How Do Narcissists Cope When They Feel Miserable?
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- Опубліковано 31 бер 2024
- When narcissists feel miserable inside their relationships, they are incapable of self-reflection. Instead, they look outwardly in search of solutions. Dr. Les Carter highlights ways they try to soothe their wounds...and it does not bode well for anyone who does not comply with their commands.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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It's a trick question! They can't cope. Their only option is make everyone in relationship with them miserable too.
Brilliant! That’s exactly it, in a nutshell 👍🏼
Well said. 🎯
Narcs do the same thing that the rest of us do when we're down - shop, exercise, hobbies... cept that regular ppl RECHARGE after the down time, NArcs don't.
I could be off, this was just the first thing that came to mind.
Amen
Miserable people desperately need others to be miserable. Happy people rejoice when others are happy.
That's so true. How I love people who are capable of enjoying the good fortune of others - almost as if it's happening to their own good selves.
Gaslight and undermine other's confidence
Narcissists can radiate hateful vibes that masks their jealousy
You, my friend, speak truth
In the workplace they will alter / amend your work then they themselves point out you make mistakes or get one of their buddies to make you look stupid ..and point out the errors in front of everyone ..they make a scene ...very sad behaviour ..they think its cool
It's a thin mask 🎭
A victim to blame all their shortcomings and misery on, a form of projection to rid themselves of the burden and baggage they are carrying, a futile attempt just to elevate themselves temporarily.
You're on it, Fred.
So true.
It's a sick cycle!
@fredk9...: "a futile attempt just to elevate themselves temporarily." Well, every minute counts (to them) and 5 minutes is better than no minutes.
Mother been doing that most of the day, today.
📽 Get Denial
📽 Project it onto you
📽 Accuse, blame, and gaslight you
📽 Make you feel miserable
🍺 Rely on binge drinking, substance use, gambling, porn, or any other forms of addictive behaviors
All the above are bad coping and escaping from reality. 🤨
Sounds like fun right?
They tend to dump their bag of 💩 onto you!
I refuse to accept delivery.
Absolutely ignore that nonsense.
I said once to "mine": you are using me as a trash can. She was angry with me as Hell...
Now, I don't care anymore...She can say whatever she wants and I don't listen to her. Days of"trash can" are gone...
In fact, now that I know who I'm dealing with, it is simple. She is so predictable...
When my narc former friend said "Thanks for putting up with my bullsh*t" -- I knew that very second, that I was her emotional dumpster and not a true friend. I turned to Dr. C's channel and became educated in narcissism. I was validated and worked toward healing and went no contact within 2 months. 4 months later, I received a birthday email -- happy birthday -- which I ignored. Next month will be 1 year of no contact. My silence is the only thing she hears loud and clear.
I send it back C.O.D. 😂js 🙃
They blame everyone and their dog and then look for a fight so they can draw you under..
100%
100000 percent
Mine elevates his dog to saint like status. Everyone else is a piece of shit in his mind no matter how much he is served and catered to.
And when they can't win the fight, smear campaign, triangulation, etc. Get shut of them ASAP!
@@cassiebennet4262 I have noticed some narcissists prefer their pets to people!
In short, zero self reflection. They’re incapable of it.
Absolutely 💯 why though?
@@StephanyBarber fear for sure, but honestly, I think some people of simply broken.
Some of them say they dont care when you tell them something about themselves.
They attempt to stop self reflection from ever happening anywhere from anyone.
I have been spending much time in self-reflection. And I’m acknowledging my shortcomings but reminding myself not to feel guilty in a detrimental manner. Just using it to be a better man.
When they feel miserable, they'll spread it around so everyone else is miserable too.
Yes, the Blame Game. Someone is to blame and it is not them. They will even blame their own children, if it will keep the focus off of themselves.
Dad blamed me for his abusing me. What a jackass dad! I never took any blame, it is all his. He can go to Hell for all I care, he deserves it!
