do whatever you want but first make sure to be honest to yourself, because who else better knows you, and don't ignore observing and learning from other people's experiences. When you decide, don't compromise it just because it's not trending or mainstream behaviour that is (only temporarily) considered "normal"
Remember, being single is better than being in a shitty relationship. Makes no sense getting with whoever will have you just because you're terrified of being alone
YES!!! NEVER lower your standards for a relationship. ever. it's better to be single and celibate. cultivate high value friendships that will last you your life instead.
I highly agree with this statement! being in a toxic relationship is never worth it! I'd rather be single for life than be with an abusive person! this should be the standard for both men and women, abuse is not ok, period! :3
@@StanHowse being single at 53 or more doesn't necessarily mean alone though ... that person may have great friends to take care of them :3 or maybe nephews and nieces ... it's still better than being in a toxic relationship! no one deserves being abused! be thankful for your life if you aren't in an abusive situation :3 if you really have to have a partner, make sure yours is a loving one!
At 30 all my friends who I tried to warn about hookup culture in the past are now trying to “rebrand” themselves into modesty culture now that they realized they are older and alone
Yes many do this I lost my virginity at 30 to my hubby and the same women who told me I would die alone all ended up single moms to really irresponsible men they hooked up with. Some made them fathers by force, others were reckless and others made a mistake. I would tell them that it’s better not to engage but I have many classmates who I knew were escorting online and on OF who are trying to be seen as traditional wives now but sadly for these men talk and the world is connected now so many of them try to move to other countries but the internet never forgets. We need to teach the young ones that there is no such thing as sexual liberation it’s such as catch. I am more liberated in a loving marriage because I can be free to explore my sexuality with who I love and even if it ends my hubby respects and values me as the love of his life to make sure that I am always good no matter what happens which is why I chose him he was so mature and compassionate in thinking not vindictive or selfish.
@@Layla-fr7mf things go in cycles I can't wait, for gen alpha and younger women to wear dresses wiith hem.slightly below knees A few days ago, at a farmers market I've seen a few teens swing dancing to a song She was wearing a cute denim skirt (Still hard to find) He was wearing a plaid shirt with jeans I know, women want romance again
As a man who has always been relationship minded, it's actually been my experience with women who just want sex or short term romantic satisfaction and then gone when they got what they wanted from me. It's an awful dehumanizing feeling and I definitely understand the pain of women being used for cheap thrills by men. Dating apps are just trash, the only good women I've met in my life was offline
Thank you for sharing. This is a really interesting perspective because I’m sick of hearing guys who I was acquaintances with brag about how they broke up with their girl and made her cry while they ‘didn’t care’ at all.
My exp have been much the same. I'm neurodiverse and demisexual as hell. Seems like so many people are downright afraid of genuine emotional connections.
I can relate to that also, agreed offline meeting someone, especially through friends or family is the way to go. Just sucks it's being relegated more to only hooking up online and being hyper-superficial rather than taking the time to get to know each other as real people. I get that real life is rather boring for most, but everyone has something fun, interesting and quite unique about them. We should be excited to find out those things in someone, not going from cheap thrill to another one in order to experience that temporary rush.
That last video was really sad. I’m glad I didn’t partake in hookup culture. My mom told me to date for fun, but I only dated guys who had serious intentions. One of my dates drove four hours just to see me for one date. We’re engaged now and are planning our wedding😊
My mom’s telling me to date for fun too, and I don’t even know what she means… because suggesting casual sex to your daughter just seems so wild and evil that I don’t think she’d do that, but I also don’t see casual dating existing without casual sex anymore, really. Also, like what’s the point of casual dating lol…. Maybe I just don’t see the point because I spent too much time on the internet in my teens ☠️☠️
The sad thing is that young girls are totally pressured to participate in hook up culture and be more like the guys, and it's disturbing because girls will lie to themselves and try to convince themselves that sex doesn't mean anything. Then they may end up with feelings they don't understand because society tells you sleeping around is fine and it doesn't cary any emotional weight but their soul still subconsciously feels all the negative effects of it.
And it seems all men care about is getting their dick wet and being able to manipulate or abuse whenever they please. Doubt you’ve ever had a girl feel comfortable walking 6 feet by you even with a stick considering your comment lmaoo
@York Hunt if a religion is to grow, it has to change hearts and minds. that normally entails the hearts and minds of women as well. unless you don't believe religion is good for women, in which case it will not seize their hearts and minds...
I come from a conservative country, and I used to think it was so boring that hook up culture is not a widely accepted thing here. But now that I have a boyfriend/best friend who wants to marry me as much as I want to marry him, I have never been more thankful of my conservative culture. Women definitely should not feel pressured to conform to hook up culture-or into anything, actually!
Conservatism will save you from a lot bullshit ! That's why a lot of young people don't like it they indulge in bullshit. ( I am a young person saying this.)
@York Hunt Honestly, I'm not really sure how to answer your question. I think there would be exceptions to my "shouldn't be forced into anything" claim; but I think that should be decided on a case-by-case basis, since not everyone has been and is going through the same experiences. If it's something they *need* for, say for example, their health, then it *might* be okay to consider force... *but again*, I think that should be decided on a case-by-case basis.
@York Hunt Can't argue with that. I don't think I've ever met a man *or* woman who's made good long-term decisions. I think life is just that complicated... nobody can really make decisions that are always good in the long run.
For myself I'm 26 and have never participated in "hook up culture" but neither have I ever been in a relationship :(. We're a forgotten group, some of us don't participate in hook ups but are shy for example or life just hasn't been kind and have a hard time to find someone good too. I had a guy on hinge recently trying to get with me "to get it over with". I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted but then I know I'd feel horrible afterwards. I just can't deal with the online dating scene, it's so disappointing for a romantic soul, I want a relationship to grow organically and meet someone in real life, not through some silly app with endless swiping. I want romance not just "going out for drinks" ugh, the world is so unromantic.
Same here sweetheart. This social media online dating and hookup culture is so discouraging & disgusting. People don't connect or communicate anymore let alone court women. It's very sad for us romantics who want love and meaningful connections.
Don’t ever let someone pressure you it’s never worth it that way … I waited until I was 22 and then did it because I kept getting pushed to the side of what I thought were potential relationships I was missing out on… little did I know when I met the right guy 6 yrs later he had waited even longer than me lol and was on the same page with what we wanted and my boundaries… and I met him online too!! Wait for what you want and deserve is always worth it 💕
I’m also impossibly shy around guys… and don’t see the point in going out for drinks. So, I’ve been thinking that maybe arranged marriage would actually be a good solution 😂 With marriage (either way), you just have to commit to working with your spouse on having a good quality, productive relationship. Communication is a skill, and so is sex, and achieving mastery in any skill takes lots of commitment. So, it seems to me that success in love ultimately largely comes down to commitment and skill. No matter whether you had a lovey-doves phase or not…. But I suppose that’s an extremely a-romantic view as opposed to yours!
The biggest problem with hookup culture is that it makes it hard for people who want meaningful relationships to find them. I'm still a virgin at 24 because the only men that show interest in me always want to jump straight to sex, when I'm not down for that. So I'm automatically at a disadvantage because other women are willing to put out right away without so much as a commitment.
@@nottoday3561 Yes it is. I’m Aspie and I’m not the kind of person who’s extremely socialble btw so Idk how much I can help you. If you haven’t met anyone on college, perhaps you could join a club about something you’re interested in or something like that. Perhaps at work (Idk if you have a job). Or maybe even at a church (Idk if you’re religious). The most important thing is to set some boundaries. If you need to have an emotional connection before getting physical then you should let guys know about it. Hope it helps.
@@Molecular-Brainwaves-Translate You are a man, so I bet it would seem pretty cut and dry to you. I don't want sex with any random person. I will only have sex in a committed relationship.
I don’t feel sorry for her, what she not telling is the man she wants don’t her plus every woman have simps and friend zone guys in their phones she just don’t want those guys
@𝓜 yes, my mom is a cat lady who divorced my dad, didnt let me see him for 6 months afterwards, and got him a criminal record by lying about him beating her. shes been single for 20 years now. i shed no tears for women like this. they get what the deserve. they probably deserve worse.
What does it change though? Will women start dating men other than hot guys? Hell No! I have a neighbor who literally has a different woman sleep with him every night, like seriously, I'm not exaggerating, every single night... Hook up culture wouldn't exist if women didn't want it, the only change I see is women becoming more celibate Japan style... IMO these types of conversations are a waste of time, like what is this video even supposed to achieve?
@@ricaard6959 Younger generation of women are currently watching their single mothers post on social media about how awesome it is being a boss bitch, while they get to see behind the curtain at what their mothers live is really like, seeing up close the anger, resentment and depression of their mothers actual lives.
@@pablogats4627 Not really, I only know cause I see a different lady leave his room in the morning when I leave for school... I take diazepam every night lol, knocks me out for eight hours...
The people that started to shift this whole culture were men like Kevin Samuels, fresh and fit, and Andrew tate. Before them most people were either sleeping or too afraid to say or do anything for fear of being fired, canceled, or attacked.
Great pointing out the whole "catching feelings" thing. I'd take it even a step further and say that sex is not supposed to be something that "creates" feelings between people but that it intensifies and develops feelings that are already very much there. it isn't the catalyst toward an emotional connection it is the manifestation and expression of an already established emotional connection.
I'm pretty certain that physical intimacy DOES create feelings. All the endorphins released during intimacy absolutely makes you feel a certain way. Maybe its different for men maybe they can just do something physical and not feel anything but women absolutely do have feelings where physical intimacy develops.
There’s something called oxytocin - it very much will increase or create feelings. Largely more so in women. It’s released during orgasm - which is why hook up culture is so detrimental for women largely.
@@aishaarshadalam3412 Op said that it isn’t “supposed to be“. Which I read as hooking up and then developing feelings isn’t a healthy start into a relationship. Not that it isn’t biologically possible for intimacy to lead to some kind of bonding for men and women respectively.
I was a virgin until married, and have never ever once regretted that decision. Most people I talk to regret sleeping around. I've never heard anyone say "gee, I wish I slept around more!"
I don't care what they say. I don't believe in regrets. People do not regret decisions, they regret the conciseness of their actions and try to make everything to seem like a victim. Is it weird that all these girls have no problem hookup until they start been less and less attractive? *BULLSHIT!* There is no "regret"! People do what fits them best! Glad for your story btw! Wish you the best!
@@oyindubasuowari9796 Regret is when you learn something new and decide that your current actions are not right and you truly want and try to change. Regret is *NOT* when you stop something because it doesn't work anymore while deeply thinking: "Damn, I wish I could keep doing this but no I have to play the victim so people will feel bad about me and will not care about my past". This is *PURE HYPOCRISY!* Check your "facts"...
@@godnyx117 re·gret /rəˈɡret/ Learn to pronounce verb feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity). "she immediately regretted her words" Similar: be sorry about feel contrite about feel apologetic about feel remorse about/for be remorseful about rue repent (of) feel repentant about be regretful at/about have a conscience about blame oneself for mourn grieve for/over feel grief at weep over sigh over fret about pine over feel sad about lament feel sorrow at sorrow for be upset/disappointed about deplore Opposite: applaud welcome noun a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. "she expressed her regret at Virginia's death" So basically you're wrong.
Haha I say the same thing! I'm like "this is not a ride where everyone over a certain set of Inches gets a turn!" Even though some guys who were trying to have sex with me tried to talk me out of being how I am. Didn't work.
Currently 20- I remember in my highschool years being asked what my body count was, didn't know what that meant so I've been told what it was and quickly told them zero cause I don't dig that type of lifestyle. The fact that they were shocked speaks volumes on how normalized promiscuity has become and it disgusts me. To this day I've never been in a relationship (mostly cause I don't feel ready to enter that world yet) and am just focusing on personal success such as health and financial state, and hopefully God will one day give me a loving and supportive man who's COMMITTED. I'm not big on kids, can't really see myself as a mom..but if God gives em to me especially with the man I've been blessed with then so be it!
You should hurry up and get a man. Your body wont wait for you to ''get ready'' mentally. Time passes and everyday, more men are being taken an your time is running out. Go to church to get a good guy.
Not participating in hook ups was actually very stressful because everyone keeps asking why you're not doing whatever and projecting their weakness on to you but like guys I have to study 🤣 I'm literally at school omg
As a side note, hookup culture also paints a very inaccurate picture of women as a whole to most men. There's loads of women, including myself, who are not in the business of sleeping around. But almost no guy I date actually believes I don't. At least, not until he goes on some dates with me and realizes I have no intention of being alone with him under any circumstances until we've known each other a LONG time. A guy once invited me to his house on our third date, and obviously I said no. When we ended up breaking things off, he accused me of secretly dating someone else. I think he thought my refusal to go to his house or him to come to my house or to stay out late with him was proof that I was trying to keep a husband or boyfriend secret from him. You know, rather than that just being basic common sense when getting to know a total stranger. 🙄 Seriously, the amount of women regularly putting themselves in horribly dangerous positions with total strangers and acting like that's totally normal really disturbs me.
I couldn't ever do it because it's not in my nature. I disliked being shamed for never dating or sleeping around. I'm glad more people are realizes you DON'T HAVE to do things you don't want.
Yep. I'm lucky that my close friends a very much same-minded as me on this, but the casual friends and acquaintances I've made aren't and I have been shamed by people for this decision. I haven't been with anyone because I can't justify casual sex to myself, and that's fine. Not everyone has a "hoe phase," some of us are trying to date with intention.
As a current student in college, what turned me off from hook up culture? THE OUTRAGEOUS NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN MY CITY WITH STDS AND EVERYONE DOING IT WITH EVERYONE!!!
It touches me when I saw the video of the woman who talk about being without a husband who could support her during her surgery. My dad had cancer years ago and my mom was there at all time, and I though this is what I want, I want a real partner
@Cait K i had a model from parents who still love and support each other during sickness, and yes I aspire to do the same. If one day my husband lives me for that reason I am sure I can handle it, but I won't start thinking that this will happen. And yes I am an independent woman, and that don't makes me any less strong or independent or valuable to want to be married
@Cait K i understand, he is there still and want to support you, this is different from someone who will live you or cheat on you, and this is honorable from you to want to do this on your own to protect him from the weight of your illness
I feel for that 46-year-old woman. I'm 34 and while I do generally enjoy living alone, I do wish I had someone to share my life with. I didn't do hook-up crap or anything like that, but I didn't date around either; just hoped I'd come across someone naturally and things would progress...well, naturally. They didn't happen. Now I worry I'll never be able to get to that point with anyone because I waited too long to really try. It's a really shitty position to be in regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.
@@Kovitlac you aren't alone and I feel the same way. I recently had surgery too and wished I'd had a love of a life partner to have supported me during that recovery. I am very strong, independent, love my alone time, but like you wished I had found someone organically to share my life with. Both genders of all ages have similar loneliness and issues with dating/finding a quality partner today.
My cousins were laughing about taking guys on dates for free meals. So she could better afford to go through college, with her food costs payed for by the loneliness and desperation of men she laughed at thought had a chance with her. I've lost so much respect for them.
Yes but it's also men's fault. Too many have stopped being men and have fallen into the endless cycle of instead chasing women to fulfill them. A woman should be no more than an addition to an already complete person and the same goes a man in a woman's life. You should only feel a need for someone who's proved they're worth it.
That’s why there’s the whole push back on “simp” behavior. Men enabling bad actors and letting themselves be taken advantage of. I’m not paying for a dinner date until we’ve seen each other multiple times and I know the woman is worth the time & money
No offensive but you’re cousins deserve to die alone if they have this mindset. It’s absolutely repugnant that they not only think this is okay but also laugh at the misfortune of these men.
I am a 26 year old male virgin and hook up culture is absolutely rampant where I live. It is always super attractive dudes running through hordes of women. I myself am average height and below average looks so I have never even been able to secure a date in my life. I think a lot of Men like me have just completely given up. My life is going well, I have a good job, am well educated, have a few hobbies, playing guitar, going to the gym and hiking on weekends and I have come to the conclusion I am supposed to be alone. I think this generation is going to see a monumental amount of forever alone people and also tonnes of people who only ever have casual relationships. I really enjoyed your video, I think your analysis was really well reasoned and not reactionary and hyperbolic like others. :)
I've come to the conclusion I'm meant to be alone and find peace and happiness with myself. People always tell me "you'll find your person someday. There's someone out there for you." No maybe there's not. Maybe I'm the person meant for me and accepting that is what I'm meant to do. I hope you have a wonderfully happy life with or without someone added to your life.
It’s very brave of you to open up the way you did. Thank you! Let me return the favor: I for one had statistically two woman a year since I started dating with 15. This includes a wild early twenties time and now a very slow 30 something time. I had 6 relationships over 6 month (ranging from 7 month to 5 years). I’m a sportive guy (good physics), former infantry Soldier, architect and engineer. I photograph, design game related stuff, Travel, love the movies and read for hobbies. I am politically active for over 12 years now, formerly co-organizing occupy wallstreet in Germany (met many many people ever since). Hooking up was a fun thing to do when I was younger and it offered a cheap way of bolstering the ego, while having the repeated excitement of getting to know very different body types and characters woman. But honestly, I was most of the time a bit lonely and was actually looking for romantic partners. It took me 10 years to realize, but I had it all wrong to begin with. The partners I got from this way of dating were often narcissistic. Good looking, Great in bed, devote and cheering to me, as long as everything went smooth (meaning I didn’t question their ways). But you can only come so far with these people. I wanted to be a young dad with 25. But I never felt sure enough with anybody, except for one woman. I broke up our relationship, because of sexual frustration (she just wasn’t horny anymore after two years roughly and another year of trying different approaches didn’t help it. It hurt, because we loved each other and we were besties too). A bit more than a year ago I decided to stop dating through dating apps completely and I cleansed my friend circles from narcissistic people. It was the best decision I have made so far in this regard. Now I am in the process of re-building my social life, including a deep change in the way I date and what I look out for. I realized some things along the way. For example: There are some regions, which have significantly more males than females and vice versa. I live in a Region, where 114 to 126 males per 100 females are the norm. This is actually severe and it makes it more difficult to find someone who is really fitting to my personality. Maybe have a look for your region’s statistics here? I don’t think it is you who is to blame for it necessarily. I don’t know how to fix this issue, other than to be patient and do exactly as you do: Live my life to the fullest and let things happen somehow. Maybe switching my place of living could be a solution. But then again: Everyone I love lives here in the city. Not easy!
