That's actually how most adults find out they're autistic is when they have children. I'm non-neurotypical and I was doing a lecture for a group of Educators and parents of autistic kids, and watching them all wiggle twirl and flap in the audience almost made me laugh out loud from the podium..lol
me too! i always wished there was a book or class on how to behave normal and how to read people and common sense, because based on reviews, I have none
Movies, series and books are like this to me, you know, a social guide-ish. Specially when I admire the main character, I just try to copy and absorve his personality. Its weird. I dont nullify mylsef, but I try to get some hints and lines that I could use when I judge its appropriated
Funny thing about eye contact: my dad taught me to always look people in the eye when speaking. I took this very literally, and learned quickly that teachers find it incredibly unsettling when you stare them in the eye the entire time they are speaking.
Lol 😂 I think body language experts would rather say that *one should look in the eye when the other person is talking* and *look away when you yourself are talking.* Because, when listening you want to attend to every part of the communication and this includes non-verbal stuff. Human eyes have actually developed to communicate a lot that can't be said otherwise. That's partly why we developed the white parts around our pupils. So, when you are the one talking, you don't need to assess the face and eye movements of the listener constantly because now you're the one communicating your thoughts and you can use your eyes to orient your thoughts and feelings. (I think they call it neuro-linguistic programming) Welp, this was a rather long response lol
@@annabelreader8488 Hmm... Let's say it's like 60% in the eyes and 40% away. Or maybe even 70:30. If you have a longer sentence or sentences, and especially if it's something someone would have to think hard about, that's the best time to look for thoughts (like you're imagining what you're saying, so your eyes have to go away from the other person's face) Have you looked up NLP? I know it's a pseudoscience, but the "Eye Accessing Cue Chart" is pretty accurate if you ask a body language expert or communications trainer. Also, you don't want to stress or intimidate the listener by constantly looking for their facial reactions and possibly making them feel like you are expecting a reaction, etc. As far as I know, there is a circuit in our brain that is activated every time we register that someone is looking at us. And somehow I find it so strange that we can distinguish whether someone 20 meters away from us is looking at our face or just a couple of inches beside it. So, to finally answer your question properly, it should work perfectly if both people follow this (either consciously or unconsciously) because it's not like you're turning your face or body away from them, you just shouldn't be penetrating their soul through their eyes when you're talking and they're doing nothing but listening. I find that people get sweaty when I look too long, and I personally feel that someone is hiding something when he/she is able to talk about a difficult and thought-provoking idea without looking away even once. I mean, how can you remember and recite all that while paying attention to facial reactions when it's a genuine and perhaps spontaneous thought? I don't think I can explain it any better in this comment box lol
@хамлук Bruh yess. Then your gaze ends up being inconsistent like a guilty dog 😂. I can't naturally look someone in the eyes, bc when I do it's intense & causes the other visible discomfort, even when it's an elder scolding me. I'm like "👽" and they're subtly like "👁👄👁💧..." LOL. Idk if I'm on the spectrum, but I'm thinking of talking to my parents maybe. Too many things seem to fit.
I have the exact opposite habit. During a conversation with someone, I'll probably maintain 5-10% eye contact. I never knew really noticed until someone called me out for it but ever since I've noticed that I subconsciously refuse to look at people. To me it feels horribly uncomfortable to make eye contact, plus observing facial details (their eye movements, expressions, subtle cues) ends up overwhelming and I have trouble concentrating on the rest of my sentence and get tongue tied. Definitely have pissed people off because they think I'm distracted, not listening, or in the most recent case got asked "oh excuse me, am I boring you?"
I opened up to my therapist about my thoughts that I have undiagnosed autism. Her reaction was so appalling. I’ve never felt so misunderstood. This video helped me so much. Thank you.
I just saw a new PCP today. I told him I’m getting tested for autism in two weeks. He said “you don’t have autism”, it’s all ADHD. I said because I’m looking at you when you’re speaking? He said yes…I said I’m actually looking at your eyebrows and reading your lips. Really devaluing. He also said I’m a “nightmare patient”. However, he did find 4 out of 17 meds that shouldn’t be taken together. Still…I’ve dealt with all this since I can remember, but I’m 49 and burnt out. He sat with me for an hour and came to several conclusions. Even if my tests show I’m not autistic…I still know I self identify and I’m not alone.
@@sharonvaldez9059he's a new PCP to you...and he's already called you a nightmare patient? I'm not denying your experience. I'm just curious. You take or were taking 17 medications? I know this a place to vent and sometimes be validated but I feel like I'm missing a lot from your comment.
@jocelynb495 I'm sorry! That's so frustrating. When I told my therapist, I caught him completely off guard, but he did the therapist thing ("so...uh... what feelings does this bring up? 😅), and he was completely validating, even though it took him several weeks to be willing to say the word autism in our sessions. Even with his support, I was still way more devastated than I thought I would be when the psychologist I went to for testing told my I'm not. I am, by the way. Professionals don't always know how to tell, but therapists should still be validating of your feelings.
I would never tell anyone. I am 67. So, it doesn't matter if someone with initials after their name tells me that. I have to agree that this video is "normal" for my condition. I have enough evidence that I have no doubt. For some reason, my 85-year-mother became a fan of the big bang theory--which came as a surprise to my wife and I. Mom said she liked it because one of the boys reminded her of me. I took that as sort of a summary of the behaviors she subconsciously observed while i grew up, decades before Aspergers was in the DSM. (I have much more objective data, but that was one of those son of a gun moments. In case I have been too obtuse, my mom had no idea of Sheldon's characterization--she has never heard of Aspergers, and would have no earthly idea what she was suggesting.
No one takes me seriously when I speak. They skip me over and continue the conversation without me. Idk what I am doing wrong, but it has always made me feel so undervalued. When everyone in the room has silently agreed that I have nothing important to say...... that hurts.
Ah I have this within my inlaws...they are rude and mean on purpose and it feels aweful painful and deliberate when it happens...I just sit there fuming inside my body language is like ok I give up...I as a result have no respect for them and slight resentment...one day about 13 of them were around for Xmas...and mid way through me cooking the Xmas Dinner. I said to my self F' it...I dumped the turkey in the kitchen sink and abandoned the meal and went to my bedroom and watched tv..that day it felt great I got my power back and never bothered with them again. It took me 20 years to take control!!! Thankfully we have phones when I'm in a group of rude assholes... I just get my phone out and read the news or what ever I'm into at that moment. I'm sorry you are being treated this way .I hope you find your power and always keep your humour!
I always get people that cut me off and change the topic, or just walk away... Leaves me hanging and doesn't feel good. Like there is something wrong with me...
That is exactly my story! People include me in their circle just because of my wife. But so often when I speak they just tLk over me. So I sit in silence. I like mynown company, thankfully
i feel you so bad, i started to think maybe i don’t speak loud enough for them to hear.. hurts so much to the point i think it’s better not to say anything :(
Nah, I've had a pretty good idea for quite a while. Well, I always knew there was something wrong with me. Was diagnosed with ADHD/PI when I was 21 (almost 39 now)...I took the ASQ a while ago and scored 29/50. Wasn't surprised at all. Oh, also I'm a self-taught programmer. So, I mean...duh.
When I was working in a supermarket I noticed that every Monday people would say to each other "did you have a good weekend?" So I thought that would be a good thing to do. So I thought I would try it out. So the first person I said it to was a female manager. When I said "did you have a good weekend" she started shouting at me and saying that I never say that to her. I later learnt that she had a bit of a fling with another manager on the weekend. And I think people were gossiping about it.
Allowing yourself to be stupid is actually quite relaxing and easy to do. No more overthinking etc, acting spontaneously, being funny etc is really gratifying
Every single day, without fail, I silently (or sometimes vocally) wish with all my heart that I could just be dumb. I don't know how to be dumb. I want to, but don't know how to turn off my brain. If you've found a way to shut off this thing in my head, please tell me.
So true. Why am I unable to join in with the 'banter'? I have never found it entertaining but I have always wanted to join in cause its how the group is 'playing' together and you want to join in the game. Flirting and banter, those are impossible to me, yet I'm quite good at appearing confident and having like 5 mins of small talk.
Exactly right. It fools you into thinking that all the reasons you feel like an outcast is because of those two things as opposed to neuro-divergence. Reading your comment kind of clicked a lot of things into place, thank you.
Acting like an adult or being wise beyond your years can come from having a terminally ill parent or trauma.i have been told this all the time all though I am in a traumatic situation and my dad was terminally ill most of my life.
#1. I always used to joke about being abandoned on earth by the mother ship. #2. My mom thought I was lazy or stubborn, because I was good at some things and terrible at others. I got punished so much for this. 3. People say I overthink and obsess about the dumbest things. I'm 62, and I stay away from people whenever possible
I’ve always been afraid of people finding out I’m not so clever as I seem. At 57 I’m only just realising that it’s not right to be punished for being unable to do some things others find easy.
Yes I’m 51 and just started to realize how obvious it is that I must me on the spectrum. I would stem and my parents told me to stop every time so I mostly did except for twirling my hair. My mom would say things like “you are just trying to be different” when I would say things and I was not trying to be different, I was trying so hard to be normal and blend in so it just made me feel even more alienated.
The hardest social situation for me is when someone asks “what’s new with you?”. I repeat the same monotonous activities every single day so the correct answer is “nothing” but that just stops the conversation and makes me seem rude. So I find myself feeling pressure to make up things that I could have done like “I went out with friends on Saturday night” and stuff like that. Then I feel guilty for lying. It seems neurotypical people ask questions so you can entertain them with your answers, witch is a dynamic I’ve never understood. I ask questions because I want to know the answer, not for entertainment.
I invent things I have done all of the time but my face gives the lie away sometimes so now I say I spent the weekend "chilling". I do keep a list of fake things that I can say I did just in case it's needed...hahahaha.
Yeah… i just answer nothing but elaboration about same job, same town, etc. As i assume it’s this kind of big changes they want to know… but yeah it’s a sad response…
They want to know what the same monotonous behaviour is, the specifics of said nothing. At least for me, it not for entertainment, its information clarification. What you value as nothing is valued as an activity from someone else. Do you watch UA-cam Videos all day long: scroll thru your social media of choice or do you just stare blankly into space while your mind drifts away? I’m curious about your day to day. If it’s the same, say so. But I understand the difficulty behind that request. Just note: most people aren’t asking you to get entertainment points in their day, they’re just asking you because they wanna know. Everyone has their own way of thinking and processing information. Find ways that seem easiest to communicate said feelings and thoughts and confusions. Vibe
@@mild2616 This is great advice. A while ago my significant mentioned to me that they would like to hear more about what I do during the day (long distance relationship), and I genuinely went blank because the day to day tasks I complete just don't feel particularly important. I then realized that they *wanted* to hear about the unimportant things.
Umm depends on the text? If its a casual text with someone you trust it isn’t really normal, but if it’s an important text then yes, people usually take a long time
@@impmadness you’re seriously telling me it’s not normal to spend an almost unnecessary and immense amount of time deciding on how to and if you should respond to a text regardless of the importance?
@@PruppetMaster I mean it is unusual but don’t let it get the best of you, honestly that’s more of an anxiety thing than 100% an autism sign. Everyone has their own fears and anxieties
People think that I dislike people, what they can't see is that I dislike feeling alone around people. It's like they're the other side of glass 6 feet thick.
Thank you!!!!! I’m 70, I’m not crazy, there’s people like me, you are helping me tremendously , I’m ball my eyes out cause I’m so happy, I now know now, I’m autistic, so much amazing information, thank you !!!!!!
@Nick P I just learned that lesson at 50 yrs old, after being alienated even by my wife and adult children. Just imagine, even my own children reject me. What a crazy world...I'm done. It's just me, myself, and I from now on, thank you very much.
yep, this is what has happened to me, years of being exlcuded from things or not knowing how to interreact, led to me very antisocial outside close family, I don't have friends.
I'm 67 and recently retired. It's what I've been waiting for all my life. The relief is almost unbearable. No more having to fit in, no more taking a deep breath every single day before walking into work like I'm just about to jump into cold water, no more feeling like a small fish dropped into an aquarium full of big fish who are all already friends and know things I will never know. When I first watched this video a year ago I cried. I have never cried in my life, not since I was a baby. Thank you for providing a place I can go to begin to understand myself and how I've struggled my entire life.
Oh my god. I thought it was social anxiousness, but then you said that part about everybody else being familiar with eachother while I’m the odd one out. I dread going to work every day because of how I think people view me, and how I view myself moreover. This explains so much.
At 22 years old, I am questioning for the very first time if I might be autistic. It had never occurred to me until my older sister was diagnosed with ADHD and I started doing research on ADHD and ASD. But every single thing I read about the autistic experience fits me perfectly. Always feeling like an outsider or an alien, gaslighting about my experiences, being “the little anthropologist.” I have a masters degree and I was the top of my class in undergrad, where I ironically enough studied anthropology, and whenever I have brought up wanting a diagnosis to my parents, they question me endlessly and gaslight me about my symptoms. It’s incredibly validating to learn that what I thought was myself being wrong has a name and can help me understand myself better. Here’s to a potential diagnosis in the works.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, yet I’ve considered that I might be on the spectrum, I’m like halfway through this video as I write this and it’s kinda overwhelming to think…. I was at the lowest of my classes in high school but yet in smaller settings I could be a A student… I was once in high school but the setting was perfect after the other years of high school it was just too much commotion and I couldn’t focus… school was boring for me also but I study history of antiquity for side hobby and love science. My grandmother thinks I’m a genius because of my vast knowledge of the human anatomy, the things I know about ancient history and modern history. I don’t really have friends so I just utilize my time and energy learning things I deem valuable I have so many books it’s pathetic I still haven’t read them all but I have hundreds and hundreds of books everywhere…
Many people are missdiagnosed with ADHD I think when older as they have mastered masking so a professional can't see any symptoms. My sister's partner was diagnosed autistic as a child like me but recently a new Psychologists changed his diagnosis to ADHD yet his behaviour (past and present) and other relevent areas all matches autism not ADHD. I would doubt if they could diagnose me these days correctly.
social confusion hit HARD. i have logically broken down social interactions my entire life and wondered if other people did too, but was too scared to ask.
I've dont that my while life as well. I did make me very good at beeing likable because I've become very in tune to what other peoples needs are in all social situations.
My family always have called me 'different'. But I have always felt like I I don't feel like I I connect with people easily. It takes a long time to trust people, and to know how to act around them I guess. I find so many things more overwhelming than most people, so parties I have always felt like I'm an outsider. I just block my ears and want to leave because I feel so overwhelmed.
If its an emotional/need to discuss/confront a romantic partner i realized what helps me is write it down and have it near me if i dont use it directly when i need to talk to them. With deep emotions can get overwhelmed and become deer in headlights. Lol. I'm not sure i have autism but have epilepsy which i heard is a touch of autism and have complex ptsd.
Yes, I have so many stored responses and in the end non of them get used. Then in real life the amount of nonsense that come out from both me and the other person is so bazare. I have recorded conversations where people have said I have said something which I have not said. Or I have said something reactionary. Listening back is very eye opening.
OMGosh! Your description of social confusion describes how I've felt my entire life! It's just exhausting! I think that's why, despite sometimes feeling lonely, I often avoid social situations.
I have always been exactly the same throughout my entire life and still am despite a you say with times of loneliness. I have always Been a sociable person, but always found myself needing to be in the corner, or at the back of large gatherings or social events.
i chose to tell the truth, i find it's a better way, you don't have to remember what you said to who, and it generally makes for a better world if people just tell the truth.
It doesn’t even occur to me to lie. I have learned to just omit what I feel like others might be able to handle without confrontation. But to actually say something that is untrue...I can’t. Lol.
We didn’t have a smart nerdy group in school...that I was aware of. I ended up in the misfits group. I decided to give up on friends and spent my lunches alone. Another friend felt the same way. We both sat at computers writing stories so we didn’t have to look like loners (a step up from hiding in the toilet cubicles) so we became friends chatting side by side. Then another girl who looked lost latched on. Then she dragged in another lost girl. It was an odd group but we liked each other and enjoyed that we were quirky
@@francessadler6878 I found refuge in the smoker/druggie misfits even tho I did neither. They welcomed anyone. I didn't even fit in with them but they welcomed anyone as long they were respectful. It was all so painful and confusing. And when I had a friend they'd end up moving.
ah, ill bet you have an IQ of about 120-130. Right on the edge of Mensa; same here. Too smart to see the folly of "average stupidity" but not quite smart enough to run with the really smart kids. We are condemned: either "play dumb" to fit in with the first group, OR struggle and drag down the smarties; either way it feels disingenuous, or play alone.... and end up analysis board game strategy or simplex methods or other logistical problems, just for, well, i would say fun, but its more "something to do".
I've always considered my true friends to be "low effort" people. Meaning it doesnt take a lot of effort to be around them. Now I get that it means I don't have to mask
I always tell my best friend that they are my best friend because they're so low maintenance I feel comfy around them (I, in turn, try to be low maintenance too)
Yes, I have a friend who guilt trips me every time she hasn't seen me for 2 or 3 weeks and then spends most of the phone call humble bragging. She's a nice person but I find it exhausting - especially when I have to pretend I'm bothered about not seeing her for 3 weeks or interested in her stories. I like the friends you can sit in silence with and don't feel pressured.
@@JanetMacCallum I had two friends like that, one was intriguing at first (I am a very curious person) and the other was the kind of person you could sit in silence and feel okay, both were intelligent and it was great to have my first friends. Then they took me for their personal advisor or shrink, and it became SO EXHAUSTING to listen to them and never being supported back in the way I needed. I gradually stopped answering the phone, sadly.
@@Crouteceleste Yes, I sometimes avoid answering the phone and then feel guilty because I know it must upset her - unless it's a purely ego-driven call. She is a high achiever but will downplay her likely imminent achievements..not because she's modest but because she fishes for compliments ha ha. She knows she will likely achieve whatever she has her mind set on and enjoys the adulation from other people. Personally, I couldn't give a rats whether people think I'm amazing or not - as long as they are kind!
I find my best friends are the ones who can pick up the phone and carry on from the last conversation you had without recriminations that it was 9months ago. :)
I got diagnosed last Tuesday. I'm extremely overwhelmed. My diagnosis feels like a blessing and a curse. I'm really enjoying your videos though. Make me feel not so alone. Thank you for doing what you do 🖤
Take it as a blessing. Now you know you were not "crazy", you are part of a very misunderstood group of people. I'm hoping my test is positive. It would validate all my experiences in my childhood and teens. We are all here for you!
The part about being aware of your walking speed and distance from people resonates with me the most. Every time I walk by people too close or too slow, I think that people will think I am being creepy.
@@Killer_Turnip I guess, a pseudo-militaristic marching movement? Just watch George Clooney explaining it in Catch-22 tv-series, seems to fit well. Offered me an anachronistic recognition.
When I was a child I felt like all the kids around me know some secret rules to playing and being friends, but I didn't know them. So it was like I don't know the right pasword to enter the game. Now that I think about it, that is why I mimic people. It's easier.
Well the super-secret password was that when they ask you do you "want to play?" you reply "Yes!" and do not try to bite off their noses or hitting their faces with a rock.
@@deltaxcd Good heavens, so that's what I've been doing wrong all this time! Thank you for your wise and compassionate response, my collection of rocks will be going into the bin first thing tomorrow.
Wow! I can totally relate to this! I always felt that all the children around me were given instructions on how to behave, instructions that I was denied, for some reason. Either that, or it's like they were all speaking telepathically, and I couldn't follow along.
@@deltaxcd But most of us were NOT invited, despite our wanting to be. Kids weren't usually 'invited' to play. They just *naturally* came together and socialized. One of my earliest memories was in the first grade. Before class started, the other kids would talk and laugh together, and then friendships formed between them. I was always wondering how they knew what to do, how to interact and what to say to each other.
Even as a kid, I thought other kids were idiots for not understanding how the world works for example. Always felt like I was viewing myself as if I was being filmed and I was behind the camera or a mirror following me.
I always feel like I'm in a movie or TV show, being filmed all the time, and I have to act the way I would expect to see others behave in a show or movie
When I was a kid I felt like I was in a tv show and had to act like if I was being filmed and that in any minute the scene would change to another character so I stayed still for some seconds waiting, which obviously never happened Thought it was normal?
That is exactly what I always thought: other kids are so stupid not to know basic stuff (what I thought was basic)... it wasn't an ego thing for me, I was perplexed and frustrated to be thrown into a room full of children I thought were just particularly stupid... turns out maybe I was the stupid one 🤣
@@princezzpuffypants6287 I thought people were stupid and I still think they are. They do not think. They do not use their intellect. At some point I thought I was a Vulcan. And many people are not like Captain Kirk. People get into trouble for their lack of logic.
I believe the feeling that can best describe my pov is “How can everyone do it? What’s their secret?” and by “it” I mean literally and objectively LIFE. How do people live? Just how? They’re just out there doing this thing and they make it look so natural and spontaneous, THERES GOTTA BE SOMETHING ELSE people just can’t function like that DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY FUNCTION? ON COMMAND? like H O W yup. No fun
For me I tend to chalk it up to the fact that Im paying way to much attention on how I should act, and just act instead. Accepting that you might be weird and stand out, but as long as whatever youre doing isnt morally wrong, who cares, yknow?
I'm 83 years old, and I realized I was on the spectrum just around 2.4 years ago. I was born before the diagnosis even existed, but ever since my earliest childhood I've felt strongly disconnected from the society at large. It never bothered me greatly, but the diagnosis brought me a deep sense of clarity. When I was young and people posed such mundane questions as “What's going on?“ or “Do you need anything else?“ unassumingly, I always felt the correct responses should be thorough and thoughtful recounts of my situation and/or needs. Through trial and error, I learned the proper answers were more akin to “Not much. You?“ or “No, thank you.“, and I was able to assimilate into society through various similar trials. I was able to find interesting work as a floral biologist, marry the most beautiful woman I ever knew -- God rest her soul -- and to live a fulfilling life. Some things I never quite mastered, though. Eye contact was always a particularly tricky skill for me. There's a very specific amount of contact you need to maintain, and anything more or less than the optimum is a noticeable aberration to the neurotypical observer. I consider myself quite apt at socializing through text and via phone, but in person, I still struggle to maintain a façade of normalcy. I don't stress myself with it, though, because I am content with who I am.