"If it weren't for you." Immediately. Then threaten, demand, bully, punish, even when we weren't even there.
"Where would you be without me!?", comes first.
Ha! Yes, so true.
Spot. On.
Spot on!!! I get blamed, threatened, bullied and punished!!! I’m in the process of getting out of the relationship and he is trying everything to punish me and manipulate me and of course it’s all my fault
Nm to me/us from when I can remember almost daily- weekly for sure, "If it weren't for you damned kids......"
They take it out on you!
They try to make you feel guilty for “causing it” (their misery) - most likely by having boundaries, not reading their mind, and/or refusing to play along with whatever scheme they are plotting. If that absolutely doesn’t work they will move on to cheating on you with some other unfortunate person, place, or thing; designed to make you jealous 🙄🤦♀️
The blame for their inner turmoil is crazy making and soul crushing
Or they create little "dramas" and/or attempt to trigger you to gain some temporary rush or false sense of control.
I refer to that as blunt force drama. Not fun.
Before I learned about narcissism, I always wondered why my spouse was always on the phone with old friends, classmates and teammates. He talked with old friends more than he talked to me. Now, I realize that he seeks a hit of dopamine from talking about the glory days. He gets supply from reminiscing about past glories because his present life is collapsing. He has to escape to the past to get away from the present.
Absolutely
And once dementia sets in, it amplifies! Walk away if you can!
I am going to paraphrase the original conversation in the "Stepford Wives" 1975, when Joanna and Bobbie were talking about their husbands reliving their "glory days", Joanna said "What glory days?!" Very true!
They live the same as they do every day. Blame someone else and power on.
Share it, spread it around. That way they aren’t alone in it.
That was my experience, anyway.
Absolutely 👍
Misrey really does love company
They live in the bullshit they spread to others! "Misery likes company". How true! These people stink!
They don't cope. Foreign concept. They do as they always do...they "narc" and then narc some more. Stay Healthy!
In other words all their coping skills are as toxic as they are. Got it!
I heard someone once say 'the narcissist will make you their shame container' to avoid any responsibility or get rid of any negative thing they feel. It's a perfect short description that stuck in my mind immediately.
I actually said it once to a narcissistic ex who unexpectedly started accusing me of several things after I'd agreed to drive him to a doctor appointment. When he did this I was shocked, but somehow managed to simply say, "I am not your shame container. I have things to do, I'm going to let you go. Bye." He was silent & I hung up! I never heard back from him again & the rage-y texts I anticipated never came. 😊 🎉
TY again Dr. C. for this list of behaviors we can recognize & the strategies we can use to protect ourselves. Your kindness & wisdom has helped many of us as we extract ourselves from relationships with these toxic people. You are a bright light on the other side of tunnels many of us are going through. You're The Best!! 💙
That's an incredible analogy/metaphor! I love it! Definitely going to use it, so thanks for sharing. ❤
I have an EX friend who puts this strap like thing around her dog so he can't pee. The dog is miserable & extremely an unhappy animal.😢❤❤❤❤
April Fool 🐇 who can we deceive today, so that we will feel better about us, while we make someone else totally miserable?
Someone who does not want to feel the inner turmoil, the inner misery, the inner pain is constantly on the run of himself, hunting with a poison arrow to paralyze and kill other human beings instinctively.
Their biggest unhealthy coping skill is blaming you for this includes...
...not taking responsibility for their own feelings, which makes them automatically the victim.
...projecting their inner chaos onto you with the desire to get rid of it, which only works for the moment.
...denial to look inside themselves.
...gaslighting you with lies.
...shaming you and burden you with guilt.
...criticizing and accusing you.
...reacting with anger.
Blaming you is a big defense mechanism, which imprisones life itself and poisons everything around.
YEP !
