As a person who was abused as a child I am thankful for these open and frank conversations about this issue. I sincerely want people who struggle with these types of attractions to have a way to find support and strategies to remain non offending.
@@V23325 im totally in support of that and sorry you had to go through that. Dont you get the vibe with this guy that hes not really taking any responsibility for the other issues hes created along the way so if hes delluded about that can we really trust anything else he claims. In Australia where im from he could be reported and charged for watching animated CP which im sure he admits at one point.
@@natwilliams4076In Australia you can also get charged with watching CP if an adult actor *looks* underage so maybe y'all's porn laws aren't the most sensible thing in the world. Just a thought.
The ironic thing here to all the negative comments, is that Brandon here, and Dr Honda, are doing far more to prevent people from harming children. You're here with your anger, insults and threats, doing absolutely nothing useful. While they are here providing hope, help, and insight to all people. And spreading a message that some people may never have heard, which is that it is NOT inevitable that they would harm someone. That message is so important and will certainly stop ab*se from happening.
I 100% agree. You can be as disgusted and offended as you want but that does absolutely nothing to help prevent these things from happening. The more we understand these people and have open conversations like these, the more we can figure out how to actually help these people to prevent them from ever offending. Many times we don't find out about their attractions until it is too late and a child is hurt.
There are people who have claimed to be "non offending MAPs" who have turned out to be liars. I think there is a fine line between trying to understand them and also having too much compassion for people who have an innate desire to harm children just because they said they didn't and wouldn't. They have their own flag as if they want to be equated with the lbgt community. Its concerning. The MAPs movement is a place for offending pedophiles to find refuge in, under the guise of being non offending.
@@suras8984 My attraction is not "an innate desire to harm children." Finding someone attractive, who is not able to consent, is the same as finding someone unavailable attractive. It doesn't create some overwhelming urge. I've heard offenders find refuge on the dark web.
What’s crazy to me is when Pedophiles say how dangerous it is to exploit children on the internet and parents still plaster them all over social media. Also, it’s very interesting to hear someone speak who is “non-offending” as this subject is so taboo but also eye opening.
Yeah. When I have children, I'm never posting them on the internet until they're old enough to consent to that their self. 16+ I would think. Certainly never as children. Not only do pedophiles view online accounts as "material" AI is getting more and more advanced everyday as we speak. I don't want my children's photos being used for such things.
I had to pause the video 5 minutes in. As someone who was sexually abused throughout the entirety of my childhood, this is just way too disturbing to listen to. I really admire you, Dr. Honda, for being able to be impartial and give interviews like this. It’s a hard nope for me, though.
❤1. This is incredibly commendable of you 2. I am so sorry you experienced this. 3. You did not miss much this person just virtue signaled most of the interview it would have been incredibly insulting to listen to as someone who experienced what you did.
Thank you for continuing to have these extremely taboo but necessary conversations, Dr. K. You are doing active harm reduction every time you do so. Like all things mental health / disorder-related, this topic exists on a spectrum and the more we are willing to discuss it, the better we as a society are able to encourage these people to seek therapy and protect children. There are way more “MAPs” around us than we realize who will never end up harming children.
Brandon here. Largely, we are non-offending and invisible. People would be shocked to know how many of us there are. But most people won't ever find that out because we remain non-offending, and (largely) silent.
@@HowardtheLion424 Exactly. especially for those like yourself that have a large age range of attraction, you are able to have relationships with adults so most will probably never even realize. Thank you for coming onto the podcast and telling your story alongside the work you do for your community. I’m sure you’re well aware of the risk you are taking every time you speak up. No matter how anonymous you remain, there is always a chance of someone doxxing you and blowing up your life but you are truly doing good work. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are being entirely honest in your interview, and I wish you continuous healing, love, and support in your life.
@@FrauStormm Thank you. I pride myself on being transparent and vulnerable. I have been here. I am well aware of the risk of doxxing. This interview is the riskiest thing I've done to date. Fingers crossed it has a good outcome.
@@HowardtheLion424 Thank you for being open and honest throughout this. It takes so so much courage to come out and talk about something so taboo. I hope that we can keep having these discussions as hard as they are. Stay well
I wonder how many people could've been saved from abuse if we had different approach to this topic as a society. I'm really proud of this guest. I wish you well.
Well the society norm was to deny and ignore it and not deal with anything taboo in society! This will not change sadly. While there is more education of it, it will remain a private undercover act as victims won’t ever tell for many reasons! Nothing that illicits judgement will come to light as its human nature to keep shame and humiliation feelings hidden.
As someone who was also abused as a child and also struggles with POCD these interviews are so difficult to get through, but it’s also such an important topic that needs to be talked about. Grateful for the people on both sides of the mic here. Doing good work!
I am curious though. Why is it so hard for you? I have ideas. For me it is just a conversation. And I hear them say a lot that isn't true. Like Brandon saying you can't find evidence he isn't a offending pedophile. But you can. I am still not in any useful education. I am teaching myself about pedophilia and child abuse. And I find this just so interesting for research. Not that I learn a lot new. Know most of it already. Just school is rubbish
@@wakousyremu8946 its hard for me to see pedophiles as complex human beings. It’s so much easier for me to compartmentalize it as a black and white issue. People don’t hurt people the way I was hurt, monsters do. It was difficult when I started sympathizing with Brandon, trusting Brandon, seeing Brandon as a complete and complex person who also happens to be the thing I hate most in this entire world. It’s part of my healing to see the world as messy as it is. Hope you can get anything from my rambling.
@@wakousyremu8946 they said they were abused and struggle with POCD, that is probably why they said it’s hard. If you don’t know what that is, you should look it up.
I'm really impressed by this person's self awareness and honesty. It must have taken a lot of work to get to where he is. He's really doing the right thing by helping these uncomfortable conversations become easier.
@NJDrewind That's the thing, it's like what he said earlier, we really can't know that he hasn't acted on anything. Me personally, I just take what he says with a grain of salt. Maybe he really has never offended despite being around kids and jerking it to sh0ta content, or maybe he has and is just claiming that he hasn't. We really can't tell unless we have actual evidence he's passed that threshold. So, for now, I will just be a bit skeptical of him. Maybe he's being 100% truthful, maybe he isn't. Who really knows? I just hope he really hasn't passed that threshold, because again, _he's been around children_ , and is a father.
Question for the guest who was interviewed: is the way you feel towards your son the same as how a hetero father would feel towards his adult daughter? As in, he would recognize that she is a woman yet he would not look at her sexually/romantically because he is her father and therefore he naturally doesn’t think such things? (I hope the question came out right because it was a bit hard to verbalize what I meant.)
@@HowardtheLion424I would like to say ty for doing this interview and I wish you the best of luck in life I am sorry that you or anyone else must deal with this.
This is slightly different but I have a lesbian sister & I once had someone ask me if I was worried she was attracted to me & my reply was if they were worried their brother was attracted to them?
For me, something about Jay’s story and the way he told it left me feeling a tad disturbed and concerned. In contrast, I didn’t feel that listening to Brandon at all. I don’t know if that means I’m unpacking my own internalized stigma around pedophilia after watching Jays episodes and this one, but maybe! Brandon’s bravery and perseverance is admirable. I really appreciate his willingness to be so vulnerable and open with us despite the likely backlash. Thanks so much for not shying away from tough and important topics, Dr. Honda!
I'm sorry I left you disturbed and concerned. I was pretty devastated and traumatized at that point in my life, I don't know if that had something to do with it. I've also grown a lot since then as I've healed and have changed some of my previous beliefs. Hopefully if I did it again, you would feel less concerned.
@iamjay6112 oh my goodness! Thank you for commenting, Jay! In reading my comment back I don’t think I articulated what I meant, so I’m going to try again. I think I felt disturbed and concerned not by you but by all the cognitive dissonance I was feeling. I think of myself as a compassionate person and when I was hearing your story a couple years ago I was confronted with the reality that I was not as compassionate as I thought and that my critical thinking around this topic was severely lacking. Your episodes completely shifted my perspective on minor-attracted people in general. So listening to Brandon’s episode today it made me wonder if my reaction to him would be different had I not already seen your episodes and changed my perspective. Personally, I would be very interested to hear an update from you about what it was like to do those episodes, the aftermath and any thoughts you have now about the whole experience, especially given you mention you’ve changed some of your beliefs and feel like you’re in a better place in terms of trauma recovery.
@@Alayhoo Obviously, it was super scary to put myself out there and be vulnerable in such a public way. But, at the same time it was very cathartic and validating. I felt so misunderstood and frustrated that my family wouldn't give me even five minutes to talk about my side of things, let alone two hours. The negative comments didn't bother me too much since most of them were way off base and I knew they didn't know a thing about me. The death threats were scary and made me wish I hadn't even looked. It took me over a year before I was brave enough to share the episode with my family, but I eventually sent it to my brother. I asked him not to share it with anyone else, but shortly after I received an apologetic text from my stepmother who told me she listened and felt bad for how she initially reacted to my being outed. I didn't get any feedback from my brother, but he has been more open to conversation since then. The most positive thing that came out of I think is all of the other MAPs who've reached out to me to tell me how they were emboldened to seek out peer support, professional therapy and come out to their loved ones after listening. Doing the interview was certainly a step in my trauma recover, but I think most of all, like with anything, time was the greatest healer. I just needed to put a lot of time between me and all of my losses. I am if anything adaptable and I have adapted to my new life. I've made new friends and deepened connections with the family that is still in my life. It was good for me to have separation from my niece anyway because as I've said I've changed some beliefs. I no longer begrudge the forced separation. It was necessary to keep her safe and for me to heal from my unhealthy attachment to her. To be clear, she was never in danger of CSA, but she didn't need an adult in her life who needed her for emotional well-being. That can't be a healthy thing in early childhood. Thank you for your interest. It's so important for us to know that there are people out there who will listen even if they are skeptical. These days I am pretty disengaged from the MAP community, but I had to come back and check on how my friend Brandon's interview went and was received. Mostly, I just live a normal life where I try not to dwell on this condition or anything to do with it. Not as an avoidance, but just a minimization. I am at an age where my sexual drive is not very strong, and I don't have any kids in my life, so I am luckily free to just be and not worry so much about it all.
@@iamjay6112I hold no ill will against those that have temptations they can’t control. However I felt somewhat disturbed during your interview as well it sounded to me as if there was more that hadn’t been said about the relationship with your niece. Now that doesn’t mean you did or didn’t do anything to be clear I would not add that presumption.
Shame does not protect anyone. Shame forces things underground, where there is no light, and we need light for anything good to ever grown. I thank this man for shedding light on things that I would have been in the dark about before.
These people rely on gaining your sympathy. In one study, about 2/3rds of pedophiles reported being abused themselves as children. When told they would be asked again while hooked up to a lie detector test, that percentage dropped to about 1/3rd. Pedophilia much more closely resembles a paraphilia than a sexual orientation. No one is born a pedophile. He is not brave for speaking about his depraved desires. If anything, he probably got off on this.
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 that’s walking a fine line. Shame has a place in society to set acceptable and unacceptable standards. To remove shame makes things permissible. For example, it was once shameful to be divorced but when that was removed 1/2 of all marriages divorced and 80% of second or more marriages divorced. It was once shameful to have a baby out of wedlock but once the shame was removed zillions on teens and grown women started having babies out of wedlock. It used to be shameful to not work and to just live on welfare but once the shame was removed people flooded to the welfare system. On and on we could go, so if we remove the shame of pedo, the same pattern would probably follow, pedo would fill society openly with no reservations. Open pedo would be acceptable when there is no shame associated with it. Shame is important, but being able to privately talk about these things with a psychologist, counselor or pastor without being reported to police is important too. I think this is something that should be kept in the closet but people struggling with it should be able to openly talk about their feelings with a therapist without fear of repercussions granted they aren’t harming a child.
This was very healing. Thanks Brandon and Dr. Honda! I was abused of course. I grew up to become an alcoholic. When it came time to sort out my past abuse via the steps, I found a sort of compassion come over me for the young man who offended. I had an overwhelming hope and desire that he find his own healing, because it would mean he wouldn't harm anyone else. I certainly harmed people in my drinking days, and I was ashamed to be an alcoholic, as an identity. So, I can't cast stones. But I got better! Via acceptance of myself and a community of others who deal with the same thing, I am enjoying 4.5 years in recovery. Living ethically defines us far more than our inherit traits. I hope for everyone struggling with anything to find healing and community. Certainly, none of us are unique or alone in our internal struggles, there are always others. Brandon, if you read this, you are extremely well spoken, and you are doing a great service to the world. And so are you Dr. Honda! Hugs!
I've been reading all the comments. Thank you for your kind words. I am extremely sorry to hear what happened to you as a child, and to hear how the damage done to you played out over the course of your life. I do congratulate you on four and a half years of sober living, though! A remarkable accomplishment. It's impressive that you were able to find empathy for your abuser. Not many people who have been abused do. Like you, I hope for a world where young men and women in need of support can find it.
Great episode. Brandon, it's great that you are coming forward to help people understand that not all pedophiles do act on their desires due to knowing that it WOULD BE harmful to children if they did. I think you are doing the right thing by waiting till your children are adults before telling your wife this. I do know a pedophile myself who I completely trust and know those desires are not acted upon in that case (this person is in their 50s and have never acted on it) but even so as a mother, I would be extremely uncomfortable if my children's father had told me he was as I know I would then at times question myself with the question "what if I'm wrong in trusting and if he did end up acting out, I'd never forgive myself?"..it would create a worry... so I do think it's best waiting (the kindest thing to do) until your children are adults before telling your family. All the best. I feel great compassion for people such as yourself as I myself too do believe that people are usually born with their sexual orientations and that it is something which truly can not be changed.
Wow, I learned a lot. Thanks Brandon and. Dr. Honda for shedding light on this painful and controversial topic. Brandon, you are very articulate and I wish you much happiness and peace.
Sexual abuse of children is deeply rooted in power dynamics and systemic violence, not just individual deviance like pedophilia. Society often focuses on pedophiles as inherently "broken," but sociological research shows that abuse is about exploiting power imbalances, not biological attraction. In Western culture, traits like innocence and naivety are heavily sexualized, especially in women, creating harmful norms. Combined with widespread loneliness, disconnection and the normalization of violence in realtionships, this environment can foster predatory behavior. As a woman, I’ve experienced sexualization since my early teens, and it was more about power, about how easier it was to target a younger and more insecure individual than attraction. We need to allow pedophile to access treatment and help, and also be wary of the discourse around the issue as we still live in a society where sexual violences are almost never sanctioned and more likely to be hidden than condemn.
This is so important. CSA gets lumped in with pedophilia exclusively when it’s not always the case. Some predators just seek out a power imbalance no matter who their victim is. Someone and anyone who is vulnerable.
Ok but youre talking about a small percentage of psychopaths who get off on power imbalances. But you just spouted off a bunch of gobbledygook reflecting your own perspective, making substantial claims, but with no references, stats, or evidence. You are not helping the issue.
Its not a small percentage of psychopaths. Every pedophile gets off on the power imbalance/destruction of innocence. You can't be a predator and not participate in a power play. Sounds like you're triggered@@tranquillo2741
1:27:28 I really hope that repercussion from that precious episode was brushed off eventually. This is a meaningful discussion you shouldn’t be slandered for, especially in this field. Thank you both for discussing this topic
I was sexually abused as a child and I plan to be a clinician one day, the value of allowing nuanced conversations like this is immense for the reasons mentioned in the interview. I'm more inclined to find that lack of insight into the responsibility we all have for our actions troubling. The deciding factor for me is the ability to face the responsibility. I'm lucky to be a decade down the road of my therapy journey. I'm grateful to Dr. Kirk and Brandon for the work they do in this. It's complex and confronting but necessary. Just because we don't acknowledge the darkness does not mean it doesn't exist. So much respect.
I'm so sorry for what you experienced as a child, and I commend you for your plan to go into clinical mental health work. Thank you for your comment. -Brandon
Brandon, I am about 25 mins before the end, and I think your father should be proud of you. I am proud of you. You've found such a positive way to deal with this affliction -- that you did *NOTHING* to cause upon yourself -- while helping others.
Thank you!😭 I ended up calling him after I made this podcast and telling him it existed. The conversation...wasn't great overall, but in the end he said I was courageous. This comment means the world to me. Thank you so much.
These videos are clicked on because it’s a topic that feels very foreign to us and we don’t understand. There is also no other place where you can hear these people talk.
Check out "The Prevention Podcast." Almost every episode is an interview with a different MAP, all anti-contact. The first episode is especially fascinating, as it is an interview with a female pedophile.
This is a really great conversation to be having. I'm happy to know there are minor-attracted people who are able to live full and complete lives without harming children. Maybe we can't know that this person doesn't abuse children, but I will say that I have faith that minor-attracted people are not just innately evil. This person seems very sincere and happy to share about their views.
It's funny how people think that the way to protect themselves from something is to ignore it, or refuse to learn about it. You are very brave to put this on, and I believe this is going in the right direction if we truly want to protect children more than we want to protect ourselves from uncomfortable discussions.
Yes like telling your ex wife that you share custody of your children with , that you are a pedophile.. Do you mean uncomfortable conversations like that? Or not that one.
It's funny, I was just thinking about people who have a three monkeys tchotky in their house. That's a little sculpture of three monkeys, one covering its eyes, another it's ears, and the last it's mouth. The sculpture usually includes an inscription; see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. I am very alarmed by people who own one of these. I say, if you see or hear something, say something.
@@jamiemetcalfe7945 The Three Wise Monkeys are an admonishment not to look at evil things, listen to evil things or say no evil things. Some depictions include a fourth monkey covering its genitals to represent "do no evil." It's not meant to instruct us to turn a blind eye, but not to participate in hateful discourse or activities.
This was an incredibly impactful interview. I commend Brandon and Dr. Honda for working in this space to try and prevent child sexual abuse and overall try to make the world a better place. Thank you ❤
There's been a big argument online regarding lolicon and shotacon.. Most are extremely against it and consider it CP, including myself before this..This makes me feel like maybe there is a purpose for it. If it keeps pedophiles from harming real children, then that's a HUGE, important tool. Pedophiles exist.. They're not going to stop existing. We need to do everything we can to protect real live kids.
Thank you for your comment. Yes. If somehow you could magically identify ever person right now who is or will grow to become a MAP, and supernaturally cause them to vanish from existence, in 13-18 years there would be a whole new generation of MAPs without the benefit of an older generation of anti-contact MAPs to pass on their experiences and ethos. -Brandon.
100% correct. Lolicon and shotacon actually can’t be considered CSAM/CSEM and it needs to stop being stigmatised as that as it’s an important coping tool for victims and MAPS.
