Maybe the fact that I take everything personal and have been working on it for a very long time but I'm the same okay okay I'm a little better God I took this so personal thank you Julia you make me smile a hand up when people are down
I once had a job where I was abused constantly by my supervisor. I was constantly bullied and harassed by him. He crossed many lines with me and others. This went on for 5 long years. If I knew then what I know now I would've done two things differently. 1 Obviously I wouldn't taken it so personally. 2 I wouldv'e been less afraid of him. That would mean setting more healthy boundaries, sticking up to him more, and being relentless in reporting him.
That when someone does something, it’s more about them (aka selfish or inconsiderate) than wanting to hurt us. Still difficult to know how to manage these issues, especially when a particular friend continues to do the same thing over and over, despite having discussed how it affects me personally. Hard to tell if I’m just overly sensitive and need to manage my own expectations, need to continue to discuss when it happens, or need to put an end to the particular interaction where it continues to occur.
Wow - this was perfect timing for me. Everything you said resonated so strongly - and I immediately recognised what I was doing. And tapped into that past rejection at 11 years old that had echoed through my life. You just helped me reframe this so well - thank you!
“It’s not the SITUATION....It’s the INTERPRETATION”.........absolutely mind blowing and relieving at the same time! It feels like the proverbial “light bulb” in my head finally got switched on! THANK YOU
When I was in my 20s I worried about what everyone thought of me, When I was in my 40s I didn't care what anyone thought of me, Now I'm nearly 60 I realise no one was thinking about me in the first place.
Thank you so much for this. I was bullied for many years when I was growing up, even by ‘friends’, and I have a visible difference that was really prominent when I was a child, so people would stare at me and make unsolicited and rude comments. Because of this pain, and maybe due to more unrelated negative experiences, I am so sensitive to peoples words, and I often interpret them in a negative way 😭😭. It’s something I’m really trying to work on
It's very difficult to not take it personally when someone doesn't consider how something might effect me. Even if I don't think they're out to get me, I certainly think they don't care about me at all. I was also bullied all through school. Tough not to take that personally.
They're not against us, they're acting for themselves. Great thought! And makes it easier to think logically and ask ourselves, "Is this really worth getting upset about?". Then if it is, set a boundary.
Holy shit (excuse my French)... everything at 8:00 really helped free me. I found myself bothered this morning by someone’s lack of consideration. I wanted to let it go bc I recognized my reaction. I wasn’t sure if I should accept their behavior and take it personally or let it go and not make it “mean” anything. This is helping my inner dialogue.
Thank you very much for this video. It was very helpful for me. I have spent most of my life with narcissistic people and I struggle with codependency myself. My father has narcissistic tendencies. I am divorcing a covert narcissist. I was raised in a Christian church with a covert version of spiritual narcissism. I am a rather sensitive person and I've often felt my thoughts, feelings and emotions have been used against me. I'm used to being either numb and dumb to people's "motives" (too trusting) and living from a place of so desperately wanting to be understood that I trust people too quickly OR after getting hurt from that, I am now hyper-vigilant and find myself judging people's motives (taking things personally) because yes it hits a wound and I'm terrified of living from a place of my subconsciousness. What I don't know is this: What is the balance between discerning something is off and not taking it personally? How do you live aware but not hyper aware? How do you live in reality and not jumpy? And when something does hit a nerve, how do you know for sure that it's just a wound it hit and not also that some one is manifesting a red flag and you should not get too close or pursue a relationship with?
I just started a new job and my boss gives me a lot of blunt edits on my writing (to help me to learn) and little to no praise. I know it’s part of the learning process but it draws on past pain of my dad putting pressure on me to be ‘the best’ and never seeming satisfied no matter how hard I try, and even when I’d get top exam results etc... I know this is not about the job or personal, but it hurts and it makes me very nervous / afraid. I’m lucky enough to be in therapy so I can talk about it there but any tips or advice would be appreciated if you’ve been there 😊
This is one of my worst habits!! I can feel when a person’s energy is off and it always hurts me even though I know it shouldn’t! Thanks again for a wonderful video! 💗
I like the shift in perspective, that the other person is thinking more about themselves & we are adding our own layer of baggage on top. Awareness is key.
I really needed this, I struggle with this daily. Perfect explanation to switch my perspective on this! I have been in therapy for a little over a month and I watch your videos as my "in between" therapist. It's hard fixing yourself and your habits when you are so used to unhealthy coping. Thank you for your videos!
Don't worry about what people say or think, their attitude is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and it's most likely not you. Don't forget that we are all human beings!!
I do take a lot of things personally. Almost everything I hear... I don't know, but somehow I try to make it about me (even when it's about another person) because I've been comparing myself to others for a long time, it took me a while to admit it. It's like not only feeling, but also taking for a fact that everybody is part of something great and I just never will be part of it, as if I didn't deserve it. And it makes me think I'm not allowed to make mistakes or be awkward so I'm able to make real connections with people. It's a lot about my ego.
Excellent topic! The more we live in ego, the more we will take things personally. So work on reducing the root cause : ego fixation. You will be free of petty hurt.
I know how that feels. Just remember that happy people don't go around trying to hurt others... people put others down because they are trying to elevate themselves. It truly says much more about them than it does about you.
A saying I like to tell myself is: Rejection is not a measure of your worthiness as a person. It’s a measure of compatibility with that other person. Whether it’s in general or at that period of time in a persons life. Now, if there’s blatant disrespect or inconsideration that’s another issue and may be a toxic situation that may need to be addressed.
It’s super difficult to separate people’s reactions to us from what they are just doing for themselves according to their own personality and needs in the moment. I’ve never been very good at that. Love the way you pick apart and unpack these intertwined and fused concepts so we can all see more clearly.
This was really great. I struggle with taking things personally. I think it’s stopping me from being happy and having healthy relationships. I feel like when someone argues with me it’s personal and there out to hurt me and take my happiness away .
_"You're sort of a quiet guy aren't you?"_ This remark has followed me my entire life, ever since the age that I was supposed to start "growing out of it". So basically in middle school. It is pretty much social/occupational suicide for a man to be a reserved, introverted person in our culture. And on those days when I'm actually feeling confident and feel good in an interaction with someone I don't know for more than two minutes, and then they say _that,_ it's particularly stinging and I just feel like my life is doomed to never climbing out of my social anxiety and I will forever be perceived as a quiet, shy guy (a.k.a. selfish, timid, unsociable, beta male who has no self-confidence and _shouldn't_ have self-confidence). It's like people see me as someone who's _not supposed to_ have any confidence! And I suppose that this way of thinking is me giving other people influence over me and my identity, and really I shouldn't care what they say, but it's hard to knock the belief that what those few people say to you about you gives you a glimpse into how people view you more generally.
