I started counseling in my early twenties to understand my relationship with my mother. No one could truly help me understand. Thirty years later here you are. Thank you!
@@NicoLaFunf I think it should be taught in grade school! Everyone needs to understand that these people exist. I definitely had no idea what narcissism truly meant.
Why narcissists choose to have hissy fits at a funeral is what I can't figure out. No one cares about the narcissist at that time: it's not about them - it is about the deceased.
Funny u say that my narc didn't celebrate holidays, didn't agree with funerals or weddings for he thought they were selfish ( yet he'd attend them🤔) BUT he'd celebrate his birthday 4 to 5 times the month of his birthday
I had a "friend" who used to call quite frequently and, after the first few minutes of cordiality, he would launch into a constant stream of talk about himself and his life. I found myself very rarely saying a word for several long minutes, sometimes I placed the phone down and tended to something, only to return and find him still talking as if I had been there all along. One day I decided to make him respond to some remark or question I had, requiring him to stop and answer. He was very short and ugly to my interjection- like how dare you demand my attention be taken off what I was saying about myself! At that point I unloaded on him and was quite verbally abusive, giving him some much needed depreciating dialog. I never heard from him again and was delighted. Now there was a Narcissist!
Alan Weller unfortunately I was married to this kind of person, had kids, gave up my career, felt trapped, but finally gathered the courage to end it after 34 years thanks to the help and support of my children!
I had a very similar experience. This narcissist was talking and going on and on and on. I tried to contribute to the conversation and he was visibly annoyed. He said go ahead with your boring a@@ conversation. I too called him everything except a child of God. I bet he didn’t find my conversation boring after that.
Wow, I had the exact same interaction by phone with my cousin (who I have known to be full of himself) yesterday. After the same hello stuff he started talking about himself and his life. Well after 20 minutes of listening, I always have questions to ask? Well, he got upset and said, "let me finish talking". He's done this to me before, and like before I got upset and let him know it. I've never suspected my cousin of being a narcissist (but I'm also just learning about these creatures. I for sure have a narc sister). I'm not sure if he is one now because he has never been cruel to me (he's always been shady) as my sister has. I have never seen him display narc rage as I've seen in my younger sister. I had to reply because the two incidents are so similar. No contact is the only sane way to deal with a narc.
"They learn as a child that working on their superficial exterior is a better investment of their resources because that's what will keep their parents and other adults engaged." - I've been looking for this explanation for decades, thank you.
But that's obvious, logical. And you see all of society rewarding/abetting that showiness, always, the way extroversion is hierarchized as better- bc it entertains others.
That investment in vapid surface Has to come from childhood. And society/Humanity reinforces all the way. This is a timeless reality... Art exists to make the invisible visible, since Normatively, there is the Failure to see past surface.
A grandiose narcissist is like a beautiful chocolate cake that looks great and you taste that frosting which is soooo delicious . But as soon as you take a slice you realize that cake , is uncooked , raw and horrible in the inside . You thought that cake would be amazing because you judged it by its appearance. But it’s all an illusion . These narcissist are con artist who live in a fake reality under a state of psychosis in that they believe the stories they created . But it’s the lie that we fell for . The lie of I love you , your the one my soul mate , the future faking of wanting to move in together , wanting to get married , have kids together after only a few months of dating . But as soon as the narcissist realizes your hooked on them , comes the blame & pain and they will use you , exploit you , embarrass you , play you like a violin making you think your the crazy one. Whereas in reality ..it’s them.
Any opportunity to get into the spotlight. I have seen some of this in doctor's with youtube channels. One that is talking about food choices all the time, I just get a bad vibe for some reason.
That must be really hard to deal with when everyone loves and trusts their gp. You’re certainly in the right place here and with good people. I said to myself earlier today I will never look at people in the same way again.
Sorry you're going through this, the high performing narcissist are the hardest to deal with. They manipulate people under the guise of altruism. If you make the mistake to share your feelings with others most likely you won't be believed and get ostracized. In most cases all you can do is stay away, watch them from a distance.
Grandiose Narcissists Are Less Sensitive And More Confident They Are Superior And Will Seek Revenge Or Go Into A Vicious Rage.Against Those Who Don’t Treat Them With Respect Narcissists Have No Sense Of Shame... These Ppl Are Dangerous.
I was married to this grandiose personality type for 10+ years. I spent my entire 20s with him. When I left that marriage I was determined to enter into a healthy relationship and avoid any person who demonstrated any grandiosity whatsoever. Well now I have been married to a covert narcissist for 10 years, who acted with cream complete humility when we met. What’s worse is that we have a child. God bless it!!! I had NO IDEA that covert narcissism existed!! That’s why I love this series so much. Information is EVERYTHING!!!! Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!
I am so sorry, I know this comment was three years ago.. but I felt compelled to respond because mines was the complete opposite.. I married a covert first.. had four children.. and then got with an overt grandiose narc and had a child with him.. I wanted the opposite of my covert .. that consistently argued with me, had no backbone unless he was abusing me and raging and laying hands on me.. then he was “the man”.. and he ultimately had no backbone and I made decisions on everything. He was the victim in every situation. Well you’ve got it! The grandiose narc WAS the opposite. He was so confident and sure of himself. And would never argue with me. In fact he began ignoring me… started as short spurts.. and then next thing you know it’s was prolonged longer and longer.. at first I thought oh thank God, he just refuses to Argue and wants to cool down. Nope.. it was my devaluation phase starting. If only I had learned about narcissism after my first ex husband. SMH. I hope now you’re maybe in a different position/ situation that’s for the better!
They love to hear themselves talk. They are also super big bullies when angered. I met the new neighbor the other day. He spent 20 minutes talking about himself and how successful he was back in the day. I ended up cutting him off in mid sentence by saying, " gotta go walk my dog. Bye. " Haven't even looked his way since!
Sounds like my boyfriends mom..I can never get a word in and she always redirects the conversation to her and how my experience is related to hers..exhausting
Me too. I’ve had multiple narcissistic coworkers who claimed to have ADHD. It’s just an excuse to not be accountable and to not pay attention when you’re talking.
It’s very confusing. When he stops talking and you finally get a word in edgewise, and he ignores you or doesn’t listen, is he disinterested or is he purposely demeaning you?
Thank you for you and this series. I divorced a grandiose narcissist last year, I am healing and accepting my experience and reconnecting to my higher self and personal power now. We have a 5 year old son and I’d like to learn how I can protect and guid my son in positive ways through the toxic behaviors and actions that his dad aka narcissist projects on him and the selfish actions that I am aware of that can harm our son.
I said ‘yes’ when my Narc proposed, misinterpreting his grandiosity for self confidence. Found out after marriage that he had sold me a fake package and he was not even remorseful about it. He went on acting as if he’s a prize catch although he was jobless, penniless. In fact, he was so full of himself all the time that I continued getting carried away with his future faking. The web of lies were spun so ingeniously, he managed to convince me that his inadequacies were not his fault.
Nelumbo Nucifera this was my situation exactly! He was older than me by six years. I met him when I was just seventeen and two months. He inserted himself into my life such that I had no opportunity to know anyone else. He's been a complete failure as a provider despite all his big talk for decades. Our family finance was in ruins. Dr. Ramani's lessons on future faking and selective amnesia were right on point. These two things were exactly what kept me believing in him for decades. Thirty four years of marriage, eighteen job/business changes ruined us. Constantly talking about how great things were going to be. Constantly dismissing his rage, profanity, violence as though they didn't happen or were very seldom and well controlled. Constantly elevating himself as the person who made everything happen for everyone in the family and extended family. I finally woke up and walked away after thirty four years!
Brain Booster RVA, so sorry to hear about what you went through. It’s like a vicious spell, isn’t it? Glad to know you got out safe. My best wishes to you for a Narc free future!
They surely are so genius at what they do. What's incredible is how they all are, how our brains adjust to neglect and abuse to create such precision in dysfunction is unbelievable to me.
I knew the exact moment my partner was grandiose.We were on a outing with his parents.He grabbed my hand and said"Look happy image is everything".My jaw hit the floor.
I heard I love you. And knew immediately it didn’t sound right. To fast to unemotional. Of course the lies. Smearing, whoring all came in good time. They think morals and empathy are weak. And that your a follower. Why you’ll never be great like them just my opinion
Thank you so much. Nobody believes us. The damage is so lengthy and destructive. My worst experience is when others want me to comfort them as I tell my shame story. These people are naked and we are using a bull horn and people are like “they are wearing the best outfit.” I can’t even at this point. As for me, I surrender to this. All I can do is change myself. But I’m glad that you’re helping me and countless others who have suffered in silence over and over and over again.