Honestly I just have to say, it’s impressive how you’re able to listen to someone else’s perspective on something and change some of your views from it. It’s crazy how little people are willing or even able to do that.
You should need verification of being an adult to be able to view any of that. Imagine what viewing it does to children. It's much to prevalent in regular anime too.
I have great respect for the guest. Nobody can be blamed for how they were born, be it this or psychopathy or anything similar. However, everyone is responsible for what they do about it. It is good to know there are people who are able to live well in society with these conditions and help others to do the same.
Thank you for this. It took me a while to listen to as someone who is (or well was) a victim as a child. These discussions need to be had. Not having them only leads to more dangerous situations than not.
52:00 Seeing yourself as a ticking timebomb is a feeling im all too familiar with as someone with BPD (borderline.) Its an awful feeling, and, honestly, i think the stress caused by seeing yourself that way is more harmful than if you were neutral about your state of being. Obviously, seek help because we all need that, honestly. But you're not a bomb. You're a person. You dont need to be difused. You need to be heard.
As a CSA survivor who is also now in my 30s, I find the discussion and idea of paedophilia absolutely fascinating. Throughout my adult years, I've been sympathetic to non-offending paedophiles and have a million and one questions about their experiences and viewpoints. This podcast definitely answered some of the questions but not all. One of my biggest questions is: do those that talk openly about being a paedophile do so as a subconscious but intentional way to receive validation in spite of their disposition. The question isn't intended to insult or shame them, it's more to delve further into their mindset. Lots of us enjoy validation, but it's also something that's very difficult to be open about. I have things about me that I'm ashamed of and still have things I hide from my loved ones and my therapist, but my intention is to face them when I feel ready. They're not as socially stigmatised as paedophilia, but aren't common topics of discussion. Anyway, I appreciate this podcast immensely, it not only broadens my understanding of people from all walks of life, but also gives honest discussion the open door it needs.
This, along with the previous interview you aired, made me cry numerous times; this topic repels me like nothing else, and I found myself wishing I could reach out and hug this person. I deeply believe in rehabilitation, and I think stories like this will aid to, not normalizing these feelings and potentially extremely harmful behavior, but will show that there can be compassion and treatment in all areas of what the human experience can include.
I believe this man. If he hadn’t been so blatantly honest, I would feel differently. I would urge everyone to keep an open mind. I have spent the last two days (bc I have no life) watching parole hearings on Mandoo (a channel on UA-cam). There are some seriously sick people out there and this man is not one of them!! I really feel good that he has created an outlet for NOMAPs. I also feel better knowing that anyone who crosses the line is removed from the group. Someone you know and love may be a NOMAP. So I would be weary of speaking or thinking ill of someone who may have these feelings. I just found this channel today and just wanted to say thank you. I am not a NOMAP. I am however, a momma of four. My children learn from a very young age that there are people out there whom will hurt children in inappropriate ways. I have taught them that if anyone ever starts to make them feel uncomfortable to IMMEDIATELY tell a trustworthy adult (Mom, Dad, Teacher, Doctor, or a police officer). I have thoroughly discussed stranger danger and what to do if they are confronted with a situation where they may be in danger. I urge other parents to also have these talks with your children. Not just once. Bring it up often. Don’t patronize them or lecture them. That may deter them from saying something should a situation present itself. Just be cool, be real. Speak to them like they’re human…because they are!!! Kids pick up on usually a lot more than we do at times bc they’re little sponges. They take everything in. They often pick up on energies faster than we do bc they’re innocent. I just wanted to share my opinion. Also, let me not forget to thank the guest on the podcast episode. It takes a very brave soul to get up and speak to the world. So thank you as well to the guest!! Please, to both of you, keep up the great work. I feel that this it’s important. Y’all be good and take care!! God bless!!!
Wow! I'm really struggling with this... part of me wants to affirm to this man that "there's nothing 'wrong' with you", but I feel otherwise. Who am I to judge what's right or wrong for someone who's not hurting anyone? But I feel sad that it seems he can't enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship. And the idea that his pedophilia isn't a trauma response flies in the face of what I thought I knew. I appreciate this person's courage and commitment to shadow work, and it is healthy for me to be exposed to situations that I see as "anomalous", so I do feel gratitude for his willingness to be be vulnerable and to expose his innermost Truth, and I want to reach a place of compassionate understanding of a behavior that is so easy to judge and condemn.
You'll be interested to know that I saw some comments by him in the comment section where he mentions also being attracted to some adult men, not exclusively to young boys, and that he has had enjoyable relationships with men. I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but it was something like that. So hopefully that helps you to not feel as sad for him.
I think part of the problem is people think that if we accept non-offending pedos, or even get them help, then it will lead down a slippery slope to allowing "adult-child relations" and CSAM being normalized and legalized.
Acknowledging the reality of MAPs existence and the fact that many are non-offending (and taking the only logical step: accepting them as full members of our society) will instead give us the tools to have honest and rational conversations in order to actually stop that from happening. Furthermore, it'd give us more tools to fight against the already existing problem of adult-child relations and CSAM.
This person really opened my eyes for the first time about this topic. They seem to have done everything right, and I am completely open to having them as a part of society. In fact, I think they are a net positive for the world, and a model citizen. Moreover, I think Kirk, and the friend of the interviewee show the type of love Christ showed when he showed love to and spent time with those deemed outcasts. You shouldn't worry about the judgment of society. We should love each other. That will heal what's broken way more than judgement ever will. Thank you, to both of you.
Amen! Christ calls upon us to love especially the spurned, the ostracized and those society most hates. See how He treated the Samaritans and the tax collectors of His society.
It's no surprise you feel that way.. these are highly manipulative type ppl.. that's how they gained access to children. Yes, some mothers are negligent & don't care, but most mothers are smart, aware & watch yet, they were fooled. They are your neighbors, co workers, friends of family that have good personality that you would trust. So it isn't surprising that this guy has ppl feeling sorry for him & willing to give him a chance. As for him being non offending.. he sounds intelligent enough to know that the doc would have to report that so I wouldn't expect that would be something he'd admit to.
Amazing eyeopening episode. Will be sending it to a lot of my friends! Thanks to you both. And lovely music outro. Really enjoyed that! Happy 2025 to you two!
That isn't 'Faith', it's apathy maybe, or enabling but that's not what that word, means. Capital F faith, is not harmful but can be misconstrued like 'self love' can be portrayed, as narcissism. I feel it's deeply, unfair and a confusing misrepresentation, of the truth.
Thank you Dr. Honda and Brandon for this revealing interview. I have so much respect for the honest questions and answers. So well chosen, so eloquent you both are. Also I have admiration for Brandon’s determination to not cross his moral boundary. I once spoke to a mother of a pedophile who was not offending. That made a huge impact on me. It showed me the human struggle of her son and her and the pain and isolation that came with it. She loved her son despite his sexual preference. I’ll never forget that conversation. This interview won’t be forgotten either. I understand the difficulty of the abuse victims with the interview. I’m sure Brandon would as well. Despite the struggle Brandon is facing on a daily basis I hear a courageous voice and heart. I wish you a good and happy life, Brandon. You deserve it.
Thanks very much. I appreciate your comment. I think if I told my mother what I am she would think I was doing it to hurt her. My mother is...complicated. Ah well. Thanks again. -Brandon
Its very important to speak to these people and learn more about them. Demonizing them only drives them underground and counterintuitively endangers children worse than actually speaking with them and working with them.
I think people are fascinated by this sort of sexual dysfunction and they are willing to hear from non-offending people to better understand it, but when someone has offended the crime is too great for people to listen. I thought his discussion about The Shelf was interesting, too. I’ve heard that before in ex-mo content, growing up when they have religious questions that can’t be answered, they’re told to “put it on the shelf” and God will answer those questions when they die. But the shelf gets piled too high with truth claims, abusive church practices, historical wrongness of texts, and eventually it breaks and causes a faith crisis. When people discuss religious crises outside of Mormonism I sometimes wish they had this language about it to use, because I think this is a more common and difficult personal experience than many people would recognize. That shelf can get too heavy and break for any belief system.
@ dysfunctional just means it doesn’t function in the typical way. A sexual desire that can’t be fulfilled without harming others is dysfunctional imho
@@HowardtheLion424 that could be true, I guess I see “dysfunction” more as an internal process that creates additional strife or challenge to the person and their relationships. But as a result of that it’s often attached to toxic family structures or abusive people in the same way that “disabled” might align people with those who are profoundly handicapped and unable to be independent which is obviously not the case for many kinds of physical differences. I’ll try to think more about how to discuss this kind of thing in the future, I don’t really know of another way to characterize it because it does create such a problem for the people dealing with it (and sometimes those around them) but I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Maybe there’s a better descriptor.
@@HowardtheLion424 I think maybe my comment to you disappeared, and I’m sort of UA-cam stupid so maybe I just can’t find it for some reason 😅 in case it’s gone I’ll try to clarify my thought here. I’ll try to think of different language to use in the future, I can see how “dysfunction” might mentally align something with toxic family structures or abusive individuals even if the person experiencing is not causing that kind of damage around them. I guess for me I also see dysfunction as the internal struggle that comes up for an individual dealing with something like this. And I don’t really know of what other word to characterize it but if I think for awhile I can probably find one that is better suited.
Great and important interview. I completely agree that people who have any kind of disturbing inclinations need to be able to talk about it, if we want people to be able to make responsible and compassionate choices. Thank you both.
This interview was great. I understand the common gut reactiion people have, but he is not a “predator” or “offender” based on what he said. He’s someone who’s dealing with something outside of his control as ethically as he can. I think having these open conversations is so important. We can’t help anyone involved if we keep things in the shadows. I was SAd by someone in my mid 20s and he had that uncontrollable, impulsive drive that people assume all p*dophiles have. He was an adult attracted to adults. It was very traumatic for me, but after hating him for enough time, I now wish him healing. Before we can heal collectively from this sort of stuff, we have to learn. And conversations like this get the ball rolling.
Thank you Brandon and Dr. Honda for this interview. I learned a lot. The more we try to understand the better. I could hear the pain in Brandon’s voice and also the enthusiasm and energy to be a helper. I can also understand Brandon not telling the ex-wife because that comes with complications. Thanks for the interview. This topic is important.
I can also understand not wanting to tell your spouse this, but like all psychological predispositions, there must be some sort of genetic component to this. I would want to know before procreating with someone who has a significant attraction to children.
@@Beau136from listening to Brandon's story it seems like he only came to terms with his attraction 2 years ago. It seems like he had no realization of it when he was forced to find a wife even though he's gay and thus couldn't "warn" his wife about his thoughts to avoid having children.
I thank the Guest for this opportunity. This is very vital to have in discussion. Not to stigmatize, but to bring awareness how this happened, the signs (all individual circumstances ofc). Psychology and Sociology is such a new venture, and im glad we are taking it more seriously than the 80s -00s
Thank you both for this informative and insightful interview, and for being brave enough - both of you - to put it out here for us to hear. My first reaction was to draft a comment beginning with how I appreciated that he's non-offending and is committed to non-offending, but that for us autistic people, we could do without the association of being lumped-in with a discussion around paedophilia (around 19:00 to 21:00 I think). I thought, 'well, we're stigmatised enough as it is, and we really don't need neurotypical people hearing us mentioned alongside paedophilia on top of that!' - but on reflection, I guess that's exactly the point this interview makes. It's very easy for everyone else to take the better-travelled path, and say, 'oh, I'm distancing myself from you, you're sick'; but this man is an upstanding citizen, as far as any of us are aware! I'm not sure whether I'd agree that a person should be commended as a hero for choosing not to assault others, but I agree that it should be commended. Nobody chooses to be born the way that they are. What they do about it is what matters. These are difficult topics to hear about, difficult subjects to entertain - difficult bridges to build, from one side of a dark and scary void (the issue of paedophilia) to the other. But I think it's vitally important that we do continue to address these topics and we do keep hammering away at that bridge, because these people do exist, and maybe, if we tried to understand them as humans, we can all make this world safer for humankind. (I will admit that when it comes to those who do offend, I am still unable to view them as being human, to the same degree that the rest of us are - but I know they're a totally different category to the guy in this interview!)
I find it's difficult to compare my attraction to... anything else in the world, because people will say, how dare you compare the two! Thank you for your comment about your reaction.
Thank you Dr. Honda and Brandon for working to destigmatize such a taboo subject. Using examples of how straight sexuality feels was so helpful in realizing how misunderstood pedophilia is. Brandon, you seem like a great person, and a wonderful father. Interviews like this help to challange the image society has presented us in regards to pedophilia, please continue the work you both are doing!
I understand why people have the question around fatherhood, but it seems like a non-issue to me. A heterosexual father who is normally attracted to women is not necessarily going to be attracted to his (adult) daughters, so there's no reason why a pedophile would automatically be attracted to their own children either.
@@ComfyyCozyyASMRyeah, if he knew she isn’t the type to be okay or compassionate with him regardless of what he says he won’t ever do, he still shouldn’t have had kids with her or he should have disclosed such a SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE part of him before having ties to her with children
Anecdotally, a lot of the people I know who were assaulted as children by adults were assaulted by close family members; fathers, uncles, etc. Because they were the children they had access to.
Always disturbing but also important information to be shared. Appreciate the frankness and honesty and his internal struggle and strength to not act on his desires. His take on not using the word “pornography” in these references was insightful and a point well made that I hadn’t thought of before. I run into people daily that I find attractive - I’m sure we all do. It doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it or even have a desire or any fantasies to act on anything. Most people have willpower in their attractions and interactions. I’d like to think this is the case for those attracted to the underage. This guy is obviously an intelligent and thoughtful human being, not only in sustaining any urges but working to move the needle and help others with their own battles. I have to say, I am extremely grateful this isn’t something I battle with. My heart goes out to those who do and my mad respect to those who are committed to not taking action. It’s sorta like if you were born a redhead and everything in society and religion said redheads are evil. You can dye your hair brown but deep down, you’re always gonna be a redhead. Granted, not exactly the same thing. This is such a hard conversation for people to have. Respectful thoughts welcome.
Thank you for interviewing this gentleman. It was very hard for me to listen to since I grew up with someone that had a lot of similarities as this man. I’ve never been abused by this individual, but it wasn’t until within the last two years that I questioned this person (he passed away over 10 years ago) regarding his specific interests in certain graphic material and if it had any effect on his involvement in my life. I don’t recall any danger or threatening instances nor would I have worried that there was a potential of any danger. Still a lot of emotions to sift through, but I do appreciate the transparency being displayed in this interview.
How many adult children live with their parents who aren't attracted to their adult kids? I'm gay and I have 2 lesbian cousins and we're not attracted to each other. My straight cousins aren't attracted to my other straight cousins. Most people aren't attracted to family members. Believes me I'm concerned about the safety of children but it's not fair to assume that he's attracted to his kid.
1st cousins being attracted to each other is pretty common. So is 1st cousin marriage in a lot of the world. Of course in modern times we understand it to be somewhat weird not to mention genetically irresponsible to act on it. I do think it's a little different than being attracted to an immediate family member as well, though
Well ,the way he explained it he seemed that he was strong enough to control himself but in case he couldn't help himself he would delete himself .the thought of deleting himself was scary so he fought the thought .this is what I understood.
@@giovannamoro8564he only believed those things because of propaganda about pedophiles destined to abuse. From what I heard, he doesn't even entertain a thought of ever engaging with children in that way. If it wasn't for propaganda, he would probably not be suicidal because of his strong belief in his own morals. He would likely think of his attraction as uncomfortable intrusive thoughts rather than thinking of himself as a time bomb.
Thank you so much Brandon for braving this interview! I dont generally leave comments but feel like I really want to for both Jay and Brandon. I didnt listen to jays interview but hearing about what commentors that were angry and hateful, i just want to be part of that 100 to counter that one negative! I just finished reading "unlearning shame" and it really helped me accept my ability on how to make the world more compassionate. The both of you are making a big leap. As a mom i feel more at ease i would say, and i cant explain why. Any parent is protective, and Brandon you likely have the same want of protection to your own. Thank you again!
@HowardtheLion424 so good and helpful for me to understand my role in this big world. Help me let go of perfectionism, which tends to be hard when you identify as members of many minority groups. I feel like I can distribute the weight of the world from my shoulders. You and Jay really help me visualize some of the concepts this unlearning, and I can identify what I can do for someone that is a mom and working in healthcare.
I'm sure Brandon as he calls himself is very protective over his own children when other pedophiles are around scoping them out! I have seen this behaviour in real time!
Thank you Dr. Honda for providing a space where these conversations are possible. I experienced CSA and it always frustrates me how most conversations around this topic are very reactionary and don’t do anything to help the situation. I’m glad to hear that Brandon has support and friends. I remember in the interview with Jay I was pretty worried after hearing about how his family found out and their reactions. One thing I wish was talked about further was how Brandon said that his current age range of attraction goes up to people 25 years old. I wonder if that’s something he has explored or is able to explore and maybe enhance so that he could potentially have fulfilling sexual relationships with other adults, and if he has, did they known that he is also attracted to children? I’m very curious about that. Huge kudos to Brandon for speaking so openly and sharing so much.
Thanks for your concern about me. Being kicked out of my family put my life on a whole new and unexpected trajectory, but I am adapting. I have had some brief moments of reconciliation with them since. I recently attended a memorial for an uncle that died and was able to chat amicably with them, though we won't be hanging out socially any time soon unless there is another wedding or funeral.
@ wow! I did not think you would read my comment or reply but thank you! I’m glad things were at least amicable and I want you to know I’m rooting for you and hoping you all the best
@ hi Brandon. Thanks for replying and doing the interview. What were the post divorce relationships with guys like? Also, if you want to answer, where in this whole time line did your relationship with your ex wife happen and what was that like?
The comment was removed because UA-cam doesn't like links, but I do recommend that everyone read the article I mentioned in the interview: Social Dark Matter by Duncan Sabien. -Brandon
@@felisenthusiast Apparently the algorithm is determined for me not to tell you. Possibly due to a mild swear word in the username. If you can message me somehow, I'm happy to tell you.
interesting listen. i was really angry when starting this video but i grew respect for this man when i learned he hasnt touched anyone and was here educating other people despite it being scary. i was touched when i was young and even tho it was such a small thing, it fucked me up forever. i believe it is a necessary and a good thing to bring these things to light and to pedophiles to have safe spaces to help each other and i believe we are going to a better direction to protect children. when he said human attraction is strange, i absolutely believe it, nature is fucking weird and it doesnt ask humanity if it makes sense to us or is "good"
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, and thank you for being brave enough to share it. People talking about their CSA and sharing how it affected them is one of the things that made it plain to me that anti-contact is the only reasonable position to hold. I wish you the best. -Brandon
@@lalathebarbieee If I'm trying to get away with anything, I'm going about it all the wrong way. Appreciate your commitment to the bit, though, babe. -Brandon
I understand what you mean, and I totally respect that you feel that way. But please consider this perspective... When you say "pedophiles often minimize their behavior"-how do you know that pedophiles do this? I'm sure you have good reason to believe that offending pedophiles do this sort of thing, but how could you know this about pedophiles in general? How could anyone know anything about pedophiles in general? It's so stigmatized a condition that probably the vast majority of people who have it are the only ones who know that they have it, and they would never tell anyone in a million years. So how could anything be known, inferred, or even estimated about them? And we obviously can't generalize and assume that traits common to offenders must also be common to all pedophiles. Because we would never accept that kind of logic for any other group of people. Not to mention... why on earth do this interview if he really was doing immoral things pertaining to children? That would be a bizarre choice.
