The only thing (so far, not finished) she mentioned on me, is that I am nowhere close to high maintenance. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety as a little kid, but my baby boomer parents pooh-poohed it and just said I "have always been really sensitive"...
@@rosameryrojas-delcerro1059 For every autistic trait discovered there will necessarily exist a subset of the autistic population for whom that trait has never been part of their lives.
12 signs of female phenotype of autism, according to Dr. Sage. 1. BPD, OCD, GAD or other personality disorders diagnosis. 2. Highly sensitive, “picky”, disregulated behavior. 3. Significant sensory issues. 4. A trend of relationship issues. 5. Stimming. 6. Naive, “ditsy”, hyper empathetic behavior. Too trusting. 7. Isolating, separating, time alone to regulate and prevent burnout. Feeling safe in your body only when alone. 8. Social anxiety and rumination. 9. Good girl syndrome. 10. She seems to skip #10 but mentions “special interests”. 11. Chronic illness. 12. ADHD - comodbidity 30-70% with autism.
This would be a phenotype of an autistic girl growing up in a stable home environment with basic needs being met and little to no sexual, physical, emotional abuse or neglect.
Hi all! i am so sorry i forgot #10! It was "routines, being rigid around routine, needing routine to thrive...may come across as inflexible, controlling, rigidity" -was flying to paris the next day and doing too much! xo
Thank you so much for this ❤ This is compiled well enough to take with me to help me get my dx. Thank you for being here. I love how serious and professional your content is. Kudos and sending my love and gratitude ❤ Can you take clients for diagnosis?
In my case, I think this is where is the ADHD tends to override the Autism. I absolutely do need routines and thrive better with them, but it has been so challenging to create & maintain routines & habits. If I'm not careful, this leads to what looks like procrastination or laziness. I want to do the things, I just don't seem to have the energy (physical or mental) to restart the routine after the original novelty wears off. Makes me feel chronically unmoored.
How are elderly females coping with their autsim in their older age? Downsizing, moving, isolation, health issues without family support, avoiding elder abuse from others, going to assisted living or a nursing home. Are there any books on autistic senior citizens and how to cope? If we had such a hard time coping in our younger years how do we get through the golden year challenges? Especially when there is zero family or support. Another challenge for us. Please pray for me I'm an autistic senior citizen women and wondering how my future days will play out. Thank you 🕊
Was going to mention this as well. My husband gets so upset bc I have a complete lack of situational awareness. I assume I'm safe and everyone is friendly, everywhere. I understand at a logical level that not all people are safe or friendly, but I just can't seem to put that into practice. I'm out here smiling at everyone, fully expecting a smile and nod in return, and in my own completely oblivious bubble. Sigh...
@@rrmother3748 I empathize with this. When my husband and I were dating over 15 years ago, he lived with friends in a house on a street that was known as Murder Mile in our city. I lived a 10-15 minute walk away with a friend. I would walk home alone at night sometimes (through a busier area), and one night some guy struck up a conversation with me (I think it was around a bar, come to think of it). I was pleasant and confident, and after a moment, he asked suspiciously if I was a cop. I said no, but he was then convinced I was a plant, and he started looking around for cops, then he left me alone. When I mentioned this to my then-fiance, he told me he was walking me home from then on, and he told me a long time later that he carried a knife on his person for those walks. Talk about naive! I really resonate with your last sentence.
Omg I have been saying this to myself for the last 15 years. Blaming myself that I am obsessively trusting and don't see the signs soon enough when people are bad. Its like I'm not able to accept them being possibly evil inside or out to harm me. Wow. I can't believe I'm not alone in this ! ❤😢
Right? I had both a therapist and a psychiatrist ask me “Why do you want to know if you’re autistic or have ADHD? Those are difficult diagnoses and take a lot of time.” I was gobsmacked! What do you mean WHY would I want to know?
@@tiffknox6158 Personally, I just kept reading books by authors who are on the spectrum then started researching. I have no doubt, and I make sense now. I tried once to ask a therapist and she was so rude to me I don't care at all what a "professional" thinks.
@tiffknox6158 that's why I'm not seeking a formal diagnosis in my 60s. One of my children, now grown, was diagnosed with ASD. They sent me several links to ASD tests online. Every result came back that I have autism and should see a Dr. When I shared the results with my kid they said they knew I was on the spectrum but was reluctant to tell me.
I am 62 and self diagnosed. I have been treated for anxiety and depression since my early 20s. Basically my entire 20s of single parenthood I just barely functioned and was miserable. Character flaws that I could not make go away no matter how faithful I followed my therapists advice. Something was wrong with me. To this day I struggle with not letting the depression win. And the anxiety of getting out of my comfort zone is impossible. When my grandson was diagnosed with autism my whole life made sense. I had answers for why I function the way I do. Unfortunately the few times I have shared my insight with people I've been gaslit. "Everybody wants a label these days." So I keep it to myself and try to be kind to myself. Being always lonely and misunderstood is the hardest when I hate being alone. But alone is also my safe space!
You have helped me so much. I’m 53 and just figured out last year why I am the way I am. Your videos were a big part of my awakening! Thank you! I’ve suffered with so much anxiety in my life and had no idea why.
Oh my God. You are describing my life. I’m 37, my birthday was yesterday- I spent it alone crying, because every year it is the one day how blatantly little I mean to the people around me, and I am sooooo sensitive, so thoughtful of others- I don’t have anyone who does that for me. It hurts me. I’ve been a people pleaser for years, childhood SA, major depressive disorder- they’ve thrown around BPD- I feel like an alien not wired right for this life. I’m so Afraid of the future. Of losing my mom. The one support I have. I don’t like getting older and watching people I love leave- I don’t think I am built for this life
I'm relating to you. 38 and wondering how tf I'm going to keep going. No friends around me, only a few through text but I want friends I can actually spend time with. But then I think no one wants to spend time with me as I'm often depressed and don't have a life. You're not alone. Where can we meet those who are like us? We need a forum.
I want to add one thought: as to empathy. I have empathy just fine. I understand another person's feelings 100%, however I have the ability to NOT CARE enough about the person going through it to react. Not that I can't, just that I won't, because I'd rather just be blank. But I've loved loved loved animals my whole life.
Agreed. For me, a lot of emotional processing is slow. I don’t react to anything quickly except smells or loudness for which I flee. I’ve been in situations where people were panicking around me and I was able to work through it because the emotions happen later.
@@jaimerocha2974 You have the ability to cold-read other people s emotiones. Empathy is reacting, being compassionate. Every psychopath masters cold-reading just fine!
Not to be overly nosey (you need not answer if you do not want), but do you happen to be Muslim? I've actually literally never had the chance to speak with *any* Muslim on the spectrum, although what little I do know about the religion seems like it could potentially be pretty autism-compatible.
Thank you for making this video. I feel so much relief for finally understanding myself but at the same time I feel an immense amount of grief for the hurt and shame I’ve put onto myself for what I go through
Will you do a video just on female friendships with autism. What do we do wrong that pushes people away? Are friendships easier autistic to autistic vs neurodivergent/neurotypical?
Yes they call it the double empathy problem, neurodivergent people understand each other better than a neurotypical will understand a neurodivergent person
I realized that my best & most lasting friendships are with other neurodiverse people, and also there are some people who don’t like me/are naturally mistrusting of me or think I’m being too nice so I must be trying to be manipulative or have ulterior motives
@@Beeatrixover sharing is my issue.. I’ll meet someone who I think I relate to then BAM, I’m giving them my whole life story including all my traumas… and that’s the end of what I thought would be a friendship.. 😢
I have always over shared, no matter how hard I've tried not to! Now in my "golden years" I've embraced my "quirk" by ending each over sharing episode with a smile and a "Thank you for playing the Way-Too-Much-Information game with me. I really love that game!" Always leaves everyone laughing and smiling.
Spot on. I was diagnosed in 2016 at the age of 50 after having suffered my whole life with all the symptoms mentioned here, every single one of them and more. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Hi all:).Hope you find this video helpful! Researchers seem to be saying "we need to understand how autism presents in women and girls given the massive lack of research, but also that using this term might prevent people who are non gender conforming from being identified..." For me, if I had not seen this little bit of research I would likely not have gone down the asd rabbit hole on how it presents in high masking autistics and high masking autistic women and girls who have suffered and continue to suffer-- due to major ignorance, bias and lack of research on autistic girls and women among researchers, clinicians, assessors, educators, etc....Also, there are many research studies which identify that autistic individuals are more likely to identify as LGBTQIA+ than the neurotypical population-- so how we talk about autism and "who has it" matters. Let me just also say that I am a licensed psychologist, and the mother of a gay son, and that inclusion matters to me, as well as using research and evolving psychological terminology to guide my deep dives. I may not get it perfectly right - but my heart is here to honor everyone who needs this information to live their best life. xo
My daughter was for sure on the autistic spectrum. However, some 30 years ago, not much was known about this. She managed and succeeded in so much in her life but has also always struggled a lot. I’ve tried to help, even her high school at the time tried to help with some school work/special program stuff, but none of it was at the level things are at today. Unfortunately, I’ve lost my daughter to brain cancer almost 3 years ago, just as she turned 32. I don’t know how to live without her so I’m watching your channel to find out about the knowledge and the advances in the world of autism. Much love to you and thank you for everything that you do.
@DrKimSage Dr. Sage, I absolutely appreciate that every one of us if special and different in our own amazing ways, but when you only "heart" the opinions in the comments that match your life, you end up excluding the rest of us, who are also in need of help but who aren't as open to changing our actual language to receive it. With that small awknowledgement to others views and not to all, you have made me feel that the way I see things is wrong and shouldn't share on your page.
This was incredible validating and you described me perfectly. I'm 45, diagnosed autism only this week, diagnosed adhd 2 years ago. Also diagnosed Bpd in my younger years. I feel I'm finally getting chance to meet and explore the real me. I'm grieving the life I could have had. If only I'd known it wasn't just me being broken and a failed human woman. Still, I appreciate the chance to try again. Stay strong ladies. You're not broken, just misunderstood ❤
Following the rules. That's a very interesting one. Looking back at childhood, I was a STICKLER for following classroom rules. If I got in trouble at school, I felt DEEP SHAME. Not because anyone intentionally made me feel bad; I heaped it on myself. When I first started to work as a teacher, I made strict classroom rules, and it took me a few years to realize that most of my students WEREN'T necessarily obsessed with following them. Many tried, but it took me a few years to understand how to show them grace when it was needed. Even now, I feel a compulsion to do what's "right." I never did understand why some people rebel. I don't know if that ties in with what you described about rule-following, but that's certainly me.
I always followed the rules also and I was a very "good" girl all throughout highschool. I always felt like I wanted to be liked/loved and didn't want any criticism/negative feedback so thats why I was like that. I wanted my parents to love me also but they would get so angry at me for making even the smallest mistake or misbehaving. Even now I always put in so much effort at work to get approval from bosses and out of fear of doing the wrong thing or making a mistake and being criticised.
@@MIOLAZARUS Would you say that you get satisfaction from breaking the rules on a regular enough basis that you might say it's a general rule for you that you attempt to transgress the rules? Hopefully that made sense and I didn't just make an ouroboros of a sentence.
42 yr F with AUDHD here. First, Thank you for pointing out that many of us are capable of eye contact and empathy. I am able to provide both unless im upset with the person. Then I prefer not to acknowledge or look at them. My triggers are, mostly sound oriented and touch. Being intimate is ok if i am "in the mood". If im hyperfocused, i do not like touch. Pretty much everything you spoke about hit the nail on the head.