💯 true
In a nutshell 🌰
Roxymovie, you are very insightful. But there’s a tremendous gap I’m seeing here. How would anybody like what you say have innumerable friends, disciples and adorers adhered like moss on a stone? Be literally a messiah? This mystery is a big void, until then it isn’t fully understandable.
They don't think of it as their inner turmoil. They see it as outer turmoil and then blame you for it. 😨
When a narc is feeling miserable they’ll do anything to stroke their own ego to make themselves believe they are rising above the situation (and depending on the type of relationship, it could range from lying about you to others, through to draining the bank account for their retail gratification). The best relationship for a narcissist is to be a FIFO worker, where there is more FO than FI.
The key word here was rage. To the untrained like me everything and can hidden. But rage, their anger, is what gives them away.
I have seen narcissists rage when they say something silly and we disagree with reasonable arguments. They do not allow us to finish our thought that makes perfect sense but they just don't want to hear it. Then the others in the room think we did something wrong because the narcissist raged. Because the group-thinkers are so invested in being liked by the rager they say nothing and even act disapproving of the one who said the reasonable thing. I have removed family entirely from my life because of this foolishness. When we get to the point that it is the same every time they gather I realize after many years that nothing is going to change no matter how old they become. I am over 70 now and have no plan to ever see these people again as long as I can avoid it.
Dad says things I will oppose, but it suits only him, and he doesn't "give a shit" about my feelings, he laughs, what a sadist! I have no contact with him for this and other reasons. He's a bully.
The narcissist in my life never openly express any sorrow (crying or looking sad), or regrets. She would consider them a weakness. The only feeling she expresses is anger by raging against someone by classic projection.
They attack others…they make everyone around them miserable.
I saw Theresa's chat comment about narcissists loving to be adored. That is so true, and it was when my adoration of my ex narc came to a standstill that trouble intensified. He couldn't stand it. He wanted nothing to do with me when I had feelings for him, but became enraged when I no longer did.
That's usually the case!
My son saw the red flags from dad and it sent him away, and in a bad state. He offered that his sister to move in with him and his roommate.
Suddenly, I am a real empty nester tonight.
It's all about control and ownership over the victim. They also need a mirror to reflect back to them because they cannot self reflect, self soothe or have self esteem.
@@cassiebennet4262 So true. They need a lot of emotional stroking which is hard to keep up once they let their ugly cat out of the bag.
@@An-mei Hang in there!
That spiritual covert malignant narcissist would attack me even more. would create arguments to go be with the other supply, sneak, and go get liquor until she tried to hide 2 20-ounce beer cans under the bedroom sheet. Hateful blame-shifting, lying about everything.
They tend to be alcoholics is what I’ve noticed 98% of them are daily and lots of consumption
Oh had one of those lol
@@cherobinson6371 when i met her in ministry school i did not see liquor or alchol
Thank you for helping us through this nightmare, you will never know how many lives you have saved, after dealing with these monsters.
When I left the narcissist, it was my fault. I took accountability for my mistakes, but he still pointed everything out I have done without taking accountability for anything.
I can’t understand how he’s had the same therapist for 7 years, and something hasn’t hit him in the head yet that it’s better to be with Team Healthy….
I still feel so much confusion and sadness.
Therapist is also deceived by him 🤦♀️ that’s what the VA therapist was good for… he thought she was wonderful & never suspected he was a narc so I just played along but got out of it
My sibling is in his early 60s. "Retired early" i.e.,had a hostile, confrontation at work and found it was really difficult to find other work; divorced; estranged from extended family, etc. Long story short, it still hasn't clicked for him and it never will. Other people are the problem, in his mind, and always will be. Nobody is as smart, hard-working, clever, insightful, funny (always at others' expense) as he is. As long as he has a couple of good-hearted people who are willing to tolerate his outbursts and constant contempt, he'll continue believing the rest of us are just too ignorant to appreciate his special mix of contempt and sarcasm. It's exhausting and boring, and the sooner an interaction with him is over, the better off I am.