@@kathleenking47 it’s not men’s fault she dated the wrong people so stop making excuses that she’s never been on real dates. If she’s age 46 and can’t get married it’s basically over for her unless there’s a guy desperate enough to settle down with her.
@@kathleenking47 At 46 if she can't find real dates and a real relationship, that's on her. She likely spent her 20's getting ran through by a number of men who she had no chance with while she blew off and ignored the men who would have actually taken care of her. Now those men have value and she's lost hers. Too bad so sad.
I’m a woman who has never hooked up and I’m single at 35. Marriage and family is important to me, but men just try to sleep with me over the years. I’ve never been pursed for connection and a relationship. It’s really disheartening.
Yes, because that’s what they’re used to. It’s not right. They’ve learned that they can use women as objects and that they’re easily replaceable, through this carousel of dating apps.
You don't speak for women. We don't gain anything from hooking up. I know so many girls who give it up because they want him to stay. He says he'll find sex elsewhere. So, she either gives him what she wants or loses him. Women control who gets sex, but men control who gets relationships. There are so many girls who just wanted to prove their dedication to man who would fuck the first broad who let him. This isn't about winning or losing a game.
Women always lose in hook up culture there is no winning men lose too because women only want to sleep with the top guys so most ppl lose in hook up culture why would I just sleep with an average guy when I can sleep with a rich man and get something out of it
As a woman myself I’m happy more women are becoming aware that hook up culture isn’t useful or helpful. I’ve personally never hooked up with anyone, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on much at all. The quality of intimacy coming from a committed partner is high, so it doesn’t feel like I need to explore. I’m assuming a lot of women would feel this way if they had happy relationships.
its funny cause a friend of mine told me she thinks what we are doing now is backwards and women now are becoming the F boys that girls hated back in the day and now men are hating the F girls that girls used to hate back then. Its all coming in reverse.
i’m 18 and i’ve slowly realized this more and more over time. i know i’m young but i’m already scared that i’ll never find anyone. even though i’m young i can unfortunately say i’ve taken a part in hookup culture and i’m DONE. I am so tired of it. I’m worth more than it.
Once I tamed my sexual desires, I find myself repulsed by most women. Even if I find her sexually attractive and would like to have sex with her, it’s highly unlikely that she would bring any novel experience and I’m just not able to muster the energy required to deal with her. I have hobbies and pursuits that are much more rewarding. I recently took up archery and electrical work for fun and found both extremely fulfilling.
You actually become high value as a man when you can reject sex from an attractive woman. But that usually comes from a lot of sexual experience with different women and it takes a lot of self control. I'm also in that stage in life, so I feel you on that.
I'm at a similar stage of trying to control my sexual urges, I get sex but it's mostly chubby women and crazies, they add nothing of value whatsoever, if anything these women hold me back
I'm 27 and been married for over 5 years. All my teenage life I thought hooking up was the way to go but so glad my husband pulled me out of it. I have never been happier
Great for you in the now moment! Just know that marriage does not guarantee a forever partnership. I know people who have divorced after 20 and 30 years. Many. None of them thought that would happen to their marriage.
@@mamaveelove well we get divorced or not is upto God. He's the one who decides. The only thing we can do is treat each other with love and fairness and make sure that we give each other their rights :)
@@ascha730 excellent reply! The same goes for us who are single: we can simply trust in the greater plan, grow/evolve as a person, and be kind and loving to everyone in our lives.
glad we’re finally starting to talk about this. growing up i was totally confused because i didn’t understand hook-up culture and thought my “lack of sexual desire” would lead me to be forever alone. in college my (toxic) friend group shamed anyone who wasn’t sexually promiscuous in some way, right in front of my face, knowing i wasn’t. i started dating this guy who didn’t want me for anything more than to make out with me, and if he had asked me to have sex with him, i would’ve. because of my friend group i was beginning to give in to the pressure. i’m so so thankful every day that i eventually cut him off and decided to change my ways. i decided to embrace who i am and the fact that i want to share my body with one person only and wanted to settle down and then i found, like magic, my current boyfriend. i love him so much and we talk about getting married all the time. watching that last video made me so grateful for what i have and that i found my path while still in my 20s
I had a toxic friend group like that as well, but in high school! I even had a classmate in HS ask why I was still a virgin. I’m in my late twenties now and look back at those times in utter shock. I’m so so happy you found your person!
I've never taken part in hookup culture either and am relieved I didn't :) From all the stories I've heard I know for a fact I ain't missing out on anything. STD's, unplanned pregnancy, abuse, you name it. No thanks. I'm happily married and so glad I don't have to worry about dating.
supposedly many young people will not have a choice, since young people are having less sex than previous generations. so it's kind of ironic you say that.
@York Hunt you think modern women go to libraries? what for? to watch tiktok videos or scroll through their instagram feed? idk if you hears but people dont read anymore. schools? are you trying to date 16 year olds? colleges are notorious for having the most entitled and slooty women. they just want to have fun and smash a lot of hot guys. as for church, church girls are just as bad as the others, they just have more incentive to pretend to be decent for an hour on sunday. seems like your advice is outdated by a few decades, if not an entire century
@York Hunt ive been looking for ten years and havent found it. i highly doubt what you are saying. the only women i meet that want to have a relationship are at least 34 years old. the ones in my age bracket just want to sleep around.
These 'hookup culture' critical analysis videos are perfect for having a conversation with our future daughters without falling into 'helicopter' parenting, slut shaming, or enforcing purity culture. I feel like for the longest time the only two options to raise a girl is purity fear mongering, or 'sex posi', give her condoms and let her naively navigate her sexuality with males who will say anything to persuade her🙄 and I'm gonna start saving these kinds of videos to have a more eloquent conversation if I have a daughter
Agree 200%. But fr, purity culture makes me cringe. During my college years, I knew a girl who would brag about how she's waiting for marriage to have sex for religious reasons. That's great for her, but holy crap, she was a self-righteous annoying goody two-shoes who would always brag about being pure and shame others for not doing so. Like, if you feel the need to announce your purity to others in a condescending attitude, you're probably not as pure as you think.
@@tvbnine793 perhaps the reason you found it annoying is because your conscience highlighted something wrong in your actions, and that in turn made you angry.
I'm so glad someone is talking about this. I am a college-aged woman, and things have been rough for me romantically. I can't casually have sex because I need to know them first before I feel comfortable enough. With the precedent society has now set with women being expected to sleep with the guy before even beginning to date them, it's safe to say I've never had a real boyfriend because I can't feel comfortable putting out so soon with people I hardly know. I've gone on dates before, and every single one ended prematurely because what I was expecting was just a hang-out sesh, the dude was thinking I was coming over to fuck. I think about how at the very least, I know my own boundaries, and I'm not going to force myself to do stuff that makes me uncomfortable, but I often can't help but think about the girls who are just like me but are more susceptible to peer pressure, and are easily pressured into having sex when they don't want to because the public standard is that you do it before you enter a relationship.
First of all, it is good that you try to give an F U to peer pressure. You shouldnt do it if you dont feel comfortable. From my perspective as a man, i can tell that the reason for wanting to hook up is because a lot of men feel a thirst for it. When i was single, my mind was constantly thinking about wanting to F. And you cannot really get rid of that thought because it is based on hormons you cant control. Think about it like an urge to eat when you are hungry and you feel like you are starving. I went through that F-Boy phase aswell (i openly communicated it on a Date and i did not play games to manipulate. I can tell now, that it had good and bad sides. Ob the good side, it gives me the feeling that i have been validated by women what is actually stupid because you shouldnt built your confidence on the outside. But it is also meaningless because it was more like a quick fix and in the end after one or two weeks you are craving for more. Im with my girlfriend now since a year and yes i met her on a dating app, but i strqigh up told her i dont want to go straight to bed with her. At some point it has to happen, because without it females wont produce oxytocin which is the bonding hormone. One year in, i actually dont reqlly have that thirst for sex anymore and it feels really reqlly good to not constsntly think about bedroom fun anymore. I feel relieved and free. I can just tell you, that hookups are not really worth it and that you should never psrticipate in it. But then there also has to be something intimate because otherwise it will be just friendship. If you date someone, tell them that you dont want to F but instead get to know them. If it doesnt work then it is not the right person to work with. And if you really like him and you notice he does aswell then tell him that you like him and that you want to know him better. And dont play childish games like texting BS.
When I get a crush on a guy, I feel attracted, I want to get to know him more, to interact with him, make eye contact and feel that little urge in the back of my head to cuddle up in his arms, but sex is not on my mind. Someone once claimed it made me "demisexual", which apparently is an "official" sexuality (I mean, as official as a sexuality that's only ever talked about online is) under the asexuality spectrum and implies not just a low sex drive, but a less than normal amount of sexual desires. It baffled me that hooks up are percieved as so normal that it's perfectly natural to crave for them, to the point where you're concidered abnormal for not doing so.
The 46 year old woman reminds me of something similar that happened to my cousins aunt (who I’m not related to). She’s in her late 40’s I think maybe early 50’s too. During her 20’s/30’s up she was introduced to plenty of men from her parents(we’re Indian so typically with the previous generation you get introduced to people via the parents), she said no to every single man and lived with her parents. Then in her 40’s she started looking for men to get married to and couldn’t find anyone and she’s remained single/alone ever since. Unsure how she feels about this but I can’t imagine it’s a pleasant feeling knowing you’re undesirable in your later years
Whats the problem with being alone/single? Why does everyone automatically presume that a single person is unhappy or dissatisfied with their life? Also single and alone are very different, singles can have friends and family (and hookups for fun) and so never feel alone. And if getting married and settled down in your 20s/30s is so great why is the divorce rate so high? Yes maybe this person would say to you marry so you dont end up alone but how many other would tell you to not marry if you're not sure and that its better to just stay single?
@@avc7615 humans are not designed for solitude. One of the fastest killers of women ( and even men) is loneliness. It kills more than cancer. Relying on other people to accommodate you is not just selfish ( because it inconveniences them) it's also not as reliable ( typically, yes I agree that sometimes marriage doesn't guarantee a good family) as having your own family. I also have an aunt that used to talk like you, when I was a kid , she was young in her 20s/30s (In the 1990s/2000s) she was all over the place and couldn't be bothered to settle down because she was beautiful and had her pick of men. Fast forward 30 years and she's in her late 50s with chronic depression. She blames her condition on all the men that, in her opinion, used and dumped her and moved on and got married to younger women. We still love her and treat her as family but you can see the hurt( not jealousy)in her eyes when she see my parents who have been married for 35 years, and my sisters who are now married with little kids and how they don't regard her advice concerning relationships because she had never married.
When it came to relationships, I always wanted something serious and never liked the idea of giving your body away to something just like that. I remained a virgin until I was 18 the boy I lost it too is now my husband and we have been together since and now have a child together. I have been told that I am outdated and that I “need” a hoe phase. When in reality thats a lie thats told by women that are bitter, lonely and low key want that marriage life. The tik tok of the 46 year breaks my heart. Hook up culture is very damaging to both men and women.
No, any friend that says you needed a 'hoe phase' just didn't want to feel like a slut while they did it or had one. Sex doesn't have to be meaningless. And being a 304 doesn't give you peace or satisfaction.
I've always felt this way and never bought into the idea that I'm validated by having meaningless sexual interactions with strangers. One area that isn't talked about enough is the danger aspect of hookup culture, how often do we speak about young ladies that are killed or exposed to diseases as a result of this?
From my experience hook up culture is a waste of time. It's missing the warmth and comfort of being with someone you know and love. As a guy I'm kinda sick of that "getting laid as much as we can is the ultimate goal" mindset. Being around someone I feel comfortable with is much better than sleeping around with randoms. But maybe I'm just built different
"I can tell you that I've never taken part in hookup culture" It's interesting: Whenever I see women (whether they're influencers, academics etc.) who seem to be emotionally and psychologically balanced and generally offer reasonable takes on various issues, as a rule it turns out they aren't promiscuous and have never been.
These sort of "general truths" are likely incredibly false, and mostly just confirmation bias on the individual's part. You believe promiscuity = bad, so you associate anyone defending it as "psychologically unbalanced". Problem is, these kind of traits are very difficult to determine and more often than not, you usually don't have the information to determine the truth of that claim. Like, what do you look for to determine whether or not someone is "psychologically balanced"? Do you believe it's impossible or unlikely to be calm or composed and promiscuous? If so, why? And more importantly, to what degree do you think the stigma against promiscuoty influences that? And if the stigma has an impact, don't you think we should destigmatize it instead? Would women like her be as "paychologically balanced" if we stigmatized female virginity as much as promiscuity?
@@virgodem Not really, since I didn't expect anything in the first place: I stumbled over this small channel, watched a few videos of hers (and considered them pretty reasonable and moderate; certainly moreso than most of the other stuff I find online), and *then* I watched this clip here - and this just fit a pattern I had already recognized independently of that video. Of course to some extent it's correlation: I consider a more conservative outlook on life reasonable, and women who have that also tend to be monogamous (the only exception I can think of at the top of my head is Mikhaila Peterson, but she certainy isn't psychologically balanced); while people who are "woke" usually see promiscuity as healthy and a badge of honor (and they are disproportionally often nuts, so there's that). But this goes beyond politics: actual promiscuity (i.e. not having had a ONS or two and then finding out that isn't for you) tends to come with a host of issues; and I have yet to meet a woman who engages in it and isn't in some way or form bonkers: whether it's narcissism and attentionwhorism, daddy issues and low self esteem, unchecked impulsivity and recklessness - even in the best of cases they display hedonistic self-centeredness and thoughtlessness. On the other hand I also know normal women who are in touch with their sexuality and don't treat their partner count like precious china; and they still don't fall into that trap - they somehow automatically end up in relationships by default. It's a good question what is the cause and what the effect, to some extent they seem to be mutually enforcing one another (i.e. having issues leads to promiscuity; and promiscuity in turn leads to more issues).
@@virgodem Thank you for sharing this - I agree with you and think you make some solid points! I think the older I get, the less I care about meeting anyone else's expectations - whatever they may be. I make decisions (whether they are sexual in nature or not) that feel good to me, align with my core values, and I tend to seek that kind of flexibility in other people. When I encounter more fixed personalities, I don't push. It's served me well to remember that people live different lives and that's perfectly fine, ultimately none of my business lol.
I don't think it's my place to give my full opinion on this...but I really just wanted to leave a comment and say that I am very thankful that your message exists. It gives me hope that the upcoming generations will be different than mine when it comes to dating. I have an 8 year old daughter that I am hopeful will have the same self-respect to be incredibly discretionary towards her dating/sex life.
Eh? How attached are you from real life? Not to scare you but things are actually getting worse regardless of dating. Girls are getting worse and men are slowly walking away. You better teach to your daughter how to be happy by herself since a young age and by as close to her as possible.
@@godnyx117 Eh what? How *detached* am I? Just as much as the next person, I assume. Nothing about my statement was naive, so I'm not really sure where you're coming from with the tone you're putting out there. I thought my comment was pretty straightforward, but to clarify; I am happy this message is out there now, in 2022. Because when my daughter grows up, she won't always want to listen to mom and dad...which means that she will turn to outside pressures to learn certain things. If this message grows and balances out the period we are experiencing now, then she will have some reinforcement from her peers as to how to tackle the dating world in a healthy manner. Regardless, my hope and goal as a father is to give my little girl the tools to stand on her own two feet and have healthy relationships with whomever she deems worthy of her. As a father, that's the bare minimum I can hope for her future.
@@TheAngryRogue > so I'm not really sure where you're coming from with the tone you're putting out there. The word "tone" literally refers to someone's VOICE. Are you imagine that I'm writing this comment been angry and that I would scream in real life? LMAO! You people should relax a little bit and not think everyone wants to attack and offend you... > Because when my daughter grows up, she won't always want to listen to mom and dad...which means that she will turn to outside pressures to learn certain things Makes sense. I do that since I became 16-17. The younger generations are more internet orientated so it will only get worse. > If this message grows and balances out the period we are experiencing now, then she will have some reinforcement from her peers as to how to tackle the dating world in a healthy manner. That's what I'm saying. It will *NOT!* One video one UA-cam will not change *NOTHING!* For each video attacking the Hookup culture (and any degenerate topic), there are 10 others defending it! People only care about a problem until it effects them. Girls and the Top 20% of guys will continue doing hookups until it stops working for them. > Regardless, my hope and goal as a father is to give my little girl the tools to stand on her own two feet and have healthy relationships with whomever she deems worthy of her. NICE! Let's focus on this then! Everything else just doesn't matter. My only advice as a millennial (is this term correct?) would be to try to have her spend as less time she can on the internet and focus on her spending times with you and your wife. And no, friends will not do unless you spend your time to meat them and makes sure they are not kids who spend their times on the internet and get fans of this stupid culture cause they will make your kid join as well. Good luck!
What bothers me most about todays hookup culture is the lack of accountability and denial of how it affects your overall wellbeing. I’ve seen the same patterns over and over again with the people around me where physically, they tend to get sick more often, most have had STDs, they’re emotionally stunted through their hookup phase, unable to communicate feelings/work through problems and resort to ghosting during this phase, and it tends to reveal repressed traumas that most of the time they still sweep under the rug. Not everybody, obviously, but in my experience more than a majority of the time. If people are going to promote that way of living, let’s not ignore the problems that come with it.
This is very true. A great litmus test for a guy's intentions is to hold off on sex. If the guy isn't serious about you, then he will walk away. A man that is truly there for you will wait and get to know you better.
My mother told me never to give husband privileges to a man who is not my husband. I listened. I have held those privileges close. Only the man who scales through the hurdles to marry me will get them. And in abundance. Edit: typos.
20 years ago, good strategy. today, nearly every man will walk away if you deny him s3x for too long because he knows that every woman in western countries has already slept with at least 100 guys.
