That would make sense. I feel like, generally, women are more conscious of social behaviors than men are and can notice their differences better than guys can
That and it’s more difficult to diagnose due to it being less understood. After all, the NTs still think it’s caused by vaccines! So they obviously don’t understand that autism between boys and girls is much different.
I've spent _years_ trying to figure out what was wrong with me mentally, then once I started researching autism in females, it felt like every single puzzle piece was put into place. Can any of my fellow ladies relate??
I’m currently rethinking my entire life because of this. Everything makes sense now, in addition to other syndromes I just found out I have. People really don’t pay attention to women do they, we’re just lazy or bad if we’re different.
Yesss. I've been told my entire life that I can be to much and I'm to sensitive. I finally started researching ASD & ADHD and sooo many things started to make sense.
I have an ADHD diagnosis and my psychologist was surprised with how high I scored on OCD tendencies. She was like "huh, I don't believe this is enough to diagnose you with OCD, but you do have OCD-like-tendencies." Idk my whole life I was that nerdy, quiet kid who despite being nice, no one really talked to. I couldn't maintain a conversation or do role playing games like playing with barbies, or playing pretend. I remember specifically playing with the same ken doll every single time because, "Ken only has one outfit and I can make him live in the RV." But I would spend an hour helping my sister set up her barbie's house. My "friends" were usually the playground mean girls who tolerated me following them around because I was essentially a mobile punching bag. As an adult, I've been dumped while totally in-love in two different relationships because "they felt like I was't in love," "going through the motions," "not present enough." My last partner even bluntly yelled once "JESUS, I just wish you would SHOW IT. If you're happy JUST SHOW IT." Except that I was happy. And did love them. I'm a software engineer in a corporate environment. I know I'm not stupid, but I often get overlooked or ignored. Coffee room chit chat....not my strong suit. Making funny jokes pre-meetings, usually results in awkward moments. I often have to sit and watch my fellow coders struggle to understand code I just explained to them because my explanation was convoluted and unhelpful. It's funny because I'm not oblivious; I can look at other humans and point out the social hierarchy of who's "popular" and "socially competent" but at best I feel like I can only be a cheap knock-off of that. I told one of my best friends that I'm happy and I CAN have spontaneous moments, but mostly I feel like I'm watching other ppl splash and swim in a river while I sit on the shore. Sometimes I try to jump in and swim but often I just end up choking on water. My friends don't care, they help me along or take me back to shore when I get too tired. But so often ppl get so upset or tired of my struggling, or say I just need to try harder or do better. I'm sure they think its a charade but honestly, it's not. I'm not an asshole and I love people deeply, but the things that come naturally for most, are a sisyphus-like struggle for me.
I still do this. My boyfriend sometimes calls me ‘Tom-laugh’ after I laugh a certain way because I sound exactly like my brother Tom when I do it. I didn’t even consciously copy his laugh but it’s only developed in the past 4 years or so.
the laughs, the perfect accents, the pace, the tone, the timber, the cadence, the gestures, the interests. i'm not myself at all. question is: when and where can i be myself? and do i know how to be myself? do i even like it, can i stand it? or will i feel like shit for it?
One thing I’d like to add is that older girls on the spectrum often only get diagnosed after they burn out, get depressed etc. That’s what happened with me, and several other people I know! Burnout happens because girls often slip under the radar because they tend to mask and mimic, which leads them to be overestimated and stressed out. Diagnosis is often also delayed because their interests are more ‘normal’, like magazines, animals, tv shows etc. It’s the intensity and specificity that makes them unusual.
rosebud011 I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 24 high functioning Asperger’s I’m 37 now, I always knew I was different life was very difficult. I keep learning different strategies to cope with life’s challenges and have improved my life over time
I'm 25, still not diagnosed with it, but have been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, but I'm pretty sure I am on the spectrum. Socializing has been one of my biggest struggles along with eating.
I got diagnosed when I was 25, before that I was diagnosed with ADD., and I only got that diagnosis because I was having panic attacks and tried to figure out what was wrong with me so that I could improve.
This! I finally got to be decent at it in college (dance major) and my husband has always said it was weird how I'd just fall asleep when we went to go chill with friends. I always thought it was my schedule and all the dance classes, but I had to think about it later and I realized I was dancing less often than I was in HS and I want passing out on my friends then. After my son was diagnosed and 2 years ago, I fell down the research rabbit hole and learned about masking and how exhausting it can be. Learning about all this has legit changed my life.
I literally would cry in the bus after certain social meetings lmao and I didn't know why, I just thought "oh, it's just a thing I have, cuz you know, introvert" which... I'm not sure if it's still true, but I also like to socialize sometimes, but cannot properly feel comfortable with it, which was a thing that always bothered me
I've always struggled with social interactions since I can remember. Teachers and parents told me that I was just being too shy and too reserved but in the back of my mind I felt like that was not it. I wasn't refraining from social contests because I didn't like them but because they felt completely foreign to me, like how do all these people know EXACTLY how to talk to one another and how to say the right thing at the right time? It was like everyone had read the instructions manual except me. During adolescence I couldn't make any long lasting friendship mainly because, I can see it now, I was just too much. I loved a certain book too much and couldn't stop talking about it or I just need to do a certain thing every morning otherwise my day was ruined. I'm in my 20s now and, though I still have little to no friends, I can say I've mastered mimicking how other people behave and talk so well you could't tell there's something slightly off about me. And I think I've always been on the autism spectrum but went undiagnosed.
Exactly, over the last couple of years, I've grown from my very late adolescence to my young adulthood, and in this time I have been learning to mimick social behavior when I'm at work or school in order to get by, but it feels completely unnatural to me.it honestly feels horrible having to always pretend you're something you're not in order to hide your differences, having to make people think you're like them when you're really not. It's like having to act on a stage and never break character in order to give a "perfect performance", or feeling like you will be punished for a mistake, but there are no genuine connections, you don't understand how connections are formed and you see most people as truly selfish and ruthless and nobody ever REALLY gives a damn about you and you are in solitary confinement forever and you don't understand how to be any other way
Anne-Lou OH MY GOD! The processing thing is exactly me! I have never had anyone understand when I tried to explain that and I had no idea it was an autism thing (I’m currently seeking a diagnosis). It takes me way too long to process what words were said, what they mean, and come up with an appropriate response. I guess I’m not the only one..
Same I’d been labeled withdrawn or antisocial but that’s not it tbh I just don’t know how to communicate I feel uncomfortable like a throw up kinda way.
I don't think I'm autistic but I can relate to not having a clue about how you're supposed to know what to say to people. My brother is the champion of small talk; He'd speak with a complete stranger or one of our cousins and will know exactly what to say- he's very good with social interactions. When I have no idea what to say to people LOL. I'm scared that they find me rude because I say the most random things???
I have no idea if I’m autistic like I’m probably not but I found this video after hearing someone talk about autism in girls. I can pretty much relate to everything you’re saying. Also, when I was young teachers used to tell my parents they thought something was “wrong” with me and thought maybe I had autism. So... maybe?
Want to hear me talk about green tea????? I can also tell you about white tea, but white tea leaves are finer and more delicate, as they are less processed tea leaves but they still come from the same plant.
@@Ohboycommentsection I'm not saying it changes nothing, I'm just asking cause for myself I can't imagine what would change apart from maybe becoming more understanding of yourself (or on the flip side having something to use as an excuse). Perhaps some get appropriate therapy or medication or smth that help with symptoms idek.
i used to and still do this so much. its like overtime i just built up a storage of phrases and mannerisms that were “normal” and acceptable until thats all i ever used to talk
the mindmap i created to find those how-to's, the different categories of people i could be, from the fine-diner to the fisherman to the charismatic to the grandma, but never a normal girl. this one i could never figure out lmao
I’m 90% sure I’m on the autism spectrum, so many boys in my family including my full blood brother have autism and every time I’ve mentioned I think I may be as well, people laugh. I have such an incredibly hard time initiating conversation, maintaining relationships, I follow what I see everyone else doing and I always have, as a kid I loved playing alone and organizing things or setting scenes that looked appealing, I’ve always been very smart but tend to get lost in my own “world”. I’m extremely uncomfortable with hugging and acts of physical affection, I am extremely sensitive and feel like I’m constantly people watching, trying to figure out how everyone acts so normal.
I can relate! I remember even as a kid I would show the signs of being on the spectrum but as my brother had sensory issues (I didn’t have as bad sensory issues) the whole family thought my brother was autistic
same, my sister has autism and I think i may be on the spectrum because i exhibit many traits but everyone mistakes me for being too shy and not trying
I Have Autism I Was Diagnosed With Autism At Age 14 I'm 27 Years Old Now Iv'e Been Living interdependently On My Own for 2 Years & 9 Months So Far I Hope That You're Staying Safe & Keeping Well Miranda Marie
I was misdiagnosed for years. Once I actually got help for my ASD I started getting better with my behavior problems and now I am doing so well. All those years of my life wasted. But what i went through helps make me me so it's ok
The years of dismissal, being called bipolar, feeling exhausted around holiday season because of all the family gatherings, adopting behaviors I hate to survive around the people i hated, the inability to understand authority, always watching the same shows or playing the same games over and over.....I have never felt so understood.....
I was diagnosed with autism when I was 5 years old and I hide my autism a lot from almost everyone. Especially being a black woman on the spectrum and now I’m 22 but will be 23 in a couple months.
I was diagnosed when I was 8. Never hide it. The spectrum knows no race, gender, or class. It makes you stand out, celebrate that. You are not lesser than anyone else.
@SARA Never. I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 40. I feel so much better about myself and my life now that I know there's a reason it's always been so difficult. Also, I'm now eligible for support I could never get before.
@i12b3'4EVER I was seeing a therapist for something unrelated. She referred me to my local autism center, who referred me to a psychologist. The whole process took about six months.
As a man on the high functioning end of the spectrum, sometimes I feel like the general awareness of the associated symptoms and challenges are still staggeringly low across the world. I didn’t realize how lucky I had it. I’ve been doing online reading about autism for a long time, and I had no idea how poor our understanding of autism in women is; it always goes completely unspecified, the implication being it presents in identical ways. I’m really glad that discussions around ASD are including this lately.
The part about setting up scenes is so wild. When I used to play with my Polly Pockets, I would spend hours setting up the scene but would never actually role play with them. I always intended to. But couldn't quite figure out how. I just wish someone had recognized this is in my younger so I could have gotten proper care :( I recently told my best friend that I'm pretty sure I'm high function, and she said she had hints. That was honestly so reassuring.
Glad to see another Polly Pocket fan here! I used a whole pencil case of pencils to mark out the different rooms in my Polly Pocket floor plan, then intricately added furniture and decor to each room. Once finished my Mum kindly allowed me to leave it on the living room floor for a day or two but I never played with any of the actual dolls in the pencil apartment. I thought I was just really creative and imaginative, but I should probably go speak to someone 👀
I was always one that was dressing up my barbies and giving them makeovers and stuff but like, I have a hard enough time continuing a conversation appropriately when I'm only half of it. I can't do both sides myself, let alone make it interesting
I wish my parents had the resources to research asd when I was growing up. I’m 24 and getting tested in about a week. The relief of knowing that there’s a REASON why I do the things I do is incredible.
It took 2 years to get my daughter diagnosed. I didn't give up though. I knew something wasn't right. I still have problems with her school doing a IEP because she's too high functioning. She's very intelligent and doesn't struggled academically. She even plays well with other children. But she does struggle in other areas. She doesn't handle change in routine, she has sensory issues and she meltdown very easily when things don't go the way she wants. To look at her everyone thinks she's a typical child but when you are around her a while you start seeing things. It is hard though because people think I'm making things up but all I'm trying to do is get her the help she needs. She was diagnosed by the 3rd neurologist that I took her to see. She now sees a therapist that helps manage her anxiety and triggers that cause her to be overwhelmed.
Donnettia Mayer I am high functioning and the schools always suck because they don't want to cater to peoples they don't care They probably see your daughter as they saw me a throw away and won't help her and if she takes a standardize test they will tell her that it won't matter until senior year and then tell her if she fails she can't go to college that's the newest thing happening the school systems suck we need to set up our education system like Finland's no standardize tests and only public schools and you can't start school until you are 7
I work at a school and I must say, we struggle to get services to children on the spectrum, especially those that are higher functioning and are still quite young. Federal law gives school districts criteria that we are legally obligated to follow. And unfortunately, the definition of autism described in special education law is more based on the lower functioning end of the spectrum. The legal definition seems to assume more severe impairment than high functioning kids, especially girls, are likely to experience. I would suggest that if your daughter is kindergarten age or older and does not qualify for an IEP, it might be worth it to inquire about a 504 accommodation plan.
NimbusDX she's going into kindergarten. She has done 2 years of pre k and the first year she has an IEP because she had speech delay but once she caught up they wouldn't do an IEP for this school year. She was just diagnosed last September. This school year they won't do one because "shes doing fine" but I know she's going to struggle because it's full day now instead of half day. I can go half days though if we need to.
Wait. I wonder if this counts towards how I’ve played the Sims lmao. Building elaborate houses but having little interest in actually playing the game. 😅
ありつんどく sameee, I always tried to play, but I got really bored after 5 minutes. I would always get angry if I had to break it down after not playing with it after two days
One time I built a house for my barbie doll it took me around 4-6 hours and when I was done gluing it and painting it I just put the barbie to bed and didn't play with her !!
When you said the thing about lining your toys up to make a scene and just enjoying the aesthetics! I didn't want other children to join in as I thought they would ruin the order 😂
Oh my goodness, me too. That's the only time I ever got in trouble in school -- because I would stack blocks on each other by myself every day, and then one of my classmates, Robbie, knocked them over. Instead of him getting in trouble, I got in trouble for not sharing. I also have photos of me lining up my Fisher Price Little People and my Magic Nursery Baby dolls (that I still played with as a teenager). There is no way I'm not on the spectrum!
I have struggled with abuse and neglect my whole life. I was just recently diagnosed with ASD level 1. When I was a teenager, they diagnosed me as bipolar, borderline personality disorder (pending), and overall antisocial. Turns out, I have Asperger's!.. Which explains absolutely everything.... I want to thank you. You are giving examples, that we sometimes, have trouble finding. You explain it, so All personalities can understand what is happening.
The visually appealing vs role play thing really got me. I'd have an idea of scenario, but I wouldn't act it out with the toys. I'd set it up as if I was shooting a stop motion movie: change stuff, stare at it a second, move it, stare at it a second... that's it.
Sounds familiar. I would play too if another kid was involved, but I wanted to take time planning all the locations, "cast" and their roles, the story and sometimes design a silly intro part to it similar to tv show intros. Often there was not much time left for playing by the end.
My entire life, I’ve suffered from OCD, Emetophobia, mild Tourettes, Anxiety disorder and being over sensitive to all forms of input. I also really struggled to understand basic maths and almost all other tasks I was given im school. I always just thought I was unintelligent, and since I’m a girl I was raised being quiet in school and to behave. It was not until I was 16 that I was diagnosed with Atypical Autism, and it all made sense. The fact that girls get diagnosed so much rarer just because we’re taught to oppress our emotions and “behave” is so fucking stupid. Just goes to show that society still has a far way to go
I feel like I could’ve wrote this ! After a point, all my math skills went out the window, which could probably be due to dyscalculia. I have Anxiety, Emetophobia, OCD tendencies, tics, and I’m hypersensitive as well. So I can definitely relate to how hard it is to just exist. I thought I was just unintelligent or unapplied because I couldn’t function by my own standards. Society has a looong way to go before accepting people on the spectrum (self-diagnosed) ,but I’m glad information like this is available, so we can learn more about ourselves ! Also proud of you for coming so far, despite all of your challenges ! You’re doing great, and excited to see you excel (:
Regarding your idea as to why girls develop social skills, I think you can add the societal expectation and pressure to do so. They will be held to that standard whether they have difficulties or not. They are punished otherwise.
