The Narcissism Of Toxic Masculinity
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- Опубліковано 17 тра 2024
- Toxic masculinity refers to men who are entrenched in traditional male qualities in such a way that bring harm to others. Dr. Les Carter identifies many of their common traits, then he hones in on one very specific way of detecting the fullness of this pattern of life.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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Toxic masculinity shows how insecure a man is.
💯
They'r REAL tough when you're young and small. Later when you're bigger and stronger, and go AT them instead of cowering, they shrink.
Toxic masculinity looks strong but is fragile. Empathy looks soft but is resilient. 😊
❤
True
No tensile strength. Can't bend, can't adapt, just snaps as soon as anything comes at the wrong angle for it.
Being a toxic male is glorified, so most men don't want to appear weak by being caring and treating women with respect.
Yep
When a narcissist says 'I love you', it means 'I love feeling superior to you and in control of you' because you could be homeless and the narcissist would be happy to see you down.
Correct.
Felt that.
Yes. They love what you can do for them!
No, it means they love what you do for them, supply.
When a narcissist says, "I love you," what he means is "I see that you are happy and productive and I want something from you" in my experience.
Masculinity is a natural, productive and essential part of the male chemistry. Toxic masculinity is compensatory insecurity and always involves power control.
They get into religion and begin to think they can channel god.
What religion did Trump get into, I never hear him speak of it? Same of other worldly powers that be.
@An-mei you saw him with a Bible trying to fake his religion 😂
@@tonifonseca9178Yes, I saw Biden do the same. That's a symbol, not a religion.
Fundamentalist religion also seems to produce male atheists who think they can continue to dominate women as they treat their new culture as a god in its own right. They overthrew their former deity and now *they* are the supreme authority figure: still belittling women and telling us what to do. Just the Biblical citations have been removed. The rest is all still the same as it was in their Fundie childhood. :/ I've seen this before.
I've seen atheist men who escaped from Fundamentalist backgrounds continue on with their fantasies of patriarchal domination and exploitative behavior as regards women and children. Except they think they have taken on the role of their original deity by usurping his place. It's aggravating. That type of atheist man is no easier to get along with than the head of household he physically escaped but mentally stayed yoked to. :/
Dominance leads to destruction. I like that one.
Sometimes toxic masculinity is covering other complexities - insecurity or being closeted to name a few.
The victim must protect themselves, nonetheless
You're on to something... many are so repressed and sexually confused, it causes them to go in one extreme in order to mask it. And personally I think sexual orientation is way more nebulous than people would like to know.
the loudest most obsessed bully is nearly always the subject themselves, in denial, and coping by attacking others who are doing/living it
Literally described my dad lol. Though in his older age, has become much more adaptive, to his credit.
Toxic masculinity is described with precision Dr. C by you. Characters who become domestic abusers, power tripping, entitled bullies have no balance or fairness as they have no authentic love of self and others. Their empathy is usually non- exsistant or sparse. Healthy masculinity is essential and beautiful in all the higher forms of life. Balance of feminine and masculine energies is essential and needs to be taught. Thanks Dr. Carter for sharing all you do with us! ❤
Amen. Well said. 👏
“Toxic masculinity” is usually exhibited by females trying to act like what they believe men to be like. There are toxic people of all types men and women but there is no such thing as “toxic masculinity” in men, that is a term only used to describe females behavior.
I’d add, men and women have both “energies”, ‘male’ and‘female’.
A man can care for a baby, and a woman can provide.
All this “energy” thing is self construct, and easy to destroy.
Being “better” at basketball doesn’t make you a man. Liking basketball doesn’t make you one either. Not because BBQ is perceived “manly” that a man is good at it, or better than a woman.
It’s all so stupid.
Whoever invites you to trust them only to trash what's yours without batting an eyelash is a snake. You'll know a man is pathological when he uses what you've shared with him against you. It isn't masculine but cowardly. Thanks, Dr. C
Yes, it takes bravery to treat other people with respect and admit when you’re wrong and that you’re not perfect that is real strength
A couple of weeks ago a man that I volunteer with let me see a display of emotion that some people would consider weak in a man but normal in a woman. My comment to him was, "God wouldn't have given men these emotions then told them not to feel or express them." He agreed but added that society would still call him weak even though I was right.
I wonder how much of the violence in the world wouldn't exist if men were allowed to express their emotions in healthy ways.
Amen to that!