Oh my dated some guy just like this!!! This guy would brag how a lot of “clients daughters“ liked him a lot, “sold“ a 8 million dollar house, all these crazy stories... Called me everyday, talked about marriage/kids, made me feel special or that he was different and had “morals“... thought he was dream until I noticed inconsistencies, red flags. He played me good . Thank you 🙏
After 48 years of practice in unknowingly attracting these types of people, and my the experience of my narcissistic mother, I FINALLY see these people in complete contrast to a ‘healthy’ person. Thank goodness!! So much therapy later… this is a very powerful, yet very vulnerable person.
I have this aunt who is a teacher and currently living with her and my other aunt. She was so sweet and really kind. She likes volunteering mostly coastal clean up and tree planting, just all about nature and she's an activist too. Before it happened she was just working and rarely use social media but when she discovered that doing those things and showing off on social media particularly facebook, she would gain lots of likes and admiration from other people local or foreign. Since then, she changed. The fame got into her head and all she does at home was talk about how people admire her for caring for nature, that she has famous friends who likes travelling too, how many shares and comments her posts gets. I was happy for her at first because she deserved it, she worked hard. But it got toxic. She likes being validated every single day she would talk about her achievements or like meeting with famous people. But when we try to share other story, she doesn't listen that much and would always go back talking about herself. My mom couldn't fully support me financially so my aunt would pay for my fees at school so in return I'd do things for her like folding the laundry, fixing our cabinets and arrange her clothes in the wardrobe, prepare meals for her and other little gestures. But when I realized that it started to become toxic, I slowly distanced myself, less interaction and I stopped doing the things I used to do for her because It was draining me and add my other aunt too who likes scapegoating me. I was so exhausted, having anxiety and depression, being around them it's like they're sucking my energy out of me. When I slowly distanced myself, I think she noticed it because when I started doing it, she started buying me stuffs like a comforter when I have my blanket, clothes, a phone even though I already had those things and I never asked for those which is kinda weird because she doesn't do that when I was this "good girl" to her and always giving her attention and praise and validation. For me it's like she's trying to pull me back to her, to admire and see her the way I used to. I want to leave, I don't want to live here anymore. I've been depressed and having anxiety because of them. But I have no choice, I have nowhere to go. I can't reach out to my mother because she's probably busy with her kids and husband and with work. I hope to get out of here someday before it's too late.
I am reading your comment, your story. Wow, that is a tricky situation. Did you manage to ,escape' and be free from all that? (I see it was 2years ago written so I wonder how your story ended..)
@@casperinsight3524 , Oh my! You are right about that! We were drunk one night together. This was when I was just getting to know them. What they went on and on about, having nothing to do with me, but childhood issues, let me in on so much that helped me understand later behavior when this person was sober. They didn't remember any of what they told me and it was completely off limits as a topic after that one drunken revelation. I can only think there is a lot bottled up under a grandiose narcissist.
Jeanog Oh no they remember! The conversation may be off limits but they remember. I’ve tested this theory on several including an ex covert girlfriend. If you know them fairly well, not that anyone actually knows a narc, ask them a few mundane questions that may have been an interest to them from the drunken outing. They remember just fine but conveniently forget the other meaty stuff. I’ve found most are pretty good liars.
My grandmother used to have a saying that I can now apply to narcissists “they think their shit don’t stink, but their farts give them away“. Now that I know the warning signs to look for I’ll have a better chance of seeing it. 😂
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My mother appears to be a grandiose narcissist and everything I read or watch indicates this is the case. Its empowering to have this information now, but I wish I realized this sooner. Great videos, thank you
The period of caring to make you fall for them. Then when you are trapped in their fake love, they will start dropping the mask because they can't start being their real self which heartlessness. Now they can continue manipulating you and abusing.
They are fake. Period. They are able to separate the 2 because it's manipulation and control tactic. After they get what they want from you( as being the nice person) they give you their ass to kiss ( the heartless person.. Who they really are) that is until they want something from you, AGAIN.... They are very draining superficial weirdos with very fragile egos, the most insecure of the insecure. Dr. Ramini is speaking facts.
YES! When someone looks bored the moment you start talking, the connection isn't there and they definitely don't respect you - if they are also obsessed with themselves then they're likely on the narc spectrum.
Last year when my spouse was trying to patch things up between me and my grandiose narcissstic mother (I had already gone No Contact after 30 years of her abuse and rage episodes), he started to quietly time how long she could go without talking about herself. It was 5 minutes. It took 2 people just to get the number that high: my spouse and my dad (mslignant narcissist). Nobody has ever pointed out to either of my parents that they are narcissistic. My spouse and my dad were talking about me and my experiences growing up in general, including many things that neither parent had been witness to at all. Even with prompting and pleading and constant redirection from BOTH PEOPLE beginning at the very start of her signaling that she was NOT going to let whoever else was talking finish, the absolute longest she could go without hijacking the conversation to talk about herself was 5 minutes. And the average time was 2 minutes. My husband is No Contact with them both now, too. I asked him to not just for my sanity but for his as well.
Thank you so much! I am a narcissist. And I don’t want to be anymore. I have found that, being a narcissist, I have to abandon what I now believe to be a guide to have a positive impact on humanity. I have to lie and steal and be a whole cluster of toxic traits... this ends. I deserve it. The people around me deserve it. I have just begun this journey... thank you so much again.
After all this time watching these videos from Dr. Ramani, I am still left speechless. Literally, every single video is basically her talking about my miserable ex.
The ex-narc/husband -of 2decades -I would put him as" The Chameleon^ Narc-depending on the situations /atmosphere /environment It would rapidly change.
I'm a survivor, on a way to thrive. 💪🏽 I know, If I can do it, you all can! 🔥 It might sound crazy, but I think that everyone that's a narcissist-magnet must come across a strong damaging narcissist. 🤔 The reason is: we have been so primed to take the abuse that it doesn't feel so, unless someone thrashes us left, right and centre. It's deeply agonizing but a wake-up call. 🔔Apart from getting healed from the abuse of one narcissist, we get trained in escaping such monsters in future. 🏋️ The universe has loads of energy for you, you need not depend on any sadist to derive it from. 🌞 More power to all the good people out there! 🌍 You CAN do it! 💜
"Put on a show for the worlds and convince you that this facade you put to the world that we are just this happy family" this answers a lot of questions, I've always been blamed for being a threat to this "social image" and left feeling guilty for it, I even started doubting myself about what is true and what is not.
The narcissistic man who I fell in love with was your typical Tall Dark & Handsome type who smugly wore his self impressed attitude on his sleeve as if he owned the universe. Wherever he went in public people would stop & notice his insta sex appeal. He played this like a musical instrument. Then at home in private between the two of us, he'd immediately go to the Covert side of the narcissistic spectrum. He took advantage of my attraction to him but wasn't emotionally/physically available to be in a relationship.
My ex narc used the excuse of the mental affairs and then the nail in the coffin for me, the physical affair was you knew I was a player. Thank you Betty for taking him off my hands. Betty is a screaming, demanding and money draining narc. He hovered, said he made a mistake. Divorced him anyway and no contact
Yes, I had one like that, lasted almost 4yrs and cost me a lot at all levels. Grandiose in public and covert in private. I was told by a friend to read up on sociopathy. I feel sociopaths are a mixture of different types of narcs and behaviors depending on the situation. I only recently learned of narcissism and I find that some may be narcs with different shades but others who play many types of narcs depending on the situation for maximum manipulationion are at another level: sociopathy.
Well, this clears up what Narcissist I was dealing with. I thought he was a Covert, but now I know he is Grandiose for sure! Childhood is on target as well.
I noticed early on that he never portrayed himself in a bad light. I thought that was probably a smart way to be (as I was always putting myself down) and I thought it was because he came from money and the east coast! Funny the stories and excuses we tell ourselves when dealing with narcissistic people.
The narcissist in my life is a textbook classic narcissist. I am so grateful for this entire series that has opened my eyes to what has been going on for all these years. I am so glad I am not married to him, and that all the glitz and glamour has fallen away and now I know the truth.
Narcissists are so charming, mostly because they embody -in a way- most people's fantasies and illusions about life. People grown up as "Kings& queens" even though they dont even belong to an upper class family, have illusional expectations from life and people around them. So they are vulnerable to anyone who offers them that illusion and put them in a lala land which finally blows up on their faces-cause thats what illusions do. It looks like a bit victim blaming but its part of the truth. Same people pou become victims of a narcissistic (of the grandiose type), often "abuse" others with their over the top expectations and at the same time abuse themselves too by constantly expecting the best from themselves, even when the best is not achievable by common people. I think you mention something like that in another video where you talk about the "pretty woman" scenario. Thanks for your enlightened and so down to earth videos and attitude! You really make a difference among psychologists out there!
This is the best series ever! Thank you!!! Will you do a bit about spiritual/religious narcissists? I used to have a boyfriend who is a grandiose narcissist. A very bad person at it showed in the end. He broke me and my heart.