Hmmm...as though you knew me personally. This research that you do on this subject is very enlightening. The more I listen, the more I see me through the years of my life and realize why my life was so different from others. Can't thank you enough, Dr. Sage!! Keep it coming, please 😊❤
Wow. This describes me perfectly. I always just thought I had bad anxiety, but now, looking back, I think the anxiety was just a symptom of the pressure to perform "normally" and constant over-stimulation. 43 now, wish we'd had this info back then
The first time I plucked up the courage to go to my doctor for a referral for autism assessment he laughed at me and dismissed me so now I am scared to go again and I remain self diagnosed at 50. Everything you said in this video, I can relate to but one thing stood out more than anything. Since realising I am autistic the one thing I have thought is strange is that I don’t really stim, HOWEVER…. I constantly have songs playing in my mind, sometimes the same song will be playing for days (even when I don’t even like the song) it’s there when I go to sleep and still there when I wake up…. Now, thanks to you, I understand why.. Thank you ❤
Hi Louise, im 14 yrs older than you and also undiagnosed but totally convinced I am on the spectrum. Ive never been as brave as you to go to my doctor and now after the pandemic, unless you are dying they aren't interested, so Ive given up finding out about that. I am disgusted with the medical field in general as everything, vaccines have always been trialed on the male and other vital medical issues and autism too. Its a very sad affair that female health in general has been neglected over the last century. Im old now, I just hope that the younger generation of women fight to get answers to a very important question. P.S you talked about not stimming, I didn't either until I was in the middle of a divorce, first time ever. And you mentioned about songs, I have always had that.
I’m sorry you were laughed at that is a terrible rea ruin from a doctor. Shame on them. My union rep and a therapist suggested I may be on the spectrum/adhd . Some😮 young (30’s) family members diagnosed recently suggested me as a family member with similar characteristics.My granddaughter learned about this for her degree last year and gently suggested I fit the criteria. After all this feedback I approached my GP who said it was unlikely as I didn’t have ‘issues’ with schoolwork as a child. I do fit the above autistic girls and women description though and did not make proper friends until my 30s. When I asked my GP for an assessment I was told at my age (then 67) it was a waste of nhs resources as it was costly and I’ve managed well upto now. I certainly wasn’t laughed at - but was firmly dismissed.
I suspect I have EDS. I currently have a broken foot from falling again. I am hypermobile. How do you get diagnosed? Every doctor I go to says it's a different specialist's job and so I get nowhere
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 if you have ancestry dna have it translated by genetic genie free - if you have the COL5A1 or others related to Ehlers Danlos, ask Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida for an appointment for diagnosis. Otherwise it’s get a referral from your PCP to a rheumatologist. It’s a long road but this is a shortcut using dna results.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 ancestry dna results uploaded to genetic genie. Look for COL5A1 or other Ehlers Danlos related gene mutations, and ask Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville fl - they have an Ehlers Danlos clinic for diagnosis.
@@philly8184 YES... Please create a community for not just healing but in insightful ways going forward. Many of us have felt alone and isolated and not only need a place of compassion but a place of encouragement and guidance in our journey FORWARD.
I had no clue that I could possibly have autism, but I’ve always felt mentally a little bit slow. I’ve had a lot of sexual abuse in my life. Alcoholic parent. Narcissistic controlling mother. Who is also a misogynist. This made me feel good. I don’t feel dumb now so never gonna say I’m dumb. All it say that I have form of autism. there’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re stupid your whole life and being called stupid in a drama queen and every other word in the book. Your voice is so calming and your music is perfect. Sometimes your videos get worked up and doing anxiety attack and I can feel it just under my skin, but it’s like you know the perfect time to like circle back into the love and love yourself type mode. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me so much!!
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
Very helpful, thank you! I've just lately realized (at 63) how many undiagnosed autistic traits I've had all my life, on top of PTSD and ADHD. It's a relief to hear about all this, especially about masking for social reasons. So helpful! Bravo!
This is so helpful!!! Hearing you dive deep into CPTSD, being no one’s girl, ADHD, and now autism has helped me sort through my presentations and experiences. I think my sister is the perfect example of a high masking more autistic female to my high masking more adhd female. Of course we both have anxiety disorder diagnosis and depression, too. But there’s something fundamentally different about our challenges and gifts, and I think you’re really digging into it. Thank you!
I was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 50 -- I'm 64 now. OMG did it explain my life. My challenges at work -- the amazing super star with superpowers in year one . . . then becoming the pain in the neck in year two, and by year three it's time to move on to somewhere else because I'm no longer welcome. Why I can't keep friends. In some ways it was freeing but in other ways it was discouraging because it answered why I could never "do better" in social sociations no matter how much I tried. I realized some things would never get better. Man, oh man do I check the boxes in this video! Thanks so much for doing this and sharing this.
Spot on, every single one. With the combination of undereducated mental health professionals and extremely high masking, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32. I've had psychiatrists throw all sorts of diagnoses at me (one mentioned borderline), and none of it made sense. Another admitted I was "hard to peg." Then, I met a wonderful therapist who took the time to get to know me, and quickly realized I'm on the spectrum. She changed my life! Thank you for doing the work to educate, especially for those who don't have access to good clinicians. I went back to school this fall to go into psychology, and I hope to help fellow autistic adults who fell through the cracks ❤
Could you please, try to always explain what abbreviations you use mean. I think all people are not necessarily familiar/remembering all of them and then lose the thread of idea. Thank you so much for your content. Love it! Also you are a very soothing and pleasant speaker.
Thank you so much for this. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (at 43), & in the last couple of months have been investigating the likelihood that I also have autism. There’s too much about the female presentation that resonates too much, to where I see myself finally. I feel like I finally understand who I am.
My granddaughter is 23 and has Turners syndrome, and these girls and women have many autistic tendencies. Being aware of this has helped her tremendously in nursing school and in her social life. Thank you for your information.
I understand that this is meant mostly for the ladies, but I’m a 75 year old male, and I thought you were addressing this to me personally. I’m stunned! I was diagnosed with Adult ADD, in 2010, which was shocking to me, but at the same time, I’d questioned my behavior, even as a kid, then through my school years, and my adult years. Now that I’m a Grampa, several of my grandkids have been diagnosed with Autism. Listening to several of your programs, I’m thinking I might get tested. As I said earlier, so many signs that you listed, really hit home. Thank you for the wonderful way you related your information. It was very, very helpful. A wake up call. Dr Kim, I hope it’s ok to still listen to your programs. I’d also like to share with you what my findings are, after being tested. I’m not a person to jump on board to new thoughts, so quickly, but I have a good sense inside that I can trust you. Thank you, again…
Totally me! I discovered my ASD at 50 and ADHD at 53. I'm now subscribed. Hope to keep learning. Thank you! I've been so misdiagnosed all my life. Ugh. And with that comes toxic meds that don't help.
1. bpd/anxiety/depression/ptsd symptoms 2. highly sensitive, picky, rigid, easily dysregulated 3. massive sensory issues (highly sensitive to senses, like smell, light, etc) 4. intimacy issues 5. a trail in friendship issues 6. overly shy or overly blunt 7. repetitive behaviours 8. naive vision of the world 9. needing time alone, isolation to recharge 10. social anxiety or rumination, afraid of rejection 11. many have some form of chronic illness 12. adhd symptoms
Thank you Kim (y) Among women with autism who share online, your mix of personal comments, science-based facts and I believe things you see in therapy, makes your channel a unique source of information and fuel for thought on ASD :)
This is all me, Kim. I’ve got diagnoses of CPTSD, ASD, ADHD, as well as MULTIPLE chronic illnesses including stress-related illnesses (chronic erosive gastritis, IBS, etc), an autoimmune disease (limited systemic sclerosis), and I’ve had raging clinical depression and anxiety (social + GAD) all of my life. Depression was my first diagnosis. I’m 39 now and I’m really struggling with literally everything. - I’ve also got chronic hay fever and allergies, asthma, and bucketloads of fatigue and somnolence. My entire life has been full of sicknesses and hospitalisation. No friends. Minimal support.
A carnivore diet might do you good. My allergies went away when I stopped eating plants. Gut issues cleared up. Lifelong depression and anxiety went away. Sleep improved greatly. Pms went away. The list goes on. I'm 49 and have been eating this way for over 6 years.
Rochelle - my heart breaks for you... for us both. I know this story!! Misunderstandings galore on top of serious functioning issues with no help in sight. Sending healing and accepting energy. I hope you are able to find other autists, they are a gold mine for friendship and that wouold be my recommendation :)
My mom was a stickler about eye contact. It’s something I was taught so I don’t struggle with eye contact nor empathy which comes quite naturally to me. However, my struggle with nearly all of the other traits mentioned here have in no way diminished in my life on the basis that I’m able to make eye contact or feel, experience & express empathy. I’m very grateful we are learning so much more about autism especially where it relates to women & girls. I’d imagine the issue of misdiagnosis & the often traumatizing treatment that follows an improper diagnosis is probably as significant (if not more so) an issue as undetected autism is. From personal experience, I can say that the damage done by ill informed “experts” who rush to pathologiizing does nothing in the way of improving, impeding or alleviating the hardships that come with neurodivergence but can actually make them much worse. I appreciate the work you’re doing and I sincerely thank you for it.
Omg thank you for this!! I have sometimes suspected that I may be on the spectrum, but I never quite fit the very specific examples I would see. This makes SO much more sense to me. I really appreciate this video and you sharing your experience
This is so enlightening. I need to learn more. I am 57 and So many areas seem to fit me exactly. I feel so much from my childhood and adult life have some clarity.
i was "fortunate" in the sense that, as an afab, i had so many amab autism symptoms (i was always more fluid than not, and my special interests have always been socially "male"). it was enough for me to self-diagnose autism in my mid-late 40s. watching yt videos from fellow autistic people has been eye-opening in that there are so very many shared symptoms and common experiences across the spectrum that align with autism but that i thought was just "normal" (or weird) me being me.
Thank you so much!! I'm working up the nerve to go back to a new counselor in hopes of seeking a diagnosis of Autism. I'm 59, coming in late on my personal revelations. I was previously diagnosed over 8 years of "awful" counseling with "Panic Disorder", "Social Anxiety Disorder", "Dysthymia" (mild depressive personality), "Agoraphobia" (fear of open spaces), and "Generalized Anxiety Disorder". My empathy is with all of you having your personal challenges of Autism, ADHD, and other traits. ❤
Thank you so much for diving into this topic! Watching the last few videos you've done on autism, I'd almost think you were describing me! The information certainly gives me plenty to consider and the gentle and inclusive way you've shared your knowledge with us makes me feel really seen and empowered. Thank you for making these wonderful videos!
I was in shock and excited that I found you on UA-cam. You made me feel like I am almost normal, at almost 60! I do not have BDP but I wanted and had 3 complete psych eval from Forensic Neuro-psychs (every few years) and not came close to what you said today. My sons were in the Spectrum, I always wondered if it was from me.
I felt again like crying when you mentioned the excruciatingly difficult path it can be to get a diagnosis when you are a woman and autist and hide a lot of your functioning. I can't believe I ever got a diagnosis for myself. I got it officially in early 2024. I struggled for 2 years with many female professionals (3 of them missed me fully - in France - 3 psychiatrists - due to how they did things - expeditive - or they lack of knowledge - in a public center for ASD diagnostic). Back them getting about half of my regular therapists demonstrating logically how for them I had ASD, getting that sort of ignorant whatever on me from other (supposedly more qualified) professionals working with patients with ASD who then concluded based on these erroneous ideas that I had no ASD, this just made me feel I was the crazy one in the story at times (emotional part of me, complete emotional turmoil), then that I had to stick to the utter logic and reexamine myself the facts (die hard logic part) and to find that well yes in all logic I had ASD and not just me, my mum too and her mother quite logically as much. What hurt me the most deep down I realise in my own situation is not so much all the hassle, the burn outs, the depressions, the consequences of non adapted environments (which did hurt) and how long it lasted (so long!), but the lack of meaning on all those hassles and chronic repetitive (like hammering) issues and the failures of half of the medical staff (misleading, erroneous conclusions, lack of detailed scrutiny, to me, now that i know ASD better, that sounds like basic mistakes - this hurts me very badly in fact, cos you cannot get to know you have autism given so little is said in public spaces, you can only rely on the medical staff so far. So if they are incompetent, how can you ever get to know you have ASD early enough ? And not reach 20 in an already really damaged state with anxiety and ptsd?) I still feel deeply hurt by how incompetent the medical staff was in my own case. Given my parents could afford our local best psychiatrists, and that they failed me as a teen. Given that then later the public center specialised in ASD and where also I could only meet female (!) specialists, also failed me. I may be biased when I read so many women having the same type of journey to find out their autism late in life in France. And for sure, I can't help speaking about it and encouraging women who do so that those journeys spoilt by repetitive (chronic) medical erroneous conclusions and misleading conclusions if they are not yet the minority of cases become the minority of cases. That it becomes easier to get a good conclusion on one's case whenever we go see a specialist of ASD in France. That we all can say one day "if you go see a specialist of ASD, you have strong chances to get feedback that is relevant on you to find out whether you have ASD or should seek sometihng else to explain your complaints"
As a clinician, and as a person with the Triple A Battery designation, I found this fascinating. I think that any one of the signs could be expanded and enriched, and that is where I would tend to get stuck. I appreciate the fact that you gave a good amount of information, and also didn't get stuck. The results is super-useful and something I will share with peers! Thank you!