Hey, I relate to you so much! I totally get what you’re talking about. Even though I’m not a man , I can relate to you on how it’s just difficult to be a naturally quiet person and have people judging you for it
There are advantages of quietness. We learn alot by observation & are usually "thinkers." There is also something to be said for self control. Galatians 5:22 & 23. It made the list! I have been in your shoes. Growing tired of being the constant listener, I was given excellent advice. Ask questions! People love to talk about themselves. I hope this icebreaker helps you as it did me.
The opposite is also true. I can remember a person saying to me 'you do so well' and i carried that thought for years. It taught me a lesson that saying something 'sincere' and positive can have just as long a lasting thing in their lives too. I don't think of these statements to others as petty or throw away any longer. If you can say something good .. 'say it'
I find myself taking things personally, then I feel rubbish and get angry with myself for taking whatever it was personally. Then feel even worse which becomes a vicious circle. Hopefully now this will change after watching you so many thanks as always.
I can see how someone trying to benefit themselves may come across as me/we feeling attacked and I take it personally, but what if you really are being singled out and have been thrown under the bus, bullied and the person has made blatant statements about how you'll 'have to deal with a change now', and change that is not in my best interest but in hers? Kind of hard not to take it personally then. Still can't figure out how to process all this without it driving me crazy which it is... sadly. I'll try to think about the 3 questions but thinking I may just need personal one-on-one counseling. thanks for the video and thoughts.
Hi Julia you are welcome to show up unannounced on my phone I'm doing much better😁🏝🐊🏝🤸♂️🏚 beautiful shirt I have been doing your mindfulness exercises my social worker that I credit for saving my life taught them to me I have a tendency to take things very personal when I shouldn't I'm living in a small town and some people just love to be miserable or they are only happy if they can make you miserable but there are beautiful people here I have connected with I'm a lucky man
I’m a stay at home mom and am struggling with anxiety. Thank you for creating these resources. I can work on my self development from home which is amazing 🙏🙏
Hi! I was hoping you can do a video on being okay when someone (friend, partner) does not want you in their life and on how to deal with it in a positive manner. Thank you
This is one of the most powerful lessons I'm working on... When I learned that Everyone projects their own state of being into the world and at me or who ever they are focused on. People don't see the world as at is, they see the world as they are. The healthier I get the more beautiful the world looks to me! We all do it and we can't stop doing it but we can understand that our inner world, our own state of being reflects back to us like a mirror how we feel about ourselfs. This is a powerful lesson. THANKYOU!
I'm using this stuff now. I've gone from 1000 to zero in minutes with this concept; refocusing my energy on me and my healing. It should always be more about me than them. Extremely useful tools. Thank you
I really felt this message, my lack of self confidence, caused me to take(things, thoughts about my past, people's thoughts, comments, opinions etc.) too personally. I appreciate this message.
I get stuck in rumination. I feel like I can treat everyone fairly empathetically, and yet I meet many others who feel entitled to telling me how to exist. Sometimes people have very good points, and I want to listen and reflect on what they say. Other times it feels like harassment, nit-picking, narcissism, etc. I would love to not take any of it personally, but not become callous to people with good points.
Someone keyed my car once, karmas a bitch though so im not holding a grudge over anyone, I let God deal with it. I drive a decent car and I treat people with respect so I feel sorry for people like that.
This is a difficult one for me as I already suffer with depression n anxiety. My problem is that I don't speak up n stick up for myself. I know it's abt the other person but it still manages to upset me n makes me feel like a loser
My biggest takeaway is....it’s MY interpretation. I beat myself up frequently. Overthinking. Wishing I could be better, to be less outspoken. But at age 74 I think this is who I am. Really.
Wow. I'm just amazed how I went to your channel and everything that I'm going through you just said. I'm just blown away. Especially I think I'm highly sensitive. I've been highly sensitive ever since I was young. Which is not healthy. Which goes into me worrying too much? And now I have psoriasis. I'm stressing out too much too.😢 I'm going to subscribe to channel cuz it's been helping me. Thank you so much.
I'm guilty of this and co dependent especially when dealing with family . More I try to Express and love myself I get judged for it . But I need to learn not to take it personally and stay grounded
Thank you so much for being you!!! I have learned, and continue to learn so much from you!!! Bless you!! Thank you for your dedication in helping all of us live happy and better lives!!! 😘🙏🥰💖
I’m curious why your friend who was visiting would make plans with other people during the only times you were available? You said that you gave them your schedule. Did you ever ask them why they did that? Unless they had a good explanation I would take it personally. It would definitely make me feel less important than their other friends. Hmmm.....
She said it actually ended up being "just a mix up". Due to her insecurity about what had happened to her in the past, she immediately assumed it was because she wasn't worth someone's effort or time. This insecurity of hers was there long before the mix up with her friend, and that's why she assumed the worse. Julia got curious about the feeling, and thought it through and figured out why she felt that way. Adversely, there are lots of people who would have followed that initial feeling in their heart without thinking it through, and then end up having an unnecessary falling out.
Thank you! I know this post is over a year old, but it really helped me today. I ran into a co-worker in the store yesterday, who I was eager to say hello to, since I only ever see them on zoom now. He smiled and then brushed me off. For the next 24 hours, I made up stories about how he didn’t like me, how if I had been someone else, he would have had a real conversation with me, that I was unworthy, unlovable, etc.. I thought how I would only reach out to him in emails, and not do zoom meetings anymore, etc... It was an awful 24 hours. Today, I thought, take nothing personal and find some UA-cam videos to help. I am now writing in my journal to figure out why that had such an effect on me. Thanks for calming me down and for sharing a real life story of your own.
This video made me realize that I have A LOT to apologize to my ex for 😞😞 Especially the part where you said that no one should feel like they are walking on eggshells around me and should NEVER say anything that offends me...
