Female AUTISM Checklist (The Ultimate List YOU NEED!)
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- Опубліковано 11 лют 2021
- This is the ultimate checklist for seeing female autism characteristics in a person.
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Female autism can be difficult to identify sometimes because of the small but detailed differences with that if males on the spectrum.
Here is a quick checklist to help you identify female autism traits in someone’s you can have your diary steps in understanding their condition.
CHECKLIST
✔️ Lack Of Eye Contact
✔️ Difficulty Socialising
✔️ Introverted Personality But Outgoing In General
✔️ Obsessive Collector
✔️ Selective Mute
✔️ Masking To Meltdown
✔️Shy And Quiet
HASH TAGS:
#665 #WeAreSPARK #Autism
LINKS:
Lorraine - Meet the Woman Diagnosed With Autism at 45 | Lorraine: • Meet the Woman Diagnos...
CAHM - Understanding the Lived Experiences of Women with Autism: • Understanding the Live...
How do women and girls experience autism? - www.autism.org.uk/about/what-...
Autism in Women: Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, and - www.healthline.com/health/aut...
Check list starts at 3:00
(for my fellow ADHD'ers scrolling through the comments to keep concentration)
Thank you!!
Thank yooo
🤣😂😂 Me.
ohh you know it brother
I am both called-out and thankful
Has anyone wanted to ever feel...invisible? Like don't look at me or talk to me otherwise I will have to respond. And being the centre of attention seems like a nightmare
“i don’t want to be perceived” yes lmao
All the time.
I've got the opposite problem. I've been MADE to feel invisible and the desperate desire to be acknowledged while everyone's chattering away amongst themselves racks up my social anxiety like nothing else.
Yes. I deal with selective mutism and super struggle with social situations.
When I was a kid, my mother used to have a jar of 'vanishing cream' on her dresser to prevent wrinkles. I used to think it would be great if I had a cream that I could put all over myself to make me VANISH!
Selective mutism is my biggest “symptom”. One on one I’m a chatterbox, but the more people are in a room or a call, I feel INCAPABLE of speaking
Interesting. For me it's the exact opposite. The larger the crowd, the larger the urge to speak. And I think this makes sense, too, because it pays off better when the audience is larger.
it relies on it for me.. if it's irl i do better with less people.. more and more clam me up.. then online i'm fine as long as i know the people i'm joining already. if i don't know them i won't even join because i know i won't be able to say anything.. and on the phone it gets the worst.. though often i am forced to speak when i am forced i tend to fib my words mess up my sentences and mainly start stuttering like mad. i hate phone calls for this reason and will get anxiety before even touching the phone.. just seeing i am being called makes me clam up and freeze
I have a question, when you go selectively mute, can you still speak when spoken to? I get super anxious around people I don't know or if there's a crowd to the point I physically can't speak, no matter how much I want to. I can still respond and talk if spoken to by someone I know and I'm trying to figure out if that qualifies as selective mutism
@@samanthasparks7728 i'd say it defenitely does.. i'm not much different in that aspect.. though in some cases i don't go full mute i just won't come much further than uhhh um uhhh um.. and perhaps some stuttery gibberish. however in most cases when someone asks me something in a store or something and i'm caught of guard i either try to ignore them or look at them silently.. perhaps shrug at them. though most of the times i freeze. if it's someone i know i won't really have that much trouble.. if i was deep in thought i will probably answer with a "huh? oh hi >insert name here< . whats up?"
@@litchtheshinigami8936 okay, thank you so much! 💖
As an autistic female I can tell you if I had a choice between staying home and reading a book or going to a party I would rather stay home and read the book but I would feel like I should go to the party in order to keep my friendships so I would go and then I would spend the entire time there hanging out with the pet. I have multiple photos of me from high school at friends house holding their cat or dog while everyone else is mingling around in the background
Wow, i can totally relate!
I sometimes go to parties, specifically to just sit somewhere cozy with a drink and read my book. I cannot socialise in groups, however I see the importance of showing your face sometimes, and I can best concentrate on reading when there are other people around. so at any party or social event I am the one person reading a book
@@orangeleprachaun4723 this is so true, sometimes just showing your face for an hour or so is all others need to see that you care.
I’m extremely introverted, but I always make sure to show my face now and then so my friends know I still love them lol.
Hahah Same
And all the animals Loved me
The people mostly Not
Wow, that feeling of staying quiet because you feel you have nothing to add to the conversation without knowing how it will be received 🙌🏼
The "I want to socialize but I can't" moment is a huge call out for me. I really want to talk with people, but when I do get to the communication part I have no idea on what I'm supposed to do.
Don't have the diagnosis yet, but I plan on going to psychiatrist if my parents let me to
This is typical of autistic people, it is a hard thing but you can learn parts to help you! I have a course called autism acceleration academy if you are interested email me theaspieworld@gmail.com Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Yeah I felt that
I like to talk to people who have a friendly smile. Lots of times, those type of people are intrigued by our uniqueness. But not everyone is worth talking to. If I see someone who appears to be on the spectrum, they have a certain look to how they focus, I like to say something that might be on their mind at that moment. It’s neat to relate psychologically for even just a moment. Lol btw, I too wear a lot of the same thing most of the time, but… when I get into my alter ego, she is a lot more colorful, dimensional, a bad ass. I played roller derby for 2 years where my alter ego was Blasphany Blastinatrix. And my bands, we would all dress in show type wardrobe. This new metal/trap project, is solo where I am playing almost everything, except for maybe a few guitar solos which are done by another functional aspie. He’s a guitarist and mechanic, and obsessed right now on jujitsu and guitar practice. Long time friend, we were in the slow math and reading class together in junior high. We are off and on because he tends to go under the radar a lot. Very set in his ways. Horrrrrrible with change lol. He’s way worse than me with change. Back when we used to play in the same band, he would have pretty heavy episodes of anxiety about shows if he didn’t have a month to prepare lol…but he ended up realizing that it’s not worth over thinking. He’s just a major perfectionist so it takes him time to process being up on stage, where I on the other hand, as long as I’m allowed to be in character I love to perform, but I do not like being surrounded by people, so I stay back stage before and after my spot on stage.anyway, I’m ok with being in control of the crowd instead of being within the crowd. Otherwise crowds stress me out. I also don’t like to be interrogated. Like don’t force me to explain myself when I’m stressing. I have to think.
Yep. I hear that.
Well, if your parents say "No, you are much too clever to be autistic" you just need to wait a few years... Yes I know it is a long time to wait but one day you will be able to decide for yourself that you will go and get a diagnosis, regardless of your parents. But you need to "not" hide or cope enough for the professional to realize you do have all those symptoms and problems.
I'm 62 and just got diagnosed this year- it's been a game changer. Colleagues at work now can't just keep complaining about the way I communicate, which they had been doing non-stop, and training is being put in place for me. I'm looking back over my entire life and understanding SO MUCH in retrospect
This is incredible. I'm sorry about all the stuff that has been difficult, confusing, and painful. And massive congratulations on the changed game.
40 here and yes explain a lot !!
41 here and yes too
Thanks for posting this. I’m 63 and just set up my assessment. I’ve been wondering for years if it was even worthwhile doing at this age. But it could explain my life.
Me too... at 55. I always suspected I was autistic but having it officially determined gives me clarity about why I always felt so different all my life.
when he was talking about being introverted by nature but also being outgoing, THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL !!!! i finally feel so validated. i do like going out and doing things but it's so hard for me to do it because i get so socially anxious. and i love talking to my friends and hanging out with them but i get so reclusive that sometimes it feels like i have no one. THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS
This is INFJ too - we are both introvert and extrovert... the minority of people
Lol I want to go but already feel the cringe so I stay home with my dogs
I call myself an “extrovert with social anxiety” because I’m scared of social interaction a lot but I N E E D I T
I have to write this down o.O This is SO accurate!!
Lol true
SAMEEEEEE
Another one of these!! I love social interaction but got spooked by my past experiences
That’s it, that’s me
Had to laugh at the ‘introverted outgoing person’ part. I’m a bartender in New Orleans and one part of me was born to be social and adaptable, but the other part of me hides out like a vampire when I’m not at work. When I’m on, I’m on. Then I’m exhausted from the interactions and I need my ‘alone time’ to recover. It’s difficult because friends and family expect you to always be that social person and feel shut out when you need your alone time. I plant the seeds of amazing relationships, but they often wither away because I have an inability to maintain them. Thankfully, I have a few desert flowers in my life.
My girl, that metaphore was beautiful, I gotta' steal it. Thank you.
this speaks to my soul i feel that so much
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way! ❤️
@@Bella_Obscura likewise!
Wow yes. I was a bartender for years and I could say the exact same.
