Men’s BPD. Sexual abuse survivor.
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- Опубліковано 17 кві 2020
- The worst video I’ve ever made, but needed to speak up. ***trigger warning*** I talk fully and openly about sexual abuse between an adult relative and a minor.
Tips and support always welcome
www.paypal.me/stephensantouris
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My story is strikingly very similar to yours. I am 60 years old. I came across your post because I am struggling, searching for a way out of a prison that was built for me as a child and teenager. I know what you speak of here.
You are very brave, Stephen. You deserve love and to be loved without fear. I hope and pray you find someone who loves you as you deserve. Prayers always.
Thank you for your honesty and strength. Love your journey and your courage
This must have been really difficult for you to share. I'm sure you will be making others who have experienced similar, awful things to feel less alone. Really appreciating hearing about EUPD which I also have from a male perspective.
Thank you xx
Stephen! Thank you for this courageous disclosure. All your videos go back 3 or 4 years. I'm dying to know you are today. Co- survivor here
Brutal. So hard to watch. Well done, love you buddy.
I am so proud of you for sharing this.
Hi! Just wanted to drop a comment to *thank you* so much for this and all your content. I can't believe how much I relate, and also look up to you. Your openness and growth is so inspirational (even though I hate that word :p). I just found your channel after being tired of being a 29 year old man watching videos by 18 year old girls having the same exact symptoms and experiences and feeling very much like a failure. There's just so much recognition and perspective and just .. thank you!
You're saving lives. Thank you.
I’m so proud of you for opening up and sharing this! I was abused growing up, my mom has BPD and the best way I can describe this is soul murder. I’m so fucking worn out at only 20 years old, and I’m still financially dependent on her because I didn’t get a job due to being depressed and (like you said in this video, having a fear of taking control in your life)
People definitely prey on us with wounds. Their demons find us, certain men in my life have tried preying on me because of it
Blessings and healing for you Noelle; stay strong
That last paragraph hit home. They smell us like blood in the water and it's all you seem to be able to attract. And you want to say no, I don't want it like this. It's just... I'm a man, and women are like this too. I just wanted you to know. Yes, my story is a more rare one, so I'm watching a lot of these videos just trying to find one I can relate to... but it is the only reality I have ever known. From a very, very young age.
@@mpat100 thank you! You too
@@DrDeathpwnsu damn I’m so sorry! It’s truly hell and it seems very few people will ever understand how you feel. I’ve definitely gotten better at spotting these kinds of men and now the only people in my life have my best interests in mind and are truly healthy for me. Things happened in my life where I’ve stood up for myself to my mom, and physically defended myself on multiple accounts where she tried putting her hands on me. Ever since then I’ve become quite self aware, and much more “dominant” if that makes sense.
The instance where a man tried preying on me was when I told him about my abuse and how it changed me sexually, you see I don’t believe in bdsm or degrading sex because I believe it’s a manifestation of trauma, demons, and hatred/self hatred manifesting itself sexually. Kind of like how a lot of serial killers are sadistic. And this pathetic excuse for a man tried talking me into something truly degrading that I said I didn’t want to do, and I only watched it on pornography as a form of self punishment (kind of like when someone cuts themselves) he was fully aware of this shameful kink of mine and instead of trying to get me help, or care about me, he literally tried sexually coercing me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’m a changed woman since then as well…. As for you, I do truly understand what you’re saying and yes MANY women look to take advantage of you, degrade you, and seek validation from you by using you! Be so aware of this. Journaling has tremendously helped me
@@noellealdi881 What a detailed and awesome response. Yeah, I hate it. They're like yeah, you really want it like this. No I don't!!! And for years you know, like I was the "lucky boy". You know, I didn't get penetrated by a man, so what? The trauma those guys must have endured... Yeah, there was nothing there that was not enjoyable... But it's really the aftermath. Nobody explained what happened to me. All I knew (like early on, but by highschool I had experiences, you know) is that clearly none of the girls in school like me, because if they did, then they would do THAT too. Like, what else the hell was I supposed to think?
I am so sorry that you have been mistreated not only by your uncle but also by other family members. Sharing this will help more people that have gone through this. Giving a voice to such an awful thing takes Strength. Thank you for being a warrior !❤❤❤
I really want to hug you right now. You were'nt wrong to seek help, please remember that. Much love ♥️
Dear Stephen. You are very brave to share your story here. Thank you. I grew up without ever being told I was loved, or hugged by my mom and dad. So, I understand somewhat how you feel. I can tell that you are a very good and sensitive individual. I wish the best for you in your life. God bless.