This was really helpful. I had a bad week. My Mum lashed out at me, she had a fall and chastised me for not being attentive. It made me feel very bad and I slept poorly. The next day we patched things up and she apologised but that experience impacted on my nights sleep, the next day and generally feeling my role in life is soak up other people’s crap but try to remain an adult and let things settle. Then yesterday I had a co worker tell the boss she was offended by a harmless joke. Then a couple minor concerns about not responding to emails quick enough by the boss. I had praise last week to and achieved a lot but the negative stuff affects me. It often takes me 24 hours to process the emotional backwash of things. This helps, in a way it’s not my problem. I have to work on this.
Wow, Julia! THANK YOU! I’ve recently realized that I take almost EVERYTHING personally! LOL. So I’ve been in search of how to put an end to it. This is BY FAR, the best video and help I’ve found on this subject. THANK YOU SO MUCH! 🥰
Great video... i stumbled across this yesterday and it helped me today. My partner told me that they would be going over to their friensds house this weekend.. this happens every other weekend but this is the second weekend in a row... i expressed what i felt... and i got anxious saying what was on my mind... but then i thought of this video... and i accepted my thoughts and feelings and i cried and asked my self... what am i making this mean... im getting there one day i will know how to do it... thanks for posting this.. its a good tool to get me started
Then tell this to every individual convicted by any court, any legal system, in every country on this planet. I don't care if it's USA, UK, North Korea, Poland, Hungary, Japan, South Korea. There is nothing bad nothing wrong with crime or someone being a criminal. Those are just labels, insults, that angry politicians + judges + lawyers make up. They have NOTHING to do with absolute physical consequences of actions and decisions. Nobody should take a "guilty" verdict in a court personally. It is already bad enough that that person suffers torture by imprisonment or torture/harm by being fined money.
I really love your work Julia. I always enjoy your down to earth sincere explanations of the subjects you address. This whole video resonated with me, due to loved ones in my personal life. I especially liked the last two points. The one about creating space for your emotions. I think and feel that it's really important to feel your thought process, following it, and examining the why. Also, I fully agree, we must be open to the possibility that just because we think something doesn't make it true. There is a broader picture in every case, no matter how insignificant or grand the situation; there is us, the others involved, and surrounding influences to consider before we conclude a situational diagnosis. Looking forward to more of your content 😊
Thank you for the video; I really needed this. Glad to see I am not alone in the comments. I struggle with this a lot due to past trauma. This mostly occurs with me trying to build healthy relationships with others as there are many broken/lost relationships in my life coupled with me being bullied when I was younger and having a difficult time making and keeping friends. I really hate when I lose people who I feel had the potential to have a nice friendship with and it has happened again recently with someone I felt like I was getting pretty close with, and already shared so much with them too.
O find it hard because I get TERRIFIED because if I don't think they're perfect then I think they're a threat to my wellbeing. Then my fear comes out as anger I feel like if they do something to offend me, it means they're just ANOTHWR manipulative abusive person who is a threat bc of my past. O was gaslightwd for years and that meant that whenever I thought "oh I should just calm down", it was a result of me being gaslightwd and allowing close family to manipulate me and making me feel vulnerable to that again.
What insight you have to ask those questions I was able to see a pattern... When I was a teenager I had a "friend" that bullied me. I thought "what do I have that makes me want to pretend to be my friend & then hurt me?" That feeling of not knowing who to REALLY TRUST? WOW. that has followed me. It happened again when I was 22 with someone else and I was deeply hurt for 4 years. Seems that pattern in relationships repeat every 10- 20 years. I like how you say "what are they doing FOR THEM" ...that makes sense
You're an angel ❤✌️ it's all vanity anyway,it passes so why even care. Godbless you,and yours❤❤❤ and anyone who finds this comment. In Jesus Christ's name,I pray. Amen
Im confused - yes, don't take things personally BUT it still *affects* us though? For example, slow/unsafe drivers - yes, not personal, but is that really the issue? Hmmmm ... cheers!
Thank you for providing a better way to look at situations that bring up those feelings of insecurity. I hope that I can remember that the next time I feel that way. I'm 58 and even a couple weeks ago, those feelings were brought up that made me question my whole personality. I have always worn my feelings on my sleeve, so much that it is usually brought up on my evaluations and it has caused me to not advance in my career. I'm sure I have other personality traits that could bring this on, but it boils down to not fitting in and being different? Have always questioned myself why but my only answer is because of me being me, and that is why I take things personally. Thank you again for this video.
Idk if you’ll reply to this or not do you not draw a line or have boundaries to defend yourself when someone humiliates or disrespects you i wonder will you be saying “hmm let me not take it personally” and react by going to a mindfulness session??!!!!??
Yes No respect, an beliefs they will Ever be Wrong. I’m not saying it’s always their fault. For the last 7 yrs, have been pressing, an I Want To Live The rest Of My Life, The best That I can. The Best that we can
I have a very specific question I’m hoping you can help with before I go back into the so called ring tomorrow. I know for a fact I do struggle to not take things personally and yet I’m not silly enough to gaslight myself into thinking it’s always my fault I’m always just making things bigger than they are because if I did that I’d let people get away with everything and anything. My question is about how my boss at work sort of indirectly accused me of possibly injuring a kid. She didn’t say whether she thought I did it on purpose or not ofc. But she did make it seem like she thought I might’ve hurt him which her even asking me that felt like she didn’t trust me and or was not trusting herself in that moment and made it about not trusting me. Then, when I told her that I hope she didn’t think I would hit him or any kid. She very sternly said “no”. Don’t ever assume or accuse me of thinking that you would do that. I obviously trust you.” So to me it was like she gaslit me into thinkin she didn’t just have a moment where she didn’t trust me and made me feel like it was about me not trusting her so she projected a feelin she was having about me and made it about me making her feel “uncomfortable”. I’m just a little thrown off about how to feel about this I apologized and explained that I was just used to people blaming me for things I didn’t do and that was it. And she just assured me she wouldn’t ever think that. But idk if I believe her or if I even want to accept that statement bc whether or not it was personal this all makes me feel like now I can’t trust her and myself to even handle situations like this without lying to myself and people pleasing.
Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou. I have someone who was a friend and she doesn't like me anymore bc I have boundaries with my son, essentially I like to hold his hand when we walk to school bc it's busy and peak hr and they don't look at the driveways, whereas she lets hers run free. I have NO problem with her letting her son walk on his own, I just wanna hold my son's hand. I have been really considerate in how I've explained my reason, basically I'm hypervigilant because I have severe C-PTSD & live in constant fear. Since then, she's been either a complete ice queen or all fake nicey nicey, but our real friendship conversations have ceased. I was terribly bullied in every aspect of my life during my teens & was horribly abused during that period of my life. So, I've been incredibly triggered by this event. It's very heart warming to hear your voyage of bullying and by sharing it and seeing the light in your face it gives me hope that I can stop over thinking things. Thanks again
Hi there. Your video is very timely for me. Just yesterday morning Wednesday, Oct 30, I decided or forced to strategize my approach and how I am showing up in biz and in work coz I was taking things personally already and I was feeling terrible about it. The situation forced me to take a really good look at who I really am and how and where I should position my self in the given many circumstances. Furthermore, I felt my goals in life became more desirable to achieve. There is a saying, "not wanting or liking where you are right now should be enough motivation to move forward and living the life that you want... "
Julia, thank you so much for these videos. My dream is to save enough to travel to Vancouver to visit with you for a session. You are a credit to humanity and Canada.
I’ve been hearing people saying “don’t take things personally” I honestly didn’t get what they meant. But now, not just I know what it means but I also learned how to cope with it. Great video!
This is my biggest struggle. And it's debilitating in my personal relationships. I have no friends, my boyfriend feels he has to "tip toe" around me because anytime he requests something I feel attacked and lash out. This video helped me realize I always feel that I am not good enough because of former relationships. I didn't even know how to verbalize it. I started seeing a therapist about three weeks ago and I'll let her know about this to help with our conversations and understanding. Thank you so much, I wish I could hug you
Thank you for sharing and yes I struggle with taking things personally because I'm sensitive to people getting angry at me and I was adopted so my biological father had a loud voice or so and I was two years old when I left so trauma is part it plays. And I'm just sensitive people getting angry at me because that makes me do you have a learning disability I don't know if it's just people have no patience but I'm doing the best I can.
Thankyou ma'am, for years I use to take personally, the reason is ... my isolation and mentally ill person, with bipolar mental problems, for a couple of years I started listening Buddha's teachings as well Zen Stories which helped me, you are absolutely right the person who is rude or arrogant try to put put down people but in fact he is leading a miserable life.
Actually this just happened to me, my brother met a girl and since this has happened, he dont spend time with me now, well I've told him this and how I feel still not much change. Well I get a text new years day I'm gaing a sister, I started sobbing and crying couldn't stop. I told him I'm not gaining a sister I'm losing my brother.......I'm not sure why this hurts so much , I wanted to be happy and just cant .
Hi Julia from Shadyhills Fl, im a new fan and I enjoy listening to your teachings on human behaviour we all can relate to.God Bless what you do for others.are all of your videos black n white?
@@juliakristinamah why do you only do bw videos, you are a very attractive woman and I bet your clothing is colorful.it would be nice to view your vids in true colors.perhaps you could start in B&W and blend to full color as your videos are reaching an end. Your very smart and I have enjoyed other videos you have here on UA-cam. im a new fan and have shared you with other family members who have thanked me for introducing you to them. You remind me of my daughter in law who looks alot like you.I thank you once again for what you are doing here to help others. I also pray for a hedge of protection around you and your programs here on YT. I pray for monetary blessing beyound all measures for you and your family.Amen. I have short term memory as I have to listen more tjan once to fully grasp what is being said.but that's okay as I have lived with it for 58years.do you have blond hair and brown eyes or blond hair and blue eyes? I have brown n gray hair with blue eyes.just curious. God Bless your teachings.P.S. I see your home page photo as a blond.you are very pretty; you shouldn't hide that beauty with B&W only videos. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
This is one of my biggest personal flaws... If I share anything Facebook and it is considered spam I take it personally.. Makes me think about leaving facebook for good!
I was bullied all my childhood and teen years with racist comments and excluded from white mean girl cliques. I’m in my 50s and triggered all the time. It sucks.
I seem to take everything personal. My low self esteem and self hate fuels everything else. I am on the verge of loosing my family. I'm afraid. I went to your Instagram page to find this info for quick reference, but there are lots of posts. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Could you help point me in the right direction?
Hi friends - tell me, what was one of your biggest takeaways from this talk?
Maybe the fact that I take everything personal and have been working on it for a very long time but I'm the same okay okay I'm a little better God I took this so personal thank you Julia you make me smile a hand up when people are down
I once had a job where I was abused constantly by my supervisor. I was constantly bullied and harassed by him. He crossed many lines with me and others. This went on for 5 long years. If I knew then what I know now I would've done two things differently. 1 Obviously I wouldn't taken it so personally. 2 I wouldv'e been less afraid of him. That would mean setting more healthy boundaries, sticking up to him more, and being relentless in reporting him.
@@captaindan1000 hell you're nicer than I am before the five years is up I would have snapped and slapped his ass on the grill and I'm a nice guy😁👍
That when someone does something, it’s more about them (aka selfish or inconsiderate) than wanting to hurt us. Still difficult to know how to manage these issues, especially when a particular friend continues to do the same thing over and over, despite having discussed how it affects me personally. Hard to tell if I’m just overly sensitive and need to manage my own expectations, need to continue to discuss when it happens, or need to put an end to the particular interaction where it continues to occur.
Wow - this was perfect timing for me. Everything you said resonated so strongly - and I immediately recognised what I was doing. And tapped into that past rejection at 11 years old that had echoed through my life. You just helped me reframe this so well - thank you!
this is one of my biggest struggles, I need to learn how not to care about what other people do & think
Hey friend, know that you're not alone. Start with really getting curious about why you do.
“It’s not the SITUATION....It’s the INTERPRETATION”.........absolutely mind blowing and relieving at the same time! It feels like the proverbial “light bulb” in my head finally got switched on! THANK YOU
When I was in my 20s I worried about what everyone thought of me,
When I was in my 40s I didn't care what anyone thought of me,
Now I'm nearly 60 I realise no one was thinking about me in the first place.
Ian Thomas aw yes, the circle of life
Lol. Yep even at 70
Very true! Lol
Really profound and really true.
BRILLIANT, IAN!