It wasn't your fault, nor mine, but the narcissist's fault! They are insecure, immature jerkwads! My dad is one!
Hey Dr. C. I laughed out loud about the narcissist trying the same techniques 792 times it did not work but the 793 time I am going to nail it (paraphrasing)🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂
Everything you said!!! Yes it's sad but it is so relieving to hear I found the answer to what I have lived with. Going on 9 months gone. I lean on the ALMIGHTY and am doing WELL❤
Thank you. In a weird way I feel the most listened to and understood when I watch you.
“An essence issue,” you hit the target with that one, DrC! I think that is what started my finally recognizing and acknowledging red flags for what they really were. I began to realize MY essence was not what it actually is. His covert abuse had caused me to become a person who just let him run all over me. That was NOT my true essence. The more subservient I became, the more depressed I became. He was happy with me changing into that kind of person- subservient and depressed. I was easily swayed and “rescue-able.” I let him get away with anything and everything. I was miserable. My essence was begging me to change back into the person I really was/am. Learning how to utilize radical acceptance allows the development of seeing/feeling a narcissist’s essence from a mile away. At least that’s how it’s been for me now that I feel more myself and have learned what I’ve learned from you as well as put it in to practice.
You so get it, Kelly!!
Thanks, Kelly. Same story here. It is amazing how the covert's targets are strong, capable, giving, caring, competent, soulful, spiritual, joyful, and loving people. They steal our essence for themselves and, in so doing, rob us of our souls. Here's to us for protecting our essence and our place of peace. I am proud of all you've accomplished and the joy and knowledge you've found. Inspirational. Thank you.
@@nancytwigg4631 it helps when we realize, recognize, and accept how we in some part willingly gave our essence to them to control. That is when real healing takes place. And that kind of healing sets us free. Self awareness and action on our parts is the key to freedom.
Dr. Carter I've been watching your videos non-stop for over a year now. I've developed so much knowledge about narcissism just from your channel alone. Thank you for all that you do! I fear that my therapist may be a narcissist. I've developed a strong relationship with her going on 2 years now. She lacks empathy and behaves disrespectfully every now and then. She creates strange jokes/laughs at things that she very well knows I take to heart. These jokes are deeply connected to my specific traumas. These jokes are very disturbing and I truly feel that she is a narcissist. I have confronted her twice about it. This time after the joke, after I froze, she began putting a psychological spin to to it by staring that I myself have to advocate for every single meaningful relationship-related issue that arises in my life. Such as "therapist client" relationships..The constant confusion and mix of words is what makes me believe that she is a narc. She sees my reactions (frozen, speechless) then says, "oh you didn't like that did you?" I'm really tired of having to deal with this nonsense again and again, when I'm literally being so vulnerable & willing to heal & grow.
I understand that therapist sometimes test clients but not like this. This is not okay. I'm already dealing with many narcissistic individuals I can't take another loll.
If you can please shed some light on this topic. Hopefully we can all benefit from this and know who to select as a therapist in the future. Thank you once again, Dr. Carter. Have a blessed day!
Look for someone else. Now.
Not very well.
Some of these coping mechanisms I HAD to resort to in order to protect myself from my ex narcissist. I HAD to pour myself into things like work. I HAD to find someone to talk to to make sure I wasn't going insane.
I think that's perfectly normal, we do share with people because we're hurting and looking for clarity. When my mother 'shares', it's to blame and shame others that she doesn't like. When I do it im looking for some sense of not being the bad person my family makes out. She'll be angry with my father and then have a go at me! They want someone to say to them yeah I agree so and agree is awful, I want someone to confirm I haven't gone crazy and im not awful. It's agree fine line and normal people seek support and confirmation all the time, especially when we are being blamed shamed gaslighting and manipulated
Misery loves company so that want to share with whoever is in front of them.
Does that mean everyone who has left a comment or expressed what they went through should not , comment ? If so, then we all are awful.