Let’s remember how much young boys are heavily disciplined and unnecessarily medicated, as well as misdiagnosed with add and adhd. This does not happen to females in the same rates as it does with males.
@Nora Langdon, guys tend to have more over behavior. If a girl withdraws it'll be seen as being shy which most people think is okay for girls. But males will be seen as weird. Females have more subtle cues and people ignore them until something overt happens.
@Chrissy 123 same, there are some ‘loud’ people I tolerate (nice personalities) but otherwise I really dislike them, in general. Give me a polite, quiet person any day!
I started looking into Aspergers to find out more about friend and was “hit” with, “that’s me” in many areas. I am now 62! Since childhood I had a hard time with social skills, hated certain food textures and had very little on my menu, was always looked upon as “different” from the crowd, tend to be “gullible” in relationships, get into unintentional “trouble”, very sensitive, etc, even as an adult although much was learned over the years. But there are still accusations and struggles. This seems to be the key that unlocks the mysterious box the more I learn of this. Amazing!
Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand more about autism spectrum disorders regarding the difference sex. Please do more video on this topic.
I've actually thought I had some weird eating disorder because I'm so EXTREMELY picky, and hate the texture and smell of ''unknown'' foods. I was 22 and started seeing a psychiatrist for another reason, and in the second session she asked me if I had ever thought that I have Aspergers. My mind was pretty blown. I guess I've also been used by older boys and men. I've been pretty lonely most of my life, and especially on that front. But now I have a wonderful supportive partner!
CarolineCarnivorous there’s an Ed called arfid I thought I had for awhile which is more common in ppl with autism, arfid can lead to Anorexia if undiagnosed or coexist
I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was four, my parents never told me that I was diagnosed until I was seventeen. I struggled in school with my grades and especially math, I was also in special education and nobody ever told me why I was in it, and it was really frustrating. I just felt like I was stupid and alot of the kids would bully me for being in the classes. Im almost nineteen now and I've never really known much about autism. I'm really trying to learn more about myself and my aspergers. All I know is that on the spectrum I'm high functioning. Videos like this one are really helpful to me, thank you very much. :)
I think I understand... other children can be so cruel when someone is different! and it's hardest if you don't know why you're different and have to come up with all sorts of explanations... I was bullied so much at school too and didn't hear about Aspergers until I had counselling aged 28-29! It made a lot of sense and then I understood why other children thought I was weird and kept picking on me.
Same, but with ADHD. I struggled and struggled and my parents were frustrated with me because I literally had no interest in school because it required too much focus...and they didn't tell me until I was like in my 20s and my self-esteem was absolute shit. I have a strong suspicion that I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, but when I brought it up to my therapist she said if I were on the spectrum, I wouldn't be aware of it....like....what? I guess I'll try my psychiatrist next and get his opinion.
Don't blame your parents too much. 20 years ago autism was still a very new, mostly unknown diagnosis. The only commonly known aspect was severe autism, like depicted in the movie Rainman. Telling you of your diagnosis would have felt, to your parents, like they were dooming you to become more severe because of self-fulfilling prophesy. It's actually a common problem with kids today... learned helplessness because they're allowed to use their diagnosis as an excuse. It's a fine line to balance! Also, 20 years ago you would have likely been diagnosed with PDD-NOS, not autism. It was thought to be a different disorder, and more of a simple delay than a neurological wiring deficit. They may have thought you would grow out of it because you were just a late maturer. (Pervasive Developmental Deficit - Not Otherwise Specified).
@@cherylmockotr That's what happened to me too. I was diagnosed with an undiagnosed developmental deficit in kindergarten, and my parents were upset and in denial. My mom said she cried when they told her there was something "wrong" with me and refused occupational therapy for me. I was given adaptive PE for my "clumsy gait, overflow, and inability to cross the midline" and I also had to play boardgames with kids (I remember playing Hungry Hungry Hippo). I also had a 1:1 pull-out resource specialist for my sensory processing disorder. But when I changed elementary schools, my mom chose not for me to continue these things. I was getting good grades and scoring in the 90th percentile on my state tests, so it was determined that I must not have had much of a problem. I did still struggle socially, emotionally, and physically, but the only thing they cared about it seemed to be good grades. I can't blame my parents now, but I wish I would have had more help because as I age, it's really taking a toll on me and I am not even able to hold down a full time job or find any social relationships outside my family. (I had a husband, but he died). I am going for a diagnosis soon.
The Barbie comment also resonated with me. My version of Barbie playing as a young child was to be totally focussed on designing her house/rooms, and to a lesser degree, her appearance as in her clothing and hair. Hence the terrible haircut I gave her when I was 5, completely oblivious to the the fact it would not grow back. Ha, ha. I never gave her a "role" or voice in a "pretend" way. Which I guess is how most kids play with dolls. BTW...I'm in my late 50s and only in recent times have discovered this whole topic. Health issues over the last 18 months have now led to the "ah-ha" realization that I tick pretty well all the boxes for female ASD. Unfortunately, at thus late stage in life, getting my family, friends and even my GP to even consider such a thing is proving to be almost impossible. So, as is my way....I guess I'll have to adopt my "usual" method of gathering as much supporting data as possible (e.g. aim to become a total "expert" on the topic) until I can eventually get them to appreciate the social struggles I've been dealing with, basically, for 6 decades! Masking? Camouflaging? Well, this "good little girl" should maybe consider writing a book on that topic. It would be lengthy. And detailed....of course. Oh, and I still have by original Barbie. Bad haircut and all. Ha, ha.
Oh...and my health issues? Icy fall, concussion, seizure-like event a few days after. And have now lost almost all my "whatever they were" uber-achiever talents I had been employing for decades to make my way through my career and social/family "weird" world. Needless to say, this baffles everyone who has known me to be the Do-It girl extraodinare....but can't even get through really basic life functions these days. Work? Impossible. Multitasking? Totally impossible. Social skills? Right back to being 16 again.
LW - I'm so sorry about your fall. Social skills? What's that? I never could multi-task. As to Barbie, or any other dolls, my mother always marveled at how all of my dolls always looked like new, as if they had just come out of the box, while my sister always got hers dirty. And chocolate Easter rabbits always stayed in the cellophane wrapper all year because they were too cute to eat, until they grew "fur" and my mother would make me throw them away.
@@kimberlygabaldon3260 I have an Easter Egg still sitting wrapped in my kitchen now. Exp date 2018. Toss up was break the cute packaging or not? I chose "not". :-) The packaging is very retro. It was my precise favourite as a child. I also keep a rather cute collection of retro candy in my kitchen. The packaging makes me happy. Who know why? And who cares? I get a kick out of it. And as these matters go, they often prove to be great conversion starters as most guests will recognize at least something from their own childhood. So at least you're onto a bit of interesting "small talk". Ha, Ha.
I was always the "shy and kinda weird" kid growing up and always just felt different, then when I started to learn about autism in school a few weeks back a lot of things started to click.
I would try isolating and return to your inner child. Try to remember what you were like before societal conditioning. Trauma will most likely come up.
Funnily enough I found out by doing amateur theatre especially improvisation or even better larp ie being able to play diffrent characters but without real life consequences
Mimicry is a vital way of learning and a LOT of animals, including "neurotypical" humans, do it right from birth. This is how we learn everything at the beginning. Maybe pay attention to who you mimic and how it feels to you to mimic them. If you're able to figure that out then consider what it would feel like to not mimic someone. Imagine this in the safest way possible so as to not traumatize yourself. It's possible this has been your only way to feel safe and it's not necessary to hurt yourself while you try to figure out what's really you and what you've borrowed from others. But never forget how NORMAL this behavior truly is- and potentially very positive. I'm a musician and I've learned a tremendous amount from mimicking other musicians, in fact I wouldn't be the musician I am without trying to sound like other people or learning the skills they have. Same with drawing and painting- I copied a LOT of great artists as carefully and accurately as I could to try and learn from them and it was invaluable to me at the time. If you can't not mimic that is kind of a problem but not a terrible one. It's just a little puzzle and if you can't figure it out on your own there is bound to be someone out there who can help you.
Mimicking is how people learn to socialize though. Just because someone needs to mimic because they don't socially fit in, doesn't mean they have autism. If you dont fit in, you need to look inwards as to why you don't fit in, if youre the one that's wrong, or even why people just follow trends or what the group is doing. You can be unique in some sense and not have the self concept to appreciate it. When I got older I learned to embrace the fact that I'm multi dimensional. You don't have to express that so much that your hobbies make you an outcast but maybe understand that not everyone who mimics is autistic.
My youngest niece is autistic. To be honest, and likely because I've no contact, I haven't conducted any research on this. I really and truly appreciate your information on this topic. It offers insight I'd never fully grasp. I hope my brother-in-law and sister manage their daughter's life well. Thanks again!
When you said that Autism can be confused for Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD I literally screamed. I've been doing a LOT of research on autism and girls and I swear I have it and I don't know what to do next.
It was creepy to hear that for me because those are the 3 diagnosis I identified the most with, like I found a lot of myself in all of them while not being diagnosed for any. I just thought I was reaching when I found symptoms in myself for those
I've alway had problems with socializing. Even when I was a kid I just copied the way people interact. And I also ended up in a horrible relationship too because I don't understand what's normal in a romantic relationship. It didn't help that my family would hit/punish me for being so quiet. I've never been diagnosed but hopefully people start paying more attention to this issue.
@Chrissy 123 I still feel anger at that statement. I do like socializing but it's awkward for me- just don't "sync" with others & am not a talker. The words just don't seem to be there. I am in awe hearing those fluent in expressing themselves.
I'm quite shy, and my dad gets annoyed if i don't talk. I'm just here because my pupil support teacher gave my mum a sheet to fill in with questions to test or something. i don't remember if i even handed the sheet back in.
I'm 69 and a grandma.. I wish I had known about this years ago when i knew I was different but couldn't define how I was different. I just knew I was. I learned to laugh it off or made a big joke about my social gaffes. After a number of years I gave up and now I'm very comfortable being alone. Except for 2 or 3 people I talk to. I was frustrated then because I had an above average I.O. but couldn't access it. So now I'm done. It works for me.
@@isla2753 I think it has more to do with the fact that women tend to be diagnosed (or realize they're on the spectrum) later and the amount of discussion around the topic. A lot of us who are older (pushing 40 here!) have strong feelings about being misunderstood and overlooked for so long, along with the struggles we've had and/or the adaptations we've made as a result of these delays. I like hearing from younger folks about how getting an earlier diagnosis/understanding impacted their lives... Honestly, the amount AND type of "intervention" or "assistance" a person gets when they're on the spectrum changes so drastically depending on their age, and that alone seems like a *big* reason age matters to people commenting...
I got misdiagnosed and i truly don’t understand how can a specialist make that mistake... Honestly i’m soooooooooooo autistic 😂 I relate so much and feel way better since i got the real asd diagnosis 😊
Tell me about it - I just turned 40, and I've been misdiagnosed with virtually everything else until just last year. Type II Bipolar, ADHD, every anxiety disorder in whichever volume of the DSM was current, plus C-PTSD from a childhood of abuse from all sides because I was too damn smart, but also "different" in ways that nobody understood. And meanwhile I've been living with sensory and emotional overload, loneliness, obsessions that nobody wanted around, eating disorders, (convenient, since one of my lifelong obsessions is ballet!), and the fatigue of acting my way through every human interaction. I'm only just now taking some time to regroup, and figure out how to structure my life so I can live it more comfortably and effectively. But every bit of information I get about my oddly wired brain helps. Thank you so much!
neuralmute Wow, I can relate to this. I'm 34 and stuggling to get a diagnosis. My psychiatrist who does not actually do testing for disorders but is referring me to someone; suspects adult ADHD , possible BPD or Bipolar and PTSD from my crazy and unstable childhood. I already have anxiety and several symptoms of PTSD. I've been told it could be because my thyroid disease has been in flare up for years now so my hormones are making me overly sensitive and reactive to everything!! I have issues concentrating, I have flip flops in my moods, emotions etc. What symptoms did you have if you don't mind me asking. I'm just desperate to learn anything I can. I hope you are doing well. 💜
I know my icon looks not seriously but I wanted to tell you thank you, being male with autism this video thought me a lot about myself and a lot about baby sister who also has what I have. Your video helped me understand from her point of view I really appreciate your knowledge on the topic.
My breath caught at the barbie part. I never realized it was so different because I had no one to play with, but my cousin would come over and ruin the "pretty scene" I made and it made me so upset. Really wasn't expecting that to be a part of anything.
Thank you for this video! Having been misunderstood all my life and completely misunderstanding myself. Blaming myself for not being able to socialize like a "proper human being". All of this has lead to a lot of issues that I'm still struggling with. Only recently did my new psychiatrist suggest that I might have Asperger's/ASD. That changed my perspective entirely. I'm so glad to live in a time where this issue is finally recognized! ASD in boys and girls is simply different. It seems like such a simple thing and yet that took so long to figure out. Fascinating stuff!
I love this, so interesting. Had no idea that anorexia and ASD had a correlation. Thanks you for making this video. Going to share it with the foster are network! ♥️♥️
It's a control issue. When you are hypersensitive to your environment, find the actions of others random and arbitrary, lack interpersonal connection, and have internalised general feelings of being insufficient or 'wrong' because those around you don't understand you, you can act on yourself to take control of some of the things that you CAN influence. Self discipline with regards food can give a person a masochistic high. If you feel like your world is happening TO you, you take your power where you can. Some dissociate or make up internal fantasy worlds. Some self harm. Some dress in quirky or expressive /artistic ways. I've seen it numerous times.
@Gina Riggio I disagree. Eating Disorders and Autism _do_ have a correlation, but it's more that Autistic people are more likely to be traumatised and suffer from Depression... depression is linked to eating disorders. Anorexia is a trap that many Autistics (female AND male) fall into. I get that some people are diagnosed as Anorexic or OCD and not discovered Autistic. Autistics are also more likely to want to control their diet, their clothing, their sleep habits, their bodies.. in extreme ways. For some it's sensory, but for some it's even masochistic or self-harming. Body modification, all sorts of extreme clothing styles, regimented self discipline.. can all be presumed to have other causes or be pathologised incorrectly.
I can HEAVILY relate to masking. I spent my evenings in school reading wikihow articles on how to make friends and how to talk to people because I just didn't/don't get it. I copied another girl who was very popular, her hair, her mannerisms, her clothes because I thought it would help me make friends, and it was so obvious that other people called me by her name as a joke. I've spent a lot of my life copying various characters who I thought would help me fit in. At one point I did wonder if I had BPD. I think this is a very common self diagnosis because the symptoms are quite...general? And wide ranging. I had several panic attacks in my mid teens in response to being shouted at by teachers, and yes they were full on panic attacks. I thought I was having a heart attack or something the first time it happened because I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt. I self harmed at one point in my life whenever I could feel myself getting panicky, I would scratch or pinch my skin, pull out my hair, bite my nails, it was an attempt to stop myself crying because it was always in the middle of class and I didn't want to draw attention to myself by bursting into tears. What I really needed at those times was to be able to leave class to calm down, because how the fuck do you expect me to be able to calm down in a loud classroom filled with assh-... people. I haven't had anything quite so dramatic for a few years but I have had some incidences at uni where I've just felt overwhelmed and had to leave (and go cry and let out my emotions). One was at a social event where there were just too many people and I just couldn't stand being there. I've started crying because there are too many people on the paths or in the gym (and I've felt really selfish because of course they're allowed to be there too, I just can't stand them being there). A city was not for me, I cannot stand it. There is nowhere where I can't see or hear another person and it's stifling, it's sickening.
my thoughts exactly, who would I go to and how would I start saying this without it seeming like I am over reacting or simply diagnosing myself with something ?
