The frustration and struggle is very real! I can’t even clean my house without making a mess. Unsure if that makes sense to anyone. I hate when people put labels on others without getting to know them. Everyone goes through something. I’m going back to school and I’m making sure that I advocate for myself. I’m scared, but I’m determined to not let ADHD keep me from growing. This video is so relatable! I understand all of it😔
@@GoADHDGo my kids and significant other left for a few days and I cleaned the whole time. The house was clean, but everything wasn’t put in its place. I’m trying to correct this, but it has been challenging and exhausting. When I do accomplish a goal, everyone messes my hard work up. I pout, look at the mess/clutter and try to get mentally prepared. Most of the time I get frustrated, yell at everyone and tell them that I’m not picking up or will just look at the clutter and feel like taking a nap. The struggle!!!!
My doctor wrote in my medical file: 'She thinks she has ADHD, I don't think so, she is a really calm girl' I was over 30 with a teenage daughter. So calling me a girl says enough about how much she took me seriously.
We are calm from outside but what about inside??? ❤️🩹 its loud, disturbing & clumsy. One can’t feel right like this… I’m proud of you & feel sorry for the doctor.
Oh good effin' grief. So, if you're loud and fidgety you're nervous, or even hysterical --> "She's probably just exaggerating / wants attention" If you are calm and self-controlled --> "nah, she's a calm girl". The saddest thing about this is that this is another woman pulling that BS on you.
This is why I’m really glad that my psychiatrist is a woman with adhd, so I know that I’m actually getting the right meds, from somebody who’s been through similar things I have.
I hate when people talk about depression like it's a very tiny minor cat scratch on your hand. Depression is a very serious mental disorder that took many lives, destroyed twice as many, and keeps affecting the most vulnerable individuals the most, the ones who kept calling for help before it happened but never received it in the first place.
My mom said to me just the other day, about my heavy depression ' everybody has ups and downs'. If depression is ups and downs then what is adhd I wonder..
@@iffragaatt6374 ADHD is the labels my family gave me-Lazy, unmotivated, clumsy, numb skull- or “everyone gets distracted” no they don’t they don’t feel it physically.
@Aimee Castano Are you me? I’m 28 and just now finishing my undergrad. I act like I’m in my early 20s and no one knows my age. Yet it feels so hard to just start talking to people cause I still feel insecure. It’s been good seeing that I’m not alone in this.
I'm 61, multi talented ''different" grandma of 4, with a very high IQ. Never graduate, never had permanent job, but always coped with everything I feel Interesting. Had a wrong bipolar diagnosis - and medication - over a decade. Couldn't even work. Finally, last year got into evaluation. - Never met a doctor, had to visit consulting young nurses for 6 mths... Finally, they've decided (with the doctor) to give me "The Official Evaluation" papers. A PILE OF A4 SHEETS - INCAPABLE SELECTION T INADEQUATE "FILL IN" QUESTIONS... Summary: TOO LOW POINTS(!) FOR ADHD - NO REASON FOR PSYCHIATRIC RESEARCH. Now going to an expensive private psychiatric clinic. AND going to report officially about the age discrimination of the public mental health care. Hope You're doing well! I'm going to do the same...!
62 - they just didn’t have the diagnosis when I was a kid - bullied - or in college where the problem deeply affected my personal life. Her description of her problems match mine pretty closely.
This video hit me so hard. I'm 72 and self-diagnosed when I was in my 50s. My ADHD had affected everything in my life, usually negatively. THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT OUTLOUD
Hello, I’m 64 and was recently diagnosed and it made a world of difference because I had a name for my problem. Nobody understood what I was dealing with. THATS half the battle.
I mask my ADHD pretty well, and was lucky enough to have an evaluator who was sensitive to that. She told me something that really stuck with me - "You seem outwardly like you're doing well, but I suspect you're doing a lot of extra work to seem that way. And you don't have to keep doing that if you don't want to, there are tools and strategies that can make things easier on you."
Same for me! I didn't even realize that others didn't have to do so much internal work do the same tasks/quality of work. When I did realize it...I blamed myself and didn't consider ADHD.
That statement right there, what she told you, super important! Really hits home for me. I saw on one of the other videos here that ppl with ADHD "live life on hard mode" and omg its SO true. Id love to not have to try so hard!
That's some great advice! It's very rare for someone to be so understanding that they realise it's sometimes better for our organisation to suffer a little bit if it means we're not working 3x harder than others to meet their standards. Hope your journey is going well Mim, I'm an Autistic/ADHD person and always happy to meet new people if you want to keep in touch! 😄
Whenever I was called "lazy" I felt I was being called worthless and a moocher. I cried when you said this was a symptom. And that it's not actually true. Thank you so much for this.
The way our society equates income and wealth with value as a human being is tragic, especially at a time when wealth is becoming more and more concentrated in the hands of the few! 😒
I saw another video recently that said that people who are often labeled as "lazy" are often unable to do tasks because they're overstimulated or overwhelmed. They're not being "lazy" by not doing a particular task, it's just that the task may be really overwhelming and their brain essentially shuts down and keeps them from starting the task, it's not that they don't want to. I try to cope with this by breaking overwhelming tasks into smaller chunks. I maybe set a time limit and say that I'm going to work on it for a certain amount of time or say that I'm going to do just a specific part of the task. It makes it less overwhelming and more attainable by breaking it up.
That's true. When most people think of a person with ADHD, they're not thinking of a 34-year-old woman who has trouble keeping up with housework. They're thinking of a 10-year-old boy who acts out in school.
Or a 23 year old failing part time college due to getting too ill too far into the semester to complete it (unknowingly caused simply by the amount of anxiety and guilt tripping she does to herself...)
My parents are the ones who used “lazy” against me the most. It always hurt because I felt like I was so tired and busy in my brain all the time. I’m really lucky that the first specialist I went to in college recognized the adhd right away, and didn’t just try to tell me to lose weight like my mom wanted. Unfortunately I now live in a country that does not allow stimulant meds at all, so my current doctor is limited in what he can give me.
A few of my internship preceptors viewed me as lazy and unintelligent. The demands of the internship were more than I could handle with my regular coping mechanisms from my earlier in my life up to that point. I almost quit because I felt so worthless and people couldn't see how hard I was trying and I wasn't performing as well as I should have. Getting diagnosed explained a lot.
I hate how our ADHD becomes a problem when it's bothersome to other people. It's like ''so you're assuming i am okay with forgetting things that happened 3 seconds ago, that i am okay with clutter and mess i am making, that i am unable to force myself to do important tasks that i think about for entire week?''
This makes me think that I might have it as well. Especially when I was doing my thesis, I'd think about it constantly but can't make myself to do it. I managed to finish it by having my father constantly reminding me to do it and forcing myself by calling my supervisor for a meeting before I actually do it (normally you're supposed to finish it before asking for the meeting).
Hi stranger just wanted to say that God loves u so much that He sent His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life(つ≧▽≦)つ 🧡
Hi stranger just wanted to say that God loves u so much that He sent His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life(つ≧▽≦)つ 🧡
Hi stranger just wanted to say that God loves u so much that He sent His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life(つ≧▽≦)つ 🧡
The amount of people that told me I can't have ADHD cause I'm not bouncing off the walls or did well in school was astonishing. My symptoms only became externalised when I started my career. Diagnosed at 23 😔
I know my best friend (as a now trans dude) growing up had it and he was hyperactive they had to take him for laps 😅 so they always thought I was fine. Meanwhile I’m literally internalizing stress so hard I throw up before any exam in damn 3rd grade, insomnia at a young age, self harm at a young age. I think of being in primary school and already exhibiting a level of responsibility, stress and depression that as a nurse now I would find very bizarre or at least concerning for a child. I mean its the kind of weird development that comes out if children of neglect unfortunately so mix that with tiger mom level expectations gets a little spicy 😬. I actually didn’t believe my therapist when she first told me because I had just always been told people like me just pick up the label from people like my friends to avoid responsibility for their actions and laziness per my mother when I discussed it with her on a visit after that session 😅 also a healthcare professional.
Wow!!! Relate to this so much!!! I’m not diagnosed yet. I want to go get checked out. I didn’t realize my everyday symptoms coincided with ADHD until after college too and started working as a teacher.
Literally the same issue I was having a while ago with my dad. I told my dad I wanted to get tested bcuz I had a suspicion that something may be going on other than just the depression that I’m already diagnosed with. He was like, “nah, you don’t have it cuz you do good in school and aren’t hyperactive”. But, literally, I have growing suspicions that I might have it. I exhibited a lot of adhd symptoms that little girls have that I didn’t realize until I thought back to how I was as a kid when talking to my close friend. Thing is, that my psychiatrist said that he can’t just give me adhd meds cuz it’ll affect my depression meds, but like, i just want to be diagnosed with whether I actually have it or not 😭😭
I joked for years and years about “I must have ADHD” and then, after 15 years of being on depression and anxiety meds that didn’t ever seem to help....it suddenly occurred to me that I might REALLY have ADHD. Got tested at age 45 and sure enough.... I can’t believe how long I dealt with this and none of my therapists or psychiatrists noticed!
@@tjbrat44 It was about 5 hours. There were computer tests that timed my response times and attention to detail and I also had to fill out a really long questionnaire about my “symptoms” as did my husband and then I was interviewed as well. It was pretty thorough.
I just got diagnosed at 33. and it was only after advocating for myself with my therapist. Have depression, and anxiety too. feels good to finally be properly diagnosed!!
"a lot of women with adhd get misdiagnosed with depression" THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THEY REFUSED TO LOOK INTO MY ADHD AND JUST CLAIMED IT WAS DEPRESSION.....
I recently went to a doctor because I felt that I was in a really bad and dark place mentally and finally decided to get help. I poured my heart out and told her about everything that was going on inside my head. She then said it simply sounds like my depression getting worse and changed my meds. I'm now going to make an appointment with another doc and ask them specifically for an ADHD assessment
The same thing happened to me, as a man, and it's wasted so many damn years of my life. I felt gaslit for it because there are doctors out there who are either ignorant or judgemental.
Hi, Im currently 14 years old and I think I may have ADHD but my parents think I'm ''overreacting'' because I'm not bouncing of the walls. They didn't want to bring me to the doctor, so I called them myself after watching this video. Guess what, my doctor thinks that I have ADHD, so he wrote my parents a note. So now I have an appointment next week for an official diagnosis. Thank You!
I’m a 47 yo female and this very helpful message brought me to tears. My 23 yo daughter recently pointed out the possibility of my having adhd. I was actually offended in a small way. Then your video popped up in my feed 2 days later. This message is to thank you for educating me and bringing context to the physical and emotional pain I have felt my entire life and unfortunately unleashed on my children.
I was diagnosed at 48. That was about a year and a half ago. I have always thought I was crazy. I didn't fit in with my family, I was so different. I had trouble as a kid in school. I have 6 kids, 2 have ADHD and I never thought I had it. I thought, I don't bounce off the walls like my boys do. Well, no, because my ADHD is different than theirs. A few months after I got diagnosed, I started college. I am taking a lot of psychology classes and learning about ADHD. For the first time in my life my brain makes sense to me. I am learning why I am the way I am. Sometimes I want to sit and cry because I know I am not crazy. I'm just neurodivergent. If you have not already, I encourage you to get a diagnosis. My doctor and I are working on finding meds and dosage that work for me.
My lifelong bestie once suggested I should see a therapist. I 100% agreed (You mean sobbing hysterically in the middle of the woods in front of the sign for a scout camp that’s been defunct for 17 years could be a sign of very much not being okay? Shocking! 🥴), but at the same time realized that someone I hadn’t had as long and strong of a connection to couldn’t have “gotten away” with the suggestion, because it FELT like “Hush up, I’m not interested in hearing about this.”. It is pretty much impossible to start poking around at sensitive places inside ourselves without getting strong emotional responses! 😱
I wish my boyfriend would do that for me. He might when I actually bring home a prescription but I’m sure your wife feels very deeply cared for because you are doing this!
This channel has been so amazing helping me understand my step daughter's adhd too. I am not used to handling someone with it so I found this channel too to better understand it. I am right there with you! There's a lot I didn't know as well.
I wish my professors had a double-tap-to-go-back-10-seconds-because-I-didn't-process-what-you-said feature. I relate to the person in this video so much.
Right? During the pandemic some of my professors started making Videos for us students to watch before class and the students sometimes uploaded their presentations with voice overs beforehand so you could watch them whenever you liked and - the best part - go back and repeat everything as often as you want and need it.
Especially since we get labeled as "problematic" because we literally forgot. I need this feature with everyone in life. For real. And a universal volume button for the noise of the world.
This happened with my enrichment teacher, I missed something I was supposedly supposed to notice and she just told us that well if we won't answer the question that she'll just give us a bad grade and when our parents ask about it she'll tell them it's because we were a bad or lazy student or something like that. It's worse because we didn't even get much information about the apparent task and I ended up failing to compute the only information we were given to understand... It's really stressing.
YES. I’ve always been called lazy, purposely forgetful, too sensitive, unmotivated, and that I ignore people because I easily zone out and daydream. Thank you for your kind words, I’m proud to be a brain in your tribe. 😊
I was the same. But on screening tests I did excellent because I could focus for Anna hour minutes in new environment and I wanted to prove I'm allright. Funny thing I couldn't finish my test so I guessed answers at the end,without reading questions. I wonder if they could spot it. I was always great with guessing test answers 🤣
As a spouse to someone who suffers from ADHD, you are amazing and so helpful! You have no idea the impact this is having until you talk to those who watch it, relate to it, and discover how it helped. In our case, my wife hit an intermittent menopausal state. This meant so many changes were happening day-to-day, I as someone not with ADHD, could not understand the issues we were having. I was considering a life without a 21 year long partner! Because of your videos, especially this one, I am able to have renewed hope. I now know it is me that needs to understand. To support her. To see the changes through and not to throw away 20+ years with someone because of it. Communication was the biggest factor. She is reluctant to tell others. I have led her to your videos. I am hoping they help her too. I know my part. This has changed our lives and I dare say saved a marriage!!! Thank you!
Bless you for being understanding. It is already so hard! Most of us were told we didn't have this issue so it took us longer to be diagnosed. It really is hard and we are hard enough on ourselves for our short comings.
My mom has basically always told me, "I know you probably have ADD, I do too, but if you just put your mind to something you can do it." Sometimes it's literally impossible to "put your mind to it"
I was called dumb and lazy my whole life...2 months after graduating with my masters degree...I received my ADHD diagnosis. I have so many feelings about this. I did not have to struggle.
I've been suspecting I might have ADHD for a few years now and I'm so adverse to getting checked because I've heard so many stories of women being misdiagnosed or not taken seriously
I believe I have adhd as well. My mom won’t believe me but it makes so much sense! But I’m afraid I’m going to misdiagnosed I had a seizure disorder when I was younger and my doctor just said oh she’s just being rebellious. It’s just bad behavior…. But two years later it got so bad that they lasted for 8 hours 5 times a week! They were called absence seizure disorder which no one can see them happening but one thing to notice is that they can’t hear anything when there in an episode. My teachers were so confused on why I was so spacey….
