How TOXIC ELDERS Spoil Family Atmosphere for Children | Habitual Scolding, Harassment & Money Fights
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- Опубліковано 26 гру 2023
- #seniors #parenting #badhabits #sarcasm #family #lifeadvice #lifecoach #confidence #selfconfidence #selfesteem #children #lifehacks #adolescence #seniorliving #seniorcitizens
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VIDEO DESCRIPTION BY SANTOSH BHAT @MrBlackjack456 on 28 December 2023:
Introduction:
The video, presented by Krishnaraj, addresses the impact of toxic behavior exhibited by elders within families, focusing on issues such as habitual scolding, harassment, and conflicts related to money. The narrative begins with a personal anecdote, setting the stage for a broader discussion on the negative consequences of certain behaviors among older family members.
1. The Initial Anecdote:
- Krishnaraj shares a personal experience from the early 2000s when he encountered a woman in an office in Mumbai. She expressed joy about her mother-in-law's passing, highlighting the unexpected nature of her relief and the societal expectations around grief.
2. Challenging Societal Norms:
- The speaker challenges societal norms that expect individuals to mourn the death of elders, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging the complexities of family dynamics. He suggests that it is politically incorrect to assume that all elders are inherently good or bring happiness to their families.
3. Behavior of Elders:
- Krishnaraj explores the notion that elders may not always exhibit positive behavior. He introduces the idea that elderly individuals, especially with senior citizen status, sometimes create difficulties for their children and grandchildren. The toxic behavior includes constant nagging, troubling daughters-in-law, and causing distress within the family.
4. Contrasting Stereotypes:
- The video challenges the stereotype that elderly individuals are always wise and considerate. It suggests that elders can also be sources of distress and problems within the family, debunking the commonly held belief that older individuals are always deserving of respect.
5. Case Study: Friend's Experience:
- Krishnaraj shares an incident involving a college friend who, despite being a senior, exhibited behavior that caused financial strain and discomfort. The friend's actions highlight the potential negative consequences when elders misuse their authority and involve money matters in an inappropriate manner.
6. Impact on Family Atmosphere:
- The video emphasizes the significant impact of toxic behavior by elders on the overall family atmosphere. It explores how such behavior can lead to tension, unhappiness, and strained relationships, particularly when elders use their status to control or manipulate family members.
7. Nuanced Perspective:
- Krishnaraj acknowledges that not all elders exhibit toxic behavior and that there are many who contribute positively to family life. However, he emphasizes the need to recognize and address toxic behavior when it occurs, challenging the societal expectation of unquestioning respect for all elders.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, the video sheds light on the often overlooked issue of toxic behavior by elders within families. It challenges societal norms, provides personal anecdotes and a case study, and emphasizes the impact of such behavior on the family atmosphere. The nuanced perspective presented encourages viewers to reconsider preconceived notions about the inherent goodness of elders and highlights the importance of addressing and rectifying toxic behavior within families.
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PUBLISHED IN PUBLIC INTEREST BY
Krishnaraj Rao
9821588114 and 8169471229
krish.kkphoto@gmail.com
Twitter @BravePedestrian
Mumbai
How TOXIC ELDERS Spoil Family Atmosphere for Children | Habitual Scolding, Harassment Money Fights
Introduction:
The video, presented by Krishnaraj, addresses the impact of toxic behavior exhibited by elders within families, focusing on issues such as habitual scolding, harassment, and conflicts related to money. The narrative begins with a personal anecdote, setting the stage for a broader discussion on the negative consequences of certain behaviors among older family members.
1. **The Initial Anecdote:**
- Krishnaraj shares a personal experience from the early 2000s when he encountered a woman in an office in Mumbai. She expressed joy about her mother-in-law's passing, highlighting the unexpected nature of her relief and the societal expectations around grief.
2. **Challenging Societal Norms:**
- The speaker challenges societal norms that expect individuals to mourn the death of elders, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging the complexities of family dynamics. He suggests that it is politically incorrect to assume that all elders are inherently good or bring happiness to their families.
3. **Behavior of Elders:**
- Krishnaraj explores the notion that elders may not always exhibit positive behavior. He introduces the idea that elderly individuals, especially with senior citizen status, sometimes create difficulties for their children and grandchildren. The toxic behavior includes constant nagging, troubling daughters-in-law, and causing distress within the family.
4. **Contrasting Stereotypes:**
- The video challenges the stereotype that elderly individuals are always wise and considerate. It suggests that elders can also be sources of distress and problems within the family, debunking the commonly held belief that older individuals are always deserving of respect.
5. **Case Study: Friend's Experience:**
- Krishnaraj shares an incident involving a college friend who, despite being a senior, exhibited behavior that caused financial strain and discomfort. The friend's actions highlight the potential negative consequences when elders misuse their authority and involve money matters in an inappropriate manner.
6. **Impact on Family Atmosphere:**
- The video emphasizes the significant impact of toxic behavior by elders on the overall family atmosphere. It explores how such behavior can lead to tension, unhappiness, and strained relationships, particularly when elders use their status to control or manipulate family members.
7. **Nuanced Perspective:**
- Krishnaraj acknowledges that not all elders exhibit toxic behavior and that there are many who contribute positively to family life. However, he emphasizes the need to recognize and address toxic behavior when it occurs, challenging the societal expectation of unquestioning respect for all elders.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, the video sheds light on the often overlooked issue of toxic behavior by elders within families. It challenges societal norms, provides personal anecdotes and a case study, and emphasizes the impact of such behavior on the family atmosphere. The nuanced perspective presented encourages viewers to reconsider preconceived notions about the inherent goodness of elders and highlights the importance of addressing and rectifying toxic behavior within families.
Good job professor
Thank you once again for summarizing it far better than I could have done. I have pinned this comment, and also copy-pasted it in the description, with credits.