I always take things very personal and i also get angry unnecessary. And as you was teaching i felt release. I blessed God for his healing
Thank you so much for this. I was bullied for many years when I was growing up, even by ‘friends’, and I have a visible difference that was really prominent when I was a child, so people would stare at me and make unsolicited and rude comments. Because of this pain, and maybe due to more unrelated negative experiences, I am so sensitive to peoples words, and I often interpret them in a negative way 😭😭. It’s something I’m really trying to work on
It's very difficult to not take it personally when someone doesn't consider how something might effect me. Even if I don't think they're out to get me, I certainly think they don't care about me at all.
I was also bullied all through school. Tough not to take that personally.
They're not against us, they're acting for themselves. Great thought! And makes it easier to think logically and ask ourselves, "Is this really worth getting upset about?". Then if it is, set a boundary.
Damn right...other ppl are more focused on themselves rather than deliberately trying to make us miserable.
Holy shit (excuse my French)... everything at 8:00 really helped free me. I found myself bothered this morning by someone’s lack of consideration. I wanted to let it go bc I recognized my reaction. I wasn’t sure if I should accept their behavior and take it personally or let it go and not make it “mean” anything.
This is helping my inner dialogue.
Thank you!! This whole thing connected with me!
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
TRANSFORMATIVE ! THANK YOU.
Thank you very much for this video. It was very helpful for me. I have spent most of my life with narcissistic people and I struggle with codependency myself. My father has narcissistic tendencies. I am divorcing a covert narcissist. I was raised in a Christian church with a covert version of spiritual narcissism. I am a rather sensitive person and I've often felt my thoughts, feelings and emotions have been used against me. I'm used to being either numb and dumb to people's "motives" (too trusting) and living from a place of so desperately wanting to be understood that I trust people too quickly OR after getting hurt from that, I am now hyper-vigilant and find myself judging people's motives (taking things personally) because yes it hits a wound and I'm terrified of living from a place of my subconsciousness. What I don't know is this: What is the balance between discerning something is off and not taking it personally? How do you live aware but not hyper aware? How do you live in reality and not jumpy? And when something does hit a nerve, how do you know for sure that it's just a wound it hit and not also that some one is manifesting a red flag and you should not get too close or pursue a relationship with?
I have THE hardest time taking anything and everything personally.. and can never get out my head in the moment🥴
I just started a new job and my boss gives me a lot of blunt edits on my writing (to help me to learn) and little to no praise. I know it’s part of the learning process but it draws on past pain of my dad putting pressure on me to be ‘the best’ and never seeming satisfied no matter how hard I try, and even when I’d get top exam results etc... I know this is not about the job or personal, but it hurts and it makes me very nervous / afraid. I’m lucky enough to be in therapy so I can talk about it there but any tips or advice would be appreciated if you’ve been there 😊
This happened today at work. I’m the new person at work and it seems that I haven’t quite been accepted into the work social circle yet.
Good advice. Thanks.
She's beautiful inside and out
Yes an Amen, Help, living w a Husband, an 2 grown Guys(sons) UGH IDK ANYMORE
Biiiiig eyeopener: people are doing it for themselves. the mean, belittling, toxic comments people make is f o r t h e m s e l v e s.
Yes narcasistic ex.
How should I take it? As a group? 😂
This is one of my worst habits!! I can feel when a person’s energy is off and it always hurts me even though I know it shouldn’t! Thanks again for a wonderful video! 💗
Just keep working on managing your mind and you'll start to feel a lot more resilient.
@@juliakristinamah Thank you so much for the advice! :) I'll do my best, and make sure I manage my expectations toward other people.
I can feel another person's energy as well. When that happens, I ultimately go into fight or flight mode.
Same habit it's so bad
This is me and have no idea where to start to overcome this or lessen it
I like the shift in perspective, that the other person is thinking more about themselves & we are adding our own layer of baggage on top. Awareness is key.
That's it!
I really needed this, I struggle with this daily. Perfect explanation to switch my perspective on this! I have been in therapy for a little over a month and I watch your videos as my "in between" therapist. It's hard fixing yourself and your habits when you are so used to unhealthy coping. Thank you for your videos!
Yes!
Don't worry about what people say or think, their attitude is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and it's most likely not you. Don't forget that we are all human beings!!
It's never about you - but we can still reflect on the situation and see if there's an opportunity for growth or learning.
You are great. I have shared you with people I love. You came to me during a point when I really needed it. Thank you is not enough.
So good to connect with you friend - and thank you for sharing me with your loved ones - that really means a lot.
I do take a lot of things personally. Almost everything I hear... I don't know, but somehow I try to make it about me (even when it's about another person) because I've been comparing myself to others for a long time, it took me a while to admit it. It's like not only feeling, but also taking for a fact that everybody is part of something great and I just never will be part of it, as if I didn't deserve it. And it makes me think I'm not allowed to make mistakes or be awkward so I'm able to make real connections with people. It's a lot about my ego.
Excellent topic! The more we live in ego, the more we will take things personally. So work on reducing the root cause : ego fixation. You will be free of petty hurt.
Amen sister. It's not about ME!
When I'm triggered by someone's terrible behavior this is not your burden to carry let it go!💕
Or get curious about that trigger - what's being triggered and why?
@@juliakristinamah good analysis Julia. 💕
It is hard not to take things personally when they are meant personally. Looking for a way to handle offenses that are intended to be devasting.
I know how that feels. Just remember that happy people don't go around trying to hurt others... people put others down because they are trying to elevate themselves. It truly says much more about them than it does about you.
Said by a spouse, comments hit hard. Trying to deal with this!
A saying I like to tell myself is: Rejection is not a measure of your worthiness as a person. It’s a measure of compatibility with that other person. Whether it’s in general or at that period of time in a persons life.
Now, if there’s blatant disrespect or inconsideration that’s another issue and may be a toxic situation that may need to be addressed.
It’s super difficult to separate people’s reactions to us from what they are just doing for themselves according to their own personality and needs in the moment. I’ve never been very good at that. Love the way you pick apart and unpack these intertwined and fused concepts so we can all see more clearly.
I wish you were my personal Counselor. 😊
Me too lol
This was really great. I struggle with taking things personally. I think it’s stopping me from being happy and having healthy relationships. I feel like when someone argues with me it’s personal and there out to hurt me and take my happiness away .
_"You're sort of a quiet guy aren't you?"_
This remark has followed me my entire life, ever since the age that I was supposed to start "growing out of it". So basically in middle school.