I’m in the same situation (thinking I have asd and adhd )and I’m making a power point explaining everything I think is a symptom and with sources and everything. If everyone want to join or help I be happy
I first suspected I was autistic after attending a talk by Temple Grandon. My best friend worked with autistic adults who were on the more extreme end. When I confided in her, she laughed and told me that I was just trying to be cool and fit in. I didn't tell anyone else in person. That was almost fifteen years ago. Two days ago, I told my doctor that I wanted to be tested.
I was told earlier this year when I got diagnosed that my Autism presented more female than male. I am also a gay man, I don't know if that means anything. I was misdiagnosed first as bipolar aged 17, then as BPD/EUPD/EID (too many names for one condition lol,) with OCD, Anxiety, Depression and Disordered Eating aged 22. And now with ASD aged 29. I have also been in two controlling relationships and believe this is due to my naive nature.
Hi Kati, I love that you have covered ASD - I've followed you on UA-cam for ages as have found a lot of your articles helpful and it's nice that therapist are becoming more aware of this. I was diagnosed with everything other than Aspergers and even sectioned because of my meltdowns which were leading to suicidal behaviour. I knew I was always different to everyone else from a very young age and it wasn't just because I was dyslexic (I referred to me as the ugly duckling of the family) and battled with the idea that something wasn't right and never knew why I could be so 'OK' and 'Normal' one hour and so not ok the next. Finally at 30 years old and after a lot of mental health trauma and inner turmoil someone sparked the idea in my head that perhaps I was on the spectrum - after a formal assessment I found out I was! Receiving the diagnosis was the best day of my life it was almost like the missing piece of my jigsaw had been found which explained everything - who I am and what I've been through. It answered all my WHYS which had previously been all so unanswered and led to so much inner turmoil and self hatred due to being unable to cope with the external world which presented its self as a number of mental health problems. From that moment on I've been able to function much better in the world and my ED and Depression have all dissipated - I still have bad days when the world and it's social burdens are way too much for me but I get WHY now so can retreat, take time out and then crack on with my usual smile and "norm performing" after. I still struggle with how to present myself to the world and don't hold many people close to me as it's hard to keep a social life when I feel unable to come out as an Aspie and find "norm performing" exhausting but I now feel settled with the thought that I don't have to have a ton of friends and be social it's OK just being me in my space if that feels comfy. I do feel though there is a massive lack of understanding around this subject! I don't feel able to come out or confide my struggle to anyone because people just see me as a 'norm' or 'nerotypical'. I have in the past tried to explain and they relate a bit and laugh that they are also on the spectrum which feels like it dilutes what I'm trying to confide and belittles it. Perhaps they are also on the spectrum hence why it's a spectrum but I feel the degree of my struggle to be me in this world is misunderstood, it's real, constant, it's always there, it never goes on holiday and isn't switched off if the suns shinning a meltdown wont wait for a rainy day. I actively have to put things in place to keep me ok. Now 4 years on I have a 1 year old Son who is the best but despite my best efforts he triggers the Aspie in me and I find myself on burnout a lot more than pre motherhood. If only I could find some support or understanding from someone to help with this or someone I could talk to who would get it and not diagnose me with Anxiety or an number of other conditions that showing the real me might make someone question when they have limited spectrum knowledge. Knowing me is fantastic but being me is still exhausting! ... but I'll continue to try my best and hope that the loved ones around me can cope with me when my best just isn't good enough and I crumple into yet another meltdown. I guess my top share would be just because I look 'normal' doesn't mean I am. xx
Came across this video 3 years ago after a diagnosis of PTSD that I felt in my heart was wrong. April 6, 2022 I was officially diagnosed with severe ADHD and Autism. Thank you so much for starting this journey for me, because of you I finally feel like I belong in this world, like my life makes sense.
OHMYGOD!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I needed to see this video!!! I got diagnosed when I was three and didn't understand how ADHD could affect me. I am on the higher functioning end. This is so informational and so cool to know all the recent research. Thank you for making this video
Thank you for this!!! You could spend a lifetime researching and educating yourself on ASD and still not please everyone because you maybe used the wrong terms or labels, etc. I’m encouraged because you have made a real effort to understand an area that is not your primary focus as a therapist and that’s what those with ASD need - understanding. I appreciate your channel, but especially your ASD videos; I am a late-diagnosed female “Aspie”.
You will never please everyone. Some will even get upset if you say "autistic people can actually date! Also with a neurotypical" Plenty dont like the term ASD. Especially those of us diagnosed before the change. Others don't like the old terms and love ASD. Some people get mad at saying autistic person. And you should say person with autism, while others don't care or get offended by the long version. As if you are dancing around the facts. It is literally impossible to knkw everytjing and please everyone.
I believe at 41 after watching this video this is my diagnosis. Talking to my counselor today about it. I have always been im too much with lack of proper diagnosis. This is bittersweet. Thank you so much for this video. It may actually change my life. 💙
Thank you so much for this video! I was recently diagnosed as asd II. I am 35 and when I was a kid girls weren't autistic. I didn't speak until I was almost 3 with lots of speech therapy under my belt. I also tested extremely high in IQ. They just thought i might be borderline or just lazy. I was properly diagnosed about a year ago and life has just gotten easier. I started researching and watching videos. I am not nearly as hard on myself as I used to be about certain behaviors. My stress has decreased to the point where I can actually start to enjoy certain social situations. Sometimes it helps just to know what you're working with to be able to move forward and get yourself together and happy. Thank you again for your videos. They are incredibly helpful and easy to digest
I always struggled at school. It used to take my brain ages to process stuff and still does if I am honest. It wasn't until my son was diagnosed with Asperger's that that's when I recognised that I had similar traits. It's just that it was never heard of in the 70's and I am pretty sure this is why I have always felt different. The NAS motto has always been 'Accept Difference'. It breaks my heart when people can't quite accept people that are different. People with autism see the world differently. That's what I was told and learnt from the NAS group meetings that I used to attend for my son. I learnt something for the both of us and it was a relief to know that you are not alone. You also grow up thinking that you've 'got a problem' at least this is how it makes you feel. It's not a problem really until you understand it (if this makes any kind of sense).
Kati, I haven’t been keeping up with your videos so I can see a difference between this one and a few months ago. You editing has gotten even better and I love your new(er) background. This video was well-researched and super informative. Beautiful job!
Even in Criminology, a lot of our foundational theories were developed and tested on male criminals/delinquents! Because of this, our discipline has been studying female offenders for the past several decades. It's quite a shame that girls have been generally ignored across all areas of study, but it's great that now we're catching up to it!
Growing up my father always said "just act normal May, why can't you act normal? You complicate things way too much. You women are so complicated." I'm 26 and only now am I seeing some puzzle pieces latch together. I thought it was normal to arrive home from a social interaction completely exhausted. I always felt like I was fake because I didn't feel like myself around other people. It was like I was this hyper version of my own self, being the person I constructed, and not the person I was. In fact, whenever I told anyone I was actually an introvert, they would laugh and deny it, saying I was incredibly social and outgoing, except nobody knew that I'd pretend not to see them in the halls or feel dread anytime I caught one of them walking in my direction. Small talk is my own personal nightmare, and silences in conversations with people I'm not 100 percent comfortable with also. I only see social relationships in one of two ways: either I will love you uncondiionally, and would do absolutely anything for you (inner circle) or I honestly can't care less. I thought I was weird for always feeling awkward in summer camps, when people hugged goodbye and cried and I just didn't understand why, since I didn't give af about not seeing any of them again. I'd use to sneak out and never say goodbye to anyone to avoid them crying. This now happens in my place of work. I get along great with everyone, and I feel fake cause I see them inviting me to plans, wanting to hang out and develop that connection, but I never know how to tell them that it all sounds awful and I'd rather be at home and do my own thing. IDK I guess I just needed to vent. It's the first time I'm researching this and I'm freaking out cause I thought I was just peculiar, but now I am terrified, even though it seems to click into place. Anyways, I hope everyone here finds what they're looking for. And if you can relate to any of the stuff I've written, could you reply, please? Itd be awesome to hear your own experience and know I'm not the only one. xx
I'm 22 going on 23 and what you wrote really resonates with me, but I don't know if it's because I'm neurodivergent. I've never had a diagnosis for anything, and I wonder if the way I act is just due to parental abuse. I do horribly in large groups (more than just a couple people I'm super close with at a time). I once started crying because of how overwhelmed I felt but thankfully no one saw. I tend to just sit silently and never say a word to anyone. They just have their conversations while I sit alone. It's weird.
As a guy who’s 24 that’s been diagnosed with ASD growing up, I feel like I can relate to almost everything you said here. Specifically the part of avoiding people I knew to not have to engage in any sort of conversation (which I still tend to do), but especially when it comes to the way you described how you process social relationships. That was a HUGE problem for me up until recently, as while I have a few close male friends who I’ll always their back, having that mentality with women was a complete disaster as I’d tend to get overly attached way too soon. These days I’ve gotten better at masking it by talking to multiple women at once (not as a flex, but a cope to ensure I don’t become too clingy on just one), but it’s still something that lingers deep down having never had a serious relationship yet and if I do like someone it’s hard to resist the urge to become attached. Not sure how much this anecdote helped, but did just want you to know you’re certainly not alone!
I figured out that I have Asperger's at the age of 23. Then I got it officially diagnosed at age 24. My life makes so much more sense now... I always knew I was socially blind, but I didn't know why.
Over my daughter's 21 years I have noticed these behaviors since she could walk. When she was very young and they dismissed it. She is extremely bright, graduating college in May of this year and will become a high school English teacher. She has actually already been hired! I know painfully all to well the struggles she has socially. She is so determined and has obviously worked around any difficulties. I am at a loss. Her identity is so wrapped up in academics, she has never even made 1 "B" ... I don't know if it would devastate her or relieve her
I used to work with young children, specializing in children with special needs. Getting an ASD diagnosis was nearly impossible for girls or children of color, even when they were nonverbal. It was so frustrating. I've seen so many positive effects, when the schools, doctors, and families work together. So when none of these parties are on the same page, these poor kids feel like the world is against them. I remember reading an article written by a black man with ASD, and he was talking about how scared he gets around cops. He has difficulty following directions and making eye contact, and he talks about that constant fear of saying or doing the wrong thing because it might end badly for him. Thank you for using you platform to spread awareness.
I just decided 5 months ago not to pursue any new friendships. And I've also stepped way back from my current friendships as its just too hard. I just turned 60 and have been researching the idea of being on the spectrum. Almost everything you said applies to me.
Thank you so much for this video Kati. It's definitely a topic I wanted to know more about. I've had quite a few students who are girls in my classes (I'm a pre-service teacher) that have been diagnosed with ASD, or are in the process of being tested. It's good to know the differences between ASD in boys and girls and the things to be aware of! xx
In a classroom the girls with high functioning I think will tend to be shy. They will try to make a friend or two but not be part of the "in" crowd of girls.
My doctor told me yesterday that I definitely have some kind of autism. It has definitely been misdiagnosed before and it just makes so much sense now and I finally feel that there's nothing wrong with me and it's the best feeling in the world
This video pushed me to open up and mention to my sons Autism team that I thought I had autism, as they were assessing him. They rushed me in to get an assessment when it would have taken me YEARS to get a chancd if I hadn't mentioned it. They had an easier time diagnosing me then they did my son. It was 100% obvious to them. Yet as a child I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd, anxiety and depression aswell as many learning disabilities. Yet they wouldnt even OFFER my mom the option to screen me for autism. Im 25. So that would have been 20 years ago. I went my whole life struggling. I actually nearly lost the fight and ended it. I went through so much hell feeling alone and misunderstood... all because no one but my mother believed I had Autism. Thank you so much for making these videos, I finally feel whole and like I belong 💜 Edit: I missed one, I've been struggling with an "eating disorder" since I was 9 or 10 years old. Yet all these things combined and it never dawned on anyone but my mother who works with kids with autism, that I had autism. I was also sexually asulted multiple times.. the list is just growing.
Im a female with ASD and when i tell my friends about it they tell me I am not. I for long time thought i had a personality disorder i was obsessed trying to figure out what one i had, Bpd, ocd schizotypal., schizoid, just social anxiety, adhd, the scariest one i thought i was sociopath/(people with asd can seem cold and aloof and appear not to have empathy on the outside, even though inside they feel SO MUCH) It drove me crazy. ( I used to dress really weird too) Now im assured that my brain just works differently. I just struggle socially (mostly with conversations and understating social cues and and at work. but i really try and try to improve.. Misdiagnosis or not knowing or receiving help , it leads to social anxiety isolation and depression. on top of an autism spectrum disorder is a nightmare.
Finally I can relate to something, I always thought of myself as weird and out of touch with people around me! I've heard that female with Asd tend to be more interested in the human psyche and anatomy to better understand themselves and those around them. Well, turns out I'm in the right profession and every box checks for me
Hi Katie I just eat to say a massive thankyou for all your videos and your support and I hope you never stop and you have helped me through dark time 💕 xox
I was misdiagnosed until 27 (Misdiagnosed with BPD). I’m so thankful to have answers finally! I love being autistic. Unfortunately there are VERY little resources for ASD adults especially women.
Now I’m a grandmother of at least two ASD kids. Apparently all six of my children are ASD also. We self diagnosed as adults because an ‘official’ diagnosis is far too expensive for us. It’s a nightmare when school only cares about conformity.
Now I understand why I have stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 15yrs… I couldn’t understand why I won’t just leave but now I get it. This helps me to now get out
so true! I was obsessed with the sims when I was growing up and still play to this day. I was totally unaware of others’ perceptions of me until I grew up a bit & realized how to socialize myself and not be the odd one out. :P
this video made me cry. I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum i’ve done so much research these past few months and it makes me so happy to see what I feel finally said by someone else or written somewhere. I am scared to go to a professional though because when I was a kid one said I had bipolar disorder, then other said I had social phobia, and then another said I may have antisocial personality disorder (a sociopath..) it was frustrating and I believed them because they’re supposed to know better and they were professionals but after finding asd I feel like it fits everything about me perfectly literally everything makes sense now and things I didn’t even think were important before or things I couldn’t put into words. I don’t want to self-diagnose, i’ve always been told not to do it so I can’t but I’m scared of getting misdiagnosed and my family can’t afford to pay for a professional atm and I don’t want to tell them I think I might be autistic because I’m sure they’ll be ableist about it aaah I’m sorry I’m rambling I loved the video
I want to say that after watching this i feel like i found comfort in who i am. I have struggled for my whole life just trying to fit in, "be normal" and it led me down a really dark path. I just recently started researching women with ASD and your info has been so incredibly helpful! Thank you!
