Going For The Gotcha: The Big Damaging Difference Between Verifying and Validating Your Partner

Ever feel as though your partner is more interested in being right than hearing you? Or, caring what you think or feel? That's what I call "going for the gotcha." Listen in to understand the dynamics that are denying you any sense of equality in your relationship. And, a few tips on what you can do to change things, too.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
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[@lindagreen9278]

This one really fits the conversation problem with my friend. It's as though my feelings aren't right. I didn't think feelings were right or wrong. They are feelings or thoughts or something at work that she always refutes and begins, each sentence with my name. And her tone of voice goes up and up, bit she's not yelling lol. She's speaking to me as though I just don't know anything, I'm an idiot and not supposed to have thoughts. She's always questioning my choice of words and repeat the word back questioningly. Thank u for the help I'm receiving from you, Dr. Shaler.

[@Mrbradboy1]

I like this Gotcha is one of my favorite slangs.!! Gotcha!!

[@rjlacroix3334]

Thank you Dr ,Shaler . so helpful ,so grateful , Portsmouth ,NH . USA

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

You're so very welcome. I'm glad it was helpfful!

[@marianoble3419]

This episode made me feel a little guilty. Truth is better than lies, right? Actually, every time I found myself wanting to "correct" other's sayings I was feeling horrible afterwards. Now, I know why (and thank you about that). However, it's times you cannot do differently than "correct" the other part (for instance, when it's about safety, or about faith, or about your personal boundaries that have been trespassed). Then, I feel sad about the other part's reaction, and try that it will not take me down or be the cause for the relationship to end. But actually yes, it's true: we should validate people and verify (or not verify) their actions. That is the key. Thank you!

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

You've got it! You're welcome.