I once made a comment the reason narcs have children is to get the nuture from the child almost like they know need it because they cannot give it hope that makes some sense
My mom use to get a kick out of my emotional distress that she caused, but the one time she did it to my son I went off on her. She never tried it again with my son. I wish there would have been someone there to protect me from her.
I feel the same way about my mother she always gets a kick out of my emotional distress I even caught her smirking almost holding herself from laughing out loud. I was emotional due to her triggering me, and then gaslighting me and denying saying the hateful things she said to me about 3 mins ago. I confront her and told her what I thought her to be. Of course she starts the fights and then gets angry and blames everything on me when she gets the reaction she wanted out of me. I feel like she's two different people, that's what so confusing she can be so loving then switch and be so cold and mean towards me. I feel horrible when I get angry and tell at her but I can't take it anymore. She treats me like a child! When I am a adult. I feel like I have no life other then my job. But at least I can be away from her there. I am going to keep my distance and when I am at home stay in my bedroom. I don’t want to be close with her anymore. I feel I am co-dependant on her. I want to be break free from her but don’t know how?.
@@wowso4 Have you watched videos on trauma bond and the signs of it? Because I developed a trauma bond with my family for 27 years. Have you also considered joining a group?
When I think of my mother - the image is a stoic face. Definitely taught us our feelings are bad. We weren’t allowed to laugh in the house. My father couldn’t stand it so he built a workshop and spent his time there leaving my mother to take care of us. My mother didn’t like being hugged or touched. We had to give her a kiss on the cheek before bed. Then at 16 years old I had a break down my mother refused treatment- the doctor made her leave and he told me “today is the first day you will start thinking about your adult life” you have two years until you will have any life you want”. You need to keep this to yourself and let your parents know after you move out” His gift - Hope
Gifts like that sound advice are rare. I had a teacher who told me I was just as smart as the know-it-all if I allow myself to be truly me. We might have been given awful parent(s) but it doesn't have to define us, it's something we were meant to overcome. Especially once you realize early when you've outgrown them emotionally. They are forever stuck. We can continue to grow. It's a gift, use it.
Ben Hackett I agree with you completely. Big pharma is making money off of our pill-popping culture. Psychologists and life-coaches can guide us to look within and heal ourselves.
@Ben Hackett , I can relate. I keep my 20 year old daughter who has Asperger's, away from my Narc mother. She's evil. I'm 51 now and JUST learning about my Mother because a counselor I went to that had NEVER seen me, but had seen my Mother decided to tell me that I was a Narcissist after meeting with me for 15 minutes!!! I KNEW that was NOT the case as I had been to a NeuroPsychologist with the University of Texas who had done a battery of tests on me for over 6 months and was very lengthy. I have some very serious health problems, PTSD, Lupus, Trigeminal Neuralgia (aka The Suicide Disease), and a host of other probs. That counselor that had told me that also said that "All US Soldiers returning from deployment are Narc's". I was shocked that a Licensed Professional would make such a blanket statement about a group of people who MOST likely have PTSD, Depression and other problems. I figured out, this lady was probably as much of a Narc as my Mother. Especially after watching all of these videos by Michelle and Dr. Les Carter. Anyway, good for you that you are becoming healthy! Praise God!
Oh my..my enabling Stockholm syndrome covert narc brother and my borderline mother...emotional incest ..parentified....you name it..its very disturbing on every level...I escaped to another country last month..in recovery from crazy town. .much love..x
It’s creepy with being a daughter of a NM because you get turned into their friend. The horrible things my poor ears heard as a child where not appropriate for children to hear. The secrets that I had to hold for my witch mother will go to my grave! I can’t even stomach whatever these demons do to their sons!
I live out of state away from my narcissistic mother, I'm an empath and highly sensitive. My brother still lives with her, he's almost 30 and has never had a life of his own, he doesn't strive for anything he just exists to take care of my mom. And she's fully competent, not disabled, married, works full time. But she stunted his emotional growth to the point of him never leaving home and starting his own life, and she's totally ok with it.
@@etphonehome4511 I'm so sorry to hear that :-( my brother adores my mom, I'm not even really sure he sees what's going on because he's so enmeshed in the situation. The few times I've talked to my mom about it she's defensive. I just feel like as a mother she should be encouraging him and helping him launch his own life. But she doesn't. And it makes me sad for him because he's kind, smart, and very talented. All our lives she was so negative. Any new idea we had, and goal we had, she would shoot it down and tell us about all the reasons why it wouldn't work. So we all grew up with no self confidence. But just know this: everyone has value and a purpose. You have some sort of gift or talent, or something to offer. You just have to believe that you can do it. Take baby steps, set mini goals, and ignore the narcissistic chatter. You can even work from home, do something online. Become a life coach and make UA-cam videos about sons of narcissistic mothers. Educate people. You don't have to show your face to do it, and it would help so many people. And eventually it can become an income as well. You're in this situation so you can grow from it and help other people along their path. I believe you can do it. Don't listen to your mom tell you that you can't. YOU CAN. 💖
This is exactly what they do to their children, crippled them in every way possible to make sure they never leave the nest. Your brother can still get out, he’s young. As your mother gets older it will become increasingly difficult for him to leave her control. I’m truly sorry for this situation and I am glad you got away!
big 5150 my NM and co-dependent father crippled and sabotaged my life for decades upon decades. From educational sabotage, financially sabotaging me, to you name it, I’ve dealt with it all over the years. Though my life is extremely difficult due to decades of undiagnosed C-PTSD, I’m 3 years NC with my family this year! I’m certain you CAN get away and you CAN try for a life of your own. It will not be easy and will probably be more difficult compared to others who didn’t go through this abuse but you can still have a life of your own, lived on your own terms. I wish you much success in creating a life of your own because you deserve to be happy! All narcissistic abuse survivors deserve happiness.
I am a daughter of mentallly-ill-narcissistic mother and an absent, negligEnt father...I am in my late 40`s and am stuck in life...never got married, no children, no career....I just ``go through`` life...I was laughed at my talents ...never ever encouraged to pursue my dreams....Since young age I had thoughts of suicide. I feel like I am a big failure...life has no meaning for me...and yes, I have been in therapy since my teen years, but the pain, the confusion, the anger never goes away...THANK YOU EVER SOMMUCH FORMYOUR CHANNEL!!..
Hello Rosane, there is a relief to know finally I found people who has similar experience. Because it is hard topic to talk to anyone about it who hasn't experience the depth of narcissistic mother. I would love to talk to you if you like the idea of supporting each other.
Sorry to hear what you have been through. You are not a failure. You are a true hero... A gifted person who was born in the wrong environment. But It's never too late.. you never know what is waiting for you. Just sending you a big hug...
My heart breaks for you. I have found inner child work focusing on soothing the hurt inner child the most useful thing. While there is life there is hope.. but yes you should feel like you are making progress. Look into trauma informed therapists .
Wait what my parents are both narcissist….. probably- and me Im not the narcissist Im the empath- to be clear it’s worse in a way when the empath also has autism…
You literally just described my whole childhood. I was born as an empath and I can see peoples aura and emotions since I was born. I have so much self-loathing, self-hatered and dabotage. I will be turning 25 this year and cannot achieve any of my goals, save up money, loose weight or anything really am just stuck in my bed unemployed not knowing what job or industry I want to be im. I’m stuck in the cycle and am so desperate to escape. Thanks for making of this video, you really helped me 💕
I feel you🥺i have been there as well and still healing and recovering but i am slowly building my life from scratch and so can you! We are stronger than we think we are and r capable beyond measure💪🙏🙏
My heart breaks to gear these stories. This narcissistic abuse is happening to my 11 yr old grandson. He's one of 3 boys and is the daily scapegoat. Always blamed and ridiculed. Always sobbing my mother hates me. There's nothing I can do. They live in another country overseas. He's all alone. He's the sweetest most sensitive boy and has such a happy soul. But she crushes him at every opportunity.
Be brave darling. Find a support group. I tell my grandson you're such a good boy don't listen to those bad voices in your head. Fill your thoughts with happy.
Please get help because at 60 I am just learning how to cope because of two narcissistic over achieving parents. Don't let your life slip by. If you don't face it now all kinds of people can use it against you.
I’m the same just a bit older than you. And I tried many many ways and ser he’s for help in many places. Only Jesus. And going to Church truly helped me. So I suggest you try going to several Churches to find a good one. Read the Bible. And let the peace of God into your soul. God bless.
After three narcissist Male partners, and lots of counseling, I have realized that my mom was extremely narcissistic and I am extremely empath and INFJ personality. No wonder I struggled all those relationships and years.. I have gone no contact and finally awakened myself to a more authentic self. Thank goodness!! I thank God that I didn't end up dead or worse than I did. Thank you for sharing this video!! I still struggle inside alot but I know why now. I am able to heal myself (or know what I need) to be happy, safe, and true my myself. It's a blessing that I went through all of that pain and have found "new freedom" from it all..
This is me. Been with three narcs, mother is a narc and in an INFJ-T. Luckily, the person I'm with now is in INFJ-T as well. His love is so warm. I'm blessed.
Hugs to you guys. INFJ -T here as well. Both of my parents are narcissist with my mother being the malignant one. I'm curious, what mbti type would you say your mother's are. Mine is a ESFP🙄🙄🙄
I lived your story and it took a 12 year marriage and him dragging me through the court system to run me broke as he said he would if I left. It was one relationship, but he was my narcissist mother and my biggest lesson and break through to healing in my life. I am happy to be single now and spending my energy on myself care, instead of having a parasite in my life draining my energy and resources.
I know exactly what you mean, this is the same behavior I had to deal with . They go after things you love and help you grow. Basically they don't give love and help your needs, they discard them.
Great video Michele! My relative wanted to show me "something funny" that her baby did. I wasn't prepared. She bent down close to the baby and then "meowed" loudly in his face. The baby busted out crying. It was terrible!!! Definitely not an empath. If people really knew the cruel things narcs do to their children, they'd probably be in jail. I can wish,... can't I ???? Thank you so much for doing the work that has set you free. I am so proud of you Michele!!!
When she spoke about that baby it made me physically sick. The things my mother would say to me as a little girl were so very sick. I did tell my therapist and trled at some point to tell my sister. My sister blew me off. She was the golden child. My sister learned to find favor with my mother and even today she can't admit the things that I know that she DID SEE....my sister and I are friends today. I love her and my nephews dearly but we can't speak about my mother...who is dead now...
This video brings back some painful memories from my formative years of being almost constantly scapegoated. I am still having issues with this, now in late middle-age.
I think revealing are real qrief about not knowing what pain comes from going not going no contact is so helpful to others.. you can't fix it and if you stay around you invite another into your life without meaning to and the pain from not being self aware is more than doubled its crippling.
Chet Pomeroy Painful memories indeed. I didn't expect it to hit me so hard as I'm grown with a little girl of my own. I'm in my room secretly crying silently just as I used to nearly every day as a child. Narcissists are so evil and dangerous to the wellbeing of children. I was often told how much she regretted having me. I don't know how she could murder my soul and break my heart with such pleasure. I look at my daughter and I see her innocence. I can't imagine ever wanting to inflict pain or shame. I choose my words carefully. I never tell her that she is bad. I tell her that she made a bad choice. I make sure she knows that I always love and protect her. I can't understand the evil that enjoys a child's pain. How horrible! I've rambled enough. I know I could use therapy after this flood of memories lol. Be well everyone and please let your children know they are loved.
I am a hyper-sensitive person & empathic and I've cut off relations with my family because that relation was toxic for me. I've realized down the road that my mother is a narcissist and I promise you, this video is so accurate!
I cant bc I have a child, but I have learned not to tell my mother anything personal. ever. and I am still learning the hard way, not to take money, or whatever. she plays the martyr and complains behind my back after offering...
Parents feel that their children are their competition they have to do better than their children their children are trying to take away their life or their position or their talent they compete with their children because they know they can win they're stronger than their children the rest of the world has beaten them down so they take it out on their children and the children don't know any better
Happy I broke out of "prison" and living hell. Teen years were miserable. She hated me. Even told me "just because you are married I can say anything I want to you". Had no respect for anyone. Finally no contact for my own mental health. She had lost control as she thought I would work and support her for the rest of her life and have no life of my own. She had it all planned out.
Thank you, I'm 45 years old, and I'm realizing that my mom is a narcissist. I'm highly empathic. I've been looking back at my childhood and the things she use to do to me and my sister. My mom is very jealous of me, she constantly tried to one up me, making sure that I know that she's superior. She still does it. I learned to hold so much of my feelings deep inside me, so much I would get physically sick. I'm learning to tell her how I feel even though she doesn't want to hear it. My mom use to pat me on my behind all the way into my 30's and when said something to her and or gave her a dirty look, she would tell me that that's my behind, I gave birth to that behind. I started to hate my body because of her. I have a lovely hour glass figure, but I hated my body. My mom would also try to live her life through me as well. She wanted me to be what sure wanted me to be, and marry who she wanted me to marry, I rebelled. She played my sister and I against each other so much that I went through many years not having a relationship with my sister. With my sister and my mom, my sister could do nothing right, my mom is constantly negative towards her. My sister always wanted to he loved and accepted by my mom. My sister got pregnant accidentally years ago, and my mom took over and bonded with my niece before my sister ever got a chance to. My mom's excuse for that one was, well your sister never had a nurturing side. I had two narcissistic relationships, one with a overt narcissist and another with a covert narcissist. I'm healing from it all.
Narcissist Mother * Keeps the children a part by causing them to argue to avoid them talking about how they were being treated. * Gets mad when the siblings hang out with each other. And accuse them of talking about her. * Tells you you better side with her regardless if she is wrong because she is your mother. *Steals money from you and justify it as you owe her, because she gave you life. * Constantly tells you I brought you into this world and I will take you out of this world. Threats.. * Asks you why are you taking care of your sick sibling instead of spending time with her. * Curses you out when you don't side with her. * Takes the credit when she had nothing to do with your accomplishments. * Creates the flying monkey affect to discredited you with your sibles and other family members so no matter what you say they will only beleive her. * Plays on your weaknesses, by reminding you she is your mother, and mothers could never do wrong. * Pretends to be sick to drain your energy. *Punishes you by Ghosting you to control you. * Tells your personal business to strangers to shame you. * Tells the grandkids which ones are her favorites. While tell the others they are devils. *Tells the favorite grandchild not tell the others when she buys them treats. *Talks about the non favorite grandchildren with the favorite grandchild to get laughs. Love her for being your mother, dislike the behavior. Breaking the ties will bring you freedom and internal peace. The sad part is when she continues the behavior while suffering from terminal illness. Do the work, love yourself first. Tells you if you get on my bad side I will talk to you like a NG on the street. Tells you you better not tell anyone what goes on under her roof, if you don't want to get beat.