@@KrishnarajRaoUrbanNaxal you are very welcome. You can use it however you like. No need to give credit.
What is the bench-mark according to you ?
Toxic behavior now days is almost in all relationship, it all boils down to expectations Vs what you really get. As Krish mentioned the incident with the Goan girl. Do you think any self - respecting, self - focused person who had such a betryal - will let his / her guards to be lowered with the next person in a relationship.
Elders in families or anyone who have such an issue are generally - isolated, betrayed and ill - treated and they have this "emotional baggage" they carry with them and use it as their defense mechanism when they feel threatened.
Toxic environment cannot exist on its own for it to survive there must be two parties and its basic underlying - one is the oppressor and the other being the oppressed (this is because whose story you hear). This exist because none of the party want to address the source but are focused on the "impact" and this is the reason many end up using this fancy bogus term "toxic" which in reality on the first place was just lack of communication but none tried to resolve it but wanted to end up with their say in the end.
This will go away on its own once the level of exposure reaches to a certain common level.
For eg. modern single independent women now days say "our high values & standards" if men cannot match we can end with cats and when any men matches their energy they at once are ready to open their thighs and be pumped and dumped and then left alone and after being run over with high body counts blame men for everything and become "toxic feminist" without even accepting the poor choices they made when they had the chance because they believed in their "high values" and "high standards".
Same is the case here too in families, till the time you do not know the journey where the elders are coming from you won't understand what they have been through and no one wants to take out time to even hear them out because it all boils down to "being self focused and self centered" blaming them cannot be the solution..but better communication with empathy is the first step in right direction as the saying goes treat men great and he will be great.
For example why is Krish sharing his talks with us..money can be a motivating factor but the content is life - experience which touches his viewers thoughts, life or emotions...at the end you agree with him to a level and same is the case with every relation...
Sabse sach bolney wala bhi mahaul kharaab karta hai gaali de de ke ulti sachai ki kar kar key
When My father in law died two years ago, I felt relieved, and happy.
Me and my husband couldn't have children for many years, and wanted to adopt a child.
My father in law would oppose strongly and say "" I don't want some child with un known parentage in my family. I will comit suicide if you people adopt any baby"
We were so annoyed, disappointed, angry , but did not have the courage to bring home a child. I went in to depression.
Thank God the old man died, and now we are the parents of a cute adopted baby♥️
So happy your ordeal is finally over 😢
Although it's sounds odd but u hv done right✔... It's ultimately ur life ur happiness n above all it's also a holy job done by both of u.. God bless ur baby❤❤❤
@@KrishnarajRaoUrbanNaxal i think communist are toxic they are spoiling and harming this world the world without communist will be a bettor
Man this suicide thing. I have been listening this since i was a child. Now i am 32 and he still uses this. My brother told him once “how many years are you going to use this blackmail now “. I grew up and realised what he is doing and finally had the courage to say and i said “the people who are really depressed and sad go unannounced and not threaten every time ki suicide kar lunga. Aapko karna hota to kabka kar liya hota” he hasnt used it since.
@@pjm4653Well done😂
My God... Where was Krishnaraj Sir since past 30 years for all 40+ olds who have faced all this toxicity and devastated ourselves ... Elders often hide behind their failures and insecurities and create a toxic environment at home... We were all prisoners at our own home ...😢
Then carry his torch, guide us , we young people need it , there is great saying in english which goes " the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is good men do nothing "
You need a bit of self reflection on the first place...find out whether you - yourself are toxic or not.
you misspoke. "Hiding behind their own failure" is not a thing. It's "Hiding their own failure behind "
Prisoners at our own home is d prfct line.
I'm 33 and I realized this 5 years ago. Lot of times psychological damage caused by these things can destroy your life.
We need to get out of this. Parents are not Gods in this kaliyuga.
The sad reality is that most of the those "budeh buzurg" are not watching this video it their victims who are watching its
True
I feel like forwarding this to the toxic ppl/elders in my life 😕 but...
😂😂😅
Narcissistic parents can make a child's life hell. The psychological damage destroys the victim's physical health.
Especially mental health.
I can tell this by my own experience, I am going thru this right now. My current age is 39 . And I guess he's telling my story. And I will face this, only a decade will be lessened from my life facing all this bcoz I can not stop it as it comes from my parents, specially mother. I got a 5 year old son and a 7 year old daughter.
We have a business, I work there, business is doing good, but I am poor. Living in parents home, same home but I am financially in a lot lot difference. I get paid minimum wage. I am only son. Last week I gave my 7.5 Lakhs which I saved in LIC policy to my mother so I can pay for my college fee paid by them .
Narcissistic, psychopaths, anti social.......all know these are criminal personalities......but there is no law and order for them.....it's brutal truth
Ham bhi face kar rahe Hain ye situation kya karen samagh nahi aata
This Term Must Be There In Syllabus. Jab Tak Pata Chalta Hai Kaafi Late Ho Jaata Hai.
No one loves you like your parents and no one damages you like your parents. Its a fact.
Some parents love is toxic they want you to be a cat in their feet begg them and serve their respective families a be perfect all the time like you got superpowers and not human.
@@moodmeditation4458
Making orders threats and then team up with your brother and sister to corner you.
Very true
Strongly agree
Sometimes parents carry their own burdens and in the process they do much damage.
After my mother passed away my father's toxic behaviour is causing a lof of stress in our family. She would shield us from his Narcissistic behaviour. I have tried distancing myself from him but relatives who empathise remind me that i have no choice but to tolerate him. My heart goes out to everyone who finds themselves in this precarious situation.😢
I thought I'm the only one who has toxic elders around. Glad I found this. I no longer have guilty feeling.
Me too have it
I was shit scared of hearing my dad's scooter arriving sound. It was a nightmare in my childhood. He was shot tempered and unpredictable. The worst part is he teaching me in the evening. I used to sweat with fear.