(not a professional) Don't forget that the presumed underlying primary cause of most personality disorders (BPD in particular) is thought to be trauma. The idea that the sentence "Oh it can't be autism, it's gotta be BPD" is absolute bonkers when you really think about it. Why is a clinician using a personality disorder which emerges some time during/after adolescence to somehow rule out a congenital developmental condition? Eeeeeespecially when the mere act of being born a girl with said developmental condition makes you literally four times more likely to experience an episode of PTSD at some point in your life than when compared with a combat-hardened U.S. Veteran? Certain personality disorders in the DSM come with the caveat that the person in question not have a previous autism spectrum diagnosis. Part of me wonders if the next DSM might wanna throw that in there for BPD, too. If you're on the spectrum and already contending with trauma, who on earth is going to further benefit from a personality disorder label?
Autistics are somehow more vulnerable to being traumatized by “smaller traumas” (which is classic textbook criteria for narcissism and bpd as well of course) but also NOT EVEN FLINCH when they’re being severely abused (which is of course more like the typical ASPD presentations.) Thank you for explaining how cluster Bs are usually just untreated and undiagnosed autistics. So many autistics can finally after decades be able to point out narcissism in their parents… and yet not realize it’s all just autism. And since they do lack self-awareness, and also cognitive empathy, never realize when their behavior is also narcissistic, empathy lacking abuse. It’s impossible. And no one is getting the neurofeedback training therapy they need.
I learned recently about the "small traumas" thing too, how autistic brains find things that normal people would not find traumatizing at all, maybe just upsetting, will legit traumatize an autistic person. A good example of this: TL;DR - did a huge amount of weeding, weeds as tall as small trees! all the dead weeds/grass were piled up onto a tarp. tarp was dragged under one of my bedroom window. dead weeds attract insane bugs and spiders, spiders end up in my room in swaths. a spider in my room every now and then is common, but it was like 1-5 spiders A DAY, and not just small house spiders, BIG THICK DARK HAIRY spiders. i have arachnophobia. the way spiders look and move just upsets me. killing many a day was driving me nuts. became paranoid, looking up at my room scanning for them every few mins. slept worse than usual for a few weeks while this was happening. eventually spiders stop being in the corner of my room and start being on me. one small one crawled down the side of my bangs onto my cheek. FREAKED OUT. went insane trying to find source of spiders, did insane room cleaning, eventually figured out it was the tarp, moved the tarp, spiders stopped. despite there being a lack of spiders, every time i feel a hair tickle me, my clothes shift in a way i don't expect, brushing against something i didn't expect, it's all causing me to jump out of my skin like a cartoon character. i expect to be jumpy for another week or so at least. i was traumatized by this experience. years ago, i killed 3 spiders in one night, ever since, i always check my ceilings, and i even look up when first entering a room in other locations besides my house. someone without autism would not be affected so severely.
This is so accurate. I feel like the only way to "shift gears" when I'm trying to find my way out of the restaurant industry into a more balanced or more engaging career field that if I'm deeply shook mentally, I can't stick with something (but this may mean just being still instead of moving when socializing, or being able to move when socializing, which I prefer because it gives me an "out" from the conversation), and I go back to what feels good to my conscious mind (or the body and the senses). Any time I try to deviate from the way my mind metabolically has learned to survive an environment I end up having fits of intense fear, rage or sadness and isolation, and it creates a loop of mental illness for me. This is the ruminate thinking of autistic minds, the "what if" that plagues our decision making process. I think the inability to shift or rebalance emotionally creates too much neurological stimulation to be able to function. I've thought many times that I'm either borderline or narcissistic (which I really don't think it's the later as I do not intentionally hurt people), and recently have come to the conclusion that I can dissociate very well (so I might have a form of DID, mostly through depersonalization and derealization), and I forget pertinent information about people very fast ( like their name, and it comes off as rude or demeaning when I have to ask them again). It's exhausting.
My ex is a covert narcissist who now managed to get an autistic diagnosis. He's the most manipulative, abusive person I've ever met and would go into a rage if I dared do anything he didn't want me to do. I'm genuinely autistic and I don't behave like that. Weird eh.
Fascinating- especially the commentary on illness. As a child I always had a runny nose and would get sneezy. Everyone treated me like I had a cold all the time. I was 19 when a Dr suggested I get tested for allergies and I was off-the-scale allergic to dustmites. So many years of being kept separate at family gatherings nexus I was 'sick'.
Interesting. I'm a pet person and absolutely not a people person. And I don't even try anymore to make new human friends, because I know, that they are not worth the effort.
I gave up on people around 2019. For the most point I don’t mask except at work and I’ve finally found an exceptional job that tolerates exceptional people (some). I play music and hang with my dogs. I occasionally think I would like to play music with other people and just thinking that makes me tired.
Thank you, I’m 50 and diagnosed with ADHD as a child. As a teen I presented different and diagnosed with a list of mental and emotional issues. In my 30’s I was diagnosed Borderline, and actually had ECT’s to try to help. During the pandemic TikTok reminded me and educated me about my combined ADHD.. It was so freeing to finally have the correct diagnosis at 46. My life has improved so much. I just have this unresolved part of me. This video brought me to tears, this is me 100%. Thank you, I’m calling for testing today. It’s not a disability, it really is a superpower. I feel fortunate I can feel, & see what not everyone can. I just like how overwhelming it gets.
11:00 in. As a male, I used to ruminate a lot. Today, not so much. I’m at the state where “people are either going to like me or not” and I’ve seen NT people struggle with this. My later strategies these days is to try to put myself in front of of people who I at least feel might have a better chance of liking me. (Choosing my meetups carefully, etc)
What makes me so angry is I directly stated almost all of these symptoms to multiple therapists before I even knew I was autistic. They never suspected it. I was struggling for my entire life. I was in therapy for YEARS.
How does getting diagnosed as an older adult help ? I feel I’ve already battled and been through so much in my life, how would a formal diagnosis help ? Pretty much every one of these fits me . Thank you ! 💗🌻
You don't necessarily need to have a formal diagnosis. If you see yourself in the majority of these traits, then you probably are autistic. I happened to get a formal diagnosis, but it was a byproduct of another thing I was going to counseling for. It helped me finally see I was never the problem, like others were saying all my life. It helped me become my authentic self. It was a blessing to me.
@@dreamscape405 ok that makes sense, I was wondering if when you’re diagnosed they recommend therapy or counseling or give you tools or support in some way ?
From my point of views as an eighty year old person the definition that matters to me is how everyone else in our life defines autism. I have found so much misunderstanding concerning autism that I would rather be stealth about proclaiming my autism, and choose whom I might want to announce such a description. I have long ago trusted my own essence and need no document to do so.
After receiving likely 20 diagnosis as a 60 yr. old, I find a possible “autism” diagnosis helpful, only to explain deficiencies that have plagued me throughout my life. I wonder if we may be more kind & forgiving of ourselves by adopting such a title. Instead of beating-up myself for picking, feeling so easily overwhelmed, anti-social, etc., perhaps acceptance will lead to a sort of down-regulating shift within. If we can acknowledge that we are this way through no fault of our own, perhaps the outlier symptoms of chronic illness may also dissipate.
Great video! The examples given at each "sign" made really easy to visualize and retain the information. Could you perhaps add video chapters in the future?
Soo weird that you just made this video.. I've been finding a lot of articles sand videos saying that woman who have previously been diagnosed as BPD may actually have autism. I have been diagnosed 2 times by therapists with BPD and I really only think because I mentioned I have symptoms of it to them. I do have traits of BPD, but it never quite "fit" exactly for me. This is something I want to look more into. Such weird timing, I guess I was meant to see this. ❤
The timing is less mysterious when you consider the intelligence of the algorithm driving content to serve you. We haven't reached hypno-toad status for AI but we'll get there 😅
Almost all cluster Bs are just autistic. The psychopathic brain and the autistic brain are very similar in regards to lack of neural pruning. The slight differences are where you get NPD, histrionic, BPD. Arguably sociopathy differs bc it’s “made” not “born” so to speak, and actually is a brain type that has undergone far too much neural pruning due to trauma…. But who is to say how that brain developed to begin with. I’ve been saying it for uh…… decades. All cluster Bs are autistic.
I am one of the ones that was given a BPD diagnosis but now have an autism diagnosis (it is also possible to have both). Where I live it is because unless they specialise in autism they don't know anything about it so BPD ends up being what fits best within their knowledge base. For me I didn't realise I had sensory issues until after I got my autism diagnosis and they would have gone interpersonal issues and anger issues because I would melt down and when asked why my answer was always because X said something so stupid that I can't believe it. The other issue is that it doesn't matter who you are you can end up in burnout, they don't seem to look for that (going to assume that it is something else that autistic people don't present typically) and I just got diagnosed with depression instead.
Im married to autistic man and have always noticed he was diff, but now Ive been watching a lot, im sure my Dad was, but never diagnosed, but me? I have SOME of these traits, I did an autism test online and I scored just under the cut off for autism, so i think its interesting, never considered myself this way, but I have some of the traits very high and have since I was a kid. But Im also very relational, keep friends a long time, empathetic, sensitive and read the emotions of others well and sense how they feel. But the sensory stuff? Im off the charts compared to my spouse and I have the good girl thing, the songs in my head, ruminating, etc... thanks for sharing this
Oh also? Autistic women keep friends for DECADES. Eons. Like decades past the point of the friendship having run its course. It’s SOOOOOOOO cliche of autistic girls. Neurotypical girls are more social butterflies or perhaps have one lifelong friend and all the rest are acquaintances that come and go. Autistic women will make one group of friends and cannot be casual with any of them and keep them FOREVER. It also goes hand in hand with their always being the only women willing to put up with autistic men for a whole lifetime. They don’t have the ability to break off relationships healthily or more casually or keep friendships more open ended. They also ALWAYS think they’re experiencing empathy when they’re experiencing sympathy. They also often truly think they’re empathizing with others when they are not. And in fact are mirroring and masking.
This video you created just made me feel so seen and understood you don’t even know. I tried a therapist a while ago and brought up autism because overall life just seems different, more challenging, unique… I wanted to take steps on where/how I could maybe get tested, but I felt completely misunderstood and invalidated. How I can describe my life experiences is almost like “a cry” for help, always reaching out for help, but no one knows what’s going on, nor can I even describe what’s going on, and when I do it doesn’t make any sense to anyone. If that makes any sense at all.
Described me and my daughter the diagnosed her with SPD and major depression,Gad. So I had her tested Monday and I think the Dr saw those autism signs. Black families teach their kids to mask. I have a 6 and 13 year old boys one with autism and ADHD. They all tip toe walked. I was told they were young and just being kids by Drs.
Thank you so much for this wonderful summary video. I have been constantly misdiagnosed over and over again but every single one of these is relevant to me. I finally feel free after learning this about myself, it wasn't my fault, none of it was.
Thank you for cementing the idea that I really do need to be evaluated for autism, adhd, and a couple other things. Every trait you listed was describing my life. 😅😅
Re sensory issues - something not nearly acknowledged enough is dark mode causing problems. I define "dark mode" as light/white text on a dark/black background. For me it causes migraine-like headaches to attempt to read "dark mode" for long periods of time because of the intense halation effect. Words tend to look like white fuzzy caterpillars. It is ONLY on projected/backlit type situations like a monitor or a projector on a screen (for example), not reflected light (reading a book with white text on a black page, for example, is no problem, and road signs with white letters on a green background that are illuminated by lights at night do not generate the halation effect). Funny how if you try to talk to someone unsympathetic about this, they just say suck it up or it's not a problem for anybody else so you'll just have to make do. Spotify is a good example of insensitivity in this - paying customers, not just free users, have literally been complaining about their permanent dark mode for YEARS, and they refuse to even respond much less offer a light mode option for anyone. I intentionally don't use websites that have no light mode option and encourage others to do the same.