My 13 year old has just been diagnosed. Never spotted a thing as she is a pro masker. In her assessments it was like she couldn’t hide it anymore and it became so obvious. I left the assessment and on my way out the specialist said I needed to be tested myself, so now I’m in that process at 34 ❤
I can absolutely relate to “masking to meltdown”, especially since I usually get my first main meal when I come home from work. As a school teacher, I heavily mask all day in order best focus on my students and offer them the best learning environment possible. When I come home, and something unexpected happens, it really is like a switch is flipped in the brain. Often, I can’t even explain to family what is upsetting me, just that everything is too much right now. I am also staring at my extensive book collection in silent judgement lol 😬
Same. It's worse when you teach in open plan learning spaces. I've worked at a secondary school where there are no walls or doors in any of the classroom for the past 3 years. This year was worse than the other 2 because I was there all year, face to face, with kids who purposely do things to try and trigger a meltdown for fun (some of those kids are also on the spectrum who noticed ASD behaviours in me) - they haven't succeeded because I'm constantly masking. I haven't been officially assessed but I have severe sensory issues, sound is the one that effects me at work. I was constantly on edge this year from the overwhelming amount of noise as well as having the class from hell who constantly pointed out my ASD behaviours and made fun of them. This year I would literally collapse from sheer exhaustion from masking. I'm so glad I'm at a new school next year with walls and doors but also extremely anxious because I have no idea how the other teachers will react to my ASD behaviours after working with people for a long time who were very supportive. Changes have me on edge as I like routine even if I'm the one that chooses to make that change. Also, I never realised my book collection (which has gotten worse since I became an author as well), or rather collecting things was connected to ASD.
THIS!!!!
I'm only 10. And at school I'm okay. Just get meltdowns once in a while. So I'm pretty calm. But once when I got home. My mom accidentally did something to me food, I started crying and shouting. But finally I calmed down
My kid does this. I pick her up, she's happy. Then she starts crying. Because smth happenned at school that she couldn't process at the time. Because smth happens at home that she's not happy about. The more tired, sleepy she is, the more stressed and longer the meltdown can be.
Oh my gosh this is weird to read. This is how I feel. I haven’t understood and because I’m finally with a partner I feel comfortable with, this is all coming out. The masking to meltdown is REAL. I began teaching a sewing program (although I started only 2 months prior as an assistant) as the SOLE teacher and I have been having meltdowns daily. DAILY. Or nearly. It’s messed up. I had no idea what was happening however (since I’ve been doing this my whole life) until I started to research autism…
As for eye contact, I overcompensate and keep eye contact for to long, apparently that makes people uncomfortable to...
The trick is, what you think and feel when you do it. If it's blank it tents to give that uncomfortable effect since peoples uncontention and subcontention want to know where they have people in there environment, especially what you are after when looking into their eyes. what you say with words isn't enough.
What we think and feel get projects into the one your looking in the eye. ( If your good enough you can seduce )
Same problem here
I actually overcame my eye contact problem after realizing I even had it. I started looking people in the eyes intentionally and they started looking as uncomfortable as I felt hahaha
Then I realized it could also be my internal projection of what someone is thinking
I went in a date once and the dude wouldn't stop with the eye contact. I felt I had to keep eye contact with him.
We were at Dinner, it is really hard to eat and drink without breaking eye contact!.
We never went out again. It was too freaky. Now I wonder if he was Autistic also and we were both trying to be polite? BUT freaked eachother out totally! Lol.
Hopefully it wasn't you, if so I'm sorry!
This is me!!!! I overcompensated at a you g age because I was always told to look people in the eye, Don't look down and mumble
I go one way or the other. I either don’t keep eye contact at all or I creep people out with the amount of eye contact
I don't have a masking to meltdown necessarily all the time, but masking to exhaustion, like I will have NO energy left at all.
Same, being around people for more than an hour is enough for me to be done for the day.
Yeah and then mom starts to nag then I have to hold in rage for interrupting some needed me time
YES! I go out and be a good student etc and come back home to be exhausted and want nothing more than to fall asleep. My mom thinks it's because I am "getting" depression. I'm not, but that's what she thinks.
@@katlynshort5069
Depression is a way to get that down time.
This. Every once in awhile there will be a meltdown butt usually it’s just after a day of work I come home and can barely get anything done or focus on anything and sometimes end up falling asleep on accident at like 4pm…
I think a good thing to add would be compensation for eye contact. Yes, a lot of people have a hard time maintaining eye contact. Another part of it is the over-compensation resulting in the "delve into your soul" stare where you can forget to look away. This usually happens with people I'm very close to. In my experience, I usually switch between the two depending on the level of eye contact the other person maintains. Low eye contact from the other people, deathly demonic stare. High eye contact from the other person, trouble maintaining eye contact.
Yes, I was thinking this while watching the video! I will overcompensate HEAVILY and just stare into people’s eyes throughout the entire conversation, especially if it’s 1:1 and then also try to mimic how often they look away and make eye contact again, which then always leads me to become super self-conscious about how much I am looking or not looking at them 😅
🤣 I so relate to all of this…
I’ve been told many times that my inability to maintain eye contact shows that I’m being untruthful (I was 100% not) so I’ve become extremely self conscious about the whole issue.
This existence is becoming too much for me to navigate. Idk how much longer I have.
I was never taught to make eye contact and didn't hear about it online until my teens. Since then I've been intentional about eye contact and immediately wonder, "Okay, but when do I stop it? Do I break and reconnect?" I'm in my 30s now and still don't know, but at least I've learned to laugh at myself and see it as a game.
I had to pass a communication course for healthcare, and it included body language skills. I “learned” how to do eye contact so I could pass the course. 😄
Same❤
The extreme shyness/selected mutism thing made me remember a lot from my childhood. One teacher told my parents that they would forget that I existed because I was so quiet.
I was pretty "gifted" at a young age, learning to read and write at a higher level than my peers. Numbers were a huge problem for me though, like my brain just doesn't do numbers. I didn't have many friends and kept to my books or video games. I was more of a tomboy and was typipcally drawn to hanging out and playing more with boys, since I found they were easier to get along with than girls, who were impossible for me to 'figure out' at times. Obsessing, collecting, masking, comfort in routines...I should probably get tested lol
OMG! I had to check to make sure I didn't make this comment and forgot about it. You just described me!
OMG, you just described me to a T. I'm diagnosed with both ADHD & PTSD, only diagnosed in my 30's for both, now 42 & lately as I've learned more about autism, I'm really thinking it's highly likely that I am "on the spectrum"
Spot on Ellie! This is an accurate description of my life. Very shy, blend into the background kinda girl. Prefer to do boy things & feel more comfortable hanging out with boys. I am the only girl with 3 younger brothers and as a bonus growing up we were close friends with a family with 6 boys. I really enjoyed being one of the boys!
How could my best friend not tell me this 😂
Wow, this is me!!!!
I was finally diagnosed at the age of 36. Finding someone who would even take my request for testing seriously was a nightmare. I was told I couldn’t be autistic because I was a girl. Then I was told I couldn’t be autistic because I have a college degree, and finally I was told I couldn’t be autistic because I have a husband. I have all the traits you mentioned except the selective mutism. Finally getting tested and diagnosed was incredibly freeing. For a long time I thought I was just crazy or a freak because no matter how hard I tried I just didn’t feel like I fit anywhere. It was so nice to realize that I am not all alone or a total weirdo. I’m just autistic and that is okay!
so inspiring to hear your story! Last time I asked my provider said "the professionals are helping kids who actually need help" as if we adults don't need help with keeping a job and making sure bills are paid and other responsibilities that (for me) can be very overwhelming and meltdown inducing
How did you get tested? I feel like I should get tested
How did you finally find someone who took you seriously? I want to ask my doctor but just thinking about doing that gives me so much anxiety.
I am 46 and feel the same. I have not tried to get diagnosed yet.
That is so dumb (that they told you you couldn't hay Asperger's cuz you're a girl). Those people clearly weren't in the ballpark of being qualified to diagnose you, though, imagine then giving you a false negative after having tried without knowing what they were doing
3:00 eye contact
3:40 difficulty socializing
4:40 introverted personality but outgoing in general
5:51 obsessive collecting
7:19 selective mutism
8:55 masking to meltdown
10:18 shy and quiet
My Adhd self is grateful for this list
Yeeep, so basically me.😪
Thank you. Can’t stand all that guff - just get on with it.
I’m just socially awkward but once I’m comfortable around someone I’m very outgoing being shy shouldn’t mean someone is autistic
Check. Check. Check. Probably just being dramatic
I’ve had many people tell me (usually at work) that they hated me when they first met me, they thought I was stuck up and too good to talk to or look at them. Then they got to know me eventually and we became great friends. I find it incredibly difficult to interact with new people, so I do my best to blend into the background until I’ve had ample time to assess and observe them and the situation, which looks like what they described from their POV. I’m also usually concentrating so hard on just existing in those moments that my mask slips and my “friendly” face goes away, making me look stern, bored, or angry. (I studied psychology in school and they called this a “slow to warm up” personality, but now I’m wondering if that’s maybe not just a sign of autism.)
I'm always being labelled as snob and stuck up, thinking I'm better than everyone else. I'm not, and I don't. Just standoffish until I feel comfortable.
Yes exactly!! People think I hate them right off the bat because I don’t really talk until I feel people out. And then once I get more comfortable and talk to them more they always say the iconic line, “I thought you hated me haha.” Which is funny because I literally don’t hate anyone. I’m just quiet at first and have a hard rbf. It’s a bad combo. I’m I major people pleaser so it irks me soooo much when people think I hate them or they don’t like me BECAUSE they think I hate them. And then once I start talking they can’t get me to stop and then go, “wow I thought you were quiet.” It’s always the same lines istg 😂 But I feel this so hard it’s an everyday struggle I swear 🙄
I had to stop and re read this several times then look at who posted because I wondered if I had written this and maybe forgot I did it.
