I disagree completely. The reason any person cheats. lies and leaves a marriage is because they lack integrity, morals and commitment. Plenty of people lose their sex drive and don't go off cheating and leaving. Suggesting that sex is the issue just makes women feel like they have to put on a circus act in the bedroom in order to keep their husband interested and that's so wrong.
Thanks so much for your comment! Just to clarify, I certainly don't think women need to sacrifice themselves for men's sexual pleasure. I just wanted to explain my understanding of what motivates men.
I feel this..its betrayal. Perhaps one day our loyalty will be missed. But unless we just evolve and move on ate we just a grave site to what was after a few years or a few hundred break ups make ups?
I am also a victim of RH after 30 years . Sex was not the issue, my RH had requested about 5 years earlier that he wanted a more spiritual connections rather than physical because he had an “ awaking “ . At the time when he ran away a few years later, he started to blame the lack of sex , however, I pulled out the email message he sent a few years ago in which he requested less sex. Then he immediately turned the blame into some other reasons such as I was too loud when I open the cupboard, I left my shoes in the middle of the hallway that he almost tripped. That I have been giving too much attention to the children whom are also his children. When that husband decided to runaway without any signs of marriage discord prior ( happy for 30 years , never had to go for counselling and then wanted to go out on the “ date night “ on the day he announced he was leaving . ) . That person had serious issues which Vikki said in one of her talks as “ deception “ . Deception and betrayal are crimes against marriage and family. To deal with it , Justice must be served. Karma must be served. As it turns out , at the face of Justice, he wanted to come back . My told him “ Never “ . Karmic cycle is completed in this life . He has to take more lessons in the next life to correct his deception and betrayal acts .
I don’t think it’s about a sexual mismatch so much , there is usually a reason if the wife is not as interested in sex. My ex-H was happy to let me slave away doing 3 jobs, my full time job, the childcare, and the housework, while he came home from work & played video games. Then he would get sloppy drunk and try to grab me & get upset that I wasn’t suddenly all fired up & sexy. Of course he left me for a young girl with no children, no house skills and a low level part time job. Do of course she had more time for fun, she wasn’t being worked to death. Strangely enough, after the divorce, I rediscovered my sex drive and have had sone amazing lovers & experiences,. If more men would think about not taking advantage of their wives, not treat them like a workhorse, and try sone actual romancing, courtship, doing a few little nice things here and there I bet their partners would be more interested..
Yes! I felt like a slave. I was so disinterested in having an intimate relationship with this man who was essentially a grown child. There was no romance, just grabbing. The freedom is wonderful 😊
So happy I got divorced. Don’t have to think about this anymore as well as no more snoring that kept me up throughout the night. Most men are just vapid and selfish and immature. No matter what I wanted, it still came down to what he wanted. Pornography on his part harmed our sexual relationship.
My RH of 20 years left out of the blue 3 years ago (for a much older woman) and still have no idea why. The sex was still great. It was like we were made for each other. I didn't have a clue that he was having an affair for two years before he left. And I didn't have a clue that he was leaving. Since I've made a no contact rule, I'll never ask him why. So I'll probably never know.
Mine left for a much older woman too, she has no job, she is on state assistance and lives in project apartments. I am an RN, I have a carer, I am in school to get my BSN, I own a nice home and a second home that needs some remodeling, I have a fairly good sized yard. I worked myself into the ground trying to build a good enough life for him but it was never good enough and he made sure to let me know I was not good enough. I got up early on the weekends and cooked breakfast and took it to him in bed almost every weekend. The betrayal is to deep.
Alot of this is witchcraft. Jezebel spirit that is running rampant these last days. Read 2TIMOTHY 3. People are evil and it will increase. It's spiritual warfare. Read Ephesians 6:12. In New Testament.
Vikki love your videos! I just had a thought , when you spoke about how some men hit 50 , wonder is this all there is ? Start to question if they are somehow missing out? I vividly remember ,being 26 yrs old, having 3 little boys , now grown men Moving across the country, for yet another job change for my then husband. A million boxes everywhere Knee deep in diapers, one crying , another wanting me to find a particular toy n one wanting to eat lunch 🙃 " Is this all there is " ? Never crossed my mind ? I do remember thinking ... This is one of those times, I will remember fondly, not today maybe but one day 😉 34 yrs later , I am Smiling! We ALL did a wonderful job n have so much to be proud of ! In the end , I think that is what we all have to carry WE didn't run , hide or blame I certainly ,can live with that , smiling 😊
@cando9109 - That certainly is a question they ask esp. as they inch closer and closer to their 60s - In stark contrast, however, I have not come across any woman to date who started getting panic attacks as she was approaching her 50s or 60s - some may settle for a physical makeover and I can understand that but a complete redo of your entire life ??!! ... That is very characteristic of a deep identity crisis. It seems to me these men just never stopped to think about who they are and what they are doing on this planet the whole time since they were born. Too busy chasing the next shiny thing in life. It's a sad sad situation ... for them! :)
Thank you for the video. They always help to make sense of what may have gone wrong. I felt like it ended prematurely though lol! I was gripped but really wanted to hear the answers to the other questions. Particularly the one that was asked about 'feeling violated that he was sleeping with you and someone else at the same time 😔'.