I have 3 kids on the spectrum and I'm around a lot of other kids with school and therapies. I recently saw an interview with a professor on a completely different topic and she was super smart but talking about her life and how she didn't know how to dress when she went to college so she was dressing like professors reminded me of myself and my daughter. My daughter's diagnosis was a shock at the time. I haven't been diagnosed but I see a lot of the things my children that mirror my childhood.
I got diagnosed with ADHD only a few months ago but the more I look into autism I feel convinced that I am autistic. It makes much more sense - this was an insightful video - thank you for your content
It’s trauma without typical trauma experiences. That’s why it’s hard to ID what trauma has happened when for neurotypical folka there wasn’t any trauma
Your videos are such a blessing to me, such a comfort! Thank you for creating this content!!! Makes it easier for me to verbalize things to myself, my spouse and to self advocate in my day to day. ❤❤❤
Does peri/menopause have the same effect on autism that it does on ADHD? I was told that, since estrogen is protective for stress, hormonal intermittence in middle age makes it much harder to mask/compensate for ADHD characteristics.
Very interesting if this is true! I’m 39 but starting about 8-10 years ago my hormones took a nose dive due to chronic illness and chronic infection (Lyme disease), stress, etc. Resulting in adrenal gland insufficiency “burnout”. My hormones have been flatlined for almost a decade yet I couldn’t find any doctor who would take me seriously . The last 4 years have been the worst and my bloodwork shows extremely low levels of estrogen (among other hormones as well including DHEA, progesterone, and testosterone). Major depression has been ruling my life these recent years and I’m sure it has been made worse with the low hormone levels. Been working on getting my estrogen levels up into range but even on the highway dose of the estrogen patch my blood levels aren’t where they should be. Too low still. So now adding in estrogen pill with the patch, and also perhaps a cream. Estrogen is protective in a Variety of different things. I don’t think that we humans were “designed” to live more than 45-55 years. If antibiotics and modern medicine hadn’t been invented, our lifespan would still be so low. Which brings me to the problem of us women who go through menopause and then need to rely on external supplementation of these chemicals to feel even slightly better before menopause hit. Sorry kind of rambling now but just an interesting thought.
Ehlers Danlos has a very high rate of neurodiversity of ADHD/Autism. Recent study found that 1/3 of people w ADHD have undiagnosed hypermobility that was causing them problems.
ED also has a floppy heart valve: I’ve never had good “wind” even when in top shape Also I have some of the other diagnoses mentioned in the comments Now I know why everything seemed harder for me Path to happiness has included Meditation and related things Seeing all the comments makes me feel less alone Thanks for all this help everyone
I have suffered migraines since childhood and I feel like that overshadowed the majority of my other “symptoms” of ADHD and possibly even Autism. I was also tested for many autoimmune diseases because of chronic pain throughout my body. I will look through your other videos, but a deep dive on comorbidity of neurodivergence and chronic conditions would be so interesting and helpful! Thank you for your videos!
Being female presenting androgynous, I know I have Hypermobility and prone to Petit Mal seizures (puberty sucked because of that), and having to deal with cPTSD, Anxiety, Hyper-vigilance, and having been given the "Flavor of the Month" diagnosis (everything from Bipolar to BPD) all my life because they can't actually identify what's really going on (and can't get an ASD assessment because I'm 50 and "female" and "Well, we don't do that/only boys have ASD..." I've been huge into science and scifi/fantasy popular culture and huge into music, am hypersensitive and have global sensory sensitivity (light, sound, touch, taste, smell), and presented "stimming behaviors" since I was very little (stretching full length like a cat since before birth and even in my sleep, rubbing silky fabrics, petting or playing with fur, fidgetting with puzzles or toys with moving parts)... And the Meyers Brigs thing says I'm an INFJ-T personality type... You can see my problem...
I am 30 years older than you and it is as bad now as when I grew up; I did not speak until age three and it took three years to reach the second grade of school. By age eight I began to use thespian skills to mask and after finishing high school I trained horses and canines, but finally earned an income as a line mechanic working for Mercedes Benz. I could earn an income if I worked alone. My best skills were working with horses and canines, but difficult to earn income. Bottom line is to learn to trust yourself; there are others like ourselves.
Great video, very informative. Thank you!!! As an AFAB non-binary individual, I feel like I have a mix of male and female autistic traits. However, having been socialized as a female, so much of this hits home for me.
I think this is very important to keep talking about until the "professionals" catch up to it. I as well had to self diagnose since I knew it's not bpd. depression and trauma fit but didn't explain everything. With adhd the fog cleared a bit but only with autism do I find the root of it all. And I would have never considered it if I didn't hear about the female presentation. Now I am diagnosed at age 36 even though I have been in therapy anf talked to psychiatrists and all that stuff since my early twenties. I was under every anti depressant they could find yet they didn't help but gave me side effects and now I don't take any of them anymore. I think think they fucked up. It was their job to figure it out but they didn't. And that had consequences for how my life went. And because they don't know enough they can even be unsupportive when you want this topic investigated and say you don't have it. Being in therapy and figuring out that your psychologist doesn't get you at all and doesn't know what to do with you is an awful feeling. This really needs to change.
I think a lot of us go through life feeling misunderstood. I feel chronically let down by doctors not addressing symptoms, and this is regular md’s too, not just counselors. I hold the western medicine/insurance churn-mill and lack of holistic medical care to be at fault. I think much of my anxiety and dismay at feeling the quality of my life could be better is the basis for the distress that I feel. I’m late fifties post menopausal and I thought I’d be in a better head space by now at this point in life.
I appreciate your acknowledgement that it is not as simple as "male phenotype" and "female phenotype." An alternative I have heard is "low masking" (generally seen in boys) and "high masking" (more often seen in girls), but a random person looking on the internet most likely wouldn't know to look for that. I'm so sorry that your attempts to include everyone seem to bother some people. It's a complicated world we live in. I noticed that you included PCOS in your list of chronic illnesses, but I haven't heard anything about it in connection to autism before. Is that another one of those high-comorbidity things?
Who else is >50 and finally is figuring out what is what. All #12 here. Haven’t tested for ADD/autistic spectrum but both daughters have ADD and at least one fits this to a T. Thank you for this video!
I was told once that I had features of autism but was not actually autistic, that I was an HSP instead. It was annoying because the advice for HSPs was to use personas to navigate situations- IE mask - which was exactly what I had gone into therapy to stop doing! I wanted to be more authentically myself with others. I’m in my late fifties now and am having issues with fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and diabetes. I’m working on creating my own little slice of heaven with wild gardens, herbs, chickens, goats, etc., which my daughter and her husband don’t understand at all. She seems to think she’s my mother, now! 😂 Sorry to ramble on.
Continue to take up space (expand) and hold your ground (boundaries) with your daughter. And be joyful (don’t let her rain on your parade). Remind her that your life is yours to live (on your terms). 🌞🌞🌞
I have both ADHD and autism. I was clueless until after I got medicated for depression and anxiety and had already tried to end my life twice. Now I'm completely stable with only the depression medication and this calm has helped me a lot to understand myself. I was at a loss at first when diagnosis was pilling up (PTSD, OCD, etc) and then it all made sense when I started researching autism and ADHD. Eventually I got diagnosed. The things mentioned in this video is so much like me. For me it's noises, fabrics (and other sensitivities down to the skin of the person touching me) and smell is the worst of it all. Yes, repeating shows and reads and isolating when overwhelmed, making friends and bringing them together so I can exist in the periphery and eventually losing touch. A constant confusion and it really didn't help others weren't direct. Routine is important but eventualy I felt traped in it and had to change it. I was always so upset when plans changed or when things didn't go as expected and I always needed to prevent and think of all scenarios before acting. When faced with a new task I never knew how to start it, making me look like I was lazy or dum. Eventually I was masking so well that even I was surprised to find out I am on the spectrum for both but I can't describe how relieved I was to find out that it wasn't my fault. It's just that the world is built on neurotypical standards. And to mention here, neither adhd or autism are a decease, just a different way of think, processing and existing.
I have the motherf*cker gene mutation as I call it. I think this makes so much sense. My son is on the spectrum and I have a handful of diagnosis’, literally all the ones mentioned here, but not autism, even though it is so obvious to me! I’m going to bring this up to my doctor.
Wow. I'm stunned. At almost fifty years old, I am just now learning it really wasn't my fault after all. What a trip.
Same at 53. ❤
Same @54 ...Oh my, now what.? 😢
The only thing (so far, not finished) she mentioned on me, is that I am nowhere close to high maintenance. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety as a little kid, but my baby boomer parents pooh-poohed it and just said I "have always been really sensitive"...
It was NEVER your fault
@@rosameryrojas-delcerro1059 For every autistic trait discovered there will necessarily exist a subset of the autistic population for whom that trait has never been part of their lives.
12 signs of female phenotype of autism, according to Dr. Sage.
1. BPD, OCD, GAD or other personality disorders diagnosis.
2. Highly sensitive, “picky”, disregulated behavior.
3. Significant sensory issues.
4. A trend of relationship issues.
5. Stimming.
6. Naive, “ditsy”, hyper empathetic behavior. Too trusting.
7. Isolating, separating, time alone to regulate and prevent burnout. Feeling safe in your body only when alone.
8. Social anxiety and rumination.
9. Good girl syndrome.
10. She seems to skip #10 but mentions “special interests”.
11. Chronic illness.
12. ADHD - comodbidity 30-70% with autism.
Thank you for listing. Too much to process by listening to right now.
This would be a phenotype of an autistic girl growing up in a stable home environment with basic needs being met and little to no sexual, physical, emotional abuse or neglect.
Crap❤
11 out of 12.....damn. I'm 53 and just figuring it out.
Ooohhh, 12/12 what do I win?! 😬
Hi all! i am so sorry i forgot #10! It was "routines, being rigid around routine, needing routine to thrive...may come across as inflexible, controlling, rigidity" -was flying to paris the next day and doing too much! xo
You should pin this, so it's the first comment people see. :) I hope you had a good time in Paris!
Thank you so much for this ❤
This is compiled well enough to take with me to help me get my dx. Thank you for being here. I love how serious and professional your content is. Kudos and sending my love and gratitude ❤
Can you take clients for diagnosis?
Thank you!
In my case, I think this is where is the ADHD tends to override the Autism. I absolutely do need routines and thrive better with them, but it has been so challenging to create & maintain routines & habits. If I'm not careful, this leads to what looks like procrastination or laziness. I want to do the things, I just don't seem to have the energy (physical or mental) to restart the routine after the original novelty wears off. Makes me feel chronically unmoored.
Can you explain this more in context of ADHD being so common? It would seem to rule out anyone with ADHD because we don't do routine...
How are elderly females coping with their autsim in their older age?
Downsizing, moving, isolation, health issues without family support, avoiding elder abuse from others, going to assisted living or a nursing home.
Are there any books on autistic senior citizens and how to cope? If we had such a hard time coping in our younger years how do we get through the golden year challenges? Especially when there is zero family or support. Another challenge for us.
Please pray for me I'm an autistic senior citizen women and wondering how my future days will play out. Thank you 🕊
Good luck. You’ve raised some important concerns.
@@seahorse251 sending love and strength to you ❤️ ♥️ 💛
@@amberdlaney9347 thank you ❤🌹
These are excellent questions. I wonder about this for myself in the future also. Sending you love and blessings 💞
Keyword search, "elder orphan"
Nice that you mention the naivetiivity and being childlike believing everybody is good. Not many mention that and I think that's a main factor. ❤
Was going to mention this as well. My husband gets so upset bc I have a complete lack of situational awareness. I assume I'm safe and everyone is friendly, everywhere. I understand at a logical level that not all people are safe or friendly, but I just can't seem to put that into practice. I'm out here smiling at everyone, fully expecting a smile and nod in return, and in my own completely oblivious bubble. Sigh...