@Kenzalishus ADHD and autism often occur together although they dont have to. Do you think you were totally misdiagnosed or they missed ADHD? It's tricky because they share many traits as well. If you can definitely get checked for ADHD. You can always get a second opinion if it's accessible
Same as a poc women, so many stereotypes, stigmas, culture blocks and opinions/discriminations against black people, culture AND women is so discouraging that im not even gonna try. I dont wanna be misdiagnosed or invalidated harshly.
When I first went to my local GP about this. They told me and my parents that there was a ‘trend’ of teenage girls thinking they had ADHD and going to get tested. It turns out I did have ADHD but I’ve always felt like I shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t be getting help due to how little anyone takes you seriously.
I used to get called 'overly sensitive' a lot as a kid and was told to basically 'harden up' and not let these things get to me. I used to have a pretty bad temper and would get frustrated and angry then lash out. I was told to get it under control. It was hard but i eneded up just internalising everything and putting on a happy face or at least an unproblumatic face to the world and learned to fly under the radar. Those behaviours, with out question, had a negative affect on my mental health for years and years. I'm 40 and just starting to understand whats going on inside my head and undo the decades of conditioning.
That's exactly what I do... I take a lot of things personally, and I got into an argument with my dad about it: He told me just to stop letting them be personal. It's not like I chose it, but half the time I never feel like I can talk to him about the way I feel, so I don't. Oldest of four, I put on a happy face and never let anyone, especially my younger siblings, see that I'm struggling. I end up talking about my issues to random people I meet on the internet because that's easier than talking to my parents
Oh… oh my god.. i was told consistently throughout my childhood from my parents, teachers, fellow students, etc that i was too sensitive, just not trying hard enough, and not paying enough attention. I would try so hard not to react or get “sensitive” but a seven year old girl can’t do that. I developed GAD, and currently have it really bad, as i have for years, and I’m only 16. I was just, just now, diagnosed. My mom ignored that anything could be wrong for years and years. Not a single adult, except for my therapist (after 4 years) even thought, maybe she has adhd. I have numerous diary entries, notes on my phone, texts, letters etc. to myself, just asking why i’m like this. It was slow but when i was diagnosed i wanted to burst into tears. I’m sorry that that happened to you, and i hope that that doesn’t happen to more people
Same, and as an adult. I'm too sensitive, take things too personally and always assume it's because I've done something to upset someone. I have always felt like I have this try too hard thing going on especially in social situations where I feel awkward and then I feel devastated when people don't engage with me and I think "but I tried so hard to be cool and fun" and then feel like something is wrong with me and resort to defensiveness. I also really struggle with group conversations and so people think I'm bored or not interested or like I am flakey because I just go around the room trying to understand what everyone is talking about but then end up just by myself in the corner.
To this day my Mother keeps telling me to “Harden up because that’s how life works and I should stop crying “ my answer to that has always been lying to her because I don’t know what else to say.
"If you're struggling, there's a reason you're struggling....Your struggles aren't imaginary." I honestly broke out in tears at this. I didn't realize how much I needed to realize that my inability to live up to my perfection standards was medical, rather than some objective shortcoming of *myself*. Thank you for this. I learned a lot, I feel so understood and supported and better equipped AND encouraged to move forward.
I know that feeling. It to takes such a huge toll on yourself. At least it does me. Ill sit there and compare myself to others and ear myself apart because im not doing the work load I think I should be doing in x amount of time.
I'm 33, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and OCD. Im in a massive rut, self medicating, thinking i cant hold a job or maintain relationships because of childhood trauma but I'm starting to finally, FINALLY, get to the truth, thanks to people like you and videos like this. I was trying to explain to my mom the female adhd brain and what I learned in a different video but my recall is sh*t, so I just started playing this video, not having seen it before. We both listened, and of course I choked and burst into tears when you said by the time we find out, the damage we do to ourselves has been done. Thank you so much for this. I'm still learning.
It always feels like the only time ADHD is ever acknowledged was to point out deficiencies. So it no surprise we learn to mask symptoms and use more neurotypical excuses. Thank you for sharing, I'm slowly trying to shed my imposter syndrome, videos like this really help.
Like - I didn't go to class because I wasn't feeling well vs My alarm on my phone didn't go off because my phone died because I forgot to charge it and for some reason both the charger AND the alarm clock were unplugged from the wall (probably because I needed another outlet for that blender experiment) and then I couldn't find my car keys.
Yeah I've been speaking with more formal words like ones that would be used in old history (mostly because I like historic books and dress and I say the words they use correctly of course) then when I tell people that I have ADHD they're like "Oh my god I would never guess!! You speak so elegantly! And you sound so smart!" It's funny sometimes, other times it's annoying lol
My trick is at the beginning of the year instead of going “hey I have adhd” to my teachers I just give them a list of the symptoms and say hey this is what I struggle with instead of saying “hey I have adhd” I found it helps a lot more since most people don’t take ADHD seriously but if you tell them “OK I struggle with this this and this” they’re more likely to take that seriously
This is super smart. I think a lot of the time, when we introduce a condition with the label attached to it, that leads the entire conversation down the path of assuming that both people have the same understanding of the condition. Instead, introducing the symptoms might get across clearer what the ADHD actually means for you for the person listening.
I email my professors before my first class with them what they will notice and why it is that way, and attach the list of accommodations that my college psychologist approved which gives specific, measurable actions for my professors to take. I also reassure them that I am there because I really want to be, and that I use these methods so that I can really understand the course material and perform well, as well as to listen better. For example, I explain that writing notes makes me think too hard about writing notes that I can't pay attention to what they are saying. So, receiving their powerpoints as notes means that I can review the material later just like written notes, but I will be able to really process what they're saying more often during their lecture. Writing English and listening to English at the same time means that I'm not processing either very effectively.
this is a great idea. unfortunately sometimes if I've told people I have ADHD they make a lot of assumptions about me, I've even had people I don't know very well make rude comments about having to take stimulants to manage. there's still so much stigma around it. it's much easier to describe to people the issues and symptoms I struggle with.
I can hear the emotion in your voice when you talk about your struggle and I empathize and relate. Thank you for this content, it helps inform those who don’t know and comfort those who do.
I can definitely relate to the “good student” part and how toxic it can be. Many of the problems I have had with my mental health can be attributed to spending time in “gifted and talented” groups full of girls who were nothing like me and resenting myself for it. I love learning for myself but hate how education encourages vicious competition and labelling of children before they have even had time to learn who they are. Being put in these scenarios didn’t make me any smarter but helped me to learn how to hate my body as well as my brain leading to disordered eating and constant unending shame, which was such a common thing for people around me even without ADHD which makes you wonder if anyone really benefits.
I'm pretty sure I ahve something ATLEAST similar to this, because I really want to tell ym parents but they aren't the most patient listeners. For example, whenever I try to stay calm and talk clearly I either get stressed because my parents are telling me to "get to the point" but that just makes it harder. or I get overwhelmed by the build up emotions making me feel weak and embarraassed and I tried telling them what is bothering me but when I did I had emotions just overwhelming me and they just sat there talking and talking lecturing me I think? (I couldn't focus and felt like I was lost and not in control of my own body and I was screaming for help) but they didn't help, especially my dad just didn't do anything. It was my step-mom (whom I know for a long time, been more of a mother to me than my real one) finally hugged me and tried to calm me down while I was just half there half crying and it was just awful really. Yeah that was a total failure. A few days later after the whole thing I tried to talk to them about how I think they were too impatient with me and was asking for them to PLEASE just listen but my dad got angry (even more, since I skipped school that day because I felt so emotionally exhausted it felt like my body was made out of rusty old metal) demanding a answer as to why I thought it would be a good idea to stay at home because I was "tired". After explaining that I just wasn't feeling very "energetic" he passed it off due to me not getting enough sleep because I am sitting at the PC until 2 AM (I do not do that, max is Midnight but even then I don't stay up this late ya know?) A very stressful dinner later I had annoyed parents who turned off my internet access and an even more unstable mindset. Just great. I am out of ideas, I know writing this long comment won't change things but after seeing the video and this comment I just had the urge write my own situation. I apologize for this though, nobody likes to read long comments where someone is venting about their depressed life
I relate as a former gifted program kid & I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 30. I can't take stimulant meds because of other other conditions, but I am relieved to at least being diagnosed & having that answer. I still struggle with my ADHD and my regrets.
I hear you.. communication problems.. ay yi yi ! And planning communication can lead to a lot of rumination with it's set of problems. It is a balance.. and i am tired.
I also cried watching this. For once, I finally feel heard and relatable. I'm currently seeking a diagnosis because I recognized symptoms in myself when getting my son diagnosed. Thank you SO MUCH. You're so articulate and explained everything so well.
I feel this!! When I was pregnant my work performance dipped significantly and none of my bosses could understand why. The combo of hormones, physical discomfort and going through a huge life change threw any progress I'd made right out the window. After my son was born I felt like I came out of a fog that I didn't even know I'd been in.
"No one should go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works." That literally got me crying within seconds. I've been feeling like that my entire life. I'm 18 now.
ADHD is when you start going through the comment Section then going back up to the Video Recommendations while going through your phone then back to the main video to Play back 30 Seconds of what you just missed.
Exactly this! I've been trying so hard to stop going into the comments half way through videos, because often they'll spoil stuff about the video and I don't want that, but I can't just *sit* there and watch! Gotta shift the attention around! Only way I can watch a video straight through is if I've got another window open with a low-intensity game or puzzle or something, and even then I may also need a fidget or to be eating or something
"Our struggles might be invisible to others, but it doesn't mean they're imaginary." Thank you, i really needed to hear that. I feel like I'm loosing my mind.
i’m shocked because i always though adhd was just jumping from one thought to another, which i do at times, but this video explained how i feel perfectly. i thought everyone felt like this, yet i’ve always struggled more than others to do simple tasks. it feels impossible for me to do school work unless i’m under a lot of pressure. i can’t keep friendships because i always forget to check up on people and then they think that i don’t care about them, which then makes me feel like a horrible person. it just feels like my mind is so crowded 24/7 and i can’t focus on anything unless im genuinely interested in something or i’m under a LOT of pressure.
Oh I relate to this, but I’m not sure if I have ADHD or not, I’m finding it really hard to tell if I struggle more than other people do. Maybe I’m over analysing/dramatising myself, and it’s very expensive (in the uk) to get tested. It’s crazy you have to self diagnose just to get diagnosed bc I’m confused 🤷🏽♀️
I have self diagnosed myself with ADHD or ADD for a while now because my parents don't believe in ADHD, so this video had me crying because I resonate with it so well. I always seem to fail in things that other people can do with ease and I always think it's something that is wrong w me. So this video really helped me, knowing I am not the only one.
I can't imagine ever not calling myself messy, lazy, forgetful, etc. Despite learning more about my brain as an adult it just seems objectively true to me and those around me.
They're not true in the slightest. These are lies that you were told so often you internalized them. Keep doing the work to move past that harmful programming 🤍🤍 you're on the right track!
I feel that's the worst part. Specially before my diagnosis. Telling yourself it's ok, you're putting your best to this task, you know you're smart, etc. And then it goes wrong. And again. How are you supposed to construct self love around "being irresponsible"? How are you supposed to feel confident in your abilities if you mess basic math up frequently? (for example) This "objective truths" thing sucks. Trying to have self esteem feels like trying to deny the reality. Luckily after my diagnosis I am more aware of how intentions matter to the word "irresponsible". And that "I have ADHD" or "I'm doing everything I can" are facts as much as "I lost my coat for the 4th time this year". It helps.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t get away from those labels and her saying evErything I’ve felt for so long was so validating. It’s weirdly comforting to know I’m not the only one here
That last line “no one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works” I burst into tears, I didn’t realize how bad that impacted me... thank you for helping me feel understood ♥️
Wow. The part about doing great in elementary school, then starting to do worse in school around the time puberty hit? That was me! It's so validating to hear this. I never put together that it could have been about puberty. I didn't know what was wrong with me.
Same! It hit me around 15. I was always a great student growing up, but along the way I would clash with teachers and still somehow find myself being looked down upon. It wasn't until I started struggling in school that anyone even considered ADHD
Same for me! I was always advanced in reading and the things that interested me. I remember having to do times tables races and so many of the other kids moved up to the higher level sheets, they were color coded so it was obvious, while I got stuck in the 7's. Humiliating and discouraging. It wasn't until college, taking algebra for the 3rd time that I had a teacher who showed me how my thinking about the problem was wrong so I could understand it! I began to love it! I was excited about it because it became a puzzle, one which I could finally solve! I'll never forget that teacher for helping me. He said it was the teacher's fault because they didn't understand it themselves!
Because of your channel I’ve discovered I’m ADHD! Thank you! Been called lazy, flaky, flighty, unmotivated etc… my entire life! Somehow I knew I was still awesome, so just went through life enjoying my “crazy brain”! 55 years old in Sept. keep up the great work! My husband of 32 years , thanks you too!
I absolutely laughed out loud at that one. I’m a mid-50’s peri-menopausal woman at the moment and after an exhausting process and a lifetime of issues i finally got a formal diagnosis of ADHD yesterday!!
I relate to the “female presentation” as a man because I was the eldest child, with tons of pressure and responsibilities looking out for my younger siblings and being a “good example” and being the designated peacemaker of the family as well as the “therapist” for my parents.
I was the youngest and I also had to be the therapist to my parents. It goes to show how much of a failing parents we have. We played a role that wasn't ours tbw
"if you are struggling, there is a reason you are struggling. Our struggles being invisible to others doesn't mean they are imaginary"...thank you for that phrase...
Yes! It's like the "you don't look sick" thing. WITAF? It's like Americans only recognize cancer patients with no hair and wheelchairs, otherwise you must be fine. It makes me furious.
About one and a half year ago, youtube recomended this video to me. And it changed my life. Today, I got my ADHD diagnosis. Finally I can name, what bothers me since my childhood, and I can take more actions to live with it. Thank you so, so, sooooo much for your work and your videos!
This hurt my heart. Growing up, I was always the "day-dreamer" who constantly forgot her homework at school but somehow still managed to get As and Bs. My cousin had been diagnosed with ADHD because of his hyperactivity, and I approached her a handful of times to say I think I have it, but she would say I didn't because I wasn't like my cousin. For YEARS I would just work harder and harder to maintain my grades, pretending I was fine even though I knew I wasn't. It wasn't until I was 26 that I went to a doctor about my depression and she asked if I had been diagnosed with ADHD. I took a test, and in that moment my entire life changed. Just knowing that it's my ADHD and not a personal failing has made me feel better, and helped me to create my own toolbox for addressing some of my worst symptoms.