I still think that 'vaccines' are responsible for our autism. Vaccines do not react the same way in everyone. I had 2 brothers and sisters who were highly intelligent. I didn't react the same way. Instead, I have a lot of common sense albeit it takes me longer to learn. It has always been numbers with me - I can remember long sets of numbers for many years. My boss declared to me one day that I must be autistic because no one can remember numbers like that. God bless you.
I have a 5 year old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD. After realizing my daughter is on the spectrum and doing a lot of research on ASD, it really made me realize that she inherited this from me. Now I am flashing back to my childhood and everything makes sense now! I experienced all things mentioned in this video, and it is a very profound moment in my life (I am now 37 yr old). High school was hell for me, but I was a late bloomer and started getting comfortable in my skin in college. Now, I am now happily married with children and a pretty successful software engineer, but I can't help to wonder what my life would look like if I was diagnosed as a child.
It's how I got my diagnosis too. My son was diagnosed with ASD at 12. I started researching it hyper fixation style, and I realized that he got it from me. I got diagnosed at 47 lol. Kind of funny too because our family called it before I did. They would tell me my son has my personality that we acted and reacted a lot alike. Taking care of him turned into taking care of myself too. The diagnosis has been the most freeing thing in my life, my son is 22 now and he says the same thing.
Same! I also wonder what my life could have looked like had I been diagnosed as a kid, but my parents didn’t pay much attention to me as a kid. Besides, I’m pretty sure I inherited my ADHD from my dad and I suspect my mum could be on the spectrum as well - she’s a bit socially awkward and anxious on main - so if they have ADHD and possibly ASD themselves, how could I expect them to see something wrong with me? To them I’m just normal, but they have a skewed view of “normal” because they are clueless about their own problems. I’m a software engineer myself, but it’s just my job title - I don’t actually have an engineering degree. I have a BA and two MAs but the only technical training I have is a bootcamp and several online courses. I switched careers recently so I don’t have a lot of training or experience. I got fired from my previous job and I just started a new one in a decent company, but I’m scared I’ll get fired again because I still suck at my job and I really wanna keep this job. Everyone gets better with time but I don’t make much progress because I struggle with abstract thinking. I also have trouble learning something if I don’t understand all of its parts. I won’t learn something if I don’t understand 1% of it. When I told the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with ADHD about my struggle with abstract thinking, he told me it is an ASD trait. So between my ASD-induced lack of abstract thinking, and my ADHD-induced faulty working memory, I’m having a very hard time becoming a good developer. Did you struggle with abstract thinking as well? If so, do you have any tips? I feel so alone and hopeless. I really wanna be good at my job but I wonder if it’s gonna happen for me. I had a really bad experience in my previous job and I don’t want a repeat.
@@Sylphadorahey thanks for sharing. I definitely relate to struggling with abstract thinking and the thing about not wanting to learn something if I don’t understand 1% of it. I struggled with this earlier in my career and I have been laid off a few times. My best advice would be, know that you’re not as bad as you’re telling yourself you are! Speaking for me personally, having confidence that I bring value to my team is important. The more you practice things that make you uncomfortable, the more you may realize you’re not as bad as you thought and sometimes better than your colleagues. The fact that you’re thorough can be a great asset. We may have ASD but I’ve learned that because of my ASD, I have a unique perspective and able to catch problems/solutions that neurotypical people are not able to see. Because of this, people like to work with me (at least I’m told this haha). Also it sounds like you’re doing well for yourself, you should be proud of your accomplishments. Good luck on your new job, you will get it, give it some time.
Pretty sure this is me too. My oldest (10) is getting formally evaluated in September, but we can already tell you he's on the spectrum. I (36) was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago but that didn't explain a lot of my idiosyncrasies. While I was researching ASD I started thinking, "I do a lot of this stuff; I feel like I could also have ASD, but some of my behavior just doesn't quite fit". Then I watched Yo Samdy Sam's video on how ADHD masks autism and just sat slack-jawed thinking, "Oh my God. There it is". I'm considering getting evaluated myself just for the closure of the whole thing.
I didnt know "masking" was a thing. I assumed everyone learned how to Act Normal... Like... walk normal... look at nose, then ear, then eye, smile. Nod. Pay attention. Dont stare too long. And utter a prepared phrase.
I’ll think of things to talk about with people I have to walk with from class to class because I never know what to ask or how to carry on a conversation 😂👌👌
The "utter a prepared phrase" one really hit home with me. I resisted doing that for so long because I hate inauthenticity. To me it's just simply dishonesty, and I am not a liar. But after crying and becoming depressed, hating myself, and ruminating for days each time some lowlife receptionist or customer service rep was rude and argumentative with me on the phone, I realized that I need to "feed" these closet trolls "crumbs" to signal to them somehow that I am of the human race otherwise I get surly bullshit like "Well I don't know what to tell you. Nobody else seems to have this problem that you claim to be experiencing" or "Ma'am, ma'am, MA'AM! I'm gonna have to ask that you not interrupt me while I'm speaking." For some reason, you can't just call straightaway and tell them why you're calling/ who you want to talk to and expect that they do their jobs. So I have to massage my way in with the "stupid crumbs": "Oh, boy, it's hot outside today, right?" "How are YOU doing today?" "Thank God it's Friday, right?" "You have a lovely speaking voice." Ugh! I feel like a cheap hooker every time, but it works. It feels like we live in a society where lies are currency. But yeah, I guess I practice masking. It's better than being treated like a monster everywhere I go.
i have over analysed my self for a long time even had my self believing that i had a load of mental health. its not until now after reading these messages that i know im on the spectrum
I clearly remember analyzing a situation in high school when I had an unexpected free period and considered going to the cafe where my friends normally ate lunch - but I had to consider the possibility that there might not be enough room at the booth, in which case I had 2 options: sit at another booth and try to hang out with them at a distance (odds of success: slim to nil), or act like I was just popping by and didnt actually plan to sit (same odds). I was rather proud of myself for playing it all out in my head and saving myself from the embarrassment. 🤦♂️😅🤦♂️
@Daniela Sutherna never expected to find this type of bot. If anyone is unsure, if you get herpes, you have it for life (not in the sense it kills you, it just pops up every so often).
When I take my dog for a walk and there are other people it becomes a major problem for me. If I am behind another person and I walk a little faster than the person I literally become extremely nervous and annoyed because I know that I have to either pass them at one point or go slower than I actually want to. The thought of passing them makes me so uncomfortable that I get really angry with the other person for just being there, although the person has clearly not done anything wrong. When I spot other people coming towards me from the opposite direction, I get nervous as soon as I spot them. I become unsure about how to move appropriately, where to look, where my dog is going and I think of countless things that could go wrong passing the other person. Thats why I started to go out in the middle of the night, where I can finally experience true inner peace. Everybody is asleep and its just me with my dog floating along the streets.
I used to blame my parents because I thought that everyone must’ve been taught basic social cues by their parents but in reality it’s just something most people involuntarily understand and for some reason I don’t
Oh same, my parents had a messy divorce and it was always seen that somehow only I was really affected by it. I have believed that all my life because I never considered an alternative- that I might be neurodivergent.
That issue about how to walk properly with your classmates hit my soul ; I remember walking with ( or attempting to properly ) a close high school friend from one class to the next, and I had decided to walk directly behind him. It just seemed the most rational method of traversing through the stampede and to avoid oncoming traffic. I was passively called out for it ( "You know you don't *have* to walk behind me"). After careful observation of others' behavior, I determined the socially proper way to walk with a friend was still slightly behind them but at one side ; the person leading should have the better social skills.
Does anyone else cringe at conversations or interactions that are only in their head and never happened? Like visibly cringing because you just cant bare the thought of something that awkward happening, and then people call me out for it and are like "Why did you just flinch?" And I dont know how to explain it to them-
Omg yes!! I also get embarrasing flashbacks of things I didn't say in that situation 10 years ago but I could have said. Like accidentally making vasectomy-joke when meeting boyfriends parents first time. Ooooh god Brains whyyyyyyy
like I just saw this video randomly and clicked it, I've imagined it before, didn't at all expect to entertain the idea at all, but a couple things got in my head and made me interested in the comments, then I saw this comment like right away and it made my eye go like fully open like a cartoon character for like 5 seconds because of how much I never imagined in my wildest dreams someone else would do that. I've been trying to deal with something that I can only come up with saying "I think I have like really bad social anxiety.. or something?" to the first person I've tried to explain it to out loud.
Omg me in my bed at 1 AM reminiscing about the one time I did that one thing 15 years ago and groaning loudly in my pillow enough to wake my boyfriend. "What's wrong honey?" "Nothing. Just a leg cramp. Go back to sleep" I mean I can't possibly expect him to understand about how I should have worn something else on that field trip to the museum in primary school. I hated yellow ochre anyway, why the hell did I wear this thing? Ah yes, I had a crush on a guy whose favourite colour was yellow. But then he told me I looked like a corn dog. Was he making fun of me? Did he like corn dogs? Would my life be different If I wore something purple instead? A corn dog? Really? Ugh. I can't.
I'm so tired by socialising but I also enjoy it sometimes. I dunno if it's introversion or autism but I really need short doses of people and then breaks away.
@@siobhanvidaashmole9009 I've been described as an 'extrovert introvert', very similar to you - I can be the life and soul of a party but need 36 hours to recover afterwards. It litereally feels like an aspergers burnout afterwards, emotionally and physically exhausting but I enjoy it at the time.
That might be a protection mechanism: trying to find the "right" answer that will stop the criticism or fear of being flogged verbally (or physically) if you don't answer "correctly". But then it seems no matter what you answer your tormentor will still tell you you're wrong.
I strongly relate to the feeling of the unmasking when i'm alone. If there's a single observer in my environment, i am more tense than I would be when alone. Knowing they're watching me / hearing me means i'm expected to perform in some way. I can't just "be myself" because they'll comment on something I do if they think it's weird or odd. Basically i've trained myself to be like a perfect performing soldier at all times to avoid criticism; though I'd still receive criticism over trivial things like "why are you so quiet" or "why are you breathing so hard" or "are you okay? You sure?". And it just bugs the crap out of me cuz no matter how hard i try people can't seem to be okay with me. There's always something to pick at and diagnose or criticize. That's why I live alone. I can have my own space, my own domecile, my own little kingdom where no one controls what i do, what i say, or how i say it. It's refreshing. But sometimes I wonder where this is all leading to.
At the age of 41 I don't care anymore. I just be me. People do or don't accept me. As simple as that. Most people are OK with me. Except for narcissists, I make them feel even more uncomfortable then they already are. That's the fun side, I enjoy the most.
@J when I talk about random, insignificant crap: it's exhausting because it takes waaaay too much thought and I'm usually treated with silence and looks of confusion. I can't do small talk. I can maybe do a few short lines (what I now know to be scripting), but after that it's just unbearable. I CAN'T shut off my brain.
@@JeimiJamie "How's the weather?", "How was the test?", "How have you been?", "How was your day?", "What are you doing?", "What have you been doing?" (only when you haven't seen the person in a while), "What's that you're eating?", "How's your family?", and the desperate, last resort, "What do you like?". Those are some I use with almost anyone. I like those because they aren't completely insignificant, since those questions have a chance of sparking a theme the person is interested in, so _they_ can carry the conversation instead of me. I feel like some kind of evil mastermind when I can pull it off, hahah. It's funny. Still awkward when I run out of those questions and the person doesn't say anything. Then I just stand there trying to make the person feel awkward too and say something. A true battle of endurance to awkwardness.
@@JeimiJamie nevertheless what he said is true... mostly. You just stop thinking apart from the situation. I mean i do think if things are going wrong, but otherwise I can switch off that self-consciousness. I'm an introvert, and started off with bad social skills, so I have some similar difficulties. I find the psyche and people very interesting though, so i switch into that. I can talk with people all day long for that reason.
@@jinclay4354 haha. That's just human interaction in a nutshell. There is a bit of a struggle with some people. Other people also have weaknesses in their social skills, so really if they can't go somewhere with a question you offer then it's kinda on them. You know the ultimate mastermind trick is to pick up on something interesting that they said and ask them about that, and then pick up on something interesting they say on that and ask, and on and on, if it's interesting to you it can become quite a buzz.
OMG THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL I have never seen autism being described in this way in my whole life! I have felt different from everyone for my entire life, that I am strange, weird and cringe, I always struggled to connect and interact with people in a way that I developed an extreme social anxiety and I have always felt that people never believe me when I am talking, like I had no value or that I am not a person that makes sense or something like that, idk but that is REALLY frustrating And at the same time that I feel that I must be autistic, I feel guilt to think about it beacuse I don’t “act” like that steriotypical autistic person with repetitive behaviors and everything and I don’t want to be “lying” :(
You're just like me. I always belittled myself...I did not feel like a person whose experiences were human-like to be deemed a person...idk how to explain. My whole life I felt insignificant from everyone else and felt like everyone else was better than me in a way. Doesnt help that I am the oldest daughter who always gets chewed out because I dont meet the expectations of that. My little brother, 3 years younger than me, (Im 16 and hes 13) has the stereotypical, clinically researched autism. He hums, giggles for no reason, and screams/gets violent when he's overstimulated. All my life i was just seen as quirky and because of my brother I was overlooked and also my parents demonized the hell out of autism, which brought me to have a big misunderstanding about it as well, leaving me to not fully grasp the fact that it is a spectrum. I always wondered how people made friends so suddenly and could be so close to people 🥲 It took me 2 years to be close to these friends I have right now in highschool, at first I just saw them as people who didn't mind being around me but I couldnt be myself around. I act like a different person with different people I talk to, whether it be texting or irl. I accomodate to a lot of people, and Ive been doing it my whole life. I remember being a church and hearing these people talk and thinking "I wish I could talk normal like that" whatever that meant???😭
Wow Didi I really relate to that... I've never felt like there's a place for me in this world and I've always been seen as quirky and I feel as if I've created a character that's a performer bit it makes me feel so alone because my "self" is so much more ordinary than what I put a front of... I haven't found my passions yet but I hyperfixate into many different things (art/music/researching sociology/psychology/history sporatically) but I've never been able to fully commit to anything aside from my ojibwe culture. I feel like an imposter because I know I'm different but I'm not quite like other autistic people even though I can very much relate to others who are autistic and understand and appreciate them so much... I'm still on the fence if I am or not
@@Didi...... OMG YES!!! I FEEL YOU! I am also the oldest daughter, the “older sister” and I don’t even fit this, I do not feel or act like and older sister And my sisters are 11 and 18 years younger then me… I always felt like an “error” or a “failure”, and I was never able to trully connect with someone…
I was working with Yale university on a particular problem they had. They asked me about autism and I was like I know nothing about it. They said everyone there knew I was autistic except for me. I went through a variety of rigorous tests and sure enough what they all apparently knew was true. I was 50 years old at the time. Since that diagnosis. My life is so much better. I learned how to deal with certain things that had plagued me my entire life. They use to call it Apsergers now they just say on the spectrum. Whatever the term, it sure made my life better. Videos like this channel has helped my family immensely.
ya we were told by a date of ours around age 30 he worked as a teacher with special needs kids didn’t mean it negatively at all like we have #ADHD and are very sympathetic we we could tell there was no ill intent or insecurity also a coworker of ours tried to indirectly tell us one day cause her grandson is autistic but we didn’t get that till years later it’s hard for us to pick up in implied messages at all #autism #audhd #ottawa #toronto
I function reasonably well, but at the end of the day i feel drained and just want to be by myself to relax. Even having a conversation feels hard work. Also, if im in a room with people whether i know them or not, for example at Work , there always seems to be this feeling over me of discomfort and anxiety?? But if im alone in that room, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest....
Same! It’s actually exhausting sometimes I just want to be able to hang out with people and not overthink every single interaction with them... but that’s almost impossible so being alone is just easier :/
ditto!! I agree with everything you said. I live alone and I prefer it. However, I'm not a total introvert either... I often crave human interaction; I need the approval of my family and my close friends. Sometimes I really enjoy going out to be around strangers. At times it just feels good to be seen and to be around the company of others. But when I'm with people aaallll day - or even most of the day - I feel anxious, annoyed and just overall uncomfortable. Like you said, at the end of the day it is so satisfying to just be alone and totally unwind; I feel at peace, but after too long I will get lonely. Can anybody else relate?
this. I’m a MD, and after spending the whole day treating people at work I must come home and cloister myself until the next day. Need my me time. People are draining. Mostly I only like to have family around, maybe because all of us have a somewhat small degree of functioning autism afterall.
The part where you said people can't believe you struggle with 'normal' tasks and think you are lying or making it up was a real light bulb moment for me. It's nice to finally find that other people like me actually exist. Thank you.
Bosses and supervisors have always seen me as slow and wanted me to finish my work faster. To me it seemed like I was already rushing and being sloppy, but they wanted it done now. Am I slow or are they impatient?
I get scoffed at work when I need clarification on "obvious" topics. Or have a legitimate concern that most would take lightly or jokingly. Or when I receive comments and sarcasm in a literal sense. Or when I'm given instructions and follow them verbatim, especially if they are via text because then I pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to give me clues about the context of the message. So when someone tells me to do a task and I do it EXACTLY as I was instructed, and then say that they should have been more specific they think I'm acting out of spite or rebellion when I'm only being "normal" and operating like I always do. Some people don't see the patterns, they only see the problems.
I'm almost crying. I've always known I might be autistic, especially since one of my brothers is as well, but this really puts it into perspective for me and is driving it home. Just wanting to be myself and not have to try so hard to pretend to fit in, it's been such a struggle. I'm almost 34, and I need to start pursuing this and separate what I do to mask from who I actually am, because I've been influenced even by those I consider friends
The "other planet" syndrome hit me so hard. I've been explaining my experience to people in those exact terms "it's like I'm from another planet" without even knowing this was a thing. When I "came out" to a long time friend about being autistic and told them about feeling like an alien she said, "you never seemed that different," and I responded, "that's because I've been observing your species for a very long time." We both got a good laugh out of that. I'm so blessed to have friends who accept me. To my fellow autistic brothers and sisters, those good people DO exist.
Yes, sometimes I feel like Capt. Kirk when he beamed aboard the Enterprise, and realized it was not his ship, not his crew, and not his Universe. Watch the episode "Mirror Mirror," that is how I feel sometimes navigating my way through life.
I'm currently trying to get an evaluation so I'm not diagnosed yet, but I relate SO deeply to all of the autistic people I've spoken with online. This is a big one! I was OBSESSED with aliens as a kid, and told everyone that I was one. I watched every single TV show and movie about aliens and UFOs, read tons of books, and had a whole creepy notebook full of drawings of aliens. I used to sleep walk a lot as a kid, and when I woke up in the yard I believed it was because my alien brethren picked me up in the night for a visit to see how I was doing and check my vitals. I thought I had a tracking chip implanted in my hand so they knew where I was, and that the chip allowed me to change radio and TV stations by waving my hand over it. Lol!
I remember telling my dad that I "knew" I was adopted. He went along with it and made up a story on the spot about how I was left on the doorstep by a race of aliens who looked like purple cats. I then went to my mum on the other side of the house and told her I knew I was adopted. She went along with it and made up a story on the spot about how I was left on the doorstep by a race of aliens who looked like purple cats. Their stories were identical, despite them being well out of earshot of each other. I still wonder sometimes if they were telling the truth.
I’m 34 years old and for most of my life I’ve always felt like an “outsider.” I had friends, and I could move between the groups/cliques in school, but I never truly felt connected to anyone. In fact, I still have this problem. Much of my life has been spent over analyzing every situation, dreaming up all possibilities, and losing my place in the conversations that were actually taking place. I always wondered how people made friends, and formed groups, and even now it seems like everyone I know is in at least one group chat except for me. Never finding my place, and feeling like some imposter when I do finally find myself fitting in a little too well, even though it’s not really all that well at all. The scripting is real. The disbelief is real. The other planet syndrome reference is way too real at this point. I’d say 90% of this video resonated with me. And now I don’t know how to feel.
i discovered a year ago (i’m 32) and i felt relief. all those years spending in tears, searching for the answer “why they don’t except me, why i don’t have friends” - they are gone. now i know: those who doesn’t like me just feels that i’m different and can’t resist this xenophobic feeling. and now i have friends, my beloved autistic and hdhd friends, who understand me. and neurotipical friend (only one) too! that’s how i felt and am feeling right now 🗿
You should feel like, this is me and I'm going to be me ! Be happy with who you are. Some people won't get you - it's their loss. But some will begin to understand, and they're your friends. It's not easy - I'm still working on it. But trying to fit in ? - we don't.
These are the only types of forums that I feel I can relate to all of you here… There’s a paradox for autism groups because I can never find my way into them or the activities that they are supposed to have. It’s so weird… It’s like the phrase autism group is an oxymoron for me… Because socially I could never figure out how to get in! I’m no good with technology and I am legally blind, so I feel extra isolated: (
@Catherine Ives I thought that was introvert vs extrovert difference. Has nothing to do with ability, enjoyment, or understanding like is so oft used as stereotypes the awkward introvert that hates socializing because x,y,z because they dont get it, but rather, the introvert recharges alone and expends energy socializing, while the extrovert finds alone time exhausting and difficult and socializing recharges and invigorates them. But who knows, its such a rabbit hole when gas lighting gets throw into the mix, and masking, not to mention how humans love tribalism and the "us vs them" that people feel can get out of control, and you see what you look for and so desperately wanting there to be a "thing" to explain a deficiency in our lives is so appealing, BUT.... by no means does any of that mean its not real! Good thing I learned to love chasing my tail, used to make myself sick going over it all in my head.