So very relatable and I literally just said this word for word in a conversation recently.
I feel so validated as a human right now, thank you. It’s like I know I’m the nicest person ever so don’t understand why anyone would think I’m stuck up or arrogant. I just don’t talk until I really know anyone because I have such high social anxiety about my lack of cue understanding that I believe I’ll come across as really weird or stupid and I’m just trying to not meltdown and run home. A new place especially to work at is extremely overwhelming for me and I prepare for days just to talk myself into showing up in the first place.
I mean honestly…. I haven’t worked since Covid lockdowns because I traveled so much and that ended. I’m lucky I don’t “ have “ but that I should. It’s just been a challenge even leaving the house most days.
This!
I’m 30 and just had autistic traits pointed out in my by my therapist. Currently undiagnosed, but I scored very high on the Aspie and RAADS-R and CAT-Q was outrageously high. My daughter has had attention and behavioral issues since starting school and the more I learn, the more of it I see in both of us. The masking to meltdown part actually makes me feel better. She routinely falls apart within 10 minutes of picking her up from school every day before we even make it home and I’ve been losing my mind trying to figure out what I’m doing so wrong.
Maybe you can really ask her what’s going on to find out more?
As a female aspie I sincerely appreciate how much time you give to talking about girls. Also I agree with the points you made in this vid.
My son having nonverbal autism has gotten me to know mine is real and not just something my mother said...
I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum too. My husband has told me there's something different about me and I should maybe go to a shrink. I just don't see the point of getting a label put on me, as it won't make my life any easier.🤷♀️
@@leonieromanes7265 maybe check out Sarah Hendrickx on UA-cam. She talks about female autism and her own late diagnosis. I’m considering getting assessed because I want to know what my traits are to see if I can learn something to reduce my anxiety.
Hiya Leonie from an American cousin- yes it can too make a change- I didn't get my true validation until post 70 years- and I knew instinctfully there must be an answer- all 7 of these and more. And I am also genius level intelligence- not an easy past.life. But I kept on keeping on!
Please stop using this nazist therm, please just call it autism.
Introverted outgoing person... my boss telling me he just cant grasp me, i struggle with making phone calls at work but can lead a 500+ people event on a stage about something Im passionate about with seemingly little problems
Same here!!
You're adorable...is that you in your pfp?
I feel called out
There is the point. YOu are passionate about that stage event.
Telephones petrify me, too. I hate them.
Your clip of trying to be in a conversation but never getting to insert yourself nearly brought tears to my eyes because I finally feel seen.
When you talked about selective mutisim and masking to meltown I actually started to cry, because it's like all my live in short. And all this time I've been feeling like the complete freak and failure.
Thank you so much for this video.
I have a niece who was unable to finish high school because of anxiety and meltdowns. She couldn’t get through a day without ending up in the restroom in tears. Finally got her GED (general ed degree in the States) and left school at 16. She is extremely shy, doesn’t make friends easily, but when she’s with me she can be quite animated and talkative. Her doctor thought she might be bipolar and prescribed medication, but she doesn’t want to take it. I don’t think bipolar fits. After watching your videos, I think she could have autism. I will share this info with her mom. Very helpful, thank you!
Hi! I’m 18 and was diagnosed with autism at 16. My mental health professionals all thought I had either bipolar of borderline personality disorder. I ended up in so many situations were I couldn’t explain my behavior. If you think your niece might be autistic I would highly recommend seeking a diagnosis. I understand myself a lot better now and so do other people. I have experienced trauma from situations where I was non-verbal and couldn’t explain why I needed to do something I was doing. Had I known I was autistic at the time I think the people around me would have been more understanding. I hope things work out for you and your niece!
Thank you! Glad your diagnosis has helped you so much. It opens doors to treatments and therapies as well. Good luck on your journey!
I can relate to this very much. Even in elementary, school was extremely overwhelming and I would feel physically sick everyday. Finally, in high school, after missing a lot of school and just walking out of the doors weekly, my counselor listened to me and put me on the home bound. I completed my high school education at home and excelled. I am adhd as well but was just diagnosed autistic at age 29.
I am a female to male trans guy and I'm currently 18, stopped going to school at 16 for the same reason, my dad didn't quite get it and he would make me go even when I was throwing up from anxiety and stress, but eventually I stopped going. I've realized every single time I go outside, I get headaches and feel extremely tired and fatigued. Specially when I goto the mall or clothing stores, I get a bit dizzy from the noise and all the visual stimulation. I've been to lots of different psychiatrists and no one gave me a diagnosis. They've mentioned I might have bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder with generalized anxiety but never were sure about it, I stopped going to psychiatrists because it was getting too tiring to never get anywhere and to take so many different medications.
I do think I have a lot of symptoms for ASD and it would explain a lot of things, tomorrow I have an appointment with a psychiatrist and I'm writing on my notepad the symptoms I have so I can show it to them, as I'm sure I won't be able to tell them properly.
I hope I will get to understand what my diagnosis is soon so I can treat it properly :')
I have Autism and Bipolar Disorder. They misdiagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. It took me years to get the right diagnoses.
For me:
Lack of eye contact ✅
Difficulty socializing ✅
Introverted, but attempt to be outgoing ✅
Obsessive collector ✅
(Mine changes, but generally plants)
Selective mutism ✅
Masking to meltdown ✅
(When I used to go to work and school)
Shy and quiet ✅
My diagnosis from childhood: OCD/ADD/anxiety/depression 😒
My new bestie lol
me everything, but not the obsessive collector. I'm only obsessed with collecting new information, but not real things. in fact i never understood why people had a collecting obsession, but then again. It's called Autism spectrum disorder for a reason :,)
@@val_needs_luno exactly! As the saying goes, if you’ve met one person on the autism spectrum, you’ve met **one** person on the autism spectrum 💚
@@val_needs_luno So, you *are* an obsessive collector! Just because it’s not materialistic, doesn’t mean it isn’t a collection. Autistic people, we have special interests, which can take the form of obsessive collection of knowledge. Even more if you can talk about said information for HOURS in an environment that allows you to comfortably do so.
@@violet4239 oh- damn i never knew. i mean i really like getting information about stuff i like such as shows, actors and celebrities, and not to forget autism! but i can't talk to ppl abt it for hrs bc they get bored of me real quick. in reality im a pretty boring person too haha. sometimes i think i should just talk to an imaginary friend (don't judge me) so i feel like someone would be interested in me lol
I had suspected I was ADHD for a couple of years and finally went to a doctor and was diagnosed. It’s been great since getting a diagnosis, but the more I listen to autism videos like this, the more likely it is I am going to talk to my doctor about the possibility of being autistic. These things like selective mutism are issues I have struggled with my entire life that I thought I had to unlearn out of myself. It has been a cause for depression in my life as I thought such a basic part of me was broken. Thank you for these videos, including the ones where you have interviewed your female friends. It’s helped a lot.
Wanting to socialize but can't! Yes! This has been one of the hardest for me as an autistic female.
I used to collect things as a child (beanie babies!!!!) but we moved around a lot and I was in and out of foster care. Now I find I collect digital things, not physical. I have SO many digital copies of knitting patterns that I will probably never actually knit but I just love having them and reading them. I love looking at the patterns and dissecting how the patterns were constructed. My personal email is basically just a place for me to collect information about my special interests. I just email myself everything and that's how I collect it.
I've also realized my meltdowns now are implosions instead of explosions because I was punished so much for them as a kid. I feel like I need to get out of my skin and like I literally might explode. I want to scream and yell and throw things, but on the outside I'm just starring at the wall. Sometimes I shake and I usually get a migraine from just holding it all in.
I’m a female, and I think I might be on the spectrum but I’m not sure, but I feel like I have a lot of the symptoms
I was in this position for a long time, I actually got my diagnosis by chance. I just want you to know that if you feel you have the symptoms and it would help you understand yourself better, there is no harm in assuming you do and working with resources that help autistic women
I am the same way. I feel like I probably have autism but I am undiagnosed.
Same here, due to the pandemic I can't get a diagnosis either. But I've bought some stuff that's 'typically' for autistic/ADHD people like nc headphones, fidget pad and a weighted blanked and it already helped a lot. Even if I'm not autistic, I'm really glad that I found a group with similiar problems as mine that can give me tipps how to cope with them.
@@talasheart7889 I absolutely love my weighted blanket! It feels so cozy and safe
Same and btw we have the same name
I’m not diagnosed with autism yet, but the extraverted desire while being introvert in nature is so accurate to describe me. I like the idea of going out and doing things but I’m very uncomfortable and hate it when I am actually out and doing the things. Staying at home and chilling is when I feel most comfortable because it just feels natural to do so.
Also, when I get excited about a topic, I overshare to the point where I may either come off as annoying or passionate/interesting. People have approached me afterwards thinking that I’m an extrovert but lol no I have very introverted habits once you get to really know me.
100% relate to every point you made
I would envy extroverts so much. I want to go out and I want to make friends but I can’t. It’s hard.