My husband actually said at discard” Is this all there is” Lack of a sexual relationship was a major issue to him. He simply felt emasculated and I guess lonely and a younger chick wandered into his world. Showed him adoration and that was it . Done ✅ I have to accept I had a large part to play here. It’s not all about Narcissism.
@leannemclean5549 - So are you saying that if a young man walked into your life when you were feeling lonely you would do the same viz. cheat on your husband? If your answer is Yes, then you share more common values with your husband than you realize. But if your answer is No then ask yourself WHY the rules should be different for the two of you. Is that good or fair? If you recognize it is not either then why are you so willing to accept that injustice? Adultery is a Sin. God created us and He knows us MORE than we know ourselves. If there was no DECEPTION or EVIL involved in Adultery do you think he would have called it a SIN? If he has established Adultery as a Major Sin then what makes us think we know better than God? That's hubris and total disregard for the Wisdom with which God created this entire Universe. The Biggest Sin I have ever seen a Woman commit is making a Man her God and worshipping him instead of the One who actually created us.
My 40 yr marriage took a turn when he started getting testosterone shots… for 8 yrs. Sex was good but out of control when testosterone started. Changed his personality completely.
So much was covered in this video. I know it wasn't about a sexually connection. I feel like that was 85% of our relationship. However, at the same time I do know there were times of low testosterone. It worried him. Like you said nothing gets you going like an affair. Could it simply be you have had vanilla ice cream all your life but you notice everyone else is enjoying strawberry. So you want to try something else. Not better, just different.
It’s more than sex.. it’s the “affirmation” the woman gives the man., she’s never felt like this, he’s so good with her, …. He hears these things and the, from a physiological standpoint, the dopamine starts kicking in and he gets it like a drug.., the sex becomes secondary… the texts saying she wants him, the calls, all of that contributes to the pull….and unless the guy starts to really see what’s going on..,the gaslighting, and he mood swings etc… he will leave… he needs to be able to pull himself out and get counseling…. It is a tough and painful road for sure… it’s not an easy.. he has no integrity… it’s a two way street… not taking responsibility away from the cheater… but there were things lacking that started this path…. He should have gone to counseling… and taken you with him… but again.. it’s a two way street at some level that needs to be acknowledged.., if it isn’t from the spouses side…. Sometimes the affair is an easier route in their mind… until is gets out of control
My RH started withholding sex from me on our honeymoon...we had sex once the entire week! Then I got pregnant in our 4th month of marriage and he wanted nothing to do with me through the entire pregnancy. I was always asking for sex and being denied. Yet I stayed for 24 years and 3 children because sex isn't everything. We went to counseling and he just didn't want to be honest or open up. Now he left for married co-worker amd rents hotel rooms with her to go have sex every weekend. Everyone says she is a big downgrade from me. I don't understand. The whole thing just confuses me so, so much.
Mine said he missed sex with his ex that had multiple personality disorder, she would switch into a personality that didn't want to have sex with him. He said it was exciting and toxic. And I'm really sad that exciting sex seems to be toxic sex? At this point in my life I feel like I would need a vacation from life to unwind enough to really be in the mood for that.
Polygamy? Tuh. Men don’t want more wives, they want more carefree/unattached/salacious sex. Men write the laws in this country. If Polygamy was the answer, it would be permissible by law.
Geesh! Absolutely no accountability at all, huh? Marriage is a voluntary ‘invention’ - absolutely no one forces men to get married. If said man does not have the discipline or integrity to be a married man then he should stay S I N G L E. It’s really that simple.
I disagree completely. The reason any person cheats. lies and leaves a marriage is because they lack integrity, morals and commitment. Plenty of people lose their sex drive and don't go off cheating and leaving. Suggesting that sex is the issue just makes women feel like they have to put on a circus act in the bedroom in order to keep their husband interested and that's so wrong.
Thanks so much for your comment! Just to clarify, I certainly don't think women need to sacrifice themselves for men's sexual pleasure. I just wanted to explain my understanding of what motivates men.
I feel this..its betrayal. Perhaps one day our loyalty will be missed. But unless we just evolve and move on ate we just a grave site to what was after a few years or a few hundred break ups make ups?