A real man does not have to prove anything. Noise doesn't make him powerful either. A man who is kind to their wives are a real man. And a woman can be tough when needed too. Tired of overbearing men and women. When it becomes bullying, it is wrong. Forcing others just says you aint got what it takes.
Kind can mean civility. Don't confuse civility with love.
Love is kind.
Thank you for mentioning this issue involves both genders, too many folks focus on the abusive boyfriend/husband but forget about the abusive 🚺 that lies & gets her boyfriend/husband wrongfully arrested or takes custody of the kids even when she isn't a good parent.
Bullseye, Dr Carter! It’s up to all of us to not enable this behaviour at any age. We can all make a difference and speak up. Misogyny and other sneaky toxic patterns are often just under the radar and the victim blaming of, « what did you do to trigger that toxic behaviour in him? » must stop. And women are often the enablers. « Boys will be boys and men will be men » is sheer nonsense and perpetuates the belief that bad behaviour must be tolerated. Thank you.
YES YES YES!!! How wonderful to hear this out loud! From a man! How much we need masculine energy, wisdom and participation, in balance and respectful coordination with the feminine. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for this. Not just the words, but DEMONSTRATING it, living it. Wow. Truly excellent work.
Toxic masculinity is misogynistic. Sadly, even some women subscribe to this mentality.
That will be the topic in a future video.
@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you! Looking forward to it!
I have a female friend who is a red pill Andrew Tate devotee. I had to stop hanging out with her, I couldn’t stand her anymore.
Definition of feminism: The belief in social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.
The advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
By the look of it there are some people on here who do not understand what feminism is.
It would be really amazing to have a video on what feminism truly is. It is not only understanding women’s rights to equality, it is also about understanding that all people have the right to be who they are and not in a man box or a woman box.
It is so sad that before people deeply look into what feminism is as soon as anyone talks about toxic masculinity they jump on the bandwagon wanting to talk about feminism because this generation, as a backlash to feminism, has been told that feminism is terrible. Feminism was the uprising of women against their oppression and inequality for thousands of years. Women use to be men’s property as well as children. A woman had no right to ownership of her own home and women did not Inherit property. it would be really good if people would be open to understanding the history of all of this. Men were in charge of everything, woman could not have higher education and were assigned certain jobs they could do. This has a history and a context, can we please discuss that? Can we discuss the oppression that woman are still experiencing, especially in other countries and cultures. This is a reality and if as soon as we start to talk about it we have to instantly talk about “toxic feminism” without truly understanding the context of feminism, we are not going to get anywhere. Toxic masculinity is an ideology of the superiority of men and their right to oppress women and other men who do not uphold the ideology. Please allow the conversation.
It’s often condoned by their mothers and by families and other societal structures. Pick me women will always agree with whatever gets them praised or chosen.
Oh boy is this a loaded one!! There is SO MUCH I can say to affirm EVERY WORD you said [about them] that I can’t say anything. Only you, Dr. Carter, thank you for having the guts to acknowledge this!!
Our brain is the most important muscle that needs constant exercise, use it or lose it!
Deaŕ muscle head, your brain is not a muscle, it's a computer that
Runs Your program and environment so you can function well. Your heart is a muscle operating on electricity, this is the most important muscle that needs
Occasionally exercised.
Your brain is not a computer. People who study the brain says it's very similar to a muscle since it can develop as you use it (same as exercising it). Didn't you know?
@@SandraII-in9sl more similar to a
Self educational machine than similar to
A muscle. Muscles have memory but don't think, reason or allow you to talk or hear and see. The brain does more
Things than you can imagine, a magnificent piece of evolutions work.
No it's not more similar to a machine. But thanks for the mansplaining.
@@SandraII-in9sl to dumb it down would be preferable for you?
Chauvinist and misogynist are two terms describing toxic narcissistic masculinity
There is such thing as healthy assertive masculinity though
Don't forget misandrists & the toxic side of feminism too.Both these things are 2 sides to a nasty coin.
@@malwads1836Misandrists just complain about bad men they’ve encountered, they don’t kill men who rejected them the way men kill women. Misogyny is violent meanwhile misandry is a response TO misogyny.
Wonderful episode, Dr. C. Thank you!
My ex demolished me into just an object to serve his image and ego. He said women are just here to please and obey the men. I was wondering what he could think like that. I was drained, always apologizing and belittled for who I am. He preaches love, veganism, Christianity, equality, and all the beautiful things I believed in, but behaved so cruelly and demeaningly it threw my reality off.
