Відео

It’s not a gender issue.

Many times its the lack of sex and you're made to work for it.

It’s been 12 years. He left us for his affair partner in mid December of 2012. I almost didn’t make it…didn’t want to make it. It does get better, but I do still have a homesickness deep inside of me.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. It is a total mind$#%&!

The moment you find out a person is married and you continue to engage, you’re guilty. It takes two unless it was rape. We’re all held accountable for our decisions. Some choices are hard, but doable unless the married person is controlling you. And never believe the other person is happy. The relationship started out with a lie and a liar. Why would you ever think the person who lied to their spouse will ever become an honest person over night. And the other person would always have in the back of their head “he or she did it before why not now”. It’s only a matter of time that it will happen again. You never want to breakup a family while trying to build yours without expecting turmoil, grief and pain. What you sowed, you will have to eat of its fruit too.

I appreciate You You are Beautiful Person

Mine ghosted me I never knew what The word meant Now i sure do

I am so glad i found you ❤❤❤

Well, he left so much dumped on me, including co-med power of attorney to my ill father (who has been amazing to him over 40 years)...yes, he could come back and clean up the mess (legal and his own responsibilities) that he cut out on. Not like him. Some significant medications of his did get messed up. He controls that though. My point is a previously decent person can return to help clean up the mess. Probably too embarrassed.

It’s wayward spouse 101. It’s called blame shifting. They HAVE to justify their behavior by making you the bad guy.

Ty

It’s more than sex.. it’s the “affirmation” the woman gives the man., she’s never felt like this, he’s so good with her, …. He hears these things and the, from a physiological standpoint, the dopamine starts kicking in and he gets it like a drug.., the sex becomes secondary… the texts saying she wants him, the calls, all of that contributes to the pull….and unless the guy starts to really see what’s going on..,the gaslighting, and he mood swings etc… he will leave… he needs to be able to pull himself out and get counseling…. It is a tough and painful road for sure… it’s not an easy.. he has no integrity… it’s a two way street… not taking responsibility away from the cheater… but there were things lacking that started this path…. He should have gone to counseling… and taken you with him… but again.. it’s a two way street at some level that needs to be acknowledged.., if it isn’t from the spouses side…. Sometimes the affair is an easier route in their mind… until is gets out of control

He pretty much been talking with you the whole time. A guy will fight for years to try and make his marriage work. And yes it may take him 15 or more years to leave you. On the flip side I’ve seen females leave their marriage because they were happy. A man isn’t going to just sit on a coach am inform you. We been saying it over the past years. We express ourselves during the moment. We don’t like to repeat. Thus, we will brain dump a situation and forget until it happens again. We never bring up dates be cause we brain dump. Women often times bring up issues of the past like a I got you moment. Most will see it as being petty. And that petty amps up a man’s anxiety, and stress levels over time. Trust me, he have told you to stop on many occasions STOP is a pre text for ish might happen latter.

Amazing, my life fits all the criteria in your video. Still in shock each time I hear it! But you survived! So can I. Thank you for being an example!

1:46 1. The chaos/pain won’t last forever 2:45 2. acknowledge the marriage is really over 3:45 3. The fact that your spouse has changed and beyond the point to care for you And your welfare 4:54 4. Understand why they need to justify their actions 6:02 5. Give up trying to get the apology you deserve 7:01 6. Turn your focus to the future 7:49 7. Celebrate your new life

Jonathan did not say “ I’m not the person you think I am”. But he said, “Your Jonathan is gone.”

A poetry in my soul to be shared with the special you - do respect the copyrights despite the anonymity. From one wounded ❤ to another. While addressing a man as WS, this applies to both male and female. A man gets up one day A man gets up one day. He walks out the door to never return. He leaves behind a bleeding heart, bleeding and burned. A man gets up one day. He walks out the door to never return. He leaves behind the silence of death. A loving body on the floor with no breath. A man gets up one day. He walks out the door to never return. A river of tears flows down the face of those left behind. A choking lonliness in too much of a space A man gets up one day. He closes the book of a lifetime. A family with a past, an hopful future, filled with promises, is left, just frozen, a victim of a moral crime. And time is not what it was just seconds before. Time is chaos, Time is uncertainty, it's pain. Time is fear, it is endless grief, it is shock, of what was about to be and never again. A man gets up one day. He closes his door to never be back. He lets go of the hug, the kiss, the love without remorse or empathy, just running away gladly. But was he ever the man she thought he was or perhaps a concept she has wished for so badly.