Gosh this describes my experirnce with my ex to a tee...yeah I thought he was genuinely confident but turns out he was cocky & arrogant😔😔 Yeah, his parents, ecpecially his dad, used to rave about his children...looks etc...but my ex could never talk about his childhood trauma with his parents...they ignored his emotional needs. Yup hot & cold is an understatement... thank God I'm off that emotional rollercoaster!
Really want you to know how much good you are doing with these videos, & how much you’re helping people. I almost lost my unborn baby due to my mother’s incessant narcissism. These videos give great insight, & I personally knew when to walk away from the relationship. Thank you! 💗
The listening thing is absolutely the best indicator ... It's very revealing when you share a problem or feelings with someone of low empathy - usually you get dismissed or they're glib and sanctimonious like "oh you'll be fine". But when they're upset it's all the drama.
Thank you so much for doing these videos, my mother and I watch them daily. Could you kindly also delve a little deeper into the roles that children of narcissistic fathers play. I had a brother who was the “invisible child” aka “lost child”; always quiet and staying away from the drama around the golden child and scapegoat child. Well. he committed suicide several years ago; after watching your videos and many other people’s videos here on UA-cam I am now starting to believe the dynamic of his role really affected his mental health. There are so many videos on the “golden child” and “scapegoat” but a paucity if videos on the “invisible child”. Could you please make one specifically on each?? Thank you again!!!!
I think my dad is all of the above. He fits covert, Grandiose, malignant. I have so many stories in my head that now make such total sense. Now that I see him, he is very textbook and I know when he is going to get ready to shock me, reel me in and SLAM me against the cement sidewalk face down. My nose hits first then the rest of my body shatters on impact. My mom, sister, husband and daughters never had a chance in hell, and all the while we had no clue... Good job Bill. I hope you are very happy. WE are all absolutely broken on so many levels.
To spite him you just need to heal, become happy living in the moment & finally have peace. It will surely devastate him...or at least confuse the hell out of him.
Exactly, Dr. Ramani he was the "golden child" in sports and learned that gave him the adoration. He was emotionally wounded by his father because he used just shut him down silent treatment. He was a bully as a child this is what made me start looking into educating myself in Narcissism.
I found myself questioning my own sense of humor after he would tell me every mean thing he said was "a joke". He was Canadian and told me I just didn't get their superior comedy. I'm like "whaaaaaaa????" I know comedy, like really well. My favorite comedians ARE Canadian. I was out there googling 'what is comedy' this guy had me so gaslighted (gaslit?).
Kaitlin Jones oh mine had me googling definitions to words like “irrational” because he absolutely denied that he was being irrational when he would go into a rage about something he perceived as a criticism. I literally have a M.Ed in Education and teach Reading and vocabulary skills etc. Why did this fool have me questioning what words mean? 7.5 months no-contact! ✂️✌🏼💯😁
Sarah classic response. I think they all say that. When I told mine I didn’t like those types of jokes or that type of humor he went as far as to say he only treats the people he REALLY likes that way, his close friends, family, etc. People he doesn’t really know or like get treated more formally and with more cordial respect. Wtf? Such twisted thinking and reasoning. Almost 8 months no-contact!
You just described my grandma and several of her children. I have been told I don't talk a lot but I think it comes from having to listen to her talk for hours on end as a child.
I agree about narcissists not being humble. My sibling brags all the time about how successful she is, and yet she has been financially supported by our parents her entire life. She is a failure, but to the casual observer she appears to be on top of the world.
This is 100% my dad - he walks into a room and I’ve literally watched people in the room ORBIT him. He has gotten so angry with me when I would have conversations with anyone but him. He ordered me to leave with him to go run a random errand to stop that conversation. Loving this series...
Wow Dr. Ramani!! This is such an informative series & I'm so appreciative for you sharing your vast knowledge & wisdom on this subject matter with us!!
I can see quite a bit of these attributes in me and I have no idea what to do about it. I didn't ask for me to be like this. But, it definitely is uncomfortable as hell within. But, yes. You're doing a brilliant job by exposing these traits to the world. It's time people are aware of this abusive personality. Definitely sharing.
I just see my ex- neighbour on the news paper (narcistic grandiose) talking about his overeating and feelings and how he stands up for men. When I know for real that his children has issues with food. How creepy it's that. Hugs from Norway desde Noruega🇳🇴
Dear doctor Ramani, Can you please address brain fog and memory loss due to the trauma caused by the narcissist. Looking forward to this content too. Have a good day
I remember when my ex started stating these characteristics to me, about me. I was watching a baseball game and I thought wtf? I now know it’s projection but at the time I was like whoa, someone is having an off day. I hope you can talk more Doc at some time about what is going on inside them to start this bullshit and more importantly how to respond. Hard to stay upright when they pull the rug out. This one I’m talking about is looooong gone but I’m sure to be tested down the road. 😬 Have a grandiose day 😁 🐬🐬
Gawd - A slot machine. So spot on!!! So many commercials(interruptions) I can't stay focused. I'm switching over to Linux to get away from the ads. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your videos are enlightening & very helpful.
But most narcissists have a main type. For example coverts can often act grandiose and grandiose narcs can act covert, but most of the time they can be defined as one or the other.
I know what you mean. But they usually have one or the two types of narcissism and go between the two but as individual as people so can their narcissism be but the feeling that it gives them and the target is the same or just as toxic.
John Smith, The ones I've known could shape shift, depending on their mood. Good mood = everything going their way perfectly. Any delay, or wrench in the works = instant bad mood. Like a toddler.
I still can‘t believe what really happens to me. After 30 years of marriage I think I‘ve lived with multiple types of a Narcisst in one Person... grandios,covert and victim I think I have a long path to heal my wounds now and work it out for me to find myself again. It‘s horrible to accept how stupid and blind I‘ve been. I‘m feeling so empty,angry,hopeless,lost ashamed and confuse. I‘m in therapy,but I noticed that she don‘t understand what a narcisst abuse means.( I‘m from German) The english chanels helped me to figured this out for me.Although my english is very bad. I love how you explain „easily“ to understand my situation and feelings. I was too afraid that I‘m going crazy. No one understand me,everybody blame ME,why I have beeing for soo long,when he was so „bad“? Perhaps my children? Circumstances of family etc. Now I know what I must know for me,but it seems sooo difficult the steps I‘m going through are killing me inside.( Why I‘m still missing „him“) The traumabonds are still a big part and Flashbacks bringing me down.I‘m living now alone with my children. It’s hard ,it feels like dying. Thanks Dr. Ramani for every vidio that you make for all of us for free. You are now my „therapist“ to heal perhaps a little faster. I can‘t go in a clinic ‚‘cause I need to do my job to pay my rent etc.
Having had so many of these people in my life has caused me such bad anxiety. I am an empath and they are so attracted to me. I've got to stay away from them, but my eldest daughter is one, and has my 3 grandchildren who I adore and who adore me. She uses them as a weapon against me & doesn't care how much she hurts them by doing it. I want to learn as much as I can about it, as I knowledge is my only defense.
It's me, Since your grandchildren adore you, your daughter may be hurting herself more than anyone else by trying to use the grandchildren against you. Depending on their ages, I guess, and their awareness that she's not being nice to you. All you can do is stay loving to your grandchildren. 🙏🏼❤️
It's me I completely understand with you 100% I am completely drained and I have to stay away from these type of people us empaths have to be so very careful who we allow to suck up our energy because we are givers and they are relentless takers thank you so much for your comment I live for these videos it helps me daily weekly monthly and for life 🥺🥺
Me too, so glad I'm on board with my eyes wide open, trying to educate others in my family, up to them, they don't realize how these types are bio hazards whole pass it on, I'm surviving, I swear I'm afraid what the future holds seeing as I've maneuvered this pretty darn good!
And he was alway happy whenever I lost family members. incredible person! These videos have really made me strong for the past few months I m listening to them. Great message for everyone. Thanks.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and words. You have no idea how much you have helped me realise the GASLIGHTING, lying emotional abuse and emotional blackmail I've been suffering from by my partner the last three years. I'm strong enough to move on and realise that I'm not the 'crazy' one and that it's ok to step back when your partner refuses to acknowledge their narcissistic mother and her treatment of me. I'm was in a same sex relationship (both of us being South Asian so it was tough enough coming out) but her mother just ignores me outright. I have lost everything including friends, motivation and Identity, all by immersing myself in my partner's controlling and overbearing ways. I'm happy to be shot of it. Thank you for helping me heal. ❤️
Wow, it all came to a sudden halt after I gave him the most beautiful wedding. It just stopped; mostly the conversation. But, being an independent person, I tossed it off to our huge change in circumstance as he had started college. That college experience was going towards a terminal degree, and I was all for that. But there was no payday when he graduated...at all. And, all the years that I sacrificed so that he could go to school by not pursuing my own degree, and I was getting older and at the edge of my child bearing years...it was a huge investment from that I was not willing to drop. Lots of "future fake," etc. Question: Dr. Ramani, do you think that narcissists can swing through the entire spectrum from grandiose to covert and back given the circumstances? These lectures are helping me so very much, I simply cannot thank you enough.