Im 37 and someone recently suggested that I do an aspie test. I've came up with a score of 145 of 200 for neurodivergent, and 61 of 200 for neurotypical. Looking back at my childhood, it's crazy no one ever looked into this. I was a very picky eater as a child and would rather starve than eat anythibg other than certain foods. I always take my socks off as I hate the feeling of them. I've been known to cut tags off. I get easily frustrated at the most mundane things and have mini meltdowns. I've never been one for social cues, I really struggle to make friends at all. I have no friends other than one acquaintance who checks in a couple times a year. I fixate on things A LOT - could be a song, a celebrity, a subject, an anime, a TV show or even a colour. Going tk make an appointment with my Dr to see if the test I took wasn't just me being a hypochondriac
That's because Aspergers really wasn't a thing that was recognized and diagnosed in the 80s and early 90s. It didn't get added to the DSM as a diagnosis until 1994. It took a while after that for doctors to become familiar with it.
Brilliant! That is exactly how I feel also. Let's be honest if the Earth was only inhabited by us it would still be the beautiful, complex, magical biosphere it had the potential to be before neurotypicals and the 'lizards' started exploiting and devastating it. Also society would be very well organised and fair but without the cities and shopping malls! Bliss. Enjoy!
I'm 73. I just realized, within the past week, that I am on the spectrum. It explains EVERYTHING about me. I don't know whether to be relieved or upset that none of my many therapists even entertained the notion. I wish I had known sooner.
Wow, you made it all the way to 73 without hitting the usual roadblocks that Autistic people suffer from which makes them get diagnosed much sooner? It could just be that the diagnosis was not popular at the time you started therapy or continued through it for people at the age you were at the time you attended therapy. So what exactly are your symptoms? I always used to think autism, while having a wide range of symptoms across the spectrum, was a neurological issue that had to do with motor functioning difficulties, difficulties processing information, severe reactions to too much sensory input, all due to it being a neurological problem, some kind of issue with the neurology, which often shows symptoms in slightly unusual facial motions, odd speech patterns and cadence, sound / tone and volume control issues, strange seeming physical posture, not understanding or being oblivious to social cues or the facial reactions or tones expressing unspoken sort of sentiment and information from others and having difficulty performing such tones themselves, let alone understanding them or hearing them (it has to do with vocal motor skills as well). Often people with autism also don't understand social boundaries, where to stop, when to stop talking or what is inappropriate to say, it is not that they understand and do it anyway, they simply had no idea and blurt out all that they want to or feel like in the moment without the normal inhibitions or issues. In popular culture, a lot of focus has gone into symptoms which sound to me to be different from what clinicians should be focused on, and it has become really popular for people to diagnose themselves or insist upon a diagnosis of autism, which now seems to include a lot of people who don't seem to have any neurological issues or the same symptoms as what I think the problem should have been consistently connected to. Motor issues, such as "clumsiness" in movement, in actions, difficulty dealing with intricate motor tasks. Somehow, a lot of these people calling themselves Autistic are also calling themselves "High Functioning" and basically seem to defy any sort of historic symptoms for Autism, it almost sounds like they just want to be called something for what kinds of spaces and conversations it allows them to be part of, but can you imagine how strange and rude it might be that there could be people who don't actually have any real symptoms who then are "showing off" in front of people who have serious neurological issues and disabilities? Certainly, anyone who would do that is crazy and sick in their own way, most likely with some kind of a psychological personality disorder. The problem is, many clinicians now seem more than happy to diagnose practically anyone who wants to be called this or that, as having this or that, and this I think has been responsible for some of the humungous boom in people all "coming out" as Autistic, increasingly so, for the last 2 decades or so.
Most therapists still don't know that autism without intellectual, motor or speech impairment. General psychologists are trained 2 deal with normal healthy people. Clinical psychologists are just beginning to catch on. I'm so grateful for Paul and this video and the 25 questions one changed my life! Let's have a good cry, a scream and then celebrate!!
I always felt everyone else “got the handbook” on how social things work and I didn’t. I still feel panicky when thrust into unfamiliar situations where I don’t know what is expected of me or how things will go. Laughed at alien part! I’ve always thought that!! Thanks for your insight!
@@benmcallister3719 This is literally, word for word, how I describe it. I call it "the box", and it really does feel like I've watched the whole world just stroll right past me for my whole entire life
What a relief! I thought I was the only one to have that 'wrong planet' feeling. I took it to the point where I told a group of high school friends I was stranded here and just waiting for a ship to come and take me home. I was so 'different' they half believed me. I smile about it now, but life was so painful as a teen. Diagnosis finally came at sixty. And most days I still feel like an alien.
I cannot find a way to speak that doesn't start with small talk like how do you go up to someone and just have a meaningful conversation or just something that's not merely "oh hey the weather is decent what's your thoughts about the current temperature and cloud formations?" I wanna talk about... idk, other things.
I don't small talk, it's either big or I don't talk. People always say they learn something from me, rather then converse. Only because they're my special interests.
Oh I hate it too, it's one reason I hate online dating apps, it's somehow expected of you, but it's just pointless. The moment that I start to hate small talk is "how are you" the social response that is expected is no less than "I'm doing good" even if you have a plan for serious things...
Being awkward in social situations, sometimes avoiding eye contact, feeling like alien, having monotone voice, feeling like I'm constantly on guard with people - this made me feel like I'm on spectrum but it's so mild that it's hard to self-diagnose. Either I got good at masking myself or it's some other issue.
Yeah it's hard because a lot of stuff overlaps with other factors. Like I have anxiety and there are similar traits. I also was emotionally neglected growing up so that could attribute to some delayed progress in learning social cues and forming relationships. It's common for people to not have learned skills due to not being taught by parents. It's just a lot and I'm still trying to figure my shit out. I've tried to self-diagnose to my psychiatrist but she said she didnt notice anything aside from generalized anxiety and social anxiety.
I’m a veterinary nurse, got my diagnosis as an adult a few years ago. It all makes sense, animals are very direct in their communication, I know I’m able to read them without any confusion. Wish they didn’t come with an owner though. I completed uni without any issues, but I still get anxious riding a new bus on my own.
I love being around animals. They just behave naturally, without as many slightly artificial social conventions. Totally get your other comment - I have three university degrees but get anxious about catching a new train. Self-soothing and fake confidence is my main coping behaviours
Yeah, I never understood how people can find animals confusing. I work with animals and I find that they actually make perfect sense 100% of the time...while humans overall do not seem logical to me at all.
I have parrots and even the surrender I adopted from say whatever you are doing keep doing it. Because they are excelling so quickly. I can just read them.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Being dismissed out of hand, being cut off in mid-sentence and people turning away leaving you talking to yourself are pretty good indicators that at least something is not right.
Oh really.....other people experience these things too? I thought they were unique to me! I've gone through life wondering why the whole world was so rude to me! What did I do to deserve being treated like that? Who else gets that treatment?
I have this really distinct memory of telling one of my friends (we were about 5-6) that I forgot what my personality was because I had been copying everyone else my age
Yep. Been there, minus the friends part. I was never able to be myself due to the embedded general conformism in modern society, which works like an amplifier to autistic difficulties, to understand social behaviours and just being yourself. You burn out, before you become like _them_ , and by that time, you are nobody, because you have lost yourself in the process of trying to achieve the impossible. We can't be who we are, even if we knew who we are, in a world that favours -confirmity- *conformity* above all else.
SAME HERE, i remember very vividly being confronted by 4-5 people in middle school saying i should get myself a personality because it's really embarrassing and awkward that i take a small part of everyone's personality and assemble it altogether to make it my own and it only results in me being unnatural and cringey. so i just stopped talking to people and spent all my time at school sitting near the toilets or hiding in the school library when it was open
It's really hard to tell if you feel normal, since you have only ever experienced your point of view. But yet you still have this feeling of you being different from everyone else.
as a kid i was the bad kid but that was my way of fitting in so no one liked me or got on with me because of that and not the fact that i was different so i then went on with this as a teen and then took drugs to cope its not now that im free from all that and being the real geek me. that my traits are there so strong. iam really hyper vigilant of them. wen i found this video it was breath taking to finally find out wat was rong with me all these years as i was obsessed with mental health and psychology always reading my self i was so confused and still am i little but iam 100% certain iam on the spectrum my mum had an idea wen i was a kid but thay would not listn to her i do have other mental health as well well that's wat i think time will tell as i dont no wats autism and wats not so still researching
For me, the others are different not me (kind of actually, I know I'm the different one) lol I grew up being called mature for my age and I really thought every other kid was foolish and too childish. Now I'm called too childish for my age and I still think people are foolish but now boring.
You know your different when you're a kid cause you're always left out don't understand why they think things are funny and don't know or care what superhero has what special power and would rather know practical knowledge or learn about history. I would rather just be normal and fit in.
I have been a psychiatric nurse for just short of 25 years. I am now just figuring out that I am likely on the spectrum. These videos really resonated with me. One thing that really explained a lot was how much I identify with other people on the spectrum. I cared for a profoundly autistic gentleman as a patient about 10 years ago. He was entirely nonverbal, extremely violent, and impulsive. He would punch, bite, kick, charge, and headbutt people without any warning. Normally, people who are that violent need to be sedated and restrained but that was completely out of the question given his diagnosis. I was assigned to be with him 1:1. My 'knowing how to be present with him' in a way that gave him a sense of calm and security was nearly instantaneous. My manager asked me how much experience I had caring for profoundly autistic persons of his acuity. I replied, "About 3 hours so far." My favorite part was when he sat down in the middle of the hallway on the locked unit, and I plopped down cross-legged about a foot away, facing 30 degrees away from him. He immediately scooted over the tile and entangled his arms and legs with me like we shared the same crib as children. I developed a ten-point care plan for other staff titled, "How ways to 'be present' with Bill (not his real name)." For those who are not nurses, care plans are usually geared toward the patient, not toward the staff caring for the patient.
I was always deathly afraid of "The circle." It's when a bunch of neurotypicals stand in a closed circle and talk with each other. It's like a lockout for my autistic brain.
OMG, same 😂😭 and walking with a bigger group, I always end up far in front of everyone or far behind... being on a side of such group is difficult and walking surrounded by others - impossible. I also don't like when someone stands too close to me, like there has to be at least 50 cm of personal space or otherwise I get nervous and annoyed. Friendly hugs make me anxious.
I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia, ADHD and Aspergers aged 59, and I was really shocked, but cried in the office. He was so sorry he upset me, but I said, no, I am crying with relief! All my life i have felt like I was living in a bubble, with no map, no advice, and everyone else seemed to know about everything. I still cant work out what clothes to buy or how to do my hair but have a law degree!! Your video's have finally help me accept the diagnoses, after all the years in between, and Im not an alien, I am one of us xxxx
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
What a combination! Dyspraxia is the ultimate kicker, I am so impressed you managed to mask it all so perfectly for 59 years! ❤🎉 Congratulations on your discovery!
I get it! The law degree probably was way easier than some of the so-called "small things". I mean you just sit and focus and do the thing and then you get the degree. But its the fact that nobody ever wrote a book on all the "little things" that society just refuses to train people on. In some ways were almost immune to culture which is the mechanism society uses to train these things, which although creates exhaustion for people it also prevents the adoption of many bias' which is a strong advantage in my opinion.
@@BravosReviews EXACTLY i'm studying computer science and i'm THRIVING but i can't just do all the "living" things by myself because i just never get thought
The example of walking between classes is an excellent example of the difference between ADHD and autism. Both individuals are likely to experience some challenges in this situation but for different reasons. As a person with ADHD I relate to the challenge but not to the why. I distinctly remember two versions of this. I would be so engaged thinking about something or talking to someone that I wouldn’t be fully conscious of transferring from one location to another. I would find myself thinking “wait, how did I get here?”. Alternatively, I would be acutely aware of the fact that I’m “forced” to do something structured/boring and find a way to make it entertaining (goof off/walk funny/play pranks on others). Yes, I was the kid who would forget my backpack in the previous classroom OR I was the kid who talked or clowned around due to a low tolerance of boredom. I wouldn’t be odd because of treating it like an anthropological study, I intuitively know how close/far apart to walk (this doesn’t even cross my mind to think about it just happened naturally) but because of my intense engagement vs low engagement (attention/inattention) it wouldn’t necessarily be a friction free or smooth transfer between two locations. In one scenario I’m forgetting to bring my backpack and in the other I’m testing the limits of my backpack (i.e I’m hurling it in the air and catching it to relieve boredom). I don’t know if this is helpful for distinguishing between ADHD and Autism. When I got older I could still have the urge to throw my backpack in the air, but social convention would stop me😉.
I thought all my weirdness was trauma related so I thought I could "fix" myself completely with psychology, but I hit a wall where I couldn't change anything else and now I know that it is because those things are neurological. Time to embrace what's left as who I am and stop apologising for being me. I am not sorry anymore, and part of that, for me, meant leaving society altogether. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and, hey, just in time. I missed a whole pandemic.
Can relate. I thought it was due to trauma too, but then after a long lifetime of effort I realized I can’t change myself. I am sure I have autism, but have no energy left for an official diagnosis. I realized it when I recognized autism in my great nephew and grandchildren.
Oh, spot on! I thought the weirdness of me was from childhood trauma, but a couple of kids later with the same weirdness have mea clue, and now, at 50, I'm doing trauma sessions to clear the fog a bit and find myself underneath.
I've been bullied in school for about ten years. All the difficulties I've been having throughout the years since I usually explained with social phobia. I've tried various therapies and medications but nothing ever seemed to help. And frankly I sometimes felt like a fraud when it struck me that in most of the situations I didn't even feel phobic; it was something else I felt, something I couldn't put my finger on. Probably it's best called social confusion. Then again there were many social situations in which I would feel just fine given that the situation was very familiar or that I was in amore or less predictable one-to-one setting. (Which made me feel even more fraudulent.) Also a therapist has told me that I don't appear like a social phobic. Meanwhile I wonder whether the reason I've been bullied was my being socially "off", somehow, in the first place. Rather than the other way round. I never really understood why I've been bullied, anyway. (Not that there was a legitimate reason for bullying anyone, but there are more poignant "reasons" such as visible disabilities for example.) In my case I just felt alien to other children early on ...
The moment when he talked about watching from the outside and being completely fine just watching, that resonated with me so much. I am 20 and in my friend groups I would just sit at the lunch table with them, barely giving any input at all and I would be thoroughly enjoying myself. That would literally be my best part of the day, just listening to my friends talk to each other. But whenever they try to include me, or I try to include myself, I prepare so much and in the moment everything just blanks. I almost cried when he described my exact experience! That is me to the T!!! And when he mentioned scripting... oh my god. That was my only coping mechanism when I was working at a grocery store. I literally had a list of responses that I would train myself to say naturally like "hello how can i help you?" or "want me to scan this?" and once, I had said "Hello, how are you?" to a customer while I was cashiering and she said "I'm good, how about you?" and I looked up and stopped everything for a solid minute because my brain literally malfunctioned. I didn't know how to respond. I had only prepared for them to respond with one word, not try to continue the conversation. I was literally about to go to a session with my very first therapist in 2 days... and this was the #1 problem I wanted to talk to her about. I am completely nonexistent in social interactions. I thought it was something extremely wrong with me, like a result of trauma or self confidence or all these other things... I never suspected it would be autism. My mind is literally blown right now. I'll have to bring this up to her for sure.
bro omg fr whenever i go to parties or stuff i am always sitting in the corner or something and i will be having the best time of my life even if I’m not doing anything. i spoke to my therapist about it yesterday, i enjoy so much watching my friends have fun and being themselves and i’m perfectly fine with not joining in
I always feel that I must be so boring to other people when they talk and I just listen, I'm so used to just receiving and never know what to say, except maybe with very close friends, and even then only on subjects I really like and know, give me something new and I'll be at a loss. I really don't know if I'm in the spectrum or not as I didn't find everything in this video exactly reflected my inner world, but I do feel like you shared I think : )
@@swagmeister5323 I know this comment is super old but I just wanted to share something similar. I went to a party recently and a very nice girl got pretty drunk and just monologued her life story to me for 30 minutes and it was the best interaction with someone I've ever had. She was a great story teller and all I had to do was smile, laugh and say "oh me too!" every now and then. I don't really get to have fun conversations WITH people, so I'm still so happy a week later.
Most people, especially strangers only give one word answers when asked how are you...only thing is if they asked how are you first then you reply "good, and you?" Or "good, how are you?" But yea basically when you ask someone "how are you?" And they respond "good, how about you?" You can just say "good" or "I'm good, thank you"
As an autistic, have you ever felt that it's emotionally different when hearing to music from a speaker, radio, etc. than when hearing it with earbuds?
I can't play stuff from a speaker, only with my earbuds. I never understand how people want to play things without earbuds it feels so wrong and weird to me 😅
Absolutely. But as someone highly interested in music and sound production (and a self-diagnosed Aspie), I believe this is true for the general population as well... Don't quote me on that, though
I don't usually care about music. If it's already playing, I just listen. If nothing is playing, it's likely I won't put anything on. If I put something on, it's usually out of nostalgia, then I listen to it for, like, 3 hours on average. I only use my earbuds because I'm very strict about my privacy. But, in general, music doesn't make me feel different. Not without any context, at least.
@@sarahhavillamelooliveira5825 Dude, wireless stuff is pretty cheap these days ^^ I had this issue all my life, and it was hell in public transport, but now I prefer the wireless ones over any speaker (they tend to have better sound quality too, and some are also noise cancelling). I highly recommend the JBL Live, they're a bit pricy, but the noise cancelling is pretty damn good even without any music, and they also have a setting that feeds you outside sounds so you're safer in traffic and hear people talking better with the noise cancelling stopping some of the bad sounds xD
Your 25 questions if I am in the spectrum already brought me close to tears. But your examples of "feeling different" and "not being believed" made me cry very hard. Because I remember, at around the age of six, I got very close to asking my parents if I am really related to my father. We looked alike, but there was so absolutely nothing I could relate with about him - or any body else in my family. And, yes, as long as I can remember, I could do nothing at home but wonder: What must I do to fit in? When I told them why I was crying or why I was angry, they told me I'm lying in order to get attention, I'm just pretending. So I avoided the do-not emotions and put on happy face and played at confidence in order to avoid situations that I wouldn't be believed in. I tried to fit in, every day. I've spent days and nights thinking about our arguments, how to avoid them, how to act, how to pronounce a word just right, to use intonation, what timing, and so on. I still do this today and I'm scripting out dialogues on a very literal level, in order to prepare myself for difficult conversations - just to get blown away by all the stimuli and input, but I thought that's just my ADHD? What I'm trying to say is that, well, at some point in my life the same struggles happened with my peers, and I performed badly. Previously I had hardly any friends and I didn't try to connect with them, I was the outsider, they ignored me, I ignored them, that's been the agreement of peace in every town, and my mother switched cities often. So in my childhood and youth, I had all these problems with my parents and family. When I was finally allowed to go my own way, it nearly destroyed me to realize that the problems turned up again now that I could no longer ignore my peers - and they too refused to stay out of my hair. It's not that I didn't want social relationships, quite the opposite, I love friendship and romance. It's just always been something that happens to other people who magically knew how to do it. Sorry for writing so much, but you've adressed so many things I hardly confessed even to myself before. You gave me a lot to think about, and perhaps also the means I need to give my professional and social life that further adjustments to avoid my next burnout. I'm sure I couldn't bear another.
i felt so shocked at first, then so sorry for myself and wanted to cry then quickly switched to laughing bcs like duuude i have autism definetely a one veeery important realisation. and what s sad - i cant just unsee it and return to assuming i m as normal as everybody else.
I’m actually bawling my eyes out watching this. I’ve always known. I’ve always known there was something different about me. My parents always chalked it up to social anxiety and being an introvert. But all of this. This makes sense for me. The over analyzing. The sensory issues. I remember being really young and my mom scolded me for staring at a group of teenagers in a Starbucks. But I was analyzing them. I couldn’t understand them. I remember kids running away from me on the playground. I hate when people ask how I am. I can’t handle chewing sounds. Bright lights and loud noises get to me. I realize I check my reflection in public constantly. Not because of vanity. It’s because I think I’m being weird. I always think everyone is looking at me. So I don’t look at anyone. I think I want to explore self diagnoses.
How to not have people ask annoying question: Coworker: How are you? Me: Absolutely dreadful. My dad killed himself last night. Coworker: I'm sorry, but didn't you say that to ___ last week? Me: Yea. Coworker: ...
Hi, this all sounds like the effects of trauma to me. It sounds like you also have PTSD. Have you ever tried therapy? Our brains block out and dissociate the most painful things, so they may be things you barely remember... some of the weird flashes of stuff in your mind. Those are memories. I highly encourage therapy. I left another comment above that I think pertains to you as well. I am like every comment on here and MORE, but I know that these are symptoms that stem from trauma. I wish you all the best
I have extreme anxiety and have difficulty socializing yet I can read people extremely well and often uncover what people are thinking without even speaking to them.
I agree with everything you said but I'd add that even though I can read them, I cannot understand them sometimes. For example, I can see clearly that someone is obsessed with money or status, but it seems like such a weird concept to me.
@@miaferrari958 Exactly! It's like they are predictable in a way because you learned HOW they function, yet they still surprise you sometimes because you can't still understand WHY do they function like that.
This resonates with me. Though I wouldn't say I ever had "extreme" anxiety, I definitely struggled with human interaction, but would notice subtle cues from afar. One thing that really turned things around for me was when I decided to stop trying to put on a show for other people, and just start being open and honest, and tell people what I see and think. Sometimes you'll miss the mark and offend someone, but more often people will be grateful for the insight about themselves. With practice you'll figure out how to be more tactful and avoid offending people.