How sad dear i can understand
@@Halfbakedstorieswhat about now
Yes i agree Some old people and even parents insult their own family members, show partiality between own kids, and expect them to take care of them when they are old. How can a parent who always trashes kids and insult them, put them in hostel and expect that kids should take care of them when they are old? These days kids are blamed for not taking care of their parents and all parents are Gods by default, but that is not a reality. There are really cruel parents and grand parents
Yeah. Matru devo bhavah, pitru devo bhavah... and bachche bhagwan ke roop hote hain. But everyone in between i.e. between the ages of 15 and 50 are pretty much human.
@@KrishnarajRaoUrbanNaxal, I'm very luck in this, 1'm 46, staying with my Parents and my Nani (mom's mom) & my wife and my kid in the same house, my parents were very strict only during our school days. My parents love my wife a lot.
In India its a menace,
Old ppl r to be respected this is an expectation with no choice.
Have seen a case where father and mother r narcissistic, abuse their only son who does so much seva of them . Still he is a scapegoat who gets slandered in front of friendz and relatives and called worthless and good for nothing . He is in depression since last 20 yrs and cant hold a job . Father is happy that he can control his son financially and taunts him openly- "u cant find a job now , why dont u become my naukar" .
Same father becomes good in front of outsiders, acts like a victim and as usual society respects him and he enjoys the grandiose treatment.
Ultimately, it's something that society might be aware but keeps their mouth shut in the name of senior citizens. Good you have raised these issues . Many ppl might be suffering the abuse.
Absolutely True. I am suffering the same from past 7 yrs.
Same thing happens to me my inlaws do the same thing unki wajah se hum husband wife ka relation thik nahi hai apne Ghar mein servants bki tarah reh rahe hai
I went through a divorce after domestic abuse by my toxic ex husband and a narcissistic ex mother in law. I lost 7 years of my life. Sadly I realised that I attracted this kind of a man in my life as I had abusive parents , parents who hit me in childhood, verbally abused me, blamed me etc.. they simply had this toxic parenting style. they say that when this is normalised to you as a child, you might find such toxic behaviours by your husband normal. This is what happened to me and I rushed out of my marriage when it got unbearable.
I wish and hope that elders are more mature and understanding as they age and make lives of their children easy. Thank you for sharing this video sir
Very true, when one is brought up in such a situation it's true that you attract the same type of partner in your life. Although my father was a God fearing man n humble, my evil mother finished him first to give the not owned property to our only brother. Gave a gift deed n also silently made a WILL to the son n we are asked what is our right in the house n want the 3 daughters to leave. It's 18 yrs of his marriage with only son, wants to grab everything while it's the girls who personally take care of the 87 yrs old mother as brother lives elsewhere but she tells the world that it's the son who takes care of her. We r being harrassed with false accusations so we leave the place is what we now understand at the age of 60. Obsessed for a son, a mother can be so cruel is what my neighbors also wonder but are helpless. And the best part is, it was we the sisters brought him up educated him helped him financially build his career n his wife n my mother asked us why we did who told to do n finished. We gave them the whole house n live in a store room with one bulb that keeps flickering all the time. It's good to know that there are so many facing the same problem due to elders n parents.
I was forced into marriage so my brother could get everything but that also turned abusive n after suffering mentally now the divorce is going thru for property rights as they accused me to have got married to get right in their property. After all this harrassment in 10 yrs of marriage n over 20yrs of seperation I gave a signature on their document saying I want nothing from them.
@@user-gu3zn1tb3p sorry to hear what you are going through.the sad thing is this common in our indian society, mother's favouring sons..it's hard to change their mentality so late. The society has just embedded such wrongs in them. Infact last year my mother lost her 86 year old mother and truly she as a woman was the closet to her mother and gave her all the emotional and mental support. The men in the family were mostly busy with their own families and their lives, yet my mother supports the men and thinks they deserve more and never happy no matter how much I do as a woman. Sad part is you can't fight also... Good karma will come to you in other ways..
My parents are v nice people at heart but it's just those toxic style of parenting and society conditioning... Sadguru says that one should be conscious, truly ask ourselves am I doing the right thing...?
Congratulations on understanding all this.Its a huge step
@@pragatibhushan8697 thank you dear🙏
Thank you for this video. Elders hold children back for their own selfish reasons. The blind worshipping of elders need to stop.
Lol
Elders janam bhi apne selfishness ke chalte dete hain
Baaki baaton ko toh chod hi do
Absolutely True
I am facing same issues toxic mother
blind worship is right word just because they are elders age is more they are respected. Respect should come out from maturity and guidance to youngers, understanding, Most of time elders show immature behaviour, no proper information and behavioural issues. Outside people may show but inside they dont want to see their face.
Yes, Older people creating tense situation at home through their antics and narcissistic behaviour is a big problem. They take the whole house hostage and there's unspoken tension in the family. They love to play victim. They are always right, because they have lived for so many years.
Absolutely True
Exactly! ...close relative experiencing from MIL - educated & a professional but nags her DIL like hell !
Great video! Two lessons:
1. Elders can do massive harm while harping on the senior card.
2. Do not disclose critical personal information to friends/acquaintances as it can be used against you.
It’s insane how people can do that!
Don't forget how the parents blackmail the child when he/she grows up and wants to marry a person of their own choice. They'll say "I will die coz relatives will mock us". Sadly the relatives ostracizing part is true tho
I know of several young women who fit the description given to elders here. 10 on scale for Toxicity. Lying, stealing their pension and belongings, spreading canards, teaching grand kids to disrespect/push around and melodrama as soon as the husband walks in from work. The poor man!
Elder bashing bollywood serial style does no good. Some women treat husband as private property and wont tolerate inlaws or siblings even interacting with the son/ brother. In laws too feel the empty nest syndrome. Relationships work only if there is a will to make it work. There are so many happy joint families too.