You should never hook up with people who you want a relationship with in the first place. The whole point is to prevent a serious relationship. That is why theres a difference between "hooking up" and "dating."
@@AA-ig9re Not at all lol. They maneuver like that but thats not the case. A woman will get in a relationship with a man whom she's not that physically attracted to strictly and only for resources. She's gonna have a side guy smashing her for free that looks good. Looks come first to a woman always even if they cant act up on it.
I was a socially anxious person all throughout high school, never talked to guys. Then in college I was lucky enough to have found my first boyfriend the first semester of in person college. Even though I have very little experience in dating, I can say I love being with him and would never give him up for hook ups with men that mean nothing. I hate the mindset that you need to have "fun" before you can settle down. It implies that commitment is boring while boning is the only way to have fun. Bonding with someone on a deeper level and being there for someone will always beat mindless sex.
Sis hit on the head when she said about people thinking their settling, when what your getting is your level!! I don’t like to generalize genders, but both genders get into dating trouble when they go after what they aren’t eligible for, but are confused when they don’t get it.
I never found sex appealing if anything it disgusts me just the idea of a stranger being allowed to take me is scary. I have always had a need to connect to people to form a bond with them and I know if I form that bond I would be willing to give myself to them until then even kissing makes me sick. I have gone out on dates because of peer pressure and they always ended horrible I could always see in their eyes that the only interesting think about me was my body and they never got it. I’m 24 now still a virgin never been in a relationship and I accepted that I’ll probably be alone for a while but I would rather be alone then lower myself and just become a thing to be used and thrown away.
@@oliviasommerville4733 it can even be Aegosexual which is something I might be like I can think, read, watch,talk about sex but not want to engage in it
@@0fficialselena__90 Or a demisexual, needing a strong emotional romantic bond to be able to experience sexual attraction. May or may not have general sexual needs/fantasies/masturbate/even have sex before that, however view other people completely non-sexually before a strong romantic bond is formed.
Yeah, I'm aro/ace I honestly disliked a lot of aspects about dating I found it fake. Since it seemed like you treated a "love" interest worse than a friend at times. Like friends just hung out, they knew each other's limits and what lines to not cross. Yet with "lovers" there was secrets you had to keep. I simply got burnt out of keeping up the hypersexual fuckboy persona since it was destroying my mental health.
I'm 38 and my husband, of 18 years now, was my first and only. I am so thankful that I gave something as precious as it is to the right, Godly, loyal, and incredible man. Sharing not only your body but your soul with another person is not something that should be taken lightly.
Thank you! I agree with my whole chest on this topic and its so frustrating because nearly every TV show especially the ones aimed to the youth are FILLED with sexual material, drugs and horrible family dynamics. In the way of trying to showcase what true society is like with dysfunctional families and sex and drug issues we've gone sooo far that now we're glorifying and sensationalizing it all. Making people think this is what they're meant to do and instead push more and more anxiety, trauma and depression on to people.
Well. It's not very intelligent to mistake fiction for reality. The stories in TV series and movies need up and downs to keep the audience interested. No one would watch if you'd see a normal and stable relationship on TV - that is all. Drama is all that people want to hear about, even if it's fake.
"I'm not judging." "I'm not judging." "I'm not judging." START JUDGING PEOPLE. START SHAMING PEOPLE. Not doing those things are why society is where it is at.
@@Molecular-Brainwaves-Translate yeah...call people out and bye bye youtube channel or IG account. We've fallen into a hole I don't think we're getting out of soon. We say it as a joke but we might actually be screwed fr they way we're heading
@@kingdribs9286 I thought cancel culture was based around hollywood celebs not getting callbacks because they diddled some woman in the 80s. it didn't start as a youtube thing, but a reaction to the MeToo movement i thought.
6:39 girl, you are VALUABLE. So few women in America treat their bodies like temples. Watching this makes me sad because I recognize the problems in society but it also gives me hope for women. That phrase is a beautiful example of positive femininty!
I’m 39 and single. I actually have a number of female friends still single in their early 40s and I do think hookup culture is to blame. Dating is trash now. I want to marry, but am staying away from the dating apps because I’ve learned it is near impossible to find a guy on there who isn’t simply looking for a hookup. I’m sure there are some on there, but I’ve yet to find one and, frankly, I’m just not interested in hookups.
yes i agree about the apps. tinder, bumble, hinge they're all the same....full of people wanting hookups! (for the most part) and also people being vague about what they want because they'll take what they can get basically!
I agree. Hookup culture, social media, and online dating have all negatively impacted relationships. Dating is trash. Many people are single and cannot find quality partners meanwhile many others are settling because they cannot be alone nor value themselves.
Can you blame them? Y’all made this culture men are just adapting. And to men a late thirty year old who’s single is a red flag and has probably participated a lot in hook up culture and now wants a sucker. So that’s the result you’re going to get
I’m so glad I listened to my grandma who told me to be careful and wary of young men who only wanted one thing, and to focus on choosing a partner who was loving me for me. She told me that young women get romantically attached much more than young men (which I don’t know if it’s true but I know I’ve definitely gotten attached to anyone I had romantic attraction). I’m so thankful I don’t regret most of my sexual encounters and I think that’s because I’ve always been very picky with who I choose to be sexually and romantically involved with.
Firstly, she is kinda right. It is in a males biological imperative to procreate with as many women as possible. Therefore males do not create emotional attachments by sex as it is not of negative consequence. Males naturally pairbond by protecting and providing tangibles. It takes longer for males to become attached but when they do they fall harder. The issue with feminism which is something that has been around since the Garden of Eden is that the last 50 years of social conditioning has thrown evo Bio out the window. Because females have the dating advantage in their teens and 20s which is a much shorter window, they have so many options making it harder to choose. The f-boys that want one thing were most likely emotional beta males that were heartbroken by women that were sexually imprinted by other men. I've been there look up Tupac changing views on women. When a woman has enough sex she burns out her oxytocin receptors for bonding making sex from then on dopamine driven. A.k.a the reward system. You'd think it's empowering but that means the men that she once has to hold the cards for sex and the way I do it with my main woman is that I just have sidechicks. Oddly enough the sidechicks work for my validation harder than the main chick. Well.. people would say that doesn't give any man the excuse to cheat however this would not be necessary if they were virgins. Monogamy is a tricky thing to maintain a bad boy mindset as males get a drop in testosterone if he's no longer searching for a mate and another drop when he has kids so if I revert back into a beta then the sexually imprinted woman will cause hell like Jada Pinkett. Then the issue is, good monogamous men get gutted in family court. See how deep this rabbit hole is? I'm done with American women most of them are a lost cause
I think hook up culture affects both genders really. It maybe only benefits like the top 5% of men who get the vast majority of female attention (well at least that's what I'm seeing in Gen Z with my age group). Most men really aren't even seen these days ironically enough a lot of these men do probably want to have a woman that cares for them and to treat like she means everything to them, but most girls would rather hook up with the tall handsome bad boy who treats like nothing and then say all men are trash and men who aren't even seen are getting blamed. There is an article about the rise of lonely men and there are a lot of things it gets wrong imo saying that men don't have emotional intelligence or try to communicate yet the guys who try so hard to communicate get ignored because they're average looking or below while men who are assholes but very handsome always get interest, I believe those traits are good for a healthy relationship but not for a girl to give you a chance, you have to be attractive. Women's standards are way higher than that of a man also yes even when it comes to looks data shows women only find about 5% of men attractive while men find 50-70% attractive. So yea as a man dating is pretty much not in your favour since the average girl gets so much attention they think they deserve better than the average man, like why even try? This is kinda why people like Andrew Tate got so popular, I wish it wasn't this way and we'd all be able to find healthy relationships with people that care about us and not sleeping around and actually making it okay to love someone, but things look bleak. Anyway yea good video I agree with a good deal of what you have to say .
This is accurate. Don't let the low IQ sheep feminist incels change your views or mind with their toxic propaganda and misandry. You are right and the mainstream narrative wants to make sure men never wake up to this grim reality. They never thought life would get so horrible for men in a feminist gynocentric shitshow society that they would figure this out naturally and adapt accordingly. That's what we are seeing now.
The ruling elite is satanic. Of course they are going to adopt the societal makeup of Baal worshipping pagans. Strip clubs-ashterah poles sex magic. Abortion child sacrifice. The top men kings and warlords having all the spoils and women. Debauchery everywhere and free sex with anyone and anything.
I engaged in hook up culture in college because I felt every other girl was doing it and also whenever I would try to go on proper dates with guys they would always suggest Netflix and chill. TG I eventually met my fiancé at 22 but wish I hadn’t been pressured to engage in that culture in the first place .
There are a lot of hard truths in this video. I really love your honesty. As a gay dude dating in the gay community, I’ve also come to dislike the dating scene for very similar reasons, largely because it’s just a hookup scene now. It’s like, people want to hook up to “check and see” if the person is dating potential, which is odd to me.
Well I'm gonna assume it's because sex can be a very delicate thing (dependent on how it is done ) and some might want to get to know somebodies tendencies before even trying a relationship.
I’m recently divorced at 29 and I never slept with anyone other than my ex husband. It’s brutal out here after reentering the dating scene after 10 years. I find men lose interest when you make it clear you don’t want to sleep with them within 3-5 dates.
Don't say that to men. Respect them for what they are and be feminine, show loyalty and character. You will have a good man in no time. We do NOT value easy cheap women who spread their legs, we value just the opposite. I am speaking as a 30 years old man.
I appreciate videos like this, especially coming from a woman, but our society punishes people who hold women accountable. Telling a woman to lower her standards and date on her level and not sleep around is considered a war crime.
Not lower necessary but reasonable. Let be real girl some of yall standard are crazy and you don;t even realize it. For ex: You want no kid, no pet, and a Christian man but most people are one of those 3. Then you gotta consider income, physical attractioness, etc and wonder why you are single. I don;t think people realize how high their standard are until you really think about it. You are gonna compromise and be realistic.
A lot of men have unreasonable standards as well. For example they’ll demean a girl with a high body count while they have a high one themselves. Also, women are held accountable for things that aren’t even their fault a lot of time. For example daddy issues is seen as a wrongdoing from the girl and not the dad.
@@marketables A large portion of men under 30 haven't had sex in a year or never had sex, many of which would tolerate a woman with a high body count. But women don't want those guys, they want the guys all the other women are sleeping with. Women are free to sleep around if they want, but they can't then expect a "high quality man" to wife them after they've shared themselves with a village of men. In my opinion, if a woman wants a husband then she should only sleep with men she considers husband material and stop sport fucking.
I remember being the weird kid in middle and high school for having never dated. It took me until 19 to go on a first, proper date and have my first kiss with the man I'd become engaged to. I remember being pressured and made fun of for being such a prude and for being too uptight for remaining a virgin until marriage but not for religious reasons. Thankfully, I'm the kind of person who can deal with things like this without taking it personally, I didn't really give into hookup culture. But I feel awful for women who are more sensitive to this sort of thing, especially when they're teenagers and infinitely more susceptible to peer pressure like this. Ladies, if someone is pressuring you into literally any form of sex or sexual expression, they are not your friend (same for you, gentlemen). You wouldn't be okay with a man pressuring you to sleep with him, so don't let your friends pressure you into finding a partner to sleep with. If you don't want to sleep around, don't let anyone try to force you to do something different. And don't worry about the lack of experience - everyone starts somewhere and any man worth his salt (or woman for that matter, I don't judge) will understand and slow down and stick to your comfort zone as you figure out how this all works
I'm glad this is being discussed and hopefully rejected in our society. Personally, I'm a virgin but I'm proud of it and stand by it. Quality over quantity.
Ngl for most people in today's society its challenging af to view the word "Male Virgin" as a positive thing. Unless you are relatively attractive or dress like a Buddhist monk labeling yourself as a male virgin will have many people automatically assume it's because you are an incel, simp, or degenerate. Unfortunately, it's very unlikely that the mindset will change as hookup culture is still very prominent. Also brodie your profile picture gives away the fact you are a virgin. Maybe try taking off the headset or let it rest on your shoulders. Anyways I'm glad your not ashamed about your virginity and best of luck James.
Hook up culture has ruined the true meaning of what it is to be in love. I live in Miami where it’s completely normal but I have never been okay with that because it’s just like you say not every one should know what your body is and being intimate can make you grow strong feelings. I was single for 7 years and sex for me was so rare. Not because I couldn’t get it , I know I’m good looking but never felt like it was right to just do it with anyone. Recently, After 7 years of being single I met my soul mate. I knew she was out there , I just didn’t know when or where she was coming from. Her and I have such similar backgrounds and share the exact same morals. I couldn’t be any happier at this point in my life. At one point in my life I felt like there was no hope & now after being with her , she has given me so much to look forward to. Truly love her. The Good people are still out there. They’re rare but they are still in this world Once you find them , hold on to them because it’s like trying to find a unicorn , they don’t exist.
The reason women don't lower their standards is because they have a ton of options nowadays with online dating apps/social media. Most men don't have that luxury, and will do anything sometimes to have s3x, even with a girl that is below their standards because it's so much rarer to come by.
YES. She get's it. Dating regularly for men is agony. Hooking up regularly for women is agony. Probably the biggest "problem" is both sides have gotten to a point where they're less and less willing to meet in the middle.
I consider myself a traditional man and my friends (who are also mostly traditional men) have told me awful stories of dating and how most women they've come across want traditional men but don't live a traditional lifestyle. Hearing these stories have made me incredibly happy that I don't date. This makes me want to stay single for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wish I could erase my feelings and just live a lonely life or find a way to bypass the shit the "dating market" brings.
Just keep doing you! Someone will come your way in life. I met my now boyfriend of almost 4 years on online gaming.. he was in another country at the time too! Anyways, it’s crazy how randomly you can find someone, just keep being yourself
I'm 36 now and was never into hook up culture. I always wondered if i would regret it. I had a boyfriend for almost 10 years then I met my wife and we've been together for 10years now. Just tried one of each 😂 I am absolutely happy with my choices.
Honestly, I’ve always felt more pressure from women to be promiscuous than from men. I’m not saying creepy pushy men don’t exist or that I’ve never delt with them. But women give off more of a stand-offish “Oh so you think you’re better than us just because we have fun and you don’t?!?! You Pick Me!”
They want to fit in, that’s why they do what everyone else is doing, anyone that opposes, they verbally abuse. Those who are weak-minded, with very low self-esteem will succumb to it.
That is very simple, its because other women feel ashamed of what they did, and what to sabotage you too! So they will feel less ashamed and empty! But it wont help them. Its disgusting behavior to pressure others to that
What about the women in their 20s who don’t have any options due to NOT participating in hookups. 29 yr old virgin here and I’m going to be permanently single because I don’t want to have casual sex. Men are always complaining about rejection and singleness as if they don’t go around rejecting women too. 🙄😤. I’m good on dating. It’s the single rich auntie life for me.
This makes me so sad. There are so many men that would love to date you, date any girl really bc of their dream of life with a partner. But why is it that you can't find them? I keep finding them everywhere. Even in medias where there's a hookup culture bc of how easy it is to get away with sending sexual stuff and such without getting banned. Even there, i find men desperate for a girlfriend, wife. And yet you can't find them? I don't understand. Is it a luck thing? Am i more lucky than you? I don't believe in luck, but i'm seriously starting to question. My advice to maybe have a better chance of finding the right guys is, ask them out yourself since men are usually the ones having to deal with rejection since they are the ones expected to make the first move, hear them out and always try to have civil conversations, don't be quick to take things personality and be open-minded and when they do things to make you happy like give you gifts and stuff, do the same for them and compliment them and always let them know if you have a problem with something and respect each other's views if they don't align, apologize when you messed up. And hold yourself to the standards you hold them. And let your inner child out, and be vulnerable in all the ways you can. Let them see you im your worst outfits, in your worst days, do unflattering things etc. And never ever, when they open up to you, use that sensitive information against them no matter how angry you get or how bad of a day you had. Oh and another super important, men that are great men are very positive. They see the good in stuff and find ways to fix their issues or move on. So if you can't do that or accept their help to help you do that, there's a high chance they won't be interested, consider you draining or lose interest for someone positive. I find that's the best way to have a man value you and for you to find the right type of men and not repel them. The wrong ones will be repelled by the respect, by the lack of drama, and the chasing of deep connection and boundaries, and expectations of accountability and reciprocability(is that a word?) or you will turn some wrong ones into rights ones without suffering or hanging into hope. But yeah, men complain about getting rejected bc they're usually the ones expected to make advancements, expected to have lots of money and be super romantic even if they are on the 1st date and no connection had been made to see if they want you and after all that effort, bravery and money, they still have to deal with being rejected. And bc girls have so many options that most men will get rejected and struggle trying to woo a girl or have a girl take interest. While us girls, have many options so even if we get rejected by the guy we wanted, we still have so many other options and we don't have to do much to woo or have most men be interested bc they're desperate. So often all you have to do is just look pretty and i don't mean be model pretty or perfect body proportions. Nah, most men don't care. So just puting a nice outfit on, nothing dramatic, flashy, expensive necessary, simple makeup or covering eyebags, maybe mascara and brushing your hair, is more than enough.
My brother and his fiancee are around your age. It took them a long time to find each other but it worked out in the end. You're enough on your own, but if you want to be married please don't lose heart 💜
Well 29 M here. I am coming from a broken home. My parents never showed much love to me or my brother. Both of us have attachment issues and both of us are virgins. I am good looking but I fear being unloved and abused. As a man I can only hide behind this account and no one else I have to talk to. At least girls have friends whom would listen to you.
Patience, I am very happy you told us your phrase "I want to treat my body like a temple, not a McDonald's drive thru" because that actually gave me a lot to think about... As someone who was once a bit deep in the hookup scene (albeit the gay hookup scene so it's a bit more... extreme because of course EVERYONE is a dude...) and still kind of struggle escaping it, that sentence struck me the most in this video. So thank you.
@@cocococop6082 You ok? It may surprise you to know that there are over 4,000 recognized religions in the world. These religions consist of churches, congregations, faith groups, tribes, cultures, and movements. Even though there are so many, three-quarters of the world's population practice one of the five major religions.