@@lalathebarbieee There's two key differences though: The Chris Hansen predators were not volunteering themselves to go on the show, that's one difference; and secondly, they knew their real name and face was going to get out there, so they knew they had to lie to attempt to save their reputation. Oh, and a third difference: they were caught doing something illegal. None of those three things are true for this UA-cam video; the person being interviewed here voluntarily did it, it's anonymous, and he hasn't been caught doing anything as far as we know. So then... why exactly would the predators on Chris Hansen's shows be a valid comparison?
@@JohnSmith-tk3pw yeah and he had to hide his voice for this "voluntary' interview. Look, kudos to him for trying to get help but no one is obligated to accept it. Sorry. Life sucks. Especially for victims of pedophiles. That stigma also applies to them. The poison of shame is with them forever because of the pedophile.
To those that hold it against him that he hasn't done more to try to come out to his ex-wife and children, think about how often people who have actually been harmed and/or have come forward as victims are ridiculed, silenced, threatened, or even punished for doing so (and this can apply to any abusive relationship, or course). If victims of actual abusers don’t always feel safe coming forward, how can you expect MAPs to feel safe coming out? Also, because I’m aware that both the interviewee in this video and the one from Dr. Honda’s last MAP interview have been reading and responding to comments here, I really appreciate both your guys’ courage and honesty. Hopefully you guys are also making sure to take care of yourselves at the same time.
Hey, thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it. To the people pushing for me to come out to my ex, I definitely feel a bit frustrated. I doubt that any of them would have the courage to do so if they were in my shoes, let alone appear on a podcast like this. So far the good comments are keeping us buoyed, and our community is supporting me and Jay. -Brandon
Those are two very different things. In one situation, someone has been victimized, and in the other someone is always going to be at risk of offending. His wife absolutely had a right to know who it was she was getting into a marriage with and having children with, especially if there was a chance he could develop and attraction to his own children. There are consequences to having these feelings, its socially unacceptable for a reason. I'm not saying MAPs should never find love, but holding back this information is stripping someone of their complete consent and awareness of the possible dangers of having children with them.
@@Fahtimma Sure, there’s always a non-zero chance risk that they could offend in the future but unless they have such strong compulsions and impulses that causes them to be unable to function or behave appropriately around children, I’m not sure if that’s something they’re exactly morally obligated to let the people closest to them know about it. In an ideal world where most of society was able to more maturely compartmentalize thoughts and feelings from behavior and actions, I’d agree that there’s no excuse for them to keep their affliction a secret from her. But much like with how a lot of gay people often go into heterosexual relationships years before they ever officially come out of the closet, sometimes it’s not just the prejudice towards the condition itself, but also towards not getting married or not being in a heteronormative relationship. And on top of that as you alluded to, the fundamental desire for most people to seek out attachment. Would it have been more preferable if they could’ve been honest about their affliction before they got married? Of course. But from a systemic standpoint, what’s more preferable is if there were more resources out there that these people could reach out to for actual safe and non-judgmental support and treatment, like what Dr. Honda was attempting to do with this interview. Lastly, with regards to the connection I made to those who are victims of actual abusers, sometimes it’s a situation where multiple victims are involved, and in certain cases, some victims might even be aware of that fact. Yet most of us recognize that it’s not right to blame victims for not coming forward due to the risk that the abuser could harm other people, because we know that the responsibility of holding abusers accountable shouldn’t fall on them.
@@Fahtimma Sure, there’s always a non-zero chance risk that they could offend in the future but unless they have such strong compulsions and impulses that causes them to be unable to function or behave appropriately around children, I’m not sure if that’s something they’re exactly morally obligated to let the people closest to them know about it. In an ideal world where most of society was able to more maturely compartmentalize thoughts and feelings from behavior and actions, I’d agree that there’s no excuse for them to keep their affliction a secret from her. But much like with how a lot of gay people often go into heterosexual relationships years before they ever officially come out of the closet, sometimes it’s not just the prejudice towards the condition itself, but also towards not getting married or not being in a heteronormative relationship. And on top of that as you alluded to, the fundamental desire for most people to seek out attachment. Would it have been preferable if they could’ve been honest about their affliction before they got married? Of course. But from a systemic standpoint, what’s more preferable is if there were more resources out there that these people could reach out to for safe and non-judgmental support and treatment, like what Dr. Honda was attempting to do with this interview.
@@Fahtimma With regards to the connection I made to those who are victims of actual abusers, sometimes it’s a situation where multiple victims are involved, and in certain cases, some victims might even be aware of that fact. Yet most of us recognize that the risk that the abuser could harm other people is not a good reason to blame victims for not coming forward sooner because we know that the responsibility of holding abusers accountable shouldn’t fall on them. Basically what I’m saying is that while MAPs are ultimately responsible for how they handle their feelings and thoughts, they’re not only having to grapple with the possible consequences of the affliction itself, but also the consequences of simply coming out about it. Deciding to come out about their affliction should not have to involve considering the possibility that doing so could in some cases result in possible ostracism from loved ones and society or worse.
This interview is really meaningful. Taking a more nuanced approach to pedophilia, like you both also stressed, is so important. It is a topic that causes strong emotional reactions but immediately dismissing every person as a criminal and abuser only makes it more difficult to catch the problem early on, makes it more difficult to seek and administer help. I learned a lot from this interview. And I am very proud of Brandon for being so honest with such a difficult topic, and for being so clear with his boundaries! Setting and keeping such boundaries for himself must have been very difficult and requires a lot of strength.
Hi Brandon, at 36:20 you were asked a specific question which you didn’t actually answer, even after Dr. Honda tried to summarize. Would you like to share what you were holding back saying at this point in the interview? Or would you rather not give us that detail.
It's a difficult thing for me to out into words. If I see someone I find attractive I want to look at them more, and I will glance at them. What's happening inside me? I'm thinking, "he's cute." That's pretty much the start and the end of the experience. I suppose it feels good to look at someone that is pleasant to look at, I assume that's universal. Like...I don't know, seeing a pretty sunset, or finding a $10 bill on the street. Then, I'll carry on with my day and keep doing whatever it is I'm doing. Is this what it's like for you teleiophiles? I had always though so, but maybe I'm missing something about your experience?
@@HowardtheLion424 I’d say it’s a pretty similar experience. I’m a cis heterosexual female and in a long term relationship, where I have 0 interest in being with anyone else. However, if I see a cute guy who is my type cross my view out in public, yeah I’ll make a mental comment about how he’s cute, or I like his outfit, hair, etc. but I would not go up to him and flirt. But it can go as far as getting nervous/flustered if I happen to be having a conversation with someone I find attractive, but even then it doesn’t go further. I shut down the interaction if the other person gets the wrong idea/asks for my number, etc.
@@tricialevi9817 Yeah, sounds like it's the same ballpark. But fortunately for me, I never have to worry about the other person flirting or offering their number, lol! 🤣 -Brandon
I'm surprised that no one has hit upon the brother/sister analogy for NOMAPs and the children they care about. Although a pair of siblings may be a perfect fit for each of their sexual preferences, neither one would even think about it. Another ignored topic; there is no need to speculate about ancient Greece to examine a society that fully accepts pedophilia. There are modern societies which do the same.
Dr. Honda, congrats on bringing this subject again and with such a nice interview. Some of these comments are really scary. Congrtas to the dudes on the interviews. You guys are really doing amazing work. Im sure, like u said, some younger people with this problem or even older will be able to get help from listening to this and become non offenders also. Really commend you on speaking out with such vulnerability. It hurts to see how cruel people can be about it. It must be so difficult to be in ur shoes. I wish u all the best and am very happy about the help u r providing to others and hoping u have the biggeat impact on the protection of children through awareness like this.
So glad that you talked about shame and cultural sex-negative influences toward the end of the interview. It feels so much like deep-rooted cultural shame about any sexual thoughts (which the LDS church is pretty well-know for), along with a lack of age-appropriate sex education, combined with a brain that's wired for OCD, are at the root of the types of thoughts that this interview subject describes. Thank you for sharing this difficult but important discussion.
@HowardtheLion424 understood, and thank you for sharing your story. The OCD connection came up for me because of what seemed like a similarity between your description of your unwanted thoughts as a young person, and the way I've heard people with OCD talk about disturbing and unwanted, repetitive thoughts. For example, new moms who have disturbing thoughts and images about harming their baby. They often describe having thoughts that feel unwanted and scary and shameful, even if there's no desire to act on them.
@@djer05010401 I appreciate the clarification. I have experienced something like that, but my attractions seem to function on a different level from that.
I mean this with my whole heart when I say I want compassion for people like Brandon and Jay who have not offended, who know that the attraction can never be acted on, and who are working to better understand themselves. You deserve to be here, on earth. Your psychopathy is not your fault, but the decisions you make in life - like everyone else - are what shape you. Kudos to you both, because that is one hell of a burden to carry. I’m really sorry. I wish you the best in this life ❤
First let me say THANK YOU for your bravery and candidness in this difficult topic. It is difficult for me to swallow or understand how a man can find destroying an infant or toddlers parts as satisfying. HOWEVER the fact that you have never acted on and never plan to act on your desires causes me to pause. The fact that you help others like you to not act on but maybe understand it better is very commendable. This comes from a person was raped by a pedophile when I was young and never told. But this isn’t about me. I just had some thoughts as to why you may have developed this? Who really knows? And it won’t just ’go away’ or you won’t ’grow out of it’. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We all are attracted to a certain type, yours type is just very different than most. If you were rejected by your peers while growing up is it possible that your longing for friendship and socialization caused you to seek companionship in any group that would accept you? Did you then possibly realize that much younger kids often accepted you as you were? Did you possibly continue to not mature at the same rate as your peers (you said you were ‘annoying’) BECAUSE you were socializing with younger friends? As time passed did you begin to find an attraction in that age group because they originally accepted you but that feeling being mutual was fulfilling for you and a comfortable place bc you fit in? Did that eventually become attraction? Is your attraction specific to kids like those you found friendship with (personality wise) or just younger boys in general? I can see a 10 year old but how can there be attraction to a 2 year old? That confuses the tar out of me! I will never understand attraction to the very young. But again, thank you and I wish you well in your journey.
When discourse about topics related to this is met with extreme negativity, it's very telling of caring more about one's anger than protecting children. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots and fill in the blanks regarding that statement. I understand that a number of people have been utterly abused-and I'm truly sorry that happened. Your anger is valid and justified, of course. However, the zeitgeist is what prevents people from seeking help and potentially keeping more children from going through that abuse. If society wasn't so villianising of people who go through this affliction, would the men who raped me when I was a child have sought for help, thus, preventing me from having been raped? That is a question I always have at the back of my mind. TL;DR: If you advocate for a total, black-and-white persecution of anyone with even the slightest interest in minors, then you care more about your anger than you care about children.
This is probably the most relevant and important comment on this video, to be honest. A world that encourages dishonesty toward pedophilia is a world where people will BE dishonest about pedophilia.
Animated obviously yes (I support cartoons) but there is unfortunately ai photos based off originally real photos which is horrible imo and can be used as blackmail/traumatic to the child
@skylarsaysstuff Based on original photos and footage of real-life minors that's completely different, it has to be something generated entirely by scratch.
I agree it shouldn't be criminalized, but I do feel like people generally overestimate how many pedophiles there would be who would then go and commit illegal acts if that content was criminalized. I mean, there probably would be some rare cases where it would happen (and I'm not trying to minimize that), but I think generally for the most part, pedophiles would just switch over to using legal pictures of real kids, like stock photos or UA-cam vlogs, which many pedophiles have to do anyway if they live in countries like Canada, the U.K., etc. So just to be clear, I'm not saying that cartoon CP should be illegal, I'm just saying that if it was made illegal, you probably wouldn't see a massive spike in CSA (though you might still see some isolated cases here and there, and that still matters!).
I am very proud of thus man!! Not only is he open and facing his disorder , but others who have this disorser in secret may reach out for help if they hear this man speaking to you without malice coming back at hum
I appreciate this interview. The only thing I felt really weird about was the idea that it's okay to keep a sexual orientation secret from a partner. I would feel very used, as if they were using me as a way to escape or hide their own secrets, or like I was not given the chance to make an informed decision about who I married or was sexual with. That's not even a judgement on the sexual preference--I don't care if someone is gay, for example, but if I found out they were gay and using me as a "beard" so to speak all these years, or that they were misrepresenting the nature of our relationship and on a wildly different wavelength than they'd led to me to think they were...essentially lying by omission about the core nature of our relationship...I'm not understanding the aspect of this reasoning. It reminds me of a time I was cheated on, and didn't find out for months; I told the person that if I had known, I would not have had sex with them again, and would have majorly reconsidered moving in with them. If I knew I was in a relationship with a person whose sexual preference I was unaware of the entire time, and that they were having sex with me when they actually didn't necessarily want to be...how is that ok? I should get to make decisions about my own life, ya know? The definition of "lying" by omission is precisely that something NOT said has a huge effect on the OTHER'S understanding of their own life, relationships, etc. Otherwise I am totally all about people not being ashamed so that they can get support. Just don't involve someone non-consensualy in a relationship that they didn't make an informed decision about on their own behalf. Pedophelia aside, that alone can completely destroy someone's life. This aspect of the interview felt so navel-gazey to me. Like, cmon. You don't get to lie about your sexual preference to your long-term partner.
My ex-partner. I hadn't reconciled this aspect within myself until after we had separated. I'm not sure if that changes anything, but do you feel a person owes their ex-partner an explanation of their orientation?
@@HowardtheLion424 If you had kids with them and the nature was pedophelia and the kids are still underage...yes, 1000000 percent. I'm not sure where the ethical gray area is on that. I'm sorry that the situation sucks so much, but it doesn't seem like a gray area by moral standards for anyone involved including the children.
@@CarolynZaikowski But what if the partner had a loaded gun and there's very strong reason to believe what you are about to tell them will motivate them to use it? What she could do him socially is sort of equivalent don't you think? He could lose his kids, his job, his friends and home.
@@HowardtheLion424 Are my replies being censored? I can't find them. In any case, if both pedophelia and kids are involved, and they're not adults, and you're co-parenting, I'm genuinely not seeing the ethical gray area here. People get to make their own choices, just like you do, unfortunately that includes the mother being allowed to have input. I'm sorry that this causes such suffering, but in this particularly scenario, other people are involved and are allowed to be full people with their own insights and concerns and needs, and if your kids are adults and they find out, they will be allowed to not talk to you, and that will suck, but yes 100000 percent they are owed that info. Legality isn't the only consideration. This is about morals and basic relational respect--the fact that that isn't being considered makes me feel weird about whether the person actually does understand certain moral aspects that they are saying they understand. Honestly it seems the motivation is to not lose the kids--and I really do get that, but that doesn't mean they and the mom don't have the right to make their own informed choices, or that you wanting to be in the kids' lives is more important than other's choices.
Nearly finished. Yes, sexuality is not a choice. Period. And, to give someone who may not believe this some liege-way we don't actually know, scientifically, what causes any form of sexuality. These is no evidence as to how it originates at all, so we can only take the view of the people who experience it for now. Even if it were a choice, no one should be forced to change unless they want to. It is a choice to be a kind person like this speaker to not take action in a situation that is not between consenting adults.
I say keep the pornographic drawings legal. If the consumers confuse the behavior of a drawing with the real thing, it's not a pedophile problem. And while there's little to no therapeutic help for people like J, I think they should have access to a victimless outlet.
The reason they are illegal in many countries is because it CAN have an escalating effect on some individuals. I have no idea how common or uncommon that is though.
No. These drawings are often used to groom victims into thinking the acts depicted in them are normal for children to engage in. Repeated exposure to stimuli, especially a very powerful conditioning tool like orgasm, only reinforces the underlying urges. Their behavior almost always escalates after prolonged consumption of such materials, it doesn’t decrease like you seem to think. It is not a victimless outlet.
@@toemader1542 Ordinary erotic material depicting consenting adult actors (I'm trying to avoid the algorithm censoring me here) is also used to groom kids. It isn't the material that is bad or harmful, it is the way that it's used. Intentionally exposing children to erotic material of any kind is always wrong. -Brandon
@@toemader1542 sounds like it is a victimless outlet as long as it's not used to groom victims. That it leads people to escalate their behavior even when no offending behavior has ever been considered or manifested is unfounded.
I feel a lot of compassion for Brandon and admire both him and Kirk for having this conversation. However, I am disappointed that Kirk judged Brandon's decision to not disclose his orientation to his ex-wife. First of all, Brandon has a right to privacy. We can't control our feelings and it's perfectly okay to keep our feelings to ourselves, ESPECIALLY if we don't feel safe sharing them. Second of all, Brandon has good reason to worry about the consequences of telling her. Most people won't be enlightened enough to distinguish between a private sexual attraction to children and predatory behavior. We, the listeners of this podcast, understand the difference. But there's a non-negligible chance that his wife will not understand it and will try to take his children away from him. Why should Brandon feel compelled to risk that? I hope Kirk reflects on this.
Thank you very much. I don't think most commenters are thinking about just how much trauma I would be risking for my kids by coming out to her. -Brandon
And boy oh boy everything rotates around Brandon and we don't want to hurt his feelings . Do we? Listen ,it's not his fault for being this way but it's not his ex fault for being with a man who lied to her about his homosexuality and his quiet pedophilia .
i grew up mormon as well and i remember feeling so much shame and guilt for having sexual thoughts/experiences that were developmentally typical. in mormonism, sexual “sins” are equal to/above murder. i couldn’t imagine having that added layer of internal shame. i bet temple interviews were so difficult :( i’m glad this person is able to heal and live a typical life!
He's in total denial of how important it is to let his ex-wife know so she can protect the kids. It's crazy somebody can lay down and make three kids with somebody that they aren't even attracted to the same gender. I feel bad for his kids. And his ex-wife. Her entire life was a lie. What kind of community of people that share mutual friends would ever be okay keeping something so monumental from a mother with young children.