Unfortunately before I was properly diagnosed on the autistic spectrum I was misdiagnosed as ADHD, and then as bipolar. As a child I was put on heavy medications that made me feel really sick. Then when I was getting bullied at school they thought I was being paranoid and making it up, so I was misdiagnosed as schizoaffective. Finally when I was 28 I was properly diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, or Asperger’s Syndrome, but they now call it autism level one. One of the reasons they decided to re-evaluate me was because I went off of my psychiatric medication AMA for a year and I was doing better without it, than I was with it. They started giving me psychiatric medication when I was 10, which makes me wonder how many other children, especially young girls are medicated for the wrong reasons, and misdiagnosed. Is there a chance you could do a video about young children who are misdiagnosed with psychiatric conditions, and put on the wrong medications? How medications like lithium, seroquel, ritalin, and, haldol effect young children, especially children who are misdiagnosed. How often are children misdiagnosed, and put on psychiatric medications. What these medications may do to a child’s development? Is there enough data to do a video on that topic?
PottsProngs I’m sorry that you had to experience that, it really irritates me that they still experiment on children with medications like they’re guinea pigs
JG Alegria I’m really sorry to hear about your son, I have a cousin who was on Lithium. They claimed that they were checking her blood, and monitoring how her medications were effecting her. Unfortunately after 19 years of being on Lithium it damaged her kidneys so badly that she needed a kidney transplant. Now she’s on Depakote, and unfortunately it’s caused her to become clinically obese, and she is over 300lbs (136 kg), it’s also caused her to develop PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome.) Like my cousin when I was misdiagnosed, and they put on depakote when I was a teenager it also caused me to become clinically obese, I got up to 260lbs (118 kg,) and I also developed PCOS from the depakote as well. These medications are very strong, and I don’t think they should be handed out like candy. I believe they should at least do thorough testing before they prescribe this stuff to people. I think they should be extremely cautious when it comes to children, and at least wait until they’re adults before they hand these medications out to people, because children are still growing and developing into who they are, and who they will become
I feel like i identify with a lot of the symtoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't know how to bring up the topic to my parents, and i'm hoping to get counseling on my own when i grow up.
Do you have a school counsellor, or a trusted teacher you could talk to? Or maybe a family doctor, or even a cool Auntie or someone like that? They might be able to give you some advice and help you find whatever resources you need. Might be best to get it all sorted out while you're young. I wish I had; my life might have turned out a whole lot differently!
@@dyingsun23 i do have a school counsellor, but i don't think i can tell them about my problems because of complicated reasons, and i'm not that close to any of my family members. I did, however hear that there's a counselling place near my school so i could talk to my parents about maybe getting a session or two. Thanks for the advice, kind stranger!
@@dyingsun23 i also think talking to my teachers about stuff i've been having trouble with is just gonna burden them. Like, they have enough stuff to deal with.
@@sensen4161 Most teachers want students to tell them if something's bothering them - it allows them to do their job better! They might not be able to help you solve your problems, but they will almost certainly know what resources you can access. Good luck whatever you decide!
Hi! I'm not sure how old you are, but your parents would want what's best for you. When you're grown up and get counseling for this they'll find out and feel awful as parents that they didn't help you earlier in life. You should tell them, it will make you and your parents happy in the long run!
Yes! I was diagnosed with OCD in college (along with PTSD and depression) and didn’t get my autism diagnosis until after all three of my daughters had been diagnosed at the age of 37, without an OCD diagnosis. And it made my whole life make so much more sense.
Of course as woman you get misdiagnosed with BPD....have been myself. Don't have ASD but I know so many people who have been misdiagnosed with it that I really dislike the diagnosis itself because I for example have PTSD, but because I self harmed and had dissociation I was misdiagnosed as BPD after just talking to the psychiatrist for 15minutes. the trauma was ignored and of course I didn't get better. Now I got trauma therapy and the right diagnosis and I am getting better slowly.
my “diagnosis” is adhd. i am on meds that make me feel like a zombie, and i have been diagnosed with ASD, but my parents have kind of “forgotten” about it. whenever i try to bring up the topic of autism, they tell me i am over exaggerating and i’m just wanting attention. i’ve tried to advocate for myself tina and tons of times, but it always turns into: “you make eye contact, so therefore you don’t have asd.” my old psychiatrist who diagnosed me with asd said that i have all the other criteria for asd, just not eye contact. eye contact is not the only symptom of asd.
Something I hated growing up was being told I would 'out grow' my behaviours. When in reality, they got so much worse. We need to stop telling children and other parents that their kids will out grow certain traits. Instead, investigate why children behave the way they do.
This is hitting me *hard* I got out of an abusive relationship about two years ago. I've been looking at why I got into it and why I stayed and if there was something wrong with me and... You just said it in about thirty seconds. Everything I had trouble pinning down, just right there. I... Thank you.
Thank you so much for this… i think I may have commented on another video you made about autism in females and wondered if I myself am autistic… but this video makes me think otherwise. And has made me consider that maybe my issues with social interactions was not because I am autistic, but because the more I’m learning, the more I’m realizing that both my mother and late father had undiagnosed ASD. And that lack of sufficient interaction due to their preferences and lack of guidance and reassurance in the interactions I did have (that they couldn’t give), stunted my social growth in many ways, leaving me feeling alone, confused, and anxious, and then depressed as well as a teenager. In the six years I’ve been with my neurotypical, very sweet and supportive husband… my personal growth, especially in my social abilities, has exploded, skyrocketed, continuing even now. Amazing what happens when you get the support you need. Thanks again for educating on this subject and lifting some of the confusion off of my relationships to my parents.
When you got to the part about girls working really hard to observe and copy social behaviors, I got teary eyed. So validating! The part about the dolls describes me to a T. I made them clothes and decorated their house. I never played out scenarios with them. I would play out imaginary scenarios with my two geeky neighborhood friends but lost interest quickly in that kind of play. I had no friends in school and I didn't really care about it until I was ten years old. If I had a nickel for every time a peer, parent or teacher told me I was "too much" as a kid, I'd have a lot of nickels. I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD on the same day and my therapist later retracted the OCD but really wanted to focus on my obsessiveness, which she thought was a problem. I was offended by that because I thought of my interests as passions that made life worth living. I had no interest in "working on my obsessiveness." At the time, I just thought my therapist seemed like "a square" who wasn't interesting, creative or objective enough to understand me. I figured that would be the case with any therapist ever.
I am a girl from the uk and I was lucky enough to have been diagnosed when I was seven. I think that barely anyone actually realises until they properly know me. For example, my best friend knows that if I’m sad, I go to a quiet room and read but if I’m happy i try to blend in with my peers. I have been judged and bullied for this my entire life. I am in a public high school and I have to get mentored by a fellow student so I know how to act in certain situations. I have always been ‘different’ but it was still extremely annoying when I was told that I had to be treated differently.
I'm just fucking mad, because i'm pretty sure i'm on the spectrum and there was a lot of autistic kids in my class. They constantly got chips, candies, donuts. So what i'm being told is, if only my parents weren't how they're. That could of been my childhood, wow i will cry now.
I disagree, there are multiple other factors that may affect this: culture, genetics, geographic location, upbringing, you get the point. It would be too hasty to state that it is simply due to the color of someone's skin. That's not to state that it plays no part, but I personally believe it's overstated.
Those factors do relate to being a person of colour though? While the skin colour is different, the term tends to also include things like culture, location, upbringing, etc.
Okay? I was just saying that skin color is not the sole determinant. Say if Hispanic Americans had a culture where going to the doctor was frowned down upon(hypothetically), you can't blame any misdiagnoses directly on the fact that they are brown, as another factor(i.e. their distrust of doctors) was the cause, this would be completely independent of skin color.
I agree it is more complicated for ppl of color, with girls and women even more so. Being misdiagnosed is prevelant, among other things. Dont forget the negative stigma among the community that think admitting one needs outside help and getting diagnosed is wrong. What do you think?
Im 30. Seeking assessment for an ASD diagnosis. You have no idea. I cried when I started learning about ASD. I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd and other things. I have had so much conflict with not understanding peoples emotions or how i hurt peoples feelings. I have had so many issues with eating, stimulus, and emotional regulation. Uf something in my routine falls through i fall to pieces. I read obsessively about behaviour and watched hours of videos of people speaking and storytelling to figure out how to act and behave. Im convincing at this point. Your videos gave me so much peace about the struggle i had my entire life with how to handle my differences. I am so upset that no one saw it and i was put down so much but so happy to know i am just different. I strive to be just normal and communicate and apologize even if i dont really understand. And am so lucky i survived the evil abusive relationships i had. Autism doesnt mean you have to have a lower IQ.
20 years ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and social anxiety. Then I was told I was an introvert, highly sensitive...sure I fit the description each time, but I've always had this feeling that there is so much more happening. Now age 41, I am seriously more and more convinced I have ASD as well. When I was a kid, no one ever went to a pyschologist in the country where I lived in. We were being hit by our teachers and we just kept our mouths shut. If a parent heard about it, they'd blame the child. And Iif you were different/awkward/quiet, you were labelled as shy and always and always were told '(s)he'll grow out of it'. I never did....my life has been hell. I wish my parents and teachers (though they were evil people - who abuses children and call themselves teachers?) had done something about it when I was young.
Vicky Manson If it makes you feel any better, I was raised by 2 child abusers and they were both teachers. The school system is full of predatory scum.
I’m male. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, ADHD and have dealt with anorexia. The more I look into ASD in women the more I realize that I may have the female form of autism. As a boy I was prescribed Respirdal. It affected my hormones and caused me begin puberty as if I was a girl. I was taken off the medication, but it caused permanent changes (I received a settlement after a lawsuit) I’ve always felt more comfortable around women and have always displayed more feminine characteristics than masculine ones. I’ve dealt with basically every symptom described in this video. I’ve lived an incredibly confusing life struggling with my identity. I think I should get tested.
My mum was told by a doctor that he doesn't diagnose girls because it ruins their futures when ny brother was diagnosed at 7. Well, now I'm 20 and still undiagnosed with ny future arguably even more ruined from still having autism but just thinking something was horribly wrong with me.
Can you please make a video about attachment and rejection of therapists. I often find myself getting very attached and dependent on adult female figures in my life. In order to break the dependency I force myself to reject and hate them. I've ended up doing this with my T and now I dread every session when I used to look forward to them. How do I stop this and create healthy emotional boundaries instead of being completely on either side of the spectrum? I don't know how to find a healthy middle.
Thank for this. I was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year and I’m turning 40 next month. I have depression and anxiety, no question about that but I’ve had several diagnoses in my life. I’ve been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder and my last psychiatrist believed I had had bipolar type 2. He couldn’t understand that while I can become overly enthusiastic about things and appear manic I can be talked down in 5-10 minutes which a manic person can’t. I which had been diagnosed as a child so I could have received the help I needed but my mum (on 2 occasions) believed there was nothing wrong and that what they were making it out to be her fault. I now sit here with a life that’s just blah and wait until the day I die because I can’t afford the help I need.
I'll be 40 this year too. I got my asd diagnosis when I was 29. Depression and anxiety yes me too. There's not much real support in society esp for adults, so I relate to what you're saying
When you want to diagnose a female with ASD, observe them in their homes. Personally, I act different in public then I do in my own home.
I think most people interact with their psychiatrist differently than they interact with friends or family.
Nothing is truer
Same
Exactly
@Lunatic Tuna - Yes, but in this case the difference will indicate there are autistic symptoms.
I’m relatively sure that females are not less likely to have it, it’s just that they work harder to mask it.
That would make sense. I feel like, generally, women are more conscious of social behaviors than men are and can notice their differences better than guys can
That and it’s more difficult to diagnose due to it being less understood. After all, the NTs still think it’s caused by vaccines! So they obviously don’t understand that autism between boys and girls is much different.
Lord Davrox , I
completely agree!
I feel like it also is because girls may have a bit more of a calmer aspect probably?? Just an assumption
John Chaser well, they are not wrong.
I've spent _years_ trying to figure out what was wrong with me mentally, then once I started researching autism in females, it felt like every single puzzle piece was put into place. Can any of my fellow ladies relate??
Yeah I'm doing that right now lol. A comment said "I mimicked so hard I copied others laughs" and I about cried bc I never knew why I did that
I need to go get a dx lol this whole video HIT me
I’m currently rethinking my entire life because of this. Everything makes sense now, in addition to other syndromes I just found out I have. People really don’t pay attention to women do they, we’re just lazy or bad if we’re different.
Yesss. I've been told my entire life that I can be to much and I'm to sensitive. I finally started researching ASD & ADHD and sooo many things started to make sense.
I have an ADHD diagnosis and my psychologist was surprised with how high I scored on OCD tendencies. She was like "huh, I don't believe this is enough to diagnose you with OCD, but you do have OCD-like-tendencies."
Idk my whole life I was that nerdy, quiet kid who despite being nice, no one really talked to. I couldn't maintain a conversation or do role playing games like playing with barbies, or playing pretend. I remember specifically playing with the same ken doll every single time because, "Ken only has one outfit and I can make him live in the RV." But I would spend an hour helping my sister set up her barbie's house. My "friends" were usually the playground mean girls who tolerated me following them around because I was essentially a mobile punching bag.
As an adult, I've been dumped while totally in-love in two different relationships because "they felt like I was't in love," "going through the motions," "not present enough." My last partner even bluntly yelled once "JESUS, I just wish you would SHOW IT. If you're happy JUST SHOW IT." Except that I was happy. And did love them.
I'm a software engineer in a corporate environment. I know I'm not stupid, but I often get overlooked or ignored. Coffee room chit chat....not my strong suit. Making funny jokes pre-meetings, usually results in awkward moments. I often have to sit and watch my fellow coders struggle to understand code I just explained to them because my explanation was convoluted and unhelpful.
It's funny because I'm not oblivious; I can look at other humans and point out the social hierarchy of who's "popular" and "socially competent" but at best I feel like I can only be a cheap knock-off of that. I told one of my best friends that I'm happy and I CAN have spontaneous moments, but mostly I feel like I'm watching other ppl splash and swim in a river while I sit on the shore. Sometimes I try to jump in and swim but often I just end up choking on water. My friends don't care, they help me along or take me back to shore when I get too tired. But so often ppl get so upset or tired of my struggling, or say I just need to try harder or do better. I'm sure they think its a charade but honestly, it's not. I'm not an asshole and I love people deeply, but the things that come naturally for most, are a sisyphus-like struggle for me.
When I was young I would miminc so hard I used to pick up the laugh of the people I was around.
I still do this. My boyfriend sometimes calls me ‘Tom-laugh’ after I laugh a certain way because I sound exactly like
my brother Tom when I do it. I didn’t even consciously copy his laugh but it’s only developed in the past 4 years or so.
This hits home, my laugh isn't my own. It's created
What about picking up the accent of others?
@@miameow4833 oh my god, totally! It can be embarrassing
the laughs, the perfect accents, the pace, the tone, the timber, the cadence, the gestures, the interests. i'm not myself at all.
question is: when and where can i be myself? and do i know how to be myself? do i even like it, can i stand it? or will i feel like shit for it?
One thing I’d like to add is that older girls on the spectrum often only get diagnosed after they burn out, get depressed etc. That’s what happened with me, and several other people I know!
Burnout happens because girls often slip under the radar because they tend to mask and mimic, which leads them to be overestimated and stressed out.
Diagnosis is often also delayed because their interests are more ‘normal’, like magazines, animals, tv shows etc. It’s the intensity and specificity that makes them unusual.
rosebud011 I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 24 high functioning Asperger’s I’m 37 now, I always knew I was different life was very difficult. I keep learning different strategies to cope with life’s challenges and have improved my life over time
I sometimes wonder if this is the root of all my issues I’m currently burning out , never know weather I’m coming or going
I'm 25, still not diagnosed with it, but have been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, but I'm pretty sure I am on the spectrum. Socializing has been one of my biggest struggles along with eating.