I think it can change from generation to generation. I've seen it glamourized in college and refused to date then. I don't think everyone was partaking in it, but I was too busy to date anyways but hopefully in the future that kind of changes and guys increase their expectations as well and have more discipline when it comes to hooking up.
we are doing that, problem is when a guy has reasonable expectations (a woman who isnt overweight, eats healthy, knows how to cook and take care of a man and is good with children) there are literally 0 dating options available these days because all the women have at least 3 of the following issues: they are on antidepressants, have drinking problems, are overweight, are awful with children, dont know how to cook and treat men like trash.
As a guy I’ve had casual sex once with a co-worker. It is highly overrated and wouldn’t recommend it. I also think modern day feminism has also influenced hook up culture. The idea that women can do sexually what men can do is a myth, casual sex takes a heavier mental toll on women than it does on men. The point on hook up culture benefiting men, I’d say it does but only the top 20% of men (6ft tall, 6 figure income and 6 pack abs). I think the majority of men (80%) still choose to date with the intention of having a long term relationship because of a lack of options, the energy/time it requires to pursue a successful date or cause of religious/traditional values. The top 20% of men have a lot of options and tend to explore those options because women actually pursue them. Also on most women not achieving the big O during sex. A lot of people ruin their sexual experience because of hyper sexuality, too much porn which more women are watching today, using crazy sex toys and stuff just ends up frying most peoples brains. I read a study that stated a lot of men over 30 are reporting higher rates of erectile dysfunction and I think women are experiencing loss of sensation during the act.
Honestly I wished I had that with one of my coworkers and it doesn't matter if I never talk to her again since I don't right even talk to her nowadays, we don't work there anymore and this was a year ago.
Yeah as a girl I went through a casual sex phase and it left long term damage on my mental health. Everyone said that was what I should do and that it would make me feel "liberated". Instead I just feel incredibly violated and I'm still dealing with it, but it just pisses me off how led astray I was by our culture and role models. I wish someone taught me what real self respect was when I was growing up.
@@carlyav00 no one should have too teach you not too let a bunch of people enter your body. Food falls in a pile of dog crap pretty sure you wouldn't pick it up and eat it with a smile on your face. Females in general are not smart or critical thinkers especially not independent ones. Everything that you are is ashadow of others.
@@carlyav00 You can still teach young women to not do what you did. Be the anti role model to give young girls that image of what life will end up like for them if they do things the wrong way. Don't let your ego get in the way of the message. This journey will be about informing young girls for their benefit only.
It is SO refreshing hearing your take, it’s everything I’ve thought of about hook up culture, it’s a fucking scam. Every time I’d try to explain my stance I’d get labeled as a pick me or misogynist, you name it. Thank you so much for bringing this to light I can only hope we talk more and more about this from now on and maybe we could spare some people denial and heartbreak 🖤
80% of men are invisible to 80% of women on dating apps. The problem with dating is 100% of the women think they will get the top 5% of men. We have bang average women who because they pulled a hot guy once now think that's their level. To many have rid the merry go round and are now incapable of pair bonding as a result. That means they are a poor bet for a future. Looks like we are gonna have a lot more single people in the future.
Real talk, this is honestly, one of the BEST videos I've EVER seen on this discussion! As a guy, part of the reason I hate when most MRAs/MGTOWs cover is they paint women as opportunistic villain's (usually call it "hypergamy") but yours talked from a more rational human side of the issue. Definitely going to watch your video on the male perspective of it!
You mentioned the 'resentment' thing in your boys video. The 46 year old woman also scrapped the surface of what I want to mention. However, I feel like what I'm about to say is more for the girls than the boys on this topic. Overall, this video I think speaks very well to the girls who find themselves pressured into hookup culture by their friends and social groups. Red-pillers call this the "sisterhood". It's all too common that girl groups will encourage everyone in their group to do dumb shit so they can feel justified in their actions. Girls that would have NEVER participated in it if it were purely their decision. However, one of the biggest issues I have about females in hookup culture (at least on social media) is how they brag gleefully about INTENTIONALLY choosing shitty men that are highly attractive! You know that person who's addicted to the sweet taste of sugar and continue to binge on junk food despite how bad it is for their body? Same concept. If you're the type of girl who goes online, brags about how you sleep with a toxic guy FULLY KNOWING HE'S TOXIC, I have zero sympathy for what happens to you! These stupid bitches lack self-accountability and if they're too fucking stupid to learn that playing with fire gets you burned, then I have no reason to feel sorry for you when you have 2nd or 3rd degree burns all over your body! That was YOUR CHOICE you made UNDER YOUR CONSENT and your dumbass better QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND OWN IT! Going back to my second paragraph, I know these same toxic-a-dick-ted cunts ALSO pressure their friends to: 1. Insist they do the same if they're single. 2. Insist they do the same if they're in a complicated relationship. 3. Insist they do the same if they're coming out of a complicated relationship. 4. Hell, even insist in some cases they do the same if they're in a GOOD relationship but it got "boring"! (because you know these toxic bitches get JEALOUS!) Hopefully, more ladies see how screwed up the toxic girls around them are being burned by the low minority 'chads' (from the boys video) and they understand that both sides have lied to them about hookup culture helping them find true love and happiness with the right man for them. The right man for you is never going to be perfect...but he might feel like he's perfect to you once you get to know and love him!
dont watch videos of women trying to explain male perspective on this kind of topic, they just lie about everything to avoid any accountibility placed on themselves or other women. even this video is already a lot of lying. the simple fact is that hookup culture wouldnt exist if women knew how to keep their legs closed instead of giving it up for free to the bad boys who just want free s3x. those guys are a minority of men. the majority of women are participating in hookup culture. they made this the way it is.
I absolutely love that you make the point about “what they deem is settling is actually their level.” That and the fact that men don't want women who casually sleep around as wives are things that need to be preached harder before young women fall prey to this perverse culture.
Women don't want men that have slept around either. It's equally as gross but due to sexism it's somehow more accepted. A hypocrisy and double standard.
Sorry but as a woman, I will never lay a hand on a guy that was fu*ked by any human with a hole. I want a desired,coveted man, not a communal bull. If anyone can have you, I'll say pass.
@@chihirostargazer6573 Men and women are created differently. Neither gender sleeping around is terribly attractive but the sperm chases the egg so at least if a man does it, you know he's desired and that's why women (even if they don't love it) won't stop themselves from being with a previously promiscuous male, because they still get to win when he chooses them beyond just a hook up. If a woman does it then she's some guy's leftover who didn't want to keep her around. And guy's don't want their buddy's (or their enemy's) leftovers because men are hunters, not scavengers.
Love your take on this. As an INTJ, I just think hooking up is a waste of my time and effort. I am already finding it hard to message my friends and family and now I have to act like I care for some rando just for 5 mins of “hit-or-miss” gratification. 😂
im a guy on a dating app looking for a genuine connection, its not impossible, they just need to swipe left on the bad boys and swipe right on the good guys but they consistently do the opposite and then complain they cant get a genuine connection.
@@TheSuperappelflap You can say that but its easier said than done. It's not like there is a tag on a person's bio that tells you "good boy/bad boy". The best they can do is juggle between ten different conversations and try to sus out who is creepy, insecure, boring, etc, and often times at the end, the guy who was the most charming and disarming is actually juggling convos with 5 other girls and has no investment whatsoever. Dating apps would actually be pretty good imo if there was a limit on the amount of matches a guy could make full stop so that there was a sense of scarcity and the men's expectations were more realistic but also leaving women with less potential matches to filter through.
@@magiicZed most guys on dating apps only get a couple of matches a month if lucky, average woman om dating apps has 10.000 likes and 100 convos that are left on delivered. dating apps would work a lot better if women couldnt endlessly swipe and then select the hottest guy out of their hundreds of matches who is going to sleep with them once and move on to the next girl. also its really not hard to tell who the f boys are, its immediately obvious from the way they dress and behave. the issue is that women find this type attractive and keep going for those guys, if they meet a decent guy he is, as you already admitted, boring, and gets rejected. youre doing this to yourselves. dont blame men for it.
@@TheSuperappelflap that's another way to go about it. The issue is that women have a lot of choice in dating apps because men outnumber women by a factor of almost 3, but also because men don't actually have to put any effort into matching. If they like someone, they swipe right. In real life, a man has to have the courage and confidence to talk to a girl. When this is removed, they end up swiping on everyone regardless of whether they think they have a real shot. What ends up happening is that men drain each other out and women have endless options. If men only got, let's say 10 swipes a day, which is generous, they would have to be economical with their matches. Women couldn't be as picky, and men would be realistic. As for the fuckboy question. It's a mixed bag. Some guys play the unassuming attractive guy which mindfucks women, and others are just flat out fuckboys but women like to gamble. It's an issue for the two but it's definitely men who are fucking themselves over when they try to match with the supermodels when they can't even muster up the effort to say hi in person.
I am a Christian, so I don't really experience peer pressure around hookup culture. However, in a similar vein, I feel like even Christians can be judgey about only dating one or two people before committing. I waited to date anyone till I was 19, have only dated one person and can picture myself marrying him. But even in the Christian community, I feel like people talk to me like I don't know what is good for me unless I try other people out. And I can't help but feel that this mindset is mean-spirited. Like you shouldn't date someone because you love them, you should date a few people just to try them out and if you change your mind you can just leave.
Great take! It’s nice to see us all evolving through these phases. As a guy it’s hard to realize how deep we’re embedded into the hook up culture until I actually step away from it and see it for what it is. Ultimately, we all want to feel connected and significant. So much of what we think we want is just programmed by the culture when in reality it’s so simple
It's really simple ladies. If you won't tell a guy you're interested in how many men you've slept with (honestly), there's a reason for that. You know it devalues you to the kind of man you want to be in a relationship with. You might not admit it to yourself, but ask yourself why you're ashamed to admit your real body count.
Nah. Its no ones business. When you are intimate with someone that's between you and that person. It's not like you're going to believe them when they share their number anyways. If the number is low, you'll doubt them, if the number is higher than YOU think it should be you'll judge them.
@@mybrownsparklez Exactly. That's what they won't admit. Your dammed if you do dammed if you don't. Don't ask a question, then when someone's honest, doubt their answer
@Dnpe actually, I don’t share that information with anyone. No need to lie when I have no intention of sharing that information. I don’t even share that info w/ my girlfriends. It’s no one’s business. It has nothing to do with shame, it has to do with knowing what’s meant to be kept private. It’s like someone asking me how much money I have in my bank account. None of your business! That’s just how I operate. I’ve never asked a guy about his past either because ITS IN THE PAST. Plus it looks really insecure when you’re constantly trying to dig up info about someone’s past, like it’s going to change anything in the present. You’re looking for something to be angry about or judge them about.
@Dnpe I understand what you’re trying to convey but I disagree. I’m thankful that the men that I have dated never felt that insecure to ask me that question, nor I them. The only man obligated to know about my finances is my fiancé or my husband because we have decided to make that merger to become one. I respect your opinion on how you run your life. Good luck to you!
Don't worry about offending anyone. Just speak your truth. People who don't respect their bodies feel guilty when they see other people respecting their bodies. If you are so comfortable with one night stands then why bother when someone isn't. I find that when am confident about something, I don't give a damn when someone isn't. I remembered when I started dancing all my friends were making fun of me. Before you know what, they also want to dance. I actually felt better when they didn't like it. Felt like it was something just for me.
I'm married, pregnant, and 33 now but when I was dating in my 20s I was always a relationship person. I didn't find it that difficult to find like minded men. I feel for young women now...I can't imagine being single right now.
The "My body is a temple, not a McDonald's drive through" saying is absolutely gold 😂
I wish I thought like this when I was younger
@@noone2706 same... especially when I was like 23 and had no experience
But as my beloved Golden Girls say;
Blanche: I treat my body like a temple
Momma: Yeah, it's open, day in and out!
Homosocial bonding
A tample has a lot of visitors and tourists tho...
As a college student, I hate how everyone thinks "we all have to go through a hoe phase "
HONESTLY like huhhhh .
Keep hating it girl. I never went through one and never will. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything.
As a man who graduated from University almost a year ago that has been shamed for not being a "player," I totally agree.
I don’t know, those terms make me cringe. It’s sad people say those things
do whatever you want but first make sure to be honest to yourself, because who else better knows you, and don't ignore observing and learning from other people's experiences. When you decide, don't compromise it just because it's not trending or mainstream behaviour that is (only temporarily) considered "normal"
Remember, being single is better than being in a shitty relationship. Makes no sense getting with whoever will have you just because you're terrified of being alone
YES!!! NEVER lower your standards for a relationship. ever. it's better to be single and celibate. cultivate high value friendships that will last you your life instead.
THIS
I highly agree with this statement! being in a toxic relationship is never worth it! I'd rather be single for life than be with an abusive person! this should be the standard for both men and women, abuse is not ok, period! :3
Then 20 years has gone by, your 53, and still alone...
@@StanHowse being single at 53 or more doesn't necessarily mean alone though ... that person may have great friends to take care of them :3 or maybe nephews and nieces ... it's still better than being in a toxic relationship! no one deserves being abused! be thankful for your life if you aren't in an abusive situation :3 if you really have to have a partner, make sure yours is a loving one!
At 30 all my friends who I tried to warn about hookup culture in the past are now trying to “rebrand” themselves into modesty culture now that they realized they are older and alone
Lol.... classic.
a male that's not a moron will realize she most likely went through that h*e phaseso they won't want them.
Yes many do this I lost my virginity at 30 to my hubby and the same women who told me I would die alone all ended up single moms to really irresponsible men they hooked up with. Some made them fathers by force, others were reckless and others made a mistake. I would tell them that it’s better not to engage but I have many classmates who I knew were escorting online and on OF who are trying to be seen as traditional wives now but sadly for these men talk and the world is connected now so many of them try to move to other countries but the internet never forgets. We need to teach the young ones that there is no such thing as sexual liberation it’s such as catch.
I am more liberated in a loving marriage because I can be free to explore my sexuality with who I love and even if it ends my hubby respects and values me as the love of his life to make sure that I am always good no matter what happens which is why I chose him he was so mature and compassionate in thinking not vindictive or selfish.
@Layla-fr7mf yes, I definitely see a difference in my love life & in my happiness compared to others
@@Layla-fr7mf things go in cycles
I can't wait, for gen alpha and younger women to wear dresses wiith hem.slightly below knees
A few days ago, at a farmers market
I've seen a few teens swing dancing to a song
She was wearing a cute denim skirt
(Still hard to find)
He was wearing a plaid shirt with jeans
I know, women want romance again
As a man who has always been relationship minded, it's actually been my experience with women who just want sex or short term romantic satisfaction and then gone when they got what they wanted from me. It's an awful dehumanizing feeling and I definitely understand the pain of women being used for cheap thrills by men. Dating apps are just trash, the only good women I've met in my life was offline
At least you aren’t judged for it in the long run
@@riareed1269 yea, they can't judge if I never tell
Thank you for sharing. This is a really interesting perspective because I’m sick of hearing guys who I was acquaintances with brag about how they broke up with their girl and made her cry while they ‘didn’t care’ at all.
My exp have been much the same. I'm neurodiverse and demisexual as hell. Seems like so many people are downright afraid of genuine emotional connections.
I can relate to that also, agreed offline meeting someone, especially through friends or family is the way to go. Just sucks it's being relegated more to only hooking up online and being hyper-superficial rather than taking the time to get to know each other as real people. I get that real life is rather boring for most, but everyone has something fun, interesting and quite unique about them. We should be excited to find out those things in someone, not going from cheap thrill to another one in order to experience that temporary rush.
That last video was really sad. I’m glad I didn’t partake in hookup culture. My mom told me to date for fun, but I only dated guys who had serious intentions. One of my dates drove four hours just to see me for one date. We’re engaged now and are planning our wedding😊
@@y.a.2593 thank you 💗💗💗
That’s amazing! Congrats! 🙏🏽
It might be sad, but she brought it on herself. She made her bed so she should lie in it.
@@kcirtapelyk6060 did she? Idk anything about her.
My mom’s telling me to date for fun too, and I don’t even know what she means… because suggesting casual sex to your daughter just seems so wild and evil that I don’t think she’d do that, but I also don’t see casual dating existing without casual sex anymore, really. Also, like what’s the point of casual dating lol…. Maybe I just don’t see the point because I spent too much time on the internet in my teens ☠️☠️
The sad thing is that young girls are totally pressured to participate in hook up culture and be more like the guys, and it's disturbing because girls will lie to themselves and try to convince themselves that sex doesn't mean anything. Then they may end up with feelings they don't understand because society tells you sleeping around is fine and it doesn't cary any emotional weight but their soul still subconsciously feels all the negative effects of it.
I agree, we are not the same, but society tells us our differences can be undone through social conditioning when many of them are biological.
@@PatienceXina Not society, feminism
And guess who gets the blame for it?
I disagree, women aren't pressured by anyone, it's all just polygyny playing out... all women want the same Ken, I mean men...
@@ricaard6959 You said it!!!! I'm so sick of hearing that BULLSHIT that women are pressured by society!!! Les goooo man!!! Let's spit the truth!
"men will sleep with women they would never be seen in public with" so true hahaha
“Why should I just give myself to people” You put it perfectly
why not. young people are having less sex than ever. statistics show this.
@York Hunt lol
And it seems all men care about is getting their dick wet and being able to manipulate or abuse whenever they please.
Doubt you’ve ever had a girl feel comfortable walking 6 feet by you even with a stick considering your comment lmaoo
why not. young people are not doing it a lot anymore. statistics show this.
@York Hunt if a religion is to grow, it has to change hearts and minds. that normally entails the hearts and minds of women as well. unless you don't believe religion is good for women, in which case it will not seize their hearts and minds...
I come from a conservative country, and I used to think it was so boring that hook up culture is not a widely accepted thing here. But now that I have a boyfriend/best friend who wants to marry me as much as I want to marry him, I have never been more thankful of my conservative culture.
Women definitely should not feel pressured to conform to hook up culture-or into anything, actually!
Conservatism will save you from a lot bullshit ! That's why a lot of young people don't like it they indulge in bullshit. ( I am a young person saying this.)