That bit about homework is so relatable. I often pass my homeworks last minute, maybe even minutes before deadline, but I still got As and got told I was "naturally smart" by my peers, even when i felt like I wasnt trying as hard as them.
i resonate so much, theres a sterotype with adhd that u have to be hyperactive, so i never knew that i might have it, i was always daydreaming, zoned out, in my own world, in class id fall asleep always, even if i was trying so so hard to concentrate, and id do my homeworks last minute even now in university i do my courseworks so late my dissertation draft is due in about 10 days and i havent even started, i get overstimulated at the thought of the workload, that i out it off till the last possible second, i manage to get by most the time but in sixth form (british college equivalent to the last two years in high school for americans) those were the worst years of my life bc i couldnt just get by with how i was, i was doing very badly, but by the end i just scraped it, i wouldnt have gotten into university with my grades if my uni didnt change my offer, and then in uni i was doing alright first year, then second year i struggled but kind of managed, and third year i have lowkey brought myself back up to managing but again im leaving this dissertation too late and its been overwhelming me for a long time, i really need to get my diagnosis bc i did a self referral checklist from a specialist(?) and i literally marked often or always on MOST of the boxes, i am so sure i have undiagnosed ADHD
i just wrote a whole essay under ur comment 😭 this goes to prove how i have adhd like i cant keep any comment or anything i say short i feel the need to explain every little thing, im tired of being how i am for real 🥲
Starting to come to the realization that a lot of my “unknown” symptoms of my mental illness line up with ADHD in females and this was just the confirmation I needed to consult my doctor about it.
My fiancé actually was the one to point out my symptoms/internal struggles aligning very closely with his own ADHD symptoms. He convinced me to get evaluated, and I officially was diagnosed a few months ago! But yeah, same here! ADHD was the one diagnosis that seemed to fit the most.
This video got me hard. Your descriptions are spot on how I've felt my whole life. A couple of years ago I got referred to a psychologist to evaluate me for ADHD when things were really bad for me - depression, anxiety, eating disorders. I eventually got a callback to tell me it was very unlikely I had ADHD and 'probably just needed self-esteem counselling'. When she asked how I felt about that I said I was disappointed - like I'd thought maybe there was help I could access, that I wasn't just a failure. She then scolded me for being 'disappointed I don't have a serious medical condition'. I felt humiliated and like a complete failure, and not tried to access help since. Your videos make me feel like maybe my concerns are valid and one day I might get the courage to go back and try again. Thank you.
@@N0Xa880iUL at first I figured it was a professional so they have to be right, and I was just trying to look for excuses for being a shitty person. But in retrospect, I agree, I think I just had a bad doctor. It really did put me off ever trying again though
@@gumbykevbo This is so accurate. And you're spot on with the professionals having experience only/mostly diagnosing kids. I live in a third world country and when my family first asked their practitioner on opinion on me they literally said it is a children's disorder and adults don't have it.
@@varafaust2645 I'm so sorry for this experience of yours. It's frustrating and embarrassing to be made to feel silly by a professional. In managing my ADHD I have dealt with several professionals and I will echo what others said that not all of them understand adhd. While watching a video we may repeatedly think "that has happened to me" but then not remember those examples when we go in to talk to someone. It could be helpful for you to review the diagnostic criteria and have specific examples of ways that you fit them before talking to someone. I would even encourage you to write them down.
Ikr basically every video I watch on 2x Even though it’s bad for the algorithm Edit: for the people wondering y it’s bad for the algorithm, ua-cam.com/video/hcbnWxS8XEQ/v-deo.html
@@nadiahDono If you watch a 10 minute video on x2, UA-cam will record that in the "watch time" stat for the video as 5 minutes, as that is how long you took to watch the video. If you watch the same 10 minute video in x0.5 it would record the Watch time for that video as 20 minutes. The higher the watch time, the better (for the creator), as it (most likely) affects things like putting the video on the main page, recommended, and ad stuff*. *I don't know what of this is true and what is guessed, but I do know that the higher the "watched time" stat on a video, the better it is for the creator.
She was a reason l decided to improve my English listening "and improve my English generally" because I want to knowing about ADHD and the content of her channel is really great and she had a beautiful way to explain things and such a pretty soul and eyes, after about 2 or 3 months from first time I watched her videos now l can almost understand more than 70% without subtitles! , I'm a native Arabic speaker, and l hope l wrote this comment without many mistakes 😂😅
I 've always said "i wish i was me in someone's else body, i know i could do better" not knowing about ADHD, now that i know, it feels much better understanding myself. Thank you.
The one thing that hurts me the most is when someone I love and trust responds to me explaining my struggle with "Yeah... but everyone does that sometimes." This is like telling a person who is severely depressed and can't get out of bed that "Everyone is sad sometimes." Thank you... not helpful, and now I am gaslighting myself into thinking I'm "faking."
The fact that you almost teared up while talking about this..i really resonate with that..I was so much happier as a little girl even with the symptoms but over the years my self confidence, self esteem and general enthusiasm have gone to the ground and it's so emotionally taxing to go through a regular day..I don't care about anything anymore when I should care the most in my late 20s, the society expects a lot from me at this point but who would understand that I just don't experience joy the way they do..
When she said: "No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works." I started crying because I felt like somebody finally understanding my struggles for the first time in my life and nobody told me to not blame myself before.
I just read the book Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate and 20 pages in I was crying because it was like finally being told that I'm not a freak, that this is actually how my brain works and other people feel this way too.
I agree with you. This hit close to home for me too. I wasn't diagnosed until the end of college because I started having trouble focusing with online classes. No one ever got me tested because I had good grades.
@@rachaelsullivan3608 I was told by a psychiatrist that I couldn't have ADHD (that had already been diagnosed by a psychologist) because I "did well in school." He spent less than an hour with me and made up his mind within minutes; there was nothing I could say to get him to listen to me. Thankfully, I have a psychiatrist now that has listened to me and seen how much I've benefited from stimulant medication!
I really had to deal with that recently, too. The way my mood has been so off on my most recent period has honestly freaked me out. I'm trying to arrange a professional screening, at least, and I'm so glad to hear that I can just change a dosage according to my hormone levels in if necessary. I'll be able to feel better soon, and it's so relieving.
When you said, “I’m still learning how to make friends,” it hit me right in my heart and I thought, “I’ll be your friend!!” Just as a human brain watching another human brain, for a second I felt like I was listening to someone I already knew and I hope that if you’re reading this you know you have a friend out there in me :)
Agreed. Lol. Then I immediately think I'm too flaky and would likely not be a reliable friend even if she were to want to be my friend... So, best to just relate and move on. *sigh*
@@sarahselzer1459 OOf. I did the same thing. I had the brief moment of "tweet her!" and then was like "yeah, but I'll just flake like I do with everything else" and didn't. Instead I came here to read comments. haha
I cried when I watched this video, this is me and no one ever noticed and I went through almost all the same things. I only found out once my daughter was diagnosed that I too had the same symptoms as her and now will be able to get the help I need. Thank you so much for making these videos, you are helping so many of us.
Thank you for making this video. I was also a “good kid” and in gifted classes so my ADHD was overlooked. Instead of acting out, I hyperfocused and would get chastised for not paying attention because I was reading and could not hear my surroundings. Because I wasn’t diagnosed as a child, it’s been incredibly difficult to get a doctor to entertain the idea that I might have ADHD. As a result, I’ve struggled immensely as an adult. Your story has inspired me to seek help once more. Thank you again.
As another gifted kid, and someone who thinks they have adhd, I feel you. Just yesterday I was yelled at because I forgot an instruction and my teacher blamed it on me making cootie catcher pets.
i can't do this anymore, whatever I have (I think it's ADHD but idk) I just want to make it stop. those things run in my family, yet no one believes me. I see people around be being able to finish what they start and focus, while I struggle and called lazy. what once was my strength is now killing me, I just want to be normal. :( but it's nice seeing people like me
@@flabee8083 It’s ok, just take it one step at a time. I would suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist or your primary care physician if you need a referral. I like to make lists of my goals and check them off as I go. Put this on your list! I wish you peace and harmony. Take care.
@@flabee8083 You’re welcome. No need to be sorry. What better way to use the comment section than to seek help and be supported by others that are struggling with similar issues.
I'm crying - at my office. I didn't know how to express this. I remember sharing it with my boss long ago and she came to me asking how to support me. I am crying again because this is - wow.
@@Beaneabean I am definitely lucky to be in the organization that I'm in. I never had the ability to openly speak to my boss anywhere else. I also survived an extremely toxic work environment and my healing included speaking up for myself, clarifying expectations, expressing when i feel overwhelmed, and open admission of when i need my accommodations to apply. This is probably, in it's own way, the healthiest work environment I can imagine.
@@jorgegiacchetti8719 that's a real quick no. A quick Google search shows me how often this name/profile is used to scam. If you are real, then post a video in Spanish and share it with me. I doubt you're "real:
Yeah I started crying at the part mentioning self diagnosis, because that’s very much me. I won’t get an official diagnosis until likely my next counseling session (first one with a new counselor), though I’ve brought it up to multiple therapists
@@xoliveeyou I think the best counselors and any medical professional is one that actually listens and considers that maybe, JUST MAYBE, their patients spent more than 1 lecture learning about themselves. There are great providers out there. Do not hesitate to move on if it still isn't a good fit that supports your health!
Another example of how society tries to help us when we bother them, but if symptoms aren't bothersome to others, then they aren't taken as seriously as they should...
And even then, the “help” so often consists of eye rolling while offering table scraps of decency along with passive-aggressive comments about what a burden we are.
I really resonate with feeling like your struggles "aren't bad enough" to merit assistance or that someone else's is worse so I "shouldn't complain." So glad you started this channel to share! ♥️
When I finally went to a professional to see if i had autism my diagnosis was ADHD and I cried. Not because I wanted to be autistic, but because my symptoms were ruining every aspect of my life and I didn't think it could 'just be ADHD'. I thought I had to be autistic if I had that many social problems but the more I'm researching the more i realize that our society thinks that ADHD is just a label you slap on a misbehaving boy in elementary school. When i was upset about having ADHD it was because I thought my family and friends wouldn't see it as a valid reason for being rude on accident. We need to break that stigma and remind people that ADHD isn't a minor inconvenience but an actual mental condition that can be very difficult to cope with.
I totally get what you mean! I thought for a while that I had both because I struggle so much in social situations (understanding jokes, tone changes, etc). I was surprised after researching both disorders pretty thoroughly that there's more overlap than people realize bc those symptoms don't get recognition.
I love your comment. I belive to have both, but havent found someone edcuated enough to get an objektiv view on it. I dont struggle with Tone etc. But I have extrem sensory overload which I belive to be autism. The people I know with adhd dont seem to have this issue m the just get overstimulated, their brain is in overdrive so to speak. So is myn in those situations, but I also have big issues with sounds etc. I dotn see autism as a disorder tho, i see it as a neurodiverse brain. Adhd seem a little diffrent that way to me.
ADHD and autism share a lot of common traits so it's possibly to be both autistic and adhd. I'm not suggesting that's the case with you or that anyone who's ADHD is automatically also autistic, I'm just saying there's a possiblity to be both. And just a little FYI, don't use words like "have" or "had" when talking about ADHD and autism as it comes across like an illness, much better to write "to see if I'm autistic". I'm sure you meant well but as an adhd & autistic woman sentences like "had autism" makes me feel like an illness.
My gosh. I'm sitting here with my old self harm scars, a disaster of a house, credit score dropping, waiting for results of a blood draw pregnancy test even though I take birth control but I missed one... My husband was diagnosed as a kid and I found this channel years ago to support him. Your ADHD in Girls video was my first clue. I need to bring this up with my doctor.
What the heck is wrong with professionals?! They can't even treat patients like human beings let alone correctly diagnose the conditions they're meant to specialise in?? Soz for the rant i really feel for anyone who experiences this. 😞😞😞
Woman, woman, woman! What have you published here?? This is beyond a piece on ADHD, this is a letter to society and I'm so into it! thank you so much!!
Thank god, someone talks about the fluctuation of symptoms due to hormonales changes!!! I thought I was burning myself out and my symptoms were affected by that. But when I started to log my moods and brain functionality (how forgetful, spacey, fatigue…), I quickly realized I was getting worst symptoms just before and during my periods.
Absolute same here, my executive function goes from “impaired” to “non-existent” for about 8-10 days before my period and it is MISERABLE! Trying to get anyone to understand or treat that is nigh on impossible.
I tend to get almost manic about 2 weeks before the period hits, so I've learned that's the time to clean clean clean and "act like an adult" because I know the next 2 weeks are going to be anywhere from "I'm a mess but my ducks are still in a row" to "Functional? Adulting? What's that?"
This was such a powerful video, especially as you were going through the labels, I was often called a daydreamer and weird, clumsy, forgetful. Also discovered how hard it is to be believed when I say I have ADHD compared to those that I know which have the more HYPER part presentation. I tend to interrupt people in a conversation, speak really fast and jump through 20 topics then come back to the original one all while doing like 50 things at the same time. Also realized that closed captions/ subtitles help me focus more on things.
Yes. I was always called lazy as a child. Always disorganized messy. I got diagnosed at 41. Now I think maybe I should have my daughter checked; she's so similar to me in so many ways
I honestly feel like my mom has it too. We are too similar and we often clash and I really wish we would have better relationship but because of it I lose my patience with her and we argue a lot. Luckily we have a strong bond that no matter how bad our mood swings get we are talking again like nothing happened. I just wish we had more control. I hope you and your daughter can get answers and clarity 🤍
It's still surprising to me how similar our experiences can be before diagnosis. I carried those "not fun labels" for a long time before I begged my mum to take me to a specialist. My breaking point was almost being kicked out of university. Being diagnosed literally changed my life and helped me rebuild my self-esteem. Thank you so much for this video Jessica!
And we start to believe the labels! And then almost 'give up'; "I can't do this any better because, you know, I am poor at time management/organization"... As per the ADHD trend of frequently changing occupation...(and masking symptoms): I studied speech pathology, Then a post graduate, And then I went to study occupational therapy... (I finished them all). But that means I spent 8 years on a medical campus... And only in my final year of OT did a lecturer (who had ADHD herself) notice that my business is off the rails. That goes to show how few health care professionals are aware of what signs/symptoms to look for in women. Only the person who had it herself knew... Sidenote: I am thankful I went to do OT; it allows my ADHD brain to do practical problem solving and work hands on. If I had to work on abstract concepts, I would not have been very productive or happy. Great channel! Thanks J.
@@SASLnk As a PT with undiagnosed ADHD until I was in my 30s and medicating with caffeine, I can so relate! Nobody caught on! But I was smart, why would they? I missed graduating with honors by 2 tenths of a point! Not that it matters now, 25 years later, but it did then! How much better could I have done, and with how much less stress?! I remember crying myself to sleep during exams being so afraid of failing and letting everybody down. And I have been accused of being an "OT wannabe" with the problem solving, hands on tasks as well. I take it as a compliment!
"No one seemed to take my ADD seriously, so neither did I." Geez that's exactly what happened to me, and I also ignored my depression, anxiety, and PTSD and suffered for years until I broke down completely and asked for help.
That's me. Although I sometimes I feel like I'm faking everything or nothing is real. I used to ignore them, because no one cared anyway, but I wanna get help for the sake of others.