I am also a victim of RH after 30 years . Sex was not the issue, my RH had requested about 5 years earlier that he wanted a more spiritual connections rather than physical because he had an “ awaking “ . At the time when he ran away a few years later, he started to blame the lack of sex , however, I pulled out the email message he sent a few years ago in which he requested less sex. Then he immediately turned the blame into some other reasons such as I was too loud when I open the cupboard, I left my shoes in the middle of the hallway that he almost tripped. That I have been giving too much attention to the children whom are also his children. When that husband decided to runaway without any signs of marriage discord prior ( happy for 30 years , never had to go for counselling and then wanted to go out on the “ date night “ on the day he announced he was leaving . ) . That person had serious issues which Vikki said in one of her talks as “ deception “ . Deception and betrayal are crimes against marriage and family. To deal with it , Justice must be served. Karma must be served. As it turns out , at the face of Justice, he wanted to come back . My told him “ Never “ . Karmic cycle is completed in this life . He has to take more lessons in the next life to correct his deception and betrayal acts .
Right..no commitment
@@VikkiStark right shes being honest
And giving the male point of view
I don’t think it’s about a sexual mismatch so much , there is usually a reason if the wife is not as interested in sex. My ex-H was happy to let me slave away doing 3 jobs, my full time job, the childcare, and the housework, while he came home from work & played video games. Then he would get sloppy drunk and try to grab me & get upset that I wasn’t suddenly all fired up & sexy. Of course he left me for a young girl with no children, no house skills and a low level part time job. Do of course she had more time for fun, she wasn’t being worked to death.
Strangely enough, after the divorce, I rediscovered my sex drive and have had sone amazing lovers & experiences,.
If more men would think about not taking advantage of their wives, not treat them like a workhorse, and try sone actual romancing, courtship, doing a few little nice things here and there I bet their partners would be more interested..
Thanks so much for your comment. I agree - very good point!
Yes! I felt like a slave. I was so disinterested in having an intimate relationship with this man who was essentially a grown child. There was no romance, just grabbing. The freedom is wonderful 😊
I loved sex with my husband until I caught him cheating with other women online. Kind of a turn off.
🧢
So happy I got divorced. Don’t have to think about this anymore as well as no more snoring that kept me up throughout the night. Most men are just vapid and selfish and immature. No matter what I wanted, it still came down to what he wanted. Pornography on his part harmed our sexual relationship.
I'm happy for you too. Why stay married if you are not SHOWN the effort and not VALUED? Let him go. Peace trumps pain and suffering.
My RH of 20 years left out of the blue 3 years ago (for a much older woman) and still have no idea why. The sex was still great. It was like we were made for each other. I didn't have a clue that he was having an affair for two years before he left. And I didn't have a clue that he was leaving. Since I've made a no contact rule, I'll never ask him why. So I'll probably never know.
Mine left for a much older woman too, she has no job, she is on state assistance and lives in project apartments. I am an RN, I have a carer, I am in school to get my BSN, I own a nice home and a second home that needs some remodeling, I have a fairly good sized yard. I worked myself into the ground trying to build a good enough life for him but it was never good enough and he made sure to let me know I was not good enough. I got up early on the weekends and cooked breakfast and took it to him in bed almost every weekend. The betrayal is to deep.
Alot of this is witchcraft. Jezebel spirit that is running rampant these last days. Read 2TIMOTHY 3. People are evil and it will increase. It's spiritual warfare. Read Ephesians 6:12. In New Testament.
Vikki love your videos!
I just had a thought , when you spoke about how some men hit 50 , wonder is this all there is ?
Start to question if they are somehow missing out?
I vividly remember ,being 26 yrs old, having 3 little boys , now grown men
Moving across the country, for yet another job change for my then husband.
A million boxes everywhere
Knee deep in diapers, one crying , another wanting me to find a particular toy n one wanting to eat lunch 🙃
" Is this all there is " ?
Never crossed my mind ?
I do remember thinking ...
This is one of those times, I will remember fondly, not today maybe
but one day 😉
34 yrs later , I am Smiling!
We ALL did a wonderful job n have so much to be proud of !
In the end , I think that is what we all have to carry
WE didn't run , hide or blame
I certainly ,can live with that , smiling 😊
Beautiful story! It's about appreciating what you have. Love it!
@cando9109 - That certainly is a question they ask esp. as they inch closer and closer to their 60s - In stark contrast, however, I have not come across any woman to date who started getting panic attacks as she was approaching her 50s or 60s - some may settle for a physical makeover and I can understand that but a complete redo of your entire life ??!! ... That is very characteristic of a deep identity crisis. It seems to me these men just never stopped to think about who they are and what they are doing on this planet the whole time since they were born. Too busy chasing the next shiny thing in life. It's a sad sad situation ... for them! :)
Thank you for the video. They always help to make sense of what may have gone wrong. I felt like it ended prematurely though lol! I was gripped but really wanted to hear the answers to the other questions. Particularly the one that was asked about 'feeling violated that he was sleeping with you and someone else at the same time 😔'.