Obviously he doesn't believe in equality.
Obviously he doesn't believe in Christianity either then, husbands are commanded to love their wives, as Jesus loves the church, giving his life for her. Narcissists twist everything, including the Bible to suit their motives and serve themselves, which is the opposite of Jesus's ways and teaching. They are anti-Christ in their behaviors and demands and motivations and beliefs.
I had married one who played into toxic masculinity by using religious "authority" to defend having a secret life. This wasn't one of those determined good guys who makes a mistake and corrects his path.
Are you in a relationship with the same person? Make sure you watch him closely by getting a clone copy of his messenger apps, to know what his been up to and activities going on backdoor
@@KellyJoseline-jg2wi Thank you for asking. It was awhile back that this ended. I was given a lot of info and moral support. Now I feel bad for women who wind up trapped by this system. And acknowledgement, advice, and tools that can be sent to them is so useful.
Defends a secret life? 😶
@@An-mei In the toxic religion of that area, if men behave poorly, their wives get blamed.
Sadly most of these toxic male qualities were encouraged by their primary caretaker & then they never allowed separation
You don't need to blame the mother; our whole culture, including movies, television, and what young boys hear from adult men tends that way.
@susanmercurio1060 Exactly!! Males and females are bombarded through media and societal patriarchy with this toxic mentality from birth. It's disturbing and no one in our society benefits from it. Men that believe like this are really miserable people and so is anyone who has contact with them.
This is well said!!! I lived with one of these guys for decades before I stepped up, which he did not like!! He found another woman he could control & dominate & left. Praise God ! I could never do enough “giving “ to him, he was owed my submission & entitled. He has NO clue as to what love really is, his loss. Thank you for your messages getting out there, people find it hard to believe these empty guys are out there.
When in a social setting and the toxic boy is running it's mouth, turn to someone else and ask 'did you hear something?' It's like a gut punch, they can't handle it.
This description fits my mother-in-law exactly.
THIS IS 100% ... on point
Unbelievably true
Spot on, Dr C🎯
Thank you for addressing this.
You are very welcome
Understood Dr. Les!
Thank you for mentioning that these types show up in religious/spiritual circles/churches! Married a person going into the ministry who had been raised Christian - only to find that he is a covert narc who came from a very toxic family system. Wolf in sheep’s clothing! THANK YOU for your continued resources! The cumulative effect is helping me for sure!!
They are also extremely passive aggressive
This is a major problem; the unpredictability of their behavior. Many tip toe around them not because they're weak - but because the N usually behaves like this when there is an audience. They don't care if the audience is fragile people, new neighbors, children, elderly, or people you love. And for those people's consideration - other's tip toe around the N Why? because they know everyone will pay for the N's loose cannon ; escalated behavior otherwise. Their behavior is childish, hurtful, disgusting and I believe evil has a hold of them.
Yes, said I HAD to trust him!
This after several out burst of anger?
NO way.
This describes my marriage 1000% and is exactly why I left him.
Amen 🙏 thank You 👍
Thank you for shining light on this subject. A few narc experts have not discussed this enough. The toxic masculinity, red pill, manosphere is so bad it’s poisoned the gender, relationship and intersectionality norms.
Get ready to turn the clock back a couple centuries.
Sometimes you can tell who's guilty of toxic masculinity based on how they react when you say those two magic words.
I was working with a guy and I asked him a question about something I had never dealt with before and he said "you just need to take control". I was just asking for guidance.
Our son-in-law is just like this, he dominates everyone in the room and talks so long no one else can join his monologue! He believes women should never instruct men and often misquotes out of context the bible and when corrected he rages. He is everything you speak about here, so hard to be around him.
You just described my husband. No one on his side of the family gets it. They think he’s god. I don’t like his behavior and have learned to stand up to him, so he smears me to them and others who will listen. Another trait of men like him is that they speak with authority, so you just assume they know what they’re talking about and that it’s true. It took me years, but I finally realized he is mentally ill, a liar, and a prolific BS’er.
I too hope that your Daughter is okay. He needs to get out of your family as soon as possible.
Look out for anyone who is using the bible as a weapon.
Welll, i did get confronted with a few guys who wanted to be "Pick Up Artists" (some time ago in the past).. They systematically try to make you feel uncomfortable, unsure of yourself, and lower yr selfesteem, so you will be more malleable & do want they want. They also state this point themselves
They have forums where they learn each other techniques how to do this ("negging" etc.) Is this not some sort of Learned Narcissim ? "I need to be the greatest, and the only one with agency, so i will try to tear strips of the other person to get to that point" ???