I got diagnosed when I was 25, before that I was diagnosed with ADD., and I only got that diagnosis because I was having panic attacks and tried to figure out what was wrong with me so that I could improve.
This happened to me, I wasn't diagnosed until 15.
I always said I was a social chameleon. I’d imitate the people around me to appear normal in their eyes. But it’s SO EXHAUSTING
@Daniela Sutherna sounds like a personal problem
Hence why I don't. My social energy needs to be reserved for the ones I love.
This! I finally got to be decent at it in college (dance major) and my husband has always said it was weird how I'd just fall asleep when we went to go chill with friends. I always thought it was my schedule and all the dance classes, but I had to think about it later and I realized I was dancing less often than I was in HS and I want passing out on my friends then. After my son was diagnosed and 2 years ago, I fell down the research rabbit hole and learned about masking and how exhausting it can be. Learning about all this has legit changed my life.
I literally would cry in the bus after certain social meetings lmao and I didn't know why, I just thought "oh, it's just a thing I have, cuz you know, introvert" which... I'm not sure if it's still true, but I also like to socialize sometimes, but cannot properly feel comfortable with it, which was a thing that always bothered me
SAME BAHAH
I've always struggled with social interactions since I can remember. Teachers and parents told me that I was just being too shy and too reserved but in the back of my mind I felt like that was not it. I wasn't refraining from social contests because I didn't like them but because they felt completely foreign to me, like how do all these people know EXACTLY how to talk to one another and how to say the right thing at the right time? It was like everyone had read the instructions manual except me. During adolescence I couldn't make any long lasting friendship mainly because, I can see it now, I was just too much. I loved a certain book too much and couldn't stop talking about it or I just need to do a certain thing every morning otherwise my day was ruined. I'm in my 20s now and, though I still have little to no friends, I can say I've mastered mimicking how other people behave and talk so well you could't tell there's something slightly off about me. And I think I've always been on the autism spectrum but went undiagnosed.
Exactly, over the last couple of years, I've grown from my very late adolescence to my young adulthood, and in this time I have been learning to mimick social behavior when I'm at work or school in order to get by, but it feels completely unnatural to me.it honestly feels horrible having to always pretend you're something you're not in order to hide your differences, having to make people think you're like them when you're really not. It's like having to act on a stage and never break character in order to give a "perfect performance", or feeling like you will be punished for a mistake, but there are no genuine connections, you don't understand how connections are formed and you see most people as truly selfish and ruthless and nobody ever REALLY gives a damn about you and you are in solitary confinement forever and you don't understand how to be any other way
Anne-Lou OH MY GOD! The processing thing is exactly me! I have never had anyone understand when I tried to explain that and I had no idea it was an autism thing (I’m currently seeking a diagnosis). It takes me way too long to process what words were said, what they mean, and come up with an appropriate response. I guess I’m not the only one..
Same I’d been labeled withdrawn or antisocial but that’s not it tbh I just don’t know how to communicate I feel uncomfortable like a throw up kinda way.
I don't think I'm autistic but I can relate to not having a clue about how you're supposed to know what to say to people. My brother is the champion of small talk; He'd speak with a complete stranger or one of our cousins and will know exactly what to say- he's very good with social interactions. When I have no idea what to say to people LOL. I'm scared that they find me rude because I say the most random things???
I have no idea if I’m autistic like I’m probably not but I found this video after hearing someone talk about autism in girls. I can pretty much relate to everything you’re saying. Also, when I was young teachers used to tell my parents they thought something was “wrong” with me and thought maybe I had autism. So... maybe?
Detail orientated, taking things literally being direct/bluntly honest, intense about subjects definetly sounds like me.
Me in a freaking nutshell
bitch that’s everybody. quit self-diagnosing yourself.
Same and I am just a chick with autism
Things I would get in trouble for, consecutively
Yes people look at my like I’m weird but I make the most sense 😅 because I’m not emotionally controlled. Girls would always say I was “Boylike”
“Girls with ASD are often more fixated on their special interests.”
Me: Raises hand
that was me as a child! still is LOL
I would literally draw 6 or more hours in a day!
Me too
Want to hear me talk about green tea????? I can also tell you about white tea, but white tea leaves are finer and more delicate, as they are less processed tea leaves but they still come from the same plant.
I once wrote about 20 or so chapters of an Escape the Night fanfic in a single day.
I think it's safe to say that's accurate.
I was diagnosed at 46 after a lifetime of misunderstanding and depression.
I'm there with you 💜. I'm sorry you had to go through so much...
What does getting diagnosed really change apart from just knowing the name of your condition in this case?
@@morgianasartre6709 you're right. It ultimately changes nothing.
@@Ohboycommentsection I'm not saying it changes nothing, I'm just asking cause for myself I can't imagine what would change apart from maybe becoming more understanding of yourself (or on the flip side having something to use as an excuse). Perhaps some get appropriate therapy or medication or smth that help with symptoms idek.
@@morgianasartre6709 it gives us validation and understanding of ourselves- and it may help other people understand us better as well.
Throw back to the time in seventh grade when I had a list of how to act and what to say in order to fit in. That should have been a BIG red flag.
i used to and still do this so much. its like overtime i just built up a storage of phrases and mannerisms that were “normal” and acceptable until thats all i ever used to talk
Elaina Baugher YES
the mindmap i created to find those how-to's, the different categories of people i could be, from the fine-diner to the fisherman to the charismatic to the grandma, but never a normal girl. this one i could never figure out lmao
what was on your list?
Share the list with us lazy fellows that want to fit in
Growing up, I got a lot of: "You shouldn't be so angry all the time, it's not feminine."
I feel like I can relate ☹️☹️😭😭
I get “learn to take a joke” every time 😕
Me too
This gave me flashbacks
For me, it was "Smile, it's not that bad" at one of my first jobs. It upset me because I actually liked that job.
I’m 90% sure I’m on the autism spectrum, so many boys in my family including my full blood brother have autism and every time I’ve mentioned I think I may be as well, people laugh. I have such an incredibly hard time initiating conversation, maintaining relationships, I follow what I see everyone else doing and I always have, as a kid I loved playing alone and organizing things or setting scenes that looked appealing, I’ve always been very smart but tend to get lost in my own “world”. I’m extremely uncomfortable with hugging and acts of physical affection, I am extremely sensitive and feel like I’m constantly people watching, trying to figure out how everyone acts so normal.
I can relate! I remember even as a kid I would show the signs of being on the spectrum but as my brother had sensory issues (I didn’t have as bad sensory issues) the whole family thought my brother was autistic
same, my sister has autism and I think i may be on the spectrum because i exhibit many traits but everyone mistakes me for being too shy and not trying
Wow, you just described my life. We are not alone.
You’re describing me totally, sans the having brothers part.
I Have Autism I Was Diagnosed With Autism At Age 14 I'm 27 Years Old Now Iv'e Been Living interdependently On My Own for 2 Years & 9 Months So Far I Hope That You're Staying Safe & Keeping Well Miranda Marie
I was misdiagnosed for years. Once I actually got help for my ASD I started getting better with my behavior problems and now I am doing so well. All those years of my life wasted. But what i went through helps make me me so it's ok
Jen Adventures TV i hope you are doing okay tomorrow i have an autism test this is my forth test
So relieved you were finally dx correctly. Its awesome you are doing better ♡
It can't me liquid and it can't be solids.....
@@hyperface5443 how did you get the testing started?
@@LisaPFrampton my school told my doctor. Then my doctor made an appointment
The years of dismissal, being called bipolar, feeling exhausted around holiday season because of all the family gatherings, adopting behaviors I hate to survive around the people i hated, the inability to understand authority, always watching the same shows or playing the same games over and over.....I have never felt so understood.....
I was diagnosed with autism when I was 5 years old and I hide my autism a lot from almost everyone. Especially being a black woman on the spectrum and now I’m 22 but will be 23 in a couple months.
I was diagnosed when I was 8. Never hide it. The spectrum knows no race, gender, or class. It makes you stand out, celebrate that. You are not lesser than anyone else.
@SARA Never. I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 40. I feel so much better about myself and my life now that I know there's a reason it's always been so difficult. Also, I'm now eligible for support I could never get before.
That explains most black women BPD and autism
I don't understand how your skin colour would make you illegitimate ? Less believable ? Please, enlighten me 🙂
@i12b3'4EVER I was seeing a therapist for something unrelated. She referred me to my local autism center, who referred me to a psychologist. The whole process took about six months.
As a man on the high functioning end of the spectrum, sometimes I feel like the general awareness of the associated symptoms and challenges are still staggeringly low across the world. I didn’t realize how lucky I had it. I’ve been doing online reading about autism for a long time, and I had no idea how poor our understanding of autism in women is; it always goes completely unspecified, the implication being it presents in identical ways. I’m really glad that discussions around ASD are including this lately.
The part about setting up scenes is so wild. When I used to play with my Polly Pockets, I would spend hours setting up the scene but would never actually role play with them. I always intended to. But couldn't quite figure out how. I just wish someone had recognized this is in my younger so I could have gotten proper care :( I recently told my best friend that I'm pretty sure I'm high function, and she said she had hints. That was honestly so reassuring.
Glad to see another Polly Pocket fan here! I used a whole pencil case of pencils to mark out the different rooms in my Polly Pocket floor plan, then intricately added furniture and decor to each room. Once finished my Mum kindly allowed me to leave it on the living room floor for a day or two but I never played with any of the actual dolls in the pencil apartment. I thought I was just really creative and imaginative, but I should probably go speak to someone 👀
Dude this but like barbies and I hated plbarbies I never played with them I just want the story and the setting
@@tarakelly8640 samee
commenting not only because we've played in the same way, but because Polly Pockets fans 💜
I was always one that was dressing up my barbies and giving them makeovers and stuff but like, I have a hard enough time continuing a conversation appropriately when I'm only half of it. I can't do both sides myself, let alone make it interesting
I wish my parents had the resources to research asd when I was growing up. I’m 24 and getting tested in about a week. The relief of knowing that there’s a REASON why I do the things I do is incredible.
It took 2 years to get my daughter diagnosed. I didn't give up though. I knew something wasn't right. I still have problems with her school doing a IEP because she's too high functioning. She's very intelligent and doesn't struggled academically. She even plays well with other children. But she does struggle in other areas. She doesn't handle change in routine, she has sensory issues and she meltdown very easily when things don't go the way she wants. To look at her everyone thinks she's a typical child but when you are around her a while you start seeing things. It is hard though because people think I'm making things up but all I'm trying to do is get her the help she needs. She was diagnosed by the 3rd neurologist that I took her to see. She now sees a therapist that helps manage her anxiety and triggers that cause her to be overwhelmed.
Donnettia Mayer I am high functioning and the schools always suck because they don't want to cater to peoples they don't care
They probably see your daughter as they saw me a throw away and won't help her and if she takes a standardize test they will tell her that it won't matter until senior year and then tell her if she fails she can't go to college
that's the newest thing happening the school systems suck we need to set up our education system like Finland's no standardize tests and only public schools and you can't start school until you are 7
I work at a school and I must say, we struggle to get services to children on the spectrum, especially those that are higher functioning and are still quite young.
Federal law gives school districts criteria that we are legally obligated to follow. And unfortunately, the definition of autism described in special education law is more based on the lower functioning end of the spectrum. The legal definition seems to assume more severe impairment than high functioning kids, especially girls, are likely to experience.
I would suggest that if your daughter is kindergarten age or older and does not qualify for an IEP, it might be worth it to inquire about a 504 accommodation plan.
I understand. I have 2 sons who are like this also and it's hard to get people to listen to you.
I am so glad you didn't give up and she was able to get properly diagnosed and get the help she needed :) xoxo
NimbusDX she's going into kindergarten. She has done 2 years of pre k and the first year she has an IEP because she had speech delay but once she caught up they wouldn't do an IEP for this school year. She was just diagnosed last September. This school year they won't do one because "shes doing fine" but I know she's going to struggle because it's full day now instead of half day. I can go half days though if we need to.
4:00 OMG THAT IS LITERALLY SO TRUE- i BUILT CITIES WITH MY TOYS BUT I NEVER PLAYED WITH THEM
Wait. I wonder if this counts towards how I’ve played the Sims lmao. Building elaborate houses but having little interest in actually playing the game. 😅
I used to line them up my toys by colour every bathtime, by the end the water was cold 😳
@@tomcruisesmiddlefronttooth9221 omfg me af!!!!!!!!!!!
ありつんどく sameee, I always tried to play, but I got really bored after 5 minutes. I would always get angry if I had to break it down after not playing with it after two days
One time I built a house for my barbie doll it took me around 4-6 hours and when I was done gluing it and painting it I just put the barbie to bed and didn't play with her !!
When you said the thing about lining your toys up to make a scene and just enjoying the aesthetics! I didn't want other children to join in as I thought they would ruin the order 😂
i didn't like playing with other kids much because i didn't want them to break my toys... i ended up being right and one of them broke my doll's neck
I was the same.
Oh my goodness, me too. That's the only time I ever got in trouble in school -- because I would stack blocks on each other by myself every day, and then one of my classmates, Robbie, knocked them over. Instead of him getting in trouble, I got in trouble for not sharing. I also have photos of me lining up my Fisher Price Little People and my Magic Nursery Baby dolls (that I still played with as a teenager). There is no way I'm not on the spectrum!
YESSSSSS!!
I have struggled with abuse and neglect my whole life. I was just recently diagnosed with ASD level 1. When I was a teenager, they diagnosed me as bipolar, borderline personality disorder (pending), and overall antisocial. Turns out, I have Asperger's!.. Which explains absolutely everything.... I want to thank you. You are giving examples, that we sometimes, have trouble finding. You explain it, so All personalities can understand what is happening.
The visually appealing vs role play thing really got me.
I'd have an idea of scenario, but I wouldn't act it out with the toys. I'd set it up as if I was shooting a stop motion movie: change stuff, stare at it a second, move it, stare at it a second... that's it.
Sounds familiar. I would play too if another kid was involved, but I wanted to take time planning all the locations, "cast" and their roles, the story and sometimes design a silly intro part to it similar to tv show intros. Often there was not much time left for playing by the end.
My entire life, I’ve suffered from OCD, Emetophobia, mild Tourettes, Anxiety disorder and being over sensitive to all forms of input. I also really struggled to understand basic maths and almost all other tasks I was given im school. I always just thought I was unintelligent, and since I’m a girl I was raised being quiet in school and to behave. It was not until I was 16 that I was diagnosed with Atypical Autism, and it all made sense.
The fact that girls get diagnosed so much rarer just because we’re taught to oppress our emotions and “behave” is so fucking stupid. Just goes to show that society still has a far way to go
I feel like I could’ve wrote this ! After a point, all my math skills went out the window, which could probably be due to dyscalculia. I have Anxiety, Emetophobia, OCD tendencies, tics, and I’m hypersensitive as well. So I can definitely relate to how hard it is to just exist. I thought I was just unintelligent or unapplied because I couldn’t function by my own standards. Society has a looong way to go before accepting people on the spectrum (self-diagnosed) ,but I’m glad information like this is available, so we can learn more about ourselves !
Also proud of you for coming so far, despite all of your challenges ! You’re doing great, and excited to see you excel (:
Regarding your idea as to why girls develop social skills, I think you can add the societal expectation and pressure to do so. They will be held to that standard whether they have difficulties or not. They are punished otherwise.
And will be praised as a "good girl" for being quiet, even though withdrawing can also be a sign of autism
Let’s remember how much young boys are heavily disciplined and unnecessarily medicated, as well as misdiagnosed with add and adhd. This does not happen to females in the same rates as it does with males.