The part about not sharing with anyone is sound advice. Else, the hope for reconciliation someday, then goes kaput.
Yes dear .. it's true and I went through this 😢
Very true
All my life, only elders have made it miserable ruining every milestone celebrations. Marriage, birthdays, etc is all about their ego pacifying. Not a single elder that I can look up to. Not even one. Shame on them.
I remember 5-6 years ago when I passed my 12th exam and started graduation. Before that I spent very less time at home because of school and tuitions but once I started college and got to spend more time with my family, I saw how badly my grandparents were treating my mom, and if my mom even try to say something back then my father would also scold her. I was feeling so angry and helpless, even after their toxic behavior my mom took care of them with her whole heart, she still does. I tried taking stand for her multiple times but it led to the fights turning more ugly. I stopped going to college and my 3 year BSc took 5 years to complete. They are still with us but now I got used to it and also they are senile now so its less frequent now. All my friends are doing great career wise and I'm still struggling at the age of 24. But I don't want this to be an excuse and I'm trying my best to cover up those 2 years.
Thank you for choosing this topic, I feel relived that someone talked on this issue.
Dont worry ive wasted one year i am going to collage maybe again same story like you bro i hope your fine
Dont worry ive wasted one year i am going to collage maybe again same story like you bro i hope your fine
Dont worry ive wasted one year i am going to collage maybe again same story like you bro i hope your fine
God bless you.
@@Unknown87364 Thanks bro, I'm doing very well now. Please try to be consistent with your study, this too shall pass.
I've faced worst situations than this with my parents. N i can only say one thing about such parents -
"Not everyone wants to be like their father"
Thanks for bringing this topic. Eleders in the house can make things so difficult spread hate ... and preach love in front of strangers and friends... So many times they wear masks... and make others life hell. Don't know why.
So very true.
Right
Some parents will always say "no"/ beat their children like animals but will expect there son / daughter to look after like infant kid when they are old. When someone raised their kid like animal they will grow up like animals. Having said so too much independence to kids are dangerous . Criminals case finds that most of the criminal , rapist , murder are f either from spoiled bad parenting or from background family violence.
Right the world depends on parenting all this evil from lack of parenting and emotional understanding all blame to busy lifestyles and stigma with women as housewife to be useless and not respected by partners.
Young married couples go through so much, because of in laws especially daughter in law's go through so much, that is the time they should enjoy life, as newly married couples!!
Not just parents, some decade older siblings can do that too unfortunately 😢
👍
Your 2003-04 incident reminded me of an incident of mine.
2008. I was just 23, initial years of my professional career, doing good in job. Met a NRI middle aged doctor in a flight from Bangalore to Hyderabad. After chatting for 15-20 minutes, he gave me an advice: "Its an unsolicited advice. It may appear strange and you will mostly pay no heed to it. I would advice you to just leave behind your family and relatives and run away to have an indepedent life. It may appear cruel and selfish but you will be happier. "
As strange as it may sound, over the years, I can relate more to that person.
Depends though. I’ve been raising my son to be independent and decisive - my hubby and I were discussing moving to a low cost nearby city for our retirement and there buying a home there.
My son who was listening stepped in to say: “Ohh, then when I start work, I’ll buy a house there too.”
I think it depends on whether you are supportive parents or parents who are spoilt, narcissistic and or toxic.
Yes, it is mostly contextual. We all mostly lie the spectrum; some towards the better end, some worse and many in the middle that only exacerbate the conundrum.
@@InfinitesimalInfinitysometimes i feel the same ... leaving family and parents behind ....but at the same time I have mixed feelings 😢..who will look after parents and family....how can I be selfish....and much more ....but on the other hand ... mental harassment is the continuous thing they give me
@@InfinitesimalInfinityparents paida bhi apni selfishness ki wajah se karte hain
apne black money ko kisko deke hayenge Marne ke baad kyunki itne haraami toh hote hain ki charity mein nhi denge
Isliye bache paida karte hain
Tumhare khud ke alawa duniya mein saare selfish hain including parents
It would have made sense had your name been Narendra Modi. Ha Ha!
Thank you sir.. For calling spade a spade.. This case of looking at parents as Gods.. Worthy of worship is basically Indian . South Asian thing.. Rest of the world looks them as humans... Good or bad... Thank you sir..u r really great
U are right
I have been brought up in a traumatized atmosphere since my childhood, I hate my father. he never talked to me affectionately till the date. he always created a fearful atmosphere for me and my sister. he didn't let me play with my friends. if he saw me with any of my friends he started interrogating me. my friends stopped calling me to play with them. if he saw us taking small naps or talking to our grandmas, he beat us. He always beat us for every single mistake. one day I wasted a small amount of milk during breakfast, and he forced me to drink it from the floor. My sister was beaten badly for returning late from school. every day we were interrogated for every single moment of our day. we never enjoyed any festival. he never brought us a single chocolate, we never asked for anything even a single toy. we knew that we would not get it rather it would create disturbance ..he would torture us mentally everyone... I hate him. it's been years since I don't talk to him. I hate him.
You have every right to hate him
From which country are you Dear ? If it is so, which is very scary, you can approach to police and ask them to child safety.
May god give u power to withstand all the bitter experiences
Don’t let any relatives try to drag you into it again by trying to make you sympathise with him
@@yintotheyang6433 yeah.. they do this everytime.. "jaise bhi hai apna bap hai " type bs
Glad to see that at least someone like you Sir, has touched the most sensitive topic! My both parents are toxic and when I used to share the trauma they were causing to me with my close friends from schools & later in college, no one believed, as parents used to treat them very nicely when my friends visited my home, some of them used to tell me that how parents are like god in our culture and eventhough, they misbehave, you should not complain..these toxic people has really fucked up family system.