Thank you very much Dr. Ramani for part 1 of this series. I know we are all going to learn many things. We all have to admit that this is our President in the White House for sure and oh what a pill that was to swallow. It seems with many people today, we are willing to put up with or accept this type of personality due to our own denial. Denial is no place to be when making decisions of such magnitude. It is so sad that this is the way we are moving in society. Not only do we allow this in our personal life, we allow it on a societal level more and more. Hopefully more people can learn about this and together we all make better choices in the future.
Dr Ramani your work with glossary etc is a blessing. I started therapy today due to my ex narc whom i left safely when lockdown began( i thought that was my perfect window). Im on my way to all gd things thanks to you. Thank you n hugs
Celebrities - Entertainers, Athletes, Actors/Actresses, Show Hosts, Etc. Social Media Influencers. CEOs/Entrepreneurs. I loved when Jada Pinkett-Smith admitted on Red Table Talk that there are a LOT of (grandiose) narcissists in her industry. It makes me really cautious about potentially working with people who are "popular" or "famous" in the future. This is not to say all of these types of people are narcissists but more often than not, the vast majority are yet they tend to be the only options or alternatives most times. This is partially why I am grateful for this series as much as the glossary one. I seriously want to be as educated and informed as possible so that I may learn how to move and get along most in healthy ways. I've been narcissistically treated and abused in one form or another since childhood so there has been a lot of work that I have had to do on myself in order to best function around and with others.
My narcissistic husband just came into my room to tell me he liked a corn dish I made......actually he choked it out, just about killed him to compliment me......OMG I have learned soooo much watching you. Thank you
Everyone loves you when your on top, when things go south, watch who sticks around afterwards. All the grandiose narcissist attributes are pretty awesome. Why woudnt you want to have self confidence, cleverness, and charisma? You can model yourself after someone elses good attributes and not their negative ones.
Thank you for explaining how childhood experiences play a major role in the making of a narc. The narc I know, threw her own cell phone into a lake because her boyfriend at the time, used it to take a photo of his parents. Her mother promptly bought her another.
In the early days, I thought my husband was bi-polar, because of the hot and cold thing. He is classic Grandiose. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! He even tried to make himself the "star" at a funeral (which was for an aquaintance, not even a family member). And came home proud to brag about it!!
And my dad made sure he became a lawyer, drove the sports car, owned the big house, and married young wives. If anyone is still skeptical, I am the poster child of surrounding myself with different types. And, yes, he cut me out of his will.
Brilliant presentation, Dr. Ramani! A good illustration of everything you said is to be found in the French/German movie "Mon Roi" ("Mein Ein, mein Alles") with Vincent Cassel as the grandiose narcissist. I couldn't get over it how well he acts, although in the movie description there is no mention of "narcissism", but for the informed viewer it is a feast! Shattering and eye-opening. The English title is "My King", French with subtitles, I assume. The film is from 2015.
I find your series rather fascinating. Its been several years now and I got over the harm they did. Now I find this topic very interesting from a point of view of understanding a psychology so different than mine. I used to get a bit freaked out that I began to understand how they think and worried I was one myself now I realize it is part of the recovery cycle ... to be able to put meaning behind the experience I have had. Thanks Dr. Ramani :P
The most grandiose thing I feel I've talked about was how my life felt like the Truman Show...even though I considered myself to be a narc at 1 point or another, but I feel ridiculous because it's not real, like some of the other stuff I've come across...again thank you Dr. Ramani for explaining this subject in depth, it's given me alot of peace of mind in many ways
"Their willingness to break the rules to get ahead." I've known two who actually believed there were no rules for THEM, only other people (weaker people). These two make their own rules. This is the smarter and better way, they believe. We weaker people who believe in rules and manners for the greater good, only hold ourselves back, is how they look at it. (!)
That “rules” thing is a slippery business. Hepburn (Katharine) said “if you don’t break any rules you’ll never have any fun.” Manners are a different subject
They hold them selves and others to such unrealistic high expectations too!. It makes them mad when they see reality because people aren't matching their highly absurd expectations.
Oh my god! You are completely defining my mother in law. I never knew they are called grandiose narcissist. Now, I am able to collect the dots. But really want to crush their fake ego and facade. How do we that? I don’t want to hide and ignore insulting comments.
Dr. Ramani you helped me identify who I'm dealing with How I engage and encourage a bad situation Realize what it [was] is and Learn how to respond correctly and pull away. 2years of a cycle I couldn't understand. Thank you just thank you so much
My ex husband narcissist used to always say he was ADHD because he could care less about listening to anyone. He only wanted to talk about himself and what he was interested in.
I am really excited about this series.I feel like I am going to learn more about myself from this.I need to work on my narcissism but first I need to identify which category I belong to.
I thought maybe I was married to a covert Narcissist but he is too much into looks, appearance and attention seeking all the time, that I think maybe he was grandiose. He has so many of the different tendencies, every other day he was so up and down I couldn't keep him straight. I am glad I finally left, it was scary leaving. He still tells me that if I am scared of him it's all in my head. I told him well when you punched your hand through a wall several times, and screamed at me for just asking a question made me scared to ever ask him anything or cross him. He never responded. He also knew I came from a home that had physical abuse in it so he knew I wouldn't argue because it shuts me down immediately. Thanks for your videos! Its helping me untangle the bad lessons on how to have a conversation with people, so people don't think I am a narcissist, just raised by one.
takeout:
"genuinely confident people don't actually talk about themselves that much"
@ Luka, well said
Yep!! Confidence is silent and insecurity is loud👌
Yes, humility is golden
The outward persona of confidence.
Yes, they usually downplay their talents and are humble and genuinely grateful for their gifts.
I started counseling in my early twenties to understand my relationship with my mother. No one could truly help me understand. Thirty years later here you are. Thank you!
I feel the same
Like honestly living with such a self centred person is taxing
@@NicoLaFunf I think it should be taught in grade school! Everyone needs to understand that these people exist.
I definitely had no idea what narcissism truly meant.
Karen Marshall im in the same boat. And some of those therapists were crazier than me! None asked what my childhood was like...
Same with me I've been trough 4 therapist and this is the first time I understand my childhood.
They are totally CONTEMPTUOUS and CONDESCENDING ! Especially if you try to stand up to them just a little bit !
They will even promote themselves at a funeral. They think this is their time to show off? They are crazy.
Why narcissists choose to have hissy fits at a funeral is what I can't figure out. No one cares about the narcissist at that time: it's not about them - it is about the deceased.
so true.. epsecially in "looking good" with their fancy threads & turning on the tears when they barely had contact with the person laid to rest !
I read an article titled Why Narcissist Love Funerals. They love funerals because can be the center of attention and present themselves as a helper.
@@whale6144 I have seen people throw temper tantrums
Funny u say that my narc didn't celebrate holidays, didn't agree with funerals or weddings for he thought they were selfish ( yet he'd attend them🤔) BUT he'd celebrate his birthday 4 to 5 times the month of his birthday
I had a "friend" who used to call quite frequently and, after the first few minutes of cordiality, he would launch into a constant stream of talk about himself and his life. I found myself very rarely saying a word for several long minutes, sometimes I placed the phone down and tended to something, only to return and find him still talking as if I had been there all along. One day I decided to make him respond to some remark or question I had, requiring him to stop and answer. He was very short and ugly to my interjection- like how dare you demand my attention be taken off what I was saying about myself! At that point I unloaded on him and was quite verbally abusive, giving him some much needed depreciating dialog. I never heard from him again and was delighted. Now there was a Narcissist!
Alan Weller unfortunately I was married to this kind of person, had kids, gave up my career, felt trapped, but finally gathered the courage to end it after 34 years thanks to the help and support of my children!
I had a very similar experience. This narcissist was talking and going on and on and on. I tried to contribute to the conversation and he was visibly annoyed. He said go ahead with your boring a@@ conversation. I too called him everything except a child of God. I bet he didn’t find my conversation boring after that.
Alan Weller Applauds 👏 👏
What was his reaction to being insulted? Did he disappear without drama or did he carry out a smear campaign?
Wow, I had the exact same interaction by phone with my cousin (who I have known to be full of himself) yesterday. After the same hello stuff he started talking about himself and his life. Well after 20 minutes of listening, I always have questions to ask? Well, he got upset and said, "let me finish talking". He's done this to me before, and like before I got upset and let him know it. I've never suspected my cousin of being a narcissist (but I'm also just learning about these creatures. I for sure have a narc sister). I'm not sure if he is one now because he has never been cruel to me (he's always been shady) as my sister has. I have never seen him display narc rage as I've seen in my younger sister. I had to reply because the two incidents are so similar. No contact is the only sane way to deal with a narc.