My mother is a narcissist, when my daughter was starting to show her own personality I realized that I envied her. I knew something was wrong but didn't know what. And I made changes to my lifestyle and put a limit to my mom. Michelle explains it wonderfully.
you just told my life. I am an empath. Very sensitive and I had a god given talent, it was never nurtured or embraced. My father is a narc and he really did a lot of damage to everyone. I am now a growing adult (38) and I am just now learning about boundaries, I feel I am set back decades,
EntyseOnline the truth is that you have been maliciously and intentionally set back. They do this with a laser focus to their children meanwhile gloating and beaming inside as to how much damage they can inflict. We’re not all born equal and life isn’t even remotely fair and it’s especially unequal and unfair for abuse survivors. You do not compare your life to that of anyone else. The milestones in your life are whatever you choose them to be. Because of this abuse you have a voice and empathy that others don’t. You’ve likely developed skills that many don’t possess. By going straight into the fire you’re only stronger for it, despite feeling set back in life. I wish you amazing success in life and the ability to move forwards at your own pace and in ways that are meaningful to your healing!
I feel the same way. And some days I just feel terrible as though a huge heavy burden is dragging me down and breaking my heart. I was trained and conditioned to feel that way. I've been no contact for two years with my father...looking forward to many more without him.
I stopped saying "I love you" to my parents around when I was 10. I didn't really understand why until about 15 years later, bit I understand that I could TELL that the feeling of love wasn't there. Both of my parents were narcissists.
that phrase was never said and still not said in my parents household.. to me, and I'm 41, when I see moms hugging their daughters and laughing and being close, it looks so foreign to me.... I have a little boy and I say it to him all the time. ALL THE TIME.
Anyone who's narcissistic really should avoid having children. I'm sure that sounds unfair to some but the suffering, both short and long term on the child's part is too extreme to change my view. I know my opinion doesn't matter.
Unfortunately, there are people who turns into narcs when they have such children. I don’t really know whether it was me an empath child that provoked mom or it was just life going tough for her. I heard that she wasn’t such person before I was a toddler.
I think a lot of narcissists enjoy having children because they can easily get away with powertripping and manipulating the child. But every narc is different.
LOL- I recently confronted my narc mom after 40 years and she had the gall to say to me via email, " I know you said that you were bored, but I have no time to play a GAME with you..." That was all the confirmation this talented and beautiful woman/child needed in this life. BYE-BYE, "Mom."
I have a covered narcissistic mother and I found out about it very late. . When I was a child I had no idea what was going on but I knew there was something wrong. She didn´t let me to have boyfriends this was a very dificult period of my life. She made difamatory campain against me in a very dissimulative way, Now I see, I´m already im my 50`s, I´m alone, no friends, no family, taking care of her, I look back and see that she´s soo covered that I would never realize all the picture, even if a was a paranoid person. It´s sad. She is crazy, a kind of demon. Yes, demons are real, and the´re made of flesh and bones.
Rose Damas it’s not too late Rose. I encourage you to get out. I just now have a friend for the first time in years. Two week old friendship, and I’m 39! You can do it, you probably need to do it slowly, one step at a time in order to not have a mental breakdown, but it CAN be done. I’m just learning how to live. I have broken contact with my narc mom, but I wasn’t allowed to live with her past 18; I found my own narcissistic husbands and “friends” to abuse me once I got out of the home. It’s been a rough life, but I’m free at last though.
Rose, I love you. My story is similar in some ways, as I had a malignant narcissistic mother, I run away and married when I was eighteen and she tried to break my marriage up and let me return to live with her as long as she lived. She died over ten years ago, I am fifty now, and I feel as if she has eaten my entire life. I have serious self-hatred issues, I self-sabotage all chances I get, I have no friends, and even my daughter takes advantage of me, uses me and verbally abuses me. I got my C-PTSD diagnosis last year, the therapist made it even worse, and I still have no idea how to get out of this darkness. I sometimes do not leave my flat for weeks at the time, I do not open the door and do not answer the phone, and my life is just suffering and self-loathing... No idea what to do. So you are not alone.
Hello Rose, I fully understand you. I realized at 43 years old about my Narcissistic mother. She was abusing my kids too (scapegoat and goldenchild) in a covert way. You can do it. I am sure you are a brave and strong person as you got to this point and realized about this. If possible, try to get help from a competent professional that can guide you through the process. I wish all the best in your way to break free. You can do it
OMG Michelle really got me with this last video. I was the scapegoat . I got away " some" but not emotionally. I use to think that my brother and sister got off the hook but now I know that she affected them in a different way..When my father apologized to me in his eighties for not doing anything about my mother I forgave him...He was weak. Cowardly. It impacted my choice of men. In my quest to find strong men I ended up with bullies...Now I realize so much about my own choices. Still fighting the aloneness...the depression. Trying to seek out other empaths and decent people to be around....
For 32 years I was jumping through the hoops for my mother, thinking she was the victim of her family, unfair life, my bad father and just unfortunate circumstances. Until I did something major, meanwhile slowly working on my personal growth through self help. When I did what I did, all of a sudden the picture became very clear. Yes, my mom grew up in an unhealthy family, yes, my dad is a covert narc with his bad sides....BUT after all, when she hurt me (emotionally, psychologically), sabotaged my progress, criticized, belittled and abused me in any kind of way, it was by HER CONSCIOUS CHOICE! And she keeps doing it to this day. Over the phone and every time I come to visit. My visits become shorter and shorter every time, I stopped calling her everyday like I used to. Because EVERY AND EACH communication with her triggers something really bad, negative in me. As if she presses some invisible button that turns the program on with one goal: “go hate yourself and die”. I hate her, and I hate myself for hating her. And I can’t go no contact at this point, it will destroy me. This pain will be there for the rest of my life. And yes, I am an empath, who has been attracting only narcs all the years. After my eyes have been opened, I had to let them all go. Loneliness hurts. But I am done being abused.
When I fully realized that my narcissistic mother was, herself, abused as a child, I understood that she could never give what she did not have. That knowledge freed me. It is possible to let go of that deep resentment without sacrificing any part of yourself. Love and hate are different sides of the same coin - both inspire deep passion. I hope you can value your own emotional well-being above hers and find a way to finish raising the innocent child within yourself where she dropped the ball. The answer is usually wrapped in love…
I guess that's why the good Lord says in Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers (and mothers) DO NOT exasperate or provoke (deliberate intent to harm) your children to anger...."
Life struggle. Married 3 times in destructive marriages. I am a nurse-empathic-sensitive-a gift in my career-and sort of in my life. My first memories are brutal. Emotional, verbal, physical abuse. I broke away-only way to survive. It was me or her. Had to make a choice, but it is still a daily struggle even with therapy. Always been told I am sensitive...not a weakness..my greatest strength.
I remember being a child around 11 or 12 and my narcissistic mother decided to convince me I was a crack baby. I ran around the house crying for hours and hours and locked myself in my room, until one of my moms boyfriend's came over and seen me with bloodshot eyes and he asked me what happened, and when i told him, he couldnt believe she had done that to me. I remember him angrily asking, "why did you do that to him?! Whats wrong with you?!" She found so much humor and delight in the emotional pain she'd caused on her own son..
Oh my that’s terrible I feel for you I ask my own narcissist mother and father for emotional support it’s missing… the gut is trying to tell you the truth don’t ignore it
Just ask me, I'm in my late 40s, and I can tell you all the destruction that happens to someone who was raised by two narcissists. Every single area of life: wrecked. Constant, repeat problems. It is a lifelong curse that I only learned about from age 46 on. That's due to it being covert psychological abuse.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother and sister, I almost died on one occasion, but that didn't cause a single change in their behavior. The irony is they play roles for the outer world and everyone's buying it, everyone believes they are lovely, kind and caring, but have been to me like the devil himself. They want me to look crazy, but they're not going to win. I've had enough. I'm a grown up woman, completely standing on my own, but they always talk bad about me to other people, so mean and evil. I don't care. I know who I am.
Thank you, you r describing my mother, my narc mother destroyed my talents and interests, freedom of thoughts and actions, handicapped me and tells I am the problm
Tiffany Smith Thanks, your videos are the most informative. I had a cn mother and an on father. It took me years of trying to find out why I was so sad all the time. I had the body aches, emotional pain and mental confusion. I was able with lots of help and support to put the pieces together at 75 years old last year. I am so grateful for you and others for helping us to understand. ❤️
Now it makes sense why nothing is ever good enough for my mother. Ive never heard her say I'm proud of you, just being compared to others. I'm broken I genuinely feel like I'm not good enough for anything.
My Mother is the most narcissistic, selfish person I’ve ever met. It took me YEARS to even be able to say out loud what a nasty, dismissive person that she is. She has never been empathetic or sympathetic towards anyone, yet demands that she gets these emotions from everyone else. She is a “lifetime victim,” who NEVER apologizes to anyone, especially me and my brother. She allowed my step father to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse all 3 of us, and still to this day makes excuses for it. (Although HE has apologized.) She lives to turn everyone on me and my brother, or anyone who doesn’t appease her bullshit.
Parts of this remind me of growing up with a borderline mother... except with world shaking unpredictability. A loving mother one moment and a narcissist the next - would be never know what could be waiting (or what I did to cause the change). The conditional love was truly the saddest thing I’ve ever felt.
You described my mother! I hate her so much, but she is so good at playing the victim/martyr that it is hard to let myself be angry. Part of me still believes she had my best interest at heart, and maybe she convinced herself she did, but the things she did were so EVIL. I think she absolutely expected me to cater to n wait on her forever. Went NC a decade ago n it was one of the best decisions of my life. Thank you for all the work you do. If you ever get into Body Code please do a vid on that n let us set up appts!!!
Good video. I was so triggered when the DaddyOFive scandal broke. That sadistic narc reminded me of my father. He tortured me emotionally and physically to the point I was pulling my eyelashes, which started an abusive cycle alone. It has not been easy being highly sensitive. It makes us the perfect scapegoat.
My mom used to majorly dramatize her pain and the pain of chosen others and expected me to dive headlong into those feelings. I am now realizing how much I struggle now by doing that to myself with other's issues
Here I was questioning if I'm secretly a narcissist or just an empath after being gas-lit my whole life and thinking I'm the problem. I stumble on a video of yours that lead me down a rabbit hole to this video. I have not seen anything so eye-opening and terrifying at the same time in a while and I just cried for the past 20 mins watching this. Nearly every word is exactly what I'm still experiencing at 29 years old and it confirms that all the things I've witnessed for my whole life are almost certainly true. My mom would never allow me to have talent, learn the life skills to survive on my own, if I showed any signs of being good at something it was a threat so I'd subconsciously sabotage myself and if I had any form of love in my life it was taking away from her and she had competition even if it was another family member or even a pet that I showed affection for. Now that I'm aware of her narcissism she's been acting differently, she's either very cold or overly nice and she's retired now and is showing signs of helplessness and sickness that seem manufactured to get me to empathize again and help her. I think I'll need a miracle to get out of this situation. Thank you so much Michele for your channel, you've helped me so much in the last month!
Exactly right! I loathe seeing that toward anyone. I know exactly what you mean about empathic feelings. I had praise for themselves, and all you explained, and all that you said, esp the constant criticism and shaming. Everything criticized. Exactly. I'm a human-doing. Then, when the parent passed, i decided to walk away from the rest of the family narcs. Just 'being' is priceless, even though people don't get me for enjoying being alone. Everything you said was what happened. It's amazing how you are so spot on. I'm working on me since i found out what had being going on, and then everything changed. At last, i knew what happened. Being an empath and sensitive, i have to work extremely hard to not feel guilty and responsible for narc family's feelings and expectations, or anyone's, but for me no contact is the only way. It's time i had a break and got connected to just being. And just being the same as everyone else, just as important, just as unimportant, but entitled to do and be who i am. Not the focus of extreme torturous attacks for every side for every and no reason. Horrible to be trying to ignore and trying to be accepted or anything i did accepted. Then seeing how they play games at my expense, games that gave them power and importance, leaving my life denied, destroyed, stolen and people thinking I've done and been nothing worth while, only being the problem they made out. The jealousy was shocking. I ignored and smiled on until i set myself free by walking away, which i could only do after the parent passed, alas. I wish I'd known about npd, and wish I'd been stronger sooner. But that's life. I am now, which is what matters.
This been the story of my life. You can be empathetic and because you been exposed to a narcissistic parent you can develop narcissistic traits and mistreat others even tho your true nature is empathetic and caring
Yes, my brother married a narc. I have been saying for years, he married his mom, 2.0. She has buried him in debt, too. I like your new editing style, thanks!
Your videos regarding narcissistic parents have been so helpful, although the reality is somewhat painful and sad. I never allowed myself to believe my parents could be purposely hurtful. I believed their narrative of me their toxicity combined with religious spiritual abuse. All those wasted years. There's comfort when you finally put all the pieces together. Like solving a mystery. So, this is my issue now what do I do? How do you at 54 years old figure out how to become the person you were born to be? I do believe my true identity was never allowed and even punished. How do I retrain my brain. Wipe the slate clean and start over? I have watched over 50,000 videos on narcissism since leaving my stbx last year 4/17/19. It has taken me an entire year to explore the videos on narc families/parents. I do love my parents dearly. I will never get that love or validation from my parents I so desperately need. And in truth, it feels calm.
I like how you state how we FEEL and living in a shallow world. The narc people in this world are trying to destroy my core. I feel stunned and scared and full of pain! Feels like i was voiceless and shut down most of my life. I have headaches and balance problems now and stll noone CARES.
On 9/11/01, I was crying and my narcissistic mother told me, in a very irritated tone, "well, it's nothing to cry about". The entire world was crying on 9/11, except for my mother.
My mom would come into my room and get really close to my face and repeatedly call me ugly since I was a small child. She wanted a daughter that looked like her and got it when my sister was born (the golden child).