Stephen, thank you for posting this. I'm sure this video is helping a lot of people in similar situations. I wish you peace, my friend.
Males coming forward to report sexual abuse then the possibility of getting cross examined if they press charges makes it an almost nonexistent situation. Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for having the strength to bring this uncle to trial, even though his punishment was so little, at least you saw this through. That took a lot of guts and is a sign of your of the good person that you are. I'm sorry that your family reacted the way that they did.
I was molested by my mother's cousin and I could remember where it took place in our barn, but I couldn't remember who the (man) was that did that to me. The barn burned down, but I always had that memory. A memory I could never speak of with anyone. Then when I was 25 and visiting my hometown, I went out to dinner with this cousin and he spoke of his teen years when he worked for my family during summers on our farm. I blurted out I remember what you did to me and he said "How could you remember that?" Then he stumbled around on his words trying to correct what he had said. I was relieved to know who molested me in the barn.
I see that you spoke of this three years ago, I hope you have been able to make a happier life for yourself and have built a chosen family who supports you.
You are SO brave to bare your soul. I was molested by a family member as well, and honestly I’m not brave enough to share like you did. Best wishes to you as you move forward with your life!
GO ON... BE BRAVE... and help so many others.
My god what you've been put through, is criminal. Nothing will every make up for what's been taken from you, but your courage in sharing this hell gives so much to countless others who've never had a chance to fight for themselves. Thankyou for choosing to entrust your suffering to this channel so someone else may know it was not their fault. After all that you've lost you don't owe it to anybody, and you don't owe anyone an explanation but that you did give other's a chance to know they're not alone is very gracious and generous.
Very powerful. Well done for getting it out there and for coming through it all.
Thank you for sharing. Two men in my life who have been very important to me, but who I have had to let go from my life, have struggled with this in their lives. I wish I could help them and the only way I can think is to become one good family lawyer but even there people dont want to acknowledge anything but time and money. I hope you can find solace that you are awesome and that your story matters and find some sort of justice. I am not sure how to help victims so that victims dont create more victims so the cycle can cease. Youre brave and I believe in you, please have strength and thank you for speaking out.
Hey man I was abused by both my brothers I understand.I was never loved I have never had a long term relationship. I am now 63. Still a mess. But with a group therapy now for 8 years I am accepting myself. My molesters were my brothers from 5 till I was 17. I too blamed myself it was the only attention I ever got.
I was molested repeatedly for about a year by a ,"friend" at age 12.. Recent other stressors I have been experiencing lately have brought back the extreme rage inside me and the desire to harm my molester as well as a dear female friend's murderer who was her fiance...
You are amazing for sharing your story. I can relate to several of your topics and experiences. I have witnessed so many predators in my teens to my thirties.
Stay well and safe and moving forward since you are valued and needed in this world
Thanks for sharing, it helps me a lot. You are talking very very brave and in a sensitive way at the same time.
This was such a powerful video. You’re an amazing person.
Your story will help people in your shoes. Thank you for sharing, you are a brave person. You deserve a happy life full of friendship and love. God bless you.
Thank you and there is nothing to apologise just to apraise. You are very very brave and it is important for people to hear , understand these experiences and improve our system's reactions.
I'm so sorry you had to go through so much trama.
Your a very brave young man to share your story.
Stephen, I just found you and subbed. I think it is a human trait for people to try and ignore and pretend immoral things didn't happen especially if it is within the family...This is a very dangerous and destructive tendency. Of course you did the correct thing and I applaud you for it. Thank you.......Ray
Thankyou for this. You are brave ❤
Thanks for sharing much needed video
Thank you for sharing and educating 🙏
Thought I'd be the only person commenting as this vlog is a few years old.
I'm 57 - related to every experience you shared.
So brave of you & I really thank you for talking about what it was like to be a child with mental health issues no one picked up on.
A lot to think about now with me.
I can come back to this vlog & others to help.
Not read the comments yet - but glanced over.
There are more like you, like me & I really need to thank you again.
I hope this message finds you well. You are a precious young man.
Thank you for sharing… You are brave ❤️
MH nurse here... very frank content. Thank you x
Love you too Lori 🖤🖤
Very honest and moving story!