Word for word how my ex husband did me.

😢😢

This guy from over 5 yrs. ago vampirised me for 4 yrs. moneywise and emotionally, and left in the moment when I would have most needed his support. Him leaving did not come out of the blue, I was though busy preparing for exams and did not have the breath to rethink our relationship in that moment. I thought he would have the decency to wait, for us to rethink our relationship after my exams - wrong. I thought he would have the decency to acknowledge that I had spent way more money on that relationship and in case of separation he would pay back some - wrong. I was traumatized to the point of not being able to think and speak clearly while being perfectly aware of my deficiency. I remember the looks from people. My family turned away from me. Maybe due to the hardcore stress of the abandonment, I relapsed with an autoinflammatory disorder and I am now in a difficult health and financial situtation. Of course this guy married 6m later some European eastern person from the internet and has to live with her in the same town I do. I haven't dated since. I can't, I am still traumatized and have to deal with my health issues. In sum, my life has been very difficult since. The lesson I am taking, attachment is ok but don't overdo it. Keep in mind that sth can always happen to your relationship, it does not need to be abandonment, but sth might happen to your spouse. Imagine always a life without that person. By chance I was at his place recently, and things are not as shiny as they look.

You described our situation so well, it's terrible. Few people understand except those of us who have experienced it.

What if the other woman knows about you and your husband refuses to end his marriage and refuses to end the affair?

He dumped me a week before the wedding. Told me to move out on my birthday. Got a brand new car, new apartment, and planned dates with his mistress (wearing his wedding tux) while I sobbed. Doesn't help that she's 10 years younger than me and works with him. A year after our wedding was supposed to happen, they have a baby and newly purchased home. I don't understand how these women can trust men who leave their wives to be with them.

Any good resources I can look for help?

Do you have any resources to help?

How many of these cases are caused by cutting off the bedroom? Accountability is kryptonite to some.

Please consider looking at rejoice marriage ministries on finding your way with dealing with this type of hardship. It's a beautiful ministry that has helped many.

I'm sorry.I know just a little bit about the theory behind your back.But what I really struggle with is that it's not rational that one day the husband wakes up and rolls over and says I want out. I have read a lot about how marriage is and and generally there is always red flags.There is a lack of communication and generally, one of the 2 is not happy and hasn't been for a while and they feel like that, they will be rejected by going to their partner because they've been shut down in the past, so they don't say anything, so this is why they go off.On their own and they do their own thing to satisfy their own emotional and physical needs. Marriages don't just end with a snap of the fingers. It takes two people to end a marriage more so one than me other a lot of times but this is not just a husband thing.

Bunch of losers..men

My ex left me for a co-worker while I was sick and dealing with an illness. I let her have him as he wasn’t an easy person to live with. Yes it hurt and was hard but it was for the best. Cheaters not only betray you and lie to you. They don’t care that they hurt you. I could never trust him. And if they are lying to you they are lying to the other woman. It didn’t take long after we divorced that they were complaining about each other. I think most women when reflecting on their relationship realize that there were problems.

I think my narc husband hated life in general. The world did not revolve around him and what he thought he was entitled to. He was just a unhappy dark soul . He constantly frowned and pouted about the things he should and could have had. Never mind that his wife and children did without everyday things and necessities trying to make the poor malcontent happier. I know that it was a major mistake staying now. He passed away and his unhappiness is over. These people are just never at peace or satisfied.

Once you can allow yourself to view the situation as “the more people that love my children, the better” it gets a little easier to handle.

I think women don't know the basics about men. Men, they think about s&x 90% of the time, and they really like having it as often as they can. Most men get their intimacy from s&x (normal healthy men). Sorry to say, you stop giving it to him and he needs that release, makes him feel like a man. If you don't give it to him for weeks.....Be real. Women have to spice it up, surprise him.