The part about the child’s interests rings so true with me. I was talented with a few instruments and drawing as well. Of course, my mother had to take control of everything. She came with me to my music lessons, chose songs to learn for me, yelled at me when I’d make a mistake during practice, and when I was learning something I wanted to learn (I like thrash metal so on guitar it was metallica and the like) she would stand there and cringe and groan and ask why I didn’t play something other people wanted to hear. With drawing she wanted me to stop drawing cartoons and draw still life and shit like that. When I showed her something I drew that I was proud of, she would ask if I traced it. I was so certain that when I moved out I would feel free to really flourish and develop my talents but instead I haven’t touched my instruments in years and am having trouble finishing commissions for people because I’m not motivated to draw. I even quit art school two years back. And now I’m stuck in a full time retail job wondering if I have a passion for anything at all that I could make into a career. I want(ed?) to be an animator.
hey, I’m not sure if you’ll see this or not. But pick up those instruments and pick up that pencil and start doing what you love again! It is never too late to go back to what you love. Now that you’re on your own, you can play the songs you want to play and draw what you like! Once you go back you’ll start reconnect with yourself and the things you truly loved to do.
😭😭narcissistic parents are dream killers, they're good at stunning their own children's growth. I went no contact to work on myself. Its a sad existence coming from a dysfunctional household.
It's difficult to comprehend that they want to crush your giftedness . Especially when they often do it so subtly. I look back o my life to my childhood( since I have become more educated on this subject) and see how any interests or gifts I had Personally as the human I was created to be - were squashed. Only what benefited her was encouraged. And sadly those were not my natural interests. We get sabotaged. 😢
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw your lego people. That is totally me. My divorce was final 12-29-17. I could not have laughed 21 months ago when she left & threw me under the bus but thanks to your channel & a few others I can now laugh. I had a mother like you described & went from that horrible relationship right into a marriage at 21 years old to exactly the same kind of women. Now at almost 50 & a lot of self help from youtube I am regaining my life. Yes I even lean somewhat Mgtow. No I don't believe that all women are like that but I do think a lot of them are & the chances of finding one not like that are extremely thin. I don't hate women , Mgtow for me is more of an opportunity for self preservation & healing. I appreciate your videos you have been a tremendous help on the road to recovery & probably saved me thousands in therapy fees.
🤗😊 thanks to a few really great guys that contacted me and explained so much - I understand MGTOW better, I’m glad you caught that and it made you laugh 🤣 And I’m so glad my videos have helped!
It's as though we develop, through training, handles that narcissists recognize and manipulate. We thus acquire targets, signs the narcissist can recognize. Narcissists, I suspect, intuitively look for empaths and sensitive individuals because they complement the narcissists character and practices. It's worse for those prone to save the narcissists from themselves, to fix them. These individuals will forever climb Sysiphis' hill. They serve the narcisist in so many ways. I imagine the narcissist believes they struck gold when they find such a person.
My story is very similar to yours. Keep building yourself up. You don't need to tear anybody down to build yourself up. That's what the narcissists do. Just stay on track to heal and grow.
As a 33 Year old that almost lost my wife to divorce because I kept siding with my narcissistic mother I can confirm that everything said here is true. I have been no contact for almost 2 years. We live in a small community so there are still many struggles. Funny enough while still in contact with the family I had diagnosed insomnia and gastro intestinal issues. Since going no contact, I have no trouble falling asleep and I am off all medication.
I surprised myself and a lot who thought they knew me when I earned a BA in Psychology; basically, it was good long term therapy. One precious lesson was about people using shame in an attempt to control the behavior and feelings of others. I'm somewhat amazed by how often I hear shaming little comments when listening to someone talk about a friend, coworker, relative . . . but I shouldn't be surprised at its common presence. Religion, not spirituality, often seems to be a primary source of shaming. Although it feels bad to receive as children, it is internalized as a tool to use on others eventually. My biggest surprise about being drawn towards psychology coursework was recognizing my mother's character when learning about narcissism AND I was stumped about what could have been her source of shame. She grew up without religion, was the #3 child and baby of the family with blonde hair and green eyes that wowed everyone (especially in comparison to her older sister who had gorgeous thick brown hair and dark brown eyes . . a beautiful female) and appeared to be "trophy wife" material because of her "perfect" voluptuous figure for the era . . the 50s . . and she was ""claimed" by my father who was a terribly handsome and popular musician in the city where they grew up and met each other . . . Well, I found out her probable source of shame quite accidentally. I'm sure that since she found out incest was bad, probably when she began dating my father at age 16, she became determined to keep that secret to herself. But as dementia slowly got a grip on her at age 82, and she was very focused on driving, she began to talk about the uncle who lived in her parents farmhouse while she and her siblings were growing up. She said she loved him so much and liked sleeping with him. Using cautious questioning, because she was driving, I asked what room they shared (it was an upper level without heat) and I asked what kind of pajamas her uncle wore and she said "none" and I paused then asked if he had a name for his penis and she said "his dolly" WELL you connect the dots. After seeing her facade as a charismatic super-earner (from commissions), and after my youth of her responding to my complaints (about brothers and their friends not respecting my personal space) with "you're too sensitive" I am comfortable with betting her judgment was based upon her self message that would be "if I survived the incest (not outwardly seeming to be a depressed victim) then my beautiful, smart female child can get through life okay while having HER personal space routinely invaded by the boys." I LOVE LIVING ALONE. I couldn't make myself marry anyone, and I had 5 offers while raising my son as a single parent. I'm so thankful that psychology coursework helped me break the cycle of abuse (especially that shit about confusing a child so that the parent could have a laugh) and now I see my son being a considerate husband and father who never needed counseling, has no substance abuse challenge, and no experience with criminal activity UNLIKE ALL FOUR OF MY BROTHERS. I also made sure never to use my siblings for child care, and I think that helped my son grow into a confident, respectful man. But I am still damaged, emotionally. Most mornings, if I think of my mother who passed away March 2019, I have to cry. My confused self misses the occasional love from her and I'm so sorry she carried that burden of shame all her life.
I am highly empathetic and sensitive. My parents and brother are narcissistic. From the time I was little I was told I am too sensitive. My toxic family has exploited my empathy my whole life. I think that is a terrible thing, and it caused me to be insecure and to have difficulty forming healthy relationships. My feelings were always wrong, inconvenient or bad.
“Thinks it’s a game to have the ability to provoke whatever the want the infant to feel” omg this is so true. My narcissistic mom will provoke me whenever I try to confront her. She knows exactly how to push my buttons, as well as my dad. When I used to try to confront her about her bullshit, she would act like I was picking on her or being “difficult” and that would trigger my dad to come and save her. I hated being an only child - it was always them vs me. I will NEVER do that to my children. I feel like as a 29 year old woman, Im broken but I’m trying to gain my life back. 😔
This is a very good video for those of us who are empathic, sensitive, adults who went through this as a child..We learn self doubt, learning not to trust, learning not to believe in yourself. It takes a lot of work to undo the abuse...Thank God a lot of us have the courage and are developing Self Love and are doing well...rediscovering their Joy, inner beauty and truth~
When I was going through labor with my son (I was induced 2 weeks early with a high risk pregnancy) I remember just laying on the bed, not crying or yelling or anything because I didnt want to look weak to her and what does she do? She looks at me and says " ugh I fear for you because you're not strong like me, even you're grandmas praying for you , she never has to worry about me" then she goes off to tell my dad and ex " I've always had to be strong , idk why shes not like that". Even though my ex is also a narcissist too he wanted to beat her, we almost put her on the do not allow list.
Same, both my mom and oldest sister. Today my pastor said I must starve the narcissist (jezebel spirit) aka what we know as narcissistic supply and not to feel I am being cruel or rude because God understands. Get away, pray for her, but protect yourself. God bless you! He is with you!
@@JustCallMeLiberty Pray on it, sister. For me I was told at service that I was "assigned" by God to break this generational curse. My narc mom was going to abort me, she claims. She abortions prior to me, so I always wondered why I was placed in this family but now I see I am their only hope on earth. I am the only one who cares enough, while they carry on in their ways I am constantly praying to God to touch them. This stuff is pure evil. Have "crazy faith" and pray against it causing you harm. Believe me, it has been working for me every time I ask for protection. Perhaps you are the one to break the cycle. Be safe and God bless you!
Wow. You explain this better than most. Not just the surface reactions, such as anger, confusion, self doubt. But importantly the internalizing and the deeper emotional responses, as well as the constant attempts to please, fix and soothe the narc parent.
you are actually talking about my mother..i could never please her, I was never good enough.. I disappointed her.. everyone else`s kids were better than me..I failed on every point..takes years and years to recover.. now I am ok.. but i still feel I don`t deserve attention/praise/affection. When my colleagues at work gave me a card for my birthday.. I couldn`t bear to read what they said.. After 2 years, I still haven`t opened that card... and when I got married , we just had a cheap short registry office wedding.. because I couldnt bear being the centre of attention,, because i felt i didn`t deserve it... and "How dare you be the centre of attention?"
Heather, Maybe you know that some people are so allergic to peanuts that eating a peanut can kill them. Your mother is toxic like that. Going no contact is not an emotional thing; it's just about your health. I'll bet you are a real sweetheart. Everything that your mother said was a lie. I hope you married a good man who loves you. Demand kindness and integrity from all the people in your life, and if they don't have it, walk away.
Thank you for the video, I am done, I have gone no contact for a month now with my crazy alcoholic narcissist mother, so tired of her manipulation, lying and triangulation with my siblings, my late older brother was the golden child and he became a narcissist, I’m a Empath and act quite narcy when I’m around my family, the two younger siblings are a lost cause, so damaged but they can’t see it, or that the whole family dynamic is toxic, they cater to the narc mother. I’m soooo happy that I learned all about narcissism and went no contact. I did my inner work and I’m breaking the cycle for good.
You just explained my life as now I am fighting MD but live with and cater to my 70 year old mother who gets mad if I ask for emotional support. Its so good now realizing that I am not crazy and this is a real thing.
It’s probably a genetic predisposition as well as conditioning. But, I often wonder if I would be an empath/HSP if I hadn’t grown up with a narcissistic parent.
When it comes to highly sensitive people - there are tests that show their brain operates differently - and they are hsp whether they had emotionally abusive parents or healthy, loving parents - so I could be wrong but i feel like hsp is more genetic. However, there is a lot of debate whether empaths are born empaths or became empaths due to needing to be highly vigilant - my personal opinion is that a person that is genetically high in empathy....becomes an empath due to upbringing - but again that's only my personal opinion
I do think that being highly sensitive is inborn, but when people have very narcissistic parents, that sensitivity is often abused out of them(psychologically/emotionally), so they become desensitized relatively early in life. And the more sensitive they are, the lesser the degree of abuse that is required in order to desensitize them. I know many people like this, though I am not one of them. And I think it happens more to boys than girls, because I think girls are more resilient, and also do not experience the same pressure to not feel their feelings.
Among my earliest memories is listening for - and tuning in to - the sound of my mom’s footsteps on the concrete floor of hallway to have a head’s up on her mood before she walked through the door. The heavier she was on her heels, the worse her mood would be. I always thought my empathy was born from this. It never occurred to me that my ability to perceive so keenly was innate!
Harsh realities noooo... It is my life. My NF got me married to a narc man. Until I saw the video I did not understand why. Now it is crystal clear. Thank you. I am deprived of touch can you make a video on that issue
Yesterday was mother's day. My mom is not narcissistic but she is schizofrenic, chaotic, unstable (able to really love but she takes much much more than she gives because she in unable to do many things for herself). Right now my mom is in the hospital in the psych ward 200 miles away from me. That distance protects me from some of her chaos but it also makes it difficult to see her on days like mother's day. I have no children, I was unable to have them. A couple of my friends shared some great mother's day moments with their moms and their daughters on facebook…. when I looked at those pictures a few moments ago, I stated crying and the tears just wont stop. I have no one to share this with. Most people don't get my life, my struggles and have no clue how to empathize with my family situation. So here I am writing it out on youtube, where I know there are other people, who have mentally ill dysfunctional moms.
yes so very true! work hard and break free! don't let any narcissists set a 'pattern of destruction' in your life! it is not always easy to break free and you may run many hardships like i did; but in the long run it is worth it!
I can’t believe this video exsists. I’m adopted and my “mom” is a narcissist. I started to notice I could feel her emotions at age 10 but it was the 70’s and kids then didn’t have a support system available. Mom has just hatred in her heart for me and always has. I’m 52 now and taught myself how to block unwanted emotional senses when in public and around her. Now I have a step mom that is a psychologist and thinks I need anti-psychotics, therapy, and if needed , institutionalized. Why? Because I know her better than she knows herself and she’s a control freak. I had to set boundaries with many family members for my own mental health and growth. Thank you for such a wonderful video. Gives me hope , to know that there are ppl out there that know what an Empath is and that we’re not crazy or mentally ill .
AGree with you SO much about videos about children being laughed at. I leave a message every time.. its sick. You are so right about Narc mom putting down any interest or talent.