Wish you get the strength to leave it all behind, ( not forgetting) but let it not stand between you and your future! Seems to me that you have great qualities as a man to be able to be of great value to society!
Your story helps other people !
All society should do is learn from stories like yours and help educate young people, (and those around them!), about how to be able to recognize a abusive situation and stand up for themselves and act accordingly!
And be honoust about it. No cover up, only in case of it being harmful for the victim! Become yourself!
I am a survivor and I stand with your story. Thanks for sharing I know how hard it is.
Thanks Alot for your story! I appreciate it.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. For men to express the tragedy of abuse is very brave. My child hood abuse stories end about the time yours started age wise. We both have no idea what being a normal teenager was. There becomes a point we have to say I'm done being the victim. No mater what demon's that come back to get back in our mind we have to not give that place back and depend on a higher power to be active and on our side. As it sounds that this was a generation curse in the family's history and it is endings with you. Your bravely and courage is going to end this tragedy. Hope life continues to give you the right path and joy and happiness 36:14
YOUR EXISTENCE IS HELPING HUMANITY. KEEP BEING POWERFUL. ❤💐
Thank you for teling yoyur story, I was abued my self, and really did a lot of damage in my person and mental health.... If you can get your ucle to apologize is HUGELY healing, if he is not around anymore, I would tell you to learn how to meditate, but the first one is in sane how much it helps.
You can be very proud of yourself for Having the courage to make this video. Thank you.
Hey it's nice to find a pro BPD channel
Very brave. Well done you. Stay strong. Xx
My heart breaks for you. I know how hard this was. This was not your fault. You are worth being loved and cherished for who you are. Just by making this video shows you are trying to get control back of your life. It will never be easy nut I am praying for you to get your self worth back and to find peace in your heart
My heart goes out to you.
Hey buddy my names Mick i to have EUPD mine also was from a young age.
Two things i would like to say the 1st one is thank you for sharing this its very brave of you and EUPD is something that isnt looked into very much i dont have medication even though i have it severe medication dont help me 😔
2nd is i just want to say ive been following you on my main social media account and i just think your so passionate and brave on how you talk and its inspired me to create my own EUPD channel that i will also be using for a venting diary to put my thoughts onto.
Anyways hope you have a good day i to am from the UK have a good day and stay safe.
Predators do not look for kids with "mental illnesses". The fact that predators show no remorse or empathy is a sign that they have a mental illness themselves, that fact makes them lack the insight to be able to "recognize the perfect victim". They have a tactic that they use with ALL the kids they have access to. No matter what. There are some kids that are educated by their parents to recognize those tactics and escape. In my case, I had the opportunity to be well educated in that matter. During my childhood I encontered MANY man that showed the predatory pattern, and I could run away. So, it is NOT your fault in ANY fucking way. Predators know which tactics work, and they know how to apply them. They use very basic human psychology to achieve their goals. That's the reason why if you look for stories of child sexual abuse survivors, you will see that they all have different backgrounds, and personalities. But they all have one thing in common, they were all manipulated using the same tactics.
Thank you for speaking out it’s brutal
Hey Buddy hang in there and be strong nobody deserves treatment like this ❤Love u Stephen be cool and hope you find love you deserve to be happy 😊❤❤
Hey Stephen; Thank you sharing. I know this is very hard. I was sexually abused at the same ages in similar ways. Healing has been possible for me but required lots of grace, curiosity, self love, tolerance. I judge this to be a very beautiful video about a very painful subject. What happened to you should never have happened. I have 4 children and 4 grandchildren. They all need to be protected during the tween years. They do NOT KNOW nor come anywhere close to understanding human sexuality as tweens. You are and were valuable and good - just as you are and were at that time. Mark.
I hope you are in and continue with therapy. Your experience w/ your friend who was a psych student tells me you had a somewhat positive experience there. I found a therapist who specializes in Internal Family Systems. I have made more progress with him in the years we’ve worked together than previously. Life gets better. You’re in my thoughts.
Bless you mate. I'm bpd was abused as a child
YOU WERE NEVER EVER TO BLAME FOR ANY OF THIS THAT HAPPENED. ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS AND ALWAYS BELIEVE IT.
YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE AS TIME PASSES AND YOU WILL GRADUALLY BECOME STRONGER AND STRONGER.