I agree...I felt my grandmother...mummy...bua..chaacha...father...brother sister.. relatives...so called uncle...chacha...chachi...they become roadblockage...low esteem... wife girl friend manager boss seniors
I'm from Bangladesh. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I feel lonely and frustrated often when older people impose their thoughts on me despite not knowing anything about me. They make conclusions and state them as facts. Please keep up your work as it gives me hope that things can get better.
Sorry but I couldn't stop ...stop mentioning Bangladesh India or Pakistan ...as if you are from an entirely different culture or ideology...
We all are part of same shared moral culture. Country alag ho gya he based on religion due to past but share krte he sab same hi ideology more or less in family dynamics😊
Yes I agree .I know of a lady who were given food made in a wrong kind of oil made by mother in law . Mother in law knew that the lady is asthmatic and she is allergic to this oil . Despite the lady asking whether the oil is getting used is hydrogenated oil the mother in law kept denying because she knew this is creating problem in lady system . The lady was getting weak day by day and don’t know what was happening to her . This was just during covid times when the lady has to go to another city to stay with mother in law house . Taking advantage of the situation mother in law was hell bent to make food in wrong kind of oil . This is turning poisonous on the lady system .
One day the lady decided to barge the kitchen and opened all the containers and found out the pouches of hydrogenated oil and confronted the mother in law this creates lot of tension between harmonious couple which is the lady and the son . And mother in law kept denying . This is how elders of the house behave . Ladies beware .
Why mother in law was so dangerously behaving . Because she wanted the daughter in law to die so that the son and his earning can equally distributed among the other family members and high earning son comes under her complete control .
It’s so disgusting game sometimes people stoop to play
Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.
~Carl jung
100
that's deep
I've been extremely fortunate and thankful that my parents were my friends.
Finally...some one is speaking about such toxicity which is so real❤thank you sir
Thanks for speaking up .. This is very sensitive issue which most of us are facing for years.. no matter what, this society treats parents and elders are always right, respectable and with great sympathy hiding behind all the toxic tactics. Every individual should get empowered to live independently with self respect than bearing the toxic relations only for show up in the society.
So true!
Appreciate your video .. nobody address the damage narcissistic elders have on the family. The way they close communication channels
The emotional blackmailing, the lack of accountable behaviour etc damages the family ecosystem
Very true.
Blackmailed emotionally by my mother for most of my life, my father is equally to blame, the way they brought us up in FEAR. now at 33 i look back and think what the hell did i put up with? they think they are always right when infact every decision they have made has been the wrong one. As a female i know my mother resented having 2 girls but happy with 2 boys who left her and living their life. It is me as the youngest whos left behind giving them all my money for 11 years.. its not just in India, the pakistani community as well.
Ive never had a relationship with my parents its always been ultra strict, dont do this dont do that dont speak to so and so! now at 33 im so FED UP. im actually planning my own marriage and told them to back off and i was called “immature”.
I wrote all my ordeals in my diary growing up it makes me sick reading the horrors. why do people have cchildren if your just gona use and abuse them? mentally im drained and very sad inside
Oh No...All of it Sounds Terrible, except the marriage bit. I hope you do have a grand and magnificent marriage...Be Terrific.
I don’t understand in Muslim families sons have to give their money to their parents compulsorily you are girl why did you give your money to such bad parents ? You should have hidden your money . The fault is with your parents if you’re parents did not want girls they should not have sex with each other . Because your parents gave birth to you they think that you are in debt to them and you should spend your whole life paying the debt to your parents . Unfortunately there are some parents who think like this and your parents favour your brothers because they think your brothers are going to look after them in their old age and earn money as men .please hide your money and before you get married try to get a background investigation on your future partner .do not have any emotional attachment to your parents
@@rowenaravenclaw3483 not always sons but it should be, i dont have any money to hide i give most of it to all household bills, its typical my parents sons left them to me but now i need to live my life its been a tough time last 11 years i had no voice if i have children one day i cant give them anything😪
Plz move far far away find a boy from far away and let ur parents live off their savings
Last month, I made my dad apologize for the first time in 22 years. (I'm 22). I feel like a spoilt and ungrateful piece of shit saying this, but my parents did some not very nice things to me and never apologized or acknowledged it.
Our relationship is on an upward trajectory but I still find it hard to forgive him and I probably never will.
Wow bro
You are a true WOKE now.
@@namastebharatVM Ok Uncle🥱
@@namastebharatVM Looks like someone's kids hate them :(
@@namastebharatVM Ok boomer 🤡🤡
@@namastebharatVM Babaji thinks calling someone woke will hurt their feelings 😂😂😂
Yes sir I have gone through this situation for past 25 years. I don't remember I have celebrated any festival for these many years, tears are running our while iam writing this. I hope coming years of my life will be peaceful and happy.. Aap ko sun kar bahut accha laga sir.
Hey, don't be sad, So many people go through this. just be strong. this will not last forever. Your days will come. You will shine.
Hey, don't be sad, So many people go through this. just be strong. this will not last forever. Your days will come. You will shine.
We never broach upon the topic of toxic elders. Kudos for posting this!
I started crying .. 2months back my father was died i feel relieved and peace .. bcs he is so narcissist and alcoholic person i have ever in my life ... Meri mom bhi bilkul asi he narcissist or short tempered hai .. isliye maine unse kafi distance bana kr rkha hua hai.. bachpan se he .
I must say, your takes especially on how strict school rules AND parenting affect children's psyche have been incredibly insightful. I look forward to your future uploads, they add a ton of value to my life. Thank you.
🙏🏻
I feel the same. Your insights are very valuable and realistic for a large part of our population. Please continue sharing 👍
Value adds if you first of all know your own situation rather someone else creating for you...i wonder how dumb is the current generation that aspires from those who themselves are not sure about themselves....get a life dude..
@@dangerousmind1121 I'm not the one lecturing strangers in a YT comment section LMAO plus my life is something someone like you can only dream of, trash.