I'm almost 16 and I realized this 2 days ago. Everyday is so weird since. I'm a person I never knew/met. Idk how I'm surviving day 3 without going to her, hoping for some act of love 💀. Weirder thing for me is: from the first day I stopped caring that much for her, she stopped talking to me (golden child(?) and started talking to my big brother. She was so adaptable 💀 now I know she sees me as an object and not a human being. You are saving my life... Gracias
Omg, you just summed up my life. Anytime I would get praise from anyone, mom, would demonize them or their actions to the point of doubting, unless it made her look good and only then she takes all the credit if not questionably say it through her and God's intervention. I still remember because I was so mannerable at a restaurant the woman offered not only my food free, but gave her something as well, however, what the women didn't see or hear is her bash me for being fake or saying she wanted nothing after I offered, and so the woman gave me the stuff, and then she snatched up and said I owe her and more or something. I was excluded from my friends who excepted me, and when I tried to find love, I either self sabtoge because I remember all the bad. My friends I have now that rarely see, always say that they hate my mom because I never really just let myself go entirely or be chill without thinking something to do with me out of place or done wrong her having problem me staying being chill and have fun. If I leave I am the problem child, black sheep, ungrateful one, and she send family or friends or whomever to give me a lecture. When I worked or went to college, my mom discouraged self or higher learning or would mock my failers. Or say some how I'm going against hers or God's plan. I hate when she uses religion against me. However it was bad enough that even my Boss started counselling me and being concerned about her affect on me and work performance after she visited or gave a phone call. When I was young baby to teenage years, I had to deal with a mental game of how badly I want something enough, and if not then I go without say, food, money, or attention. If I take it by force or negligence I'm a evil, bad, demon, selfish individual. If I cry or make a seen I am weak, not male or man, or some white child or whatever. Year's of b.s. My attractions or relationships, do tend to be towards snobby, but confident, ambitious types among a few other things, now after thinking they may have narcissim too, but its all I ever known. You have spot on nailed my tragic life. When I explain this to people they hardly can believe it and think even more so it is fabricated for attention, just cause she religious, or puts on a good act of ever vigilant martyr, and I too notice her voice goes up a few audibles that is not natural. She refuses any counseling or help other than from God and her religious organization, and everybody be damned, but has no trouble using as she might put it the Worldly system, be it cops, lawyers, or docs, to say YOU need help!!! I'm so ashamed, I don't know where You come from, or you need medication. Hurtful remarks and more!!! Stop whining or crying or acting up, act your age, BE A MAN or like Folks YOUR AGE, YOU TOO CAUGHT UP BEING LIKE THIS WORLD THAT SOON BE JUDGED AND END. It's no winning!!!
My mother was sick. She never condoned or wanted tp see or hear crying when I was in pain, yet used to force my sister and I to fight each other like dogs if we argued about something, She got off on watching us scrap it out like dogs...small ones ,we were 8 and 6...Some things I will die working to forgive
I am an HSP ENFP and also suffer from narc parents. Sometimes i do wonder if my father really is a narc or turned into a narc bcuz of my narc mother and her manipulation. He just accepts the way she treats him and disrespects him like today. She treats him like shit and on top of that he treats me like shit bcuz she brainwashes him to do so or he is just as evil but i feel like she has a lot to do with it. I dont even wanna call her mother anymore. I despise her and want to distance myself from her as much as i possibly can. She is SIMPLY TOXIC and makes me feel sick and worthless
Michele, I first have to tell you how valuable your videos are. I had no clue how real and cruel narcissism was until the last couple of years. My 35 year old daughter is a single mom of 5 children and I now live with them at her many, many pleas for help, mostly financial. Although there is no physical abuse, the emotional neglect and complete lack of validation toward them from her is making me literally sick. I'm doing the best I can to make them feel that they matter and aren't just here to serve their mother but I admit that it's too much and I feel like giving up sometimes. I will keep going as long as I can and listening g to your encouraging and compassionate videos goes a long way. I can't thank you enough for everything you do.
Great video! This is exactly what happened in my childhood. Moved away to heal... didn’t know I needed healing from it until I moved away. Thanks for the confirmation and validation.
Also, the hsp people have an inner knowing that can help them realize the toxicity. In my family, my brother and I grew up with a mother with malignant narcissism and my brother is not highly sensitive but he is stuck in the situation with no insight and I got to live a beautiful life away from predators. So I am so thankful that I am sensitive. 🙏
Michelle you have perfectly described my situation. I almost escaped my narcissist mother when I was younger, but she destroyed a relationship I had and reeled me back in. Single and alone I was finally able to move out 7 years later, recognizing that living with my mother was sucking the soul out of me. I am going to check out your website for the possibility of a 1 on 1 counselling session. You get it, you understand.
It's sad how much I can relate to this. My mother's exactly like that. But she's also a hoarder. So she keeps hoarding and keeps pointing fingers at me. I too am highly sensitive, and since school days my mother would make it a point to make me hate my friends. So much so that when she genuinely wanted to protect me from bad company I still thought she's just manipulating me. She had so much control over my life that once when I was 6, she beat me up real bad just because my friend and I drank coke out of the same bottle. Once in 3rd grade, when my teacher complained about my disoriented personality to my parents, my mother told her "oh she's 8 and still rides a tricycle!" and then my mom and my teacher had a good laugh. One of my bullies was there too, and she looked at me with a mocking face, then ran to tell the whole class. I have many scarring memories from childhood. Now I don't tolerate her manipulative behavior anymore. I'm still living with her because she drains me emotionally and I haven't been able to prepare for my exam that will get me a job. I came here because I've started to notice lately that as I'm becoming more outspoken and blunt about her manipulative behavior, she has started to fake a mental breakdown fit time to time, to make her husband and my other siblings sympathise with her so I look like the bad guy. The first time I too was afraid and started crying, but now I've realized it's fake as this is becoming a pattern, and lasts only until she's gained attention and everyone is calling me out. Then she snaps back to her senses in less than a second. Like seriously??? And everyone else in the house is so selfish, none of them are calling her out for her hoarding behavior. They just say "if you're so concerned go clean it up" but if I do start in one corner of the house, my mother clutters that place again, finds excuses to abuse me verbally, then tells me I'm good for nothing and haven't done anything to clean up the hoarding mess. So I stop cooperating. Because I know it's just gonna be a big vicious cycle and is only going to emotionally and psychologically damage me more. She gangs up on me with my other siblings when they insult me randomly or tell me by the way that I'm a piece of no-good crap. And when I tell them off she starts to react as if I was the one who has been harassing them. Like what? She just always has had this strange problem with me. Since I was a child. And my siblings picked up on this quite at an early age which is why they think it's okay to be mean to me. And as a part of not acknowledging my support, opinions, beliefs etc, she also doesn't acknowledge my feelings, and tells me "the childhood YOU speak of is made up in YOUR HEAD. You're crazy. These things never happened. You're imagining them." and "you turned out to be nothing like me! I trained my kids so well. You are nothing like how I trained you to be!" I do understand that I'm not smart or clever, I can never outdo my other siblings. If I was smart I'd have been able to move out a long time ago. I don't even have a job because I'm so emotionally unstable. It just hurts to be a dull lifeless unemployed person who has to live with my toxic parents till I pass the exams.
wow u are spot on lady.described my narc. mom and myself.i am an empath.and i love it.she had to be cut out of my life unfortubately.i had to save me and my family from her destruction.my brother like u said has no life of his own caters to her still.wow u are very good.god bless you.
You just hit the nail on the head with the Mother-in-law narcissist. Very affirming to hear you articulate what I lived through in my marriage. He chose her over me every time. I got a divorce. She sent me a card and wrote a note that said..."I hope you didn't get divorced because of me!!!" That was 30 years ago and I am still healing from Narcissistic abuse from family.
I ended a fake relationship with an individual who regularly emotional abuse his children and play mind games with them through material possessions. The true golden child is treated less than human, is emotionally drained and struggling to find her true self because her sick father is emotionally controlling her. I used to allow my father to do this same sick behaviors between me and my brother. When I figured out what he was doing I put my foot down and removed him from my life. I'm praying that the same thing will happen for this child, she will be liberated from that monster.
My mom put me in institution after institution. She never seemed to want me to be happy. She still doesn’t. I literally cringe if she try’s to show me any affection now. I’m just not used to it, then I feel awful, and I compare my sisters relationships to mine, and I can’t believe how different they both are to me. They’re affectionate, always trying to please my mom. Where I have had to build a wall! Is this normal? Am I on the right channel? I started watching these because I started seeing my husband as a Narc, and then started questioning my mom?! Lol
Rachel King yes it’s normal. Everyone responds differently to things and through their own experiences in life develop their own ways of coping and eventually their own thresholds of what they are willing/unwilling to tolerate. You’re not alone. I honestly seem to go back and forth from periods of cringing to breakdowns and attempts at pleasing until I’ve had enough and the cycle starts over again...... because her narcissism and denial/refusal to reflect/lack of empathy or regret is the constant. It is a frustrating HELPLESS feeling when your parents aren’t the safe spaces that they should be to their children but infact the opposite. God bless and good luck to you ❤️
You sound like the child chosen to be the scapegoat and the other children are the golden ones so that she could have her stars and you as her emotional garbage dump. Watch Man of the People clip from Star Trek next gen and you’ll see it perfectly summed up in 3 minutes by Captain Picard. ua-cam.com/video/tp-u368_A0c/v-deo.html
Rachel King I was the scapegoat my sister is the golden child I’m just now finding out that it wasn’t me all this time I thought there was something wrong with me I’m single no friends God help us to heal and get our own lives
as empath+highly sensitive BUT also allways having a strong sence for justice and knowing what injustice was from early on, i was also rebelling against them, of course there was hell to pay....but thanks God there were some good role models who helped me on my journey, now i am in my 40s' and still struggling, my narc mom is allready in her 80s' and i can not do no contact, yet am doing very limited contact since a few years, have caught on to them, thanks to coaches like you, no longer feel the need for her validation, however she does still hold some power over me as i have not yet learned fully how to be around her without loosing my cool, due to her constant "joking" remarks, which could regard everything about me, she does this espec. when more people then me are around, and more importantly her severe patronising and babying me, which is what makes me loose my cool most of the time, which then makes her show her huuuuge smirk, or as of recently ask: was it really that bad? this is espec. when i draw boundaries or voice what i do NOT want or want. She allways tries to impose her will on me and she wants, espec. in company be seen as the competent and sacrificing one, and me be seen as the sick, crazy, ungratefull or at least incompetent one, who is so in need of her rescue. But hope is on the horizon as i have recently discovered a very powerfull tool to combat this, thanks to a colleague of yours, Meredith Miller, from Inner Integration chanel, also here on yt, anyhow what she said was, is that we should take OUR responsibility back, for our life, feelings and happiness. This prevents the narc, espec. narc parents from getting their feed from us in form of causing negative emotions in us, bc when we are not aware of this, when they realise that they made us feel guilty, obligated or scared, then they get their kick. However when we tell them any of the following very helpfull phrases which she provided, and live them, we take their power over our emotions/life away: No. I disagree, i choose not to. No i won't. I'd prefer it if.... i appreciate your opinion but i feel really great about my choice.... You can continue to scream and yell, etc. however i'll choose to not be in your company when you behave this way. You can continue to excessively drinking/gambling/cheating etc. but i won't expose myself to that sort of chaotic behaviour. Please know that your drinking etc. is your choice, but what i will tolerate is my choice. Warning: do know when using any of these initially it can cause feelings of guilt and shame, this is due to long years of narc abuse, but trust me it will get better with time and its so worth it, learn that your voice matters, do it for you. Then walk away in peace and be happy, be consistent and consequent and stick to your word, do not do any of these to get back at them but do it for your own sanity, happiness. Bless you Michelle.
Dear Michelle you absolutely described my life and both my brothers... Such a sad journey... I am trying and trying yet having such a hard time breaking the cycle of the trauma bond. It s been so hard to move on and actually start my life instead of being their servant. I live with both my narcissistic parents (elderly now) my mother was all you vê described and a bit further... 🥵I feel as if I am chained down to them. Lacking the energy or confidence to take care of me be who I wish I could be and feel the peace and freedom every human being deseves. Thank you for sharing such enlightening information. 💌💐💖
Thank you! This is how I felt growing up and thought I was crazy. I thought I was being unfair and too critical of family members that treated me like this until I watched "Now Voyager" and you just summed it ALL up for me. 🤗
Have you watched Grey Gardens? It totally describes the scenario you are speaking about in this video. There was a documentary made in the 70s and then there was a movie made recently within the last 8 years 10 years or so. I highly recommend it because it's talking about this subject
You're right! I've seen that (both the doc and Drew Barrymore film)...seems to me she was headed for an AWESOME life, but mommy Made her come back home....
No nurturing from a narcissists but you must nurture them
I once made a comment the reason narcs have children is to get the nuture from the child almost like they know need it because they cannot give it hope that makes some sense
Wow. They sure do
Omg yas that’s a light bulb moment
Ain’t this the truth ....
This is such an accurate statement
My mom use to get a kick out of my emotional distress that she caused, but the one time she did it to my son I went off on her. She never tried it again with my son. I wish there would have been someone there to protect me from her.
Please do not bring your children around a narcissist.
I feel the same way about my mother she always gets a kick out of my emotional distress I even caught her smirking almost holding herself from laughing out loud. I was emotional due to her triggering me, and then gaslighting me and denying saying the hateful things she said to me about 3 mins ago. I confront her and told her what I thought her to be. Of course she starts the fights and then gets angry and blames everything on me when she gets the reaction she wanted out of me. I feel like she's two different people, that's what so confusing she can be so loving then switch and be so cold and mean towards me. I feel horrible when I get angry and tell at her but I can't take it anymore. She treats me like a child! When I am a adult. I feel like I have no life other then my job. But at least I can be away from her there. I am going to keep my distance and when I am at home stay in my bedroom. I don’t want to be close with her anymore. I feel I am co-dependant on her. I want to be break free from her but don’t know how?.
@@wowso4 Have you watched videos on trauma bond and the signs of it? Because I developed a trauma bond with my family for 27 years. Have you also considered joining a group?
A person has to keep their kids away from those people.
I plan on raising my future children away from my mother.
When I think of my mother - the image is a stoic face. Definitely taught us our feelings are bad. We weren’t allowed to laugh in the house. My father couldn’t stand it so he built a workshop and spent his time there leaving my mother to take care of us. My mother didn’t like being hugged or touched. We had to give her a kiss on the cheek before bed. Then at 16 years old I had a break down my mother refused treatment- the doctor made her leave and he told me “today is the first day you will start thinking about your adult life” you have two years until you will have any life you want”. You need to keep this to yourself and let your parents know after you move out” His gift - Hope
Gifts like that sound advice are rare. I had a teacher who told me I was just as smart as the know-it-all if I allow myself to be truly me. We might have been given awful parent(s) but it doesn't have to define us, it's something we were meant to overcome. Especially once you realize early when you've outgrown them emotionally. They are forever stuck. We can continue to grow. It's a gift, use it.
Ben Hackett And, that’s what shrinks don’t understand.
Ben Hackett I agree with you completely. Big pharma is making money off of our pill-popping culture. Psychologists and life-coaches can guide us to look within and heal ourselves.
What a GREAT Dr! God bless him for this gift!