@York Hunt Honestly, I'm not really sure how to answer your question. I think there would be exceptions to my "shouldn't be forced into anything" claim; but I think that should be decided on a case-by-case basis, since not everyone has been and is going through the same experiences. If it's something they *need* for, say for example, their health, then it *might* be okay to consider force... *but again*, I think that should be decided on a case-by-case basis.
@York Hunt Also, in your last sentence, are you implying that women shouldn't be allowed to decide "anything" or "everything?
@York Hunt Can't argue with that. I don't think I've ever met a man *or* woman who's made good long-term decisions. I think life is just that complicated... nobody can really make decisions that are always good in the long run.
@@vee_does_art life isn't that complicated only for normies it is
And then there's me at 25 who's to afraid to even try dating men because I'm afraid of being pressured into sex.
Have dates in public places
get to know your potential BF's family and friends before the sacred act, build a community around them, it'll eventually reveal who the person is
If he pressures you into sex, he's not a good man, and you know he's not the right one for you.
Get married first
I think your fear is valid- there’s always date rape
For myself I'm 26 and have never participated in "hook up culture" but neither have I ever been in a relationship :(. We're a forgotten group, some of us don't participate in hook ups but are shy for example or life just hasn't been kind and have a hard time to find someone good too. I had a guy on hinge recently trying to get with me "to get it over with". I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted but then I know I'd feel horrible afterwards. I just can't deal with the online dating scene, it's so disappointing for a romantic soul, I want a relationship to grow organically and meet someone in real life, not through some silly app with endless swiping. I want romance not just "going out for drinks" ugh, the world is so unromantic.
Although I'm a guy in my early 30's, your comment resonates with me a lot. I get it.
Same here sweetheart. This social media online dating and hookup culture is so discouraging & disgusting. People don't connect or communicate anymore let alone court women. It's very sad for us romantics who want love and meaningful connections.
Don’t ever let someone pressure you it’s never worth it that way … I waited until I was 22 and then did it because I kept getting pushed to the side of what I thought were potential relationships I was missing out on… little did I know when I met the right guy 6 yrs later he had waited even longer than me lol and was on the same page with what we wanted and my boundaries… and I met him online too!! Wait for what you want and deserve is always worth it 💕
I’m also impossibly shy around guys… and don’t see the point in going out for drinks. So, I’ve been thinking that maybe arranged marriage would actually be a good solution 😂 With marriage (either way), you just have to commit to working with your spouse on having a good quality, productive relationship. Communication is a skill, and so is sex, and achieving mastery in any skill takes lots of commitment. So, it seems to me that success in love ultimately largely comes down to commitment and skill. No matter whether you had a lovey-doves phase or not…. But I suppose that’s an extremely a-romantic view as opposed to yours!
The consequences of hyper liberalism unfortunately
The biggest problem with hookup culture is that it makes it hard for people who want meaningful relationships to find them. I'm still a virgin at 24 because the only men that show interest in me always want to jump straight to sex, when I'm not down for that. So I'm automatically at a disadvantage because other women are willing to put out right away without so much as a commitment.
I would say the opposite. You are getting rid of those men. Try to look for a more introverted and hard working man.
@@joress Where do I find them though. Its so hard to meet people.
@@nottoday3561 Yes it is. I’m Aspie and I’m not the kind of person who’s extremely socialble btw so Idk how much I can help you.
If you haven’t met anyone on college, perhaps you could join a club about something you’re interested in or something like that. Perhaps at work (Idk if you have a job). Or maybe even at a church (Idk if you’re religious).
The most important thing is to set some boundaries. If you need to have an emotional connection before getting physical then you should let guys know about it. Hope it helps.
if being a virgin is your issue, then having sex is the solution. it seems pretty cut and dry to me. use a condom lmao
@@Molecular-Brainwaves-Translate You are a man, so I bet it would seem pretty cut and dry to you. I don't want sex with any random person. I will only have sex in a committed relationship.
Wow that 46 year old woman was so brutally honest with herself. I hope she has since found peace.
she has, with cats and boxed wine
I don’t feel sorry for her, what she not telling is the man she wants don’t her plus every woman have simps and friend zone guys in their phones she just don’t want those guys
@@tracer073 who hurt you?😂
😂😂😂
@𝓜 yes, my mom is a cat lady who divorced my dad, didnt let me see him for 6 months afterwards, and got him a criminal record by lying about him beating her. shes been single for 20 years now. i shed no tears for women like this. they get what the deserve. they probably deserve worse.
I love seeing young women like yourself starting to shift this whole culture.
What does it change though? Will women start dating men other than hot guys? Hell No! I have a neighbor who literally has a different woman sleep with him every night, like seriously, I'm not exaggerating, every single night...
Hook up culture wouldn't exist if women didn't want it, the only change I see is women becoming more celibate Japan style...
IMO these types of conversations are a waste of time, like what is this video even supposed to achieve?
@@ricaard6959 Younger generation of women are currently watching their single mothers post on social media about how awesome it is being a boss bitch, while they get to see behind the curtain at what their mothers live is really like, seeing up close the anger, resentment and depression of their mothers actual lives.
@@ricaard6959 neighboor keeping you up at night huh lol
@@pablogats4627 Not really, I only know cause I see a different lady leave his room in the morning when I leave for school... I take diazepam every night lol, knocks me out for eight hours...
The people that started to shift this whole culture were men like Kevin Samuels, fresh and fit, and Andrew tate. Before them most people were either sleeping or too afraid to say or do anything for fear of being fired, canceled, or attacked.
Great pointing out the whole "catching feelings" thing. I'd take it even a step further and say that sex is not supposed to be something that "creates" feelings between people but that it intensifies and develops feelings that are already very much there. it isn't the catalyst toward an emotional connection it is the manifestation and expression of an already established emotional connection.
Perfectly said!
I'm pretty certain that physical intimacy DOES create feelings. All the endorphins released during intimacy absolutely makes you feel a certain way. Maybe its different for men maybe they can just do something physical and not feel anything but women absolutely do have feelings where physical intimacy develops.
There’s something called oxytocin - it very much will increase or create feelings. Largely more so in women. It’s released during orgasm - which is why hook up culture is so detrimental for women largely.
@@aishaarshadalam3412 Op said that it isn’t “supposed to be“. Which I read as hooking up and then developing feelings isn’t a healthy start into a relationship. Not that it isn’t biologically possible for intimacy to lead to some kind of bonding for men and women respectively.
FACTS
I was a virgin until married, and have never ever once regretted that decision. Most people I talk to regret sleeping around. I've never heard anyone say "gee, I wish I slept around more!"
I don't care what they say. I don't believe in regrets. People do not regret decisions, they regret the conciseness of their actions and try to make everything to seem like a victim.
Is it weird that all these girls have no problem hookup until they start been less and less attractive? *BULLSHIT!* There is no "regret"! People do what fits them best! Glad for your story btw! Wish you the best!
@@godnyx117 you do know you still explained regret right?
@@oyindubasuowari9796 Regret is when you learn something new and decide that your current actions are not right and you truly want and try to change. Regret is *NOT* when you stop something because it doesn't work anymore while deeply thinking: "Damn, I wish I could keep doing this but no I have to play the victim so people will feel bad about me and will not care about my past". This is *PURE HYPOCRISY!* Check your "facts"...
@@godnyx117 re·gret
/rəˈɡret/
Learn to pronounce
verb
feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).
"she immediately regretted her words"
Similar:
be sorry about
feel contrite about
feel apologetic about
feel remorse about/for
be remorseful about
rue
repent (of)
feel repentant about
be regretful at/about
have a conscience about
blame oneself for
mourn
grieve for/over
feel grief at
weep over
sigh over
fret about
pine over
feel sad about
lament
feel sorrow at
sorrow for
be upset/disappointed about
deplore
Opposite:
applaud
welcome
noun
a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
"she expressed her regret at Virginia's death"
So basically you're wrong.
@@jehoshualewis2525 Dude, do you realize that you're wasting your time for a fucking word....
I used to have similar saying, "My body is a temple, not a carnival ride"
😂 love it!
Haha I say the same thing! I'm like "this is not a ride where everyone over a certain set of Inches gets a turn!" Even though some guys who were trying to have sex with me tried to talk me out of being how I am. Didn't work.
@Lee 😂😂
@Lee lmao facts.
Temples have a lot of people in them lmao
Currently 20- I remember in my highschool years being asked what my body count was, didn't know what that meant so I've been told what it was and quickly told them zero cause I don't dig that type of lifestyle. The fact that they were shocked speaks volumes on how normalized promiscuity has become and it disgusts me. To this day I've never been in a relationship (mostly cause I don't feel ready to enter that world yet) and am just focusing on personal success such as health and financial state, and hopefully God will one day give me a loving and supportive man who's COMMITTED. I'm not big on kids, can't really see myself as a mom..but if God gives em to me especially with the man I've been blessed with then so be it!
Dude, in hs i was always met with gasps saying I was a virgin. Woo-hoo body dysmorphia! Couldn’t bare the idea of a man seeing my naked body 😂
@@hotmess9640 Fr! Never understood how others have done that stuff willy nilly.
@@goop_6537 honestly truly !!!
You should hurry up and get a man. Your body wont wait for you to ''get ready'' mentally. Time passes and everyday, more men are being taken an your time is running out.
Go to church to get a good guy.
@@johnx140 shut up
Not participating in hook ups was actually very stressful because everyone keeps asking why you're not doing whatever and projecting their weakness on to you but like guys I have to study 🤣 I'm literally at school omg
I think it’s funny you bring it up. A lot of people go to college for “the experience”, while it seems few actually go to study and learn.
As a side note, hookup culture also paints a very inaccurate picture of women as a whole to most men.
There's loads of women, including myself, who are not in the business of sleeping around. But almost no guy I date actually believes I don't. At least, not until he goes on some dates with me and realizes I have no intention of being alone with him under any circumstances until we've known each other a LONG time.
A guy once invited me to his house on our third date, and obviously I said no. When we ended up breaking things off, he accused me of secretly dating someone else. I think he thought my refusal to go to his house or him to come to my house or to stay out late with him was proof that I was trying to keep a husband or boyfriend secret from him. You know, rather than that just being basic common sense when getting to know a total stranger. 🙄
Seriously, the amount of women regularly putting themselves in horribly dangerous positions with total strangers and acting like that's totally normal really disturbs me.
Maybe don't date Chad.
@@ajsouza3720
Way ahead of you. Never have and never will. Thanks for the advice, though. 🙂
@@Lady_de_Lis Good luck then.
@@Lady_de_Lis I felt that !!!
And they give other girls bad names
The worlds most dangerous STI is called "Feelings" 🤣
😂😂😂
I remember saying this same thing 20 years old
Nah children are the most dangerous STI
@@notbadsince97 BOO HIM!!!
BOO THIS MAN!!!!!
👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾
It’s called Subaru.
I couldn't ever do it because it's not in my nature. I disliked being shamed for never dating or sleeping around.
I'm glad more people are realizes you DON'T HAVE to do things you don't want.
Yep I always got made fun of for not sleeping around.
Yep. I'm lucky that my close friends a very much same-minded as me on this, but the casual friends and acquaintances I've made aren't and I have been shamed by people for this decision. I haven't been with anyone because I can't justify casual sex to myself, and that's fine. Not everyone has a "hoe phase," some of us are trying to date with intention.
If someone shames me for not sleeping around I shame them for doing exactly that
U attack me I'm attacking you so it's equal 💀
@@Dakyta252 Prude vs Hoe.
Round 1, FIGHT!
Just kidding good for you.
1:10- it makes me cry especially when she said ''I am 46 and I need my momma''. The hookup culture is the worst thing that happened to us!!
RIP.
having sex on the first date to me is the same as me proposing on the first date... nuts
As a current student in college, what turned me off from hook up culture? THE OUTRAGEOUS NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN MY CITY WITH STDS AND EVERYONE DOING IT WITH EVERYONE!!!
FR FR
Stay safe
It touches me when I saw the video of the woman who talk about being without a husband who could support her during her surgery.
My dad had cancer years ago and my mom was there at all time, and I though this is what I want, I want a real partner
@Cait K i had a model from parents who still love and support each other during sickness, and yes I aspire to do the same. If one day my husband lives me for that reason I am sure I can handle it, but I won't start thinking that this will happen. And yes I am an independent woman, and that don't makes me any less strong or independent or valuable to want to be married
@Cait K most men will cheat but not leave, leaving is what women do, women trade up men acquire more.
@Cait K i understand, he is there still and want to support you, this is different from someone who will live you or cheat on you, and this is honorable from you to want to do this on your own to protect him from the weight of your illness
“The study revealed that 21 percent of seriously ill women were divorced compared to only 3 percent of seriously ill men.”
That comparison makes less sense when you realise that statistically men are 10x more likely to leave a wife with cancer (20%) than the inverse.
I feel for that 46-year-old woman. I'm 34 and while I do generally enjoy living alone, I do wish I had someone to share my life with. I didn't do hook-up crap or anything like that, but I didn't date around either; just hoped I'd come across someone naturally and things would progress...well, naturally. They didn't happen. Now I worry I'll never be able to get to that point with anyone because I waited too long to really try. It's a really shitty position to be in regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.
Try approaching man
@@studyingeducation8438 You seem to be assuming that I haven't. I have. But thanks.
I'm the same boat.
@@Kovitlac you welcome, don't give up, when the time is right you'll see it.
@@Kovitlac you aren't alone and I feel the same way. I recently had surgery too and wished I'd had a love of a life partner to have supported me during that recovery. I am very strong, independent, love my alone time, but like you wished I had found someone organically to share my life with. Both genders of all ages have similar loneliness and issues with dating/finding a quality partner today.
My cousins were laughing about taking guys on dates for free meals. So she could better afford to go through college, with her food costs payed for by the loneliness and desperation of men she laughed at thought had a chance with her. I've lost so much respect for them.
Good
Yes but it's also men's fault. Too many have stopped being men and have fallen into the endless cycle of instead chasing women to fulfill them. A woman should be no more than an addition to an already complete person and the same goes a man in a woman's life. You should only feel a need for someone who's proved they're worth it.
That’s why there’s the whole push back on “simp” behavior. Men enabling bad actors and letting themselves be taken advantage of. I’m not paying for a dinner date until we’ve seen each other multiple times and I know the woman is worth the time & money
No offensive but you’re cousins deserve to die alone if they have this mindset. It’s absolutely repugnant that they not only think this is okay but also laugh at the misfortune of these men.
@@OscarUnrated how's that worked so far? How many girls stick around for that?
I am a 26 year old male virgin and hook up culture is absolutely rampant where I live. It is always super attractive dudes running through hordes of women.
I myself am average height and below average looks so I have never even been able to secure a date in my life.
I think a lot of Men like me have just completely given up. My life is going well, I have a good job, am well educated, have a few hobbies, playing guitar, going to the gym and hiking on weekends and I have come to the conclusion I am supposed to be alone.
I think this generation is going to see a monumental amount of forever alone people and also tonnes of people who only ever have casual relationships.
I really enjoyed your video, I think your analysis was really well reasoned and not reactionary and hyperbolic like others. :)
I’m pretty sure it’s somebody out there for u
I've come to the conclusion I'm meant to be alone and find peace and happiness with myself. People always tell me "you'll find your person someday. There's someone out there for you." No maybe there's not. Maybe I'm the person meant for me and accepting that is what I'm meant to do. I hope you have a wonderfully happy life with or without someone added to your life.
It’s over
It’s very brave of you to open up the way you did. Thank you! Let me return the favor:
I for one had statistically two woman a year since I started dating with 15. This includes a wild early twenties time and now a very slow 30 something time. I had 6 relationships over 6 month (ranging from 7 month to 5 years).
I’m a sportive guy (good physics), former infantry Soldier, architect and engineer. I photograph, design game related stuff, Travel, love the movies and read for hobbies. I am politically active for over 12 years now, formerly co-organizing occupy wallstreet in Germany (met many many people ever since).
Hooking up was a fun thing to do when I was younger and it offered a cheap way of bolstering the ego, while having the repeated excitement of getting to know very different body types and characters woman.
But honestly, I was most of the time a bit lonely and was actually looking for romantic partners. It took me 10 years to realize, but I had it all wrong to begin with. The partners I got from this way of dating were often narcissistic. Good looking, Great in bed, devote and cheering to me, as long as everything went smooth (meaning I didn’t question their ways).
But you can only come so far with these people. I wanted to be a young dad with 25. But I never felt sure enough with anybody, except for one woman. I broke up our relationship, because of sexual frustration (she just wasn’t horny anymore after two years roughly and another year of trying different approaches didn’t help it. It hurt, because we loved each other and we were besties too).
A bit more than a year ago I decided to stop dating through dating apps completely and I cleansed my friend circles from narcissistic people. It was the best decision I have made so far in this regard.
Now I am in the process of re-building my social life, including a deep change in the way I date and what I look out for. I realized some things along the way. For example: There are some regions, which have significantly more males than females and vice versa. I live in a Region, where 114 to 126 males per 100 females are the norm. This is actually severe and it makes it more difficult to find someone who is really fitting to my personality. Maybe have a look for your region’s statistics here? I don’t think it is you who is to blame for it necessarily.
I don’t know how to fix this issue, other than to be patient and do exactly as you do: Live my life to the fullest and let things happen somehow. Maybe switching my place of living could be a solution. But then again: Everyone I love lives here in the city. Not easy!
I don't know if You look around at all the men in who are married aren't all tall hot guys, they are mostly average guys
If she thought being single at 46 sucks welcome to the man's world where we had that problem from ages 18-30.
Dating..and Fornidating. Are different
They're girls who NEVER been on real dstes
@@kathleenking47 it’s not men’s fault she dated the wrong people so stop making excuses that she’s never been on real dates.
If she’s age 46 and can’t get married it’s basically over for her unless there’s a guy desperate enough to settle down with her.
@@kathleenking47 At 46 if she can't find real dates and a real relationship, that's on her. She likely spent her 20's getting ran through by a number of men who she had no chance with while she blew off and ignored the men who would have actually taken care of her. Now those men have value and she's lost hers. Too bad so sad.
y only till 30,what happens then lmao?