This applies to the elderly in laws as well who exert negative influence on the marriage of the young ones and cause divorce issues as well 😕
Never ever live with parents.can live close by but never same roof
@@nikishah4736 correct 👍
Unfortunately elders feel that they are always right because of their age and experience.. they are always resistant to change and progress
True sir, even my life and family is cursed.. I m fedup of my life and not even scared of dead at all
Workout, eat healthy, visit new places, travel everyday. See how much happy you will be. Spend more time outdoor- beach, garden, Mall ect
@@natureloverdude dat dnt work
@@Hunt008Ok then run from wherever you are and buy earphones and listen to songs. Or follow positive nihilism
Absolutely great insight sir. Beautiful. Deep respect sir. Nobody raises this issue but the sufferers know the pain. Children can't tell the problems faced by their parents openly. If the parents are wealthy and have good health, then it will become a more deadly combination. The arrogance and ego will increase tremendously and the children as well as the daughter in law can never satiate these old aged people. They become a sort of criminals in arms. Always creating a scene and ganging up to verbally and mentally thrash their own children. Some children who might have done good deeds in their past births, get a great set of parents. Others are cursed and their lives become hell. At least I got this forum to express my plight. Society as well as the relatives blame the children only. Especially in our Indian context. Thanks.
😊
Watching your video for the first time. The desire and compulsion to control everything and everyone around us destroys everything, and our elders don't realise it or don't care about this behaviour of theirs. Live and let live should always be the motto. Then, there's peace for everyone.
"Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain."
- John Locke (17th century English philosopher)
Excellent quote
Life is such a journey where each moment is a learning time. Elders too have to learn what the present moment demands and no one can claim to be knowing everything. Imposing decisions is another toxic behaviour of some of the elders which ultimately makes life difficult for everybody in the family.
Had many patterns in me which were toxic which I never knew I had (had never given them any thoughts); atleast now I know them, and can work upon them. Thanks for this!
You’re so good and wise. Keep growing.
Thanks! can please continue bringing out the dark side of Indian society so that new educated generation can avoid mistakes
Sir any advise for bachelor's moving and settling in Bangalore for IT jobs from chota seher and wanting to have a house/flat. I am from North East and sometimes face discrimination
Main Guwahati se hoon brother, recently Bangalore ghoomkar aaya hoon. Hamare yaha ke bohot log mil jayenge NE ke. Hotels me Restaurants main , Even IT sector main har jaga. So Akela feel nehi hoga , Especially yeswantpur Station ka aas pass Main NE se bohot log dekha. Baki IT job ke liye homework karke to jana he padega. Best wishes for your new life BROTHER❤
My father brain stroke patient since 1 year, mostly stays in bed. He was very linient, gave me good education, saved money on my name, never asked much back. Today i want to be with him , creating big career is good, but at what cost if am not with my parent in their last days? This turmoil keeps me awake at nights😢
I think you should save some money from your monthly earning over time. And for now please take care of your dad especially if he is in his last days. I hope he was good to you in your childhood. If yes, you have the full responsibility to reciprocate the same to him in his last days. After that you can spend your savings.. Also I want to give you a pro tip. Once your parents die, cut off contacts with elder relatives like uncle aunt... They will throw more toxic stuff given the situation.
Think about your future self in 10 years. Would you ever regret the decision to not be with your father when you know for sure it is his last days? We can’t recreate some moments while you can always build career or money. You don’t want have that regret feeling forever for the rest of the life.
Try to to better towards your kids. Pay it Forward. It's all we can do.
Take care of your father and your health too
Krishna ji....
Guts to share and touch this topic .....most of the family life of children ruin due to parents toxic behaviour..... even not only bahu torcher but more daughter torcher if she dose not getting married...👍
True
I had so much trauma in me. I chose not to bring another child into this world and stop this chain of passing trauma from one generation to the other.
Mr. Rao you are absolutely right in talking about toxic elders. My father was a big sadist and a hard-core patriarch. He couldn’t see us happy in our lives, he would see to it that our happiest moments were scarred. He made my Bhabhi’s life miserable. Whenever teachers from my nephew’s school visited our home he would demean her in their presence. I tried to intervene whenever I was around, but couldn’t always help as I had my own family. He pushed my brother and his wife towards separation but before they finally went on their ways he passed away and the two of them got back together. But, their relationship is still troubled. I wonder if they will ever go back to their initial warmth.
Very sad to hear about your experiences. It's very true that because of elders' bad habits of thinking, young people's lives and relationships get scarred.
Thank you for your bitter truths, sir....they're much, much more preferable to the comforting lies told to us by people "close" to us and society 🙏 You remind me of one of my favourite people, UG Krishnamurti, who is no more now, but also spoke harsh truths and was criticised and labelled by others as "negative," "nihilistic," etc.... Something is really wrong with our society....being fake, cheating and being money-crazy have become virtues & aspirations these days!
The video resonates deeply with me as it mirrors the challenges many of us face with our elders in the family. My own story echoes a similar narrative of toxicity and despair. Growing up as the eldest among my three siblings, with a mother who was a homemaker and a father entrenched in the construction business, I witnessed a tumultuous household plagued by my father's infidelity and constant conflicts with my mother. Despite the chaos, my determination to pursue education and secure a stable job never wavered. It took me eight arduous years of relentless effort and numerous job changes to achieve financial independence in my thirties. Today, while I can support myself and my siblings, the resentment towards my parents remains profound. They never prioritized us, and the pursuit of independence became my ultimate liberation. We must acknowledge varied perspectives to truly comprehend the complexities of familial dynamics.
I really appreciate your voice on this issue krishna uncle .
Grand salute to you .
Btw I had called you on phone 4-5 years back and you really guided and helped me a lot .