@Ben Hackett , I can relate. I keep my 20 year old daughter who has Asperger's, away from my Narc mother. She's evil. I'm 51 now and JUST learning about my Mother because a counselor I went to that had NEVER seen me, but had seen my Mother decided to tell me that I was a Narcissist after meeting with me for 15 minutes!!! I KNEW that was NOT the case as I had been to a NeuroPsychologist with the University of Texas who had done a battery of tests on me for over 6 months and was very lengthy. I have some very serious health problems, PTSD, Lupus, Trigeminal Neuralgia (aka The Suicide Disease), and a host of other probs. That counselor that had told me that also said that "All US Soldiers returning from deployment are Narc's". I was shocked that a Licensed Professional would make such a blanket statement about a group of people who MOST likely have PTSD, Depression and other problems. I figured out, this lady was probably as much of a Narc as my Mother. Especially after watching all of these videos by Michelle and Dr. Les Carter. Anyway, good for you that you are becoming healthy! Praise God!
A lot of narcissistic mother's have a weird son-husband, almost incestual dynamic with their sons.
Very true
My mother tried to make me into one. I believe you will find that most gay men fall under this category.
Oh my..my enabling Stockholm syndrome covert narc brother and my borderline mother...emotional incest ..parentified....you name it..its very disturbing on every level...I escaped to another country last month..in recovery from crazy town. .much love..x
Norman Bates
It’s creepy with being a daughter of a NM because you get turned into their friend. The horrible things my poor ears heard as a child where not appropriate for children to hear. The secrets that I had to hold for my witch mother will go to my grave! I can’t even stomach whatever these demons do to their sons!
I live out of state away from my narcissistic mother, I'm an empath and highly sensitive. My brother still lives with her, he's almost 30 and has never had a life of his own, he doesn't strive for anything he just exists to take care of my mom. And she's fully competent, not disabled, married, works full time. But she stunted his emotional growth to the point of him never leaving home and starting his own life, and she's totally ok with it.
I'm your brother....I hate my mom....I don't know how to have my own life....I hate her for crippling me and stunting me
@@etphonehome4511 I'm so sorry to hear that :-( my brother adores my mom, I'm not even really sure he sees what's going on because he's so enmeshed in the situation. The few times I've talked to my mom about it she's defensive. I just feel like as a mother she should be encouraging him and helping him launch his own life. But she doesn't. And it makes me sad for him because he's kind, smart, and very talented. All our lives she was so negative. Any new idea we had, and goal we had, she would shoot it down and tell us about all the reasons why it wouldn't work. So we all grew up with no self confidence. But just know this: everyone has value and a purpose. You have some sort of gift or talent, or something to offer. You just have to believe that you can do it. Take baby steps, set mini goals, and ignore the narcissistic chatter. You can even work from home, do something online. Become a life coach and make UA-cam videos about sons of narcissistic mothers. Educate people. You don't have to show your face to do it, and it would help so many people. And eventually it can become an income as well. You're in this situation so you can grow from it and help other people along their path. I believe you can do it. Don't listen to your mom tell you that you can't. YOU CAN. 💖
This is exactly what they do to their children, crippled them in every way possible to make sure they never leave the nest. Your brother can still get out, he’s young. As your mother gets older it will become increasingly difficult for him to leave her control. I’m truly sorry for this situation and I am glad you got away!
big 5150 my NM and co-dependent father crippled and sabotaged my life for decades upon decades. From educational sabotage, financially sabotaging me, to you name it, I’ve dealt with it all over the years. Though my life is extremely difficult due to decades of undiagnosed C-PTSD, I’m 3 years NC with my family this year! I’m certain you CAN get away and you CAN try for a life of your own. It will not be easy and will probably be more difficult compared to others who didn’t go through this abuse but you can still have a life of your own, lived on your own terms. I wish you much success in creating a life of your own because you deserve to be happy! All narcissistic abuse survivors deserve happiness.
@@PrettyPoshLife thank u for your kind
Words
I am a daughter of mentallly-ill-narcissistic mother and an absent, negligEnt father...I am in my late 40`s and am stuck in life...never got married, no children, no career....I just ``go through`` life...I was laughed at my talents ...never ever encouraged to pursue my dreams....Since young age I had thoughts of suicide. I feel like I am a big failure...life has no meaning for me...and yes, I have been in therapy since my teen years, but the pain, the confusion, the anger never goes away...THANK YOU EVER SOMMUCH FORMYOUR CHANNEL!!..
You are worthy. Enjoy the days of your life regardless of your achievements on paper. You are amazing
Hello Rosane, there is a relief to know finally I found people who has similar experience. Because it is hard topic to talk to anyone about it who hasn't experience the depth of narcissistic mother. I would love to talk to you if you like the idea of supporting each other.
Sorry to hear what you have been through. You are not a failure. You are a true hero... A gifted person who was born in the wrong environment. But It's never too late.. you never know what is waiting for you. Just sending you a big hug...
Look into the completion process by teal swan.
My heart breaks for you. I have found inner child work focusing on soothing the hurt inner child the most useful thing. While there is life there is hope.. but yes you should feel like you are making progress. Look into trauma informed therapists .
Both my parents were Narcs and I was the lone empath...horrible!
👋 same
So sorry! That is horrible 😢
Deadly really
Wait what my parents are both narcissist….. probably- and me Im not the narcissist Im the empath- to be clear it’s worse in a way when the empath also has autism…
@@OceanicPearlz1 im so sorry :( its awful. My parents were like this, and I have autism and am empath and HSP
You literally just described my whole childhood. I was born as an empath and I can see peoples aura and emotions since I was born. I have so much self-loathing, self-hatered and dabotage. I will be turning 25 this year and cannot achieve any of my goals, save up money, loose weight or anything really am just stuck in my bed unemployed not knowing what job or industry I want to be im. I’m stuck in the cycle and am so desperate to escape. Thanks for making of this video, you really helped me 💕
I feel you🥺i have been there as well and still healing and recovering but i am slowly building my life from scratch and so can you! We are stronger than we think we are and r capable beyond measure💪🙏🙏
My heart breaks to gear these stories. This narcissistic abuse is happening to my 11 yr old grandson. He's one of 3 boys and is the daily scapegoat. Always blamed and ridiculed. Always sobbing my mother hates me.
There's nothing I can do. They live in another country overseas. He's all alone. He's the sweetest most sensitive boy and has such a happy soul. But she crushes him at every opportunity.
Be brave darling. Find a support group. I tell my grandson you're such a good boy don't listen to those bad voices in your head. Fill your thoughts with happy.
Please get help because at 60 I am just learning how to cope because of two narcissistic over achieving parents. Don't let your life slip by. If you don't face it now all kinds of people can use it against you.
I’m the same just a bit older than you. And I tried many many ways and ser he’s for help in many places. Only Jesus. And going to Church truly helped me. So I suggest you try going to several Churches to find a good one. Read the Bible. And let the peace of God into your soul. God bless.
After three narcissist Male partners, and lots of counseling, I have realized that my mom was extremely narcissistic and I am extremely empath and INFJ personality. No wonder I struggled all those relationships and years.. I have gone no contact and finally awakened myself to a more authentic self. Thank goodness!! I thank God that I didn't end up dead or worse than I did. Thank you for sharing this video!! I still struggle inside alot but I know why now. I am able to heal myself (or know what I need) to be happy, safe, and true my myself. It's a blessing that I went through all of that pain and have found "new freedom" from it all..
This is me. Been with three narcs, mother is a narc and in an INFJ-T.
Luckily, the person I'm with now is in INFJ-T as well. His love is so warm. I'm blessed.
Hugs to you guys. INFJ -T here as well. Both of my parents are narcissist with my mother being the malignant one.
I'm curious, what mbti type would you say your mother's are. Mine is a ESFP🙄🙄🙄
I lived your story and it took a 12 year marriage and him dragging me through the court system to run me broke as he said he would if I left. It was one relationship, but he was my narcissist mother and my biggest lesson and break through to healing in my life. I am happy to be single now and spending my energy on myself care, instead of having a parasite in my life draining my energy and resources.
I know exactly what you mean, this is the same behavior I had to deal with . They go after things you love and help you grow. Basically they don't give love and help your needs, they discard them.
Enjoy your freedom Missy Gray
Great video Michele! My relative wanted to show me "something funny" that her baby did. I wasn't prepared.
She bent down close to the baby and then "meowed" loudly in his face. The baby busted out crying. It was terrible!!!
Definitely not an empath. If people really knew the cruel things narcs do to their children, they'd probably be in jail.
I can wish,... can't I ???? Thank you so much for doing the work that has set you free. I am so proud of you Michele!!!
That hurt my heart :(
When she spoke about that baby it made me physically sick. The things my mother would say to me as a little girl were so very sick. I did tell my therapist and trled at some point to tell my sister. My sister blew me off. She was the golden child. My sister learned to find favor with my mother and even today she can't admit the things that I know that she DID SEE....my sister and I are friends today. I love her and my nephews dearly but we can't speak about my mother...who is dead now...
This video brings back some painful memories from my formative years of being almost constantly scapegoated. I am still having issues with this, now in late middle-age.
Me too!
I think revealing are real qrief about not knowing what pain comes from going not going no contact is so helpful to others.. you can't fix it and if you stay around you invite another into your life without meaning to and the pain from not being self aware is more than doubled its crippling.
Me too, but mainly from my dad. To this day I cannot stand by and watch someone scapegoat another person for kicks.
Me too
Chet Pomeroy Painful memories indeed. I didn't expect it to hit me so hard as I'm grown with a little girl of my own. I'm in my room secretly crying silently just as I used to nearly every day as a child. Narcissists are so evil and dangerous to the wellbeing of children. I was often told how much she regretted having me. I don't know how she could murder my soul and break my heart with such pleasure. I look at my daughter and I see her innocence. I can't imagine ever wanting to inflict pain or shame. I choose my words carefully. I never tell her that she is bad. I tell her that she made a bad choice. I make sure she knows that I always love and protect her. I can't understand the evil that enjoys a child's pain. How horrible! I've rambled enough. I know I could use therapy after this flood of memories lol. Be well everyone and please let your children know they are loved.
I am a hyper-sensitive person & empathic and I've cut off relations with my family because that relation was toxic for me. I've realized down the road that my mother is a narcissist and I promise you, this video is so accurate!
Bravo Julien d'avoir osé!
@@SublimeLullaby Merci beaucoup, je te confirme que ça n'a pas été facile!
Me too shits sad man
I cant bc I have a child, but I have learned not to tell my mother anything personal. ever. and I am still learning the hard way, not to take money, or whatever. she plays the martyr and complains behind my back after offering...
@@chellefell1331 Congratulations, you're engaging as little as possible and that's the best you can do.
Parents feel that their children are their competition they have to do better than their children their children are trying to take away their life or their position or their talent they compete with their children because they know they can win they're stronger than their children the rest of the world has beaten them down so they take it out on their children and the children don't know any better
I truly believe there is no help anywhere for a narc....they never change.
They r cursed for life, there is no human soul inside of them
Happy I broke out of "prison" and living hell. Teen years were miserable. She hated me. Even told me "just because you are married I can say anything I want to you". Had no respect for anyone. Finally no contact for my own mental health. She had lost control as she thought I would work and support her for the rest of her life and have no life of my own. She had it all planned out.
That's sick. To grow up in a place like that literally makes my stomach turn
My dad threw a tantrum in a courtroom hoping the judge would throw me in jail for his unruly behavior. And that's his sober thinking!
Thank you, I'm 45 years old, and I'm realizing that my mom is a narcissist. I'm highly empathic. I've been looking back at my childhood and the things she use to do to me and my sister. My mom is very jealous of me, she constantly tried to one up me, making sure that I know that she's superior. She still does it. I learned to hold so much of my feelings deep inside me, so much I would get physically sick. I'm learning to tell her how I feel even though she doesn't want to hear it. My mom use to pat me on my behind all the way into my 30's and when said something to her and or gave her a dirty look, she would tell me that that's my behind, I gave birth to that behind. I started to hate my body because of her. I have a lovely hour glass figure, but I hated my body. My mom would also try to live her life through me as well. She wanted me to be what sure wanted me to be, and marry who she wanted me to marry, I rebelled. She played my sister and I against each other so much that I went through many years not having a relationship with my sister. With my sister and my mom, my sister could do nothing right, my mom is constantly negative towards her. My sister always wanted to he loved and accepted by my mom. My sister got pregnant accidentally years ago, and my mom took over and bonded with my niece before my sister ever got a chance to. My mom's excuse for that one was, well your sister never had a nurturing side. I had two narcissistic relationships, one with a overt narcissist and another with a covert narcissist. I'm healing from it all.
My narcissist mother drove me and my son to a mother and baby unit she abandoned us.
Narcissist Mother
* Keeps the children a part by causing them to argue to avoid them talking about how they were being treated.
* Gets mad when the siblings hang out with each other. And accuse them of talking about her.
* Tells you you better side with her regardless if she is wrong because she is your mother.
*Steals money from you and justify it as you owe her, because she gave you life.
* Constantly tells you I brought you into this world and I will take you out of this world. Threats..
* Asks you why are you taking care of your sick sibling instead of spending time with her.
* Curses you out when you don't side with her.
* Takes the credit when she had nothing to do with your accomplishments.
* Creates the flying monkey affect to discredited you with your sibles and other family members so no matter what you say they will only beleive her.
* Plays on your weaknesses, by reminding you she is your mother, and mothers could never do wrong.
* Pretends to be sick to drain your energy.
*Punishes you by Ghosting you to control you.
* Tells your personal business to strangers to shame you.
* Tells the grandkids which ones are her favorites. While tell the others they are devils.
*Tells the favorite grandchild not tell the others when she buys them treats.
*Talks about the non favorite grandchildren with the favorite grandchild to get laughs.
Love her for being your mother, dislike the behavior. Breaking the ties will bring you freedom and internal peace.
The sad part is when she continues the behavior while suffering from terminal illness. Do the work, love yourself first.
Tells you if you get on my bad side I will talk to you like a NG on the street.
Tells you you better not tell anyone what goes on under her roof, if you don't want to get beat.