The Pick Up Artist scene was big before Narcissism as a concept boomed, so i never did hear the 2 concepts discussed together. Yet are the 2 not related ? And is this not some form of toxic masculinity ? I would love to hear others opinions on this...
Selfish guys will do selfish things. They will care little or not at all for those they target. Like narcissism, their goal is to “win” by any means necessary. Be cautious.
@@SandraII-in9sl Well, one of them threatened me, when i wasnt persuaded by the tacticts, so it did leave a bad taste ...
@@aaronkwolfe Yes, i believe that as well. Their terminology is also to talk about the 'targets' as objects, with acronyms for classifications. They do not view or regard you as a complex human with emotions
You're probably speaking about the "incel"(involuntarily celibate) culture....Some of those folks are just lonely & need a loving mate but there's a LOT of them that are ☢️ toxic and it's painfully obvious why they're alone🤢.
Yes, the number of men who have tried to "humble" me in my life is truly disturbing. It's pretty common and I find it so cowardly and unmasculine. Any man who is mentally healthy would not use this tactic.
A lot of toxic masculinity out there, that is for absolute sure. Dr. C, could you at some point discuss the toxic female: the “mean girls” that are also out there causing havoc. Talk about controlling, competitive, unpleasant people…
Thank you, the impact of what you’re doing with these will be felt through generations of women and people 🙏🏽
"Someone I know" adamantly claimed that the first thing men do when they meet another man is size him up to see of they could beat them up. I said, "Umm, I think that's a you thing." 😳🙄 Unreal.
Holy cow Dr C have you been secretly living in our house?!! You described the toxic individual PERFECTLY 🙄🤦 ... you help me more than you realize Dr Carter!!! Thank you so much for another great video. God bless you! 🙌✝️🕊️💞
This type of narcissistic individual was quite prevalent in society and in my experience as I was growing up. From Dad through my 2 n-exes! It's a tad more subdued now, but not extinct for sure. But...there is enough of this damaging personality style called "narcissism" to go around! So, as always, Stay Healthy!! Thanks Dr C!
There’s an enormous number of younger millennials and GenZ’s being influenced and groomed by people like Andrew Tate. It’s an actual nightmare how much they remind me of my parents and grandparents in terms of fragile egos and attachments.
Don't forget the rise of the toxic side of feminism & those types nowadays too🤦🏻♀️.
I’ve been through a toxic relationship recently, not until I noticed my partner giving the silent treatment, changed his phone password to face recognition not until I got a clone copy of his messenger apps he wasn’t transparent all these years.
@@malwads1836 I'm sure Dr C will be covering that topic soon. He is nothing, if not ecumenical when it comes to Narcissism!
Thank you Dr. Carter - excellent insights. Especially regarding toxic men that join a religious organization or church. They always want "male leadership" structures but actually have a low view (and demeaning view) of women. They also create an environment that is a dangerous place for a new pastor to enter. Everything is a power-play and 'King of the Hill" mentality. It is very damaging to good-intentioned new pastors. There are a lot of very abused ex-pastors out there. I hope you reach out to churches that need to hear this video (desperately).
I have an ex friend who fits this mold. I tried for years to connect with this guy until I realized I was spitting into the wind. After many years his spouse has gone into the rabbit hole with him. Better to be alone than to be with someone like this person.
I wish I could upvote this 1000x
I had 4 months of peace from my narcish sis. Now she is back crying why we dump her. Why? My Narc hubby says: Tell her she comes across hauty and aloof like a Swan (we were walking at a lake with 2 Swans fighting for their territory)
I felt sorry for her, but, then i got the truth. She said: 'i am not sad just angry" ahh. And immediately preemptively added: 'Don't give me advise or psychology'.
Thank you Dr Carter. I learnt so much and feel so much better dealing with them. Please give your voice a rest. Only a concern not an advise! Always listening and learning.
Thank you.
Some Guy gave a speech at a university that said
women should marry and raise the family.There is
something to be said about raising the kids. The maid,
servant, or wife never get the praise they deserve.
I watched this, he gave credit to his wife. He discredited a recent Cosmopolitan push. His mother had a career as a physicist and I believe his wife works as well.
He was giving a commencement speech at Benedictine University. He was wonderfully applauded.