🙏
This is very true. My mother in law destroyed my life and my father in law never stopped her and my husband could never show her the thruth. I have not healed yet even after 28 years of marrige. My carrier got destroyed . I am doctor by profession.
Why husbands are like that😢 what's the need for them to destroy a girl s life😮
My Goodness. All these has been done by my father and even worse. And I still suffer from trauma. He is into gas lighting, domestic violence and physical abuse and now after having aged he is into emotional manipulation and verbal abuse. Why there is no law for those whose parents are not good people ? Why only children are blamed when they don't want to stay with parents? Are all father's good. ?
I had the most toxic mother in law she made my life miserable in every way possible not only me but also her children s life .She was sadistic and would encourage her son to hit me. If he would behave nicely to me she would keep insulting and musbehave with him untill he would start shouting and hitting me she would not let me enter the kitchen give me dirty bad words if i would try to cook food . Also if i would not cook she would keep insulting me she would keep making fun of the shape of my body and also my husbands Ultinately i was so fed up i seperated from my husband as he was an alcohic with low self esteem the worst 7 years of my life was when i lived with them
This is such an important video but elders would never want to introspect because it hurts their ego.I moved to another city a few years ago which at the time wasn’t something that I had long intended however I came to the realisation that it is the distance that has kept the love alive.
It’s your own confidence in your abilities that matters. No parent wishes Ill for the children . Their methods can be wrong as parent hood is not taught in the school. It’s kind of a learning on the job. However, having both the parents around, is a great enough happening to a sensible mind.
always unbiased , harsh truths from you
🙏🏻
@@KrishnarajRaoUrbanNaxalcan you please suggest suggestions for chronic procrastination and overthinking?
There are people who are very humble, affectionate and charming in social settings but are just the opposite in their close relationships . I have lived with a couple of such people and I don't know what to make of them.
Maa baap humko itna emotional blackmail aur manipulate karte hai jiski koi hadd nahi hai. They can manipulate the fuck out of you and make you feel guilty about it.
Ji. Humko bhi darpok bana dete hain apni insecurities ki wajah se. They behave the same as they were treated in childhood themselves.
truth
Yes it has happened to a lot of Indian kids.
I am in this situation right now. Helps me to know I’m not alone.
@@sushobhansaha3028 I'm happy that u are aware of it and u seem so young 👏🏻bro
i can't tell you my whole past story, but I'd say this guy is the REALEST person I've ever seen, this got me tears,
i can't show this to my mom, as sir is referring to elders (grandfather/grandmother) the exact things are done with me by my parents (mother+father) I've been thru a lot of tough times,
i won't do these things to my kids, I would let them live the best life I can provide them,
this all is just soooooooo i can't express how I feel right now but, it has powerful impact
Parents can make one's life hell. I being an asthma patient , often remained sick during my childhood. My mother took care of me. But the little time I was okay,she put tremendous pressure on me to perform in academics. I wanted to study but I felt the pressure of getting 90% in every subject !!! And if I scored less my mother would beat me up with a broom then without food or water lock me up inside a toilet for 6- 7 hours until my father came back from the office and needed the toilet. I was given food with a lot of verbal abuse following this. I am a better mother. My son is happy. My mother is 78 years old now. She needs my physical help to live.
So glad that you did not carry forward the family curse. Thank you for sharing.
Very true...not just in laws, even parents can be toxic.
Rightly said…it resonates! It’s funny how mothers are biased towards their sons.. literally you can put your heart on a platter and it’s never enough. How can one be so cruel to the child who is doing everything and always defending the one who is not lifting his little finger. Mind blowing. Will it be wrong if i leave her with her son?
Most Indian mothers are son worshippers
No it is not wrong you didn’t ask to be born your mother choose to have sex knowing the consequences your mother gave birth to you only to hurt you emotionally .don’t have any emotional attachment with your mother why should you ? It seems your mother has only emotional attachment with your brother .when you are financially independent leave them keep your distance don’t completely cut off relations keep a good distance
India definitely needs a revolution, and it needs to start from our own homes
Then only is there hope for this nation.
It's not just me or one or 2 cases, everyone of us knows minimum 2 people who face such issues.
Edit: Sir thank you, you are goddamn life counsellor.
I have seen your videos for a while, starting with the paper walls videos,
Sir I think you found your new niche, you need to focus major content towards this.
Really really appreciate your content
Absolutely people dont realise how much toxic elders effect children
Finally someone has the courage to spoke on this topic. This older people will ruin your family, destroy family warm atmosphere. My mother in low is the same, she will never help me,she laughs when me and my husband fights and the reason for fight is always she. Its ok if she behaves like this with me as im her daughter in law but with who behaves bad with their grandchildrens! She has crossed all the limits. Her daughers which are much older than me gives their advise how to be worst at the same time. Sometimes i feel better outside home. And we are not using her home or her money. Since marriage say for about 14 years we rather me who is handling all the expenses but still she make use feel very bad. People advise me that throw her out of your home. I'm not that kind and she knows that. Whatever healthy tasty she will eat but when she open her mouth everything becomes shit only. She have two more sons other than my husband, they have never taken care of her but she talks good things about them. Feels very bad sometimes i think woman's who don't want to stay together with in law's are very correct.
Thank you sir..... aapne wo sab kaha jo mere man ki awaz thi. I and my children are suffering a lot because of my toxic in-laws life has almost became a hell
Same here sir, my father i feel is a Narcissist wants control over everything. Barely gives money to buy groceries to my mom. She has to ask for money from him like a slave since hes the earning person. Also uses the Will card that he will give everything to my sister. Has physical abused me and my mom. He is very confident because he has lot of money and 2 or 3 properties. Really confused what to do
In reality u have god gifted father😂😂u n ur mom dont know value of money...u shouldn't eye ur fathers property...why dont u earn urself...my father saved money till age 60 and now he is enjoying life with fancy car..going abroad for vacations...we all living lavish life with his investments...in life, saving n investment very important
wow you ask him to slave away an entire life to earn his own money as if it's a trip to the bathroom want to know more about your own millionaire journeys now and also violence seems petty to you@@dhanorilohegaon3472
@@dhanorilohegaon3472 How can you advice someone to work and not eye on fathers money while you living off your father's money!? May be he is underage studying and facing this.