@@SashaAMelina if this is refering to me, I haven't got help yet. Im planning to, once I move out and have the money. Its a struggle when no one takes you seriously
I was just diagnosed with the inattentive type, and it’s my understanding they want to treat anxiety and depression instead of stimulants. I cried watching this channel. As a youngster I was dreamy, spacey, forgetful, flaky, irresponsible etc. So they said. To me, I am was smart creative, a dreamer but an under-achiever. I did ok in school. I didn’t get in trouble. I talk a lot. I don’t perform up to expectation. I’m an introvert, an artist. Impulsive but not externally hyper reactive. I fell between the cracks. And to be honest, my life has mostly been feeling lost and alone. It’s freeing to know, but I’m also so so angry. And everything I find is designed for children. Ugh. So where do we go from here? I was terrified to write this, but I had to. So many of us are struggling. Thank you for creating this community. 🥰
As I read your description, I got a little bit of a jolt in my chest and had to scroll back up to see the name because I thought I had wrote it somewhere along the lines maybe late one night because it sounded like my writings my experience things I do I'm an artist also too but yeah thanks for sharing! 💜
As a “middle aged” woman with ADHD I feel as though my disorder is disregarded so much. I’ve been told I use it as a crutch even though I’ve never once blamed an action on it. I do feel the pressure to adhere to the expectations of a cis woman mother/wife like organization, time management remembering everything for the family. I’ve even been shamed for medicating, been told I just like the “drugs” I’d do anything to be able to manage my symptoms without medications and I’ve tried and it was a disaster. Honestly I still hide my diagnosis and the fact I take meds.
1. Why are these people still in your life 2. You need to search for decent ppl to let into your life 3. Therapy is always recommended when dealing with adhd...how is your therapist not arranging joint sessions with these nutcases if they are unfortunately family??
I have more respect for someone who admits they have a problem & can say I’m on meds and I need help. It’s taken a lot to be okay with telling others I have adhd. And yes the upkeep of a family, home, career & our “issues” put a lot of stressful demands on women in society. We do a lot. We are expected to do a lot. The stress during Covid made everything so much worse. Always get help if you need it & don’t be shamed to admit you need it!
that sucks that it happens. My mom shamed me for taking melatonine before sleep, because I have problems sleeping. People really need to accept that some people need meds.
"Most research on ADHD has been done in males and the DSM criteria for ADHD doesn't fit the way females tend to present as well as it does for males." This is actually a big problem with medicine in general. The "standard patient" that a lot of medical learning uses is a middle aged male.
@@ME-xh5zq it comes from the assumption that women are just men with more hormones, an unfortunate and incorrect idea that riddles the medical community! essentially using men as a baseline and judging women in that light. it completely disregards women's different symptoms and often leads to misdiagnosis. i am bad at explaining things sorry lol but i hope this made sense!!
Just got diagnosed yesterday. I'm a 30 year old female. Bawling at the validation I get from these videos and the information that makes my struggles make so much sense.
@@tdeo2141 it’s been amazing. I can focus and get everything done. I don’t need brakes to get myself hyped for every step. The only side effects I have is hot flashes and no appetite.
@@michelleday6432 thank you so much for replying! That’s fantastic. Wow, I’m so happy for you. I can’t even imagine myself like that… even being able to focus like such… Would you be able to share the name of the medication? (If you don’t mind.)
@@tdeo2141 I am on 5.mg tabs of adderal I take 2 or 3 in am and 1 or 2 with lunch. At this point (almost 3 months on meds) I do not have negative side effects aside from some constipation if I don't drink enough water. The improvements in my ability to function were so drastic my mother realized I inherited ADD from her and has started on the extended release form of the same medication.
I just got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a few months ago and I'm 30. I didn't realize how much I was masking my symptoms. I now take a stimulant, but I also talk about how I can use tools for my ADHD with my therapist and psychologist. This video is amazing, thank you for this :)
Jess, u r truly a breath of fresh air. After a particularly hard weekend trying to explain our struggles to a family member and being sworn and shouted at, and after decades of misdiagnoses and eating disorders, I audibly breathed out as I watched this. Thank you thank you thank you xxx
As a self-diagnosed 19 year old black woman, I've been mocked ever since I can remember for being an over-the-top, emotionally sensitive blabbermouth, disorganised, forgetful and stubborn. Yet on the flip side, I've also been described as a brilliant, competent student with loads of talent and drive. I eventually grew more and more closed off as a consequence of those remarks, garnering even more criticism. Watching your video, I saw my entire life laid out with such poignant, devastating accuracy. Both internal and external struggles, how and why they're so tightly intertwined, environmental factors from my childhood and their consequences, fluctuating coping mechanisms that can only last so long before another breakdown or burnout. You've greatly explained and illustrated some devastating vicious cycles that women with ADHD have been fighting to overcome their entire lives- oftentimes unseen, having built walls around themselves as a shield against more potentially triggering happenings/interactions with others. You're doing an incredible job with this channel; spreading awareness, changing lives and perspectives. Much love from Gabon 🇬🇦☺️✨
My girlfriend told me about one video from this channel, because she has ADHD. Ever since I've been watching multiple videos here to understand her ADHD struggles better and be more supportive. So many things are explained in this channel, that really help the population.
How are you holding up? I just realized my girlfriend has ADHD after looking back at the way she's acted throughout our relationship and compared it to this video, i defo believe she has ADHD, i'm freaking out.
Watching these videos brings me a lot of comfort and self understanding as to why my brain works the way it does. I'm so sure that I have adhd but for years, I told myself that I didn't, and I'm still telling myself that I don't. Maybe it's because I don't want to lump myself in with the "new trend of self diagnosing", but I constantly tell myself that just because I have a lot of adhd symptoms, it doesn't mean I have adhd. This video hits very close to home, so much so that I might start pushing to get an evaluation.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age three. However, when I started puberty, I was told I "outgrew" the ADHD and was diagnosed with depression/bipolar, after that my grades and schoolwork went downhill dramatically. Wasn't diagnosed with ADHD again until I was 30, I never outgrew it.
Damn, at age 3 ? The symptoms are barely noticeable at that young age I got it around like 5 or 7, I can’t remember, my parents thought there was something fishy with the way I acted eg I bit people (other kids) instead of politely telling them to leave me alone
Hey, just sending support. The bipolar diagnosis RUINED me. Those meds are really serious and I'm shocked many doctors are seemingly more avoidant of the idea of stimulants than antipsychotics. Glad you're getting treatment now.
@@duncanbug The bipolar meds messed me up. I wound up in a psych ward at age 16 due to me attempting to overdose on those very drugs. I agree, if they did not take me off the stimulants, I wouldn't have ended up there.
It's so funny how they tell us we will out grow symptoms yet there's a bunch of adults getting diagnosed for the first time because evidently you can't grow out of it
I experienced a lot of this, even as a male: parents dismissing the possibility of ADHD because my presentation didn't match their expectations, teachers that wouldn't tell me what an IEP is when asked because, "if you don't know what it is it doesn't apply to you," and even well intentioned mentors and counselors that never suspected it because I appeared to be smart and well behaved, even though I was internally struggling. I was just as shocked by a bad grade as my parents would be, unable to explain myself to them and left to assume the labels must be true. Getting diagnosed as an adult and getting medicated was a huge blessing that is helping me through college, but the emotional damage to my self-esteem still remains.
I'm one of those people who need an IEP (have been since middle school) and I still don't know, I've been to so many meeting regarding my IEP and now I'm in highschool and I've started to get a vague understanding
I have ADHD that my college psychologist recognized only a couple years ago (I turn 26 next week). I haven't gotten any help since seeing him to explore accommodations because I wasn't finishing exams on time and my grade was penalized for not being able to read every question in time. So, I don't know very much about ADHD or things that help people with ADHD.
@@bladeofSteele IEP stands for individualized education plan, I think.. but it's only for high school. I'd definitely talk to your psychologist. If you can get an official diagnosis, you'll be able to take it to your school's disability center to get qualified for accommodations. Things like early registration, negotiable deadlines, access to class notes from the teacher, and time and a half on tests in a private environment have really helped me, in addition to stimulant medication.
I'm crying watching this. It's like you're talking directly to me about everything I'm going through. I've never felt so seen and understood about my ADHD. I decided to seek out a specialist and that I want to go back on my medication. I needed this. Thank you 💕 1 month update: I've been trying for weeks now to lock in a doctor but nobody can help me even though I have 2 diagnoses. I've called multiple psychiatrists and primary care providers and I'm feeling so stuck and discouraged. Why do our meds being a "controlled substance" make everything so overly complicated? Has anyone used those online ADHD treatment services like Cerebral? They sound expensive but I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm not taking any meds ..I am 52 Nd have just decided this is how I am but after watching this I feel like going to see an expert on adhd and finally getting some help...hope everyone who has this knows u are not alone and loved!
@@gringa23 I used to take Adderall in high school and college after I was diagnosed. Most recently, I was taking Vyvanse and I really liked it. I'm curious about concerta too
Jessica. This is one of the most amazing videos you’ve made. I’ve been coaching a woman in Egypt, which sadly, has a worse medical system than ours in the US, and I’m always so blown away at how succinct your videos can be. Sharing all the places. Thank you so much!
The frustration and struggle is very real! I can’t even clean my house without making a mess. Unsure if that makes sense to anyone. I hate when people put labels on others without getting to know them. Everyone goes through something. I’m going back to school and I’m making sure that I advocate for myself. I’m scared, but I’m determined to not let ADHD keep me from growing. This video is so relatable! I understand all of it😔
When I clean the house I keep thinking about cleaning the things I clean the house with. Does that make sense? And take whole hours on simple tasks.
“How come the more I clean the messier it gets?” - me every time I clean the house.
@@GoADHDGo my kids and significant other left for a few days and I cleaned the whole time. The house was clean, but everything wasn’t put in its place. I’m trying to correct this, but it has been challenging and exhausting. When I do accomplish a goal, everyone messes my hard work up. I pout, look at the mess/clutter and try to get mentally prepared. Most of the time I get frustrated, yell at everyone and tell them that I’m not picking up or will just look at the clutter and feel like taking a nap. The struggle!!!!
@@N0Xa880iUL I get it😂😔😒
@@GoodGrief101 Oh the "looking at the mess sleepiness" is so real!
_"No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works."_ This hit me real deep.
Same.... i feel guilty since i was born and probably will keep feeling :)
I agree. That hit me deep. Im still learning about myself. But moving from a toxic place(to a whole new state) helped give me a fresh start.
I’m tired of beating myself up over what my brain can and cannot do.
Saaamme, made me tear up
I started crying loudly when she said this
"Our struggles being invisible to others doesn't mean they're imaginary." Thank you!
For real, though. Preach!!!!
I want that quote cross-stitched on a pillow.
This also applies for chronic pain too
Thank you.
Thank you
My doctor wrote in my medical file: 'She thinks she has ADHD, I don't think so, she is a really calm girl'
I was over 30 with a teenage daughter. So calling me a girl says enough about how much she took me seriously.
We are calm from outside but what about inside??? ❤️🩹 its loud, disturbing & clumsy. One can’t feel right like this…
I’m proud of you & feel sorry for the doctor.
@@mytinyw0rld About what I was going to say. Calm is a --------- struggle
I hope you changed doctors (if you can )
Being taken seriously is such a struggle, right?
I hope she's your former doctor now.
Oh good effin' grief.
So, if you're loud and fidgety you're nervous, or even hysterical --> "She's probably just exaggerating / wants attention"
If you are calm and self-controlled --> "nah, she's a calm girl".
The saddest thing about this is that this is another woman pulling that BS on you.
This is why I’m really glad that my psychiatrist is a woman with adhd, so I know that I’m actually getting the right meds, from somebody who’s been through similar things I have.
The whole “but you were a good student” or “it’s just depression” is my whole life. I’m still looking for a provider to help.
Same 🙄 💕
I hate when people talk about depression like it's a very tiny minor cat scratch on your hand. Depression is a very serious mental disorder that took many lives, destroyed twice as many, and keeps affecting the most vulnerable individuals the most, the ones who kept calling for help before it happened but never received it in the first place.
My mom said to me just the other day, about my heavy depression ' everybody has ups and downs'. If depression is ups and downs then what is adhd I wonder..
@@iffragaatt6374 ADHD is the labels my family gave me-Lazy, unmotivated, clumsy, numb skull- or “everyone gets distracted” no they don’t they don’t feel it physically.
@@Kokose 🙌🏼 Spread that truth ✌🏼💜
"I'm still learning how to make friends" ... oh, I feel that deeply.
I'm reading this while I'm at the Uni sitting alone cuz I don't know how to socialize. And I'm 27. I feel 20
I cant actually, there are too many neurotypical people around in real life. T-T
@Aimee Castano Are you me? I’m 28 and just now finishing my undergrad. I act like I’m in my early 20s and no one knows my age. Yet it feels so hard to just start talking to people cause I still feel insecure. It’s been good seeing that I’m not alone in this.
Same, I just want to skip to the part where we are friends and know each other y'know?
Me too!! I started crying when I heard that. I am too and I'm not sure that I'm doing a good job yet but I'm trying.
I cried halfway through because I’ve never heard of other women having the same troubles I do.
You're not alone. ❤
Same…
I did the same thing.
SAME!
Same here
I am 50 years old and I’m a grandma. I have my first ADHD evaluation appointment next week. This video had me in tears. I can very much relate.
I'm 61, multi talented ''different" grandma of 4, with a very high IQ. Never graduate, never had permanent job, but always coped with everything I feel Interesting.
Had a wrong bipolar diagnosis - and medication - over a decade. Couldn't even work.
Finally, last year got into evaluation. - Never met a doctor, had to visit consulting young nurses for 6 mths... Finally, they've decided (with the doctor) to give me "The Official Evaluation" papers.
A PILE OF A4 SHEETS - INCAPABLE SELECTION T INADEQUATE "FILL IN" QUESTIONS... Summary: TOO LOW POINTS(!) FOR ADHD - NO REASON FOR PSYCHIATRIC RESEARCH.
Now going to an expensive private psychiatric clinic.
AND going to report officially about the age discrimination of the public mental health care.
Hope You're doing well! I'm going to do the same...!
62 - they just didn’t have the diagnosis when I was a kid - bullied - or in college where the problem deeply affected my personal life.
Her description of her problems match mine pretty closely.
Hope you’ve been doing well since then!! Fellow ADHD haver here who got diagnosed in adulthood 🫶
This video hit me so hard. I'm 72 and self-diagnosed when I was in my 50s. My ADHD had affected everything in my life, usually negatively. THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT OUTLOUD
Hello, I’m 64 and was recently diagnosed and it made a world of difference because I had a name for my problem. Nobody understood what I was dealing with. THATS half the battle.
I mask my ADHD pretty well, and was lucky enough to have an evaluator who was sensitive to that. She told me something that really stuck with me - "You seem outwardly like you're doing well, but I suspect you're doing a lot of extra work to seem that way. And you don't have to keep doing that if you don't want to, there are tools and strategies that can make things easier on you."
Same for me! I didn't even realize that others didn't have to do so much internal work do the same tasks/quality of work. When I did realize it...I blamed myself and didn't consider ADHD.
That statement right there, what she told you, super important! Really hits home for me. I saw on one of the other videos here that ppl with ADHD "live life on hard mode" and omg its SO true. Id love to not have to try so hard!
I would cry if someone said that to me
That's some great advice! It's very rare for someone to be so understanding that they realise it's sometimes better for our organisation to suffer a little bit if it means we're not working 3x harder than others to meet their standards.
Hope your journey is going well Mim,
I'm an Autistic/ADHD person and always happy to meet new people if you want to keep in touch! 😄
@@violetivy I just about did! I think if we weren't in a formal setting I would have.
I straight up started crying at "nobody should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works"
Yeah same rn
Same
I basically cried the entire video lol 😂👏🏻
I thought I was the only one crying, I feel emotional now because there are people who understand
SAME! I cried through almost this whole video. But, it was a relieved cry. Lol.