@Nora Langdon, guys tend to have more over behavior. If a girl withdraws it'll be seen as being shy which most people think is okay for girls. But males will be seen as weird.
Females have more subtle cues and people ignore them until something overt happens.
Agree. I was forced too
@Chrissy 123 same, there are some ‘loud’ people I tolerate (nice personalities) but otherwise I really dislike them, in general. Give me a polite, quiet person any day!
I started looking into Aspergers to find out more about friend and was “hit” with, “that’s me” in many areas. I am now 62! Since childhood I had a hard time with social skills, hated certain food textures and had very little on my menu, was always looked upon as “different” from the crowd, tend to be “gullible” in relationships, get into unintentional “trouble”, very sensitive, etc, even as an adult although much was learned over the years. But there are still accusations and struggles. This seems to be the key that unlocks the mysterious box the more I learn of this. Amazing!
I agree with you, I have suspects of that too.
Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand more about autism spectrum disorders regarding the difference sex. Please do more video on this topic.
You are so welcome :) xoxo
I would love to in the future see a video comparing females (and males) with asd to social anxiety!
I've actually thought I had some weird eating disorder because I'm so EXTREMELY picky, and hate the texture and smell of ''unknown'' foods. I was 22 and started seeing a psychiatrist for another reason, and in the second session she asked me if I had ever thought that I have Aspergers. My mind was pretty blown. I guess I've also been used by older boys and men. I've been pretty lonely most of my life, and especially on that front. But now I have a wonderful supportive partner!
CarolineCarnivorous there’s an Ed called arfid I thought I had for awhile which is more common in ppl with autism, arfid can lead to Anorexia if undiagnosed or coexist
I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was four, my parents never told me that I was diagnosed until I was seventeen. I struggled in school with my grades and especially math, I was also in special education and nobody ever told me why I was in it, and it was really frustrating. I just felt like I was stupid and alot of the kids would bully me for being in the classes. Im almost nineteen now and I've never really known much about autism. I'm really trying to learn more about myself and my aspergers. All I know is that on the spectrum I'm high functioning. Videos like this one are really helpful to me, thank you very much. :)
I think I understand... other children can be so cruel when someone is different! and it's hardest if you don't know why you're different and have to come up with all sorts of explanations... I was bullied so much at school too and didn't hear about Aspergers until I had counselling aged 28-29! It made a lot of sense and then I understood why other children thought I was weird and kept picking on me.
Same, but with ADHD. I struggled and struggled and my parents were frustrated with me because I literally had no interest in school because it required too much focus...and they didn't tell me until I was like in my 20s and my self-esteem was absolute shit. I have a strong suspicion that I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, but when I brought it up to my therapist she said if I were on the spectrum, I wouldn't be aware of it....like....what? I guess I'll try my psychiatrist next and get his opinion.
Don't blame your parents too much. 20 years ago autism was still a very new, mostly unknown diagnosis. The only commonly known aspect was severe autism, like depicted in the movie Rainman. Telling you of your diagnosis would have felt, to your parents, like they were dooming you to become more severe because of self-fulfilling prophesy. It's actually a common problem with kids today... learned helplessness because they're allowed to use their diagnosis as an excuse. It's a fine line to balance! Also, 20 years ago you would have likely been diagnosed with PDD-NOS, not autism. It was thought to be a different disorder, and more of a simple delay than a neurological wiring deficit. They may have thought you would grow out of it because you were just a late maturer. (Pervasive Developmental Deficit - Not Otherwise Specified).
@@cherylmockotr That's what happened to me too. I was diagnosed with an undiagnosed developmental deficit in kindergarten, and my parents were upset and in denial. My mom said she cried when they told her there was something "wrong" with me and refused occupational therapy for me. I was given adaptive PE for my "clumsy gait, overflow, and inability to cross the midline" and I also had to play boardgames with kids (I remember playing Hungry Hungry Hippo). I also had a 1:1 pull-out resource specialist for my sensory processing disorder. But when I changed elementary schools, my mom chose not for me to continue these things. I was getting good grades and scoring in the 90th percentile on my state tests, so it was determined that I must not have had much of a problem. I did still struggle socially, emotionally, and physically, but the only thing they cared about it seemed to be good grades. I can't blame my parents now, but I wish I would have had more help because as I age, it's really taking a toll on me and I am not even able to hold down a full time job or find any social relationships outside my family. (I had a husband, but he died). I am going for a diagnosis soon.
It took me a long time to find someone capable of explaining the feelings I've had throughout my late 20s. Thank you for sharing!!
It's funny you said that about the Barbie dolls. I never role-played with mine, either, but just brushed and styled their hair. Yep, I had anorexia.
The Barbie comment also resonated with me. My version of Barbie playing as a young child was to be totally focussed on designing her house/rooms, and to a lesser degree, her appearance as in her clothing and hair. Hence the terrible haircut I gave her when I was 5, completely oblivious to the the fact it would not grow back. Ha, ha. I never gave her a "role" or voice in a "pretend" way. Which I guess is how most kids play with dolls. BTW...I'm in my late 50s and only in recent times have discovered this whole topic. Health issues over the last 18 months have now led to the "ah-ha" realization that I tick pretty well all the boxes for female ASD. Unfortunately, at thus late stage in life, getting my family, friends and even my GP to even consider such a thing is proving to be almost impossible. So, as is my way....I guess I'll have to adopt my "usual" method of gathering as much supporting data as possible (e.g. aim to become a total "expert" on the topic) until I can eventually get them to appreciate the social struggles I've been dealing with, basically, for 6 decades! Masking? Camouflaging? Well, this "good little girl" should maybe consider writing a book on that topic. It would be lengthy. And detailed....of course.
Oh, and I still have by original Barbie. Bad haircut and all. Ha, ha.
Oh...and my health issues? Icy fall, concussion, seizure-like event a few days after. And have now lost almost all my "whatever they were" uber-achiever talents I had been employing for decades to make my way through my career and social/family "weird" world. Needless to say, this baffles everyone who has known me to be the Do-It girl extraodinare....but can't even get through really basic life functions these days. Work? Impossible. Multitasking? Totally impossible. Social skills? Right back to being 16 again.
LW - I'm so sorry about your fall. Social skills? What's that? I never could multi-task.
As to Barbie, or any other dolls, my mother always marveled at how all of my dolls always looked like new, as if they had just come out of the box, while my sister always got hers dirty.
And chocolate Easter rabbits always stayed in the cellophane wrapper all year because they were too cute to eat, until they grew "fur" and my mother would make me throw them away.
@@kimberlygabaldon3260 I have an Easter Egg still sitting wrapped in my kitchen now. Exp date 2018. Toss up was break the cute packaging or not? I chose "not". :-)
The packaging is very retro. It was my precise favourite as a child. I also keep a rather cute collection of retro candy in my kitchen. The packaging makes me happy. Who know why? And who cares? I get a kick out of it. And as these matters go, they often prove to be great conversion starters as most guests will recognize at least something from their own childhood. So at least you're onto a bit of interesting "small talk". Ha, Ha.
I did something similar. I would either dress them up and just leave them on display or I would replay specific scenes that I saw on TV or something.
I was always the "shy and kinda weird" kid growing up and always just felt different, then when I started to learn about autism in school a few weeks back a lot of things started to click.
Could me naturally mimicking others behaviors b the reason I dont know who I am? How do I stop myself from mimicking others???
I would try isolating and return to your inner child. Try to remember what you were like before societal conditioning. Trauma will most likely come up.
Funnily enough I found out by doing amateur theatre especially improvisation or even better larp ie being able to play diffrent characters but without real life consequences
Mimicry is a vital way of learning and a LOT of animals, including "neurotypical" humans, do it right from birth. This is how we learn everything at the beginning. Maybe pay attention to who you mimic and how it feels to you to mimic them. If you're able to figure that out then consider what it would feel like to not mimic someone. Imagine this in the safest way possible so as to not traumatize yourself. It's possible this has been your only way to feel safe and it's not necessary to hurt yourself while you try to figure out what's really you and what you've borrowed from others. But never forget how NORMAL this behavior truly is- and potentially very positive. I'm a musician and I've learned a tremendous amount from mimicking other musicians, in fact I wouldn't be the musician I am without trying to sound like other people or learning the skills they have. Same with drawing and painting- I copied a LOT of great artists as carefully and accurately as I could to try and learn from them and it was invaluable to me at the time. If you can't not mimic that is kind of a problem but not a terrible one. It's just a little puzzle and if you can't figure it out on your own there is bound to be someone out there who can help you.
Mimicking is how people learn to socialize though. Just because someone needs to mimic because they don't socially fit in, doesn't mean they have autism. If you dont fit in, you need to look inwards as to why you don't fit in, if youre the one that's wrong, or even why people just follow trends or what the group is doing. You can be unique in some sense and not have the self concept to appreciate it. When I got older I learned to embrace the fact that I'm multi dimensional. You don't have to express that so much that your hobbies make you an outcast but maybe understand that not everyone who mimics is autistic.
@@xCestLaVie1 Every social skill I have I learned from watching others and doing my best to emulate them. Thank heavens for their patience!
My youngest niece is autistic. To be honest, and likely because I've no contact, I haven't conducted any research on this. I really and truly appreciate your information on this topic. It offers insight I'd never fully grasp. I hope my brother-in-law and sister manage their daughter's life well. Thanks again!
You are so welcome! I am glad it was helpful :) xoxo
Send the video to them?
That's a darned good idea. I'll share it on Facebook. I've been disowned, so it's the only way they may see it. :( Family can be so challenging.
When you said that Autism can be confused for Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD I literally screamed. I've been doing a LOT of research on autism and girls and I swear I have it and I don't know what to do next.
Get a doctor when you can
Also OCD which I was nearly diagnosed with before I was diagnosed with ASD
I have both ADHD and ASD, they’re both very similar but I just believe nature handed me a double whammy like that
It was creepy to hear that for me because those are the 3 diagnosis I identified the most with, like I found a lot of myself in all of them while not being diagnosed for any. I just thought I was reaching when I found symptoms in myself for those
im diagnosed with bpd but i noticed i have autism symptoms too
I've alway had problems with socializing. Even when I was a kid I just copied the way people interact. And I also ended up in a horrible relationship too because I don't understand what's normal in a romantic relationship. It didn't help that my family would hit/punish me for being so quiet. I've never been diagnosed but hopefully people start paying more attention to this issue.
I can totally relate to not knowing what should be involved in a romantic relationship, 41 years old now and permanently single by choice
@Chrissy 123 I still feel anger at that statement. I do like socializing but it's awkward for me- just don't "sync" with others & am not a talker. The words just don't seem to be there. I am in awe hearing those fluent in expressing themselves.
Hey I was also abused as a kid. I later figured out I have Asperger's when I was 23.
I'm quite shy, and my dad gets annoyed if i don't talk. I'm just here because my pupil support teacher gave my mum a sheet to fill in with questions to test or something. i don't remember if i even handed the sheet back in.
OMG I can relate. I'm starting to understand my mind. I have also being abused .
I'm 69 and a grandma.. I wish I had known about this years ago when i knew I was different but couldn't define how I was different. I just knew I was. I learned to laugh it off or made a big joke about my social gaffes. After a number of years I gave up and now I'm very comfortable being alone. Except for 2 or 3 people I talk to. I was frustrated then because I had an above average I.O. but couldn't access it. So now I'm done. It works for me.
U had to add ur age lol
@@The._.sewers whats up with that
@@The._.sewers yes...and?
Noticed a lot of people here put their ages must be another characteristic of asd
@@isla2753 I think it has more to do with the fact that women tend to be diagnosed (or realize they're on the spectrum) later and the amount of discussion around the topic. A lot of us who are older (pushing 40 here!) have strong feelings about being misunderstood and overlooked for so long, along with the struggles we've had and/or the adaptations we've made as a result of these delays.
I like hearing from younger folks about how getting an earlier diagnosis/understanding impacted their lives... Honestly, the amount AND type of "intervention" or "assistance" a person gets when they're on the spectrum changes so drastically depending on their age, and that alone seems like a *big* reason age matters to people commenting...
That last thing about sexual explotation just broke me... I finally understand why i have struggling with this so much, thank you
same.
I always believed that my natural curiosity was the "permission" my step dad needed to proceed.
I got misdiagnosed and i truly don’t understand how can a specialist make that mistake...
Honestly i’m soooooooooooo autistic 😂
I relate so much and feel way better since i got the real asd diagnosis 😊
I am so glad you finally got properly diagnosed!! xoxo
Over 20 years of being misdiagnosed here.
Kati Morton i am too 😅
Tell me about it - I just turned 40, and I've been misdiagnosed with virtually everything else until just last year. Type II Bipolar, ADHD, every anxiety disorder in whichever volume of the DSM was current, plus C-PTSD from a childhood of abuse from all sides because I was too damn smart, but also "different" in ways that nobody understood. And meanwhile I've been living with sensory and emotional overload, loneliness, obsessions that nobody wanted around, eating disorders, (convenient, since one of my lifelong obsessions is ballet!), and the fatigue of acting my way through every human interaction. I'm only just now taking some time to regroup, and figure out how to structure my life so I can live it more comfortably and effectively. But every bit of information I get about my oddly wired brain helps. Thank you so much!
neuralmute Wow, I can relate to this. I'm 34 and stuggling to get a diagnosis. My psychiatrist who does not actually do testing for disorders but is referring me to someone; suspects adult ADHD , possible BPD or Bipolar and PTSD from my crazy and unstable childhood. I already have anxiety and several symptoms of PTSD. I've been told it could be because my thyroid disease has been in flare up for years now so my hormones are making me overly sensitive and reactive to everything!! I have issues concentrating, I have flip flops in my moods, emotions etc. What symptoms did you have if you don't mind me asking. I'm just desperate to learn anything I can. I hope you are doing well. 💜
I know my icon looks not seriously but I wanted to tell you thank you, being male with autism this video thought me a lot about myself and a lot about baby sister who also has what I have.
Your video helped me understand from her point of view I really appreciate your knowledge on the topic.
My breath caught at the barbie part. I never realized it was so different because I had no one to play with, but my cousin would come over and ruin the "pretty scene" I made and it made me so upset. Really wasn't expecting that to be a part of anything.
I was the opposite. I loved role play with toys. I would use it to act out my trauma.
Thank you for this video! Having been misunderstood all my life and completely misunderstanding myself. Blaming myself for not being able to socialize like a "proper human being". All of this has lead to a lot of issues that I'm still struggling with. Only recently did my new psychiatrist suggest that I might have Asperger's/ASD. That changed my perspective entirely. I'm so glad to live in a time where this issue is finally recognized! ASD in boys and girls is simply different. It seems like such a simple thing and yet that took so long to figure out. Fascinating stuff!
Thank you for this! I am a late diagnosed autistic female :) I discovered I was on the spectrum at 35.
I’ve never felt so seen in my life holy shit.
I love this, so interesting. Had no idea that anorexia and ASD had a correlation. Thanks you for making this video. Going to share it with the foster are network! ♥️♥️
I know right??!? Me either! So interesting :) xoxo
Sera it really does 💕
Omg no wonder I'm the way I am
It's a control issue. When you are hypersensitive to your environment, find the actions of others random and arbitrary, lack interpersonal connection, and have internalised general feelings of being insufficient or 'wrong' because those around you don't understand you, you can act on yourself to take control of some of the things that you CAN influence. Self discipline with regards food can give a person a masochistic high.
If you feel like your world is happening TO you, you take your power where you can.
Some dissociate or make up internal fantasy worlds.
Some self harm.