Yes I resonate with this too. However I would add one point - and that is that it's possible to "read" more about them than they are conscious of themselves, and then I need to be have a great deal of sensitivity (and skill), exploring exactly that they are conscious of and/or willing to discuss without them being triggered or overwhelmed
Thank you. My son is 12 and we just got his diagnosis. I couldn’t understand how his IQ results were so high and how capable he is of learning things, yet he is having trouble reading. Hearing you and reading all the comments made me feel like he is not alone. As you are going trough your experiences I recognize my son in almost all of them. Walking in groups and hallways in school are another one that hit close to home. I appreciate you sharing this.
For a minute I didn't think "not being believed" applied to me all that much, but then I realized, sometimes it takes the form of them saying "that happens to everyone". And sure, it happens to everyone, sometimes and a little bit, but not to the depth or with the frequency that I'm actually feeling. Less they don't "believe" me, more they don't really understand what I actually mean and it isn't worth the effort to get them to understand.
My mom died July 4th 2021 after 2 years in 'decline' ... She was 85. I just turned 60, and I just realized this describes me. When I broke down and cried to my mother she would call me narcissistic and looking for attention ... I was MISERABLE until last year ... I love my mom, and I always will, but she was more cruel than the worst bullies. She never wanted me to be anything but the "perfect college textbook salesman making $75K bonuses" and would tell me I was just LAZY ... I just could NOT act anymore! After a decade of 'perfection', I was swilling down 1/2 a gallon of vodka every night...I nearly died from rupturing my pancreas, and my mother was HUMILIATED at my weakness, and rescheduled a trip to RUSSIA to 'rebuild my life for me'. The most humiliating experience of my life. I tried to simply disappear after that, but instead mother drove me harder and harder. The day she told my SISTER 'do you want to be 40 with no job, and no savings, not even a HOUSE of your own?!!" She was describing ME! I said, "I'm standing RIGHT HERE!" (Sis was 10 years younger than me (30) and had been looking for a job a couple of weeks!)... If you feel like you're on the spectrum, and your relationship with your family is like mine (they need YOU to make THEM look better)...Please seek therapy. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR SELFISH FAMILY (ASSUMING THEY WERE LIKE MINE)!!
I used to be told by EVERYONE “David, everyone gets scared. You just have to push thru it.” What neither they nor I understood was that they were talking about butterflies and I was talking about terror. Tho I did eventually begin to believe that we MUST be talking about different things because HOW are you supposed to push thru THIS (the terror I would experience).
I've given up after a lifetime of having to justify myself to friends and family. My friends are mostly dead now and my only family is a brother. I don't speak to him anymore because I can't face trying to explain to him why I can't just do whatever solution to my problems occurs to him. He would only listen and then filter it through his perspective, leaving me feeling like crap.
This worded exactly this way can be applied to ADHD as well! Did you also have the experience of not realizing your experience was more intense and more frequent than others' because of this communication and was it kinda funky reconceptualizing things after realizing you have a neurodivergency? I find it so funky trying to actually properly understand and conceptualize what I'm experiencing and how it's different from the neurotypical experience because whenever I talked about my experience or whenever someone talked about my behavior they were actually talking about another thing but I pinned both the vocabulary and the explanations onto my experience. I find that so fascinating.
Its easy for me to make friends, but its hard to keep them. I never know when its appropriate to ask them if they want to hang out and its rare someone will invite me to anything, and I always err on the side of caution and just cut ties in fear they might find me weird.. its a lonely life. Good thing I love to learn and spend the solitude studying everything from computer architecture to nutrition science to color theory :D
I'm exactly the same. I spend all my free time learning, I have few friends I actually talk to. I don't know if that make me autistic though. I took the AQ test and got 20/50. I can relate to a lot of people here in the comments about feeling different and never fitting in, but that's mostly it. Maybe it's something else for me? Idk.
Hayden Same!!! People want to be my friend, let’s hang out ~blah blah blah but I never do... I find the meet ups always awkward....So I’d rather spend my free time learning or researching... #lonerbychoice 😂
I've learnt how to fake normal over the years but it's so exhausting. I just want to work and do my hobbies anyways. I think the reason a lot of us are so skilled at things is because we don't waste mass amounts of time socializing and just work. I don't understand how people can spend so much time chatting and socializing without any purpose. It's bizarre to me. They're just wasting time when they could be actually doing something. Every social even is just an obligation to me and I try to get them over with asap.
Thank you for talking about this topic. I am not on the spectrum but I am a Mum of two Autistic children, and a little one who is not on the spectrum. The sensory over sensitivity is a common feature often (vision, hearing, smell even touch). As my kids were diagnosed early I validated their feelings and it was an interesting adventure for me to discover their word. I could understand most of their reactions, so I encourage everyone on the spectrum to communicate their feelings and help for their parents/partners to explain their thoughts, point of view.
I remember fixating on how close I walked next to my peers. I had so much trouble, just walking down halls with a group, my mind always went crazy. I even worried about how I was walking, like "are my strides too short?" "How should I carry my arms and hands?" "Should I keep my mouth closed when I smile?"
@@quasi8180 yesss,,,I never learned to dance, because my brain was so full of micro thoughts. 'Place your foot here, your hands here,,,shit I just stepped wrong, or, crap, my fingers are gripping too tight,,,, And when I did actually bump someone or step on toes, I would be consumed by the feeling of 'I'm such an idiot that I can't dance'.. Knowing now, that I'm probably on the spectrum,,,has given me so much relief. I no longer place myself in rough situations, and no more guilt for saying no, when I need to.
@@gradientmapabuser9875 discovering the world of autism spectrum has changed that for me. Walking ahead of someone always felt 'dangerous'. Now, I remind myself that I have as much right to be here, as anyone else. Their issues, and you know everyone has some kind of issues, are no more important than my own. If they have a right to be crabby, because they are having problems,,,I have the right to smile at them, and tell them they are being a jerk. 😊 Just because our brains are different, doesn't mean they are better. Just DIFFERENT.
He had blue skin, and so did she She kept it hid, and so did he They searched for blue Their whole life through And walked right by And never knew Shel Silverstein
Exactly. Every freaking day I say that. Must be nice to be able to make friends. Must be nice to get what you want in life. To be able to meet people. To date. To have a life. I’m just so sick of everything. Sick of life. Nothing but pain and misery.
Yes I relate COMPLETELY with this little girl in the story ... I've ALWAYS been different, and I've always been rejected. All three you spoke, are all three describing me ...I also had all 20 signs of autism in a video about 20 symptoms of autism. I am so happy you posted this video!!! Always, always felt left out and I still do...even my own will leave me out...
what's considered normal depends on the culture and society or family and then those things change gradually so you are right. a lot of trauma has been considered normal in the past and now is being called into question, so normal isn't always good either
Parents who don't want to have challenges when raising kids tend to say that, they just don't understand what it means to have kids, they don't think about the risk and implications, they, just like animals, go by instinct and try to force the kid to be "right" or "normal" no matter how he/she/they/them were born, it's kinda sad but a lot of people are kinda like animals, they go by instinct and act on emotion alone and rarely, truly display cold thinking, but yeah, it's not your fault, people can be idiotic but it happens.
no hate, but I actually think he got the explanation wrong. Gaslighting is when someone invalidates you experience for the sake of manipulation, i.e. with malicious intent or for some personal gain. But it's perfectly possible for people to invalidate your experience, simply because they can't relate to your experience - that's not intentional and hence not "gaslighting".
He absolutely defined it incorrectly. Gaslighting is when you try to intentionally get someone to question their own ability to accurately perceive reality.
@@iansmith8783 And if you lack any self reflection and do it by accident it is something completely different? How should a person who is gaslighted tell the difference?
@@ecm9251 yes. Intention is an important distinction. There is a big difference between someone intentionally trying to manipulate you and simply not understanding that you perceive the world differently.
'Not being believed.' That really resonated with me. I was treated by my family like I was a liar and that I over exaggerated things. I also really struggle in social situations, I can do the initial greeting then after that I'm at a loss as to what to say. It's excruciating and I just want to run away. I also struggle to maintain friendships. I don't know how to do it and I find it exhausting. I like my own company a lot, but I also know mental health wise that I need to connect. Thank you for this video. I am 59 and have struggled all of my life. I also think I may have ADHD. I'm going to ask for a referral for a diagnosis with my GP for ADHD. The waiting list is about 5 years.
"I can't make eye contact, get extremely uncomfortable in social situations, have specific and repetitive interests, physical tics, inability to focus on aspects of basic daily life... But I'm not Autistic or ADHD, I would have noticed" - me, daily
Eye contact is a tough one. I always make too much eye contact, not too little. My mum said I would stare at people as a kid, as if I were trying to figure them out. Now I have to remind myself to look away
As a autistic person myself, the best way to live a fulfilling life is to: 1) Accept that you are different(Who isn't?) 2) Not give a single care of what other people think of you. If people invite you to things and listen to you, thats great. If they don't? Its their loss. I am sure you can figure out much better things to do with your time than to worry about how terrible people perceive you. Some some humanity's best have had autistic tendencies. Be obsessive about success and keep in touch with people that accept you for who you are.
I have been much happier since I started removing and blocking people who overload me with stimulus. I simply cannot handle certain people at all. My brain becomes entirely fixated on their ideas instead of my own. Block anyone who is just too much.
I LOVE spending time with other people who are "on my wavelength", I feel safe and secure socialising with them and most of all, enjoy the total honesty and directness.
I know that I flew under the radar for years. By the time I reached kindergarten, I had taught myself to read. We had a set of encyclopedias that I loved to look at. I was happier with them & didn’t care much for other kids. My mother said I seemed to learn to read by watching a tv show called ‘Sing along with Mitch’. Many times I’ve uttered those words, ‘i don’t think I belong here’. I was so smart in some things, but just trying to learn basic math was a struggle. I also do some things only left handed (I’m a righty with just handwriting). When it comes to sound, I can hear a pin drop or any other noise no one else hears! To this day, I’m fussy about clothing. I basically have a ‘uniform ‘, variations on the same outfit. And God help anyone that is with me & i think my clothes are ‘itchy’. I’m married with two grown children & I learned to try to hide my weirdness. The only part of being a parent that I hated was bring my child to a kiddie b’day party. Just having to deal with other mother’s left me depressed. I had nothing in common with them. My odd hobbies would be of no interest to them. I’ve learned that I don’t do ‘people ‘, not my thing. I’m retired now & it’s really because I wasn’t coping with people anymore. I found it both exhausting & depressing. I now go weeks and have zero interactions with anyone other than husband & kids. I’m way happier than trying to fit in a world that wasn’t meant for me. It would be nice to not have obsessive thoughts. Maybe in the next life.
I’m 62, worked an entire career, and I’ve always wondered, “Wow, look at my coworkers have these amazing conversations and relationships, how do they do that?” My wife is a teacher and works with spectrum kids every day, and she pointed out that I may be on the spectrum as well. This video really pointed out some things I have experienced. Not sure where to go from here.
I'm 36 and my sister works with special needs kids (a lot of autistic kids as well) and she was the first person to mention I might be on the spectrum (lack of empathy, needs structure, hates change, special interests etc.). My parents don't believe that I have autism and constantly say that I am just a weird nerd. :(
This confirmed that Im on the spectrum. My mom has done this every time I complain about my symptoms. I asked to get a diagnosis but she says " I struggle too🙄 therapy is for crazy people. Are you crazy?" And when I have a specific tics she says "Do you want tics? You dont have tics, sorry." This is why I dont like talking about stuff like this No one really relates to me.
@@darnyoumadedropmycroissant7418 The autism-community is great; have Fun!! Also: Hbomberguy just made a video about Autism in Relation to other THings.
@@darnyoumadedropmycroissant7418 repeatedly denying your reality is called gaslighting. benefit of doubt when its once or twice but enough is enough. It's narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic parents. Adult children of narcissistic parents. And it seems like its everyone bcuz we attract narcissistic ppl cuz its familiar and they're drawn to us cuz we put up with it cuz we don't know what's up. The movie Tangled is a good example- helps to put things in perspective. Always stressing out over the fear of disappointing other people...
Maybe that’s why I need a break from being around people, talking with people for long periods is pretty exhausting and I have to go away and literally recharge.
b00st3d_6_6 nah I like being around people but like when they talk over each other and you can’t get a word in I literally need to have a nap after a half hour
@@bstd__ i experience the need to recharge, but i like to be around people and i need to be around them at time to get a certain energy, but it also drains another type of energy for me.
I have overanalyzed every social action my entire life eye contact, walking, eating etc. My daughter who is 7 calls others "Humans" in a way that she doesn't see them the same. It is honestly so Validating to find out that you are not " weird" and others do the same things and the reason why. I think early diagnosis is key to understanding who you were truly supposed to be. Without the unpacking journey of late diagnosis 😮 or burnout.
“Intellectualizing social interaction” was my clue in that I might have undiagnosed autism. I’ve always had a slight suspicion but the last year I’ve really come to accept that it might be a possibility. I had so many of the hallmarks as a child but my parents were terrified to have me diagnosed. I have always felt different.
I feel like my parents knew, but never said anything. I was a real mess as a child. I'm mildly functional as an adult. My current partner after apparently mourning the loss of her normal expectations has been very supportive and understanding.
Yeah, that's a diagnosis my dad would've dismissed as "That doctor doesn't know what he's talking about!". In the 70s, "different" people were dragged to the streets and stoned (not quite). We WERE taunted. We were bullied. We struggled each day JUST to find a seat on the bus. We were tripped, pranked, ... shoot! Someone even threw my crutches out the third story window at school! An autism diagnosis would've finished me off back then. The only thing that spared me was they didn't believe girls could get autism. THANK YOU, UTERUS! But I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as "love deprived" and "emotionally immature", after taking the tests.
@@grinderbaseb I read that in a relationship guide. Absolutely spot on, I'd say. She's mildly bipolar, so at least she has a predictable and loyal partner. They say that we're apt to find partners that are atypical.
When my daughter was diagnosed on the spectrum, I kept thinking, “but she’s just like me”. Then it clicked.
😂 I’m sorry this made me laugh
@@bTheNomad. It was quite the epiphany sitting at a red light. 😂
My dad said the same thing :)
That's actually how most adults find out they're autistic is when they have children. I'm non-neurotypical and I was doing a lecture for a group of Educators and parents of autistic kids, and watching them all wiggle twirl and flap in the audience almost made me laugh out loud from the podium..lol
yes!!! same. ppl would say to me ‘she’s just like her mum’ . then it clicked
I always felt everyone else was given a book at birth called “social relationships and how to conduct them” but I never got a copy.
me too! i always wished there was a book or class on how to behave normal and how to read people and common sense, because based on reviews, I have none
@@kaitoyuu1925
🤪
Movies, series and books are like this to me, you know, a social guide-ish. Specially when I admire the main character, I just try to copy and absorve his personality. Its weird. I dont nullify mylsef, but I try to get some hints and lines that I could use when I judge its appropriated
If you write this book I will buy it.
HELL YEAH
Funny thing about eye contact: my dad taught me to always look people in the eye when speaking. I took this very literally, and learned quickly that teachers find it incredibly unsettling when you stare them in the eye the entire time they are speaking.
Lol 😂 I think body language experts would rather say that *one should look in the eye when the other person is talking* and *look away when you yourself are talking.*
Because, when listening you want to attend to every part of the communication and this includes non-verbal stuff. Human eyes have actually developed to communicate a lot that can't be said otherwise. That's partly why we developed the white parts around our pupils.
So, when you are the one talking, you don't need to assess the face and eye movements of the listener constantly because now you're the one communicating your thoughts and you can use your eyes to orient your thoughts and feelings. (I think they call it neuro-linguistic programming)
Welp, this was a rather long response lol
@@Ivkovifi what if the other person is also following this? When you look away how do they make eye contact and vice versa?
@@annabelreader8488 Hmm... Let's say it's like 60% in the eyes and 40% away. Or maybe even 70:30.
If you have a longer sentence or sentences, and especially if it's something someone would have to think hard about, that's the best time to look for thoughts (like you're imagining what you're saying, so your eyes have to go away from the other person's face) Have you looked up NLP? I know it's a pseudoscience, but the "Eye Accessing Cue Chart" is pretty accurate if you ask a body language expert or communications trainer.
Also, you don't want to stress or intimidate the listener by constantly looking for their facial reactions and possibly making them feel like you are expecting a reaction, etc. As far as I know, there is a circuit in our brain that is activated every time we register that someone is looking at us. And somehow I find it so strange that we can distinguish whether someone 20 meters away from us is looking at our face or just a couple of inches beside it.
So, to finally answer your question properly, it should work perfectly if both people follow this (either consciously or unconsciously) because it's not like you're turning your face or body away from them, you just shouldn't be penetrating their soul through their eyes when you're talking and they're doing nothing but listening.
I find that people get sweaty when I look too long, and I personally feel that someone is hiding something when he/she is able to talk about a difficult and thought-provoking idea without looking away even once. I mean, how can you remember and recite all that while paying attention to facial reactions when it's a genuine and perhaps spontaneous thought? I don't think I can explain it any better in this comment box lol
@хамлук Bruh yess. Then your gaze ends up being inconsistent like a guilty dog 😂. I can't naturally look someone in the eyes, bc when I do it's intense & causes the other visible discomfort, even when it's an elder scolding me. I'm like "👽" and they're subtly like "👁👄👁💧..." LOL.
Idk if I'm on the spectrum, but I'm thinking of talking to my parents maybe. Too many things seem to fit.
I have the exact opposite habit. During a conversation with someone, I'll probably maintain 5-10% eye contact. I never knew really noticed until someone called me out for it but ever since I've noticed that I subconsciously refuse to look at people. To me it feels horribly uncomfortable to make eye contact, plus observing facial details (their eye movements, expressions, subtle cues) ends up overwhelming and I have trouble concentrating on the rest of my sentence and get tongue tied. Definitely have pissed people off because they think I'm distracted, not listening, or in the most recent case got asked "oh excuse me, am I boring you?"
I opened up to my therapist about my thoughts that I have undiagnosed autism. Her reaction was so appalling. I’ve never felt so misunderstood. This video helped me so much. Thank you.
I just saw a new PCP today. I told him I’m getting tested for autism in two weeks. He said “you don’t have autism”, it’s all ADHD.
I said because I’m looking at you when you’re speaking? He said yes…I said I’m actually looking at your eyebrows and reading your lips. Really devaluing. He also said I’m a “nightmare patient”. However, he did find 4 out of 17 meds that shouldn’t be taken together. Still…I’ve dealt with all this since I can remember, but I’m 49 and burnt out. He sat with me for an hour and came to several conclusions. Even if my tests show I’m not autistic…I still know I self identify and I’m not alone.
@@sharonvaldez9059he's a new PCP to you...and he's already called you a nightmare patient? I'm not denying your experience. I'm just curious. You take or were taking 17 medications?
I know this a place to vent and sometimes be validated but I feel like I'm missing a lot from your comment.
@jocelynb495 I'm sorry! That's so frustrating. When I told my therapist, I caught him completely off guard, but he did the therapist thing ("so...uh... what feelings does this bring up? 😅), and he was completely validating, even though it took him several weeks to be willing to say the word autism in our sessions. Even with his support, I was still way more devastated than I thought I would be when the psychologist I went to for testing told my I'm not. I am, by the way. Professionals don't always know how to tell, but therapists should still be validating of your feelings.
Never dawned on me to walk with the group. I walked behind the group. I was never a part of any group.
I would never tell anyone. I am 67. So, it doesn't matter if someone with initials after their name tells me that. I have to agree that this video is "normal" for my condition.
I have enough evidence that I have no doubt. For some reason, my 85-year-mother became a fan of the big bang theory--which came as a surprise to my wife and I. Mom said she liked it because one of the boys reminded her of me. I took that as sort of a summary of the behaviors she subconsciously observed while i grew up, decades before Aspergers was in the DSM. (I have much more objective data, but that was one of those son of a gun moments. In case I have been too obtuse, my mom had no idea of Sheldon's characterization--she has never heard of Aspergers, and would have no earthly idea what she was suggesting.
One way I knew: I prefer being alone and hanging out with people is EXHAUSTING, always felt more like an “observer”
That and always being called “weird” 😂😂
Sounds like an introvert
Over simplified?
@@TheNathanael315 There are a lot of similarities between introversion and autism.
Isn't that what they call being "introverted", because that's what I call myself for feeling like that about socializing
No one takes me seriously when I speak. They skip me over and continue the conversation without me. Idk what I am doing wrong, but it has always made me feel so undervalued. When everyone in the room has silently agreed that I have nothing important to say...... that hurts.
Brother of pain... I know that SO well ..
Ah I have this within my inlaws...they are rude and mean on purpose and it feels aweful painful and deliberate when it happens...I just sit there fuming inside my body language is like ok I give up...I as a result have no respect for them and slight resentment...one day about 13 of them were around for Xmas...and mid way through me cooking the Xmas Dinner. I said to my self F' it...I dumped the turkey in the kitchen sink and abandoned the meal and went to my bedroom and watched tv..that day it felt great I got my power back and never bothered with them again. It took me 20 years to take control!!! Thankfully we have phones when I'm in a group of rude assholes... I just get my phone out and read the news or what ever I'm into at that moment. I'm sorry you are being treated this way .I hope you find your power and always keep your humour!
I always get people that cut me off and change the topic, or just walk away... Leaves me hanging and doesn't feel good. Like there is something wrong with me...
That is exactly my story! People include me in their circle just because of my wife. But so often when I speak they just tLk over me. So I sit in silence. I like mynown company, thankfully
i feel you so bad, i started to think maybe i don’t speak loud enough for them to hear.. hurts so much to the point i think it’s better not to say anything :(
Any one else watching this just trying to figure out what’s wrong with themselves?
Devin Hyde nothing wrong with you
Nah, I've had a pretty good idea for quite a while. Well, I always knew there was something wrong with me. Was diagnosed with ADHD/PI when I was 21 (almost 39 now)...I took the ASQ a while ago and scored 29/50. Wasn't surprised at all. Oh, also I'm a self-taught programmer. So, I mean...duh.
a8lg6p i don’t see the link with you being a programmer
@@thibaultgrognet3085 i think its just kinda a stereotype
Devin Hyde I clicked cuz the guy is handsome
When I was working in a supermarket I noticed that every Monday people would say to each other "did you have a good weekend?" So I thought that would be a good thing to do. So I thought I would try it out. So the first person I said it to was a female manager. When I said "did you have a good weekend" she started shouting at me and saying that I never say that to her. I later learnt that she had a bit of a fling with another manager on the weekend. And I think people were gossiping about it.