“No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works” PREACH!!! 🙌🏼
Thank you
🙌🏼 Oh honey yes!!
I actually do that…. I have adhd.
Thats been me for years
Whenever I was called "lazy" I felt I was being called worthless and a moocher. I cried when you said this was a symptom. And that it's not actually true. Thank you so much for this.
The way our society equates income and wealth with value as a human being is tragic, especially at a time when wealth is becoming more and more concentrated in the hands of the few! 😒
I constantly feel like I'm lazy. The executive dysfunction hits me hard.
I’ve cried too
I saw another video recently that said that people who are often labeled as "lazy" are often unable to do tasks because they're overstimulated or overwhelmed. They're not being "lazy" by not doing a particular task, it's just that the task may be really overwhelming and their brain essentially shuts down and keeps them from starting the task, it's not that they don't want to. I try to cope with this by breaking overwhelming tasks into smaller chunks. I maybe set a time limit and say that I'm going to work on it for a certain amount of time or say that I'm going to do just a specific part of the task. It makes it less overwhelming and more attainable by breaking it up.
That's true. When most people think of a person with ADHD, they're not thinking of a 34-year-old woman who has trouble keeping up with housework. They're thinking of a 10-year-old boy who acts out in school.
I'm a 34 year old woman who has trouble keeping up with housework. I'm so creeped out right now lol
Yes! It’s not for lack of trying
So true.
Or a 23 year old failing part time college due to getting too ill too far into the semester to complete it (unknowingly caused simply by the amount of anxiety and guilt tripping she does to herself...)
That happened to me @Elizabeth S
My parents are the ones who used “lazy” against me the most. It always hurt because I felt like I was so tired and busy in my brain all the time. I’m really lucky that the first specialist I went to in college recognized the adhd right away, and didn’t just try to tell me to lose weight like my mom wanted. Unfortunately I now live in a country that does not allow stimulant meds at all, so my current doctor is limited in what he can give me.
I get it . I'm consider lazy because of my parents and sister agree with them.
I didn’t get diagnosed with adhd till last year , and i thought it was embarrassing and something was wrong with me when i was diagnosed with it
@@ari0312 right I'm so reluctant to get a diagnosis because I feel it would be embarrassing to have it
@@untitled-8538 i don’t feel embarrassed about it now it took me time to process it but the more you get help on it the better you’ll feel
A few of my internship preceptors viewed me as lazy and unintelligent. The demands of the internship were more than I could handle with my regular coping mechanisms from my earlier in my life up to that point. I almost quit because I felt so worthless and people couldn't see how hard I was trying and I wasn't performing as well as I should have. Getting diagnosed explained a lot.
I hate how our ADHD becomes a problem when it's bothersome to other people. It's like ''so you're assuming i am okay with forgetting things that happened 3 seconds ago, that i am okay with clutter and mess i am making, that i am unable to force myself to do important tasks that i think about for entire week?''
This makes me think that I might have it as well.
Especially when I was doing my thesis, I'd think about it constantly but can't make myself to do it.
I managed to finish it by having my father constantly reminding me to do it and forcing myself by calling my supervisor for a meeting before I actually do it (normally you're supposed to finish it before asking for the meeting).
THIS!!!
Hi stranger just wanted to say that God loves u so much that He sent His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life(つ≧▽≦)つ 🧡
Hi stranger just wanted to say that God loves u so much that He sent His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life(つ≧▽≦)つ 🧡
Hi stranger just wanted to say that God loves u so much that He sent His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life(つ≧▽≦)つ 🧡
The amount of people that told me I can't have ADHD cause I'm not bouncing off the walls or did well in school was astonishing. My symptoms only became externalised when I started my career. Diagnosed at 23 😔
this is the same experience i'm having... I feel like I'm struggling so much more since I entered the working world ?
I know my best friend (as a now trans dude) growing up had it and he was hyperactive they had to take him for laps 😅 so they always thought I was fine. Meanwhile I’m literally internalizing stress so hard I throw up before any exam in damn 3rd grade, insomnia at a young age, self harm at a young age. I think of being in primary school and already exhibiting a level of responsibility, stress and depression that as a nurse now I would find very bizarre or at least concerning for a child. I mean its the kind of weird development that comes out if children of neglect unfortunately so mix that with tiger mom level expectations gets a little spicy 😬. I actually didn’t believe my therapist when she first told me because I had just always been told people like me just pick up the label from people like my friends to avoid responsibility for their actions and laziness per my mother when I discussed it with her on a visit after that session 😅 also a healthcare professional.
Wow!!! Relate to this so much!!! I’m not diagnosed yet. I want to go get checked out. I didn’t realize my everyday symptoms coincided with ADHD until after college too and started working as a teacher.
My therapist last year when I mentioned adhd was just like did you pay attention in school. It shows to me they don't know much about it for women.
Literally the same issue I was having a while ago with my dad. I told my dad I wanted to get tested bcuz I had a suspicion that something may be going on other than just the depression that I’m already diagnosed with. He was like, “nah, you don’t have it cuz you do good in school and aren’t hyperactive”. But, literally, I have growing suspicions that I might have it. I exhibited a lot of adhd symptoms that little girls have that I didn’t realize until I thought back to how I was as a kid when talking to my close friend. Thing is, that my psychiatrist said that he can’t just give me adhd meds cuz it’ll affect my depression meds, but like, i just want to be diagnosed with whether I actually have it or not 😭😭
I joked for years and years about “I must have ADHD” and then, after 15 years of being on depression and anxiety meds that didn’t ever seem to help....it suddenly occurred to me that I might REALLY have ADHD. Got tested at age 45 and sure enough.... I can’t believe how long I dealt with this and none of my therapists or psychiatrists noticed!
Out of absolute curiosity, how do they "test" you? Please and thank you
@@tjbrat44 It was about 5 hours. There were computer tests that timed my response times and attention to detail and I also had to fill out a really long questionnaire about my “symptoms” as did my husband and then I was interviewed as well. It was pretty thorough.
I swear we have no qualms about passing years. You talk about 15 years like it's nothing.
I just got diagnosed at 33. and it was only after advocating for myself with my therapist. Have depression, and anxiety too. feels good to finally be properly diagnosed!!
@@N0Xa880iUL it's weird seeing people talk like this when you're 16 and 15 years was your whole life..
"a lot of women with adhd get misdiagnosed with depression" THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THEY REFUSED TO LOOK INTO MY ADHD AND JUST CLAIMED IT WAS DEPRESSION.....
LACUS?!?!?
SAME FR
I recently went to a doctor because I felt that I was in a really bad and dark place mentally and finally decided to get help. I poured my heart out and told her about everything that was going on inside my head. She then said it simply sounds like my depression getting worse and changed my meds. I'm now going to make an appointment with another doc and ask them specifically for an ADHD assessment
The same thing happened to me, as a man, and it's wasted so many damn years of my life. I felt gaslit for it because there are doctors out there who are either ignorant or judgemental.
my psychologist told me I was just bored and I don't know how to try and explain that I can literally barely function day to day
Hi, Im currently 14 years old and I think I may have ADHD but my parents think I'm ''overreacting'' because I'm not bouncing of the walls. They didn't want to bring me to the doctor, so I called them myself after watching this video. Guess what, my doctor thinks that I have ADHD, so he wrote my parents a note. So now I have an appointment next week for an official diagnosis. Thank You!
I am happy for you. I hope you get proper support ❤️
So amazing you advocated for yourself!
Good for you!!
Yay! Happy for you, that you're catching it so early! Wishing you the best. 🙂
Lucky while my dad said its just my phone 📱 and its hard sometimes I wanna study but my mind won't stop with my phone
I’m a 47 yo female and this very helpful message brought me to tears. My 23 yo daughter recently pointed out the possibility of my having adhd. I was actually offended in a small way. Then your video popped up in my feed 2 days later. This message is to thank you for educating me and bringing context to the physical and emotional pain I have felt my entire life and unfortunately unleashed on my children.
I was diagnosed at 48. That was about a year and a half ago. I have always thought I was crazy. I didn't fit in with my family, I was so different. I had trouble as a kid in school. I have 6 kids, 2 have ADHD and I never thought I had it. I thought, I don't bounce off the walls like my boys do. Well, no, because my ADHD is different than theirs. A few months after I got diagnosed, I started college. I am taking a lot of psychology classes and learning about ADHD. For the first time in my life my brain makes sense to me. I am learning why I am the way I am. Sometimes I want to sit and cry because I know I am not crazy. I'm just neurodivergent. If you have not already, I encourage you to get a diagnosis. My doctor and I are working on finding meds and dosage that work for me.
Ditto
My lifelong bestie once suggested I should see a therapist. I 100% agreed (You mean sobbing hysterically in the middle of the woods in front of the sign for a scout camp that’s been defunct for 17 years could be a sign of very much not being okay? Shocking! 🥴), but at the same time realized that someone I hadn’t had as long and strong of a connection to couldn’t have “gotten away” with the suggestion, because it FELT like “Hush up, I’m not interested in hearing about this.”. It is pretty much impossible to start poking around at sensitive places inside ourselves without getting strong emotional responses! 😱
I don't have ADHD, but my wife does.
I'm learning so much from these videos to help her and be more understanding. I had no idea. . .
Love the fact that you are doing that for her. Thank you
That's an incredible gesture, I'm glad you're making such an effort to know how to support her
I wish my boyfriend would do that for me. He might when I actually bring home a prescription but I’m sure your wife feels very deeply cared for because you are doing this!
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
This channel has been so amazing helping me understand my step daughter's adhd too. I am not used to handling someone with it so I found this channel too to better understand it. I am right there with you! There's a lot I didn't know as well.
I wish my professors had a double-tap-to-go-back-10-seconds-because-I-didn't-process-what-you-said feature. I relate to the person in this video so much.
Girl yes.
+
Right? During the pandemic some of my professors started making Videos for us students to watch before class and the students sometimes uploaded their presentations with voice overs beforehand so you could watch them whenever you liked and - the best part - go back and repeat everything as often as you want and need it.
Especially since we get labeled as "problematic" because we literally forgot. I need this feature with everyone in life. For real. And a universal volume button for the noise of the world.
This happened with my enrichment teacher, I missed something I was supposedly supposed to notice and she just told us that well if we won't answer the question that she'll just give us a bad grade and when our parents ask about it she'll tell them it's because we were a bad or lazy student or something like that. It's worse because we didn't even get much information about the apparent task and I ended up failing to compute the only information we were given to understand... It's really stressing.
YES. I’ve always been called lazy, purposely forgetful, too sensitive, unmotivated, and that I ignore people because I easily zone out and daydream. Thank you for your kind words, I’m proud to be a brain in your tribe. 😊
You and I are literally the same
THISSS
Same this makes me feel so much better
You sound like I wrote the above.
I was the same. But on screening tests I did excellent because I could focus for Anna hour minutes in new environment and I wanted to prove I'm allright.
Funny thing I couldn't finish my test so I guessed answers at the end,without reading questions. I wonder if they could spot it. I was always great with guessing test answers 🤣
As a spouse to someone who suffers from ADHD, you are amazing and so helpful! You have no idea the impact this is having until you talk to those who watch it, relate to it, and discover how it helped. In our case, my wife hit an intermittent menopausal state. This meant so many changes were happening day-to-day, I as someone not with ADHD, could not understand the issues we were having. I was considering a life without a 21 year long partner! Because of your videos, especially this one, I am able to have renewed hope. I now know it is me that needs to understand. To support her. To see the changes through and not to throw away 20+ years with someone because of it. Communication was the biggest factor. She is reluctant to tell others. I have led her to your videos. I am hoping they help her too. I know my part. This has changed our lives and I dare say saved a marriage!!! Thank you!
Bless you for being understanding. It is already so hard! Most of us were told we didn't have this issue so it took us longer to be diagnosed. It really is hard and we are hard enough on ourselves for our short comings.
That is awesome! Those 20+ years have so much value. Best friends keep talking and getting to know each other.
My mom has basically always told me, "I know you probably have ADD, I do too, but if you just put your mind to something you can do it."
Sometimes it's literally impossible to "put your mind to it"
the struggle is real. my mom tells me the exact same thing.
its like when my mom and i both are insomniac, but she tells me to just try . ????? does your "try" work???
lol thats what my mom says too
My mom says the same thing too, glad I’m not alone
@@hal5964 my mom is not very nice or supportive until I'm finally in tears
I was called dumb and lazy my whole life...2 months after graduating with my masters degree...I received my ADHD diagnosis. I have so many feelings about this. I did not have to struggle.
You're not alone. So many of us had to struggle for far too long when the struggle wasn't needed indeed. I hope you are doing well out there
I'm proud of you!
"I did not have to struggle."
That hit deep. 😢💔
I've been suspecting I might have ADHD for a few years now and I'm so adverse to getting checked because I've heard so many stories of women being misdiagnosed or not taken seriously
I believe I have adhd as well.
My mom won’t believe me but it makes so much sense!
But I’m afraid I’m going to misdiagnosed
I had a seizure disorder when I was younger and my doctor just said oh she’s just being rebellious. It’s just bad behavior….
But two years later it got so bad that they lasted for 8 hours 5 times a week!
They were called absence seizure disorder which no one can see them happening but one thing to notice is that they can’t hear anything when there in an episode.
My teachers were so confused on why I was so spacey….
@Kenzalishus ADHD and autism often occur together although they dont have to. Do you think you were totally misdiagnosed or they missed ADHD? It's tricky because they share many traits as well. If you can definitely get checked for ADHD. You can always get a second opinion if it's accessible
same and now I don't even know where I would go to get diagnosed
@Kenzalishus No need to apologize and thank you for sharing that with me. Best of luck on your diagnosis journey.
Same as a poc women, so many stereotypes, stigmas, culture blocks and opinions/discriminations against black people, culture AND women is so discouraging that im not even gonna try. I dont wanna be misdiagnosed or invalidated harshly.
When I first went to my local GP about this. They told me and my parents that there was a ‘trend’ of teenage girls thinking they had ADHD and going to get tested. It turns out I did have ADHD but I’ve always felt like I shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t be getting help due to how little anyone takes you seriously.
I used to get called 'overly sensitive' a lot as a kid and was told to basically 'harden up' and not let these things get to me. I used to have a pretty bad temper and would get frustrated and angry then lash out. I was told to get it under control. It was hard but i eneded up just internalising everything and putting on a happy face or at least an unproblumatic face to the world and learned to fly under the radar. Those behaviours, with out question, had a negative affect on my mental health for years and years. I'm 40 and just starting to understand whats going on inside my head and undo the decades of conditioning.