@@pristinejoel8802 is Dr Oyalo paying you? You literally copy and pasted this comment all over the comment section, eek
I'm about to be 29 years old and am undiagnosed because my parents never believed in anything like that so when I asked for help as a teen because I felt different, I got called dramatic, but I literally do everything on this video, and now everything is making so much more sense and I can't believe it took me this long to connect the dots.
I'm 35; a mum to a 15.5 yr old boy... quite recently I've realized I could be on the spectrum. When I brought this up to my therapist, and revealed all of the struggles I've dealt with my entire life, she even said, "You fooled me!" but agreed to refer me to a specialist. My appointment is next year, in May.... Every single thing you mentioned on this 'checklist' hit HOME on a level I didn't even realize!!!! I will be taking notes and writing all of these down with examples to bring to my diagnostic appointment (hooray USA Healthcare........ ugh.)! Thank you for making this video!
I also brought up the ASD possibility to my mother and the more she looks into it, the more she agrees that this is very much the reason I've had such a difficult time in my life!
I'm 46 and a mother of three, and in a similar situation. Do you feel you need a "proper" diagnosis to feel better? Might be, because if you have a therapist at the moment who is not an expert on this (and those who are are very hard to find, I hear!), it might very well be the case that your therapy is not really leading anywhere at the moment. Wish you all the best!
@@gundifreitag6813 She helps with other avenues of stress in my life, and she's a great vent! lol I don't feel like I'd need a "proper" diagnosis, really (never been a fan of labels), but for certain mild accommodations at work, maybe future school, and rental situations, it would be super helpful.
But also, a diagnosis would warrant the different type of help/therapy that I need; different from what I've been given all my life that just hasn't shown to be beneficial, ya know? :)
file:///var/mobile/Library/SMS/Attachments/30/00/9B4711EC-F07E-40BC-80EA-D731C8C82B2D/Self-Diagnosed-Adult-Autism-Resources-handout-04.05.21.pdf
Wait... people are actually supposed to maintain eye contact? Shit, I’ve been forcing myself to have at least 2... 1 second of eye contact before turning away again, I didn’t realize it should be longer. I’m not as good at faking as I thought.
No, they're not. When you're listening, you watch the person who's talking, and when you talk, you look around and just check in every few seconds to see what the listener thinks. (So you know if they're confused, bored, offended, amused, etc)
don't look directly into the eyes, just look at the eyelash. If not too close, others can't tell
Nah, you are only supposed to keep eye-contact for a few seconds and then look away again, otherwise people will think you are staring or flirting. But then, you are supposed to keep looking back and locking eyes again and again for a few seconds each time....
It's a conundrum.
@@thecat3309 I just saw on IG someone think if a girl feel shy to keep eye contact with you, she may like you. Now I don't know if I should have correct that guy
@@bunnyfakeofforestmoon7563 That's probably one of the things one cannot generalise for people. Some are like that and others aren't.
The more I learn about how autism presents in female people, particularly when it comes to hearing the stories directly from female people with autism, the more I think I probably am on the spectrum. Getting a diagnosis at 27 isn't going to change my life, but it would certainly answer the life long questions I've had about what's "wrong" with me.
I'm going through the same, I'm 20 and went through a lot of things in my childhood that I never understood, basically the feeling of being different all the time. I hope I can find a place where I can get a diagnosis soon since it's difficult to find a place where I live.
I was diagnosed because of you. I started looking on youtube for videos because I suspected my dad was autistic. He was actually on the verge of officially being diagnosed at the age of 66 when he suddenly passed away, but watching your videos not only diagnosed him, they made me think I might be, too. I was officially diagnosed at 38 years old. Everything finally makes sense, I no longer hate myself or misunderstand what is wrong with me, I finally have access to treatment and advocacy that is actually helping me do better in life. Thank you.
I was definitely selectively mute in high school and throughout college, in social situations. It felt like a combination of shyness and not knowing what to say/not being able to come up with something to say. It’s almost like my thought bank is empty and when I try to retrieve something from it, something as small as banter, I can’t. I also could be feeling just okay, even having a great time and hours go by and I haven’t said anything, like a family reunion or a party. Anyone else get this way?
This is literally me omg I can never think of anything to say so I stay mute until someone asks me a question or talks to me
literally me 😭😭😭
Yes.
I'm female, diagnosed with autism at 41. Eye contact isn't a problem for me although I can be very socially uncomfortable and awkward. I used to be a mega collector, but am not anymore. I HATE forced socialization like having to turn and introduce myself to and shake the hand of the person next to me or do those infuriating introductions on the first day of a new course in college (so anxiety inducing!). My daughter is 6 and is definitely on the spectrum as well, but she hasn't been formally assessed or diagnosed due to the pandemic.
forced socialization sucks... I remember we had to do a mandotory public speaking class in high school, and I always fell asleep in the class. I always thought it was the time of day, (after lunch) but now im wondering if it was the stress of being forced to speak in public.
@Mike who cheese harry it isn't though. I'm not anxious about it or scared of it. I don't know what to say or do and I often am left feeling like I did it wrong or awkwardly, so I prefer not to engage if I can avoid it.
@@EnglishMathTutor i feel that way too. Though that is what I heard social anxiety is = overthinking/worrying abt social interactions, thinking you did it wrong, wondering if others thought you were strange, and then because of this anxiety, it leads to avoiding social interactions rather than continue to engage in socializing
I never thought eye contact was a thing for me until my first employer basically threatened to fire me if I didn't start making eye contact with customers.
I hate giving eye contact. I feel like someone is invading my personal space or vise versa. I find it especially difficult when the person who’s speaking to me is upset. Sometimes it’s so hard I wind up looking at the shoes. I too hate forces socialization. We have estranged family members and every time we go over their I don’t utter a word until we leave unless it’s to my son. I don’t know them hardly and I feel like they don’t understand my son an I at all. It made my mom happy so I guess that’s what counts. I also never really socialized at school. I remember one year being voted most quite
I think a hugely hard part about being a woman with it is the "girl code." Women will exclude you for reasons they may never speak on. and when it comes to dating/men and how women treat other women who may be into the same guy... sometimes I just like to talk to people and it has nothing to do with attraction. It's so frustrating to be misunderstood
Ah interesting!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
@@TheAspieWorld Thank you for the acknowledgement! Your content is definitely worth a follow, my guy
I can see myself in all of these.
so true :) xx
IKR!?!
Because introverts used to be stereotypically thought of as shy, awkward shut-ins, I felt that I couldn't identify as one, because although social situations drain me and I need alone recharge time, I have always been outgoing, friendly and eager to participate in stuff.
Same with autism and ADHD - when I was a kid, the general (lack of) understanding regarding both were so different from now that it hadn't ever crossed my (or anyone's) mind that I might be neurodivergent (I didn't even know that term back then). I was "just" a smart, odd girl that had trouble fitting in.
I'm a 38 year old woman, still "nowhere" in life compared to my peers (no career, no partner, no real estate, no realised dreams - am only now finally getting a cat, though). And I can't help but feel that my life could have been different had I only known how I function and how to manage myself.
I feel like a fridge that has tried to be a toaster all its life, and I'm only now discovering that ooops, I'm actually a fridge and not a failed toaster, and there are fridge manuals out there as well as people who understand how fridges work. It's great, but on some level, it also sucks.
So thank you for spreading awareness regarding autism, and specifically autism in females. If nothing else, you're helping lost people like me finally understand who they are.
Love your comparison with the fridge/toaster! So accurate!
Also I really resonate with what you said about feeling like you haven’t made the same progress as your peers, and it’s cliche to say, but don’t compare yourself to other people (need to take my own advice!) especially neurotypical people, everyone is different!
And also I hope you have your cat now and it’s brought lots of love and joy into your life! 💖
Age 51 I realized I am autistic. Just survived my first diagnostic today, and feeling drained. I appreciate you and your channel Dan!
I'm a female looking to get diagnosed....it's so hard masking everyday. I think a diagnosis will help others understand why I struggle with things they think I shouldn't.
I don't bother with the diagnoses anymore, but I hope you can get yours and have a better life! I wish you all the best and lot's of ice cream. Gotta love ice cream!
I am alreaddy weird and tick every single autism and aspie and whatever box, do I need that printed out and labeled? Nope... It wouldn't change me! If I alreaddy told them I have autism and they don't do anything to help me that why shoudl they do something when it's printed out?
@@leaflet1686 I AGREEEEEEEEEE
I understand this yet you worry they accept it ...your just crazy..right?
@@leaflet1686 yeah but omg people on social media go “don’t self diagnose😡😡” and it makes me feel so trapped because I show a lot of signs that I am autistic, but I’m not privileged enough to have a parent that actually observes these symptoms and isn’t ableist. I just feel like now I need a diagnosis to be valid.
@@wilhelmmarsch Then talk with your parents about it and get a diagnosis
Dan: "Now girls who are on the Autism spectrum get obsessed with collecting certain things..."
Me: looks at my Barbie doll collection that literally came out of no where.
Me sitting in the middle of 100+ plants realizing things....
Yep. Marie Kondo would have a heart attack upon seeing my Pillsbury Doughboy and knife collections.