@@abenaz money
I’m a woman who has never hooked up and I’m single at 35. Marriage and family is important to me, but men just try to sleep with me over the years. I’ve never been pursed for connection and a relationship. It’s really disheartening.
Can you blame them? Women made hook up culture and men adapted. Why should they commit?
Yes, because that’s what they’re used to. It’s not right. They’ve learned that they can use women as objects and that they’re easily replaceable, through this carousel of dating apps.
🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩Red flag!
They're not tired of hook up culture. They're tired of losing. Trust and believe as soon as they get there way, it all goes back up in flames
exactly
You don't speak for women. We don't gain anything from hooking up.
I know so many girls who give it up because they want him to stay. He says he'll find sex elsewhere. So, she either gives him what she wants or loses him.
Women control who gets sex, but men control who gets relationships.
There are so many girls who just wanted to prove their dedication to man who would fuck the first broad who let him.
This isn't about winning or losing a game.
This is also true unfortunately..
Women always lose in hook up culture there is no winning men lose too because women only want to sleep with the top guys so most ppl lose in hook up culture why would I just sleep with an average guy when I can sleep with a rich man and get something out of it
Lol yea sadly this is so true
As a woman myself I’m happy more women are becoming aware that hook up culture isn’t useful or helpful.
I’ve personally never hooked up with anyone, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on much at all. The quality of intimacy coming from a committed partner is high, so it doesn’t feel like I need to explore.
I’m assuming a lot of women would feel this way if they had happy relationships.
its funny cause a friend of mine told me she thinks what we are doing now is backwards and women now are becoming the F boys that girls hated back in the day and now men are hating the F girls that girls used to hate back then. Its all coming in reverse.
Hey you dropped this: L
@@ankoasmr2510 😂💯
What to do when you never had a boyfriend? Die alone I guess
@@ankoasmr2510 no eggs left for you
"We (women) control the value of sex."
Truer words I have not heard today. Thank you. ❤
And men controls the value of relationships.
But MEN control access to marriage hhh
And it's value has never been lower. Good job, girls. Way to go.
Yeah and once you land a husband that access and value decreases mearkedly!!!!!!
@@EricTD1995 Please elaborate. I don't think I'm getting where you're coming from.
i’m 18 and i’ve slowly realized this more and more over time. i know i’m young but i’m already scared that i’ll never find anyone. even though i’m young i can unfortunately say i’ve taken a part in hookup culture and i’m DONE. I am so tired of it. I’m worth more than it.
Me too. I'm 18 and I've only done it twice probably at the lowest points of my life but I'm officially done. Just be glad we learnt young :')
Protect yourself before it’s too late. You have plenty of time to date with intention!
Parking in hookup culture at the tender age of 18?!? Yikes. Please be careful.
Go places or do group activities in fields that interest you. Good way to meet guys.
Once I tamed my sexual desires, I find myself repulsed by most women. Even if I find her sexually attractive and would like to have sex with her, it’s highly unlikely that she would bring any novel experience and I’m just not able to muster the energy required to deal with her. I have hobbies and pursuits that are much more rewarding. I recently took up archery and electrical work for fun and found both extremely fulfilling.
Once men tame their Sexual appetite they find no use for the vast majority of women or a woman at all.
✌️
You're what the term role model actually describes. Good on you, man.
You actually become high value as a man when you can reject sex from an attractive woman. But that usually comes from a lot of sexual experience with different women and it takes a lot of self control. I'm also in that stage in life, so I feel you on that.
I'm at a similar stage of trying to control my sexual urges, I get sex but it's mostly chubby women and crazies, they add nothing of value whatsoever, if anything these women hold me back
I'm 27 and been married for over 5 years. All my teenage life I thought hooking up was the way to go but so glad my husband pulled me out of it. I have never been happier
Great for you in the now moment! Just know that marriage does not guarantee a forever partnership. I know people who have divorced after 20 and 30 years. Many. None of them thought that would happen to their marriage.
@@mamaveelove well we get divorced or not is upto God. He's the one who decides. The only thing we can do is treat each other with love and fairness and make sure that we give each other their rights :)
@@ascha730 excellent reply! The same goes for us who are single: we can simply trust in the greater plan, grow/evolve as a person, and be kind and loving to everyone in our lives.
@@mamaveelove unless your catholic or Hindu divorce is illegal in the eyes of God it westernized that divorce easy
That’s a beautiful personal mantra. Our bodies are absolutely precious and shouldn’t be just given away for a temporary ego boost or false intimacy
glad we’re finally starting to talk about this. growing up i was totally confused because i didn’t understand hook-up culture and thought my “lack of sexual desire” would lead me to be forever alone. in college my (toxic) friend group shamed anyone who wasn’t sexually promiscuous in some way, right in front of my face, knowing i wasn’t. i started dating this guy who didn’t want me for anything more than to make out with me, and if he had asked me to have sex with him, i would’ve. because of my friend group i was beginning to give in to the pressure. i’m so so thankful every day that i eventually cut him off and decided to change my ways. i decided to embrace who i am and the fact that i want to share my body with one person only and wanted to settle down and then i found, like magic, my current boyfriend. i love him so much and we talk about getting married all the time. watching that last video made me so grateful for what i have and that i found my path while still in my 20s
Wow you blessed
That's awesome! Really happy for you!
I had a toxic friend group like that as well, but in high school! I even had a classmate in HS ask why I was still a virgin. I’m in my late twenties now and look back at those times in utter shock. I’m so so happy you found your person!
I've never taken part in hookup culture either and am relieved I didn't :) From all the stories I've heard I know for a fact I ain't missing out on anything. STD's, unplanned pregnancy, abuse, you name it. No thanks. I'm happily married and so glad I don't have to worry about dating.
Amennn my virginity is intact and I’m happy
@@Sandrinarhonda ♥
@@RedRoseSeptember22 🤍
@@Sandrinarhonda same
@@marinavasquez8813 so proud of us 🤍
I would rather be single forever than deal with “hookup culture”
Same
a lot of guys feel the same way...
supposedly many young people will not have a choice, since young people are having less sex than previous generations. so it's kind of ironic you say that.
@York Hunt you think modern women go to libraries? what for? to watch tiktok videos or scroll through their instagram feed? idk if you hears but people dont read anymore. schools? are you trying to date 16 year olds? colleges are notorious for having the most entitled and slooty women. they just want to have fun and smash a lot of hot guys. as for church, church girls are just as bad as the others, they just have more incentive to pretend to be decent for an hour on sunday. seems like your advice is outdated by a few decades, if not an entire century
@York Hunt ive been looking for ten years and havent found it. i highly doubt what you are saying. the only women i meet that want to have a relationship are at least 34 years old. the ones in my age bracket just want to sleep around.
She’s so mature and well spoken, what a lovely young woman
❤❤❤
exactly 💕
These 'hookup culture' critical analysis videos are perfect for having a conversation with our future daughters without falling into 'helicopter' parenting, slut shaming, or enforcing purity culture. I feel like for the longest time the only two options to raise a girl is purity fear mongering, or 'sex posi', give her condoms and let her naively navigate her sexuality with males who will say anything to persuade her🙄 and I'm gonna start saving these kinds of videos to have a more eloquent conversation if I have a daughter
Agree 200%. But fr, purity culture makes me cringe. During my college years, I knew a girl who would brag about how she's waiting for marriage to have sex for religious reasons. That's great for her, but holy crap, she was a self-righteous annoying goody two-shoes who would always brag about being pure and shame others for not doing so. Like, if you feel the need to announce your purity to others in a condescending attitude, you're probably not as pure as you think.
@@tvbnine793 perhaps the reason you found it annoying is because your conscience highlighted something wrong in your actions, and that in turn made you angry.
pretending that purity was somehow wrong is what created "hookup culture" in the first place
@@JudeKnowsWhatYouDoNot wdym by "your actions?"
@@tvbnine793 the ones that would make you call someone who constantly talked about being pure a "goody two shoes"
I'm so glad someone is talking about this. I am a college-aged woman, and things have been rough for me romantically. I can't casually have sex because I need to know them first before I feel comfortable enough. With the precedent society has now set with women being expected to sleep with the guy before even beginning to date them, it's safe to say I've never had a real boyfriend because I can't feel comfortable putting out so soon with people I hardly know. I've gone on dates before, and every single one ended prematurely because what I was expecting was just a hang-out sesh, the dude was thinking I was coming over to fuck. I think about how at the very least, I know my own boundaries, and I'm not going to force myself to do stuff that makes me uncomfortable, but I often can't help but think about the girls who are just like me but are more susceptible to peer pressure, and are easily pressured into having sex when they don't want to because the public standard is that you do it before you enter a relationship.
First of all, it is good that you try to give an F U to peer pressure. You shouldnt do it if you dont feel comfortable.
From my perspective as a man, i can tell that the reason for wanting to hook up is because a lot of men feel a thirst for it.
When i was single, my mind was constantly thinking about wanting to F. And you cannot really get rid of that thought because it is based on hormons you cant control. Think about it like an urge to eat when you are hungry and you feel like you are starving.
I went through that F-Boy phase aswell (i openly communicated it on a Date and i did not play games to manipulate.
I can tell now, that it had good and bad sides. Ob the good side, it gives me the feeling that i have been validated by women what is actually stupid because you shouldnt built your confidence on the outside. But it is also meaningless because it was more like a quick fix and in the end after one or two weeks you are craving for more.
Im with my girlfriend now since a year and yes i met her on a dating app, but i strqigh up told her i dont want to go straight to bed with her.
At some point it has to happen, because without it females wont produce oxytocin which is the bonding hormone.
One year in, i actually dont reqlly have that thirst for sex anymore and it feels really reqlly good to not constsntly think about bedroom fun anymore. I feel relieved and free.
I can just tell you, that hookups are not really worth it and that you should never psrticipate in it. But then there also has to be something intimate because otherwise it will be just friendship.
If you date someone, tell them that you dont want to F but instead get to know them. If it doesnt work then it is not the right person to work with. And if you really like him and you notice he does aswell then tell him that you like him and that you want to know him better. And dont play childish games like texting BS.
When I get a crush on a guy, I feel attracted, I want to get to know him more, to interact with him, make eye contact and feel that little urge in the back of my head to cuddle up in his arms, but sex is not on my mind. Someone once claimed it made me "demisexual", which apparently is an "official" sexuality (I mean, as official as a sexuality that's only ever talked about online is) under the asexuality spectrum and implies not just a low sex drive, but a less than normal amount of sexual desires. It baffled me that hooks up are percieved as so normal that it's perfectly natural to crave for them, to the point where you're concidered abnormal for not doing so.
As long as ur good with talking to people and u respect urself I think u can find that man soon
The 46 year old woman reminds me of something similar that happened to my cousins aunt (who I’m not related to). She’s in her late 40’s I think maybe early 50’s too.
During her 20’s/30’s up she was introduced to plenty of men from her parents(we’re Indian so typically with the previous generation you get introduced to people via the parents), she said no to every single man and lived with her parents. Then in her 40’s she started looking for men to get married to and couldn’t find anyone and she’s remained single/alone ever since.
Unsure how she feels about this but I can’t imagine it’s a pleasant feeling knowing you’re undesirable in your later years
If you ask her, she'll say that it's men's fault 😂
This actually brings a smile to my face lol. Delusion at its finest
Whats the problem with being alone/single? Why does everyone automatically presume that a single person is unhappy or dissatisfied with their life? Also single and alone are very different, singles can have friends and family (and hookups for fun) and so never feel alone. And if getting married and settled down in your 20s/30s is so great why is the divorce rate so high? Yes maybe this person would say to you marry so you dont end up alone but how many other would tell you to not marry if you're not sure and that its better to just stay single?
@@avc7615 humans are not designed for solitude. One of the fastest killers of women ( and even men) is loneliness. It kills more than cancer. Relying on other people to accommodate you is not just selfish ( because it inconveniences them) it's also not as reliable ( typically, yes I agree that sometimes marriage doesn't guarantee a good family) as having your own family. I also have an aunt that used to talk like you, when I was a kid , she was young in her 20s/30s (In the 1990s/2000s) she was all over the place and couldn't be bothered to settle down because she was beautiful and had her pick of men. Fast forward 30 years and she's in her late 50s with chronic depression. She blames her condition on all the men that, in her opinion, used and dumped her and moved on and got married to younger women. We still love her and treat her as family but you can see the hurt( not jealousy)in her eyes when she see my parents who have been married for 35 years, and my sisters who are now married with little kids and how they don't regard her advice concerning relationships because she had never married.
How do you know she’s miserable being single? Women thrive while single
When it came to relationships, I always wanted something serious and never liked the idea of giving your body away to something just like that. I remained a virgin until I was 18 the boy I lost it too is now my husband and we have been together since and now have a child together. I have been told that I am outdated and that I “need” a hoe phase. When in reality thats a lie thats told by women that are bitter, lonely and low key want that marriage life. The tik tok of the 46 year breaks my heart. Hook up culture is very damaging to both men and women.
Bless you and your family ❤️
good job
No, any friend that says you needed a 'hoe phase' just didn't want to feel like a slut while they did it or had one. Sex doesn't have to be meaningless. And being a 304 doesn't give you peace or satisfaction.
hoe phase...as a guy it makes me sick hearing that. There's a reason hoe's look miserable and empty, they regret their bad decisions.
nobody "needs" anything, lol. can't believe people think that. people need to live and let live.
I've always felt this way and never bought into the idea that I'm validated by having meaningless sexual interactions with strangers. One area that isn't talked about enough is the danger aspect of hookup culture, how often do we speak about young ladies that are killed or exposed to diseases as a result of this?
From my experience hook up culture is a waste of time. It's missing the warmth and comfort of being with someone you know and love. As a guy I'm kinda sick of that "getting laid as much as we can is the ultimate goal" mindset. Being around someone I feel comfortable with is much better than sleeping around with randoms. But maybe I'm just built different
You're not built different and most men used to have that philosophy as well. We've all been brainwashed.
...including men ...there's agenda behind it
I agree the whole "get laid as much as you can is pretty ridiculous".
Congratulations, you're one of the few guys that make sense and have seen through the toxic bulls**t.
"I can tell you that I've never taken part in hookup culture"
It's interesting: Whenever I see women (whether they're influencers, academics etc.) who seem to be emotionally and psychologically balanced and generally offer reasonable takes on various issues, as a rule it turns out they aren't promiscuous and have never been.
Truth. Great comment. Screen Shot!!
These sort of "general truths" are likely incredibly false, and mostly just confirmation bias on the individual's part.
You believe promiscuity = bad, so you associate anyone defending it as "psychologically unbalanced".
Problem is, these kind of traits are very difficult to determine and more often than not, you usually don't have the information to determine the truth of that claim. Like, what do you look for to determine whether or not someone is "psychologically balanced"? Do you believe it's impossible or unlikely to be calm or composed and promiscuous? If so, why?
And more importantly, to what degree do you think the stigma against promiscuoty influences that? And if the stigma has an impact, don't you think we should destigmatize it instead? Would women like her be as "paychologically balanced" if we stigmatized female virginity as much as promiscuity?
@@virgodem Not really, since I didn't expect anything in the first place: I stumbled over this small channel, watched a few videos of hers (and considered them pretty reasonable and moderate; certainly moreso than most of the other stuff I find online), and *then* I watched this clip here - and this just fit a pattern I had already recognized independently of that video.
Of course to some extent it's correlation: I consider a more conservative outlook on life reasonable, and women who have that also tend to be monogamous (the only exception I can think of at the top of my head is Mikhaila Peterson, but she certainy isn't psychologically balanced); while people who are "woke" usually see promiscuity as healthy and a badge of honor (and they are disproportionally often nuts, so there's that).
But this goes beyond politics: actual promiscuity (i.e. not having had a ONS or two and then finding out that isn't for you) tends to come with a host of issues; and I have yet to meet a woman who engages in it and isn't in some way or form bonkers: whether it's narcissism and attentionwhorism, daddy issues and low self esteem, unchecked impulsivity and recklessness - even in the best of cases they display hedonistic self-centeredness and thoughtlessness. On the other hand I also know normal women who are in touch with their sexuality and don't treat their partner count like precious china; and they still don't fall into that trap - they somehow automatically end up in relationships by default.
It's a good question what is the cause and what the effect, to some extent they seem to be mutually enforcing one another (i.e. having issues leads to promiscuity; and promiscuity in turn leads to more issues).
No wonder why a lot of men are psychologically and emotionally imbalanced
@@virgodem Thank you for sharing this - I agree with you and think you make some solid points! I think the older I get, the less I care about meeting anyone else's expectations - whatever they may be. I make decisions (whether they are sexual in nature or not) that feel good to me, align with my core values, and I tend to seek that kind of flexibility in other people. When I encounter more fixed personalities, I don't push. It's served me well to remember that people live different lives and that's perfectly fine, ultimately none of my business lol.
I don't think it's my place to give my full opinion on this...but I really just wanted to leave a comment and say that I am very thankful that your message exists. It gives me hope that the upcoming generations will be different than mine when it comes to dating. I have an 8 year old daughter that I am hopeful will have the same self-respect to be incredibly discretionary towards her dating/sex life.
Eh? How attached are you from real life? Not to scare you but things are actually getting worse regardless of dating. Girls are getting worse and men are slowly walking away. You better teach to your daughter how to be happy by herself since a young age and by as close to her as possible.
@@godnyx117 Eh what? How *detached* am I? Just as much as the next person, I assume. Nothing about my statement was naive, so I'm not really sure where you're coming from with the tone you're putting out there.
I thought my comment was pretty straightforward, but to clarify; I am happy this message is out there now, in 2022.
Because when my daughter grows up, she won't always want to listen to mom and dad...which means that she will turn to outside pressures to learn certain things. If this message grows and balances out the period we are experiencing now, then she will have some reinforcement from her peers as to how to tackle the dating world in a healthy manner.
Regardless, my hope and goal as a father is to give my little girl the tools to stand on her own two feet and have healthy relationships with whomever she deems worthy of her.
As a father, that's the bare minimum I can hope for her future.
@@TheAngryRogue > so I'm not really sure where you're coming from with the tone you're putting out there.