@@rrmother3748 I empathize with this. When my husband and I were dating over 15 years ago, he lived with friends in a house on a street that was known as Murder Mile in our city. I lived a 10-15 minute walk away with a friend. I would walk home alone at night sometimes (through a busier area), and one night some guy struck up a conversation with me (I think it was around a bar, come to think of it). I was pleasant and confident, and after a moment, he asked suspiciously if I was a cop. I said no, but he was then convinced I was a plant, and he started looking around for cops, then he left me alone. When I mentioned this to my then-fiance, he told me he was walking me home from then on, and he told me a long time later that he carried a knife on his person for those walks. Talk about naive!
I really resonate with your last sentence.
Bingo!
@@rrmother3748 lol me too :D
Omg I have been saying this to myself for the last 15 years. Blaming myself that I am obsessively trusting and don't see the signs soon enough when people are bad. Its like I'm not able to accept them being possibly evil inside or out to harm me. Wow. I can't believe I'm not alone in this ! ❤😢
Hands down the best video on female autism. My autistic brain loved your quick delivery and clear information.
Last year at 65 I discovered I was firmly on the spectrum. My whole freaking life made sense at last !!
Right? I had both a therapist and a psychiatrist ask me “Why do you want to know if you’re autistic or have ADHD? Those are difficult diagnoses and take a lot of time.” I was gobsmacked! What do you mean WHY would I want to know?
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@tiffknox6158 Personally, I just kept reading books by authors who are on the spectrum then started researching. I have no doubt, and I make sense now. I tried once to ask a therapist and she was so rude to me I don't care at all what a "professional" thinks.
@tiffknox6158 that's why I'm not seeking a formal diagnosis in my 60s. One of my children, now grown, was diagnosed with ASD. They sent me several links to ASD tests online. Every result came back that I have autism and should see a Dr. When I shared the results with my kid they said they knew I was on the spectrum but was reluctant to tell me.
I am 62 and self diagnosed. I have been treated for anxiety and depression since my early 20s. Basically my entire 20s of single parenthood I just barely functioned and was miserable. Character flaws that I could not make go away no matter how faithful I followed my therapists advice. Something was wrong with me. To this day I struggle with not letting the depression win. And the anxiety of getting out of my comfort zone is impossible. When my grandson was diagnosed with autism my whole life made sense. I had answers for why I function the way I do. Unfortunately the few times I have shared my insight with people I've been gaslit. "Everybody wants a label these days." So I keep it to myself and try to be kind to myself. Being always lonely and misunderstood is the hardest when I hate being alone. But alone is also my safe space!
I COULD CRY. The amount of gratitude i have in this moment for you is indescribable.
I'm an Aspie, diagnosed after my daughter. You're spot on about being more susceptible to trauma.... it's hard to read people's true intentions.
My son was diagnosed recently. I am REALLY wondering about myself now.
You have helped me so much. I’m 53 and just figured out last year why I am the way I am. Your videos were a big part of my awakening! Thank you! I’ve suffered with so much anxiety in my life and had no idea why.
Oh my God. You are describing my life. I’m 37, my birthday was yesterday- I spent it alone crying, because every year it is the one day how blatantly little I mean to the people around me, and I am sooooo sensitive, so thoughtful of others- I don’t have anyone who does that for me. It hurts me. I’ve been a people pleaser for years, childhood SA, major depressive disorder- they’ve thrown around BPD- I feel like an alien not wired right for this life. I’m so
Afraid of the future. Of losing my mom. The one support I have. I don’t like getting older and watching people I love leave- I don’t think I am built for this life
I can relate so much. Sending you a virtual hug 💜
It's also very me and my life. I'm always afraid of losing my parents. Everything is so scary all the time. I feel you. Hang in there!
Sending you love x
You need a change. Have you considered organised crime?
I'm relating to you. 38 and wondering how tf I'm going to keep going. No friends around me, only a few through text but I want friends I can actually spend time with. But then I think no one wants to spend time with me as I'm often depressed and don't have a life. You're not alone. Where can we meet those who are like us? We need a forum.
I want to add one thought: as to empathy. I have empathy just fine. I understand another person's feelings 100%, however I have the ability to NOT CARE enough about the person going through it to react. Not that I can't, just that I won't, because I'd rather just be blank. But I've loved loved loved animals my whole life.
That's the philosophy of Stoicism! Check it out. Good stuff, snd people spend years to master the ability.
Sound to me like you are strong and self aware person. I can relate to your comment. It took me many years to be able to say so.
Agreed. For me, a lot of emotional processing is slow. I don’t react to anything quickly except smells or loudness for which I flee. I’ve been in situations where people were panicking around me and I was able to work through it because the emotions happen later.
@@jaimerocha2974 You have the ability to cold-read other people s emotiones. Empathy is reacting, being compassionate. Every psychopath masters cold-reading just fine!
Schizoid?
I loved this. As a late-diagnosed woman on the spectrum, I identify with so much of what you said. Please share more!
Not to be overly nosey (you need not answer if you do not want), but do you happen to be Muslim? I've actually literally never had the chance to speak with *any* Muslim on the spectrum, although what little I do know about the religion seems like it could potentially be pretty autism-compatible.
Thank you for making this video. I feel so much relief for finally understanding myself but at the same time I feel an immense amount of grief for the hurt and shame I’ve put onto myself for what I go through
I hear your pain. May you find your way through.
Will you do a video just on female friendships with autism. What do we do wrong that pushes people away? Are friendships easier autistic to autistic vs neurodivergent/neurotypical?
Yes they call it the double empathy problem, neurodivergent people understand each other better than a neurotypical will understand a neurodivergent person
I realized that my best & most lasting friendships are with other neurodiverse people, and also there are some people who don’t like me/are naturally mistrusting of me or think I’m being too nice so I must be trying to be manipulative or have ulterior motives
Personally, I say too much usually and give off a weird/awkward vibe. I embrace it now ❤
@@Beeatrixover sharing is my issue.. I’ll meet someone who I think I relate to then BAM, I’m giving them my whole life story including all my traumas… and that’s the end of what I thought would be a friendship.. 😢
I have always over shared, no matter how hard I've tried not to! Now in my "golden years" I've embraced my "quirk" by ending each over sharing episode with a smile and a "Thank you for playing the Way-Too-Much-Information game with me. I really love that game!" Always leaves everyone laughing and smiling.
Spot on. I was diagnosed in 2016 at the age of 50 after having suffered my whole life with all the symptoms mentioned here, every single one of them and more. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Can I ask, was medication prescribed. And did it help?
@@carjhbooh. Is there medication on the market for treatment of ASD?
Hi all:).Hope you find this video helpful! Researchers seem to be saying "we need to understand how autism presents in women and girls given the massive lack of research, but also that using this term might prevent people who are non gender conforming from being identified..." For me, if I had not seen this little bit of research I would likely not have gone down the asd rabbit hole on how it presents in high masking autistics and high masking autistic women and girls who have suffered and continue to suffer-- due to major ignorance, bias and lack of research on autistic girls and women among researchers, clinicians, assessors, educators, etc....Also, there are many research studies which identify that autistic individuals are more likely to identify as LGBTQIA+ than the neurotypical population-- so how we talk about autism and "who has it" matters. Let me just also say that I am a licensed psychologist, and the mother of a gay son, and that inclusion matters to me, as well as using research and evolving psychological terminology to guide my deep dives. I may not get it perfectly right - but my heart is here to honor everyone who needs this information to live their best life. xo
My daughter was for sure on the autistic spectrum. However, some 30 years ago, not much was known about this. She managed and succeeded in so much in her life but has also always struggled a lot. I’ve tried to help, even her high school at the time tried to help with some school work/special program stuff, but none of it was at the level things are at today. Unfortunately, I’ve lost my daughter to brain cancer almost 3 years ago, just as she turned 32. I don’t know how to live without her so I’m watching your channel to find out about the knowledge and the advances in the world of autism. Much love to you and thank you for everything that you do.
@DrKimSage Dr. Sage, I absolutely appreciate that every one of us if special and different in our own amazing ways, but when you only "heart" the opinions in the comments that match your life, you end up excluding the rest of us, who are also in need of help but who aren't as open to changing our actual language to receive it. With that small awknowledgement to others views and not to all, you have made me feel that the way I see things is wrong and shouldn't share on your page.
💖🙏🏻🤗
This was incredible validating and you described me perfectly. I'm 45, diagnosed autism only this week, diagnosed adhd 2 years ago. Also diagnosed Bpd in my younger years. I feel I'm finally getting chance to meet and explore the real me. I'm grieving the life I could have had. If only I'd known it wasn't just me being broken and a failed human woman.
Still, I appreciate the chance to try again.
Stay strong ladies. You're not broken, just misunderstood ❤
@@elliebelly456 some comments are just full-on (word begins with b and ends with y). Those don't deserve a heart, sorry.
Following the rules. That's a very interesting one. Looking back at childhood, I was a STICKLER for following classroom rules. If I got in trouble at school, I felt DEEP SHAME. Not because anyone intentionally made me feel bad; I heaped it on myself. When I first started to work as a teacher, I made strict classroom rules, and it took me a few years to realize that most of my students WEREN'T necessarily obsessed with following them. Many tried, but it took me a few years to understand how to show them grace when it was needed. Even now, I feel a compulsion to do what's "right." I never did understand why some people rebel. I don't know if that ties in with what you described about rule-following, but that's certainly me.
I always followed the rules also and I was a very "good" girl all throughout highschool. I always felt like I wanted to be liked/loved and didn't want any criticism/negative feedback so thats why I was like that. I wanted my parents to love me also but they would get so angry at me for making even the smallest mistake or misbehaving. Even now I always put in so much effort at work to get approval from bosses and out of fear of doing the wrong thing or making a mistake and being criticised.
I’m a rebellious autist.
@@krissyk9767 YES. This has a lot to do with it. I honestly never understood rebellion, either.
@@MIOLAZARUS Would you say that you get satisfaction from breaking the rules on a regular enough basis that you might say it's a general rule for you that you attempt to transgress the rules? Hopefully that made sense and I didn't just make an ouroboros of a sentence.
@@cda6590 No I just don’t take orders that doesn’t make sense.
42 yr F with AUDHD here. First, Thank you for pointing out that many of us are capable of eye contact and empathy. I am able to provide both unless im upset with the person. Then I prefer not to acknowledge or look at them. My triggers are, mostly sound oriented and touch. Being intimate is ok if i am "in the mood". If im hyperfocused, i do not like touch. Pretty much everything you spoke about hit the nail on the head.
😦 I'm almost 60...why am I just learning this now? It explains so many things in my life.
Hmmm...as though you knew me personally. This research that you do on this subject is very enlightening. The more I listen, the more I see me through the years of my life and realize why my life was so different from others. Can't thank you enough, Dr. Sage!! Keep it coming, please 😊❤
Wow. This describes me perfectly. I always just thought I had bad anxiety, but now, looking back, I think the anxiety was just a symptom of the pressure to perform "normally" and constant over-stimulation. 43 now, wish we'd had this info back then
Yes!
The first time I plucked up the courage to go to my doctor for a referral for autism assessment he laughed at me and dismissed me so now I am scared to go again and I remain self diagnosed at 50. Everything you said in this video, I can relate to but one thing stood out more than anything. Since realising I am autistic the one thing I have thought is strange is that I don’t really stim, HOWEVER…. I constantly have songs playing in my mind, sometimes the same song will be playing for days (even when I don’t even like the song) it’s there when I go to sleep and still there when I wake up…. Now, thanks to you, I understand why.. Thank you ❤
Hi Louise, im 14 yrs older than you and also undiagnosed but totally convinced I am on the spectrum. Ive never been as brave as you to go to my doctor and now after the pandemic, unless you are dying they aren't interested, so Ive given up finding out about that. I am disgusted with the medical field in general as everything, vaccines have always been trialed on the male and other vital medical issues and autism too. Its a very sad affair that female health in general has been neglected over the last century. Im old now, I just hope that the younger generation of women fight to get answers to a very important question. P.S you talked about not stimming, I didn't either until I was in the middle of a divorce, first time ever. And you mentioned about songs, I have always had that.
