You should have an AFFAIR with SLEF-CARE in your narcissistic relationship
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- Опубліковано 22 тра 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - Розваги
Self-care is like an affair around these narcissists. Even just reading a book or listening to music becomes a guilty pleasure you have to hide from them.
I mean they're even jealous of us taking care of a baby, so imagine their rage when we take care of ourselves!
The music you discovered and helped shape your time line will be the narcissist playlist to attract others and make it seem as if they are hip or in the know
Anything productive for personal gain finds the narcissists as "selfish". But if narcissists does their own productive ways, they'll assume to non-narcissists as "selfish" because narcissists have done "better" and others "don't ". Narcissists are ridiculously competitive no matter what we do. Naturally, I got to do something of taking care of myself to my self benefit reasons.
@@beskarman38 Narcissist are insecure,petty and lack being creative.imo from what I seen
@@papmaster8874 You're right. Best is to ignore their arrogant immature antics. But always being eyeful for their demonic schemes. Can't trust them.
Enjoying washing my hands brushing my teeth washing my face enjoying music anything that brings peace ✌️
You just reminded me of how I would take forever to brush my teeth because he'd leave me alone while I was brushing my teeth. My teeth are clean as hell to this day 😂
Not letting the narcissist touch me feels like self care.
Not being in the narc's line-of-sight is my self-care. He's in a public position that I'm around once a week, and I don't like when he zeroes in on me. It feels SLIMY. I've figured out a way to be there and he can't see me.
"Secrets" are just things you don't allow to be insulted.
Oh, that's a good one!
It's the best advice, right.
Sometimes stopping doing something is also self-care, like giving up a second job. What's the point of busting a gut for someone who doesn't give a damn?
You're so correct!
From my experience around several narcs, either a parent, a friend, a coleague, a boss, a neighbour, they hate to see anyone "happy". They don't want anyone to be free, away from their molds, & they don't want them happy.
There was a day I literally looked happy, I was brimming from end to end and the narcissist couldn't swallow that reality in front of him, so he came around to ask "why do I look so sad?" I was like what... not only do these deluded folks lie to themselves to cope with reality but they come attempt to lie to you about yourself. That's how twisted they are - Never trust a word that comes out of their mouth about your feelings or flaws.
@@summydotsoh God! totally agree! Just while reading, I remembered some of so many sick behaviours like that! Some of them are just recent! They lie as they breathe. They love to make us feel bad, guilty, worthless....etc, name it. I'm so glad that we have this psychological knowledge/awareness now.
Self care….my husband’s doing self care right now and is having his routine nap on his bed. My self care…slaving my guts out doing our large garden by myself 😡. I and everyone else in the world don’t deserve self care like my husband does because he is the only person who works and earns money. I have been lashed by passive aggressive behaviour, silent treatment by him and his mother for having so much spare time and not doing enough. I’m now only doing this to get the house sold so I can run away from this situation and never look back. 🎉
May I suggest to put your energies elsewhere than the large garden that may or may not help sell your house. Run girl, run!
Good for you. Stay strong! I hope you get out very soon and your house sells easily.
I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I agree with mindy5. Put the lawn mower away and run! If you can’t do that, treat yourself to some secret luxuries instead in your own little corner or hideaway. Have some Me-time and enjoy. You deserve it. As soon as you finish your lawn, the grass will start growing extra fast to make up for what you have just removed!!
Talk to a realtor and see if working the garden will actually add value to the home. Aside from basic maintenance, it likely won't. Focus on that divorce strategy.
@NovaPrincess I live in the UK and the estate agent said that I just need to do the garden and everything is then good. Spring time has finally arrived so I can sort it all out. I have to do the work to get a quick sale and the best price as I have a son with autism and an elderly dog so I won’t be able to get a job for awhile.
We have never decorated our home. When I tried, he was critical of it and complained about money. We're talking dollar tree stuff, here. Anyway, we're separating and he sleeps on the couch. I decided to put 2 plants and display 3 books on the bedroom dresser, and now he keeps saying that I've erased him from the bedroom. As if it's a betrayal to him.
I need a space that feels like me. So that's part of my self care now. I don't have to care about what he says.
You got this 🎉
@@rcomyns4664 Thank you. That means a lot.