The word "tone" literally refers to someone's VOICE. Are you imagine that I'm writing this comment been angry and that I would scream in real life? LMAO! You people should relax a little bit and not think everyone wants to attack and offend you...
> Because when my daughter grows up, she won't always want to listen to mom and dad...which means that she will turn to outside pressures to learn certain things
Makes sense. I do that since I became 16-17. The younger generations are more internet orientated so it will only get worse.
> If this message grows and balances out the period we are experiencing now, then she will have some reinforcement from her peers as to how to tackle the dating world in a healthy manner.
That's what I'm saying. It will *NOT!* One video one UA-cam will not change *NOTHING!* For each video attacking the Hookup culture (and any degenerate topic), there are 10 others defending it! People only care about a problem until it effects them. Girls and the Top 20% of guys will continue doing hookups until it stops working for them.
> Regardless, my hope and goal as a father is to give my little girl the tools to stand on her own two feet and have healthy relationships with whomever she deems worthy of her.
NICE! Let's focus on this then! Everything else just doesn't matter. My only advice as a millennial (is this term correct?) would be to try to have her spend as less time she can on the internet and focus on her spending times with you and your wife. And no, friends will not do unless you spend your time to meat them and makes sure they are not kids who spend their times on the internet and get fans of this stupid culture cause they will make your kid join as well. Good luck!
It will be different, its going to get much much worse and if you want to save your daughter you better move somewhere with no internet
@@TheSuperappelflap There is no place without an internet. Even the less developed countries in the world have it.
What bothers me most about todays hookup culture is the lack of accountability and denial of how it affects your overall wellbeing. I’ve seen the same patterns over and over again with the people around me where physically, they tend to get sick more often, most have had STDs, they’re emotionally stunted through their hookup phase, unable to communicate feelings/work through problems and resort to ghosting during this phase, and it tends to reveal repressed traumas that most of the time they still sweep under the rug. Not everybody, obviously, but in my experience more than a majority of the time. If people are going to promote that way of living, let’s not ignore the problems that come with it.
I never liked the hook up culture, and never understood it. I'm 28 now and it saved me from so much heartbreak.
This is very true. A great litmus test for a guy's intentions is to hold off on sex. If the guy isn't serious about you, then he will walk away. A man that is truly there for you will wait and get to know you better.
My mother told me never to give husband privileges to a man who is not my husband. I listened. I have held those privileges close. Only the man who scales through the hurdles to marry me will get them. And in abundance.
Edit: typos.
20 years ago, good strategy. today, nearly every man will walk away if you deny him s3x for too long because he knows that every woman in western countries has already slept with at least 100 guys.
You should never hook up with people who you want a relationship with in the first place. The whole point is to prevent a serious relationship. That is why theres a difference between "hooking up" and "dating."
@@Bluu_kat dating is just a euphemism for hooking up these days
@@TheSuperappelflap YUPPPP
The explanation of standards in terms who men date vs. sleep with for men was spot on !!
Agree
Not entirely. Women actually generally have higher physical standards for who they have casual sex with vs. relationships. Not equal.
@@AA-ig9re yeah because they're focusing on short term alpha arousing features. Money doesn't get that box tingling
@@AA-ig9re Not at all lol. They maneuver like that but thats not the case. A woman will get in a relationship with a man whom she's not that physically attracted to strictly and only for resources. She's gonna have a side guy smashing her for free that looks good. Looks come first to a woman always even if they cant act up on it.
@@postalcode63 So you're agreeing with me?
I was a socially anxious person all throughout high school, never talked to guys. Then in college I was lucky enough to have found my first boyfriend the first semester of in person college. Even though I have very little experience in dating, I can say I love being with him and would never give him up for hook ups with men that mean nothing. I hate the mindset that you need to have "fun" before you can settle down. It implies that commitment is boring while boning is the only way to have fun. Bonding with someone on a deeper level and being there for someone will always beat mindless sex.
3:31 "a lot of them don't realize that what they deem as settling is actually their level". It is rare that a woman accepts reality.
Sis hit on the head when she said about people thinking their settling, when what your getting is your level!! I don’t like to generalize genders, but both genders get into dating trouble when they go after what they aren’t eligible for, but are confused when they don’t get it.
This. I’ve seen this with both men and women. Chasing after people above their level and getting mad they don’t get them.
@@junopierre2988 What do you deem as being on the same level?
I never found sex appealing if anything it disgusts me just the idea of a stranger being allowed to take me is scary. I have always had a need to connect to people to form a bond with them and I know if I form that bond I would be willing to give myself to them until then even kissing makes me sick.
I have gone out on dates because of peer pressure and they always ended horrible I could always see in their eyes that the only interesting think about me was my body and they never got it.
I’m 24 now still a virgin never been in a relationship and I accepted that I’ll probably be alone for a while but I would rather be alone then lower myself and just become a thing to be used and thrown away.
have you ever heard of aro or ace?
@@oliviasommerville4733 it can even be Aegosexual which is something I might be like I can think, read, watch,talk about sex but not want to engage in it
@@0fficialselena__90 Or a demisexual, needing a strong emotional romantic bond to be able to experience sexual attraction. May or may not have general sexual needs/fantasies/masturbate/even have sex before that, however view other people completely non-sexually before a strong romantic bond is formed.
Yeah, I'm aro/ace I honestly disliked a lot of aspects about dating I found it fake. Since it seemed like you treated a "love" interest worse than a friend at times. Like friends just hung out, they knew each other's limits and what lines to not cross. Yet with "lovers" there was secrets you had to keep. I simply got burnt out of keeping up the hypersexual fuckboy persona since it was destroying my mental health.
You have psychological issues. Seek help. What you’re experiencing is not normal.
This girl's wisdom shows in her demeanor. Just seeing her face you can observe a healthy and poised clarity.
I'm 38 and my husband, of 18 years now, was my first and only. I am so thankful that I gave something as precious as it is to the right, Godly, loyal, and incredible man. Sharing not only your body but your soul with another person is not something that should be taken lightly.
Incredible. Women like you should speak out more and show other women an alternative. Best wishes.
Thank you! I agree with my whole chest on this topic and its so frustrating because nearly every TV show especially the ones aimed to the youth are FILLED with sexual material, drugs and horrible family dynamics. In the way of trying to showcase what true society is like with dysfunctional families and sex and drug issues we've gone sooo far that now we're glorifying and sensationalizing it all. Making people think this is what they're meant to do and instead push more and more anxiety, trauma and depression on to people.
Well. It's not very intelligent to mistake fiction for reality. The stories in TV series and movies need up and downs to keep the audience interested. No one would watch if you'd see a normal and stable relationship on TV - that is all. Drama is all that people want to hear about, even if it's fake.
"I'm not judging."
"I'm not judging."
"I'm not judging."
START JUDGING PEOPLE. START SHAMING PEOPLE. Not doing those things are why society is where it is at.
i thought judgement = cancel culture
True. Judgement brings accountability
@@Molecular-Brainwaves-Translate yeah...call people out and bye bye youtube channel or IG account. We've fallen into a hole I don't think we're getting out of soon. We say it as a joke but we might actually be screwed fr they way we're heading
@@kingdribs9286 I thought cancel culture was based around hollywood celebs not getting callbacks because they diddled some woman in the 80s. it didn't start as a youtube thing, but a reaction to the MeToo movement i thought.
Facts
6:39 girl, you are VALUABLE. So few women in America treat their bodies like temples. Watching this makes me sad because I recognize the problems in society but it also gives me hope for women. That phrase is a beautiful example of positive femininty!
I’m 39 and single. I actually have a number of female friends still single in their early 40s and I do think hookup culture is to blame. Dating is trash now. I want to marry, but am staying away from the dating apps because I’ve learned it is near impossible to find a guy on there who isn’t simply looking for a hookup. I’m sure there are some on there, but I’ve yet to find one and, frankly, I’m just not interested in hookups.
yes i agree about the apps. tinder, bumble, hinge they're all the same....full of people wanting hookups! (for the most part) and also people being vague about what they want because they'll take what they can get basically!
Lol they are single by choice. They’re chad only, their situations are absolutely not the same, they are victims only of their own bloated standards.
I agree. Hookup culture, social media, and online dating have all negatively impacted relationships. Dating is trash. Many people are single and cannot find quality partners meanwhile many others are settling because they cannot be alone nor value themselves.
Can you blame them? Y’all made this culture men are just adapting. And to men a late thirty year old who’s single is a red flag and has probably participated a lot in hook up culture and now wants a sucker. So that’s the result you’re going to get
@@tangoalpha94 men made the culture too.
I’m so glad I listened to my grandma who told me to be careful and wary of young men who only wanted one thing, and to focus on choosing a partner who was loving me for me. She told me that young women get romantically attached much more than young men (which I don’t know if it’s true but I know I’ve definitely gotten attached to anyone I had romantic attraction). I’m so thankful I don’t regret most of my sexual encounters and I think that’s because I’ve always been very picky with who I choose to be sexually and romantically involved with.
Firstly, she is kinda right. It is in a males biological imperative to procreate with as many women as possible. Therefore males do not create emotional attachments by sex as it is not of negative consequence. Males naturally pairbond by protecting and providing tangibles. It takes longer for males to become attached but when they do they fall harder.
The issue with feminism which is something that has been around since the Garden of Eden is that the last 50 years of social conditioning has thrown evo Bio out the window. Because females have the dating advantage in their teens and 20s which is a much shorter window, they have so many options making it harder to choose.
The f-boys that want one thing were most likely emotional beta males that were heartbroken by women that were sexually imprinted by other men. I've been there look up Tupac changing views on women.
When a woman has enough sex she burns out her oxytocin receptors for bonding making sex from then on dopamine driven. A.k.a the reward system. You'd think it's empowering but that means the men that she once has to hold the cards for sex and the way I do it with my main woman is that I just have sidechicks.
Oddly enough the sidechicks work for my validation harder than the main chick. Well.. people would say that doesn't give any man the excuse to cheat however this would not be necessary if they were virgins. Monogamy is a tricky thing to maintain a bad boy mindset as males get a drop in testosterone if he's no longer searching for a mate and another drop when he has kids so if I revert back into a beta then the sexually imprinted woman will cause hell like Jada Pinkett. Then the issue is, good monogamous men get gutted in family court. See how deep this rabbit hole is? I'm done with American women most of them are a lost cause
I think hook up culture affects both genders really. It maybe only benefits like the top 5% of men who get the vast majority of female attention (well at least that's what I'm seeing in Gen Z with my age group).
Most men really aren't even seen these days ironically enough a lot of these men do probably want to have a woman that cares for them and to treat like she means everything to them, but most girls would rather hook up with the tall handsome bad boy who treats like nothing and then say all men are trash and men who aren't even seen are getting blamed.
There is an article about the rise of lonely men and there are a lot of things it gets wrong imo saying that men don't have emotional intelligence or try to communicate yet the guys who try so hard to communicate get ignored because they're average looking or below while men who are assholes but very handsome always get interest, I believe those traits are good for a healthy relationship but not for a girl to give you a chance, you have to be attractive.
Women's standards are way higher than that of a man also yes even when it comes to looks data shows women only find about 5% of men attractive while men find 50-70% attractive. So yea as a man dating is pretty much not in your favour since the average girl gets so much attention they think they deserve better than the average man, like why even try?
This is kinda why people like Andrew Tate got so popular, I wish it wasn't this way and we'd all be able to find healthy relationships with people that care about us and not sleeping around and actually making it okay to love someone, but things look bleak.
Anyway yea good video I agree with a good deal of what you have to say .
i think this is a recent phenomenon men before 2010 were goig crazy
This is accurate. Don't let the low IQ sheep feminist incels change your views or mind with their toxic propaganda and misandry. You are right and the mainstream narrative wants to make sure men never wake up to this grim reality.
They never thought life would get so horrible for men in a feminist gynocentric shitshow society that they would figure this out naturally and adapt accordingly. That's what we are seeing now.
Not really, hhh we can get h*es if we have enough money!!!
The ruling elite is satanic. Of course they are going to adopt the societal makeup of Baal worshipping pagans. Strip clubs-ashterah poles sex magic. Abortion child sacrifice. The top men kings and warlords having all the spoils and women. Debauchery everywhere and free sex with anyone and anything.
@@imurpapa8120 wdym
I engaged in hook up culture in college because I felt every other girl was doing it and also whenever I would try to go on proper dates with guys they would always suggest Netflix and chill. TG I eventually met my fiancé at 22 but wish I hadn’t been pressured to engage in that culture in the first place .
Who pressured you though, I never feel pressure to do something because everyone else is doing it
Question how old is ur fiance
Pressured??? You choose who you sleep with. Good women make good choices.
There are a lot of hard truths in this video. I really love your honesty. As a gay dude dating in the gay community, I’ve also come to dislike the dating scene for very similar reasons, largely because it’s just a hookup scene now. It’s like, people want to hook up to “check and see” if the person is dating potential, which is odd to me.
Avoid gayness and pokemon and video games and anime
Well I'm gonna assume it's because sex can be a very delicate thing (dependent on how it is done ) and some might want to get to know somebodies tendencies before even trying a relationship.
I’m recently divorced at 29 and I never slept with anyone other than my ex husband. It’s brutal out here after reentering the dating scene after 10 years. I find men lose interest when you make it clear you don’t want to sleep with them within 3-5 dates.
Don't say that to men. Respect them for what they are and be feminine, show loyalty and character. You will have a good man in no time. We do NOT value easy cheap women who spread their legs, we value just the opposite. I am speaking as a 30 years old man.
I appreciate videos like this, especially coming from a woman, but our society punishes people who hold women accountable. Telling a woman to lower her standards and date on her level and not sleep around is considered a war crime.
Lower her standards is the opposite of sleeping around.
Exactly
Not lower necessary but reasonable. Let be real girl some of yall standard are crazy and you don;t even realize it. For ex: You want no kid, no pet, and a Christian man but most people are one of those 3. Then you gotta consider income, physical attractioness, etc and wonder why you are single. I don;t think people realize how high their standard are until you really think about it. You are gonna compromise and be realistic.
A lot of men have unreasonable standards as well. For example they’ll demean a girl with a high body count while they have a high one themselves. Also, women are held accountable for things that aren’t even their fault a lot of time. For example daddy issues is seen as a wrongdoing from the girl and not the dad.
@@marketables A large portion of men under 30 haven't had sex in a year or never had sex, many of which would tolerate a woman with a high body count. But women don't want those guys, they want the guys all the other women are sleeping with.
Women are free to sleep around if they want, but they can't then expect a "high quality man" to wife them after they've shared themselves with a village of men.
In my opinion, if a woman wants a husband then she should only sleep with men she considers husband material and stop sport fucking.
I remember being the weird kid in middle and high school for having never dated. It took me until 19 to go on a first, proper date and have my first kiss with the man I'd become engaged to. I remember being pressured and made fun of for being such a prude and for being too uptight for remaining a virgin until marriage but not for religious reasons. Thankfully, I'm the kind of person who can deal with things like this without taking it personally, I didn't really give into hookup culture. But I feel awful for women who are more sensitive to this sort of thing, especially when they're teenagers and infinitely more susceptible to peer pressure like this.
Ladies, if someone is pressuring you into literally any form of sex or sexual expression, they are not your friend (same for you, gentlemen). You wouldn't be okay with a man pressuring you to sleep with him, so don't let your friends pressure you into finding a partner to sleep with. If you don't want to sleep around, don't let anyone try to force you to do something different. And don't worry about the lack of experience - everyone starts somewhere and any man worth his salt (or woman for that matter, I don't judge) will understand and slow down and stick to your comfort zone as you figure out how this all works
YESSS
Hell girl, you sound like quite a catch, lucky guy.
I'm glad this is being discussed and hopefully rejected in our society. Personally, I'm a virgin but I'm proud of it and stand by it. Quality over quantity.
W
Ngl for most people in today's society its challenging af to view the word "Male Virgin" as a positive thing. Unless you are relatively attractive or dress like a Buddhist monk labeling yourself as a male virgin will have many people automatically assume it's because you are an incel, simp, or degenerate. Unfortunately, it's very unlikely that the mindset will change as hookup culture is still very prominent. Also brodie your profile picture gives away the fact you are a virgin. Maybe try taking off the headset or let it rest on your shoulders. Anyways I'm glad your not ashamed about your virginity and best of luck James.
Hook up culture has ruined the true meaning of what it is to be in love.
I live in Miami where it’s completely normal but I have never been okay with that because it’s just like you say not every one should know what your body is and being intimate can make you grow strong feelings.
I was single for 7 years and sex for me was so rare. Not because I couldn’t get it , I know I’m good looking but never felt like it was right to just do it with anyone.
Recently, After 7 years of being single I met my soul mate. I knew she was out there , I just didn’t know when or where she was coming from. Her and I have such similar backgrounds and share the exact same morals. I couldn’t be any happier at this point in my life. At one point in my life I felt like there was no hope & now after being with her , she has given me so much to look forward to. Truly love her.
The Good people are still out there.
They’re rare but they are still in this world
Once you find them , hold on to them because it’s like trying to find a unicorn , they don’t exist.
This was soooo inspiring and encouraging to read. So glad you found your soulmate. Thanks for sharing.
The reason women don't lower their standards is because they have a ton of options nowadays with online dating apps/social media. Most men don't have that luxury, and will do anything sometimes to have s3x, even with a girl that is below their standards because it's so much rarer to come by.
I only really encountered the love of my life at 26-27 years old. Unfortunately, she's gone, and I haven't felt the same way about anyone since.
I thought the exact same thing about "catching feelings", like it's some disease! Some nice insights here.
Also not to mention the prevalence of things like HPV in hookup culture.
Yeah, that was insightful.
YES. She get's it. Dating regularly for men is agony. Hooking up regularly for women is agony.
Probably the biggest "problem" is both sides have gotten to a point where they're less and less willing to meet in the middle.
Regular dating for men is great. Shotty men who constantly hookup aren't as happy as they say. Like women, they become picky and bitter.
@@InternetMonster1 so males can't be picky and bitter? Lol humans beings can be picky or bitter it's not a woman thing. Watch your language.