It is pretty much social/occupational suicide for a man to be a reserved, introverted person in our culture. And on those days when I'm actually feeling confident and feel good in an interaction with someone I don't know for more than two minutes, and then they say _that,_ it's particularly stinging and I just feel like my life is doomed to never climbing out of my social anxiety and I will forever be perceived as a quiet, shy guy (a.k.a. selfish, timid, unsociable, beta male who has no self-confidence and _shouldn't_ have self-confidence). It's like people see me as someone who's _not supposed to_ have any confidence!
And I suppose that this way of thinking is me giving other people influence over me and my identity, and really I shouldn't care what they say, but it's hard to knock the belief that what those few people say to you about you gives you a glimpse into how people view you more generally.
Hey, I relate to you so much! I totally get what you’re talking about. Even though I’m not a man , I can relate to you on how it’s just difficult to be a naturally quiet person and have people judging you for it
There are advantages of quietness.
We learn alot by observation & are usually "thinkers."
There is also something to be said for self control.
Galatians 5:22 & 23. It made the list!
I have been in your shoes. Growing tired of being the constant listener, I was given excellent advice.
Ask questions! People love to talk about themselves.
I hope this icebreaker helps you as it did me.
The opposite is also true. I can remember a person saying to me 'you do so well' and i carried that thought for years. It taught me a lesson that saying something 'sincere' and positive can have just as long a lasting thing in their lives too. I don't think of these statements to others as petty or throw away any longer. If you can say something good .. 'say it'
Ppl that are quiet and reserved are actually more intriguing for me. I want to know what’s in there head.
I find myself taking things personally, then I feel rubbish and get angry with myself for taking whatever it was personally. Then feel even worse which becomes a vicious circle. Hopefully now this will change after watching you so many thanks as always.
I can see how someone trying to benefit themselves may come across as me/we feeling attacked and I take it personally, but what if you really are being singled out and have been thrown under the bus, bullied and the person has made blatant statements about how you'll 'have to deal with a change now', and change that is not in my best interest but in hers? Kind of hard not to take it personally then. Still can't figure out how to process all this without it driving me crazy which it is... sadly. I'll try to think about the 3 questions but thinking I may just need personal one-on-one counseling. thanks for the video and thoughts.
Hi Julia you are welcome to show up unannounced on my phone I'm doing much better😁🏝🐊🏝🤸♂️🏚 beautiful shirt I have been doing your mindfulness exercises my social worker that I credit for saving my life taught them to me I have a tendency to take things very personal when I shouldn't I'm living in a small town and some people just love to be miserable or they are only happy if they can make you miserable but there are beautiful people here I have connected with I'm a lucky man
Glad to hear it, friend!
@@juliakristinamah 😁
Thank you you hold fast that's what we do because we can we will😁
I’m a stay at home mom and am struggling with anxiety. Thank you for creating these resources. I can work on my self development from home which is amazing 🙏🙏
This is very useful as it does happen to me sometimes
I'm taking this personally.
lol. touche.
😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Hi! I was hoping you can do a video on being okay when someone (friend, partner) does not want you in their life and on how to deal with it in a positive manner. Thank you
This is one of the most powerful lessons I'm working on... When I learned that Everyone projects their own state of being into the world and at me or who ever they are focused on. People don't see the world as at is, they see the world as they are. The healthier I get the more beautiful the world looks to me! We all do it and we can't stop doing it but we can understand that our inner world, our own state of being reflects back to us like a mirror how we feel about ourselfs. This is a powerful lesson. THANKYOU!
I'm using this stuff now. I've gone from 1000 to zero in minutes with this concept; refocusing my energy on me and my healing. It should always be more about me than them.
Extremely useful tools. Thank you
I really felt this message, my lack of self confidence, caused me to take(things, thoughts about my past, people's thoughts, comments, opinions etc.) too personally. I appreciate this message.
I get stuck in rumination. I feel like I can treat everyone fairly empathetically, and yet I meet many others who feel entitled to telling me how to exist. Sometimes people have very good points, and I want to listen and reflect on what they say. Other times it feels like harassment, nit-picking, narcissism, etc. I would love to not take any of it personally, but not become callous to people with good points.
Someone keyed my car once, karmas a bitch though so im not holding a grudge over anyone, I let God deal with it. I drive a decent car and I treat people with respect so I feel sorry for people like that.
6:14 you said it's for another topic. Do you happen to have another video on that topic? I've been struggling with it all my life.
This is a difficult one for me as I already suffer with depression n anxiety. My problem is that I don't speak up n stick up for myself. I know it's abt the other person but it still manages to upset me n makes me feel like a loser
I'm definitely guilty of this. Great share Julia
Glad it connected with you friend.
Julia, you’re good! Your words helped me reflect and discover the root cause of the personal pain.
My biggest takeaway is....it’s MY interpretation. I beat myself up frequently. Overthinking. Wishing I could be better, to be less outspoken.
But at age 74 I think this is who I am. Really.
REMEMBER, just because you learned to not take things personally does not mean you should stop holding the person who hurt you accountable
Wow. I'm just amazed how I went to your channel and everything that I'm going through you just said. I'm just blown away. Especially I think I'm highly sensitive. I've been highly sensitive ever since I was young. Which is not healthy. Which goes into me worrying too much? And now I have psoriasis. I'm stressing out too much too.😢 I'm going to subscribe to channel cuz it's been helping me. Thank you so much.
I'm guilty of this and co dependent especially when dealing with family . More I try to Express and love myself I get judged for it . But I need to learn not to take it personally and stay grounded
Thank you so much for being you!!! I have learned, and continue to learn so much from you!!! Bless you!! Thank you for your dedication in helping all of us live happy and better lives!!! 😘🙏🥰💖
I am trying to analyze my past and know where my father's criticism was just his traumatic expressions.
How do we discern when our feelings are valid vs. when we are taking something personally or overreacting?
Thank You. I wish I would have learned this when I was 5. :) You put it in VERY understandable terms.
I’m curious why your friend who was visiting would make plans with other people during the only times you were available? You said that you gave them your schedule. Did you ever ask them why they did that? Unless they had a good explanation I would take it personally. It would definitely make me feel less important than their other friends. Hmmm.....
She said it actually ended up being "just a mix up". Due to her insecurity about what had happened to her in the past, she immediately assumed it was because she wasn't worth someone's effort or time. This insecurity of hers was there long before the mix up with her friend, and that's why she assumed the worse. Julia got curious about the feeling, and thought it through and figured out why she felt that way. Adversely, there are lots of people who would have followed that initial feeling in their heart without thinking it through, and then end up having an unnecessary falling out.