My mother is a narcissist, when my daughter was starting to show her own personality I realized that I envied her. I knew something was wrong but didn't know what. And I made changes to my lifestyle and put a limit to my mom. Michelle explains it wonderfully.
you just told my life. I am an empath. Very sensitive and I had a god given talent, it was never nurtured or embraced. My father is a narc and he really did a lot of damage to everyone. I am now a growing adult (38) and I am just now learning about boundaries, I feel I am set back decades,
same here
EntyseOnline the truth is that you have been maliciously and intentionally set back. They do this with a laser focus to their children meanwhile gloating and beaming inside as to how much damage they can inflict. We’re not all born equal and life isn’t even remotely fair and it’s especially unequal and unfair for abuse survivors. You do not compare your life to that of anyone else. The milestones in your life are whatever you choose them to be. Because of this abuse you have a voice and empathy that others don’t. You’ve likely developed skills that many don’t possess. By going straight into the fire you’re only stronger for it, despite feeling set back in life. I wish you amazing success in life and the ability to move forwards at your own pace and in ways that are meaningful to your healing!
Zofia Janeczek thank you! It definitely has not been easy.
Same
Never heard or knew what "boundaries" or "validation" meant till I was 34....lol smh
I feel the same way. And some days I just feel terrible as though a huge heavy burden is dragging me down and breaking my heart. I was trained and conditioned to feel that way. I've been no contact for two years with my father...looking forward to many more without him.
I stopped saying "I love you" to my parents around when I was 10. I didn't really understand why until about 15 years later, bit I understand that I could TELL that the feeling of love wasn't there. Both of my parents were narcissists.
I did the exact same thing! And am now trying to heal. I never told anyone that I love them and have a hard time doing it.
Me too!!!
that phrase was never said and still not said in my parents household..
to me, and I'm 41, when I see moms hugging their daughters and laughing and being close, it looks so foreign to me.... I have a little boy and I say it to him all the time. ALL THE TIME.
Anyone who's narcissistic really should avoid having children. I'm sure that sounds unfair to some but the suffering, both short and long term on the child's part is too extreme to change my view. I know my opinion doesn't matter.
Unfortunately, there are people who turns into narcs when they have such children. I don’t really know whether it was me an empath child that provoked mom or it was just life going tough for her. I heard that she wasn’t such person before I was a toddler.
My mother is a narcissist and I don’t think she wanted me.
I'm a child of one and I can't help but to agree with you, mothers like that have no place having kids as sad as it is.
I think a lot of narcissists enjoy having children because they can easily get away with powertripping and manipulating the child. But every narc is different.
but from my experience they loooove babies because they're easier to control
LOL- I recently confronted my narc mom after 40 years and she had the gall to say to me via email, " I know you said that you were bored, but I have no time to play a GAME with you..." That was all the confirmation this talented and beautiful woman/child needed in this life. BYE-BYE, "Mom."
I have a covered narcissistic mother and I found out about it very late. . When I was a child I had no idea what was going on but I knew there was something wrong. She didn´t let me to have boyfriends this was a very dificult period of my life. She made difamatory campain against me in a very dissimulative way, Now I see, I´m already im my 50`s, I´m alone, no friends, no family, taking care of her, I look back and see that she´s soo covered that I would never realize all the picture, even if a was a paranoid person. It´s sad. She is crazy, a kind of demon. Yes, demons are real, and the´re made of flesh and bones.
Rose Damas it’s not too late Rose. I encourage you to get out. I just now have a friend for the first time in years. Two week old friendship, and I’m 39! You can do it, you probably need to do it slowly, one step at a time in order to not have a mental breakdown, but it CAN be done. I’m just learning how to live.
I have broken contact with my narc mom, but I wasn’t allowed to live with her past 18; I found my own narcissistic husbands and “friends” to abuse me once I got out of the home. It’s been a rough life, but I’m free at last though.
Rose, I love you. My story is similar in some ways, as I had a malignant narcissistic mother, I run away and married when I was eighteen and she tried to break my marriage up and let me return to live with her as long as she lived. She died over ten years ago, I am fifty now, and I feel as if she has eaten my entire life. I have serious self-hatred issues, I self-sabotage all chances I get, I have no friends, and even my daughter takes advantage of me, uses me and verbally abuses me. I got my C-PTSD diagnosis last year, the therapist made it even worse, and I still have no idea how to get out of this darkness. I sometimes do not leave my flat for weeks at the time, I do not open the door and do not answer the phone, and my life is just suffering and self-loathing... No idea what to do. So you are not alone.
Rose Damas same here
Hello Rose, I fully understand you. I realized at 43 years old about my Narcissistic mother. She was abusing my kids too (scapegoat and goldenchild) in a covert way. You can do it. I am sure you are a brave and strong person as you got to this point and realized about this. If possible, try to get help from a competent professional that can guide you through the process. I wish all the best in your way to break free. You can do it
OMG Michelle really got me with this last video. I was the scapegoat . I got away " some" but not emotionally. I use to think that my brother and sister got off the hook but now I know that she affected them in a different way..When my father apologized to me in his eighties for not doing anything about my mother I forgave him...He was weak. Cowardly. It impacted my choice of men. In my quest to find strong men I ended up with bullies...Now I realize so much about my own choices. Still fighting the aloneness...the depression. Trying to seek out other empaths and decent people to be around....
For 32 years I was jumping through the hoops for my mother, thinking she was the victim of her family, unfair life, my bad father and just unfortunate circumstances. Until I did something major, meanwhile slowly working on my personal growth through self help.
When I did what I did, all of a sudden the picture became very clear. Yes, my mom grew up in an unhealthy family, yes, my dad is a covert narc with his bad sides....BUT after all, when she hurt me (emotionally, psychologically), sabotaged my progress, criticized, belittled and abused me in any kind of way, it was by HER CONSCIOUS CHOICE! And she keeps doing it to this day. Over the phone and every time I come to visit. My visits become shorter and shorter every time, I stopped calling her everyday like I used to. Because EVERY AND EACH communication with her triggers something really bad, negative in me. As if she presses some invisible button that turns the program on with one goal: “go hate yourself and die”. I hate her, and I hate myself for hating her. And I can’t go no contact at this point, it will destroy me. This pain will be there for the rest of my life. And yes, I am an empath, who has been attracting only narcs all the years. After my eyes have been opened, I had to let them all go. Loneliness hurts. But I am done being abused.
When I fully realized that my narcissistic mother was, herself, abused as a child, I understood that she could never give what she did not have. That knowledge freed me. It is possible to let go of that deep resentment without sacrificing any part of yourself. Love and hate are different sides of the same coin - both inspire deep passion. I hope you can value your own emotional well-being above hers and find a way to finish raising the innocent child within yourself where she dropped the ball. The answer is usually wrapped in love…
I guess that's why the good Lord says in Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers (and mothers) DO NOT exasperate or provoke (deliberate intent to harm) your children to anger...."
lol my mom's boyfriend likes to use the bible in why we should respect her, despite the 10+ years of abuse.
Life struggle. Married 3 times in destructive marriages. I am a nurse-empathic-sensitive-a gift in my career-and sort of in my life. My first memories are brutal. Emotional, verbal, physical abuse. I broke away-only way to survive. It was me or her. Had to make a choice, but it is still a daily struggle even with therapy.
Always been told I am sensitive...not a weakness..my greatest strength.
I remember being a child around 11 or 12 and my narcissistic mother decided to convince me I was a crack baby. I ran around the house crying for hours and hours and locked myself in my room, until one of my moms boyfriend's came over and seen me with bloodshot eyes and he asked me what happened, and when i told him, he couldnt believe she had done that to me. I remember him angrily asking, "why did you do that to him?! Whats wrong with you?!" She found so much humor and delight in the emotional pain she'd caused on her own son..
Oh my that’s terrible I feel for you I ask my own narcissist mother and father for emotional support it’s missing… the gut is trying to tell you the truth don’t ignore it
Get her into jail.
Just ask me, I'm in my late 40s, and I can tell you all the destruction that happens to someone who was raised by two narcissists. Every single area of life: wrecked. Constant, repeat problems. It is a lifelong curse that I only learned about from age 46 on. That's due to it being covert psychological abuse.
Me too ❤
I grew up with a narcissistic mother and sister, I almost died on one occasion, but that didn't cause a single change in their behavior. The irony is they play roles for the outer world and everyone's buying it, everyone believes they are lovely, kind and caring, but have been to me like the devil himself. They want me to look crazy, but they're not going to win. I've had enough. I'm a grown up woman, completely standing on my own, but they always talk bad about me to other people, so mean and evil. I don't care. I know who I am.
Same here !! They are two toxic little peas In a pod ! I’ve finally cut them both off.
Omg yes on point!!
Same here :/
They are typical street angels and house devils My grandmother, mother and sister are all like that People think they are wonderful
Thank you, you r describing my mother, my narc mother destroyed my talents and interests, freedom of thoughts and actions, handicapped me and tells I am the problm
Exactly. Mine was narcissist histrionic. Told antisocial, treated rough. Yes. Attempt to make us feel worthless
Tiffany Smith
Thanks, your videos are the most informative. I had a cn mother and an on father. It took me years of trying to find out why I was so sad all the time. I had the body aches, emotional pain and mental confusion. I was able with lots of help and support to put the pieces together at 75 years old last year. I am so grateful for you and others for helping us to understand. ❤️
Now it makes sense why nothing is ever good enough for my mother. Ive never heard her say I'm proud of you, just being compared to others. I'm broken I genuinely feel like I'm not good enough for anything.
Jacqueline - you Are worthy. Don't let anyone make you that way.
Blessings 🙏🏼💐
My Mother is the most narcissistic, selfish person I’ve ever met. It took me YEARS to even be able to say out loud what a nasty, dismissive person that she is. She has never been empathetic or sympathetic towards anyone, yet demands that she gets these emotions from everyone else. She is a “lifetime victim,” who NEVER apologizes to anyone, especially me and my brother. She allowed my step father to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse all 3 of us, and still to this day makes excuses for it. (Although HE has apologized.) She lives to turn everyone on me and my brother, or anyone who doesn’t appease her bullshit.
All of this is just so true.... Harsh truth . Imagine a person being so evil that it preys on its own children !
Parts of this remind me of growing up with a borderline mother... except with world shaking unpredictability. A loving mother one moment and a narcissist the next - would be never know what could be waiting (or what I did to cause the change).
The conditional love was truly the saddest thing I’ve ever felt.
Wow!!! You hit it on the head with the unpredictability never know what you where going to get
You described my mother! I hate her so much, but she is so good at playing the victim/martyr that it is hard to let myself be angry. Part of me still believes she had my best interest at heart, and maybe she convinced herself she did, but the things she did were so EVIL. I think she absolutely expected me to cater to n wait on her forever. Went NC a decade ago n it was one of the best decisions of my life. Thank you for all the work you do. If you ever get into Body Code please do a vid on that n let us set up appts!!!
Good video. I was so triggered when the DaddyOFive scandal broke. That sadistic narc reminded me of my father. He tortured me emotionally and physically to the point I was pulling my eyelashes, which started an abusive cycle alone. It has not been easy being highly sensitive. It makes us the perfect scapegoat.
My mom used to majorly dramatize her pain and the pain of chosen others and expected me to dive headlong into those feelings. I am now realizing how much I struggle now by doing that to myself with other's issues
Here I was questioning if I'm secretly a narcissist or just an empath after being gas-lit my whole life and thinking I'm the problem. I stumble on a video of yours that lead me down a rabbit hole to this video. I have not seen anything so eye-opening and terrifying at the same time in a while and I just cried for the past 20 mins watching this. Nearly every word is exactly what I'm still experiencing at 29 years old and it confirms that all the things I've witnessed for my whole life are almost certainly true. My mom would never allow me to have talent, learn the life skills to survive on my own, if I showed any signs of being good at something it was a threat so I'd subconsciously sabotage myself and if I had any form of love in my life it was taking away from her and she had competition even if it was another family member or even a pet that I showed affection for. Now that I'm aware of her narcissism she's been acting differently, she's either very cold or overly nice and she's retired now and is showing signs of helplessness and sickness that seem manufactured to get me to empathize again and help her. I think I'll need a miracle to get out of this situation. Thank you so much Michele for your channel, you've helped me so much in the last month!
Exactly right! I loathe seeing that toward anyone. I know exactly what you mean about empathic feelings. I had praise for themselves, and all you explained, and all that you said, esp the constant criticism and shaming. Everything criticized. Exactly. I'm a human-doing. Then, when the parent passed, i decided to walk away from the rest of the family narcs. Just 'being' is priceless, even though people don't get me for enjoying being alone. Everything you said was what happened. It's amazing how you are so spot on. I'm working on me since i found out what had being going on, and then everything changed. At last, i knew what happened. Being an empath and sensitive, i have to work extremely hard to not feel guilty and responsible for narc family's feelings and expectations, or anyone's, but for me no contact is the only way. It's time i had a break and got connected to just being. And just being the same as everyone else, just as important, just as unimportant, but entitled to do and be who i am. Not the focus of extreme torturous attacks for every side for every and no reason. Horrible to be trying to ignore and trying to be accepted or anything i did accepted. Then seeing how they play games at my expense, games that gave them power and importance, leaving my life denied, destroyed, stolen and people thinking I've done and been nothing worth while, only being the problem they made out. The jealousy was shocking. I ignored and smiled on until i set myself free by walking away, which i could only do after the parent passed, alas. I wish I'd known about npd, and wish I'd been stronger sooner. But that's life. I am now, which is what matters.
...yep, it has destroyed me but I'm healing slowly but surely.
This been the story of my life. You can be empathetic and because you been exposed to a narcissistic parent you can develop narcissistic traits and mistreat others even tho your true nature is empathetic and caring
This was my mother! I finally gave up and cut off contact!!!
I am desperate to cut off contact, but i dont know how, i am soo lost and feel at the mercy of my situation😰
Yes, my brother married a narc. I have been saying for years, he married his mom, 2.0. She has buried him in debt, too.
I like your new editing style, thanks!
I'm guessing arranged marriage
@@hotshotmose4900 not really.
Your videos regarding narcissistic parents have been so helpful, although the reality is somewhat painful and sad. I never allowed myself to believe my parents could be purposely hurtful. I believed their narrative of me their toxicity combined with religious spiritual abuse. All those wasted years. There's comfort when you finally put all the pieces together. Like solving a mystery. So, this is my issue now what do I do? How do you at 54 years old figure out how to become the person you were born to be? I do believe my true identity was never allowed and even punished. How do I retrain my brain. Wipe the slate clean and start over? I have watched over 50,000 videos on narcissism since leaving my stbx last year 4/17/19. It has taken me an entire year to explore the videos on narc families/parents. I do love my parents dearly. I will never get that love or validation from my parents I so desperately need. And in truth, it feels calm.