That's exactly what I do... I take a lot of things personally, and I got into an argument with my dad about it: He told me just to stop letting them be personal. It's not like I chose it, but half the time I never feel like I can talk to him about the way I feel, so I don't. Oldest of four, I put on a happy face and never let anyone, especially my younger siblings, see that I'm struggling. I end up talking about my issues to random people I meet on the internet because that's easier than talking to my parents
Oh… oh my god.. i was told consistently throughout my childhood from my parents, teachers, fellow students, etc that i was too sensitive, just not trying hard enough, and not paying enough attention. I would try so hard not to react or get “sensitive” but a seven year old girl can’t do that. I developed GAD, and currently have it really bad, as i have for years, and I’m only 16. I was just, just now, diagnosed. My mom ignored that anything could be wrong for years and years. Not a single adult, except for my therapist (after 4 years) even thought, maybe she has adhd. I have numerous diary entries, notes on my phone, texts, letters etc. to myself, just asking why i’m like this. It was slow but when i was diagnosed i wanted to burst into tears. I’m sorry that that happened to you, and i hope that that doesn’t happen to more people
I’m so proud of you for getting help, it takes a lot of strength and discipline. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on inside my mind as well.
Same, and as an adult. I'm too sensitive, take things too personally and always assume it's because I've done something to upset someone. I have always felt like I have this try too hard thing going on especially in social situations where I feel awkward and then I feel devastated when people don't engage with me and I think "but I tried so hard to be cool and fun" and then feel like something is wrong with me and resort to defensiveness. I also really struggle with group conversations and so people think I'm bored or not interested or like I am flakey because I just go around the room trying to understand what everyone is talking about but then end up just by myself in the corner.
To this day my Mother keeps telling me to “Harden up because that’s how life works and I should stop crying “ my answer to that has always been lying to her because I don’t know what else to say.
"If you're struggling, there's a reason you're struggling....Your struggles aren't imaginary." I honestly broke out in tears at this. I didn't realize how much I needed to realize that my inability to live up to my perfection standards was medical, rather than some objective shortcoming of *myself*.
Thank you for this. I learned a lot, I feel so understood and supported and better equipped AND encouraged to move forward.
I feel the same. Im balling rn too! 😭
I know that feeling. It to takes such a huge toll on yourself. At least it does me. Ill sit there and compare myself to others and ear myself apart because im not doing the work load I think I should be doing in x amount of time.
This exactly. I had a tissue to my face while reading your comment. It's such a relief to know that we're not alone.
Yep. This video definitely brought me to tears!
“No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works…”
Wow… I needed to hear that
Same
Lol i third this "Same"
Been questioning why my brain cant function like others. 🥲
I'm 33, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and OCD. Im in a massive rut, self medicating, thinking i cant hold a job or maintain relationships because of childhood trauma but I'm starting to finally, FINALLY, get to the truth, thanks to people like you and videos like this. I was trying to explain to my mom the female adhd brain and what I learned in a different video but my recall is sh*t, so I just started playing this video, not having seen it before. We both listened, and of course I choked and burst into tears when you said by the time we find out, the damage we do to ourselves has been done. Thank you so much for this. I'm still learning.
It always feels like the only time ADHD is ever acknowledged was to point out deficiencies. So it no surprise we learn to mask symptoms and use more neurotypical excuses.
Thank you for sharing, I'm slowly trying to shed my imposter syndrome, videos like this really help.
I feel you on this. Your introspection is powerful and spot on.
THIS! I think this is the main reason it took me so long to get diagnosed.
This is the scurge of being an adhd female in a society like ours.
Like - I didn't go to class because I wasn't feeling well vs My alarm on my phone didn't go off because my phone died because I forgot to charge it and for some reason both the charger AND the alarm clock were unplugged from the wall (probably because I needed another outlet for that blender experiment) and then I couldn't find my car keys.
Yeah I've been speaking with more formal words like ones that would be used in old history (mostly because I like historic books and dress and I say the words they use correctly of course) then when I tell people that I have ADHD they're like "Oh my god I would never guess!! You speak so elegantly! And you sound so smart!"
It's funny sometimes, other times it's annoying lol
My trick is at the beginning of the year instead of going “hey I have adhd” to my teachers I just give them a list of the symptoms and say hey this is what I struggle with instead of saying “hey I have adhd” I found it helps a lot more since most people don’t take ADHD seriously but if you tell them “OK I struggle with this this and this” they’re more likely to take that seriously
GENIUS!
This is super smart. I think a lot of the time, when we introduce a condition with the label attached to it, that leads the entire conversation down the path of assuming that both people have the same understanding of the condition. Instead, introducing the symptoms might get across clearer what the ADHD actually means for you for the person listening.
I email my professors before my first class with them what they will notice and why it is that way, and attach the list of accommodations that my college psychologist approved which gives specific, measurable actions for my professors to take. I also reassure them that I am there because I really want to be, and that I use these methods so that I can really understand the course material and perform well, as well as to listen better. For example, I explain that writing notes makes me think too hard about writing notes that I can't pay attention to what they are saying. So, receiving their powerpoints as notes means that I can review the material later just like written notes, but I will be able to really process what they're saying more often during their lecture. Writing English and listening to English at the same time means that I'm not processing either very effectively.
brilliant
this is a great idea. unfortunately sometimes if I've told people I have ADHD they make a lot of assumptions about me, I've even had people I don't know very well make rude comments about having to take stimulants to manage. there's still so much stigma around it. it's much easier to describe to people the issues and symptoms I struggle with.
I can hear the emotion in your voice when you talk about your struggle and I empathize and relate. Thank you for this content, it helps inform those who don’t know and comfort those who do.
I can definitely relate to the “good student” part and how toxic it can be. Many of the problems I have had with my mental health can be attributed to spending time in “gifted and talented” groups full of girls who were nothing like me and resenting myself for it. I love learning for myself but hate how education encourages vicious competition and labelling of children before they have even had time to learn who they are. Being put in these scenarios didn’t make me any smarter but helped me to learn how to hate my body as well as my brain leading to disordered eating and constant unending shame, which was such a common thing for people around me even without ADHD which makes you wonder if anyone really benefits.
I feel this deeply. I was always in the TAG groups and had decent grades so my inattentiveness was just laziness and not living up to my potential.
I’m pretty sure most people in G&T programs are now just adult basket cases, I say speaking as both a former G&T kid and a current basket case.
I'm pretty sure I ahve something ATLEAST similar to this, because I really want to tell ym parents but they aren't the most patient listeners. For example, whenever I try to stay calm and talk clearly I either get stressed because my parents are telling me to "get to the point" but that just makes it harder. or I get overwhelmed by the build up emotions making me feel weak and embarraassed and I tried telling them what is bothering me but when I did I had emotions just overwhelming me and they just sat there talking and talking lecturing me I think? (I couldn't focus and felt like I was lost and not in control of my own body and I was screaming for help) but they didn't help, especially my dad just didn't do anything. It was my step-mom (whom I know for a long time, been more of a mother to me than my real one) finally hugged me and tried to calm me down while I was just half there half crying and it was just awful really. Yeah that was a total failure. A few days later after the whole thing I tried to talk to them about how I think they were too impatient with me and was asking for them to PLEASE just listen but my dad got angry (even more, since I skipped school that day because I felt so emotionally exhausted it felt like my body was made out of rusty old metal) demanding a answer as to why I thought it would be a good idea to stay at home because I was "tired". After explaining that I just wasn't feeling very "energetic" he passed it off due to me not getting enough sleep because I am sitting at the PC until 2 AM (I do not do that, max is Midnight but even then I don't stay up this late ya know?) A very stressful dinner later I had annoyed parents who turned off my internet access and an even more unstable mindset. Just great. I am out of ideas, I know writing this long comment won't change things but after seeing the video and this comment I just had the urge write my own situation. I apologize for this though, nobody likes to read long comments where someone is venting about their depressed life
I relate as a former gifted program kid & I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 30. I can't take stimulant meds because of other other conditions, but I am relieved to at least being diagnosed & having that answer. I still struggle with my ADHD and my regrets.
..
The still learning to make friends bit really resonated.
Or keeping them in my case 😅
Yep no one gets me
I hear you.. communication problems.. ay yi yi ! And planning communication can lead to a lot of rumination with it's set of problems. It is a balance.. and i am tired.
Friends? Yeah, I probably really have two or three only.
It's not fair how we struggle more than average, when we people please so much and rejection hurts so much more
“No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works.” Literally felt that in my soul.
same! and i have the same last name as you guys! must be a Kruger thing lol
Toughen up mate.
I know right ... I even cried.
Had to go back and hear it twice.
Same here 🥺
I also cried watching this. For once, I finally feel heard and relatable. I'm currently seeking a diagnosis because I recognized symptoms in myself when getting my son diagnosed. Thank you SO MUCH. You're so articulate and explained everything so well.
Pregnancy ADHD brain is no joke. I left the bathroom tap on and spent the whole day wondering "is someone watering outside?"
I'm ADHD, done the same and I'm far from pregnant :) Or am I? XD
Did you flood the upstairs bathroom and have water drip down through the living room chandelier?
I did that. Twice.
I have flooded the house so many times 😭
When I was pregnant with ADHD, its like pregnancy brain 10X, I forgot everything and was blamed as stupid and lazy. I understand the problem.
I feel this!! When I was pregnant my work performance dipped significantly and none of my bosses could understand why. The combo of hormones, physical discomfort and going through a huge life change threw any progress I'd made right out the window. After my son was born I felt like I came out of a fog that I didn't even know I'd been in.
I am currently working on my PHD in ADHD with females. Thank you for the video. It almost mirrors my research!
Thank you for studying this. I pray I get someone like you to diagnose me already. 32 and I want to just be told, you’re not nuts.
Please see my post. 😆
Thank you for your work
55 here. Miserable. Post menopauseal and my brain is broken.
What kind of doctor should we go to if we suspect we have ADHD?
"No one should go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works."
That literally got me crying within seconds.
I've been feeling like that my entire life.
I'm 18 now.
ADHD is when you start going through the comment Section then going back up to the Video Recommendations while going through your phone then back to the main video to Play back 30 Seconds of what you just missed.
Please don't call me out like that.
Literally every time 😐
Exactly this! I've been trying so hard to stop going into the comments half way through videos, because often they'll spoil stuff about the video and I don't want that, but I can't just *sit* there and watch! Gotta shift the attention around! Only way I can watch a video straight through is if I've got another window open with a low-intensity game or puzzle or something, and even then I may also need a fidget or to be eating or something
….goddammit 😂
Everybody feelin called out rn🤣
"Our struggles might be invisible to others, but it doesn't mean they're imaginary."
Thank you, i really needed to hear that. I feel like I'm loosing my mind.
i’m shocked because i always though adhd was just jumping from one thought to another, which i do at times, but this video explained how i feel perfectly. i thought everyone felt like this, yet i’ve always struggled more than others to do simple tasks. it feels impossible for me to do school work unless i’m under a lot of pressure. i can’t keep friendships because i always forget to check up on people and then they think that i don’t care about them, which then makes me feel like a horrible person. it just feels like my mind is so crowded 24/7 and i can’t focus on anything unless im genuinely interested in something or i’m under a LOT of pressure.
No cuz this is exactly how I feel
Oh I relate to this, but I’m not sure if I have ADHD or not, I’m finding it really hard to tell if I struggle more than other people do. Maybe I’m over analysing/dramatising myself, and it’s very expensive (in the uk) to get tested. It’s crazy you have to self diagnose just to get diagnosed bc I’m confused 🤷🏽♀️
Currently still trying to get started with learning for a big Test we will write tomorrow 😀👍
This is so perfect to how I feel
Same girl 0 friends over here. We can change this . But it feels draining to even think about or even try to do.
I have self diagnosed myself with ADHD or ADD for a while now because my parents don't believe in ADHD, so this video had me crying because I resonate with it so well. I always seem to fail in things that other people can do with ease and I always think it's something that is wrong w me. So this video really helped me, knowing I am not the only one.
I can't imagine ever not calling myself messy, lazy, forgetful, etc. Despite learning more about my brain as an adult it just seems objectively true to me and those around me.
That is so sad. I hope you keep trying, it's worth the effort to be kind to yourself 💜🖤💜🖤
They're not true in the slightest. These are lies that you were told so often you internalized them. Keep doing the work to move past that harmful programming 🤍🤍 you're on the right track!
I feel that's the worst part. Specially before my diagnosis. Telling yourself it's ok, you're putting your best to this task, you know you're smart, etc. And then it goes wrong. And again.
How are you supposed to construct self love around "being irresponsible"? How are you supposed to feel confident in your abilities if you mess basic math up frequently? (for example)
This "objective truths" thing sucks. Trying to have self esteem feels like trying to deny the reality.
Luckily after my diagnosis I am more aware of how intentions matter to the word "irresponsible".
And that "I have ADHD" or "I'm doing everything I can" are facts as much as "I lost my coat for the 4th time this year". It helps.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t get away from those labels and her saying evErything I’ve felt for so long was so validating. It’s weirdly comforting to know I’m not the only one here
That last line “no one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works” I burst into tears, I didn’t realize how bad that impacted me... thank you for helping me feel understood ♥️
Same
Yes!
me too xx
Same
hey, you're going to be just fine. Love you
Wow. The part about doing great in elementary school, then starting to do worse in school around the time puberty hit? That was me! It's so validating to hear this. I never put together that it could have been about puberty. I didn't know what was wrong with me.
It was the same for me. Never knew why until now..
I was like this too.
Same! It hit me around 15. I was always a great student growing up, but along the way I would clash with teachers and still somehow find myself being looked down upon. It wasn't until I started struggling in school that anyone even considered ADHD
Same for me! I was always advanced in reading and the things that interested me. I remember having to do times tables races and so many of the other kids moved up to the higher level sheets, they were color coded so it was obvious, while I got stuck in the 7's. Humiliating and discouraging. It wasn't until college, taking algebra for the 3rd time that I had a teacher who showed me how my thinking about the problem was wrong so I could understand it! I began to love it! I was excited about it because it became a puzzle, one which I could finally solve! I'll never forget that teacher for helping me. He said it was the teacher's fault because they didn't understand it themselves!
Me too like I had some symptoms of adhd in elementary school but like since 13 and 14 it went pretty downhill for me and I didnt understand why
Because of your channel I’ve discovered I’m ADHD! Thank you! Been called lazy, flaky, flighty, unmotivated etc… my entire life! Somehow I knew I was still awesome, so just went through life enjoying my “crazy brain”! 55 years old in Sept. keep up the great work! My husband of 32 years , thanks you too!
Same I’m 14 I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m 80% sure I have ADHD
That squiggly line on the menopause section of the chart is the most relatable thing I've seen in days.
Not to scale...... I laughed so hard 😂🤣😂🤣
I basically got my diagnosis because of menopause,at 49 🙄
I absolutely laughed out loud at that one. I’m a mid-50’s peri-menopausal woman at the moment and after an exhausting process and a lifetime of issues i finally got a formal diagnosis of ADHD yesterday!!
I CACKLED at "*Hormones not to scale" 😂😂😂
I relate to the “female presentation” as a man because I was the eldest child, with tons of pressure and responsibilities looking out for my younger siblings and being a “good example” and being the designated peacemaker of the family as well as the “therapist” for my parents.
It sounds like you must have internalized a lot. I hope you've gotten support too now, rather than always having to be the support for others. =)
i feel ya. it's not fun when our own parents aren't emotionally mature
I was the youngest and I also had to be the therapist to my parents. It goes to show how much of a failing parents we have. We played a role that wasn't ours tbw
It’s like you are describing me rn.
I felt this one
"if you are struggling, there is a reason you are struggling. Our struggles being invisible to others doesn't mean they are imaginary"...thank you for that phrase...