@@2Cambell I had to google what is a Pillsbury Doughboy and OH MY GOODNESS they're so cute 😍
@@janelienert1670 Oh yes! When I was young, my Mom saved the labels from the cans of biscuits and cresent rolls and mailed them off and they sent us my first Doughboy. Years later, when I moved into an apartment, she found a napkin holder and matching salt and pepper shakers. It was the best present ever!!! I still had my doll. That's were the obsession started. 🤣 There are still 2-3 holy grail pieces missing from my collection, but I've been told that there are only 4 other people who have a collection that compare to mine. I met one at a toy show once. I could hardly talk to her, I was so happy.
I collect Barbies too! Along with books and plants 😅
This is spot on!! I’m one of those ladies I’m extremely introverted but enjoy socialising. I was diagnosed yesterday, but we kinda knew for a while. Last year my mum booked a hall in advance for my 40, bless her she had to cancel it when I found out….there’s no way I could have a gathering just for me!! Aggghh so Saturday night I had my party at her house with a few guests and although I felt bad for my mum not getting to celebrate with EVERYONE it was really more enjoy for me to just have a few guests. Im so grateful she understands and still gave me a party!!
My face is getting more and more serious and my frown is getting deeper with every point you list of.... no freaking way. Am I really? Wtf... this is... what..
You might have just legitimately changed my life.
I’m trans FtM (assigned female at birth) and was raised as a girl, and we didn’t realise I was autistic (and have ADHD) until I went on testosterone and started to have a more typical “male” presentation! I find it really interesting how presentations change. Thanks for making more inclusive content than a lot of what is out there :)
This is so interesting to me because I am non-binary AFAB & I feel that since I’ve started presenting & allowing myself to be more non-binary & less fem, I have started to suspect I have ADHD. Beforehand I probably had certain symptoms but didn’t really realize or I was coping better & my symptoms recently have become so much more prominent & harder to cope with.
Thats amazing
@@coralovesnature why are 99% of non-binary people AFAB? It is a genuine curiosity of mine
Oh, wow. That’s really interesting. I definitely think hormones play a role in almost everything. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s after a friend suggested I take a test. I think I was in my late 20’s. It does present quite differently from one to the other. Best wishes!
Yes!! An introverted outgoing person: We do exist!!
As an ASD female (self DIAGNOSED) I’ve found I was able to connect with males easier than females. This caused me confusion as I got older because at that point guys only wanted to hang out with me because they were attracted to me... so I then started questioning the relationships that come into my life as well as myself. Knowing I have ASD has helped me understand this part of myself.
Sometimes I wonder if the men I've dated only liked me because I was so naive, as an undiagnosed autistic woman.
I still prefer hanging around guys. I think because I can still feel confident that I can read them better since I was raised to be wary and went through some dangerous situations so I can calculate better than when I'm around women. Nby people are way easier too because they fit enough of the random bits of interacting that I usually can make it work. I never studied the girls and women enough to understand the politics generally speaking. I have a few women friends but they're definitely more relaxed people and often more balanced in their femininity and masculinity.
I feel this
Do you know why this is? I'm female and It's the same for me. I also have an easier time interacting with people younger or much older than I, but people my age (particularly other females) is really hard. I'm not diagnosed ASD, but am diagnosed adhd (which kicks my ass on the daily) and haven't received treatment or seen a doctor for it in almost 20 years.
@@awkwardmyrtle Hi! I have experienced the same thing definitely when it comes to connecting better with guys, and people 20+ years older than me and children. My autistic brain is a systemising brain. It's interested in how things work and finds patterns in everything! My analysis of this phenomenon is that my brain analyses language, tone of voice, facial expression systematically rather than having a neurotypical intuitive understanding. My responses are genuine but I use my understanding of patterns in social interaction rather than intuition to figure out how to behave. Many factors are at play - children are not fully developed in their social interactions and older people tend to have a decline in social intuition. This in addition to the fact that there is a cultural difference in generations, and added leniency that older people generally give younger people and children give adults means that often any slight irregularities in my interactions go unnoticed.
There is a theory called the Uncanny Valley that you can look up. My understanding is that for women of similar age, the slight irregularities in the way I interact are deep in that "valley" and it gives them an intuitive feeling that something is not quite right. To them I may seem false in my intentions.
This is also a challenge for me because I am not good at picking up the very slight differences when a neurotypical person is being manipulative etc.
As for interaction with men, the irregularities are blurred based on cultural differences, leniency as potential intimate partners (in the evolutionary sense, NOT do with a man's actual intentions). Men also tend to be more systematic thinkers (obviously a generalisation) so actually relating to them can be easier for me.
Just my analysis but I hope that helps. Happy to answer any questions.
Masking to Meltdown: In my early teen years, when I would come home from school, my Dad would saddle our horse, and I would go for a solo ride. Some days he would take a look at my face, and without us exchanging a single word, he'd saddle April up, and I didn't speak to anyone for an hour or two. I always felt so much more centered, at peace, upbeat, and just generally more myself by the time I chose to come home. I don't know if I could ever explain what his unconditional love and support gave me. When he came into our lives he brought a level of long term stability that I had never known.
This is beautiful.
i've been doing so much research about autism and trying to asses myself in the past 1-2 years ever since i started suspecting i might have it, and my god this is the first time i've come across something that describes me so perfectly 😭😭 i couldnt even have gotten help from family because they dont take my mental health seriously, so thank you SO much for this video, i feel so seen and understood
I go mute when I’m frustrated. I use hand gestures when I’m looking for something. Like I touched my ears when I’m looking for my headphones.
I do the same thing! If I get too much auditory feedback (too much noise) then I won't talk at all, I physically can't. Something that's helped me is learning basic sign language, that way I can communicate without speaking
I do that too! Sadly people don’t understand half the time and I want noise cancelling headphone but I can’t afford them:(
If I am looking at the item I want (like at the dinner table) the word for it disappears from my mind. So I point at it and get accused of being rude.
I'm generally an introvert, but I can be quite outgoing at times and I can get along with people quite well (because of masking), but I've always found it difficult to make real friends and so I ended up in toxic friendships, most of the times. But ever since I received my diagnosis a couple of months ago, I was able to open up and I get along with my friends much better. They are really accepting and supportive, even though they might not always understand what's going on. I think I was scared, that if I showed my true self, they wouldn't love me anymore, and so I was afraid of telling them about my autism. But the truth is that our relationship has improved by a lot and I was even able to make some new friends. I'm at the point where I can say, I'm really proud of being autistic.
ditto julia. also helps when many of your friends are on the spectrum..
samee im really scared to ask to get a diagnosis bc my parents dont notice my symptoms since they are always so busy. plus i hide my symptoms.
I am self diagnosed. I am 100% convinced and my mental health changed for the better when I realized!!!!
You are basically describing my childhood!!! I had a late diagnosis and growing up without knowing the condition was a challenge for me and my family. Now I´m a Gestalt Psychoterapist who helps people find tools to get to know their own Autism and find ways to live a happy life in their own way ☺💜
A description of my eye contact: They aren’t looking at me, stare at them. Uh-oh, their head is tilted slightly in my direction! Look anywhere but their face!! Nooo... they began looking at me while I was looking at them, don’t break eye contact: initiate stare, don’t close eyes EVER.
My socializing skills: from age 7 to 10 I jump-roped by myself everyday at recess. People have literally left the table (with full lunch trays) as soon as I sat down. I have quite a bit of “friends” but don’t really connect with anyone and have been teased quite a bit.
Collector: I don’t think I’ve got a problem with this one... (Just kidding!) I’ve got 400 rubber ducks, 100s of silk flowers, and 178 books! I used to collect candy wrappers, but moved and lost my collection.
Selective mutism: I’m unsure on if I actually have this, but I’ve been told I’m the quietest, shyest person they’ve met. There have been 2 places where I’ve felt very comfortable: Colour guard (flag spinning) and music class. Those teachers have said I’m a completely different person than I was at the beginning of the year: Witty, sassy, outgoing, and creative! When I’m overwhelmed, I will NOT talk (or move) for hours. I constantly have comments in my head I’d like to say, but it feels like I physically can’t.
Masking to meltdown: I’ve had many days where I literally cry myself to sleep as soon as I get home. Almost daily, I would have 30-minutes (usually more) stimming sessions by myself, because I won’t do most stims in public.
Haha, thanks if you read all that. It’s just my reaction to what Dan said
The social skills. 🤣 I would literally play with ROCKS at recess.