"They learn as a child that working on their superficial exterior is a better investment of their resources because that's what will keep their parents and other adults engaged." - I've been looking for this explanation for decades, thank you.
But that's obvious, logical. And you see all of society rewarding/abetting that showiness, always, the way extroversion is hierarchized as better- bc it entertains others.
That investment in vapid surface Has to come from childhood.
And society/Humanity reinforces all the way.
This is a timeless reality...
Art exists to make the invisible visible, since Normatively, there is the Failure to see past surface.
So we live in an age of grandiose narcissism. Everyone doing selfies, Botox, telling each other ‘your amazing’ for xyz, you name it.
A grandiose narcissist is like a beautiful chocolate cake that looks great and you taste that frosting which is soooo delicious . But as soon as you take a slice you realize that cake , is uncooked , raw and horrible in the inside . You thought that cake would be amazing because you judged it by its appearance. But it’s all an illusion . These narcissist are con artist who live in a fake reality under a state of psychosis in that they believe the stories they created . But it’s the lie that we fell for . The lie of I love you , your the one my soul mate , the future faking of wanting to move in together , wanting to get married , have kids together after only a few months of dating . But as soon as the narcissist realizes your hooked on them , comes the blame & pain and they will use you , exploit you , embarrass you , play you like a violin making you think your the crazy one. Whereas in reality ..it’s them.
@ Niles , terrific analogy
They are a piece of shit wrapped in gift paper
Niles Guy you expressed it perfectly!
Your story scares me. It sounds like you have been dating my former boss who tried to seduce me for over a year.
@@thedancelearner7721 best comment eva
"Humility never goes out of style"
"the world enables them" yes! especially when your ex narcissist is a doctor! He is eating up this attention during this pandemic. sickening!
Any opportunity to get into the spotlight. I have seen some of this in doctor's with youtube channels. One that is talking about food choices all the time, I just get a bad vibe for some reason.
That must be really hard to deal with when everyone loves and trusts their gp. You’re certainly in the right place here and with good people. I said to myself earlier today I will never look at people in the same way again.
Yup
Sorry you're going through this, the high performing narcissist are the hardest to deal with. They manipulate people under the guise of altruism. If you make the mistake to share your feelings with others most likely you won't be believed and get ostracized. In most cases all you can do is stay away, watch them from a distance.
You spelled pLandemic wrong.
Grandiose Narcissists Are Less
Sensitive And More Confident They Are Superior
And Will Seek Revenge Or Go Into A Vicious Rage.Against Those
Who Don’t Treat Them With Respect Narcissists Have No Sense Of Shame...
These Ppl Are
Dangerous.
Yes i think my ex narc boss was a G. Narcissist i knew he was a narc but now i think he is that one. But underneath they are all very insecure.
Demi Gaines so very dangerous 🥺
My Melanin is Poppin Queen They Are
I was married to this grandiose personality type for 10+ years. I spent my entire 20s with him. When I left that marriage I was determined to enter into a healthy relationship and avoid any person who demonstrated any grandiosity whatsoever. Well now I have been married to a covert narcissist for 10 years, who acted with cream complete humility when we met. What’s worse is that we have a child. God bless it!!! I had NO IDEA that covert narcissism existed!! That’s why I love this series so much. Information is EVERYTHING!!!! Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!
I am so sorry, I know this comment was three years ago.. but I felt compelled to respond because mines was the complete opposite.. I married a covert first.. had four children.. and then got with an overt grandiose narc and had a child with him.. I wanted the opposite of my covert .. that consistently argued with me, had no backbone unless he was abusing me and raging and laying hands on me.. then he was “the man”.. and he ultimately had no backbone and I made decisions on everything. He was the victim in every situation. Well you’ve got it! The grandiose narc WAS the opposite. He was so confident and sure of himself. And would never argue with me. In fact he began ignoring me… started as short spurts.. and then next thing you know it’s was prolonged longer and longer.. at first I thought oh thank God, he just refuses to Argue and wants to cool down. Nope.. it was my devaluation phase starting. If only I had learned about narcissism after my first ex husband. SMH.
I hope now you’re maybe in a different position/ situation that’s for the better!
That's my partner.... getting away from him thanks to this lockdown. Healing day by day. Thank you for these videos!!!
well damn, good luck girl
Bravo! You can do it!!!
My hat's off to You🎩, for making this decision! Stay SAFE!💕
💙💛🌹💜🍎🇺🇸
Me too
Thanks to Covid !!
They love to hear themselves talk. They are also super big bullies when angered. I met the new neighbor the other day. He spent 20 minutes talking about himself and how successful he was back in the day. I ended up cutting him off in mid sentence by saying, " gotta go walk my dog. Bye. " Haven't even looked his way since!
I'm glad you were aware enough to do that. I ended up marrying him
Sounds like my boyfriends mom..I can never get a word in and she always redirects the conversation to her and how my experience is related to hers..exhausting
Then run!!!!!!! Really, don't look back, run! 🤗
Yes, adhd excuse I’ve heard that also, 😂 but if I’m bored and not paying attention to them I’m rude. 😂
That ADHD thing was so on point. I've noticed it to be true in case of all narcissists- overts and coverts.
Me too. I’ve had multiple narcissistic coworkers who claimed to have ADHD. It’s just an excuse to not be accountable and to not pay attention when you’re talking.
@@belovedchild9812 Exactly!
So glad you’re doing this series! I think it’s so important people can recognise different types 💖
Blue Swan I agree! My narc was the last person I would have thought could be a narc but WOW. If only I had known earlier!
IKR
The recent X is stealth covert but when drunk in certain company switched to grandiose which allowed me to see his true colors
Ramani Rocks !
It’s very confusing. When he stops talking and you finally get a word in edgewise, and he ignores you or doesn’t listen, is he disinterested or is he purposely demeaning you?
Thank you for you and this series. I divorced a grandiose narcissist last year, I am healing and accepting my experience and reconnecting to my higher self and personal power now. We have a 5 year old son and I’d like to learn how I can protect and guid my son in positive ways through the toxic behaviors and actions that his dad aka narcissist projects on him and the selfish actions that I am aware of that can harm our son.
I said ‘yes’ when my Narc proposed, misinterpreting his grandiosity for self confidence. Found out after marriage that he had sold me a fake package and he was not even remorseful about it. He went on acting as if he’s a prize catch although he was jobless, penniless. In fact, he was so full of himself all the time that I continued getting carried away with his future faking. The web of lies were spun so ingeniously, he managed to convince me that his inadequacies were not his fault.
Nelumbo Nucifera this was my situation exactly! He was older than me by six years. I met him when I was just seventeen and two months. He inserted himself into my life such that I had no opportunity to know anyone else. He's been a complete failure as a provider despite all his big talk for decades. Our family finance was in ruins. Dr. Ramani's lessons on future faking and selective amnesia were right on point. These two things were exactly what kept me believing in him for decades. Thirty four years of marriage, eighteen job/business changes ruined us. Constantly talking about how great things were going to be. Constantly dismissing his rage, profanity, violence as though they didn't happen or were very seldom and well controlled. Constantly elevating himself as the person who made everything happen for everyone in the family and extended family. I finally woke up and walked away after thirty four years!
Brain Booster RVA, so sorry to hear about what you went through. It’s like a vicious spell, isn’t it? Glad to know you got out safe. My best wishes to you for a Narc free future!
Me too ! Same thing happened to me. It's terrible.
They surely are so genius at what they do. What's incredible is how they all are, how our brains adjust to neglect and abuse to create such precision in dysfunction is unbelievable to me.
Brain Booster RVA You are amazing! To walk away after 30+ years takes character!
A narcissist is entertainment, fun at a party but at the end of the night the shows over. They are a good time not a long time!
Yeah. Becoz of this, it took me a long time to leave.
I knew the exact moment my partner was grandiose.We were on a outing with his parents.He grabbed my hand and said"Look happy image is everything".My jaw hit the floor.
I heard I love you. And knew immediately it didn’t sound right. To fast to unemotional. Of course the lies. Smearing, whoring all came in good time. They think morals and empathy are weak. And that your a follower. Why you’ll never be great like them just my opinion
This is my brother. I was heartbroken when I woke up to it. I’ve gone completely no-contact, though, and I feel so much more peaceful and free.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 This was Everything..
I unfortunately have had several Grandiose Narcissistic people in my life, and they leave DEEP scars. 💔
Thank you so much. Nobody believes us. The damage is so lengthy and destructive. My worst experience is when others want me to comfort them as I tell my shame story.
These people are naked and we are using a bull horn and people are like “they are wearing the best outfit.” I can’t even at this point.
As for me, I surrender to this. All I can do is change myself. But I’m glad that you’re helping me and countless others who have suffered in silence over and over and over again.
Most people don't see bc most people are not very smart. In the way of sensitivity.
It is maddening.
Or are stupid, better put. And capable of the same or worse.
Bc as you say, it's obvious.
Oh my dated some guy just like this!!!