Some dress in quirky or expressive /artistic ways.
I've seen it numerous times.
@Gina Riggio I disagree. Eating Disorders and Autism _do_ have a correlation, but it's more that Autistic people are more likely to be traumatised and suffer from Depression... depression is linked to eating disorders. Anorexia is a trap that many Autistics (female AND male) fall into.
I get that some people are diagnosed as Anorexic or OCD and not discovered Autistic. Autistics are also more likely to want to control their diet, their clothing, their sleep habits, their bodies.. in extreme ways. For some it's sensory, but for some it's even masochistic or self-harming. Body modification, all sorts of extreme clothing styles, regimented self discipline.. can all be presumed to have other causes or be pathologised incorrectly.
I can HEAVILY relate to masking. I spent my evenings in school reading wikihow articles on how to make friends and how to talk to people because I just didn't/don't get it. I copied another girl who was very popular, her hair, her mannerisms, her clothes because I thought it would help me make friends, and it was so obvious that other people called me by her name as a joke. I've spent a lot of my life copying various characters who I thought would help me fit in.
At one point I did wonder if I had BPD. I think this is a very common self diagnosis because the symptoms are quite...general? And wide ranging. I had several panic attacks in my mid teens in response to being shouted at by teachers, and yes they were full on panic attacks. I thought I was having a heart attack or something the first time it happened because I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt. I self harmed at one point in my life whenever I could feel myself getting panicky, I would scratch or pinch my skin, pull out my hair, bite my nails, it was an attempt to stop myself crying because it was always in the middle of class and I didn't want to draw attention to myself by bursting into tears. What I really needed at those times was to be able to leave class to calm down, because how the fuck do you expect me to be able to calm down in a loud classroom filled with assh-... people. I haven't had anything quite so dramatic for a few years but I have had some incidences at uni where I've just felt overwhelmed and had to leave (and go cry and let out my emotions). One was at a social event where there were just too many people and I just couldn't stand being there. I've started crying because there are too many people on the paths or in the gym (and I've felt really selfish because of course they're allowed to be there too, I just can't stand them being there). A city was not for me, I cannot stand it. There is nowhere where I can't see or hear another person and it's stifling, it's sickening.
...we might be related.
How do i even talk to my psychiatrist about aspergers, he might think that im faking or im doing for attention
my thoughts exactly, who would I go to and how would I start saying this without it seeming like I am over reacting or simply diagnosing myself with something ?
Oooof....I relate to both of you so much
I’m in the same situation (thinking I have asd and adhd )and I’m making a power point explaining everything I think is a symptom and with sources and everything. If everyone want to join or help I be happy
I first suspected I was autistic after attending a talk by Temple Grandon. My best friend worked with autistic adults who were on the more extreme end. When I confided in her, she laughed and told me that I was just trying to be cool and fit in. I didn't tell anyone else in person. That was almost fifteen years ago. Two days ago, I told my doctor that I wanted to be tested.
I was told earlier this year when I got diagnosed that my Autism presented more female than male. I am also a gay man, I don't know if that means anything.
I was misdiagnosed first as bipolar aged 17, then as BPD/EUPD/EID (too many names for one condition lol,) with OCD, Anxiety, Depression and Disordered Eating aged 22. And now with ASD aged 29. I have also been in two controlling relationships and believe this is due to my naive nature.
Hi Kati, I love that you have covered ASD - I've followed you on UA-cam for ages as have found a lot of your articles helpful and it's nice that therapist are becoming more aware of this.
I was diagnosed with everything other than Aspergers and even sectioned because of my meltdowns which were leading to suicidal behaviour. I knew I was always different to everyone else from a very young age and it wasn't just because I was dyslexic (I referred to me as the ugly duckling of the family) and battled with the idea that something wasn't right and never knew why I could be so 'OK' and 'Normal' one hour and so not ok the next.
Finally at 30 years old and after a lot of mental health trauma and inner turmoil someone sparked the idea in my head that perhaps I was on the spectrum - after a formal assessment I found out I was!
Receiving the diagnosis was the best day of my life it was almost like the missing piece of my jigsaw had been found which explained everything - who I am and what I've been through. It answered all my WHYS which had previously been all so unanswered and led to so much inner turmoil and self hatred due to being unable to cope with the external world which presented its self as a number of mental health problems.
From that moment on I've been able to function much better in the world and my ED and Depression have all dissipated - I still have bad days when the world and it's social burdens are way too much for me but I get WHY now so can retreat, take time out and then crack on with my usual smile and "norm performing" after.
I still struggle with how to present myself to the world and don't hold many people close to me as it's hard to keep a social life when I feel unable to come out as an Aspie and find "norm performing" exhausting but I now feel settled with the thought that I don't have to have a ton of friends and be social it's OK just being me in my space if that feels comfy.
I do feel though there is a massive lack of understanding around this subject! I don't feel able to come out or confide my struggle to anyone because people just see me as a 'norm' or 'nerotypical'. I have in the past tried to explain and they relate a bit and laugh that they are also on the spectrum which feels like it dilutes what I'm trying to confide and belittles it. Perhaps they are also on the spectrum hence why it's a spectrum but I feel the degree of my struggle to be me in this world is misunderstood, it's real, constant, it's always there, it never goes on holiday and isn't switched off if the suns shinning a meltdown wont wait for a rainy day. I actively have to put things in place to keep me ok.
Now 4 years on I have a 1 year old Son who is the best but despite my best efforts he triggers the Aspie in me and I find myself on burnout a lot more than pre motherhood. If only I could find some support or understanding from someone to help with this or someone I could talk to who would get it and not diagnose me with Anxiety or an number of other conditions that showing the real me might make someone question when they have limited spectrum knowledge.
Knowing me is fantastic but being me is still exhausting! ... but I'll continue to try my best and hope that the loved ones around me can cope with me when my best just isn't good enough and I crumple into yet another meltdown.
I guess my top share would be just because I look 'normal' doesn't mean I am. xx
Came across this video 3 years ago after a diagnosis of PTSD that I felt in my heart was wrong. April 6, 2022 I was officially diagnosed with severe ADHD and Autism. Thank you so much for starting this journey for me, because of you I finally feel like I belong in this world, like my life makes sense.
OHMYGOD!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I needed to see this video!!! I got diagnosed when I was three and didn't understand how ADHD could affect me. I am on the higher functioning end. This is so informational and so cool to know all the recent research. Thank you for making this video
Of course! I am so glad you found it helpful :) xoxo
Thank you for this!!! You could spend a lifetime researching and educating yourself on ASD and still not please everyone because you maybe used the wrong terms or labels, etc. I’m encouraged because you have made a real effort to understand an area that is not your primary focus as a therapist and that’s what those with ASD need - understanding. I appreciate your channel, but especially your ASD videos; I am a late-diagnosed female “Aspie”.
Thank you so much.. I do try my best to read all the research and let you know what we are finding out now. Thank you for the sweet comment. xoxo
You will never please everyone.
Some will even get upset if you say "autistic people can actually date! Also with a neurotypical"
Plenty dont like the term ASD. Especially those of us diagnosed before the change.
Others don't like the old terms and love ASD.
Some people get mad at saying autistic person. And you should say person with autism, while others don't care or get offended by the long version. As if you are dancing around the facts.
It is literally impossible to knkw everytjing and please everyone.
I believe at 41 after watching this video this is my diagnosis.
Talking to my counselor today about it.
I have always been im too much with lack of proper diagnosis.
This is bittersweet. Thank you so much for this video. It may actually change my life. 💙
I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 3. I struggled to fit in growing up. I wanted friends, but I didn't want to talk to anybody.
Thank you so much for this video! I was recently diagnosed as asd II. I am 35 and when I was a kid girls weren't autistic. I didn't speak until I was almost 3 with lots of speech therapy under my belt. I also tested extremely high in IQ. They just thought i might be borderline or just lazy. I was properly diagnosed about a year ago and life has just gotten easier. I started researching and watching videos. I am not nearly as hard on myself as I used to be about certain behaviors. My stress has decreased to the point where I can actually start to enjoy certain social situations. Sometimes it helps just to know what you're working with to be able to move forward and get yourself together and happy. Thank you again for your videos. They are incredibly helpful and easy to digest
You are very welcome!! And thank you so much for sharing your experience :) xoxo I am so glad that you finally got properly diagnosed. xoxo
I always struggled at school. It used to take my brain ages to process stuff and still does if I am honest. It wasn't until my son was diagnosed with Asperger's that that's when I recognised that I had similar traits. It's just that it was never heard of in the 70's and I am pretty sure this is why I have always felt different. The NAS motto has always been 'Accept Difference'. It breaks my heart when people can't quite accept people that are different. People with autism see the world differently. That's what I was told and learnt from the NAS group meetings that I used to attend for my son. I learnt something for the both of us and it was a relief to know that you are not alone. You also grow up thinking that you've 'got a problem' at least this is how it makes you feel. It's not a problem really until you understand it (if this makes any kind of sense).
😂🤘🏽🫂🖤ditto.
Kati, I haven’t been keeping up with your videos so I can see a difference between this one and a few months ago. You editing has gotten even better and I love your new(er) background. This video was well-researched and super informative. Beautiful job!
Thank you!!! xoxo Sean has been putting in more work into the edit!! So glad you like it xox
Even in Criminology, a lot of our foundational theories were developed and tested on male criminals/delinquents! Because of this, our discipline has been studying female offenders for the past several decades. It's quite a shame that girls have been generally ignored across all areas of study, but it's great that now we're catching up to it!
@Crystal Kanashii Even the Asian pharmaceuticals?
Growing up my father always said "just act normal May, why can't you act normal? You complicate things way too much. You women are so complicated." I'm 26 and only now am I seeing some puzzle pieces latch together. I thought it was normal to arrive home from a social interaction completely exhausted. I always felt like I was fake because I didn't feel like myself around other people. It was like I was this hyper version of my own self, being the person I constructed, and not the person I was. In fact, whenever I told anyone I was actually an introvert, they would laugh and deny it, saying I was incredibly social and outgoing, except nobody knew that I'd pretend not to see them in the halls or feel dread anytime I caught one of them walking in my direction. Small talk is my own personal nightmare, and silences in conversations with people I'm not 100 percent comfortable with also. I only see social relationships in one of two ways: either I will love you uncondiionally, and would do absolutely anything for you (inner circle) or I honestly can't care less. I thought I was weird for always feeling awkward in summer camps, when people hugged goodbye and cried and I just didn't understand why, since I didn't give af about not seeing any of them again. I'd use to sneak out and never say goodbye to anyone to avoid them crying. This now happens in my place of work. I get along great with everyone, and I feel fake cause I see them inviting me to plans, wanting to hang out and develop that connection, but I never know how to tell them that it all sounds awful and I'd rather be at home and do my own thing. IDK I guess I just needed to vent. It's the first time I'm researching this and I'm freaking out cause I thought I was just peculiar, but now I am terrified, even though it seems to click into place. Anyways, I hope everyone here finds what they're looking for. And if you can relate to any of the stuff I've written, could you reply, please? Itd be awesome to hear your own experience and know I'm not the only one. xx
I'm 22 going on 23 and what you wrote really resonates with me, but I don't know if it's because I'm neurodivergent. I've never had a diagnosis for anything, and I wonder if the way I act is just due to parental abuse. I do horribly in large groups (more than just a couple people I'm super close with at a time). I once started crying because of how overwhelmed I felt but thankfully no one saw. I tend to just sit silently and never say a word to anyone. They just have their conversations while I sit alone. It's weird.
As a guy who’s 24 that’s been diagnosed with ASD growing up, I feel like I can relate to almost everything you said here. Specifically the part of avoiding people I knew to not have to engage in any sort of conversation (which I still tend to do), but especially when it comes to the way you described how you process social relationships.
That was a HUGE problem for me up until recently, as while I have a few close male friends who I’ll always their back, having that mentality with women was a complete disaster as I’d tend to get overly attached way too soon. These days I’ve gotten better at masking it by talking to multiple women at once (not as a flex, but a cope to ensure I don’t become too clingy on just one), but it’s still something that lingers deep down having never had a serious relationship yet and if I do like someone it’s hard to resist the urge to become attached.
Not sure how much this anecdote helped, but did just want you to know you’re certainly not alone!
Why do men tend to oversimplify?
I can totally relate to all of this.
I figured out that I have Asperger's at the age of 23. Then I got it officially diagnosed at age 24. My life makes so much more sense now... I always knew I was socially blind, but I didn't know why.
Same.. socially blind, deaf and crippled
exact same for me!
Over my daughter's 21 years I have noticed these behaviors since she could walk. When she was very young and they dismissed it. She is extremely bright, graduating college in May of this year and will become a high school English teacher. She has actually already been hired! I know painfully all to well the struggles she has socially. She is so determined and has obviously worked around any difficulties. I am at a loss. Her identity is so wrapped up in academics, she has never even made 1 "B" ... I don't know if it would devastate her or relieve her
I used to work with young children, specializing in children with special needs. Getting an ASD diagnosis was nearly impossible for girls or children of color, even when they were nonverbal. It was so frustrating. I've seen so many positive effects, when the schools, doctors, and families work together. So when none of these parties are on the same page, these poor kids feel like the world is against them. I remember reading an article written by a black man with ASD, and he was talking about how scared he gets around cops. He has difficulty following directions and making eye contact, and he talks about that constant fear of saying or doing the wrong thing because it might end badly for him. Thank you for using you platform to spread awareness.
I just decided 5 months ago not to pursue any new friendships. And I've also stepped way back from my current friendships as its just too hard. I just turned 60 and have been researching the idea of being on the spectrum. Almost everything you said applies to me.
Thank you so much for this video Kati. It's definitely a topic I wanted to know more about. I've had quite a few students who are girls in my classes (I'm a pre-service teacher) that have been diagnosed with ASD, or are in the process of being tested. It's good to know the differences between ASD in boys and girls and the things to be aware of! xx
You are welcome!! So happy to help :) xoxo
In a classroom the girls with high functioning I think will tend to be shy. They will try to make a friend or two but not be part of the "in" crowd of girls.
I was undiagnosed for over 20 years. I'm doing much better now with a diagnosis. I actually have dreams, and goals, and hope. 👌
Me too I was just diagnosed in February and I'm 30
@Sandee Jones There are some great Facebook groups for women.
How you are doing better? I guess you don’t even have real problems....
@@alexrusa1033 yep. I live an easy, problem free life. Don't even know what stress is.
@@e_i_e_i_bro So tell us about your dreams and goals
My doctor told me yesterday that I definitely have some kind of autism. It has definitely been misdiagnosed before and it just makes so much sense now and I finally feel that there's nothing wrong with me and it's the best feeling in the world
This video pushed me to open up and mention to my sons Autism team that I thought I had autism, as they were assessing him. They rushed me in to get an assessment when it would have taken me YEARS to get a chancd if I hadn't mentioned it. They had an easier time diagnosing me then they did my son. It was 100% obvious to them. Yet as a child I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd, anxiety and depression aswell as many learning disabilities. Yet they wouldnt even OFFER my mom the option to screen me for autism. Im 25. So that would have been 20 years ago. I went my whole life struggling. I actually nearly lost the fight and ended it. I went through so much hell feeling alone and misunderstood... all because no one but my mother believed I had Autism. Thank you so much for making these videos, I finally feel whole and like I belong 💜
Edit: I missed one, I've been struggling with an "eating disorder" since I was 9 or 10 years old. Yet all these things combined and it never dawned on anyone but my mother who works with kids with autism, that I had autism.
I was also sexually asulted multiple times.. the list is just growing.