The Eye Contact description was Spot On!!! I can also relate to everything you said, including jumping rope at recess by myself
the only one i didn't have myself was the introverted outgoing (i really don't like social events at all ) .. everything else is ticked to some degree.. though i am told my eye contact is fine i actually don't look at people at all.. i sometimes graze their faces with my eyes but usually to see what their body is doing.. i usually actually look just above someones head or at their hair. i used to collect rocks mainly odd looking and shiny ones (i have a bag full of stone that has tiny bits of gold in it that i took back home after a vacation in norway. we went to these goldmines i remember riding a cart down into the mines and being toured along with another group and being allowed to take home the rocks they are really cool looking and kinda shiny !) i also have a ton of videogames and books galore. i also have an almost complete collection of hamtaro collectibles from back in the day.. they were these small figurines you could put on pencils. we had a japanese merch store near our home (they had statues of anime like evangelion and i also remember seeing a large sailor moon figurine. they also had some nintendo and sega stuff.. i remember seeing a large Ryu figurine from Shen mue) so back in the day they had these collectible hamtaro toys. they were pretty small but i remember that since i was a regular customer the owner would set aside one of them every time a new ones came out. i have all but number 1 of the entire collection wich wasn't aquirable anymore since it was hamtaro himself. and since he's the main character he was sold out everywhere. we even looked in other stores but it was futile.
i defenitely have selective mutism.. i clam up like crazy in unknown situations or when someone asks me something i didn't expect.. i tend to also stutter and mess up my words when i'm asked something out of the blue.. i remember on an internship a customer asked me something and all that came out was: oh uh i uh i oh erm. by the time i finally got something out that wasn't utter gibberish the customer had turned around and asked my colleague instead. of course after she had helped the customer i was immideately asked why i had reacted in such a wierd way as the customer had seemed a bit wierded out by my reaction.. in that moment i literally just wanted to bolt as explaining that my brain just had a bluescreen just was too much for me at that point..
for masking to meltdown.. since i mask around almost everyone but people who also have autism i tend to crop everything up and when i get home the mask slips and small things can defenitely tick me off
@@pollywogpaints9786 : Oh wow! I feel like I just found a long lost twin! People have thought I'm a complete weirdo all my life because I almost always preferred to play with rocks rather than anything else. I had favorite "drawing rocks" (sandstone in different colors), nice flat rocks for making houses, people rocks, etc.. I had a huge collection of them in my room, plus stashes all over the playground at school so I could play with them right away when I got outside; I got tired of spending half of recess looking for the rocks I wanted, although looking for rocks is satisfying as well. 😊☮
@Mike who cheese harry : I'm new to this subject, so bear with me. I'm not being able to see a difference between an introvert with social anxiety, and a person on the autism spectrum... is it possible to be autistic but NOT be an introvert with social anxiety?
You’ve described me 100%. I’m 43 undiagnosed mom of an aspie son. I don’t know who to go to to get diagnosed. I think my family doctor already thinks I’m crazy 😜 I always thought I was a severe introvert who taught herself to socialize decently. Then I come home, shut the blinds, lock the doors and crawl under the covers till morning.
Our mom was introverted bordering reclusive, collector, food habits after Alzheimer’s that were unusual, was great at masking, but would melt down periodically. She was so good at masking that people thought she was extroverted. But in her old age would rather be alone.
Upper-30s woman here who has not been able to get a diagnosis but absolutely checks all the boxes here. Thanks for this content.
i´m 17 years old, my sister got her diagnosis at a very young age and ´my brother at the age of 14. My parents have always told me that "You can´t have autism because you have friends and good grades etc". Literally every single thing on this list fits me. Finally my mum have opened her eyes and seen all of the traits, therefore I´m finally looking to get a diagnosis. I remember when I was about 11 years old, every day I would try to be this perfect student, play with my classmate. And then I got home and got this huge meltdown, only thing that could stop it was if I were to sleep for an hour or two or if I ate something. I literally had no energy left after school, I was so exhausted. Now I live beside my current school so I literally go home and sleep every day when I have lunch. This is the first time I reccon I don´t have any friends too, it´s a weird feeling. I try to talk to people but they just stare at me. What do I do wrong? Everyone are like "It´s your own fault, you´re not trying hard enough", but I really am tho. It´s like whatever I say or do people think it´s weird or whatever, literally I don´t know what to do haha
I relate to you on all of that so much. Siblings to early diagnosed autistic kids pressured into performing amazingly and conforming to neurotypical standards bc you seem to function well enough, unite
Dude yes! Those last 5 sentences really resonated with me. Like I think I'm being super casual and polite but no one is interpreting me in a positive way, not sure what else to do
My husband was laughing cause I do all 7 of these. I haven't went in to get diagnosed yet but your videos helped me realize that I'm different but that is ok and your videos have helped me learn to deal with things so thank you a million times over.
Thanks for making these videos. They really mean a lot. Many times in my life I questioned myself because it was so difficult for me to do simple things. I thought that when I grew up I would stop being like that, but now that I go to university it has been very difficult to make friends or even start conversations with my classmates. These videos make me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much.
Hi Dan, l am 62 mum grandma great grandma l recently watched Christine McGuinness AUTISM. I had an awakening l did some on line tests. Then seen a psychologist for an assessment and scored extremely high on Autism as well as scoring for ADHD. I am being referred to autism triage for diagnosis and then ADHD It explains so much about my life and l can’t believe l finally have answers at 62. Thank you for sharing Deb
I’ve struggled socially my entire life. I have a really hard time understanding others and understanding basic boundaries. I talk a lot with my hands too which I often get embarrassed about when I realize I’m doing it… I have a hard time looking at people I’m talking too and the more serious the subject the harder it is. I often panic and can hardly remember the conversation and I have no idea what expressions they might have had during the conversation… makes it harder to figure out where I went wrong and how they might have been feeling. I’m fairly open and friendly with people when I’m out or at work but I get exhausted and stressed easily. I became a book worm at a very young age and I still often hide in books. I have spent a lot of time by myself because I just don’t… understand people. I have a huge almost unstoppable urge to get pets but I manage to keep myself from it by reminding myself about my current circumstances and how it wouldn’t work out. I used to have two bearded dragons, a leopard gecko, and a mouse. I would feel so happy and just obsess over these pets. I only have a fish and a cat now but I have to constantly keep after myself about not getting pets. I obviously can’t collect pets… that would probably be bad. I often come home and just shut down. I go and hide away in books, movies, my writing, and anything else I can think of to avoid my feelings and stress from the day spent trying my hardest to interact with others. When I have days where I tried my hardest and it wasn’t enough I break down and cry and fall apart because I’m exhausted and I gave it my all and it still went so badly… it’s just not fair.
I’m sorry you have to go through that. Thanks for sharing.
I hope you find some nice ppl who you don’t feel the need to try hard around. Where you can just ask if you don’t understand someone :)
And talking with your hands is cool, other ppl are probably just jealous because you’re so cool and expressive 😎
I'm so sorry you are going thru such a hard time please hold on and l know it's hard.
Honestly my desire to be surrounded by pets is strong! Cats, dogs, reptiles… I think things have either gotten better or worse for me lately, because as a person who has had a pretty bad fear of spiders most of my life, I have recently started to overcome that fear and have a little spider living under my kitchen sink that I have named Roger and I really want to catch a fly to put in his web 😂
Yes I realise I’m probably not okay 😂
My college counselor suggested I get tested for ASD so here I am. I went in for ADHD but came out with a little extra spice to look for. All of these applied to me.
Thank you and God bless you. Explains EVERYTHING I have battled. Understanding is so very cathartic. I'm a 52 y/o female and a name to what has been dealt with, even now, is helpful beyond measure. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you also to those who listed in the comments. You also are greatly appreciated.
I think I might be on the spectrum, it’s been mentioned to me a few times by my mum over the years. only since learning about masking and how different it can be in girls I’ve took it seriously. I was working full time, coming home exhausted and just going to bed. I’d avoid talking to people at work as much as possible and always felt like I didn’t connect with any of them and that they all thought I was weird. I’m an introvert, with anxiety and depression, pretty comfortable in my isolation, but also sometimes feel very lonely. I just don’t know how to go about getting assessed…. Or the pros and cons of this.
I'm literally in tears. I feel seen and understood for the first time ever. This video is so insightful! Thank you so much for sharing
*hugs* I get it.
I was nodding along to every point you mentioned, thinking they applied to me. By the time you got to "introverted but outgoing" I started crying because that's basically how my friends describe me.
I was hesitant about seeing an autism specialist, but after this video, I'm printing off your list and making an appointment. Thank you so much!
I found veganism in 2013, i was obsessed ♥️. Still vegan, but now i have new obsessions. Collecting stuffed animals and rescuing cats has become a way of life and i never suspected those activities could be my way of coping with life.
Thank for this video!
I have felt alone and trapped by my occasional outwardly behavior for too long. Now I’m overwhelmed all the time. I didn’t understand why I feel or experience things “too much” - too often. Thanks for making my introverted yet social soul feel understood. Thank you!
Me diagnosed at 14 and vibing.
Also me: let's watch the video, just in case 👀
I have landed back into my home planet, Planet Autism
Edit: I wanna include the entire spectrum
omg it is a different planet tho
I hope you like it there :-)
I would be planet autism... we are all autistic if we are on the spectrum
I'm planning to get tested but this is ticking off SO many issues I've dealt with all my life. Especially the masking to meltdown. All my life I've read fiction obsessively (honestly fiction and fictional characters can be argued as my obsession and collection) and got in the habit of picking a character I liked or wanted to be like and just secretly pretending to be that character to help me get through school and social situations. Then when my older siblings were babysitting me after school I'd completely meltdown in a full on tantrum. In my teen years I began the habit of crafting playlists of songs that helped me get into character. I also bought SO many etiquette books as a kid/teen to try and figure out how I was supposed to act so people would like me. Going to a party sounds like hell just give me my quiet night alone with a good story.