I could say what I felt but I will leave it at that. I wish their family well.
The second part of what you said is so true! Wife, housekeeper, mother, driver, (and then possibly schooling) is in no way equal to a man's 8 hr day and is certainly not equal to a man's wage and freedom.
Excellent topic today Dr. Carter! Thank you for all your hard work for us your viewers! God bless you sir✝️❤️🔥🙏🏻
The narcissistic male is uncompromising. The regular male likes to fix things and even relationship.
Self preservation and emotion are in the same part of the brain and this is a big benefit for women because in their nurturing manner, their instincts come into play. If they feel something is wrong, it probably is. These days, the male ego has dominated the female instinct and so that nurturing sense of self preservation has being lost.
I’ve completely noticed this inability to compromise. It feels like losing to them. Self preservation … yes… needed way more of that in my youth.
The trouble with holding on to power for such a long time is that sooner or later somebody is going to come along and go "power...hmmm, I wonder what that feels like....". As usual a very informative, interesting and insightful video, many thanks to you. Ps, shout out to the good boy snoozing on the couch❤🐶
There’s no one weaker than a tough guy lol
So true though. The ones you only have to look at directly wanna start a fight
I'm choosing to say thank you Dr. Carter & not rant about what people should or shouldn't do in reactive abuse & leave that up to Fate or Karma. Thanks for keeping me in check with my defects of Character. This has been an amazing channel for me to follow, I've learned so much & appreciate the change in myself. God bless you Dr Carter.
Thank you for this video. Everyone in the world needs to see this video. I grew up under toxic masculinity.
I'm a woman who was eating alone at the bar of a really nice restaurant. The man to my right was eating his dinner at the bar.
A loud bunch of men came in and sat on my left. They already smelled like alcohol, but ordered hard drinks. The news came on the TV in front of us. A woman was giving the weather report. The man to my left leaned over my plate, completely ignoring me, to say to the man on my right, "Look at the STACK ON THAT BROAD!" (the newswoman.) Then, "And the shelf at the back! I mean, SHE"S GOT A TOTAL SHELF BACK THERE!" The man to my right said, "She's a very pretty woman." Then he looked at me with raised eyebrows and we just smiled at each other. What can you do with out of control people? I felt sorry for the bar tender, who noticed, but didn't know what to do about it. She apologized to me after they left. I certainly couldn't blame HER!
And then everybody clapped
Woooooo! Went OFF at 9:51 😂😂😂 accurate. You had me at dense…and they don’t learn.
Wow, you are describing my partner. He is EXACTLY like this, and it really made me think…
The book Wild At Heart is a good read for men on how a masculine man should think and act. Without the toxic traits.
Honestly, I’ve noticed in the past 20 years or so, there’s a huge lack of good, masculine male role models lately. There isn’t as many masculine men as there used to be. While there may be more empathetic men now, sometimes I think it goes too far. There’s more simps, people pleasers, “neck beards”, incels, and other weak men who seem lost who may not be in that position if they had better male role models in their life.
As the scapegoat of a toxic family my experience of toxic masculinity is somewhat different. Although I have met the sort you speak of. In my family the men are weak and effeminate, yet manipulative and vindictive. Go along to get along rules the day. They can’t handle anything that doesn’t feel good. Conversation is very shallow. There is no father figure or leader. The narcissistic wife runs the house and he dares not disagree. She encourages him in an evil way and he prefers it that way. Are they both narcissistic? I don’t know but that is my experience of “toxic masculinity”
I am so familiar with this dynamic. Yes, what is this called? In religious circles we call this Jezebel and Ahab. The men are just as wicked, maybe even pulling the strings, but they prefer for the women to do their dirty work.
"They can’t handle anything that doesn’t feel good." - This describes a certain kind of person that doesn't hesitate to complain about their own medical issues, problems, needs, or an unhappiness at the slightest thing, but they have zero interest or empathy in anyone else's. They'll smirk, sneer, call it drama, ridicule it. You can watch their facial reaction to even hearing about it. It's instant. They treat it like wild noise. You better not get sick around these people or even tell them about it.
They want all conversation to be about mindless topics that THEY are most interested in. It can't be meaningful on any level.