I like how you state how we FEEL and living in a shallow world.
The narc people in this world are trying to destroy my core.
I feel stunned and scared and full of pain!
Feels like i was voiceless and shut down most of my life.
I have headaches and balance problems now and stll noone CARES.
On 9/11/01, I was crying and my narcissistic mother told me, in a very irritated tone, "well, it's nothing to cry about". The entire world was crying on 9/11, except for my mother.
My mom would come into my room and get really close to my face and repeatedly call me ugly since I was a small child. She wanted a daughter that looked like her and got it when my sister was born (the golden child).
The part about the child’s interests rings so true with me. I was talented with a few instruments and drawing as well. Of course, my mother had to take control of everything. She came with me to my music lessons, chose songs to learn for me, yelled at me when I’d make a mistake during practice, and when I was learning something I wanted to learn (I like thrash metal so on guitar it was metallica and the like) she would stand there and cringe and groan and ask why I didn’t play something other people wanted to hear. With drawing she wanted me to stop drawing cartoons and draw still life and shit like that. When I showed her something I drew that I was proud of, she would ask if I traced it. I was so certain that when I moved out I would feel free to really flourish and develop my talents but instead I haven’t touched my instruments in years and am having trouble finishing commissions for people because I’m not motivated to draw. I even quit art school two years back. And now I’m stuck in a full time retail job wondering if I have a passion for anything at all that I could make into a career. I want(ed?) to be an animator.
hey, I’m not sure if you’ll see this or not. But pick up those instruments and pick up that pencil and start doing what you love again! It is never too late to go back to what you love. Now that you’re on your own, you can play the songs you want to play and draw what you like! Once you go back you’ll start reconnect with yourself and the things you truly loved to do.
😭😭narcissistic parents are dream killers, they're good at stunning their own children's growth. I went no contact to work on myself. Its a sad existence coming from a dysfunctional household.
It's difficult to comprehend that they want to crush your giftedness . Especially when they often do it so subtly. I look back o my life to my childhood( since I have become more educated on this subject) and see how any interests or gifts I had
Personally as the human I was created to be - were squashed. Only what benefited her was encouraged. And sadly those were not my natural interests. We get sabotaged. 😢
Try and get back at those interests if you can. They r truly your gifts to pursue.
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw your lego people. That is totally me. My divorce was final 12-29-17. I could not have laughed 21 months ago when she left & threw me under the bus but thanks to your channel & a few others I can now laugh. I had a mother like you described & went from that horrible relationship right into a marriage at 21 years old to exactly the same kind of women. Now at almost 50 & a lot of self help from youtube I am regaining my life. Yes I even lean somewhat Mgtow. No I don't believe that all women are like that but I do think a lot of them are & the chances of finding one not like that are extremely thin. I don't hate women , Mgtow for me is more of an opportunity for self preservation & healing. I appreciate your videos you have been a tremendous help on the road to recovery & probably saved me thousands in therapy fees.
🤗😊 thanks to a few really great guys that contacted me and explained so much - I understand MGTOW better, I’m glad you caught that and it made you laugh 🤣 And I’m so glad my videos have helped!
It's as though we develop, through training, handles that narcissists recognize and manipulate. We thus acquire targets, signs the narcissist can recognize. Narcissists, I suspect, intuitively look for empaths and sensitive individuals because they complement the narcissists character and practices. It's worse for those prone to save the narcissists from themselves, to fix them. These individuals will forever climb Sysiphis' hill. They serve the narcisist in so many ways. I imagine the narcissist believes they struck gold when they find such a person.
Your story resonates with me. Stay on your course towards recovery.
My story is very similar to yours. Keep building yourself up. You don't need to tear anybody down to build yourself up. That's what the narcissists do. Just stay on track to heal and grow.
As a 33 Year old that almost lost my wife to divorce because I kept siding with my narcissistic mother I can confirm that everything said here is true. I have been no contact for almost 2 years. We live in a small community so there are still many struggles. Funny enough while still in contact with the family I had diagnosed insomnia and gastro intestinal issues. Since going no contact, I have no trouble falling asleep and I am off all medication.
I surprised myself and a lot who thought they knew me when I earned a BA in Psychology; basically, it was good long term therapy. One precious lesson was about people using shame in an attempt to control the behavior and feelings of others. I'm somewhat amazed by how often I hear shaming little comments when listening to someone talk about a friend, coworker, relative . . . but I shouldn't be surprised at its common presence. Religion, not spirituality, often seems to be a primary source of shaming. Although it feels bad to receive as children, it is internalized as a tool to use on others eventually. My biggest surprise about being drawn towards psychology coursework was recognizing my mother's character when learning about narcissism AND I was stumped about what could have been her source of shame. She grew up without religion, was the #3 child and baby of the family with blonde hair and green eyes that wowed everyone (especially in comparison to her older sister who had gorgeous thick brown hair and dark brown eyes . . a beautiful female) and appeared to be "trophy wife" material because of her "perfect" voluptuous figure for the era . . the 50s . . and she was ""claimed" by my father who was a terribly handsome and popular musician in the city where they grew up and met each other . . . Well, I found out her probable source of shame quite accidentally. I'm sure that since she found out incest was bad, probably when she began dating my father at age 16, she became determined to keep that secret to herself. But as dementia slowly got a grip on her at age 82, and she was very focused on driving, she began to talk about the uncle who lived in her parents farmhouse while she and her siblings were growing up. She said she loved him so much and liked sleeping with him. Using cautious questioning, because she was driving, I asked what room they shared (it was an upper level without heat) and I asked what kind of pajamas her uncle wore and she said "none" and I paused then asked if he had a name for his penis and she said "his dolly" WELL you connect the dots. After seeing her facade as a charismatic super-earner (from commissions), and after my youth of her responding to my complaints (about brothers and their friends not respecting my personal space) with "you're too sensitive" I am comfortable with betting her judgment was based upon her self message that would be "if I survived the incest (not outwardly seeming to be a depressed victim) then my beautiful, smart female child can get through life okay while having HER personal space routinely invaded by the boys." I LOVE LIVING ALONE. I couldn't make myself marry anyone, and I had 5 offers while raising my son as a single parent. I'm so thankful that psychology coursework helped me break the cycle of abuse (especially that shit about confusing a child so that the parent could have a laugh) and now I see my son being a considerate husband and father who never needed counseling, has no substance abuse challenge, and no experience with criminal activity UNLIKE ALL FOUR OF MY BROTHERS. I also made sure never to use my siblings for child care, and I think that helped my son grow into a confident, respectful man. But I am still damaged, emotionally. Most mornings, if I think of my mother who passed away March 2019, I have to cry. My confused self misses the occasional love from her and I'm so sorry she carried that burden of shame all her life.
She destroyed me and I lost my whole family. I’m devestated
I am highly empathetic and sensitive. My parents and brother are narcissistic. From the time I was little I was told I am too sensitive. My toxic family has exploited my empathy my whole life. I think that is a terrible thing, and it caused me to be insecure and to have difficulty forming healthy relationships. My feelings were always wrong, inconvenient or bad.
“Thinks it’s a game to have the ability to provoke whatever the want the infant to feel” omg this is so true. My narcissistic mom will provoke me whenever I try to confront her. She knows exactly how to push my buttons, as well as my dad. When I used to try to confront her about her bullshit, she would act like I was picking on her or being “difficult” and that would trigger my dad to come and save her. I hated being an only child - it was always them vs me.
I will NEVER do that to my children. I feel like as a 29 year old woman, Im broken but I’m trying to gain my life back. 😔
Nailed it!! SUBAHOR (screwed up beyond all hope of recovery)!!
This is a very good video for those of us who are empathic, sensitive, adults who went through this as a child..We learn self doubt, learning not to trust, learning not to believe in yourself. It takes a lot of work to undo the abuse...Thank God a lot of us have the courage and are developing Self Love and are doing well...rediscovering their Joy, inner beauty and truth~
When I was going through labor with my son (I was induced 2 weeks early with a high risk pregnancy) I remember just laying on the bed, not crying or yelling or anything because I didnt want to look weak to her and what does she do? She looks at me and says " ugh I fear for you because you're not strong like me, even you're grandmas praying for you , she never has to worry about me" then she goes off to tell my dad and ex " I've always had to be strong , idk why shes not like that". Even though my ex is also a narcissist too he wanted to beat her, we almost put her on the do not allow list.
My own mother crippled me. Shes a narcisist/Jezebel.
Me too still suffering at age 58 she's 77 ...Dad passed when he was 58 he was messed up too. I wonder why we have go go thru this?
Same, both my mom and oldest sister. Today my pastor said I must starve the narcissist (jezebel spirit) aka what we know as narcissistic supply and not to feel I am being cruel or rude because God understands. Get away, pray for her, but protect yourself. God bless you! He is with you!
@@JustCallMeLiberty Pray on it, sister. For me I was told at service that I was "assigned" by God to break this generational curse. My narc mom was going to abort me, she claims. She abortions prior to me, so I always wondered why I was placed in this family but now I see I am their only hope on earth. I am the only one who cares enough, while they carry on in their ways I am constantly praying to God to touch them. This stuff is pure evil. Have "crazy faith" and pray against it causing you harm. Believe me, it has been working for me every time I ask for protection. Perhaps you are the one to break the cycle. Be safe and God bless you!
@Mariana Ferreira You are not alone. There are many of us who have suffered, please know you are loved. God is with you and protecting you!
Have to love from a distance. I’m 25 and my whole life has been a ball of heartache from my mom. We can get away.
Wow. You explain this better than most. Not just the surface reactions, such as anger, confusion, self doubt. But importantly the internalizing and the deeper emotional responses, as well as the constant attempts to please, fix and soothe the narc parent.
you are actually talking about my mother..i could never please her, I was never good enough.. I disappointed her.. everyone else`s kids were better than me..I failed on every point..takes years and years to recover.. now I am ok.. but i still feel I don`t deserve attention/praise/affection. When my colleagues at work gave me a card for my birthday.. I couldn`t bear to read what they said.. After 2 years, I still haven`t opened that card... and when I got married , we just had a cheap short registry office wedding.. because I couldnt bear being the centre of attention,, because i felt i didn`t deserve it... and "How dare you be the centre of attention?"
Heather, Maybe you know that some people are so allergic to peanuts that eating a peanut can kill them. Your mother is toxic like that. Going no contact is not an emotional thing; it's just about your health. I'll bet you are a real sweetheart. Everything that your mother said was a lie. I hope you married a good man who loves you. Demand kindness and integrity from all the people in your life, and if they don't have it, walk away.
@@afmayer thanks for the encouraging words.
Thank you for the video, I am done, I have gone no contact for a month now with my crazy alcoholic narcissist mother, so tired of her manipulation, lying and triangulation with my siblings, my late older brother was the golden child and he became a narcissist, I’m a Empath and act quite narcy when I’m around my family, the two younger siblings are a lost cause, so damaged but they can’t see it, or that the whole family dynamic is toxic, they cater to the narc mother. I’m soooo happy that I learned all about narcissism and went no contact. I did my inner work and I’m breaking the cycle for good.
You just explained my life as now I am fighting MD but live with and cater to my 70 year old mother who gets mad if I ask for emotional support. Its so good now realizing that I am not crazy and this is a real thing.
Your videos have helped put things into perspective so much, personal growth begins w identifying these things. Thank you!🙏🏼
It’s probably a genetic predisposition as well as conditioning. But, I often wonder if I would be an empath/HSP if I hadn’t grown up with a narcissistic parent.
When it comes to highly sensitive people - there are tests that show their brain operates differently - and they are hsp whether they had emotionally abusive parents or healthy, loving parents - so I could be wrong but i feel like hsp is more genetic. However, there is a lot of debate whether empaths are born empaths or became empaths due to needing to be highly vigilant - my personal opinion is that a person that is genetically high in empathy....becomes an empath due to upbringing - but again that's only my personal opinion
From Surviving To Thriving!! Thank you, Michele. I agree, it’s both. Environment has an influence on the genes.
I was just thinking this as well!
I do think that being highly sensitive is inborn, but when people have very narcissistic parents, that sensitivity is often abused out of them(psychologically/emotionally), so they become desensitized relatively early in life. And the more sensitive they are, the lesser the degree of abuse that is required in order to desensitize them. I know many people like this, though I am not one of them. And I think it happens more to boys than girls, because I think girls are more resilient, and also do not experience the same pressure to not feel their feelings.
Thanks for getting us through the holidays!!🤗
Among my earliest memories is listening for - and tuning in to - the sound of my mom’s footsteps on the concrete floor of hallway to have a head’s up on her mood before she walked through the door. The heavier she was on her heels, the worse her mood would be.
I always thought my empathy was born from this. It never occurred to me that my ability to perceive so keenly was innate!
Harsh realities noooo... It is my life. My NF got me married to a narc man. Until I saw the video I did not understand why. Now it is crystal clear. Thank you.
I am deprived of touch can you make a video on that issue
Thanks for another great video Michele.
As a victim of this, I’m so glad I found this channel thank you so much
Yesterday was mother's day. My mom is not narcissistic but she is schizofrenic, chaotic, unstable (able to really love but she takes much much more than she gives because she in unable to do many things for herself). Right now my mom is in the hospital in the psych ward 200 miles away from me. That distance protects me from some of her chaos but it also makes it difficult to see her on days like mother's day. I have no children, I was unable to have them. A couple of my friends shared some great mother's day moments with their moms and their daughters on facebook…. when I looked at those pictures a few moments ago, I stated crying and the tears just wont stop. I have no one to share this with. Most people don't get my life, my struggles and have no clue how to empathize with my family situation. So here I am writing it out on youtube, where I know there are other people, who have mentally ill dysfunctional moms.
yes so very true! work hard and break free! don't let any narcissists set a 'pattern of destruction' in your life! it is not always easy to break free and you may run many hardships like i did; but in the long run it is worth it!
I can’t believe this video exsists. I’m adopted and my “mom” is a narcissist. I started to notice I could feel her emotions at age 10 but it was the 70’s and kids then didn’t have a support system available. Mom has just hatred in her heart for me and always has. I’m 52 now and taught myself how to block unwanted emotional senses when in public and around her. Now I have a step mom that is a psychologist and thinks I need anti-psychotics, therapy, and if needed , institutionalized. Why? Because I know her better than she knows herself and she’s a control freak. I had to set boundaries with many family members for my own mental health and growth. Thank you for such a wonderful video. Gives me hope , to know that there are ppl out there that know what an Empath is and that we’re not crazy or mentally ill .