@@user-wz4bz2fn6s No you misunderstood.
Anyone else just feel shame that they were the loser on the receiving end ? Some people never get into relationships with narc, they never get fooled like you were
I wish I'd been given all of this wisdom when I was 22, so I could have avoided 21 years of heartbreak with a narcissist.😢
I had this "wisdom" but my narc dad was and still is a jerk! I have no contact with him, life is much better without the jackass!
When you're doing well... Jealousy shows up by the way they talk to you.
Liars and cheaters get angry when they're caught. Nowadays I can see
there are a lot of miserable people in the world who can't get their way.
I caught the narcissist red handed speaking vile of me and telling the new supply how she’s was willing to go against me even though I was the one she thought she would spend her life with, she said I “I’m willing to do all this for you, I just want to know you can be loyal to me” 😂… only to turn around and leave on my answer machine after several blocked calls, that she’s ok with me dating whoever I want, she’s so over any of that lol… she said all she wanted was my friendship, just someone to talk to, because until she makes some new friends she doesn’t have any … these ppl are truly pathetic it’s sickening to even have experienced
Well, they have no self-reflection or humility to accept responsibility for their own poor behavior, poor judgment and poor choices. Just blame other people or rewrite the narrative to make themselves the victim. Whoa to the person who points out the narcissist's part and participation in their own problems. It is better to say nothing than it is to try to reason with a narcissist or explain to them that they are responsible for their own poor choices.
My narc mother would rage against anyone near her and made sure everyone was as miserable as she was.
My dad is the same way, I have no contact with him now. Or his enabling/flying monkey girlfriend!
They just don't have that capabilities of feel for someone.
They can't cope, they just keep complaining about everything and everyone.
Misery loves company.
Who can be more miserable than a narcissist who takes out his demise to others. Welp
Basically bullies try to make us feel bad for their mood then rage out when you don't offer sympathy
On top f that most are alcoholics. I’m in a town with a large narcissistic family who marry into another large Same family type and outta the 500 of them? 498 are raging alcoholics.
You validated me today. I'm 58, and 6+ mths into realizing why my mom has always been this way. When she exploded this last time because I simply didn't answer her question appropriately, I needed to step back. I realized I could no longer bear the burden of our relationship by "forgiving" her snd "forgetting" as she wanted so that she could be comfortable.
You validated me by explaining the way you did, why she turned around, and sent me a long text as to what a horrid Christian I am, so unforgiving and unable to cope with life. This time I was in a place I didn't take it internally but instead dove into videos like yours to try to find answers to why she has always been like this. She was abused as a child, and now everything she'd ever said and done makes sense. Your videos and others like yours are an incredible resource to people like me. I don't wish to be angry or blame, I just want to understand why, and now I do. Thank you. 🎉
Dr C I’ve been listening to you for several years now. Even though I feel “healed” from fifteen years with a narcissist, I still learn something from every new video.
I’m so grateful to you.
🙏🏼
I love the way Guss relaxes on the sofa. He doesn't give a toss! ❤
Wise Gus
Without even watching this I can easily answer "by making everyone else miserable too". This isn't exclusive to narcissistic individuals, but it's a common thread in people with narcissistic tendencies.
Gus seems to be enjoying a very comforting blanket.
I can related, though I think like a cat. Meow! "
My husband is a class A Narcissist! Your videos really hit the nail on the head, because he fits all of the descriptions. I want to walk away and never look back, but he keeps trying to “punish” me by leaving me to take care of the house and kids all by myself, not helping me with ANYTHING, just to say that I need him. It’s a sick mental game that he keeps playing and I keep playing along allowing this misery.
Their contempt is their passive rage. Oh, that makes sense! Didn't know that. They play the victim or rewrite history and then when you don't believe it and appeal to them to be honest and take responsibility, or laugh in an attempt to lighten the conversation, they malign your character behind your back and set you up for humiliation, as revenge. They triangulate others to reject and accuse you. So scary and confusing.