Hi Dr. C, I'm a huge fan of your work. I know you've helped many, including me deal with narcissistic people and I applaud your suggestions for healthier alternatives. I believe that the term "toxic masculinity" is toxic. I"m a 60 year old woman and I am sicken by the attack on men, especially white men in America and around the world. I agree with you that there are men that abuse their authority, that are extremely insensitive, vulgar and too competitive, but what does that have to do with masculinity? It's masculine men that have had to fight wars for our freedom, it was masculine men that founded our country; it's masculine men that protect their families, masculine men that dig ditches and clean up sewers, rescue people from burning buildings, that do terribly hard, dangerous and dirty work that women don't want to do or can't do. I'm a woman and I enjoy Marvel Movies where the bad guys get taken out, where good triumphs over evil. Most men like action and adventure movies and most women like chick flicks. I like a bit of both but I don't think it's a bad thing. I've heard you criticize cage fighters. Do you know that some of them (Mixed Martial Arts fighters) have stood up to criminals to protect innocent people and put themselves in harms way? Are you aware that statistically, more women abuse their children than men; that more white men are committing suicide; that most men get trampled by the court system when divorcing and that some are kept from seeing their children and have to pay child support that they can barely afford, even when the wife was abusive and wanted the divorce? What about the women who falsely accuse men of rape and abuse? Are there toxic men that commit evil acts? Yes, I have run into a few of them. There are toxic women that commit evil acts as well and I've run into them as well. Will you follow up with a video entitled, "Toxic Femininity? Frankly, I think either description is harmful. I think that masculinity and femininity should be celebrated. It's what makes men and women unique from each other. And, I believe that toxic men and women are just that - Toxic, unhealthy. And, while these people may use aspects of their masculinity and femininity to manipulate or harm others - I think they are just sick people who happen to be men or women. Respectfully, Ida
What narcissist may say (a) vs. honest unadmitted reality (b):
a) I only defend myself from other people.
b) I always attack or blame other people, and when they defend themselves, I call that attack.
a) I am always judged by others.
b) I tend to habitually judge other people.
a) I only tell the truth.
b) I tell half truths, omitting from the story whatever disagrees with narrative I want people to buy.
a) I never tell lies.
b) I tell lies profusely, even when there is no apparent reason or advantage to do so.
a) I care about other people. That is why I want to correct them.
b) I care only about myself, and I want other people to fit my mold.
a) I (should) have authority over other people.
b) I only have authority over myself, and I am doing a very bad job at it, tolerating pretty much everything I do.
Woo hoo! Now we’re delving!!
So on point....in my business and employment experiences I have met many men who are insulted or refuse to work with women CEO or managers....I have found no problem actually had better experiences than with the male counterparts..... how ever...I have also met a few Karen's lol too. ....lol 14:31
Thanks Dr. Carter You've helped me tremendously with dealing with a Covert Narcissist. He repressed me into a Coercive Control me into a Domestic Abusive Marriage for 42 years and 5 years dating. Matthew 7:16 You will know them by their fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness,Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control.
Agreed. Now do a video about toxic feminism and how it's driven a wedge between men and women.
It's in the plans.
@@SandraII-in9sl👍
Men like you Steve are so annoying, you won’t even let the conversation be had before you instantly jump on something about feminism. All you guys like this are the same you don’t want to have the conversation.
😂😂😂😂
Thank you Dr C for saying what needs to be said. Appreciate all your help and advice
I really like how you went into a different direction.. A lot of what you were talking about sounds like it describes Alpha .. I do like how you describe what toxic masculinity is.. I was going to say Alpha Males but this can include women.. This is probably something that needs to be unraveled more for me.. I would say there is a difference between someone being strong and supportive rather than someone being overbearing and a bully..
The whole "Alpha Male" idea comes from now-discredited scientific studies which claimed that every wolf pack had an "Alpha." Turns out that in the wild, this simply isn't so. Just search using the phrase "debunking alpha wolf" and you'll see.
The issue is *authority*. This perceived superiority is turned into Authority. Claims of being stronger, responsible for this and that, and better at doing whatever that ‘looks manly’ for these men, for many men, it’s connected to Higher Authority, that’s how their brain integrates it, it becomes reality, and they inevitably live by it.. when it actually means sh!t. Besides making their entitlement so freaking obvious.
You just described my brother in law. Can’t stand him.
They want every aspect of society, including law, to be set up to make sure they can be in the privileged and dominant position and have every whim met. Mommy must provide and do it with a smile and have no wants or needs of her own, much like a robot. Pleasing to him (all prepositions are in reference to him).