@@kdelka81 You're welcome! My freedom from another's control means more to me than any riches. Living by myself is such a joy, doing what's in my heart has saved my mind. After he's gone, you can breathe. No one has the right to tell you how to make your house a home. Very best of luck to you. 😘
OMG - this!
PS I secretly ate his Snickers bar that he had stashed away 🤣
Forbidden fruits … love it 😄
😂😂😂
Good one!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I hope you gaslighted him and told him that he ate it the day before😂😂😂. After 21 years, it’s sad to get a kick out of seeing if you can gaslight them, and see them in a frenzy🤦♀️🤦♀️😂😂
Enjoying every aspect of my life without that narcissist in it 💃💯✈️☀️❤️
Yessss me tooooooooo
That sounds wonderful! ❤
“Blessed by the angels smoothie” needs to be a menu item somewhere 😂 I don’t comment often but I love this channel so much.
They treat you like you have nerve to do something that’s good for YOU. Keep it a secret to avoid their contemptuous insults, attitude, and intentional interruptions in response to not being the center of you. They don’t want us to take care of ourselves or thrive and they WILL definitely interfere/harm the things we do for ourselves. They can’t not be at the center of our universe.
This is so true. I will go upstairs to "exercise" but spend an extra half hour just reading things online. Or sit in my car before starting home. Those stolen moments are truly empowering, as is joining the gym or having your own little side business.
I did self care like she's suggesting the last year and a half of my toxic, abusive marriage before the divorce was final. Time away even for a few minutes gave me the opportunity to sometimes just sit and breathe. I would call close friend to talk to her, uninterrupted or pray and read my Bible in peace. On my way home from work I would stop at a nearby park, walk around or sit quietly for a few minutes to prepare myself for what I was going to face, deal with when I got home. That short time alone was invaluable to me.
God bless you who are still in the midst of all that pain, gaslighting, turmoil and confusion. Be safe
Growing up in a narcissistic cult-like family system has meant that my whole life I've had an affair with self care.
EVERYTHING needs to be a secret. I feel like an undercover spy, or as if I were hiding from the law, when all I'm trying to do is to live a normal life and do things that other human beings do.
Smiling, talking on the phone, buying a delicious pastry, participating in some political march, having a friend, learning a new language, having a social media account, ...I have to do EVERYTHING secretly so that the people in the narcissistic family system don't find out about it.
I feel trapped in this psychological de-facto prison.
I completely get that. And let me tell you, if I even had an AURA of "happy," it meant I had "developed an attitude" and then I would get abused. "Something is going on!!" They would shout. My father even abused me one day for the fact that the (wired) phone cord was swinging back and forth as though I had been on the phone while they were out and hung up suddenly. The only reason it was swinging was because the door was right next to it and he had slammed the door coming in. I had not even been on the phone! And on the phone with whom?? I was not allowed to have a social life.
I hope you get out of there ASAP and I wish you the best 🙏 the French saying “Bien dans sa Peau” (which means to be good/comfortable in one’s skin) has really helped me to feel more free during days where I felt trapped. For me, ones of the things it’s meant is to embrace my humanity and my freedom to be my own person and to like what I enjoy and to do things that bring me happiness and pleasure even when I know others like Narcs will judge and offer their unsolicited, self-serving opinions and to realize I don’t have to conform to their ideas of what they think someone should be. You’re going to be free from them ❤️
You've identified the pitfalls of that system and I can tell you're doing good. One day you'll come out of it. Keep being your courageous self, I'm counting on you!
@@brightbitehow dare you use the phone?! Who do you even think you are 😂 🤦🏻♂️
@@jasonjarred5198 Exactly.
My daughters remind me about in the movie Labyrinth, when the girl says, “You have no power over me!” I have felt powerless most of the 50 years of marriage to my narc(neglectful, covert) husband. Today’s video has opened my eyes to possibilities!!!!
I know some narcissists who would go so far as to track the millage on your car to figure out why it "took so long" to get back after going to the grocery store. They can become like detectives just to try to figure out your habits.
Dear Dr. Ramani. Since I found you, I am learning each day a new thing about me and my life. NOW it all starts making sense. Believing my whole life that I was the fault in this story, I did my best to survive. And tonight you gave me the absolution that it was not betrayal. It was selfcare
What great relief ❤
I've been practicing self-care for a few months now. She gets mad every time. I don't care lol. Just counting down the days until I can bail on this dysfunction.