My sister has taken her own life , i found a box wuth letters and pdf's along with printed pages and pagesand pagesbof text messages. She had been in affair with a married man. Reading all the text, this man approched her on a dating site as a divorced man. I gather this went on for 6 months she found out he was married after 4 months. She was a vulnerable woman.. How many other women has he done this to ... Im trying to get intouch with his wife to make sure she knows .

A ritual I thought of: Get an empty milk carton and tape a blank piece of paper to it. Draw on the paper a simple, expressionless face. Caption: "Have You Seen Me?" along with name of Ex and date of departure. I don't know why, but it makes me giggle to think of doing something like that.

Regeneration is definitely the right word. It's 8 years for me, as well, after nearly 30 years of marriage. I had to consciously decide that it was ok NOT to have closure. I still grieve, but things do get easier, emotionally. Recently I've made a concerted effort to be more outgoing and to socialise more, taking up hobbies that I haven't done in many decades, and this has proved to be a boon

my sister is the other woman to a much older man and it's annoying how many excuses she has to keep the affair for 5 years. she is trying to justify that the wife probably already knows and is ready for divorce and they don't have much of a relationship....for 5 years and counting!

This is so painful!😓 😢 we have to be the grown up , suppress everything, and they get to play house with the kids that we have given everything to. I can’t have my own life because now I am older and have given everything to this family. I don’t want to be the one that has to grow and they dont

Thank you Vikki and Stephanie. The problem of 'forgiveness' has to do with what people think it is and what it is not. Best short read IMO on Forgiveness is here in an article "Vengeance Isn't Mine" by Barbara Crafton who has written wonderfully and helpfully on the topic.(link below) I agree with Vikki in the sense of it is not being bitter. I prayed for this, it was important to believe there are and can be good marriages. And I soooooo identify with wanting to "understand what happened". For 2 reason early on it was to 'fix it' to do what I might to change myself. But also I was afraid of repeating what ever that might be and so be hurt again. I have very low 'people' trust, and move cautiously. God has held my hand and guided me through each day, with help from others who have suffered from WAS. What a blessing they have been in my life to help me heal. books.google.com/books?id=t4cmCwKyZg0C&pg=PA25&lpg=PA25&dq=%22Vengeance+Isn%27t+Mine%22+Barbara+Crafton&source=bl&ots=-mLZ5J7DHF&sig=ACfU3U1qOUejs9LJ2VqAN6olvWPwfSbKVg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj1x8eY8YOGAxW7MVkFHbR-DaMQ6AF6BAgJEAM#v=onepage&q=%22Vengeance%20Isn't%20Mine%22%20Barbara%20Crafton&f=false

Listening is like someone verbalising my experience. At the time of my marriage break up two of my closest friends husbands passed away suddenly. I witnessed their grief and healing . I still grief 8 years on because it's not a shared grief.

Let's not *DIGNIFY* the behavior of these immature boys with unresolved mommy issues by calling them 'MEN' - That is the FIRST error in Judgement that women consistently make. The reason we have come to ACCEPT such behavior is because ... ready for the Truth .... because we (women) did NOT raise these boys with the *Laser Focus Objective* that they will grow up to be MEN one day who HAVE to be RESPONSIBLE for Future Families. We allow them to stay boys for the rest of their lives. We have set ZERO standards of ACCOUNTABILITY for bad behavior on the part of boys. They have a free reign. The entire Responsibility in the WEST of raising a Family is thus shouldered by a Woman thanks to our lackadaisical attitude about raising boys and that horrendous ideology that 'boys will be boys' - This may come as a SURPRISE to many women in the West but boys in Eastern cultures are NOT raised that way. Night and Day difference. In fact, the very *worth* of a man in Eastern societies esp. South Asia for example is based on whether or not he is capable of supporting his Family and whether or not he is a good father, husband i.e. *Family Man* and very interestingly if he falls short he gets quickly demoted in society. Unmarried Boys in the West just DO NOT enjoy the same status in society as Married Men do, FAMILY MEN. In the West there is no such concept. In the West a Man who actually looks after his Family is a rare find and can even be considered a National Treasure. The NORM in the West is to tell girls from sn early age that they are lucky enough if they find someone with a pair of functioning te$ticles (because that's all that matters). If you find one consider yourself lucky and $hut up about the rest or he will 'runaway' and find someone else (because of course there is a long line of very desperate women in the West too who have very low standards of what to both expect and ACCEPT from a Man). The West is a Paradise for emotionally, psychlogically and physically lazy men (correction: boys) and they have no chance of surviving in socities where Real Men abound. I have lived my Life both in the East and the West (equally) and I really feel very sorry for Women in the West. They are so much Smarter and Stronger than their Eastern counterparts and have EVERYTHING they could want materially except the SECURITY that comes with Raising a Family together with a DEPENDABLE MAN. That has sadly become a Pipedream in the West.