Whoops! Forgot to address that. I'll answer that next time - thanks for writing!
I think it is a spiritual crisis in every case.
My ex that got engaged with 6 weeks to his rebound picked his neighbor whom is 5 years older than me. He is,70 and she is 69....
My husband actually said at discard” Is this all there is” Lack of a sexual relationship was a major issue to him. He simply felt emasculated and I guess lonely and a younger chick wandered into his world. Showed him adoration and that was it . Done ✅ I have to accept I had a large part to play here. It’s not all about Narcissism.
Thanks for writing so openly and honestly, Leanne!
@leannemclean5549 - So are you saying that if a young man walked into your life when you were feeling lonely you would do the same viz. cheat on your husband? If your answer is Yes, then you share more common values with your husband than you realize. But if your answer is No then ask yourself WHY the rules should be different for the two of you. Is that good or fair? If you recognize it is not either then why are you so willing to accept that injustice? Adultery is a Sin. God created us and He knows us MORE than we know ourselves. If there was no DECEPTION or EVIL involved in Adultery do you think he would have called it a SIN? If he has established Adultery as a Major Sin then what makes us think we know better than God? That's hubris and total disregard for the Wisdom with which God created this entire Universe. The Biggest Sin I have ever seen a Woman commit is making a Man her God and worshipping him instead of the One who actually created us.
My 40 yr marriage took a turn when he started getting testosterone shots… for 8 yrs. Sex was good but out of control when testosterone started. Changed his personality completely.
Same here. He he got mean.
My ex decided years before we separated that I’d go off sex when I hit menopause. I didn’t but completely went off him.
So much was covered in this video. I know it wasn't about a sexually connection. I feel like that was 85% of our relationship. However, at the same time I do know there were times of low testosterone. It worried him. Like you said nothing gets you going like an affair.
Could it simply be you have had vanilla ice cream all your life but you notice everyone else is enjoying strawberry. So you want to try something else. Not better, just different.
It’s more than sex.. it’s the “affirmation” the woman gives the man., she’s never felt like this, he’s so good with her, …. He hears these things and the, from a physiological standpoint, the dopamine starts kicking in and he gets it like a drug.., the sex becomes secondary… the texts saying she wants him, the calls, all of that contributes to the pull….and unless the guy starts to really see what’s going on..,the gaslighting, and he mood swings etc… he will leave… he needs to be able to pull himself out and get counseling…. It is a tough and painful road for sure… it’s not an easy.. he has no integrity… it’s a two way street… not taking responsibility away from the cheater… but there were things lacking that started this path…. He should have gone to counseling… and taken you with him… but again.. it’s a two way street at some level that needs to be acknowledged.., if it isn’t from the spouses side…. Sometimes the affair is an easier route in their mind… until is gets out of control
My RH started withholding sex from me on our honeymoon...we had sex once the entire week! Then I got pregnant in our 4th month of marriage and he wanted nothing to do with me through the entire pregnancy. I was always asking for sex and being denied. Yet I stayed for 24 years and 3 children because sex isn't everything. We went to counseling and he just didn't want to be honest or open up. Now he left for married co-worker amd rents hotel rooms with her to go have sex every weekend. Everyone says she is a big downgrade from me. I don't understand. The whole thing just confuses me so, so much.
I hope you will address porn use too… I’m guessing 100% of runaway husbands use porn
Not really - it's not something I've heard a lot about from the ex-wives over the years.
I would say yes. Porn use is coming out in the open. It encourages objectification of sex. Excludes intimacy and encourages infidelity.
Mine said he missed sex with his ex that had multiple personality disorder, she would switch into a personality that didn't want to have sex with him. He said it was exciting and toxic. And I'm really sad that exciting sex seems to be toxic sex? At this point in my life I feel like I would need a vacation from life to unwind enough to really be in the mood for that.
So why doesn't the court declare polygamy legal? After all it was legal once isn't it?
Polygamy is not allowed because it would be too expensive to look after soo many children...unless you are married to a sultan
Polygamy? Tuh. Men don’t want more wives, they want more carefree/unattached/salacious sex. Men write the laws in this country. If Polygamy was the answer, it would be permissible by law.
Geesh! Absolutely no accountability at all, huh? Marriage is a voluntary ‘invention’ - absolutely no one forces men to get married. If said man does not have the discipline or integrity to be a married man then he should stay S I N G L E. It’s really that simple.
Societal pressure? Blackmailing? Yeah, only for weak men. Smh.
No problem, Ken lol ☺️