I consider myself a traditional man and my friends (who are also mostly traditional men) have told me awful stories of dating and how most women they've come across want traditional men but don't live a traditional lifestyle. Hearing these stories have made me incredibly happy that I don't date. This makes me want to stay single for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wish I could erase my feelings and just live a lonely life or find a way to bypass the shit the "dating market" brings.
just pay a professional for s3x, its cheaper than entertaining modern women and much less of a headache
Just keep doing you! Someone will come your way in life. I met my now boyfriend of almost 4 years on online gaming.. he was in another country at the time too! Anyways, it’s crazy how randomly you can find someone, just keep being yourself
@@sundeet that’s not very encouraging for a traditional man
@@sundeet Most of the times such "relationships" don't get anywhere or end up badly, you were very lucky
Non traditional people want to be with someone who has traditional values. Good luck to them thinking they will ever find that.
I'm 36 now and was never into hook up culture. I always wondered if i would regret it. I had a boyfriend for almost 10 years then I met my wife and we've been together for 10years now. Just tried one of each 😂 I am absolutely happy with my choices.
Honestly, I’ve always felt more pressure from women to be promiscuous than from men. I’m not saying creepy pushy men don’t exist or that I’ve never delt with them. But women give off more of a stand-offish “Oh so you think you’re better than us just because we have fun and you don’t?!?! You Pick Me!”
Do u hate women?
BROOOOO I felt this like how you mad I don’t wanna have sex with multiple people
They want to fit in, that’s why they do what everyone else is doing, anyone that opposes, they verbally abuse. Those who are weak-minded, with very low self-esteem will succumb to it.
The fact that samantha is the glorified character of satc speaks alot..
That is very simple, its because other women feel ashamed of what they did, and what to sabotage you too! So they will feel less ashamed and empty! But it wont help them. Its disgusting behavior to pressure others to that
What about the women in their 20s who don’t have any options due to NOT participating in hookups. 29 yr old virgin here and I’m going to be permanently single because I don’t want to have casual sex. Men are always complaining about rejection and singleness as if they don’t go around rejecting women too. 🙄😤. I’m good on dating. It’s the single rich auntie life for me.
This makes me so sad. There are so many men that would love to date you, date any girl really bc of their dream of life with a partner. But why is it that you can't find them? I keep finding them everywhere. Even in medias where there's a hookup culture bc of how easy it is to get away with sending sexual stuff and such without getting banned. Even there, i find men desperate for a girlfriend, wife. And yet you can't find them? I don't understand. Is it a luck thing? Am i more lucky than you? I don't believe in luck, but i'm seriously starting to question.
My advice to maybe have a better chance of finding the right guys is, ask them out yourself since men are usually the ones having to deal with rejection since they are the ones expected to make the first move, hear them out and always try to have civil conversations, don't be quick to take things personality and be open-minded and when they do things to make you happy like give you gifts and stuff, do the same for them and compliment them and always let them know if you have a problem with something and respect each other's views if they don't align, apologize when you messed up. And hold yourself to the standards you hold them. And let your inner child out, and be vulnerable in all the ways you can. Let them see you im your worst outfits, in your worst days, do unflattering things etc. And never ever, when they open up to you, use that sensitive information against them no matter how angry you get or how bad of a day you had. Oh and another super important, men that are great men are very positive. They see the good in stuff and find ways to fix their issues or move on. So if you can't do that or accept their help to help you do that, there's a high chance they won't be interested, consider you draining or lose interest for someone positive. I find that's the best way to have a man value you and for you to find the right type of men and not repel them. The wrong ones will be repelled by the respect, by the lack of drama, and the chasing of deep connection and boundaries, and expectations of accountability and reciprocability(is that a word?) or you will turn some wrong ones into rights ones without suffering or hanging into hope.
But yeah, men complain about getting rejected bc they're usually the ones expected to make advancements, expected to have lots of money and be super romantic even if they are on the 1st date and no connection had been made to see if they want you and after all that effort, bravery and money, they still have to deal with being rejected. And bc girls have so many options that most men will get rejected and struggle trying to woo a girl or have a girl take interest. While us girls, have many options so even if we get rejected by the guy we wanted, we still have so many other options and we don't have to do much to woo or have most men be interested bc they're desperate. So often all you have to do is just look pretty and i don't mean be model pretty or perfect body proportions. Nah, most men don't care. So just puting a nice outfit on, nothing dramatic, flashy, expensive necessary, simple makeup or covering eyebags, maybe mascara and brushing your hair, is more than enough.
My brother and his fiancee are around your age. It took them a long time to find each other but it worked out in the end. You're enough on your own, but if you want to be married please don't lose heart 💜
Well 29 M here.
I am coming from a broken home. My parents never showed much love to me or my brother. Both of us have attachment issues and both of us are virgins. I am good looking but I fear being unloved and abused.
As a man I can only hide behind this account and no one else I have to talk to.
At least girls have friends whom would listen to you.
Patience, I am very happy you told us your phrase "I want to treat my body like a temple, not a McDonald's drive thru" because that actually gave me a lot to think about... As someone who was once a bit deep in the hookup scene (albeit the gay hookup scene so it's a bit more... extreme because of course EVERYONE is a dude...) and still kind of struggle escaping it, that sentence struck me the most in this video. So thank you.
Read your Bible you would have escape it.
@@cocococop6082 You ok? It may surprise you to know that there are over 4,000 recognized religions in the world. These religions consist of churches, congregations, faith groups, tribes, cultures, and movements. Even though there are so many, three-quarters of the world's population practice one of the five major religions.
Think also about that temples get 5000 visitors and tourist a day
Catching feelings is like a taboo in this generation, it's weird how we casually choose to be heartless, for no reason whatsoever
I think it can change from generation to generation. I've seen it glamourized in college and refused to date then. I don't think everyone was partaking in it, but I was too busy to date anyways but hopefully in the future that kind of changes and guys increase their expectations as well and have more discipline when it comes to hooking up.
we are doing that, problem is when a guy has reasonable expectations (a woman who isnt overweight, eats healthy, knows how to cook and take care of a man and is good with children) there are literally 0 dating options available these days because all the women have at least 3 of the following issues: they are on antidepressants, have drinking problems, are overweight, are awful with children, dont know how to cook and treat men like trash.
As a guy I’ve had casual sex once with a co-worker. It is highly overrated and wouldn’t recommend it. I also think modern day feminism has also influenced hook up culture. The idea that women can do sexually what men can do is a myth, casual sex takes a heavier mental toll on women than it does on men. The point on hook up culture benefiting men, I’d say it does but only the top 20% of men (6ft tall, 6 figure income and 6 pack abs). I think the majority of men (80%) still choose to date with the intention of having a long term relationship because of a lack of options, the energy/time it requires to pursue a successful date or cause of religious/traditional values. The top 20% of men have a lot of options and tend to explore those options because women actually pursue them. Also on most women not achieving the big O during sex. A lot of people ruin their sexual experience because of hyper sexuality, too much porn which more women are watching today, using crazy sex toys and stuff just ends up frying most peoples brains. I read a study that stated a lot of men over 30 are reporting higher rates of erectile dysfunction and I think women are experiencing loss of sensation during the act.
I agree. They say that the reason most women say men are trash is because they're all messing around with the same minority of men.
Honestly I wished I had that with one of my coworkers and it doesn't matter if I never talk to her again since I don't right even talk to her nowadays, we don't work there anymore and this was a year ago.
Yeah as a girl I went through a casual sex phase and it left long term damage on my mental health. Everyone said that was what I should do and that it would make me feel "liberated". Instead I just feel incredibly violated and I'm still dealing with it, but it just pisses me off how led astray I was by our culture and role models. I wish someone taught me what real self respect was when I was growing up.
@@carlyav00 no one should have too teach you not too let a bunch of people enter your body. Food falls in a pile of dog crap pretty sure you wouldn't pick it up and eat it with a smile on your face. Females in general are not smart or critical thinkers especially not independent ones. Everything that you are is ashadow of others.
@@carlyav00 You can still teach young women to not do what you did. Be the anti role model to give young girls that image of what life will end up like for them if they do things the wrong way. Don't let your ego get in the way of the message. This journey will be about informing young girls for their benefit only.
It is SO refreshing hearing your take, it’s everything I’ve thought of about hook up culture, it’s a fucking scam. Every time I’d try to explain my stance I’d get labeled as a pick me or misogynist, you name it. Thank you so much for bringing this to light I can only hope we talk more and more about this from now on and maybe we could spare some people denial and heartbreak 🖤
80% of men are invisible to 80% of women on dating apps. The problem with dating is 100% of the women think they will get the top 5% of men. We have bang average women who because they pulled a hot guy once now think that's their level. To many have rid the merry go round and are now incapable of pair bonding as a result. That means they are a poor bet for a future. Looks like we are gonna have a lot more single people in the future.
No one is entitled to a m wan or a woman. These are human beings we are talking about.
@@Victory4001 I agree.
Real talk, this is honestly, one of the BEST videos I've EVER seen on this discussion! As a guy, part of the reason I hate when most MRAs/MGTOWs cover is they paint women as opportunistic villain's (usually call it "hypergamy") but yours talked from a more rational human side of the issue. Definitely going to watch your video on the male perspective of it!
You mentioned the 'resentment' thing in your boys video. The 46 year old woman also scrapped the surface of what I want to mention. However, I feel like what I'm about to say is more for the girls than the boys on this topic.
Overall, this video I think speaks very well to the girls who find themselves pressured into hookup culture by their friends and social groups. Red-pillers call this the "sisterhood". It's all too common that girl groups will encourage everyone in their group to do dumb shit so they can feel justified in their actions. Girls that would have NEVER participated in it if it were purely their decision.
However, one of the biggest issues I have about females in hookup culture (at least on social media) is how they brag gleefully about INTENTIONALLY choosing shitty men that are highly attractive! You know that person who's addicted to the sweet taste of sugar and continue to binge on junk food despite how bad it is for their body? Same concept.
If you're the type of girl who goes online, brags about how you sleep with a toxic guy FULLY KNOWING HE'S TOXIC, I have zero sympathy for what happens to you! These stupid bitches lack self-accountability and if they're too fucking stupid to learn that playing with fire gets you burned, then I have no reason to feel sorry for you when you have 2nd or 3rd degree burns all over your body! That was YOUR CHOICE you made UNDER YOUR CONSENT and your dumbass better QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND OWN IT!
Going back to my second paragraph, I know these same toxic-a-dick-ted cunts ALSO pressure their friends to:
1. Insist they do the same if they're single.
2. Insist they do the same if they're in a complicated relationship.
3. Insist they do the same if they're coming out of a complicated relationship.
4. Hell, even insist in some cases they do the same if they're in a GOOD relationship but it got "boring"! (because you know these toxic bitches get JEALOUS!)
Hopefully, more ladies see how screwed up the toxic girls around them are being burned by the low minority 'chads' (from the boys video) and they understand that both sides have lied to them about hookup culture helping them find true love and happiness with the right man for them. The right man for you is never going to be perfect...but he might feel like he's perfect to you once you get to know and love him!
dont watch videos of women trying to explain male perspective on this kind of topic, they just lie about everything to avoid any accountibility placed on themselves or other women. even this video is already a lot of lying. the simple fact is that hookup culture wouldnt exist if women knew how to keep their legs closed instead of giving it up for free to the bad boys who just want free s3x. those guys are a minority of men. the majority of women are participating in hookup culture. they made this the way it is.
So in other words, you hate the truth and want to keep on rose colored glasses. Weak.
I absolutely love that you make the point about “what they deem is settling is actually their level.” That and the fact that men don't want women who casually sleep around as wives are things that need to be preached harder before young women fall prey to this perverse culture.
100% truth.
Women don't want men that have slept around either. It's equally as gross but due to sexism it's somehow more accepted. A hypocrisy and double standard.
@@chihirostargazer6573 some not all women while for men it's most not all men, that want someone that slept around, the ratio is important.
Sorry but as a woman, I will never lay a hand on a guy that was fu*ked by any human with a hole. I want a desired,coveted man, not a communal bull. If anyone can have you, I'll say pass.
@@chihirostargazer6573 Men and women are created differently. Neither gender sleeping around is terribly attractive but the sperm chases the egg so at least if a man does it, you know he's desired and that's why women (even if they don't love it) won't stop themselves from being with a previously promiscuous male, because they still get to win when he chooses them beyond just a hook up. If a woman does it then she's some guy's leftover who didn't want to keep her around. And guy's don't want their buddy's (or their enemy's) leftovers because men are hunters, not scavengers.
Love your take on this. As an INTJ, I just think hooking up is a waste of my time and effort. I am already finding it hard to message my friends and family and now I have to act like I care for some rando just for 5 mins of “hit-or-miss” gratification. 😂
I’m an INTJ too & hooking up has never even crossed my mind… i feel like it’s a lot more work than just finding someone
I'm an INFJ, but I think the same. And it seems to make you feel dirty and used also which I don't like. I'm not some goods you can use.
@@mittag983 same here !!
they need to delete the dating apps , you’ll never get a genuine connection from these apps
im a guy on a dating app looking for a genuine connection, its not impossible, they just need to swipe left on the bad boys and swipe right on the good guys but they consistently do the opposite and then complain they cant get a genuine connection.
I got lucky. 3 years in November from bumble.
@@TheSuperappelflap You can say that but its easier said than done. It's not like there is a tag on a person's bio that tells you "good boy/bad boy". The best they can do is juggle between ten different conversations and try to sus out who is creepy, insecure, boring, etc, and often times at the end, the guy who was the most charming and disarming is actually juggling convos with 5 other girls and has no investment whatsoever. Dating apps would actually be pretty good imo if there was a limit on the amount of matches a guy could make full stop so that there was a sense of scarcity and the men's expectations were more realistic but also leaving women with less potential matches to filter through.
@@magiicZed most guys on dating apps only get a couple of matches a month if lucky, average woman om dating apps has 10.000 likes and 100 convos that are left on delivered. dating apps would work a lot better if women couldnt endlessly swipe and then select the hottest guy out of their hundreds of matches who is going to sleep with them once and move on to the next girl.
also its really not hard to tell who the f boys are, its immediately obvious from the way they dress and behave. the issue is that women find this type attractive and keep going for those guys, if they meet a decent guy he is, as you already admitted, boring, and gets rejected. youre doing this to yourselves. dont blame men for it.
@@TheSuperappelflap that's another way to go about it. The issue is that women have a lot of choice in dating apps because men outnumber women by a factor of almost 3, but also because men don't actually have to put any effort into matching. If they like someone, they swipe right. In real life, a man has to have the courage and confidence to talk to a girl. When this is removed, they end up swiping on everyone regardless of whether they think they have a real shot. What ends up happening is that men drain each other out and women have endless options. If men only got, let's say 10 swipes a day, which is generous, they would have to be economical with their matches. Women couldn't be as picky, and men would be realistic.
As for the fuckboy question. It's a mixed bag. Some guys play the unassuming attractive guy which mindfucks women, and others are just flat out fuckboys but women like to gamble. It's an issue for the two but it's definitely men who are fucking themselves over when they try to match with the supermodels when they can't even muster up the effort to say hi in person.
I am a Christian, so I don't really experience peer pressure around hookup culture. However, in a similar vein, I feel like even Christians can be judgey about only dating one or two people before committing. I waited to date anyone till I was 19, have only dated one person and can picture myself marrying him. But even in the Christian community, I feel like people talk to me like I don't know what is good for me unless I try other people out. And I can't help but feel that this mindset is mean-spirited. Like you shouldn't date someone because you love them, you should date a few people just to try them out and if you change your mind you can just leave.
Every time I find a woman who sees reality like I do I cry a little…lol. SUBSCRIBED
Women sleep with who they want, men sleep with who they can - some guy whose name I can't remember rn
Great take! It’s nice to see us all evolving through these phases. As a guy it’s hard to realize how deep we’re embedded into the hook up culture until I actually step away from it and see it for what it is. Ultimately, we all want to feel connected and significant. So much of what we think we want is just programmed by the culture when in reality it’s so simple
its not programmed, you chose to do that. take some accountibility for your own voluntary actions.
Dating is supposed to be a way to get to know someone which is supposed to lead to a relationship and hopefully marriage, one day.
It's really simple ladies. If you won't tell a guy you're interested in how many men you've slept with (honestly), there's a reason for that. You know it devalues you to the kind of man you want to be in a relationship with. You might not admit it to yourself, but ask yourself why you're ashamed to admit your real body count.
Same goes for men, there are too many STDs out here to be playing the hook up game.
Nah. Its no ones business. When you are intimate with someone that's between you and that person. It's not like you're going to believe them when they share their number anyways. If the number is low, you'll doubt them, if the number is higher than YOU think it should be you'll judge them.
@@mybrownsparklez Exactly. That's what they won't admit. Your dammed if you do dammed if you don't. Don't ask a question, then when someone's honest, doubt their answer
@Dnpe actually, I don’t share that information with anyone. No need to lie when I have no intention of sharing that information. I don’t even share that info w/ my girlfriends. It’s no one’s business. It has nothing to do with shame, it has to do with knowing what’s meant to be kept private. It’s like someone asking me how much money I have in my bank account. None of your business! That’s just how I operate. I’ve never asked a guy about his past either because ITS IN THE PAST. Plus it looks really insecure when you’re constantly trying to dig up info about someone’s past, like it’s going to change anything in the present. You’re looking for something to be angry about or judge them about.
@Dnpe I understand what you’re trying to convey but I disagree. I’m thankful that the men that I have dated never felt that insecure to ask me that question, nor I them. The only man obligated to know about my finances is my fiancé or my husband because we have decided to make that merger to become one. I respect your opinion on how you run your life. Good luck to you!
Don't worry about offending anyone. Just speak your truth. People who don't respect their bodies feel guilty when they see other people respecting their bodies. If you are so comfortable with one night stands then why bother when someone isn't.
I find that when am confident about something, I don't give a damn when someone isn't. I remembered when I started dancing all my friends were making fun of me. Before you know what, they also want to dance. I actually felt better when they didn't like it. Felt like it was something just for me.
I'm married, pregnant, and 33 now but when I was dating in my 20s I was always a relationship person. I didn't find it that difficult to find like minded men. I feel for young women now...I can't imagine being single right now.