@@HowardtheLion424you ARE a predator, you preyed on your ex wife in this case. You lied to her and had children with her before she knew what you were that by definition IS predatory. No amount of flowery language or spinning changes that about you.
Glad someone else caught that. He thinks he’s innocent because he claims not to have touched children but that doesn’t change the fact that he seriously screwed up when he lied to someone then got them pregnant, THRICE
@@lalathebarbieee no, it would be by definition predatory if he'd done it with the intention to hurt or deceive any of the involved; instead his only intention was self-preservation.
This conversation is so important. Thank you. I appreciate you having this conversation while also not glorifying or giving attention to a criminal. We need to help these individuals without glorifying or giving too much sympathy. Right now they have no where to go, and that creates more victims than necessary.
He did clarify it would only happen after his youngest was over 18, so as not to put that burden on them unduly. They would be out of his AOA (age of attraction).
@@ArsObscenitas Technically they wouldn't be, since my age of attraction extends up to 25 ish. But I do believe that it wouldn't burden them at or after 18. Afterall many people have children who are between the ages of 18 and 25, are attracted to people between the ages of 18 and 25, but no one worries that they're into their kids just because they like people in that age range.
@@ArsObscenitas you shouldn't be discussing your personal sexual desires with your children. it's a super inappropriate behaviour (no matter what age they are) Shows a lack of boundaries. It's exhibitionist behaviour as well to involve his children and to be 'out" as a. pdf file. Gay people are "out" as gay to find other gay people. What is the point of pdf files being "out"?
@@SummativeWritting Gay people aren't "out" to find other gay people. We are out so that we can live authentic lives and talk about our lives with our friends and family without feeling like we have to hide any part of ourselves, and I don't mean sharing details of intimate experiences with them. Think about how many ordinary experiences straight teleiophiles couldn't talk about if they had to hide their sexuality. -Brandon
thanks for spreading awareness on paraphilias. i think its important that we can listen to people with any type of difference, as long as they arent offending. kinda goofy interview though the guy was pretty civil but had to field like 20 of the same question Do you want to hurt children. i agree with some of the commenters that he should be open with the mother of his children though, but its a positive that hes advocating & trying to help people in a positive way
Thank you for this video dr. Honda, it's a very insightful look into a subject that is rarely talked about openly. In my opinion, if we normalize pedophilia as it is, meaning the unchosen attraction to children, we would be making a great step into preventing a large number of child sexual abuse from happening. I wonder if it would be possible for you to interview a female nomap, or someone with another stigmatized paraphilia like zoophilia. It'll be interesting to hear from their point of view.
I find interviews like these so interesting. I try to put myself in the pdf-files shoes but it's really hard to understand the reasoning behind it. I would also like to add that these conversations are so important because if this disorder is brought to light it increases the likelihood of finding a way to treat it or how to manage it.
Understand the reasoning behind it? Just consider yourself lucky that you don't have an inkling of attraction to minors to internally fight against. How can you not conceptualize this? Are you straight? Imagine living in a 98% gay society where being straight was frowned upon. You have control over your sexuality? ffs...
@@HowardtheLion424 I realise that was the wrong choice of words and that it doesn't even apply to you. I wrote my comment before the interview began and was thinking of how pdf-files tend to make excuses for their attraction and other mental gymnastics like saying kids are able to consent. I can see the shame, I can see how it would make one feel dirty or defective but I can't understand justifying it. The justification is common in interviews with pdf-files or at least the ones I've heard.
@@SpookiCooki MAPs that have committed themselves never to offend (which isn't necessarily hard as a lot of them don't have the urge to) do not believe children can consent. Brandon explains it better as he goes into the difference between ideology and contact-status within the community.
Idk. These convos and research should definitely be happening. The topic is so sensitive though, that I don’t think that any guest would really ‘do good’. I haven’t gone through the entire interview yet, but my biggest issue is the children and the ex-wife. I don’t think he’d feel attracted to his kids per se. I kind of relate this to the gay panic when someone’s same sex friend comes out as gay and people get scared that means they would sexualize them or feel attracted to them. Like no? I’m hetero and do NOT feel attracted to my male family members at all. But not being honest about it to his ex-wife is something that would actually make me livid. I would want to have all the relevant info before deciding to have kids with someone. That means all info that could greatly affect me or the kids. Not just sexuality, but also finances, jobs & criminal history. No you don’t owe anyone this info, but I would absolutely spiral if I found out later that I was cheated out of an informed decision regarding my life/children.
It was information I wasn't able to give at the time. I hadn't fully processed it myself. Perhaps you've never been in deep denial or suppressed some part of yourself. I regret the situation with my ex. I don't and never did wish her any harm. I am trying to spare her and my kids some pain by delaying the discussion. It's interesting. I've gotten a range of responses. People saying "tell her now" and people saying "never tell her, it will hurt her too much." -Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424 definitely understandable! But if it were my (ex)partner who told me something like that, then I think I would experience it as an awful thing and would feel used and ‘tricked’ (even if this wasn’t your intention). I don’t think there’s a good answer though. I think this is one of those situations where nothing is right, no matter how you go about it or how the people around you will react. Which is harsh, but definitely a BIG reason as to why this is a topic that should be discussed more. I think getting different responses to it is logical. It’s an extreme taboo and most people’s exposure to MAP is either from CSA or horror media stories. Then there are a few who know MAP personally. And then there are the people who can only imagine what it would be like. So I do hope you take all responses as food for thought, but eventually make ‘the best’ decision for your situation. Every situation is different, every person in every story is different, so there’s really no telling on how your story will develop. I just hope it will be the best outcome possible for everyone involved!
At the beginning of this and recently i've learned to accept fiction as fiction, although I do believe drawing any sort of this stuff publicly can harm minors who encounter it (skew their view of adults attraction to them as being okay)-- regardless, no one can really stop it and I do not have the authority or right to harass anyone about it so I either report or block. I'm glad this person only does this via fiction and prefer that. More than that I LOVE when someone can admit they're this and not totally innocent bc "the characters don't look human haha" bc they're anime. Human brain can clearly tell if a character is meant to be a human lol. You are a ma/p.
I recently watched the one with jay and stumbled upon this one aswell on my fyp. Its very eye opening and makes me truly wonder if there’s healthy ways to help these people to get to the main goal of protecting children across the world. Ive always been on edge about how the internet sexualizes alot of stuff. Ive never thought this deep tho, as to what people are viewing the content, like just as much as uplaoding a photo of a child can be enough.. thats so crazy to me.
A very interesting side of the story. And it's definitely easier to hear from someone who is a non-offender. I'm not sure if I could handle listening otherwise. The idea of childhood rejection being a possible cause for the attachment to children, is definitely interesting, and I personally think it's a real possibility. I think pedophilia should be looked into more, and understood on all sorts of levels, from psychological, neurological, and any other possible way. The only way to help a people is to understand those people, and that can't be done when the subject is shied away from. This is still a difficult topic for me to hear, as I have a kid. But it's been useful to know there is more nuance to the topic than I thought. The nuance is... reassuring in a way.
@HowardtheLion424 I absolutely do. That's entirely why I listened to this episode. Any way I can find, or anything I find to read or listen to, to protect, provide for, and support my kiddo, I look into it as much as my time allows me to. I definitely appreciate that this interview exists. (It also gives me another book to read! 😊)
I gotta say I respect J for coming on and being so vulnerable. I agree that if more people with pedophilia could get help without the stigma or fear of judgement that our society would be better off. Maybe that would lead to less offenders. The fact that he considered suicide because he thought he was destined to offend is so sad. I was hurt as a child by a few different men and it makes me wonder if they had gotten help if anything could have been different
Thanks for the interview and for being so candid. Wondering what the gender distribution of non-offenders (or of all categories, if you have that info) looks like in the support groups? Just a curiosity, since I believe the mainstream understanding of a pedophile (esp. in media) is that of a man, but I’m guessing there is much more nuance. Thanks!
There is more nuance. I tend to think that women who deal with this issue conceptualize their attractions differently, and therefore are less likely to seek support. With that being said, I know plenty of women and AFAB folks who are in the same boat as me. They do tend to be underrepresented in the community, though.
I feel very bad for his ex . She's going to be simply devastated. Why does he have one day tell his kids about his sexual fantasies ? We as parents don't share such personal details with our children even if they're grown ups. It's a matter of healthy boundaries and we don't need in order to feel good or free to make them feel sad or shocked and trust me , they're going to be saddened forever . This behaviour is called love , respect and protection. We simply cannot pretend everything we desire from others .there are issues we have to deal with within ourselves . This is basic parental instinct and probably this man should work with a professional on this .i'm sure that being a homosexual pedophile has different roots respect being a heterosexual one but it's just a thought ,i'm not a professional . It might make him feel less " dirty " with a child than with a man if homosexual shame is so rooted within himself . Does this man has ever had a healthy sexual life with peer men ? There are so many questions i wished doctor Honda could have asked him. It really hit me when he said that his fantasies involved even 2yrs old children because no matter how i try to figure it out in my mind i can only see violence not sex. Sorry ,just my personal opinion .
Hey, Brandon here. I'm happy to answer any questions you have. I don't plan to share any details of my fantasies. Merely to tell my kids that I am this way. I have had healthy relationships with adult men, yes. In my fantasies no one is sad or hurt. That's why they're fantasies, because they aren't real. In fantasy, you could have a magic wand that makes money, or a supercomputer that grants wishes. They aren't realistic scenarios.
POCD just refers to the types of thoughts that could happen in those with OCD. People like to put these “themes” into subsets like HarmOCD - Thoughts of harming people HOCD - Sexual thoughts involving the same gender But really it’s all the same, just intrusive thoughts you can’t get out of your head. It doesn’t mean you actually want to carry out anything involved with the thoughts.
So I might have interpret this wrong bcs I am also on the autism spectrum. But I find it hard to believe that this guy classifies himself as a pedophile, has been suicidal because he's a pedophile, but he doesn't fantasize about real kids or look at pictures of real kids because that's not his thing. He's only attracted to and fantasize about cartoon characters. I just wanna say I don't think this guy is a predator. He shouldn't be harassed or harmed in any way. I don't think he wants to be a pedophile and he would change his sexuality in an instant if he could. But I also feel like he is trying very very hard to represent himself as a pedophile who isn't attracted to actual kids and has complete control of only fantasizing about cartoons. Come on man. If the intention of doing this podcast is to spread awareness and help others who also suffer this mental illness, it's not helping that you try so hard to make yourself look better and sound like a morally correct pedophile by not fantasizing about real kids. If there is other people watching this who might sit in their bedroom thinking about ending their lives because they have compulsive sexual thoughts about their neighbors kids, and you are here saying it's possible to only be attracted to cartoons will most likely only make those people feel sick and disturbed compared to you. If you get the chance to have this space on Dr Hondas channel you might aswell tell the truth about what this mental illness does to you and what you actually are sexually attracted to. I wouldn't judge you or look down on you because you didn't choose this. But what you are saying is like a person going to a AA meeting saying their alcoholism makes them want to die, but they have never drank alcohol only alcohol free beers
He didn’t say he doesn’t have attraction to real children, he said he only allowed himself to fantasize about cartoons. You can choose what you fantasize about but not who you are attracted to. He doesn’t allow the attraction to become part of his sexual fantasy
Well in recent circumstances, many women have "book husbands" where they are attracted to fictional men, written by women. Men and women who are into Anime, have anime crushes more than with human beings. It's not often stated, but it's more recent behavior of attraction. This guy would be how Christians would ask gay people to behave. Long as you don't offend and what not. Him also being gay makes this a challenge for him in the time this all went on, so I'm sure he was (cus he's attracted to men/boys) aware of some fear to do any action to a person and get caught
I very much and who heartedly appreciate Brandon’s vulnerability and honesty. As a community/society we must be able to talk about these things because shame is what keeps things in the dark and we need to learn more.
Many people are coming here to comment their fear-based, knee jerk reactions and I don’t think that’s a fair or reasonable way to enter this conversation. I appreciate both Dr. Honda and Brandon deeply for being brave enough to have this conversation so publicly. Much of what Brandon said helped me to make sense of a highly stigmatized population which deserves to be reexamined. Despite the discomfort of this topic, it’s so important to keep having these conversations if we are to move forward and prevent harm
I think a conversation about this is dangerous when without mention of any of the research on this. Is there evidence to support that pedophilia is a sexual orientation like being straight or gay? Is there evidence that like sexual orientations, you cannot experience cessation of these sexual urges through treatment? Is there evidence that the sexual behavior of the guest is helping or hurting their condition?
Looks to me that there could be some buried or unaddressed trauma with this man. I was sexually abused at a very young age and did not have a clear memory until I was in my 40s. I was alone and on my own without a therapist. A new trauma brought it up. This involves a power imbalance of some kind.
I’m not saying you are right that sexual abuse is THE cause of pedophelia, but this comment begs the question of if this interview is responsible to host without presenting research on this. Do we need to accept these people the way they are, or can we view the interviewee’s behavior as wrong and needing treatment to cease the behavior (regardless of if there is harm to another individual)?
@@lissie3669 Research would be great. We welcome more of it. This isn't peer reviewed, but Virped ran a poll to see how many of us have CSA in our childhood. 28% said yes, 25% said no but they had access to porn, 15% said no and they had no access to porn. There were a few other options for folks who had other kinds of experiences. -Brandon
I love these interviews! Growing up watching the worst of the worst online nothing really phases me so I love listening to just insane people, like one of my favorite interviews from Dr K was him talking to a murderer.
@@SpecialSunShine they’re in the comments camping out and trying to go on the defense. He’s even getting other pedophiles to harass listeners for differing views on here
@@lalathebarbieee I admit to being a comment section camper, but is it so bad? I mean it should be understandable, this being a video of high interest to me. Brandon is my friend and a fellow MAP who was interviewed by Kirk. I don't think that defending ourselves constitutes harassment. If it does, then what do you call denigrating us in the first place?
I think if a child or a parent is informed that you are attracted to them, you have done something wrong. Private thoughts and private fantasies are one thing. I would never want to know that someone finds either of my children attractive. -Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424I would absolutely want to know so that I can keep that sick individual away from my child. But I guess you get off on playing god, “choosing” to tell who you deem fit or not.
@@lucyharman7897 Do you divulge every personal thought, emotion, and sensation to every single person in your life? Or are there some things you keep private from some people?
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
As a person who was abused as a child I am thankful for these open and frank conversations about this issue. I sincerely want people who struggle with these types of attractions to have a way to find support and strategies to remain non offending.
Brandon here. I'm so sorry for what you experienced as a child. Thank you for your comment.
Same
@@V23325 im totally in support of that and sorry you had to go through that. Dont you get the vibe with this guy that hes not really taking any responsibility for the other issues hes created along the way so if hes delluded about that can we really trust anything else he claims. In Australia where im from he could be reported and charged for watching animated CP which im sure he admits at one point.
@@natwilliams4076 It is fortunate that I am not in Australia. Not all laws are good or ethical laws.
-Brandon
@@natwilliams4076In Australia you can also get charged with watching CP if an adult actor *looks* underage so maybe y'all's porn laws aren't the most sensible thing in the world. Just a thought.
The ironic thing here to all the negative comments, is that Brandon here, and Dr Honda, are doing far more to prevent people from harming children.
You're here with your anger, insults and threats, doing absolutely nothing useful. While they are here providing hope, help, and insight to all people. And spreading a message that some people may never have heard, which is that it is NOT inevitable that they would harm someone. That message is so important and will certainly stop ab*se from happening.
Brandon here.
Thank you so much for your comment.
I 100% agree. You can be as disgusted and offended as you want but that does absolutely nothing to help prevent these things from happening. The more we understand these people and have open conversations like these, the more we can figure out how to actually help these people to prevent them from ever offending.
Many times we don't find out about their attractions until it is too late and a child is hurt.
People prioritize their rage and hate over actually protecting children and reducing child abuse.
There are people who have claimed to be "non offending MAPs" who have turned out to be liars. I think there is a fine line between trying to understand them and also having too much compassion for people who have an innate desire to harm children just because they said they didn't and wouldn't. They have their own flag as if they want to be equated with the lbgt community. Its concerning. The MAPs movement is a place for offending pedophiles to find refuge in, under the guise of being non offending.
@@suras8984 My attraction is not "an innate desire to harm children." Finding someone attractive, who is not able to consent, is the same as finding someone unavailable attractive. It doesn't create some overwhelming urge. I've heard offenders find refuge on the dark web.
What’s crazy to me is when Pedophiles say how dangerous it is to exploit children on the internet and parents still plaster them all over social media. Also, it’s very interesting to hear someone speak who is “non-offending” as this subject is so taboo but also eye opening.
Yeah. When I have children, I'm never posting them on the internet until they're old enough to consent to that their self. 16+ I would think. Certainly never as children. Not only do pedophiles view online accounts as "material" AI is getting more and more advanced everyday as we speak. I don't want my children's photos being used for such things.
You know it's bad when even actual pedophiles say it's bad.
I had to pause the video 5 minutes in. As someone who was sexually abused throughout the entirety of my childhood, this is just way too disturbing to listen to. I really admire you, Dr. Honda, for being able to be impartial and give interviews like this. It’s a hard nope for me, though.
So sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. I hope you've been able to heal from this ❤🩷🧡💛💚
Standing ovation to you for taking care of yourself. I'm so sorry about what happened to you.
i am right there with you, i had to stop too.
I am sending you a retroactive shield of comfort and protection ⚔️🦺
❤1. This is incredibly commendable of you 2. I am so sorry you experienced this. 3. You did not miss much this person just virtue signaled most of the interview it would have been incredibly insulting to listen to as someone who experienced what you did.
Thank you for continuing to have these extremely taboo but necessary conversations, Dr. K. You are doing active harm reduction every time you do so. Like all things mental health / disorder-related, this topic exists on a spectrum and the more we are willing to discuss it, the better we as a society are able to encourage these people to seek therapy and protect children. There are way more “MAPs” around us than we realize who will never end up harming children.
Brandon here. Largely, we are non-offending and invisible. People would be shocked to know how many of us there are. But most people won't ever find that out because we remain non-offending, and (largely) silent.
@@HowardtheLion424 Exactly. especially for those like yourself that have a large age range of attraction, you are able to have relationships with adults so most will probably never even realize. Thank you for coming onto the podcast and telling your story alongside the work you do for your community. I’m sure you’re well aware of the risk you are taking every time you speak up. No matter how anonymous you remain, there is always a chance of someone doxxing you and blowing up your life but you are truly doing good work. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are being entirely honest in your interview, and I wish you continuous healing, love, and support in your life.