Sad to say: the arts have a long history of male dominance, too. Had my share of domineering male art teachers who condescended to women and girls, and one of them was my own dad. Among the men I was in art school with, often they were overcompensating for what they *thought* was the perception by other men that their own pursuits were insufficiently macho. These men my own age dealt with this by trying to be even more toxic in some of their viewpoints and attitudes than the stereotypical frat boy at a football game. I don't miss that dynamic now. Not at ALL.
Think about television, music, and culture. You can't ignore it. Who didn't see or experience a wolf whistle (what we knew as a cat call.)
@@An-mei Saw one of these online manly yahoos proclaim that he could treat women on the street as he pleased because "you're just walking p*rn*g*phy anyway." An attitude which would be funny and/or pitiful if it wasn't so dangerous. (I don't think someone who makes a living in the "adult entertainment" business should be maltreated, either.)
Good to hear your perspectives on toxicity. I've been questioning and learning and un-learning over the last several years, trying to understand my origins and the toxic people who controlled me for so long; seeking what is healthy. Both masculinity and femininity can be toxic, which was demonstrated by the people who made me, and countless others I meet. Narcissism is inherently toxic, as is the abuse and attitude that breeds it. Turns out, gender norms tend to be baseless. Empathy, gentleness, tenderness, peace are neither masculine nor feminine (or maybe they are both?). Femininity and masculinity are equally valuable and present to some degree in everyone. In my experience, as many women as men are narcissistic, on account of roughly equal numbers of female and male children being narcissistically abused. The larger power systems in society are very male-dominated though. I yearn for a healthy, peaceful world that represents the full variety of feminine and masculine perspectives. Team Healthy is doing our part!
Just some history on this.
Definition of feminism: The belief in social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.
The advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
By the look of it there are some people on here who do not understand what feminism is.
It would be really amazing to have a video on what feminism truly is. It is not only understanding women’s rights to equality, it is also about understanding that all people have the right to be who they are and not in a man box or a woman box.
It is so sad that before people deeply look into what feminism is and its history, as soon as anyone talks about toxic masculinity they jump on the bandwagon wanting to talk about feminism because this generation, as a backlash to feminism, has been told that feminism is terrible. Feminism was the uprising of women against their oppression and inequality for thousands of years. Women use to be men’s property as well as children. A woman had no right to ownership of her own home and women did not Inherit property. it would be really good if people would be open to understanding the history of all of this. Men were in charge of everything, woman could not have higher education and were assigned certain jobs they could do. This has a history and a context, can we please discuss that? Can we discuss the oppression that woman are still experiencing, especially in other countries and cultures. This is a reality and if as soon as we start to talk about it we have to instantly talk about “toxic feminism” without truly understanding the context of feminism, we are not going to get anywhere. Toxic masculinity is an ideology of the superiority of men and their right to oppress women and other men who do not uphold the ideology. it would be nice to be able to talk about the problem of men’s violence in the world. That is what the problem with toxic masculinity is, it is the ideology of the superiority of men. Feminism came out of that in opposition, to say that women have a right to freedom and equality, and opportunity. Please look at the history, and men’s history if you want to understand more about the past of masculinity. It is about deeping understanding.
@@andreacook6000 I'm not sure if you misread my comment. I was speaking of femininity, not feminism.
Great. Do one on toxic femininity, and then just speak on toxic individuals.
Many toxic women looks for toxic men and covertly want to manipulate them.
I have seen this a lot of this in my life. I have seen it a lot when I was in the construction business but also in other spaces such as college. Even working in an office setting.
Toxic masculinity very well described. Fantastic insights! I would be curious to hear you on "toxic femininity", which in my experience, is sometimes more destructive as it is usually not as blatantly obvious (more insidious) as toxic masculinity... well, as I said, in my experience anyway
Go Dr. Carter!! Thank you
Wonderful stuff!
I think my sister has a bad case of toxic masculinity. She exhibits all the traits that Dr Carter enumerated. I think she thinks that it worked for her at work, until it didn't, and now she deploys these same tactics in family life.
Well and accurately said Dr.C .My faith is in your experienced teachings.Looking forward to the next video on this factual topic❤😊
That is my father. I can’t wait to move out.
Thanks for this education. ❤
A very good topic. 👍⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐Thanks. 🙏
Toxic masculinity- I am not impressed , anything that is anti - love causes pain in me. - I think and feel the same dr Carter❤ Thank you 🙏 God bless you ❤
You're in danger if you're too soft.