My dad's is aggressive rage because he feels insecure and is immature. His attitude problem! I have no contact with him. My life is getting better!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 it's sad, but sometimes we have to. I wish I'd known I could stop having contact with my mother, but I thought I'd be a bad person if I did, even though I was afraid of her and she harmed my relationships. I have learned about personal boundaries late in life.
Once, back in art school, the "billing" office decided to increase the amount owed without warning-- or, contacting my Dad, who was paying the bills. They called ME into office to tell HIM. (They did this with apparently every student in my class.) My Dad-- who I now realize was a NARC, BLEW UP (as usual). The only way I was able to calm him down, was to act MORE angry than he was, while raging AT the school. He calmed down... but I didn't. I went in the next day to "explain" that if they wanted to charge him more, they needed to SEND HIM A REVISED BILL. Sounds INSANELY-simple, doesn't it? But the guy in the billing office was so used to standing over "kids" and intimidating them, our "conversation" turned UGLY, real fast. He then cut me off, saying he was going to let his supervisor deal with me. Which is what I wanted in the first place. I waited in her office for a few minutes while with some great difficulty, I tried to make myself calm down. I was genuinely shaking with rage. I then explained the situation to her, and she apologized for the confusion-- and the attitude of her THUG assistant.
When I went back to class, I told my teacher, "I'm afraid I handled that badly-- but then, I really wanted to." She replied, "You're funny, Henry."
Years later, an artist who at one point used to TEACH at another branch of the school (the one in Chicago, not Philadelphia) wrote an article detailing everything WRONG with how the school operated. I read it, then wrote him a letter, saying, "Yeah, everything you said was true." "For-profit" schools have become a real scandal in recent years.
❤God help us all
30 yrs in and thankfully divorced. Just watching the cycle unfold
Great for you!
Their attitude problem, their fault!
Painful
The they’re so empty inside it’s pathetic.
Below "empty"!
Also, lot’s of comparing, whether fact or fiction, to other people’s lives. Such as “ G’s daughter organizes an annual 4th of July re-union every summer.” “Well?”
Next phone call, “ Remember when we were talking about the 4th of July last week?”
Ok, I’m going to answer this one without viewing the video, watch the vid, & come back to comment again. 😄
They cope by frantically pushing out the misery as quickly as they can onto another living being. Most often - the person who is most connected to them. They agitate, poke, mock, & use power & control tactics until they can see their loved one crumple under their mean treatment. It’s then, when they can see their misery on the face of their loved one, that they will back off for a time.
They also behave as if they are insatiable for a specific high sensory input - food, smokes, drink, exercise, sex…
I watched my narc ex husband cram handful after handful of m&m’s into his mouth until a large bag was gone. It was always a sign that he was about to spiral .
Well, Dr. Carter has done it again. Described many of the behaviors of my ex narc husband very accurately. Complaint buddy - yep. Form of Confession because the behavior is so demonstratively harmful (others have born witness). Self soothing efforts 💯. The gaming ! The going out for ride on cycle. Withdraw, pouting, fuming and major rebellion that’s worse than any of the behaviors of my own teen children.
My aim is to feel comfortable in my skin so i can cope and find the right words for my 2 Narcs next of kin. My dear Dr C, i borrowed your words when once and for all i answered my N1 constant nasty emails. I wrote freely:' Your are a stranger to me but also familiar'. I admitted my terrible flaw not to stand up when i hear abuse. (I have to work hard on that). I gave praise what she has achieved. I haven't heard now for 3 months.
I take in everything you teach us. Thanks. I always feel i moved on, when i have written a comment. Weird.
Gus is so cute! 🐶☺️
When I saw the title of this episode, my first thought was to complain.
"Spin cycle"😵💫"complaint buddy"
My dad can find someone else to bitch to/about, I am not interested, nor ever was, nor will be.