This guy would brag how a lot of “clients daughters“ liked him a lot, “sold“ a 8 million dollar house, all these crazy stories...
Called me everyday, talked about marriage/kids, made me feel special or that he was different and had “morals“... thought he was dream until I noticed inconsistencies, red flags. He played me good . Thank you 🙏
After 48 years of practice in unknowingly attracting these types of people, and my the experience of my narcissistic mother, I FINALLY see these people in complete contrast to a ‘healthy’ person. Thank goodness!! So much therapy later… this is a very powerful, yet very vulnerable person.
I have this aunt who is a teacher and currently living with her and my other aunt. She was so sweet and really kind. She likes volunteering mostly coastal clean up and tree planting, just all about nature and she's an activist too. Before it happened she was just working and rarely use social media but when she discovered that doing those things and showing off on social media particularly facebook, she would gain lots of likes and admiration from other people local or foreign. Since then, she changed. The fame got into her head and all she does at home was talk about how people admire her for caring for nature, that she has famous friends who likes travelling too, how many shares and comments her posts gets. I was happy for her at first because she deserved it, she worked hard.
But it got toxic. She likes being validated every single day she would talk about her achievements or like meeting with famous people. But when we try to share other story, she doesn't listen that much and would always go back talking about herself.
My mom couldn't fully support me financially so my aunt would pay for my fees at school so in return I'd do things for her like folding the laundry, fixing our cabinets and arrange her clothes in the wardrobe, prepare meals for her and other little gestures. But when I realized that it started to become toxic, I slowly distanced myself, less interaction and I stopped doing the things I used to do for her because It was draining me and add my other aunt too who likes scapegoating me. I was so exhausted, having anxiety and depression, being around them it's like they're sucking my energy out of me.
When I slowly distanced myself, I think she noticed it because when I started doing it, she started buying me stuffs like a comforter when I have my blanket, clothes, a phone even though I already had those things and I never asked for those which is kinda weird because she doesn't do that when I was this "good girl" to her and always giving her attention and praise and validation.
For me it's like she's trying to pull me back to her, to admire and see her the way I used to.
I want to leave, I don't want to live here anymore. I've been depressed and having anxiety because of them. But I have no choice, I have nowhere to go. I can't reach out to my mother because she's probably busy with her kids and husband and with work.
I hope to get out of here someday before it's too late.
I am reading your comment, your story. Wow, that is a tricky situation. Did you manage to ,escape' and be free from all that? (I see it was 2years ago written so I wonder how your story ended..)
Wow! This is scary accurate. Just wow.
Great point on the ADHD with self vs laser focus on getting their way.
Selective ADHD!
I can't wait to dive into covert narcissism, it's so hard to spot to the naked eye!
Get them really drunk and see what they reveal, lol
@@casperinsight3524 , Oh my! You are right about that! We were drunk one night together. This was when I was just getting to know them. What they went on and on about, having nothing to do with me, but childhood issues, let me in on so much that helped me understand later behavior when this person was sober. They didn't remember any of what they told me and it was completely off limits as a topic after that one drunken revelation. I can only think there is a lot bottled up under a grandiose narcissist.
Jeanog Oh no they remember! The conversation may be off limits but they remember. I’ve tested this theory on several including an ex covert girlfriend. If you know them fairly well, not that anyone actually knows a narc, ask them a few mundane questions that may have been an interest to them from the drunken outing. They remember just fine but conveniently forget the other meaty stuff. I’ve found most are pretty good liars.
My grandmother used to have a saying that I can now apply to narcissists “they think their shit don’t stink, but their farts give them away“. Now that I know the warning signs to look for I’ll have a better chance of seeing it. 😂
My mother appears to be a grandiose narcissist and everything I read or watch indicates this is the case. Its empowering to have this information now, but I wish I realized this sooner. Great videos, thank you
why do narcissist have periods of appearing to care and then straight into heartlessness?
Too true.
I wonder the same!
to keep you hooked
The period of caring to make you fall for them. Then when you are trapped in their fake love, they will start dropping the mask because they can't start being their real self which heartlessness. Now they can continue manipulating you and abusing.
They are fake. Period. They are able to separate the 2 because it's manipulation and control tactic. After they get what they want from you( as being the nice person) they give you their ass to kiss ( the heartless person.. Who they really are) that is until they want something from you, AGAIN....
They are very draining superficial weirdos with very fragile egos, the most insecure of the insecure.
Dr. Ramini is speaking facts.
YES! When someone looks bored the moment you start talking, the connection isn't there and they definitely don't respect you - if they are also obsessed with themselves then they're likely on the narc spectrum.
Last year when my spouse was trying to patch things up between me and my grandiose narcissstic mother (I had already gone No Contact after 30 years of her abuse and rage episodes), he started to quietly time how long she could go without talking about herself.
It was 5 minutes. It took 2 people just to get the number that high: my spouse and my dad (mslignant narcissist). Nobody has ever pointed out to either of my parents that they are narcissistic. My spouse and my dad were talking about me and my experiences growing up in general, including many things that neither parent had been witness to at all.
Even with prompting and pleading and constant redirection from BOTH PEOPLE beginning at the very start of her signaling that she was NOT going to let whoever else was talking finish, the absolute longest she could go without hijacking the conversation to talk about herself was 5 minutes.
And the average time was 2 minutes.
My husband is No Contact with them both now, too. I asked him to not just for my sanity but for his as well.
Thank you so much! I am a narcissist. And I don’t want to be anymore. I have found that, being a narcissist, I have to abandon what I now believe to be a guide to have a positive impact on humanity. I have to lie and steal and be a whole cluster of toxic traits... this ends. I deserve it. The people around me deserve it. I have just begun this journey... thank you so much again.
After all this time watching these videos from Dr. Ramani, I am still left speechless. Literally, every single video is basically her talking about my miserable ex.
The ex-narc/husband -of 2decades -I would put him as" The Chameleon^ Narc-depending on the situations /atmosphere /environment It would rapidly change.
Perfect!
Yes Neeru!!
My ex narc would say "I'm enigmatic and am not one person. I am whomever and whatever the situation calls for"
Dang!! That seems dangerous 😳😫
I'm a survivor, on a way to thrive. 💪🏽
I know, If I can do it, you all can! 🔥
It might sound crazy, but I think that everyone that's a narcissist-magnet must come across a strong damaging narcissist. 🤔
The reason is: we have been so primed to take the abuse that it doesn't feel so, unless someone thrashes us left, right and centre. It's deeply agonizing but a wake-up call. 🔔Apart from getting healed from the abuse of one narcissist, we get trained in escaping such monsters in future. 🏋️
The universe has loads of energy for you, you need not depend on any sadist to derive it from. 🌞 More power to all the good people out there! 🌍
You CAN do it! 💜
"Put on a show for the worlds and convince you that this facade you put to the world that we are just this happy family" this answers a lot of questions, I've always been blamed for being a threat to this "social image" and left feeling guilty for it, I even started doubting myself about what is true and what is not.
Seeing other people's comments is very comforting. I watch your videos every day. They really help. Thank you.
The narcissistic man who I fell in love with was your typical Tall Dark & Handsome type who smugly wore his self impressed attitude on his sleeve as if he owned the universe. Wherever he went in public people would stop & notice his insta sex appeal. He played this like a musical instrument. Then at home in private between the two of us, he'd immediately go to the Covert side of the narcissistic spectrum. He took advantage of my attraction to him but wasn't emotionally/physically available to be in a relationship.
@Train Attendant, So awful
My ex narc used the excuse of the mental affairs and then the nail in the coffin for me, the physical affair was you knew I was a player. Thank you Betty for taking him off my hands. Betty is a screaming, demanding and money draining narc. He hovered, said he made a mistake. Divorced him anyway and no contact
EXACTLY!!!!!
Yes, I had one like that, lasted almost 4yrs and cost me a lot at all levels. Grandiose in public and covert in private. I was told by a friend to read up on sociopathy. I feel sociopaths are a mixture of different types of narcs and behaviors depending on the situation. I only recently learned of narcissism and I find that some may be narcs with different shades but others who play many types of narcs depending on the situation for maximum manipulationion are at another level: sociopathy.
Well, this clears up what Narcissist I was dealing with. I thought he was a Covert, but now I know he is Grandiose for sure! Childhood is on target as well.
I noticed early on that he never portrayed himself in a bad light. I thought that was probably a smart way to be (as I was always putting myself down) and I thought it was because he came from money and the east coast! Funny the stories and excuses we tell ourselves when dealing with narcissistic people.
I think the healthy thing to do is to balance self criticism with self praise,
You nailed it My grandiose Narcissistic Mother cut me our of her will when she died!!!!!
The narcissist in my life is a textbook classic narcissist.
I am so grateful for this entire series that has opened my eyes to what has been going on for all these years. I am so glad I am not married to him, and that all the glitz and glamour has fallen away and now I know the truth.