Very important talk...And I simply didn't understand why nobody ever talked about it...some parents are selfish and toxic beyond measure...and this is a fact...
It’s very true what u say, nearly 80% of the parents,husbands when they die the family members are very happy internally that is because of their bad behaviour when they r alive
Very true
Yea this is absolutely correct. Some mother in laws abuse their daughter in law using their senior citizen tag on their head. Hamari resoect karo aur Hamare har baat maano aur chup raho.
Aajkal parents apni seniority ki aad main family ko barbad bhi kar rahe hain ..vo kabhi change acceptance ko karte hi nahi.....time badal raha hain but parents torcher karna chhodate nahi... because Bharatiya culture says elders parents are right only ..that mess up everything.., parents bahu nahi beti bete ko bhi paresan karte hain... ...Great topic great video ....counseling changes ki jarurat parents ko bhi hain ... .salute to you sir ...👍
True....so called bhartiya sambhayta me maa baap ko bhgwan mana gya h ....chahe wo criminal mind k hi kyu na ho
My father n parent in laws were narcs for life n my husband is their replica
BUT my mother was such a positive person who passed away 2 decades ago is my n my kid's source of energy
I AM BLESSED
Very nice and bold video. People underestimate negative influence of toxic parents.
I have faced one and it was tough and required lot of strength to come out of it.
Elderly become extremely political as they lose other strengths.
Younger generation needs to be strong, bold and smart to handle such toxic parents.
Wah.. this episode is authentically realistic. It may sound funny, but a lot of people take years of going through such bitter experiences before realizing what's going on is neither correct nor right, and many people live in such situations out of compulsions. The current gen are much smarter, and there's internet to seek solutions.
You should start a separate episode called "Mumbai Diaries" to touch upon such aspects in life.
I've experience 😢 how toxic these oldies can be! I live in Punjab, studying live alone. Sometimes I go for a walk in a park, there some group of retired oldies stare at me, try to flirt and get my attention. One time one of the old men approched and started sharing his window life. And all of sudden he started acting weird, asked me out , I got extremely angry and stopped going to the park.
What is window life? 😂
@@KrishnarajRaoUrbanNaxal I think she meant widow life.
@@sujata_155 You mean he started telling her how lonely he was as a widower? 😂😂
@@KrishnarajRaoUrbanNaxal yes
better to change the park you go to. these oldies are just burden to their families.
Mad respect for an old indian to address the toxicity of elders.
Im suffering from the same and f it i hate my life.
Kudos to you sir for exposing this issue 👍
who are getting unconditional love from parents will never understand this ..
Kalyug hai mom behave toxic for own son and daughter. Mental and verbal abuse is very harmful.
God is the supreme parent.
This is an important topic you raised and thank you for that. Toxic patents , grand parents can be dangerous for child and grand children.
सत्य वचन
अगर पिता ही अपने पुत्र को कहे
" तू क्या तेरे बाल बच्चे मेरे पैर धो धोकर कर पीयगे।
You are describing everyone from my indian side of the family. I'm an NRI who is living in Canada and very luckily I had good parents. I want to work hard and give my parents everything but their brothers and sisters family in India are so horrible I cannot imagine. Somebody like you has guts to speak against them. Respect to you sir.
Dude you are giving me chills... By god's grace my family is so supportive and I feel lucky... But you... I think you are the best grandfather any child has.... 💞💞
We as gen Z we want someone in our family that can understand us totally...
🙏🏻 thank you for your kind words and appreciation
Excellent subject.. Toxic & Negativity in families is a curse..... Each & every example given by you is happening in real in many families.... Absolute Power weilded on innocent children.
Wisest person i have ever seen .. better that 100s of guru’s nowadays thanks for sharing 🙏
One man who is speaking truth.
Mr. Krish, you are really doing a good job by exploring different aspects of human life. Thankyou for this insight as well.
Good to see awareness around these topics, hope this reaches the target audience and people learn from these videos 🙏
I am really so happy to see that these kind of conversations are available on UA-cam coz this is so rare and honest conversation. It also requires courage so thank you sir for your courage to speak 🙏.
Otherwise rest of the people on internet only speak about things which are beneficial for personal interest
Thanks for touching other aspects of the society. A much needed awareness.
Same goes with the kids( minors). They misuse the same power given to them, knowing everyone will forgive their dirty mischief
I m speechless.How well u hv portrayed the dark side of human mind which takes the form of a toxic relationship.They r around us in one or the other form n when they disappear,we feel relaxed n relieved.They provoke a person to take a wrong step n people get trapped.Something dolid n concrete must be done.Anyways u hv taken a step of analysing.Hope some strong steps would come ahead so that toxicity will vanish n happiness or contentedness will prevail🙏🙏
Thank God ab India mein bhi ye sab baatein ho rahi hain!Buzurgon ko tajurba bahut hota hai but they cannot necessarily adjust with changing times and so this generation gap needs to be addressed
Thanks for speaking up.
Thank you Sir for making this video .Yes I've seen elders poisoning their own children's life, controlling them all the time and ending up positivity .This video is appreciated and empowering.
Kitna dukh hai logo ke jivan me sunkar dukh hota hai
❤😂😅😅
यह दुख काहे ख़त्म नहीं होता बे 😁
Excellent video
Fantastic video! These things are so true but unspoken or addressed!
Oh God sir I am so thankful to you for making this video because I feel the same but others made me feel wrong
Thank you Sir for sharing your experiences with us. 🙏