I have ADHD and I used to be fearful avoidant, and I can tell you that the most problematic thing, after 5 years of psychotherapy, my diagnosis, medications and occupational therapy, is the fact that people on the spectrum will ALWAYS, always feel drawn to other people on the spectrum. I could relate to my ex on so many levels, this is why I forgave him and I was patient with him. It reminded me of my unhealed/unaware self, but we could “reach” each other. Up to a point. He was overwhelmed with his studies, extremely tired by masking, sought relief in loneliness and his creature comfort (gaming), then I got pregnant and I believe he felt extremely overwhelmed. Forgot to mention he comes from a specific background with high social expectations, intrinsic shame and rigidity in terms of gender roles. I was growing impatient because I wanted to see the relationship progress and he couldn’t catch up with me. It ended horribly, it felt like having loved a stranger. I miss him so much still, and it sucks swinging between fury, sadness and compassion. I love you bébé 😓
Shoot, I wish I could write off my neurological disorders as attachment issues specifically :(. It is a very interesting take, though, as i can see that being the case in some of my anxious friends!
Pretty sure I'm ND, as was my avoidant ex. I think while it can get in the way of intimacy, its fundamentally an attachment issue that caused the relationship to break down. Even autistic men can let your relationship be public, enjoy going places with you, enjoy getting to know you and your likes/dislikes etc. ADHD/autism doesn't cause someone to make deliberate choices to be weird unless they're severely, severely disabled, like being unable to be without a caregiver disabled. It's a hard pill to swallow that at the end of the day, he was avoidant and just feared being close to me outside of sensual encounters, and even that felt impersonal/one sided and unsatisfactory. A shame.
5. Rage and grief debilitate me. It's impossible that this hell is actually my life. My only desire is to die. 6. I am paralyzed by terror and loneliness and trauma and longing. The emotional pain so intense and the darkness so all-encompassing, I feel I'm being buried alive! 7. Desperate for escape from the pain of the reality of my life. On every level in every way, I am raped. I don't stop sobbing.
I have ADHD and I used to be fearful avoidant, and I can tell you that the most problematic thing, after 5 years of psychotherapy, my diagnosis, medications and occupational therapy, is the fact that people on the spectrum will ALWAYS, always feel drawn to other people on the spectrum. I could relate to my ex on so many levels, this is why I forgave him and I was patient with him. It reminded me of my unhealed/unaware self, but we could “reach” each other. Up to a point. He was overwhelmed with his studies, extremely tired by masking, sought relief in loneliness and his creature comfort (gaming), then I got pregnant and I believe he felt extremely overwhelmed. Forgot to mention he comes from a specific background with high social expectations, intrinsic shame and rigidity in terms of gender roles. I was growing impatient because I wanted to see the relationship progress and he couldn’t catch up with me. It ended horribly, it felt like having loved a stranger. I miss him so much still, and it sucks swinging between fury, sadness and compassion. I love you bébé 😓
Shoot, I wish I could write off my neurological disorders as attachment issues specifically :(. It is a very interesting take, though, as i can see that being the case in some of my anxious friends!
Pretty sure I'm ND, as was my avoidant ex. I think while it can get in the way of intimacy, its fundamentally an attachment issue that caused the relationship to break down.
Even autistic men can let your relationship be public, enjoy going places with you, enjoy getting to know you and your likes/dislikes etc. ADHD/autism doesn't cause someone to make deliberate choices to be weird unless they're severely, severely disabled, like being unable to be without a caregiver disabled.
It's a hard pill to swallow that at the end of the day, he was avoidant and just feared being close to me outside of sensual encounters, and even that felt impersonal/one sided and unsatisfactory. A shame.
5. Rage and grief debilitate me. It's impossible that this hell is actually my life. My only desire is to die.
6. I am paralyzed by terror and loneliness and trauma and longing. The emotional pain so intense and the darkness so all-encompassing, I feel I'm being buried alive!
7. Desperate for escape from the pain of the reality of my life. On every level in every way, I am raped. I don't stop sobbing.
Awesome great conversation 👍 everything I’m wondering keeps popping up on my algorithm. How can I send you a letter Ken
I think if you go onto his website, it’ll say how to send him a letter there
First view, thanks Ken! Love ya, from Florida!
❤