Best UA-cam channel when it comes to the education and conversations we should be having so we can protect ourselves from these kind of people.
Narcissists are so charming, mostly because they embody -in a way- most people's fantasies and illusions about life. People grown up as "Kings& queens" even though they dont even belong to an upper class family, have illusional expectations from life and people around them. So they are vulnerable to anyone who offers them that illusion and put them in a lala land which finally blows up on their faces-cause thats what illusions do. It looks like a bit victim blaming but its part of the truth. Same people pou become victims of a narcissistic (of the grandiose type), often "abuse" others with their over the top expectations and at the same time abuse themselves too by constantly expecting the best from themselves, even when the best is not achievable by common people. I think you mention something like that in another video where you talk about the "pretty woman" scenario. Thanks for your enlightened and so down to earth videos and attitude! You really make a difference among psychologists out there!
This is the best series ever! Thank you!!! Will you do a bit about spiritual/religious narcissists?
I used to have a boyfriend who is a grandiose narcissist. A very bad person at it showed in the end. He broke me and my heart.
Gosh this describes my experirnce with my ex to a tee...yeah I thought he was genuinely confident but turns out he was cocky & arrogant😔😔
Yeah, his parents, ecpecially his dad, used to rave about his children...looks etc...but my ex could never talk about his childhood trauma with his parents...they ignored his emotional needs.
Yup hot & cold is an understatement... thank God I'm off that emotional rollercoaster!
Nikki Love, I googled how can someone be so hot then so cold...and here I am. Knowledge is power. 💪🏼💐
Really want you to know how much good you are doing with these videos, & how much you’re helping people. I almost lost my unborn baby due to my mother’s incessant narcissism. These videos give great insight, & I personally knew when to walk away from the relationship. Thank you! 💗
The listening thing is absolutely the best indicator ... It's very revealing when you share a problem or feelings with someone of low empathy - usually you get dismissed or they're glib and sanctimonious like "oh you'll be fine". But when they're upset it's all the drama.
Thank you so much for doing these videos, my mother and I watch them daily. Could you kindly also delve a little deeper into the roles that children of narcissistic fathers play. I had a brother who was the “invisible child” aka “lost child”; always quiet and staying away from the drama around the golden child and scapegoat child. Well. he committed suicide several years ago; after watching your videos and many other people’s videos here on UA-cam I am now starting to believe the dynamic of his role really affected his mental health. There are so many videos on the “golden child” and “scapegoat” but a paucity if videos on the “invisible child”. Could you please make one specifically on each?? Thank you again!!!!
I think my dad is all of the above. He fits covert, Grandiose, malignant. I have so many stories in my head that now make such total sense. Now that I see him, he is very textbook and I know when he is going to get ready to shock me, reel me in and SLAM me against the cement sidewalk face down. My nose hits first then the rest of my body shatters on impact. My mom, sister, husband and daughters never had a chance in hell, and all the while we had no clue... Good job Bill. I hope you are very happy. WE are all absolutely broken on so many levels.
You will recover 💜
To spite him you just need to heal, become happy living in the moment & finally have peace. It will surely devastate him...or at least confuse the hell out of him.
Eternally grateful for the wonderful work you do, I’m listening 😇
You sound like Frasier 😂
Exactly, Dr. Ramani he was the "golden child" in sports and learned that gave him the adoration. He was emotionally wounded by his father because he used just shut him down silent treatment. He was a bully as a child this is what made me start looking into educating myself in Narcissism.
I found myself questioning my own sense of humor after he would tell me every mean thing he said was "a joke". He was Canadian and told me I just didn't get their superior comedy. I'm like "whaaaaaaa????" I know comedy, like really well. My favorite comedians ARE Canadian. I was out there googling 'what is comedy' this guy had me so gaslighted (gaslit?).
Kaitlin Jones oh mine had me googling definitions to words like “irrational” because he absolutely denied that he was being irrational when he would go into a rage about something he perceived as a criticism. I literally have a M.Ed in Education and teach Reading and vocabulary skills etc. Why did this fool have me questioning what words mean? 7.5 months no-contact! ✂️✌🏼💯😁
Yep, I had the same experience as both of you ladies.
the ex-narc i dated also would say that the mean things he said were "jokes" and i was too sensitive or had a lack of humor.
Sarah classic response. I think they all say that. When I told mine I didn’t like those types of jokes or that type of humor he went as far as to say he only treats the people he REALLY likes that way, his close friends, family, etc. People he doesn’t really know or like get treated more formally and with more cordial respect. Wtf? Such twisted thinking and reasoning. Almost 8 months no-contact!
You just described my grandma and several of her children. I have been told I don't talk a lot but I think it comes from having to listen to her talk for hours on end as a child.
I agree about narcissists not being humble. My sibling brags all the time about how successful she is, and yet she has been financially supported by our parents her entire life. She is a failure, but to the casual observer she appears to be on top of the world.
"look at me" soliloquy -- priceless! I have been bombarded by these over my entire life, these people NEED an audience.
This is 100% my dad - he walks into a room and I’ve literally watched people in the room ORBIT him.
He has gotten so angry with me when I would have conversations with anyone but him. He ordered me to leave with him to go run a random errand to stop that conversation.
Loving this series...
I'm really thrilled about this series! My husband and I both have several different kinds of narcissists in our families.
Wow Dr. Ramani!! This is such an informative series & I'm so appreciative for you sharing your vast knowledge & wisdom on this subject matter with us!!
I can see quite a bit of these attributes in me and I have no idea what to do about it. I didn't ask for me to be like this. But, it definitely is uncomfortable as hell within.
But, yes. You're doing a brilliant job by exposing these traits to the world. It's time people are aware of this abusive personality.
Definitely sharing.
I just see my ex- neighbour on the news paper (narcistic grandiose) talking about his overeating and feelings and how he stands up for men. When I know for real that his children has issues with food. How creepy it's that. Hugs from Norway desde Noruega🇳🇴
Dear doctor Ramani,
Can you please address brain fog and memory loss due to the trauma caused by the narcissist.
Looking forward to this content too.
Have a good day
Cycle in and out of ketosis with diet and fasting and look up NootropicsExpert if you'd like to learn about some supplements.
Doctor Ramani, you have just said what I had on my mind for years, just with your own words tho. reeeespect and props for that.
I remember when my ex started stating these characteristics to me, about me. I was watching a baseball game and I thought wtf? I now know it’s projection but at the time I was like whoa, someone is having an off day. I hope you can talk more Doc at some time about what is going on inside them to start this bullshit and more importantly how to respond. Hard to stay upright when they pull the rug out. This one I’m talking about is looooong gone but I’m sure to be tested down the road. 😬
Have a grandiose day 😁 🐬🐬
Gawd - A slot machine. So spot on!!! So many commercials(interruptions) I can't stay focused. I'm switching over to Linux to get away from the ads. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your videos are enlightening & very helpful.
As a substance abuse counselor I encounter this type of person on a regular basis and have the most difficulty treating.
Why are they defined in types? I feel like every narcissist Ive had has been a hybrid of all the types
But most narcissists have a main type. For example coverts can often act grandiose and grandiose narcs can act covert, but most of the time they can be defined as one or the other.
I know what you mean. But they usually have one or the two types of narcissism and go between the two but as individual as people so can their narcissism be but the feeling that it gives them and the target is the same or just as toxic.
Good Point 👌 hybrids, lol
I've experienced different shades and different breeds but the common thread is narcissm.
John Smith, The ones I've known could shape shift, depending on their mood. Good mood = everything going their way perfectly. Any delay, or wrench in the works = instant bad mood. Like a toddler.
It's still helpful to know the blend of types that make up the narcissist(s)in your life.
I still can‘t believe what really happens to me.
After 30 years of marriage I think I‘ve lived with multiple types of a Narcisst in one Person... grandios,covert and victim I think I have a long path to heal my wounds now and work it out for me to find myself again. It‘s horrible to accept how stupid and blind I‘ve been. I‘m feeling so empty,angry,hopeless,lost ashamed and confuse. I‘m in therapy,but I noticed that she don‘t understand what a narcisst abuse means.( I‘m from German) The english chanels helped me to figured this out for me.Although my english is very bad. I love how you explain „easily“ to understand my situation and feelings. I was too afraid that I‘m going crazy. No one understand me,everybody blame ME,why I have beeing for soo long,when he was so „bad“? Perhaps my children? Circumstances of family etc. Now I know what I must know for me,but it seems sooo difficult the steps I‘m going through are killing me inside.( Why I‘m still missing „him“) The traumabonds are still a big part and Flashbacks bringing me down.I‘m living now alone with my children. It’s hard ,it feels like dying. Thanks Dr. Ramani for every vidio that you make for all of us for free. You are now my „therapist“ to heal perhaps a little faster. I can‘t go in a clinic ‚‘cause I need to do my job to pay my rent etc.