This world is not a kind or safe place for many people and reasons. Get tough but keep a
Open heart to those that struggle with issues. We all have them.
@@David-lo1foExactly we need that healthy balance of strength to protect ourselves...But also a gentle ✋🏻 to reach out to those who deserve it🌞👍🏻.
Thank you Dr. Carter!❤🎉❤ We love your teachings!
Thank you 👍🏼
I love this video! Absolutely truthful, thankyou Dr. C!
What a fantastic message. Truly insightful perspective into the angles of this situation. ❤
28:years
My all female family was very abusive..and they stuck up for men like this. 2 sisters even remained friends with 2 other sisters' exes who beat them. They despise other women..it's sick.
Yes than you! This looks like a self injury trauma response!
You are awesome, thank you
Thank you~ Thank you~ Thank you~ 🥰
I know “toxic masculinity” is a fairly modern term. Is there a term for the female version? Having been raised by a narcissist mom and having a narcissist sister, I know toxic females exist.
One doctor commented on my presence one day about a disease doesn't have a cure. I did not said anything of course but i was not agreed with it and it took me years of seeing cases until i understood! Some diseases make have stability untul some point.!
Best video in the world ever made! Finally somebody has summed it up. This is the biggest lesson that men who are in the “man box” need to understand. They do damage, not only to others but to themselves because they miss out on the most important thing about life and that is loving and understanding. This masculine stereotype has caused more harm and violence to the world than anything else. It brings a heck of a lot of illogic to it that is for sure.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I feel that I lost my brother in large part because he could not fit into the stereotypical view of what it means to be a man. He couldn’t not be gentle, and feel hurt by things. He couldn’t fit into the stereotype, and losing him was the worst thing that has happened in my life.
How can we change this most important thing that has to change in the world?
It seems it may be getting worse because of all the violent video games, where boys sit around together and pretend that they’re killing people for fun. Apparently they “roast” each other as well, and that's all about how Verbally abusive you can be to your male friend. Apparently the more you are verbally abusive the more you like each other. Isn’t that such a skewed way of creating intimacy. Hurt someone to show them that you like them. That is what a young man (26) told me at my university the other day.
I'm truly sorry about the loss of your brother. It seems that we live in an upside-down world where kindness and healthiness is viewed as weak, when the opposite is true. We live in mentally toxic world, but we can change it!
Thank you so much for this DR Les, This was absolutely tremendous, You're absolutely beautiful and understanding, You're a great bloke and a treasure to us women 😃🌹💗🦁🕊🕆 This speaks volumes, I love men who are stoic, Calm, Kind, understanding and respectful, I'll never get involved with abusive guys and relationships again, You've helped me a lot over the years , Thank you DR Les, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 🕆🕊🦁💗🌹😃🌌💙💚💜❤💛🌈🍏🎆🐎🍄♱⚖✌🦄🍎😘🚀☘🌲👽
I have known some very weak men, and women not just in the pyschical sense necessarily either. I've also seen some women who can be just as strong mentally and physically as some men. Thanks for sharing Dr. C.
For the 1 I long observed, his behaviors were directly modeled by the father who had an identical personality style.
Thank you, Dr Carter, as a good and kind man, for acknowledging the toxic masculinity that is a great part of our culture. I believe that nothing will change until men confront the other men or the patriarchy which urges them to act this way.
By the way, Thorstein Veblen addresses this in the book The Theory of the Leisure Class. I beg you to read it.
It must be hard for kind men to deal with this attitude.
And toxic men also include the natural world in "the other."
It changes when girls are educated not to mate with toxic men, and vice versa. Education in youth is key. Should be taught in high school. Don't make babies with toxic people.
@@sharicoburn5475I think that there is hope that we are heading there. Society should not be rewarding these types of men.
@@cathybutcher4826 or women. Both can be narcissists, but definitely the male has a higher propensity for violence.
So much my x npd. Very dehumanizing. Yet his daughter he treats with total adoration.. but is enmeshed with. He has to make her the most perfect smartest prettiest girl of all for his own aggrandizement. But she is copying his habits. She is a bully, materialistic, conceited and feels entitled. He is turning her into a narcissist by making her a golden child. But I not to be treated with respect. I want to ask him, how would he feel if a guy was to treat his daughter like he does me? It’s so hypocritical. I now know has also sociopathic and possibly psychopathology. When you don’t know what is going on, or why, it is so traumatizing. Thank you so much for this video.