Yes! It's like the "you don't look sick" thing. WITAF? It's like Americans only recognize cancer patients with no hair and wheelchairs, otherwise you must be fine. It makes me furious.
About one and a half year ago, youtube recomended this video to me. And it changed my life.
Today, I got my ADHD diagnosis. Finally I can name, what bothers me since my childhood, and I can take more actions to live with it.
Thank you so, so, sooooo much for your work and your videos!
This hurt my heart. Growing up, I was always the "day-dreamer" who constantly forgot her homework at school but somehow still managed to get As and Bs. My cousin had been diagnosed with ADHD because of his hyperactivity, and I approached her a handful of times to say I think I have it, but she would say I didn't because I wasn't like my cousin. For YEARS I would just work harder and harder to maintain my grades, pretending I was fine even though I knew I wasn't. It wasn't until I was 26 that I went to a doctor about my depression and she asked if I had been diagnosed with ADHD. I took a test, and in that moment my entire life changed. Just knowing that it's my ADHD and not a personal failing has made me feel better, and helped me to create my own toolbox for addressing some of my worst symptoms.
That bit about homework is so relatable. I often pass my homeworks last minute, maybe even minutes before deadline, but I still got As and got told I was "naturally smart" by my peers, even when i felt like I wasnt trying as hard as them.
What test did they do on you? They would only give me this 5 minute at-home computer test where you click at the right times....
i resonate so much, theres a sterotype with adhd that u have to be hyperactive, so i never knew that i might have it, i was always daydreaming, zoned out, in my own world, in class id fall asleep always, even if i was trying so so hard to concentrate, and id do my homeworks last minute even now in university i do my courseworks so late my dissertation draft is due in about 10 days and i havent even started, i get overstimulated at the thought of the workload, that i out it off till the last possible second, i manage to get by most the time but in sixth form (british college equivalent to the last two years in high school for americans) those were the worst years of my life bc i couldnt just get by with how i was, i was doing very badly, but by the end i just scraped it, i wouldnt have gotten into university with my grades if my uni didnt change my offer, and then in uni i was doing alright first year, then second year i struggled but kind of managed, and third year i have lowkey brought myself back up to managing but again im leaving this dissertation too late and its been overwhelming me for a long time, i really need to get my diagnosis bc i did a self referral checklist from a specialist(?) and i literally marked often or always on MOST of the boxes, i am so sure i have undiagnosed ADHD
i just wrote a whole essay under ur comment 😭 this goes to prove how i have adhd like i cant keep any comment or anything i say short i feel the need to explain every little thing, im tired of being how i am for real 🥲
OMG THIS IS LITERALLY ME
Starting to come to the realization that a lot of my “unknown” symptoms of my mental illness line up with ADHD in females and this was just the confirmation I needed to consult my doctor about it.
My fiancé actually was the one to point out my symptoms/internal struggles aligning very closely with his own ADHD symptoms. He convinced me to get evaluated, and I officially was diagnosed a few months ago!
But yeah, same here! ADHD was the one diagnosis that seemed to fit the most.
@@xChiimerax same
Same
me too i never looked at adhd symptoms before bc its wasnt for me now i realize its diferent for womens and i can really relate a lot with this
@@xChiimerax do you get any medication for it and if so, in what way does it help or affect you?
This video got me hard. Your descriptions are spot on how I've felt my whole life. A couple of years ago I got referred to a psychologist to evaluate me for ADHD when things were really bad for me - depression, anxiety, eating disorders. I eventually got a callback to tell me it was very unlikely I had ADHD and 'probably just needed self-esteem counselling'. When she asked how I felt about that I said I was disappointed - like I'd thought maybe there was help I could access, that I wasn't just a failure. She then scolded me for being 'disappointed I don't have a serious medical condition'. I felt humiliated and like a complete failure, and not tried to access help since.
Your videos make me feel like maybe my concerns are valid and one day I might get the courage to go back and try again. Thank you.
I don't think she was good for you. Judging and scolding is a big red flag in the profession.
Exactly this xxxx
@@N0Xa880iUL at first I figured it was a professional so they have to be right, and I was just trying to look for excuses for being a shitty person. But in retrospect, I agree, I think I just had a bad doctor. It really did put me off ever trying again though
@@gumbykevbo This is so accurate. And you're spot on with the professionals having experience only/mostly diagnosing kids. I live in a third world country and when my family first asked their practitioner on opinion on me they literally said it is a children's disorder and adults don't have it.
@@varafaust2645 I'm so sorry for this experience of yours. It's frustrating and embarrassing to be made to feel silly by a professional. In managing my ADHD I have dealt with several professionals and I will echo what others said that not all of them understand adhd. While watching a video we may repeatedly think "that has happened to me" but then not remember those examples when we go in to talk to someone. It could be helpful for you to review the diagnostic criteria and have specific examples of ways that you fit them before talking to someone. I would even encourage you to write them down.
"No one should have to go through life cause of how there brain works" i understood that so much i cried in tears..
Wait people complain you talk too fast? I watched this on 2x… 😅
Ikr basically every video I watch on 2x
Even though it’s bad for the algorithm
Edit: for the people wondering y it’s bad for the algorithm, ua-cam.com/video/hcbnWxS8XEQ/v-deo.html
@@YeetMaster-mw9zj really? May I know how does it effect? Cuz I always listen at x2 too 😅
@@nadiahDono If you watch a 10 minute video on x2, UA-cam will record that in the "watch time" stat for the video as 5 minutes, as that is how long you took to watch the video. If you watch the same 10 minute video in x0.5 it would record the Watch time for that video as 20 minutes.
The higher the watch time, the better (for the creator), as it (most likely) affects things like putting the video on the main page, recommended, and ad stuff*.
*I don't know what of this is true and what is guessed, but I do know that the higher the "watched time" stat on a video, the better it is for the creator.
She was a reason l decided to improve my English listening "and improve my English generally" because I want to knowing about ADHD and the content of her channel is really great and she had a beautiful way to explain things and such a pretty soul and eyes, after about 2 or 3 months from first time I watched her videos now l can almost understand more than 70% without subtitles! , I'm a native Arabic speaker, and l hope l wrote this comment without many mistakes 😂😅
I watch everything else in 2x 😅 she talks JUST fast enough lol
I 've always said "i wish i was me in someone's else body, i know i could do better" not knowing about ADHD, now that i know, it feels much better understanding myself. Thank you.
I always tell my husband i wish I could get a new brain lol. Its so frustrating at times.
I always thought I was insane when thinking this and that nobody gets what I mean. Thank you for sharing.
Literally this
The one thing that hurts me the most is when someone I love and trust responds to me explaining my struggle with "Yeah... but everyone does that sometimes." This is like telling a person who is severely depressed and can't get out of bed that "Everyone is sad sometimes." Thank you... not helpful, and now I am gaslighting myself into thinking I'm "faking."
Yeah, or when they think you just don't try hard enough. 😭 I hope you can get proper help and support.❤️
The fact that you almost teared up while talking about this..i really resonate with that..I was so much happier as a little girl even with the symptoms but over the years my self confidence, self esteem and general enthusiasm have gone to the ground and it's so emotionally taxing to go through a regular day..I don't care about anything anymore when I should care the most in my late 20s, the society expects a lot from me at this point but who would understand that I just don't experience joy the way they do..
When she said: "No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works." I started crying because I felt like somebody finally understanding my struggles for the first time in my life and nobody told me to not blame myself before.
This happened to me today- I just found this video so maybe it's not my fault
I just read the book Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate and 20 pages in I was crying because it was like finally being told that I'm not a freak, that this is actually how my brain works and other people feel this way too.
Wow, this hit close to home. And it hadn't clicked that hormones would affect it. Very much looking forward to that video!
I agree with you. This hit close to home for me too. I wasn't diagnosed until the end of college because I started having trouble focusing with online classes. No one ever got me tested because I had good grades.
@@rachaelsullivan3608 I was told by a psychiatrist that I couldn't have ADHD (that had already been diagnosed by a psychologist) because I "did well in school." He spent less than an hour with me and made up his mind within minutes; there was nothing I could say to get him to listen to me.
Thankfully, I have a psychiatrist now that has listened to me and seen how much I've benefited from stimulant medication!
I really had to deal with that recently, too. The way my mood has been so off on my most recent period has honestly freaked me out. I'm trying to arrange a professional screening, at least, and I'm so glad to hear that I can just change a dosage according to my hormone levels in if necessary. I'll be able to feel better soon, and it's so relieving.
When you said, “I’m still learning how to make friends,” it hit me right in my heart and I thought, “I’ll be your friend!!” Just as a human brain watching another human brain, for a second I felt like I was listening to someone I already knew and I hope that if you’re reading this you know you have a friend out there in me :)
Same here. Those words very much reminded me of me. 💙
me tooo omg, that hit me hard
Agreed. Lol. Then I immediately think I'm too flaky and would likely not be a reliable friend even if she were to want to be my friend... So, best to just relate and move on. *sigh*
@@sarahselzer1459 OOf. I did the same thing. I had the brief moment of "tweet her!" and then was like "yeah, but I'll just flake like I do with everything else" and didn't. Instead I came here to read comments. haha
yOu gOt a FrIeNd iN mEeEeE
I cried when I watched this video, this is me and no one ever noticed and I went through almost all the same things. I only found out once my daughter was diagnosed that I too had the same symptoms as her and now will be able to get the help I need. Thank you so much for making these videos, you are helping so many of us.
Thank you for making this video. I was also a “good kid” and in gifted classes so my ADHD was overlooked. Instead of acting out, I hyperfocused and would get chastised for not paying attention because I was reading and could not hear my surroundings. Because I wasn’t diagnosed as a child, it’s been incredibly difficult to get a doctor to entertain the idea that I might have ADHD. As a result, I’ve struggled immensely as an adult. Your story has inspired me to seek help once more. Thank you again.
As another gifted kid, and someone who thinks they have adhd, I feel you. Just yesterday I was yelled at because I forgot an instruction and my teacher blamed it on me making cootie catcher pets.
i can't do this anymore, whatever I have (I think it's ADHD but idk) I just want to make it stop. those things run in my family, yet no one believes me. I see people around be being able to finish what they start and focus, while I struggle and called lazy. what once was my strength is now killing me, I just want to be normal. :( but it's nice seeing people like me
@@flabee8083 It’s ok, just take it one step at a time. I would suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist or your primary care physician if you need a referral. I like to make lists of my goals and check them off as I go. Put this on your list! I wish you peace and harmony. Take care.
@@melbell6491
@@flabee8083 You’re welcome. No need to be sorry. What better way to use the comment section than to seek help and be supported by others that are struggling with similar issues.
I'm crying - at my office. I didn't know how to express this. I remember sharing it with my boss long ago and she came to me asking how to support me. I am crying again because this is - wow.
Ew. Youre THAT close with you boss? Couldnt be me
@@Beaneabean I am definitely lucky to be in the organization that I'm in. I never had the ability to openly speak to my boss anywhere else. I also survived an extremely toxic work environment and my healing included speaking up for myself, clarifying expectations, expressing when i feel overwhelmed, and open admission of when i need my accommodations to apply. This is probably, in it's own way, the healthiest work environment I can imagine.
@@jorgegiacchetti8719 that's a real quick no. A quick Google search shows me how often this name/profile is used to scam. If you are real, then post a video in Spanish and share it with me. I doubt you're "real:
Yeah I started crying at the part mentioning self diagnosis, because that’s very much me. I won’t get an official diagnosis until likely my next counseling session (first one with a new counselor), though I’ve brought it up to multiple therapists
@@xoliveeyou I think the best counselors and any medical professional is one that actually listens and considers that maybe, JUST MAYBE, their patients spent more than 1 lecture learning about themselves. There are great providers out there. Do not hesitate to move on if it still isn't a good fit that supports your health!
Another example of how society tries to help us when we bother them, but if symptoms aren't bothersome to others, then they aren't taken as seriously as they should...
And even then, the “help” so often consists of eye rolling while offering table scraps of decency along with passive-aggressive comments about what a burden we are.
Reading the comments and seeing that I wasn’t the only one crying was so validating
I really resonate with feeling like your struggles "aren't bad enough" to merit assistance or that someone else's is worse so I "shouldn't complain." So glad you started this channel to share! ♥️
That last one irks me. My struggles may be milder, but they are different, and every bit as valid.
When I finally went to a professional to see if i had autism my diagnosis was ADHD and I cried. Not because I wanted to be autistic, but because my symptoms were ruining every aspect of my life and I didn't think it could 'just be ADHD'. I thought I had to be autistic if I had that many social problems but the more I'm researching the more i realize that our society thinks that ADHD is just a label you slap on a misbehaving boy in elementary school. When i was upset about having ADHD it was because I thought my family and friends wouldn't see it as a valid reason for being rude on accident. We need to break that stigma and remind people that ADHD isn't a minor inconvenience but an actual mental condition that can be very difficult to cope with.
I totally get what you mean! I thought for a while that I had both because I struggle so much in social situations (understanding jokes, tone changes, etc). I was surprised after researching both disorders pretty thoroughly that there's more overlap than people realize bc those symptoms don't get recognition.
I love your comment. I belive to have both, but havent found someone edcuated enough to get an objektiv view on it. I dont struggle with Tone etc. But I have extrem sensory overload which I belive to be autism. The people I know with adhd dont seem to have this issue m the just get overstimulated, their brain is in overdrive so to speak. So is myn in those situations, but I also have big issues with sounds etc. I dotn see autism as a disorder tho, i see it as a neurodiverse brain. Adhd seem a little diffrent that way to me.
ADHD and autism share a lot of common traits so it's possibly to be both autistic and adhd. I'm not suggesting that's the case with you or that anyone who's ADHD is automatically also autistic, I'm just saying there's a possiblity to be both. And just a little FYI, don't use words like "have" or "had" when talking about ADHD and autism as it comes across like an illness, much better to write "to see if I'm autistic". I'm sure you meant well but as an adhd & autistic woman sentences like "had autism" makes me feel like an illness.
“No one should have go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works” welp. Crying in the shower lol thanks for this.
Ikr!
:(
"Our struggles being invisible to others doesn't mean they're imaginary" :')
My gosh. I'm sitting here with my old self harm scars, a disaster of a house, credit score dropping, waiting for results of a blood draw pregnancy test even though I take birth control but I missed one... My husband was diagnosed as a kid and I found this channel years ago to support him. Your ADHD in Girls video was my first clue. I need to bring this up with my doctor.
adhd folk find each other.
I'm almost in the exact same boat
i brought this up to my dr and h laughed it off ... now my bf is trying to get me help
What the heck is wrong with professionals?! They can't even treat patients like human beings let alone correctly diagnose the conditions they're meant to specialise in?? Soz for the rant i really feel for anyone who experiences this. 😞😞😞
@@DinosaurNick time to be formally dx by a psychiatrist 😊
Woman, woman, woman! What have you published here?? This is beyond a piece on ADHD, this is a letter to society and I'm so into it! thank you so much!!
Amen!
Thank god, someone talks about the fluctuation of symptoms due to hormonales changes!!! I thought I was burning myself out and my symptoms were affected by that. But when I started to log my moods and brain functionality (how forgetful, spacey, fatigue…), I quickly realized I was getting worst symptoms just before and during my periods.
Thank you I don’t feel so crazy now.