I’m sorry you were laughed at that is a terrible rea ruin from a doctor. Shame on them. My union rep and a therapist suggested I may be on the spectrum/adhd . Some😮 young (30’s) family members diagnosed recently suggested me as a family member with similar characteristics.My granddaughter learned about this for her degree last year and gently suggested I fit the criteria. After all this feedback I approached my GP who said it was unlikely as I didn’t have ‘issues’ with schoolwork as a child. I do fit the above autistic girls and women description though and did not make proper friends until my 30s. When I asked my GP for an assessment I was told at my age (then 67) it was a waste of nhs resources as it was costly and I’ve managed well upto now. I certainly wasn’t laughed at - but was firmly dismissed.
This is why I’ve never told anyone that I think I’m autistic. I genuinely don’t think anyone would believe me. And then that would make it all worse.
If you go to the doctor and the doctor laughs at you-- he/ she is NOT the doc for you.
Find another doctor. Good on you for doing your own research & trusting yourself because of it. Find a better doctor.
Kim, it is I. This is me. Ehlers Danlos AuDHD. Please create a community for us!!!
Thank you for your work!!!
I suspect I have EDS. I currently have a broken foot from falling again. I am hypermobile. How do you get diagnosed? Every doctor I go to says it's a different specialist's job and so I get nowhere
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 if you have ancestry dna have it translated by genetic genie free - if you have the COL5A1 or others related to Ehlers Danlos, ask Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida for an appointment for diagnosis. Otherwise it’s get a referral from your PCP to a rheumatologist. It’s a long road but this is a shortcut using dna results.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 ancestry dna results uploaded to genetic genie. Look for COL5A1 or other Ehlers Danlos related gene mutations, and ask Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville fl - they have an Ehlers Danlos clinic for diagnosis.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 ask your primary doctor for a referral to a rheumatologist
@@philly8184 YES... Please create a community for not just healing but in insightful ways going forward. Many of us have felt alone and isolated and not only need a place of compassion but a place of encouragement and guidance in our journey FORWARD.
I had no clue that I could possibly have autism, but I’ve always felt mentally a little bit slow. I’ve had a lot of sexual abuse in my life. Alcoholic parent. Narcissistic controlling mother. Who is also a misogynist. This made me feel good. I don’t feel dumb now so never gonna say I’m dumb. All it say that I have form of autism. there’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re stupid your whole life and being called stupid in a drama queen and every other word in the book. Your voice is so calming and your music is perfect. Sometimes your videos get worked up and doing anxiety attack and I can feel it just under my skin, but it’s like you know the perfect time to like circle back into the love and love yourself type mode. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me so much!!
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Ann Brandon.
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
I started my trade with $5000, and in the space of one month I got credited with $22,000. It remains my biggest win for the year 2024
Very helpful, thank you! I've just lately realized (at 63) how many undiagnosed autistic traits I've had all my life, on top of PTSD and ADHD. It's a relief to hear about all this, especially about masking for social reasons. So helpful! Bravo!
As a therapist, I have been noticing the chronic illness (namely Ehlers) + Autism + physical symptom sensitivity. Thank you for posting!
So have I! There definitely is a link between Neurodivergency and chronic illnesses
This is so helpful!!! Hearing you dive deep into CPTSD, being no one’s girl, ADHD, and now autism has helped me sort through my presentations and experiences.
I think my sister is the perfect example of a high masking more autistic female to my high masking more adhd female. Of course we both have anxiety disorder diagnosis and depression, too. But there’s something fundamentally different about our challenges and gifts, and I think you’re really digging into it. Thank you!
I was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 50 -- I'm 64 now. OMG did it explain my life. My challenges at work -- the amazing super star with superpowers in year one . . . then becoming the pain in the neck in year two, and by year three it's time to move on to somewhere else because I'm no longer welcome. Why I can't keep friends. In some ways it was freeing but in other ways it was discouraging because it answered why I could never "do better" in social sociations no matter how much I tried. I realized some things would never get better. Man, oh man do I check the boxes in this video! Thanks so much for doing this and sharing this.
Oh gosh that career pipeline and not keeping friends is SO RELATABLE 😢
You've described my entire existence in this video. Literally everything.
Spot on, every single one. With the combination of undereducated mental health professionals and extremely high masking, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32. I've had psychiatrists throw all sorts of diagnoses at me (one mentioned borderline), and none of it made sense. Another admitted I was "hard to peg." Then, I met a wonderful therapist who took the time to get to know me, and quickly realized I'm on the spectrum. She changed my life! Thank you for doing the work to educate, especially for those who don't have access to good clinicians. I went back to school this fall to go into psychology, and I hope to help fellow autistic adults who fell through the cracks ❤
Could you please, try to always explain what abbreviations you use mean. I think all people are not necessarily familiar/remembering all of them and then lose the thread of idea.
Thank you so much for your content. Love it! Also you are a very soothing and pleasant speaker.
Thank you so much for this. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (at 43), & in the last couple of months have been investigating the likelihood that I also have autism. There’s too much about the female presentation that resonates too much, to where I see myself finally. I feel like I finally understand who I am.
My granddaughter is 23 and has Turners syndrome, and these girls and women have many autistic tendencies. Being aware of this has helped her tremendously in nursing school and in her social life. Thank you for your information.
I understand that this is meant mostly for the ladies, but I’m a 75 year old male, and I thought you were addressing this to me personally. I’m stunned! I was diagnosed with Adult ADD, in 2010, which was shocking to me, but at the same time, I’d questioned my behavior, even as a kid, then through my school years, and my adult years. Now that I’m a Grampa, several of my grandkids have been diagnosed with Autism. Listening to several of your programs, I’m thinking I might get tested. As I said earlier, so many signs that you listed, really hit home.
Thank you for the wonderful way you related your information. It was very, very helpful. A wake up call.
Dr Kim, I hope it’s ok to still listen to your programs. I’d also like to share with you what my findings are, after being tested.
I’m not a person to jump on board to new thoughts, so quickly, but I have a good sense inside that I can trust you.
Thank you, again…
Everything you've described fits me to a tee...
Thank you for affirming what my daughter said to me this last year.
She manages autistic teenagers.
Totally me! I discovered my ASD at 50 and ADHD at 53. I'm now subscribed. Hope to keep learning. Thank you! I've been so misdiagnosed all my life. Ugh. And with that comes toxic meds that don't help.
Dr Kim, I can't express how much you validate my experiences.
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel at such a young age I feel like I now have the knowledge I need to accept my “faults” thank you thank you ☺️
1. bpd/anxiety/depression/ptsd symptoms
2. highly sensitive, picky, rigid, easily dysregulated
3. massive sensory issues (highly sensitive to senses, like smell, light, etc)
4. intimacy issues
5. a trail in friendship issues
6. overly shy or overly blunt
7. repetitive behaviours
8. naive vision of the world
9. needing time alone, isolation to recharge
10. social anxiety or rumination, afraid of rejection
11. many have some form of chronic illness
12. adhd symptoms
Exactly.
Thank you Kim (y) Among women with autism who share online, your mix of personal comments, science-based facts and I believe things you see in therapy, makes your channel a unique source of information and fuel for thought on ASD :)
Wow. This is 100% me. I've never seen a video that has so accurately depicted my life.
This is all me, Kim. I’ve got diagnoses of CPTSD, ASD, ADHD, as well as MULTIPLE chronic illnesses including stress-related illnesses (chronic erosive gastritis, IBS, etc), an autoimmune disease (limited systemic sclerosis), and I’ve had raging clinical depression and anxiety (social + GAD) all of my life. Depression was my first diagnosis. I’m 39 now and I’m really struggling with literally everything.
- I’ve also got chronic hay fever and allergies, asthma, and bucketloads of fatigue and somnolence. My entire life has been full of sicknesses and hospitalisation. No friends. Minimal support.
A little part of me dies inside anytime I hear another man say "All women these days have it easy."
A carnivore diet might do you good. My allergies went away when I stopped eating plants. Gut issues cleared up. Lifelong depression and anxiety went away. Sleep improved greatly. Pms went away. The list goes on. I'm 49 and have been eating this way for over 6 years.
Rochelle - my heart breaks for you... for us both. I know this story!! Misunderstandings galore on top of serious functioning issues with no help in sight. Sending healing and accepting energy. I hope you are able to find other autists, they are a gold mine for friendship and that wouold be my recommendation :)
Look up "histamine intolerance". You just described the exact symptoms.
@@jennifershappyplace6938 I will!
Once again your presentations are both validating and relatable to those of us that are on a journey to diagnosis. Thank you ❤️
Thank you for helping people to understand themselves! ❤
My mom was a stickler about eye contact. It’s something I was taught so I don’t struggle with eye contact nor empathy which comes quite naturally to me. However, my struggle with nearly all of the other traits mentioned here have in no way diminished in my life on the basis that I’m able to make eye contact or feel, experience & express empathy. I’m very grateful we are learning so much more about autism especially where it relates to women & girls. I’d imagine the issue of misdiagnosis & the often traumatizing treatment that follows an improper diagnosis is probably as significant (if not more so) an issue as undetected autism is. From personal experience, I can say that the damage done by ill informed “experts” who rush to pathologiizing does nothing in the way of improving, impeding or alleviating the hardships that come with neurodivergence but can actually make them much worse. I appreciate the work you’re doing and I sincerely thank you for it.
Omg thank you for this!! I have sometimes suspected that I may be on the spectrum, but I never quite fit the very specific examples I would see. This makes SO much more sense to me. I really appreciate this video and you sharing your experience
So appreciate you. This is describing me and I’m 63.
This is so enlightening. I need to learn more. I am 57 and So many areas seem to fit me exactly. I feel so much from my childhood and adult life have some clarity.
i was "fortunate" in the sense that, as an afab, i had so many amab autism symptoms (i was always more fluid than not, and my special interests have always been socially "male"). it was enough for me to self-diagnose autism in my mid-late 40s. watching yt videos from fellow autistic people has been eye-opening in that there are so very many shared symptoms and common experiences across the spectrum that align with autism but that i thought was just "normal" (or weird) me being me.
Thank you so much!! I'm working up the nerve to go back to a new counselor in hopes of seeking a diagnosis of Autism. I'm 59, coming in late on my personal revelations. I was previously diagnosed over 8 years of "awful" counseling with "Panic Disorder", "Social Anxiety Disorder", "Dysthymia" (mild depressive personality), "Agoraphobia" (fear of open spaces), and "Generalized Anxiety Disorder". My empathy is with all of you having your personal challenges of Autism, ADHD, and other traits. ❤
Thank you so much for diving into this topic! Watching the last few videos you've done on autism, I'd almost think you were describing me! The information certainly gives me plenty to consider and the gentle and inclusive way you've shared your knowledge with us makes me feel really seen and empowered. Thank you for making these wonderful videos!
I was in shock and excited that I found you on UA-cam. You made me feel like I am almost normal, at almost 60!
I do not have BDP but I wanted and had 3 complete psych eval from Forensic Neuro-psychs (every few years) and not came close to what you said today. My sons were in the Spectrum, I always wondered if it was from me.
I felt again like crying when you mentioned the excruciatingly difficult path it can be to get a diagnosis when you are a woman and autist and hide a lot of your functioning.
I can't believe I ever got a diagnosis for myself. I got it officially in early 2024. I struggled for 2 years with many female professionals (3 of them missed me fully - in France - 3 psychiatrists - due to how they did things - expeditive - or they lack of knowledge - in a public center for ASD diagnostic). Back them getting about half of my regular therapists demonstrating logically how for them I had ASD, getting that sort of ignorant whatever on me from other (supposedly more qualified) professionals working with patients with ASD who then concluded based on these erroneous ideas that I had no ASD, this just made me feel I was the crazy one in the story at times (emotional part of me, complete emotional turmoil), then that I had to stick to the utter logic and reexamine myself the facts (die hard logic part) and to find that well yes in all logic I had ASD and not just me, my mum too and her mother quite logically as much.