Having had so many of these people in my life has caused me such bad anxiety. I am an empath and they are so attracted to me. I've got to stay away from them, but my eldest daughter is one, and has my 3 grandchildren who I adore and who adore me. She uses them as a weapon against me & doesn't care how much she hurts them by doing it.
I want to learn as much as I can about it, as I knowledge is my only defense.
My daughter in law is the same and my son is under her spell as well
It's me, Since your grandchildren adore you, your daughter may be hurting herself more than anyone else by trying to use the grandchildren against you. Depending on their ages, I guess, and their awareness that she's not being nice to you. All you can do is stay loving to your grandchildren. 🙏🏼❤️
It's me I completely understand with you 100% I am completely drained and I have to stay away from these type of people us empaths have to be so very careful who we allow to suck up our energy because we are givers and they are relentless takers thank you so much for your comment I live for these videos it helps me daily weekly monthly and for life 🥺🥺
Yes, I have sure experienced that grandstanding at funerals.
Me too, so glad I'm on board with my eyes wide open, trying to educate others in my family, up to them, they don't realize how these types are bio hazards whole pass it on, I'm surviving, I swear I'm afraid what the future holds seeing as I've maneuvered this pretty darn good!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for this series. You are helping me a lot.
And he was alway happy whenever I lost family members. incredible person! These videos have really made me strong for the past few months I m listening to them. Great message for everyone. Thanks.
Hope, fear, and guilt. I’ve written about them myself. I want her on the case.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and words. You have no idea how much you have helped me realise the GASLIGHTING, lying emotional abuse and emotional blackmail I've been suffering from by my partner the last three years. I'm strong enough to move on and realise that I'm not the 'crazy' one and that it's ok to step back when your partner refuses to acknowledge their narcissistic mother and her treatment of me. I'm was in a same sex relationship (both of us being South Asian so it was tough enough coming out) but her mother just ignores me outright. I have lost everything including friends, motivation and Identity, all by immersing myself in my partner's controlling and overbearing ways. I'm happy to be shot of it. Thank you for helping me heal. ❤️
Wow, it all came to a sudden halt after I gave him the most beautiful wedding. It just stopped; mostly the conversation. But, being an independent person, I tossed it off to our huge change in circumstance as he had started college. That college experience was going towards a terminal degree, and I was all for that. But there was no payday when he graduated...at all. And, all the years that I sacrificed so that he could go to school by not pursuing my own degree, and I was getting older and at the edge of my child bearing years...it was a huge investment from that I was not willing to drop. Lots of "future fake," etc. Question: Dr. Ramani, do you think that narcissists can swing through the entire spectrum from grandiose to covert and back given the circumstances? These lectures are helping me so very much, I simply cannot thank you enough.
jharbo 1, so so sorry this has been your life up to now. May you enjoy love and loving people henceforth 💐
Thank you very much Dr. Ramani for part 1 of this series. I know we are all going to learn many things. We all have to admit that this is our President in the White House for sure and oh what a pill that was to swallow. It seems with many people today, we are willing to put up with or accept this type of personality due to our own denial. Denial is no place to be when making decisions of such magnitude. It is so sad that this is the way we are moving in society. Not only do we allow this in our personal life, we allow it on a societal level more and more. Hopefully more people can learn about this and together we all make better choices in the future.
Uh oh! Be ready for all the apologist to start responding😆
Dr Ramani your work with glossary etc is a blessing. I started therapy today due to my ex narc whom i left safely when lockdown began( i thought that was my perfect window). Im on my way to all gd things thanks to you. Thank you n hugs
Celebrities - Entertainers, Athletes, Actors/Actresses, Show Hosts, Etc. Social Media Influencers. CEOs/Entrepreneurs. I loved when Jada Pinkett-Smith admitted on Red Table Talk that there are a LOT of (grandiose) narcissists in her industry. It makes me really cautious about potentially working with people who are "popular" or "famous" in the future. This is not to say all of these types of people are narcissists but more often than not, the vast majority are yet they tend to be the only options or alternatives most times. This is partially why I am grateful for this series as much as the glossary one. I seriously want to be as educated and informed as possible so that I may learn how to move and get along most in healthy ways. I've been narcissistically treated and abused in one form or another since childhood so there has been a lot of work that I have had to do on myself in order to best function around and with others.
I was with one of these people for 9 years and it was absolutely exhausting. I left broke and emotionally traumatized.
Same u just got too run for the hills
My narcissistic husband just came into my room to tell me he liked a corn dish I made......actually he choked it out, just about killed him to compliment me......OMG I have learned soooo much watching you. Thank you
Everyone loves you when your on top, when things go south, watch who sticks around afterwards. All the grandiose narcissist attributes are pretty awesome. Why woudnt you want to have self confidence, cleverness, and charisma? You can model yourself after someone elses good attributes and not their negative ones.
Thank you for explaining how childhood experiences play a major role in the making of a narc. The narc I know, threw her own cell phone into a lake because her boyfriend at the time, used it to take a photo of his parents. Her mother promptly bought her another.
Spoiled rotten.
So much gratitude 🙏🏽 for this series. So clearly expressed. Learning a lot from your videos about myself of course and what to identify in others 👌
In the early days, I thought my husband was bi-polar, because of the hot and cold thing. He is classic Grandiose. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! He even tried to make himself the "star" at a funeral (which was for an aquaintance, not even a family member). And came home proud to brag about it!!
Wow. Thank you so much. I feel so loved right now with all you so freely sharing. Truly , thank you.
And my dad made sure he became a lawyer, drove the sports car, owned the big house, and married young wives.
If anyone is still skeptical, I am the poster child of surrounding myself with different types. And, yes, he cut me out of his will.
I thought I was going crazy…. Thank you for all this helpful information!!!
Wow you have over a half million subscribers! Way to go! Love your videos! I just subscribed!
Brilliant presentation, Dr. Ramani! A good illustration of everything you said is to be found in the French/German movie "Mon Roi" ("Mein Ein, mein Alles") with Vincent Cassel as the grandiose narcissist. I couldn't get over it how well he acts, although in the movie description there is no mention of "narcissism", but for the informed viewer it is a feast! Shattering and eye-opening. The English title is "My King", French with subtitles, I assume. The film is from 2015.
Thanks for helping us feel sane again ❤
I find your series rather fascinating. Its been several years now and I got over the harm they did. Now I find this topic very interesting from a point of view of understanding a psychology so different than mine. I used to get a bit freaked out that I began to understand how they think and worried I was one myself now I realize it is part of the recovery cycle ... to be able to put meaning behind the experience I have had.
Thanks Dr. Ramani :P
The most grandiose thing I feel I've talked about was how my life felt like the Truman Show...even though I considered myself to be a narc at 1 point or another, but I feel ridiculous because it's not real, like some of the other stuff I've come across...again thank you Dr. Ramani for explaining this subject in depth, it's given me alot of peace of mind in many ways
"Their willingness to break the rules to get ahead." I've known two who actually believed there were no rules for THEM, only other people (weaker people). These two make their own rules. This is the smarter and better way, they believe. We weaker people who believe in rules and manners for the greater good, only hold ourselves back, is how they look at it. (!)
You took the words right out f my mouth! My mother does just that, all the time!!!
That “rules” thing is a slippery business. Hepburn (Katharine) said “if you don’t break any rules you’ll never have any fun.” Manners are a different subject
They hold them selves and others to such unrealistic high expectations too!.
It makes them mad when they see reality because people aren't matching their highly absurd expectations.
Oh my god! You are completely defining my mother in law. I never knew they are called grandiose narcissist. Now, I am able to collect the dots. But really want to crush their fake ego and facade. How do we that? I don’t want to hide and ignore insulting comments.
Dr. Ramani you helped me identify who I'm dealing with How I engage and encourage a bad situation Realize what it [was] is and Learn how to respond correctly and pull away. 2years of a cycle I couldn't understand. Thank you just thank you so much
it is crazyyyy how real this is!!!!!!
My ex husband narcissist used to always say he was ADHD because he could care less about listening to anyone. He only wanted to talk about himself and what he was interested in.
I am really excited about this series.I feel like I am going to learn more about myself from this.I need to work on my narcissism but first I need to identify which category I belong to.
I thought maybe I was married to a covert Narcissist but he is too much into looks, appearance and attention seeking all the time, that I think maybe he was grandiose. He has so many of the different tendencies, every other day he was so up and down I couldn't keep him straight. I am glad I finally left, it was scary leaving. He still tells me that if I am scared of him it's all in my head. I told him well when you punched your hand through a wall several times, and screamed at me for just asking a question made me scared to ever ask him anything or cross him. He never responded. He also knew I came from a home that had physical abuse in it so he knew I wouldn't argue because it shuts me down immediately. Thanks for your videos! Its helping me untangle the bad lessons on how to have a conversation with people, so people don't think I am a narcissist, just raised by one.