This is so funny 😅
?
whattt? peoplle assumes these kind things from only one question? its ridiculous
LMAO 🤣
😂😂
Allowing yourself to be stupid is actually quite relaxing and easy to do. No more overthinking etc, acting spontaneously, being funny etc is really gratifying
Every single day, without fail, I silently (or sometimes vocally) wish with all my heart that I could just be dumb.
I don't know how to be dumb. I want to, but don't know how to turn off my brain.
If you've found a way to shut off this thing in my head, please tell me.
i would love to live like that.
@@waynetec13 mindfullness
this is too relatable
So true. Why am I unable to join in with the 'banter'? I have never found it entertaining but I have always wanted to join in cause its how the group is 'playing' together and you want to join in the game. Flirting and banter, those are impossible to me, yet I'm quite good at appearing confident and having like 5 mins of small talk.
so hard to figure this out when your entire childhood you were praised for being gifted and told you acted like an adult ://
Exactly right. It fools you into thinking that all the reasons you feel like an outcast is because of those two things as opposed to neuro-divergence. Reading your comment kind of clicked a lot of things into place, thank you.
Acting like an adult or being wise beyond your years can come from having a terminally ill parent or trauma.i have been told this all the time all though I am in a traumatic situation and my dad was terminally ill most of my life.
yes
@@KBird204 being gifted is actually considered neurodivergence I’m pretty sure-
You were the chosen one Anikan.
The affliction of disappointment hurts regardless of who to whom in relation with us.
What do you mean by recommending this to me, youtube?
:)
IKR! Its either this, WWII dockies, horror/scifi, or anime.
Yea youtube seems to think we all got autism now
Everyone seems to call everyone Autistic on UA-cam these days so why wouldn't it 🤣
It doesn’t have to mean anything, I was diagnosed with autism at 7, I’m about to graduate high school with my bachelors
#1. I always used to joke about being abandoned on earth by the mother ship.
#2. My mom thought I was lazy or stubborn, because I was good at some things and terrible at others. I got punished so much for this.
3. People say I overthink and obsess about the dumbest things. I'm 62, and I stay away from people whenever possible
I’ve always been afraid of people finding out I’m not so clever as I seem. At 57 I’m only just realising that it’s not right to be punished for being unable to do some things others find easy.
Yes I’m 51 and just started to realize how obvious it is that I must me on the spectrum. I would stem and my parents told me to stop every time so I mostly did except for twirling my hair. My mom would say things like “you are just trying to be different” when I would say things and I was not trying to be different, I was trying so hard to be normal and blend in so it just made me feel even more alienated.
There with you
@@michaeldidion1015 Thank you kindred spirit :)
omg are you me? ❤️ I get what you’re saying and if they only knew that treating us that way only makes things worse for us. ❤️🩹
The hardest social situation for me is when someone asks “what’s new with you?”. I repeat the same monotonous activities every single day so the correct answer is “nothing” but that just stops the conversation and makes me seem rude. So I find myself feeling pressure to make up things that I could have done like “I went out with friends on Saturday night” and stuff like that. Then I feel guilty for lying. It seems neurotypical people ask questions so you can entertain them with your answers, witch is a dynamic I’ve never understood. I ask questions because I want to know the answer, not for entertainment.
I invent things I have done all of the time but my face gives the lie away sometimes so now I say I spent the weekend "chilling". I do keep a list of fake things that I can say I did just in case it's needed...hahahaha.
Yeah… i just answer nothing but elaboration about same job, same town, etc. As i assume it’s this kind of big changes they want to know… but yeah it’s a sad response…
They want to know what the same monotonous behaviour is, the specifics of said nothing. At least for me, it not for entertainment, its information clarification. What you value as nothing is valued as an activity from someone else. Do you watch UA-cam Videos all day long: scroll thru your social media of choice or do you just stare blankly into space while your mind drifts away? I’m curious about your day to day. If it’s the same, say so. But I understand the difficulty behind that request. Just note: most people aren’t asking you to get entertainment points in their day, they’re just asking you because they wanna know. Everyone has their own way of thinking and processing information. Find ways that seem easiest to communicate said feelings and thoughts and confusions.
Vibe
@@mild2616 This is great advice. A while ago my significant mentioned to me that they would like to hear more about what I do during the day (long distance relationship), and I genuinely went blank because the day to day tasks I complete just don't feel particularly important.
I then realized that they *wanted* to hear about the unimportant things.
Yes. I hate answering the question “how’s your weekend?” It’s always the same and I like it that way.
You're telling me people dont usually think about how to respond to texts for like 20 straight minutes?
Umm depends on the text? If its a casual text with someone you trust it isn’t really normal, but if it’s an important text then yes, people usually take a long time
@@impmadness you’re seriously telling me it’s not normal to spend an almost unnecessary and immense amount of time deciding on how to and if you should respond to a text regardless of the importance?
@@impmadness because I do this literally with every text I get
@@PruppetMaster So does my husband. 😢
@@PruppetMaster I mean it is unusual but don’t let it get the best of you, honestly that’s more of an anxiety thing than 100% an autism sign. Everyone has their own fears and anxieties
People think that I dislike people, what they can't see is that I dislike feeling alone around people. It's like they're the other side of glass 6 feet thick.
It's not just you bro, they are putting up glass and trying to keep people 6 feet apart cause of the virus!
@@wraith8988 😂
@@vip3re We practiced social distancing before it was cool!
THIS!!
@@wraith8988 LOL!
Thank you!!!!! I’m 70, I’m not crazy, there’s people like me, you are helping me tremendously , I’m ball my eyes out cause I’m so happy, I now know now, I’m autistic, so much amazing information, thank you !!!!!!
Decades of “wanting to join in but not knowing how to “ turned into me telling myself I’m fine over here on my own
So how I felt also
That's how I've felt for a long time.
@Nick P I just learned that lesson at 50 yrs old, after being alienated even by my wife and adult children. Just imagine, even my own children reject me. What a crazy world...I'm done. It's just me, myself, and I from now on, thank you very much.
yep, this is what has happened to me, years of being exlcuded from things or not knowing how to interreact, led to me very antisocial outside close family, I don't have friends.
Yeah, this.
I'm 67 and recently retired. It's what I've been waiting for all my life. The relief is almost unbearable. No more having to fit in, no more taking a deep breath every single day before walking into work like I'm just about to jump into cold water, no more feeling like a small fish dropped into an aquarium full of big fish who are all already friends and know things I will never know.
When I first watched this video a year ago I cried. I have never cried in my life, not since I was a baby.
Thank you for providing a place I can go to begin to understand myself and how I've struggled my entire life.
Oh my god. I thought it was social anxiousness, but then you said that part about everybody else being familiar with eachother while I’m the odd one out. I dread going to work every day because of how I think people view me, and how I view myself moreover. This explains so much.
Nice
This is a beautiful response - im so happy you are finally free
❤❤❤❤❤
Same. I’m crying with knowledge it’s “not just me”. 🤗
I have fooled the humans for years.
For years, my machinations lay undetected.
kudos!
The correct term is "normies"
Maybe they are muggles?
A feat not every man can endure my friend
At 22 years old, I am questioning for the very first time if I might be autistic. It had never occurred to me until my older sister was diagnosed with ADHD and I started doing research on ADHD and ASD. But every single thing I read about the autistic experience fits me perfectly. Always feeling like an outsider or an alien, gaslighting about my experiences, being “the little anthropologist.” I have a masters degree and I was the top of my class in undergrad, where I ironically enough studied anthropology, and whenever I have brought up wanting a diagnosis to my parents, they question me endlessly and gaslight me about my symptoms. It’s incredibly validating to learn that what I thought was myself being wrong has a name and can help me understand myself better. Here’s to a potential diagnosis in the works.
Autism is fictional. Its used to market humans being abused, tortured and/or killed in specific ways.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, yet I’ve considered that I might be on the spectrum, I’m like halfway through this video as I write this and it’s kinda overwhelming to think…. I was at the lowest of my classes in high school but yet in smaller settings I could be a A student… I was once in high school but the setting was perfect after the other years of high school it was just too much commotion and I couldn’t focus… school was boring for me also but I study history of antiquity for side hobby and love science. My grandmother thinks I’m a genius because of my vast knowledge of the human anatomy, the things I know about ancient history and modern history. I don’t really have friends so I just utilize my time and energy learning things I deem valuable I have so many books it’s pathetic I still haven’t read them all but I have hundreds and hundreds of books everywhere…
@@nashambenyisrael7689 In university I failed my easily classes and as a child I got distracted easily.
What are your plans for university?
A LOT OF THINGS PUT IN FOODS, ARE CAUSING ADHD, ETC....YELLOW #5 OR RED DYE, MSG, ETC.
Many people are missdiagnosed with ADHD I think when older as they have mastered masking so a professional can't see any symptoms. My sister's partner was diagnosed autistic as a child like me but recently a new Psychologists changed his diagnosis to ADHD yet his behaviour (past and present) and other relevent areas all matches autism not ADHD. I would doubt if they could diagnose me these days correctly.
social confusion hit HARD. i have logically broken down social interactions my entire life and wondered if other people did too, but was too scared to ask.
I've dont that my while life as well. I did make me very good at beeing likable because I've become very in tune to what other peoples needs are in all social situations.
@@Supertax2 Same here.
Same! I thought it was normal for a while
@@hannahk787 its not normal to analyze social situations ?
@@karivanpelt1035 I’m not sure 🤔 from what he said in the video I don’t so tho
Anyone else been told "you're weird" your whole life yet you thought the same of everyone else? 😅
Yes but I knew IT was different
My family always have called me 'different'. But I have always felt like I I don't feel like I I connect with people easily. It takes a long time to trust people, and to know how to act around them I guess. I find so many things more overwhelming than most people, so parties I have always felt like I'm an outsider. I just block my ears and want to leave because I feel so overwhelmed.
yes that would be me.
Hearing that always fucked with me as a kid and caused me to push further away from people. I assume that many of you have a similar experience.
YOU LAUGH AT ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT . . . anyone?
anybody "rehearse" conversations before they actually say anything lol
Oh yes there are people out in the world that do this, and feel like they need to.
If its an emotional/need to discuss/confront a romantic partner i realized what helps me is write it down and have it near me if i dont use it directly when i need to talk to them. With deep emotions can get overwhelmed and become deer in headlights. Lol. I'm not sure i have autism but have epilepsy which i heard is a touch of autism and have complex ptsd.
I'm not sure if I am autistic but I remember a distinct period in my life where I spent a great deal of time learning to laugh at the right spots.
I think of conversations all the time, albeit in a fictional world I see in my mind. It's a habit I've had for most of my life.
Yes, I have so many stored responses and in the end non of them get used. Then in real life the amount of nonsense that come out from both me and the other person is so bazare. I have recorded conversations where people have said I have said something which I have not said. Or I have said something reactionary. Listening back is very eye opening.
OMGosh! Your description of social confusion describes how I've felt my entire life! It's just exhausting! I think that's why, despite sometimes feeling lonely, I often avoid social situations.
I have always been exactly the same throughout my entire life and still am despite a you say with times of loneliness. I have always Been a sociable person, but always found myself needing to be in the corner, or at the back of large gatherings or social events.
Me too ❤
Me also!
We should organize our own meeting groups..lol
One difficult thing is compulsive truthtelling. I cant lie to save my life.
growing up i was the opposite i lied my mouth off
i chose to tell the truth, i find it's a better way, you don't have to remember what you said to who, and it generally makes for a better world if people just tell the truth.
@@tuseroni6085 i agree.
Seems like that will serve you in the long run. Respect.
It doesn’t even occur to me to lie. I have learned to just omit what I feel like others might be able to handle without confrontation. But to actually say something that is untrue...I can’t. Lol.
In school I was too Nerdy for the Cool kids and not Smart enough for the Nerdy kids.
I didn't fit in with anyone. I was attractive but low self esteem, depressed, socially awkward.
Datman totally, yes 100 %
We didn’t have a smart nerdy group in school...that I was aware of. I ended up in the misfits group. I decided to give up on friends and spent my lunches alone. Another friend felt the same way. We both sat at computers writing stories so we didn’t have to look like loners (a step up from hiding in the toilet cubicles) so we became friends chatting side by side. Then another girl who looked lost latched on. Then she dragged in another lost girl. It was an odd group but we liked each other and enjoyed that we were quirky
@@francessadler6878 I found refuge in the smoker/druggie misfits even tho I did neither. They welcomed anyone. I didn't even fit in with them but they welcomed anyone as long they were respectful. It was all so painful and confusing. And when I had a friend they'd end up moving.
ah, ill bet you have an IQ of about 120-130. Right on the edge of Mensa; same here. Too smart to see the folly of "average stupidity" but not quite smart enough to run with the really smart kids. We are condemned: either "play dumb" to fit in with the first group, OR struggle and drag down the smarties; either way it feels disingenuous, or play alone.... and end up analysis board game strategy or simplex methods or other logistical problems, just for, well, i would say fun, but its more "something to do".
I've always considered my true friends to be "low effort" people. Meaning it doesnt take a lot of effort to be around them. Now I get that it means I don't have to mask
I always tell my best friend that they are my best friend because they're so low maintenance I feel comfy around them (I, in turn, try to be low maintenance too)
Yes, I have a friend who guilt trips me every time she hasn't seen me for 2 or 3 weeks and then spends most of the phone call humble bragging. She's a nice person but I find it exhausting - especially when I have to pretend I'm bothered about not seeing her for 3 weeks or interested in her stories. I like the friends you can sit in silence with and don't feel pressured.
@@JanetMacCallum I had two friends like that, one was intriguing at first (I am a very curious person) and the other was the kind of person you could sit in silence and feel okay, both were intelligent and it was great to have my first friends. Then they took me for their personal advisor or shrink, and it became SO EXHAUSTING to listen to them and never being supported back in the way I needed. I gradually stopped answering the phone, sadly.
@@Crouteceleste Yes, I sometimes avoid answering the phone and then feel guilty because I know it must upset her - unless it's a purely ego-driven call. She is a high achiever but will downplay her likely imminent achievements..not because she's modest but because she fishes for compliments ha ha. She knows she will likely achieve whatever she has her mind set on and enjoys the adulation from other people. Personally, I couldn't give a rats whether people think I'm amazing or not - as long as they are kind!
I find my best friends are the ones who can pick up the phone and carry on from the last conversation you had without recriminations that it was 9months ago. :)
I got diagnosed last Tuesday. I'm extremely overwhelmed. My diagnosis feels like a blessing and a curse. I'm really enjoying your videos though. Make me feel not so alone. Thank you for doing what you do 🖤
Take it as a blessing. Now you know you were not "crazy", you are part of a very misunderstood group of people. I'm hoping my test is positive. It would validate all my experiences in my childhood and teens. We are all here for you!
@@Cha4k are you comparing a murderous psychopath to a person with ASD? Wow, you should re-think your comment.
Hi, are you ok 🦋
❤
You will learn in life everything is a blessing and a curse. Dust off and move on, aint no one got time for self pity.
The part about being aware of your walking speed and distance from people resonates with me the most. Every time I walk by people too close or too slow, I think that people will think I am being creepy.
What do you do with your arms when you walk?? 😭
@@Killer_Turnip Keeping your hands in the pockets often helps. One less thing to worry about.
@@Killer_Turnip I don't know where to put my arms when I stand by 🤷🏻♂️ and while walking I try to play with fingers 🤣
@@Killer_Turnip I move them a pretty specific distance. On right arm right just past here and okay reverse.
@@Killer_Turnip I guess, a pseudo-militaristic marching movement? Just watch George Clooney explaining it in Catch-22 tv-series, seems to fit well. Offered me an anachronistic recognition.
When I was a child I felt like all the kids around me know some secret rules to playing and being friends, but I didn't know them. So it was like I don't know the right pasword to enter the game. Now that I think about it, that is why I mimic people. It's easier.
Chezarcat interesting comment , food for thought .0
Well the super-secret password was that when they ask you
do you "want to play?"
you reply "Yes!"
and do not try to bite off their noses or hitting their faces with a rock.
@@deltaxcd Good heavens, so that's what I've been doing wrong all this time! Thank you for your wise and compassionate response, my collection of rocks will be going into the bin first thing tomorrow.
Wow! I can totally relate to this! I always felt that all the children around me were given instructions on how to behave, instructions that I was denied, for some reason. Either that, or it's like they were all speaking telepathically, and I couldn't follow along.
@@deltaxcd But most of us were NOT invited, despite our wanting to be. Kids weren't usually 'invited' to play. They just *naturally* came together and socialized. One of my earliest memories was in the first grade. Before class started, the other kids would talk and laugh together, and then friendships formed between them. I was always wondering how they knew what to do, how to interact and what to say to each other.
Even as a kid, I thought other kids were idiots for not understanding how the world works for example. Always felt like I was viewing myself as if I was being filmed and I was behind the camera or a mirror following me.
I always feel like I'm in a movie or TV show, being filmed all the time, and I have to act the way I would expect to see others behave in a show or movie
When I was a kid I felt like I was in a tv show and had to act like if I was being filmed and that in any minute the scene would change to another character so I stayed still for some seconds waiting, which obviously never happened
Thought it was normal?
That is exactly what I always thought: other kids are so stupid not to know basic stuff (what I thought was basic)... it wasn't an ego thing for me, I was perplexed and frustrated to be thrown into a room full of children I thought were just particularly stupid... turns out maybe I was the stupid one 🤣
@@princezzpuffypants6287 I thought people were stupid and I still think they are. They do not think. They do not use their intellect. At some point I thought I was a Vulcan. And many people are not like Captain Kirk. People get into trouble for their lack of logic.
I really appreciate this
I believe the feeling that can best describe my pov is “How can everyone do it? What’s their secret?” and by “it” I mean literally and objectively LIFE. How do people live? Just how? They’re just out there doing this thing and they make it look so natural and spontaneous, THERES GOTTA BE SOMETHING ELSE people just can’t function like that DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY FUNCTION? ON COMMAND? like
H
O
W
yup. No fun
so real
I think about this ALL THE TIME
For me I tend to chalk it up to the fact that Im paying way to much attention on how I should act, and just act instead. Accepting that you might be weird and stand out, but as long as whatever youre doing isnt morally wrong, who cares, yknow?
❤So true❤ But also the spoons❤
Yeah how?
I'm 83 years old, and I realized I was on the spectrum just around 2.4 years ago. I was born before the diagnosis even existed, but ever since my earliest childhood I've felt strongly disconnected from the society at large. It never bothered me greatly, but the diagnosis brought me a deep sense of clarity.
When I was young and people posed such mundane questions as “What's going on?“ or “Do you need anything else?“ unassumingly, I always felt the correct responses should be thorough and thoughtful recounts of my situation and/or needs. Through trial and error, I learned the proper answers were more akin to “Not much. You?“ or “No, thank you.“, and I was able to assimilate into society through various similar trials. I was able to find interesting work as a floral biologist, marry the most beautiful woman I ever knew -- God rest her soul -- and to live a fulfilling life.
Some things I never quite mastered, though. Eye contact was always a particularly tricky skill for me. There's a very specific amount of contact you need to maintain, and anything more or less than the optimum is a noticeable aberration to the neurotypical observer. I consider myself quite apt at socializing through text and via phone, but in person, I still struggle to maintain a façade of normalcy. I don't stress myself with it, though, because I am content with who I am.
Very resonating comment. I'm happy you made a happy and deserving life for yourself.
Thanks for sharing this, incredibly interesting to hear from someone with as much life experience as yourself!
no way you are 83 years old making counter strike vids gtfo
I still think that 'vaccines' are responsible for our autism. Vaccines do not react the same way in everyone. I had 2 brothers and sisters who were highly intelligent. I didn't react the same way. Instead, I have a lot of common sense albeit it takes me longer to learn. It has always been numbers with me - I can remember long sets of numbers for many years. My boss declared to me one day that I must be autistic because no one can remember numbers like that. God bless you.
@@ucd2465 bro my grandpa writes shit on my computer sometimes, he do be kinda wack tho ngl, i think he a sperg for sure
I feel more comfortable within this comments section than I do around my own home. Y'all rock!
LITTERALLY
Ah my bed is pretty nice tho
How dare you feel comfortable with my warm welcome to you!!! LOL!!!
Yes. Long session of yes yes yes OMG that yes
It's beautiful
"You are just being shy, you have to talk with people more."
"You can't concentrate because you don't have discipline"
My mother keeps saying that, and I'm almost 42 😂
PERIOD EXACTLY
How do you know that about me?
I've not known concentration to be a thing of Autism. More like just a lack of relating to a particular subject.
Same
I have a 5 year old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD. After realizing my daughter is on the spectrum and doing a lot of research on ASD, it really made me realize that she inherited this from me. Now I am flashing back to my childhood and everything makes sense now! I experienced all things mentioned in this video, and it is a very profound moment in my life (I am now 37 yr old).
High school was hell for me, but I was a late bloomer and started getting comfortable in my skin in college. Now, I am now happily married with children and a pretty successful software engineer, but I can't help to wonder what my life would look like if I was diagnosed as a child.
It's how I got my diagnosis too. My son was diagnosed with ASD at 12. I started researching it hyper fixation style, and I realized that he got it from me. I got diagnosed at 47 lol. Kind of funny too because our family called it before I did. They would tell me my son has my personality that we acted and reacted a lot alike. Taking care of him turned into taking care of myself too. The diagnosis has been the most freeing thing in my life, my son is 22 now and he says the same thing.
Same! I also wonder what my life could have looked like had I been diagnosed as a kid, but my parents didn’t pay much attention to me as a kid.