Narcssistic is on a whole different level
Oh Yes Dr C so right . If you fall back you are the dumping ground for their hideous life . Then the tactics dial up thinking yr so stupid with mimicry .
Before I realized my husband was narcissistic, I used to tell him he wants me to carry all of his shame for him. Now I understand why.
Thank you Dr. C! I find it hard to grasp how a narcissist can turn their very clear wrongs onto other people. Do they really think people buy it? I suppose if they buy it themselves then that is enough. I'm sure we would hear it is our fault if they could stop their childish silent treatment against us.
They will manipulate you into believing you’re the problem why they are miserable and you don’t dare telll them they are making you miserable also, and you are a happy go lucky person and why are you always picking at me for nothing 😂. ,,, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells doing the same things you fell in love with me for,,whooooo you all know what is coming after saying this to them,, but it’s okay for them to say what they want to you,,, I got drained and left I’m still in the healing process,, good and bad days but more good days 💯💯💯
Narcissist got to make everyone else feel like 💩 when they feel bad. And make it others responsibilty to make them happy. Usually if you try, you'll still fail. Then punish that person. I was with a narcissist for many years..And even after divorcing her she'd still play games,blame shift, demand, and punish. My punishment was not being allowed to see our son for 2.5 years. He was one yearold when we split up.She used restraining orders and accusations I was abusive. How was I abusive? "He's in the Marine Corps and has access to machine guns." And her"fear"was I'd get our son,get a transfer to another state or overseas to.keep.our son away from her. So, she kept him away from me.He's no in his 20s,she's died of cancer cause shed never go to her doctor appointments. But apparently I'm responsible for her cancer,20 years after we broke up🙄
Or they start drinking excessively every day...self soothing
So true. 🍺🍻🍷🍸🥂🥃
Easy. They make everyone else feel miserable too
They use others like toxic dumps, since the narcs are full of s...!
THANK YOU !!! I needed to hear this today!!😬❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☮️
It’s great to see Gus is alive and well.
A narcissist rage is SCARY!
Especially when when the narcissist thinks they are entitled to feel enraged!
I say, they NEVER go deep in any "self" examination!
Most of them have an astonishingly low capacity for insight.
@@SurvivingNarcissismLOl and then the kids get involved and end up homeless. This is what’s happening with my kids. I am not the one to play around with. I will let everyone go to enjoy my peace.
Their self is so damaged, they have no point of reference!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 How does this happen? I was able to hold on to my sanity and my children through the grace of God. Everything finally came together and the real criminals will see.
Do narcissists ever suffer from depression? I reflected on this yesterday. I have never known a full blown narcissist to ever suffer from depression, especially long term depression. It seems like Empaths have depression more often than narcissists. Thank you for your insight!
Yep, they are continually depressed but they're false self, they're pretence gives the impression their happy!
I am so thankful for your videos Dr. Carter. So so much.
You are very welcome
Dumping it on others.
We are not toxic landfills for the idiots to "dump" on!
This message is exactly on point. The most helpful explanation I have heard. I will refer to it often. Thanks Dr. C!
Glad it was helpful!
Literally ALL these excuses have been used by my ex narcissist. Great video, so on point..
Thank you you’re the best therapist for me 🙏
So pleased!!
It is exhausting to deal with narcissistic parasites.
And I must say , why should I feel like I have to walk in eggshells, why should I have to adjust to satisfy them?
Dealing with a narcissist landlord who, has chosen me as her target.
And she is relentless. Always trying so hard to get a ride out of me, and it isn't working, I am not going to give her the reaction she expects, but dang is it soooooo hard to not speak my mind.
They will find your most sensitive spot, and target it, insiting a fight, and you want to lash out, but I have learned, if you do, you give them exactly what they want .
So now it is a game of wits.
Walk away, ignore, don't take the bate, as much as you can.