@@FrauStormm Thank you. I pride myself on being transparent and vulnerable. I have been here. I am well aware of the risk of doxxing. This interview is the riskiest thing I've done to date. Fingers crossed it has a good outcome.
@@HowardtheLion424 Thank you for being open and honest throughout this. It takes so so much courage to come out and talk about something so taboo. I hope that we can keep having these discussions as hard as they are.
Stay well
@@HowardtheLion424you know what happens to people like u in prison?
I wonder how many people could've been saved from abuse if we had different approach to this topic as a society. I'm really proud of this guest. I wish you well.
Thank you very much.
-Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424eww lmao yuck 🤮
Well the society norm was to deny and ignore it and not deal with anything taboo in society! This will not change sadly. While there is more education of it, it will remain a private undercover act as victims won’t ever tell for many reasons! Nothing that illicits judgement will come to light as its human nature to keep shame and humiliation feelings hidden.
As someone who was also abused as a child and also struggles with POCD these interviews are so difficult to get through, but it’s also such an important topic that needs to be talked about. Grateful for the people on both sides of the mic here. Doing good work!
Brandon here. Thank you so much for your comment.
I am curious though. Why is it so hard for you?
I have ideas. For me it is just a conversation. And I hear them say a lot that isn't true. Like Brandon saying you can't find evidence he isn't a offending pedophile. But you can. I am still not in any useful education. I am teaching myself about pedophilia and child abuse. And I find this just so interesting for research. Not that I learn a lot new. Know most of it already. Just school is rubbish
@@wakousyremu8946 its hard for me to see pedophiles as complex human beings. It’s so much easier for me to compartmentalize it as a black and white issue. People don’t hurt people the way I was hurt, monsters do. It was difficult when I started sympathizing with Brandon, trusting Brandon, seeing Brandon as a complete and complex person who also happens to be the thing I hate most in this entire world. It’s part of my healing to see the world as messy as it is. Hope you can get anything from my rambling.
@@wakousyremu8946 they said they were abused and struggle with POCD, that is probably why they said it’s hard. If you don’t know what that is, you should look it up.
I'm really impressed by this person's self awareness and honesty. It must have taken a lot of work to get to where he is. He's really doing the right thing by helping these uncomfortable conversations become easier.
seems more narcissistic and like a salesman a liar
@NJDrewind That's the thing, it's like what he said earlier, we really can't know that he hasn't acted on anything. Me personally, I just take what he says with a grain of salt. Maybe he really has never offended despite being around kids and jerking it to sh0ta content, or maybe he has and is just claiming that he hasn't. We really can't tell unless we have actual evidence he's passed that threshold. So, for now, I will just be a bit skeptical of him. Maybe he's being 100% truthful, maybe he isn't. Who really knows? I just hope he really hasn't passed that threshold, because again, _he's been around children_ , and is a father.
@@NJDrewindagreeeddddd
Question for the guest who was interviewed: is the way you feel towards your son the same as how a hetero father would feel towards his adult daughter? As in, he would recognize that she is a woman yet he would not look at her sexually/romantically because he is her father and therefore he naturally doesn’t think such things? (I hope the question came out right because it was a bit hard to verbalize what I meant.)
I think that that is a fair and apt comparison, yes.
-Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424I would like to say ty for doing this interview and I wish you the best of luck in life I am sorry that you or anyone else must deal with this.
This is slightly different but I have a lesbian sister & I once had someone ask me if I was worried she was attracted to me & my reply was if they were worried their brother was attracted to them?
@@EsperanzaR23 Similar principle, definitely.
For me, something about Jay’s story and the way he told it left me feeling a tad disturbed and concerned. In contrast, I didn’t feel that listening to Brandon at all. I don’t know if that means I’m unpacking my own internalized stigma around pedophilia after watching Jays episodes and this one, but maybe!
Brandon’s bravery and perseverance is admirable. I really appreciate his willingness to be so vulnerable and open with us despite the likely backlash.
Thanks so much for not shying away from tough and important topics, Dr. Honda!
I'm sorry I left you disturbed and concerned. I was pretty devastated and traumatized at that point in my life, I don't know if that had something to do with it. I've also grown a lot since then as I've healed and have changed some of my previous beliefs. Hopefully if I did it again, you would feel less concerned.
@iamjay6112 oh my goodness! Thank you for commenting, Jay! In reading my comment back I don’t think I articulated what I meant, so I’m going to try again. I think I felt disturbed and concerned not by you but by all the cognitive dissonance I was feeling. I think of myself as a compassionate person and when I was hearing your story a couple years ago I was confronted with the reality that I was not as compassionate as I thought and that my critical thinking around this topic was severely lacking. Your episodes completely shifted my perspective on minor-attracted people in general. So listening to Brandon’s episode today it made me wonder if my reaction to him would be different had I not already seen your episodes and changed my perspective.
Personally, I would be very interested to hear an update from you about what it was like to do those episodes, the aftermath and any thoughts you have now about the whole experience, especially given you mention you’ve changed some of your beliefs and feel like you’re in a better place in terms of trauma recovery.
retain your stigma
@@Alayhoo Obviously, it was super scary to put myself out there and be vulnerable in such a public way. But, at the same time it was very cathartic and validating. I felt so misunderstood and frustrated that my family wouldn't give me even five minutes to talk about my side of things, let alone two hours. The negative comments didn't bother me too much since most of them were way off base and I knew they didn't know a thing about me. The death threats were scary and made me wish I hadn't even looked.
It took me over a year before I was brave enough to share the episode with my family, but I eventually sent it to my brother. I asked him not to share it with anyone else, but shortly after I received an apologetic text from my stepmother who told me she listened and felt bad for how she initially reacted to my being outed. I didn't get any feedback from my brother, but he has been more open to conversation since then. The most positive thing that came out of I think is all of the other MAPs who've reached out to me to tell me how they were emboldened to seek out peer support, professional therapy and come out to their loved ones after listening.
Doing the interview was certainly a step in my trauma recover, but I think most of all, like with anything, time was the greatest healer. I just needed to put a lot of time between me and all of my losses. I am if anything adaptable and I have adapted to my new life. I've made new friends and deepened connections with the family that is still in my life. It was good for me to have separation from my niece anyway because as I've said I've changed some beliefs. I no longer begrudge the forced separation. It was necessary to keep her safe and for me to heal from my unhealthy attachment to her. To be clear, she was never in danger of CSA, but she didn't need an adult in her life who needed her for emotional well-being. That can't be a healthy thing in early childhood.
Thank you for your interest. It's so important for us to know that there are people out there who will listen even if they are skeptical. These days I am pretty disengaged from the MAP community, but I had to come back and check on how my friend Brandon's interview went and was received. Mostly, I just live a normal life where I try not to dwell on this condition or anything to do with it. Not as an avoidance, but just a minimization. I am at an age where my sexual drive is not very strong, and I don't have any kids in my life, so I am luckily free to just be and not worry so much about it all.
@@iamjay6112I hold no ill will against those that have temptations they can’t control. However I felt somewhat disturbed during your interview as well it sounded to me as if there was more that hadn’t been said about the relationship with your niece. Now that doesn’t mean you did or didn’t do anything to be clear I would not add that presumption.
And again parents, the risk you are taking posting pics of your children on social media.
Shame does not protect anyone. Shame forces things underground, where there is no light, and we need light for anything good to ever grown. I thank this man for shedding light on things that I would have been in the dark about before.
And the shame affects abuse survivors too.
These people rely on gaining your sympathy. In one study, about 2/3rds of pedophiles reported being abused themselves as children. When told they would be asked again while hooked up to a lie detector test, that percentage dropped to about 1/3rd. Pedophilia much more closely resembles a paraphilia than a sexual orientation. No one is born a pedophile. He is not brave for speaking about his depraved desires. If anything, he probably got off on this.
Shame is a useless, destructive emotion that only makes things worse.
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 that’s walking a fine line. Shame has a place in society to set acceptable and unacceptable standards. To remove shame makes things permissible.
For example, it was once shameful to be divorced but when that was removed 1/2 of all marriages divorced and 80% of second
or more marriages divorced.
It was once shameful to have a baby out of wedlock but once the shame was removed zillions on teens and grown women started having babies out of wedlock.
It used to be shameful to not work and to just live on welfare but once the shame was removed people flooded to the welfare system.
On and on we could go, so if we remove the shame of pedo, the same pattern would probably follow, pedo would fill society openly with no reservations. Open pedo would be acceptable when there is no shame associated with it.
Shame is important, but being able to privately talk about these things with a psychologist, counselor or pastor without being reported to police is important too.
I think this is something that should be kept in the closet but people struggling with it should be able to openly talk about their feelings with a therapist without fear of repercussions granted they aren’t harming a child.
This was very healing. Thanks Brandon and Dr. Honda!
I was abused of course. I grew up to become an alcoholic. When it came time to sort out my past abuse via the steps, I found a sort of compassion come over me for the young man who offended. I had an overwhelming hope and desire that he find his own healing, because it would mean he wouldn't harm anyone else. I certainly harmed people in my drinking days, and I was ashamed to be an alcoholic, as an identity. So, I can't cast stones. But I got better! Via acceptance of myself and a community of others who deal with the same thing, I am enjoying 4.5 years in recovery. Living ethically defines us far more than our inherit traits.
I hope for everyone struggling with anything to find healing and community. Certainly, none of us are unique or alone in our internal struggles, there are always others.
Brandon, if you read this, you are extremely well spoken, and you are doing a great service to the world. And so are you Dr. Honda! Hugs!
I've been reading all the comments. Thank you for your kind words.
I am extremely sorry to hear what happened to you as a child, and to hear how the damage done to you played out over the course of your life. I do congratulate you on four and a half years of sober living, though! A remarkable accomplishment. It's impressive that you were able to find empathy for your abuser. Not many people who have been abused do. Like you, I hope for a world where young men and women in need of support can find it.
Congratulations on your recovery!
Great episode.
Brandon, it's great that you are coming forward to help people understand that not all pedophiles do act on their desires due to knowing that it WOULD BE harmful to children if they did. I think you are doing the right thing by waiting till your children are adults before telling your wife this. I do know a pedophile myself who I completely trust and know those desires are not acted upon in that case (this person is in their 50s and have never acted on it) but even so as a mother, I would be extremely uncomfortable if my children's father had told me he was as I know I would then at times question myself with the question "what if I'm wrong in trusting and if he did end up acting out, I'd never forgive myself?"..it would create a worry... so I do think it's best waiting (the kindest thing to do) until your children are adults before telling your family. All the best.
I feel great compassion for people such as yourself as I myself too do believe that people are usually born with their sexual orientations and that it is something which truly can not be changed.
Wow, I learned a lot. Thanks Brandon and. Dr. Honda for shedding light on this painful and controversial topic. Brandon, you are very articulate and I wish you much happiness and peace.
Thanks very much, I appreciate it.
-Brandon
Sexual abuse of children is deeply rooted in power dynamics and systemic violence, not just individual deviance like pedophilia. Society often focuses on pedophiles as inherently "broken," but sociological research shows that abuse is about exploiting power imbalances, not biological attraction. In Western culture, traits like innocence and naivety are heavily sexualized, especially in women, creating harmful norms. Combined with widespread loneliness, disconnection and the normalization of violence in realtionships, this environment can foster predatory behavior.
As a woman, I’ve experienced sexualization since my early teens, and it was more about power, about how easier it was to target a younger and more insecure individual than attraction.
We need to allow pedophile to access treatment and help, and also be wary of the discourse around the issue as we still live in a society where sexual violences are almost never sanctioned and more likely to be hidden than condemn.
Can you provide a source of that sociological research?
A name or something
That would would be helpful
This is so important. CSA gets lumped in with pedophilia exclusively when it’s not always the case. Some predators just seek out a power imbalance no matter who their victim is. Someone and anyone who is vulnerable.
They should absolutely get help
Ok but youre talking about a small percentage of psychopaths who get off on power imbalances. But you just spouted off a bunch of gobbledygook reflecting your own perspective, making substantial claims, but with no references, stats, or evidence.
You are not helping the issue.
Its not a small percentage of psychopaths. Every pedophile gets off on the power imbalance/destruction of innocence.
You can't be a predator and not participate in a power play.
Sounds like you're triggered@@tranquillo2741
1:27:28 I really hope that repercussion from that precious episode was brushed off eventually. This is a meaningful discussion you shouldn’t be slandered for, especially in this field. Thank you both for discussing this topic
Yes, as far as I know, the workplace drama has subsided. But we'll see if it re-emerges after this episode.
I was sexually abused as a child and I plan to be a clinician one day, the value of allowing nuanced conversations like this is immense for the reasons mentioned in the interview. I'm more inclined to find that lack of insight into the responsibility we all have for our actions troubling. The deciding factor for me is the ability to face the responsibility. I'm lucky to be a decade down the road of my therapy journey. I'm grateful to Dr. Kirk and Brandon for the work they do in this. It's complex and confronting but necessary. Just because we don't acknowledge the darkness does not mean it doesn't exist. So much respect.
I'm so sorry for what you experienced as a child, and I commend you for your plan to go into clinical mental health work. Thank you for your comment.
-Brandon
Brandon, I am about 25 mins before the end, and I think your father should be proud of you. I am proud of you. You've found such a positive way to deal with this affliction -- that you did *NOTHING* to cause upon yourself -- while helping others.
Thank you!😭 I ended up calling him after I made this podcast and telling him it existed. The conversation...wasn't great overall, but in the end he said I was courageous. This comment means the world to me. Thank you so much.
These videos are clicked on because it’s a topic that feels very foreign to us and we don’t understand. There is also no other place where you can hear these people talk.
Check out "The Prevention Podcast." Almost every episode is an interview with a different MAP, all anti-contact. The first episode is especially fascinating, as it is an interview with a female pedophile.
This is a really great conversation to be having. I'm happy to know there are minor-attracted people who are able to live full and complete lives without harming children. Maybe we can't know that this person doesn't abuse children, but I will say that I have faith that minor-attracted people are not just innately evil. This person seems very sincere and happy to share about their views.
It's funny how people think that the way to protect themselves from something is to ignore it, or refuse to learn about it. You are very brave to put this on, and I believe this is going in the right direction if we truly want to protect children more than we want to protect ourselves from uncomfortable discussions.
Yes like telling your ex wife that you share custody of your children with , that you are a pedophile.. Do you mean uncomfortable conversations like that? Or not that one.
It's funny, I was just thinking about people who have a three monkeys tchotky in their house. That's a little sculpture of three monkeys, one covering its eyes, another it's ears, and the last it's mouth. The sculpture usually includes an inscription; see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
I am very alarmed by people who own one of these. I say, if you see or hear something, say something.
@@jamiemetcalfe7945 The Three Wise Monkeys are an admonishment not to look at evil things, listen to evil things or say no evil things. Some depictions include a fourth monkey covering its genitals to represent "do no evil." It's not meant to instruct us to turn a blind eye, but not to participate in hateful discourse or activities.
This was an incredibly impactful interview. I commend Brandon and Dr. Honda for working in this space to try and prevent child sexual abuse and overall try to make the world a better place. Thank you ❤
Amazingly balanced and rational conversation. Thank you for being so brave
There's been a big argument online regarding lolicon and shotacon.. Most are extremely against it and consider it CP, including myself before this..This makes me feel like maybe there is a purpose for it. If it keeps pedophiles from harming real children, then that's a HUGE, important tool. Pedophiles exist.. They're not going to stop existing. We need to do everything we can to protect real live kids.
Thank you for your comment.
Yes. If somehow you could magically identify ever person right now who is or will grow to become a MAP, and supernaturally cause them to vanish from existence, in 13-18 years there would be a whole new generation of MAPs without the benefit of an older generation of anti-contact MAPs to pass on their experiences and ethos.
-Brandon.
100% correct. Lolicon and shotacon actually can’t be considered CSAM/CSEM and it needs to stop being stigmatised as that as it’s an important coping tool for victims and MAPS.
Honestly I just have to say, it’s impressive how you’re able to listen to someone else’s perspective on something and change some of your views from it. It’s crazy how little people are willing or even able to do that.
You should need verification of being an adult to be able to view any of that. Imagine what viewing it does to children. It's much to prevalent in regular anime too.
@ not really. You don’t have to tell a child that you are viewing it, it can be an amazing coping tool.
I have great respect for the guest. Nobody can be blamed for how they were born, be it this or psychopathy or anything similar. However, everyone is responsible for what they do about it. It is good to know there are people who are able to live well in society with these conditions and help others to do the same.
Thank you for this. It took me a while to listen to as someone who is (or well was) a victim as a child. These discussions need to be had. Not having them only leads to more dangerous situations than not.
52:00
Seeing yourself as a ticking timebomb is a feeling im all too familiar with as someone with BPD (borderline.)
Its an awful feeling, and, honestly, i think the stress caused by seeing yourself that way is more harmful than if you were neutral about your state of being.
Obviously, seek help because we all need that, honestly. But you're not a bomb. You're a person. You dont need to be difused. You need to be heard.
As a CSA survivor who is also now in my 30s, I find the discussion and idea of paedophilia absolutely fascinating.
Throughout my adult years, I've been sympathetic to non-offending paedophiles and have a million and one questions about their experiences and viewpoints. This podcast definitely answered some of the questions but not all. One of my biggest questions is: do those that talk openly about being a paedophile do so as a subconscious but intentional way to receive validation in spite of their disposition. The question isn't intended to insult or shame them, it's more to delve further into their mindset. Lots of us enjoy validation, but it's also something that's very difficult to be open about.
I have things about me that I'm ashamed of and still have things I hide from my loved ones and my therapist, but my intention is to face them when I feel ready. They're not as socially stigmatised as paedophilia, but aren't common topics of discussion.
Anyway, I appreciate this podcast immensely, it not only broadens my understanding of people from all walks of life, but also gives honest discussion the open door it needs.
There's a section on virped called AskVP that you might find interesting.
This, along with the previous interview you aired, made me cry numerous times; this topic repels me like nothing else, and I found myself wishing I could reach out and hug this person. I deeply believe in rehabilitation, and I think stories like this will aid to, not normalizing these feelings and potentially extremely harmful behavior, but will show that there can be compassion and treatment in all areas of what the human experience can include.
Brandon here.
Thank you for the hug.
I believe this man. If he hadn’t been so blatantly honest, I would feel differently.
I would urge everyone to keep an open mind.
I have spent the last two days (bc I have no life) watching parole hearings on Mandoo (a channel on UA-cam). There are some seriously sick people out there and this man is not one of them!!
I really feel good that he has created an outlet for NOMAPs. I also feel better knowing that anyone who crosses the line is removed from the group.