The KEY element of AUTHENTIC Forgiveness is REMORSE. Not saying some people cannot move past and forgive without witnessing REMORSE in the perpetrator but the vast majority of humans cannot handle forgiveness without REMORSE. And they shouldn't have to. This pressure is not only unnecessary, it's severely UNNATURAL. And I am going to just say it like, when you examine closely, it's actually just another form of VIRTUE SIGNALLING which is a favorite hobby of women and precisely why we see this push to 'forgive' coming from women because they NEED a reason to condemn you one way or another for your marriage not working out because they have deep seated fears of their own marriages following suit, so if you cannot forgive, refuse to forgive or simply are not ready to forgive, then they can WRITE YOU OFF as 'unforgiving' and hence the cause of the demise of your marriage and happily move on with their lives which YOU have interrupted and kept on hold because of your refusal to 'forgive' - See how that works. It's called Dark Psychology i.e. the hidden motives people don't tell you about but they sure as hell act on them. Only you don't know them. There is a Good Reason God has created Hell but most people refuse to accept His Wisdom in creating it. Stay in Denial. What else can I say.

10:44 I believe CS Lewis is supposed to have said “Grief depenenu😂

Regeneration! Yes!!! 👏

I want to add here that it's not always the case that the runaway husband leaves for a 'younger' woman. I was much younger than my Ex ... still am 😊 (15 years age difference) but I had left my high paying job to look after our children to homeschool them and cut down school and childcare costs but then you see he (my runaway Ex) lost a cash cow that way. So he ran to the next cash cow he saw that was available who happened to be a much older woman (older than him even) who had the money and resources he was drooling after and she (older woman) needed a boy toy in her pathetic lonely life ... He (ex) actually tried to rub that in my face when I confronted him about the flowers and ky jelly I discovered in his online shopping cart ... His explanation for the flowers and kyjelly was (ready for this) ... 'She has 5 businesses of her own' ....Yep that was good enough to destroy his Family, my years of hard work AND our children's future. Btw, he had money to buy the flowers and ky jelly but wiped out our entire joint account and didn't leave a penny to buy food for our kids. Glad to report he is no longer in our Lives. Booted him out without regrets. His own children hate him and want nothing to do with him now. What you sow so shall you reap. My advice to such Men and all Men in fact. Don't sign your own Death Sentence by sabotaging the very relationships that are meant to be your safety net and source of joy and comfort in your old age. No amount of wealth is ever going to buy you authentic, sincere relationships in Life.

6:56 I read the Mirza book while I was in therapy after my ex left. I thought it described my experience very well. But my therapist shut me down when I brought up the possibility that my ex was a CN. I also described numerous rage incidents that came out of nowhere. My therapist simply had a puzzled look on her face. Like she never heard of that before. Living with a CN is very isolating. The last 9 months of my marriage I saw the cruelty come out. He discarded me when I stood up for myself. It through a wrench in his exit strategy and he panicked. And the vicious and cruel things he said the day he left were so shocking. . I wish more therapists were aware of CN.

Almost everything mentioned in the video was spot on for experience. Except don’t think there was another woman I think certainly there was a desire for multiple anonymous sexual liaisons, based on my review of his browsing history that I conducted after he left. When I reached out to friends to tell them that my husband walked out of our 32 year marriage, two women told me to “not be bitter.” Huh? One later apologized after she realized this was not a routine divorce but instead was a heartless and selfish way for my husband to unilaterally end the marriage. She told me she sat down with her spouse to check in and ask if he had any concerns about their marriage.

If you stand for your marriage and put god in the center of it he will indeed come back! Let's not lose hope

3:23 I needed to hear this ! Thank you. He would only come back if it is convenient for him.

Conclusion: it’s all about them, they are dysfunctional narcissists and our lives have been wasted on them