WHAT YOUVE SHARED IS TRULY AMAZING AND AWESOME THAT YOUVE BEEN ABLE TO.
Families are often Crap and realising you dont need their permission to love yourself and support yourself, and believe and know your Truth is all you should focus on.
Youve had a rough time but things will get better, never forget that. Youve Survived the worse, take that forward with you, and use it as your Strength going forward.
I hope things have improved since you made this video 3 years ago.
I send you LOADS OF LOVE from a stranger. Im an artist and i strongly believe that making art and creating can help heal our past traumas. Just spending quiet private time putting our emotions down on paper, using colour and abstract form can flow on to the paper and release those emotions in a very extraordinary powerful way. Using the materials and paint directly with our hands is fantastically healing.
Your Life is precious ❤❤❤❤❤
In my experience when there is something going on in your young life that effects you fundamentally that is not addressed, you really can't apply yourself or concentrate on studies because you have a need to resolve the issue first, even if you can't really identify or understand what the issue is all about. I was a gay child growing up in a very conservative family in a smallish city. I felt I was the only gay around and I knew that being gay was an abomination to the church and looked down upon by society. The men in my family and extended family were very macho and if you didn't fit into the hunting, fishing, sports mold you were largely ignored. So long story short and leaving a lot out, my main focus became getting out. It kind of ruins your life, self worth, and self esteem. You want to get out and find yourself elsewhere. This ends up in many years of being taken advantage of, bad jobs, and a feeling of worthlessness. I understand how many people do not survive this and many get into addiction and alcoholism. Little by slowly throughout my life I gained self esteem as I learned to navigate life and the world but by and large it has ruined any kind of relationships that I could have had leaving me a loner and estranged from family. I do not and would not consider myself as having a mental illness although I have definitely dealt with anxiety and anxiety attacks and depression. I am proud of my strength and resilience in the face of what I had to go through in growing up largely on my own.
A CHILD IS NEVER TO BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM. THEY ARE THE INNOCENT VICTIMS from damaged adults, not just the predator but from the emotional neglect of your parents. Your extended family are angry that you brought “the secret” to the light, they feel embarrass for what happened; showing that they really don’t care for your wellbeing. It’s something that you may have to leg go. I feel for your parents for what they’re going through. I hope that at some point you will begging to heal so that you can learn to relate to others and have LOVING and SUPPORTING relationships in your life. I’m a 64 year old man and as an 8-10 year old I was reputedly molested by my best and only friend who lived next door and was 4 years older than me. He started by grooming me into getting used to being touched inappropriately to eventual repeated penetrations. For me the experience of intense orgasms I experienced was something that a child should not experience at that age because is very confusing to them and something that a child can not make sense or able to process emotionally. As a result I lost the ability to develop healthy and appropriate boundaries. I emigrated abroad when I was 10 and didn’t sexual relations until I was 21, but all thru my teenage years I had trouble relating to friends or being close to anyone. I think that I emigrated to a new country gave me the opportunity to start a new from zero and allowed me to start healing. I hope that things turn out for you and that you find joy and happiness, hugs
Thank you for sharing your story, as a fellow male with BPD I’ve had sexual abuse in my life at a young age and it’s so important to talk about this
❤
did it make you gay
or did he know you where gay.your very brave to talk about this but it is the best thing to do. your a victim not the rapist. x
As someone who experienced violent abuse, of a different kind, my recovery research finds it does not correlate, the abuse doesn't determine orientation. No more than being abused by a woman makes a guy straight. I knew male abuse survivors, of male perpetrators, who recovered, got married and became devoted fathers.
.....how you are today
Sorry but get over it some of us have had similar,but don’t keep going on poor me poor me be a winner and show them your bigger than them ,good lock to you 26:38
I’ve never seen an actually emotionally stable person make a comment like this. You sound very low empathy and bitter. People who healed don’t have to announce it by putting down a stranger. This person is helping others heal. Your comment brought nothing but negativity with it. So you look pretty unwell, and you don’t even want to heal.
It's interesting.
3 years on, I hope you’re doing well. My situation was never as extreme as yours and I never took the step of posting any videos to UA-cam. But I did end up stepping out of the silence in my own way.
You are on your own personal journey of healing. There is no proscribed order you have to take things in. Celebrate your courage and your faith in yourself. ❤️🩹