Someone you know and love may be a NOMAP. So I would be weary of speaking or thinking ill of someone who may have these feelings.
I just found this channel today and just wanted to say thank you.
I am not a NOMAP. I am however, a momma of four. My children learn from a very young age that there are people out there whom will hurt children in inappropriate ways. I have taught them that if anyone ever starts to make them feel uncomfortable to IMMEDIATELY tell a trustworthy adult (Mom, Dad, Teacher, Doctor, or a police officer).
I have thoroughly discussed stranger danger and what to do if they are confronted with a situation where they may be in danger.
I urge other parents to also have these talks with your children. Not just once. Bring it up often. Don’t patronize them or lecture them. That may deter them from saying something should a situation present itself. Just be cool, be real. Speak to them like they’re human…because they are!!! Kids pick up on usually a lot more than we do at times bc they’re little sponges. They take everything in. They often pick up on energies faster than we do bc they’re innocent.
I just wanted to share my opinion.
Also, let me not forget to thank the guest on the podcast episode. It takes a very brave soul to get up and speak to the world. So thank you as well to the guest!!
Please, to both of you, keep up the great work. I feel that this it’s important.
Y’all be good and take care!! God bless!!!
Wow! I'm really struggling with this... part of me wants to affirm to this man that "there's nothing 'wrong' with you", but I feel otherwise. Who am I to judge what's right or wrong for someone who's not hurting anyone? But I feel sad that it seems he can't enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship. And the idea that his pedophilia isn't a trauma response flies in the face of what I thought I knew.
I appreciate this person's courage and commitment to shadow work, and it is healthy for me to be exposed to situations that I see as "anomalous", so I do feel gratitude for his willingness to be be vulnerable and to expose his innermost Truth, and I want to reach a place of compassionate understanding of a behavior that is so easy to judge and condemn.
I also want to say that I have SO MUCH RESPECT for anyone struggling with this, and remaining committed to not offending.
You'll be interested to know that I saw some comments by him in the comment section where he mentions also being attracted to some adult men, not exclusively to young boys, and that he has had enjoyable relationships with men. I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but it was something like that. So hopefully that helps you to not feel as sad for him.
@@JohnSmith-tk3pw That is encouraging! Thank You.
I think part of the problem is people think that if we accept non-offending pedos, or even get them help, then it will lead down a slippery slope to allowing "adult-child relations" and CSAM being normalized and legalized.
Acknowledging the reality of MAPs existence and the fact that many are non-offending (and taking the only logical step: accepting them as full members of our society) will instead give us the tools to have honest and rational conversations in order to actually stop that from happening.
Furthermore, it'd give us more tools to fight against the already existing problem of adult-child relations and CSAM.
@@azulceleste7202 Bingo.
-Brandon
The difference, which they don't appear to understand, is consent. Children can't consent.
I don't see how any of the next steps on that slope could possibly look. We "get help" for people's sexuality when it's specifically not acceptable.
@@Suzanne4415 What does "get help" mean? Shock treatments? Conversion therapy? Castration?
-Brandon
This person really opened my eyes for the first time about this topic. They seem to have done everything right, and I am completely open to having them as a part of society. In fact, I think they are a net positive for the world, and a model citizen. Moreover, I think Kirk, and the friend of the interviewee show the type of love Christ showed when he showed love to and spent time with those deemed outcasts. You shouldn't worry about the judgment of society. We should love each other. That will heal what's broken way more than judgement ever will. Thank you, to both of you.
Amen! Christ calls upon us to love especially the spurned, the ostracized and those society most hates. See how He treated the Samaritans and the tax collectors of His society.
It's no surprise you feel that way.. these are highly manipulative type ppl.. that's how they gained access to children. Yes, some mothers are negligent & don't care, but most mothers are smart, aware & watch yet, they were fooled. They are your neighbors, co workers, friends of family that have good personality that you would trust. So it isn't surprising that this guy has ppl feeling sorry for him & willing to give him a chance. As for him being non offending.. he sounds intelligent enough to know that the doc would have to report that so I wouldn't expect that would be something he'd admit to.
Amazing eyeopening episode. Will be sending it to a lot of my friends! Thanks to you both.
And lovely music outro. Really enjoyed that!
Happy 2025 to you two!
Thank you very much! I hope your friends find it helpful and informative.
-Brandon
I learned a lot from this interview. Thank you Brandon for being open . I wish you peace and happiness for your future.
Thank you very much.
-Brandon
Faith is harmful when they just tell you to pray harder and not get legit help
That isn't 'Faith', it's apathy maybe, or enabling but that's not what that word, means.
Capital F faith, is not harmful but can be misconstrued like 'self love' can be portrayed, as narcissism.
I feel it's deeply, unfair and a confusing misrepresentation, of the truth.
@8thhousemoonrabbit205 I think they were more talking about religion, not faith itself.
Thank you Dr. Honda and Brandon for this revealing interview. I have so much respect for the honest questions and answers. So well chosen, so eloquent you both are. Also I have admiration for Brandon’s determination to not cross his moral boundary. I once spoke to a mother of a pedophile who was not offending. That made a huge impact on me. It showed me the human struggle of her son and her and the pain and isolation that came with it. She loved her son despite his sexual preference. I’ll never forget that conversation. This interview won’t be forgotten either. I understand the difficulty of the abuse victims with the interview. I’m sure Brandon would as well. Despite the struggle Brandon is facing on a daily basis I hear a courageous voice and heart. I wish you a good and happy life, Brandon. You deserve it.
Thanks very much. I appreciate your comment. I think if I told my mother what I am she would think I was doing it to hurt her. My mother is...complicated.
Ah well. Thanks again.
-Brandon
Its very important to speak to these people and learn more about them. Demonizing them only drives them underground and counterintuitively endangers children worse than actually speaking with them and working with them.
I think people are fascinated by this sort of sexual dysfunction and they are willing to hear from non-offending people to better understand it, but when someone has offended the crime is too great for people to listen.
I thought his discussion about The Shelf was interesting, too. I’ve heard that before in ex-mo content, growing up when they have religious questions that can’t be answered, they’re told to “put it on the shelf” and God will answer those questions when they die. But the shelf gets piled too high with truth claims, abusive church practices, historical wrongness of texts, and eventually it breaks and causes a faith crisis. When people discuss religious crises outside of Mormonism I sometimes wish they had this language about it to use, because I think this is a more common and difficult personal experience than many people would recognize. That shelf can get too heavy and break for any belief system.
Hey, great comment, thank you! Thought I will say that I don't really view myself as sexually dysfunctional. I find that language stigmatizing.
@ dysfunctional just means it doesn’t function in the typical way. A sexual desire that can’t be fulfilled without harming others is dysfunctional imho
@@Schu0086 Maybe so. It reminds me of people calling folks who use wheelchairs "disabled" and them responding that they don't see themselves that way.
@@HowardtheLion424 that could be true, I guess I see “dysfunction” more as an internal process that creates additional strife or challenge to the person and their relationships. But as a result of that it’s often attached to toxic family structures or abusive people in the same way that “disabled” might align people with those who are profoundly handicapped and unable to be independent which is obviously not the case for many kinds of physical differences.
I’ll try to think more about how to discuss this kind of thing in the future, I don’t really know of another way to characterize it because it does create such a problem for the people dealing with it (and sometimes those around them) but I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Maybe there’s a better descriptor.
@@HowardtheLion424 I think maybe my comment to you disappeared, and I’m sort of UA-cam stupid so maybe I just can’t find it for some reason 😅 in case it’s gone I’ll try to clarify my thought here.
I’ll try to think of different language to use in the future, I can see how “dysfunction” might mentally align something with toxic family structures or abusive individuals even if the person experiencing is not causing that kind of damage around them. I guess for me I also see dysfunction as the internal struggle that comes up for an individual dealing with something like this. And I don’t really know of what other word to characterize it but if I think for awhile I can probably find one that is better suited.
Great and important interview. I completely agree that people who have any kind of disturbing inclinations need to be able to talk about it, if we want people to be able to make responsible and compassionate choices. Thank you both.
This interview was great. I understand the common gut reactiion people have, but he is not a “predator” or “offender” based on what he said. He’s someone who’s dealing with something outside of his control as ethically as he can.
I think having these open conversations is so important. We can’t help anyone involved if we keep things in the shadows.
I was SAd by someone in my mid 20s and he had that uncontrollable, impulsive drive that people assume all p*dophiles have. He was an adult attracted to adults. It was very traumatic for me, but after hating him for enough time, I now wish him healing.
Before we can heal collectively from this sort of stuff, we have to learn. And conversations like this get the ball rolling.
What a powerful comment. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, but I'm glad you've found healing yourself. Thank you for taking the time to speak up.
@@HowardtheLion424 thanks for sharing your story
Thank you Brandon and Dr. Honda for this interview. I learned a lot. The more we try to understand the better. I could hear the pain in Brandon’s voice and also the enthusiasm and energy to be a helper.
I can also understand Brandon not telling the ex-wife because that comes with complications.
Thanks for the interview. This topic is important.
I can also understand not wanting to tell your spouse this, but like all psychological predispositions, there must be some sort of genetic component to this. I would want to know before procreating with someone who has a significant attraction to children.
@@Beau136from listening to Brandon's story it seems like he only came to terms with his attraction 2 years ago. It seems like he had no realization of it when he was forced to find a wife even though he's gay and thus couldn't "warn" his wife about his thoughts to avoid having children.
I thank the Guest for this opportunity. This is very vital to have in discussion. Not to stigmatize, but to bring awareness how this happened, the signs (all individual circumstances ofc).
Psychology and Sociology is such a new venture, and im glad we are taking it more seriously than the 80s -00s
Thank you both for this informative and insightful interview, and for being brave enough - both of you - to put it out here for us to hear. My first reaction was to draft a comment beginning with how I appreciated that he's non-offending and is committed to non-offending, but that for us autistic people, we could do without the association of being lumped-in with a discussion around paedophilia (around 19:00 to 21:00 I think). I thought, 'well, we're stigmatised enough as it is, and we really don't need neurotypical people hearing us mentioned alongside paedophilia on top of that!' - but on reflection, I guess that's exactly the point this interview makes. It's very easy for everyone else to take the better-travelled path, and say, 'oh, I'm distancing myself from you, you're sick'; but this man is an upstanding citizen, as far as any of us are aware! I'm not sure whether I'd agree that a person should be commended as a hero for choosing not to assault others, but I agree that it should be commended. Nobody chooses to be born the way that they are. What they do about it is what matters. These are difficult topics to hear about, difficult subjects to entertain - difficult bridges to build, from one side of a dark and scary void (the issue of paedophilia) to the other. But I think it's vitally important that we do continue to address these topics and we do keep hammering away at that bridge, because these people do exist, and maybe, if we tried to understand them as humans, we can all make this world safer for humankind.
(I will admit that when it comes to those who do offend, I am still unable to view them as being human, to the same degree that the rest of us are - but I know they're a totally different category to the guy in this interview!)
Thank you for your comment. I recommend that you look at the article I reference "Social Dark Matter" by Duncan Sabien.
-Brandon
I find it's difficult to compare my attraction to... anything else in the world, because people will say, how dare you compare the two! Thank you for your comment about your reaction.
Thank you Dr. Honda and Brandon for working to destigmatize such a taboo subject. Using examples of how straight sexuality feels was so helpful in realizing how misunderstood pedophilia is. Brandon, you seem like a great person, and a wonderful father. Interviews like this help to challange the image society has presented us in regards to pedophilia, please continue the work you both are doing!
Thank you very much, I appreciate it!
-Brandon
Hes probably a great babysitter too.
What a brave man! And thanks to Dr. Honda to make space for that sensitive topic.
I understand why people have the question around fatherhood, but it seems like a non-issue to me. A heterosexual father who is normally attracted to women is not necessarily going to be attracted to his (adult) daughters, so there's no reason why a pedophile would automatically be attracted to their own children either.
Exactly
@@ComfyyCozyyASMRyeah, if he knew she isn’t the type to be okay or compassionate with him regardless of what he says he won’t ever do, he still shouldn’t have had kids with her or he should have disclosed such a SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE part of him before having ties to her with children
Maybe that's a risk we don't take...
Anecdotally, a lot of the people I know who were assaulted as children by adults were assaulted by close family members; fathers, uncles, etc. Because they were the children they had access to.
Incest is a huge problem... wat
Always disturbing but also important information to be shared. Appreciate the frankness and honesty and his internal struggle and strength to not act on his desires.
His take on not using the word “pornography” in these references was insightful and a point well made that I hadn’t thought of before.
I run into people daily that I find attractive - I’m sure we all do. It doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it or even have a desire or any fantasies to act on anything. Most people have willpower in their attractions and interactions. I’d like to think this is the case for those attracted to the underage.
This guy is obviously an intelligent and thoughtful human being, not only in sustaining any urges but working to move the needle and help others with their own battles.
I have to say, I am extremely grateful this isn’t something I battle with. My heart goes out to those who do and my mad respect to those who are committed to not taking action.
It’s sorta like if you were born a redhead and everything in society and religion said redheads are evil. You can dye your hair brown but deep down, you’re always gonna be a redhead. Granted, not exactly the same thing.
This is such a hard conversation for people to have. Respectful thoughts welcome.
Thank you for interviewing this gentleman. It was very hard for me to listen to since I grew up with someone that had a lot of similarities as this man. I’ve never been abused by this individual, but it wasn’t until within the last two years that I questioned this person (he passed away over 10 years ago) regarding his specific interests in certain graphic material and if it had any effect on his involvement in my life. I don’t recall any danger or threatening instances nor would I have worried that there was a potential of any danger. Still a lot of emotions to sift through, but I do appreciate the transparency being displayed in this interview.
How many adult children live with their parents who aren't attracted to their adult kids? I'm gay and I have 2 lesbian cousins and we're not attracted to each other. My straight cousins aren't attracted to my other straight cousins. Most people aren't attracted to family members. Believes me I'm concerned about the safety of children but it's not fair to assume that he's attracted to his kid.
Thank you, this is an excellent point.
-Brandon
1st cousins being attracted to each other is pretty common. So is 1st cousin marriage in a lot of the world.
Of course in modern times we understand it to be somewhat weird not to mention genetically irresponsible to act on it.
I do think it's a little different than being attracted to an immediate family member as well, though
Well ,the way he explained it he seemed that he was strong enough to control himself but in case he couldn't help himself he would delete himself .the thought of deleting himself was scary so he fought the thought .this is what I understood.
@@giovannamoro8564he only believed those things because of propaganda about pedophiles destined to abuse. From what I heard, he doesn't even entertain a thought of ever engaging with children in that way. If it wasn't for propaganda, he would probably not be suicidal because of his strong belief in his own morals. He would likely think of his attraction as uncomfortable intrusive thoughts rather than thinking of himself as a time bomb.
This convo is so important
Thank you so much Brandon for braving this interview! I dont generally leave comments but feel like I really want to for both Jay and Brandon. I didnt listen to jays interview but hearing about what commentors that were angry and hateful, i just want to be part of that 100 to counter that one negative! I just finished reading "unlearning shame" and it really helped me accept my ability on how to make the world more compassionate. The both of you are making a big leap. As a mom i feel more at ease i would say, and i cant explain why. Any parent is protective, and Brandon you likely have the same want of protection to your own. Thank you again!
Thank you so much! Unlearning Shame has been on my reading list for awhile now. I really out to get it and read it. Was it good?
-Brandon
@HowardtheLion424 so good and helpful for me to understand my role in this big world. Help me let go of perfectionism, which tends to be hard when you identify as members of many minority groups. I feel like I can distribute the weight of the world from my shoulders. You and Jay really help me visualize some of the concepts this unlearning, and I can identify what I can do for someone that is a mom and working in healthcare.
I'm sure Brandon as he calls himself is very protective over his own children when other pedophiles are around scoping them out! I have seen this behaviour in real time!
This is fantastic! Thank you for having the bravery to speak about this subject.
2 year olds ?
Thank you Dr. Honda for providing a space where these conversations are possible. I experienced CSA and it always frustrates me how most conversations around this topic are very reactionary and don’t do anything to help the situation. I’m glad to hear that Brandon has support and friends. I remember in the interview with Jay I was pretty worried after hearing about how his family found out and their reactions. One thing I wish was talked about further was how Brandon said that his current age range of attraction goes up to people 25 years old. I wonder if that’s something he has explored or is able to explore and maybe enhance so that he could potentially have fulfilling sexual relationships with other adults, and if he has, did they known that he is also attracted to children? I’m very curious about that. Huge kudos to Brandon for speaking so openly and sharing so much.
Thanks for your concern about me. Being kicked out of my family put my life on a whole new and unexpected trajectory, but I am adapting. I have had some brief moments of reconciliation with them since. I recently attended a memorial for an uncle that died and was able to chat amicably with them, though we won't be hanging out socially any time soon unless there is another wedding or funeral.
@ wow! I did not think you would read my comment or reply but thank you! I’m glad things were at least amicable and I want you to know I’m rooting for you and hoping you all the best
@@SamM32727 Haha well, I had to listen to my friend's interview. Thanks again for your support. It really means a lot to me to hear.
Hm. My comment was hidden.
Anyway, hi, Brandon here.
I have had relationships with guys post-divorce and they've been fulfilling in some ways.
@ hi Brandon. Thanks for replying and doing the interview. What were the post divorce relationships with guys like? Also, if you want to answer, where in this whole time line did your relationship with your ex wife happen and what was that like?
The comment was removed because UA-cam doesn't like links, but I do recommend that everyone read the article I mentioned in the interview: Social Dark Matter by Duncan Sabien.
-Brandon
I hope it's not a bizarre request, but can you tell me your banned Reddit account's username so I can read through it?
@@felisenthusiast UncouthBastard. It was a good account. I had a lot of really good information and discussions there.
@@felisenthusiast UncouthBastard.
It was a really good account. Lots of good information and interactions.
-Brandon
@@felisenthusiast Apparently the algorithm is determined for me not to tell you. Possibly due to a mild swear word in the username. If you can message me somehow, I'm happy to tell you.
@@felisenthusiast Un. couth. Ba. star. d.
but remove the spaces and punctuation.
interesting listen. i was really angry when starting this video but i grew respect for this man when i learned he hasnt touched anyone and was here educating other people despite it being scary. i was touched when i was young and even tho it was such a small thing, it fucked me up forever. i believe it is a necessary and a good thing to bring these things to light and to pedophiles to have safe spaces to help each other and i believe we are going to a better direction to protect children. when he said human attraction is strange, i absolutely believe it, nature is fucking weird and it doesnt ask humanity if it makes sense to us or is "good"
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, and thank you for being brave enough to share it. People talking about their CSA and sharing how it affected them is one of the things that made it plain to me that anti-contact is the only reasonable position to hold. I wish you the best.
-Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424 i wish all the best to you too, you are a good man
It's so hard to believe they are non offending. Pedophiles often minimize their behavior. As a victim it's so hard to trust anything they say.
We’ve seen the Chris Hansen clips. They always say they didn’t do it and have never tried. Even with hard proof
@@lalathebarbieee If I'm trying to get away with anything, I'm going about it all the wrong way. Appreciate your commitment to the bit, though, babe.
-Brandon
I understand what you mean, and I totally respect that you feel that way. But please consider this perspective... When you say "pedophiles often minimize their behavior"-how do you know that pedophiles do this? I'm sure you have good reason to believe that offending pedophiles do this sort of thing, but how could you know this about pedophiles in general? How could anyone know anything about pedophiles in general? It's so stigmatized a condition that probably the vast majority of people who have it are the only ones who know that they have it, and they would never tell anyone in a million years. So how could anything be known, inferred, or even estimated about them? And we obviously can't generalize and assume that traits common to offenders must also be common to all pedophiles. Because we would never accept that kind of logic for any other group of people.
Not to mention... why on earth do this interview if he really was doing immoral things pertaining to children? That would be a bizarre choice.
@@lalathebarbieee There's two key differences though: The Chris Hansen predators were not volunteering themselves to go on the show, that's one difference; and secondly, they knew their real name and face was going to get out there, so they knew they had to lie to attempt to save their reputation. Oh, and a third difference: they were caught doing something illegal. None of those three things are true for this UA-cam video; the person being interviewed here voluntarily did it, it's anonymous, and he hasn't been caught doing anything as far as we know. So then... why exactly would the predators on Chris Hansen's shows be a valid comparison?
@@JohnSmith-tk3pw yeah and he had to hide his voice for this "voluntary' interview. Look, kudos to him for trying to get help but no one is obligated to accept it. Sorry. Life sucks. Especially for victims of pedophiles. That stigma also applies to them. The poison of shame is with them forever because of the pedophile.
What a difficult life to have to deal with this and be a decent, moral person.
To those that hold it against him that he hasn't done more to try to come out to his ex-wife and children, think about how often people who have actually been harmed and/or have come forward as victims are ridiculed, silenced, threatened, or even punished for doing so (and this can apply to any abusive relationship, or course). If victims of actual abusers don’t always feel safe coming forward, how can you expect MAPs to feel safe coming out?
Also, because I’m aware that both the interviewee in this video and the one from Dr. Honda’s last MAP interview have been reading and responding to comments here, I really appreciate both your guys’ courage and honesty. Hopefully you guys are also making sure to take care of yourselves at the same time.
Hey, thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it. To the people pushing for me to come out to my ex, I definitely feel a bit frustrated. I doubt that any of them would have the courage to do so if they were in my shoes, let alone appear on a podcast like this.
So far the good comments are keeping us buoyed, and our community is supporting me and Jay.
-Brandon
Those are two very different things. In one situation, someone has been victimized, and in the other someone is always going to be at risk of offending. His wife absolutely had a right to know who it was she was getting into a marriage with and having children with, especially if there was a chance he could develop and attraction to his own children. There are consequences to having these feelings, its socially unacceptable for a reason. I'm not saying MAPs should never find love, but holding back this information is stripping someone of their complete consent and awareness of the possible dangers of having children with them.
@@Fahtimma Sure, there’s always a non-zero chance risk that they could offend in the future but unless they have such strong compulsions and impulses that causes them to be unable to function or behave appropriately around children, I’m not sure if that’s something they’re exactly morally obligated to let the people closest to them know about it.
In an ideal world where most of society was able to more maturely compartmentalize thoughts and feelings from behavior and actions, I’d agree that there’s no excuse for them to keep their affliction a secret from her. But much like with how a lot of gay people often go into heterosexual relationships years before they ever officially come out of the closet, sometimes it’s not just the prejudice towards the condition itself, but also towards not getting married or not being in a heteronormative relationship. And on top of that as you alluded to, the fundamental desire for most people to seek out attachment. Would it have been more preferable if they could’ve been honest about their affliction before they got married? Of course. But from a systemic standpoint, what’s more preferable is if there were more resources out there that these people could reach out to for actual safe and non-judgmental support and treatment, like what Dr. Honda was attempting to do with this interview.
Lastly, with regards to the connection I made to those who are victims of actual abusers, sometimes it’s a situation where multiple victims are involved, and in certain cases, some victims might even be aware of that fact. Yet most of us recognize that it’s not right to blame victims for not coming forward due to the risk that the abuser could harm other people, because we know that the responsibility of holding abusers accountable shouldn’t fall on them.
@@Fahtimma Sure, there’s always a non-zero chance risk that they could offend in the future but unless they have such strong compulsions and impulses that causes them to be unable to function or behave appropriately around children, I’m not sure if that’s something they’re exactly morally obligated to let the people closest to them know about it.
In an ideal world where most of society was able to more maturely compartmentalize thoughts and feelings from behavior and actions, I’d agree that there’s no excuse for them to keep their affliction a secret from her. But much like with how a lot of gay people often go into heterosexual relationships years before they ever officially come out of the closet, sometimes it’s not just the prejudice towards the condition itself, but also towards not getting married or not being in a heteronormative relationship. And on top of that as you alluded to, the fundamental desire for most people to seek out attachment.
Would it have been preferable if they could’ve been honest about their affliction before they got married? Of course. But from a systemic standpoint, what’s more preferable is if there were more resources out there that these people could reach out to for safe and non-judgmental support and treatment, like what Dr. Honda was attempting to do with this interview.
@@Fahtimma With regards to the connection I made to those who are victims of actual abusers, sometimes it’s a situation where multiple victims are involved, and in certain cases, some victims might even be aware of that fact. Yet most of us recognize that the risk that the abuser could harm other people is not a good reason to blame victims for not coming forward sooner because we know that the responsibility of holding abusers accountable shouldn’t fall on them.
Basically what I’m saying is that while MAPs are ultimately responsible for how they handle their feelings and thoughts, they’re not only having to grapple with the possible consequences of the affliction itself, but also the consequences of simply coming out about it. Deciding to come out about their affliction should not have to involve considering the possibility that doing so could in some cases result in possible ostracism from loved ones and society or worse.
This interview is really meaningful. Taking a more nuanced approach to pedophilia, like you both also stressed, is so important. It is a topic that causes strong emotional reactions but immediately dismissing every person as a criminal and abuser only makes it more difficult to catch the problem early on, makes it more difficult to seek and administer help. I learned a lot from this interview.
And I am very proud of Brandon for being so honest with such a difficult topic, and for being so clear with his boundaries! Setting and keeping such boundaries for himself must have been very difficult and requires a lot of strength.
Hi Brandon, at 36:20 you were asked a specific question which you didn’t actually answer, even after Dr. Honda tried to summarize. Would you like to share what you were holding back saying at this point in the interview? Or would you rather not give us that detail.
It's a difficult thing for me to out into words. If I see someone I find attractive I want to look at them more, and I will glance at them. What's happening inside me? I'm thinking, "he's cute." That's pretty much the start and the end of the experience. I suppose it feels good to look at someone that is pleasant to look at, I assume that's universal. Like...I don't know, seeing a pretty sunset, or finding a $10 bill on the street. Then, I'll carry on with my day and keep doing whatever it is I'm doing.
Is this what it's like for you teleiophiles? I had always though so, but maybe I'm missing something about your experience?
@@HowardtheLion424 I’d say it’s a pretty similar experience. I’m a cis heterosexual female and in a long term relationship, where I have 0 interest in being with anyone else. However, if I see a cute guy who is my type cross my view out in public, yeah I’ll make a mental comment about how he’s cute, or I like his outfit, hair, etc. but I would not go up to him and flirt. But it can go as far as getting nervous/flustered if I happen to be having a conversation with someone I find attractive, but even then it doesn’t go further. I shut down the interaction if the other person gets the wrong idea/asks for my number, etc.
How do you propose he answer your question? Replying to your comment? Lmao
@@Cunningstunts23 Well, that's exactly what I did, so...yes!
-Brandon
@@tricialevi9817 Yeah, sounds like it's the same ballpark. But fortunately for me, I never have to worry about the other person flirting or offering their number, lol! 🤣
-Brandon
I'm surprised that no one has hit upon the brother/sister analogy for NOMAPs and the children they care about. Although a pair of siblings may be a perfect fit for each of their sexual preferences, neither one would even think about it.
Another ignored topic; there is no need to speculate about ancient Greece to examine a society that fully accepts pedophilia. There are modern societies which do the same.
Dr. Honda, congrats on bringing this subject again and with such a nice interview. Some of these comments are really scary. Congrtas to the dudes on the interviews. You guys are really doing amazing work. Im sure, like u said, some younger people with this problem or even older will be able to get help from listening to this and become non offenders also. Really commend you on speaking out with such vulnerability. It hurts to see how cruel people can be about it. It must be so difficult to be in ur shoes. I wish u all the best and am very happy about the help u r providing to others and hoping u have the biggeat impact on the protection of children through awareness like this.
Brandon here.
Thank you! This is one of the nicest comments I've seen so far!🥲
he’s a liar. don’t congratulate that.
So glad that you talked about shame and cultural sex-negative influences toward the end of the interview. It feels so much like deep-rooted cultural shame about any sexual thoughts (which the LDS church is pretty well-know for), along with a lack of age-appropriate sex education, combined with a brain that's wired for OCD, are at the root of the types of thoughts that this interview subject describes. Thank you for sharing this difficult but important discussion.
Hm. I don't know that I would agree that I have a brain wired for OCD.
-Brandon
@HowardtheLion424 understood, and thank you for sharing your story. The OCD connection came up for me because of what seemed like a similarity between your description of your unwanted thoughts as a young person, and the way I've heard people with OCD talk about disturbing and unwanted, repetitive thoughts. For example, new moms who have disturbing thoughts and images about harming their baby. They often describe having thoughts that feel unwanted and scary and shameful, even if there's no desire to act on them.
@@djer05010401 I appreciate the clarification. I have experienced something like that, but my attractions seem to function on a different level from that.
I mean this with my whole heart when I say I want compassion for people like Brandon and Jay who have not offended, who know that the attraction can never be acted on, and who are working to better understand themselves. You deserve to be here, on earth. Your psychopathy is not your fault, but the decisions you make in life - like everyone else - are what shape you. Kudos to you both, because that is one hell of a burden to carry. I’m really sorry. I wish you the best in this life ❤
First let me say THANK YOU for your bravery and candidness in this difficult topic.
It is difficult for me to swallow or understand how a man can find destroying an infant or toddlers parts as satisfying. HOWEVER the fact that you have never acted on and never plan to act on your desires causes me to pause. The fact that you help others like you to not act on but maybe understand it better is very commendable. This comes from a person was raped by a pedophile when I was young and never told. But this isn’t about me. I just had some thoughts as to why you may have developed this? Who really knows? And it won’t just ’go away’ or you won’t ’grow out of it’. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We all are attracted to a certain type, yours type is just very different than most.
If you were rejected by your peers while growing up is it possible that your longing for friendship and socialization caused you to seek companionship in any group that would accept you?
Did you then possibly realize that much younger kids often accepted you as you were?
Did you possibly continue to not mature at the same rate as your peers (you said you were ‘annoying’) BECAUSE you were socializing with younger friends?
As time passed did you begin to find an attraction in that age group because they originally accepted you but that feeling being mutual was fulfilling for you and a comfortable place bc you fit in? Did that eventually become attraction?
Is your attraction specific to kids like those you found friendship with (personality wise) or just younger boys in general?
I can see a 10 year old but how can there be attraction to a 2 year old? That confuses the tar out of me! I will never understand attraction to the very young. But again, thank you and I wish you well in your journey.
blarg. UA-cam ate my comment. I'll try to answer your questions again later.
-Brandon
When discourse about topics related to this is met with extreme negativity, it's very telling of caring more about one's anger than protecting children. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots and fill in the blanks regarding that statement.
I understand that a number of people have been utterly abused-and I'm truly sorry that happened. Your anger is valid and justified, of course. However, the zeitgeist is what prevents people from seeking help and potentially keeping more children from going through that abuse.
If society wasn't so villianising of people who go through this affliction, would the men who raped me when I was a child have sought for help, thus, preventing me from having been raped? That is a question I always have at the back of my mind.
TL;DR: If you advocate for a total, black-and-white persecution of anyone with even the slightest interest in minors, then you care more about your anger than you care about children.
This is probably the most relevant and important comment on this video, to be honest. A world that encourages dishonesty toward pedophilia is a world where people will BE dishonest about pedophilia.
Criminalising CGI CP content only leads to dire consequences for people who then have no legal way to relieve themselves.
Animated obviously yes (I support cartoons) but there is unfortunately ai photos based off originally real photos which is horrible imo and can be used as blackmail/traumatic to the child
@skylarsaysstuff Based on original photos and footage of real-life minors that's completely different, it has to be something generated entirely by scratch.
I agree it shouldn't be criminalized, but I do feel like people generally overestimate how many pedophiles there would be who would then go and commit illegal acts if that content was criminalized. I mean, there probably would be some rare cases where it would happen (and I'm not trying to minimize that), but I think generally for the most part, pedophiles would just switch over to using legal pictures of real kids, like stock photos or UA-cam vlogs, which many pedophiles have to do anyway if they live in countries like Canada, the U.K., etc. So just to be clear, I'm not saying that cartoon CP should be illegal, I'm just saying that if it was made illegal, you probably wouldn't see a massive spike in CSA (though you might still see some isolated cases here and there, and that still matters!).
To the brave interviewee, thank you for educating us. You seem a lot more balanced than a lot of us who do not have these preferences.
Thank you, George.
-Brandon
I am very proud of thus man!!
Not only is he open and facing his disorder , but others who have this disorser in secret may reach out for help if they hear this man speaking to you without malice coming back at hum
I appreciate this interview. The only thing I felt really weird about was the idea that it's okay to keep a sexual orientation secret from a partner. I would feel very used, as if they were using me as a way to escape or hide their own secrets, or like I was not given the chance to make an informed decision about who I married or was sexual with. That's not even a judgement on the sexual preference--I don't care if someone is gay, for example, but if I found out they were gay and using me as a "beard" so to speak all these years, or that they were misrepresenting the nature of our relationship and on a wildly different wavelength than they'd led to me to think they were...essentially lying by omission about the core nature of our relationship...I'm not understanding the aspect of this reasoning. It reminds me of a time I was cheated on, and didn't find out for months; I told the person that if I had known, I would not have had sex with them again, and would have majorly reconsidered moving in with them. If I knew I was in a relationship with a person whose sexual preference I was unaware of the entire time, and that they were having sex with me when they actually didn't necessarily want to be...how is that ok? I should get to make decisions about my own life, ya know? The definition of "lying" by omission is precisely that something NOT said has a huge effect on the OTHER'S understanding of their own life, relationships, etc. Otherwise I am totally all about people not being ashamed so that they can get support. Just don't involve someone non-consensualy in a relationship that they didn't make an informed decision about on their own behalf. Pedophelia aside, that alone can completely destroy someone's life. This aspect of the interview felt so navel-gazey to me. Like, cmon. You don't get to lie about your sexual preference to your long-term partner.
My ex-partner. I hadn't reconciled this aspect within myself until after we had separated. I'm not sure if that changes anything, but do you feel a person owes their ex-partner an explanation of their orientation?
@@HowardtheLion424 If you had kids with them and the nature was pedophelia and the kids are still underage...yes, 1000000 percent. I'm not sure where the ethical gray area is on that. I'm sorry that the situation sucks so much, but it doesn't seem like a gray area by moral standards for anyone involved including the children.
@@CarolynZaikowski But what if the partner had a loaded gun and there's very strong reason to believe what you are about to tell them will motivate them to use it? What she could do him socially is sort of equivalent don't you think? He could lose his kids, his job, his friends and home.
@@CarolynZaikowski Fair enough. Still not something I plan to do at this point in time. I don't want to jeopardize the stability of my kids' lives.
@@HowardtheLion424 Are my replies being censored? I can't find them. In any case, if both pedophelia and kids are involved, and they're not adults, and you're co-parenting, I'm genuinely not seeing the ethical gray area here. People get to make their own choices, just like you do, unfortunately that includes the mother being allowed to have input. I'm sorry that this causes such suffering, but in this particularly scenario, other people are involved and are allowed to be full people with their own insights and concerns and needs, and if your kids are adults and they find out, they will be allowed to not talk to you, and that will suck, but yes 100000 percent they are owed that info.
Legality isn't the only consideration. This is about morals and basic relational respect--the fact that that isn't being considered makes me feel weird about whether the person actually does understand certain moral aspects that they are saying they understand. Honestly it seems the motivation is to not lose the kids--and I really do get that, but that doesn't mean they and the mom don't have the right to make their own informed choices, or that you wanting to be in the kids' lives is more important than other's choices.
Nearly finished. Yes, sexuality is not a choice. Period. And, to give someone who may not believe this some liege-way we don't actually know, scientifically, what causes any form of sexuality. These is no evidence as to how it originates at all, so we can only take the view of the people who experience it for now. Even if it were a choice, no one should be forced to change unless they want to. It is a choice to be a kind person like this speaker to not take action in a situation that is not between consenting adults.
I say keep the pornographic drawings legal. If the consumers confuse the behavior of a drawing with the real thing, it's not a pedophile problem. And while there's little to no therapeutic help for people like J, I think they should have access to a victimless outlet.
Thank you! Sadly they are illegal in many countries.
The reason they are illegal in many countries is because it CAN have an escalating effect on some individuals. I have no idea how common or uncommon that is though.
No. These drawings are often used to groom victims into thinking the acts depicted in them are normal for children to engage in. Repeated exposure to stimuli, especially a very powerful conditioning tool like orgasm, only reinforces the underlying urges. Their behavior almost always escalates after prolonged consumption of such materials, it doesn’t decrease like you seem to think. It is not a victimless outlet.
@@toemader1542 Ordinary erotic material depicting consenting adult actors (I'm trying to avoid the algorithm censoring me here) is also used to groom kids. It isn't the material that is bad or harmful, it is the way that it's used. Intentionally exposing children to erotic material of any kind is always wrong.
-Brandon
@@toemader1542 sounds like it is a victimless outlet as long as it's not used to groom victims. That it leads people to escalate their behavior even when no offending behavior has ever been considered or manifested is unfounded.