I am not sure if it is taking things personally but I know I have a tendency to get emotional when I am in a difficult situation.
When I take things personally I often feel alone like nobody cares
Thank you! I know this post is over a year old, but it really helped me today. I ran into a co-worker in the store yesterday, who I was eager to say hello to, since I only ever see them on zoom now. He smiled and then brushed me off. For the next 24 hours, I made up stories about how he didn’t like me, how if I had been someone else, he would have had a real conversation with me, that I was unworthy, unlovable, etc.. I thought how I would only reach out to him in emails, and not do zoom meetings anymore, etc... It was an awful 24 hours. Today, I thought, take nothing personal and find some UA-cam videos to help. I am now writing in my journal to figure out why that had such an effect on me. Thanks for calming me down and for sharing a real life story of your own.
I'm so sorry to hear that you were so badly bullied at school.
This video made me realize that I have A LOT to apologize to my ex for 😞😞 Especially the part where you said that no one should feel like they are walking on eggshells around me and should NEVER say anything that offends me...
Same I’ve made a lot of people feel like this, which I regret
This was really helpful. I had a bad week. My Mum lashed out at me, she had a fall and chastised me for not being attentive. It made me feel very bad and I slept poorly. The next day we patched things up and she apologised but that experience impacted on my nights sleep, the next day and generally feeling my role in life is soak up other people’s crap but try to remain an adult and let things settle.
Then yesterday I had a co worker tell the boss she was offended by a harmless joke. Then a couple minor concerns about not responding to emails quick enough by the boss. I had praise last week to and achieved a lot but the negative stuff affects me. It often takes me 24 hours to process the emotional backwash of things. This helps, in a way it’s not my problem. I have to work on this.
This video made me get it.
I learned that I need to continue to learn how patience and endurance wins in the end.
Wow, Julia! THANK YOU! I’ve recently realized that I take almost EVERYTHING personally! LOL. So I’ve been in search of how to put an end to it. This is BY FAR, the best video and help I’ve found on this subject. THANK YOU SO MUCH! 🥰
Great video... i stumbled across this yesterday and it helped me today. My partner told me that they would be going over to their friensds house this weekend.. this happens every other weekend but this is the second weekend in a row... i expressed what i felt... and i got anxious saying what was on my mind... but then i thought of this video... and i accepted my thoughts and feelings and i cried and asked my self... what am i making this mean... im getting there one day i will know how to do it... thanks for posting this.. its a good tool to get me started
Then tell this to every individual convicted by any court, any legal system, in every country on this planet. I don't care if it's USA, UK, North Korea, Poland, Hungary, Japan, South Korea. There is nothing bad nothing wrong with crime or someone being a criminal. Those are just labels, insults, that angry politicians + judges + lawyers make up. They have NOTHING to do with absolute physical consequences of actions and decisions.
Nobody should take a "guilty" verdict in a court personally. It is already bad enough that that person suffers torture by imprisonment or torture/harm by being fined money.
I really love your work Julia. I always enjoy your down to earth sincere explanations of the subjects you address. This whole video resonated with me, due to loved ones in my personal life. I especially liked the last two points. The one about creating space for your emotions. I think and feel that it's really important to feel your thought process, following it, and examining the why. Also, I fully agree, we must be open to the possibility that just because we think something doesn't make it true. There is a broader picture in every case, no matter how insignificant or grand the situation; there is us, the others involved, and surrounding influences to consider before we conclude a situational diagnosis.
Looking forward to more of your content 😊
Get curious 💛 Thinking is less threatening than feeling.
Hi Julia i just wanna say thank u so much for changing my perspective. Keep sharing more please ... i need this. ❤❤❤❤❤
Hi Julia i just wanna say thank u so much for changing my perspective. Keep sharing more please ... i need this. ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for the video; I really needed this. Glad to see I am not alone in the comments. I struggle with this a lot due to past trauma. This mostly occurs with me trying to build healthy relationships with others as there are many broken/lost relationships in my life coupled with me being bullied when I was younger and having a difficult time making and keeping friends. I really hate when I lose people who I feel had the potential to have a nice friendship with and it has happened again recently with someone I felt like I was getting pretty close with, and already shared so much with them too.
O find it hard because I get TERRIFIED because if I don't think they're perfect then I think they're a threat to my wellbeing. Then my fear comes out as anger
I feel like if they do something to offend me, it means they're just ANOTHWR manipulative abusive person who is a threat bc of my past. O was gaslightwd for years and that meant that whenever I thought "oh I should just calm down", it was a result of me being gaslightwd and allowing close family to manipulate me and making me feel vulnerable to that again.
What insight you have to ask those questions
I was able to see a pattern...
When I was a teenager I had a "friend" that bullied me. I thought "what do I have that makes me want to pretend to be my friend & then hurt me?" That feeling of not knowing who to REALLY TRUST? WOW. that has followed me. It happened again when I was 22 with someone else and I was deeply hurt for 4 years. Seems that pattern in relationships repeat every 10- 20 years. I like how you say "what are they doing FOR THEM" ...that makes sense
Giving yourself compassionate and understanding for being a human being. Perfect advice. Thank you Julia.
You're an angel ❤✌️ it's all vanity anyway,it passes so why even care. Godbless you,and yours❤❤❤ and anyone who finds this comment. In Jesus Christ's name,I pray. Amen
Im confused - yes, don't take things personally BUT it still *affects* us though? For example, slow/unsafe drivers - yes, not personal, but is that really the issue? Hmmmm ... cheers!
Thank you for providing a better way to look at situations that bring up those feelings of insecurity. I hope that I can remember that the next time I feel that way. I'm 58 and even a couple weeks ago, those feelings were brought up that made me question my whole personality. I have always worn my feelings on my sleeve, so much that it is usually brought up on my evaluations and it has caused me to not advance in my career. I'm sure I have other personality traits that could bring this on, but it boils down to not fitting in and being different? Have always questioned myself why but my only answer is because of me being me, and that is why I take things personally. Thank you again for this video.
Idk if you’ll reply to this or not do you not draw a line or have boundaries to defend yourself when someone humiliates or disrespects you i wonder will you be saying “hmm let me not take it personally” and react by going to a mindfulness session??!!!!??