Im a female with ASD and when i tell my friends about it they tell me I am not. I for long time thought i had a personality disorder i was obsessed trying to figure out what one i had, Bpd, ocd schizotypal., schizoid, just social anxiety, adhd, the scariest one i thought i was sociopath/(people with asd can seem cold and aloof and appear not to have empathy on the outside, even though inside they feel SO MUCH) It drove me crazy. ( I used to dress really weird too) Now im assured that my brain just works differently. I just struggle socially (mostly with conversations and understating social cues and and at work. but i really try and try to improve.. Misdiagnosis or not knowing or receiving help , it leads to social anxiety isolation and depression. on top of an autism spectrum disorder is a nightmare.
I relate so much to this
Finally I can relate to something, I always thought of myself as weird and out of touch with people around me! I've heard that female with Asd tend to be more interested in the human psyche and anatomy to better understand themselves and those around them. Well, turns out I'm in the right profession and every box checks for me
Hi Katie I just eat to say a massive thankyou for all your videos and your support and I hope you never stop and you have helped me through dark time 💕 xox
Just wanted to say, not eat haha autocorrect ****
Awe you are so welcome :) I am glad I could help! xoxo
I was misdiagnosed until 27 (Misdiagnosed with BPD). I’m so thankful to have answers finally! I love being autistic. Unfortunately there are VERY little resources for ASD adults especially women.
I am a 13 girl with it and I hate autism. fuck it.
My Favourite Genres Of Music That I Really Enjoying Listening To That Keep Me Calm & Happy Is Pop Rock Country Acoustic
My 7 year old daughter was diagnosed today. Your videos are really helpful to me as her mother, I want to help and understand her as best I can
i’m a 15 year old girl with asd, it’s so so so relieving hearing all of the problems i have are common with my diagnosis.
Hmm. Most of my life I simply wrote off my “peers” as just stupid.
same lol
Now I’m a grandmother of at least two ASD kids. Apparently all six of my children are ASD also. We self diagnosed as adults because an ‘official’ diagnosis is far too expensive for us.
It’s a nightmare when school only cares about conformity.
me too lmao
Now I understand why I have stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 15yrs… I couldn’t understand why I won’t just leave but now I get it. This helps me to now get out
so true! I was obsessed with the sims when I was growing up and still play to this day. I was totally unaware of others’ perceptions of me until I grew up a bit & realized how to socialize myself and not be the odd one out. :P
i am obsessed with the sims as well(:
this video made me cry. I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum i’ve done so much research these past few months and it makes me so happy to see what I feel finally said by someone else or written somewhere. I am scared to go to a professional though because when I was a kid one said I had bipolar disorder, then other said I had social phobia, and then another said I may have antisocial personality disorder (a sociopath..) it was frustrating and I believed them because they’re supposed to know better and they were professionals but after finding asd I feel like it fits everything about me perfectly literally everything makes sense now and things I didn’t even think were important before or things I couldn’t put into words. I don’t want to self-diagnose, i’ve always been told not to do it so I can’t but I’m scared of getting misdiagnosed and my family can’t afford to pay for a professional atm and I don’t want to tell them I think I might be autistic because I’m sure they’ll be ableist about it aaah I’m sorry I’m rambling I loved the video
btw I’m 24 and i’ve struggled from this since I was born lol...
I want to say that after watching this i feel like i found comfort in who i am. I have struggled for my whole life just trying to fit in, "be normal" and it led me down a really dark path. I just recently started researching women with ASD and your info has been so incredibly helpful! Thank you!
Unfortunately before I was properly diagnosed on the autistic spectrum I was misdiagnosed as ADHD, and then as bipolar. As a child I was put on heavy medications that made me feel really sick. Then when I was getting bullied at school they thought I was being paranoid and making it up, so I was misdiagnosed as schizoaffective. Finally when I was 28 I was properly diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, or Asperger’s Syndrome, but they now call it autism level one. One of the reasons they decided to re-evaluate me was because I went off of my psychiatric medication AMA for a year and I was doing better without it, than I was with it. They started giving me psychiatric medication when I was 10, which makes me wonder how many other children, especially young girls are medicated for the wrong reasons, and misdiagnosed.
Is there a chance you could do a video about young children who are misdiagnosed with psychiatric conditions, and put on the wrong medications? How medications like lithium, seroquel, ritalin, and, haldol effect young children, especially children who are misdiagnosed. How often are children misdiagnosed, and put on psychiatric medications. What these medications may do to a child’s development? Is there enough data to do a video on that topic?
I have an acquaintance who was given medication and treatments for all the wrong things and wasn't correctly diagnosed until about 18 i think
Maddy
I’m sorry to hear that, I wasn’t properly diagnosed until I was 28, that was 9 years ago
PottsProngs
I’m sorry that you had to experience that, it really irritates me that they still experiment on children with medications like they’re guinea pigs
JG Alegria
I’m really sorry to hear about your son, I have a cousin who was on Lithium. They claimed that they were checking her blood, and monitoring how her medications were effecting her. Unfortunately after 19 years of being on Lithium it damaged her kidneys so badly that she needed a kidney transplant. Now she’s on Depakote, and unfortunately it’s caused her to become clinically obese, and she is over 300lbs (136 kg), it’s also caused her to develop PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome.) Like my cousin when I was misdiagnosed, and they put on depakote when I was a teenager it also caused me to become clinically obese, I got up to 260lbs (118 kg,) and I also developed PCOS from the depakote as well. These medications are very strong, and I don’t think they should be handed out like candy. I believe they should at least do thorough testing before they prescribe this stuff to people. I think they should be extremely cautious when it comes to children, and at least wait until they’re adults before they hand these medications out to people, because children are still growing and developing into who they are, and who they will become
I feel like i identify with a lot of the symtoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't know how to bring up the topic to my parents, and i'm hoping to get counseling on my own when i grow up.
Do you have a school counsellor, or a trusted teacher you could talk to? Or maybe a family doctor, or even a cool Auntie or someone like that? They might be able to give you some advice and help you find whatever resources you need. Might be best to get it all sorted out while you're young. I wish I had; my life might have turned out a whole lot differently!
@@dyingsun23 i do have a school counsellor, but i don't think i can tell them about my problems because of complicated reasons, and i'm not that close to any of my family members. I did, however hear that there's a counselling place near my school so i could talk to my parents about maybe getting a session or two. Thanks for the advice, kind stranger!
@@dyingsun23 i also think talking to my teachers about stuff i've been having trouble with is just gonna burden them. Like, they have enough stuff to deal with.
@@sensen4161 Most teachers want students to tell them if something's bothering them - it allows them to do their job better! They might not be able to help you solve your problems, but they will almost certainly know what resources you can access. Good luck whatever you decide!
Hi! I'm not sure how old you are, but your parents would want what's best for you. When you're grown up and get counseling for this they'll find out and feel awful as parents that they didn't help you earlier in life. You should tell them, it will make you and your parents happy in the long run!
Yes! I was diagnosed with OCD in college (along with PTSD and depression) and didn’t get my autism diagnosis until after all three of my daughters had been diagnosed at the age of 37, without an OCD diagnosis. And it made my whole life make so much more sense.
Of course as woman you get misdiagnosed with BPD....have been myself. Don't have ASD but I know so many people who have been misdiagnosed with it that I really dislike the diagnosis itself because I for example have PTSD, but because I self harmed and had dissociation I was misdiagnosed as BPD after just talking to the psychiatrist for 15minutes. the trauma was ignored and of course I didn't get better. Now I got trauma therapy and the right diagnosis and I am getting better slowly.
my “diagnosis” is adhd. i am on meds that make me feel like a zombie, and i have been diagnosed with ASD, but my parents have kind of “forgotten” about it. whenever i try to bring up the topic of autism, they tell me i am over exaggerating and i’m just wanting attention. i’ve tried to advocate for myself tina and tons of times, but it always turns into: “you make eye contact, so therefore you don’t have asd.” my old psychiatrist who diagnosed me with asd said that i have all the other criteria for asd, just not eye contact. eye contact is not the only
symptom of asd.
If you dont like your meds keep speaking up until you get ones that you do like/supportive therapy. Your meds should make you feel better, not worse!
Something I hated growing up was being told I would 'out grow' my behaviours. When in reality, they got so much worse. We need to stop telling children and other parents that their kids will out grow certain traits. Instead, investigate why children behave the way they do.
I been wondering why I'm so sensitive towards sound
This is hitting me *hard*
I got out of an abusive relationship about two years ago. I've been looking at why I got into it and why I stayed and if there was something wrong with me and... You just said it in about thirty seconds. Everything I had trouble pinning down, just right there. I... Thank you.
Thank you so much for this… i think I may have commented on another video you made about autism in females and wondered if I myself am autistic… but this video makes me think otherwise. And has made me consider that maybe my issues with social interactions was not because I am autistic, but because the more I’m learning, the more I’m realizing that both my mother and late father had undiagnosed ASD. And that lack of sufficient interaction due to their preferences and lack of guidance and reassurance in the interactions I did have (that they couldn’t give), stunted my social growth in many ways, leaving me feeling alone, confused, and anxious, and then depressed as well as a teenager. In the six years I’ve been with my neurotypical, very sweet and supportive husband… my personal growth, especially in my social abilities, has exploded, skyrocketed, continuing even now. Amazing what happens when you get the support you need. Thanks again for educating on this subject and lifting some of the confusion off of my relationships to my parents.
When you got to the part about girls working really hard to observe and copy social behaviors, I got teary eyed. So validating! The part about the dolls describes me to a T. I made them clothes and decorated their house. I never played out scenarios with them. I would play out imaginary scenarios with my two geeky neighborhood friends but lost interest quickly in that kind of play. I had no friends in school and I didn't really care about it until I was ten years old. If I had a nickel for every time a peer, parent or teacher told me I was "too much" as a kid, I'd have a lot of nickels. I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD on the same day and my therapist later retracted the OCD but really wanted to focus on my obsessiveness, which she thought was a problem. I was offended by that because I thought of my interests as passions that made life worth living. I had no interest in "working on my obsessiveness." At the time, I just thought my therapist seemed like "a square" who wasn't interesting, creative or objective enough to understand me. I figured that would be the case with any therapist ever.
The Barbie part really hit home, lol. I never role played with them, I just liked to keep them looking sharp and clean in poses around the house.
lately ive been looking for answers about my mental struggles, these kinds of videos have helped me so much so thank you
I am a girl from the uk and I was lucky enough to have been diagnosed when I was seven. I think that barely anyone actually realises until they properly know me. For example, my best friend knows that if I’m sad, I go to a quiet room and read but if I’m happy i try to blend in with my peers. I have been judged and bullied for this my entire life.
I am in a public high school and I have to get mentored by a fellow student so I know how to act in certain situations. I have always been ‘different’ but it was still extremely annoying when I was told that I had to be treated differently.
I'm just fucking mad, because i'm pretty sure i'm on the spectrum and there was a lot of autistic kids in my class. They constantly got chips, candies, donuts. So what i'm being told is, if only my parents weren't how they're. That could of been my childhood, wow i will cry now.
@meikaaa I’m sorry to hear that, have you tried telling your homeroom/tutor teacher so that they can help you?
What’s irritating is that this misdiagnosis occurs more for girls (and boys) of colour. The bias is so frustrating.
I disagree, there are multiple other factors that may affect this: culture, genetics, geographic location, upbringing, you get the point. It would be too hasty to state that it is simply due to the color of someone's skin. That's not to state that it plays no part, but I personally believe it's overstated.
I didn’t deny other factors playing a part but go off
Those factors do relate to being a person of colour though? While the skin colour is different, the term tends to also include things like culture, location, upbringing, etc.
Okay? I was just saying that skin color is not the sole determinant. Say if Hispanic Americans had a culture where going to the doctor was frowned down upon(hypothetically), you can't blame any misdiagnoses directly on the fact that they are brown, as another factor(i.e. their distrust of doctors) was the cause, this would be completely independent of skin color.
I agree it is more complicated for ppl of color, with girls and women even more so. Being misdiagnosed is prevelant, among other things. Dont forget the negative stigma among the community that think admitting one needs outside help and getting diagnosed is wrong. What do you think?
Im 30. Seeking assessment for an ASD diagnosis. You have no idea. I cried when I started learning about ASD. I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd and other things. I have had so much conflict with not understanding peoples emotions or how i hurt peoples feelings. I have had so many issues with eating, stimulus, and emotional regulation. Uf something in my routine falls through i fall to pieces. I read obsessively about behaviour and watched hours of videos of people speaking and storytelling to figure out how to act and behave. Im convincing at this point. Your videos gave me so much peace about the struggle i had my entire life with how to handle my differences. I am so upset that no one saw it and i was put down so much but so happy to know i am just different. I strive to be just normal and communicate and apologize even if i dont really understand. And am so lucky i survived the evil abusive relationships i had. Autism doesnt mean you have to have a lower IQ.
20 years ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and social anxiety. Then I was told I was an introvert, highly sensitive...sure I fit the description each time, but I've always had this feeling that there is so much more happening. Now age 41, I am seriously more and more convinced I have ASD as well. When I was a kid, no one ever went to a pyschologist in the country where I lived in. We were being hit by our teachers and we just kept our mouths shut. If a parent heard about it, they'd blame the child. And Iif you were different/awkward/quiet, you were labelled as shy and always and always were told '(s)he'll grow out of it'. I never did....my life has been hell. I wish my parents and teachers (though they were evil people - who abuses children and call themselves teachers?) had done something about it when I was young.
Vicky Manson If it makes you feel any better, I was raised by 2 child abusers and they were both teachers. The school system is full of predatory scum.
I’m male. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, ADHD and have dealt with anorexia. The more I look into ASD in women the more I realize that I may have the female form of autism.
As a boy I was prescribed Respirdal. It affected my hormones and caused me begin puberty as if I was a girl. I was taken off the medication, but it caused permanent changes (I received a settlement after a lawsuit)
I’ve always felt more comfortable around women and have always displayed more feminine characteristics than masculine ones.
I’ve dealt with basically every symptom described in this video.
I’ve lived an incredibly confusing life struggling with my identity.
I think I should get tested.
My mum was told by a doctor that he doesn't diagnose girls because it ruins their futures when ny brother was diagnosed at 7. Well, now I'm 20 and still undiagnosed with ny future arguably even more ruined from still having autism but just thinking something was horribly wrong with me.
I feel like my daughter has ASD. I really hope I can get her the help she needs
Can you please make a video about attachment and rejection of therapists. I often find myself getting very attached and dependent on adult female figures in my life. In order to break the dependency I force myself to reject and hate them. I've ended up doing this with my T and now I dread every session when I used to look forward to them. How do I stop this and create healthy emotional boundaries instead of being completely on either side of the spectrum? I don't know how to find a healthy middle.
Tehya Rose du Toit tell your therapist...right away...that changed my life
I just think it's really sweet that you care so much.
Thank for this. I was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year and I’m turning 40 next month. I have depression and anxiety, no question about that but I’ve had several diagnoses in my life. I’ve been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder and my last psychiatrist believed I had had bipolar type 2. He couldn’t understand that while I can become overly enthusiastic about things and appear manic I can be talked down in 5-10 minutes which a manic person can’t. I which had been diagnosed as a child so I could have received the help I needed but my mum (on 2 occasions) believed there was nothing wrong and that what they were making it out to be her fault. I now sit here with a life that’s just blah and wait until the day I die because I can’t afford the help I need.
I'll be 40 this year too. I got my asd diagnosis when I was 29. Depression and anxiety yes me too. There's not much real support in society esp for adults, so I relate to what you're saying