AGree with you SO much about videos about children being laughed at. I leave a message every time.. its sick. You are so right about Narc mom putting down any interest or talent.
I'm almost 16 and I realized this 2 days ago. Everyday is so weird since. I'm a person I never knew/met.
Idk how I'm surviving day 3 without going to her, hoping for some act of love 💀. Weirder thing for me is: from the first day I stopped caring that much for her, she stopped talking to me (golden child(?) and started talking to my big brother. She was so adaptable 💀 now I know she sees me as an object and not a human being.
You are saving my life...
Gracias
Wow, this was very enlightening & helpful. Thank you 🎯
love you Michelle. This is exactly what I went through.
Omg, you just summed up my life. Anytime I would get praise from anyone, mom, would demonize them or their actions to the point of doubting, unless it made her look good and only then she takes all the credit if not questionably say it through her and God's intervention. I still remember because I was so mannerable at a restaurant the woman offered not only my food free, but gave her something as well, however, what the women didn't see or hear is her bash me for being fake or saying she wanted nothing after I offered, and so the woman gave me the stuff, and then she snatched up and said I owe her and more or something. I was excluded from my friends who excepted me, and when I tried to find love, I either self sabtoge because I remember all the bad. My friends I have now that rarely see, always say that they hate my mom because I never really just let myself go entirely or be chill without thinking something to do with me out of place or done wrong her having problem me staying being chill and have fun. If I leave I am the problem child, black sheep, ungrateful one, and she send family or friends or whomever to give me a lecture. When I worked or went to college, my mom discouraged self or higher learning or would mock my failers. Or say some how I'm going against hers or God's plan. I hate when she uses religion against me. However it was bad enough that even my Boss started counselling me and being concerned about her affect on me and work performance after she visited or gave a phone call. When I was young baby to teenage years, I had to deal with a mental game of how badly I want something enough, and if not then I go without say, food, money, or attention. If I take it by force or negligence I'm a evil, bad, demon, selfish individual. If I cry or make a seen I am weak, not male or man, or some white child or whatever. Year's of b.s. My attractions or relationships, do tend to be towards snobby, but confident, ambitious types among a few other things, now after thinking they may have narcissim too, but its all I ever known. You have spot on nailed my tragic life. When I explain this to people they hardly can believe it and think even more so it is fabricated for attention, just cause she religious, or puts on a good act of ever vigilant martyr, and I too notice her voice goes up a few audibles that is not natural. She refuses any counseling or help other than from God and her religious organization, and everybody be damned, but has no trouble using as she might put it the Worldly system, be it cops, lawyers, or docs, to say YOU need help!!!
I'm so ashamed, I don't know where You come from, or you need medication. Hurtful remarks and more!!! Stop whining or crying or acting up, act your age, BE A MAN or like Folks YOUR AGE, YOU TOO CAUGHT UP BEING LIKE THIS WORLD THAT SOON BE JUDGED AND END. It's no winning!!!
Spot on man, same same... it sucks.
My mother was sick. She never condoned or wanted tp see or hear crying when I was in pain, yet used to force my sister and I to fight each other like dogs if we argued about something, She got off on watching us scrap it out like dogs...small ones ,we were 8 and 6...Some things I will die working to forgive
HSP INFJ here who grew up with a narcissist mother and father. I needed this. Thank you so much💜
Almost 6 months no contact 😁
Good for you!!
I am an HSP ENFP and also suffer from narc parents. Sometimes i do wonder if my father really is a narc or turned into a narc bcuz of my narc mother and her manipulation. He just accepts the way she treats him and disrespects him like today. She treats him like shit and on top of that he treats me like shit bcuz she brainwashes him to do so or he is just as evil but i feel like she has a lot to do with it. I dont even wanna call her mother anymore. I despise her and want to distance myself from her as much as i possibly can. She is SIMPLY TOXIC and makes me feel sick and worthless
Michele, I first have to tell you how valuable your videos are. I had no clue how real and cruel narcissism was until the last couple of years. My 35 year old daughter is a single mom of 5 children and I now live with them at her many, many pleas for help, mostly financial. Although there is no physical abuse, the emotional neglect and complete lack of validation toward them from her is making me literally sick. I'm doing the best I can to make them feel that they matter and aren't just here to serve their mother but I admit that it's too much and I feel like giving up sometimes. I will keep going as long as I can and listening g to your encouraging and compassionate videos goes a long way. I can't thank you enough for everything you do.
Great video! This is exactly what happened in my childhood. Moved away to heal... didn’t know I needed healing from it until I moved away. Thanks for the confirmation and validation.
Also, the hsp people have an inner knowing that can help them realize the toxicity. In my family, my brother and I grew up with a mother with malignant narcissism and my brother is not highly sensitive but he is stuck in the situation with no insight and I got to live a beautiful life away from predators. So I am so thankful that I am sensitive. 🙏
It's so much more complex then these examples. A vulnerable narcissist will effect differently just as a grandiose narcissist. It doesn't fit a mold.
Holy crap, this is so true and so me. Makes me so sad now that I’m an aunt, how can you not just love that child correctly.
Michelle you have perfectly described my situation. I almost escaped my narcissist mother when I was younger, but she destroyed a relationship I had and reeled me back in. Single and alone I was finally able to move out 7 years later, recognizing that living with my mother was sucking the soul out of me. I am going to check out your website for the possibility of a 1 on 1 counselling session. You get it, you understand.
It's sad how much I can relate to this. My mother's exactly like that. But she's also a hoarder. So she keeps hoarding and keeps pointing fingers at me.
I too am highly sensitive, and since school days my mother would make it a point to make me hate my friends. So much so that when she genuinely wanted to protect me from bad company I still thought she's just manipulating me.
She had so much control over my life that once when I was 6, she beat me up real bad just because my friend and I drank coke out of the same bottle.
Once in 3rd grade, when my teacher complained about my disoriented personality to my parents, my mother told her "oh she's 8 and still rides a tricycle!" and then my mom and my teacher had a good laugh. One of my bullies was there too, and she looked at me with a mocking face, then ran to tell the whole class.
I have many scarring memories from childhood.
Now I don't tolerate her manipulative behavior anymore. I'm still living with her because she drains me emotionally and I haven't been able to prepare for my exam that will get me a job.
I came here because I've started to notice lately that as I'm becoming more outspoken and blunt about her manipulative behavior, she has started to fake a mental breakdown fit time to time, to make her husband and my other siblings sympathise with her so I look like the bad guy.
The first time I too was afraid and started crying, but now I've realized it's fake as this is becoming a pattern, and lasts only until she's gained attention and everyone is calling me out. Then she snaps back to her senses in less than a second. Like seriously???
And everyone else in the house is so selfish, none of them are calling her out for her hoarding behavior. They just say "if you're so concerned go clean it up" but if I do start in one corner of the house, my mother clutters that place again, finds excuses to abuse me verbally, then tells me I'm good for nothing and haven't done anything to clean up the hoarding mess. So I stop cooperating. Because I know it's just gonna be a big vicious cycle and is only going to emotionally and psychologically damage me more.
She gangs up on me with my other siblings when they insult me randomly or tell me by the way that I'm a piece of no-good crap. And when I tell them off she starts to react as if I was the one who has been harassing them. Like what? She just always has had this strange problem with me. Since I was a child. And my siblings picked up on this quite at an early age which is why they think it's okay to be mean to me.
And as a part of not acknowledging my support, opinions, beliefs etc, she also doesn't acknowledge my feelings, and tells me "the childhood YOU speak of is made up in YOUR HEAD. You're crazy. These things never happened. You're imagining them." and "you turned out to be nothing like me! I trained my kids so well. You are nothing like how I trained you to be!"
I do understand that I'm not smart or clever, I can never outdo my other siblings. If I was smart I'd have been able to move out a long time ago. I don't even have a job because I'm so emotionally unstable. It just hurts to be a dull lifeless unemployed person who has to live with my toxic parents till I pass the exams.
sad that you will never trully know how you have helped me for a lifetime...thank you Michelle
wow u are spot on lady.described my narc. mom and myself.i am an empath.and i love it.she had to be cut out of my life unfortubately.i had to save me and my family from her destruction.my brother like u said has no life of his own caters to her still.wow u are very good.god bless you.
You just hit the nail on the head with the Mother-in-law narcissist. Very affirming to hear you articulate what I lived through in my marriage. He chose her over me every time. I got a divorce. She sent me a card and wrote a note that said..."I hope you didn't get divorced because of me!!!" That was 30 years ago and I am still healing from Narcissistic abuse from family.
TRUST is a major issue for the child/adult of a narcissist.
I'm sure anyone who thumbs down this video is a narcissist who doesnt like being exposed for who they are! Thanks for this video.🧡
I ended a fake relationship with an individual who regularly emotional abuse his children and play mind games with them through material possessions. The true golden child is treated less than human, is emotionally drained and struggling to find her true self because her sick father is emotionally controlling her. I used to allow my father to do this same sick behaviors between me and my brother. When I figured out what he was doing I put my foot down and removed him from my life. I'm praying that the same thing will happen for this child, she will be liberated from that monster.
My mom put me in institution after institution. She never seemed to want me to be happy. She still doesn’t. I literally cringe if she try’s to show me any affection now. I’m just not used to it, then I feel awful, and I compare my sisters relationships to mine, and I can’t believe how different they both are to me. They’re affectionate, always trying to please my mom. Where I have had to build a wall! Is this normal? Am I on the right channel? I started watching these because I started seeing my husband as a Narc, and then started questioning my mom?! Lol
Rachel King yes it’s normal. Everyone responds differently to things and through their own experiences in life develop their own ways of coping and eventually their own thresholds of what they are willing/unwilling to tolerate. You’re not alone. I honestly seem to go back and forth from periods of cringing to breakdowns and attempts at pleasing until I’ve had enough and the cycle starts over again...... because her narcissism and denial/refusal to reflect/lack of empathy or regret is the constant. It is a frustrating HELPLESS feeling when your parents aren’t the safe spaces that they should be to their children but infact the opposite. God bless and good luck to you ❤️
Rachel King it is perfectly normal and do not ask for validation any more. Go by your gut and intuition. May God be with you.
You sound like the child chosen to be the scapegoat and the other children are the golden ones so that she could have her stars and you as her emotional garbage dump.
Watch Man of the People clip from Star Trek next gen and you’ll see it perfectly summed up in 3 minutes by Captain Picard. ua-cam.com/video/tp-u368_A0c/v-deo.html
Yes, you're on the right channel!
Rachel King I was the scapegoat my sister is the golden child I’m just now finding out that it wasn’t me all this time I thought there was something wrong with me I’m single no friends God help us to heal and get our own lives
as empath+highly sensitive BUT also allways having a strong sence for justice and knowing what injustice was from early on, i was also rebelling against them, of course there was hell to pay....but thanks God there were some good role models who helped me on my journey, now i am in my 40s' and still struggling, my narc mom is allready in her 80s' and i can not do no contact, yet am doing very limited contact since a few years, have caught on to them, thanks to coaches like you, no longer feel the need for her validation, however she does still hold some power over me as i have not yet learned fully how to be around her without loosing my cool, due to her constant "joking" remarks, which could regard everything about me, she does this espec. when more people then me are around, and more importantly her severe patronising and babying me, which is what makes me loose my cool most of the time, which then makes her show her huuuuge smirk, or as of recently ask: was it really that bad? this is espec. when i draw boundaries or voice what i do NOT want or want. She allways tries to impose her will on me and she wants, espec. in company be seen as the competent and sacrificing one, and me be seen as the sick, crazy, ungratefull or at least incompetent one, who is so in need of her rescue.
But hope is on the horizon as i have recently discovered a very powerfull tool to combat this, thanks to a colleague of yours, Meredith Miller, from Inner Integration chanel, also here on yt, anyhow what she said was, is that we should take OUR responsibility back, for our life, feelings and happiness.
This prevents the narc, espec. narc parents from getting their feed from us in form of causing negative emotions in us, bc when we are not aware of this, when they realise that they made us feel guilty, obligated or scared, then they get their kick.
However when we tell them any of the following very helpfull phrases which she provided, and live them, we take their power over our emotions/life away:
No. I disagree, i choose not to.
No i won't. I'd prefer it if.... i appreciate your opinion but i feel really great about my choice....
You can continue to scream and yell, etc. however i'll choose to not be in your company when you behave this way.
You can continue to excessively drinking/gambling/cheating etc. but i won't expose myself to that sort of chaotic behaviour.
Please know that your drinking etc. is your choice, but what i will tolerate is my choice.
Warning: do know when using any of these initially it can cause feelings of guilt and shame, this is due to long years of narc abuse, but trust me it will get better with time and its so worth it, learn that your voice matters, do it for you.
Then walk away in peace and be happy, be consistent and consequent and stick to your word, do not do any of these to get back at them but do it for your own sanity, happiness.
Bless you Michelle.
Dear Michelle you absolutely described my life and both my brothers... Such a sad journey... I am trying and trying yet having such a hard time breaking the cycle of the trauma bond. It s been so hard to move on and actually start my life instead of being their servant. I live with both my narcissistic parents (elderly now) my mother was all you vê described and a bit further... 🥵I feel as if I am chained down to them. Lacking the energy or confidence to take care of me be who I wish I could be and feel the peace and freedom every human being deseves. Thank you for sharing such enlightening information. 💌💐💖
Best summary I have ever heard on the empath child and narcissistic mom
Lived thru. Empath ENFJ.
I’m an ENFP 😊🤗
Same! Enfj-a
@@FromSurvivingToThriving same here!!
Thank you! This is how I felt growing up and thought I was crazy. I thought I was being unfair and too critical of family members that treated me like this until I watched "Now Voyager" and you just summed it ALL up for me. 🤗
Have you watched Grey Gardens? It totally describes the scenario you are speaking about in this video. There was a documentary made in the 70s and then there was a movie made recently within the last 8 years 10 years or so. I highly recommend it because it's talking about this subject
You're right! I've seen that (both the doc and Drew Barrymore film)...seems to me she was headed for an AWESOME life, but mommy Made her come back home....