Thank you, thank you! This is so necessary. My father spent time fishing, with us. I asked him why. He responded, "Your mother is afraid of water. " I leaned early, to have my own private life. But I always made out like I had a horrible day.
Awesome message!!!! Self love is so helpful in healing
People who say "secrets have no place in a relationship" are missing a word. Secrets have no place in a HEALTHY relationship. And even that is an oversimplification.
Spot on!
Self-love / Self-respect / Self-care extraordinaire is always worth the effort. You deserve to be a pampered Queen/King. I am 4 years post-narc. I buy myself flowers, do art therapy, dinners out, walk the beach, nap when I want to, swim, do art, relax, dance in the kitchen. Watching your videos feel so empowering, validating, and healing. Thank you so very much, Dr. Ramani. I appreciate you.
This channel is a secret and a go to for me. Please pray I find a peaceful place to live. Narcissists devalue and are like vampires that suck your blood.
After being out for more than a decade I am surprised even by my own denial of my own needs. The narc wanted my earnings. He Wanted to decide my efforts in my spare time and then to live in debt due to addictions. It was actually a dangerous situation that was spiraling out of control. I got very secretive.
Self care is of primary importance for any survivor. I include journaling, therapy, educating oneself, hobbies, keeping loving critters, even talking to yourself (with compassion of course!) Too many things to list to soothe the soul. Hey, If I don't do self-care, no one will!
Hide the journal!
Even the most innocuous comment will be used against you!
"must be nice" my trigger
You are so cute Dr.Ramani. 🤩
...blessed-by-the-angels-smoothie... 🤣🤣 You nailed it once again... And the firewalling and the secrets are restoring my sanity as long as have to stay in the same house with the N. But i am already counting the days...
Thank you for this message.. after putting everyone's needs before my own I especially need some time to enjoy my own life. Living with 2 narcissists will suck the energy out of you. I'm planning on leaving in a couple weeks and I am looking forward to getting my life back..❤
Do YOU❤
I agree with you COMPLETELY Dr. Ramani. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, secret of self care is an essential part of healing.
Self-care is the first thing that goes, and the last thing that comes back. The minute you start caring again about yourself and your stress-relieving practices is the minute you start healing. ❤
They don't need to know what the hell we do...to put it bluntly. They aren't the people keeping track of our every little move! Although they sure would like to be.
😢 Some Track Everything~ Car, Phone, Kindle. 🙏🩷 Be very careful!
Excellent point. The parner is programmed to ignore their needs while the narc does whatever they want. Neither is a healthy role model. I never though about it that way before.
Guilt free self care/self love is our secret 🤫 and feels so good!
Thank you for sharing Dr. Ramani 🙏🏼
Brilliant. Staying with a Narcissist, and there are real reasons for some to stay, becomes a sort of half-life where living a sort of double life is the only way to heal and do self-care. This is a very powerful way for some of us to look at it. Thank you! BTW, you're starting to run your words together sometimes. No biggie, just harder to understand.-
I’m cheating with Princess Zelda. It’s complicated. 😅
They condemn your self-care as if it was a forbidden affair. How devilish.
Thank you. You are like an angel.
Totally learning to value vision embrace and embody myself as separate from them. Love the idea of an ‘affair’ with my self care! Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I’ve been doing this for over six yrs. I’m a caregiver of an adult sun with a schizophrenia and depression. He’s disabled and is intellectually disabled as well. The narc in my life will be like take him for a drive so he feels better. Even when I’m saying I need a breather. 😳 so I say I’m going to the grocery store and sleep in the parking lot. For an hour. Then shop. Or get out of work 30 min early and do that. Then say work took longer. What my wild ass was doing, sleeping in the car. Can’t tell you how many times ppl knocked on the car window or stared at me funny wondering if I was ok. 😂 my daughter knows I do this Incase there’s an emergency with my son. I do call it selfcare. I feel great when I come in and can take better care of my son. Other wise im burning out. Before I knew he had narc tendencies I just thought he didn’t get what was happening with our son. Now I know he didn’t even care to help. My son let alone him. Suggestions given we and are very removed of him. But the alone brief moments are good guys. Do it. You don’t have to lie if you don’t want to. Just take longer in what you doing to just breathe. Read a book. Call a friend. Or text a friend. Or take a walk.
Good luck
Btw, on the process of leaving it’s going slow due to needing a place for three and rent is a b but, it’s happening and I feel good about it.