Besides, I’m pretty sure I inherited my ADHD from my dad and I suspect my mum could be on the spectrum as well - she’s a bit socially awkward and anxious on main - so if they have ADHD and possibly ASD themselves, how could I expect them to see something wrong with me? To them I’m just normal, but they have a skewed view of “normal” because they are clueless about their own problems.
I’m a software engineer myself, but it’s just my job title - I don’t actually have an engineering degree. I have a BA and two MAs but the only technical training I have is a bootcamp and several online courses.
I switched careers recently so I don’t have a lot of training or experience. I got fired from my previous job and I just started a new one in a decent company, but I’m scared I’ll get fired again because I still suck at my job and I really wanna keep this job.
Everyone gets better with time but I don’t make much progress because I struggle with abstract thinking. I also have trouble learning something if I don’t understand all of its parts. I won’t learn something if I don’t understand 1% of it.
When I told the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with ADHD about my struggle with abstract thinking, he told me it is an ASD trait.
So between my ASD-induced lack of abstract thinking, and my ADHD-induced faulty working memory, I’m having a very hard time becoming a good developer.
Did you struggle with abstract thinking as well? If so, do you have any tips? I feel so alone and hopeless. I really wanna be good at my job but I wonder if it’s gonna happen for me. I had a really bad experience in my previous job and I don’t want a repeat.
@@Sylphadorahey thanks for sharing. I definitely relate to struggling with abstract thinking and the thing about not wanting to learn something if I don’t understand 1% of it. I struggled with this earlier in my career and I have been laid off a few times. My best advice would be, know that you’re not as bad as you’re telling yourself you are! Speaking for me personally, having confidence that I bring value to my team is important. The more you practice things that make you uncomfortable, the more you may realize you’re not as bad as you thought and sometimes better than your colleagues. The fact that you’re thorough can be a great asset. We may have ASD but I’ve learned that because of my ASD, I have a unique perspective and able to catch problems/solutions that neurotypical people are not able to see. Because of this, people like to work with me (at least I’m told this haha).
Also it sounds like you’re doing well for yourself, you should be proud of your accomplishments. Good luck on your new job, you will get it, give it some time.
Pretty sure this is me too. My oldest (10) is getting formally evaluated in September, but we can already tell you he's on the spectrum. I (36) was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago but that didn't explain a lot of my idiosyncrasies. While I was researching ASD I started thinking, "I do a lot of this stuff; I feel like I could also have ASD, but some of my behavior just doesn't quite fit". Then I watched Yo Samdy Sam's video on how ADHD masks autism and just sat slack-jawed thinking, "Oh my God. There it is". I'm considering getting evaluated myself just for the closure of the whole thing.
I didnt know "masking" was a thing. I assumed everyone learned how to Act Normal...
Like... walk normal... look at nose, then ear, then eye, smile. Nod. Pay attention. Dont stare too long. And utter a prepared phrase.
I’ll think of things to talk about with people I have to walk with from class to class because I never know what to ask or how to carry on a conversation 😂👌👌
Same
The "utter a prepared phrase" one really hit home with me. I resisted doing that for so long because I hate inauthenticity. To me it's just simply dishonesty, and I am not a liar.
But after crying and becoming depressed, hating myself, and ruminating for days each time some lowlife receptionist or customer service rep was rude and argumentative with me on the phone, I realized that I need to "feed" these closet trolls "crumbs" to signal to them somehow that I am of the human race otherwise I get surly bullshit like "Well I don't know what to tell you. Nobody else seems to have this problem that you claim to be experiencing" or "Ma'am, ma'am, MA'AM! I'm gonna have to ask that you not interrupt me while I'm speaking."
For some reason, you can't just call straightaway and tell them why you're calling/ who you want to talk to and expect that they do their jobs. So I have to massage my way in with the "stupid crumbs": "Oh, boy, it's hot outside today, right?"
"How are YOU doing today?"
"Thank God it's Friday, right?"
"You have a lovely speaking voice."
Ugh! I feel like a cheap hooker every time, but it works. It feels like we live in a society where lies are currency. But yeah, I guess I practice masking. It's better than being treated like a monster everywhere I go.
Mmm. Look at the nose, then ear... Is that some kind of high level technique ?
I have never heard about that.
Does it serves any purpose ?
I feel the same way
Aaah yes, the part about over analyzing social situations and trying to intellectualize them/ turn them into puzzles/ games, that part hit me.
i have over analysed my self for a long time even had my self believing that i had a load of mental health. its not until now after reading these messages that i know im on the spectrum
I clearly remember analyzing a situation in high school when I had an unexpected free period and considered going to the cafe where my friends normally ate lunch - but I had to consider the possibility that there might not be enough room at the booth, in which case I had 2 options: sit at another booth and try to hang out with them at a distance (odds of success: slim to nil), or act like I was just popping by and didnt actually plan to sit (same odds). I was rather proud of myself for playing it all out in my head and saving myself from the embarrassment. 🤦♂️😅🤦♂️
@Daniela Sutherna never expected to find this type of bot. If anyone is unsure, if you get herpes, you have it for life (not in the sense it kills you, it just pops up every so often).
When I take my dog for a walk and there are other people it becomes a major problem for me. If I am behind another person and I walk a little faster than the person I literally become extremely nervous and annoyed because I know that I have to either pass them at one point or go slower than I actually want to. The thought of passing them makes me so uncomfortable that I get really angry with the other person for just being there, although the person has clearly not done anything wrong. When I spot other people coming towards me from the opposite direction, I get nervous as soon as I spot them. I become unsure about how to move appropriately, where to look, where my dog is going and I think of countless things that could go wrong passing the other person. Thats why I started to go out in the middle of the night, where I can finally experience true inner peace. Everybody is asleep and its just me with my dog floating along the streets.
@@simonschwarzmann2005 that sounds quite familiar 😅
I used to blame my parents because I thought that everyone must’ve been taught basic social cues by their parents but in reality it’s just something most people involuntarily understand and for some reason I don’t
Lol
Same
same
Oh same, my parents had a messy divorce and it was always seen that somehow only I was really affected by it. I have believed that all my life because I never considered an alternative- that I might be neurodivergent.
😂😂😂😂🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ me too!
Omg, same!
That issue about how to walk properly with your classmates hit my soul ; I remember walking with ( or attempting to properly ) a close high school friend from one class to the next, and I had decided to walk directly behind him. It just seemed the most rational method of traversing through the stampede and to avoid oncoming traffic. I was passively called out for it ( "You know you don't *have* to walk behind me"). After careful observation of others' behavior, I determined the socially proper way to walk with a friend was still slightly behind them but at one side ; the person leading should have the better social skills.
Me.
I let a schoolmate lead, but when I'm with the person I’m close with, I have that confidence whenever this situation occurs.
Does anyone else cringe at conversations or interactions that are only in their head and never happened? Like visibly cringing because you just cant bare the thought of something that awkward happening, and then people call me out for it and are like "Why did you just flinch?" And I dont know how to explain it to them-
Omg yes!! I also get embarrasing flashbacks of things I didn't say in that situation 10 years ago but I could have said. Like accidentally making vasectomy-joke when meeting boyfriends parents first time. Ooooh god Brains whyyyyyyy
like I just saw this video randomly and clicked it, I've imagined it before, didn't at all expect to entertain the idea at all, but a couple things got in my head and made me interested in the comments, then I saw this comment like right away and it made my eye go like fully open like a cartoon character for like 5 seconds because of how much I never imagined in my wildest dreams someone else would do that. I've been trying to deal with something that I can only come up with saying "I think I have like really bad social anxiety.. or something?" to the first person I've tried to explain it to out loud.
Omg me in my bed at 1 AM reminiscing about the one time I did that one thing 15 years ago and groaning loudly in my pillow enough to wake my boyfriend.
"What's wrong honey?"
"Nothing. Just a leg cramp. Go back to sleep"
I mean I can't possibly expect him to understand about how I should have worn something else on that field trip to the museum in primary school. I hated yellow ochre anyway, why the hell did I wear this thing? Ah yes, I had a crush on a guy whose favourite colour was yellow. But then he told me I looked like a corn dog. Was he making fun of me? Did he like corn dogs? Would my life be different If I wore something purple instead? A corn dog? Really? Ugh. I can't.
I FEEL SO HEARD AND SEEN RN I HAVE VISIBLE STIMS WHEN I THINK OF SMTH LIKE THAT!!!!! ITS LIKE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS I CANT CONTROL
I do that when thinking back about things that I've done my past that I'm ashamed of too
Its so tiring being around people.
Observing, acting, mimicking can be very draining. I try to be task-oriented to stay focus to do it. Obviously I can't be "people oriented".
mimicking is just so emotionally and physically tiring. I usually need to go and lie down in a dark room afterwards for a bit
Any introvert is exhausted by other humans.
I'm so tired by socialising but I also enjoy it sometimes. I dunno if it's introversion or autism but I really need short doses of people and then breaks away.
@@siobhanvidaashmole9009 I've been described as an 'extrovert introvert', very similar to you - I can be the life and soul of a party but need 36 hours to recover afterwards. It litereally feels like an aspergers burnout afterwards, emotionally and physically exhausting but I enjoy it at the time.
I literally replay every interaction I'm going to have in my head over and over until it happens so I can be prepared lol
Anxiety/autisim is great lol
Same, but when it does happen, I immediately forget about what I should do lmao
Same but when the situation actually happens I’m no more prepared then I would’ve been if I hadn’t
That might be a protection mechanism: trying to find the "right" answer that will stop the criticism or fear of being flogged verbally (or physically) if you don't answer "correctly". But then it seems no matter what you answer your tormentor will still tell you you're wrong.
Me too
'Not being believed,' instant trauma 😢
same
Same
Makes me want to explode.
I strongly relate to the feeling of the unmasking when i'm alone. If there's a single observer in my environment, i am more tense than I would be when alone. Knowing they're watching me / hearing me means i'm expected to perform in some way. I can't just "be myself" because they'll comment on something I do if they think it's weird or odd. Basically i've trained myself to be like a perfect performing soldier at all times to avoid criticism; though I'd still receive criticism over trivial things like "why are you so quiet" or "why are you breathing so hard" or "are you okay? You sure?". And it just bugs the crap out of me cuz no matter how hard i try people can't seem to be okay with me. There's always something to pick at and diagnose or criticize. That's why I live alone. I can have my own space, my own domecile, my own little kingdom where no one controls what i do, what i say, or how i say it. It's refreshing. But sometimes I wonder where this is all leading to.
i could cry this is literally me
this comment really speaks to me. being observed is difficult. I've always taken solace in the dead of night when I can finally have peace
@@AuraSparks are you me?! I stay up all night, or at least later than I should, because it’s my peaceful ‘just being me’ time
Aghhhh why do I relate???
I have so many questions!
I can highly relate, it's so refreshing to read comments of other people's experiences that are understanding
The little anthropologist part resonated the most out of all of it. I became very observant of others so I could learn from their behaviors
I do this all the time...
Same. I'm great at observing and seeing what others miss. But interacting leaves me anxious & shattered .
same
That’s how I mask. I’ve spent my whole life observing humans just so I’d know how to interact.
At the age of 41 I don't care anymore. I just be me. People do or don't accept me. As simple as that. Most people are OK with me. Except for narcissists, I make them feel even more uncomfortable then they already are. That's the fun side, I enjoy the most.
As a child I could not figure out why I could not fit in with other kids. Small talk is hard.
@J Everyone says that but that only works for some people, it doesnt work for everyone.
@J when I talk about random, insignificant crap: it's exhausting because it takes waaaay too much thought and I'm usually treated with silence and looks of confusion. I can't do small talk. I can maybe do a few short lines (what I now know to be scripting), but after that it's just unbearable. I CAN'T shut off my brain.
@@JeimiJamie
"How's the weather?", "How was the test?", "How have you been?", "How was your day?", "What are you doing?", "What have you been doing?" (only when you haven't seen the person in a while), "What's that you're eating?", "How's your family?", and the desperate, last resort, "What do you like?". Those are some I use with almost anyone. I like those because they aren't completely insignificant, since those questions have a chance of sparking a theme the person is interested in, so _they_ can carry the conversation instead of me.
I feel like some kind of evil mastermind when I can pull it off, hahah. It's funny.
Still awkward when I run out of those questions and the person doesn't say anything. Then I just stand there trying to make the person feel awkward too and say something. A true battle of endurance to awkwardness.
@@JeimiJamie nevertheless what he said is true... mostly. You just stop thinking apart from the situation. I mean i do think if things are going wrong, but otherwise I can switch off that self-consciousness. I'm an introvert, and started off with bad social skills, so I have some similar difficulties.
I find the psyche and people very interesting though, so i switch into that. I can talk with people all day long for that reason.
@@jinclay4354 haha. That's just human interaction in a nutshell. There is a bit of a struggle with some people. Other people also have weaknesses in their social skills, so really if they can't go somewhere with a question you offer then it's kinda on them.
You know the ultimate mastermind trick is to pick up on something interesting that they said and ask them about that, and then pick up on something interesting they say on that and ask, and on and on, if it's interesting to you it can become quite a buzz.
OMG THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL
I have never seen autism being described in this way in my whole life! I have felt different from everyone for my entire life, that I am strange, weird and cringe, I always struggled to connect and interact with people in a way that I developed an extreme social anxiety and I have always felt that people never believe me when I am talking, like I had no value or that I am not a person that makes sense or something like that, idk but that is REALLY frustrating
And at the same time that I feel that I must be autistic, I feel guilt to think about it beacuse I don’t “act” like that steriotypical autistic person with repetitive behaviors and everything and I don’t want to be “lying” :(
You’re not strange, weird or cringe … you do matter and I’m glad you’re still here ❤
You're just like me. I always belittled myself...I did not feel like a person whose experiences were human-like to be deemed a person...idk how to explain. My whole life I felt insignificant from everyone else and felt like everyone else was better than me in a way. Doesnt help that I am the oldest daughter who always gets chewed out because I dont meet the expectations of that. My little brother, 3 years younger than me, (Im 16 and hes 13) has the stereotypical, clinically researched autism. He hums, giggles for no reason, and screams/gets violent when he's overstimulated. All my life i was just seen as quirky and because of my brother I was overlooked and also my parents demonized the hell out of autism, which brought me to have a big misunderstanding about it as well, leaving me to not fully grasp the fact that it is a spectrum. I always wondered how people made friends so suddenly and could be so close to people 🥲 It took me 2 years to be close to these friends I have right now in highschool, at first I just saw them as people who didn't mind being around me but I couldnt be myself around. I act like a different person with different people I talk to, whether it be texting or irl. I accomodate to a lot of people, and Ive been doing it my whole life. I remember being a church and hearing these people talk and thinking "I wish I could talk normal like that" whatever that meant???😭
Wow Didi I really relate to that... I've never felt like there's a place for me in this world and I've always been seen as quirky and I feel as if I've created a character that's a performer bit it makes me feel so alone because my "self" is so much more ordinary than what I put a front of... I haven't found my passions yet but I hyperfixate into many different things (art/music/researching sociology/psychology/history sporatically) but I've never been able to fully commit to anything aside from my ojibwe culture. I feel like an imposter because I know I'm different but I'm not quite like other autistic people even though I can very much relate to others who are autistic and understand and appreciate them so much... I'm still on the fence if I am or not
thats exactly my type of autism. i’m glad you’re here too.
@@Didi...... OMG YES!!!
I FEEL YOU!
I am also the oldest daughter, the “older sister” and I don’t even fit this, I do not feel or act like and older sister
And my sisters are 11 and 18 years younger then me…
I always felt like an “error” or a “failure”, and I was never able to trully connect with someone…
I was working with Yale university on a particular problem they had. They asked me about autism and I was like I know nothing about it. They said everyone there knew I was autistic except for me. I went through a variety of rigorous tests and sure enough what they all apparently knew was true. I was 50 years old at the time. Since that diagnosis. My life is so much better. I learned how to deal with certain things that had plagued me my entire life. They use to call it Apsergers now they just say on the spectrum. Whatever the term, it sure made my life better. Videos like this channel has helped my family immensely.
How to let someone know?
Autism is fictional. You learned to share fiction? You think and act as if its non-fiction?
ya we were told by a date of ours around age 30
he worked as a teacher with special needs kids
didn’t mean it negatively at all like we have #ADHD and are very sympathetic we we could tell there was no ill intent or insecurity
also a coworker of ours tried to indirectly tell us one day cause her grandson is autistic but we didn’t get that till years later
it’s hard for us to pick up in implied messages at all
#autism #audhd #ottawa #toronto
@@KhaoticDeterminism special needs is fictional.
@@KhaoticDeterminism So true. "it’s hard for us to pick up in implied messages at all"
I function reasonably well, but at the end of the day i feel drained and just want to be by myself to relax. Even having a conversation feels hard work. Also, if im in a room with people whether i know them or not, for example at Work , there always seems to be this feeling over me of discomfort and anxiety?? But if im alone in that room, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest....
Same for me I thought I was the only one who experienced this.
Same! It’s actually exhausting sometimes I just want to be able to hang out with people and not overthink every single interaction with them... but that’s almost impossible so being alone is just easier :/
ditto!! I agree with everything you said. I live alone and I prefer it. However, I'm not a total introvert either... I often crave human interaction; I need the approval of my family and my close friends. Sometimes I really enjoy going out to be around strangers. At times it just feels good to be seen and to be around the company of others. But when I'm with people aaallll day - or even most of the day - I feel anxious, annoyed and just overall uncomfortable. Like you said, at the end of the day it is so satisfying to just be alone and totally unwind; I feel at peace, but after too long I will get lonely. Can anybody else relate?
this. I’m a MD, and after spending the whole day treating people at work I must come home and cloister myself until the next day. Need my me time. People are draining. Mostly I only like to have family around, maybe because all of us have a somewhat small degree of functioning autism afterall.
@@nielsen462 i totally relate.
The part where you said people can't believe you struggle with 'normal' tasks and think you are lying or making it up was a real light bulb moment for me. It's nice to finally find that other people like me actually exist. Thank you.
Bosses and supervisors have always seen me as slow and wanted me to finish my work faster. To me it seemed like I was already rushing and being sloppy, but they wanted it done now. Am I slow or are they impatient?
@@HarmonicWave I hav a qwestin
I get scoffed at work when I need clarification on "obvious" topics. Or have a legitimate concern that most would take lightly or jokingly. Or when I receive comments and sarcasm in a literal sense. Or when I'm given instructions and follow them verbatim, especially if they are via text because then I pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to give me clues about the context of the message. So when someone tells me to do a task and I do it EXACTLY as I was instructed, and then say that they should have been more specific they think I'm acting out of spite or rebellion when I'm only being "normal" and operating like I always do. Some people don't see the patterns, they only see the problems.
@@LoveUnderWill I relate to this comment very deeply.
@@LoveUnderWill Same thing.
I'm almost crying. I've always known I might be autistic, especially since one of my brothers is as well, but this really puts it into perspective for me and is driving it home. Just wanting to be myself and not have to try so hard to pretend to fit in, it's been such a struggle. I'm almost 34, and I need to start pursuing this and separate what I do to mask from who I actually am, because I've been influenced even by those I consider friends
The "other planet" syndrome hit me so hard. I've been explaining my experience to people in those exact terms "it's like I'm from another planet" without even knowing this was a thing. When I "came out" to a long time friend about being autistic and told them about feeling like an alien she said, "you never seemed that different," and I responded, "that's because I've been observing your species for a very long time." We both got a good laugh out of that. I'm so blessed to have friends who accept me. To my fellow autistic brothers and sisters, those good people DO exist.
I'm still waiting to find good friends. Real ones that don't try to or take advantage of me.
I smiled widely.
Super sense of humor, and so gifted with right friends
Yes, sometimes I feel like Capt. Kirk when he beamed aboard the Enterprise, and realized it was not his ship, not his crew, and not his Universe. Watch the episode "Mirror Mirror," that is how I feel sometimes navigating my way through life.
Haha too cute
I'm currently trying to get an evaluation so I'm not diagnosed yet, but I relate SO deeply to all of the autistic people I've spoken with online. This is a big one! I was OBSESSED with aliens as a kid, and told everyone that I was one. I watched every single TV show and movie about aliens and UFOs, read tons of books, and had a whole creepy notebook full of drawings of aliens. I used to sleep walk a lot as a kid, and when I woke up in the yard I believed it was because my alien brethren picked me up in the night for a visit to see how I was doing and check my vitals. I thought I had a tracking chip implanted in my hand so they knew where I was, and that the chip allowed me to change radio and TV stations by waving my hand over it. Lol!
I remember telling my dad that I "knew" I was adopted. He went along with it and made up a story on the spot about how I was left on the doorstep by a race of aliens who looked like purple cats. I then went to my mum on the other side of the house and told her I knew I was adopted. She went along with it and made up a story on the spot about how I was left on the doorstep by a race of aliens who looked like purple cats. Their stories were identical, despite them being well out of earshot of each other. I still wonder sometimes if they were telling the truth.
Nah they were just prepared
they probably joked about it before hand mans
Your mom probably overheard your dad but pretended she didn't. It's nice that you had funny parents!
Beautiful
Welcome to planet Earth and being Human dear soul from Purple cat Alien race.I trust that you navigate well. Blessings to you!
I’m 34 years old and for most of my life I’ve always felt like an “outsider.” I had friends, and I could move between the groups/cliques in school, but I never truly felt connected to anyone. In fact, I still have this problem. Much of my life has been spent over analyzing every situation, dreaming up all possibilities, and losing my place in the conversations that were actually taking place.
I always wondered how people made friends, and formed groups, and even now it seems like everyone I know is in at least one group chat except for me. Never finding my place, and feeling like some imposter when I do finally find myself fitting in a little too well, even though it’s not really all that well at all.
The scripting is real. The disbelief is real. The other planet syndrome reference is way too real at this point.