You ARE me! 😂 So crazy how you described it. It’s like I have to see it to mimic it in order to understand the traits. Feels very forced but doable
I'd just love to thank you for this video, I literally found myself in every single thing you mentioned. I've never been diagnosed with anything, psychologists and psychiatrists I've talked to never took me seriously, made me feel like my depression and anxiety (and social anxiety and panic attacks) and everything else I told them about are made up, I never felt heard as much as right now, thank you so much ♥ I don't feel I can be myself, not with my family, I don't have almost any friends because I panic just at the thought of going out and talking to strangers, but I really WANT to make friends, I WANT to have someone to laugh with and go shopping and whatever else... So yeah, I stay home with my favourite books, complete shut-in, with my collection of colorful plush bunnies and a fuckload of crafting materials and origami paper and crap... And just, thank you, because I thought I was a weirdo, that I don't belong in this world at all, that there is something very wrong with me...
I went under the radar for most of my life, I was diagnosed at 33! I think that probably as many females with autism exist but are just undiagnosed. I feel better listening to your videos, I feel less alone and hate myself less. The symptoms are so alienating!
The selective mutism/ extreme shyness connection was a punch in the gut. I remember report cards from elementary school where the teacher notated on my shyness.
Heyyyy me too ✋
I still have the report cards. It makes me kind of sad honestly because of how oblivious everyone was to the fact that I was clearly in need of some sort of support. I was selectively mute like c'mon. This isn't typical behavior for a kid. Just gonna leave me on my own like that lol
Same here 😭
The shyness slaps. My most common comment on school reports was that I needed to ask for help when I didn't understand, or ask for more work when I finished rather than just sitting there, depending on the class. I just.. didn't want to bring the teachers attention, I never had a bad one but it always felt awkward to raise my hand for help and admit I was lost, or raise it when they were helping others to be like "Hey i need more to do."
me too I would be told I don’t raise my hand enough or talk
Looking to get my 12 year old daughter diagnosed at her behest. Researching her made me realised that I am an Aspie. Finding that out (self-diagnosed) at 50 was a life changer. So much kinder to myself now. ❤️
Except for selective mutism, every one of these describes me. I am from a place where being neurodivergent is heavily stigmatized and there’s a lot of ignorance surrounding the autism spectrum, so until these videos started popping up on my recommended, I had absolutely no idea why I was such a social screwup for my whole life. The fact that I could very well be on the spectrum and get diagnosed as such makes me want to cry tears of happiness because it lets me know that there’s a whole community of other people who probably felt exactly like I did growing up.
Okay.. so…
I know it’s super unprofessional- but working at a tattoo shop, a lot of strange comments come up…
One artist came up to me and told me that she thought i have some “pretty obvious” signs that i might fall under the spectrum of autism……
She said a few things that I understood completely while other people around us just looked at us like we were weird so I decided to just go on a binge research montage what autism really is and the symptoms…
And i came across this video……… i LITERALLY… have all of the things you brought up….
My whole life i felt out of place and like no one understands me or why i am the way that i am… and now that im seeing so many people on UA-cam speaking of autism, im slowly starting to feel like i might actually belong somewhere. Is that weird to say? It just felt weird for someone to understand how i think about things rather than always having to worry about being the different/strange one in the group.
Is so me. I have been shamed my entire life for being an introvert and stay at home person. Thank you for showing me that I can give myself permission to be myself.
I never knew why I physically couldn't speak to people after school but now it all makes sense
I was diagnosed at 61. 67 now. Life changing...
As an autistic female, I experienced every one of these attributes (especially in grade school). Teachers would contact my family with concerns, but I was then chalked off as being painfully shy. After a series of MIS-diagnoses, I was finally diagnosed with ASD at age 46. My son is also on the spectrum, and I suspect that my 72 year-old mum is also autistic.
Hey! I am 46 and think that I may be autistic. One of the reasons that it never occurred to me before is that my Mother, who is 72 as well probably has it too. My sons are both diagnosed with ADHD and one definitely is on the spectrum. I saw your comment and had to say HI.
@@faeriesmak Hi there! 👋🏽
I'm a woman trying to figure out where I stand with this, cause I actually relate to A LOT of the most common experiences and some sympthoms, but I'm still not sure if my experiences are strong or intense enough to qualify as autism (got over some of these, but this is 100% how you'd describe me in middle school and high school)
I completely understand. I’m in the same boat where I identify with a lot of the symptoms and experiences, but not to such a severe degree. So I question if I’m autistic enough to be considered on the spectrum.
I'm going through the same thing with ADHD and, to a lesser degree, autism.
Are the symptoms strong enough to consider myself on those spectrums or am I just a weird NT? No idea
Well, it's called a spectrum for a reason. It sounds like you could be at the milder end of the spectrum, like my youngest son.🙂
@@leonieromanes7265 if you don't mind, how is it like for your son? I'm having a hard time finding people's stories on the mild end of the spectrum
Everyone's case is different and everyone is different. Then there's a big difference that can be made, depending on the parents you have. When I was about 10 I read an article on how important eye contact was and so I incorporated it into my "how to be" folder....because I was just trying to figure out how to be....because I only know how to be me. My Mom helped me out a lot with social skills. I'd come home and tell her everything and she'd tell me how I should handle things correctly next time, how to process things mentally and emotionally, how to handle being bullied for being different....she was amazing. If I hadn't been blessed with her I really don't think I would've done as well as I have. I come here and watch these videos because it's the only place I feel like I'm understood and accepted. I met another Aspie in person for the first time a few years ago and I can't even tell you how that made me feel and I was around her sister, also. It was just so nice to be understood finally.
Finally it makes sense. Thank you for this video!🤯
My 10 year old daughter just got medically diagnosed with autism. We struggled to get her diagnosed, the school’s evaluation found her to have a emotional disability and ADHD. I feel so bad for parents that don’t have the resources or the knowledge to fight for a autism diagnosis. Thank you for your videos!
I’ll preface this by stating that I am not formally diagnosed, but I am becoming more and more convinced that I am on the spectrum. When it comes to eye contact, I don’t have any issue making eye contact with people when I’m listening to them. But when I’m talking to them, I’m hyper aware of how long I’m maintaining eye contact and I’m constantly wondering if I’m making too much or too little eye contact.
Thoughts?
I'm like that too. My sons are both on the spectrum and are better at making eye contact than me🙂
If you think you might be on the spectrum, please do get tested. I started to suspect it of myself, but my family didn't take me seriously until I insisted constantly that I wanted to be sure. I got my diagnosis at 17. Just knowing whether or not you are will help you tremendously!
lmao same. But its more about distraction rather than hyper awareness that I purposefully lose the eye contact. I try my best bringing it back lately, which leads to the same hyper awareness as you and a distraction however lol
Ugh I do this all the time. I come off as friendly and talkative even if I’m a bit “weird” to some people but my mind works like a machine calculating eye contact, arm movements, laughter, coming up with jokes in the back of my head to use somewhere in the conversation, and trying to process what the other person is saying. I haven’t been diagnosed with autism but after talking with my dad about it for a while we both believe there’s a possibility I’m on the spectrum.
@@enziugeno that's so true, having a diagnosis helps a lot, I just got mine and I'm 17!
Masking to meltdown, YES. I work in a very social setting and serve a ton of people in an weekend, Sunday evening comes and I'm totally spent. It's like there is nothing left inside of me and it can take days to recover if I've been super busy all weekend. When you described the chocolate sauce episode I totally related! This list helped me to feel better about myself, my husband often doesn't get me and just wants to go go go. Thanks for your channel!
I am a female who was diagnosed at 28 - everything finally clicked for me in terms of my behaviour and certain characteristics. I feel like maturing let me drop my mask and copying ditto mechanisms and let me have a true perspective to myself - I was never a "problem child" or had BPD Bipolar etc, I was just autistic lol.
introverted and outgoing is the best way to put it...i need so much more alone recovery times than any of my friends but when im in the right mood I never want the hangout to end.
I understand so much of this and feel validated on some signs I didn’t know were autism related. My parents curbed the lack of eye contact early on, but the rest is spot on. At parent teacher conferences, everyone would be like “I wish I had a classroom full of you”, but my mom and I would joke to each other “yeah but not a living room”. The masking to meltdowns were a lot to handle. I didn’t realize the contradictions in my personality were autistic- I’ve always thought I was fighting myself, not just being myself. This will help me give myself grace.