Those are my confirmations, I remind myself of every day to deal with this horrible being .
Dad was like this when I was growing up. I gave up very recently. Life is so much better without dealing with him!
My father was born with scoliosis so severe, the doctor recommended he be placed in a home. Because my grandparents refused, they were given barbaric exercises to perform; it was 1944 and they didn’t know scoliosis required surgery back then. So presumably, while every other baby born under similar circumstances was getting swaddled and loved when the amygdala was developing into the ‘empathy gland’, my father was being pressed straight. I saw my grandfather cry for the first time when he apologized to me in my 30’s, “Maybe your life would’ve been more normal if I had just kept up those exercises on your father but I couldn’t handle hearing my baby boy scream like that.” I am 54, father still has scoliosis but now myself, my sister and mother all have neuro issues. The constant presence of oxytocin along with “belief based self sabotage” of Jesus knowing when I have a bad thought sorta messes ya’ up. Edit: Only text I got in 2023 was on Mother’s Day to let me know my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. 😢
My friend i stayed with for a few days coerced me to stay over Christmas, despite me having found other accommodation i could have moved into by then.
I then heard her telling someone on the phone she had "solved my Christmas problem. I have a friend to stay". ..?! I assume she meant she wanted company & to prove she had people in her life...
She was so disrespectful and pushy even after I moved out, I had to drop the friendship.
Thank you Dr C for another enthralling video! It must be fascinating to have a narcissist on your couch, bringing their hang-ups to you and expecting you to align with their view of the world. They are so fearful of themselves, that they will always find someone or something to blame. I notice with some narcissists I know, that they use the word "if" a lot! "If you were like this", "if you would just listen to me", "if you would be more open to what I'm saying", etc. I would love to have been a fly on wall in your office when you were practising! Thank you for continuing to educate us on the specifics of narcisism!
Love Gus He always so good.
Sometimes the things you say sound like all of us. I've done some of those many times but I'm not the narcissist in my household.
As I eat my late breakfast in peace my narcissist left the house, without a word, to go to one of our outbuildings to watch videos. My narcissist is pouting because for the 100th time PLUS I asked a tiny request for some quiet time to have my breakfast instead of hearing the phone conversations and videos play. Keep in mind my narcissist has been up for hours! We have very different schedules. We live like roommates with our separate bedrooms.
I think it would be awesome. If you would talk about how scapegoats that don’t know what’s happening, also do some of these things as Teenagers and sometimes revert back during discards or after the projections to cope. Please talk about how Scapegoats absorb and battle these coping strategies to survive. Can you make another video using this list please? I can’t even squish a bug
Dr Les - thank you for sharing your experience and expertise. Hope you’re ok with repeated praise. 👌
OMG that's all describing my dad. That's why I'm such a people pleaser 😢 now that i have boundary, we talk once a month barely and I'm free
I gave up on my narc dad, life is easier and more pleasant, within my control, not him trying to control me! He's delusional, I'm not! It still hurts! My narc/sadistic takes the attitude "Tough shit" when I complained, his crap, not mine.I have no contact, I am not a landfill for his toxicity!
saw users' reply and i have a song too Dr C - the Pointer Sisters - Fairytale....classic!! i appreciate your wise empathy..been dealing with this for wayyyy too many years! now liberated and free! Jesus helped the most!! He endured this as well..
They believe I'm the narcissist. And they almost convinced me that i am.
❤ God Bless You Dr
Every youtube video that deals with narcissism has defined my husband in neon letters. I find it amazing that millions of narcissistic individuals all seem to conform to the same mold. It's not bad enough that one is an AHole, they are all playing lets all fit into the same jello mold. People can be loving, giving, empathic, and humorous in many different ways. I wonder why narcs all behave in the same horrirfic manner.
It's the same bad spirit to it is why they are the same. And they get that through their bad addictions to namely p@rn, but also alcoholism, substance abuse etc.
Another quality video :)