I’d say 90% of this video resonated with me. And now I don’t know how to feel.
i discovered a year ago (i’m 32) and i felt relief. all those years spending in tears, searching for the answer “why they don’t except me, why i don’t have friends” - they are gone. now i know: those who doesn’t like me just feels that i’m different and can’t resist this xenophobic feeling. and now i have friends, my beloved autistic and hdhd friends, who understand me. and neurotipical friend (only one) too! that’s how i felt and am feeling right now 🗿
Same. Never knew how to make friends.
You should feel like, this is me and I'm going to be me ! Be happy with who you are. Some people won't get you - it's their loss. But some will begin to understand, and they're your friends. It's not easy - I'm still working on it. But trying to fit in ? - we don't.
These are the only types of forums that I feel I can relate to all of you here… There’s a paradox for autism groups because I can never find my way into them or the activities that they are supposed to have. It’s so weird… It’s like the phrase autism group is an oxymoron for me… Because socially I could never figure out how to get in! I’m no good with technology and I am legally blind, so I feel extra isolated: (
@Catherine Ives I thought that was introvert vs extrovert difference. Has nothing to do with ability, enjoyment, or understanding like is so oft used as stereotypes the awkward introvert that hates socializing because x,y,z because they dont get it, but rather, the introvert recharges alone and expends energy socializing, while the extrovert finds alone time exhausting and difficult and socializing recharges and invigorates them. But who knows, its such a rabbit hole when gas lighting gets throw into the mix, and masking, not to mention how humans love tribalism and the "us vs them" that people feel can get out of control, and you see what you look for and so desperately wanting there to be a "thing" to explain a deficiency in our lives is so appealing, BUT.... by no means does any of that mean its not real! Good thing I learned to love chasing my tail, used to make myself sick going over it all in my head.
Im 37 and someone recently suggested that I do an aspie test. I've came up with a score of 145 of 200 for neurodivergent, and 61 of 200 for neurotypical. Looking back at my childhood, it's crazy no one ever looked into this.
I was a very picky eater as a child and would rather starve than eat anythibg other than certain foods. I always take my socks off as I hate the feeling of them. I've been known to cut tags off. I get easily frustrated at the most mundane things and have mini meltdowns. I've never been one for social cues, I really struggle to make friends at all. I have no friends other than one acquaintance who checks in a couple times a year. I fixate on things A LOT - could be a song, a celebrity, a subject, an anime, a TV show or even a colour.
Going tk make an appointment with my Dr to see if the test I took wasn't just me being a hypochondriac
This really hit me.
I cut the tags off my tops.
That's because Aspergers really wasn't a thing that was recognized and diagnosed in the 80s and early 90s. It didn't get added to the DSM as a diagnosis until 1994. It took a while after that for doctors to become familiar with it.
"wrong planet syndrome"
crazy. i always used to tell my mom i dont feel like i was made for this world
YES ME TOO!! I always feel like I’m not supposed to be here or like I’m some creature that just happened to land here!
Brilliant! That is exactly how I feel also. Let's be honest if the Earth was only inhabited by us it would still be the beautiful, complex, magical biosphere it had the potential to be before neurotypicals and the 'lizards' started exploiting and devastating it. Also society would be very well organised and fair but without the cities and shopping malls! Bliss. Enjoy!
Always thought I was born at the wrong time, tho during a particularly bad phase i began to wonder if I was a human form cylon lol
I wrote a poem called “I’m an Alien from Neptune.” It literally explains this exactly.
@@velvetindigonight Lizards are the best animals ever lizards are not a threat to wild life, but other than that I agree with you.
I'm 73. I just realized, within the past week, that I am on the spectrum. It explains EVERYTHING about me. I don't know whether to be relieved or upset that none of my many therapists even entertained the notion. I wish I had known sooner.
Wow, you made it all the way to 73 without hitting the usual roadblocks that Autistic people suffer from which makes them get diagnosed much sooner? It could just be that the diagnosis was not popular at the time you started therapy or continued through it for people at the age you were at the time you attended therapy. So what exactly are your symptoms? I always used to think autism, while having a wide range of symptoms across the spectrum, was a neurological issue that had to do with motor functioning difficulties, difficulties processing information, severe reactions to too much sensory input, all due to it being a neurological problem, some kind of issue with the neurology, which often shows symptoms in slightly unusual facial motions, odd speech patterns and cadence, sound / tone and volume control issues, strange seeming physical posture, not understanding or being oblivious to social cues or the facial reactions or tones expressing unspoken sort of sentiment and information from others and having difficulty performing such tones themselves, let alone understanding them or hearing them (it has to do with vocal motor skills as well).
Often people with autism also don't understand social boundaries, where to stop, when to stop talking or what is inappropriate to say, it is not that they understand and do it anyway, they simply had no idea and blurt out all that they want to or feel like in the moment without the normal inhibitions or issues. In popular culture, a lot of focus has gone into symptoms which sound to me to be different from what clinicians should be focused on, and it has become really popular for people to diagnose themselves or insist upon a diagnosis of autism, which now seems to include a lot of people who don't seem to have any neurological issues or the same symptoms as what I think the problem should have been consistently connected to.
Motor issues, such as "clumsiness" in movement, in actions, difficulty dealing with intricate motor tasks. Somehow, a lot of these people calling themselves Autistic are also calling themselves "High Functioning" and basically seem to defy any sort of historic symptoms for Autism, it almost sounds like they just want to be called something for what kinds of spaces and conversations it allows them to be part of, but can you imagine how strange and rude it might be that there could be people who don't actually have any real symptoms who then are "showing off" in front of people who have serious neurological issues and disabilities? Certainly, anyone who would do that is crazy and sick in their own way, most likely with some kind of a psychological personality disorder. The problem is, many clinicians now seem more than happy to diagnose practically anyone who wants to be called this or that, as having this or that, and this I think has been responsible for some of the humungous boom in people all "coming out" as Autistic, increasingly so, for the last 2 decades or so.
I recently made a shortfilm about autism, i hope you like it! ua-cam.com/video/dr4bX8qmed0/v-deo.html
I’m sorry:(
Most therapists still don't know that autism without intellectual, motor or speech impairment. General psychologists are trained 2 deal with normal healthy people. Clinical psychologists are just beginning to catch on. I'm so grateful for Paul and this video and the 25 questions one changed my life! Let's have a good cry, a scream and then celebrate!!
@Daniela Sutherna ??
I always felt everyone else “got the handbook” on how social things work and I didn’t. I still feel panicky when thrust into unfamiliar situations where I don’t know what is expected of me or how things will go. Laughed at alien part! I’ve always thought that!! Thanks for your insight!
I feel the exact same way. I’ll add that I’ve felt, growing up, like I was observing everyone else getting along just fine from behind 2” of glass.
Do drugs thats what i did
Other people have asked me, "What are you?" Several have said I am some sort of alien.
@@benmcallister3719 This is literally, word for word, how I describe it. I call it "the box", and it really does feel like I've watched the whole world just stroll right past me for my whole entire life
After 20 years, this is the first time I’m hearing others have been called an alien as well. It is such a relief to know I’m actually not alone..
What a relief! I thought I was the only one to have that 'wrong planet' feeling. I took it to the point where I told a group of high school friends I was stranded here and just waiting for a ship to come and take me home. I was so 'different' they half believed me. I smile about it now, but life was so painful as a teen. Diagnosis finally came at sixty. And most days I still feel like an alien.
I absolutely dislike small talk, and don't particularly like masking that I do.
I hate small talk unless it's about something I enjoy
I cannot find a way to speak that doesn't start with small talk like how do you go up to someone and just have a meaningful conversation or just something that's not merely "oh hey the weather is decent what's your thoughts about the current temperature and cloud formations?" I wanna talk about... idk, other things.
I don't small talk, it's either big or I don't talk. People always say they learn something from me, rather then converse. Only because they're my special interests.
So exactly like half of humanity then.
Oh I hate it too, it's one reason I hate online dating apps, it's somehow expected of you, but it's just pointless. The moment that I start to hate small talk is "how are you" the social response that is expected is no less than "I'm doing good" even if you have a plan for serious things...
Being awkward in social situations, sometimes avoiding eye contact, feeling like alien, having monotone voice, feeling like I'm constantly on guard with people - this made me feel like I'm on spectrum but it's so mild that it's hard to self-diagnose. Either I got good at masking myself or it's some other issue.
Yeah it's hard because a lot of stuff overlaps with other factors. Like I have anxiety and there are similar traits. I also was emotionally neglected growing up so that could attribute to some delayed progress in learning social cues and forming relationships. It's common for people to not have learned skills due to not being taught by parents. It's just a lot and I'm still trying to figure my shit out. I've tried to self-diagnose to my psychiatrist but she said she didnt notice anything aside from generalized anxiety and social anxiety.
@@qazedc3 you described my situation perfectly 🥲 my therapist has me down for generalized/social anxiety as well.
@@qazedc3 same, but it feels like more than that
This is so relatable. You guys are reading my mind.
Wow, this is incredibly similar to how I am. Also not willing to self-diagnose, but I know something’s not right. Cheers brother
I’m a veterinary nurse, got my diagnosis as an adult a few years ago. It all makes sense, animals are very direct in their communication, I know I’m able to read them without any confusion.
Wish they didn’t come with an owner though.
I completed uni without any issues, but I still get anxious riding a new bus on my own.
😂😂 . Loved this post lol
I love being around animals. They just behave naturally, without as many slightly artificial social conventions. Totally get your other comment - I have three university degrees but get anxious about catching a new train. Self-soothing and fake confidence is my main coping behaviours
I'm the same way, but I went the computer direction. I'm really good at understanding computers as they too are very direct lol.
Yeah, I never understood how people can find animals confusing. I work with animals and I find that they actually make perfect sense 100% of the time...while humans overall do not seem logical to me at all.
I have parrots and even the surrender I adopted from say whatever you are doing keep doing it. Because they are excelling so quickly. I can just read them.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Being dismissed out of hand, being cut off in mid-sentence and people turning away leaving you talking to yourself are pretty good indicators that at least something is not right.
Or people just straight up ignoring you.
That One Weird Kid ummmm.......yeah.
Oh really.....other people experience these things too?
I thought they were unique to me!
I've gone through life wondering why the whole world was so rude to me!
What did I do to deserve being treated like that?
Who else gets that treatment?
With whom?
Nautilus1972 of course, on at least two occasions, they got their just desserts; just didn’t see it coming.
I have this really distinct memory of telling one of my friends (we were about 5-6) that I forgot what my personality was because I had been copying everyone else my age
Yep. Been there, minus the friends part. I was never able to be myself due to the embedded general conformism in modern society, which works like an amplifier to autistic difficulties, to understand social behaviours and just being yourself. You burn out, before you become like _them_ , and by that time, you are nobody, because you have lost yourself in the process of trying to achieve the impossible. We can't be who we are, even if we knew who we are, in a world that favours -confirmity- *conformity* above all else.
Sounds like that spongebob episode
Definitely have had this experience. Just copying those around me because any other tactic like being myself was too error prone
Wowwww, this was my exact thought a few days ago
SAME HERE, i remember very vividly being confronted by 4-5 people in middle school saying i should get myself a personality because it's really embarrassing and awkward that i take a small part of everyone's personality and assemble it altogether to make it my own and it only results in me being unnatural and cringey. so i just stopped talking to people and spent all my time at school sitting near the toilets or hiding in the school library when it was open
It's really hard to tell if you feel normal, since you have only ever experienced your point of view. But yet you still have this feeling of you being different from everyone else.
What if everyone has this, but only some admit it..
Yeah. How am I supposed to know If I'm normal if I have no idea what normal actually is
as a kid i was the bad kid but that was my way of fitting in so no one liked me or got on with me because of that and not the fact that i was different so i then went on with this as a teen and then took drugs to cope its not now that im free from all that and being the real geek me. that my traits are there so strong. iam really hyper vigilant of them. wen i found this video it was breath taking to finally find out wat was rong with me all these years as i was obsessed with mental health and psychology always reading my self i was so confused and still am i little but iam 100% certain iam on the spectrum my mum had an idea wen i was a kid but thay would not listn to her i do have other mental health as well well that's wat i think time will tell as i dont no wats autism and wats not so still researching
For me, the others are different not me (kind of actually, I know I'm the different one) lol I grew up being called mature for my age and I really thought every other kid was foolish and too childish. Now I'm called too childish for my age and I still think people are foolish but now boring.
You know your different when you're a kid cause you're always left out don't understand why they think things are funny and don't know or care what superhero has what special power and would rather know practical knowledge or learn about history. I would rather just be normal and fit in.
I have been a psychiatric nurse for just short of 25 years. I am now just figuring out that I am likely on the spectrum. These videos really resonated with me. One thing that really explained a lot was how much I identify with other people on the spectrum. I cared for a profoundly autistic gentleman as a patient about 10 years ago. He was entirely nonverbal, extremely violent, and impulsive. He would punch, bite, kick, charge, and headbutt people without any warning. Normally, people who are that violent need to be sedated and restrained but that was completely out of the question given his diagnosis. I was assigned to be with him 1:1. My 'knowing how to be present with him' in a way that gave him a sense of calm and security was nearly instantaneous. My manager asked me how much experience I had caring for profoundly autistic persons of his acuity. I replied, "About 3 hours so far." My favorite part was when he sat down in the middle of the hallway on the locked unit, and I plopped down cross-legged about a foot away, facing 30 degrees away from him. He immediately scooted over the tile and entangled his arms and legs with me like we shared the same crib as children. I developed a ten-point care plan for other staff titled, "How ways to 'be present' with Bill (not his real name)." For those who are not nurses, care plans are usually geared toward the patient, not toward the staff caring for the patient.
Three inner "defining experiences" (time stamps)
1 5:30 FEELING DIFFERENT
2 7:37 NOT BEING BELIEVED
3 9:38 SOCIAL CONFUSION
I am commenting to raise this
thats most humans
I can relate to the first two, but not the social confusion usually.
Thank you 👍
🙏🏻
I was always deathly afraid of "The circle." It's when a bunch of neurotypicals stand in a closed circle and talk with each other. It's like a lockout for my autistic brain.
I could never seem to wedge myself in there properly. Always trying to make room for others while not losing my spot felt really hard.
OMG, same 😂😭 and walking with a bigger group, I always end up far in front of everyone or far behind... being on a side of such group is difficult and walking surrounded by others - impossible.
I also don't like when someone stands too close to me, like there has to be at least 50 cm of personal space or otherwise I get nervous and annoyed. Friendly hugs make me anxious.
SAME
@@realswobby omg I almost cried here...my whole life till I just gave up on it.
@@realswobby omg I almost cried here...my whole life till I just gave up on it.
I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia, ADHD and Aspergers aged 59, and I was really shocked, but cried in the office. He was so sorry he upset me, but I said, no, I am crying with relief! All my life i have felt like I was living in a bubble, with no map, no advice, and everyone else seemed to know about everything. I still cant work out what clothes to buy or how to do my hair but have a law degree!! Your video's have finally help me accept the diagnoses, after all the years in between, and Im not an alien, I am one of us xxxx
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
What a combination! Dyspraxia is the ultimate kicker, I am so impressed you managed to mask it all so perfectly for 59 years! ❤🎉 Congratulations on your discovery!
I get it! The law degree probably was way easier than some of the so-called "small things". I mean you just sit and focus and do the thing and then you get the degree. But its the fact that nobody ever wrote a book on all the "little things" that society just refuses to train people on. In some ways were almost immune to culture which is the mechanism society uses to train these things, which although creates exhaustion for people it also prevents the adoption of many bias' which is a strong advantage in my opinion.
You sound like a wonderful woman, and I LOVE your hair in your profile pic 🙂
@@BravosReviews EXACTLY i'm studying computer science and i'm THRIVING but i can't just do all the "living" things by myself because i just never get thought
The example of walking between classes is an excellent example of the difference between ADHD and autism. Both individuals are likely to experience some challenges in this situation but for different reasons.
As a person with ADHD I relate to the challenge but not to the why. I distinctly remember two versions of this. I would be so engaged thinking about something or talking to someone that I wouldn’t be fully conscious of transferring from one location to another. I would find myself thinking “wait, how did I get here?”.
Alternatively, I would be acutely aware of the fact that I’m “forced” to do something structured/boring and find a way to make it entertaining (goof off/walk funny/play pranks on others). Yes, I was the kid who would forget my backpack in the previous classroom OR I was the kid who talked or clowned around due to a low tolerance of boredom.
I wouldn’t be odd because of treating it like an anthropological study, I intuitively know how close/far apart to walk (this doesn’t even cross my mind to think about it just happened naturally) but because of my intense engagement vs low engagement (attention/inattention) it wouldn’t necessarily be a friction free or smooth transfer between two locations.
In one scenario I’m forgetting to bring my backpack and in the other I’m testing the limits of my backpack (i.e I’m hurling it in the air and catching it to relieve boredom).
I don’t know if this is helpful for distinguishing between ADHD and Autism. When I got older I could still have the urge to throw my backpack in the air, but social convention would stop me😉.
Ugh this is is so relatable to me as someone who has pretty bad adhd but probably isn’t autistic. Couldn’t have said it better myself
I thought all my weirdness was trauma related so I thought I could "fix" myself completely with psychology, but I hit a wall where I couldn't change anything else and now I know that it is because those things are neurological. Time to embrace what's left as who I am and stop apologising for being me. I am not sorry anymore, and part of that, for me, meant leaving society altogether. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and, hey, just in time. I missed a whole pandemic.
Can relate. I thought it was due to trauma too, but then after a long lifetime of effort I realized I can’t change myself. I am sure I have autism, but have no energy left for an official diagnosis. I realized it when I recognized autism in my great nephew and grandchildren.
U should try Moda for chemical change, look into it
Oh, spot on! I thought the weirdness of me was from childhood trauma, but a couple of kids later with the same weirdness have mea clue, and now, at 50, I'm doing trauma sessions to clear the fog a bit and find myself underneath.
I've been bullied in school for about ten years. All the difficulties I've been having throughout the years since I usually explained with social phobia. I've tried various therapies and medications but nothing ever seemed to help. And frankly I sometimes felt like a fraud when it struck me that in most of the situations I didn't even feel phobic; it was something else I felt, something I couldn't put my finger on. Probably it's best called social confusion. Then again there were many social situations in which I would feel just fine given that the situation was very familiar or that I was in amore or less predictable one-to-one setting. (Which made me feel even more fraudulent.) Also a therapist has told me that I don't appear like a social phobic. Meanwhile I wonder whether the reason I've been bullied was my being socially "off", somehow, in the first place. Rather than the other way round. I never really understood why I've been bullied, anyway. (Not that there was a legitimate reason for bullying anyone, but there are more poignant "reasons" such as visible disabilities for example.) In my case I just felt alien to other children early on ...
I'll have my ASD assessment this autumn and I hope that it will shed some light unto my trials and tribulations. :)
The moment when he talked about watching from the outside and being completely fine just watching, that resonated with me so much. I am 20 and in my friend groups I would just sit at the lunch table with them, barely giving any input at all and I would be thoroughly enjoying myself. That would literally be my best part of the day, just listening to my friends talk to each other.
But whenever they try to include me, or I try to include myself, I prepare so much and in the moment everything just blanks. I almost cried when he described my exact experience! That is me to the T!!!
And when he mentioned scripting... oh my god. That was my only coping mechanism when I was working at a grocery store. I literally had a list of responses that I would train myself to say naturally like "hello how can i help you?" or "want me to scan this?"
and once, I had said "Hello, how are you?" to a customer while I was cashiering and she said "I'm good, how about you?" and I looked up and stopped everything for a solid minute because my brain literally malfunctioned. I didn't know how to respond. I had only prepared for them to respond with one word, not try to continue the conversation.
I was literally about to go to a session with my very first therapist in 2 days... and this was the #1 problem I wanted to talk to her about. I am completely nonexistent in social interactions. I thought it was something extremely wrong with me, like a result of trauma or self confidence or all these other things... I never suspected it would be autism. My mind is literally blown right now. I'll have to bring this up to her for sure.
So what happened during the session? Did you go the Autism route or did she end up figuring out something else as possibly the issue?
bro omg fr whenever i go to parties or stuff i am always sitting in the corner or something and i will be having the best time of my life even if I’m not doing anything. i spoke to my therapist about it yesterday, i enjoy so much watching my friends have fun and being themselves and i’m perfectly fine with not joining in
I always feel that I must be so boring to other people when they talk and I just listen, I'm so used to just receiving and never know what to say, except maybe with very close friends, and even then only on subjects I really like and know, give me something new and I'll be at a loss.
I really don't know if I'm in the spectrum or not as I didn't find everything in this video exactly reflected my inner world, but I do feel like you shared I think : )
@@swagmeister5323 I know this comment is super old but I just wanted to share something similar. I went to a party recently and a very nice girl got pretty drunk and just monologued her life story to me for 30 minutes and it was the best interaction with someone I've ever had. She was a great story teller and all I had to do was smile, laugh and say "oh me too!" every now and then. I don't really get to have fun conversations WITH people, so I'm still so happy a week later.
Most people, especially strangers only give one word answers when asked how are you...only thing is if they asked how are you first then you reply "good, and you?" Or "good, how are you?" But yea basically when you ask someone "how are you?" And they respond "good, how about you?" You can just say "good" or "I'm good, thank you"
As an autistic, have you ever felt that it's emotionally different when hearing to music from a speaker, radio, etc. than when hearing it with earbuds?
I can't play stuff from a speaker, only with my earbuds. I never understand how people want to play things without earbuds it feels so wrong and weird to me 😅
Absolutely. But as someone highly interested in music and sound production (and a self-diagnosed Aspie), I believe this is true for the general population as well... Don't quote me on that, though
I can't wear earbuds cause I'm disturbed by the sounds happening by friction on the cable and I genuinely don't like it. It feels so odd.
I don't usually care about music. If it's already playing, I just listen. If nothing is playing, it's likely I won't put anything on. If I put something on, it's usually out of nostalgia, then I listen to it for, like, 3 hours on average. I only use my earbuds because I'm very strict about my privacy. But, in general, music doesn't make me feel different. Not without any context, at least.
