likely to break your flow.
When it comes to the cupboard doors, I just redid my kitchen recently and the main driver/motivator was deciding I wanted to rip down my cabinets and replace them with open shelves for this exact reason!
It has made things so much better for me being able to actually see everything!!
Another tip of sorts that’s helped me a ton. I realized that more important than being able to find something easily, it needs to be easy to put away. If I actually want something I’m willing to spend 5 minutes digging through a bin or drawer to find it, but I’m never going to take the time to put something away if it’s anything beyond dropping it in that bin. Make stuff easy to put away instead of easy to find again. Then you’re more likely to actually put it away, so it will be easier to find than if it was off roaming the house.
I get weird looks from some people, but I try to use my "one hand rule" in my kitchen. Anything I use even sort of regularly has to be where I can grab it in one step, with one hand. Not stacked. Not behind something else. Not on the top shelf. And I can put it back with one hand. It makes a huuuuuge difference for me as primary cook and kitchen cleaner. My other goal for anything is "putting the thing away has to be as easy as OR EASIER THAN leaving out". It requires some creative thinking, but it is life-changing for me when it works!
I'm on the way to an ADHD support group right now and I'm totally bringing this video up for easy conversation if I need it! Thanks Jessica! ❤️ 🥰
Dang I want an ahdh support group! Hope it was a good session!
@@irradiated_woman8016 Thank you! It was actually 🥰 always helps me feel validated
An ADHD support group sounds awesome, happy for you 😊
i always described the feeling of trying to do something and being literally unable to do it feeling like trying to "swim through glass" or "trying to start a car thats full charged and full of gas and it refusing to start, so you just keep turing and turning and turning the key, BEGGING the car to start because you WANT to clean the house or finish the homework, but. the. car. wont. start."
I think it’s also important to remind that even if the words “hacks” or “new habits” sound easy to do, they can actually be very difficult to accomplish especially if it is something completely new
I think it takes 7 to 8 weeks to establish a habit so it takes a certain amount of time and lots of repetition to establish a new pattern of behaviour. I also think that because we are Neurodiverse it takes us more repetitions than someone neurotypical to learn something new
Hi. I’m glad I found this channel. I have ADHD. I’m learning things about ADHD that makes sense about me.
Hello! Welcome!
@@HowtoADHD I’ve watched your videos for over a month. It’s so helpful especially since I’m like you. I’m a girl who’s smart but still struggles in school. Nobody wants to follow my IEP goals and then expects me to magically do good.
Don't Put it Down, Put it away has worked SOOOO well for our family! 2 ADHD kids and 1 adult. IT HELPS 95% of the time. If it has to go downstairs/upstairs, placing the items on the stairs as a reminder to take it up/down helps.
And I have a great memory, but get hyper focused on one task and ignore the others. I dont forget, I just stress that Im not able to do multiple tasks.
I feel the panic crawling up my skin with the "Don't put it down - put it away" hack. If I was capable of that I wouldn't have this problem - lol. I love in a very small apartment and this is still hard for me sometimes. So glad it works for some people but I could barely listen through that. I think the bring piles to other rooms is a great idea when you're motivated to clean at all. Things like knowing you need scissors in the craft area, kitchen and laundry room and buying a pair for each room so it stays there also works for me. These are definitely things that exist in a "do what works for you" category.
I especially don't like the "don't put it down, just put it away" because I will Always absentmindedly lose things or set them down in my house, which means that while I'm putting one thing away I'm definitely going to find another thing to put away that will distract me from other more important tasks. It seems like good "surface level" advice, but at least for me it wouldn't work because it completely ignores a lot of my struggles with adhd and tells me essentially to "just don't struggle, do the thing".
It has helped me for exactly this reason -- it's a habit to develop, which is hard, but even if I do it only 30% of the time, that's 30% less stuff to pick up (or go hunting for) later. There are some things that are more important than others, so I focus (heh) on those.
Same!! I would love to do that, but that’s not how my brain works. If I could just put it away in the first place, I would.
"Don't put it down, put it away" - This sounds so simple but it helped me a lot since i first heard and started to implement it
I worked with a professional organizer and ADHD coach who had to practically chain me to the radiator to keep me from leaving the room every ten seconds to "put this away real quick." She absolutely advocated the "put it by the door and take it with you when you leave" method.
Thanks for sharing this. Makes me think a tray or basket for each room where there are typically lots of things that need taking out could be helpful.
I would be itching, and scared I would forget to put it away, then forget where I left it to put it away. I wouldn't go back into that room until I tore the building apart.
@@CallieCEntertainment One word: PHONE! I lose my cell phone at LEAST every day! LOL -- Thank God for the hack of Google 'find my device' or calling it from another phone!
Hack for Rushing Out the Door: How often do you run outta the house, get in your car & then “Dang it!” forgot my wallet, or phone, or *blank*…
What helped fix this for me is I narrowed down my “out the door” must haves to just 5 things: Wallet, Phone, Keys, Pack of Gum, & Pocket Knife. So, now right before I walk out the door I tap/touch my pockets etc. & just count 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5… if I get to 5, then I know I have what I need.
In cases where I have to bring something extra w/ me (i.e. hat, sunglasses etc.) I make sure to put those things next to my shoes/keys/etc. (next to the door), so I’ll be sure to grab them as I’m walking out.
Hi! I never write comments but i didn't want to let the feeling go, what you said at 8:15 min about how hard is to do things when you are not in the "mood" for them when having adhd hit reeaaaally hard, i still struggle a lot to come to terms with that aspect of adhd and tend to be mad at myself for not finding a "real" reason as to why it takes me a lot of time to do things even thought I WANT to do them and it's sooo tiring having a constant battle with your brain being just stuck while work and chores pile up. Thank you for the bringing awareness of those aspects of adhd/add with your videos ✨️