I diagnosed myself after reading a book where the main character was on the spectrum and I realized that I had highlighted every quote where she talked about her traits as an autistic woman. Afterward, I started to research autism in girls and decided to make a list of traits that I related to after finishing every article or video. I wrote pages of traits and how I felt particularly in each one of them:
- auditory sensory overload (several people talking at the same time; I am very sensitive to repetitive noises, televisions that I am not watching, small noises that sometimes only I can hear, and people talking loudly)
- I don't like to be put in new situations (especially if I don't have a warning)
- routine (getting out of the routine even if it's for something I like to do makes me very anxious)
- difficulty understanding others' emotions and my own (generally considered cold/calculating/rational and very emotional people make me uncomfortable to the point that I want to run away)
- clothes with too many pieces/too complicated to wear make me uncomfortable
- after a social event and/or going through auditory sensory overload I just want to be locked in my room alone reading and without any noise as if I have a burnout (sometimes I feel distant from reality when I have to do something if I'm in this burnout state)
- I have had a problem with expanding my food range since childhood
- difficulty with banal conversations (small talk makes me feel like I'm dying inside)
- I don't know how to act in certain social situations (I feel like I don't know the rules) and I usually try to act like the people around me and create scenarios in my head to develop a script on how to respond, in addition to using more common facial expressions, always smiling so people don't misinterpret what I'm doing or use a neutral expression - "copy" the way people act in certain situations (good morning/afternoon/evening if people do that in the environment, etc) (going to a restaurant that I have never been alone, arriving alone in a place to meet people, doing anything new without having someone with me to "guide how I should act")
- I usually say that I have two personalities because the person I am in each situation is not the same person I am when I'm at home and/or alone
- I take things literally (someone says "We could go out for lunch tomorrow" - I won't forget you said that and I'll be anxious thinking if you really want to go to lunch or if it was just a form of expression and I'm embarrassed to ask and force a situation; "let's go out today; we could go out on the weekend; we could see this movie" make me feel the same way)
- it makes me very uncomfortable to look people in the eye, but sometimes I force myself to look while the person talks and the feeling I have is like I'm holding my breath and I end up spacing out of the conversation, sometimes I'm moving my body/play with my hair and pretend to use my cell phone or that I'm observing the environment to justify why I'm not making eye contact
- touches initiated by other people make me uncomfortable (but sometimes I feel like touching the person out of nowhere - hugging, touching the arm, the hair - of someone I like, but it passes soon after I do and I feel like a crazy person because that urge appears out of nowhere)
- I'm very detail oriented (about everything, I can see details that a lot of people don't notice around me) - very observant about everything around me: I can notice even when someone changes something minor in their appearance
- I have a controlling and perfectionist personality (my daily routine works like clockwork and any change makes me very anxious - I avoid doing certain things until the last minute because I need to prepare for that moment, for example: talking about a case with my boss, I spend more than a day pondering how to approach the subject with her)
- I have a hard time reading people's needs (my mom keeps saying I don't care about anything but myself because I don't ask how she is, I don't do the things that need to be done - like see if there's water for the dog, sit down to talk, etc, but if you ask me to do these things I will every single time, I just don't remember that I have to do it daily especially if you don't tell me that is expected of me to do it every day)
- I always try to say things directly and bluntly, being frank about the subject, but people keep saying I'm rude, and I never meant to be rude, for me, I just told the truth. People also think I'm being rude funny or joking when I made an obvious remark (to myself a least)
- I don't forget anything (especially very important things, social interactions, moments, stories, details, dates, conversations, dialogs, quotes, songs, etc)
- I always follow rules/laws, and that's why I love my law degree - many say that I can't be a very black-and-white person, that there's something in between, but I can't "not follow" rules, instructions, and laws, it makes me very anxious when someone I'm with doesn't follow and wants me not to follow either (cutting the line, not following traffic rules, etc.)
- I can get lost very easily inside my head and thoughts - zone out a lot
- constantly creating and looking for patterns (how things are organized, how people in my everyday life activities, how traffic signs work in my daily way to work, I always create a specific way of working when I start a new job following the same order and logic, I always study in the same way using the same techniques, I wear certain pieces of clothing in specific situations)
- I tend to ask a lot of questions to understand the whole scenario but people think I love to fight and argue
- overthinking - I think too much about certain things and I can't stop until something changes my focus - before bed I create scenarios in my head or think about the next day or certain situations that happened/may happen until I black out
- I hate talking on the phone (I plan what to say before the call and sometimes I don't order food/medicine etc so I don't have to make the call)
- when I do something I like, I can do it for hours without any problems and I feel as if everything around me disappears to the point that I don't even hear people calling me (I can spend the whole day immersed in a book, watching a series, listening to music)
- I hate changes (in everything - they make me extremely anxious and not know how to deal with the situation)
- I have space problems, I keep hitting things and taking falls (I have had at least one fall everywhere I go) - poor motor coordination
omg why do people have to get so annoyed when someone asks questions, I'm like that too, I am not diagnosed but the people around me and me always having felt out of place makes me think I might have it. I ask a lot of questions because I don't wanna do anything wrong and so if there is a person I can ask (someone I know) I will ask to make sure everything is being done exactly the right way! Also sunlight is too bright, but then glasses press on the side of my head and give me migraines so it's just annoying. and mu nose bridge is so thing that glasses just go to the end of my nose anyway and the sun gets in my eyes anyway.. if you are on the spectrum, would it make you feel good to know it?
What was the book you read, if you don't mind? I'd like to read it.
Good list. Thank you.
@Mads the first one was " The Kiss Quotient" by Helena Hoang! I'm a sucker for romance books but this one was a life-changer for me because made me see some qualities about myself that I haven't noticed until the main female character points them out! Highly recommend reading the others two books of the series!
Wow, Thankyou for sharing. 🙏
I read every word. I'm..amazed. The entire list is exactly what I feel. I've read many comments on here, after watching several videos. It's pretty life changing to realize and a relief I'm not the only one feeling all of this.
Thank you. I feel like I'm finally starting to have the words to express what I am going through. I feel like I have been masking most of life and just knowing that, makes me feel better .
This is such an important topic, thanks for shedding a light on it!
I'm 25 and starting to wonder very seriously if I am autistic and undiagnosed. I'm only at the start of this journey, but everything you listed here I have and do experience. Looking back on my childhood, I remember being so painfully shy that I wouldn't even talk to my grandparents when they visited (and they lived close, we saw them at least once a month, but often more). My 4th grade teacher told my parents "Emily is very smart, but I don't know if I've ever heard her voice before."
I use to think my obsessive collective and shyness was just me trying to be more like Ariel, who was my favorite princess.
My teacher laughed at me and then was concerned when he found out I didn’t know the name of the girl who sat next to me in class for a year and had never spoken to her before. Eventually it was too much being in that class and I was allowed to move to a separate room to work by myself alone.
@@_xannaI’ll never understand the social expectations within the education system, it’s like “which is it, education or socializing?” I skipped a lot of spirit week or whatever.
I'm a female, and to be honest, I always felt "different" than other people. They also treated me like I was different. But of course, my family never saw that. When I was in my teen years, I got driven into an alternative lifestyle so I thought to myself, "oh, THIS is why I was different, I just needed like-minded individuals. Boy, was I wrong. Fast forward to now, I'm 25 and I started researching a bunch of things just so I can understand the way I function - and I think I might have autism or Aspergers (+ other things). It was all there all along, but not anyone could see it in me. I could still be wrong, of course, that's why I want to get an official diagnosis.
The sad part is, I can't find anything in my country. I live in Europe, but for some reason, autism can only be diagnosed in children here. I can't find anything, anywhere on the internet, any doctors for us adults in our healthcare system. And I'm losing hope. (I sought a diagnosis for other mental health issues in the past but it was never taken seriously by doctors, and I got the wrong diagnosis.)
My daughter was not diagnosed until she was 35. We had different diagnosis throughout her life that did not seem to fit. It is refreshing to see that there is finally some help out there as there was not much when she was growing up.
I have known for years that my daughter was on the spectrum but she wasn’t diagnosed until last year when she was 12 yrs old. This video is SO ACCURATE ….. all of these are literally my daughter exactly
My mother is 94 and is still undiagnosed. However, she told me that while she was recovering from hip surgery in a rehab center, they ran some "psychological tests" on her because they thought something was "wrong with my mind." I don't know what those tests results were but I can tell she's an Aspie. It was so hard growing up with her for a mother. No one suspected anything because she's social and had a good job; she taught first grade. She likes to go out with her friends and talk to them on the phone. Speaking of talking on the phone, she was obsessed with talking on the phone, but only with her chosen friends and relatives. She did not like meeting new people, and she outright refused to speak to my friends' parents. That is only one example of how she made my life hell when I was a teenager. My mom hit all the bullet marks on this video. I would add one more thing to your list; she had a hard time expressing empathy for others, which is a terrible thing for a child to realize about your parent. She was a great mother when I was a young child, and terrible for me when I was a teen. Tests show that I am neurotypical.
I'm a parent of a 7 year old little girl who has just been given the diagnosis of having autism and they explained to me how close she was to being missed because of her masking, especially in school. It was through watching your videos, starting a couple of years ago that helped me help her and when you responded to a previous question i asked, it was that that made me push the school into helping me with her. So thank you and thank you for your videos, they have helped and i am sure will be a big help in the future as she grows up.
My most prominent feature is both wanting at times to not be a human that is social nor exists among other humans, and at times needing copious amounts of social validation, rotating every few weeks/days/hours.
I have never felt more seen in my entire life. I have been questioning whether I am on the spectrum or not, as a few friends have brought it up to me, one of which is a behavioural therapist. I lost one of my best friends because when we moved into together and I would get home from school and/or work I would go straight to my room and not talk to anyone (that's my theory at least, they never really explained it), my room full of my multifarious collections. I relate to everything you've just listed. Especially the masking to meltdown. Thank you for creating and sharing the content you do!