What hurt me the most deep down I realise in my own situation is not so much all the hassle, the burn outs, the depressions, the consequences of non adapted environments (which did hurt) and how long it lasted (so long!), but the lack of meaning on all those hassles and chronic repetitive (like hammering) issues and the failures of half of the medical staff (misleading, erroneous conclusions, lack of detailed scrutiny, to me, now that i know ASD better, that sounds like basic mistakes - this hurts me very badly in fact, cos you cannot get to know you have autism given so little is said in public spaces, you can only rely on the medical staff so far. So if they are incompetent, how can you ever get to know you have ASD early enough ? And not reach 20 in an already really damaged state with anxiety and ptsd?)
I still feel deeply hurt by how incompetent the medical staff was in my own case. Given my parents could afford our local best psychiatrists, and that they failed me as a teen. Given that then later the public center specialised in ASD and where also I could only meet female (!) specialists, also failed me. I may be biased when I read so many women having the same type of journey to find out their autism late in life in France. And for sure, I can't help speaking about it and encouraging women who do so that those journeys spoilt by repetitive (chronic) medical erroneous conclusions and misleading conclusions if they are not yet the minority of cases become the minority of cases. That it becomes easier to get a good conclusion on one's case whenever we go see a specialist of ASD in France. That we all can say one day "if you go see a specialist of ASD, you have strong chances to get feedback that is relevant on you to find out whether you have ASD or should seek sometihng else to explain your complaints"
Describes me to the letter, thanks for digging deeper taking the time to express in a clear way ❤
1. Bpd traits
2. Hsp/picky/dysregulates
3. Significant sensory issues
4. Friendship issues
5. Stimming
6. Naive/ditsy/trusting/empathic
7. Isolating/“rotting”/burnout
8. Rumination/anxiety
9. “Good girl syndrome”
As a clinician, and as a person with the Triple A Battery designation, I found this fascinating. I think that any one of the signs could be expanded and enriched, and that is where I would tend to get stuck. I appreciate the fact that you gave a good amount of information, and also didn't get stuck. The results is super-useful and something I will share with peers! Thank you!
I have never been able to decide if they had autism or bpd but after this it’s got to be autism with trauma
It’s been a rough ride to say the least
(not a professional)
Don't forget that the presumed underlying primary cause of most personality disorders (BPD in particular) is thought to be trauma. The idea that the sentence "Oh it can't be autism, it's gotta be BPD" is absolute bonkers when you really think about it. Why is a clinician using a personality disorder which emerges some time during/after adolescence to somehow rule out a congenital developmental condition? Eeeeeespecially when the mere act of being born a girl with said developmental condition makes you literally four times more likely to experience an episode of PTSD at some point in your life than when compared with a combat-hardened U.S. Veteran?
Certain personality disorders in the DSM come with the caveat that the person in question not have a previous autism spectrum diagnosis. Part of me wonders if the next DSM might wanna throw that in there for BPD, too. If you're on the spectrum and already contending with trauma, who on earth is going to further benefit from a personality disorder label?
I’m an Aspie, diagnosed at 53 years old. It explained my life!
Autistics are somehow more vulnerable to being traumatized by “smaller traumas” (which is classic textbook criteria for narcissism and bpd as well of course) but also NOT EVEN FLINCH when they’re being severely abused (which is of course more like the typical ASPD presentations.)
Thank you for explaining how cluster Bs are usually just untreated and undiagnosed autistics.
So many autistics can finally after decades be able to point out narcissism in their parents… and yet not realize it’s all just autism.
And since they do lack self-awareness, and also cognitive empathy, never realize when their behavior is also narcissistic, empathy lacking abuse.
It’s impossible. And no one is getting the neurofeedback training therapy they need.
I learned recently about the "small traumas" thing too, how autistic brains find things that normal people would not find traumatizing at all, maybe just upsetting, will legit traumatize an autistic person.
A good example of this:
TL;DR - did a huge amount of weeding, weeds as tall as small trees! all the dead weeds/grass were piled up onto a tarp. tarp was dragged under one of my bedroom window. dead weeds attract insane bugs and spiders, spiders end up in my room in swaths.
a spider in my room every now and then is common, but it was like 1-5 spiders A DAY, and not just small house spiders, BIG THICK DARK HAIRY spiders. i have arachnophobia. the way spiders look and move just upsets me. killing many a day was driving me nuts. became paranoid, looking up at my room scanning for them every few mins.
slept worse than usual for a few weeks while this was happening. eventually spiders stop being in the corner of my room and start being on me. one small one crawled down the side of my bangs onto my cheek. FREAKED OUT. went insane trying to find source of spiders, did insane room cleaning, eventually figured out it was the tarp, moved the tarp, spiders stopped.
despite there being a lack of spiders, every time i feel a hair tickle me, my clothes shift in a way i don't expect, brushing against something i didn't expect, it's all causing me to jump out of my skin like a cartoon character. i expect to be jumpy for another week or so at least. i was traumatized by this experience.
years ago, i killed 3 spiders in one night, ever since, i always check my ceilings, and i even look up when first entering a room in other locations besides my house. someone without autism would not be affected so severely.
This is so accurate. I feel like the only way to "shift gears" when I'm trying to find my way out of the restaurant industry into a more balanced or more engaging career field that if I'm deeply shook mentally, I can't stick with something (but this may mean just being still instead of moving when socializing, or being able to move when socializing, which I prefer because it gives me an "out" from the conversation), and I go back to what feels good to my conscious mind (or the body and the senses). Any time I try to deviate from the way my mind metabolically has learned to survive an environment I end up having fits of intense fear, rage or sadness and isolation, and it creates a loop of mental illness for me. This is the ruminate thinking of autistic minds, the "what if" that plagues our decision making process. I think the inability to shift or rebalance emotionally creates too much neurological stimulation to be able to function. I've thought many times that I'm either borderline or narcissistic (which I really don't think it's the later as I do not intentionally hurt people), and recently have come to the conclusion that I can dissociate very well (so I might have a form of DID, mostly through depersonalization and derealization), and I forget pertinent information about people very fast ( like their name, and it comes off as rude or demeaning when I have to ask them again). It's exhausting.
My ex is a covert narcissist who now managed to get an autistic diagnosis. He's the most manipulative, abusive person I've ever met and would go into a rage if I dared do anything he didn't want me to do.
I'm genuinely autistic and I don't behave like that. Weird eh.
Fascinating- especially the commentary on illness. As a child I always had a runny nose and would get sneezy. Everyone treated me like I had a cold all the time. I was 19 when a Dr suggested I get tested for allergies and I was off-the-scale allergic to dustmites. So many years of being kept separate at family gatherings nexus I was 'sick'.
Interesting. I'm a pet person and absolutely not a people person. And I don't even try anymore to make new human friends, because I know, that they are not worth the effort.
I too would rather spend quality time with horses and canines, but when needed I can make small talk well enough before I excuse myself.
I gave up on people around 2019. For the most point I don’t mask except at work and I’ve finally found an exceptional job that tolerates exceptional people (some). I play music and hang with my dogs. I occasionally think I would like to play music with other people and just thinking that makes me tired.
Thank you, I’m 50 and diagnosed with ADHD as a child. As a teen I presented different and diagnosed with a list of mental and emotional issues. In my 30’s I was diagnosed Borderline, and actually had ECT’s to try to help. During the pandemic TikTok reminded me and educated me about my combined ADHD.. It was so freeing to finally have the correct diagnosis at 46. My life has improved so much. I just have this unresolved part of me. This video brought me to tears, this is me 100%. Thank you, I’m calling for testing today. It’s not a disability, it really is a superpower. I feel fortunate I can feel, & see what not everyone can. I just like how overwhelming it gets.
11:00 in. As a male, I used to ruminate a lot. Today, not so much. I’m at the state where “people are either going to like me or not” and I’ve seen NT people struggle with this.
My later strategies these days is to try to put myself in front of of people who I at least feel might have a better chance of liking me. (Choosing my meetups carefully, etc)
I have suspected that I am audhd for quite some time, but this has confirmed it for me. You have described my childhood to a T. Thank you.
What makes me so angry is I directly stated almost all of these symptoms to multiple therapists before I even knew I was autistic. They never suspected it. I was struggling for my entire life. I was in therapy for YEARS.
Therapists are basically useless. They take alot of money from you and provide absolutely nothing in return.
most therapists suck! Im sorry you went thru that :(
Me too! I didn't know about stimming until just now-my mom and I BOTH do this extensively, and isolating etc.
@@nyuuuchan thank you!
Wow, I hit every single one of those criteria. I’m so glad I found you.
How does getting diagnosed as an older adult help ? I feel I’ve already battled and been through so much in my life, how would a formal diagnosis help ? Pretty much every one of these fits me . Thank you ! 💗🌻
You don't necessarily need to have a formal diagnosis. If you see yourself in the majority of these traits, then you probably are autistic. I happened to get a formal diagnosis, but it was a byproduct of another thing I was going to counseling for. It helped me finally see I was never the problem, like others were saying all my life. It helped me become my authentic self. It was a blessing to me.
@@dreamscape405 ok that makes sense, I was wondering if when you’re diagnosed they recommend therapy or counseling or give you tools or support in some way ?
From my point of views as an eighty year old person the definition that matters to me is how everyone else in our life defines autism. I have found so much misunderstanding concerning autism that I would rather be stealth about proclaiming my autism, and choose whom I might want to announce such a description. I have long ago trusted my own essence and need no document to do so.
After receiving likely 20 diagnosis as a 60 yr. old, I find a possible “autism” diagnosis helpful, only to explain deficiencies that have plagued me throughout my life. I wonder if we may be more kind & forgiving of ourselves by adopting such a title. Instead of beating-up myself for picking, feeling so easily overwhelmed, anti-social, etc., perhaps acceptance will lead to a sort of down-regulating shift within. If we can acknowledge that we are this way through no fault of our own, perhaps the outlier symptoms of chronic illness may also dissipate.
@@Aetherfieldyes to all you said! 🎯I’m 61 😊
Great video! The examples given at each "sign" made really easy to visualize and retain the information. Could you perhaps add video chapters in the future?
Periphery of the friend group... exactly that thing. Part of a group without actually being part of the group
Always
This is soooo helpful. All 12 hit home… wow.
Soo weird that you just made this video.. I've been finding a lot of articles sand videos saying that woman who have previously been diagnosed as BPD may actually have autism. I have been diagnosed 2 times by therapists with BPD and I really only think because I mentioned I have symptoms of it to them. I do have traits of BPD, but it never quite "fit" exactly for me. This is something I want to look more into. Such weird timing, I guess I was meant to see this. ❤
The timing is less mysterious when you consider the intelligence of the algorithm driving content to serve you. We haven't reached hypno-toad status for AI but we'll get there 😅
Almost all cluster Bs are just autistic. The psychopathic brain and the autistic brain are very similar in regards to lack of neural pruning. The slight differences are where you get NPD, histrionic, BPD. Arguably sociopathy differs bc it’s “made” not “born” so to speak, and actually is a brain type that has undergone far too much neural pruning due to trauma….
But who is to say how that brain developed to begin with.
I’ve been saying it for uh…… decades.
All cluster Bs are autistic.
I am one of the ones that was given a BPD diagnosis but now have an autism diagnosis (it is also possible to have both). Where I live it is because unless they specialise in autism they don't know anything about it so BPD ends up being what fits best within their knowledge base. For me I didn't realise I had sensory issues until after I got my autism diagnosis and they would have gone interpersonal issues and anger issues because I would melt down and when asked why my answer was always because X said something so stupid that I can't believe it.
The other issue is that it doesn't matter who you are you can end up in burnout, they don't seem to look for that (going to assume that it is something else that autistic people don't present typically) and I just got diagnosed with depression instead.
I recognize this and it is spot on for me. My whole life, described in this video. And I have PCOS as well.
Im married to autistic man and have always noticed he was diff, but now Ive been watching a lot, im sure my Dad was, but never diagnosed, but me? I have SOME of these traits, I did an autism test online and I scored just under the cut off for autism, so i think its interesting, never considered myself this way, but I have some of the traits very high and have since I was a kid. But Im also very relational, keep friends a long time, empathetic, sensitive and read the emotions of others well and sense how they feel. But the sensory stuff? Im off the charts compared to my spouse and I have the good girl thing, the songs in my head, ruminating, etc... thanks for sharing this
Oh also? Autistic women keep friends for DECADES. Eons. Like decades past the point of the friendship having run its course.