Body shaming is one of the narcs tactic to put u down . Never get it as personal . Keep your body healthy for yourself. Gym is my place to help me stay healthy inside out .
agree. secrets are necessary.
i love your delivery bout the grocery store.
i laughed out loud.
im out and free and happy. but i remember. purse in the dryer, mcdonalds wrappers in my friends garbage.
So funny!
Go get her book it’s great and right on time.
The narc drove my nerves/stomach crazy,totally trashing my pancreas' ability to function 100% ;I nearly died,losing 62 lbs in 6 mos. I had to go vegan...and learn to meditate the NPD voice outta my bones. Just saying. Had to learn to do that before I was able to hear all the wisdom via Dr Ramani. Doc...get some sleep❤
I've been doing self-care since 2020....and it is AMAZING 🎉
I go to the lake at one my city's local parks, watch the ducks and read.
My daughter feeds them. 😂
We both do self-care.
Her dad doesn't like it, but we do it anyway.
He always has to have someone around him 🤔.
He needs to do self-care, but he's still stuck in old ways of thinking. 😢
Almost trapped by the header when it said I should have an Affair .... until it continued ... with Self Care ..😊😊😊
Good Topic Dr Ramani. That could be a thought most people ignore. Hmm
Thank you Doctor.
Good humor 😂❤️
Make my day.
Dr. Ramani please do a video about raising young children with a narcissist parent. I am a mother of 3 boys (11,9 and 4 yr old boys) and not able to leave. I recently started therapy but haven't been able to find one that specializes in narcissist abuse. So far you are the best help i have found, and thanks God i did!
I grew up in a family with an extremely twisted set of values. My mother is a narcissist but also afraid of other people's judgement, so much so that she's goes out of her way to people please. I.E. my mother is allergic to onions, but rather than stand up for herself she's attempted to "eat around the onions" because she's afraid to get the waitstaff in trouble if she complains about the meal to the cook. My father is also a narcissist but he's convinced he's a people pleaser because he hates confrontation. Both parents tried desperately to protect me from the other parents narcissism. Yet fully expected my two other siblings to deal with it. Both of my sibling are at very least controlling if not also narcissistic.
I grew up with a narcissist. I'm big on self care. I'm also working on calming the Vagus Nerve to try and heal from my chronic illness. I also was considering going on an anti-anxiety med. I'm worried how it will interact with my chronic condition, so I'm seeking natural remedies.
Not sure if you have looked into foods or supplements that can help with anxiety.
I am not a doctor, but you may want to speak with your own doctor and ask about safe, non-drug ways to cope with anxiety.
Soaking in a tub of warm water or learning self massage can be helpful, too.
Dear Dr.R. today you made me laugh as you said "before you get home to your Gaslight-Show" 😂 and I really appreciate your work and devotion to your clients and followers! As I began with my self-care I realized it was time to go and your book "Should I stay or should I go" helped me to take the final decision to never get hoovered again. Many thanks ❤
I would love to see a video about the effects of being an INCEL for us men who had our lives destroyed by narcissistic mothers. We are so full of shame and self hatred that whenever we try to date women, and they make little belittling comments known as “shit tests”, this triggers our CPTSD symptoms, and we freeze with shame and come across socially awkward, and they lose attraction for us and put us in the “friends zone.” And we go decades without being able to experience any romance, affection, sex or relationships. And this makes our shame grow even more.
I'm very good at delayed gratification which enables you to be productive at the same time as gratifying yourself. It's a good feeling.
My self-care is disengaging a ton from my family system(honestly I am a lucky one and live states away and let me tell you for me it’s honestly the best self care for me thank goodness I have that option because I know a lot of people don’t I am truly grateful for that option for me) There’s also many other things I do for self care that work ok for me! 💜!
These are facts and causes those questions of guilt come 😂
Yes! Dr Ramani is right! Like those secret facials or massages you get on your extended lunch break days😊 I bet your secret affair is safer the ones the narcs keep🤷🏽♀️
thank you for not limiting self-care to one definition like most people do... 🙏
🎉Excellent
By the time we have gotten to gray-rocking, it's too late. Especially with a 'partner'
The best advice !
Simply call you selfish 🤔🤔🦻♥️ #thankyouall #enjoythejourney 🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳
Is this why Melania is missing?