Happy 4th of July. Hi Julia, I recently came across your videos, have listened to a few and have become hooked, Thank you!
Yes No respect, an beliefs they will Ever be Wrong. I’m not saying it’s always their fault. For the last 7 yrs, have been pressing, an I Want To Live The rest Of My Life, The best That I can. The Best that we can
I have a very specific question I’m hoping you can help with before I go back into the so called ring tomorrow. I know for a fact I do struggle to not take things personally and yet I’m not silly enough to gaslight myself into thinking it’s always my fault I’m always just making things bigger than they are because if I did that I’d let people get away with everything and anything. My question is about how my boss at work sort of indirectly accused me of possibly injuring a kid. She didn’t say whether she thought I did it on purpose or not ofc. But she did make it seem like she thought I might’ve hurt him which her even asking me that felt like she didn’t trust me and or was not trusting herself in that moment and made it about not trusting me. Then, when I told her that I hope she didn’t think I would hit him or any kid. She very sternly said “no”. Don’t ever assume or accuse me of thinking that you would do that. I obviously trust you.” So to me it was like she gaslit me into thinkin she didn’t just have a moment where she didn’t trust me and made me feel like it was about me not trusting her so she projected a feelin she was having about me and made it about me making her feel “uncomfortable”. I’m just a little thrown off about how to feel about this I apologized and explained that I was just used to people blaming me for things I didn’t do and that was it. And she just assured me she wouldn’t ever think that. But idk if I believe her or if I even want to accept that statement bc whether or not it was personal this all makes me feel like now I can’t trust her and myself to even handle situations like this without lying to myself and people pleasing.
Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou. I have someone who was a friend and she doesn't like me anymore bc I have boundaries with my son, essentially I like to hold his hand when we walk to school bc it's busy and peak hr and they don't look at the driveways, whereas she lets hers run free. I have NO problem with her letting her son walk on his own, I just wanna hold my son's hand. I have been really considerate in how I've explained my reason, basically I'm hypervigilant because I have severe C-PTSD & live in constant fear. Since then, she's been either a complete ice queen or all fake nicey nicey, but our real friendship conversations have ceased. I was terribly bullied in every aspect of my life during my teens & was horribly abused during that period of my life. So, I've been incredibly triggered by this event. It's very heart warming to hear your voyage of bullying and by sharing it and seeing the light in your face it gives me hope that I can stop over thinking things. Thanks again
Hi there. Your video is very timely for me. Just yesterday morning Wednesday, Oct 30, I decided or forced to strategize my approach and how I am showing up in biz and in work coz I was taking things personally already and I was feeling terrible about it. The situation forced me to take a really good look at who I really am and how and where I should position my self in the given many circumstances. Furthermore, I felt my goals in life became more desirable to achieve. There is a saying, "not wanting or liking where you are right now should be enough motivation to move forward and living the life that you want... "
Women take it personally.. more personally.. I'm sure.. that's what they said..
We - more business is business type of ppl
Julia, thank you so much for these videos. My dream is to save enough to travel to Vancouver to visit with you for a session. You are a credit to humanity and Canada.
I’ve been hearing people saying “don’t take things personally” I honestly didn’t get what they meant. But now, not just I know what it means but I also learned how to cope with it. Great video!
This is my biggest struggle. And it's debilitating in my personal relationships. I have no friends, my boyfriend feels he has to "tip toe" around me because anytime he requests something I feel attacked and lash out. This video helped me realize I always feel that I am not good enough because of former relationships. I didn't even know how to verbalize it. I started seeing a therapist about three weeks ago and I'll let her know about this to help with our conversations and understanding. Thank you so much, I wish I could hug you
This is me too. I have no friends because I can never trust people and always feel like they’re making passive aggressive comments about me
Thank you for sharing and yes I struggle with taking things personally because I'm sensitive to people getting angry at me and I was adopted so my biological father had a loud voice or so and I was two years old when I left so trauma is part it plays. And I'm just sensitive people getting angry at me because that makes me do you have a learning disability I don't know if it's just people have no patience but I'm doing the best I can.
Thankyou ma'am, for years I use to take personally, the reason is ... my isolation and mentally ill person, with bipolar mental problems, for a couple of years I started listening Buddha's teachings as well Zen Stories which helped me, you are absolutely right the person who is rude or arrogant try to put put down people but in fact he is leading a miserable life.
Actually this just happened to me, my brother met a girl and since this has happened, he dont spend time with me now, well I've told him this and how I feel still not much change. Well I get a text new years day I'm gaing a sister, I started sobbing and crying couldn't stop. I told him I'm not gaining a sister I'm losing my brother.......I'm not sure why this hurts so much , I wanted to be happy and just cant .
Hi Julia from Shadyhills Fl, im a new fan and I enjoy listening to your teachings on human behaviour we all can relate to.God Bless what you do for others.are all of your videos black n white?
Thanks for being here, friend. And yes! All of my YT vids are B&W.
@@juliakristinamah why do you only do bw videos, you are a very attractive woman and I bet your clothing is colorful.it would be nice to view your vids in true colors.perhaps you could start in B&W and blend to full color as your videos are reaching an end. Your very smart and I have enjoyed other videos you have here on UA-cam. im a new fan and have shared you with other family members who have thanked me for introducing you to them. You remind me of my daughter in law who looks alot like you.I thank you once again for what you are doing here to help others. I also pray for a hedge of protection around you and your programs here on YT. I pray for monetary blessing beyound all measures for you and your family.Amen. I have short term memory as I have to listen more tjan once to fully grasp what is being said.but that's okay as I have lived with it for 58years.do you have blond hair and brown eyes or blond hair and blue eyes? I have brown n gray hair with blue eyes.just curious. God Bless your teachings.P.S. I see your home page photo as a blond.you are very pretty; you shouldn't hide that beauty with B&W only videos. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
This is one of my biggest personal flaws... If I share anything Facebook and it is considered spam I take it personally.. Makes me think about leaving facebook for good!
I was bullied all my childhood and teen years with racist comments and excluded from white mean girl cliques. I’m in my 50s and triggered all the time. It sucks.
I seem to take everything personal. My low self esteem and self hate fuels everything else. I am on the verge of loosing my family. I'm afraid.
I went to your Instagram page to find this info for quick reference, but there are lots of posts. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Could you help point me in the right direction?