It’s SOOOOOOOO cliche of autistic girls.
Neurotypical girls are more social butterflies or perhaps have one lifelong friend and all the rest are acquaintances that come and go.
Autistic women will make one group of friends and cannot be casual with any of them and keep them FOREVER.
It also goes hand in hand with their always being the only women willing to put up with autistic men for a whole lifetime.
They don’t have the ability to break off relationships healthily or more casually or keep friendships more open ended.
They also ALWAYS think they’re experiencing empathy when they’re experiencing sympathy.
They also often truly think they’re empathizing with others when they are not. And in fact are mirroring and masking.
Try the cat-Q masking test, people who score high in masking, score lower on the general autism tests, and often under the cut off ☺️
@@jo45 Oooh. That's interesting. I'm the same way so I'll def check this out. Thx!
@@jo45 I was going to suggest the same thing!
You sound like a HSP , highly sensitive person (read the book by that title who was written in the late nineties) more than autistic.
This video you created just made me feel so seen and understood you don’t even know. I tried a therapist a while ago and brought up autism because overall life just seems different, more challenging, unique… I wanted to take steps on where/how I could maybe get tested, but I felt completely misunderstood and invalidated. How I can describe my life experiences is almost like “a cry” for help, always reaching out for help, but no one knows what’s going on, nor can I even describe what’s going on, and when I do it doesn’t make any sense to anyone. If that makes any sense at all.
Described me and my daughter the diagnosed her with SPD and major depression,Gad. So I had her tested Monday and I think the Dr saw those autism signs. Black families teach their kids to mask. I have a 6 and 13 year old boys one with autism and ADHD. They all tip toe walked. I was told they were young and just being kids by Drs.
Thank you so much for this wonderful summary video. I have been constantly misdiagnosed over and over again but every single one of these is relevant to me. I finally feel free after learning this about myself, it wasn't my fault, none of it was.
For me it’s mostly touch and light sensitivity. I can’t tolerate uncomfortable clothing and am extremely light sensitive to bright yellow lights.
Thank you for cementing the idea that I really do need to be evaluated for autism, adhd, and a couple other things. Every trait you listed was describing my life. 😅😅
Re sensory issues - something not nearly acknowledged enough is dark mode causing problems. I define "dark mode" as light/white text on a dark/black background. For me it causes migraine-like headaches to attempt to read "dark mode" for long periods of time because of the intense halation effect. Words tend to look like white fuzzy caterpillars. It is ONLY on projected/backlit type situations like a monitor or a projector on a screen (for example), not reflected light (reading a book with white text on a black page, for example, is no problem, and road signs with white letters on a green background that are illuminated by lights at night do not generate the halation effect). Funny how if you try to talk to someone unsympathetic about this, they just say suck it up or it's not a problem for anybody else so you'll just have to make do. Spotify is a good example of insensitivity in this - paying customers, not just free users, have literally been complaining about their permanent dark mode for YEARS, and they refuse to even respond much less offer a light mode option for anyone. I intentionally don't use websites that have no light mode option and encourage others to do the same.
This was a great video. It helps me understand myself.
I have 3 kids on the spectrum and I'm around a lot of other kids with school and therapies. I recently saw an interview with a professor on a completely different topic and she was super smart but talking about her life and how she didn't know how to dress when she went to college so she was dressing like professors reminded me of myself and my daughter. My daughter's diagnosis was a shock at the time. I haven't been diagnosed but I see a lot of the things my children that mirror my childhood.
I got diagnosed with ADHD only a few months ago but the more I look into autism I feel convinced that I am autistic. It makes much more sense - this was an insightful video - thank you for your content
It’s trauma without typical trauma experiences. That’s why it’s hard to ID what trauma has happened when for neurotypical folka there wasn’t any trauma
Your videos are such a blessing to me, such a comfort! Thank you for creating this content!!! Makes it easier for me to verbalize things to myself, my spouse and to self advocate in my day to day. ❤❤❤
Does peri/menopause have the same effect on autism that it does on ADHD? I was told that, since estrogen is protective for stress, hormonal intermittence in middle age makes it much harder to mask/compensate for ADHD characteristics.
Very interesting if this is true! I’m 39 but starting about 8-10 years ago my hormones took a nose dive due to chronic illness and chronic infection (Lyme disease), stress, etc. Resulting in adrenal gland insufficiency “burnout”.
My hormones have been flatlined for almost a decade yet I couldn’t find any doctor who would take me seriously . The last 4 years have been the worst and my bloodwork shows extremely low levels of
estrogen (among other hormones as well including DHEA, progesterone, and testosterone). Major depression has been ruling my life these recent years and I’m sure it has been made worse with the low hormone levels.
Been working on getting my estrogen levels up into range but even on the highway dose of the estrogen patch my blood levels aren’t where they should be. Too low still. So now adding in estrogen pill with the patch, and also perhaps a cream.
Estrogen is protective in a Variety of different things.
I don’t think that we humans were “designed” to live more than 45-55 years. If antibiotics and modern medicine hadn’t been invented, our lifespan would still be so low.
Which brings me to the problem of us women who go through menopause and then need to rely on external supplementation of these chemicals to feel even slightly better before menopause hit.
Sorry kind of rambling now but just an interesting thought.
Ehlers Danlos has a very high rate of neurodiversity of ADHD/Autism. Recent study found that 1/3 of people w ADHD have undiagnosed hypermobility that was causing them problems.
ED also has a floppy heart valve: I’ve never had good “wind” even when in top shape
Also I have some of the other diagnoses mentioned in the comments
Now I know why everything seemed harder for me
Path to happiness has included Meditation and related things
Seeing all the comments makes me feel less alone
Thanks for all this help everyone
@@aprilbreen9207 I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with the heart complications.
I have suffered migraines since childhood and I feel like that overshadowed the majority of my other “symptoms” of ADHD and possibly even Autism. I was also tested for many autoimmune diseases because of chronic pain throughout my body. I will look through your other videos, but a deep dive on comorbidity of neurodivergence and chronic conditions would be so interesting and helpful! Thank you for your videos!
Being female presenting androgynous, I know I have Hypermobility and prone to Petit Mal seizures (puberty sucked because of that), and having to deal with cPTSD, Anxiety, Hyper-vigilance, and having been given the "Flavor of the Month" diagnosis (everything from Bipolar to BPD) all my life because they can't actually identify what's really going on (and can't get an ASD assessment because I'm 50 and "female" and "Well, we don't do that/only boys have ASD..." I've been huge into science and scifi/fantasy popular culture and huge into music, am hypersensitive and have global sensory sensitivity (light, sound, touch, taste, smell), and presented "stimming behaviors" since I was very little (stretching full length like a cat since before birth and even in my sleep, rubbing silky fabrics, petting or playing with fur, fidgetting with puzzles or toys with moving parts)... And the Meyers Brigs thing says I'm an INFJ-T personality type... You can see my problem...
I am 30 years older than you and it is as bad now as when I grew up; I did not speak until age three and it took three years to reach the second grade of school. By age eight I began to use thespian skills to mask and after finishing high school I trained horses and canines, but finally earned an income as a line mechanic working for Mercedes Benz. I could earn an income if I worked alone. My best skills were working with horses and canines, but difficult to earn income. Bottom line is to learn to trust yourself; there are others like ourselves.
I feel slightly comforted to know that other people experience these feelings and thinking :)
All these are me.
Great video, very informative. Thank you!!! As an AFAB non-binary individual, I feel like I have a mix of male and female autistic traits. However, having been socialized as a female, so much of this hits home for me.
I think this is very important to keep talking about until the "professionals" catch up to it.
I as well had to self diagnose since I knew it's not bpd. depression and trauma fit but didn't explain everything. With adhd the fog cleared a bit but only with autism do I find the root of it all. And I would have never considered it if I didn't hear about the female presentation.
Now I am diagnosed at age 36 even though I have been in therapy anf talked to psychiatrists and all that stuff since my early twenties.
I was under every anti depressant they could find yet they didn't help but gave me side effects and now I don't take any of them anymore.
I think think they fucked up. It was their job to figure it out but they didn't. And that had consequences for how my life went.
And because they don't know enough they can even be unsupportive when you want this topic investigated and say you don't have it.
Being in therapy and figuring out that your psychologist doesn't get you at all and doesn't know what to do with you is an awful feeling.
This really needs to change.
I think a lot of us go through life feeling misunderstood. I feel chronically let down by doctors not addressing symptoms, and this is regular md’s too, not just counselors. I hold the western medicine/insurance churn-mill and lack of holistic medical care to be at fault. I think much of my anxiety and dismay at feeling the quality of my life could be better is the basis for the distress that I feel. I’m late fifties post menopausal and I thought I’d be in a better head space by now at this point in life.
Wow, thank you for this game changing information.
I appreciate your acknowledgement that it is not as simple as "male phenotype" and "female phenotype." An alternative I have heard is "low masking" (generally seen in boys) and "high masking" (more often seen in girls), but a random person looking on the internet most likely wouldn't know to look for that. I'm so sorry that your attempts to include everyone seem to bother some people. It's a complicated world we live in.
I noticed that you included PCOS in your list of chronic illnesses, but I haven't heard anything about it in connection to autism before. Is that another one of those high-comorbidity things?
My niece has MTHFR, PCOS, ASD and MCAS, among many other things. I think MTHFR plays a huge role.
Who else is >50 and finally is figuring out what is what. All #12 here. Haven’t tested for ADD/autistic spectrum but both daughters have ADD and at least one fits this to a T. Thank you for this video!
I was told once that I had features of autism but was not actually autistic, that I was an HSP instead. It was annoying because the advice for HSPs was to use personas to navigate situations- IE mask - which was exactly what I had gone into therapy to stop doing! I wanted to be more authentically myself with others. I’m in my late fifties now and am having issues with fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and diabetes. I’m working on creating my own little slice of heaven with wild gardens, herbs, chickens, goats, etc., which my daughter and her husband don’t understand at all. She seems to think she’s my mother, now! 😂 Sorry to ramble on.
Continue to take up space (expand) and hold your ground (boundaries) with your daughter. And be joyful (don’t let her rain on your parade). Remind her that your life is yours to live (on your terms). 🌞🌞🌞
I have both ADHD and autism. I was clueless until after I got medicated for depression and anxiety and had already tried to end my life twice. Now I'm completely stable with only the depression medication and this calm has helped me a lot to understand myself. I was at a loss at first when diagnosis was pilling up (PTSD, OCD, etc) and then it all made sense when I started researching autism and ADHD. Eventually I got diagnosed. The things mentioned in this video is so much like me. For me it's noises, fabrics (and other sensitivities down to the skin of the person touching me) and smell is the worst of it all. Yes, repeating shows and reads and isolating when overwhelmed, making friends and bringing them together so I can exist in the periphery and eventually losing touch. A constant confusion and it really didn't help others weren't direct. Routine is important but eventualy I felt traped in it and had to change it. I was always so upset when plans changed or when things didn't go as expected and I always needed to prevent and think of all scenarios before acting. When faced with a new task I never knew how to start it, making me look like I was lazy or dum. Eventually I was masking so well that even I was surprised to find out I am on the spectrum for both but I can't describe how relieved I was to find out that it wasn't my fault. It's just that the world is built on neurotypical standards. And to mention here, neither adhd or autism are a decease, just a different way of think, processing and existing.
I think MTHFR gene mutations may play a role in this phenotype.
I’ve been saying this for a few years now.
My family has this, pretty sure multiple people in the family has ASD as well, plus the many health problems that accompanies it.
I have the motherf*cker gene mutation as I call it. I think this makes so much sense. My son is on the spectrum and I have a handful of diagnosis’, literally all the ones mentioned here, but not autism, even though it is so obvious to me! I’m going to bring this up to my doctor.
@@savagebubbles.. Ha! That's what I read it as!
@@Kristen-ek9rz Me, too!