@@sarahhavillamelooliveira5825 Dude, wireless stuff is pretty cheap these days ^^ I had this issue all my life, and it was hell in public transport, but now I prefer the wireless ones over any speaker (they tend to have better sound quality too, and some are also noise cancelling). I highly recommend the JBL Live, they're a bit pricy, but the noise cancelling is pretty damn good even without any music, and they also have a setting that feeds you outside sounds so you're safer in traffic and hear people talking better with the noise cancelling stopping some of the bad sounds xD
Your 25 questions if I am in the spectrum already brought me close to tears. But your examples of "feeling different" and "not being believed" made me cry very hard. Because I remember, at around the age of six, I got very close to asking my parents if I am really related to my father. We looked alike, but there was so absolutely nothing I could relate with about him - or any body else in my family. And, yes, as long as I can remember, I could do nothing at home but wonder: What must I do to fit in? When I told them why I was crying or why I was angry, they told me I'm lying in order to get attention, I'm just pretending. So I avoided the do-not emotions and put on happy face and played at confidence in order to avoid situations that I wouldn't be believed in. I tried to fit in, every day. I've spent days and nights thinking about our arguments, how to avoid them, how to act, how to pronounce a word just right, to use intonation, what timing, and so on. I still do this today and I'm scripting out dialogues on a very literal level, in order to prepare myself for difficult conversations - just to get blown away by all the stimuli and input, but I thought that's just my ADHD?
What I'm trying to say is that, well, at some point in my life the same struggles happened with my peers, and I performed badly. Previously I had hardly any friends and I didn't try to connect with them, I was the outsider, they ignored me, I ignored them, that's been the agreement of peace in every town, and my mother switched cities often. So in my childhood and youth, I had all these problems with my parents and family. When I was finally allowed to go my own way, it nearly destroyed me to realize that the problems turned up again now that I could no longer ignore my peers - and they too refused to stay out of my hair. It's not that I didn't want social relationships, quite the opposite, I love friendship and romance. It's just always been something that happens to other people who magically knew how to do it.
Sorry for writing so much, but you've adressed so many things I hardly confessed even to myself before. You gave me a lot to think about, and perhaps also the means I need to give my professional and social life that further adjustments to avoid my next burnout. I'm sure I couldn't bear another.
This video feels like a hug for someone like me that's always felt so lost. This video is so clarifying i almost want to cry.
🤗💓💓 same x
I cried, no shame 👍
The Freaky Bean this💖💖💖💖🥺🥺🥺🥺
same here.
i felt so shocked at first, then so sorry for myself and wanted to cry then quickly switched to laughing bcs like duuude i have autism
definetely a one veeery important realisation. and what s sad - i cant just unsee it and return to assuming i m as normal as everybody else.
I’m actually bawling my eyes out watching this. I’ve always known. I’ve always known there was something different about me. My parents always chalked it up to social anxiety and being an introvert. But all of this. This makes sense for me. The over analyzing. The sensory issues. I remember being really young and my mom scolded me for staring at a group of teenagers in a Starbucks. But I was analyzing them. I couldn’t understand them.
I remember kids running away from me on the playground.
I hate when people ask how I am. I can’t handle chewing sounds. Bright lights and loud noises get to me.
I realize I check my reflection in public constantly. Not because of vanity. It’s because I think I’m being weird. I always think everyone is looking at me. So I don’t look at anyone.
I think I want to explore self diagnoses.
How to not have people ask annoying question:
Coworker: How are you?
Me: Absolutely dreadful. My dad killed himself last night.
Coworker: I'm sorry, but didn't you say that to ___ last week?
Me: Yea.
Coworker: ...
Hi, this all sounds like the effects of trauma to me. It sounds like you also have PTSD. Have you ever tried therapy? Our brains block out and dissociate the most painful things, so they may be things you barely remember... some of the weird flashes of stuff in your mind. Those are memories. I highly encourage therapy. I left another comment above that I think pertains to you as well. I am like every comment on here and MORE, but I know that these are symptoms that stem from trauma. I wish you all the best
I recently made a shortfilm about autism, i hope you like it! ua-cam.com/video/dr4bX8qmed0/v-deo.html
Or get a real diagnosis...
If you need to look into things to figure it out, you shouldn't worry about it.
I have extreme anxiety and have difficulty socializing yet I can read people extremely well and often uncover what people are thinking without even speaking to them.
I agree with everything you said but I'd add that even though I can read them, I cannot understand them sometimes.
For example, I can see clearly that someone is obsessed with money or status, but it seems like such a weird concept to me.
we need to hang out!
@@miaferrari958 Exactly! It's like they are predictable in a way because you learned HOW they function, yet they still surprise you sometimes because you can't still understand WHY do they function like that.
This resonates with me. Though I wouldn't say I ever had "extreme" anxiety, I definitely struggled with human interaction, but would notice subtle cues from afar. One thing that really turned things around for me was when I decided to stop trying to put on a show for other people, and just start being open and honest, and tell people what I see and think.
Sometimes you'll miss the mark and offend someone, but more often people will be grateful for the insight about themselves. With practice you'll figure out how to be more tactful and avoid offending people.
Yes I resonate with this too. However I would add one point - and that is that it's possible to "read" more about them than they are conscious of themselves, and then I need to be have a great deal of sensitivity (and skill), exploring exactly that they are conscious of and/or willing to discuss without them being triggered or overwhelmed
Thank you. My son is 12 and we just got his diagnosis. I couldn’t understand how his IQ results were so high and how capable he is of learning things, yet he is having trouble reading. Hearing you and reading all the comments made me feel like he is not alone. As you are going trough your experiences I recognize my son in almost all of them. Walking in groups and hallways in school are another one that hit close to home. I appreciate you sharing this.
I used to think that I had some kind of disability and everybody was pretending I didn’t and treating me normally to protect me
This is the first time I've ever seen someone else say that. I've felt the same way my entire life
Wow, yeah....that’s something I always felt too. I also felt like people pitied me, and gave me an easy ride...never really disciplined.
@@___.__._.Ayla._.__.___ same for me too! i still honestly don’t know what to think
This resonated with me on so many levels
Omgg I thought I was crazy
For a minute I didn't think "not being believed" applied to me all that much, but then I realized, sometimes it takes the form of them saying "that happens to everyone". And sure, it happens to everyone, sometimes and a little bit, but not to the depth or with the frequency that I'm actually feeling. Less they don't "believe" me, more they don't really understand what I actually mean and it isn't worth the effort to get them to understand.
My mom died July 4th 2021 after 2 years in 'decline' ... She was 85. I just turned 60, and I just realized this describes me. When I broke down and cried to my mother she would call me narcissistic and looking for attention ... I was MISERABLE until last year ... I love my mom, and I always will, but she was more cruel than the worst bullies. She never wanted me to be anything but the "perfect college textbook salesman making $75K bonuses" and would tell me I was just LAZY ... I just could NOT act anymore! After a decade of 'perfection', I was swilling down 1/2 a gallon of vodka every night...I nearly died from rupturing my pancreas, and my mother was HUMILIATED at my weakness, and rescheduled a trip to RUSSIA to 'rebuild my life for me'. The most humiliating experience of my life. I tried to simply disappear after that, but instead mother drove me harder and harder. The day she told my SISTER 'do you want to be 40 with no job, and no savings, not even a HOUSE of your own?!!" She was describing ME! I said, "I'm standing RIGHT HERE!" (Sis was 10 years younger than me (30) and had been looking for a job a couple of weeks!)...
If you feel like you're on the spectrum, and your relationship with your family is like mine (they need YOU to make THEM look better)...Please seek therapy. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR SELFISH FAMILY (ASSUMING THEY WERE LIKE MINE)!!
I used to be told by EVERYONE “David, everyone gets scared. You just have to push thru it.”
What neither they nor I understood was that they were talking about butterflies and I was talking about terror.
Tho I did eventually begin to believe that we MUST be talking about different things because HOW are you supposed to push thru THIS (the terror I would experience).
I've given up after a lifetime of having to justify myself to friends and family. My friends are mostly dead now and my only family is a brother. I don't speak to him anymore because I can't face trying to explain to him why I can't just do whatever solution to my problems occurs to him. He would only listen and then filter it through his perspective, leaving me feeling like crap.
This worded exactly this way can be applied to ADHD as well! Did you also have the experience of not realizing your experience was more intense and more frequent than others' because of this communication and was it kinda funky reconceptualizing things after realizing you have a neurodivergency? I find it so funky trying to actually properly understand and conceptualize what I'm experiencing and how it's different from the neurotypical experience because whenever I talked about my experience or whenever someone talked about my behavior they were actually talking about another thing but I pinned both the vocabulary and the explanations onto my experience. I find that so fascinating.
Yea, but that just happens to everyone
Its easy for me to make friends, but its hard to keep them. I never know when its appropriate to ask them if they want to hang out and its rare someone will invite me to anything, and I always err on the side of caution and just cut ties in fear they might find me weird.. its a lonely life. Good thing I love to learn and spend the solitude studying everything from computer architecture to nutrition science to color theory :D
You just nailed it...
I'm exactly the same. I spend all my free time learning, I have few friends I actually talk to. I don't know if that make me autistic though. I took the AQ test and got 20/50. I can relate to a lot of people here in the comments about feeling different and never fitting in, but that's mostly it. Maybe it's something else for me? Idk.
i don't know if it is spectrum or not but damn it IS me
Hayden Same!!! People want to be my friend, let’s hang out ~blah blah blah but I never do... I find the meet ups always awkward....So I’d rather spend my free time learning or researching... #lonerbychoice 😂
I've learnt how to fake normal over the years but it's so exhausting. I just want to work and do my hobbies anyways. I think the reason a lot of us are so skilled at things is because we don't waste mass amounts of time socializing and just work. I don't understand how people can spend so much time chatting and socializing without any purpose. It's bizarre to me. They're just wasting time when they could be actually doing something. Every social even is just an obligation to me and I try to get them over with asap.
Thank you for talking about this topic. I am not on the spectrum but I am a Mum of two Autistic children, and a little one who is not on the spectrum. The sensory over sensitivity is a common feature often (vision, hearing, smell even touch). As my kids were diagnosed early I validated their feelings and it was an interesting adventure for me to discover their word. I could understand most of their reactions, so I encourage everyone on the spectrum to communicate their feelings and help for their parents/partners to explain their thoughts, point of view.
I remember fixating on how close I walked next to my peers. I had so much trouble, just walking down halls with a group, my mind always went crazy. I even worried about how I was walking, like "are my strides too short?" "How should I carry my arms and hands?" "Should I keep my mouth closed when I smile?"
Monica topp i always manage to step on people's feet or bump into them its the worst.
i always end up slightly ahead of or behind ppl and it stresses me out
😳 this is suspiciously relatable...
@@quasi8180 yesss,,,I never learned to dance, because my brain was so full of micro thoughts. 'Place your foot here, your hands here,,,shit I just stepped wrong, or, crap, my fingers are gripping too tight,,,,
And when I did actually bump someone or step on toes, I would be consumed by the feeling of 'I'm such an idiot that I can't dance'..
Knowing now, that I'm probably on the spectrum,,,has given me so much relief. I no longer place myself in rough situations, and no more guilt for saying no, when I need to.
@@gradientmapabuser9875 discovering the world of autism spectrum has changed that for me. Walking ahead of someone always felt 'dangerous'. Now, I remind myself that I have as much right to be here, as anyone else. Their issues, and you know everyone has some kind of issues, are no more important than my own. If they have a right to be crabby, because they are having problems,,,I have the right to smile at them, and tell them they are being a jerk. 😊
Just because our brains are different, doesn't mean they are better. Just DIFFERENT.
He had blue skin, and so did she
She kept it hid, and so did he
They searched for blue
Their whole life through
And walked right by
And never knew
Shel Silverstein
❤️
Krishna
I wonder what life would be like as a neurotypical person...must be nice not having to work so hard at basic life skills.
Lmao
I didn’t actually know other people weren’t struggling with this until I found this channel. My life is a lie 😥
Yeah but you're required to do yoga
I don't think I have autism, but I feel you buddy. Hang in there.
Exactly. Every freaking day I say that. Must be nice to be able to make friends. Must be nice to get what you want in life. To be able to meet people. To date. To have a life. I’m just so sick of everything. Sick of life. Nothing but pain and misery.
Yes I relate COMPLETELY with this little girl in the story ... I've ALWAYS been different, and I've always been rejected. All three you spoke, are all three describing me ...I also had all 20 signs of autism in a video about 20 symptoms of autism. I am so happy you posted this video!!! Always, always felt left out and I still do...even my own will leave me out...
There’s no such thing as “normal”. I was always yelled at as a child “Why can’t you be normal?!?” I’ve come to accept there’s no such thing.
what's considered normal depends on the culture and society or family and then those things change gradually so you are right. a lot of trauma has been considered normal in the past and now is being called into question, so normal isn't always good either
Parents who don't want to have challenges when raising kids tend to say that, they just don't understand what it means to have kids, they don't think about the risk and implications, they, just like animals, go by instinct and try to force the kid to be "right" or "normal" no matter how he/she/they/them were born, it's kinda sad but a lot of people are kinda like animals, they go by instinct and act on emotion alone and rarely, truly display cold thinking, but yeah, it's not your fault, people can be idiotic but it happens.
Yes, and what is considered “normal” is boring.
To be normal you have to go to a normal school LOL
@@Lucapaci0li I did. And I don’t find that humorous.
You are the first person to define and describe the term “gaslighting” in a way that I actually can understand. Thank you!
!!
no hate, but I actually think he got the explanation wrong. Gaslighting is when someone invalidates you experience for the sake of manipulation, i.e. with malicious intent or for some personal gain. But it's perfectly possible for people to invalidate your experience, simply because they can't relate to your experience - that's not intentional and hence not "gaslighting".
He absolutely defined it incorrectly. Gaslighting is when you try to intentionally get someone to question their own ability to accurately perceive reality.
@@iansmith8783 And if you lack any self reflection and do it by accident it is something completely different? How should a person who is gaslighted tell the difference?
@@ecm9251 yes. Intention is an important distinction. There is a big difference between someone intentionally trying to manipulate you and simply not understanding that you perceive the world differently.
'Not being believed.' That really resonated with me. I was treated by my family like I was a liar and that I over exaggerated things. I also really struggle in social situations, I can do the initial greeting then after that I'm at a loss as to what to say. It's excruciating and I just want to run away. I also struggle to maintain friendships. I don't know how to do it and I find it exhausting. I like my own company a lot, but I also know mental health wise that I need to connect. Thank you for this video. I am 59 and have struggled all of my life. I also think I may have ADHD. I'm going to ask for a referral for a diagnosis with my GP for ADHD. The waiting list is about 5 years.
"I can't make eye contact, get extremely uncomfortable in social situations, have specific and repetitive interests, physical tics, inability to focus on aspects of basic daily life... But I'm not Autistic or ADHD, I would have noticed" - me, daily
@Jake Pig it doesn't guarantee you're autistic, it's also a common trait in those with social anxiety/confidence issues which are also very common
denial, or just unlucky?
@@DaftFader My first assessment for ADHD is in 5 days, I'll let you know!
@@auracle6184 Good luck bud, hopefully you'll at least be able to narrow your search if you don't get a definative answer!
Eye contact is a tough one. I always make too much eye contact, not too little. My mum said I would stare at people as a kid, as if I were trying to figure them out. Now I have to remind myself to look away
As a autistic person myself, the best way to live a fulfilling life is to:
1) Accept that you are different(Who isn't?)
2) Not give a single care of what other people think of you.
If people invite you to things and listen to you, thats great.
If they don't?
Its their loss.
I am sure you can figure out much better things to do with your time than to worry about how terrible people perceive you.
Some some humanity's best have had autistic tendencies.
Be obsessive about success and keep in touch with people that accept you for who you are.
Easier said than done, especially when noticing these differences in adulthood. Still here and still learning.
Jai Sri Krshna 🪔💐
My favorite quote since I first heard it is:
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
I have been much happier since I started removing and blocking people who overload me with stimulus. I simply cannot handle certain people at all. My brain becomes entirely fixated on their ideas instead of my own. Block anyone who is just too much.
@@user-qg1jb8rw8e I've seen a quote somewhere that helped me with this: "I'd rather be hated for what i am rather than be loved for what i am not"
Never easy. They will kill you. I have been brutally murdered every single day due to Autism difference
I LOVE spending time with other people who are "on my wavelength", I feel safe and secure socialising with them and most of all, enjoy the total honesty and directness.
I know that I flew under the radar for years. By the time I reached kindergarten, I had taught myself to read. We had a set of encyclopedias that I loved to look at. I was happier with them & didn’t care much for other kids. My mother said I seemed to learn to read by watching a tv show called ‘Sing along with Mitch’.
Many times I’ve uttered those words, ‘i don’t think I belong here’. I was so smart in some things, but just trying to learn basic math was a struggle. I also do some things only left handed (I’m a righty with just handwriting). When it comes to sound, I can hear a pin drop or any other noise no one else hears!
To this day, I’m fussy about clothing. I basically have a ‘uniform ‘, variations on the same outfit. And God help anyone that is with me & i think my clothes are ‘itchy’.
I’m married with two grown children & I learned to try to hide my weirdness. The only part of being a parent that I hated was bring my child to a kiddie b’day party. Just having to deal with other mother’s left me depressed. I had nothing in common with them. My odd hobbies would be of no interest to them.
I’ve learned that I don’t do ‘people ‘, not my thing. I’m retired now & it’s really because I wasn’t coping with people anymore. I found it both exhausting & depressing.
I now go weeks and have zero interactions with anyone other than husband & kids.
I’m way happier
than trying to fit in a world that wasn’t meant for me.
It would be nice to not have obsessive thoughts.
Maybe in the next life.
I’m 62, worked an entire career, and I’ve always wondered, “Wow, look at my coworkers have these amazing conversations and relationships, how do they do that?” My wife is a teacher and works with spectrum kids every day, and she pointed out that I may be on the spectrum as well. This video really pointed out some things I have experienced. Not sure where to go from here.
Have you figured out what to do already? 😊
Same here.
❤ Maybe sort of relax into it...
I'm 36 and my sister works with special needs kids (a lot of autistic kids as well) and she was the first person to mention I might be on the spectrum (lack of empathy, needs structure, hates change, special interests etc.). My parents don't believe that I have autism and constantly say that I am just a weird nerd. :(
I think that every day at work.
"Everyone has that issue" -- that's something that is said to people with ADHD as well.
I'd hate to be schizophrenic, but at least they probably don't get this
@@surelock3221
It made the whole Autism-Community proud, so i hope you have all seen Hbomberguys Newest Video,
as it was partially about Autism.
This confirmed that Im on the spectrum. My mom has done this every time I complain about my symptoms. I asked to get a diagnosis but she says " I struggle too🙄 therapy is for crazy people. Are you crazy?" And when I have a specific tics she says "Do you want tics? You dont have tics, sorry." This is why I dont like talking about stuff like this
No one really relates to me.
@@darnyoumadedropmycroissant7418 The autism-community is great; have Fun!!
Also: Hbomberguy just made a video about Autism in Relation to other THings.
@@darnyoumadedropmycroissant7418 repeatedly denying your reality is called gaslighting. benefit of doubt when its once or twice but enough is enough. It's narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic parents. Adult children of narcissistic parents. And it seems like its everyone bcuz we attract narcissistic ppl cuz its familiar and they're drawn to us cuz we put up with it cuz we don't know what's up. The movie Tangled is a good example- helps to put things in perspective. Always stressing out over the fear of disappointing other people...
Maybe that’s why I need a break from being around people, talking with people for long periods is pretty exhausting and I have to go away and literally recharge.
Sounds like introversion
b00st3d_6_6 nah I like being around people but like when they talk over each other and you can’t get a word in I literally need to have a nap after a half hour
@@dark_baphomet Well thats normal. When people are choatic and Talk over rah other like that it is exhausting for everyone😂
@@bstd__ i experience the need to recharge, but i like to be around people and i need to be around them at time to get a certain energy, but it also drains another type of energy for me.
@@neurdogic8909 I get my energy from people usually I feel bored and tired at home usually😩
I have overanalyzed every social action my entire life eye contact, walking, eating etc. My daughter who is 7 calls others "Humans" in a way that she doesn't see them the same. It is honestly so Validating to find out that you are not " weird" and others do the same things and the reason why. I think early diagnosis is key to understanding who you were truly supposed to be. Without the unpacking journey of late diagnosis 😮 or burnout.
“Intellectualizing social interaction” was my clue in that I might have undiagnosed autism. I’ve always had a slight suspicion but the last year I’ve really come to accept that it might be a possibility. I had so many of the hallmarks as a child but my parents were terrified to have me diagnosed. I have always felt different.
I feel like my parents knew, but never said anything. I was a real mess as a child. I'm mildly functional as an adult. My current partner after apparently mourning the loss of her normal expectations has been very supportive and understanding.
I do that too. It is really hard to learn how to behave, how far to be from people, what to say and what not to say, in what quantities and when.
Yeah, that's a diagnosis my dad would've dismissed as "That doctor doesn't know what he's talking about!". In the 70s, "different" people were dragged to the streets and stoned (not quite). We WERE taunted. We were bullied. We struggled each day JUST to find a seat on the bus. We were tripped, pranked, ... shoot! Someone even threw my crutches out the third story window at school!
An autism diagnosis would've finished me off back then. The only thing that spared me was they didn't believe girls could get autism. THANK YOU, UTERUS! But I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as "love deprived" and "emotionally immature", after taking the tests.
@@RickOAA “mourning the loss of her normal expectations” is a fucking beautiful and apt description. can feels that big over here. Amazing.
@@grinderbaseb I read that in a relationship guide. Absolutely spot on, I'd say. She's mildly bipolar, so at least she has a predictable and loyal partner. They say that we're apt to find partners that are atypical.