I feel a lot of compassion for Brandon and admire both him and Kirk for having this conversation. However, I am disappointed that Kirk judged Brandon's decision to not disclose his orientation to his ex-wife. First of all, Brandon has a right to privacy. We can't control our feelings and it's perfectly okay to keep our feelings to ourselves, ESPECIALLY if we don't feel safe sharing them. Second of all, Brandon has good reason to worry about the consequences of telling her. Most people won't be enlightened enough to distinguish between a private sexual attraction to children and predatory behavior. We, the listeners of this podcast, understand the difference. But there's a non-negligible chance that his wife will not understand it and will try to take his children away from him. Why should Brandon feel compelled to risk that? I hope Kirk reflects on this.
Thank you very much. I don't think most commenters are thinking about just how much trauma I would be risking for my kids by coming out to her.
-Brandon
And boy oh boy everything rotates around Brandon and we don't want to hurt his feelings . Do we? Listen ,it's not his fault for being this way but it's not his ex fault for being with a man who lied to her about his homosexuality and his quiet pedophilia .
But is it fair towards his wife to hide something like that?
@@giovannamoro8564 about half of the comment you're replying to was about his kids, lol.... Did you just stop reading half-way through?
i grew up mormon as well and i remember feeling so much shame and guilt for having sexual thoughts/experiences that were developmentally typical. in mormonism, sexual “sins” are equal to/above murder. i couldn’t imagine having that added layer of internal shame. i bet temple interviews were so difficult :( i’m glad this person is able to heal and live a typical life!
Temple interviews were BRUTAL. 😅
He's in total denial of how important it is to let his ex-wife know so she can protect the kids. It's crazy somebody can lay down and make three kids with somebody that they aren't even attracted to the same gender. I feel bad for his kids. And his ex-wife. Her entire life was a lie.
What kind of community of people that share mutual friends would ever be okay keeping something so monumental from a mother with young children.
Protect them from what? I'm not a predator.
-Brandon
Brandon grew up a Mormon - think before you react please
@@HowardtheLion424you ARE a predator, you preyed on your ex wife in this case. You lied to her and had children with her before she knew what you were that by definition IS predatory. No amount of flowery language or spinning changes that about you.
Glad someone else caught that. He thinks he’s innocent because he claims not to have touched children but that doesn’t change the fact that he seriously screwed up when he lied to someone then got them pregnant, THRICE
@@lalathebarbieee no, it would be by definition predatory if he'd done it with the intention to hurt or deceive any of the involved; instead his only intention was self-preservation.
even though it's a very difficult subject it's important that we can talk about it. otherwise there is no way for society to help and prevent harm.
This conversation is so important. Thank you. I appreciate you having this conversation while also not glorifying or giving attention to a criminal. We need to help these individuals without glorifying or giving too much sympathy. Right now they have no where to go, and that creates more victims than necessary.
I was picturing Michael Cera the whole time. That voice.
Consider sharing your story on Mormon Stories Podcast, Brandon!
🤣Hah! If only I aged like Michael Cera. Man, that would be awesome.
-Brandon
Oh my gosh, yes! They sound so similar!
@@HowardtheLion424 “If only I aged like” good lord buddy read the fucking room lol
Why would you reveal to your children that you are attracted to children? What would that do besides make them massively uncomfortable? So bizarre.
He did clarify it would only happen after his youngest was over 18, so as not to put that burden on them unduly. They would be out of his AOA (age of attraction).
@@ArsObscenitas Technically they wouldn't be, since my age of attraction extends up to 25 ish. But I do believe that it wouldn't burden them at or after 18. Afterall many people have children who are between the ages of 18 and 25, are attracted to people between the ages of 18 and 25, but no one worries that they're into their kids just because they like people in that age range.
@@ArsObscenitas you shouldn't be discussing your personal sexual desires with your children. it's a super inappropriate behaviour (no matter what age they are) Shows a lack of boundaries. It's exhibitionist behaviour as well to involve his children and to be 'out" as a. pdf file. Gay people are "out" as gay to find other gay people. What is the point of pdf files being "out"?
@@SummativeWritting Gay people aren't "out" to find other gay people. We are out so that we can live authentic lives and talk about our lives with our friends and family without feeling like we have to hide any part of ourselves, and I don't mean sharing details of intimate experiences with them. Think about how many ordinary experiences straight teleiophiles couldn't talk about if they had to hide their sexuality.
-Brandon
It's almost as if he has a disinclination towards boundaries.
thanks for spreading awareness on paraphilias. i think its important that we can listen to people with any type of difference, as long as they arent offending. kinda goofy interview though the guy was pretty civil but had to field like 20 of the same question Do you want to hurt children. i agree with some of the commenters that he should be open with the mother of his children though, but its a positive that hes advocating & trying to help people in a positive way
Brandon here, thank you for your comment.
Thank you for this video dr. Honda, it's a very insightful look into a subject that is rarely talked about openly. In my opinion, if we normalize pedophilia as it is, meaning the unchosen attraction to children, we would be making a great step into preventing a large number of child sexual abuse from happening.
I wonder if it would be possible for you to interview a female nomap, or someone with another stigmatized paraphilia like zoophilia. It'll be interesting to hear from their point of view.
UA-cam ate my comment. I could put him in touch with one, possibly.
-Brandon
The music in conclusion is so beautiful!
I find interviews like these so interesting. I try to put myself in the pdf-files shoes but it's really hard to understand the reasoning behind it.
I would also like to add that these conversations are so important because if this disorder is brought to light it increases the likelihood of finding a way to treat it or how to manage it.
Brandon here. There isn't really a reason for it. As Dr. Honda said, it's just a roll of the genetic and developmental dice.
Understand the reasoning behind it? Just consider yourself lucky that you don't have an inkling of attraction to minors to internally fight against. How can you not conceptualize this? Are you straight? Imagine living in a 98% gay society where being straight was frowned upon. You have control over your sexuality? ffs...
@@HowardtheLion424 I realise that was the wrong choice of words and that it doesn't even apply to you.
I wrote my comment before the interview began and was thinking of how pdf-files tend to make excuses for their attraction and other mental gymnastics like saying kids are able to consent.
I can see the shame, I can see how it would make one feel dirty or defective but I can't understand justifying it. The justification is common in interviews with pdf-files or at least the ones I've heard.
@@SpookiCooki Ah, I see. Well, you'll have no such opinions from me. Thank you for listening, and thank you for your comment.
@@SpookiCooki MAPs that have committed themselves never to offend (which isn't necessarily hard as a lot of them don't have the urge to) do not believe children can consent. Brandon explains it better as he goes into the difference between ideology and contact-status within the community.
Idk. These convos and research should definitely be happening.
The topic is so sensitive though, that I don’t think that any guest would really ‘do good’. I haven’t gone through the entire interview yet, but my biggest issue is the children and the ex-wife. I don’t think he’d feel attracted to his kids per se. I kind of relate this to the gay panic when someone’s same sex friend comes out as gay and people get scared that means they would sexualize them or feel attracted to them. Like no? I’m hetero and do NOT feel attracted to my male family members at all.
But not being honest about it to his ex-wife is something that would actually make me livid. I would want to have all the relevant info before deciding to have kids with someone. That means all info that could greatly affect me or the kids. Not just sexuality, but also finances, jobs & criminal history. No you don’t owe anyone this info, but I would absolutely spiral if I found out later that I was cheated out of an informed decision regarding my life/children.
It was information I wasn't able to give at the time. I hadn't fully processed it myself. Perhaps you've never been in deep denial or suppressed some part of yourself. I regret the situation with my ex. I don't and never did wish her any harm. I am trying to spare her and my kids some pain by delaying the discussion.
It's interesting. I've gotten a range of responses. People saying "tell her now" and people saying "never tell her, it will hurt her too much."
-Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424 definitely understandable! But if it were my (ex)partner who told me something like that, then I think I would experience it as an awful thing and would feel used and ‘tricked’ (even if this wasn’t your intention).
I don’t think there’s a good answer though. I think this is one of those situations where nothing is right, no matter how you go about it or how the people around you will react. Which is harsh, but definitely a BIG reason as to why this is a topic that should be discussed more.
I think getting different responses to it is logical. It’s an extreme taboo and most people’s exposure to MAP is either from CSA or horror media stories. Then there are a few who know MAP personally. And then there are the people who can only imagine what it would be like. So I do hope you take all responses as food for thought, but eventually make ‘the best’ decision for your situation. Every situation is different, every person in every story is different, so there’s really no telling on how your story will develop. I just hope it will be the best outcome possible for everyone involved!
@@Dee912 Thank you, that's my hope as well. There's not really a guidebook for this sort of thing.
-Brandon
At the beginning of this and recently i've learned to accept fiction as fiction, although I do believe drawing any sort of this stuff publicly can harm minors who encounter it (skew their view of adults attraction to them as being okay)-- regardless, no one can really stop it and I do not have the authority or right to harass anyone about it so I either report or block.
I'm glad this person only does this via fiction and prefer that. More than that I LOVE when someone can admit they're this and not totally innocent bc "the characters don't look human haha" bc they're anime. Human brain can clearly tell if a character is meant to be a human lol. You are a ma/p.
I recently watched the one with jay and stumbled upon this one aswell on my fyp. Its very eye opening and makes me truly wonder if there’s healthy ways to help these people to get to the main goal of protecting children across the world. Ive always been on edge about how the internet sexualizes alot of stuff. Ive never thought this deep tho, as to what people are viewing the content, like just as much as uplaoding a photo of a child can be enough.. thats so crazy to me.
A very interesting side of the story. And it's definitely easier to hear from someone who is a non-offender. I'm not sure if I could handle listening otherwise.
The idea of childhood rejection being a possible cause for the attachment to children, is definitely interesting, and I personally think it's a real possibility.
I think pedophilia should be looked into more, and understood on all sorts of levels, from psychological, neurological, and any other possible way. The only way to help a people is to understand those people, and that can't be done when the subject is shied away from.
This is still a difficult topic for me to hear, as I have a kid. But it's been useful to know there is more nuance to the topic than I thought. The nuance is... reassuring in a way.
Brandon here.
Love your kid, no matter what.
@HowardtheLion424 I absolutely do. That's entirely why I listened to this episode. Any way I can find, or anything I find to read or listen to, to protect, provide for, and support my kiddo, I look into it as much as my time allows me to.
I definitely appreciate that this interview exists. (It also gives me another book to read! 😊)
@@ladylost2792 Same here. You sound like a great mom. I'm glad that you found my interview helpful.
I gotta say I respect J for coming on and being so vulnerable. I agree that if more people with pedophilia could get help without the stigma or fear of judgement that our society would be better off. Maybe that would lead to less offenders. The fact that he considered suicide because he thought he was destined to offend is so sad. I was hurt as a child by a few different men and it makes me wonder if they had gotten help if anything could have been different
Thanks for the interview and for being so candid. Wondering what the gender distribution of non-offenders (or of all categories, if you have that info) looks like in the support groups? Just a curiosity, since I believe the mainstream understanding of a pedophile (esp. in media) is that of a man, but I’m guessing there is much more nuance. Thanks!
There is more nuance. I tend to think that women who deal with this issue conceptualize their attractions differently, and therefore are less likely to seek support. With that being said, I know plenty of women and AFAB folks who are in the same boat as me. They do tend to be underrepresented in the community, though.
@ interesting, thanks for offering your perspective
@@dubgag95 Sure thing!
I feel very bad for his ex . She's going to be simply devastated. Why does he have one day tell his kids about his sexual fantasies ? We as parents don't share such personal details with our children even if they're grown ups. It's a matter of healthy boundaries and we don't need in order to feel good or free to make them feel sad or shocked and trust me , they're going to be saddened forever . This behaviour is called love , respect and protection. We simply cannot pretend everything we desire from others .there are issues we have to deal with within ourselves . This is basic parental instinct and probably this man should work with a professional on this .i'm sure that being a homosexual pedophile has different roots respect being a heterosexual one but it's just a thought ,i'm not a professional . It might make him feel less " dirty " with a child than with a man if homosexual shame is so rooted within himself . Does this man has ever had a healthy sexual life with peer men ? There are so many questions i wished doctor Honda could have asked him. It really hit me when he said that his fantasies involved even 2yrs old children because no matter how i try to figure it out in my mind i can only see violence not sex. Sorry ,just my personal opinion .
Hey, Brandon here. I'm happy to answer any questions you have.
I don't plan to share any details of my fantasies. Merely to tell my kids that I am this way.
I have had healthy relationships with adult men, yes.
In my fantasies no one is sad or hurt. That's why they're fantasies, because they aren't real. In fantasy, you could have a magic wand that makes money, or a supercomputer that grants wishes. They aren't realistic scenarios.
You see it as sexual violence because thats what it is. because adults penises aren't supposed to go /fit tiny children's genitalia/bottoms.
Well, I didn’t know about POCD. The human brain will never cease to amaze me.
POCD just refers to the types of thoughts that could happen in those with OCD. People like to put these “themes” into subsets like
HarmOCD - Thoughts of harming people
HOCD - Sexual thoughts involving the same gender
But really it’s all the same, just intrusive thoughts you can’t get out of your head. It doesn’t mean you actually want to carry out anything involved with the thoughts.
So I might have interpret this wrong bcs I am also on the autism spectrum. But I find it hard to believe that this guy classifies himself as a pedophile, has been suicidal because he's a pedophile, but he doesn't fantasize about real kids or look at pictures of real kids because that's not his thing. He's only attracted to and fantasize about cartoon characters.
I just wanna say I don't think this guy is a predator. He shouldn't be harassed or harmed in any way. I don't think he wants to be a pedophile and he would change his sexuality in an instant if he could.
But I also feel like he is trying very very hard to represent himself as a pedophile who isn't attracted to actual kids and has complete control of only fantasizing about cartoons.
Come on man.
If the intention of doing this podcast is to spread awareness and help others who also suffer this mental illness, it's not helping that you try so hard to make yourself look better and sound like a morally correct pedophile by not fantasizing about real kids.
If there is other people watching this who might sit in their bedroom thinking about ending their lives because they have compulsive sexual thoughts about their neighbors kids, and you are here saying it's possible to only be attracted to cartoons will most likely only make those people feel sick and disturbed compared to you.
If you get the chance to have this space on Dr Hondas channel you might aswell tell the truth about what this mental illness does to you and what you actually are sexually attracted to.
I wouldn't judge you or look down on you because you didn't choose this. But what you are saying is like a person going to a AA meeting saying their alcoholism makes them want to die, but they have never drank alcohol only alcohol free beers
In the video the guy talked about being attracted to real kids. 38:26
He didn’t say he doesn’t have attraction to real children, he said he only allowed himself to fantasize about cartoons. You can choose what you fantasize about but not who you are attracted to. He doesn’t allow the attraction to become part of his sexual fantasy
Well in recent circumstances, many women have "book husbands" where they are attracted to fictional men, written by women.
Men and women who are into Anime, have anime crushes more than with human beings. It's not often stated, but it's more recent behavior of attraction.
This guy would be how Christians would ask gay people to behave. Long as you don't offend and what not. Him also being gay makes this a challenge for him in the time this all went on, so I'm sure he was (cus he's attracted to men/boys) aware of some fear to do any action to a person and get caught
I very much and who heartedly appreciate Brandon’s vulnerability and honesty.
As a community/society we must be able to talk about these things because shame is what keeps things in the dark and we need to learn more.
Many people are coming here to comment their fear-based, knee jerk reactions and I don’t think that’s a fair or reasonable way to enter this conversation.
I appreciate both Dr. Honda and Brandon deeply for being brave enough to have this conversation so publicly. Much of what Brandon said helped me to make sense of a highly stigmatized population which deserves to be reexamined. Despite the discomfort of this topic, it’s so important to keep having these conversations if we are to move forward and prevent harm
Brandon here. Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it.
Honestly most of the comments here are very nice if you think about what they’re talking about
I think a conversation about this is dangerous when without mention of any of the research on this.
Is there evidence to support that pedophilia is a sexual orientation like being straight or gay? Is there evidence that like sexual orientations, you cannot experience cessation of these sexual urges through treatment? Is there evidence that the sexual behavior of the guest is helping or hurting their condition?
@@lissie3669 There is, in fact. MAP resources is linked in the show description. It has a collection of academic research addressing these questions.
Looks to me that there could be some buried or unaddressed trauma with this man. I was sexually abused at a very young age and did not have a clear memory until I was in my 40s. I was alone and on my own without a therapist. A new trauma brought it up. This involves a power imbalance of some kind.
I’m not saying you are right that sexual abuse is THE cause of pedophelia, but this comment begs the question of if this interview is responsible to host without presenting research on this. Do we need to accept these people the way they are, or can we view the interviewee’s behavior as wrong and needing treatment to cease the behavior (regardless of if there is harm to another individual)?
@@lissie3669 Research would be great. We welcome more of it. This isn't peer reviewed, but Virped ran a poll to see how many of us have CSA in our childhood. 28% said yes, 25% said no but they had access to porn, 15% said no and they had no access to porn. There were a few other options for folks who had other kinds of experiences.
-Brandon
I appreciate the armchair diagnosis, but I'm fairly certain that I haven't been abused in this way.
-Brandon
@@lissie3669what is the interviewee’s behavior? There’s no behavior here, just thoughts. Unless you want to police thoughts? Is that it?
Exactly .
I love these interviews! Growing up watching the worst of the worst online nothing really phases me so I love listening to just insane people, like one of my favorite interviews from Dr K was him talking to a murderer.
Good heavens, insane people? And here I thought I came across as rational, lucid and vulnerable.
-Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424lol
@@muirenn99 I just mean "insane" to encompass the whole spectrum of people I've seen. Brandon seems cool
@@SpecialSunShine they’re in the comments camping out and trying to go on the defense. He’s even getting other pedophiles to harass listeners for differing views on here
@@lalathebarbieee I admit to being a comment section camper, but is it so bad? I mean it should be understandable, this being a video of high interest to me. Brandon is my friend and a fellow MAP who was interviewed by Kirk. I don't think that defending ourselves constitutes harassment. If it does, then what do you call denigrating us in the first place?
How would he feel if he found out a grown adult was attracted to one of his children? I am curious how he would feel.
I think if a child or a parent is informed that you are attracted to them, you have done something wrong. Private thoughts and private fantasies are one thing. I would never want to know that someone finds either of my children attractive.
-Brandon
I think a lot of these guys compartmentalize, a lot of the guys on the catch a predator show were also fathers, unfortunately..
@@XiggyJ I answered this question above, actually. It may not be the answer you are expecting.
-Brandon
@@HowardtheLion424I would absolutely want to know so that I can keep that sick individual away from my child. But I guess you get off on playing god, “choosing” to tell who you deem fit or not.
@@lucyharman7897 Do you divulge every personal thought, emotion, and sensation to every single person in your life? Or are there some things you keep private from some people?