I for sure now keep my self care to myself, as others around me don’t agree or shame me for it. The one time a took a break from a family dinner to visit my cousin who was in town and take space from a toxic brother and his wife, they criticized and shamed me for it. Not ok. I will do what’s best for me regardless. Makes me sad but also using the anger of the injustice from it all as fuel to focus on my life and health. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
I was driving with my narc parent and an ambulance siren sounded. the narc who was driving started raging and saying how stupid society was for caring for an emergency. all the other cars were getting out of the way and I said shouldn't you get out of the way? He literally didn't. He did stop, but for all intents and purposes, he tried to block the AMBULANCE!!!!!!! I saw it in real time!!! Thank you!!!👍👍❤❤❤
Just tell him one day who knows you may also go in ambulance with heart attack and no cars give u way and en d up on road
@@bhavania1690 If it were only that easy..... 👍
Brilliant idea! Thank you!
thank you for making me cry
hello dr R. love the idea. btw you guys have a typo on the headline: self:) great content
Haha Dr. Ramani, I love the voice and facial expression at 0:23 😄 made me laugh
My self care affair is watching Dr. Ramani videos! ❤ Seriously, they are so helpful, but I can't exactly sit watching them next to the narc, right? 😂
Pssst: check the title ❤, thanks for the video's tho!!
Yeah, slef-care , and thanks from me also!😊
I separated myself from this person to heal. Now he thinks my reason to separate is to punish him.
Of course he can’t understand that I need to heal.
TY,
You should have an affair with self care daily in every type of relationship.
Self Care is essential every day. It's NOT 🚫 selfish & definitely NOT 🚫 expensive nor optional. Everyone can make time every day to do something just for themselves that they enjoy for 10+ minutes.
Letting go is a daily process-Melody Beattie
Namaste
Peace Shalom
I once asked a narc person:What do you want to do in your life ?The narc person just said ;What ?
To my stalker = I don’t have any actual drama in my relationship = my husband and I separated for a while = and all though sad - parted amicably. Our personal lives are not the publics business and it’s actually called defamation & false light to continue to place our relationship in the public at all . We are not public figures.
Ha ha. For starters, I’m spending some of “their” money on health insurance (lol) Bcuz they’ve left me in a place where I haven’t been able to afford any. Their covert way is more like “oh yeah. That just proves you you’re a pathetic loser.” Idc tho. It’s their damned fault and I really need to have it. (As I’ve had Nada for ages). As far as I’m concerned, it’s just part and parcel of my “divorce settlement.” Lol.
A lot of my issues come from the “new” people who are more or less users (I’m still in “their world” but not under their roof). I put me first now (or work hard to) and with a lot of them I’ve just said nope. I can’t help you with that. It is seriously like I’m surrounded by the super needy greedy who insist I be their mama or personal Jesus. And yes. I’m moving soon as I just hit the last straw with all of it.
I really wish I knew all this 30 years ago.
After ending a relationship with my ex wife and being laid off, my narcissistic mother didn't believe I should take a week off.
Amen ❤
My affair with self care was on my business travels. I traveled a lot. lol.
This is my selfcare...lol🎉
thank you for this reminder dr. ramani
Awesomeness
Thank You so much🫂 Dr Ramani ♥️
It's as if you know me
I wish if i can meet you & talk to you
Saw you on Tamara Hall show yesterday. Wish they’d given you more time to talk!
I wish the affair in my relationship had been with self-care and not my ex cheating on me.
Relationships shouldn't have secrets? I have come to refer to these so-called relationships as "encounters." It's not a relationship. It never was a relationship. It never will be a relationship. It is an encounter.
Dr Ramani please stop making fun of meditation and veganism. I use both to manage my mental health and they are valuable to me. ❤
I like it😊
Slef care 🤔🤔🤔
Lol @ slef care 😅
I was looking for this comment
Self care has happened since divorcing and leaving the passive aggressive covert narc ex husband. June 2017. I havs had to make me and my life a priority. I live alone with many animals. I need to be okay for them
Also grew up with the narc mother.
They are horrible people. No contact with them all
Hey 👋🏻
Hi 👋
inb4 the typo is corrected
Love your vids though. :)
This!
Hello Dr Ramani, could you please talk about the very underatted Cyclothymia.... The way I snap is crazy and on top of that an introvert and get worn out so bad
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
❤
26th, 19 April 2024