Absolute same here, my executive function goes from “impaired” to “non-existent” for about 8-10 days before my period and it is MISERABLE! Trying to get anyone to understand or treat that is nigh on impossible.
I tend to get almost manic about 2 weeks before the period hits, so I've learned that's the time to clean clean clean and "act like an adult" because I know the next 2 weeks are going to be anywhere from "I'm a mess but my ducks are still in a row" to "Functional? Adulting? What's that?"
This was such a powerful video, especially as you were going through the labels, I was often called a daydreamer and weird, clumsy, forgetful. Also discovered how hard it is to be believed when I say I have ADHD compared to those that I know which have the more HYPER part presentation. I tend to interrupt people in a conversation, speak really fast and jump through 20 topics then come back to the original one all while doing like 50 things at the same time.
Also realized that closed captions/ subtitles help me focus more on things.
Yes. I was always called lazy as a child. Always disorganized messy. I got diagnosed at 41. Now I think maybe I should have my daughter checked; she's so similar to me in so many ways
definetely. I am 28 and suspect i have it. this and almost 15 years of depression. I am checking this out this year
You should
My mother ALWAYS calls me “lazy” and I hate it
I've heard that it is something that can be pasted down if you have it that your parents are likely to have it as well
I honestly feel like my mom has it too. We are too similar and we often clash and I really wish we would have better relationship but because of it I lose my patience with her and we argue a lot. Luckily we have a strong bond that no matter how bad our mood swings get we are talking again like nothing happened. I just wish we had more control. I hope you and your daughter can get answers and clarity 🤍
It's still surprising to me how similar our experiences can be before diagnosis. I carried those "not fun labels" for a long time before I begged my mum to take me to a specialist. My breaking point was almost being kicked out of university. Being diagnosed literally changed my life and helped me rebuild my self-esteem. Thank you so much for this video Jessica!
And we start to believe the labels! And then almost 'give up'; "I can't do this any better because, you know, I am poor at time management/organization"...
As per the ADHD trend of frequently changing occupation...(and masking symptoms):
I studied speech pathology,
Then a post graduate,
And then I went to study occupational therapy...
(I finished them all).
But that means I spent 8 years on a medical campus... And only in my final year of OT did a lecturer (who had ADHD herself) notice that my business is off the rails.
That goes to show how few health care professionals are aware of what signs/symptoms to look for in women.
Only the person who had it herself knew...
Sidenote: I am thankful I went to do OT; it allows my ADHD brain to do practical problem solving and work hands on. If I had to work on abstract concepts, I would not have been very productive or happy.
Great channel! Thanks J.
@@SASLnk As a PT with undiagnosed ADHD until I was in my 30s and medicating with caffeine, I can so relate! Nobody caught on! But I was smart, why would they? I missed graduating with honors by 2 tenths of a point! Not that it matters now, 25 years later, but it did then! How much better could I have done, and with how much less stress?! I remember crying myself to sleep during exams being so afraid of failing and letting everybody down. And I have been accused of being an "OT wannabe" with the problem solving, hands on tasks as well. I take it as a compliment!
"No one seemed to take my ADD seriously, so neither did I." Geez that's exactly what happened to me, and I also ignored my depression, anxiety, and PTSD and suffered for years until I broke down completely and asked for help.
That's me. Although I sometimes I feel like I'm faking everything or nothing is real. I used to ignore them, because no one cared anyway, but I wanna get help for the sake of others.
What did you do to get help
@@SashaAMelina if this is refering to me, I haven't got help yet. Im planning to, once I move out and have the money. Its a struggle when no one takes you seriously
Currently going through the same; it's very hard.
@@rainy5517 They obv weren't reffering to you. Did you see them do the @? no? then it's not about you
"No one should have to go through life blaming themselves for how their brain works" this really struck a chord.
I was just diagnosed with the inattentive type, and it’s my understanding they want to treat anxiety and depression instead of stimulants. I cried watching this channel. As a youngster I was dreamy, spacey, forgetful, flaky, irresponsible etc. So they said. To me, I am was smart creative, a dreamer but an under-achiever. I did ok in school. I didn’t get in trouble. I talk a lot. I don’t perform up to expectation. I’m an introvert, an artist. Impulsive but not externally hyper reactive. I fell between the cracks. And to be honest, my life has mostly been feeling lost and alone. It’s freeing to know, but I’m also so so angry. And everything I find is designed for children. Ugh. So where do we go from here? I was terrified to write this, but I had to. So many of us are struggling. Thank you for creating this community. 🥰
That sounds just like me. Also feeling very lonely.
As I read your description, I got a little bit of a jolt in my chest and had to scroll back up to see the name because I thought I had wrote it somewhere along the lines maybe late one night because it sounded like my writings my experience things I do I'm an artist also too but yeah thanks for sharing! 💜
I definitely relate to every word you said! I had the same experience growing up.
This sounds just like me. Artists and dreamers are powerful and NECESSARY. Take care of yourself and don’t be afraid to sparkle ✨🤝✨
That sounds like me. I am diagnosed with ADHD but I think I have ASD as well.
As a “middle aged” woman with ADHD I feel as though my disorder is disregarded so much. I’ve been told I use it as a crutch even though I’ve never once blamed an action on it. I do feel the pressure to adhere to the expectations of a cis woman mother/wife like organization, time management remembering everything for the family. I’ve even been shamed for medicating, been told I just like the “drugs” I’d do anything to be able to manage my symptoms without medications and I’ve tried and it was a disaster. Honestly I still hide my diagnosis and the fact I take meds.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with people treating you like that.
1. Why are these people still in your life 2. You need to search for decent ppl to let into your life 3. Therapy is always recommended when dealing with adhd...how is your therapist not arranging joint sessions with these nutcases if they are unfortunately family??
I like the quote "If your brain doesn't make its own neurotransmitters, store-bought is fine." 💙
I have more respect for someone who admits they have a problem & can say I’m on meds and I need help. It’s taken a lot to be okay with telling others I have adhd. And yes the upkeep of a family, home, career & our “issues” put a lot of stressful demands on women in society. We do a lot. We are expected to do a lot. The stress during Covid made everything so much worse. Always get help if you need it & don’t be shamed to admit you need it!
that sucks that it happens. My mom shamed me for taking melatonine before sleep, because I have problems sleeping. People really need to accept that some people need meds.
"Most research on ADHD has been done in males and the DSM criteria for ADHD doesn't fit the way females tend to present as well as it does for males."
This is actually a big problem with medicine in general. The "standard patient" that a lot of medical learning uses is a middle aged male.
That's the whole medical community. It'll take awhile to actually catch up.
That is a very similar problem for autism as well
I'm curious why this is the case, I'm guessing less women want to volunteer?
@@ME-xh5zq it comes from the assumption that women are just men with more hormones, an unfortunate and incorrect idea that riddles the medical community! essentially using men as a baseline and judging women in that light. it completely disregards women's different symptoms and often leads to misdiagnosis. i am bad at explaining things sorry lol but i hope this made sense!!
And white
Thank you for the validation. I cried with you..
Dito
I’m 32 and just got diagnosed with ADHD yesterday because my presentation is quiet.
I feel like I’m about to start my life now.
I’m 33 and was diagnosed 4 years ago. It was like a huge weight got lifted off of my shoulders.
I got diagnosed last thursday. I have dug into reading about it and feel like my life is completely different in my brain.
You got this! I'm 37 and got diagnosed at 32 also. This is a great place to start.
What were the steps to a diagnosis? I want to see a doctor but I can’t figure out the first step to do so.
This is beautiful, thank you! I just got diagnosed a month ago at 43 and I'm working hard to focus on positive vibes for the future 💛
Tbh this left me in tears. First time I haven't felt alone in my 27 years of life... Even after a childhood diagnosis. Thank you.
join adhd reddit
Just got diagnosed yesterday. I'm a 30 year old female. Bawling at the validation I get from these videos and the information that makes my struggles make so much sense.
I was diagnosed a week ago. Medication has changed my life! 38 years of thinking I was just lazy and dumb.
@@michelleday6432 just wondering, is the medication helping you focus better, and become more organized? Any side effects?
@@tdeo2141 it’s been amazing. I can focus and get everything done. I don’t need brakes to get myself hyped for every step. The only side effects I have is hot flashes and no appetite.
@@michelleday6432 thank you so much for replying! That’s fantastic. Wow, I’m so happy for you. I can’t even imagine myself like that… even being able to focus like such… Would you be able to share the name of the medication? (If you don’t mind.)
@@tdeo2141 I am on 5.mg tabs of adderal I take 2 or 3 in am and 1 or 2 with lunch. At this point (almost 3 months on meds) I do not have negative side effects aside from some constipation if I don't drink enough water. The improvements in my ability to function were so drastic my mother realized I inherited ADD from her and has started on the extended release form of the same medication.
I just got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a few months ago and I'm 30. I didn't realize how much I was masking my symptoms. I now take a stimulant, but I also talk about how I can use tools for my ADHD with my therapist and psychologist. This video is amazing, thank you for this :)
Jess, u r truly a breath of fresh air. After a particularly hard weekend trying to explain our struggles to a family member and being sworn and shouted at, and after decades of misdiagnoses and eating disorders, I audibly breathed out as I watched this.
Thank you thank you thank you xxx
💞 You got this. You’re valid and I’m sorry that happened. 😔
@@ericasmith5531 thanks so much x
As a self-diagnosed 19 year old black woman, I've been mocked ever since I can remember for being an over-the-top, emotionally sensitive blabbermouth, disorganised, forgetful and stubborn.
Yet on the flip side, I've also been described as a brilliant, competent student with loads of talent and drive. I eventually grew more and more closed off as a consequence of those remarks, garnering even more criticism.
Watching your video, I saw my entire life laid out with such poignant, devastating accuracy. Both internal and external struggles, how and why they're so tightly intertwined, environmental factors from my childhood and their consequences, fluctuating coping mechanisms that can only last so long before another breakdown or burnout.
You've greatly explained and illustrated some devastating vicious cycles that women with ADHD have been fighting to overcome their entire lives- oftentimes unseen, having built walls around themselves as a shield against more potentially triggering happenings/interactions with others.
You're doing an incredible job with this channel; spreading awareness, changing lives and perspectives. Much love from Gabon 🇬🇦☺️✨
Amén!!!!!!! 💗💗💗💗💗
Do you also feel that you are child mentally, compared to your peers? I feel that a lot.
Wait r u me, what you just wrote most of it is literally what I went through too, we are so similar it is comforting
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@@N0Xa880iUL I do, my emotional intelligence at times is like a kid.
My girlfriend told me about one video from this channel, because she has ADHD. Ever since I've been watching multiple videos here to understand her ADHD struggles better and be more supportive.
So many things are explained in this channel, that really help the population.
Thank you for doing that for her
Wow, thanks for supporting a member of our tribe 💜
That’s so awesome you’re doing that for her. Support is so important
How are you holding up? I just realized my girlfriend has ADHD after looking back at the way she's acted throughout our relationship and compared it to this video, i defo believe she has ADHD, i'm freaking out.
Total Green flag
Watching these videos brings me a lot of comfort and self understanding as to why my brain works the way it does. I'm so sure that I have adhd but for years, I told myself that I didn't, and I'm still telling myself that I don't. Maybe it's because I don't want to lump myself in with the "new trend of self diagnosing", but I constantly tell myself that just because I have a lot of adhd symptoms, it doesn't mean I have adhd. This video hits very close to home, so much so that I might start pushing to get an evaluation.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age three. However, when I started puberty, I was told I "outgrew" the ADHD and was diagnosed with depression/bipolar, after that my grades and schoolwork went downhill dramatically. Wasn't diagnosed with ADHD again until I was 30, I never outgrew it.
Damn, at age 3 ? The symptoms are barely noticeable at that young age I got it around like 5 or 7, I can’t remember, my parents thought there was something fishy with the way I acted eg I bit people (other kids) instead of politely telling them to leave me alone
Hey, just sending support. The bipolar diagnosis RUINED me. Those meds are really serious and I'm shocked many doctors are seemingly more avoidant of the idea of stimulants than antipsychotics. Glad you're getting treatment now.
@@duncanbug The bipolar meds messed me up. I wound up in a psych ward at age 16 due to me attempting to overdose on those very drugs. I agree, if they did not take me off the stimulants, I wouldn't have ended up there.
OH and I think this needs to be added. I wasn't a woman at the time, I was a girl that's right they do this to damn CHILDREN!
It's so funny how they tell us we will out grow symptoms yet there's a bunch of adults getting diagnosed for the first time because evidently you can't grow out of it
I experienced a lot of this, even as a male: parents dismissing the possibility of ADHD because my presentation didn't match their expectations, teachers that wouldn't tell me what an IEP is when asked because, "if you don't know what it is it doesn't apply to you," and even well intentioned mentors and counselors that never suspected it because I appeared to be smart and well behaved, even though I was internally struggling. I was just as shocked by a bad grade as my parents would be, unable to explain myself to them and left to assume the labels must be true. Getting diagnosed as an adult and getting medicated was a huge blessing that is helping me through college, but the emotional damage to my self-esteem still remains.
I'm one of those people who need an IEP (have been since middle school) and I still don't know, I've been to so many meeting regarding my IEP and now I'm in highschool and I've started to get a vague understanding
Yes same, many of my teachers didnt really think of IEP or 504 plans
What is IEP and what are 504 plans?
I have ADHD that my college psychologist recognized only a couple years ago (I turn 26 next week). I haven't gotten any help since seeing him to explore accommodations because I wasn't finishing exams on time and my grade was penalized for not being able to read every question in time. So, I don't know very much about ADHD or things that help people with ADHD.
@@bladeofSteele IEP stands for individualized education plan, I think.. but it's only for high school. I'd definitely talk to your psychologist. If you can get an official diagnosis, you'll be able to take it to your school's disability center to get qualified for accommodations. Things like early registration, negotiable deadlines, access to class notes from the teacher, and time and a half on tests in a private environment have really helped me, in addition to stimulant medication.
I'm crying watching this. It's like you're talking directly to me about everything I'm going through. I've never felt so seen and understood about my ADHD. I decided to seek out a specialist and that I want to go back on my medication. I needed this. Thank you 💕
1 month update: I've been trying for weeks now to lock in a doctor but nobody can help me even though I have 2 diagnoses. I've called multiple psychiatrists and primary care providers and I'm feeling so stuck and discouraged. Why do our meds being a "controlled substance" make everything so overly complicated? Has anyone used those online ADHD treatment services like Cerebral? They sound expensive but I just don't know what to do anymore.
Same!
Same here
I’m taking concerta what are you taking?🙂
I'm not taking any meds ..I am 52 Nd have just decided this is how I am but after watching this I feel like going to see an expert on adhd and finally getting some help...hope everyone who has this knows u are not alone and loved!
@@gringa23 I used to take Adderall in high school and college after I was diagnosed. Most recently, I was taking Vyvanse and I really liked it. I'm curious about concerta too
Jessica. This is one of the most amazing videos you’ve made. I’ve been coaching a woman in Egypt, which sadly, has a worse medical system than ours in the US, and I’m always so blown away at how succinct your videos can be. Sharing all the places. Thank you so much!
“Our struggles being invisible do not make them imaginary.” This is powerful. So many quotables in this video.